Transcript of Monica Lewinsky Pt 3: How to Take Your Story, Your Power & Your Life Back Today, It’s Not Too Late!

Coming up in this incredible part 3 conversation with Monica Lewinsky.

Self-forgiveness and self-acceptance are the two greatest gifts you can give yourself.

She said, I'm just not giving up. The woman I'll be a few years from now is counting on me. And the world shifted.

I'm a woman stepping into my own, finally being able to contribute meaningfully to the world and be expressive creatively in different ways and really using more of my voice.

The things we've taken on our own shame for, most of us privately, you've lived out publicly. Do you believe every person listening right now, they have the ability to reclaim their own narrative? What does dating look like now in your life? Would you ever run for office?

Monica Lewinsky is the host of the wildly successful podcast called Reclaiming.

So make sure you check that out right away. It's so good. She's also a producer, social and anti-bullying activist, global public speaker, and a contributing editor to Vanity Fair.

Her focus is on storytelling that moves the conversation forward around shame, reclaiming identities, and justice for women. She's also the executive producer of The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox, out now on Hulu.

Monica's TED Talk on the price of shame has been viewed by over 22 million people. Monica holds a master's degree from the London School of Economics. She's also smart, incredibly witty, maybe the best curator of Instagram content that will make you literally laugh out loud daily.

And whether today you're listening for yourself or because someone that you love I want to welcome you to the Jamie Kern Lima Show podcast family. And if you're here right now, can you do me a favor?

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When I opened my book, "Worthy," I opened it with this quote that I wanna read to you, 'cause it reminds me of you. It's by Nikia Homer, and it says this. This is the quote. She said, "I'm just not giving up. The woman I'll be a few years from now is counting on me, and the world shifted." Who's the woman you are now, and also, who are you becoming?

Oh my gosh. I think I'm— I feel like I'm a woman stepping into my own, finally, in a way of being able to contribute meaningfully to the world and be expressive creatively in different ways. Really using more of my voice. I mean, that's so much of having a podcast is literally having my voice. I mean, we joke on the team where it's like, okay, well, if it's not the clearest of reclaiming stories to an audience, I'm like, well, we can always fall back on I'm reclaiming. So the whole show is me reclaiming. And who I'm becoming, I hope, turning 50, going from 49 to 50, I was so worried going into that year because of 39 going into 40. I was like, oh, Oh, it's gonna be awful. What haven't I done yet again? You know? And instead it was this amazing year of acceptance. And so I just feel acceptance and self-forgiveness and self-acceptance are the two greatest gifts you can give yourself. They are the most valuable resources that we have. And I just, you know, I hope I just continue to move into ways that I am useful to the world and that I get to just enjoy more and more.

You mentioned Amy Griffin, and I think of Amy, I think of Victoria Jackson.

Oh, Victoria. I mean, Victoria.

I think of Gloria I think of so many incredible iconic women who all love you dearly. And I think about, as another woman watching you launch your show, watching, reading your essays, reading things you're putting out in the world, watching you share your story, I feel in so many ways excited for the collective consciousness to shift with what's happening, to catch up. And also just the power that's in you from all of the resilience built and all of the things that you've gone through have, you know, made it through. And that belief you're gonna instill and do already into other people what's possible for them, even if they've gone through something hard or, you know, or have dealt with shame or have dealt with, all the different things. And so I feel very much, even though this has been a multi-decade journey for you already, I feel it's like still in this weird way in its infancy where the seeds are all there and they're sprouting now. And like, I see the forest coming. You know what I'm saying? And that's what I get so—

I hope you're right.

Oh, I'm right. I'm right. That's because I know that I am. And I'm like, that's what I get so excited about because all of that that's to come. And so when you think about the future, I've got to ask this.

Okay.

Would you ever run for office?

No.

Never?

No.

Why?

I just— I think I can be more effective—

You probably know too much about politics to be like, "Oh, I can be more effective outside of it." Right.

I mean, it's not a playground. I am interested playing in.

Yeah. What does dating look like now in your life?

Um, I, you know, it's— I'm not on the apps, so I, I haven't been brave enough to do that.

