Transcript of The Big Suey: Chris Cote's Wife's Smutty Book Club

Welcome to The Big Sui, presented by DraftKings. Why are you listening to this show? The podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan Le Batard podcast. I'm sorry, I'm not going to apologize for that. In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging. I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's fries that if they're just there.

That hasn't happened to you guys?

I've done it.

And now here's the marching man to nowhere, fat face, and the habitual liar.

This episode of the Dan Le Batard Show is presented by DraftKings. DraftKings! The crown is yours.

Let's go, let's go.

Yeah, yeah. All right. Yeah.

Come on. Come on.

What are you on about? You don't like the pause between?

Ridiculous. Ridiculous.

What are you on about? Such a funny way to say it.

So Chris Cody got back from vacation a couple days ago. Yeah, yeah. And it's like, do you not know what's going on in the NFL?

No.

Because he just saw— Dave, he just saw— so Chris was on a cruise or you were on an all-inclusive? All-inclusive. All right, so he was away for a few days. He just got back yesterday. And it flashes across the screen just a couple minutes ago. Mike Evans signs 3-year deal with the 49ers. Like, did you not decide to catch yourself up on what happened when you were away? You just showed up like, I'll catch up on the fly?

On the day back, I was kind of just going through Twitter and, you know, looking at all the news and see, oh, this guy's here, this guy's here. And I thought I saw a lot of—

We're at war?

I thought I saw— we're at war? Bam did what? But, uh, and then, and then I— and I'm, you know, but stuff's still trickling in. A lot of shit happened.

But when you— okay, so you're at the all-inclusive. Do you not— you You don't— like, you actually unplug? You don't follow?

Oh, for sure. Like, my screen time is way down. Like, yeah, I'm having like moments where I'll get on phone for like 5 or like a 5-minute here, 5-minute there. But no, like, for the most part, I am way less. Why? You don't disconnect?

No.

Like, you don't know about that disconnect?

That's my gimmick. Like, Dave, I feel like we live— we work in a business where we can't just disconnect for a week and then play catch-up. Like, I'm not on my phone the whole time when I'm on a cruise or something, but I get the Wi-Fi package and I make sure I check what's happening, you know?

What the hell is Chris Cody unplugging from? Sports? That way, like, I've never been an ER doctor, but I've watched The Pit a few times, and I can understand wanting to get away from that sometimes. Well, get away from sports? That's the whole reason you choose to do sports for your life. I mean, you don't want to unplug. This isn't work. This is fun work. This is as good as it gets.

It's more just getting away from my phone in general.

Okay, but how much is it?

Okay, I've got to unplug. I've got to unplug.

Yeah, let's—

I got to get away from it all. From what? From watching sports?

From Canucks Flames?

All right, let's get down to brass tacks here though. How much is it, Chris? Because if on your vacation You got your phone out and your wife scolds you.

I mean, it's really not that at all.

She's reading her book.

She doesn't even see.

Exactly. She's reading smut the whole time. That's my wife. Anyone else?

You have to.

You have the built-in excuse, Zaslow. Of course you know that, Cody. If anybody said, what were you doing on your phone? Can't you focus? Can't you be present with us? I'm sorry. I wish I could. I wish I could. But it's my job to be plugged into what's going on. Sports.

And, and unfortunately, I use that 'it's my job' line so much throughout the year, guys. I gotta take like a few days off on the 'hey honey,' that's why you do it.

That's one of the reasons I gotta watch Panthers tonight.

I gotta watch Panthers tonight.

I gotta work.

Like, I use that a lot, guy. I go to that well a lot.

Oh my, what my wife always says to me, do you have to watch this game for work?

You know, the answer is always yes.

We have Highline Friday nights, and then afterwards I'm still working, honey. We're like, it's a team meeting we're doing after here at Las Rosas.

That's right. Which for me is also kind of work.

See, dude, wow. Good point.

It all falls under the work umbrella.

ABW, always be working.

And by the way, it's 100% the truth too. That's what you have on your side. Like, I got to watch this game for work. Like, do you feel like you're lying? No, you're not lying.

Well, you should watch it.

That's what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to be watching the games, everybody. And guess what? It's fun too.

You good?

While we're—

I'm done.

I'm done.

I gotta unplug. Well, no, I don't want— I didn't know if you needed to unplug for a few minutes right now.

Speaking of Panthers last night, how about this Bobrovsky deciding to play well as soon as we're eliminated? I am over this Bob.

They're eliminated?

They're not eliminated.

