Transcript of #652 - Matt McCusker New

It's springtime around here. You know that because you can see the bees. The bees are out there. Go see them. They're just be— just being bees. And we're running a spring sale. That's what we're doing in honor of spring. We're being on sale. We've got a mix of tees, hoodies, and hats, uh, all 20% off right now. And there's a limited quantity left on the Year of the Rat hoodies. This one right here, I wear it, I love it. My favorite type of hoodie. That's the only time— only type we're selling anymore is my favorite type. All that and more available at theovonstore.com. I hope everyone is having a good day, and thank you for your support. Today's guest is a stand-up comedian. He's one half of the Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast. Uh, he's a shaman. He is. He's on a higher frequency. He operates in a, a special realm, and he's on the road soon. So if you get a chance, I recommend that you go see him. Um, I— it's just, if you even get to spend time with this guy, it's a smart choice. I'm thankful to be able to do that today.

My guest is Mr. Matt McCusker. There we go. Look at that.

Beautiful. Yeah, get all this crap out of my pockets.

Oh dude, that's one thing, bro. How much shit do guys start— and I'm a guy.

Yeah.

And it's like the shit we start to have in our pockets. Look at that. You have glass around the neck.

I—

the phone.

Phone, wallet, keys.

I need an upper, I need a downer.

You know, you need the little nicotine.

Yeah, you got PC powders. You're fucking—

we need pocketbooks, dude. Some guys have already adopted pocketbook technology. We need— we need to all just commit, guys. The purse, whatever.

Pocketbook.

Oh, that thing. Yeah. Yep, yep, yep.

That fanny pack that people wear around their heart or whatever.

Yeah, their satchel.

That's a weird one though. Like the fanny pack on the heart. That guy's always like, what's going on here? I think you—

I think you have to like If you're gonna have one, you have to have a gun in there just so you can maintain, you know what I mean?

But one of those little guns or whatever?

Yeah, I think a tiny, like, James Bond, like a little.38, little snub.

Oh, that'd be nice, man. Good to see you, dude.

Bro, pleasure to see you, man.

Yeah, congrats on everything, bro.

Thank you, man.

Yeah, you guys' podcast is crushing it, and you're on tour right now too.

Yeah, yep, yep. Yeah, I gotta, uh, where am I going? I'm going to, uh, I know, I know. I have Phoenix. Phoenix is haunting me. I don't know what's up with the city of Phoenix. I got to do the Celebrity Theater. So it's like the little one in the round. Yeah, I hope that's full. Otherwise we're gonna have like a semicircle. It's going to be— that'd be pretty bad if I couldn't do the ramp. I can only do like 270 degrees, just a U.

So yeah, I get to Phoenix and yeah, go support that one, guys, in Phoenix. Yeah, man.

And everywhere else. But yeah, man, I've been good, man. Just chilling.

Yeah, pull up Matt's dates just so we have them, please.

Yes, thank you.

Um, oh, there we go. St. Paul.

There we go. St. Paul.

Yeah, where you at in this thing?

I'm, I'm towards the end. I'm at the, I'm at the bottom half or the bottom like quarter here.

Okay, St. Paul, Indianapolis.

Yep, I got Des Moines. Yeah, yeah, St. Paul, Des Moines, Phoenix, Tucson, Toronto, and Chicago.

Oh yeah, you got Des Moines. You got Des Moines, obviously a black guy.

Des Moines, let's just say that, dude.

And they— but you don't— but there's not a lot of them there because you expect to see them when you get there.

Des Moines. I think he invented jelly. One guy did peanut butter jelly.

Yeah, Des Moines, please. Uh, Tucson, bro.

Tucson's huge.

Great place to get some, uh, um, coral. What's that blue coral, that rock? It's a lot of older women wear, the silver and the—

what?

Coral.

Is it good for like a magnetic bracelet you're talking about?

Yeah, there's a lot of people, a lot of people, a lot of copper and, uh, opal or whatever. Okay, what's a blue stone?

Yeah, it's a lot of that shit out there.

A lot of people missing arms.

Oh, okay. It's like the mystical end of Arizona. There's like the— yes, guys with their pants up to here, Marizonians. And there's like— yeah, I got you.

It's salmon country. Did you think those would be your vibes over there?

Yeah, I've never been to Tucson yet. Phoenix, I'm telling you, I like Phoenix. It's just, I don't know why it's always— it's always— there's always cities I have that tickets go great. There's other cities where they're like a slog. Yeah, Phoenix tradition, just like historically has been a slog. It's okay, I just accept it. It is what it is. It's just Phoenix. That's my Phoenix experience. Yeah. So dang, dude.

Yeah, I think for something like that, for me, you're like Minneapolis, Puerto Rico.

Puerto Rico.

I'm gonna sell tickets in Puerto Rico, I noticed.

Really?

Yeah. I'm like PR.

That kind of surprises me, honestly. I feel like you would rock the PR ticket market. Yeah, yeah, that's kind of me too, dude.

The boletas. Um, yeah, dude, great to see you, bro. What's cracking? What's new right now in your world, man? Dude, I, I—

the only thing I can even— it's boring, but it's just gardening. I've been gardening nonstop. I got ahead of it this year. Last year I planted when it was already too hot, everything got scorched. So yeah, I got some blackberries and raspberries I'm waiting on. So really? Yeah, I've been a big— I've been, I've been big on that, man, trying to grow stuff. I got garlic coming.

So, so blackberries and garlic, and this is all in your own yard?

Oh shoot, that's my garden. Yeah, that's— it's been revamped. The hailstorm destroyed my blueberry bushes. Yeah, it's in my— I have like a little backyard, but you're making the most out of it.

Now, can you feed your family here, man?

No, dude, it's so sad. So that's a blueberry bush, it got destroyed in the hailstorm. That one's coming back to life as well.

And is there any reward from the— like, doesn't the government subsidize this kind of shit or whatever?

I should get— I should get some sort of subsidy. But there we had a blueberry bush and we had it produced one, literally one blueberry the first time I did it. And me and my whole family cut it into fourths and we each had a fourth of a blueberry. We would be dead if I actually had a farm. We would all be dead. I've gotten like 5 radishes, 1 blueberry, and raspberries were flowing, man. And then just the hailstorm wiped, just completely wiped me out.

So, and was there stuff you could have done in advance to prepare for that? Because I mean, and do the— does it feel like the plants look to you for like the leadership, or you don't feel that at all?

I am—

I've never had a garden yet.

Yeah, so here's the thing, you can be like that. There's a lot of doting mother type gardeners. I'm a stern father. If you can't pull your own, you die. I need, I need producers. I need people who are going to adapt to the elements. Like, I'm not going to baby any of these plants.

Like Stalin.

Yeah, completely. It's a completely totalitarian system. My wife's like, well, bring that one in. I'm like, if I can't handle the sun, it's dead. Yeah, I'll get someone who can handle the sun. I'm not out here babying these plants, bro. I got— I have kids. I'm not worried about a plant. Yeah, I gotta sit here, cry about a beanstalk.

It's dead.

Pull it out. Yeah, throw it in the compost next. So I run a ruthless garden. It's completely ruthless. I had a rat that just died.

Did you fuck him?

I did. He was— that's the thing with gardening. It does kind of connect you to like a real life or death thing because it's like, you know, I don't want to kill— I don't want to kill an animal, but then it starts eating, like, you know, starts just munching all your leafy greens and you're like I'm not about to grow food for a rat. That's bullshit. So then like I had a guy come out and the guy gave, um, it was like an exterminator. And this stuff he gave it, it's— he's like, dude, this stuff's the real deal. Don't let your dogs get it. Because my dog had eaten rat poison once, no problem, survived. And I was like, yeah, he'll be all right. He's like, no, this shit is like fiberglass in it. So when the rat eats the poison, the fiberglass cuts his lungs and he starts like drowning in his own blood.

Who created this? Yeti Yahoo?

I think so.

That's the same stuff they were putting in the Palestinians' food that they were giving them, which is fucking heartbreaking.

But that's a fair point. But the, um, and why are they trying to kill them so hard? Like, dude, I— well, they, they just like, that's their job, man. They're, they're like, because if they, if they half-step it and you still have rats, you're gonna call them all pissed off. So like, the poison messes them up, but the, the fuck, like, fiberglass or whatever really makes sure they die no matter what. And also, rats won't die around the colony. They'll, like a dog, they'll run off and find solitude and die. And we got rid of this chair recently, so, you know, it was like hogging up the space in our backyard. And we lifted it up, there was a dead rat, one of the dead rats back there. It had been laying there so long. I picked it up, dude, its face was gone. It like really like kind of fucked me up. Like it was yesterday, I picked it up, I had like, you know, two sticks put together, and I was like, this thing's been sitting for a while, let me peep its face. Dude, just a void where its face was just like things ate its face.

Yeah.

Just a hole for where its face was. And I was like, damn, that fucked me up.

Fuck, you're living in a damn Saw episode over there, dude.

Gardening's crazy.

Where are you gardening at?

Just my backyard.

Transylvania, dude. It just sounds insane, bro.

Gardening is crazy though, because you get like— you have little spider allies. I see my spider, my orb weavers in my garden. I kind of— they're like, they're on my team fighting the bugs, the rats. I'm trying to fight the rats, but we got them, I think, under control.

How did you know that you were having issues with, uh, with the rats?

I'd see them right in my face just munching my— I'd like open the door and they'd just be munching my shit.

Oh yeah, we ballsy.

I'd be like, what the fuck? They are kind of cute though. They're called cotton rats, so they're these big guys and they have these like— so they have these really furry coats. I, I kind of like them, but then they started shitting in my grill and I was like, we're done. Yeah, they, they honestly— I would have tolerated them, but they, they completely overpush, overstep their boundaries. There we go, dude.

There he is.

That's the exact guy. Imagine one of those guys, no face, hole for a face.

Zoom in on him.

Look at that little guy. A little fat, little hairy guy. Look like gerbils almost.

Yeah, it's that little floor bear.

Yeah, you know, he's munching on somebody's fucking herbs right now.

One of God's little McNuggets, them little things.

They're thick as hell. They had a burrow underneath my little porch in the back of my garden. And also, people were like, Oh, just dump cayenne peppers, all this. Dude, I dumped like— I got like 4 pounds of red pepper flakes, just laced the whole garden. Dude, that guy was just like sitting in a bed of it. I'm like, man, get out of here with this shit. Give me the fiberglass poison.

There's always all those tricks, dude. Like if you, uh, if you'll siphon some piss out of a senior citizen or something and put it out there. Yeah, rub a baby's ass on the fucking stair rails or whatever. Nobody will fall down it. Yeah, nobody will get hurt again.

It doesn't work. It doesn't work. The exterminators come. Not even the Home Depot. And I don't want to, you know, mess up Home Depot.

No, but let's talk about them. They're—

dude, that shit— none of that stuff works. You need a professional exterminator, and they have like, like Dr. Evil weapons. That's the only thing that gets them.

Well, did you get one of those guys who comes and he's tatted and he's like has all his like AA years of recovery fucking medallions around his neck and he's—

ideally that's what you want. Yeah, but this, this guy is pretty chill. He's pretty clean, but he, uh, you can tell he's been around he's been around the stuff for a while. The other guy I know got bit by a rattlesnake. Literally got bit. He drove himself to the hospital.

Fuck yeah, that's boss shit, bro.

It's crazy. I, I got nothing but love for exterminators. Do you ever have like a horrible infestation of any kind?

Just these hoes. True, basically. Sorry, I was just making a meme clip. That was basically just so—

uh, he needs a strong hand for that.

But no, I never had anything like that. You know, actually, you know what, Bring up some of these exterminators first. I want to see some of these.

Let's— that's a good call.

Let's get a gander at some of these. America's top 10 most extreme exterminators, including women.

There we go.

A lot of these bitches will kill anything they go around.

There we go. Look at that guy. Look at extreme.

Yeah, look at that fucking guy right there sandblasting.

Yeah, they're giving— this is— I need to see the real guys. This is the fucking, uh, it's like the stock footage.

Yeah, it's all Temu shit, man. Yeah, no, that's none of the exterminators exterminators look like these guys.

These are male models.

Yeah, I mean, there's Billy the Exterminator. There's that guy, and he passed away.

Did he really? Yeah, dude, short shelf life on those guys. I mean, you're literally dealing in poison.

You're out there just fucking spraying glyphosate on everything. You're out there fucking—

those bug bombs, they— what they do is they inhibit, um, reproductive systems. So like, when a guy had fleas and I had to do a bug bomb, the Home Depot was bullshit, so I got the real guy. He came out And, uh, when I did the first one, I lit it off, like, you know, you pull the thing and it's supposed to give you 10 seconds. It just exploded in my face, so I just got drenched in this shit and had to run outside.

