Transcript of Hour 2: Happy Birthday To Me From Me (feat. Jessica Smetana)

This is the Dan Levatore Show with the Stugats podcast.

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We're going to have trouble with our voice the rest of the way. I have still the delight of spice in my mouth. Billy, you had good critique during the break when I thought you You spoke correct criticism.

No, not criticism. I was praising both. I said, Greg's soup tastes like home. Mike's soup tastes like vacation.

Greg was really mad during the break.

Oh, my God, he was so mad.

Like, really mad. That's your computer, Greg. You own $10 now over the course of the show. It's his computer. He's really mad. And, Jessica, I'm going to need a ruling from Jessica here on whether he's right to be mad or not, because during During the break, no one came in here. He didn't leave the room. I went into the other room and I asked some people, Did you have both soups? Did you like the soups? Mike's is gone and Greg's isn't gone.

Well, Greg did better planning. Greg planned for the masses. Mike just planned for fewer people. I think could be what happened. Not like added water, he said. Mike also added a little lime zest to the soup, which really put it over.

You guys didn't even have the best on-air bite because I spent 40 minutes zesting limes like a madman this morning. But I was running in. I was like, Kevin from the office. I was like, Who needs what? Then I forgot I had all this lime zest lying around, so I hope you liked it.

Greg's man. He's mad? Yeah.

Sure. Why wouldn't I be? I think it was an unjust award.

It was a fair competition.

Was it fair?

I will say- You're food Lamar Jackson. I will say, having eaten a lot of Thai chicken soup, that Mike failed to bring forward coconut, which is a major flavor, should be a major flavor in that soup. Mike used a lot of coconut milk, and it did not have a coconut flavor that was discernible. This is classless. Which is a major negative for that soup. It was tasty.

Be a sportsman.

It was tasty. Lamar has two MVP awards, to be fair. This is really sad.

Yeah, you're a great chef. Lamar Jackson, great quarterback, but you haven't I'm in trouble winning the big one.

Yeah. Could have been three.

Okay. It's all right, Owen.

Classless? No. Go ahead.

Owen, four.

Okay. Owen, four. One of those four, I lost fair and square. Okay, Roy's turkey beat mine.

You lost to Jessica fair and Square.

No, I don't- The carve-off. Jessica, I don't feel like I did.

She was using the- You were a lot classier to her in defeat.

Okay. Because that wasn't a food cook-off. That was an ancillary competition. Whatever you say, Owen.

What?

It had food in it. Well, Greg, I was going to come in here and defend you, and there's a reason for that, Mike. The reason is that the last time that we made the soup that you made today, Lehman had COVID and threw it up everywhere, so I can never eat that soup again. It brings up really bad memories. So I was going to give Greg my vote, but now Greg's turning on me because of the carve off, and I'm like, I don't know if he deserves that. Okay.

All right. No, I mean, I don't consider that a cooking competition. So I'm 0 for three. It wasn't. You're I'm 0 for 3, and popcorn really isn't.

0 for 4 in food-related competitions.

I agree the popcorn was a little... Yeah, it was awful.

It was just terrible.

Everyone was afraid of Dan.

I lost fair and squared.

Now they're afraid of Mike.

Yeah, That's true.

That soup was exceptional. You would have liked it, Jessica. You would have liked both soups, actually. But I haven't seen Greg that mad. Zazel, you've been here only a short time.

He He didn't even look up from his computer afterward. We all get up to stretch, have a little bit more soup. He was seething. He wouldn't even get up or look up at anyone during the break.

I think it was like a week and a half ago. He was more mad about the laptop.

No, that was public. This was a private seething. He was smoldering in here. No, Chris, you got it bad publicly. We left the room. He sat in here steaming the entire time. I'm not making that up. I was more scared of him this time. You guys don't understand this man that you work with. He's intensely prideful. He cooks really well. He's embarrassed that Mike beat him, and he's embarrassed that we let it happen. You just don't know how prideful he is about this thing. Are you embarrassed? He's really good at this.

No, I'm not embarrassed, and I'm far more disappointed than I am angry. I thought it was an unjust decision. I don't think it should have been close, and I feel cheated. I think it was just for the sake of comedy. I don't think it was a legitimate verdict.