The last week—

I know they're not technically eliminated, but they win the rest of their games, they'll get in.

The last week or so, every game it's Bob playing out of his ass. Now that we're out of it, I'm over this Bob playing well late in the season.

Oh good, we can just talk about—

You're over—

you're, you're over the guy who just delivered 2 Stanley Cups to you?

No, I'm over him.

What the hell's going on with Cody?

I'm over him.

Somebody unplug him.

Roy, unplug him, please.

Yeah, his mic's off. Don't worry, he's not talking anymore.

I'm glad that Chris brought that up because yes, Sergei Bobrovsky was incredible last night. Kept them in a game where the Panthers were generating no offense the first 2 periods. Third period was actually very exciting, and the Panthers win. Reinhardt scores the winner, and they win 2-1 in overtime. But I feel like last night Bob was so incredible, and last night for me, if you didn't feel this way before last night, you have to at least have some type of feeling about, I think this year will be a blip on the radar when the team comes back healthy next year, certainly when Barkov is in front of him next year. And that it is— you have to bring Bobrovsky back. You probably sign him to a 2-year extension. You bring him back next year, and it's pretty likely he bounces back. Like, I thought last night was maybe the best moment of the season because— and you heard what guys were saying about Bob after the game, and even what Sergei said after the game. You saw there were quotes from him just about, I love it here, I don't ever want to play anywhere else.

This is the only place I want to play. I want to finish my career. Like, you can't get rid of this guy. I'm so glad they didn't trade him. I'm so glad.

Well, I mean, this is the first time we've heard anything like this. It's— his contract's been a looming situation. It was almost as if the deadline forced this conversation into the local narrative. We're not that kind of media market that if this were Toronto, they'd be banging on about his contract for 2 years. But that's not how South Florida is. I think the players like that. But it's cool to see, like, every Panther fan's kind of wondering, wait, are we going to lose our legendary goaltender, number 72? And they've answered that pretty loudly and they're showing him love and they're giving him flowers. And for Bob, who is not at all vocal, to come out and say what you've been wanting to hear, like in terms of direction, like, because I can understand from a hockey perspective why the team may move on, but that's not what's at play here. I just wanted to get clued in to the direction. I wanted to know if Bob wanted to stay here. We're getting answers to all those questions. And it's cool to see this team bounce back from a form perspective when they decided we're not going to be trading any of these guys that helped get us there.

We're going to ride this thing out and we're going to come back next season with a vengeance. And to see them take that message from the front office and it translate into 3 consecutive victories on the ice against teams ahead of them in the standings that they need to catch. It's been great to see Roy. Bobby. Yeah, he's getting paid $10 million a season. I'm looking for him to take a team discount like Sam Bennett and the rest of those guys took in the offseason. But yeah, the way he's been very good the last two games that he's played and annoying. It's annoying. Like, I'm fine with them.

That's not annoying.

Like, you're annoying because he played like shit all season. And then as soon as we're like, it's— we're out of— I mean, I know we're not technically out of it. We're out of it. And now he's playing well. It's just annoying.

But listen, I'm fine with them missing the playoffs. They need the rest. They've played an equivalent. They played an equivalent of a full regular season in the playoffs the last 2 years.

They need the rest.

So anyway, I'm glad you brought up the Panthers there. Bam doesn't need rest. Now, Chris, uh, going back to your vacation, sup? Your, uh, your wife's into the smut, huh, dude?

Ever since he did Rivalry, she's just into the whole genre. Yeah, I mean, it's not just— she does it all. Like, she doesn't discriminate. She'll go— it's a whole thing. MF, MM, FF.

Whoa, wow.

That's what— that's how—

that's literally You know about that FF?

My Fuentes?

The love story. It's either male, female, male, female.

Dave, you know about that FF?

You know that FF?

No, no. Tell me more, Cody.

It's what it is.

Plug me in.

It's like what the love story— it gives you a little like when you're looking at a cover. Okay, FF, it's a female, female love story. MM, it's two males. FMF, it's male, female.

What about that FMF?

You know, they don't— she loves it all. She reads about like 6 books a week. It's all she's doing every day. We're like watching a show.

Finally, for Paradise, reading smut all day long.

I mean, there's pros and cons, but I think she's just— she won't stop. And I finally, like, with— like, we're watching Paradise, we're watching Paradise, and I'm like, I'm looking, I'm like, oh, it's a good scene. I look over and she's like— I finally got— I'm like, no, if I'm— if we're watching a show, the smut goes away for a half hour.

You're what? Your wife has a porn addiction is what you're saying.