Fourth of July place? Because they'll put those things in together, dude.

Yeah, dude, they, they just— that you can't reproduce. So it just like scorches bug genitals and then they just, just have to watch like the apocalypse. There's, there's a colony of them.

Is this Palantir Online? Where are you? I just can't believe you're involved in all this, dude.

And your children are what, sleeping Well, I came in from like talking to the exterminator and I'm like, bro, this rat poison is crazy. I forgot my two daughters were there. And I'm like, yeah, those little mice. And they like watch it play. And I was like, oh, the mouse is back. I'm like, what it does is it cuts their lungs and they drown in their own blood. My wife's like, chill, dude. I'm like, yeah, my bad, my bad, my bad.

Um, are you part of a group with the gardening or how?

A lone wolf. I have thought about joining a group, but I, I'm like Do you ever— when you ever do something like that, it's, it's just, it's too much human interaction for me. I just, I like to like figure it out by myself. Maybe, maybe one mentor would be good. A whole group, there's bound to be someone I don't like. Yeah, I'm gonna be battling. I'm like, no thank you.

Some guy trying to get you to buy his soil or some other thing, something like that.

Or just, just a, just a run-of-the-mill know-it-all. Yeah, any, any adult, any group of just adults together, there's gonna be at least one, if not two, like unbearable guys usually. Like, you ever do like adult education? There's always one person who's gonna raise their hand, talk for 10 minutes every time. It's just like, bro, shut up, man.

Or when you go to like that DUI course, some guy who's like, you know, like he's never gonna drink and drive again, dude. First of all, one of God's rules is nobody gets just one DWI.

I know, I know. It's everyone, everyone needs to get one. My, uh, my friend, it was funny, it was a couple years ago, but he, he had one. I think he was the last one to get one, but brother had one and his dad had one, and they're all at like family Christmas party with extended family, and he like, they're all drinking beer and he like cheers them like, hey, the three, we all have DUIs, guys. And I think his dad was trying to keep his under wraps. He was like, shut the fuck up. You did a DUI, cheers.

And you know, I thought it would go over better, but dude, there's nothing sadder than a dad getting a DUI on his way home from work and he's been drinking or whatever.

Dude, they get them, man. They, I know a lot of guys who just quietly, you get them and you're like, all right, all right, you got me, you got me.

Dude, they drive dry. Yeah, that's Oh, my stepdad got one. My dad would be drunk. He would park his car just like wherever it kind of stopped, like by our gate or whatever. So my mom would fucking be out there yelling at this 77-year-old man who's just fucking unconscious in a white fucking LTD that he was not even— at a certain point, dude, he wasn't strong enough to get the door back open once he got in. So sometimes he'd get in there and he'd get home from work and we didn't know.

We'd be inside and we'd fucking slump.

Leave him out there all night. Yeah, crazy, dude.

Well, dude, that's the thing. They were allowed to drink and drive. Like, drinking and driving was like— like, my dad is almost 70, and like, when they were in high school, cops would pull you, be hammered driving a car, and they'd be like, come on, man, get the hell— take your beer and be like, get out of here. Yeah, you didn't get in trouble for it. So all of a sudden now it's criminalized. Fucking woke bullshit.

It's a good point.

It's pretty bad. It's very dangerous. There we go.

Who's this guy?

That's a exterminator.

And if he has a church behind him, he means it. Who is he? It's AI. Well, I think if you just go to YouTube, say you put in like Tucson extreme exterminator, if you go to some of those places and just look for some, try to make it by city or whatever you have to do to see if you can come up with some.

Yeah, let's get some organic.

Yeah, it'd be nice if by the end we had some.

Damn exterminators are really— they keep— they keep themselves hidden.

Well, I think first of all, I wonder if that's a dying game.

I don't, I don't think so, man, because it's like, is it running the family?

Because a lot of times you'd be like, you know, my dad was a fireman, I'm a fireman, and then the third kid is like, I'm not, I'm just fat or whatever.

Yeah, true. Yeah, no, that's—

but there's always that lineage, you know, like, I love hot dogs, my dad loved hot dogs. Yeah, my son loves hot dogs.

And then you have like breaks, gay son, you're like, who really likes hot dogs? Yeah, the, uh, dude, I think it's just like one of those— it's just one of those gigs. I think it's just like a get out of jail gig and, you know, you do it, especially if you like do it for yourself. That's what a lot of them— it's just like, it's a business you can get into. It's like cleaning. You can run a— you can start a cleaning company pretty easily. It's very low overhead.

A lot of strippers do it.

Yeah, that's actually, actually a great— yeah, it's a great move.

And it's, it's their gate— it's like a re-entry program into— I've hung out with a lot of strippers and me even made out in their cars sometimes.

That's all.

And you'll have like a mop handle coming across your shoulder and shit, you know.

That's where you know they're on the ascension. Oh yeah, you see that, you know, this is actually a good sign.

This, this, this lady's got her act together.

Hop in, there's a 9-month-old in the car seat. You're like, bad sign, this lady needs a mop.

He's sleeping on a pack of Swiffer replacement, uh, covers.

I tried my hand at stripper dating. Wasn't it, you know, I might— nothing against them, I just wasn't cut out for it. It was, it was a little too rough and tumble for me.

You have to be a boss. You have to also work late hours to be a stripper's boyfriend. You are working— they work in late hours, you have to be up when they get home. Dude, my sister had a friend that was a stripper, right? Yes. And Um, she would come over to our house and shit, and her and my sister always fighting and stuff. And, uh, and then she stole our vacuum one time, right?

Trying to break into the industry.

Velisa, that was her name. Velisa, which isn't even a name. Felicia, like, what name is it? Velisa?

That's kind of— is a crazy name.

It's crazy, dude. And, uh, so she stole our vacuum, dude. 2 years later, I'm at like one of these real fancy, uh, parties where they have a woman pop out of the cake or whatever. Like, you know, the thing you kind of see, like, they actually had a girl pop out of the cake. They had two cakes and two girls pop out of them. And like, it was a big birthday for this guy. And, uh, and they were strippers, right? And one of them was the woman. Whoa, it was Verissa who had stolen our vacuum, dude. And so guys are tipping her and shit, and I'm just fucking like waiting I'm just in the back just like, we're just making vacuum sounds and shit and fucking locking on her.

That's fucked up to take someone's vacuum too. That's a— that could really throw a household under quick.

And me and my sister were on our last limb as neighbors, dude. And we lived under this family that was like very heavy-boned.

Yeah, they're stomping.

Yes. And they were beating each other. I think there was domestic abuse.

Yikes.

And I would call the police all the time on them. I've called the police. I've always called the police a lot since I was— since I was a child. But yeah, um, Um, I would call the police all the time and I'd be like, he has a gun. That's what I would say every time.

That's good, they get right there.

They're right there.

Yeah.

If you're like, hey, he's beating this woman, one of his kids, he fucking tied his kid to a tree outside or whatever.

Yeah, yeah.

He just put a bunch of crow food on his kid's shoulders and tied him to a tree outside. Never.

They don't care. Yeah, they're not gonna— gun is— that's the code. That's the fast pass because they want the action, dude. They do. They love And will they get like cred if a cop takes a gun off the street? That's something they get like accolades for. Bringing a guy's like just socked his wife in the stomach. Nobody— your sergeant doesn't like pat you on the back. If you get a gun, that's like a— that's like a cop like Pac-Man pellet that like takes you further in your journey. Yeah, that's bad. It's like literally a metric for cops, how many guns you get and all that stuff.

Were you almost on the force ever?

No, my wife was on the cop, so I got to like observe secondhand. I did. I thought so hard about becoming a cop. Cop, but I could— I wasn't able to do it.

That's right, your wife was a cop, huh?

Yeah, I was selling weed, so I couldn't become a cop.

But you guys met, dude.

We met before. Yeah, we were before that.

But yeah, but she was a cop when you met her?

No, she wasn't a cop. She just surprised me one day. I think I'm gonna become a police officer.

And I was like, she wants to come now? Not—

no, no, she did it for like—

was she ever a cop?

She was for 5 years in Philadelphia.

Okay, that's being a cop, dude.

Yeah, dude, she was— she was on like a little foot— she was on foot patrol and everything. She was in like not the best area for sure in Philly.

Like North?

Uh, no, she was in South, like Grey's Ferry-ish. So it's like, it's, it's pretty, it's pretty rough.

A lot of areas there.

Yeah, it was like gang— there were some gangs there for sure. It was like an old Irish neighborhood of like pretty, I would say, pretty hardcore white trash. And then it was like Black gangs, you know. It's a brutal— it's not a good mix. But the, uh, so yeah, and then do you gotta— cops gotta watch like videos too of like all the bad stuff that happened. You get an email of like a 14-year-old got shot up in a deli last night. It's just lively. It's like the video. It's like, I don't know, why do they make them watch that stuff, dude?

Well, Twitter makes us all watch all that.

Yeah, true, true.

I'm not a cop. That's what I'm gonna start fucking replying to some of these Twitter feeds.

I'll send this to the authorities.

I wake up in the middle of the night for some reason, turn on my phone, next thing I've seen, 7 people get massacred outside of some like, um, outside of like a car dealership in, uh, outside of Tijuana or something.

What? Yeah, what portal of hell did I just take myself through, dude?

X is crazy now.

Now. I remember like, so I remember when it was Twitter, it was like, there's too much censorship. And I'm like, yeah, dude, like, let me see the real shit. Now I'm kind of like, let's go, let's censor this heavily again. My, my, and I can't even go on X anymore. It's my, I get all like race baiting, kind of like race war propaganda where it's like, can you believe the, it's just nonstop.

Huh.

You know, you can, you know, you watch it and you're like, you get the race war propaganda. Yeah, dude. I get like lots of like, uh, I get a lot of like white supremacy stuff. Yeah, I swear to God, I don't even like— I don't like her. They want you back.

They know you have a black wife.

They want me back. They want me, man. They're trying to break me out of that, but it's just like, yeah, it's rough. I'll be like watching, trying to scroll next to my wife, and it'll be like a guy screams the N-word. I'm like, oh, what was that? I'm like, oh, some fucking video. I'm going back to Instagram. It's just a guy screaming the N-word again. I'm like, oh shit. Yeah, my X feed's just completely bonkers, dude.

Elon should do better than that. He should want better than that for society. I feel like, yeah, you know, I think there's a lot of smut. It's just trash. That's— yeah, it feels like trash, honestly. Yeah, I think there was a spot where it felt like— I mean, I guess there's still some good video and stuff on there. You'll see, like, I'll see like some good political stuff on there. Um, but I do feel like outside of that it's losing— I feel like it's kind of starting to lose its vibe.

I think so. It's— then you read the news, it's like, this now valued at $90 trillion. And like, how? How the— why is this worth so much money now? I don't know, maybe, maybe, you know, if you do flood it with porn and like violence, it does make a bazillion dollars. So good business-wise, you might be crushing it. But I, it's too— I had a— I've stepped off of X. Yeah, I can't, I can't, I just can't watch it. It's too much.

It's too much.

Yeah, I'm trying to go to bed, trying to drown myself to sleep.

I'm trying to have a decent life, fucking killing animals in my backyard.

Yeah, only when necessary. Yeah, it is funny too. Like, yeah, you're like trying to like, you know, I want to live in a safe neighborhood. Then you're just watching just people being shot in the face and you're like, why am I doing this in my safe house? This is crazy, dude.

It's— we're at a point for sure. One of the biggest things I'm noticing, or for myself that I notice, we're at a point— what the fuck am I talking about? Uh, that's insane. We might be at a point, let's see, where like I have to control what comes into me, man.

Yeah.

And if I don't, then that's my fucking fault.

Yeah, it's true.

You know, now the algorithm, the people that make the algorithms should be able to be held liable if like someone goes and does a crime based on like them feeding them like the same type of shit. Like somebody goes and shoots out a place because they got indoctrinated into some really strong and, uh, like sadistic beliefs or something because the algorithm fed them that. Yeah, I think that those people should be held liable.

Yeah, man. Or it's tough, case by case is tough because it's like, well, how do you— it's like in court, obviously, like the moral thing. Yeah, but like like a lawyer, though. Like, Facebook's lawyers will just shred that and be like, oh, he's watching that and this and that. They'll get out of that. But I agree, it's like, I think— didn't they just rule against Facebook now being like—

yeah, what was it?

A thing came against them being like, yo, you guys, kind of like they did with cigarettes where they're like, yeah dude, this shit's bad, you knew it was bad, you gave it to people, now you got a fork.

Here you go right here. A jury has ordered Meta and Google to pay $3 million to a 20-year-old woman who alleged that she became addicted to Instagram and YouTube as a child. Fucking damn shit.