You can't fake what those pots look like. I made more soup than you. No, you did not. I made more soup. All right? And more of the soup is gone.

You made less soup.

I'm going to go have some more soup because it's almost gone, and I made a more soup.

Please do.

Greg, here you go. I know you don't like the beating you've taken here, but happy birthday, buddy. We are thrilled that we get to work with you. All rise for Greg Cooty.

A birthday for me is a birthday for you. The sound of my voice is a dream come true. The greatest of A gift that could be. Happy birthday from me to me. A birthday for me is a time full of love. A present bestowed as I fell from above. To make all the world full of glee. Happy birthday from me to me. Happy birthday from me to me.

He's not happy. Not even a song about himself on his birthday. Sung by himself. Sung by himself.

Serenated himself.

He steved throughout You guys think I'm fool around? He's really mad.

Can we revote, maybe? I'd like to revote. Let's not count it 0 and 4. Let's revote.

He doesn't want a pity vote.

I know everybody who voted against me. That will never be for that.

There's only two.

That will never be forgotten.

Zaz, though, you trampled him, threatening me. You just trampled him, saying, It'll never be forgotten that I voted against him.

And you, threatening you, too, by the way. We can revote. There's plenty of Greg's soup left if you guys want to try.

I really like Greg. I'm really sad that I made him sad.

I didn't mean to- His soup is really good, too. That's the thing.

It's delicious.

Greg, is this a worse betrayal than Christopher taking your laptop a couple of weeks back?

Remember, I voted for you. Different categories. Also in retrospect, where the dolphins laid an egg, it seemed as though it wasn't as big. So me losing that vote wasn't as big as the dolphins losing.

Is that still your phone? Another $5, please. You owe $15 on your birthday.

It's people wishing me happy birthday.

Jessica is hosting a live show on Saturday for the Notre Dame, Texas A&M game at 3: 30 with Kyle Rudolf and Aaron Banks. We will tell you more about where you can get that in a moment. But Jessica is saying something that I have not heard anyone else in the sports media is saying, anywhere in the interwebs. You liked week two better than week one.

Yeah. I mean, real ball knowers. No, Dan. Week one, there were a lot of flashy matchups, but then not a lot of meat underneath them. Week two, a lot of meat on those bones. We had some... I heard Zaz talking about the border war yesterday. Smu Baylor, Clemson struggling with Troy, Kansas State losing to Army, USF in Florida, of course. There's a number of overtime games, Michigan State and Boston College. There were more even matchups in week two than week one. So well, I think your typical fan is like, Yeah, I want to watch Florida State and Alabama. Those are some big sexy names. I want to see the less sexy games. I want to see UUCE and Yukon in overtime.

Can you guys tell me where it is that you are on Arch Manning? Because we went from week one to week two with turbulence and Texas, what are you shaking your head about, Zazla?

You've been saying- I'm not anywhere with Archmanning. There's nothing to take away from what we saw in week two. And week one was what it was, although he was good in the fourth quarter, but whatever. It's a 60-minute game. I'm not anywhere with Archmanning. Manning. Got to see it.

Jessica?

I agree. I mean, he was largely inefficient last week, but it was against San Jose State, and they ended up winning by several touch downs. It didn't really matter. They're not going to play another good defense for a few weeks. I did think it was weird that Sark tried to defend him by saying that he pooped his pants. I don't know if you guys heard that press conference sound.

Pooped his pants. That's good description. Anytime you say that there's a pooped your pants, that's a good description, but it's usually not an ally of a description. Let's hear it. Arch Manning seemed to be having some throwing pains by the-According to who?

Arch.

Arch said that to you?

No.

Oh, according to who?

It just looked like he was-He doesn't have any.

Is there an explanation to why he was It'd look like that?

I don't know.

I've never filmed any of you guys when you're using the bathroom, so I don't know what faces you make when you're doing that.

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Com/go/nfsundaytickets-terms. Limited time offer. Dan Levatard.

I heard that as a woman faking pain. I didn't think that sounded real. I really didn't.

It was not fake. It was in no way fake.

You can spot a woman faking it. Stugatz.

Yes, I can, Jess. Expert. I've been married 40 years.

