Transcript of Local Hour: The Bad Omen

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This is the Dan Levatar Show with the Stugatz Podcast. We did it, everybody! We made it to the weekend. That's right, today's Friday. Everybody give it up, give it up for the weekend. Who doesn't like the weekend? WrestleMania's ass. Whoever said, oh, I hated that the weekend—

is that going on this week? I really—

they should promote it.

Snuck up on us. There's Chuck Williams on Get Up.

They should let They should let us know. Hate when it sneaks up on us like that. Mike does not like the omen that was just— that just took place. Why are you upset? What's going on?

It was the first few bars of Hylia's Backjack, and the Cyclones have a win and in scenario tonight against the Warriors at the Jam Arena.

Wait, so the season is about to be over? It's almost playoff time?

So in Hylia, in Battlecourt Hylia, there's a fall season with a very short offseason. We won the fall championship. And then the spring season, and after that is a longer offseason for BattleCourt. So people get a little confused, but you basically have 2 championships in 1 calendar year. Spring season is winding down. We're entering the final week of the regular season. The Cyclones finally got off the schneid earlier this week, got our first win in about like 6 match days. Now we find ourselves in a win-and-in scenario against the very same Warriors that we beat. It's BattleCourt's oldest rivalry. And we'll be out at the Jam Arena. Come on out, come for the highlight, stay for the TJ Miller stand-up set. So if it's a win-in situation, is it also a lose-or-go-home situation? No, because there's another match day, and I think, uh, even if we lose, we still have a chance depending on how the, uh, the rest of the, the fixtures go.

We can make the final few matches not that important. If we win today, we can like secure ourselves.

We can coast, we can coast. Let's secure our spot. You want to play for seeding every— there's so much parity in battle court this year.

Everyone knows that.

Every— well, it's not typically the case, but there is an advantage when it comes to seedings. You get to decide your tiebreaker doubles team. So we'll see. We benefited from being the 1 seed during the fall season. We hit a real lull this year adjusting to this new court. Rumor is they changed the pelota, Chris, which is, you know, the source of a lot of complaints.

I mean, is that collectively bargained? Can you just change the pelota?

I mean, they needed to. They just changed the, the dimensions of the fronton on us, you know.

So I don't want to say too much on air, but you got to keep an eye on this league sometimes. That's all I'll say. Can we welcome, uh, our pal out on the West Coast, Dave Dameshek? Hello, Dave.

Oh, thank goodness. I might— my heart is full as society's greatest empath. I was worried sick about all of you there in Miami. What were you gonna do to fill the springtime without the Heat and the Panthers in the playoffs? I've been given my answer. You have WrestleMania and Battle Court Highlanders.

Marlins baseball.

Distract you.

Dave and I—

Oh yes, I'm sorry.

Dave and I had a great exchange on Twitter a couple of days ago in regard— just a couple guys sharing WrestleMania moments as children, huh, Dave?

That's right. That's right. I mean, the greatest— to be honest, my attention kind of wanes around or after the Million Dollar Man chapter of WWE, WWF. WrestleMania 3, I went with my pal Josh, we went to the Igloo in Pittsburgh with 16,000-18,000 other Yinzers and watched on closed circuit. Not, not live, you understand. They just had like sort of in the middle of where the— like where center ice is, they just had this four-sided— I think in fact they lowered the scoreboard down and the monitors, I think is maybe what they did, and they just showed from the Silverdome In Detroit, they showed WrestleMania III, and like a bunch of goons, we gathered around and looked at monitors in an arena where the event wasn't taking place and watched perhaps the greatest bouts in the history of people. Specifically, Zazz, we talked about the penultimate one that night. It was the Macho Man Randy Savage and Ricky the Dragon Steamboat in their famous rematch after If I'm not mistaken, Macho Man took the bell.

He crushed his larynx. Right.

That's right. That's what it was like. I was a little hazy on the details.

Dave, I know you're from Pittsburgh and I know you guys call yourselves a certain thing, but when you say Yinzers, it sounds like a slur.

It does. Like if I call you a Yinzer, is that a slur?

I don't think you— it's one of those things I can call my people that. I'd rather you not do that. Yeah. Tony, look at this. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. 'Look at this blank' is always going to sound like a slur.

Shocking. Didn't expect to go in that direction. I'll come up with the top 5 words that sound like slurs but aren't. I told—

I want you to deliver it. Yes, you. You be the one.