All right, everyone else get on that train.

Jurors found the company's liable for product design features that harmed her mental health. The plaintiff, Kaylee GM, testified that the apps replaced her hobbies and contributed to anxiety, depression, and body dysmorphia. Yeah, bro, that—

they have about 2 billion lawsuits coming about the same. Like, that's—

it says it right here. The case is the first of thousands targeting big tech over addiction to reach trial, a bellwether to assess how other claims could be resolved.

Well, this is apparently, from what I heard, like, long ago, is was a lot of these social media companies had people who designed slot machines consult with them to like how to make their basically interface as addictive as possible. You know when you like pull down and refresh and like your phone kind of like shakes a little bit, there's that little noise, that's like slot machine technology somehow. Like it's designed to like, you get a little dopamine burst when it goes like bump and you're like, oh yeah, new stuff. And it's like apparently it's set up like that where it's like it's purposely designed to be maximally addictive. And they did that on purpose.

Shit.

Yeah, that's— and it's like, that's a thing. It's like cigarettes. They're like, ah, this is bad for you, you know. Now they're gonna have to pay out. They already have billions and billions of dollars. They don't have to just fork some of the billions.

Yeah, yeah, it's worth it to them. Yeah, to continue to do it. But dude, remember the old school dopamine burst? You'd see a bald eagle fly by. That's—

that was the dopamine burst. Yeah, I remember those days.

Or even if it wasn't and somebody just said it was.

True.

Yeah, you can fucking see when you're a kid, you're staring up into the sky, just fucking pointing.

Dude, I do remember being younger before the internet and just like, like it's like summer and I would just be like sitting outside and just like, I would just be able to kind of like stare off for a while and just like be like, this is nice. And I, it's like, I have a real, I can't even like take a shit now if I don't have my phone. I'm like, I need to, I need to be scrolling.

Yeah. When was the last time that we've daydreamed?

You know, I know it's tough. You really do. I feel like on a plane I can try to like force myself, but then the whole time I'm like, I can't believe I'm not on my phone. I'm so cool right now. I don't even daydream. I just like pat myself on the back for not looking at my phone.

Yeah.

And then I go, you know what, I'm gonna look at my phone. Everyone's looking at their phone, dude.

Or if you go to a rest— it used to be— this is the craziest thing, to think that someone could be in a restaurant by themselves. Like 40 years ago, you could do that. You could be in a restaurant by yourself sitting at a table and you wouldn't look insane.

That's true.

Now, without a phone, like Now if you see someone in a restaurant by themselves just sitting there waiting for some people who are probably doing coke to bring them their food, dude, there's fucking no—

dude, I do this when I go out, when I like I'm in a different city, I'll go out to dinner by myself and I'll pride myself and I'll sit there and just like waiting for some congratulations. It never comes. I just stare straight like you literally don't know what to do with yourself. Because it is that problem. You're like, I can't stare straight ahead. I'll try to look like kind of almost like I'm dreamily like, yeah, oh, it's just nothing there.

Or I'll rearrange the silverware again, do that shit, play the shell game with like, uh, fork, knife, napkin, fork, knife, napkin.

Go to the bathroom really slow.

Oh, look at that, Chick-fil-A is offering free ice cream to families who agree to put their phones away during their meal, bro, as part of an effort to encourage more face-to-face time and less screen use at the table. What are the exact rules with that?

Who's enforcing? And dude, imagine if you cost your family the Chick-fil-A family meal just from one glance. That's tough. That would— you would get in serious trouble.

You glanced down at your phone just to see the Bears didn't get it done again. You fucking cost—

because a retarded guy blows a whistle at you.

They should have a dude, Chuck Fil-A is his name. It's just a black— it's a black dude in there. He's a straight chicken cop in there.

That'd be a good job. He's like, boom, got you. Yeah, yeah, fork, $38, let's go.

Yeah, yeah, Chuck-fil-A strikes again, dude.

Yeah, that's, uh, shit, man. That's, that's nice. Chick-fil-A, it's, you know, I like that. I do too.

I like that. If they're not on their phone, it— let me see, the promotion is only offered at select Chick-fil-A locations by individual operators, not a company-wide program. It originated in 2016 from a Georgia operator and has been revived locally at various times. I like that though.

I do too.

Yeah, dude, there was just like— or just driving and thinking about shit.

Yeah, I know, dude.

Your mind had so much time to like— I think that's one reason we're more creative, because our mind was able to just fucking create. It was able to like— the RAM wasn't always— you know, your computer sends you that thing, it's like, your RAM is almost done. You don't even know what your RAM is. You're like, fuck, I better empty the RAM trash.

Clean this out. I need to defragment. I still don't know what that is. Yeah, no, dude, it's— that's really— it's like, you know, because you have sleep, your brain gets to rest. But that like downtime, your brain does do stuff. Like, it like kind of organizes things when you just kind of chill out. Because that's— I like when you— so when you're on your phone, you know, when you read something on your phone, you're like, you don't remember any of it. Because as you're reading, you're— when you're on your phone, every button and thing you're moving is like, it's a problem-solving part of your brain. So like you're trying to like, you know, you want your memory to be active. So you're like, you know, reading like information's coming. You have so much coming at you. Like you're the part of your memory that can store information along to the short term is like a tiny little bucket in your brain. So it only fits so much when you're like hitting buttons and going up and down this and that. It just gets just, it's like splashing a ton of water in a tiny bucket.

Just everything spills out. Oh, so I never remember anything. I research stuff on my phone all the time and then I go like, I'll be like, like, how many carbs do you need to be in keto? I'll read a whole article on it, and like a day later I'll be like going to tell someone about it, and I'm like, I don't know, you need like only a little. I can never retain anything.

Well, dude, if somebody wants to tell me something these days, I'm like, dude, I can look at information, and we all have it now. I know, like somebody used to have the information. Like you had to go down the street. Yeah, you had to get molested by a guy. Yeah, okay. Price you paid just to figure out how to like, uh, you know, grow bougainvilleas in your backyard, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, no, it's true. Now I can just take a picture of a plant. It's like, this is the plant you're growing. I do it all the time and I'll be like, is this good? When can I harvest this? Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, it's actually— I do kind of like that.

But you'll just take a picture and you'll do what, put it in a like Perplexity or something?

Yeah, yeah, like Grok and be like, yeah, when can I pull this garlic? But it's, it's not surefire. It'll be like, have you You eating pussy today?

And it just shows you some fucking—

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I personally am not worried about AI. People are like, it's going to end the world. It's like, I don't worry. I don't think it is, honestly. And if it— the thing is, like, if it does, what are you really going to do?

Right?

All these— a lot of people are doing this, like, I'm just not using it because it's like— I just feel like it's such a weird— it's like it's a computer. Like, it's not— you can, you can destroy a computer easily. Like, you say, wait, but it'll like self-build itself so you can't. It's like, dude, that's— you're just, it's just nerds freaking out. It's not— I don't think it's a real threat whatsoever.

You know, I started to think it definitely could be like the Y2K thing. Remember that?

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I remember everybody was like, like forcing their like cousins to admit they were fat or whatever because God wasn't gonna want them after midnight or any— like all that shit, you know? Yeah. Or it was like, don't say you're a fat before midnight.

Yeah. Yeah.

Or God won't let you in or whatever. There was like all that kind of like those email chains, or send this to 10 people that are fat. You get those type of email chains, like what is this shit, dude? But yeah, uh, because they were trying to catch whatever. I think Bush Senior was doing that. But, um, anyway, that was crazy, bro. Everybody thought Y2K was gonna end it. And then people thought the dot-com boom— people bought like— remember a guy bought like shoes.com and he— yeah, for like— and then he sold it for like $270 million. And we were all buying different dot-coms, you know. Yeah, people were making up crazy dot-com names.

I tried to get a couple.

Did you?

Yeah, I didn't get anything good, honestly. I don't remember I think I sold them off right away, or just— they're probably just dead. They expire too if you don't keep refreshing them. Yeah, I never had anything good. I watched this soft white underbelly. This has been cracking me up for like a month. There was a guy who is similar to that lawsuit. He was going on being like, like, I had too much internet at a young age and like it had a bad effect on me. And, uh, he was like going out and compulsively doing like gay acts, but he was like, I'm not gay, I just got like, you know, it was the internet. And the thing that got him into it was gay.com, which just made me laugh so hard, just just as a young kid just hitting gay.com. Your whole life just over. Everything changes from gay.com. Hey bud, getting caught in 5th grade on gay.com, I would have been done, dude. Old— two older brothers catching gay.com, I'd be fried, dude.

Oh, that would have been crazy, huh? Going up to your room, you're gonna get on gay.com.

That's a billion dollar hash— or not hashtag, hyperlink, whatever people gay.com.

So that's still worth money, I—

for sure.

Gay.com, just send it to your buddy, dude.

Hilarious. Change— you can change the hyperlink, you can do— there's a way you can do that. Oh man, dude.

Uh, buffhomos.com was one of my favorite ones. Ari Mannis is comedian and he started a website called buffhomos.com.

Did he really?

Yeah, see if it's still active or not.

I bet he pays, uh, buffhomos.com is great. What's he doing with it?

He didn't want to— oh, it just goes— oh, just goes to his website. Um, which I think he should change that, but maybe not actually.

All you'd have to do is if you put like one good buff gay guy—

well, he was doing it and his fucking management told him not to do it.

He couldn't curate buff homos?

Yeah, they're like, you know, it's just kind of like That's an ambition of a fucking manager.

Yeah, that's a billion dollar idea.

Yeah, that's crazy if you're not a fucking pussy.

So his managers had to sit him down and be like, aboutbuffhomos.com. Yeah, but then they told him to make that his landing page, basically.

Yeah, a non-buff homo on there.

And I love Ari.

Ari's opened for me a bunch over the years.

He's a great man.

He's a great comedian and he's a great great dude.

Clearly business genius too. Buffhomos.com is so good, bro.

And he would send me the pictures of buff homos and stuff, and it was like— and it was like he would get his friends that owed him favors, he would give him stage time if they modeled for it. So that was the best part. So you had like guys like Steve, uh, Steve Fury, just different comedians who were like kind of door guys at the store but were also growing good comedians, um, like Craig Connett. And he would have them, uh, just modeling fucking like just regular dudes. Dudes. But when you put them under the banner of Buff Homos, it's crazy. You put a banner over something, you see a picture of a regular dude with his shirt off, you're like, okay, maybe that guy's trying to get in the military or whatever. And they write Buff Homos above it, you're like, oh, this changes everything.

I mean, okay, so his manager is probably worried about the fallout of being like, is it true that you tricked young comics into stage time for modeling for buffhomos.com?

First of all, I think some of them knew what was going on.

For sure.

There buddies.

But, uh, but yeah, that's a good lose— that's a good lose-a-bet kind of thing. Like, you lose the bet playing poker for like buff homos of the week.

I had a website called totalcreepers.com for a while.

Did you really?

Yeah, this was a long time ago, and I would just find total fucking creepers and just take pictures of them and put them on that shit.

And dude, I did those early websites on the internet. There was mullet.com. That was great. Yeah, mullet.com was good. Uh, dude, there was cameltoe.org.

.org.

People just snap camel toe shots in the grocery store. That one was— that, yeah, that one was a little— it's a little bit of an invasion of privacy, obviously. But I remember as a young man being pumped on camera.

Yeah. What was a good one? Oh, there was like that, uh— is there a way to look at Total— is there a way to find that in the like analogs of anything, guys?

Yeah, Web Archive might have it.

No, no, this wasn't my shit.

That's Tumblr. That's a UK female.

Yeah, that's Tumblr. Do you remember Tumblr? That shit was weird.

Tumblr was crazy, dude. Dude, I never got into it personally, but I knew a girl who like was— her big thing was curating a Tumblr of just like lightly pornographic content. It was just like a sex Tumblr. It was crazy.

Oh dude, there was like one like girls in panties getting out of cars or whatever, and fuck dude, something about it, dude. But in panties, not like thong, not trashy fucking, you know.

No dude, we, we're, we're rare that we —can still— we're JPEG heads. We're one of the last who have beaten it to a still image. Oh, you know what I mean? Like, not a lot of people can say that. Yeah, dude, right? I remember the fucking— like, I used to come home from church on Sundays and grab the newspaper, pop out the Kohl's catalog, straight to the underwear section, lock the door in the bathroom. God, 45-minute sesh, dude.

I used to rub some of the— like, I would rub like a thing. This is fucking crazy. I should never say this out loud because I'll never have a wife after this, but but I would rub like a picture of like if they had a model, like a underwear model, I'd rub it under my arms because sometimes it would kind of smell like a little bit like that.

