Transcript of The Big Suey: The Devil Knows More (feat. Tom Segura)

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Welcome to the Big Sui, presented by DraftKings. Why are you listening to this show? The podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan Lebitard podcast. I'm sorry, I'm not going to apologize for that. In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging. I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's fries if they're just there. That hasn't happened to you guys? I've done it. And now, here's the marching band to Nowhere, Fatface, and the Habitual Liar.

This episode of the Dan Levitard Show is presented by DraftKings. Draftkings, the Crown is yours.

As a proper network and whatever it is that remains of ESPN, the Bortis, I did not understand what Jeremy was shouting about sources close to Mendoza. I heard you guys, all of a sudden this is a newsroom, and Jeremy is shouting sources close to Mendoza as I continue to interview his high school coach as if he's Cuban, even though his name is David Dunn.

Yeah, I have a plugged-in source close to Fernando Mendoza.

Man, your shirt is bullshit again.

What? That says the Hoosiers are flippin' champs?

So I said.

They are.

They are. They are. They're a trophy. They are. They're undefeated. This show's anti-Miami, and all it is we do for several days is say, How is this point spread keep climbing? I want to give all the glory to God.

But I do have a source close to Fernando Mendoza that has given me some information that actually is probably going to help the hurricane Canes. Mike, if you guys want to talk about this on Canes Insight, it turns out Fernando Mendoza is lactose-intolerant. Oh, no. If you're looking for a weakness, all you have to do is get some dairy in that diet. When you're looking at the Gatorade that's on the sidelines, maybe sprinkle a little powder of some kind. When he's going to get some coffee, you get rid of that almond creamer, you put some whole milk. Dan, whole milk with a W. I don't know if you know that there's a W in whole milk. You make sure that happens, and you're going to have your way with Fernando Mendoza. He's going to go to Tumiak City.

You get it? You got what he did there? Dan, I broke it to my Cains chat 30 deep that I just clued you in on Canes fans, Hating You, and that it's almost like you don't know about consequences. A record Nine ha-has in 30 seconds.

Did you let them know that Fernando's lacto is intolerant? Because that might be really big information for them. Nine ha-has then in 30 seconds.

If they want to make an impact in 30 seconds. Do their part. That's a ratio. That is...

Time to look in the mirror, Dan.

You know about that ratio?

Clearly, what is happening around here, I'm not joking when I tell you, Color me stunned. As I said, guilty as charged. Up to 12 ha-has. This has never happened to me. I don't think there's been a case of this ever happening, and the Miami fan base, I suppose, will enjoy seeing me stripped naked in front of you all this way. Obviously- Like yesterday. Yeah, you saw it yesterday. I would do anything for this program as long as it's winning all of its games.

I can't believe I didn't get a happens to know for that information. That's good stuff. None of you have that information. You're right. You're right. That's journalism.

You're right that they could poison, legitimately poison Mendoza. With a little bit of milk. If soy milk, if someone were to just say- How do we sneak it in? Put some cheese on his chicken nuggets. Just get the soy out of there, give him whole milk, and you're going to have a quarterback who's got the stomach rumbles. You can't play this game with this stomach.

You cannot play against Ruben Bain if you've got a tummy ache. What hotel they stand at? Let's do this.

I feel like you've just endangered a kid.

Let's not do this.

All right, let's not do this. My dad will never forgive me if we hurt Mendoza.

Well, that's the thing. My mother won't either. Jeremy's fault. My mom is rooting for Mendoza. I'm like, How could you? It's lactose and tolerance. Don't you know what it is that this school has done for us? Is he going to get a tummy ache. Bobby, you'd never be on television without it. How could you go for Mendoza?

My dad, as I've mentioned, is totally in on this storyline. And he FaceTime me yesterday, and this is one of the rare times that I didn't ignore it. I answered it, even though I didn't want to. Now, he FaceTime you. Yeah, does that in the hopes to see my daughter. But she wasn't there, so it was just me laying on the couch with Roma, and I still somehow answered it. Usually, I just answer and immediately shove it in my daughter's face. How do you answer it? Hey, dad. And then I always thought- With that level of enthusiasm? Yeah, that level of enthusiasm. My dad does this thing. Occasionally, I have to explain it to him. I'm like, I spend the entire day talking about sports. The last person I want to talk sports with is my dad, just because I don't respect him, or sports opinions, for that matter.