Yeah.

Um, but I, like, I date, I go on dates.

I'm—

I dated some incredible men. I've, um, you know, it's— I'm very open to You know, to what the universe has in store. I don't know. And we'll see what happens.

Yeah. And that's kind of— Do you want— you mentioned some of the things that you wanted in that year that was so difficult, right? I guess it was a decade. But at 39, right now, at 51 years young, 51, you know, it's wild. I was reading there's so many medical advancements. And they're saying if we right now, if we live another 10 years, that we'll live well past 100, right?

Oh my gosh, I don't want to be here past 100. I'm not interested in that. I mean, I just, I think I'm very afraid of the vulnerability of old age. I'm very, very afraid of it. I get anxious when I see, you know, little old people with their grocery bags and their— I get so anxious because I'm like, you're so vulnerable. You know, what do you do when you have to have a stranger come in the house and the electrician or the plumber? You're so vulnerable. Vulnerable. You know, maybe because I don't have kids.

You know, I'm a very involved auntie, but I just, I'm like, "I don't wanna be around for that." If you're vulnerable, like at a certain age, then maybe you won't be alone at that age in terms of in your house.

You know, but it just, yeah, so I—

'Cause 51 is a baby in so many ways.

You know, look, there are another, you know, as we're saying about stories, which is so great about people sharing their stories is you do, you get to see the possibility that you didn't think was there. And so I see a lot of stories of women for whom, you know, their perfect partner for them in that timeframe didn't show up until later. So like, if that happens, it happens. If it doesn't, I'm still gonna be okay.

You know, I just had such a great conversation where Hoda came— Hoda Kotb came on my show, and we were talking about her having her two girls in her 50s, how she's 60 now, how she is more fired up about love than ever and wants more kids, all of that. And so, when I think about some of the things that you mentioned at 39 wanting, so, at 51 right now, do you want a serious relationship?

I'm not sure. I'm really open to— I just, I think there are a lot of personal things that I have worked on for a long time and the shifts there feel like millimeters at a time. And I just, I don't know. And I feel really grateful that I'm okay with that. Sometimes I feel, I want that more than others, other times, you know? But I've just sort of, I think moving past having kids, the idea of having kids, at least naturally, that really changed what I was looking for. You know, it changed what I felt was, I really needed in my life. And so, yeah.

You mentioned that you froze your eggs and you have embryos. And that opens up everything for you. Our ovaries age, but our uterus doesn't the same way. Do you think you will have kids?

Probably not. Probably not.

Do you want them?

I don't, some days. Some days I do and some days I don't. I don't know, I have no idea how women like you and some of our other friends, Victoria and Amy, I don't know how you all do what you do, everything you do. And you're also mothers and you're spouses. I have no clue. It takes all of my energy to just show up and be me, just me looking after myself. I don't know how you all do it. And I just, you know, I have had some extraordinary, unbelievable miracles in my life, and I am very grateful for them. And if I don't get any more, I'm good. If I get more, amazing. And that's really sort of where I feel, where I'm at.

Here's what did it for me, Monica. I remember when I was like, oh, I'm so focused on my career, all the things. And in my journey, we'd had Paula And I had had so many miscarriages and I always felt like—

Oh, I didn't know that.

Yeah, and I always kind of, you know, and I was still working a million hours a week at IT and kind of going on this journey. And I'll never forget this moment. I had lunch with a friend who I didn't know that well in New York City. She was an editor for a magazine. And we were meeting, I thought we were there to talk about IT Cosmetics and somehow it was like on this other tangent. And she's like, you do know when you have a child, "Your kid, you're gonna have—" And I think I just had another miscarriage. And she said, "You'll meet your favorite person in the entire world." She's like, "That's your favorite person." She goes, "You understand, the longer you wait, you're just waiting to meet your favorite person you'll ever meet in your entire life." And I remember the way she said it. I was like, "Huh?" And she goes, "You think you love your partner? That's nothing. You think you love your dog? That's nothing." Like, you think, you know, she's like, even said, "You think you might love your mom?" She's like, "It's not." favorite person. And I remember that was kind of this moment that stuck with me.

