Transcript of Hour 1: The House I Could Have Built If They Let Me (feat. Tony Calatayud)

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This is the Dan Levatore Show with the Stugats podcast.

No matter what is happening around the Miami Dolphins season, this show will still party around Dolphins football. We will create a fun and happy atmosphere at the gates of hell as the Apocalypse engulfs the football team by getting an entire block and sectioning it off, wearing costumes, my kink, I can finally admit it. Right around Halloween, we're going to do this watch party. We don't do a lot of this. Greg Cody, are you coming? Are you coming to the Kendall Watch party? Are you holding out? Is there an appearance fee involved?

No, I would do it for free if I do end up going. But I am scheduled to be at that game. But my knee situation complicates it. That's right around the time of my surgery. I'm going to try to actually Can we make that event if I can.

It's a Miller Light Watch party. October 30th. It's a week from this upcoming Thursday at the Flanningons in Kendall, Southwest 88th Street and Kendall Drive. $1,500 costume contest. The whole crew will be out there. Come check it out.

Southwest.

We will section off a block, and it's going to be fun. We will make it fun. The thing that I just heard, and I wish we had this audio, and I wish we were secretly recording Tony because I can't believe it happened. He's at FIU Stadium, and he actually said into a hot mic, muttering to himself, The house I could have built if they had let me, if they had just let me. Now, the only information we have on Tony's FIU career is he tried out as a walk on one time. They didn't even give him a football. He was just throwing air passes, and then he went home, and they never gave him his real chance. But can you guys please explain to me who overheard that and why it is that he was muttering that into the microphone when he was off air?

I heard it, and it's just as Tony as it can be. The least surprising thing I've ever heard.

Who was the coach at the time?

It was Cristobal. Was it Cristobal?

Classic poor coaching decision by Mario Cristobal.

Was Cristobal your coach when you walked on?

No, Dan, it was not Mario Cristobal. I would have walked on around 2013, '14. I think that's when they were in flux. Cristobal had just left, and before Butch Davis, I want to say. So it was somewhere in between.

Was it Long Kruger?

Was it Isaiah Thomas?

Might have been Long Kruger. That's it. No, it wasn't I. No, it wasn't I. No, it wasn't I. No, it was Turner. Ron Turner. I think I made him an NBA coach.

Ron Turner.

Coaching Oklahoma.

Yeah, Long Kruger, I don't think it was, but I think it was Ron Turner. But yeah, Dan, I did say it because I have to test the mic when I go to things.

I get Ron and lawn is confused all the time.

I'm sorry, Tony. I missed that. I didn't understand why he was employing the Illinois basketball coach at FIU.

But this isn't- We hired an Illinois football coach.

Fiu basketball and football a bit of a way station here for Minor League football under the University of Miami. And Tony tried out without a football, with an air football, and he could have built that. Is that Pitbull Stadium?

Dan, I am right now in the Pitbull Stadium, the Bowels of Pitbull Stadium, walking into one of the tunnels here. And if you can see right over my left shoulder right here, that's actually where I was when I was trying out. So about midfield, maybe the 45-yard line, they had a fake under center like this. And I was ready to call my plays, and I was ready to call my stuff. Three-step drop. Okay, boom. We're throwing. All right, give me a five-stepper. Okay. One, two, three, four, five. Bounce, bounce, throw.

But, Tony, do you know why they... Out of the shotgun. Did they not have enough footballs? How many guys were out there? And why wouldn't they just have brought out a dozen footballs that everyone could have reused.

Or at least a nerve ball. See, that's a great point, Dan. Yeah, no, that would have been a great point. They actually had tennis balls that they were using for the wide receivers and the DBs, which I could have thrown the tennis ball. But the information that I was given as to why why they didn't have footballs for us to try out was because that would have actually taken away practice time and some NCAA bylaws that if they would have brought out footballs for the walk-ons, they would have actually lost a day of practice with the real team, which I didn't feel really great when they said that to me. I was like, Well, we're trying to make the real team, aren't we? And he's like, Yeah, but you know. And then I was like, he's like, All right, five step talk. I was like, All right, here.

Tony's top five is presented by Smirnov, the official vodka sponsor of the National Football League. Smirnov, please drink responsibly. The Smirnov Company, New York, New York. Vodka, 40% alcohol by volume.