Jerk off too, you would stank it up. Yeah, yeah, I'll just kind of stank it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think my mom got it. My mom— that's actually really good. My mom— a good idea to stank it up. Yeah, yeah, I never even thought about that.

Thanks, man. I felt ashamed of The stank, I think that's actually pretty cool.

Now the problem is you're crossing wires because you're going to catch— like, you're going to be out working out one day, catch some of your own funk and be like, goddamn, I better comb under there, start fucking eating out your armpit.

Oh, that's insane. Sorry, that's the line. No worries. I had a buddy that did that, that we catch him doing it at night. No sleepovers, really? Because he had like hair under his arm arm and he would kind of get his— get it— get his tongue around the corner of his bicep, of his, uh, pectoral.

Ah, that's fucking weird. And get him a little nibble.

Just fucking get you a little nibble, Danny.

Pretty impressive.

You nibbling your arm, pussy? Huh, Ricky? Okay, this was it. Yeah. Are there any still on here?

Total Creepers, sick.

But yeah, people were supporting— people were sending this shit in.

This is good shit. And the Creepers in is awesome.

My great aunt died and there are two zombie jokers showed up to the burial and said they were friends of hers, but no knew these two. What'd you think?

But that's Total Creepers.

That's a really good one. It was good, dude.

Damn, 2011. Lamp Man.

This guy and I were at the same full-service car wash. He was yelling into his phone about a mortgage. What do you think? Yeah, I miss the imagination, bro. Yeah, I miss like seeing a girl smile at you like on a Friday at school. Or give you some sign of like— maybe she even just like asked you to go throw some trash away for her.

That would have been awesome. I would have loved to do that. Totally.

And then you're thinking all week and you're like, fuck, she's thinking about me. Yep. I'm gonna start working out. You start making like— like, we would like chisel like weights out of like wood and shit and try to like get pumped. Yeah. And we didn't know that it had to weigh a real amount. We were like, oh, it just has to look like weights and, uh, just dumb shit. But then Monday you'd be like, oh, she fucking hates me again. But there was just that couple day period where there was no phone to see that she was having a blast or that she was like, her family was rich or whatever, had a boat or whatever. You just laid at home in your fucking poor bed. Yep.

Thinking, just imagine her. Yeah, it was actually— I genuinely— I know people say this all the time, but I do feel bad for like younger kids. Have you gotten into like the clavicular stuff. I see this and all that stuff. So he did an interview with, uh, Andrew Callahan recently. I watched, and I've watched a lot of his stuff, but there's like this world of guys that are like, you know, looks maxing is like, you— the— your only hope in life is to become as attractive as possible. But now they're doing these things where like injecting a bunch of peptides. These are like young, like, you know, early 20s, go on TRT, you're hitting the peptides. And you know, the thing that gets like sensationalized is like like you kind of tap your jawbone with a hammer because like it's called like bone hammering or whatever. So you like kind of do micro fractures, dude, it's crazy. And he— I watched the interview, he said like, oh man, like that's really nothing. But that's all like what you have.

Bone smashing is a dangerous non-scientific social media trend primarily popular on TikTok and within looksmaxxing subcultures that involves intentionally inflicting blunt force trauma on facial bones to alter their structure. Proponents falsely claim that repeatedly breaking or bruising bones with hammers, or hard objects will cause them to heal in a more chiseled or masculine shape. If that's the case, everybody in Stockton would be fucking beautiful. Yeah, true. Yeah, true.

Everyone's been fucking hit in the face. Everybody has been fucking hit by bottles and shit. Yeah, well, the thing is, it's like, you know, a lot of it's just internet stuff, but there is the underlying philosophy where it's like, you know, the die has been cast for you, and if you're not like, you know, super attractive or like as a, you know, it's like guys are kind of becoming girls now where it's like, I just got to be prettier. And it's like there's a— it's called the bone structure hierarchy, where like the way your bone structure is, that kind of determines your whole fate as a person. And if you don't ascend, you'll become this like— it's just like sad and very bleak and like this like, uh, I don't know, this like really nihilistic thing where it's just like, dude, you can just be a dude. You don't have to be like, I need to ascend, I need to ascend so I can mog and blah blah blah. It's just I feel bad. I mean, I think a lot of kids at least joke about it, but I was watching that interview and I'm like, man, this is like a really sad way to live, just being like, my, but my, my subvertebral is not maximal.

And it's like, dude, you're a guy, who cares? Just— and what is mogging? That's the part. Yeah, mogging is like, so you can be, you can be height mogged, you can be frame mogged. If you're like, someone's bigger than you and you stand— if they take a picture with you and they're looking bigger, you've been mogged. Okay. If they're taller than you, you've been height mogged. Mugged, you know. There's— and there's like, you can go any dimension of like whatever you have.

So cock— somebody could be cockmogging you. Somebody could be—

that's the worst mug if you get cockmogged, dude. That's fucking tough. Yeah, I'd be hitting mine with a hammer.

Look at the fucking jawbones on this little cock. Like, damn, that thing's small. You're like, yeah, but look at that fucking smile on it.

Which is brutal because I know girls do that. They take pictures together and there's a lot of like very hyper specific comparison where they're like, look at my knees and her— it's like, this is now like younger guys I think are starting to do that to some degree, becoming very aware and conscious of like, he's taller than me in that photo. It's like, you're fine. It's— I don't know, that kind of freaks me out. We don't— we can't have both people, right? There's no— there's no— there's not a— yeah, he got frame-mogged. That was though. He took a picture that's clavicular and okay, he got frame-mogged because the guy stood next to him was bigger and it was just That's like, now you descend. You were ascending and now he descended a little bit.

Damn. It's— and this clavicular, I mean, that guy also looks like— he looks like a fucking GNC store.

So the other guys— so that's the ASU frat guy. The guy in the black is clavicular. Yes. Yeah. So that guy, yeah, it's— that's just— it looks— it looks unnatural, I guess, is what I'm trying to say. Yeah, dude. Well, that—

first of all, the guy on the right looks fucking insane. Insane, dude. He honestly looks like a good, like kind of a trill lesbian. No cat, bro. No cap dog. BLM dog. You know what I'm saying? You're wearing a like bra shirt or whatever. What are you doing? And also, you know, it started all that was lar. Largamelo ball. Dude, it was whatever. That dude wearing that bra or whatever. Remember he was shooting that fade away?

No, no. Was he wearing a bra?

Yeah, him and SGA were like just gooning around after— Oh, I think that shit—

I think I'd— Well, this is—

This was that. I don't know. That was when I was growing up. Mixed dudes wasn't fucking— Mixed dudes had enough.

That's what you're talking about. What the fuck is that about?

No, that's not it. That's crazy. Yeah, I'm saying that's crazy. That's wild. You don't— When do you need just that much of a shirt?

Yes, take it. Yeah, you don't need it at all.

Yeah, like you hit a growth spurt or whatever, dude.

Well, dude, the sad thing about like the— you see that guy, that's like a very bizarre frame, um, with all like the peptides and like filters and all this stuff. That's what's garnering all the attention, like especially for women. Like your lips have to look all— people are becoming literally artificial beings. And they're— it's like, dude, it's— it sounds like a really complicated thing. It's just, I think about this all the time. There's this thing called supernormal stimuli, which is like saying, you know, it's, it's It's not as like crazy as it sounds. So like, say they did these studies where they had these butterflies and like the male butterflies that they saw a female that was a shade of purple, the more purple the butterfly was, that was the more attractive they were. And the butterflies would go mate with those butterflies. The scientists made a shade of purple that wasn't able to be produced by the natural butterflies that was like such a deep purple. The butterflies would just lay on this piece of cloth and just die. And I feel like that is happening to people in some regard where people are like, especially women are making themselves into these like artificial things and now guys are matching and it's just, I don't know, freaks me out.

It's like they're chasing an esthetic that's not natural and it's not attainable and they're using all these like scientific methods.

A lot of women, if women have those lip injections, dude, I'm out there. Yep. If women put on too much lip, like if it's a little bit I can get, right? But if it's just fucking dumb, dude. Like, your lips look like they've been— like, like they've been eaten or whatever.

Yeah, dude. No, I'm telling that. And there's, there's also a fine line of plastic surgery where it almost all ends in the same exact look. There's like a fully constructed face that you're like, oh, it's just like plastic surgery face. I just feel bad because, you know, you're obviously insecure. Everybody is. And then you do all this work and you're like, oh, my nose looks better, this looks better. And it's like, and I have this like look that I look like I'm a clone or something.

Yeah, dude, some— it's just too much. Yeah. And then also, if a girl puts on so much lip gloss, bro, I'm like, it just like— it's almost like you're saying it's like, it's too— it's like too much of the purple color. It's like, it's too juicy.

Yes. No one's lips are this juicy. Like, chill. And it's— I just feel bad because— oh, that's— I've seen this for sure. That one is— look what he's wearing.

That's a rough look. He's wearing a fucking jersey bra. He's wearing a jersey, bro. Look at this. Yeah, that's—

I mean, what is going on? I don't know. I don't know. Having a good time.

Yeah, that's a good point, man.

No, but that's— yeah, I saw that. That's, uh, you know, that's one of those videos you're like, dang, did I really look like that during that? Still smiling. That was like a—

no, and that guy's a boss, dude, too. And honestly, if he's one of the— if, if any of these guys ended up being gay fellas or whatever, yeah, and being one of the best to ever do it, good for them. Exactly. Gives a shit. Gay Jordan.

Gay Jordan would be nice. Just that light, that slightly lighter lift off there. That would actually be kind of sick to watch. Fly, float.

Yes, floating through the air.

I just, I feel bad for like, you know, because you have— they, they get like preyed upon because you're on social media and it's just nothing but before and afters, before and afters, before and afters. And you just go after that and you get like— you can get like permanently disfigured. And it's just, you know, it's just— yeah, it's evil. I don't know, something strikes me as like evil to do that.

Well, there's a lot of stuff now too where it's like, you know, the peptide, like all that stuff, a lot of it there's not a ton of research done on it. We just started fucking hearing about it. Yeah. And everybody started using it. I know. And there was— dude, I remember I was with a girl one night in her car and I was trying to make out or something, I don't remember, but we were sitting in there talking and She's like, yeah, I gotta leave in like 2 hours to go down to Tijuana to get some, uh, Ozempic. It's just cheaper down there. Really? Yeah, dude, they busted a woman outside of a vineyard vine selling illegal Ozempic.

Oh bro, they— yeah, that's because you start going to the doctor and then they, you know, they all start talking to each other and they get— one of them gets it off the internet. Yeah, there's— dude, so many of them are doing it, taking the jab. And it is kind of— because you do get it, like, you can go to a doctor, but it's like, it's kind of expensive. And all it takes is one of them being like, I got this website, I'll get it, I'll inject inject you. And then it's like, does this person know what they're doing? Where did they really get that? What is this stuff? And it's— I'm, I'm so freaked out about putting anything into my body. I, I like can't do it. I'll take like a new vitamin and I'm like, I feel kind of weird today. That's me, I'm being a bitch. But it's like, I really am like—

but that's Irishness, I think, as well.

I think so.

You guys operate best on beer and stuff like that. I think so.

Basic whiskey, beer, complete basics. Yeah, adding to— I've, I took the one. It was like a pill form that you just take it for your stomach, and I think it helped. I didn't really notice much, but the needles, man, I'm like, I get just too scared. I have one in my fridge. I can't do it. I'm like, I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna do— it's supposed to help you like sleep and burn fat. And I like look at it, I go, nah, I'm not doing that. Just sits there. I'm scared of the needle. I won't do it. I won't do it.

Yeah, dude. Yeah, save that bitch in case things get crazy. Shoot it into one of your fucking True, dude. If you started peptide in your fucking plants, dude, next thing you know you have like 11 blackberries in your yard, dude.

That would be nice. But yeah, we can each have— my whole family can each have like 3 apiece.

That'd be awesome. How good are radishes though? You mentioned radishes.

Radishes, man, they're— they grow so easy and they're like, they're good. They can get a little spicy here and there, but like those ones are— they were rewarding because like that— this is the thing too, like I tried growing carrots, dude. The carrot greens this big, I pull the carrot out, I'm not lying, it was this fucking big. So that kind of hurts. You wait 3 months, you So you just got to take it out and throw it on the ground, just let it kind of decompose. Radishes just rip, man. You can grow radishes anywhere. Those bulb—

those under— those like, uh, potatoes, radish, I think. Yeah, there's tubers or whatever they're called.

I think, yeah, potatoes, a tuber, radish. I don't know what the hell— like root vegetables, I guess. Yeah, root vegetables. They grow pretty good, man.

