Transcript of Amin Refuses To Cry About Brazil | Hour 3

The Dan Le Batard Show
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00:00:00

You are listening to the Dan Levitan Show in partnership with the DraftKings Sports App, now live in all 50 states.

00:00:12

How did you guys react? Before we get to Amin El-Hassan and his World Cup observations to Belgium trash-talking us as a country after that 4-1 loss, they put up on their official X account. Overturn this. Belgium has bragging rights over the United States and is making fun of the fact that Donald Trump stuck his beak into this. What are your thoughts here as Belgium mocks us?

00:00:43

It just shows what the rest of the world thinks about us as a country, because the reality of it is this had nothing to do with Belgium. There's like— there's no reason Belgium should feel like they were slighted in any way based on something that happened with the US against Bosnia-Herzegovina. This is not a Belgium issue. So whatever, like, they get to feel that way, but it really is just about everyone hating the United States.

00:01:09

On the 4th goal, they did the Trump masturbating to giraffes dance, correct? They did the whole—

00:01:14

They did the Trump dance on the 4th goal, for sure.

00:01:16

On the 4th goal, they are making fun of America, which is their right when you win 4-1. Uh, the knockout stage hasn't had any other victories by that Morocco beat Canada 3-0, but the others were close. Usually at this stage in the tournament, the games feel a little more like Spain and Portugal because the teams are a little more evenly matched once you got past the initial dilutions of how they've expanded the tournament.

00:01:40

Yeah, I have a feeling Argentina is going to absolutely crush Egypt today. But having said that, the U.S. deserved the comeuppance. The U.S. deserved all the trolling and all the making fun of.

00:01:52

Why?

00:01:53

Because Donald Trump tried to hijack the tournament. Donald Trump pulled strings to get his buddy Infantino to reinstate somebody. That hadn't happened in the World Cup since the 1960s, where a red card was overturned in a knockout round. It was almost unheard of, except for one previous instance. I can see why Belgium would have felt cheated. And had the US won because of the Balagán thing, there would have been a forever invisible asterisk next to the US victory. It was just a complete mess.

00:02:29

Wait a minute, if it's a forever invisible asterisk, is it actually visible? Like, what is happening? No, wait a minute.

00:02:34

You add invisible.

00:02:35

If it's a forever invisible asterisk, then there's not an asterisk.

00:02:39

Yes, there is, and here's an example: Barry Bonds.

00:02:43

But I think a lot of people just put the asterisk.

00:02:45

Either you put the asterisk in or you don't put it in. You don't put an invisible asterisk in.

00:02:50

That's a sneaky move, though.

00:02:51

That is a sneaky move.

00:02:52

What is it in that invisible ink?

00:02:54

Is it there?

00:02:54

I can't see it.

00:02:55

I can't because you don't want to, you know, like, what are you talking about? It's either an asterisk or it's not an asterisk. It's not an invisible asterisk.

00:03:01

If you look in the MLB record book, there is no asterisk next to Barry Bonds as the home run king, even though everybody knows there's an asterisk there. It's invisible.

00:03:11

What just happened to the middle of that word?

00:03:13

I ran out of room.

00:03:14

Could it be glow in the dark?

00:03:15

Ooh, a glow in the dark. We have to do this and cup your eyes like black light.

00:03:20

Here's what I mean. You know the asterisk is there, but you can't see it, but it's still there. That's an invisible asterisk.

00:03:28

I think it needs to be visible in order for it to be there. I think there has to be something tangible and empirical about the asterisk. Otherwise, it's not an asterisk. Otherwise, how do you know it's an asterisk if it's not visible?

00:03:38

You know, you know.

00:03:39

So it's like porn.

00:03:41

It's not the same.

00:03:41

You know it when you don't see it.

00:03:42

That's right. Because the Supreme Court said. That's correct.

00:03:45

Here is another back and forth that I wanted to get into, and I want to ask you guys what you think of this. This is ugly. Okay. It's ugly. In a lot of different ways. But France barely won against Paraguay, and they barely won, and afterward Mbappé said, yeah, I don't like the way they play, that's dirty, what was all of that, that wasn't soccer. And now a senator in Paraguay, Celeste Amarilla, she says of Mbappé— and this is just racist what she's saying— quote, this brute hasn't even learned to write. Instead of breast milk, he grew up sucking on coconuts, and the most educated creatures he ever herd were chimpanzees. You should have given him the middle finger. Orlando Gill, a colonized Cameroonian pretending to be French, resentful, newly rich, arrogant, and ugly. He was nervous and scared to death all game, like his whole team. They didn't even manage to score a single goal until they got lucky with a penalty. The only thing many of us blame the team for is not giving him a full-handed slap at the end of the game. I'm not even a football fan. Mbappé has come back saying this is racist, it should be condemned, and And now she has written a long open letter.

