Transcript of Greg Cote Leads The League in Gums | Hour 3

Howdy folks, it's Mike Ryan. You know, The Labattard Show and Miller Lite go way back. Pretty much, I want to say like 95% of our existence we've been partnered with Miller Lite. And we believe in Miller Lite, they believe in us. It's great to have a partner with a product you truly love. That's me with Miller Lite. I love Miller Lite, always have. In fact, I consider myself a bit of a Miller Time MVP. The friend who says they've got it. I'll pick the spot. I'll throw the cooler in the trunk. Bring some Miller Lite. And suddenly what was supposed to be a couple of hours turns into a whole afternoon. That's me, the Miller Time MVP. And it's great for summer hangs. Cools the body down, that beautiful white can. Not much better than an ice cold Miller Lite because it's brewed for taste with simple ingredients. Clean, refreshing, and easy to drink in the Miami heat. An all-American summer starts with an all-American beer. Miller Lite. Go to MillerLite.com/Dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly.

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Jessica is going to be in here with us in a second. Uh, I'm curious, any more details on the Kyle Shanahan thing? What is going to happen with this? It's fairly rare for a coach to be involved in a cover-up mystery sort of scenario where people don't quite believe what's happening, and there was an erroneous police report, and now he's volunteering, "The accident was my fault," and he says he was going 20 in a 25, and it's 40 stitches in the face, a concussion that takes him out of work, a broken nose, broken ribs, and a broken hand. Uh, seems like it's more than 20 miles an hour. Is he trying to get in front of this story, or is he behind it?

It seems like when you tell too many details in a lie that it's starting to come around on you, and it's like, "Well, no, I wasn't on my phone, I was searching for my phone, and like, I was only going 20 miles an hour, and that's actually my fault." Now we start getting to the point where I'm like, "Dude, I don't believe anything you say." But it was my fault, but I was doing nothing illegal.

Yeah, okay, just, it's my fault, but I wasn't committing the crime of having a phone that leads to that accident because I was distracted by my phone.

Can I ask what would be wrong if he said he was on his phone and just take the L?

Well, because I'm guessing it's criminal. I'm not going to jail for being on the phone. I'm guessing it's criminally liable if there's a lawsuit of some sort, because not only, not only did you wreck the woman's car with an accident that was your fault, but whatever her last 11 days have been because of whatever it is getting hit by the coach of the 49ers, if the 49ers don't want anyone knowing about what the accident is.

Now, I'm no Anna Jarin Levine, But like, it would seem to me that a rear-end collision, you're automatically at fault. Like, there's nothing— whether you're on your phone or not, too bad. Like, I've been rear-end collided and I bought a house off that, like, that sucker. What? Yeah, man, I was in a rear-end collision at a red light and it's like— and they tried to like settle for $500 and I got a lawyer and I got a lot more than $500.

Cheap house.

That's some kind of revelation.

Good for you.

Thank you.

How was that the second least, uh, second most shocking revelation in the last 5 minutes?

That's something.

What's number 1? Johnny Infantino?

It's Greg Cody's toothbrush situation. Jessica, how do you feel about the idea of using a toothbrush— and hello, nice to see you— uh, for 30, for 35 years?

That's, um, pretty egregious. Yeah, I— are the bristles still there? Have they not been ground down by—

he says they're better than ever.

That's not true.

They're made to last. Bristles.

Tom Brady of bristles.

You know what, they probably do not make toothbrush bristles like they used to, in that they probably used to be made out of wood or something.

Wood?

What material are your toothbrush bristles from?

This is the same material as anybody. What are they? What are toothbrushes made of?

Put it on the poll. Are bristles made to last? 35. If I told you— Jessica, do you believe I bristle at the idea they're not?

Zing.

Charles Zing.

Chuck Zing.

I want government names.

Skipper.

I want government name Charles Zing.

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Jessica, did you say Ziggedy Zedah?

I did.

Ah yeah, that's how to play the game right there. There you go, well done.

You had the lob of Skipper Chuck right there for you, Tony, and you got the name and the joke wrong.

First off, it wasn't Skipper Chuck. The guy's name was Charles Zink.

Chuck.

What's his— what's Chuck derivative?

Skipper Chuck, not Skipper Charles.

But, but Zink is not in the Skipper Chuck part.

You're defending this?

Yeah, absolutely. That's his government name.

The daisy chain, Dan, was me saying Zing, then he said Charles Zing when he should have said Chuck Zing.

Yeah, but I won Chuck Zing.