I like the idea of Tony arguing with the coach why he can't have a real ball.

It was a quick argument because he's like, Yeah, the real team. And then I was like, Okay. And then he said, Five-step drop. And then I just went back like a robot and started doing Five-Step Drops.

Quick question. Had they used not a real football, like maybe a Nerf football or maybe like that Nickelodeon ball we have behind us here? Does that count as practice or no?

No, I think it's got to be pig skin. I think if it's pig skin, then they Then they can get docked. But if it was foam, if it was maybe some animal skin that wasn't pig, maybe we could have used it. But again, that's 10 years in the past, Dan. It could have been the house that I built.

Tony says he's loaded today. Top five, too many OLIs. Let's get through this. Let's start with the first Olai, Tony's top five observations from the NFL weekend.

We'll bang out through the Olai really quick. Michael McCorkle Jones keeps getting it done, Dano. Thank you. I was waiting for that. Appreciate it.

That's Mike Jones' full name.

Second Oli, Braves Revenge Game. Yeah, Michael McCorkle Jones. Mccorkle. Michael McCorkle. I'm going to ask this one to the class. Ask Trey McBride who he'd rather have at QB. Did you guys see the stats with him and Kyler Murray versus him and Jacobi Brissette? Do you guys know that stat or no?

Brissette targets him so much.

And throws touch downs to him. Imagine that. You have a really good tight end. Kyler Murray is like, You know what? I'd rather not throw touch downs to him. I'd rather throw touch downs to Michael Wilson. But Jacobi Brissette is like, Man, this guy's really good. Let me throw him the ball in the end zone, which is usually a good thing when you have a guy who's 6'5 and runs a 4'6. But alas. All right. Second last Ola. Jags, just when I think I'm in, they push me back out of me.

They're not serious people.

Dan, do you want to say the text that you told me on... You text me privately when that game started?

Yeah, sure. I just said I have just bet the Jags, and I know I'm going to regret it. Like, I know the game had not started.

Instantaneously down 21-0.

Because I believe in them athletically, but they're not serious people.

What do you mean by that? Insane, Dan.

No, I'll tell you. Thank you for asking the question. I'll tell you what I mean by that. What I mean by that is the Jags, every good play that they yesterday's game was undone by a penalty. At one point, the announcement said, And the 11th and 12th penalty of this game, wipe out a third and seven sacks for the Jags. Again, the Rams are playing three tight ends and one wide receiver. Three tight ends and one wide receiver. When I'm telling you that Stafford and De Monte Adams beat the Jags by themselves by just standing there watching them implode, they're not serious people. Matthew Stafford is doing no look passes in the Super Bowl because he knows exactly where to throw the ball. They're 2-3 inches. Brian Thomas, you hit him and hit him with a face mask. Trevor Lawrence cannot be trusted to do anything but buck and bronco like a Clydesdale. They're fools. There I said it.

They're fools. They exhibit the behaviors of a fool.

Yes, they're not fools.

Just act like this. I don't know. You haven't been watching the Jacksack closely, Ben. All right, last Ola. Oh, shit. Here comes the Chiefs. Dan, I think we were wrong.

So wrong.

Wow. Rashe-rex makes a big difference. Yeah, he's good.

Pretty good. Yeah, and that precision thing where you can throw it to one guy seven times, and every time it's going to be open. Yeah, it makes everybody a little bit better.

All right, we'll get into the top five now. Except Baker. Number five.

Baker doesn't need anybody. Baker doesn't need precision with anybody.

Get somebody off the couch. You'll catch a countdown with Baker. Only if we could teach that to Trevor Lawrence, who is still, again, throwing touch downs to nobody, but throwing the ball to Parker Washington, of all people. Anyways, we'll get off to number five here. The Eagles are going to be all right. The Eagles are going to be all right, Dan. Remember I said that.

Jalen Hertz had the best game- Still too good of a team on both sides. Jalen Hertz had the best game, non-Drake May division that was had by any quarterback in the league yesterday. And is it not funny to you guys the way these guys now treat four downs? God Almighty, they've gone in the other direction. Now, these guys are throwing deep on fourth and one all over the place because it's a calculated advantage because everybody's selling out to stop the yard. It's crazy.