00:04:59

And this, this, this is the part that's disturbing to me, the most disturbing part of this in 2026. This is a platform now. Like, she's doubling down in an open letter. She's not apologizing. She's not backing away from what it is that she has said. But it, but it's a platform now. This is what's happening now with racism as people march more and more toward the freedom of hate speech. I'm allowed to say whatever I want, however it is I want. This has its backing in small corners of people backing this nonsense when it's just— it's as flagrantly racist as a political figure will ever put commentary on. And she's— what is the latest in the open letter, Roy?

00:05:46

Well, she said that she wrote her initial comments while boiling in blood. Her blood was boiling. And while she says that she regrets saying that, She's asking for an apology and retraction from Mbappé for his comments towards her.

00:06:01

This is a platform now. It is more acceptable. This used to be in hiding, right? You used to have to hide this under a hood. But more and more these days, this pocket of people who would support this kind of speech and this kind of sentiment see some sort of courage in what it is that she's doing, or if not courage, some form of freedom fighting and being able to say what it is you want regardless of how it lands on people. And it should always be condemned, no matter what the nationality is or the language it's being said in.

00:06:42

And it should be condemned within Paraguay. I mean, Paraguayans cannot agree with that, and they, they're the ones who have to condemn it. Anybody who's a football fan in Paraguay knows Mbappé is one of the most gifted, brilliant players in the world, and that Paraguay knew the only chance it had was to play the ugliest form of football imaginable to try to get that game to penalty kicks. That was their only chance to win, and they almost pulled it off, but it was a victory for the World Cup when that style of play was eliminated.

00:07:15

I'm going to read the last sentence of this open letter. Retract your statement, honor your friend's citizenship, and apologize to me. Otherwise, I may instigate legal action for gender balance.

00:07:25

Oh wow.

00:07:26

Yeah, this is pretty wild stuff that's in this new statement from her. She also says, I tell him to be careful with Paraguayans. We already put Ronaldinho in prison for corruption. Don't underestimate me, I can take you to court. The hell is this, guys? Crazy.

00:07:41

Obviously, I just started watching soccer. Very excited about the World Cup. Very excited about finding out, is Mbappé like Wemby? I need people that know soccer to kind of help me out here, right? Like Wemby, everybody loved him. He's this incredible player. Oh my God. One person, me, said there's a bit of evil behind the eyes, right? So I need to know. I haven't really locked in on Mbappé yet. Is he very Wemby-like in the sense that he's the best player, but then also a bit of evil behind his eyes?

00:08:08

Evil is a bit strong. I don't believe he is viewed throughout the globe as anything.

00:08:13

Neither was Wemby until I put that—

00:08:14

he is in Paraguay.

00:08:15

A majestic— not in Paraguay, no, Paraguay. This is one person.

00:08:20

This is one—

00:08:21

this is one senator. The Mbappé— the stars are being stars in this tournament. It's one of the reasons that the United States performance was so disappointing. And it was illustrated to us because you've seen the best players being the best. Ronaldo came under a good amount of criticism because he was not elevating his 41-year-old game to the level where, you know, Messi is, where Mbappé is. Mbappé's goal scoring at— I mean, he is the most freakishly talented athletic striker playing soccer. It's either him or Haaland, right? Like, it's, it's one. It's, it's— you've got to choose from those two. And I don't know how Messi does what he does. I've heard people talk. I'm stuck in an algorithm now where I'm getting all of Zlatan and Messi's best goals and everything that's being talked about. Around them. And I've heard other football players talk about how, for example, Ronaldo and Zlatan work out in the weight room and they're like, Messi just walks past the weight room. He walks past the weight room with a cup of coffee. He's not actually in there doing the things that majestic athletes do. He just knows how to keep the soccer ball on a string.

00:09:38

And he sees a bunch of things that other people don't see.

00:09:40

My algorithm is so much better than yours.

00:09:43

I don't think it is. Not until you've seen Zlatan's bicycle kick from 40 yards out. From 40 yards out.

00:09:48

But you're also getting shipping containers falling to the bottom of the ocean.

00:09:52

We learned last week.

00:09:53

So it's, it's, it's Zlatan, Haaland, and shipping containers falling to the bottom of the ocean.

