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This is the Dan Lebatard Show with the Stuckatz Podcast.
This episode of the Dan Lebatard Show is presented by DraftKings.
DraftKings! Woo!
The crown is yours.
Dave Dameshek is shocked to learn that I've never played street hockey.
I mean, you didn't.
Well, it was a foundational sport for, for young Dave and his contemporaries in elementary school, middle school, all the way up through high school PE class. I mean, at least once a week, the, the plastic hockey sticks and the orange rubber ball broke, broke out for all the kids. All the kids. A delightful sport. But I guess it makes sense down in Florida. That's not a thing. What it— what replaced it, though? What are the PE classes comprised of? Soccer, I'm guessing. Couldn't be baseball.
No, not a lot of soccer, because you got to remember, at least for me, we're talking 30 years ago, soccer was not big at all here in the States. And really, No.
In Florida? No.
No. And roller hockey— like, roller hockey became a pretty big thing here, you know, around when the Panthers— shortly after the Panthers started, which was 1993. But like, I was getting older at that point. I was like high school.
We played hoops, we played football. Like, yeah, the sports that God intended.
Basketball, football, box ball.
You know, you are looking at a roller hockey goalie champion from when I was like 11. Cody Shines and Shootouts still have the headline.
Oh, well, there you go, Cody. See, there's some— there's some sense.
It was indoor with a ball. Cody Slam faces drugs.
Like father, like son.
Where was this headline?
This in a newspaper clipping. Like, I have it in— I have it somewhere. It's just—
what newspaper?
I don't know, actually. In hindsight, it might— my dad may have made it up. Also, my dad may have made it happen. It might have been in the Herald.
I feel like that's possible.
Like, obviously it wasn't like, yeah, first page.
He worked hard. Front page.
It wasn't front page.
Yeah, I feel like that's a possibility. No, box ball, basketball, football, uh, kickball, burn ball. What's burn ball?
Oh, burn ball is you got a racquetball and you throw it against the wall, right? And then if you drop it, you gotta run and touch the wall and the person who's next to you grabs it and tries to hit you before you touch the wall.
No, I played that, but I don't think we called it burn ball, but I know what you're talking about.
I didn't call it box ball.
Didn't we call that foursquare?
Yeah, box ball, foursquare, same thing. Yeah, same thing. Yeah. No, so we played kickball.
Kickball, kind of lame.
Now, nah, kickball's awesome.
Dodgeball.
Yeah, dodgeball's good.
No, the, the, the all the utility ball, the, the reddish, you know, PE ball. Yeah, um, is better used for dodgeball than kickball. We can all agree because you have the skunk who wants a pitch and bounce it in, and that, that's jive when you start, uh, when you start doing that crap. I'm not interested in it. Dodgeball all the way.
It's cute hearing all you non-athletes talking about playing sports.
Non-athletes.
They don't got it like us, right?
All right, so explain to Dave, explain to everyone out there what the activities that the two of you got involved in last night.
We played some pickup hoops. I'm a basketball guy now. I am now—
You went to local Y?
No, no, no, no. I went to a—
More exclusive place.
I'm not at liberty to reveal where.
We can't say where, but it's a very nice place. But it's a very nice place. Place you would never go.
And yeah, you would never be invited. But yeah, this is my third now consecutive week. I hadn't played basketball in a good 15 years. So first one, you know, the cardio got sent a message. Second one, feeling a little bit better. Third one, you know, we still have a ways to go, but I feel like I impressed.
Full court?
Yeah, full court. I'm the oldest guy in this game by a pretty decent margin, I think. And look, I'm a role player. I'm not out there like the other guys. I don't do the pull-up transition 3. I know what my role is, and that's to go under the glass and eat.
Mike did a great job, to be honest. Like, it's the first time I've seen Mike play basketball. He was a mix between like prime Dennis Rodman and like Mitchell Robinson. Prime grabbing boards at all places, putting his body on the line.
Mitchell Robinson.
You had a little floater like Hartenstein though.
I was 1 for 1 from the field.
Yeah, had like a little floater from like a bunny from like 4 or 5 feet away. That he put in. But man, Mike was on the floor grabbing boards.
He was— you were on the floor?
Oh oh! Are you hearing what I'm hearing? A little condescending patronizing tone in Tony's voice. No no no no no, Micah, now Micah, a little bit. Voice was a little higher than it needed to be as he described him.
You don't think I'm prime Dennis Rodman? You don't think I'm prime Dennis Rodman?
Now listen, Micah can't score. I mean completely awkward when he tries to dribble the ball. Yes. Doesn't know the rules necessarily well.
My problem wasn't under the basket, he rebounded.
He's talking out there.
Back screen, back door.