Zingadin Zidane is excellent there.

Great job by Jessica.

Yeah, that's the way to play it.

That's just good work. But if I told you, Jessica, do you believe before this interaction that there's any human being in your life who has owned a toothbrush for 35 years, do you believe you'd say yes to that?

Well, Greg Cody, I would say him.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'm proud of it.

You're proud that you've owned a toothbrush for 35 years? You're proud of it?

I am a living example of toothbrushes are made to last a lifetime. You can use a toothbrush for decades.

Are toothbrushes made to last a lifetime? Juju, put that on the poll as well at Le Batard Show. Uh, we've got some bad drivers around here. Zazz, you wanted to say something?

Well, I was going to ask Greg, like, what's You're saying, you know, your toothbrush is great. What's the cavity situation for you like?

I, you know, my dentist, uh, the great Charles Mandel, uh, has told me that I will have my natural teeth my entire life.

That's all I asked.

I lead the league in gums. I never have a cavity.

You've never had a cavity?

I'm not saying I, I've never had a cavity.

You did just say that.

I lead the league in gums. I have beautiful teeth.

You said that too.

Okay.

Yes.

You know, I mean, what can I tell you?

You're saying that you're Dentist would come on here. Chris, get his dentist on.

Well, he's, he's long retired, Chuck Mandel. Uh, I don't want to—

so you haven't been to the dentist in 40 years?

No, I have a new dentist.

And if we got him on here, he probably wouldn't stop talking for about an hour.

Well, he was the league in gums.

I switched dentists because of how chatty my dad's dentist.

I got to tell you something, that, that's something that these dentists— I don't understand what these dentists, you know, I'll be in the dental chair and he's getting to work on me, got all kinds of bullshit going on in my mouth, He can't stop asking me questions. How am I going to answer him? I got all this shit in my mouth. Keeps asking me questions.

I agree.

That's a good point.

How the heat going to do this here?

Can I get that sucky thing? I got too much liquid in my mouth.

And Mandel, by the way, was a huge Heat fan, so I could not have an appointment with him without him talking to me while I'm incapacitated about the Heat and handball. Big handball player. Uh, talks about Abe Saperstein. He's an older guy, he was in his mid-80s, probably 90 now because he's retired about 5 years. He used to go back to the, the old early NBA days. Abe Saperstein is a name he always used to mention. It was a great— it was crazy. Jess, have you heard of Abe Saperstein?

I still don't know who Bernie Parmley is, Greg.

Oh, that's true, you're right. Yeah. Mandel had a Hall of Fame.

That was Chris talking privately in your ear. That wasn't on air. He was just giving you a line to use about the dentist, Dr. Mandel.

Yeah, he had a Hall of Fame, a Sports Hall of Fame underneath his dental office, and, and he and I became friends, not just client-doctor. And so that's weird. Once he took me underneath to the, to the Sports Hall of Fame, and what a treasure trove of memorabilia that guy had. It was amazing. I should have written a column about it, now that I think about it.

Put it on the poll at @LebatardShow. Is it weird to be friends with your dentist? Also put it on the poll at @LebatardShow. Is there anything more annoying than a chatty dentist? Yes or no? But we've got some bad drivers around here, Jess, and I just want to get your thoughts on some etiquette around here because Zazz will not say thank you, point, or wave a hand to anyone who lets him in in traffic. How much of a jerk does that make him? He doesn't say thank you.

Supreme, supreme jerk. You gotta do the this. You just do this.

Two fingers up in the air, the little salute.

You just do a little nod, well, two fingers up.

Mm-hmm.

Zazz and Chris Cody are often trying not to fall asleep.

Tony too.

Not to fall asleep.

What are you pointing fingers at me for?

You admitted it.

Okay, not falling asleep on the way home. They're driving their cars and they're—

Jesus Christ.

Afternoon drowsiness.

Yeah, thank you, Jessica. They're routinely coming close to falling asleep.

Daily.

While driving home.

Uh, that's not— that's not good. Don't, don't do that, guys.

Don't do what? Don't fall asleep? We haven't—

grand jury star witness over here, Jonathan Zaslav.

He'll even point it at me.

They have those things on the side of the road that wake you up though, so you're good though.

That's what they're there for, Jess.

No, the rumble strips.

Yeah, that's what they're there for.

We've been trying to figure out that name for 24 hours.

They're there in case you fall asleep. Gotta lay down those rumble strips.

This is gonna be testimony in court case in the next, I don't know, 6 months, I predict.