00:09:59

And Mr. Ballon. I'm getting a lot of Mr. Ballon.

00:10:01

Good, Dan.

00:10:02

Okay.

00:10:02

You know about Mr. Ballon?

00:10:04

Yeah.

00:10:04

A lot of storytelling of, uh, uh, yes, I'm getting an assortment of odd things on my algorithm, but they are not Zazz's algorithm of just boobs.

00:10:14

Ponder a couple things, huh?

00:10:15

In fact, in fact, my wife came through the other day. This, this actually happened. This happened 2 days ago. She's looking at the screen as I've, uh, all of the YouTube stuff is on there, and she's like, ranking the Bond girls, huh? Because there was—

00:10:33

that's not Mr. Ballin's content, by the way, just letting you guys know.

00:10:36

I don't know how that ended up there. I mean, sure, it's because I'm watching.

00:10:40

Click on that. Yeah, for sure.

00:10:42

No, but who do you got number 1?

00:10:43

It— no, but it's not my ranking.

00:10:45

So who do you have?

00:10:46

Number one, the Bond girls.

00:10:48

Grace Jones.

00:10:51

Good choice.

00:10:52

A quick aside, we mentioned Wembley before. I had this thought the other day. You guys think Wembley has ever given a high five? Just think about that for a second.

00:10:59

He's so tall, so he has to put it up by his ear.

00:11:02

No, he makes people— he makes people jump.

00:11:04

It's a low five.

00:11:05

You think so?

00:11:05

He's only given low fives his entire life, and I feel bad for him.

00:11:09

So put it on the poll at @LebatardShow. Look at the size of his hands. @LebatardShow, has Wembley ever given anybody a high five, uh, yes or no.

00:11:19

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00:11:53

For 22 years on this show, we've debated the greatest athletes of all time. Who's the GOAT in football? Who's the GOAT in soccer? Who's the GOAT in hoops? One thing that we all know is Dan's the GOAT of finding the worst possible take. But there's another kind of MVP/GOAT that doesn't get enough credit: the friend who knows to show up with enough Miller Lite, plus extra ice, because they just know. The one who already has seats at the bar when you walk up, that is a Miller Time MVP. I've been on this show long enough to know that Dan is gonna make everything about his feelings and Jeremy is gonna push back on whatever I just said. But here's something nobody on this show will argue with. Miller Lite is the summer beer, the original light beer since 1975. This summer, recognize your MVPs. We all have that one friend who makes every game better. Now it's time to give them their moment. Head over to Miller Lite's social media pages to learn more about being a Miller Time MVP. You can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller Time.

00:12:58

Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. Tony, you know that moment at a party or a tailgate where everything just sort of clicks?

00:13:09

I know it well.

00:13:09

It's usually when I show up.

00:13:12

Up.

00:13:12

Everybody goes crazy.

00:13:13

Yeah, you usually take all the credit for it, but it's because Tony usually walks in with Cuervo.

00:13:18

I walk in like this.

00:13:19

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:13:20

Cuervo is a thing that turns hanging out into this is the night.

00:13:24

It has that effect on people.

00:13:25

It does. You usually take the credit for it, but again, it's the Cuervo effect. It's like that moment in a big game where everyone in the crowd just starts standing up, hooting and hollering. Keep it Cuervo!

00:13:37

Keep it Cuervo, baby!

00:13:39

Down Levitar.

00:13:40

Is there Back in My Day?

00:13:41

There is, actually.

00:13:42

What?

00:13:43

Were you not gonna tell anyone? Wait a minute, you guys, guys, it's a Tuesday.

00:13:50

Greg Cody, here's your guy, Greg Cody with Back in My Day.

00:13:58

Okay, here it is.

00:14:03

Sorry, adultery.

00:14:05

Oh yeah, wait a minute, we're waiting for this one.

00:14:09

This is the Dan Levatar Show.

00:14:16

If he's as evil as Tony thinks he is, he's the type of guy who's always holding his hands sky high.

00:14:21

I've been vindicated on that.

00:14:22

Waiting for people to try to reach, you know, 11 feet in the air.

00:14:25

Nobody also had an answer for me on whether Mbappé is like Wemby and has a twinge of evil.

00:14:30

I said evil was too strong. I don't think anybody has that assessment of Mbappé. I think people enjoy Mbappé. Embappé's work and think of him strictly as a brilliant striker.