Oh no, there's a lot of communication. A lot of communication. Yeah, yeah, a lot of communication out there. I'm out there sealing the baseline, boys. I know my role over there. And yes, I'm not a great dribbler. That's because I dribble the way that Pistol Pete taught me in that instructional video. Everyone else does this carry nonsense. I don't know how it's allowed. I'm out there calling travels and double dribbles and no one's listening to me. But no, look, Tony, he's 10-day Tony. It is well known that Tony can hoop. I, believe it or not, know I can't. I'm pretty self-aware. So what does someone who wants to play basketball and make positive contributions to his teammates do when he realizes he doesn't have it like that? I don't got the handles, I don't got the J. I go underneath the rim and I eat.
Put it on the poll, Juju. Is Mike Ryan's basketball game a mix between prime Dennis Rodman and Mitchell Robinson?
Yeah, on the offensive glass, he was just a Hoover Dam down there. He was just grabbing every single board. That was probably on me as the captain of my team. I probably should have taken a look at me like, I'm going to take Mike so I can box him out, fight him down low, because the guy that was playing him was, was maybe a little bit more leaky on the fast breaks than he should have been, which is a whole nother—
a little cherry picker.
Not a cherry picker, but he would take off early.
Guys, if I'm hearing Tony correctly, it seems like the other team had to adjust to Mike.
We should have, is what we did. We ended up losing the series 3 games.
The guy that, the guy that went 1 for 1 from the field, we should have really—
it wasn't the show up and box scores.
It wasn't—
I know his plus minus was like plus 40, just grabbing boards and throwing them in.
Everyone's on the court the whole time.
No, but you know what a winning player does.
I'm sorry, I got to cut through this. You're the expert here. It sounds to me like Mike Ryan maybe is a basketball cuck. It's a, I'm not as good as the other guys. I'll just be over here if you need me. I'll just be mostly an observer. I was just here to help you guys out. You're the stars of the team. How say you, Zazzle?
I don't know why you're bringing that to me as if I'm the expert.
You are. But look, I don't think anybody would confuse prime Dennis Rodman with being a cuck. Thank you very much.
That is true. There's one thing that I did want to say to Mike, a little bit of coaching—
That's self-cocking.
It's not.
Look, you're out there playing basketball. He's got Michael Jordan as his teammate. He's trying to win the ugly trophy that you get for winning the NBA title.
You're playing pickup basketball.
Why are you deferential to Tony and your teammates? You can't take shots? I've been admonished by better teammates in pickup basketball. Why are you shooting there? Game's on the line. Because we're playing pickup basketball and there's no money on the line. What am I, what, I have to take a backseat to you?
Fah! I play sports to win. You know, the iconic Jimmy Butler practice in which he whooped up on the starters with the backups while he was wearing a Rolex. You know how many baskets Jimmy Butler made in that? According to legend? Zero.
Zero. I don't know, but I think he probably also made $18 million while he did it. What did you make for taking a backseat to Glenn in your pickup basketball game against the starters?
There is not a Glenn.
His name was Joel. Maybe Glenvar Heights.
But there was no Glenn.
I did want to bring up the, uh, the telestrator.
I rebounded the whole game.
Dave, Dave, exactly right. Second chance points. When you come down here, I want to see your game and see if you can hold a candle to Mike's.
It doesn't matter. Guess what I'm going to be doing? Shooting and otherwise, whatever I want to do in a pickup.
You bring your smoky gray ass down in the paint and let's body up. Let's, let's see if you can bang with the big boys, huh?
Well, if I don't make the shot, which I probably won't, Mike will get the rebound.
You won't make the shot.
You'll get a hand in your face with a, like, a 7 out of 10 closeout depending on which game we're playing. If it's Game 4, it's going to be about a 4 out of 10, but it's gonna be close.
I'm a great teammate in pickup basketball game with no stakes. I work hard at defending.
Enough of the hate.
Enough of the hate.
Let's do some love.
40, brother. There's a stake every time I run it up and down the court. It's not tear my Achilles.
Yes, which Manny I think did hurt his knee. That my clothes out.
That is the go-to fear nowadays when you're 40 and you're playing pickup basketball. The go-to fear is tearing the Achilles, right?
Yeah, yeah. It's something you got to put back in the depths of your mind.
It's never something you would think about when you were in your 20s, but now in your 40s, I hope I don't tear my Achilles.
So we're gonna—
there's enough hate right now. Getting the ball at the highest point. Yeah, that's what I do.
Yes, I should— you got to put a, a, a shit down there so he lowers himself.
So you know what, you know what terrifies me when I see someone north 50 because they know all I gotta do is put a little bow in my ribs.