I told Dave that I had the same experience for WrestleMania 6 in 1990 when I was 9 years old. My father took me to Miami Arena, and because back then pay-per-view was like a rumor, like who knew how to order pay-per-view? And my father took me to WrestleMania VI on closed-circuit television at Miami Arena, where you were able— you bought a ticket, it was probably like $5, if that. You bought a ticket, you sit anywhere you want in the lower bowl at Miami Arena, and there were two massive projection screens on the floor, and we watched WrestleMania VI on closed-circuit television. Crazy that that's the way that it used to be. Now you can watch it on ESPN. We'll get back, we'll circle back to that. Good news last night, right? Good news last night as far as the Florida Panther fan is concerned. The Panthers season ended a couple of nights ago, but you had a few more games last night, specifically Western Conference teams last night as the NHL regular season ended. We were rooting for— we needed a couple of the bad teams right above us to at least get a point.

Both—

I think it was the Sharks and the Blues, and both of them won. All right, so as a result, there is a small consolation, right, Roy? There's a small consolation for the Panthers at the end of this season where they do actually get to keep their first-round pick no matter what. They're currently in the 8th slot. At worst-case scenario, they would be jumped by 2 teams, which would drop them to 10. The pick is top 10 protected. So there you go, right, Roy? Last night was one of the lone good nights of the season for the Panthers.

Yeah, the Panthers are looking at either picking 1st, 2nd, 8th, 9th, or 10th in this upcoming draft.

While we're on hockey and we have the noted Yinzher with us here, Dave, I'm sure you like the playoff format because it harkens back to a bygone era and it's been here for a while, but it is patently absurd. I'm sure you're psyched that you get to play the Flyers. You hate them, great rivalry. But if we're doing this thing 1 through 8, that's the 7th versus the 8th seed in the East. Those two teams are playing for a chance to advance to the second round. This is nonsense.

Yeah, I think it is ultimately nonsense. But you do touch on the fact that I love my rivalries. I don't love having to play the Philadelphia Flyers because of the possible, you know, the eventuality that the Flyers win that series. That would be a disgrace and a gut punch to me that would be hard to overcome. But yes, you're absolutely right, Mike Ryan. It's a weird thing that it's sort of— in case people don't know, it kind of jams you to— I mean, I kind of get it spiritually that you have to survive your little region of hockey, North America, to then move on to a larger tournament. Basically, you have to get through two rounds essentially of your own division to then move on to play for the conference title and then advance to the Stanley Cup Final.

I mean, look, look, it's like, it's— go ahead, Mike.

They load the schedule up with more division opponents, right? So you get a pretty good idea of who the best is in the region.

I kind of dig though, again, like I say, spiritually, that rhetoric that you hear before a game is like, huh, there are no secrets between these two ancient rivals. I kind of do dig that. And it's sort of the greatness of a hockey series. And you get this from the NBA playoffs as well, and to some degree baseball playoffs too. But those, you know, when when a series goes 7 games, you know not just everybody on your team, you know every person you're going against, and you grow to hate them over the course of that week or 2-week stretch. You re— by 2 weeks from now, I will hate every single Philadelphia Fly— I mean, I already do hate them naturally, but, um, the, the investment of hate and familiarity and all of that, that is good stuff, right? I mean, that's, that's what we want in sports.

Can you actually draw it up real quick here, Mike, just for, just for context. If the NBA did that, what would it look like? Like, like the 3 teams in the Atlantic, the 3 in the— what would it look like? And 2 wildcards. What would it look like?

The Hawks are going to be huge benefactors of this.

Yeah, I'd like to know what it would look like if the NBA playoff format, which is also 8 teams per conference, you know, 82 games, same thing, what it would look like there.

I think we kind of want that, though. Zazz, isn't that— I mean, you know, isn't Isn't that what kind of, uh, boosts college football to a degree? Well, SEC versus Big Ten and all the rest of it, that we kind of get into that.

So I, I—

this stands to reason then.

I get what you're saying. And like, I think it's been about trying to enhance rivalries, all right? And I think this has actually worked for the Panthers and for the Panther fan because Before they went to this format, now granted the Panthers were never making the playoffs, but with this format and now over the last 5 consecutive years up until this year that the Panthers were in the playoffs, because of this format, yes, the Panthers were always going to be rivals with the Lightning, but we get to play the Lightning as many times as we did. We're talking, uh, 4 times in the last 5 years the Panthers played the Lightning in the postseason, but also the matchups with Boston and the matchups with Toronto. Like, if not for this format, we wouldn't have this rivalry with the Panthers in Boston and the Panthers in Toronto. So it has worked in that sense for a team like the Panthers.

Well, because of this format though, we've— we had the Kings play the Oilers 4 years in a row, and yeah, that includes every single series.