You could have left out the first part and just left it- I love my dad.

He's a great abu. Anyways, he asked me for a ticket to the game. Oh, no.

He probably heard you say you had 12.

No, he didn't. He doesn't actually support what I do, but he loved saying that he's my dad, which is cool.

Same relationship I have with the University of Miami.

And I'm like, Dad, respectfully, and I did say respectfully, even though I was still disrespecting him at the time. Oh, now you say whatever you want. I want the seat to go to someone that actually cares about the Miami hurricanes. So Dan? And my dad doesn't care about Miami Hurricanes, he cares about the scene. He wants to be there because of the whole Cuban storyline. He's been so in on Mendoza. And it seems like he'd be rooting for Indiana. He would be. He told me, he's like, Man, it's just Fernando has gone through so much adversity that I really want this for Fernando. And I'm like, Dad, you don't want this for me? I've been sacrificing a lot of time, money, and effort here trying to get to this point. He's like, I really want them to finish the story. I'm like, What is their story? Because this is their story. What is their story? They didn't matter. What is their story? Herding your son? Yeah, they didn't matter, and now they matter. That's a great story. It's awesome for them. The story here is the pain. I've tasted the riches. And now it's been 20 years.

I'm offended for you. I was offended. And then he's like, Okay, where can I watch the game? I'm like, anywhere? And he's like, yeah, but I don't want to wait for a seat. I'm like, dad, enough of this. He's like, I'm trying to get to this Columbus watch party. I'm like, You went to Berlin? That's a hated rival. What is happening? The Mendoza thing has gotten the older Cubans crazy. They love this guy more than they love their own town because he is an archetype of what they thought this country would mean for their children. Mendoza is the perfect, you could build them in a lab, the ideal dream child for one of those second-generation Cubans that came here hoping for a better life. He is an amalgamation of the American dream, a good religious Cuban boy, and it has gotten in their heads so much that they root against their own children in their own town. That's some balls on your father, I got to tell you.

And he overcame that lactose intolerance.

What about my mother? I would say to you, Mike, and I say this as we build up Monday, a live watch party, because I can't even imagine the idea of hitting up Mike for tickets right now for what this ticket is. And we are doing, while Mike is at the game, he's going to have to leave about tomorrow in order to get to the... Maybe Saturday afternoon to get to the stadium. But he has been in a way that's been like, the pandemic made us all crazy, okay? But the last five years, Mike has poured his life into this school, into the things around this school. He's got an information business that is covering this week better than anyone else is covering it this week.

What was the tipping point? We're like, Okay, I want to be this. Well, I was really frustrated with how things were going, and I'm a big believer in be the change that you seek. I was complaining plenty, and I guess just getting other people riled up about what was going on. But then I realized I needed to get in the game, and I was afforded the opportunity to get in the game. But I think the real tipping point in terms of anger and enough of this shit was probably the first couple of plays against Alabama and Atlanta because I was a believer. I was like, Dierry King, all right, here we go. Manny Diaz in New Miami. And then I was watching warmups. I'm like, we're a joke. We're an absolute joke. And we had zero interest in competing in that game. It was just, let's not get hurt. And that's not the Miami that I believed we were. I thought we were turning the corner, and then I realized I got God again. This is the third consecutive coach that got me. I was there as he arrived in a yacht and was talking all this stuff.

I'm like, yeah, this is the energy that we need. I was a believer. We weren't too far removed from the turnover change. I was like, all right, here we go. This is it. I love Mark Rick, but he had the health stuff. This is a guy. I got fooled. I was pissed off, and I had enough of it. I actually spoke to Manny Navarro about this. I wonder if you could have put that out.

The health stuff, man, you just skipped over the best of the UM years in the last 20 years that we had here.

God bless Mark Rick.

No, of Of course, a legitimate legend at the University of Miami, even though people, I guess, would say, Well, no, not really. But he kept the program afloat during all of those times.

That's who cares, man.

No, and cares and used his own money and everything else. But you just skipped past the health stuff because you're going through the last 20 years of supporting this program is when is Randy Shannon going to get out of here? We need him to lose games. Supporting this program. It's taken a lot to get to where Mario Cristobal was, and he went through FIU. Without the storytelling parts of this, which are amazing, just the facts of the matter is the business of Miami run through this man over the last four years has increased in value every year after they made a $90 million commitment with a lot of money people were questioning because it was Life Wallet and John Ruiz. So overcoming all odds, this Cuban business has absolutely risen up at the center of college football to get to the very top of the chain led by this man. Where am I not positive enough about this stuff, Mike?