An elbow right there between rib 2 and 3. You're not going anywhere. So enough of the hate from Dave Dameshek. No, no, no, Dave, don't even put your finger up. I'm gonna do a little bit of coaching here, a little bit of love for Mike Ryan because there was one play in particular that I wanted to coach him up on the spot, but I hit the game winner and everybody walked off the court, so I couldn't do that. So I'm gonna pull up the whiteboard right here and I'm gonna get the telestrator and I'm gonna do a little work, uh, X's and O's here.
Was it a 3-2 series? I thought it was 4-1.
No, it was 3-2. All right, let's go roll it. Wait a minute, get it here on my, uh, on my iPad here. Here we go.
I'm like Kurt Rambis.
Okay, yeah, close on somebody. Tony, how's the telestrator working out for you?
I don't know, I see your ugly mug on it. I can't change that.
Yeah, it's not going so great.
Hmm, suffice to say, I'm gonna get GQ.
Hold on.
All right, this one not my fault.
While Tony figures out how to use the telestrator so he could break down, uh, a combination of prime Dennis Rodman and Mitchell Robinson and show us how he Uh, got after it.
I once— I have to say, this is— there are moments when you're with grown-up fellas and things get so— one time I, I used to write on The Man Show, and, uh, one time early on we went outside to have a, a group football catch. Yeah, let's just go outside a little bit to throw it around a little bit. And one guy attempted a throw and it was so bad It was, you know, some people look like they've never thrown a ball in their life and it's a little uncomfy. But one guy threw it so poorly that it transcended ribbing.
What made it so poor?
Like, did he— You throw silly, you throw silly. He's like, oh my.
Like, was it right foot in front? Like, what made it so poor?
Did you see it? Was that— Yeah. Yeah. I mean, hard to describe. Really have to mimic it. And I don't think I can because I'm just intrinsically athletic in every movement I make.
So it's hard for me to mimic awkwardness.
Physical awkwardness. But yeah, it was one of those ones where the guy threw the ball and I'm still whispering because I'm embarrassed for him, but everybody turned to each other and was like, oh my God, did you just see blank throw the ball?
Oh my God.
Oh my. Is he— did he grow up around people? Did he grow up around guys at all? It was at the Man Show, no less. So it was especially uncomfortable.
Summer always hits different once the big game starts stacking up. Now you've got finals games on every other night. Baseball's rolling all week, racing on the weekends, and suddenly everybody's looking for an excuse to get together. The other night, a buddy texted me, "We've got the game on, come through." I figured I'd stop by for maybe an hour. That was optimistic. Next thing you know, everybody's locked into the game and we're all part of the coaching staff. Somebody's yelling at the ref, somebody else is suddenly an expert on pitch strategy, and nobody's even pretending they're leaving early anymore. It's one of those nights where you take a sip of Miller Lite, look around, and realize, yeah, This is exactly what summer is supposed to be. That's why Miller Lite is always part of these nights for me. It's clean, refreshing, easy to drink when it's hot outside, and perfect for long nights hanging with friends watching games. An all-American summer starts with an all-American beer, Miller Lite. Go to MillerLite.com/Dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly.
Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. Tony, you know that moment at a party or a tailgate where everything just sort of clicks?
I know it well. It's usually when I show up, everybody goes crazy.
Yeah, you usually take all the credit for it, but it's because Tony usually walks in with Cuervo. I walk in like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cuervo is a thing that turns hanging out into this is the night.
It has that effect on people.
It does. You usually take the credit for it, but again, it's the Cuervo effect. It's like that moment in a big game where everyone in the crowd just starts standing up, hooting and hollering, "Keep it Cuervo!" Keep it Cuervo, baby!
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Dan Lebatard.
To us residents.
Oh wow.
That's pretty good.
It's in there. It's better.
You think I haven't been practicing?
Stugatz. I didn't realize we had a substitute complicated legacy joke deck. Brought to you by headquarters of Toyota.
441 Powerline Road. Second down and 9.
This is the Dan Lebatard Show with the Stugatz. Tony, uh, you're back.
We're back.
We got it working now.
Yeah, we got it working. We're gonna pull up our whiteboard here so we can do a little bit of coaching for Mike. So the issue was on a game winner here, right? We had a guy in the corner. Oh no, hold on a second.
Roll it. This isn't humiliating.
Okay, so we have, so we have our, we have our guy in the corner. I have the ball here at the top of the key. The X is normally the defense, but go ahead, you can do whatever you want, that's fine.
It's a weird defensive formation to be on the outside of the offensive player, but go ahead. Looks like no ball.
Also, I'm not, I'm I'm man enough to admit I just learned that. I'm putting that in my notes.
Yeah, if you want to be, if you want to be really nitpicky about it, sure, fine, whatever.
These are just stick figure guys.