My grandma used to have them all in her cellar at the end, back in the day. They'd have a lot of like senior citizens would have them in their cellars and stuff like that. Yeah, keep a lot of root vegetables in there. Um, I love radishes though. They're kind of— they've kind of disappeared for a while. You would see them kind of like shaved up, like they'd fucking been— yeah, literally like somebody had terrorized them and put them on like little salads.

I've seen that, like shredded radish. Yeah, it's kind of weird. I feel like Mexican food brought them back into my life because I would see them on the tacos and I— at first I'd be like, what the fuck am I eating? And then I started eating them, I'm like, damn, these things are pretty good actually.

You get a fucking spicy radish though, bro. Put a little bit of salt on it.

Yeah, They're good, they're good. And there's something— I mean, just pulling it out of the ground, washing off, and eating it, it's just— there's something awesome about that.

You ever pull one right out and just wash it right there and eat it in the yard?

Uh, I'd have to wash it first, so I usually bring it inside, but I'd like to. I feel like those, you know, I've like picked them off— I picked like berries off a bush and eat them, but the radish, I'd never pulled them out of the dirt and eat them. No, do that. I should actually. I, I have left a little bit of dirt on before when washing it, and like, it's got to be minerals and shit in here. I don't believe eating— don't believe all that eating the dirt propaganda. You can eat dirt for sure.

I wouldn't have a ton. I mean, it depends on what area. Just the dust. True. Yeah, true, true, true.

My soil is pretty good. That's the thing too, you gotta like work. You gotta like, you know, you gotta build like a whole little colony in your soil, you know, because if you just dump soil out of a bag, it's not—

it's not living. How many square feet is your garden?

Oh man, not a lot. It's probably like 40 total, if, if that. And then I have a little thing outside my fence, it gets like full sun all day. That's probably another like like probably have like 50, 60 square feet total. Small.

Do you have to water in the morning and evening, or how does it work?

I do in the summer, yeah.

But you have a water pail, you use the hose?

I have the hose, and I have, I have like some sprinklers now. I got to hook them up. But the, uh, I just kind of water them though twice a day depending on, depending on how hot it is. If it's like super hot, that's twice a day. You put some mulch down to keep the roots, keep the roots from getting scorched. So it's just, it's nice, man, especially like, yeah, when you just see a new little bud pop off your plant. It's just such I come out in the morning and I'm like, oh, it's just a nice little treat.

Yeah. And you're kind of like an orchestra conductor. Yeah, man. Nature.

Yeah, it is. It's pretty cool. You got to be patient. You got to wait. And it's like, like, dude, I planted garlic 6 months ago. I might have some like in 3 weeks. And it's just like, just like a thing that's like good, that's grow— you know what I mean? That's like, you know, because otherwise I've had a lot of times in life where I just have nothing to look forward to. And you're just like, whatever. And like every day I'm like, well, my berries eventually— 2 years. I have like things that are going to take like 2 years to grow. And I'm like, man, 2 years is gonna be sick. I don't like that. It's— I'm telling you, it's really good for you.

I've been wondering if there was ever a time when you were with your family and your car broke down, because I've been there. And I remember my— the car was broke down and I stood off. I walked off from that thing. I said, I ain't even being with y'all anymore. More. Just, just didn't even want to be by my family, dang it. Just out of shame. CarShield could have fixed that. CarShield offers month-to-month vehicle protection plans designed to protect drivers from expensive car repair bills. CarShield contracts have low deductibles to prevent stress to your wallet at a critical time, and they partner with certified mechanics and repair shops around the country for when you're in a bind. Make a decision your wallet will love with CarShield. Right now, CarShield is offering our listeners 20% off with the code Theo at carshield.com. Visit carshield.com to lock in your 2026 protection today and protect yourself from expensive car repairs. Again, go to carshield.com and use code Theo for 20% off. Is pornography causing a problem in your life? Do you find yourself watching porno for longer periods of time and having trouble stopping? Is porn affecting your relationship or dating life?

Well, you're certainly not alone. Watching pornography has become so commonplace today, and oftentimes men use porn to numb the pain of loneliness boredom, anxiety, and depression. Shame and stigma prevent men from talking about these issues and getting help for them. I want to introduce you to my friend Steve. Steve is the founder of Valor Recovery, a program to help men overcome porn abuse and sexual compulsivity. Steve is a long-term sexual recovery member and has personally overcame the emotional and spiritual despair of abusing pornography and has dedicated his life to empowering men to do the same. Steve is an amazing person and he is a close friend of mine. I mean that. Valor Recovery helps men to develop the tools necessary to have a healthier sex life. Their coaches are in long-term recovery and will be your partner, mentor, and spiritual guide to transcend these problematic behaviors. To learn more about Valor Recovery please visit them at www.valorecoverycoaching.com or email them at admin@valorecoverycoaching.com. Thank you. Well, I, you know what, I recently, I started to get up earlier and do like, uh, just really just start to take some control over my own life more. Yeah, like And it's just helped me so much, man.

It's helped me to like, I don't know, everything else just feels like more possible. It's like, oh, I'm caring about what I'm doing here, you know? Yeah. Like, it hasn't been like every day has been perfect, but just like over the past month, it's gotten like, let me see what I'm trying to say. Like, so I'll get up and I'll like do some yoga, workout, meditate, hit an AA meeting or something. And then I'm like, it's like 10 AM, and now I'm— but, and the rest of my day is mine, right? Like, I don't have work and shit to do, but I just feel like, uh, like the more I'm investing in myself or things like that, it's like, it feels good, dude. It's—

yeah, it's unbelievable, because otherwise it's like, what is moving your life? And you don't— you know, you're just kind of being blown about. I do that all the time where I'm just kind of like, you have to make your life mean something.

Exactly. I think when you're a kid, you come out of this time where you're like like, oh, there's all these things that I get to get put into, and there's somebody putting you in a— you don't even realize it. Like, you're— yeah, all this stuff happens and you're just in. But you— like, we kind of lose that as we get older, you know? I mean, I know work comes along and family comes along, but it's like, yeah, you have to— I always feel like, oh, life has to make it. No, you have to make it.

Yeah, dude, it's like 100% true. That's actually fair. I never thought about that too, because you do get thrown into school, and yeah, you're just like, well, I guess someone will throw me into a job, and then you just kind of just like drift along And it's like, I, I'll do that for like stretches of time and then like, I'll just— something will happen where I'm like, what the fuck am I doing? It just is a really bad feeling where I'm like, what am I doing with myself? And then, yeah, waking up and being like, I'm doing this at this time, I'm going to work out, I'm gonna do this. It, dude, it really does make your life feel so much better. It's like, even if you get up like a half an hour early. Yeah. Just like, just get up and like, go for a walk. Otherwise, yeah, that's, that's a feeling that I get like really free. Like, that'll really like bring me to a bad place when I realize I'm just being blown about. Yeah, by the whims of whatever forces are around me.

Especially as time goes on, dude. I went to your birthday party. That was fun, dude. That was fun.

That was a fucking complete shock.

So you had no idea? No clue.

Everyone's laughing at me like, you didn't even Google the thing. Like, my wife told me she was going to take me to an opera, and then she did it. It was actually, to her credit, it was a pretty good move. She's like, we don't— we never do anything like that. We never get dressed up. And I was like, all right.

It was Boyz n the Hood: The Opera.

Opera. I didn't know. I didn't know what the hell it was, man. I was like, I, I didn't— everyone was laughing at me because like, didn't you Google? The opera wasn't even in town that weekend. I'm like, I didn't look it up. I was just showing up, man, you know?

And, uh, dude, 84% of life's just showing up.

Yeah, man, that's what— and I, I really can just be like, what? Like, I don't look into things. I, I realized that night, I didn't realize how little I truly like look into things, and I'll just like be like, all right, I'll just come. I don't, I don't like research it because I was talking to a lot of people that are like, I'd have to look at the seat chart, I have to know where I'm sitting. Yeah, that's whimsical, dude.

That's like an Irish hello or whatever.

I really do, dude.

Not know what the fuck is going on.

No idea what's going on in there. And I just showing up like, oh, this will be cool. I was like, I'll get to see an opera. I've never seen that before. Just waited until it came. And then so I'm like, in my head I'm like, I'm gonna be in a dark room all night. I was like, I'm gonna just eat a little weed edible, I'll be fine. So I'm literally— she was like, all the tickets we got, we get to go meet the opera singers like before. And I'm like, a meet and greet with the opera singers? I'm like, sounds weird, but I'm like, yeah, I'm down to meet them. This is kind of cool. I'm super gullible. And then, uh, so I'm like kind of stoned and I just like walk into this room being like— I remember the last thought I had was like, I wonder what opera singers are like. And then I walk in and I saw my mother-in-law and I was like, what the hell? Why is she here? And And then I saw someone I hadn't seen in like 3 years, and I truly was like, oh, I'm probably having a dream.

And I was like, this is not real. And I kept looking around, and like the noises kind of came back, and I was like, surprise! And I was like, what the fuck? And then I got like angry. I was furious at first.

I remember you telling me that, dude.

I stood there and everybody was like 150 people. I'm like kind of high on it. I'm like, this is— I know this is completely overwhelming. Surprise! And then like I'm looking around being I'm like, what the fuck? She made everyone wear tuxedos and shit for this? And I'm just like furious. I forgot. Furious. Sorry. I just felt like, oh no. And then, uh, and then I just kind of like, I like realized what was happening, that I was like frowning at 150 people and I had to like, oh hey, thank you everybody. And it took me like an hour and a half to like the shock to wear off. I was, I was fucked up. But then, you know, eventually I was like, what was the anger about, you think?

Kind of Because you've been telling me that, and that was fascinating. And your wife was great, dude. Like, she started like 5 months in advance. She's like, oh dude, don't forget Friday, or whatever. And I'm like, this Friday? She's like, no, Friday in 5 and a half months. But she would remind you every month, and I was like, fuck. And then once I said, I promise, I've said I promise I'll be there, like, fuck, I gotta be there. But it ended up being great though. It was a great night, dude. I got to hang out with Tony. There we are right now, Adam Egan. Shit. Um, Joe DeRosa. And is that your cousin?

No, Zach. He works at the, uh, yeah, he was at the Mothership for a while.

Um, but yeah, dude, it was a cool— it was a good group though, dude.

It was— that was— it was fun. I, I though— I got there, was just like, I don't even— I couldn't even place the anger at first. I was just going like, what the fuck? And I was actually kind of looking forward to sitting in a dark room all night watching the— I was like, this will be crazy. And then it was just like, what I was angry about was like, I don't really like a lot of attention. Attention. So then I walked into just like a complete and total— just being like awash in attention and like surprise. And it just like, it pissed me off. Yeah. And then I was like, oh, this is like a party, this is nice. It was— it literally took my brain a second to be like— so first it wasn't even a party, you know what I mean? Like my brain was like, these are just people looking at me like, why is this happening to me right now? And then it was like, it came in in layers. And I'm like, oh fuck, this is my 40th surprise party. 'Cause we did something 2 weeks before that, so I was like, nice, I'm done.

So like, it like took me— my brain was like lagging for like seconds. And then, you know, I just like had to walk around and be like, hey, thanks, say thanks, say thanks, you know. Thanks, Maxing. Thanks, Mouse. Thanks, Maxing. Post-Maxing, thanks, Maxing.

But dude, it would be so funny because I'd be talking like a comedian and then there'd be just somebody who was randomly downstairs who was at the thing. And it was a nice event, man. It was like an event, dude.

It really was. It was—

and there was like a thing with desserts, and there was, I think they even had like a duck or something. They had great food. They had, uh, but then there would be also like just family members or somebody's like, I'm Matt's 11th cousin or whatever, you know, you know, fire department, you know, just fucking— I'm like, what is going on?

Yeah, one of my cousins, I know, I heard the next day kind of called you, was like, let's get a photo right now.

Oh, I don't remember some things, but it was just like there was a lot of different things things. And you would get like, yeah, kind of Irishy looking guys and this and that. And then a fucking, you know, just somebody with Down syndrome who they said was Irish or whatever. And then even just down to a big freckle in a wheelchair, you know. It just like, there was this decision of fucking macuscas that had just been through it all, you know. Some Civil War veteran was there, like there was ghosts there.

Yeah, people were taken aback because that was only a small faction of my family. So people that I knew would be like, because you would just see various mutations of me where you'd be like, that's got to be one of his cousins. People were like really laughing about that all night, being like, I can literally spot every single one of your family members. You guys all look exactly the same, dude.

That would be the best if they had done a thing, find Matt's family, like a Where's Waldo.

Yes.

And you had to like just find, like, amongst all the people there, you had to get like a signature from those 10 people. That's kind of fun, actually.

But no, it was, uh, it was cool, man. I, I I had to, you know, I always— I gave it up to Brittany. I was like, man, it was very sweet of her.

