Transcript of Hour 2: A Record-Breakingly Offensive Hour (feat. Dr. Fred Johnson) New

This is the Dan Levatar Show with the Stugatz Podcast.

Ah, the NFL Draft, where hope begins and overreactions start immediately. Join us live, Draft Watch presented by Bucked Up, tomorrow night, 7:45 Eastern on YouTube at Levatar Show. I lost my breath.

Okay, very short breath issue. I'm sure the new sponsor is very proud of how you read that. It's tomorrow night, uh, we're doing this part of our draft coverage. We're about to bring in Dr. Dr. Fred Johnson. He's the Doctor of Leadership in a second. And Greg Cody was saying Fred Johnson seems like a name from another time. I don't know how you become a Doctor of Leadership, but he became a Doctor of Leadership. And you— Fred Johnson seemed like a name to you, you were saying, that isn't common.

Well, I love names like that because I grew up with a name that I always had to, you know, it was always mispronounced. I had to always spell it. So I love names like Fred Johnson, you know, Bob Edwards, Al Miller, you know, just names that are right out there. They, you know, exactly what they are. You don't have to—

you know, how many times in his life has Fred Johnson been asked? No, no, no follow-up questions. That's right. You've got just— that's it. He gets to say Fred Johnson. Everyone understands.

So you love names like Steve Smith?

Yeah, there you go.

Just real easy. You don't— you're never going to get tripped up. You don't have any follow-up questions.

Well, yeah. The other thing I wanted to say about Dr. Johnson is that You gotta have a lot of, uh, uh, talent, which you do obviously, to live up to the name Leadership Coach. Okay. And here's why. If you call yourself an influencer, you better influence people, right? If you call yourself a motivational speaker, my hesitation is I'm, I'm gonna say you can't motivate me. I'm gonna challenge that. So when you're a leadership coach, man, you better lead. And congratulations to you. What's up, Doc?

Okay, he just went off the rails.

And what's up, Doc?

He has done work with the Packers, with Jacksonville. The reason we're having him on with Seattle, the reason we're having him on is because he's also worked with the Dolphins, and the Dolphins are in need of leadership. He's the founder of Initiative One, and I'll get to him in a second. But Trista, do you have any follow-up questions for Greg Cody on his list of catchphrases?

What was the screech with "ver good"?

Screech!

Oh, no, it's not "ver good," it's "very good." Very good! You know, we say it like a parrot. We say it like a parrot that may be off in the distance. You're hearing a talking parrot off in the distance saying, "Very good!" And we're trying to get that started so that fans use it at stadiums and arenas.

We use it at the fronton.

Yeah.

When the Cyclones get a big point.

Very good!

We do, and I'd like to hear that during PGA Tour events. A guy sinks a putt, the gallery in unison goes, very good. Why? So we're trying to—

What's the sequitur to the parrot?

Uncle Dick?

Yeah, Uncle Dick will say that. But I—

Uncle Dick of Dick's Rough Riders.

Yeah, but I invented that. It's just a parrot off in the distance. What can I say?

Okay, we'll get back to this in a second. I want all your follow-up questions. But Fred Johnson is a leadership coach and he's been waiting very patiently here. And you got very self-involved with that explanation. Really enjoyed.

It is—

Trista, it's a parrot that says "very good" out of the side of its mouth.

Right.

That's it.

As if in the distance.

That's it.

Very good.

You want people in the room to be confused on who said it.

Poor Dr. Fred Johnson right now is shaking his head.

Uh, general managers are finalizing their draft boards right now. Uh, Fred, so help us, when you are the founder of Initiative One and a franchise, self-serious, sacred franchise that's a billion-dollar business comes your way and is soliciting your leadership. Why and how are they doing that? Why are they coming to you?

Because they're wanting to figure out if that, that player that they're about to draft and for a $27 million contract is either going to give lift to their locker room or tear up their locker room. That's bottom line.

And so you're studying personality types. You're, you're, you're teaching them how to measure someone's character.