Is that—

is that the long and short of it?

Written—

a written word porn addiction.

I wouldn't call it very popular. Like, she's not the only one. She's got a whole like all the—

like a Fabio. Like, are you talking about like the— the—

I mean, I got a whole friend group.

They're all in generation, like the Fabio books.

Is it a smut book club?

Yes, there's like a whole group.

You know about that smut book club?

I don't. It is a little—

my wife is like the leader of it though.

Oh, whoa.

Because we sometimes hang out, talk about a bunch of couples, and they're always just like, Christy tells us what to read. We all listen to her. If she suggests it, that means it's a good one.

Couples, are you a part? Oh, so you're not dragged into this, or are you?

Good for you.

Thank you.

Did you read it?

No, but I do like to play the game of looking over her shoulder. I'm telling you.

Gets the toes tingling, huh?

The word throbbing is just— oh, like, I can't look over her shoulder without seeing the word throbbing.

Good for you, dude.

I think everybody is thinking the same thing, right? Like, you're just about a half step away from a key party, right?

I like the party.

But we know what a key party is.

Of course, dude.

I don't, I don't, I don't know where Chris Cody's at.

I don't know if Chris knows what he's talking about.

I thought a key party was like, hey, we're drinking, so put your keys in the bowl here because no one's driving home today.

No, wait, wait, keep going. Tell me what you think a key party is. Like, we all put our keys in a bowl because we're all drinking.

Yeah, and then we're putting it away and no one's driving. Yeah, the Ubers.

Oh, close.

Is it a thing where you pick the keys out. It's like, I'm going home with this person.

Yes, you finally got there.

You know about that ice storm? Oh, starring Kevin Kline.

I want to park my car in that garage, huh, Dave?

You—

well, you want to plug in. You're going to get plugged, but good.

Hey, yo, now I'm starting to feel uncomfortable.

So back to the original part of this conversation. You're trying to catch up on— you're trying to catch up on NFL news. You do know that Kyler Murray yesterday signed with the Vikings, right?

I did see that. I saw the funny meme of him walking through the Vikings facility, but it was a baby walking through.

So many memes of like, uh, like little people and they're like, Kyler Murray, all right?

People don't like Kyler Murray.

Dave, you saw these, like so many memes, Kyler Murray, and it's like a, it's like a child walking through the airport on his way to Minnesota. Why do we, why do we treat Kyler Murray like he's 4 feet tall?

He's 5 feet tall.

I think we resent him, at least I do, because You know, when I see, you know, it's like Brad Pitt with the most beautiful women in the world. It's like, okay, that makes sense. He's Brad Pitt. Um, you know, Dan Marino makes sense for being an NFL superstar versus me. He's 6'4" and has a rifle for a right arm. Kyler Murray, it's like he, he then makes me doubt myself. He, he lowers my self-esteem. Like, if he can make it in the NFL at 5'10" I feel like he's showing me up. It feels like I didn't work hard enough. I should be in Kyler Murray's shoes given that he overcame being 5'10". But either way, I kind of like that he went to his favorite childhood— I mean, way back to where we started 30 minutes or so ago, it's kind of cool that he went to his boyhood favorite team.

Oh, is that true? That was his favorite team growing up?

Yeah, yeah. He was claiming that he would cry after big-time defeats. I mean, that's one way to ingratiate yourselves to a Vikings fan base.

Mike, you know I have one rule to live by, right?

Don't place parlays on multiple long shots. Don't say a game is won when it hasn't hit triple zero.

Always drink your Jägermeister ice cold. That's the rule. Everything else is merely a suggestion.

Everything else?

Everything else.

Wearing clean underwear every day?

Well, that's just a personal decision.

Brushing your teeth?

Obviously smart, but not a rule.

Never pee pee on an electric fence?

Okay, maybe there are two rules, but the one that is 100% that I insist on completely: Jägermeister must be drank ice cold, or don't drink it at all.

Damn, that's cold.

Exactly. You're finally starting to get it.

Drink responsibly. Jägermeister Liqueur, 35% alcohol by volume, imported by Mass Jägermeister US, White Plains, New York. Quick break to tell you about a special Miller Time I had with my good buddy Mochetta. Mochetta texted me the other day. He said, hey, what are you doing for the game? I said, I'm just on my couch right now doing nothing, enjoying it. He's like, hey, do you want some company? I said, from you, Mochetta? Absolutely. Mochetta comes over to the house and I pull out the Miller Lite. Miller Lite made that casual hang a memorable good Miller Time with my good friend Mochetta. Because Miller Lite brought us together. We took that first sip after we toasted our beers and we knew we made the right call. We watched a game. All of a sudden we're standing up on our feet. Big threes are being drained and white cans are being clanged. See, times like these, that's exactly why Miller Lite is my go-to. Clean, refreshing, easy to drink, brewed for taste with simple ingredients. The original light beer since 1975, and it still hits different for yours truly and his good friend Mochetta. Cheers to legendary moments made with Miller Lite.