Zazz is the star witness.

Don't admit this stuff out loud, you guys.

Yeah, it's bad.

And don't do it, but also don't admit it.

Mostly don't admit it.

I, I once was driving from LA to Phoenix in the middle of night and I was so sleepy. There's no cars. I was so sleepy and I said, I said, Amin, this is dangerous. You gotta pull off next rest area. You gotta pull off. So I pull off the next rest area, I park my car, I put the seat back.

That feels dangerous.

Watch this, watch this. I fell asleep And then I woke up thinking I was still driving.

What?

And I was like, ah, ah, because I saw a cactus in front of me like, ah, ah. And then I realized, wait, wait a second. Then here's the crazy part.

You thought you were driving with your seat in recline?

So then this is the crazy part. I said, wait a second, I don't remember parking. How did I get here? Did I fall on the side of the road and someone, some good Samaritan drove me, parked me, and then got out to put you back in the driver's seat? I had all these questions. Oh yeah, that's right.

Did you have a blanket on you?

Let me understand a few things here. Uh, this is dangerous. Uh, sleepy. I don't know that there's a place where it is more likely that you're going to get sleepy than the darkness of the desert if you have to drive for 5 miles, just nothing to see.

There's no lights. Does it— like, there's no street lights, nothing. It's just you and your headlights.

It seems to me the most dangerous outside of like Curly Roads and mountains. It seems to me the most likely place that to have danger because you're going to fall asleep. But you falling asleep and having the reverse of what would happen— you fall asleep and you think that you're still driving, and that's how you crash and die. But for you to pull over, go to sleep, and then think you're still driving is the reverse of how that usually happens.

I was uncommonly, like, responsible, and I think my body was like, nah, not a chance.

Uh, Tony— Tony is also a skipper. Tony is somebody who, if, uh, if you skip in line, he expects you to let him skip in front of you in traffic.

What?

How does it— I don't even understand.

It's really simple. Yeah, so, so if I'm watching you, if you're skipping the line, I'm skipping you because you skipped the line.

You have a moral obligation.

You're in a You're on like a busy exit trying to get off and you're skipping. I see. I mean, I, yeah, that's fair. I, I, that, yeah, it's mine. I'm not really a skipper unless it's like an emergency, but if someone else is skipping, I'm skipping ahead of them.

But Jess, let me ask you a question because this happens to me a lot. I'm driving, my exit is like 2 miles up, but you know, they've got the sign. It's like, oh, uh, 10 West this way. And so all of these idiots get into the far right lane idiots and they just stopped. And so I go all the way down. Down, and I'm like, you guys didn't have to start lining up here. If we just had regular traffic and merge gradually, this wouldn't be an issue. So am I— I don't, I don't cut like the, that weird wedge thing. I don't do that. Like, but I will cut the line.

You find someone slipping.

Yeah, someone, someone not paying attention or whatever. Am I in the wrong there?

No, I don't think, I don't think that's the worst offense. Falling asleep, definitely way worse. What, what Zazz and Chris are admitting, admitting to being, being sleepy on I-95. And Tony! That's— and Tony. Dan, going, uh, driving straight is way sleepier than a curvy road in the mountains.

Great shout.

Correct. Yes, I, I was just thinking of danger. Yes, I was thinking that the most dangerous place to drive would be curvy road on a mountain, but the most dangerous place, or the place most likely to fall asleep, would be a desert at night.

Yeah, Sonora.

I would also say I-95 in the middle of the afternoon when the sun's beating down.

Sagaki!

August. It's kind of like one of those things where you're almost relieved when the afternoon storm rolls in because it does give you a little bit of relief. But when it's just the sun's just beating down on you in your car and you're driving home after a 5-hour day of yelling about LeBron going to the Sixers or something, like, I could see why you'd be sleepy. But you need to, you need to work on that.

That might be the smartest joke in the history of this show.

Do not let me— better though to leave those things unstated. Do not let me get out of here today without reporting some of these LeBron details that Dave McMenamin has.

Howdy, folks.

It's Mike Ryan. You know, the Lebatard Show and Miller Lite go way back. Pretty much, I want to say like 95% of our existence, we've been partnered with Miller Lite and we believe in Miller Lite. They believe in us. It's great to have a partner with a product you truly love. That's me with Miller Lite. I love Miller Lite, always have. In fact, I consider myself a bit of a Miller Time MVP. The friend who says, "They've got it, I'll pick the spot, I'll throw the cooler in the trunk, bring some Miller Lite," and suddenly what was supposed to be a couple of hours turns into a whole afternoon. That's me, the Miller Time MVP. And it's great for summer hangs, cools the body down, that beautiful white can. Not much better than an ice-cold Miller Lite because it's brewed for taste with simple ingredients. Clean, refreshing, and easy to drink in the Miami heat. An all-American summer starts with an all-American beer, Miller Lite. Go to millerlite.com/dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

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Dan Levitar.