This is the Dan Levatard show with the You guys.

Big game that you're going to be across, Jess. We'll talk to you about Texas A&M in Notre Dame and what you're doing, the live show with the Echo in a moment. But I want to talk to you about Big Ten football, too, because we all know about conference expansion, and it means some interesting time zones and kickoff times. We got USA and Michigan State. Now, I think this is one the cooler, more refreshing matchups when it comes to conference realignment. But it's kicking off at 11: 00 PM, Saturday night. You never see an 11: 00 PM start time. You only see that stuff in Hawaii. Are college football fans going to be overwhelmed How is this going to rate?

Mike, I have so many thoughts. Why is this a refreshing matchup? Who's clamoring for Michigan State and USA playing a conference game? Let's just start there. There. Who was like, We need conference realignment so we can say Michigan State and USA in conference against each other.

I'm in on this because I saw Michigan State play a later night game against Boston College, and I was surprised at how crisp their offense looks like. If they can limit the mistakes, they look like they can bounce back a little bit. And USA has spent a lot of money in this offseason. So I get what you're saying. Historically, where's the appetite here? But from what we've seen so far in this very small sample, this seems like an interesting matchup.

It's an interesting matchup. My point is that why does this have to be a conference game? I'm still salty about all of this Big Ten realignment because this is so stupid. This whole sport exists for fans, correct? We do this to entertain fans. And now if you're a Michigan State fan living in the Eastern time zone, your game is going to end at 2: 00 AM. How is this good for anyone? This is ridiculous. It's an eight o'clock local kickoff in LA, and it's 11: 00 PM on the East Coast. And I'm just mad because I like to fall asleep watching Hawaii. They kick off at 11: 59, which is great. But I don't want to fall asleep watching a Big Ten conference game. That's ridiculous.

All of this stuff is going to start happening, though, right? Nba games are going to be at 11: 00 PM. This is all going to be the world's games, right?

I don't think I might- I have nothing wrong with West Coast games being late. It's Michigan State and USA in a conference Big Ten game that I object to. Just on principle, Dan, just on principle, I object to this. I defy it. I rebuke it.

Well, Jess, did you rise up against Fran Brown? Because Fran Brown has a lot of opinions. I like him. He gets his teams juiced up, but sometimes he says too much and he tries too hard. And this, I haven't seen this type of look at me, Louis, display from a head coach since Sark tried to ice his own kicker. He makes his own team run sprints after a lackluster performance. Jess, we know that Fran Brown's got that arrow pointing up, but I'm cooling off on Fran Brown, the person.

Yeah, the bright side, and I know everyone's already made this joke, but at least they got to hour after this because they won, because winners get washed. But yeah, this made me a little sad. It is, first of all, the slowest set of sprints of all time. And I mean that in the politest way possible, because these guys just played a five-quarter game. This game went to overtime, and they had to really dig deep to pull out this upset win after they were trailing to Yukon. I mean, it was a bad game by Syracuse until the very end there. And if anything, they should be like, wow, we proved something about ourselves here. We're resilient. We're going to fight for our coach. We're going to fight to get this win. And instead, they're getting punished by running sprints in front of all these Syracuse J school students who are all filming and posting it on Twitter. It made me feel a little sad for them.

What did you make of Caleb Williams' Undershirt? Because it's not exactly what you see normally out of a starting quarterback who's the face of your franchise. That's like what Billy Gill wore when he played football.

Yeah, I hated it, Billy. I hated everything about it. It was a terrible look. It's too loose. It's too gray. Why? What's the point of that?

Is he going for a branding thing? This wasn't his look last year. I will say he looked more athletic, which the undershirt wouldn't necessarily say that.

I think he forgot he was wearing it. Why would he do that on purpose?

I don't understand what he's going for there. That being said, I wonder if you were impressed with his play because it was like a mixed bag. Is it a mixed bag?

It was the same bag as last year, which is a problem. But it is only week one. I think it's too early to decide if Ben Johnson's fixed the bears or not. But it wasn't something that I think would give you hope as a bears fan. You're probably just saying same old bears, which is what I've been saying my whole life. Every time everyone in the mainstream media tries to hype up the bears, oh, they got a quarterback. Oh, they got a head coach. Oh, they got a wide receiver. Oh, they have an offensive line this year. I'll believe it when I see it, okay? And I haven't seen it yet.