00:14:40

I think embappé has a good evil working for him, which is the, the desperation to score at anybody's expense. Quick stat, historical perspective on, on, on the stars rising in this World Cup: Messi, Mbappé, and Haaland all have 7 goals, and Kane of England has 6. First time in World Cup history 3 players have all had 7 games. 7 goals, and they each have a couple of games plus left. So it's just epic.

00:15:07

When you watch those guys play, though, you see what it is that keeps the United States from the higher level, right? When you watch that game last night and there's just never a threat of any kind where you're looking at Belgium and saying they're scared of something here that the United States has.

00:15:24

Well, it's because Haaland is our 4th best tight end in the NFL. Like, he'd be George Kittle.

00:15:28

Nah.

00:15:29

George, put George Kittle out there and see what he does.

00:15:30

Look, I— no, that's not true. Ochoa Cinco said he played with Real Madrid and couldn't touch the football.

00:15:37

No, but that's not Ochoa Cinco training since he was 4 years old.

00:15:41

No, don't do that. Messi, I put him on a field, does he look— I put him in the grocery store, I put him anywhere in public, does he look like a great athlete to you? That's not— the best soccer player ever doesn't look like a majestic athlete in any way. Doesn't even look like he's that fast.

00:15:58

Also, the United States has run out of that excuse. Our players, Pulisic, anybody you can name on the U.S. team has been playing soccer since they were 4 years old.

00:16:08

There aren't enough of them though. There's not enough of them. Like, you really don't believe that our greatest NBA players, our greatest football players, if they played soccer instead of football when they were little and trained just that, they— we wouldn't be on the level?

00:16:22

No, I think it's just typical American arrogance. It's just typical.

00:16:25

I'm pretty sure Haaland is like faster than Jameer Gibbs. Yeah, that can't be. In terms of like their peak— I know one's wearing pads, but in terms of like their peak speed last year.

00:16:34

I know that Americans always feel that their things are the best things, but let's bring in Amin here. How are you doing, incidentally? I mean, Brazil loses. You are always shocked when Brazil loses. And so how did you react to Brazil being eliminated from the tournament?

00:16:51

Well, I would say that football as a game rewards the aggressor, rewards the team that plays football. The team that plays scared and plays back does not deserve to win. And Ancelotti came here to Brazil and he instituted a style in that game that is not Brazilian. That is what a team with no talent does. This is what Paraguay did, right? We park the bus, we make it ugly, and we try to exist off of counterattacks. And one of those will go in and then we'll win. And that's just not the Brazilian way. So I watched that game. It's funny, I had the conversation in the group chat a couple of weeks back about watching USA soccer. So you guys enjoy this? Is this aesthetically pleasing to you? Do you guys like this? And Whitty couldn't wrap his mind around it. He was like, oh, they're successful. I'm like, no, no, no. Is this enjoyable to you? And I watched that game yesterday and had Brazil won, I would have walked away disgusted because that's not what we do.

00:17:45

And how did you walk away?

00:17:46

I walked away disgusted because that's not how we do. If we had lost, if we had been aggressive and lost because Holland was, was just so good, then I can live with that. Uh, it's tough to see us play a style— it, it would be like, um, if you rooted for the St. Louis Rams in like the early 2000s, right, the Greatest Show on Turf, and they decided, oh, we're just gonna run the ball every single time and maybe bubble screens. Like, you, you'd be like, what are we doing? That's not That's not what we do. And so that was a little bit of a shocker and a disappointment. Like I said, I didn't— I did not feel good about that game at all, about the way we played it, not the result, but the actual style of play.

00:18:26

I'm glad you said that because that to me, that was an insult to the 5 teams that won a record 5 championships. That was not Brazil football to me. That was not the beautiful game. I didn't even recognize it. And you could hear in the crowd that they were restless about the style of play.

00:18:44

Yeah, absolutely. And by the way, just to answer the question you guys were contemplating, football is a thinking man's game. As much as I don't like Messi, he is the perfect example of someone of not exactly explosive speed or size or athleticism. And the American thinking of, oh, it's just because our best athletes— like, you're trying to find an excuse, Zaz, other than we're not good at it because it's not part of the culture. It's not about the athlete. It's about— it's not part of the culture. And you're trying to create in a lab something that is, that is organic. And the organic will always outdo and outlast what's created in a lab. And to you, Dan, you said, oh, because we don't have a Messi or Mbappé. That's not why. Does, does Belgium have one of those? No, but they beat you pretty handily. The idea is, do you have players that are organically grown and play together? And that's what the USA lacks. It's like they've started to get talented players from other places and having them seeded all over the world in the better leagues, and that's a start. But then the next part is, okay, now how do we play together?