I heard that as a woman faking pain. I didn't think that sounded real. I really didn't.

You know, it was not fake. It was in no way fake.

You can spot a woman faking it.

Great, Cody.

Yes, I can, Jess. I've been married 40 years.

This is the Dan Levitar Show.

Moving on to other subject matter here. Can you tell me why it is you guys were making fun of CJ Stroud this morning? Like, what is the backstory on, on CJ Stroud that all of you felt very comfortable delighting in, in making fun of somebody that until throwing 5 interceptions in a playoff game, I thought was pretty cool. Like, I thought was not somebody we were making fun of.

Yeah, he's had a bit of a transformation visually. Obviously he had the dreads, he cut those off. And, you know, you're usually used to stylish QBs and stylish ballplayers, and he came in with a just white tee and what looked like— I don't even think they're jean shorts.

He's walking like he's holding in a shit.

Bit of basketball, bit of a duck walk with the feet pointing out.

Big basketball shorts from the early 2000s.

Greg Cody just said nerd, and I'm more concerned that he waddles like Chris Whittingham.

He looks like a nerd.

Bit of a saunter.

I'm not doing— I'm not doing nerd, but what are you guys— Jessica, what are you— Chris Whittingham is—

what are you—

Chris Whittingham catching a No, Chris Winningham.

No, I was doing Chris Winningham's lower body. I was not doing his upper body.

Oh my God. Hey, yo, can you extrapolate what—

what? Yes, that's the way Chris— that's how he walks. That's how Chris Winningham walks.

It's actually a great shout by Dan, but you are saying a bit nerdy though.

I'm not, but I'm not saying nerdy. I am saying, you know, not most athletic.

Awkward.

He's saying awkward.

Not the most athletic.

Yeah, bottom heavy.

I didn't say bottom heavy.

I did. Built like a pear.

I did not say built like a pear. I didn't say bottom heavy. I did say waddle.

He's got a bit of a heavy shoe, it looks like.

Dude, I was thinking the same thing.

Yeah, that actually happens to me sometimes when I wear certain heavy, like, Air Maxes. They cause my— yeah, they, like, cause my ankles to turn out when I walk sometimes, and I notice that I am walking like that because my feet are too heavy. That is the thing. I, I, maybe that's all it is, just heavy shoes.

Everything about his fit is 2005. The t-shirt, the shorts, the shoes, the backpack. That's why he looks like that. He looks awkward because he looks like a time traveler who's come to us from the past to let us know that, hey, it's not too late to change your ways. Wait a second, I got that wrong. Time travel goes the other— nah, damn.

When you walk, I think it's, I think it's like the Back in my day, there used to be like a time period where everyone would— all the stars of the NFL would do these like big elaborate training camp entrances. And this one was just very mundane, and he is dressed very plainly. And I think people are saying that he is lacking aura. That's what I've heard.

Oh, so he's got to be cool here? Where— where he's got to be dressing like Joe Burrow coming to camp, missing the playoffs 3 years in a row?

Exactly.

Oh, it's a good point. I'm not saying that, but some people are saying that He is lacking aura. Sometimes lacking aura— sometimes you don't need to try hard to have aura, but I think he's not trying hard and also lacking.

Dan, you know about that aura form?

Would he have aura right now if he'd thrown 5 touchdowns in the playoff against Drake May instead of 5 interceptions? Would he have aura walking in the same way? Like, if— is that what—

did they go to the Super Bowl or no?

Just because of their defense though, not because— okay, so they made it to the Super Bowl, made it to the Super Bowl, but just because of their defense.

Okay, yeah, he has aura.

He does get aura in that circumstance.

Okay, that's a good question. Does Sam Darnold have aura now?

No, no, really?

Then no, he doesn't.

It's a Super Bowl.

I don't think he can have aura with red hair. Everybody knows that.

Ginger.

I disagree.

That's not nice to Chris.

What about Ginger from Gil Gonzalez? He had aura.

Oh, she had aura.

Movie star.