Jess, I was at Baylor SMU last week, and that game was on the CW. This weekend, and South Florida and Miami. That's a good game. Two top 20 teams are on the CW. Jess, how are we feeling about football on the CW?

Big game.

I mean, there's some insane advertisements that will happen during those games. There's a lot of times the lead in programming is supernatural reruns, but otherwise, it's been fantastic. I don't know if you're aware of who's calling games on the CW. Our buddy Tom Breniman has been doing it for the last couple of years. So that's interesting, too. Yeah, there's been... I guess the second year in a row, there's been some big games on the CW, and we just have to get used to that now. This is just going to keep happening.

For those of you who do not remember Tom Breneman, this is him making his return. I didn't think there would be a return from this, the single funiest thing to happen at any point during the pandemic.

Castellanos to lead things off. Jim Day is going to be taking us the rest of the way through this game as Holland takes I'm still over on the mound. I made a comment earlier tonight that I guess went out over the air that I am deeply ashamed of. If I have heard anyone out there, I I'll tell you how much I say from the bottom of my heart, I'm so very, very sorry. I pride myself and think of myself as a man of faith as there's a drive in a deep left field by Castellanos. It will be a home run, and so that'll make it a four-nothing ball game. I don't know if I'm going to be putting on this headset again. I don't know if it's going to be for the Reds. I don't know if it's going to be for my bosses at Fox. I'm going to apologize for the people who signed my paycheck for the Reds, for Fox Sports, Ohio, for the people I work with, for anybody that I've offended here tonight. I can't begin to tell you how deeply sorry I am. That is not who I am and never has been.

And I'd like to think maybe I could have some people that could back that up. I am very, very sorry, and I beg for your forgiveness.

So we heard.

Jim Dale take you the rest of the way home.

How bad does he not want to have FSU on the schedule?

So last year, Thomas Casalanos was at BC. And I remember I was tuning in specifically to see how Brenneman would handle Thomas Casalanos. And when he was doing his opening monolog, bringing in the color analyst, he was like, And Boston College is quarterback by Thomas Casalanos. And he gave a side smile and laid out a little bit acknowledging what the audience was anticipating.

He made it all the way back. He's doing a top 20 game. What do you mean?

Cw. All the way back is you not playing that clip every time we say Tom Brenneman. Yeah.

He'll live with that following him forever, which is probably not Probably not the worst thing, right? He's gotten a second chance. Usf is not going to beat Miami this weekend. I'm just going to say that. Maybe it could have been a sneaky, Oh, wow. Their passing attack is going to really put some pressure on Miami's defense Defense. But no, after they upset Florida, Miami is not going to be walking through that. It's not going to happen. So I'm just going to tamp that down right now.

Miami is big and strong, and that's where they have their advantages. But I do like USF's defense. I like how athletic they are defense. Look, I'm not at the point yet where I'm going to say, Yeah, Mario Cristobal's got this one.

I'm not going to- No, he does. Dan, he has this one. I'm not saying they're going to go undefeated the whole season, but I think he has this one.

What would get you there?

I mean, it's not that long ago that they lost the Middle Tennessee State.

No, I'm with you, but what would get you there?

I mean, this is no offense to Jess or Notre Dame. It's really more ignorance on my end of when it comes to Notre Dame, what I saw them do within the of their offense and the limits of a first-time quarterback in an impossible spot, I don't know how good C. J. Carr is. Miami looks good to me. They look big, they look strong and fast, and I expect that Notre Dame is good and that Miami beat a good team. But I just saw what USF did to Florida, and I don't think that it's impossible for them to stay close in a game against Miami and then make it difficult at the end.

We can bring in Jess. I'm not exactly sure what USF did to Florida. I think that USF has played two ranked teams that probably came in. Look, I mean, Florida was a media fabrication. They finished the year strong last year. They lost a bunch of guys. They didn't really add to the team. They added the receivers. But the problem with them is, Lagway isn't super effective when he's out there, and it's because he's perpetually hurt. So I'm with Jess here. I think Miami handles this business. These two teams did match up. And while the first half was tight, Miami showed that with depth and size, they can wear this team down. And I think it's going to happen again, Jess.