Well, to be honest with you, most coaches— and it's a problem— most coaches, character is and leadership is a nice little add-on. If I encounter a team that has executives with that kind of an attitude, I never have much hope for them in the future. So it's my role, based upon my background and my particular gifts, to be able to walk into a combine room, cut through all the polite, "Yes, sir. Yes, sir." They're all coached up. They're all saying the right, perfect things. It's my job to figure out, is this guy real? Is it authentic? Just going through the motions? Is he full of himself? Does he care about himself? Does he put the team first? All of those are the things that I'm looking for when I walk in, and it's my job to figure that out within 10 minutes.

Doc, so you're basically a professional bullshit smeller. You walk into the building, maybe kick the saloon door open, you look around, you go, "This guy's full of shit." You know, that's exactly what I do.

And there's a lot of it in these— not as much in the locker rooms as there is in the coaching suites.

Are you saying that the reason that people come to you is because they're about to make a multimillion-dollar investment and you're better at sniffing out fraud fraud than others?

Well, I— all I can tell you, I don't know if I can sniff it out better than others. I'm just very— I'm very confident in my ability to get to what is real and, and to separate someone who you don't really want in your locker room, as opposed to— that's one of the best decisions we ever made. I'll give you an example. I interviewed Aaron Hernandez back in 2010. He walks in with a swagger and I'm going— they walked out and they said, man, this guy is fantastic. I said, if you hire this guy, I'm telling you, in the long run, he may be able to fool you for a short time, but in the long run, he will kill your team.

Dead eyes.

Yeah, uh, literally and figuratively. Um, another one was, uh, um, Eric Berry, who was drafted out of Tennessee, um, by, uh, the Kansas City Chiefs. He walked in and I'm telling you, he owned the room within a moment. Uh, the guy has charisma walking out of every pore. You could tell he was the real deal. Earl Thomas was another one. And so, you know, I've, I think probably my all-time favorite character guy who combined both high performance and high character, which is what you want, was probably Calais Campbell or Maurice Jones-Drew. Those are, those are the 3 to 4 people that you want on a team. If you can have 3 to 4 people which I call high-trust, high-performance guys, and you surround it with solid performers who don't bring in a bunch of drama and are not narcissists that only care about their stats and their glory, you can compete for the Super Bowl. Your culture Your culture will determine whether you've got a collection of individuals or you've got a team that's going to come together. I've never seen a great team that had a poor culture. I've never seen it. And I've worked with college basketball.

I've worked with professional baseball. I've worked with college football and the NFL.

What about all the times you were wrong? What about all those times you were wrong? You're giving us all the times you got it right.

I have been fooled. I have been fooled, and the very best can fool you in the short term. But, you know, I can— I'll tell you that, that you can get through the front door, but ultimately you can't get to the vault.

Hello.

How do you find teams that you've worked with? How do you find most of them balance how strongly they feel about the player compared to how strongly you're feeling about the player?

Well, with Seattle, I remember one year I gave them 7 recommendations and they followed all 7 recommendations. But I have, I have deep, deep trust with John Schneider. I mean, I coach—

but this is that—

forgive me for interrupting you. The only reason I'm interrupting you is that's you nailing it more than anyone in the sport nailed it. You just gave us your credentials the way Dwyane Wade did before the show. Seattle did what I told them and they won the championship.

Well, they've come to me twice. They came to me right before they won the Super Bowl, and they came to me again after they won the Super Bowl.

Salute. Can you tell, um, I mean, I don't want to put you on the spot, brother. Can you tell, like, my character, or is it like you have to be around me more, or can you read me from here?

Well, yeah, I wouldn't want my daughter dating you.

Oh, hello.

Absolutely.

You guys said you can give it out. I told you I can give it back.

Yes, sir.

Do me next. There you go.

Pause. Big time pause.

Dr. Johnson, uh, doctor, thank you for being on with us.