Dan, I will say this, though. Brian Flores, for as much flak as we gave him here in Miami, has figured out the push push. I don't know if you guys have talked about it. He has. I was getting here to the field. Okay, you line up a guy just on the floor, just in front of the line of scrimage. Don't let him be on a three-point stance or five-point. Just lay him down horizontally on the floor so the guys can't get underneath him. It's probably the greatest way to stop the push push. I wonder if people are going to use that going forward against Philly or not.

I think the next movie, you stack defensive tackles on top of each other, lying on top of each other.

Wow.

Just like four guys.

It's so funny. Yeah.

You have four guys up this way.

You build a wall.

Yes. Shout out to Stan Van Gundi.

You're screwed if they do play action, but more if they go wide.

They throw to A. J. Brown. We're trying to stop the push-push, guys.

Come on. What are we doing here?

They throw a fade to A. J. Brown against the corner. He was 6 inches shorter.

Number four. The Cowboys aren't dead yet. Keep an eye on them. I know their defense isn't great, but keep an eye on the Cowboys. Keep an eye on them, Dano.

Tony, their defense is so bad.

Keep an eye on them. What happened to Trayvon Diggs where he got hurt at his house and is in concussion protocol?

What is that supposed to be? An accident in his home.

When Dak Prescott is healthy, that team is always a 12-win team. Now, they may not make it to 12 wins, but when he is healthy, they win. We got to get used to that.

Bingo. Bingo. Number three. Through three quarters, I was getting ready to vehemently defend the top five intriguing teams list I did earlier this season where Dan laughed at my Giants selection and called it garbage. Then in the fourth quarter, Denver scored 33 points, and I realized I still want to take because I'm a pro Bo Nicks guy. Not being take accountable, Dan, that's the best part of my job. Bo'nicks 33 points, two rushing touchstones, two passing touchstones in the fourth quarter. That Jackson-Dard interception was an absolute backbreaker. Then the Giants' kicker missed the extra point. I could have kicked the extra point with a bad leg and made it, maybe.

No, No.

How's that lawsuit going, by the way?

I would have pushed it wide right. I'm actually in talks with your wife to see what's going on here. Good. To figure out how I can see the company. You need her support? I might make an appearance over there. Yeah. A lot of people won't touch this case, Dano, because of your name around the city. But I finally found an attorney who I think knows you enough to make something happen. So I'm very excited about that.

I need your support.

Exactly right. Number two. Going to continue to beat the drum on this, but the Colts are the most complete team in football.

So that's an interesting thing that happened, huh? It can't even be denied right now. In terms of efficiencies marching down the field, they'll put 38 on anybody in a way that's a bit different than the way Kansas City does it, right? Because they're still using the great running back. Nobody needs one of those anymore, but they've got one that's better than all the rest.

And Tyler Warren, who's a really good rookie tight-end. Michael Pitman, the Ghost of Michael Pitman, all of a sudden catching balls all over the field. They've got 19 guys that can just go out and get a 55-yard bomb. The Colts are exciting. And defense, Luana Rumo has got the defense playing really well, Dano.

They are the most efficient offense this century when it comes to points per drive. I saw that.

No, but beyond that, I remind you that a couple of weeks ago, Zazlo over here was telling us Harbo is the greatest coach there's ever been because the Chargers had two good games of defense. All right. No, but the How else can do that against anybody as a boy?

He was right back then.

I was talking about what they were at that moment.

Can't be late with an opinion, Dan.

Have we had a younger ghost of than Michael Pitman?

Why was he a ghost? Because he hurt his ankle?

I mean, for years, I didn't do anything. He hurt his back, hurt his ankle. He was all over the place getting hurt in the injured reserve and whatnot. And then all of a sudden, he's just catching passes from everywhere from Danny Dimes. Crazy.

Jalen hurt.

Good one, Greg.

Thank you.

All right, Dano. Number one, we can only save this for the hometown team. Dano, I'm going to give you a couple of letters, and I want you to see what they stand for. Okay, you ready? Yep. All right. One of the Ms in Mike McDaniel stands for?

Are you going to insult him? Moron.

Mueto.

Oh, I'm sorry. We're playing Spanish. I didn't realize you were doing that. We are. Okay, muerto.

We are playing Spanish.