And it's really wild, but, you know, 'cause, you know, I'm 47 right now, and I want more. I want more. When you shared, at 39, that you just wanted that so badly. And now, I think about, how much you've shared about the work and the healing and all the stuff and the reclaiming of everything of you in the world, has that want lessened? Or what would be the reason now where you wouldn't want that as badly?

I think because, you know, I think I'm more tired. Are you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think there's— it has been— I've worked hard, not that other people haven't. I've worked really hard this last decade and it's been— I mean, I've worked hard this lifetime, but I've worked hard and I continue to work hard and still, I'm still trying to find my place. You know, even with the podcast, it's sort of like, "Okay, is this gonna work?" You know? And so there's, I think, in that way of— I have not had a normal life. And so it's— there are days that I still want it and days where I just think I could not— like, I can't even talk to anybody else. Let alone be giving to someone else. So I just like, I'm too— and maybe some of, maybe I don't, maybe I need to do more work on boundaries. Maybe it's around figuring out where you're making sure you're not giving too much to other things and other people and that there's a balance there so that you don't end up at the end of the day feeling like I don't want to talk to a soul.

Yeah. So if you feel that way, it's like, that's okay too, you know? Yeah. And that's so— even feeling that energy and being like, oh, that's how I feel. There's so many people that aren't even there yet to be able to acknowledge, even feel how they, how they feel and then respect it, you know? With everything you're doing now with your show, um, again, everyone needs— we're gonna link Reclaiming. We're linking Reclaiming in the show notes. Everyone needs to go, uh, follow, subscribe, listen. It's so good. It's so good, which I knew. I knew it would be before it came out, and it's so good. While it's exploded, and I know I was telling Monica, I don't think I've ever seen a show launch and have so many reviews so fast. And that's always an indicator of how many people are listening. And so, just congratulations on that. And clearly, people love you. And also, I feel like we're all on this journey of reclaiming. I hope— selfishly as your friend that you also write a book called Reclaiming? I hope all the things.

Well, that's how the idea started. Really? Yeah. I had thought of— I mean, it was inspired when Michelle Obama, you know, with her Becoming book. And then it was like everybody, right? It was sort of a one-word title with the -ing. And so I kind of thought about reclaiming, and I have a note in my phone my notes app on my phone. Yeah, that it was around that of, okay, well, I could have a chapter on this, and then something would come to me of a chapter on that. And, um, but it actually felt, when it came time to kind of look at some other things, uh, it felt more exciting to do something that was looking at more stories than just myself. And so, um, you know, who, who knows? Who knows? There's a lot of— I've had a lot of lot of experience, gained a lot of wisdom from that experience, and I hope to share it in many different ways.

I'm seeing a Reclaiming tour. No, seriously, Reclaiming weekends. You know how many women, I mean men too, but like how many people would show up to a Reclaiming weekend and just like— You never know.

You never know.

When you do write your next book, there's so much on you as the author. I know.

I— here's, here's my, my dream way of doing it would be writing something, self-publishing, yes, being able to afford whatever advertising and marketing I want, and I do no interviews. Right, right. Because that's, because that's the part, that's the part that is, um, you know, you want to sort of put it all on the page. You wanna give it all to this thing of like, I'm birthing this thing. And then you have to go and give more and more and more and more and more. And it can, that's the part that doesn't appeal to me.

It's funny you say that. So my husband, Paulo, right? Our story, you know, he started at cosmetics with me. Like we both were in our living room, so poor for so many years, like teetering on bankruptcy. Everyone telling us no. His journey, He would write the most incredible book, but he, exactly what you just said, he's like, "I don't wanna do a single press interview. I don't wanna do any." And a lot of people don't know that is like, okay, it's one thing to have a really great book, but then also, it's kind of all on the author to go out, do all the interviews, promote it, do all the things. All of a sudden, there's so many just brilliant stories in books that no one's ever heard of, because the author's like, "No, no, I'm not a marketer. I'm not a salesperson." person, and there's so much pressure on that. There are, what, over 5 million podcasts out there. For your show to come out of the gate and do what it's doing, holy moly, that is proof to me you don't need to go out there and do a bunch of interviews. You don't need to go, you know, for your book.