Great taste, 96 calories. Go to MillerLite.com/Dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

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Dan Lebatard. I've never stepped foot on that campus. If you told me right now your life depends on it, go to Santa Fe University and just, just take a picture.

Stugatz.

I would die. I don't know where it is. This is the Dan Lebatard Show with the Stugatz.

I think it's an interesting fit. I'd like to just talk football here for a second with Dave. Yeah, because I think KOC deserves the benefit of the doubt when it comes to quarterback reclamation projects. Not AOC, KOC. But what he did with Sam Darnold was amazing. JJ McCarthy, everyone, everyone has kind of decided stinks because they're doing a little confirmation bias with what they saw in college and He's been injured. He's had some moments in the NFL. It'll be an interesting quarterback battle. I don't think they promised Kyler Murray the QB1 job. What's your takeaway from this acquisition by the Minnesota Vikings?

Well, the declaration for weeks on end, which I think was probably informed by everybody understanding that that's what the Vikings wanted to do and that Kyler was incented to go to Minnesota,. But, but the declaration by the national voices that like, well, this is the obvious only place for Kyler to go here. I don't exactly get because of exactly what you just said, Mike, he's entering into a competition with J.J. McCarthy and KOC to some degree. Okay. They showed the GM the door, but KOC had a hand in bringing J.J. McCarthy in. And I, I get it's, it's sort of like For the QB whisperer conversation, Kyle Shanahan has Trey Lance. That's his one strike. And KOC, it appears, is, or at least looming, is JJ McCarthy was his choice, and that may not work out. But by bringing in Kyler, isn't he— if Kyler Murray has a bad game or two, isn't there going to be some push from KOC to like, let's see if JJ McCarthy can turn things around? I But by that alone, I think there are better spots for him. And I think the Pittsburgh Steelers would have been a great spot for him.

I think the reason he wasn't chased harder by the Steelers, or why he didn't pursue the Steelers more, is because it was understood Aaron Rodgers is already aligned with the Steelers for 2026, which is even crazier than Kyler Murray entering into Minnesota for a quarterback competition with J.J. McCarthy.

It feels like it's kind of—

I don't know why I rambled too much there. To answer your question, I think it's Kyler had pole position, but I do think in football terms, KOC, what he wants optimally is a distributor, a guy who throws short and intermediate passes, gets the ball into the hands of Jordan Addison and Justin Jefferson. That doesn't exactly speak to Kyler Murray's skill set. Mike McCarthy In his optimal offense, if you look back a dozen, 15 years or so ago when he had ironically Aaron Rodgers in his prime, it's a lot of that boot rollout stuff that Aaron Rodgers used to torture NFL teams doing. Kyler Murray is better suited to doing that than Aaron Rodgers at 43 is. It really feels like, as I said the other day, it feels like they should wife swap before they get married. Kyler should be the Steelers quarterback and Aaron Rodgers should be the Vikings quarterback. That makes way more sense to me than what the reality is going to end up being.

But they had the opportunity and KOC basically said no, right? Like Aaron Rodgers wanted to go to Minnesota and it was like, hey, no, like, we're good. We've got, you know, the guys that we've got in this locker room. And it's interesting because I think, I think 9, I think JJ McCarthy is going to be given the first kind of crack at being number 1. But then if he has a couple of bad games, how long are the Minnesota Vikings fans going to be like, all right, we need to see Kyler Murray out here making sure that we have some— because, Dave, you can talk about it. Their roster is one of the best rosters in the NFL. If they had a quarterback, they could be making legitimate noise in the playoffs.

I completely agree with that. If they get the QB right, they absolutely have a Super Bowl run in them. And I know people keep pointing to what happened with Sam Darnold, and there are a number of examples now out there. And I think that is in line. I'm surprised though, Tony, is that something KOC, is that something the Vikings have voiced in the last 24 hours that they think J.J. McCarthy is in the pole position right now and Kyler's gonna have to win the gig? I don't understand why Kyler Murray would want to enter into a QB competition because there were available opportunities for him to be a starter in a prove-it year.