He's the leadership coach and the founder of Initiative One. We appreciate the time.

Thank you.

What happened?

We're gonna go to commercial.

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I did not expect that. Who could have saw Lakers going up 2-0? That's nuts.

Uh, I have been doing this long time and I have simply never had that reaction that I just had. Stunned, speechless. By someone, something someone had said. And I had Tim Hardaway on our show saying he hated gay people. Like, I've never been stunned into speechlessness by an answer where I'm paid to continue broadcasting. I'm also paid for the judgment of being sort of the managing editor of what we're doing around here. And someone surprised me so much with an offensive answer to a question that I just get stunned into speechlessness because we're having him on as an expert on being able to judge personalities. And I feel like I've got a little bit of knowledge on how to judge this personality.

And he just gave us— he did what Warren Sharpe did that time.

He came on with his expertise and then went 0 for 16 on the games that he was picking.

Like, how, how can that be the answer when we're having you on as an expert to talk about how to judge draft picks? Like, how does that, how does that even happen?

Can we one time time for Juju's grace in that spot.

Yes. Good job. Good job. Better man than me.

I was ready to jump on the motherfucking table.

I've never had that happen to me before where I just, I don't know what I, I don't know what to say.

You're also pretty stunned yesterday when I brought up the FIU story. You didn't say anything there for 5 seconds.

Should I put it in the club? I'll think about it. We'll circle back.

And that's a leadership coach who said that, by the way.

I just can't.

That was such bad judgment.

We're having him on because his judgment just made a champion Seahawks team and he could tell that Aaron Hernandez was a murderer.

Good shout by him.

Dummy up, save up. Am I right?

Yes.

Well put.

Crystal, what other questions do you have about his catchphrases?

Uh, hams. What about the hams?

Oh, uh, when it's, when it's really, you know, in a freezer, when the hams are hanging on hooks, you're walking into an industrial freezer where it's probably about, you know, 45 degrees or something of that nature. And so it, when it's so cold in here, there ought to be hams hanging on 45 degrees.

That's like your fridge.

Your fridge is cold.

Freezing. It's got to be freezing.

It's lower than freezing.

Can you explain to her?

Fuller, 20, probably 25.

She still doesn't understand the very First of your catchphrases, number 50.

She's still very sexy.

I'm ver-ver-fuller-fuller. Yeah, I'm fuller than Vern Fuller. Vern Fuller was a nondescript journeyman second baseman who played mostly for the Cleveland— maybe entirely for the Cleveland Indians circa mid-'60s. And when I invented that phrase, I thought of the only Fuller I knew, the only person with the surname Fuller. And I invented, "I'm fuller than Vern Fuller." I'm coming up from the dinner table, I just had seconds, I'm a little bit bloated. Man, I am fuller than Vern Fuller. And it just stuck with me. And Vern Fuller to this day is still with us, age 82. And I mean to get him on my podcast to discuss with him and congratulate him for the honor of being one of my catchphrases.

You're going to bestow it on him as part of your podcast pageantry.

You and an 80-year-old coming on like, all right, I've got on the Zoom.

What do you want to tell me?

I'm number what on your catchphrases?

I think he'll be honored.

I would love to be.

I would love to hear the original sound of your father explaining to Vern Fuller why he's having him on a podcast as an 82-year-old guest. I think I would like to listen to what that conversation would sound like.

Didn't have a batting average over.250 his entire career. Vern Fuller.

Yeah, there you go.

Hee Haw.

Hee Haw 3.

Well, okay, hold on, before you explain it, what do you think that is?

I have—

give it to her again.

But wait, she doesn't know. She didn't hear the little sneak at the end, which he didn't put— I don't think he put it in the original catchphrase when we went through the top 50. I think we got to do it again.

He always does. He always puts it in.

Always. No, he didn't do the bidet up.

He did. But you have to take a beat or two. You can't say it immediately. It's, hee haw, three, pause, bidet up.

What do you think that is?

Oh, I didn't hear that.