Yeah, yeah, like that, that, that's tough. That I don't like. And by the way, Dave Dameshek, how about, how about the very, the very rare Stanley Cup Final rematch in the first round of the playoffs. The Lightning and the Canadiens are facing off in the first round this year. That was the Stanley Cup Final in what, 2021? Because he had the wacky—

yeah, we didn't count that.

No conferences, you know, that, that counts for half at best.

And now that you stay— say it out loud a half decade later, that's weird. We should just make it Maybe. Yeah, I agree. Maybe it even just counts for a third of a regular Stanley Cup. You know, the more that now that we've— now that we're steeped in this conversation for a few minutes, Chris looks confused, by the way.

Chris, are you confused that the Canadiens and the Lightning played?

Yes.

I was more thinking this was like decades ago and maybe it was, but then Roy reminded me 5 years ago. Yeah, Roy reminded me the COVID thing. That's right. All right, go ahead, Dave.

Yeah, I mean, listen, I— now that— now that we've had this little exchange, I've come around on it. I get the fairness. Issue. I think people get a little too precious about like, that, that series should not be played. You hear that in the NFL playoffs too, like, oh, well, this is unjust that Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson are facing off in the divisional round. They said this is championship game material. Like, who gives a crap? They're playing each other in the playoffs. As long as we get to see the series. And again, that, that familiarity breeding hatred and all of that, that's good stuff for, for this sport or for any sport really.

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Florida claws back from down 2-0 because they were getting their asses handed to them by Toronto, to then get lit a fire underneath, uh, underneath them by their head coach Paul Maurice, who did the thing. Remember how the run was sparked last year? Stugatz! He called them a bunch of P's and B's. He did the thing again. Called them a bunch of P's and B's, and then boom! 5 unanswered. You win the division.

This is the Dan Levatar Show with Stugatz! Mike, do we have a playoff format in the NBA?

We do.

It was kind of tricky. I just have it in the East. Circle back for the West. For the, uh, the West, but in the East, if they followed the NHL format, it would be really bad news for the 76ers.

That's my line.

They would be flatly out of this tournament right now. Um, it's a little different. You got the 3 divisions here, so it kind of replicates the old NBA where you're guaranteeing a division champion, a top 3 seed. So Atlanta shifts from the 6 to the 3, but you basically have your 2 wild cards essentially Toronto and Charlotte, they're guaranteed, where Orlando may— well, Orlando makes the playoffs here, guaranteed. They're a 6th seed outright, where in the NBA they might not make it at all.

That's because Orlando was 2nd place in their division.

That's correct. So you take the top 2 teams from each division, then you take the, the 2 best teams overall after that.

So what would the matchups be then?

So you go Boston would play Toronto in the first round. Oh, Detroit would play Charlotte.

Okay, okay.

Then you've got the 3 versus 6. You've got Atlanta versus Orlando in the first round.

Yikes.

And then you've got New York versus Cleveland, 4-5.

Yeah, it'd be drastically different if they did it that way.

What should be interesting—

you know what they should do? Uh, can I— I'd like to volunteer this keen idea that the NHL should go back to what it used to do, which was—

I like—

I think they, they tried to but make it more appealing by being more generic about, I don't know, 20 years or so ago, maybe 15 years or so ago. And they threw out one of the coolest, uh, specific details about the NHL versus all the other leagues, which was that the divisions and conferences were named after ancient luminaries.

Yeah, but it was hard to keep track. Like, if you ask me—

no, it wasn't. It was the greatest.

Was the Campbell the Eastern, the Western Conference? I don't remember. Like, I don't know.

Well, what difference does it make?

The Campbell, that's the one that the Canadiens won just a couple years ago.

The West is the— the West is— West is Wales, essentially.

No, the East is Wales.

The way—

no, the East is the Wales.

But Mike just said the Canadiens won it a couple years ago.

Yeah, I understand.

I'm sorry for your confusion. You'll get it straight, Zach. It'll take you about 4 seconds to get straight in your brain, and it'll be great. We should rename, but instead of going back to the Patrick Division and the Norris Division and the Wales Conference and all that jazz, I think we should start anew. And I think we should— and each sport should do this, not just the NHL. The NFL should do this. Instead of playing in the AFC North, teams should play in the AFC Mean Joe, you know? Wouldn't that be cool?

You should come up with the names of the divisions before the end of the season.

Okay, I will.

Okay.

Okay, instead of the Patrick Division or whatever, or Metro Division, instead now it's the Lemieux Division. Okay, congratulations.