Very nice. Very impressive.

It was, it was just such a— it was like I said, it was like an event. It was like a massive event. And it's, you know, I'm always kind of like, I don't want to do anything, you know, blah blah blah. So that was— it was nice. I was like, I appreciated it, but it was, it was a lot for me to take in.

Yeah, it's scary, dude. Having a surprise experience is kind of scary, especially that magnitude, man.

That was like— that really like threw me upside down because I'm going like, you know, I'm like, I don't like to ask people to do anything. You see people wearing tuxes, I'm going Oh fuck. So my family hates dressing up, so I'm like, fuck, they made her— they made him do that. And you know, I was just like— but it was cool, it was awesome.

And you can, uh, um, you can— can you still be drafted or not? Oh, for the war?

I think they just bought—

yeah, I think the war is a unique term.

Yeah, or the military. Yeah, the conflict. The, uh— yeah, I think it's up to 42. So if I'm— what are the requirements?

And they keep fucking making the age bigger, dude.

Yeah, 42, dude. There's some fucking— I got 2 good years in me, bro.

You could be a colonel.

That'd be crazy. I mean, I went to college. At least I want sergeant. Like, I'm not going in there as a grunt. Yeah, but actually, I'd kind of like to boss up as I gotta be on time.

What are some of the, uh, Army chants, dude? You have to do some of those probably.

Yeah, it's like, I don't know what I've been told. Yeah. 42 is not that old, or whatever. Welcome America.

Army raises enlistment age to 42. Yeah, they're pandering to me. Eases marijuana restrictions, dude. So you can have fucking— dude, it's just gonna be a bunch of fucking thick trans kids on gummies out there. Here was one of the problems. Did you know that 70% of, uh, of young Americans are unfit to serve in the military? They couldn't serve in the military. Yeah, I've heard that. 70%.

Yeah, that's no surprise, man. That's, that's— I mean, that's sad.

Blew my mind. Really? Yeah. When I was a kid, I feel like I've— like, it felt like 70% could serve in the military. Yeah, yeah, for sure. You had some kids in wheelchairs or something. You had like some black kids that were still sucking their thumb or something even though they were like 19 and still rocking. Yeah, yeah. Which is cool, but they weren't saying anything, but they weren't retarded. So you got to pick a path. But then you had like, yeah, one kid that would get sunburned bad, he couldn't go. You had that bee sting kid or whatever who was always a fucking piece of shit.

I'm down for them just doing like BattleBots. We're at the point now where— yes, what is ridiculous to just be like, yeah, we're gonna just send a bunch of 18-year-olds there, shoot each other. So that's like— it's just like I said this before, it's like embarrassing. Like, guys, for real, we're still doing this? Let's do BattleBots, solve it, see what's up. Whoever wins gets, you know, whoever—

yeah, it's like pink slips.

Yeah, your buzzsaw flips my wedge, now you get the whole nukes. And if I'll build a better robot, I'll get I'll get the nukes back so I can destroy the world if I have to, you know, if I want to get my way.

Yeah, I agree. It's like, what are— to really be using—

I don't know, dude, it's just fucking— but there's a trick where it's like, yeah, you know what, you're right, then some guy just blows up your city and you're like, I'm fucking blowing them up, fuck that. Yeah, so it's like, you know, I don't think— I think it's escapable.

A major update to Army recruiting regulations this week raises the maximum age a recruit can join to 42 and removes a barrier to joining for recruits with a single legal conviction for marijuana. Or drug paraphernalia possession. Nice. The Army's previous limit was 35, though exceptions are occasionally made. The higher age limit brings the Army in line with other services' limit of 41 in the Navy and 42 in the Air Force.

That's the weirdest of all. And again, it's— whoa, the fuck is this kind of shit?

I don't know. I thought that was fucking Doug Stanhope for a second on the left. Well, the, uh, okay, secret double life of Kristi Noem's cross-dressing husband. Been Brian, the pouting busty bimbo photos and trove of explicit messages. He could have— that could have been a costume he was doing. Yeah, I mean, let me see. Is today revealed as a secret cross-dresser who dons gigantic fake breasts and pink hot pants to chat with online fetish models.

Oh, that's the porn hole going wrong, man. Yeah, so you need to shut the laptop once you're putting— once you're bimbofying yourself for webcam. Is that what happened? He was bimbofied? It looks like—

well, his wife operated at the highest echelons of government, handling matters of national security in her recent role as DHS Secretary. Brian Noem, 56, has been dressing up and playing adult— and paying adult entertainers to talk dirty. The Daily Mail has reviewed hundreds of messages involving 3 women from the bimbofication scene, where porn performers transfer themselves into real-life Barbie dolls by pumping colossal amounts of of saline into their breasts. Oh, that's— that was—

that's his— that was his boobs basically from saline? Yeah. So he pumped his—

was he pumping his own tits full of that shit?

God. Okay, yeah, no, he had balloons. Okay.

Oh, Brian, an insurance mogul, can be seen squeezing into a flesh-colored crop top with skin-tight pink shorts.

Hold on, so those— those tits were balloons with the nipple? Oh, the knots mimic the nipples. I mean, I'll get— I'll at least shout him out on the nipple position. That was— that's pretty smart. That was kind of nice. Dang, bro. What the fuck, dude?

What the fuck is going on, bro?

I— that's nice for balloons. I'll get— whoa, what the fuck?

Oh man. But he has that kind of glossy skin where he's fucking, you know what I'm saying? That's a horny guy.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that that's kind of alpha to be that horny where you have balloon boobs like a 5th grader.

No, it sounds like what those fucking clavicular kids are gonna be Putting fucking hacky sacks in their chest and shit. Yeah, man, that is, uh, he sent his secret roster of online acquaintances at least $25,000 via Cash App and PayPal. But when the payments were delayed or failed to materialize, the chats would quickly turn sour.

Oh, I bet I would if I paid fucking $25,000 to look at my balloon tits and you didn't, uh, you delayed on me. I turned sour. Damn. Oh dude, so they, they kind of like put his stuff out there.

Yeah, it's astounding that somebody whose spouse is at that level has that kind of bad judgment. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, bro.

I didn't know this is a thing, dude.

Yeah, I guess it is, dude. Honestly, bro, all this shit makes me want to cut my own wiener off and just mail it to Africa, dude. I'm not even joking, dude. I thought about that for years. Cut my wiener off, be done. And my nuts off. Yeah. Yeah, if they want it, or just whatever you want, you can do it, send them both.

But keep your nuts because that'll keep your tea going and stuff. Yeah, keep my fucking nuts. Let your nuts hang.

Yeah, chop off your unit and just keep everything and mail it to Africa. Feed a person or two, that'd be nice. They grill that bitch up in a second, dude.

Munch that thing.

They get some fucking Tennessee wiener in the mail, they would grill it.

Put mine on a toothpick and serve it at a party with others. But yeah.

They'd be like, glizzy, glizzy. Who wants a glizzy?

A fresh glizzy. But that is sad, man. It's like, yeah, it's a way here.

The Uber driver, he's like, we need a revolution, you podcast guy.

He was— but you pumped up.

Yeah, no, he's trying to get me to fucking do something. Like, dude, I'm fucking trying to go— I'm going to work, dude.

It's probably CIA, honestly.

He could have been a fucking op. He's probably Mossad. But it was just kind of crazy. He's like, we need a revolution, you know, because he's like, AI's gonna come, it's gonna be all Waymos, we won't have a job, you know.

That's true too. Yeah, that stuff's coming, man, for sure. That's gonna be weird. I mean, it is gonna be, uh, you're not scared of it though, you said? No, not really. I mean, it's like, I— well, here's the thing, it's like, if I felt like it was coming and it would just like destroy my livelihood, I'd obviously be afraid of that. I don't think it is. And I feel bad if it does, but I feel like maybe this is me just being hopeful, it will kind of engender some like massive change where people then have to like learn how to, you know, like, do we start just sharing stuff so everyone has what they need? Like, what do you like? Literally, what do you write? And that, you know, people go, that's communistic. It's like, yeah, obviously. But it's like, if it wipes out just like 9 industries at once and you have millions and millions of people who could work that just, there's no point in from them do it, it's like, what do you do? Like, what do you do then? And it's like, are they going to have to just like invent weird, like almost like fake jobs?

Are people going to get paid just to kind of vibe out? I don't know. I'm personally kind of curious to see where it goes because it's like you're not going to fight the AI stuff. Everyone's like, we're going to stop it. It's like, no, you're not. If it saves big corporations money, it's coming. They're going to do that. Then it becomes like, what do you do? And I guess like, you know, yeah, it could get— now that I think about it, it's like, well, yeah, maybe the billionaires will like give us some money. I'm Well, they said that.

Fuck, you think they will? Well, that's what they've said, is that they're— that they— people would get some sort of a stipend or some sort of a UBI, universal basic income, or some sort of a token that they could use for things. Like, for— which is crazy to hear. Yeah, like Altman said this sort of shit. Um, there's a king then.

So then we'd have kings, which again, if we go back to some like futuristic medieval, like serfs, lords, kings, knights, could be chill. I don't know. Again, I don't know. There's probably people like, fuck you.

Could be chill though.

Could be chill, dude. You get to like wander. I get to just be in my garden, light fires, and just kind of like think about the glory of the king. Hey, yeah, King Sam Altman. King Altman cuts my fucking head off and he cuts your fucking RAM down.

He cuts your hard drive down to fucking 30 megabytes a month.

Yeah, no more questions about your garden. Sorry, my lord.

And then that, that thing comes through where you throw the dead people just on it. Like if your neighbor dies, remember back in the, like, in the, uh, they would just put the wheelbarrow, the dead cart or whatever. Yeah, yeah, I, I think, and this is my, again, this is just me, he had my fucking, uh, EarPods in his pocket. We put him on the fucking dead cart. This is me being, hey, hey, humanity, check his pockets.

A fat guy, you gotta follow him on your device. Yeah, I feel like I feel like every society rises and then falls in a terrible cataclysm. That's like, there hasn't been one that's made it out of it yet. So like maybe it's like with COVID COVID was bad, but it also did kind of shake people out of that like dull, thoughtless malaise that so many people are trapped in, just like a meaningless existence they kind of hate. So I'm hoping the AI shakes the cage enough to where people can kind of come out of it, but then we don't all just like fall into like complete chaos and start like killing each other. Together. Yeah, I think there's a sweet spot. So I'm hoping it kind of shakes it just a little bit, if that makes sense. Yeah, so that's my hope. But it's like, yeah, then it's like, well, maybe the billionaires will be generous.

I'm like, well, to me it feels like they, they want us poisoned enough, right? It's obvious there's so much that has poison in it. Yeah, our fucking water. Fluoride makes people dumb. Like, if you have fluoride in your water, you're dumber.

Yeah, yeah, which is crazy. Easy, dude.

Um, but like, they want us to be dumb enough and like not have any fucking balls or want to do— and so you just are kind of like in this sort of wheel. Yeah. And you're comfortable in the wheel. And the amazing thing to me sometimes is how comfortable a lot of us are in the wheel, including myself. Oh yeah. You're like, you know what, I could go out there and protest sometimes, or I could do this, or, you know, but I could just sit here and watch March Madness. Yeah, you know, just got some new Masa chips. I got some fucking Good Ranchers nuggets. These are nice, bro.

I love those things.

They're nice.

If you eat too many of them though, yeah, it's a fucked up bellyache.

And, and I don't eat them anymore. I like, I had like 6 bags in a row or whatever.

I can't have them anymore. No, you'd eat the whole bag and you're like, I just ate a pound of beef tallow.

Well, it's like having gin when you're a kid or whatever. You can't have it anymore, you know. But it's like that for me. Me, it just kind of burnt out.

The thing that I'm hopeful about is that, like, you know, because if it becomes like— if money becomes a weird thing where it's like there's UBI and like you do have these like rich billionaire overlords, like money is the thing. If you have enough of it, it kind of like, you know, pumps up your ego to where you're like, yeah, I did it, I'm the man. I've always wondered if we could somehow trick like ultra-rich, like billionaire types into being like, no, the real flex is like putting like 9 million people on like assistance and making like a cool future peaceful village. And like getting them to think like, yeah, that would be cool I did that, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, like, why wouldn't they do that? You just have to make up— they're nerds. Like, so like Zuckerberg, you'd be like, dude, instead of like attacking them, be like, dude, actually Zuckerberg's super jacked and super tough and cool at jiu-jitsu. And be like, just like giving the nerds everyone like, yeah, we love you guys. And maybe they'll just like, you know, use billions of dollars to terraform the earth into like a cool Hobbit world.

I don't know. Now I'm— now I'm just reaching.

Well, you start to wonder, is it an evil autism that's out there?