Yeah, nobody's come out and said in Minnesota, hey, yeah, JJ's our number one guy. We're going to make sure that he's got the best opportunity to make this team win and whatever. But that hasn't come out and been said.

Maybe it being his favorite team played a big role.

Yeah, maybe.

I mean, I think that would be absolutely spiritually cool if that were the case. I think practically there— It doesn't work that way. There was at least one that I can see, but maybe multiple spots where he would be the clean starter without any competition, and why you wouldn't take that if you're in the spot career-wise that Kyler Murray's in right now, in a, like I say, a prove-it year.

It just— it's my bad, says— it just feels like KOC, the front office, whoever's, you know, kind of in the, in the building looking around at JJ McCarthy being like, all right, we can— we kind of got to get off this because it hasn't really worked. It doesn't look like it's working. Maybe we bring in Kyler Murray. Halfway through the season, he can come in, be a plug-in guy, and then we can go try and get somebody next year, uh, free agent-wise or trades or whatever. But it just feels like the JJ McCarthy era has come to a very screeching halt.

Well, it's all— it's over if they roll with Kyler. What then do you do with JJ McCarthy? Because practically, I, you know, I, I— again, I know I'm obsessing about the Steelers, but they have a void at quarterback, and so they, you know, that would make some sense.

I mean, there can't be some kind of market day for for a guy who was, uh, what was he, top 10? Was he number 10 overall, JJ McCarthy? He's, he's only had one year of playing experience. There's not a trade market for that.

Not even, not even a year. I mean, we've already rendered a verdict on him. I mean, he's played, he's played 2 and a half. That's what I'm saying. Feels like— yes, of course. And you know, Malik Willis, I don't know if you heard about where he landed. I mean, he's played basically— I mean, he's played a little bit more I guess, than J.J. McCarthy, but we've already decided that he's the man. And by the way, you do kind of have to project when you get desperate in the quarterback league. You do have to shift into the Malik Willis conversation a little bit here. You do have to swing a little bit bigger there. You know, the metaphor for me is, you know, if you're playing with house money a little bit, you can afford to go up to the craps table and make the sober place bets on 6 and 8 and back it up with double odds and all of that. If you're the Dolphins, if you're the Steelers, if you're a team that doesn't have the answer yet at quarterback, then you have to get up to the roulette wheel and put it all on one number and hope it comes up.

You have to take some chances here because until you solve that position, you are nowhere in the NFL. So I, you know, I think that makes sense. But moving on from J.J. McCarthy, unless KOC is looking at the man in the mirror and saying, you missed on this one, fella. You know it. Let's just move on and get Kyler in there and pretend J.J. never happened. If that's the reality, maybe. But I still think without knowing what's inside KOC's head about the guy he drafted, I think he's going to be incented to try to make J.J. work at least this season and at some moment. At some point in the NFL season, he's going to put J.J. McCarthy in there to see what he's got, right?

More likely to have success in their new spot, Kyler Murray or Tua?

I mean, I laugh, you know, I agree that the Vikings have a pretty good roster. And the only thing that's in their way, you know, as we sit here in March, is that they happen to be in the NFC North.

Falcons have really good offensive players.

Yeah, right, right. I mean, there were spots to me. And like I say, the national voices who decreed like, well, where else is Kyler going to go? Is that a rhetorical question? Because I got a bunch of opportunities for him that are better than the one in Minnesota. Yeah, I get it. He's throwing to Justin Jefferson, but it's also a fundamentally— it's fundamentally the wrong offense for what Kyler can do.

I kind of don't hate the spot for Tua in Atlanta, and I know I may be kind of on the outs of that, but like the supporting cast that he has around him, the Drake Londons, the Kyle Pitts, the Bijan Robinsons, like If Stefanski can kind of work this offense where Tua's quick throwing and doing the stuff that he was doing with McDaniel, I don't hate it. Playing in a dome, playing in a pretty soft division.

I agree. It does feel though, like when you watch Tua, like every, every defensive coordinator knew exactly what Tua was going to do. I mean, it was weird watching Tua this past year. It felt sad, like he was outmoded from some different generation or something. But Otherwise though, Tony, yeah, I like that Falcons team quite a bit in that bum— in that, in that eternally bum division that is inexplicably always the winner is somewhere between 8-9 and 9-8, or at least that's how it feels. Yeah, I think Tua can absolutely make a go of things in Atlanta. And for the millionth time, I will say, because that's where Zazz and I first fell in love, was our— on our agreement the entire Mike McDaniel era blew up in that one loss to the Titans or otherwise on Monday night, or else we would have completely different, um, opinions of the Miami Dolphins, um, over the last few years. They would have won a playoff game. Who knows where they might have gone.