Not the point, not the point. So here's the issue, right? This is Mike right here. Mike is playing defense on a post defender. I've got the ball basically at the top of the key, and what I want to do is I want to work right this way because I know my guy is coming to pick here. And then once the moment that I have an open shot right here, I'm going up for the game winner because I had just hit one 2 minutes before that. So the issue was that Mike did not travel with his guy to, to get on the other side of the screen. Right. So he stayed down low in no man's land at the, at the free throw line and allowed me to shoot a shot. Mike, your rebuttal to that, because he stayed in no man's land. You know, you got a shooter on your— you got to get over to be able to contest a shot, even if your guy's going to—
you're a skilled player, Tony. You make the pass to the guy camping out right under the hoop. Yep, I know, I got him. I did many times. No, I did a half measure. I should have just scrambled all the way. But yes, no, this is— this was a teachable moment, and it was. After that, we went on an incredible run, didn't lose a game.
So yeah, so you just got to come up here and make sure that you seal so the shooter doesn't have that. Even if your guy's going to come around and you're worried about the shot here, your help side's got to be there.
Yeah, my help side wasn't there. My help side wasn't there. I was, uh, I was aware enough to recognize that. And also, you have to imagine, I have the cardio of a 40-year-old man that hadn't played basketball in 15 years, so All in all though, prime Dennis Rodman is a good starting point for a guy that's, you know, playing out there with real hoopers. Guys, Tony, he's legit good. He's great. So much so that he is aware enough to know that next game he plays against me he has to bang down inside because he has to adjust because I'm the X factor. Or the O factor. I don't know, Zazz, you tell me.
The X is the defense. O is offense. O offense. Anyway. Am I the only one—
Boy, sounds like a great time though, Zazz. Tony yelling at you, coaching everybody, no, you should be over here. And Mike Ryan, I rebound good and I'll check you 37 feet from the rim because I'm an old man now and that's all I can do is defend you super hard. And, and boy, those are not the dimensions. Glenn, Glenn out there making hay, raining threes down.
Tony's drawing up plays for the defense.
First off, I didn't scream not one time.
Tony doesn't yell. Tony doesn't yell in the huddle though.
You could hear, "Man, Tattoos is killing us." Am I the only one who thinks that the Finals are on the line tonight? And I never do this.
I don't think so anymore. Now that we've seen so many Game 7s, one on the road, I think that they can adjust still. Like, if a team is down 2-0—
Oh, I'm not saying the Finals end tonight, but I I do feel like it's on the line tonight. I mean—
Alright, what is the difference?
Well, the difference is if the Knicks win tonight, I think that— like, I think they're gonna win the championship. If the Knicks win tonight, I think they have a chance of sweeping this series. If the Spurs win tonight, we got a series.
So if the Knicks win tonight, you think they sweep, but it doesn't end tonight if the Knicks win?
No, I am making that case. I— what are you confused about?
A minute ago you were just like, it can't end tonight.
You lost me.
What? I lost you?
Yeah, you lost me. You lost us. This is gaslighting. Does anyone else— I start— okay, let me start again. Does anyone else feel like the series is on the line tonight? Because if the Knicks win—
I do not feel that way.
Raise your hand please when you want to talk.
I do not feel that way because, you know, teams can win on the road now and you can adjust.
I know teams can win on the road, but if the Knicks win tonight, I feel like they're not gonna lose lose another game this series. If the Knicks win tonight, they'll have won 13 in a row. Rather unstoppable, okay? All of those wins except for one by double figures. They'll have won 13 in a row. They'll have won both games in San Antonio when we thought that San Antonio-Oklahoma City was for the NBA championship. And now the Knicks are coming back home. Like, if the Knicks— and they went— the Knicks will have won 13 in a row. And you think that the Spurs are going to win 4 out of 5? There's no chance. So that's what I'm saying. If New York wins tonight, they're going to win the championship. If San Antonio wins tonight, okay, we got ourselves a series. That's all I'm saying.
That's what I'm saying.
It was well said.
That's what I'm saying. I'm with you, Zazz, and I am somebody who— and I refuse to look it up to verify what my sense is, which is that in the 21st century, home field, home court, home ice advantage is a mirage. I think we have talked ourselves into that being super important. I don't think it is, but in this case, to your point, Zez, I think it is. If the Spurs are down 0-2 and now— and I don't want to overstate it and swoon like Ben Stiller and all the rest of them up there— but going into MSG, the electricity in that joint for 22-year-old kids— and keep in mind, that's what Wemby and Castle and those cats all are to go in there. It's too big a spot. Yeah, I don't think— I— well, what the hell is that? What the hell is that?
Well, what's going on in here?