Yeah, we need to give them the— we need— yeah, exactly. I, I think you could be completely right.

Right, because, because yeah, to think that you'd have billions of dollars and other people don't have anything is pretty crazy.

Yeah, but that's, that's the thing though, because it's like, I think about that all the time, and it's like, White House turns down Elon Musk offer to pay TSA agents during DHS shutdown.

Why?

That, that thing was like, well yeah, we can't pay the TSA guy. This is— I'm a single-issue voter, and it's wait times at airports currently, but it's like, dude, just take the TSA out of that there, because they're trying to both pass these like big deals where it's like, well, we'll do the TSA, but you have to agree to this.

But they're doing those omnibus bills.

Yeah, it's like, take TSA out of it. You guys can go, okay, let's fund TSA. Okay, back to arguing about shit forever. It's— I— that's— it's just, dude, that shit pisses me off.

Yeah. Musk, the CEO of Tesla and owner of social media platform X, uh, said, uh, offered to pay the salaries on Saturday. I would like to offer to pay the salaries of TSA personnel during this funding impasse that is negatively affecting the lives of so many Americans at airports throughout the country, he wrote on X. President Trump said Monday that he would love it if Musk paid the agents' salaries. Uh, I think it's great, let him do that. The offer from Musk was also warmly received by lawmakers. Um, but then this is— here's the problem is, you know, all right, pay them, right? Uh, John Fetterman said the offer was incredibly generous in his response to the post. TSA agents across the country relying on food pantries and community donations just to get by. Uh, DHS officials told House makers Wednesday that over 480 airport screeners have quit since the beginning of the shutdown, and that the agency is expected to lose $1 billion in missed paychecks by the end of this week. Dude, uh, Timothy Mellon, heir of Mellon Banking— shout out Pittsburgh— donated $130 million to pay the military during the 43-day-long government shutdown from October to November.

But what's crazy is, is this could be a trap because then you're letting kind of X or Tesla become this privatized, you know, because now you're kind of privatizing airport security. Yeah. Whether you realize it a little bit or not, you're saying, okay, I will let him pay these salaries. Then he comes in and says, well, how about this? Why don't I just— why don't Tesla just manage airport security? Yeah, we could probably do it so much more efficiently. Yeah. And so that's this— like, I'm not— which I'm not saying would be bad. I'm just saying that's where things get kind of risky a lot of times, like offers like that. There's this kind of caveat of, of hopeful business down the line.

Dude, I didn't know this until recently. Public transportation in Chicago in like, I think the late 1800s, there's all public company or private companies. So like you would just own like, you know, whatever. Like if you're in New York, it was like, but it's Chicago, like the L train, that was a guy who owned the L train. Everyone who paid tickets, all the money went to him. And there was another guy who owned like the North Side public and they all eventually the city came and was like, guys, Give me this. That was like, that was like that for a while. It was, it was like incredibly competitive and corrupt, and you'd have to lobby the government to like pass your thing. You pay people off, then you just collected all the fares personally. Didn't like, didn't even go to the city. So yeah, it's, uh, that is a tricky thing though, because they can, you know, then they can start doing their weird like credit card. I mean, you don't get great customer service with government agencies. No, dude, have you been to the post office? Post office is Crazy, dude.

I was there a couple days. There was this— there was like this sister that was working in there. She's fucking fighting with a bird that's in there trying to steal like a fucking thing of tape or whatever. And I'm like, like in the little gift section area, I'm like, there's nobody else in there, dude. Fucking wind going by is just fucking unbelievable. I was an Asian dude. He peeked up out of the back for like a second, the guy with the mustache, dude. Fucking the Catfish looking dude, one of those package catfishes. He's just back there. He swims up to the fucking door and peeks around just to make sure he's not— nobody's looking for him and fucking goes back into the fucking hiding behind the 7-day certified mail. You'll never see him for like 40 more years.

He's just to hide for 40 more.

Dude, it's like, it's like he saw his own shadow. It's like 11 more months of fucking being on the clock on the government's dime.

Post office is crazy, dude. I used to mail all of our merch for like— in the beginning, I would mail all of our merch personally So I started going to the post office with just like boxes of like 45, 50, 60 shirts already wrapped up. And like, I got to know the people there pretty well, but it was like at first I would just show up before they knew me. They'd be like, what are— what are you doing to us? And then they eventually gave me another address where I could just like drop it off at the like hub and they would just take them like a big thing at once and just throw them in the thing. But it was funny. Yeah, I used to get— I used to go there and they let me like come towards the back and dump it in.

Fuck yeah. It's kind of cool to see the behind the scenes.

It was cool, but it was just— it's very— it is like chill time. If there's a line at the post office, people are like, okay, it's like DMV mentality.

You're like, yeah, whatever, man, don't care.

They don't feel lines. No, they really, they really do.

You only feel lines on one side of the counter. The other side of the counter, they don't feel that line.

No, it's not a restaurant where you're like, oh fuck, people are gonna leave. You're just like, yeah, fuck it, go use fucking something else.

Public transit in Chicago shifted from private to public control in the mid-20th century, centered on the creation of the Chicago Transit Authority, the CTA, in the 1940s. The Illinois General Assembly passes the Metropolitan Transit Authority Act, 1945, um, when the CTA took over the big private rail and streetcar systems and effectively complete— completed for city service in 1952 with the motorcoach purchase. Yeah, anyway, yeah, that's when it happened. True. Um, I saw you've been doing some history pods.

Yeah, on my Patreon I've been doing— I've been getting deep into like the, uh, Conquistador era, like the Spaniards going one first to like Yucatan in Mexico to like, you know, when they like— when, uh, Cortés kind of took over the Aztecs. And then I— there's another guy who like navigated the Amazon River like later on, and they like— Pizarros took out the Incan Empire. Those dudes, those stories are like insane. And that's— I've like— I've talked to, uh, I talked to the author who wrote both the books I was talking about, and we're both agreeing, it's like, dude, that's a movie. I talked to this other guy about this too, where it's like the fact that there's no movie about that yet is insane. Because it is like, especially Cortés taking over, uh, the Aztecs, it's the craziest story. Because everyone's like, oh yeah, he showed up and like tricked Montezuma. And it, like, they did do that, but it was like, it was like a multi-year effort. They had like brutal battles. It was, it went on like forever. They were like inside Tenochtitlan, which was like the city of the Aztecs. Dude, that was like a brutal siege.

They barely escaped, had to come back and attack it again. It was Absolutely insane.

Were they bad people that they were attacking, or they were just people that they wanted their land, or it was just like during that colonial times? It was, it was a little bit of everything.

It was definitely during the colonial times. The Spaniards definitely just wanted gold. They were like, yeah, you guys have gold, we're taking the shit. Oh yeah, Cortés wasn't even supposed to do it. Some— he was, he was sent by another guy, Velázquez, who was like, take this flotilla of ships because they were, they were in— I— where was it, like Cuba maybe, or somewhere? And they were like— he was like, I want you to scout this Mexico whatever place and, you know, see if they have any gold or slaves and, you know, bring them back to me.

That's crazy, dude.

Dude, so Cortés is like, for sure. He just took 13 ships and was like, fuck that guy, I'm going on an expedition to conquer. So he just— it was like completely illegal, you know, it was all like fucked up, but he just was like, I'm doing my own thing, like a pirate basically. Yeah, it's like when you borrow— like when your dad's like, hey, go fill my car with gas, but you take it to go see your Yeah, dude, for like the ultimate version, it's like if he gave you a fleet of like trucks and you were like, yo, let's go, you know? And it was like he just rolled up there with 300, 400 guys and they just battled and just battled and like made alliance. That was the thing that helped them. They made so many alliances with different people that hated the Aztecs. And it was like, you know, everyone's like the Spaniards, you know, they did some stuff that was obviously horrible. But the problem was in like the Aztec times, it was all kind of like Yucatan Peninsula, southern Mexico, up into like central And, uh, so you would just be in a village and the Aztec chiefs would be like, yo, it's time for taxes.

But their taxes were sacrifice victims. So they would come down and be like, give us like 30 people. So you'd be living together and they'd be like, yeah, we're gonna fucking chop you up, chop you up, let's go. And like, they would just snag most of your babes and you'd be like, fuck. So then Cortés comes and they're like, yeah, I'll help you fuck those guys up. So they all were like kind of against each other. And then like The thing that really kind of like— it's fucked up, but it makes me laugh— they would befriend the natives there, and the natives would be like, oh, you guys seem cool, want to see something cool that we like? And they would take them to one of these like religious temples, and it would just be like a dog with its head bashed in, like little kids' bones. They're like, yeah, we fucking chopped that dog's head off. And they'd be like, what the fuck? What are you guys doing? What's wrong with you guys? So there was like, you know, and they say the Spaniards, uh, exaggerated a lot of the sacrifice, and— but it was like, it was definitely on the books.

Books. And like, so they got there and they were like greedily looking for gold, but then they'd be like, these guys are chopping off kids' heads and kicking them down the steps. They're like, fuck these guys. That's kind of how they were thinking. That's what you're saying. These guys need Jesus. We're gonna kill them and turn them into slaves and give them Jesus and take their gold, and we're doing a good thing. So it was like, it was kind of fucked up all around, honest, in my opinion. But like, nobody knew, you know what I mean? Like, they didn't think it was bad.

So do you think like, it kind of like, yeah, do you think that like human existence is like a trial to see of like good versus evil? Or like, like, I wonder what it is, you know? And, and then, you know, as things start to get weirder and stuff, then you start realizing, well, most countries always live under like some severe oppression. Yeah. With no hope of like a lot of freedoms. Yeah. With not even the ability to express themselves in some ways. Oh dude, yeah, for sure. Like Yeah, you start to realize that, like, I don't know, it's just, I don't know, I just, yeah, you wonder, like, and then you start to think, well, how does this end? Like, does this end well? But then if that, if, if you had groups at that time, if you had Cortés traveling around and realizing, okay, we believe these are bad people, we need to bring them into some sort of enlightenment of understanding, um, is that the right way? You know, it's just, I don't know.

No, dude, it's really tricky. And so they were legally also, they were legally bound. So you'd roll into a village and like you'd hope they're peaceful, otherwise you're just doing battle.

I think that first 10 minutes has got to be a tough— very tough.

But luckily for them, they'd roll up, dude, they'd roll up in like on a horse, which first of all, the Aztecs, they would see a per— any— there's the Mayans were there as well, but they would like, they would see a dude in metal on a horse and think this was like some new type of beast they never saw. Yeah, they never saw someone riding a horse, so they thought the man and the horse became like one weird creature. And they were like, what the fuck? And they would just come at you 30 miles an hour with a steel sword. And it's like, it was terrifying. And then like cannon fire, that like helped them out a lot. But yeah, they just thought they were like aliens. They didn't know what the fuck they were. They were like, and then, you know, they like killed a couple of the Spaniards and they're like, oh, we can kill these guys. And they would, you know, munch them. So wow, let's munch them a little bit. But yeah, it was, dude, history has been brutal and it is getting, things do seem to be getting better overall.

Like that dude, that's like rolling into a village, you're like, I'm hungry, I want some gold. Fucking, you know, Cortés wouldn't— he would be like nice enough, but then as soon as people started fucking with him, he would like fucking burn villages down, burn people alive. It's like brutal stuff.

That's a— dude, that's a crazy mix. So I'm hungry, I want some gold.

Yeah, well, they would be starving. They would be walking, walking, walking like, fuck, we don't have enough food. And they— that you just see a village, you're like, we gotta go munch these guys' shit, dude.

And bro, you think there was hot babes back then at that time?

For sure. Oh yeah, 100%.

I mean, they're probably healthier babes. Healthy.

I mean, yeah, true. I mean, but here's the thing though, it's like, it's all relative because like, you know, you're, uh, these guys are all, by the way, like 21, 22. So you're a 22-year-old Spanish guy in 1600s or, you know, late 1500s. There's guys probably, they're on like legendary NoFaps, all of them. They probably weren't like beating off every day to Pornhub. That's a great— these guys are the chambers Fully fucking cocked. Yeah. So yeah, they were probably like any— they probably— and you know, there was obviously a lot of brutal rape and stuff going on, but like— but yeah, Cortés famously, uh, in one of the battles, they like— the general handed him like, here's a bunch of women, like blah blah blah. And one of them happened to be a former princess from like one of the chieftains or chiefdoms who then got sold into sex slavery by like, you know, a warring tribe who then got given to Cortés as like, you know, a sex slave. But she happened to be a princess Malinche, who like was like honestly one of the key figures who helped him translate all the languages so that he could move about.