I tried to explain it to you, buddy. It's okay. We'll help you. Do it like you view the Miami heat. I know you got relationships with people in that building and you deeply care, and there have been a whole bunch of regimes that have come in and out, and maybe you don't have the same relationship with that heck building as you once did. But when it comes to the Miami heat- It wants you to be a homer. You put on for your city, and you don't mind being called a homer because you're like, you're goddamn right. I've had opportunities to lead this town. I am a proud Miamian, and when the rest of the world attacks this town, I am the guy. This entire sports, fandom area rallies around. And when it comes to your own school, you are not that guy. And I'm very sorry about that, but you can turn it around. There is still time, Dan. You can turn it around. You're doing a watch party. We got a couple of days here. It's fine that you bring in Gino Toretta and Edrin James, and you farm out the homerism, and you farm out the school You need to tap into that guy that was ranting against Indiana.

You need to tap into that guy that hates Boston. You need to be that guy. You need to be that guy again for this town. You have forgotten who you are.

Why would I hate Indiana?

You hated the Indiana Pacers plenty. They're not Miami. You hated the Indiana Pacers plenty. You did two rants at their expense. Where is that guy?

You want me to hate the undefeated Indiana Hoosiers.

No, not just them. The entire state of Indiana.

Led by the Heisman-winning quarterback from Miami. Yes.

The Heisman- Irrationally. Want you to hate Miami's opponents. Yes. You know why? Because they're what's in front of us. That's right.

You want me to call Mendoza a dork, not have David Dunn do it?

That's right. This should be muscle memory for you.

You should just treat Indiana like you treat me.

There you go. Look at him. He's even wearing a shirt for you. Yeah, look at that bullshit.

But I like Indiana. But you hate him. I don't hate him.

You hate him. It's too strong. Everybody hates him. Everyone. Come on. That's his whole deal. That's what he brings to the table. Dislike.

Roy, thank you. Roy, thank you for being a voice of reason in these troubled times, for turning down the temperature. Dislike, we can have a better conversation around... Nobody here hates Jeremy. No, it does not rise to hate with anyone here. I do.

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Happy New Year, everybody. 2026 is already getting off to an incredible start because you want to know how I in the new year, it was with a bunch of friends in a Dallas hotel lobby bar, ordering a bunch of Miller lights, because that's how you do it. That's how you make special memories. Miller light has been by my side in many special football memories this year, and hopefully, we get to write a few more memories with Miller light. Some of my most legendary moments have started that exact same way. A buddy's house, a lobby bar, a game, no big plan. And then you crack open a Miller light, you take a sip, and you look around, and you immediately recognize that you made the right call. Legendary moments start with Miller Light. Great taste, 96 calories. Go to millerlight. Com/dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller light pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrating Great responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 96 calories and 3. 2 carbs per 12 ounces. Don Levatard. Florida claws back from down 2: 0 because they were getting their asses handed to them by Toronto.

To then get lit a fire underneath them by their head coach, Paul Maurice, who did the thing. Remember how the run was sparked last year? Stugatz. He called him a bunch of P's and B's. He did the thing again. He called him a bunch of P's and B's And then, boom, five unanswered. You win the division. This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugats. I want to believe you if we lift number six. I want to believe that it matters to you. Right now, it feels performative. It feels like you're going through the motions. It feels like you hate it a little bit sometimes because you're worried about the comment section and what people may think of our show. You never cared about what people may think of our show when the other teams are in it. And yet for this team, for some reason, you do. Get me Dan Lebitard back, Jack.

Perhaps I don't think we want to keep staying on this couch, do we? Unless you think it's a therapy that you're revealing to me something I have not seen, which you are.

No, I'm not trying to give you therapy. I'm giving you a little pep talk. I know you're that guy. You've always been that guy. Just be that guy again.

You think I have it wrong that the country is watching this game and all they're rooting against is everything this show has been loud, proud, and obnoxious wherever the worst and best of sports fandom resides.