00:19:46

Because again, this is a thinking man's game. This is not a, a, uh, a star game or an athlete game. It's a thinking man's game.

00:19:53

I don't understand how what you're saying is any different from what I'm at least trying to say, where you're saying it's not part of our culture. Yeah, that's exactly the point that I'm trying to make here. If it were part of our culture, our greatest athletes would look to play soccer first before the other sports.

00:20:10

You see, that's where you go wrong. It's not about what our greatest athletes are doing. It's about what any of these athletes are doing, right? Because it's not like the greatest athletes are the ones who are the greatest players. It's about guys who are invested and embedded in soccer in a way that is not clinical. It's not— we went to a camp and all that stuff. It is organic. It's out in the streets. It's with a rag tied together. That's what it is. It's not, oh man, if so-and-so— if I don't know, Jalen Waddle, oh, if he played soccer, he'd be great. No, that's not the point. You keep taking it back to our greatest athletes and it's not about the caliber of athlete. It's about the culture.

00:20:48

But you don't think the other countries, all these other countries, their greatest athletes choose soccer as their first sport, right?

00:20:55

No.

00:20:55

No, that's not true.

00:20:57

In—

00:20:57

there's— there are players that play rugby, there are players that play cricket, there are players that play basketball. They're also— let's not pretend like this is the only country where they have multiple sports. They have track athletes, they have swimming athletes, they have canoeing, they've got skiers and all that stuff. All these people, all these countries have multiple sports they compete in. Volleyball is way bigger internationally than it is here on the men's side. They've got guys that play volleyball over there. We can't continue to make it, oh, it was just, oh man, if we took it seriously. That's what we're doing. No, you are taking it seriously. You're just not good enough.

00:21:31

I do think it's a funny thing to think about the idea of because we have athletes who are good with their hands, they would be that good also with their feet. Like, they're different skill sets. Like, it's not exactly— you can't just take someone— there are plenty of teams. There are plenty of teams more athletic than whoever will hold up the World Cup trophy. In fact, last night, I, I, everybody was saying the United States is more athletic than Belgium. Everybody was saying they are. They are. They didn't look it though. No.

00:22:05

And what looks slower?

00:22:06

You got to know what you're doing out there. It's a thinking man's game. And I remember Dan D'Antoni, uh, Mike D'Antoni's brother, had this incredible kind of thing that he came up with when he was a high school coach. He'd say he'd take the slowest kid and he'd take the fastest kid, and he would say, okay, you guys are gonna race, but the one caveat is the slow kid gets to say go. And so the slow kid would beat the fastest kid because he knew when the race was starting in a way that the, the fast kid didn't. And that's, that's the difference here. And when you know what's going to happen, when you are thinking the game, it allows for such a great advantage over everyone who's reacting. Oh, Matthew, I got quick twitch. Quick Twitch is cool. It's great. It's useful, but it cannot defeat the, the triumph of the mind.

00:22:53

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00:23:55

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00:24:05

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00:24:28

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00:25:02

Sehr gut, sehr gut, sehr gut. Sehr gut? Wieso, Steuer ist sehr gut. Das sagen ganz viele.

00:25:07

Wer sagt das?

00:25:08

Stiftung Warentest, Computerbild, Focus Money, Chip, Finanztipp. Such dir was aus.

00:25:12

Mega, aber das ist doch bestimmt kompliziert.

00:25:15

Einfach Foto von der Lohnsteuerbescheinigung machen und fertig. Klingt sehr gut. Ist sehr gut. Mit WISO Steuer bis zum 31. Juli abgeben.

00:25:25

Dan Levitar!

00:25:26

Ja, very nice.

00:25:26

Imagine if someone told you you couldn't have a Corvette.

00:25:28

I'm a grown-ass man who's not filthy rich. I can't afford a Lamborghini.

00:25:33

Great, Cody!

00:25:33

Well, I probably can, but that's besides the point.

00:25:36

Hey!

00:25:37

Wow!

00:25:38

Okay, Craig!

00:25:41

This is the Dan Levitar Show!

00:25:49

Put it on the poll, please, @LeBittardShow. Did Dan D'Antoni's parents do him dirty by naming him Dan? @LeBittardShow. Let's go ahead and play the World Cup observation music, please.

00:26:02

It is time for Amin to share his World Cup game notes. No one in the media will tell you what happened better than my boy Amin.