All right, that was so easy for you. Uh, yesterday the Miami Heat had their exit interviews, all right, which means that the, the players, if they so chose, they would also speak with the media. So Bam Adebayo, we got to hear from for the first time. He obviously did not speak to the media on Tuesday night after he was taken out by, uh, by LaMelo Ball with a very dirty play. Everybody knows that story at this point. Yesterday, uh, no, two days ago, excuse me, LaMelo Ball was retroactively assessed a flagrant foul penalty too. He should have been thrown out of the game. So I'm sure the Heat feel better now that the league corrected that. Uh, yesterday Bam spoke and he was asked as well if LaMelo apologized, and that question is relevant because Lamelo just decided to offer up after the game the other night, I'm going to call Bam and apologize and make sure that he's okay.

I've always had great conversations with him. It's never been any like bad blood between us. Uh, as far as those incidents, I mean, like I said, I can't tell you what goes through his mind. My thing is, like I said, with the referees and the NBA, I feel like you should be able to review a hostile act no matter how long the you know, the possession that went by.

Lamelo said after the game that he was going to try to touch base with you and apologize. Did that conversation happen? And what did he kind of say to you?

Uh, it didn't happen. Um, by that time I was in the shower trying to figure out what I was going to do next. You know, at some point I'll see him again. We'll have that conversation and we move on.

Uh, does that bother anyone that Lamelo said— I mean, like, no one asked him, are you going to apologize? Lamelo offered up, I, I'm going to apologize. I'm going to check if he's okay. Does it bother anyone that he has now not done on that?

I assumed he was lying.

Would we be okay if he said he had sent a text? Like a text check-in of like, he texted me. I feel like we'd still be like, oh, it's not a call. No, I think that's fine. I mean, again, he's the one who said he was going to call him and apologize. No one said, do you think you should? He's offered it up and like nothing. Yeah, Dave?

I'd like, first of all, can we hear that back? Because that sounded like Mike Ryan asking that question. Did anybody else hear that?

Wow.

Sounded like Mike. I mean, really sound—

we'll play the— here's the question. Here's the question back.

Okay. When Melo said after the game that he was going to try to touch base with you and apologize, did that conversation happen? And what did he kind of say to you?

We don't know.

Tony says no.

I don't know what I'm saying, dog.

Maybe it's the whisper voice. Mike, let me hear your whisper voice.

Yeah.

Your press conference question.

Let's do it like you said he would take the opportunity to send you a text. It's like me doing a Shaq impression.

It's like Usual Suspects style where, like, he's giving them here, say this, you know, and they all—

let me hear it again. They all said after the game that he was going to try to touch base with you and apologize. Did that conversation happen? And what did he kind of say to you? That he does kind of have a Miami accent. Is that what you're doing? Be careful.

I don't know. Listen, I know this: in Usual Suspects and Seven, Kevin Spacey is the subject of a police sketch artist. Imagine that. Not one, two movies.

True.

Your visage is depicted by that. And by the way, The guy in Seven should be ashamed of himself because the police sketch artist, because his peer professionally is way better. He produces a way better image of Kevin Spacey than, than the guy in Seven. But to the matter at hand, um, yeah, bad form by LaMelo. But did you hear that the lady in the Coldplay video, you know, in the Coldplay concert video who got caught—

has she resurfaced?

Well, yeah. To, to say that she's a little upset that Chris Martin never reached out.

You're making that up.

No, no, no, look, Google it. It's a news story, uh, that I just saw not 20 minutes ago before we started here.

Get the hell out of here.

Never heard from Chris Martin? Never? No, no, really? Wow, he never, he never reached out after? Why would Chris Martin reach out?

Why would Chris Martin reach out?

I don't know, but I was tickled by it.

Yeah.

That's, uh, maybe LaMelo could reach out to her.

Yeah, maybe he could deliver a message for Chris Martin to that woman. Yeah, and they could do the same to Bam Adebayo. Maybe Chris Martin will reach out to Bam.

Nice.

Yeah, there you go. That would be a just world. Are we, as a result of LaMelo, who's like just a child, like totally immature player, you know, I mean, the very first game of any consequence that he's ever played in, because he never played college ball, so it's not like he was in a Final Four or anything. The Hornets have always been terrible. They've ever not, they've never actually made the playoffs. So that game 2 tonight was literally the first game of consequence he's ever played in. And this is the behavior. Like, I don't think you could win with him. He's a child. He's an immature player. All right. So I'm not surprised that what went down went down. But as a result, like, are we rooting against the Hornets tonight? Are we watching Hornets-Magic tonight and we want the Hornets to lose as a result of that?

No, absolutely not.

We want the Hornets to win because it adds to my top 5 storylines that I have with an OLI.