When has that ever affected you? That's the sweet spot. There are some people that ride along with us, and it's usually this community that support us, but you've lost this community around this team. Now you're just getting hate from all sides. Put on for your city one more time.

I don't think I have it in me. I think it's too big an ask.

What if I show you, Tony, from a costume shop?

Oh, let me see. Let me see what we have there. There it is.. There it is. It's been there since what year, Tony?

Basically, since the Cuban exile, probably 1960 something, this has been here. So this has been the longest-standing costume shop on the planet as far as Miami is concerned. But I'm looking here and it's closed, Dan. Unfortunately, Eteban, the owner who we had on Tony tonight, who did incredible gags on Louis is out of the country, so we don't have the permission right now to go in. Plus, they're closed. But they said, Monday, he'll be back, and we can go in on Monday, Dan. So is that something you want to farm out for Monday? Are you interested in that?

That sounds good. Zaz, how about you? All right, so where else are you going today? Because what I'd like to do now, and I failed to do this before, if you want to go back over to where we were, I'd like to give you a chance to give us one football take headed into the NFL weekend because we're wearing out the audience with all our college talk. Think about what that take is, and I'd like for you to give it to us next while eating croquettas, okay? One after another, okay? Okay.

We could do that. I'm also going to go over to a Yoyavera shop, which also has some history in it. So we're planting the seeds around here on Caiocho. I did want to go through… Dan, obviously, you've been here, but other people haven't. So they're giving examples of some of the things that they have. They've got a gypsey of some sort. They've got un pirata, they've got Frankenstein, they've got King Kong. They got Dracula, Mortish Adams. They've got some the night or something. They have Satanas. And if you turn around, I know what that Satanas for Sean McGill to do. I don't know if you do, Zaz. They've got Gloria Estefan. They got Emilio Estefan, a beautiful mural here of the Miami Sound Machine. What more do you want, Dan? Look at this. And the breeze is blowing. We're next to a transmission shop. Somebody lives right there.

That's somebody's house right Yeah, that's correct. You know what?

I don't want to do this, but I could throw a rock and hit that window over there. You won't be nice, but I could do it.

That's how close they are. There's no need for that. In the name of-No, no, no, no, no. You want me to do it? No, no, no, no, no. I'll do it. No one wants you to do that. No one is asking you to throw a walk and break a neighbor's way. I heard Chris say it.

I heard Chris say it, yeah.

All right, Tony, please. I'm going to need you and your father's help to repair my image in these streets over the next three days. Please help me. I can't lose my image. By the way, I talk to my dad. I can't lose my city. I can't.

I talked to my dad. I know. I talked to my dad who's got a lot of people at Columbus that he knows. He's very intertwined in the Columbus circle. He said they didn't appreciate a lot of the stuff that was happening. I've obviously made the inroads and calmed the waters a little bit, but they didn't like where you were headed on the road you were headed on the last couple of years. It's going to take a little bit to do that, Dan. One trip over there is not going to help. We need to make a couple trips over there.

I need your help. I need your help. Please go look at this and think of what that one take is we got to go talk to Tom Segura, please. Okay. Thank you. We'll check back in with you. Andrew Santino is going to be on with us in a little bit, and David Samson as well. This is going to continue to be a fun week. I've got He has some issues with Santino, though. Honest to God, I didn't tell you guys any of this, so this will be interesting to parse out with him. He's in breach of contract on Metalark Media because he was supposed to be the Chicago Bear's correspondent all year, and then a bunch of things came up and everything and there's litigation. He blew it. He blew it. He could have been Bear's correspondent every week this season on the most amazing Bear season there's been. We're going to talk to him and see if we can hash that out in a little bit. But Tom Segura, he's a best-selling author. He's a comedian. He's one of the guys, I think, that has helped change comedy podcasting. He's got a bunch of podcasts on his own network, Your Mom's House.

He does that with his wife, Two Bears, One Cave, with Bert Kreischer. He's got a new Netflix special, Teacher. It is now streaming. I'll get to him and the streaming in a second. But you're a crazy college football fan, right, Tom? Thank you for joining us, by the way.

Yeah, thank you for having me. I love college football, man. I I don't think you have to listen to your colleagues' advice and become a homer. I don't think it's a good idea.

Oh, you've been listening? So can you help me manage this, please? Because I'm getting berated by my community for not being Cuban enough.