What do you think that is?

Is that about a toilet?

No.

It's not about a bidet?

No, no.

Greg, don't tell her yet. I'd like to explain this, and I'd have also a visual reenactment, if you don't mind.

All right.

Just, I want to tell this story again because it is a real delight. Back in my day when kids played in the neighborhood with other kids.

For the audio audience, he's getting behind Dan.

And Greg Cody was the umpire for the games of streetball that he, his brother, and the neighborhood kids would play. He was the home plate umpire, okay?

And the kids— and I think it can be said now— the kids were embarrassed by him consistently, and it's because his strike three call—

he made it about himself—

his strike three call, okay, if you happen to either swing and miss or take a pitch that you shouldn't have taken Both times he would call—

this is his signature umpire call that would echo throughout the neighborhood.

Hee-haw 3, badehup! Not much of a pause there.

Not much of a pause.

He got a little scared under the big lights of having to go back to his umpiring past.

Well, originally it was just hee-haw 3. The badehup came later.

What's the badehup?

Badehup is nothing but a sound.

Just a dismount.

Yeah, it's just a sound. There's no individual meaning to it. It's a badab.

So you're just making up words.

Does it, or like, does it have anything to do with batter up? Like the next batter? Hee haw 3, batter up.

No, but that's a good—

That's what I thought.

It's batter up.

No, it's badab. We're going to add that to the etymology though.

But it's not true.

But it could be. It could be.

It's in the neighborhood.

Thank you.

Please explain what it means to point at your son and say, we're going to add that to the etymology.

Um, part of the catchphrase countdown is that I explain the origin of all the phrases, how they began, why they began, what they mean. Some of them are popular or even known because of this show or my own podcast. Some of them are private. The only people who've ever heard me say them are Christopher and maybe a couple of friends along the way. So there's an etymology behind all of them, you know, a backstory.

But you're the kind of guy that— what?

I'm the kind of guy— I'm the kind of guy that will give you that etymology whether you want it or not, you know, that kind of thing.

Um, that kind of thing, probably a top tenner.

I'm the kind of guy that, uh, is an homage to my late great friend Alan Cherry. Uh, who passed away, gosh, probably 8 years ago or so.

Your singing inspiration as well made you think you could be a songwriter and a performer, correct?

Um, not a songwriter, but a performer. But a performer.

Who made you think you could be a songwriter?

Um, well, my love of music and my ability to write sort of were a nexus for me.

I would love a freestyle between you and Trista at some future date, but that was gonna say—

I was thinking the same.

A collab! I mean, of course, like, that's the way to go. I'm still reeling from Dr. Fred Johnson.

Yeah, me too.

I'm simply not right.

I looked at Juju when he came on. This is behind the scenes. And I go, true story. I said, this guy seems racist.

She called it. I said, this guy, the way he did with Aaron Hernandez, she called it with him.

I could be Fred Johnson.

I got scared. I get really bad secondhand embarrassment.

I did too.

I like, I was, I was I was very scared.

I'm gonna— I'll just say, I'll admit that after Trista said it, I kind of piled on and was like, yeah, he definitely thought Lamar Jackson was a wide receiver.

When we get those crazy things that come out of draft day and they're like, oh, do you know these GMs were asking how many toothpicks will fit inside of a glass box, and do you have any outstanding babies we've never heard of? That's Fred Johnson.

I'm like that James Franco meme. It's just a Wednesday for me. First time, guys.

I just want to put up their faces side by side.

Side by side. You guys were afraid of Fred Johnson.

You guys.

Fred Johnson walked on in. The doctor.

Dr. Bullshit Smeller kicked open the saloon door, as Tony called him.

Dr.

Bullshit Smeller comes in and tells everybody, Seattle, all their picks, they did what I told them.

And they won the Super Bowl.

I mean, that kind of thing.

I can't.

I'm the kind of guy that knows that Aaron Hernandez is gonna kill people.

Yes, that's what he should have said.