00:26:11

World Cup Observations is brought to you by Miller Lite. Legendary moments start with a lite. Dan, I won't lie, it was a tough weekend for your boy. First, Argentina wins after being on the ropes. Then Brazil blunders its way to a loss to Norway. Then England survived the Azteca. Then Gianni Infantino's FIFA ruling that Flo Balogun— Balogun, not Balogun, not Balogun, Balogun— automatic 1-game suspension would be, well, suspended. I felt like Marty McFly disappearing from the photo as he struggled to play Earth Angel at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance.

00:27:02

Always makes me laugh when he says Enchantment Under the Sea dance. It's such a specific—

00:27:07

it's on the banner.

00:27:08

I know, but it's such a specific detail. Enchantment Under the Sea dance is a funny phrase.

00:27:16

I was trying to play the song, Dan, and I was disappearing. My hand was disappearing.

00:27:20

I don't feel so good.

00:27:22

I don't feel so good. I had to sit down. But then USA-Belgium happened, and George and Lorraine kissed on the dance floor, just like that. Make no mistake, I am back. What? Oh my God, you were—

00:27:34

you traitor! You were rooting against the United States?

00:27:37

Of course! Is this your first World Cup here? I do this every time, and I did it extra hard because of that damn group chat with Witty and Mike and all these delusional clowns. Let's address the elephant in the room first. Yes, Brazil lost. Yes, I was disappointed. No, it's nowhere near 2014. I saw a lot of people go, 'Is he crying again?' Nothing will ever reach that. You guys see, you guys' like standards are so low, you think a round of 16 loss would do that to me?

00:28:08

You cried because they lost 7-1, correct?

00:28:11

7-1 in Brazil in the semifinal for the title that was supposed to be destined for us. It was no-brainer we were going to win that one. That one was so shocking and so quick. It wasn't even like a gradual 7-1, it was like 3-0, and we're like, what are we doing? That one will— there will never be another sporting event that moves me emotionally like that. Carlo Ancelotti, Celtics front office, collision course. What are you doing, buddy? Carlo Ancelotti, what the fuck, bro? Not only did he pick Bruno to take a PK By the way, never took one in a Brazil shirt before. He defended the move afterward like Brad Stevens trying to tell us that this was a good deal, saying Vini wasn't even in his top 5 according to the metrics. Ancelotti got the same analytics dude that told Bobby Marks Jalen Brown is the 7th best player on the team. I'm convinced. Erling Haaland just had a son.

00:29:16

Son.

00:29:17

Why don't you try being a father, bro? Yes, the World Cup is once every 4 years, but your son will only be a week old for a week. How could you miss that? You could have took that game off. The Brazil game was made a thousand times more annoying by my dad. Everyone who tried to troll me by a text, via Instagram, you don't come close to my father. Who in an effort to troll me kept saying, give it to Holland, give it to Holland, give it to Holland, every time. Except he didn't say Holland, he kept pronouncing it Harlan. Give it to Harlan. So when he scored those 2 goals, I didn't see Erling Haaland, I saw Kenny from Half Baked, legendary comedian Harlan Williams.

00:30:03

Harlan Williams, that's a good reference.

00:30:05

6-minute abs.

00:30:06

But here's the— here's the kicker, and what I heard was right between the eyes. Now I'm picturing Brazil losing to Harlan Williams in the open field, or Kevin Harlan, either or. My father's annoying. Neymar scoreboard. Wait, we're the ones who are down.

00:30:30

Shit.

00:30:31

That was an observation written in real time.

00:30:33

Sorry.

00:30:34

By the way, I just remembered Tony said Greg's cheeks are looser. That's why he can do the whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what?

00:30:40

Yeah, it's true.

00:30:43

Questionable. Cristiano Ronaldo calls it quits. No shit, Sherlock. Chris, quick, look up the origins of the term no shit, Sherlock. Team Canada head coach Jesse Marsh said after the 3-0 loss to Morocco that he'd rather be Canada than Morocco. Jesse Marsh, you and Neymar deserve one another. England taking dick pills to perform better in Mexico. The perfect alibi. Honey, why do you have all these pills in? Oh, come on, babe, it's just because of the altitude, innit? It isn't because of the Latinas.

00:31:30

It helps my cross.

00:31:34

Harry Kane after the match, did you guys hear him talk?

00:31:36

Yeah, very hoarse.

00:31:38

He sounded like San Antonio Spurs head coach Mitch Johnson auditioning for the role of Bert the chimney sweep in Mary Poppins.