Okay, un muerto. Muerto. Yeah, that's good.

Do you know what the C in Chris Greer stands for, Dan?

Come a mierda. Yeah!

All right, Dano. I thought it was going to be Chris Greer stands for comea mierda. That's another one.

All right, but you trapped me. I don't want to call these people. It's calling Chris Greer a shit-eater.

I didn't say it. You did. I didn't say it.

You trapped me.

He exhibits the behaviors of someone who eats Yes, that's correct.

Sticking with the shit sandwich here. The M in Miami Dolphins stands for?

Miedda. Mahong. Mahong, another synonym for Miedda. Nicely done. Just a singular piece. Yes, one turd. Just a singular piece of shit. It's not even a pile of it. It's just a single turd. That's right. A Mahong. Just one single. Set apart from the others, one lonely turd.

Patrick Mahón.

That was a good one.

It's got a good one. Greg's on his game today. Unleashed. Dan, what does the T in Tua stand for?

For the love of God, Tony.

Tremenda mierda.

Tremenda Tremenda Mieta.

Tremenda Mieta, Dan. A tremendous turd.

That's right.

A collection of tremendous turds, Dan-A collection of tremendous turds is correct.

Exhibits the behavior of a collection of tremendous turds.

All right, these are all important distinctions. You're doing important work, Tony. Thank you for your help. Thank you. Here's making the distinction. I've got one last one. Okay, I thought that was number one. Oh, good.

Another. I've got one last one. No, no, no. That's a continuation. Last one. We'll save it for the boss. One of the E's in Steven Ross stands for what, Dan? No say. You got to think about this one. You got to think about this one. Think about what he's doing, where he sees his team right now. One of the E's in Steven Ross stands for, you ready? Yep. He's in cojo now, Dan. He's in cojo now. That's That's what he is. That is right. He's encojonado with the team.

That's right.

He has lost his-Encojonado with the team, Dan.

How do I translate encojonado? How does that mean? It's without-He is so upset.

He's so upset that he's without balls. Yeah, his balls fell off from how upset he is.

Depinga.

Manchina?

No. Okay. I didn't think we could descend further than turds, but thank you, Tony, for taking us. I liked that one. Thank you. I appreciate.

Thank you.

The awkward-Limpia Casa, Dan.

We got to get rid of these cucarachas in the house. It's over. Clean house for the dolphins, the entire thing- That's right.

I don't know why, Greg. I don't know why your son just shouted, seeing Binga into the sky, trying to get in on the merriment and the fun.

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I want to address Tony and all men who would wear that shirt in public. Stugatz. Don't do it.

This is the Don Levatard show with the Stugatz.

I did want to talk for a second because I've rambling on this.

I'm being told Tony has one more thing.

Really quick, Dan, tomorrow, behind me, Vice City situation at FIU Stadium. The FIU Panthers, Pauls up, are playing Cannesaw State right here, 7: 00 PM at Pitbull Field. They may invite me to be on the field here. I don't know. That's what I've been heard from my boy, Darren, who's letting me know, giving me a thumbs up. I don't know.

Okay, so thank you. I'm glad we went back to you on that. Honorary captain.

Honorary captain, by the way.

It seems like it was probably contingent on him getting that last line out there. That's what Axis at Pitbull Stadium caused us.

What gives you that suspicion, Mike? Was it how smoothly he threw it just in? One more thing.

At the end- What does the F and FIU stand for, Tony?

After I've given you in Cojonava as the last one more thing, I forgot the more important one more thing, which is why I got access to this stadium that I could have built if my air passes a million years ago hadn't violated the NTAA practice rules.

The I in FIU stands for, I got to get this one in, boys.

Worry with those practice throws, Tony. I don't want you to get hurt out there.

By the way, really quick. There's one more thing. There's one more thing. Really quick. I promise you. I promise. It's really quick. Look what I discovered back here. Danny, swivel the camera really quick. This goes back to last week we were talking about this. Here we go. Hold on. Can you guys tell me what that looks like right there? That seems to be a goalpost, right? That looks to be a goal post right here. Where the kid was under the goal. That was such a still shot.

Wait, so heavy? Oh, wow. Look at that, boys. Okay, so it's not that heavy.

Look at the 4,000-pound-Look at that. Field Gold Post.