Oh, okay.

On the—

on now that the playoffs are kind of almost set. All right, storylines going into the first weekend.

That's a—

Charlotte has a big thing to play.

Okay.

And it also makes our reworked divisional playoff type of thing really funny with Orlando eliminated, but a top 6 seed in the reworked Eastern Conference. We've got the West.

All right, let me hear it.

All right. So Golden State is playing for a shot in the playoffs tonight. They wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell. They're actually playing the Phoenix Suns. The Phoenix Suns would be a top 6 team. Under the NHL format. Again, slightly different. We have 3 divisions, so we're taking top 2. Number 1 overall seed does not change. That's OKC. They'd be playing the number 8 overall seed Portland Trail Blazers, or presently the number 7, correct?

So Blazers drop down a spot.

They drop down a spot. Number 2 San Antonio plays number 7 Minnesota.

Oh, okay, so Minnesota drops a spot.

Yeah, big benefactors here, not unlike the Atlanta Hawks in the East. The LA Lakers are the 3 seed here. They play the Phoenix Suns in a 3-6. LeBron actually potentially goes further in this format.

Much better matchup for LeBron and the Lakers.

And our 4-5 matchup is Denver versus Houston.

Yeah, it's significantly different. And I think the biggest difference is you don't have nonsense like a 37-win Warriors team that's got a chance.

I love— by the way, I love Mike Ryan enduring through the Roomba. Can we not run the Roomba during the show? How about that?

I'll pass along your note. Maybe they'll listen to you. What kind of Roomba do you have?

The loudest robot. I just hear a vacuum cleaner or something in the background while construction goes on in the hotel over there.

Don't worry, it'll get worse.

But doesn't this kind of prove— didn't Tony just prove the whole thing that we're talking about, that like the contempt breeded by familiarity and all of that? That's what we want. LaMelo in there because he did something unpleasant, and now we want to see him once again.

Yeah, you're right.

I, and now this is all feeding into it. Yeah, I like, uh, I, I think that this is a better way to go. Whatever perpetuates rivalries.

Yes.

Well, and also, by the way, the other good great thing would be—

Zazz, I'm sorry— the other thing that we've talked about is what if the higher seed got to pick its foe? That you, you really, you really want to jazz up postseasons across major sports? Let the higher seed start picking who they get to play in round 1.

Okay, so you're one of those— like, like, I've heard that before. There are people out out there who think, especially in the NBA, uh, for, for teams that jockey for positioning— I want to face this team, I'm gonna lose this game and play this team, uh, like, what's the benefit of being a top 4 team? Well, you get to choose your opponent. I've heard that before. You're one of those people then that want those top 4 teams to be able to choose because that's major bulletin board material, don't you think?

Yeah, I mean, it, it goes without saying that, that the lower seed would be pissed off. Whoa. Of all, all the teams. You, you want us? All right, now you got us.

Do I have to choose if I'm the 1 seed? Do I have to choose 5 through 8, or what if I want the 4 seed?

Yeah, whatever you want.

Oh, that's nuts. No, but then you're taking away the right for the 4 seed to choose.

No, you get, you get first choice.

No, like, right, right, but top 4 gets to choose their opponent. So if you choose like, I want to play the number 3 seed, you're taking their right away from them, right? Because that that team theoretically, right, say it was like the Spurs and Wemby got hurt with 2 games left.

Oklahoma City might want to play.

I mean, right, right.

They might want to play this.

Yeah, I think you have to— so you have to let those 4— you're right. Yeah. Does that make sense, Dave? Am I making sense there?

It does. I mean, just imagine how saucy it would be. I mean, it already is, but, but, but like at the— think about from the NFL side because it gets too murky with the 7 teams and all of that. So it's just would be the 1 seed. So you would punctuate Wildcard weekend. So Sunday night would be resolved, all hash would be settled from the wildcard bouts, and then you end it with not a period but an exclamation point. The, the, the 1 seed, the whatever, Drake Maye and Mike Vrabel, who's in the news, um, step to, step to the podium to announce that we have chosen from the available teams, or I guess it would have been Sean Payton and Bo Nix last year, step to the podium and announce of, of the available teams, we want you. Oh my goodness, it's already grand. The week is already— we don't even have to try to come up with things to talk about because, because the heat has already been delivered for us.

Well, and how angry would the fan base be of the team that gets selected first? Like, they'd be coming out with like pitchforks. You want to play us? It'd be, it'd be amazing fodder. That entire week leading up to— I think, I think you're on, Dave.

You— how about college football? How about we do it in college football too? That would really get those fan bases— would really get pissed off.