Movie star. They see how they say everyone else, the professor, but it's like when it gets to her, it's like the movie star. They let you know, like, Ginger's got it going.

Damn right.

And Marianne. A little peppier, a little more effervescent. Champagne bottle opening. But the movie starts, there's an undercurrent of—

what was she doing there? She couldn't afford a bigger, uh, bigger boat than the Minnow.

Uh, where are you on top 5, uh, top 5 TV, uh, theme songs of all time, Jessica? We sounded— I felt like dated, musty, fossilized, cobwebbed. Uh, we weren't using any modern songs. I was embarrassed on behalf of our show., and then I proclaimed the theme song dead because I hadn't heard any in 25 years.

You know what, should I give my top 5? I have a top 5 I can give you.

I would love that, yes. Any OLI?

We'll go with no for the time being.

All right.

But number 5, we'll say, should I sing it?

Yes, please.

You guys will know what it is. If I sing the opening thing, you'll know what it is, ready?

We'll sing along.

Wah wah wah wah wah.

What?

Oh. Woke up this morning. Oh, that's a good one.

Got myself a girl. There you go.

Still 20 years old though.

That's technically, technically, 20th Century, it started in the '90s, 1999.

Uh, it did, unfortunately. And Jessica, I appreciate this effort, but it sounded like a duck had been stepped on.

It's not bad.

That theme song just makes me want to pull into a driveway.

I always think it makes me want to look at like the, the, the smokestacks in Newark, you know, Jersey Turnpike, driving on the Turnpike. Yeah, just like, I'm like, yeah.

So wait, so that's funny that because for me it makes me want to go outside and get the newspaper in a robe.

You'd look good doing that.

Makes you want to have a panic attack.

I've never worn a robe.

Central theme.

You've never worn a robe?

Still have never worn a robe. I'm going to hotels this weekend.

That's an old man thing.

Maybe I'll do this weekend.

I'm going—

I'm staying in a nice hotel this weekend. Maybe I'll wear a robe.

The robe is an old man thing?

It just— it makes me think of Lehman's dad. Sometimes I go over to their apartment and he's just in a robe and I'm like, ah, yeah.

Didn't you wear a robe on this show a month ago?

Yeah, that was the first time I ever actually wore one, but I wore it over my clothes. Like, that's not really wearing a robe. You know, gotta wear it like a coward.

Hold on, Lehman's dad just walks around in a robe?

Yeah, he's got a robe. We were at a store a couple weeks ago and Lehman saw a— it's like, you know, one of those like white terry cloth robes that like Tony Soprano would wear. And Lehman was like— he like stopped and looked at it and I was like, nope, nope, nope, nope. It was like that commercial where it's like you're turning into your parents. I was like, moving on, keep walking, you're not old enough to get the robe yet.

You saw it real time, the transition happening?

Yes, it's happening, it's happening, and it's very frightening.

Is that a level of comfort that your, uh, potential father-in-law has here that he should not have? Like, that's a level of intimacy, like you do that with your family, but he's now welcoming you into his family. But that's more— that's, that's a level of comfort that, uh, that's right on the, right on the line, no?

You know, Lehman's dad, he's got a very hard job. He's on his feet all day, and when he gets home, he just wants to chill, and I respect that. And I'm going into his home, and if he wants to chill in what he wants to chill in, that's fine. Sometimes I do avert my eyes in certain situations. I do not want Lehman to be chillin' like that yet at this stage in his life, still in his 30s, but I respect the father-in-law for having his chill time in his comfortable apartment.

That's really nice of you right up until I tell you that my father was in his underwear when my brother was bringing home women in his 20s, and my father thought that that was okay. And I was like, that's not in any way okay for anyone involved here.

Eh, it's endearing.

Is it endearing?

Yeah, you walk in as my old man, he's in underwear, be like, hell yeah, dude, tighty whities.

It depends.

I don't know, you don't think that's too far?

Yeah, sure it is.

I think we're engaged now, so I think his dad's just like, yeah, well, here it is, I'm in my robe, it's too late now.

Number 4.

Uh, here's a very current reference, Dan. Agatha Christie's Poirot, the ITV series that aired from 1989 to 2013.

Look, Jessica, I love that show. I watched that show.

Wait, really?

I did. Yes, I did. I— short guy, black hair, mustache.

Yes.

Yeah, no, look, I've read all those Agatha Christie books now. And the show was, was incredible. It was very faithful to books. But you gotta be out your goddamn mind if you think that's the number 4 theme song.

Listen, Amin, do you know what it sounds like off the top of your head?