I like USF's quarterback a lot, Byron Brown. He's been super impressive. And I do think there There's a chance that USF really does test Miami. And just vertical passing game just stretches them out really far. And we already talked about Miami's defense having a lot of transfers and all that. So it's a good test for them in that way. But Miami, it should be a weight class above USF and should just be able to out-physical them now that they're on alert that this team is good. I think that's the threat is that you get stuck in a trap game against a good G5 team. I don't think that's going to happen now that they just upset Florida. That's my only point there. I think Florida also beat themselves several times over and over and over again in this game. Penalties, clock management, all of it. And I think that that contributed to them losing what was a really tight game. So, yeah, if you're aware of the fact that this team is talented and they can try to keep it close and do something fun at the end, Dan, you're afraid of, I think that you make sure that that doesn't happen.

That's how Notre Dame got trapped against Northern Illinois last year. It's the same thing. Northern Illinois plays that style of football where they're like, we're going to try to keep this game really low scoring, and then maybe we'll have one play where we can beat you. And they tried to do that to Maryland last week, too. I don't know why anyone schedules Northern Illinois. Anyways, that's my thoughts on USF and Miami. But I also think, aside from USF, I know everyone's talking about how great the resume is, and it is. There's still a number of interesting G group of six, I think we're calling it now, teams that are undefeated coming into this season, like Memphis and Tulane, who's got a big game against Ole Miss. So I am curious to see how those other teams do also who are not getting as much hype because they haven't had those big matchups yet.

She's hosting a live show Saturday for the Notre Dame, Texas A&M game at 3: 30 with Kyle Rudolf and Erin Banks. Greg Cody has completely checked out here, wasn't listening to much of anything anyone has said over the last five minutes. He's seething over here. Perhaps we can cheer him up with a song that Jeremy has just made very quickly about soup. Let's see if we can get Greg Cody back in the show because he's still pissed and he's seething He's not listening to anything we're doing.

I am listening.

Yeah, that soup's delicious. Thai fruit, oil and toll. Yeah, that soup's delicious.

I really like soup.

Good song.

Now I get to eat soup. Thanks to great Cody. He thinks he can cook soup.

You better have my soup. Does he have my soup? Does she have my soup?

Where is my soup?

Give me soup or give me death. Wow.

It's poorly written.

That might be your worst song ever. I loved it.

That was unspeakably terrible.

Inspired lyrics.

It's anti-comedy.

Worst lyrics than Kiss. Get with the program. They're the worst lyrical writers there have ever been. Jessica, your thoughts on Jeremy rushing in with that song and ruining everything we're doing with I really like Sue. Yeah.

Oh, wow. Yeah, she's just speechless.

Greg Cody, it doesn't seem to have cheered you up. Jessica, tell the people what you are doing, specifically with what you're trying to do with Kyle Rudolf and Aaron Banks as part of a tailgate experience.

Yeah, we're doing a live show right off of Angela Boulevard in Notre Dame. We're right behind Murphy's Ice Cream in O'Rorx. On Saturday at 3: 30. It's going to be a lot of fun. I don't know why my video cut out, but back, and I'm really excited for it.

Thank you. None of that will air. We will just say goodbye to you, and we will talk to you next week. Don Levatard. Is there Back in My Day?

There is, actually.

What? Were you not going to tell anyone? Wait a minute. You guys. Guys, it's a Tuesday.

Stugatz.

Here's your guy, Greg Coty with Back in My Day.

Shit, I can't help my head.

Okay, here it is. Sorry. Adultery.

That is it.

We are back. We are waiting for this one.

This is the Dan Levatard Show with the Stugats.

That's $20, Greg. You now own $20 because Because of the amount of birthday texts coming in here, you continue to derail everything we're doing. Can I have the money, please?

I don't have my wallet on me.

What's a man to do? He's receiving birthday texts. I can't control when other people reach out to him. Seriously.

Greg, you don't pay the fines.

They're birthday texts.

You don't pay the fines around here. You don't respect the fines system.

No, I literally don't have my wallet.

I know, but you owe $20, and you not being able to figure out how Venmo works. Got that Venmo? You have Hello.