Is it— you really have had this, and I can't begin to understand or imagine. I can only, in my small way, in my small experiences, connect, but I can't begin to imagine the enormity of everything that you've shouldered. But what I'm so grateful for about your essay in Vanity Fair, the contributions you make there, about your TED Talk, about your Forbes 30 Under 30, about everything with Reclaiming, about the very few interviews that you've chosen to do, which I'm so I'm blessed and grateful for that. And I think people are just connecting with you on such a profound level because—

We need to pause for a super brief break. And while we do, take a moment to share this episode with every single person that you know who this could inspire, because this conversation can truly be the words and inspiration they need to hear today to keep going, to remember that they matter, and to feel less alone and more enough, more connected, and more worthy. In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, "Worthy: How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life for You." If you have some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, "Worthy" is for you. In Worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life-changing results, like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self-love, unlearn the lies that lead to self-doubt and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness, overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome, achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them, and so much more.

Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self-doubt and unshakable self-worth. Get your copy of Worthy, plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you?

It's time to find out with Worthy.

Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self-belief. And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration, which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox each and every Tuesday morning from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamiekernlima.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your One-on-One with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, Some tips, tools, joy, and love hitting your inbox, I'm your girl. Subscribe at jamiekernlima.com or in the link in the show notes. Do you struggle with negative self-talk? Living with a constant mental narrative that you're not good enough is exhausting. I know because I spent most of my life in that habit. The words you say to yourself about yourself are so powerful. And when you learn to take control over your self-talk, it's life-changing. And I wanted to give you a free resource that I created for you if this is something that could benefit your life.

It's called 5 Ways to Overcome Negative Self-Talk and Build Self-Love. And it's a free how-to guide to overcome that negative self-talk to build confidence and develop unshakable self-love so that you can dream big and keep going in the pursuit of your goals. Don't let self-sabotaging thoughts hinder your progress any longer. It's time to rewrite the script of your life, one filled with self-love, resilience, and unwavering belief. If you're ready to take charge of your narrative, build unwavering confidence, and empower yourself to persevere on the path to your dreams, you can grab your free guide to stop overthinking and learn to trust yourself. At jamiekernlima.com/resources or click the link in the show notes below. And now, more of this incredible conversation together.

I think people are just connecting with you on such a profound level because every one of us, every person listening right now, and I love how you opened your TED Talk asking the audience, you said, I said, "Raise your hand if there is, you know, nothing that you've done at 22 that you're embarrassed about or ashamed of." And literally nobody raised their hand. Nobody raised their hand. And the experiences we've all had in different ways, the decisions we've all made for better or worse, the things we've taken on our own shame for, most of us privately. You've lived out publicly. In your journey to reclaiming your own narrative, and your journey and all the shifts in your belief about your own identity, and how that impacts everyone else, but also, by you sharing all this, I think, even in conversations like this, and all the conversations on your show, I think it's giving people, the courage to also consider their own shifts about their own identity and about reclaiming their own story, because you can. I mean, do you believe every person listening right now can, whether it's through a healing journey, whether it's through listening to your show, listening to conversations like this, they can start to make shifts shifts and that they have the ability to reclaim their own narrative?

I believe everybody already is. I think we are already all in the process at all times of myriad reclaimings. And so, that's part of why I want the definition for the show to be so elastic of reclaiming, because the more we recognize how we've done it, the easier it is to continue to do it. And the easier it is to kind of climb the hill of the really big R reclaimings. Yeah. You know, so it's—

Do you feel like forgiveness is important in the reclaiming journey?

Part of what really interested me and excited me about the concept was that it encompasses all of these other things that we focus on of value and loss and grief and healing and forgiveness and resilience and creativity. I often talk about Taylor Swift being like someone— I mean, who doesn't want Taylor Swift on their podcast? But I mean, it's her Taylor's Versions is a reclaiming. Yes. You know, and so, and there's— and so, I think that when we recognize all the pieces that go into it, and we see that we have all those abilities, you know, it just is— it's empowering.