They're enough. There's enough Cubans there, and they're supportive enough. They don't need you on board, too. You can be a voice of reason. It's fine.

But no reason. This is not a time of reason. College football has no use for reason.

Listen, man. Look, first of all, this is the Indiana story. If you like college football, we have basically never seen anything like this. This is crazy that they're even here. It's insane. If you watch college football for the last 30 years, Indiana is a team you see on the schedule and you're like, Oh, cool. We're going to beat the shit out of them. They're going to win maybe two games this season. The fact that they've even put this together is bananas. I started to watch games like halfway through the season because I was like, There's no way they're actually good. They're good, man. They're really good. It's amazing. I cannot believe I'm seeing Indiana play in the national championship game. It's bananas.

This is perfect because for years, Dan's actually been yearning for the acceptance of comedians way more than the local community.

Dude, you got enough local support. You need more local support, really?

Yes. Why? Because Dan, for whatever reason, when it comes to this program, a team that represents the town more than any other team decides to play it cool, decides to give equal time, makes sure that the haters are heard. That's not the case when it was a Miami heat. That's not the case even when it came to Florida Florida Panthers hockey, and Dan doesn't even know what the fuck is made out of.

He doesn't need to actually do any more for the Canes, bro. Aren't you an alum? There you go.

There you go. You got Tom Segura on your side. It's not pronounced Segura. It's Segura.

No, it's Tom Segura. No me jodas. But listen, man, I think what we're looking for, more than anything in this thing, is that I have tons of Miami friends. I have tons of friends that were players, and every year, they're like, Canes are back, man. Canes are back. And you're like, Oh, okay. Look, they're back. They're in the national Championship game. So it's exciting if you're in Miami, if you're a fan, if you're in that studio, I'm sure you're thrilled. And you should be, because you actually, after all these years, put together a team that couldn't play in the ACC Championship game, but they're in the National Championship game. And that's incredible. I think you should be thrilled about it. But I think if you're a college football fan, this is the craziest umbrella story we've ever seen. Indiana is not supposed to be in the National Championship game in football. This is the craziest thing I've seen.

So explain to me. I'm missing a portion of this. When I see Rich Eisen doing a segment where he's saying that Miami... I didn't hear the segment, but I just saw that what was clipped was Miami is America's team. That can't possibly be so, right?

What the hell? Rich Eisen's on drugs? That's crazy. No.

That's Miami? It's all of India. The country is root. All of the country that cares about college football is rooting for Indiana, correct?

They are 100% doing that. 100%, yes.

Nobody outside of Miami wishes for Miami to win this game. They all want the story to end with, Can you believe Indiana just had the most unbelievable upset season of all time? No one ever saw Indiana coming.

I think that's a totally reasonable thing to say. Yeah. I think that most people hate you guys Most people hate you. As they should. Yeah. Yeah. No, this is all right. No. I think if you're a Miami guy, you embrace that. You embrace the fact that people hate you. Usually. Yeah. Because Miami swag you. You're like, We did It first. It's who you are. I think Miami, best shot, I'm talking about as a team, is embracing the fact that it's them against the world, that the country does want to see them lose. Country always wants to see Miami lose.

Tom, you're helping my end game more than you would ever know. This is catnip for Dan Lebitard. Wait a second. The entire world is against Miami? How did I not know this?

Yeah, for sure, dude. It's not even close.

Why is that, Tom? Why is the entire world against Miami?

Oh, boy.

I can think of a couple of reasons.

Me, too.

That's all you guys got?

It's probably the same thing. No, I mean, look, there's multiple ways to look. To be fair, there's a couple of ways to look at it. There's going to be the thing that people say, which is they're like, Indiana has never been there. This is a basketball school. They got it done without getting five-star and four-star kids. It is the Daryl, all they've done is lose, man. I don't have to tell you that, right? You know that all they've done is lose in football. If you were an Indiana alum and you wanted tickets to the basketball games, they made you buy tickets to the football games. And you go, I don't want these. And they're like, Yeah, I know. But you're buying these if you want to go to the basketball game. I mean, the other level of it is the one that we all know, which is that I think a lot of people are just like, Oh, Miami? With the gold chains and loud dreads and all that shit. Yeah, they're racist. Do you not know that a lot of America is racist?

Yeah, but that was 30 years ago.