You're demonizing me because you want to be a prime Rick Fox, Mike Ryan? I'm Ben Wallace. I rebound good and pick up basketball. I don't make any money for it, but Glenn respects my hard work.
Dave has big horns and it looks like a weird-looking beard.
Oh boy.
And now—
Like a wiener or something.
Yeah, that's a penis. Yeah, that's a penis. You got a penis on your face.
Oh, we are. Yep, it seems like, seems like some people down in Miami.
Uncut, guys. This is a Zeppelin.
He did not have a good year. Oh, there— oh, we were— oh, it wasn't a penis, it's a blimp. Oh, everything's okay. Cockpit at the front. There you go.
Um, almost passed out from the baby.
Let me, let me, let me— accurate— let me make clear here. While if the Knicks win tonight, and I think they can, I don't think they will. If the Knicks win tonight, they're going to sweep this series. I think the Spurs are gonna win tonight. And you know what, I'm man enough to admit that I was wrong. And the point that I'm making is, and we had Nick Wright on a couple days ago, and I challenged him, I, I, I, you know, I asked him about it, where Nick felt that it was going to be a thing that the Spurs are gonna be like emotionally drained because of what happened against Oklahoma City. And I said, nah, I think that's nonsense. I don't know, maybe there is a little bit of— we come out in game number 1, you just came off this massive emotionally draining series. When— when Yama— it means so much to me, he's crying at the end of the series, which I like. I don't think there's a problem with that. But maybe you do come out in game number 1 and maybe there was a little bit of an emotional letdown.
Like, I pushed back on that with Nick, but I don't know, maybe— what? Why'd you write that?
That's undermining.
Maybe there is something to that.
You're making a good point. I couldn't tell because you said you were a cuck on the screen, but you were making good points. But the point being, um, when you look at— there's a stat that's been floating around. It's like teams that come off a Game 7 versus teams that come off a sweep, the team that comes off the sweep is usually way better.
Well, the Knicks are 3-0 now this playoff in that scenario, right?
So it's like you're looking at the the evidence of, all right, these guys have been rested, these guys have been playing great basketball, these guys just came through a war of attrition with another team that was defending champions. And like, I don't know, but everything I see, everything I see, like Prime Dennis Rodman next to me, is the Knicks playing together and playing rested and the Spurs kind of playing a little bit too fast.
Uh, yeah, I, I think San Antonio is going to win tonight. And I think we're gonna see that, yeah, Game 1 was a little bit of a— because, you know, Wemba Nyama had the low energy to start the game, and there have been— the reason I pushed back against, so, oh, you know, maybe he's tired, like, we felt that after Game, what, like Game 5 last series. It was awesome in Game 6, awesome in Game 7. They won them both. There have been a couple instances this playoff where, ooh, is Wemba Nyama tiring? And then the next game he comes out and he's gangbusters. And I think, I think we're gonna wind up seeing that tonight. I think Wemba Nyama is gonna be really great. I do think though, the unfortunate part of Game 1, you know, the NBA Finals are gonna attract casual fans, right? Casual fans are just gonna tune in and it's like, oh, it's the Finals, let's watch. Oh, I've been hearing a lot about this. A, it's a New York team. B, I've been hearing a lot about this Wemba Nyama, he's an alien, right? People definitely watched Game 1 and were like, why aren't we talking about but that guy Karl-Anthony Towns, like, he's better than Wembenyama, right?
Like, you're getting casual fans who are watching these teams essentially for the first time who think Towns is definitely a lot better than Wembenyama.
Tonight's the big one, right? Because the adjustment that Wemby makes against KAT and others, it's not just him, it's Mitch Johnson. It's like, what can you do to help get this guy going alongside everybody else? Yes, there are some things that Wemby will have to do from a physicality standpoint in terms of just making shots. But realistically, like, there was a lot done to him and done to that team, and they still had a chance to win with a couple of minutes left.
Yes. Like, the Spurs were bad. We could all admit that. They were bad in Game 1. They were up by 14 in the third quarter.
They were up by 14 in the third quarter.
They were up with 2 minutes to go.
Yes.
After being down by 8 just a couple of minutes earlier, they made the comeback.
Back first. And, and like, we're having this whole discussion yesterday about how the Knicks were terrible, the Knicks were terrible, and they still won Game 1 on the road in the Finals. And I feel like you could make the exact same case about San Antonio. San Antonio was terrible in Game 1. They're not going to be worse than they were there. Wemba Nyama is likely not going to be worse than he was there, and they still— it's not like Wemba Nyama was great in 3 quarters, then he was bad in the 4th quarter. He was not good the whole game, and they were up by 14 in the third quarter.