00:31:47

Yeah, go apply me, innit?

00:31:49

Fish and chips.

00:31:51

Chim chiminey.

00:31:55

Seb Blatter eloquently tweeting about corruption in FIFA decision-making, saying, quote, football must never be a playground for political power. It's like the Cookie Monster preaching about the importance of self-control. I miss Seb. Who knew it could get worse? We owe him an apology. Balogun did what Tiger Woods couldn't— called Donald Trump to get him out of trouble. I guess you could say the USA was overwhelmed by the right wing over the past 36 hours.

00:32:36

Look at him, he's pleased with that joke. Yeah, I got it.

00:32:38

Soccer joke, but also politics.

00:32:40

That's right, both of them. You were very pleased with yourself there.

00:32:44

Thank you. The USA has Jedi Robinson. So the Belgians executed Order 66. Fries, waffles, chocolate, we gotta give it all back to them. Canada out. USA out. Mexico out. I was all out too after that third Belgian goal. I'm talking spent. I smoked a cigarette after that one.

00:33:14

Did you?

00:33:16

That freeze. What killed the dinosaurs?

00:33:20

The Ice Age.

00:33:24

Tim Ream.

00:33:25

Tim Reamed. Malik Tillman. Afterwise. Afterward apologized to the team. Ding. Das ist mein Schuld, Leute. Ich habe euch A la enttäuscht, because he's German. I don't know.

00:33:41

Thank you. Yeah, we did. We got that.

00:33:44

Yeah, that, that's, uh, translates to, it's my fault, guys, I have disappointed you all. Top 5 Tillmans I'd rather have. Number 5, Peanut Tillman. Number 4, Xavier Tillman. Number 3, Tillman Fertitta. Number 2, Felicia Tillman from Desperate Housewives. And the number one Tillman I'd rather have: Today I Learned Man, T-I-L-M-A-N, Tillman. That's Dan, by the way, always learning something. No, Pat, we figured out where No Shit Sherlock comes from yet.

00:34:23

Yeah, I got that, I got that joke.

00:34:25

Got it.

00:34:25

Uh, not as bad as me saying the Beatles are litigious after hearing a song by the Monkees.

00:34:34

Pochettino, get a new shirt.

00:34:37

How do you not have Pat Tillman in your Tillmans? How do you not have Pat Tillman in your Tillmans? How does Pat—

00:34:42

Oh, all right, all right. Thank you for your service. Uh, Pochettino, get a new shirt. Alex Morgan, you're hot. Christian Pulisic, Pulisic.

00:35:02

Soft.

00:35:03

Gio Reyna, as in, "G, I wanna rain on your parade," but then the US Men's National Team already did that for you. Sergio Dest, post-match, chose to keep the messaging positive, telling his teammates, "Alles war, did some Aouda, kuna he gechilde, dinga bereika." This show would be killing it in Germany right now. No, he's Dutch, Dan. Keep up.

00:35:30

Sorry.

00:35:31

He said if we keep this together, we can achieve great things. Weston McKinney, gotta change his name to Aloft McKinney, which reminds me of the Aloft in Milwaukee that me and Tony stayed at after the Bucks, uh, parade.

00:35:46

We brought that stuff that time, Dan.

00:35:48

It had a mural of Dante DiVincenzo.

00:35:53

Hand-drawn.

00:35:53

Yeah, you gotta get aloft or Four Points or something, some shit that doesn't have room service. Whatever happened to the Messi of Medford, New Jersey? Remember that guy? They wouldn't shut up about him 4 years ago. Something tells me he's not the Messi anymore. Eddie Vedder must have been Zazz's highlight of the night. You see it? You don't even see it.

00:36:15

Of course I saw it, and they were playing Pearl Jam in the background when they showed him.

00:36:18

What did he do? What did Eddie Vedder do yesterday?

00:36:20

He had his hand around a kid. He was taking a picture with the kid.

00:36:24

No, see, you didn't watch.

00:36:25

Oh wow, I took my eye off the television for a second.

00:36:28

It's your guy. That's your guy. That's not my guy.

00:36:30

How do I know what he's about to pop up on the screen? I don't know.