It's his birthday. He shouldn't be paying for anything. Thank you, Billy. Zaz, you should treat. You should cover his fines for the day as a birthday gift.

I'll cover his fines. It's all right. Greg, I got you.

You're on drugs. We're running the risk. We are running the risk of infuriating Greg Cody even more than he's infuriated because he sat out most of the hour. You've seen this, right, Zazlo? It's unprofessional.

Why can't it just be enough that your patrons enjoyed the meal that you provided? Why does it have to all be about the competition? I loved your soup.

It was great soup. He didn't vote. Neither of them voted for you. It was great soup. Just as a reminder, Greg, neither one of them voted for you.

I don't need a reminding. It wasn't as good as Mike's soup?

I am not to...

Wow.

I loved your soup.

This seems like a setup from the start, if I'm going to be honest with you, Greg. Drag the old man in on his birthday, make him cook for us.

This is what I've been in his face. The thought had occurred. It's all a scam.

I want to get to Jeremy's top- Fraud.

He hasn't promoted your podcast once yet.

He did it himself.

Craig, he turned to me and he said, Wow, that lime zest really changed it.

What about the coconut that was missing? The key ingredient? It'd be like me leaving out levels of salsas and levels.

Can I just understand? All right, can I understand something? Are you also of the belief, because you haven't said this part, as someone who knows how to cook, as someone who I would say is a sophisticated cook, is very careful with gourmet flavors and where it is puts things and how much of something he puts in it. Did you think his soup was poorly made? Did you think that that doesn't respect the artistry of cooking the way that you wish it to be respected because he just slapped so many flavors on it?

Well, before I ever knew, I asked Mike, You have coconut in there, right? And he said, Yes. And once he said that, coconut in a Thai chicken soup is a major ingredient. You have to taste coconut. Maybe I'm alone. Maybe others of you tasted the coconut.

No, it didn't taste that much like coconut. It just tasted delicious. It didn't taste that much like coconut.

This isn't your standard Tom K. This is a different thing that I was going for. I didn't want to overpower people with coconut. Why am I defending the merits the merits of my soup? You nailed it, dog. You actually came underprepared. You overlooked your opponent. No. All right? You borrowed my salt. You borrowed my pepper. No.

Let me ask you- You borrowed my knife.

I was being a sportsman.

So putting all the coconut in there, you didn't intend it to have a coconut flavor?

It had a hint of coconut. Did it? Yeah.

Very subtle hint.

Yes. I don't want to overpower people. Why do I have to defend the merits of my championship-winning soup?

Greg- This is stupid. You know what I would like in this, too? The leaning tower of Pisa. They built that tower. That tower wasn't supposed to lean. That was supposed to be a straight building. Then all of a sudden, it slightly leans because of failures on their part in terms of planning, because they couldn't have planned for that thing to be leaning sideways like that. Now people look at it and say, That's an architectural marvel, when really, it was a failure of design, somewhat like the soup. The soup wasn't bad, but it wasn't as it was intended to be designed, which is all that Greg is saying.

That's exactly how it was intended, and it won. What are we doing here? Happy birthday, Greg. I'll pull back. All right, I'm starting to get a little worked up because you're not exactly being classy and defeat here. I thought we were having fun. We were in this together, pulling on the same rope. He's pissed. Over there, Chuck Todd's freaking us the hell out. We're having a good old time. I mean, this is a bonding moment for us. It's all the name of sport. You didn't shake my hand after. You didn't compliment the soup. You told me what I was missing. In fact, I think you're being pretty rotten right now, Greg Coty.

Okay, you can believe that. I know what I know. I've had that soup tasting like it should taste dozens of times.

You've never had that soup before in your life. That's the first time anybody's had that soup. No one puts faro in a Thai soup. Have you ever had a Thai soup with faro No. You are over there telling me how I should cut the red bell peppers. I didn't hear a single complaint about the red bell peppers. In fact, some people said, Love the bell peppers the way that it were. Thank you so much, Mike.

The bell pepper should have been cut in long strips, and you know it, faro does not go in that soup. It does not go in a- You don't know what soup this is.

I just blew your mind with a brand new soup.