Like, I don't know if he could have done it without her. It's pretty crazy. Wow. They became, they became, uh, lovers, man. They were like, they were thick as thieves. And Cortés had a wife the whole time living in Cuba. So when his wife— after he finally won, he finally wins over, defeats the Aztec Empire, takes it over himself. That's his— his wife comes over to visit him him because she's like, all right, this fucking guy's been gone. I don't know where the hell he is. He's been gone for 2 years. Cortez has a child with his new babe who like been through it all with him. Yeah. And his wife shows up, kind of gives him an earful. Dude, he choked her to death. And he's just— that was just his baby. It was pretty fucking brutal. Damn, that's pretty brutal shit, man.

That's a crazy love story.

It's, it's, it's the bizarrest love triangle.

But dude, if your guy conquers a bunch of shit like that Hey, you got to chill the first week or something, dude.

You can't just be coming up.

Yeah, you can't get out the car mouthing off.

He literally— it was like a savage conquest. And it was like, you know, he's there with all of his bros. And like, he was also— he had made these alliances with these other, uh, like, you know, indigenous factions who, like, when they beat the Aztecs finally, they all had a party the night of. And they're the, you know, the Spaniards is like drinking, fucking around. Dude, these like Aztec dudes were like cutting off their enemy's skin and like walking around in it. And like, you're just all partying. They had like a brutal fucked up like 2-day party that they all woke up from and were like, let's say mass right now. That was kind of wild. And then his wife came to visit, mouthed off, and he just killed her. Damn. Yeah, it's fucked. That's a fucked up story.

It is. Sorry, but it's kind of— it's the story that we keep living. It's just crazy like that, you know. You don't know who's supposed to be like the righteous ones, who's supposed to win, what the whole thing is, who's doing things in the name of the right purpose. You know, you're trying to go off of some moral calculations that you feel like you have, but then we're all like immoral, we're all like broken people. So it's like, I don't know, man.

No, well, that's, that's the thing too. Like I said, I, I try to like, you know, keep like at least an open mind to like, all right, well with— even with Iran, it's like, say they do make a nuclear weapon and then they drop it on whoever, it's like, yeah, maybe they have to stop. I don't know. But it's like, but they're dropping it.

They're not—

they're not dropping them, or they're just going to use it to get like a seat at the table. I think that's what people do with nukes. You make them and you're like, all right, can we fucking— we get at the big boy table now? Yeah, I fucking get in here. So yeah, I don't know, you know what I mean? I have no idea.

That's got to be crazy. Now, do you also think—

sweet feeling.

Do you also think though you can I want to see how like these fucking mega lords and tech lords and shit, like, um, like they start to just sit around and like they all got in a room like, dude, we're the fucking—

we own the world, right? They have. There's no way they don't, dude, right? You're 100% right.

And they'd be like, well, we should obviously make sure the world stays like this, that we own it. Let's keep everybody fucking dumb. Let's keep doing this shit and let's keep bossing out. And drinking kid dick or whatever until we live forever. You know, like, I just feel like there's gotta be— that has to be like— and then you— because you start to wonder, how could people at a certain level get to that? But they must think, well, if I'm this fortunate, this must— God must want me to— you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, because if you have been so fortunate and you do have religious beliefs and your ego gets involved, I could see how you could end up on that road for sure. God wants me to do things this way, and then you start justifying whatever you do.

Or it's the opposite, and you have no religious convictions at all, and you go like, this is— it's just, you know, it's like the— those people who look at the world where it's like, yeah, strongest person wins. The whole point of life is to be comfortable and like in a dominant position. And then like, there's people who have that— that's like genuinely their philosophy. So like, yeah, I'll just leverage, uh, technology to gain more and more power to my advantage. And it's like, that shit's scary, especially when they get into like the realistic possibility of becoming biologically immortal. And you're like, fuck, dude, like, I just want to grow my radishes, man. Just let me grow my radishes.

Yeah, it's—

it is— it's freaked out, man. It is really freaked out. But it's also like, I don't think there's a lot of peace though. If you're like running some cybertronic fucking war surveillance apparatus, I don't think those guys are chilling. I don't I don't think they feel good.

I think some of them don't feel. Yeah, that's fucking— that's so— that's the scary part is they don't have the thing. Yeah, I think you're actually right about that. Like, to them it's all a fucking game. When they die, they just short-circuit, or, you know what I'm saying? They don't have— like, a lot of these people, it feels like, don't have something.

Um, no. Yeah, you could be right about that.

But yeah, man, I agree. It's like, get back to what can you control, right? So you make a garden, you go on a nice walk, You spend some time with your neighbors. You do things that feel good while you're alive. You know, we didn't create the world. We're just here in it. And, uh, yeah, I don't know.

It's, it's all cyclical too, man. It's like it'll— it's gonna rise and fall. And, you know, it's— again, it's the problem is like, yeah, hopefully this time this isn't the time where like everything pops off and we all just get wiped out in a hot flash. It's like, that is— that's scary. But like Like, what are you— like, what, you're gonna like run into the White House and just get like shot in the face by secret security? It's just like, you have to just chill. It's like nothing you can really do. Let me see this.

Steven Pinker argues that by most measurable indicators— violence, health, wealth, rights, and knowledge— humans are doing better now than at any previous time, even though it feels like things are getting worse. I don't fucking believe that guy.

Well, I mean, it's, it's like, yeah, there's probably less kind of crime and like large-scale violence. It's just, you just— it's— problem is it's just the information. You get bombarded with just like like all this horrible shit, right?

And I think there's still like, you know, news outlets are— it's all— everything is— I believe that this is— it depends on what you mean. If you don't care about existing and like feeling like, uh, you can grow as a human, then maybe so. I thought we were past some of this like old school colonial shit. We're just gonna— you know, you'd think we would get past that. Yeah.

But, um, no, it's the same thing. They're gonna— they did it with Iraq. They're gonna go, oh, there's like an existential threat. Like, try to think back on since—

but America knows it's not true now. We know it's not true. It's the problem. And it's not our pe— nobody's upset at our soldiers or anything like that. It's just the people putting them out there in harm's way.

And to think about that shit, well, it's like, dude, think about a time there hasn't been a giant looming existential threat overhead. I know, since like literally the atom bomb. It was like terrorism was the big one, and that was like the Iraq War you know, back in like when I— before that it was just like Fox News. My parents would watch it, it would just be like crime in the city. It'd be like, the inner cities are out of control, they're going to come kill you. Always. And then it was just like, terrorists are going to come fucking kill you.

And then it was Unsolved Mysteries. Yeah, remember they threw that there in the middle?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then there was Unsolved Mysteries. Unsolved Mysteries was fucking good though.

I like— fuck, it was banging. Maybe you could help solve a mystery. And do we go outside and fucking looking for missing people in our area? We're like, are you Rebecca Owens?

Sadly, I never stepped up to the plate. I was a passive of Unsolved Mysteries. I never even tried. I, I kind of— I feel bad about that.

I used to collect all those 1-800-MISSING cards, the ones that came in the mail. Yeah. And I'd fucking look at those bitches. That's good. I was all— felt like I was like— because I always wanted to find somebody that was missing, or always wanted to find like a dead body or something. Yeah.

Yeah, I was just talking to a guy today. He does, uh, for a living— I had him on my show— for a living he goes into bank-owned foreclosures, and his job is to like assess what bad— how bad of a condition it's in. And he's been multiple times come in, just a dead body. Wow. And he said you just gotta like kind of, you know, you gotta like give it a, you know, respectful nudge, and then you call— if they call the cops or whatever, come get it.

You think the first time you nudge, you nudge light, and then after a while you fucking get a little tough? Like Fourth and fifth time, you fucking just give it a—

I think you give it two solid, just like a hard knock. Just two. You got to make sure. Just give it one, and then just like, in case it's waking up, then no response. Like, yeah, it's a dead person. I'm in the house with the dead person by myself, and I got to call the cops.

Yeah, they must have had a good exterminator around here. That's crazy, dude. Um, there you go right there, dude. Is that J-Rod the electrician? Shout out J-Rod the electrician, dude. If you haven't followed that guy's journey, it's the best. Um, but yeah, having a garden, doing things that build your own life up, they give you purpose, right? That's the thing. Let me do something with my kids. Let me fucking, uh, look at this dead rat, or you know what I'm saying?

But let me check out this dead rat's face.

Let me start a history podcast. Let me learn about journeys that were before me. You know, just— I think we have to start to create our own senses of purpose. We have to find new ones in our lives.

Yeah, man, I think I totally agree. And it's like, you know, I just— for me, it's just like I'm weary of the news apparatus information. Whenever I find myself getting angry, you know, it's again, it's just like I have to ask myself, like, am I getting pulled into some weird thing? And I try to just like, you know, I guess it sounds like a cop-out, but like stay out of that as much as possible. Like, what can I do? It's like I'll try to make people laugh if I can and just make like, you know, some vaguely entertaining in some fashion. Brush and stuff. And then, yeah, just try to conduct myself and like tend to the stuff around me because it's like, I don't fucking know what the hell's going on. It's like, I don't, you know, I have no idea. I can, I can surmise and guess, and I think I have, you know, idea, but it's like, I don't know. So yeah, I'd just be like, look, man, that's— if someone calls me to ask me to help with the situation, I'll try to do what I can. But it's like, it's just, you know, you're almost like— sometimes I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels, or just like I'm getting like kind of worked over a little bit to where it's like, man, these guys, they're in my head right now.

And I'm, you know, that's, that's like dangerous, man, especially when like collective anger, you're just fucking— you can move that stuff around and like people, you can do stuff with it. It's like I'm always kind of weary where I'm like, I don't know, man.

Yeah, that's part of the trap too. You start to realize, well, this is part of the trap. They want us to be upset. Yeah, there's a reason why they have all this information that's out there. So much of it is still under control that there's a reason why this little bit and this got leaked. And it's like, yeah, I don't know, being alive is interesting, man. I will say it gets more and more interesting.

It does. I agree. The older you get, I think it does get more and more interesting for sure. I like, I like getting older. A lot of people are always like, oh man, this sucks. I'm like, bro, I like, I'm excited to be 50, dude. Like, this is going to be awesome.

You just got 40, man.

I know I'm going to be 40. I'm going to chill and be 40. But it's like, I don't have the, I think it's cool. I don't know. Something about getting older is like everyone, I guess when you start hurting all over, that probably sucks. But I kind of, I dig it. I like getting older, getting gray. I want to get, I want to look like old as fuck as fast as possible. It's my goal right now. Really? I'm trying to age Max. Yeah.

Oh yeah, that's fucking dope, bro.

This is a dye job, by the way. I'm like jet black normally. Is it really? No, no, no, I'm really stressed out.

Well, dude, thanks for coming in, uh, and chatting with us, bro. Dude, for sure. Thanks, man. Um, upcoming dates, uh, the Fitzgerald Theater, um, for, uh, Matt McCusker, uh, Hoyt Sherman Place? Des Moines, St. Paul, Phoenix, Tucson. Phoenix and Tucson, man, uh, you guys got to show up. Toronto. Oh, the Elgin's a cool spot, dude.

Toronto's been good. I'm happy with Toronto.

And Chicago. Let's go.

That's my— I'm stoked on that. Um, dude, thank you for that.

Yeah, dude, thanks for— and I got to come and do you guys' show again when I'm back in town.

Please, please do. That'd be awesome.

Next time it's, uh, we got to come and do— we did that one last time with Lemaire.

It was awesome, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blonkies or whatever. Blonkies was great. That was— I think that might have been an all-time episode, for real.

That was awesome. Yeah, dude, it's fun when you sit down. So thank you, bro. I appreciate it. Um, yep, tell Brittany thanks for inviting me to the party. For sure, it was a good time.

Thanks for coming, dude. It was great.

I'm glad I got to see you and just be there for you. So many people love you. It's so many— it's so funny, you're like the one guy when you say something like, oh man, because people are like, God, he's a great guy. It's almost like you're dead. Dead. But they say that shit about you while you were alive. It is kind of fucked up. Like, God, if he were here right now, we would fucking— I dug him.

Yeah, he was a great guy. It's nice to be getting eulogized just like, yeah, he was a great guy.

When you get living eulogies, dude, I think you're doing a good job, man. Thanks for all your service to humanity, dude. And, uh, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast. And what's the new history podcast called?

It's just on our Patreon. Yeah, we just— that's just a thing I do on our Patreon. Shane was gone for filming, so I had to like, I had to just read books. I had to rely on like cool books, you know. That was, that was kind of a mood, but it was, it was like I can't just make up stuff to talk about. Yeah. So yeah, I just had the books. Yeah, man. Thanks, bro.

Thank you for everything, dude. Good to see you, dude. Appreciate it. Yeah, man. Thank you.

Now I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone. Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found. I can feel it in my bones, but it's gonna take a little