And we can— I love that you've been using so many different examples of reclaiming. Like, we can reclaim how we show up for other women. We can reclaim how— we champion other women. Which women inspire you most in your life?

I get inspiration from people and women in so many different ways, like public people or people who I'll just meet someone and hear a little story and I think, "God, that's inspiring." Yeah. You know, and I take all those things with me in different ways. And so, I don't, you know, it's like I find something inspiring in probably everybody who's in my world. You know, you're inspiring to me. Victoria Jackson, unbelievably inspiring. Amy Griffin, you know, I mean, there's so many women, Maria Shriver, that, you know, sort of, I think it's, I try to see it everywhere. Yeah, yeah. So it's— I try to see aspects of people that I think, okay, that's different than I do something. I can learn from that. And that is meaningful to me.

What inspires you most right now in terms of your hopes for the future?

The answer that comes up is laughter. Yeah? I have no idea why, but I'm just gonna just go with it. Yeah. You know? I think that there is a power in laughter that it's connecting, it's a high vibration. Yes. Maybe not as high as gratitude, but it shifts your— I've had my same friend who said that thing, meditating on the pyramid, she, in my dark decade, she would often send me these blooper videos And, you know, and I would get so annoyed, 'cause I was just in this heavy, dark place of like, "I don't fucking wanna laugh." You know, "I'm not in the mood to laugh." I don't, you know, like, "Oh, this is annoying." And she'd push me and push me. And then I, you know, I would watch just to, you know, get her to stop asking me if I watched it. And I would laugh and it would change the moment, you know? And so that's where, Yeah, that's kind of—

I feel like as adults, like, so many of us have forgotten to have fun. Yeah. And I feel like that's so funny that you say that because it's literally one of my prayers and one of my goals is to have more fun and to laugh more.

Yeah, me too. You too?

More joy. More joy. Yeah. And more laughter.

Yeah, so we'll do it together.

Yeah, well, I'm telling you right now, I know I keep saying this over and over, if you need to laugh more, you need to be on Monica's Instagram. And it is so funny. It is so good. But I love that you said that. That's one of my goals. It's why I've been saying no to almost everything. Like I've said no to almost every single podcast interview, not 'cause I don't wanna do it, but I'm like, I need to just create space in my life for things that I don't have right now, which is like really just time with friends, like laughter, like connection. I feel like I don't have enough fun. And you know, I feel like for a decade all I did was work, maybe longer. Was so focused, and so stressed out, and so, like, unsure of, "Are we gonna make it?" And then, when we got bigger and bigger, I was like, "Oh, I gotta strike while the iron's hot." And all I did was just work. And I remember coming out of it being like, "I don't even know how to have fun. I don't know how to have fun." And so, that— so, you saying that that is one of the things that inspires you about the future, that you're most looking forward to.

Is so powerful. So I'm honored that you're here. I'm honored that you're sharing parts of your story, your new show, everything about your new show, about the things that you're— yeah, I'm honored that you're my friend, and I'm grateful. Great chat. Thank you for being here. Thank you.

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You, right now, exactly as you are, are enough and fully worthy. You're worthy of your greatest hopes, your wildest dreams, and all the unconditional love in the world. And it's an honor to welcome you to each and every episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show.

Here, I hope you'll come as you are, heal where you need, blossom what you choose, journey toward your calling, and stay as long as you'd like because you belong here. You are worthy. You are loved.

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And I cannot wait to join you on the next episode of The Jamie Kern Lima Show.

In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams, you stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, "Worthy: How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life for You." If you have some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, "Worthy" is for you. In Worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life-changing results, like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self-love, unlearn the lies that lead to self-doubt and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness, overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome, achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them, and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self-doubt and unshakable self-worth. Get your copy of Worthy, plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with Worthy.

Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self-belief. And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration, which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamiekernlima.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your One-on-One with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy, and love hitting your inbox, I'm your girl. Subscribe at jamiekernlima.com or in the link in the show notes. And please note, I'm not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.