No.

I know it felt like racism went away, but it's having a huge comeback, Dan. It's back to Jack.

I don't know if you've seen the news this week, but there's a lot of white people that are still hanging on to like, Oh, just enter our country the right way, and you should get shot if you don't. Those people are the types of people that I think definitely want to see. They associate that with Miami. It's layered, man, and it might be nuanced, but I don't think it's untrue.

Tom, you got to spend a little bit of time with the Miami Huracan's mascot, Michael Irvin, over Christmas, didn't you?

He is the best.

. Don't come back.

No.

That's it, baby. You.

I love this guy, dude. I love this guy. And I told him straight to his face that I'm not a Canes fan, I would go anywhere with Michael Irvin. He is the most fun. I was like, What are you on? And he was like, Let's not talk about it. And then, What is it about you? He's just like, I'm built different. The enthusiasm that guy has, he would be the person I put at the forefront. If I was building a team, I would honestly... You get prime age of everyone. Michael Irvin is definitely on that team. He's incredible.

Well, it is a testament. It It really is a testament to his connection to the program and to entertainment that Miami is the only team in the history of college football that has as its mascot an NFL Hall of Famer. As its mascot, an NFL Hall of Famer. As its mascot, an NFL Hall of Famer.

Yeah. I mean, it's so crazy that they were able to work that out. But it's not an act from this guy. It's so genuine. That's the thing. It's so enthusiastic.

He's I don't know.

There's points where I'm like, I think he's going to run on the field. I don't think he has any no in him. It's all energy 24/7. He's like that at 6: 00 in the morning. It never ends.

No idea how he finds the energy. Really don't.

There's ways.

Your love of Michael Irvin in football and Netflix put you together in a situation. You guys have had a number of interesting opportunities present themselves? How are you selecting the ones you select and what is it that you are trying to do with the Netflix opportunity?

I've had a great relationship with Netflix for, I guess, 12, 13 years now. I'm in prep right now for season 2 of my series Bad Thoughts, which we start shooting next week. It's just something that I really wanted to do. I took it to them first and they said yes. They've been great to me on standup. They've put six specials out, so I'm super lucky that I've been able to do that. For me, I just go with, this is the thing that I've dreamt of doing. They've literally made many dreams come true. I'm just very lucky that it's worked out that way. I'm just super thankful that I get to work with them.

What are the situations you found yourself in, though? I saw you told at some point an endemic and sue story, but you found yourself in what strange positions as someone who never really expected to arrive in a place where you'd actually be jostling among some athletic heroes that want to party with you?

I mean, look, I've sat next to Mike Tyson at a fight, and that's pretty crazy. The whole thing feels surreal, man. I mean, I just wanted to be able to sell some tickets at a club when I was starting doing stand-up. You never dream like, I'm going to do stand-up where they play NBA games. That's not on your vision board. You do your shows, they put it out, and then people either like it or they don't. And it turns out it's both. But you don't really get to pick that thing. I mean, yeah, I've found myself hanging out with people that I never thought it would be a possible thing. Tyson was obviously one who I've run into now several times. I still think it's crazy whenever I run into him and that he remembers me. I remember I was having dinner with Joe Burrow and nick Bosa and John Feliciano, Hurricane.

I asked him. That's not fair. He asked me.

No, you don't get to do that. I asked him. Whoever played that, you're a fucking bum.

It was Chris. I asked him. I asked him to play.

He might be a bum.

He's literally fishing for me to do this, you piece of shit. I'm hanging out with these dudes at dinner, and they're telling NFL injury stories. I I remember. If we were talking about, you and me were talking about injuries, we would talk about, if you were telling one, I would be like, Oh, this would happen to me. And I realized that in the middle of them talking about NFL injury stories, my brain just was like, Oh, I remember when I got injured. And I was thinking about a high school football injury, and I started telling it. And my brain was like, I think you're about to get lit up by these guys. You're talking high school football, and they play in the NFL. And I could just feel it. They were like, I saw their forks go down, and I was like, Shit, just take whatever they say. And they were like, Oh, yeah? You hurt your tailbone? And I was like, Yeah, man. I was doing punt coverage, and they were like, ? And they were like, How did you get injured? Were you falling down the stairs? And I was like, Okay, I'll just-Nobody asked a follow-up question.