Catch as catch can.

Yeah, right?

That's a shocking answer he had in the holster ready to go when Juju asked, and man, can you, can you judge me?

And man, did he think it was funny. He started laughing. He was like, oh no.

And, and the even, the even better part, like, his daughter's 34. Like, he's making the decisions on who his daughter dates. That— throw, throw that one in there as well.

He wouldn't want it. Let's just be fair.

It's not enforcing.

It's a sitcom. It's a sitcom. You being buddies with that guy and going through the world with him, with him making—

it'd be like, it's, it's like, uh, in Curb, it's, it's Larry David and, uh, what's his name?

J.B. Smoove.

Yeah, yes sir, that's right. You'd live together.

I'm—

what I'm telling you is that I can't write a better skit than what just happened on our show where we're telling the audience this is a man who judges people correctly. Four football teams. That's how— that's the whole setup. It's the whole— if I were writing a comedy hour on how to do this, let me bring somebody in who's a doctor. I'm going to inform the audience he's a doctor and he's the leadership coach. It's unlike most guests we do around here.

This is not a—

it's not a normal thing. Anybody who's been listening to our show might have been suspicious from the beginning. Why are they even doing this? This isn't something that they normally do. Why is this person on? Just in general, our audience might have been surprised by that guest.

To have that go that way, stunned into silence for the first time in my career at the end of it.

Old freedom fighter Dan, just so stunned that he cannot speak.

Never really been a part of true racism where you could stand up and fight, Dan. Only in theory.

I'm on the front lines.

You were silent.

Silence by Fred Johnson and his doctor credential.

You always think that when you see somebody robbing somebody else, you're like, I'm going to step in and do something about it. And then they run off with the purse and you're like, ah, I'm frozen.

Do you think we could hear it in your voice when you said goodbye?

I didn't know. I don't remember. I blacked out. I don't remember how I said goodbye.

I think my eyes were closed.

I was trying to figure out where, how I was embarrassed through the height of both offense and embarrassment. Do I respond without embarrassing everybody involved?

He thought it was an excellent joke. He was like, you said, he said I needed to be able to dish it out. Yeah, I dished it.

Yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, clip this out too.

Look, what a bad day for Dan's inner monolog to not be here.

Goodness gracious alive, that would have been great for that to make an appearance during Dr.

Fred Johnson.

Who feels worse right now, you or him?

I think my boy flying high right now. He told us, all right y'all, F with me.

I think I feel worse. I think he doesn't know what's going on.

Picturing Ron Burgundy after he says, go bleep yourself, San Diego. He's like, good show, everyone.

Yep, good job.

Yeah, like, is he saying himself? I thought they were gonna have me on for longer.

His goodbye did make it seem like he was like, ooh, did I do something wrong?

I could see him mouthing still. He was on Zoom and I'm like, we need, we need to either go to break or like we need him off Zoom.

Good times.

Don Libertard.

I ain't never met nobody in the world that's done hate on Blue's Clues.

Great nomination.

Like, who don't like Blue's Clues, bro? If you don't like Blue's Clues, you're a loser.

Stugatz.

Look, you get one paw print, that's the first clue. You put it in a notebook. Now what do you do?

Woo!

Blue's Clues, Blue's Clues.

Sit on the chair and think about it.

This is the Don Libertard Show with Stugatz.

Any other catchphrase questions?

States. What's up with the States?

Let's go States! I invented that 4 years ago, right before the World Cup, I believe, which is coming up in a month or so, a couple of months. I was tired of the USA chant, and so I invented Let's Go States as an alternative to USA, USA. Let's go States!

States!

It hasn't caught on.

It hasn't quite caught on. But at the same time, Mike Ryan told me that he heard the crowd chanting that at Live nightclub in Miami.

So it has caught on a little bit. I thought he said he started the chant.

Well, nevertheless, it was heard. Mike Ryan, a big fan of the catchphrases. I'm sorry to miss them today.

Everyone is.