I like it. Don Lebatard. John Zaslo, how you love that catchphrase. Bad news for opposing teams in the Triple A. Stoogatz. These are smiles till the bloods are clutch again, clutch again, clutch again. This is the Dan Levatar Show with the Stoogatz. Did you guys see this? Uh, do you want to hear— do you like hearing from Mario Chalmers? What'd he say? Okay, hey, good job. So this, like, this annoyed me, and I'll play it for you and you can understand why it annoys me. So Mario Chalmers was on— is it called Run It Back? That's with, uh, Channing— Chandler Parsons and Michelle Beadle and Michelle Beadle and Lou Williams, right? And they get good guests. And so Mario Chalmers is on the show. I mean, you know, 2-time champion, Miami Heat. And here's Mario Chalmers talking about Heat culture and Pat Riley. Give this a listen.

Obviously, Bam is one of those stars and he's expressed his frustration, you know, with going to the playoffs so many years in a row. Like, who does that fall? Is that Pat Riley not getting the right pieces? Is that Spo?

Is that just the players?

Is it health? Like, what is like the main reason why they kind of can't get over that hump?

Um, is it the point guard situation?

Like, South Beach, like, that's, that's the thing to me.

Like, everybody used to want to come to South Beach, and now it's kind of like nobody really wants to come to South Beach. In my opinion, I think they're scared of the work. Not scared of the work, but they don't want to put in that type of work to be in the Miami Heat organization. And, you know, the Heat culture and everything that comes with it.

Um, I think Pat might have to let go of the reins a little bit and open up the terrains and let people actually be there to play. So a couple things that annoy me about that. Number one, as far as nobody wants to come down to South Beach, but we continue to hear every year about the star players wanting to come and play for the Heat. Like, that hasn't stopped. Like, were you paying attention to Durant and Damian Lillard and potentially Giannis as well? Like, like, we, we still hear it every single year. Uh, the second part which really annoys me is Pat Riley needs to let go of the reins. It has been such a long time since Pat Riley has anything to do with the actual team. It's Erik Spoelstra. Erik Spoelstra— like, it's insulting to continue to hear people talk about Pat Riley makes us do this and makes us do this, and this is what the practices are like, and he has nothing to do with the team. It's Erik Spoelstra's team. And it's weird to me that someone like Mario Chalmers— I mean, look, maybe Rio wants to sound like he's, like, still super connected.

I don't know. And of course, he's Mario Chalmers and I'm me. Okay, so take that for what it's worth. But I do know Pat Riley doesn't have anything to do with the actual team on court. I mean, roster construction, yes, but that's not what Rio's talking about.

He has no reins.

He's talking about how hard the team has to work. Like, that's— it's all Erik Spoelstra's territory.

So Spo has the reins. Pat does not have the reins when it comes to what the team does.

1000%. Yeah, he is in that clip talking about guys wanting to come to Miami. So that is a Pat Riley area. That is just like when, from like a recruitment standpoint, getting the roster constructed, that is still Riley, right? But, but like I said at the start, I Every year we hear about the stars that want to come to the Heat, right?

Yeah. Yeah. But we're also guilty of perpetuating that.

Yeah.

Because no stars actually come to the Heat.

Right.

It's a lot of Photoshop season. Yeah. We see Luka in a Heat uniform.

You're like, ooh, no, it's it.

But in a Heat uniform.

But if you believe the reports, though, to Zazz's point, Giannis has the Heat, Dame has the Heat. They always have the Heat on their list. Always. Now, if you want to have a conversation about why the Heat have not been able to actually get these guys, that's a conversation. But like, these guys still, they always still want to come and just like, it's almost insulting to Erik Spoelstra, who has been the coach of this team for what, 18 years at this point? I think that sounds right. You think Erik Spoelstra has to treat the team like you think Pat Riley is in charge of what the team does? Because he's not. Like, not even a little bit.

Well, who is? Because I want to blame them.

Well, you could blame Pat Riley for roster construction. You could blame, you know, the group of them for that.

I would like to blame the specter of Pat Riley because the unspoken thing is he's got a window that is shrinking and we have to win as soon as possible because we want to get Pat one more. And that has been to the franchise's detriment. I don't actually know who's calling the shots. It seems it's a collective. We have heard Nick Arison has final say. It's a, it's an ambiguous setup, which means you're only left to point the finger at the cult of personality that's been the face of the franchise since he came over from New York.

You know, Dave, I think you're an interesting person to ask this. This was brought up to me on ESPN yesterday, actually. I think it's kind of a relevant comparison, which is—

who asked you, Carmelo Hayes?