Look at that.

Weight distribution, you boys just learned.

What do you want me to do here? Look at that. Tony Kaladeh finds out. Tony Kaladeh finds out a new podcast where- You want me to pick them both up?

He exposes- That looks like a dollar store, field goal post.

Thank you for doing this, Tony.

Good work.

It was an asinine conversation last week.

Good work, Tony. We appreciate the help. I don't think-Thank you, Dan.

Could the bigger schools have bigger ones? Heavier ones?

Fcs goal post?

Is that what you're saying? What are we doing here?

How do you imagine the for the bigger school where the kid goes out who throws air passes there. Do you realize how far from the very fringes of football Tony was, throwing walk on air passes in a stadium where he couldn't even get footballs?

The big schools do air passes, but you wear full pads, everything, full contact.

He could have built that house, though.

I want to talk to you, though, guys, about the... I've rambled a bit on the subject, but the precision of football, because I do get fascinated by the idea that Devante Adams Adams, who I didn't think was a number one wide receiver, has dedicated his life over the last 15 years to, I will run exactly 14. 3 yards on this route. I'm going to practice it, and I'm going to keep practicing. It's not going to be 15. 3 yards. It's not going to be 13. 3 yards.

On Devante Adams, you were right at the time.

That's what I'm saying.

Can't be late with an opinion, Dan.

He was bad.

He had a lot of drops his first season. But the idea that athletes of this caliber would dedicate themselves to staying atop money by being as precise as the Ram's demand, you must. Mcvay is ahead of the game. Got to stay ahead of the game. Tua can get stripped down to nothing that fast. Mcdaniel, too. He was first to, I'm the next Belichick. I can have any broadcasting job. I'm smarter than everyone else. I'll do it if I've got Whitworth. I'll do it if I've got Gurley. I'll do it if I've got Goff. I'll do it if I've got Stafford. I'll do it if I have no wide receiver yesterday, and I'm going to London and playing at 6: 00 AM for my fans, and I'm going to drag Jacksonville that has all the number one picks in their offense because I'm a better organization, because I'm the Rams, and I will be feared by everyone in the playoff, because the military school we run on numbers and precision, just get Pukas hands open. It doesn't have to be the rest of him. Just where his hands are. You can't be sloppy against that. When Brian Floors is working his way back into the league because a discrimination lawsuit is laughed at as everything he told you about the organization comes unraveling, and he's devising, How do I stop that play that Jason Kelsi is arguing for as that team wins 20 of 21 because there's a play that can't be stopped?

No, Flores, let me see if I can figure out how to stop it. These are military schools. There are giant economies that are studying all day in night to how do we beat the Eagles, and you fall behind like that. The precision of the Rams is a tribute to excellence and Stafford, I will add, because Stafford survived everything that the Lions were, organizationally got out. I'm telling you. If he plays them in the playoffs, he's going to beat him. I'm telling you that if he played for that team right now, he's the one who could go get Mahomes because they figured out at the top of the game that if you're healthy and precise, Drew Brees was trying to beat them. They've got a precision that is so crazy that Jacksonville, with Travis Hunter out there, they're just slinging it. So Devante Adams has never had that game, and Stafford hasn't either. And they've got no wide receivers.

Remember before the season started, we weren't sure. It felt like Stafford wasn't going to play this year. That wasn't that long ago.

He's the fourth best quarterback in the league, right? After Alan Mahomes and a healthy Jackson.

I want to talk, though. I want to get back to talking about the idea, though, of when we're doing this stuff that we're watching What happened with Belichick, where you see how quickly someone can get stripped of genius. Mcvay cut bait on golf so fast. Nobody cuts bait that quickly on like, No, let's go get staff or we were just a Super Bowl team. People hold on to their jobs. They're afraid. But if you're in your early 30s and you're actually smarter than everyone else, you're not pretending all the time, and you get the right quarterback with which all you have to do is, Yep, Matt, I'll support you everywhere. Just keep being that precise, please. Meet me at precision. Keep throwing the ball there and there and there every time. No-look passes. Mahomes did that yesterday. You saw Mahomes did the no-look pass because he's feeling comfortable again. And Rice is pointing to him like this, The miles that these men run in feet that get Deion Sanders amputated toes in precision of, no, we'll do it 14. 3 yards. 14. 3 yards.