Don Lebatard.

Opposing teams in the Triple-A air. Stugatz.

These are smiles till the Bronx are clutch again. Clutch again.

Clutch again.

This is the Dan Levatar Show with the Stugatz. I don't know if you know this, Dave Dameshek, but speaking of quarterbacks, you know, we do have a quarterback in this room.

Tony? I heard about that.

Dave, did you know once upon a time I was— I played some quarterback in high school, ended up, you know, choosing the basketball route, which I probably shouldn't have. Long story short, Andrew Hawkins thought I could have played tight end in college. I still agree with him on that part. That's another story for another day. But I did try out I was working out. I was getting my, you know, my body ready. You say 6'4" with a rocket arm. That's also me. I can throw the ball about 60, 65 yards. Like, I had some of that stuff working for me. So I got a QB coach.

No one's going to check him on that? 60, 65 yards?

I can go do it if you want. Yeah, let's see it.

So wait, physical specimen like JaMarcus Russell then? So the problem was between the ears?

Yes, the problem was between the ears.

He's a throbbing specimen.

Can you throw a real football 65 yards or one of them fake ones? No, I don't throw little one of them.

Is it one of those nerfs with, like the.

No, no, with the fino squares. Give me a real.

Give me a real big football.

Give me a real big football. So, Dave, we're getting there. I'm going to FIU at the time. And I'm like, all right, I'm gonna just try out for the team. Maybe I can make scout team. Maybe I can be a taxi squatter. I can just be a part of the program, right? So I get to walk on tryouts. They start running the 40s, they start doing this and that. You work out, whatever. I'm like, all right, perfect. I'm ready to go. Like, obviously I don't have tape because I'm, you know, 3 or 4 years out of high school. Like, I don't really have tape on me. So we get to the quarterbacks, everybody comes in, coach goes, all right guys, uh, excited to see all you. You look really good. Um, all right, so here's the plan. We're gonna start here. Everybody get in the line at the 30-yard line. Let me see your 3 steps, let me see your 5 steps, let me see your 7 steps. And I'm like, all right, perfect. We start hitting it, boom, I'm back. And he's like, all right, so what we're gonna do is we got the wide receivers coming in And, uh, we don't have footballs.

So we kinda— everybody looks around like— They're like, so the problem is if we would give you guys footballs, we'd actually have to take a day of practice away from the real team. So we're not gonna do that.

I mean, no one's able to run to Sports Authority, pick up some balls?

Again, NCAA at that time, they were like, nah, you can't. If you give balls to the walk-ons, you have to take a day of practice away from the real team.

I mean, that is some real stupidity.

I agree, it was bullshit. Wait, Chris Cody's wife's getting hot with all this talk about giving balls to people.

So, oh wow, geez, Dave.

Damn.

So he's like, all right, what we're gonna do is wide receiver's gonna run a post, you're gonna run a 5-step drop, and then throw the ball to him. So I sit back and I'm like, okay, we do arcade. I sit back, boom, 5-step, I let it go, and the guy's like, nice.

I think that's when you got to show off and just throw it 65 yards downfield even though there's a receiver right there. Be like, just to show him you can do it, chuck it down the field.

I did, I threw it as hard as I could.

Shadow.

So at the end of it, they were like, all right, guys, everybody did a great job.

Nobody made it.

And that was that. So I did the entire tryout.

Well, what would it take for someone to make it when they didn't give you a football?

It was a sham. It was a witch hunt.

These guys know what they're looking for. They're looking for form. They're looking for footwork. Which, Tony, you just didn't have it, dude.

So a guy who's 6'4", you don't want to sniff around and be like, you know what? What if we give this guy a football?

He saw enough. He saw enough.

Just look at me in a uniform. You want me on this team?

That's what I'm saying.

I don't understand why they didn't bring footballs to a football camp.

I agree.

Thank you, Dave. At least bring a pineapple, or at least tell the players, the candidates, to bring their own football, or have fun with it and bring a pineapple or something like that to throw around.

Something football-shaped would have worked.

We had nothing. Chris knows about that.

Damn it. He's unplugged.

Upside down. So Mike, something caught my attention earlier today. And Ticketmaster, Live Nation. That's how you get the tickets. Everybody knows that. But very, you know, if you know anything about the ticket industry and I happen to know a lot, people call me the Ticket Ninja and you will know that that business is really shady.

Yes.