Tom, they didn't let you drown in that shit. That's That seems like such spectacularly bad judgment to try and get in on the story with your war story and to have those three guys look over. How do you not realize three seconds in, Oh, what a terrible mistake I've made.

I did. It was humiliating, and I knew I had made a terrible mistake. I knew I had made a terrible mistake, but my brain was like, Just try to keep going, and maybe they'll gloss over it, maybe they'll miss it. I was just trying to escape the room, and then I just took the beating. They just roast me for the next hour. It was a humbling experience, man.

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Don Lebetard. Who is the comedian? Is it James Mulvaney? How do you pronounce his- John Mulvaney? There you go. Thank John Mulvaney. Two dollars. Yeah, that's a bad find. Wow. Everybody started shaking their head.

I mean, he's arguably the most popular comedian right now. James Mulvaney.

Stugatz. Put it on the poll, Guillermo. Is John Mulvaney the most popular columnist at Leventhal?

Oh, my God. Comedian, Dan. Jesus, get it together.

Excuse me. Comedian. My bad.

This is the Dan Leventhal show with the Stugatz. Tom, you can stop me at any point. You may want to stop me already. I've been going down. I read the book on the Garth Brooks thing. I know you're probably annoyed with people asking you about it. I don't want to ask you about any of that stuff and your opinions on it. It's fine. There's a part of the book that alleges that Garth Brooks has a video of you actually sustaining an injury. A horrible injury. Yeah, a horrible injury showing people this video and saying that it was karma.

I learned this firsthand from somebody who is directly related to one of his high-level employees. The person that I spoke, I'm trying to not give out too much of their information. The person that I spoke to was like, Yo, yeah, I've met him. Weird guy. My relative works with him. I said, Does he know about these rumors? He goes, Yeah, of course he knows, and he doesn't get it. Then they asked him, they were like, Do you hate Tom? The person that works for Garth said, Garth doesn't hate anybody. I was like, That's such a creepy thing to say. And then he said that he sometimes looks at the video of me tearing my patellar tendon and breaking my arm and goes, Karma. Karma right here. So, yeah, that's how he responds to being You know the Internet has completely ruined his social media, right?

It's completely-Commments are off.

On everything. He used to, first you turned him off on Instagram, then it turned off on Facebook. And those are big, obviously, platforms for him because just everyone No one's asking him where bodies are buried and if they can have their grandmother back. It's completely over for him on social media.

I guess it's a complicated question, but you guys have all run into a giant Fame, fast that I think probably you didn't quite expect in some ways, and you teamed up with Bert Kreischer on something, and he is vulnerable in ways and fragile in ways that the internet is going to eat up, especially if he's reading comment sections about himself. As you've gone through the last five years of slalom course in a changing America, what has all that felt like as some of the guys in the Rogan's fear are being accused of tilting the political election?

Yeah, I mean, the social media thing is a very precarious thing to navigate. I think you realize that if you get great exposure, sometimes you get showered with positive things. And when it shifts to negative or very negative, what you realize is you really shouldn't be digesting either side of it too much. I've been doing this now, stand-up, 25 years. And you learn how to deal with people talking shit to you and accusing you of things or calling you names. And at first, it's really shocking. I remember when it first happened, it feels so personal. But the longer you do it and you realize you have all this exposure, the more I think of it as like, this is just something you deal with. Sometimes I look at an extreme case and I try to tell... When I'm telling another comic about it who is themselves shocked about it. I'm like, Look, why don't you just do a search for what Taylor Swift gets? Do you think that she's sitting there making sure? Yeah, she gets a lot of praise, and then she gets a lot of criticism because she's a superstar. So your stardom has begun.

This is just part of how it goes. Now, as far as the political thing, I know that some of those guys are really into that. Thankfully, I'm not. I do not participate in that. I've been pretty I wouldn't say I'm a very outspoken person about political things, but I've definitely never been a supporter of anybody in this administration, and I think I've made that pretty clear.

Can you explain to me the perils before we talk about teachers your new Netflix special, the perils of doing a podcast with a Peruvian relative? Forgive me, I am a bit ignorant about the concept of the podcast.

Oh, well, my mother is Peruvian. She's a hunter. I'm half Peruvian. We gave my mom her own podcast. She is a crazy Latin mother, as they all are. She's the most difficult human being I've ever met in my entire life. I decided to share her with the world and gave her Muy Muchachar, her own podcast, in which she can be crazy with my own staff. But she's a lot, man. You have a mom, right?