Freddie, which is— yeah, so I was on with Freddie yesterday, of course, the boy. Uh, and the point was made, what tag team is he in? Or at least the comparison was made that the Miami Heat right now, kind of similar to the Pittsburgh Steelers position.

Hmm, that's in— you know what's— what makes that extra interesting to me is Mario Chalmers saying like people aren't willing to put in the work. That's pretty rare to hear, and it, and it offsets what I say on Football America coming up right after this show Friday. Make sure you're checking it out wherever you find your podcasts or, and/or on YouTube. Um, is the whole notion of— I think that the, the, like, the facile sort of narrative to roll with, uh, in Pittsburgh is that— and you're going to hear a ton of this in the coming days with the draft in Pittsburgh— is like the Pittsburgh Steelers and the citizenry are aligned because of their blue-collar work ethic. There's an ethos that is shared with the people and the football like, what do people not work hard anywhere else? It's such a bizarre— it's just such a bizarre angle in the 21st century that like, yes, the roots of the city are in steel, and yes, in those furnaces and everything else that our forefathers toiled in and everything else, but it's such a bizarre sort of angle. So, and then I'm surprised to hear Mayor Chalmers kind of say the opposite of that.

It's He's saying what I'm saying. Like, come on, this is such a dumb thing to say. Like, oh, in fact, the point I always make is like, Pittsburghers love a good defense because it speaks to their blue-collar ethos. Like, would Dolphins fans not enjoy winning the Lombardi if it was carried by a great defense? Like, what's the math on that?

Or would the Pittsburghers, like, if they were greatest show on turf and they won the Super Bowl, say, eh, this doesn't really represent us.

Well, I mean, exactly. The Pittsburgh Penguins for 35 years going on, like, is it because, because of their gritty work ethic that they've won all those Stanley Cups, or because they have the wheels and talent of Lemieux and Crosby and Jagr and Roddy Francis and Geno Malkin? I mean, it's such a, such a weird, vapid point given the evidence available to all of us. And yes, to offset one more thing to tie it back to the puck is Mario Chalmers. No one wants to go to South— isn't that the whole conversation around the NHL right now? Like, when are any of these Canadian teams ever going to win when Florida is an option for them? Now all the Canadian farm boys want to live in South Beach or Tampa or otherwise. That, that, that's the rolling conversation in, in hockey right now. And so kind of disagrees with what Chalmers just said.

I'm done with this Yinzar propaganda from this guy.

Ooh, I have my top 5. Oh, okay. This is top 5 slurs? The— well, yeah, sure. That would be wild. These are top 5 words to describe people that are like neutral or positive that sound like you're saying a slur. Oh, okay, a lot different from what I just suggested.

So OLI.

I thought it was top 5 slurs.

Take a look at that oaky. Hey, look at that bloke. Yeah, I, I, I, I like that. I, I'd like to be able to use bloke, but I— it's I don't know, it doesn't feel right coming out of my mouth. Look at that buckeye over there. Number 5, take a look at that Yankee.

It is a slur in some places. Yeah, they, they do use that.

Number 4, you see that cockney over there?

Number 3, look at that mogger.

Is that collicular? Yeah, yeah, the er.

Number 2, hey look, a yinzer. And number 1, hey whoa, you see that Jew?

What?

I know, my heart sank a little.

Whoa, scared me.

I didn't know where the hell—

all right, that's, uh, hey look, it's a Jew. Quite a list. So you guys all feel uncomfortable, huh? Yeah, yeah, I don't really know.

You can do that.

You know, Jew is just a word to describe a Jewish person because they're a Jew.

Charles Barkley spelled it on the show. That's what I'm saying.

See, this is my point. It sounds like a slur to people, but it's not. It's just a word to describe Jews because they're Jews.

You don't like the hard J, do you?

Really uncomfortable right now. A new episode of South Beach Sessions came out yesterday. I think that the Dolphin fan is gonna like it. Jeff Haffley. Jeff Haffley is the new head coach of the Miami Dolphins. And new episode. He sat down with Dan. It came out yesterday, and I think you guys are going to like it.

Without giving you the specifics of a hypothetical coaching crisis that you need some guidance on, where's the first call going? Without making it specific to any, you know, one scenario that someone would be more qualified to handle. You've just got a football crisis. First person that you trust enough to be like— and you just don't recognize it. Something happened with a player and it's different from anything else. Who's the call you're making?

It depends situationally. It could be a couple football guys. Dave Wonstein would be one of them. He's a guy that I lean on heavily, talk to weekly, has been through it, was a head coach, really one of my biggest mentors. He is the first one that jumps into my mind, so he'd probably be my first call.