I saw a lot of coconut milk being put in there. Not enough, apparently. And I tasted no coconut.

That is a wonder of my chef skills.

A major shortcoming.

Yeah, you saw an entire can of coconut milk in there, and yet it didn't overpower your palate because it had so much goddamn stuff going on.

It didn't power my palate at all. I didn't taste it.

Well, there's plenty of your soup left, pal. There's none of mine.

The gloves are off now.

I feel like you guys shouldn't even be bothering to try to pretend to compliment each other's soup. Why don't you really think of Greg's soup?

I thought it was a bit gamey. It tasted like a soup made in a forest. I didn't think it was a very good soup at all. If you told me it were squirrel, I'd believe that more than it was sausage.

You make that squirrel soup?

I'm actually with him on that one. It was gamey. Not the gamey Part, not the gaming part.

You thought you were eating squirrel.

It feels like it was made in a forest.

That the sausage, you could have tricked me if you said- Could have been venison. It's not sausage, then it's something else.

In Chuck Todd's world, it'd be great for survival.

Brewed in a witch's cauldron, put together on a hot plate. That's what it tasted like.

Did you make me squirrel?

I did. It did. I tasted a hint of an eye of newt as well. It was a bit of a witch's culture.

Greg, did you like any of Mike's soup?

I thought it was very good, except for the absence of any coconut flavor.

Tell you what, if I want to make a second-place soup, I'll take your advice.

That would have authenticated the soup you were making.

I need to move the show along because we've probably spent too much time on Mike Ryan's delicious soup.

He's doing it. I'm trying to be classy.

Greg Cody's less delicious soup. He's mad, and he says, He will never forgive me and Zaz for making the result go that way. I remember.

I didn't say I'd never forgive. What I said was, I'll never forget. Don't mistake those two things.

What does that mean?

It means what it means.

No, I don't. So what does it mean, though? I'll never forgive it, but I'll never forget it.

Fate will tell. What?

Fate will tell. He told you he'll forgive. He just won't forget.

So wait, but if you don't forget- Fate will tell. Okay. Sounds like a bit of a All right. Jeremy, I'm sorry, we're not going to pull him out of this. He's seething and he might storm out of here on his birthday. Where are we on your top fives? You have multiple top fives. You couldn't possibly have just one top five.

No, we have three top fives. It's based off of you yesterday saying that Debo Samuel doesn't look like he belongs on the commanders. It just doesn't look right. We've got a top five players who look like they belong on the team they're on. We've got a top five players who look like they belong on another team. And we've got a top five players who look like they should be New England Patriots. Oh, I love this. These top fives presented by Smirnoff The official vodka sponsor of the National Football League. Smirnov, please drink responsibly. The Smirnov Company, New York, New York, Vaka, 40% alcohol by volume. So we start here. Top five players who look like they belong on the team they're on. Number five, Justin Herbert looks like he belongs on the chargers. Number four, Max Crosby belongs on the Raiders. You're going to do three better than that one? Number three, Dan Quinn looks like a commander.

I love this.

Number 2, Andrew Van Genkel belongs on the Vikings.

Dan Quinn also has the name of a commander as well.

Yeah, he does. Number 1, no one looks more like they belong on a team than Tyler Warren looks like an Indianapolis cold. Guys are going to be good. Now, let's talk about guys who look like they belong on a different team. So number five, Fred Warner looks like a Baltimore Raven. What are you doing? A bad AI. Baker Mayfield looks like a Dallas cowboy. Hollywood Brown looks like a Miami Dolphins receiver. The news is like one, too. Ammon Ross St. Brown, a lion, looks more like a Carolina Panther. Okay. I don't know what you're doing there. Debo Samuel looks like the Pittsburgh Stealers. It's the same color. And for the Patriots, O-L-I, Alec pierce.

Oh, because he's white.

O-l-i, Christian McCaffrey. I see. Number 5, Cooper Cupp.

Okay.

Number 4, Adam Thielen. All right. Number 3, Cam Skatebu. All right. Number 2, Lad McConkey. White guys. Number 1, Hunter Enfro. You get it? Commander Quin.

Dan Quin is a great commander name. You're going to have a hard time doing better than Commander Dan Quin.

He's going to need the stars on his chest.