I mean, you're a Pearl Jam fan. They've been fighting against the monopoly of Ticketmaster.

They went all the way to Supreme Court.

Yes.

And everybody was hopeful because there is consensus buy-in from American consumers. Taylor Swift was a real impetus for this because her fans would always try to get tickets to her concerts and bots would swarm this thing. And these fees were like outrageous.

I just went through this with Metallica last week.

Fees are outrageous. The consumer gets boned here in America when it comes to ticketing. My wife knows about that. There was an antitrust case that went all the way to the Supreme Court. The Biden administration was really the driving force about breaking up this monopoly because they essentially run the entire ticketing industry. And there is no competition. Competition would at least keep these companies honest.

Well, and to add some, you know, context to that, when Pearl Jam fought against Ticketmaster to show the control that Ticketmaster/Live Nation has, Pearl Jam decided they're not going to use Ticketmaster. But as a result of not using Ticketmaster, they also had to book all the venues on their own, and it was small venues, venues that ended up creating a huge logistic problem for them. Because all the main venues across the country are tied to Ticketmaster.

So this case was headed to the Supreme Court, and this week the DOJ copped a deal with Live Nation Ticketmaster that in a punitive sense only really accounted for what is tantamount to 4 days of revenue for Live Nation Ticketmaster. And they in essence get to keep their monopoly. Now, on the state side, this battle isn't totally over. States do have some power here, but ultimately feels like Live Nation, Ticketmaster got away with it and there is no change. The top lawyer when it came to the antitrust division of the DOJ was fired. This seemed to be a Biden-led legislation and they decided to just do away with it. And many consumers feel like Live Nation, Ticketmaster were off the hook. Then yesterday there were all sorts of leaks from internal emails from Live Nation that these people that are high up— one person is still presently running all the amphitheaters in their library— they're laughing at the American consumer. Quote, "We're robbing these people blind. I feel like I almost feel bad how we're taking advantage of these people." And it just It really chaps my ass how the American consumer always loses here with something as popular as this isn't fair.

It's not like this in other countries with their ticketing system, right?

Maybe for musicians, but there are protections. Like, the European sports consumer has so much power. They blew up a multibillion-dollar Super League deal. I know someone that runs business operations for a Premier League club. If he raises sodas $0.27, he needs to have a town hall. Here, they just keep getting away with this monopoly, keep charging you fees. You don't even— like you and I were talking about it with Metallica. I don't even try anymore to get tickets when they're— the moment that they're put on sale.

It's not— it feels like, like, like Dave, for me. And again, I like— I'm pretty good when it comes to the ticketing system. I know how to get the tickets, presales, all that stuff. It's the same for me as what Mike just said, where I don't even participate anymore in the, in the on-sale. You know, you go back 15, 20 years ago, you want to go to a show, you better be on at 10 AM right when those tickets get on sale and scoop up your tickets. And now that, that's not even the way to go about getting tickets anymore.

Oh, I'm old enough to remember even before that. You guys are talking about the newfangled trying to jump online at just the right time. I remember sleeping outside. I didn't personally do that, but I remember a lot of people who did it and showing up hours and hours in advance to try and get Jane's Addiction tickets and all that kind of thing.

At the local Ticketmaster outlet, right? Like down here, like down here, it was Peaches, Peaches Music, Sam Goody, Speck's Music, Sears. Those were Ticketmaster outlets here.

Tower, Tower, you would go places like that. But yeah, people literally would sleep outside to try and get tickets. I guess Duke fans still try to do that to get in to Cameron. But I'm always struck by the fact, the incongruity of, um, how much these tickets cost. It's sort of like— and this happens in Miami and Los Angeles both— I drive around LA and I, I look at, I look at Bel Air to Pasadena to Malibu, Beverly Hills, and all of these, and I am always struck by who in the hell is filling all of these places. How are there enough people in America, let alone in one city, to fill all these multimillion-dollar mansions. And the same is true when you drive around Miami too. How do these bands, how do these, you know, Bruce Springsteen or any— how do they survive? Like, who are the people that go to these shows? Who populate all these shows paying those ticket prices, given the economy in these United States right now?

It's very weird. It's such a great question because I thought this recently, like this past summer, I took my younger son, he and I went to go see WWE SummerSlam up in New Jersey at MetLife Stadium. And, and WWE tickets these days are astronomical, like TKO, like they're robbing people. All right. But people are paying it. So it is what it is. But I had the same thought where we're at this show and we sit close to the ring and I know how much these tickets close to the ring cost. And I like, I look at some of these people like, how did you afford to get here? How did you pay for this? Like, how are you here? And yeah, I had those exact thoughts too. How are people affording credit card debt? It has to be—

it's really, it's really easy.