Yeah.

Thank you.

One paper hanger.

Oh, one-armed paper hanger. We had on our current episode that just came out, we had Field Yates on the ESPN guy talking about the draft. And I said, Field, special thanks for you being on at this time of year because you're busy being a one-armed paper hanger. What that means— paper hangers, they were a thing. I don't even know if kids nowadays know what a paper hanger is, but put it on the poll at Levittard Show.

Do kids today know what a paper hanger is?

Yeah, you'd be on a stepladder with wallpaper which had glue on one side of it and with a particular brush you'd be hanging paper, and it was a two-handed job, to say the least. And so if you're busier than a one-armed paper hanger, it's like being— the alternative to that is, uh, I'm busier than a one-legged punter. You can't punt with one leg, and you can't hang wallpaper, uh, with one arm. So that was a natural for me. I wanted to invent something that, that said busy.

That's actually not busy. If you can't do it, then you're not busy.

I know, but, um, but if you, if, if you can do it, it would be— it would—

if you had to do it one arm, right?

I'm busier than a one-armed paper hanger. What's busier than that?

Well, I wouldn't be that busy. I'd be so focused on doing this thing that's hard to do, I probably wouldn't be that busy.

Well, yeah, let's not split hairs, that kind of thing. Exactly. Well said.

Put it on the poll at LeBittard Show: is a one-legged one-legged punter busier?

Busiest?

Imagine being a one-legged punter.

Yes or no?

You would be working so hard. I would love to see somebody try it. You know, if you're out there with one leg and you aspire to be a professional football player as a punter, chase your dream.

No, don't do that.

Chase your dream.

The physics are against you. You won't be able to do it.

It'll be hard to chase anything.

The one-legged man has been told all his life He can't do it because he can't, because he needs to pop to your dream.

No, exactly. You said it, Greg. The one-legged punter needs to get some of the power from the other leg. It's not— you cannot— what you're describing is not a physical possibility. There is no possibility of somebody who's a one-legged punter being able to successfully punt in the NFL.

He's been told that his whole life.

If he gets past the initial punt coverage, like, it'd be tough to count on him to, you know, he's not making any tackles.

No, he's not making any tackles.

I've been tripping people.

Last line, defense talk.

It's physically—

It's a penalty.

It is physically possible. It is physically possible to punt with one leg.

But not professionally, not well.

I didn't say well. I didn't say he's busier than a one-legged excellent Pro Bowl punter.

I don't think physics can allow you to punt with just one leg.

That's correct.

I'm going to try to do it.

No, you can probably— No, you can do it. But you got two legs.

You're doing it with two legs.

No hang time. You can do it, but you're going to land on your ass.

Give it a jump, essentially.

You'll land on your rump. Yeah, you'll land on your rump.

And again, it's a 4-yard punt. You know, you're going to kick it into the line a lot.

All of a sudden, he's going to punt and he's going to be lying. He's going to be like he fell and he's just lying on the ground.

You would fall after contact. That's true. But that doesn't mean you're out.

You'll fall out the pudding. I'll even grant you that we've got such a remarkable acrobat that he's able every time to jump up with one leg. Leg, kick a football, and then land on that same leg. I'll even grant you that.

Thank you.

The ball's going 4 yards.

Nope, it's going 28 yards with hang time. That's because he's got power in that leg.

No, there's so many— there's so many shanks.

He is right about this. I know where he's going.

He's right about this.

You have a stronger leg if you got one leg.

Thank you.

If the quadriplegic guy can kill somebody while driving, anything's possible.

He was driving? It was a drive-by?

Yeah, drive-by.

That's right. No way.

No, that can't be true.

The cornhole guy.

The cornhole guy was, was a drive-by shooting?

Well, it was not a drive.

Okay, he can— what are we doing? He steers with stubs for him.

Okay, but how about the gun?

Into the mic.

Let's not.

And he also does this.

That's one I don't want near the mic. That one I don't want any closer to the mic than Dr. Fred Johnson.