And it was only when they took Wemby out, by the way, that the Knicks went on that run. Like, San Antonio dominated at the beginning of the game, which is something that they do often. The Knicks came out a little bit rusty. San Antonio's taken leads throughout. I mean, in that Thunder series, it felt like they got off to a good start in every single game. It was whether or not the Thunder came back. And now what you have going into the second half is, okay, if you take that lead again Mitch Johnson, what are you going to do in terms of what your lineups look like in those Cornette minutes to make sure that New York doesn't come back and, and start to get going? Not just because they get back into the game, but it was the first time their offense looked competent at all in that game, and Josh Hart started making his impact. So, you know, what do you do about Jason Hart?
I don't know.
The one thing you got to do is give Mike Brown credit. I think that they— he, he game planned in the middle of the game so perfectly where anytime Wemby was out on the floor, he would give Jalen Brunson a bit of a blow beforehand and then get him in when Wemby wasn't there so he could attack the rim in a way that he can't do when Wemby is there. So I was surprised. I was like, oh wow, they're really playing the matchups well where anytime Wemby's off the floor, Brunson's able to create offense for himself in a way that he wasn't when he's there.
Do you care about the referees for Game 2 tonight? Now we already had Scott Foster do Game 1. He's the extender. All right. But, but that was, you know, there's nothing to extend in game 1. All right. But that could mean that we're going to see him again later on in the series. We got game number 1. What if I told you that the crew chief tonight, Tony Brothers? Hmm. Because he is. That'd be weird if I said that, but he was.
Yeah. If it was somebody else.
Yeah, he is. Yeah. That wasn't a fake out. He is the crew chief tonight.
I'm not too worried. I'm not too worried about it. I thought Wemby got a lot of calls. He kind of usually does. He's getting the superstar treatment at 13 free throws. Yeah. So it's like, can Wemby be aggressive enough to warrant that amount of free throws, or is he going to play a passive game from the outside? I think that's the issue.
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Don Lebatard. No one else here is willing to do a Trump or a Biden.
That's not true, Dan.
Okay, Tony, you can catch up. Dan of 1,000 impersonations. That's not bad, man. Finally. That's not terrible. Pretty good.
Stoogatz. Yours is terrible.
You just gotta get a little redder, a little pinker. You're right there, man. Yours is not. You're biting me.
What do you mean?
Oh, his is good.
That's actually not bad. Not terrible. That's not terrible. We gotta come together.
A little southern slang there.
A little George Bush in that one.
This is the Dan Levatar Show with the Stoogatz.
Gonna be a long 15 years, by the way, just as a side note, with Wemby's behavior at the foul line. If it— come on, let's, let's pace it up, fella. You know, the next decade and a half, we, we ain't got the time for you to take 9 seconds every single free throw. In the here and now though, I'm one fascinated by the analysis around, as you say, with the casual fans. And so much of the conversation around the Spurs is Wemby is just one guy. And who, you know, he's just the whole team, as though the other guys, you just don't know who they are yet. The idea that Harper and, um, and otherwise aren't going to play themselves into our lives—
you just bailed on the rest of the teammates there? You just said forget it, just bailed on them? Harper and the rest of the guys?
I was gonna start— yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I, I don't like listing guys off. Clearly then that's all you're doing is reading a roster.
Yeah.
I do, though, wonder— we have assumed, or I have been a part of perpetuating the idea, if they get this one, the Spurs, it's going to be potentially like the next 3 or 5. But now I do wonder, let's say the Knickerbockers do get this one. Are we definitely sure that the Spurs are bound for dynasty at this point? Good question. The rules, the second apron and everything else. I mean, we talked to Michele Beto a month ago and said, how many will be a satiating number of titles? In the WNBA era. And she said— did she say 4?
Did she say 3? I can't remember. She expects 4.
I mean, you know, they're not going to be keeping all those cats, right?
It's a good question. It's normally a debate that I don't like having because the way the pendulum swings in these NBA playoff series, like we're talking right now, I'm talking right now, like the Knicks, even though I picked the Spurs to win the series, we're talking right now like the Knicks have a chance of sweeping the series. But if the Spurs come out and they win tonight, which I expect them to, we're then going to get back to, yeah, this series is going to go exactly how we all thought it would, which is it's a long series, it's going to be a classic series, it's probably going to go 7, and either team can win. So like, we now have the— if the Knicks win the series or the Knicks sweep the series, are we sure that the Spurs are going to be this dynasty that we've all been talking about? I think it's a good question. But we could totally be feeling a completely different way by the end of tonight where the Spurs win and we're like, "Yeah, this is expected," and the Spurs are still going to be the favorites.
Well, here's the scenario for you: Knicks win this one, then OKC trades for Giannis, then they become the favorite to come out of the West, and now we're getting down the road of the Spurs who are an inevitable dynasty not having even won a title yet.
Why— why aren't we talking about can the Knicks be a dynasty?