00:36:34

If you were watching, if you were watching. But I guess you wait for hydration breaks and timeouts and, hey, can we get a 30-second here? Stupid Alex Freeman Son of NFL star Antonio Freeman. Turns out his stepdad was the driving force behind his soccer career, not Antonio Freeman. And yet Antonio gets to go beyond Cordon. The cold world, folks. I feel sorry for Balogun. I can't think of a worse place to be than owing that dude a favor. Donald Trump, in case you guys didn't know which favorite, right? Cabo Verde should have won that game, not because they played well, which they obviously did, and not because Argentina deserves to lose, because they obviously do, but because the World Cup ain't the same without that fan base. Heartbroken. We lost them at the at the expense of Argentina being happy. That's a special kind of hell. Speaking of hell, Argentina, go to hell. Those are the World Cup observations.

00:37:46

I've got a stat for you guys. You want to guess the record of the United States in World Cup matches when they allow the first goal? Anybody want to guess? They played 25 undefeated, 25 games where they have allowed the first goal. You want to guess what?

00:38:02

24-1.

00:38:03

I recuse.

00:38:04

It was the first one. 1.

00:38:05

Because I happen to know the answer, so I recuse myself.

00:38:08

They're 0-25.

00:38:10

What?

00:38:11

Yeah.

00:38:11

So they allow the first goal and they always lose. Chris Cody, have you heard back yet from Scott McCullough on why it is your mother's employee— what he thinks of the Marlins pulling out Odi Perez after 7 perfect innings?

00:38:29

Zero response.

00:38:30

All right.

00:38:30

We'll find out tomorrow. I mean, before we let you go here, Your thoughts here now that you've had some time to consume everything that's been written and reported about the Celtics, now that Brad Stevens has spoken. I was saying earlier in the show, I don't even know what second place would be. The Boston Celtics have never been laughed at this way for a transaction. I don't know what second place would be. But have you consumed anything in the last few days that gives you more context that would make you feel like this is slightly less dumb than it appears?

00:39:00

No, it sounds dumber the more I consume. I heard the story, one of the rival teams that was trying to acquire him was like, we absolutely could have and would have gotten way better than that. They just decided to take the first deal, the first deal that I guess they saw. Then a couple of two quick clarifications before I get out of here. Number one, I went to New York out of pocket. I did not get compensated for my flight or my hotel. By Metal Ark Media. So, uh, this whole, oh, I mean, waste money thing, uh, all right, uh, how about let's look at all the times I mean does stuff out of pocket, which I guarantee is way more than anybody else at the company other than you, of course, because everything is out of your pocket. Number 2 for Greg Cody: I see that sparkling little diamond on your hand, it's plain to see that you've already got a man.

00:39:50

Do you know who that artist is, Cody?

00:39:53

I I can tell you're not about to fall for any of my lies.

00:40:01

Is this Conway?

00:40:02

The want-to in your eyes.

00:40:06

Very nice. Thank you. Thank you. Lovely.

00:40:09

I mean, thank you for being on with us. We appreciate it. And we appreciate whenever it is you go out of your own pocket to waste your own money instead of the companies going to New York for a parade and coming back with 60 seconds of content. We appreciate it.

00:40:22

Happens a lot. Going to Vegas on my own pocket. Pocket.

00:40:25

Thank you, sir. We appreciate all your good efforts around here and many of your bad ones as well. Can we get the John Oliver footage, please? For those of you who do not know, that show is very difficult to do. Last Week Tonight is only a half hour, but they're taking a month off because of how that staff has to work. A lot of writers don't know what's going to happen with that show and all the mergers going on, but John Oliver is enjoying the last parts of of the doing of that show, if indeed it is the last part of doing that show, by making random appearances on General Hospital.

00:40:59

At oversight, I'll have your name added to the list of approved visitors.

00:41:01

I don't want to be added to the list. I want my daughter back.

00:41:04

Then let me put this in language that you will understand. That ain't gonna happen.

00:41:14

That was him, him saying that and then getting slapped in the face and then dramatically looking back at her like, how dare you do that to me?

00:41:24

Wow.

00:41:25

Not to be rude, a little bit of a papa on John Oliver, right?

00:41:28

Not as bad as Cody's. Play it again.

00:41:30

Look at the papa.

00:41:31

An oversight. I'll have your name added to the list of approved visitors.

00:41:34

I don't want to be added to the list. I want my daughter back.

00:41:37

Then let me put this in language that you will understand.

00:41:40

That ain't gonna happen.

Episode description

"Ranking the Bond girls, huh?"

A Paraguayan Senator went on a racist tirade against Kylian Mbappé, and he has responded properly. Also, Dan tells us about his algorithm before Amin joins us for his World Cup Observations, but do not try to get him upset about Brazil. And why did he feel like Marty McFly at the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance?
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