Doesn't even crack the top 5 for problematic shit that's out there.

I was asked about one-legged punter. I explained it, that's all.

No, you weren't. You were asked about the one leg— one arm paper hanger.

Oh yeah, right. One arm paper hanger.

I think we gotta retire that one. As more we peel back the onion, the less it holds water.

Okay, I will say that it's more realistic to be a one arm paper hanger than it is to be a one-legged punter. But again, the people out there with one leg, and there are dozens—

again, we're doing this—

dozens, like the Cats.

I respect them and I say chase your dream. Just a comp. If you want to be a one-legged punter, go do it.

I'm saying don't chase your dream.

Yeah, I don't like that.

I'm actively—

look, you're again—

first off, you didn't stop racism when it happened, and now you're against one-legged people like chasing their dreams. Can you imagine?

Yeah, Greg.

Yeah, sick.

No, it's, it's twisted. Very disappointing.

Crazy town.

You got to stand up for it. We, we don't even call them handicapped anymore, by the way. Oh, we don't call them handicapped.

They may be disadvantaged by their physical, uh, abilities, but you're gonna power through, Dad.

Just stop. I'm stopping. Just stop.

I'm, I'm standing up Hands up for the man who stands up on one leg.

I'm behind Greg.

Thank you. And women, the one-legged women out there, you know, flag football is happening.

Like in The Sopranos.

Yeah, right. I've said nothing wrong. I explained one-legged punter.

Yeah, nothing right.

One-legged paper hanger.

Flag football is out there.

In other words, women can be one-legged punters too. That's all I'm saying. He's an ally. Thank you, Roy. Neil Rogers, Uncle Neil.

Enjoy that swig.

Take a swig.

I got nothing left.

That's good. That's what it's gonna say on his tombstone. We got to put that on the tombstone. Put that among the nominees. I got nothing left. Him petering out when we're still on live, taking vigorous swigs.

Vigorous.

When?

Casual swigs.

When?

Dropping Hall of Fame gold nonstop on the one-legged punter who's not physically possible and cannot chase his dreams, literally or otherwise, because the physics of kicking a football require the second leg and the power of the glutes and everything else. And you're not going to have it if you're just swinging it without the ability to swing another leg. The physics of it. That's the most perfectly placed catchphrase of all time.

I have, I have one more and we'll circle back to puns. Um, but not gonna take a quiz is the last one that I have on my list.

Yeah, not gonna take a quiz. That's actually something I generally say as an excuse for I have no idea what you just asked me. You know, like, like, I, I'm not going to take a quiz as a way of saying I don't know without really admitting it.

Because if you haven't heard him on the show, whenever we've trapped him in something and we know that he doesn't know something, that is when he declines to take to take the quiz. It's 100% truth test. If he declines to take the, the, the test, it's an admission without being an admission.

Yeah, and I'll give you an example. If somebody asked me right now, name 5 starters for the Milwaukee Brewers, okay, I can't do it, but I don't want to appear stupid, so I'm going to say I'm not going to take a quiz, as if insulted by the question, not flummoxed.

Who is the Marlins starting third baseman?

No, let's not do this to him. That's not the game he wants to play. Yeah.

I was trying to tee him up to say it.

I mean, give it to me.

He'd say it if he knew it.

Put it in my veins. No, I meant say the phrase.

No, the Milwaukee Brewers, I don't know. The Marlins, I know.

So who's that third baseman?

But I'm not going to take a quiz.

So there you go.

And punt, if you're asking, is just during football games, anytime there's a punt, he just says the word very low. Punt, right?