Well, a fair point.
Yeah, they're on pace to win their third trophy just this season. Yeah, that's a treble winner, folks.
X and O it for us, Tony. Tony, or O and exit.
Tony, I am going to come to you now. It is your time to shine. Do you have a top 5 for us for tonight's game?
Top 5 things to look forward to in tonight's game, boys.
All right, all right, all right.
Number 5, no OLI. What can the Spurs do about their bench? Obviously, Dylan Harper has been playing decent minutes, played 28 minutes last game. Got to play probably in the mid-30s if the Spurs really want a chance to win. But nobody else on their bench gave them anything. Sixth Man of the Year, like you said, Zazz, Kelton Johnson, better than Jaime Jaquez Jr. Didn't show much better, didn't show it yesterday or a couple of days ago. So they need something from their bench because Harper is going to play a lot more minutes, I think. Probably at the cost of De'Aaron Fox.
Gotta get a little something from Cornette.
You got to get something from the—
not offensively, defensively. You got to get some from Cornette.
Spurs bench needs to come up in this game big if they want to win. Okay, number 4: KAT needs to stay aggressive. Don't just stay back there and fall in love with the 3-ball. Wemby can't guard you. You're too big, you're too fast. Get around them, pin your ears down, get downhill on Wemby, create foul trouble for him. Like, that's the recipe for KAT staying aggressive, going to the hoop.
I don't think we're gonna see Wembenyama on Karl-Anthony Towns very much tonight. It's a disaster for San Antonio. And, uh, and I like Karl-Anthony Towns. I'm just gonna say that. Like, I know Karl-Anthony Towns is someone who gets a lot of shit from the Knicks fan. The Knicks fan was trying to trade him after they were trailing 2 games to 1 to Atlanta. Uh, Karl-Anthony Towns has done nothing but win over the last few years. Uh, the last 3 consecutive seasons— last year in New York, the previous 2 at Minnesota— he's in the conference finals every year. And now this year he's in the NBA Finals. I don't appreciate the things that you're drawing on the screen, but I am a fan of, uh, Karl-Anthony Towns. If the Knicks win, I am going to be happy for him. Number 3.
The Knicks need to win the 2-big lineup. When you put Mitchell Robinson in there, you need to be able to overcome his offensive limitations. But if he can grab offensive boards at the clip that he usually does, and how he has grabbed them against the Spurs—
like Mike Ryan—
past— like Mike Ryan. If you had Mike Ryan in there in the 2-big lineup with him and Cat, he'd be grabbing boards like a mofo. So they need to win the 2-big lineup.
Chris, what are you all excited about out over there?
Just, you know, living life. I did go 82-0.
Oh, so you're doing that while doing the show?
Well, I'm just, you know, two-bird situation. Is it?
Yes, I did.
What the hell?
I mean, everything—
fooling around during the same time?
Ever since Dan went 82-0, I just have been addicted to this game, and I haven't come close until I just went 82.
You saw that yesterday, right, Dave? For the very first time, we had Dan play 82-0 We did it live on the air. We, we, we used the, the screen for the game so everyone could see us playing it live, and Dan went 82-0 first try.
I think, listen, in this cynical world we live in, every once in a while you got to remind people who you are, and I thought that was a masterful moment there. Now, now, some people— questions about Dan Lebatard's right to weigh in on whatever he wants in the world of sports for at least the next decade.
Now, some people thought it was rigged. That, that was something. And that's why I said yesterday, was, is there any way that people would think that we rigged it? Why would anyone say it was rigged? Like, we, we did it live on the air. Yeah, it was absolutely— now, if you want to say, uh, you know, you shouldn't be allowed to use the, the respins, you know, team, era, you, you shouldn't be doing classic mode where if you're using the stats—
a lot of that I saw, a lot of why don't you use IQ, right? Because it's Dan and he'll bail on the bit in 2 seconds if he sees Bob Petit.
Right, right.
Okay, I just had Bob Petit on one of my teams.
Hey, rest in peace, by the way.
Uh, Dave, do you wanna— have you played 82-0 yet?
I haven't. I've been consumed by Geo Sports. Are you familiar with that?
No. What's that question? What was that?
Well, it's— listen, it's, it's all the rage as well amidst this 82-0. It's 5 questions daily that you get, and basically you have to put a marker down— there you go— on the big blue marble to ID the location that he's calling for in a sports-related question. It's fun. Let's do it as a gang right now, shall we?
All right, all right, sure. Uh, do you want to— do you want to lead us along here, Dave? Because I don't know the game.
I can't read it. The words are too small. Go ahead, Tashay. Did you type this one out there with the tiny words so no one could read them? What does it say? What's the question?
What say you, Tashay?