It's funny that you say that though, because his experience with the Dolphins following the people he followed, it hasn't been that good since then. I don't know— do you know the history, the entire history of the last 25 years down here since Wonstein? Wanstedt?

Yeah, he's told me about it a little bit, so I know it, but hopefully we'll make believers out of even you at some point.

What are you smiling about?

I don't know, I just felt like smiling at you.

No, you were smiling. I was rough on Wanstedt when he was down here. I called him Wanstache because—

Did you start the Wanstache?

Well, we actually had Wani McStaches. We started a restaurant where we gave out chicken fingers that were shaped like mustaches.

Yeah, to know him.

I love Dave. I knew Dave at the University of Miami when he was— I went to school when Dave was the defensive coordinator. Yes, he's, he's a fundamentally decent, kind human being.

He's a great person.

And he got ravaged down here for following Don Shula and Jimmy Johnson while going 11-5, 10-6, 10-6, and then it all— then the wheels came off.

You're right. I mean But that would be my first call.

And so it's been 25 years since then, and you know the history of what it is that you're walking into from that perspective, from Wannstedt telling you what it was like to follow Jimmy Johnson?

Um, we haven't talked about that in as much detail. I just— I've heard a lot about the past 25 years. Is there anything else you'd like to fill me in on? Did I just open up a bad alley?

No, because Dave Wannstedt is the last time that this football team was nationally relevant, and he fell under the X's expectations of you come after Don Shula and Jimmy Johnson. I think— was he Coach of the Year? I think he was. He was Coach of the Year in Chicago. I don't think he was Coach of the Year here. Um, he might have been, but over the last 25 years, they've squandered down here. You're— you're— I grew up near the stadium, and you're sitting in front of a heartbroken Dolphin fan who can't believe the team hasn't won a playoff game in 25 years in a league that legislates equality by making the bad teams better with the rules. Like, 25 years, that's a lot of coaches.

I know, I know. We're gonna do everything we can to make you happy.

You're still smiling at me. You're still— what are you smiling about? You know what, I—

how about—

can I speak for you? No, no, can I, can I, can I speak for you? No, I think you're gonna say, we'll show you, we'll show you.

Yeah, that guy who slept under his desk is gonna come out and do everything I can to make you a happy guy.

Yo, what I see beneath the smile is what we're gonna show you. What? Just watch. But you, you believe, you believe in yourself. You believe You wouldn't have taken this job if you thought you were gonna fail at it.

Correct. I took this job because I believe in a lot of things about it that I'm excited about. You know, I— the interview process was long. It wasn't just me going on all these interviews. It was me doing a lot of the interviewing. This wasn't like, this is your only interview, this is your only opportunity. I'm just gonna take the job. That wasn't it at all. I mean, I chose out of the 6 that wanted to fly me in to meet with me, I chose this one to go first for a reason, because usually the first one is going to be the one you're most interested in. Because if it works, you're not going to leave the building and say, "Oh no, I'm just going to go look around." So there's a lot of reasons I took this. I believed in ownership when I talked to them. I believed in Sully and I wanted to pair up with somebody that I was aligned with. That was really important to me because you mentioned when I was in some situations that weren't great in this league and I saw it all firsthand and I watched it very closely.

I'm very observant. And then when I got to San Francisco and I saw Kyle and John Lynch and how connected they were, which was way different than anywhere that I've ever been, and I saw it and I saw it building and I saw the alignment, I saw they work together, I said to myself, if I ever have a chance to get one of these jobs, that's how I want it to be like. And that's what I saw with John Eric, and that's what John Eric and I talked about for the past 2 years. So if it were to work out where we both get a chance to start together, I just think that's a very rare opportunity, and I don't think that exists a lot in this league.

Sports fans, all the sports are coming together. It's a great time to just sit on your couch, text your friend, hey, come over, let's watch the games. And when I do that to my friends, guess what they text me back? I got the Miller Lite. That's right. They pick up Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer and they come over to my place. We take that first sip. And we realize, man, we just made a regular old-fashioned night into a special night. Thank you, Miller Lite. And shortly thereafter, we got multiple screens on, everybody's dialed into something different, and the whole night just keeps building and building and building. That's why I reach for Miller Lite. It can take an ordinary night and take it to an extraordinary place. It's clean, refreshing, easy to drink, brewed for taste with simple ingredients, just 96 calories and 3.2 carbs. The original light beer since 1975 and still hitting different. Cheers to legendary moments with Miller Lite. Great taste, 96 calories. Go to millerlite.com/dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time.

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