No.

It's— it slaps so hard. It may be played at my wedding, we'll put it that way. Okay, we'll move on to number 3.

Why didn't you sing it then?

Maybe. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. It's pretty good.

It is good.

It is good.

I take it back.

That's a wedding song right there.

You're gonna love number 3, Downton Abbey, another ITV show.

Oh yeah.

Horrible.

Love that show.

What?

Can't think of the theme, love the show.

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

You made me like it.

God, it's so good.

You made me like it. You made me like it. You made me like it based on just your recreation. Number 2.

Succession.

Oh, that was a good one.

Yes.

That was a good one.

Yes.

That has to be the record for most different ways a theme song has ever been played in the history of a show. By leaps and bounds, correct? Because they played it— I'm sure you can look it up on the internet, the number of different ways they played that same song, but it has to be over 50.

According to Zazzalo, that doesn't count because that's not the theme song. Because we, we had this—

are you talking about—

we talked about that with Curb. It's like, that's just a thing that they play. I'm like, that's the thing.

There's a whole 2-minute intro with that song.

There's a 30-second intro with Curb.

Yeah, you're nuts.

Number 1.

Ready? Okay, I'll sing it, Dan.

You—

you— I'll sing the first line and then you respond.

Ready?

Oh, SpongeBob, who lives in a pineapple under the sea. SpongeBob SquarePants, absorbent and yellow and porous is he. SpongeBob SquarePants, if nautical nonsense be something you wish.

SpongeBob SquarePants.

Then jump off the deck and flop like a fish.

SpongeBob SquarePants! Getting the lyrics yet, Dan?

Dan, come on!

Dan, have you seen a second, a millisecond of SpongeBob SquarePants?

SpongeBob SquarePants!

Even Greg knows it.

I've never felt so alone.

I took my boys to see the SpongeBob movie like 10 years ago. I didn't know what the hell was going on.

New SpongeBob, not the same as old SpongeBob.

Put it on the poll at Levitar Show. Is the new SpongeBob the same as the old SpongeBob? The ACC preseason polls have come out. And Jessica, I'm sure you're noticing everyone's talking about Notre Dame and everyone's talking about Miami. All of the people who are expert on the portal movements and know how it is that roster replenishment is happening throughout recruiting say that Miami is leaps and bounds above everyone else. And also it helps when you can just steal ACC champion Duke's quarterback and wide receiver.

Um, my takeaway from the ACC, uh, preseason media poll— so Miami, as you can see, got 165 first-place votes, which is, I think, very fair because I think they will definitely be the best team in the ACC. I think they were last year, but they obviously lost two ACC games, and because of the tiebreakers, couldn't play in the championship. However, Dan, there were also some pointing out, hmm, Stanford Stanford got a first-place vote. That's kind of weird because Stanford football, their win total for the last like 3 seasons has been like under 5 games. So that's weird. And so that kind of stood out. But I think what stood out to me more than one rogue vote for Stanford was some— 3 people, Dan. 3 people voted for Florida State to win the ACC. What is happening with the preseason ACC media poll? It just makes no sense. I wish— I kind of wish Mike were here. This is one thing we should have agreed on.

So wait, but you're talking about 4 votes here. 4 2 rogue votes, 1 on Stanford that's just believing in Andrew Luck can fix the program.

Yeah, right.

And 3 going to FSU because they haven't been paying any attention to what they should have been paying attention to over the last couple of years.

It's just very confusing. I mean, you could give me, like, the SMU votes, even the Louisville and the Clemson votes, you could give that all to me. You could say, you know what, Miami, they might not win all their ACC games like they're supposed to even though their schedule is not that hard this year. The Notre Dame game obviously doesn't count towards the ACC conference standings, which is a bonus. Maybe they don't win it even though we think they'll be the best team. Maybe you can convince yourself of like SMU, Louisville, or Clemson. Georgia Tech also got 2 votes. Not so sure about that one, but 3 votes for Florida State just kind of stands out of, uh, what are, what are we doing here?

Dan Levitar.

I don't like Smitty either.

Jessica Esmatana.

Women stay home in the kitchen where they belong.

This is the Dan Levitar Show.

Dan, we have breaking news. The Atlanta Falcons are signing veteran quarterback Cooper Rush because Michael Penix Jr. is not going to be available for at least 4 weeks, but also Tua Tagovailoa is out because he's having a flare-up from a back injury.

This is amazing. The conversation you guys had the other day about who would be the starter, like, he's always hurt, well, he's always hurt. And somehow they're both hurt.