Yes, I've got a Latin mom, but I've had one all my life. Yeah, me too. How does that go? How does the podcast end up going where she's being... You're unleashing to the world, Hispanic fire?

Well, we used to have my mom as a guest on YMH, and she would come in, and the whole game would be just to horrify her. It's still my favorite thing to do. When I was a kid, I would just belch at the table or say awful things just to get this rise out of her because it was fun. It's still fun to see her get upset. That's been a thing we've done for years. But she is, to her credit, I have to say, this woman is naturally funny. She's a natural storyteller. She is funny. She is an exaggerator. She's dramatic. She's a Latina. She is who she is. We gave her her own show where my production staff, fantastic staff at YMH, they just do this show with her now where they fill her up with pop culture news, here's slang, what's your take on this crazy story about someone selling their own breast milk, whatever crazy things happening, and you just get to see Chado react. That's been the show, and fans seem to love it. I'm glad somebody's having a good time with her.

The new Netflix special is called Teacher. It is now streaming. You'll forgive me for doing this, but Tony is calling in urgently from back at... Yes. Okay. No. Has he moved the party somewhere else? That looks different. Tony was running around Miami because we got a big game coming up. He wanted to play with you. Are you ready to chew up some Latin phrases here before you leave?

Yeah, I'd love to.

Dime lo mi gente. We are here live at La Colada Gourmet, still down on Calle Ocho. Tom, I'm a big fan of yours, buddy. I'm excited to play this game with you. So the game we're playing is called Refran de Día. I give a Spanish phrase, and then you have to translate it into English. So I'm going to give you the Spanish phrase. You're going to translate it into English, literally. And then we decide what it means and let the people know who don't speak Spanish, how we use that and where it comes from.

You ready to play? Okay, let's try.

All right, let's do it crisp in the wheel. Okay, this is one that we've never had before. This is an exciting one. It's a little bit more nuanced. Okay.

Okay.

Uh-oh. Here it is.

You want to start with nuanced as opposed to easy. You want to go nuanced.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Because we've given all the easy ones, right? Tom is a man of dignity, a man of class, a man who understands Spanish. He does the damn podcast in Spanish, for God's sake. So he knows what the deal is. So here it is. Today's Refrend de Día is,.

.

The devil knows more for being old than for being the devil. Exactly right. Nailed it.

And then Is this a Cuban expression?

What the hell does this mean?

I'm glad you asked, Dan, which is why it requires nuance.. It's not that he's the Prince of darkness and knows all. He knows all because he's been around longer. That's a phrase that's said to somebody who's older of age, who's been around the block, who's seen things. You say. It's such an old lady phrase.

It's an old lady that she says when she sees you getting into bad things, like you're going down the wrong path, and she's telling you. That's what I feel.

Tony, go eat croquettas, Tony. I can't believe that that's what you chose to use with him. Thank you. You must have a.

Okay, I can do another one. I can do another one.

Fade them down. No, thank you. Just spectacularly bad judgment. I knew it as soon as you started talking. It's rare that it happens.

That's not a good one. He said nuance. Wait, what did you say? He just learned what nuance means two weeks ago.

I just can't believe what he tried to do with you there. Really? No. Yes. I'm stuck.

Isn't that the game? I thought we were- No, but it's supposed to be a little easier than why It's supposed to be a little easier than what it is we just made it for you. Wait, how is it complicated? What do you mean? What's the complicated? You said easier. Easier how?

That the expression that he used, I didn't understand what he was talking about, even as someone who knows the expression.

Oh, I love that he's exasperated.

No, it's that Dan doesn't speak Spanish. So he hears a phrase that he's never heard in his life and then says it's a bad phrase. Dan has no idea what he's talking about. That's why Miami doesn't like him.

What is he attacking me for? Are you kidding? I like this.

Tom came out and knew what it exactly was in two seconds. I gave the context for it, Dan. You have such a bad gage. You have such a bad gage, and so does Mike Ryan..

Please. She's dead. Please. That's a phrase.

Thanks, Tom. It doesn't mean exactly yours.

Hey, man.

She died. You knew that. Me cago tu madre, Dan.

We're going to talk about that mom line, Tony.

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