The question, I'm being told, it's very small, but it's ESPN has been broadcasting from its headquarters since 1989, and it's essentially asking where is ESPN's broadcast headquarters.
Oh, Zazz, this is your wheelhouse. You should be able to put that within a couple of miles.
It's in—
well, it's Bristol, Connecticut.
So it's Bristol, Connecticut, but I have to actually use the mouse and point to it?
Yeah, you, you put—
oh, I can find it.
Zoom in.
I got it. Zoom in on Connecticut.
I live, I live there. I got it. No idea.
Yeah, you got it. I got it. Zoom in, zoom in on Connecticut. It's, uh—
well, how do you know that that's Connecticut?
Connecticut.
Because what do you mean?
Because I live—
you've already—
okay, I live there, I know exactly.
Hold on a second, Mike, why are you looking at me like that? You— if I gave you a map, you know which one's Connecticut? Yeah, I don't have a clue. There are so many small little states.
You don't know what state is which state? You could— you couldn't write in the name of every state?
Not in the Northeast, no. I have no idea which one's Connecticut, New York, New Jersey. You have no idea what New York is? Nope. I have— I know the vicinity.
It does get a little dicey when you get to New Hampshire. I have no idea what, what any of state, so I have no idea.
You know that little one?
You know the little one?
Rhode Island?
Yeah, but where is it? I, I don't know where it is.
To the right, next to Connecticut.
Like, I'm, I'm going to New York tonight. I know I'm going to a general vicinity in the northeast of the United States. I don't know exactly where. We're screwed.
I don't know anything further down to the west. All right, so if you zoom in on Connecticut, New Haven's on the bottom, which is why you can take the M, uh, the, the train over to New York City. So you had to go a little bit north and a little bit west. All right, if you don't zoom in on it, I can't show you because we're in the Rocky Mountains right now.
So, all right, try it again. Tell them again.
Number 2: besides Christmas, it's pace for the Knicks. That's how you slow down Wemby. Just continue to push the pace. Run, run, run. Get in transition.
Uh, quick baskets.
If the ball goes through the hoop, you push through. That's the physicality. Yes, will wear on him. But running him up and down is what really gets Wemby tired, according to Jeremy Sohan.
So Dave, you play this game every day?
Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, it's only— it's been around for only a couple of weeks now.
The next question is, uh, Ashton Gente rushed for X amount of yards from this place. Do you know where that is?
Well, that— yeah, we should all be able to know that one with the blue turf. I don't know exactly though where in the state of Idaho Um, the capital.
You, you—
if I gave you this map, you know which one— which state is Idaho?
Of course. Yeah, so we all do, right? Come on, I'm not trying to be— I'm not trying to be an ass, but come on, we all know what Idaho is, right?
I went to Santa Fe, lay off! I have no idea which one of those— I, again, I know around what part of the country Idaho might be in, but I, I don't know which one's Idaho. Idaho.
So they weren't doing— they weren't doing floor hockey and they weren't doing geography. What the hell was going on in Florida's, uh, public schools?
Let me ask you something. Why do I need to know?
Good point. You ever gonna go to Idaho?
I've gotten this far. Why do I need to know?
But listen, why don't— don't dance for the man. Don't, don't, don't be a cuck for the man, please. That— listen, this jive about what we need to know, what he decided we needed to know. Math is the great place to evaluate this. Yeah, yeah, we need to know how to add, we need to know how to subtract. I can make a case that the multiplication tables make life a little bit easier for you as a grown-up going forward. Up to 10, up to 12, you should be able to, to do your, uh, your long division. I don't know how much I've really used a lot of long division as a grown-up. Up after that. What the hell are we doing? Who needs algebra? Who need— who needs any of that crap? Just hours of my life flushed down the toilet because the man decided I needed to know that crap. Geography, where you're going, now that's useful stuff.
I like this guy. Number 1, Jalen Brunson versus Area 51. Now for some of you, for some of you people that don't know Area 51, that's what they call Wemby and Stephon Castle. Area 51, the aliens.
Ah, Skip Bayless redubbed him though, the Earthling. I know this prior to me. That might catch on, I don't know.
Yeah, so Jalen Brunson did great against Julian Champagny, did great against Devin Vassell, but against guys not named those two names, he was not very good. So I want to see how he's going to react to Stephon Castle guarding him, to Fox, to Wemby in the paint, all those guys. That's going to be the key for tonight.
I, I'm
"Cote Shines In Shootout."
Tony breaks out the telestrator to break down Mike Ryan's basketball game from last night, which is a mix between Fergie and Jesus. He also has his Top 5 Things To Look Forward To In Tonight's Game, Dameshek claims kickball is overrated, and Zaslow rejects the idea that you need to know math.
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