But no, it's not just any time there's a punt. And this is— this will be part of the wonderful experience tomorrow night. I don't know what's going to happen when we're interfering Greg Cody's workday. This is an important time of year. Zed, you had some questions when he was trying to get an army of thousands to make him a cup of coffee. You had a question about how seriously he takes draft night. But this is an important time of the year to him. He takes pride in beating Mel Kiper Jr. every year. And so I don't know what catchphrase is going to make an appearance tomorrow night during our watch party. But punt is something that he says that way when the ball makes contact, at the precise time that it makes contact with the foot, and it is meant to recreate the sound that the ball makes when it hits the foot. So he does it in NFL games whenever there's a punt, at exactly the moment the ball hits the punter's foot.

Right, and I do that at all times. Like, my wife and I will be watching a game on TV and I'll go, punt. Because to me, it's the sound that the foot on ball makes.

Kind of an onomatopoeia situation?

Yeah, you could say that.

I don't know that you could say that. Put it on the poll.

Thank you, Tony.

@LevittardShowJuJu, does the word punt sound like the ball hitting the foot during a punt?

It sure does. I don't want to influence the jury, but— What about the one-legged punt?

Does that sound any different?

I don't know. I've never seen— A little softer? I've never witnessed a one-legged punt.

So I do have a couple questions.

Yeah.

I see that your mock draft came out today.

Mm-hmm.

Very big day for you.

Actually, it came out yesterday afternoon.

It's today in print.

Yeah.

So are you specifically going— like, do you specifically go after Mel Kiper? That's my first question. Is it specifically about being better than Mel Kiper?

I use him as an example because he's King Kiper. You know, when you think of mock drafts, you think of Mel Kiper. He didn't invent the mock draft. Draft, but he was at the forefront of it. And I've been doing mine since 1991, so I've been doing it a lot longer than 90% of everybody who does a mock draft now, which is everybody and their mother. But, um, the inventor of the mock draft is, uh, I like to think of it as Joel Buchsbaum.

Karl Mock.

Yeah, there you go.

All right, next question.

How many— baseball manager—

exactos are when you get the pick right? How many of those is a successful draft for you?

Exactos are the correct player to the correct team or in the correct draft order. Okay.

Remember, there's a difference between an Exacto and a Zagacto.

Well, the Exacto has come to be known as the Zagacto. They are the same, though. Now, the Super Zagacto is when you get exact player to exact team in exact order. Okay, last year I got 9 of those. I led junior the entire draft.

You just created a super Zagato. No, it's X-Acto and Zagato.

I don't think I've been doing this for years. I don't think I've ever heard of a super Zagato.

I think I've heard of that other one.

No, but I want it.

This is— he's got to evolve in the modern age.

I think last year he had super Zagato.

The super Zagato was the trifecta: right player to right team in right order.

You had 9 of those last year?

I had 9 Junior, I led him 9-7 late in the draft. He hit too late and ended up beating me 11-9. I had beat him 3 previous years, uh, but, but he edged me out last year. So I'm out for— I'm out for blood tomorrow night.

I feel like 9 is pretty good.

It's pretty good.

9 Super Zagaktos.

Yeah, yeah. And, and now the only gimme in the entire draft Fernando Mendoza at number 1. That's the only gimmick because there's even debate on number 2. Will it be—

we've been talking about this.

Will it be Bailey?

The respect on the name thing. Him calling Mel Kiper Jr. again and again is a bar.

I also called him King Kiper, but Jr.

I like alliteration and I give him respect. You know, he may— this is the difference between he and I. He makes a kind of a yearly cottage industry of this mock draft. That's all he does. Mel, what do you do for a living? I do mock drafts. You don't hear anything about Mel for 10 months of the year, but then he's omnipresent this time of year, whereas I don't do film study. You know, I'm going to be honest with you. I don't talk to scouts. I might call up somebody I know in an opposing city and say, hey, who do you hear the Packers might be taking? But I'm not— you know, I do look at other people's drafts. But I don't follow their drafts. That's why— that's why Kuyper and I always differ on so many.

Do you guys think we set a record for so many offensive things said this hour in the history of our show? Was this a record-breaking hour? Do we just produce a record-breakingly offensive hour?

We did it, everybody.

It's a playoff for me.

We—

we—

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