Amazing.

We're on the second day of training camp for the Falcons. Tua already out.

They do think he's gonna play though. I have— I have— but you know, you know, now that I say that out loud, what— of course they're saying that. I mean, what are we doing here?

You really fell apart there, Jess. What happened?

I just thought about Tua and the Falcons and I thought, let's just— let's wrap it up. Let's wrap up the season. Although, you know what, new head coach Kevin Stefanski, Tommy Reese is there now, Dan. Um, but yeah, Tua's health, that's a whole—

don't try and talk yourself into it with a couple of coaches after we gave you the—

you got Tua and you got Michael Penix.

Good luck.

You threw out a couple of lazy coaching names at us and said what, the Falcons are more interesting because what?

I decided it's not fair to say wrap up the season the first day of camp.

Yeah, it is.

Maybe—

did you not hear what's— as just said, like, both of their quarterbacks are hurt already.

All right, take, take their helmet out of the bucket of death. Let's just give it, call it a wrap.

Jess, why did you send me a photo of a guy with a stick going through his chest?

What?

Oh my God, did you guys see this story about this hiker?

Yes, I saw it.

I don't know.

Okay, this man has a hiking pole going through his body, as you can see in this photo. He was hiking up a mountain in Montana and fell and was like, oh, I only— I fell. I only see one of my, my hiking sticks on the ground. Where's the other one? And then he realized it had gone through his chest, through his back. Oh, that's a very graphic picture. There should be a warning.

He's very relaxed.

Um, so turns out, Chris, this guy is a, uh, works at a hospital. He's like a nurse. He knows how to treat traumatic wounds, and he was 10 miles up this mountain with his friends, and he was like, I'm pretty sure I didn't hit any internal organs. My lung is intact. I'm not bleeding. I don't want to pay for a $2,000 medical evacuation helicopter ride down to the bottom, so I'm just gonna walk back and think that— let's just kind of see what happens. So he hiked all the way back down a mountain with a pole sticking out of his chest and then went on an ambulance, or I think his friends drove him to the hospital, and then got to the hospital and they finally removed it.

Hit it, Roy.

Why, guys? Why, why, why, why, why?

Hiking stick. What are we doing here?

It's one of the more, uh, horrifying things I've ever seen.

I—

it kind of begs the question, like, how bad of an injury do you have to have, um, where you can walk down a 10-mile hike but refuse the $2,000— I don't know if it's $2,000. I assume it's in the thousands— the helicopter ride. Like, we're kind of— this is kind of as bad as it gets, right? Like, you can't do worse than this.

If I'm impaled, you can charge me whatever you want to charge me to get me to the hospital immediately.

So this actually happened in Rambo 3. Something explodes and he gets like this spike that goes through him, so he breaks it off. But it's still kinda inside him, the pieces are, so he's gotta grab the other half of the stick and poke out the remnants, but then he's got this big hole, he's gotta cauterize the wound, so what he does, this is quite ingenious, he gets some gunpowder and he sprinkles it inside the hole, then lights it on fire and you get, pow, flames coming from both sides, and you know what? Doesn't wince. He winces a little bit, but he doesn't make a noise.

Well, so this guy did wince a little bit. His friends were calling him a shish kebab on the way down, which I thought was funny. But here's another white guy's thing for you. For you, Roy. They, they were gonna camp overnight at a place called Froze to Death Plateau.

I could tell.

Check out her weekly Notre Dame podcast, The Echoes. This is not, not, not an echo chamber with Mike Golick Jr. Jessica, thank you. Appreciate the time. Nice seeing you.

Goodbye.

Tell him to live his robe dreams.

Let your fiancé be free. Let him be an old man before he's an old man puttering around the house like CJ Stroud in a bathrobe with the lower body of Chris Whittingham.

Not an insult.

Not an insult.

Looking for that invite.

Don't mean it as an insult. Much like Zaslo gets second half embarrassment or secondhand embarrassment. Excuse me. Uh, do you guys— there's only one thing that I react to in the movies. It's knives, it's blades, it's, uh, I get uncomfortable with what we just saw where I'm seeing somebody impaled and it makes me secondhand uncomfortable. That it's literally the only thing that happens in the movie, uh, piercings that are, are meant to puncture.

Buddy, I know it's not your cup of tea, but don't ever start watching Game of Thrones then because someone gets stabbed every episode.

Beheaded even.