It has to—

I had the same idea. It's like, I see people in Miami all the time, just everybody's just walking around, like people just walking their dogs and just like out at the beach, like, what are you doing? Then you get into an Escalade, it's $160,000.

OnlyFans.

It can't just be OnlyFans. Credit card debt is at an all-time high. Previous administrations tried to cap interest rates. They're not doing that. The consumer in America just continues to get boned. You don't even have your day in court. That's what's so frustrating about this. It's as arbitrary as a Department of Justice saying, no, we'll take it into our own hands, and the punitive measure is none. None. They get to keep their monopoly. The system stays unchanged. You get to continue paying fees that are just made up, fees that internally in emails, they're just laughing. They were literally laughing about $250 for parking.

Sound good?

It was just a scene in Goodfellas.

Well, and not just that right there, there also seems to be something going on with the ticketing system where there are these programs. I don't know, have we talked about this yet on the show? Where there are these programs online I think airlines use it also, but where the ticket systems, they can track how many times you're checking to purchase tickets, and if you're doing it multiple times, they know that this is something you really want. So the ticket prices, they don't lower, they actually rise because they know it's something that you really want, you really need.

Again, like, this is another thing.

How is that allowed?

The previous administration tried to penalize the airline industry here where you at least would have some—

Definitely happens with airlines.

You would have some consumer protections if they weren't on time. You would get refunds, and this administration rolled that stuff back too. Why? Who's asking for this? Who's asking, hey, you know what I love about America? What a pain in the ass it is to get a flight to go see a concert because I love paying $300 fees that are just totally made up from internal documents. We just keep taking it up the butt.

It's for the people who fly on private jets.

It's the people who fly on private jets who make all the money off of that.

And then we talk about, oh, how can all of these people afford to live in those homes? Well, it's all the people who then don't have homes. That's, that's how that happens. Maybe, maybe a couple less million dollars. Maybe be happy with $5 billion as opposed to like $5.4. Like, this is insane. We, we, they say that this stuff is going to change. You actually start seeing it change, and then the political pendulum swings and we decide we don't want consumer protections. I feel like that's a bipartisan issue. We should have consumer protections.

Is it real? I mean, what you always hear is, and I don't want to sound like a pretentious ass, or I mean, I guess that's unavoidable for Dave, but is it what people describe, that it's just corporations and foreign entities buying property, or do they also buy up, say, season tickets? Who has all these luxury boxes? It would end if people stopped, if the luxury boxes weren't populated, if the front row seats at MSG and Staples Center and otherwise, or whatever they call it now.

No, there's— it is a class thing.

If people stop doing that, right?

It is a class thing, and there is absolutely going to be a reckoning in this company where it did. All right, you guys have been on Fox News saying about class, going on and on about class warfare. Next time it will actually legitimately be that way. But at the very least, if you want— look, I'm a capitalist, I would love free market capitalism. Free market capitalism would mitigate a lot of this stuff. We're all pissed off about bots from the, the left side of the political spectrum to the right side of the political spectrum. We want to be able to buy tickets online The second they go— if we're going to go that extra mile and be online with a little pre-sale passcode, we want to be able to get these tickets. But no, you're not going to get the tickets that you want because bots are going to do it. A way to mitigate that would be break up monopolies, keep these venues honest, have a company say, look, our way in this marketplace, our foothold in this marketplace is no bots over here. But if you keep this monopoly intact that is just gigantic with no real competition.

They're the— as everyone's been mentioning, the structure right now works for them. It's perfect for them, and it's terrible for the consumer.

Dave, I don't know if you saw last week when I tried to get Metallica tickets because they're playing at Sphere, and, and I, I jumped into the, the presale where on Ticketmaster, you know, you, you jump into the queue, you know, and the queue tells you how many people are ahead of you before it's your turn to enter into the space where you could purchase the tickets. And I didn't end up getting tickets for that show because in my queue there was 305,000 people ahead of me.

Listen, I hate to get up on Mount Pious about it, but Mike just is exactly right. I keep saying it, it's not left versus right, it is grotesquely wealthy versus all the rest of us. And I am priced out of having a good seat for a game. So I just want to go to the next key party with the Codys. Sag mal, Nicola, hast du auch immer dieses Gefühl, bei der Steuererklärung mit einem Bein schon im Knast zu stehen? Boah, nee, gar nicht.

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