You guys, am I the only one among us who has this particular ridiculous squeamishness? It's a silly squeamishness, I understand, but somebody gets shivved in a prison, like there's some, there's a secondhand discomfort that I'm getting from those things if they're graphic like this was where a dude is punctured and walking around with a puncturing for miles. Like, I'm left physically uncomfortable by that.

There was a scene in Saving Private Ryan where the knife, there was a fight inside of an old building.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, in the tower.

Guy in the tower, and slowly, slowly, that knife went into him. He's like, oh man, that was—

that's gruesome.

But I'm the only one here. All of you are fine with it.

I'll meet you halfway, Dan. If I had to be attacked and either get shot or stabbed, I'm taking the shooting. I've always felt that way. I'm like, you know what, just go ahead and shoot. Don't stab me, just go ahead and shoot.

It's too intimate. Somebody stabs you, it's too intimate. It's— first of all, it's hard to kill somebody by stabbing them. Like, you got to work at it.

Shit looks like it hurts.

It's too intimate.

Intimate? What a weird word to use.

Answer that text or what?

That's a fine little ding on your phone there.

Do what?

No, it did not ding.

Yeah, there you go, Greg, because they just assumed it was you. They just want you to take the blame.

Thank you.

Why?

Why are you just all pointing at Greg?

Thank you. Wasn't me.

I just heard your phone just made another sound.

I know it did.

Was it as you— Shaggy. As you were—

okay, my wife's calling me. Could be an emergency.

So take the call online, on air, on air. Take it.

Wasn't me. He just said, as his phone continued to make—

I know, I'm bad, I'm rad.

What?

I don't know.

Greg, you got to take this call. Your wife knows you're here for her to call you. That's not an accident. That's not, hey, did you take out the chicken from the freezer?

Let me get to these LeBron details.

Dude, this is urgent. I'm not even doing a bit here, guys. Take the call. She's calling him twice, Dan. She knows where he's at. She wouldn't call.

I can't take the call. I have a feeling I know why she's calling, so don't worry about it. Why? Because we're having an important delivery today and she's probably calling me to say, hey, it's on the front porch now, get home.

How much is the fine here? How much is the fine for Greg Cody denying that it wasn't me and then his phone keeps making noises and it is him and he's shaggy?

Wasn't me.

It wasn't me.

It wasn't me on the sofa. It wasn't me. Anyone catch me in the shower?

Not a theme song.

Uh, new story from Dave McMenamin on LeBron. One of the things that he's saying, among the surprising suitors along the way, the Celtics, LeBron's consistent nemesis throughout the years, expressed interest. Sources told ESPN the Clippers discussed a lucrative one-season contract worth north of $20 million that would have allowed him to stay day at his home in California. And another detail, if LeBron fulfills his 2-year deal with Philadelphia, he will have played 25 years in the league, a full 10 more than Jordan. And Rich Paul told ESPN, I think Philadelphia is going to energize him. Maybe we got 2 seasons, maybe we get 4.

How about that from Rich? Wow, how about that?

It's amazing, man. Like, back when I was, you know, in the '90s, you're watching basketball, if a dude got to his early 30s It's like, oh, his career is almost over, right? You know, you're 32. It's about to be the end.

Well, this is what's interesting to me about what's happening with the Rams. Like, everyone's assuming Stafford's just going to be the MVP again when Stafford kind of at this age, this is where they all except Brady go right into the toilet. Like, and no one's expecting that. No, no one sees that coming. No one suspects it. No one assumes it. Everyone thinks Stafford's just going to look like the MVP when at this age all quarterbacks except Brady get bad.

And the start of last year, he thought about retirement because his back was so bad he wasn't practicing whatsoever, and then he had an MVP season.

You guys explain that to— one to me. The Rams are all in, all in, all in on an aged quarterback that usually gets you nuked except for Tom Brady throughout the history of the sport.

I mean, he was still awesome last year, so they assume he's gonna continue to be awesome until he's not.

I think the rules have changed. Brady, um, Lionel Messi, LeBron. I mean, we see so many examples now of time not driving—

But those 3 we're talking about, like, the all-time greatest at the sport.

Yeah.

You guys are willing to say all-time greatest are no longer outliers, it's the norm. It's gonna be Diana Taurasi, it's gonna be Serena Williams, every— all of these people are gonna be able to play into their late 30s and early 40s. It's gonna be nor— it's normal. You can still be the greatest at 40.

Chuck Zink, born Charles Dewayne Zink.

Dewayne? Like a black guy?

Yeah.