All right, Dan, it's a little too much. Invoking Deion Sanders's toes. And if you say they just need to put his hands open for a fourth time this show.

We're stopping you. Penalty box.

I probably deserve it. I just can't believe that there's a machine that's more precise than all the others in that game. We marvel and value all this stuff, and then Baker Mayfield gets out there, and we can't explain how it is that he got to... How he got to 35 points when none of his receivers are there. Compared to what we just happened in Miami, which was a Ferrari with a spark plug that went wrong. A fragile thing that if a leg breaks, You're done. You're finished.

Historically so.

Yeah, but accuracy was supposed to be to his strength, and it is. Going into yesterday, he had the best red zone passer rating in the league. His completion percentage was second best in the league. So accuracy, you mentioned precision. Accuracy is supposed to be his forte. So theoretically, Mike McDaniels agrees with McVay. He just can't pull it off like McVay does.

Yeah, but it's not just the accuracy with two of these days anymore. And I know Xavian Howard said this after week number one, but it really does appear if the first option in the first second of the ball being snapped is not there, it is panic time.

I agree with that. I I agree with that. And plus, his lack of a running option is just extreme to the point where he's one-dimensional in a way that hardly any other quarterbacks are.

It doesn't even make sense to me when you're talking about that was number one in the league in passing. The second option and third option were there because he was getting rid of the ball faster than everyone else was, faster than Tom braided ever did. Before we go in any further, I've got a couple of things that I'm remiss on. One, I have failed today, that it is a couple of hours into the show, and I've not mentioned. That in a baseball game, unlike anyone I have ever witnessed and whoever it is that saw Babe Ruth play, does not have the story to tell that we do if we're not numb to these things. The idea that Shohe O'Tani hit three home runs in a playoff game to clinch a World Series birth, one of them out of the stadium, and also struck out 10 men throwing a ball 100 miles an hour, makes him an extraterrestrial that has never existed on Earth before. And that game is the single best playoff game a player has ever played, Babe Ruth included. There's no getting around. We saw that by leaps and bounds, the most amazing athletic feat of the weekend was Shoheya O'Neill, and there is no close second place.

There will never be a close second. Only 12 hitters ever had hit three homers in a postseason game. Only 26 pitchers ever had recorded 10 strikeouts in two hits or less and no runs in a postseason start. He did both. That's per justice. I mean, he's the only pitcher they're letting hit of days, though. How's anyone else supposed to do it?

It is superhero athleticism. It is stuff you will tell people about 100 years from now, and they will not believe it existed.

Time out. Chris, what did you just say?

What in the world? What other pitchers are hitting in today's baseball?

That's why, because they're not allowed to. Oh, if you give me a max shirt, it's like, If you put me that plate, man, I'll take one yard.

That's what you're saying? I'm just saying one pitcher is currently hitting these days. They should let more pitchers hit.

Did you hear the numbers I just said?

You're not wrong.

What are we doing? Don Levatard.

You don't remember the idea for a home run call?

I was probably like, That thing.

Something? Okay, no. The home run call was, That swing, that thing.

Stugatz.

Oh, it's a good That's a great call. Thank you. Plus, it doesn't matter who's hitting it. You're not tailing it to a particular name. Correct. All that jazz. You don't do that. That would be a great call. Up, up, and away.

That swing, that thing. Dc This is the Dan Levatard Show with the Stugats.

I mean, I'm not saying any other pitcher would be Ohtani, but half of the Major League pitchers hit 488 in high school, right? Keep talking. Like, Pitchers in high school were probably the best hitter on their team as well. Who's the pitcher?

Wait, Jeremy, what did you hit?

Who's the pitcher that's being held back right now? Who could be hitting?

Okay, you guys need to stop doing this because you're really minimizing the level of expertise that it's taking present day to hit a baseball. Pitchers can no longer do that. No.

Ohtani is a unicorn. And look, by some metrics, he's having a bad postseason in that he's hitting like 208 or something, but he's got five home runs and two pitching victories. There's been nobody like him since paper.

There's got to be a pitcher right now that's like, Let me get some ABEs, Coach. I could help. Twelve hitters ever with three homers in a postseason game. Twelve hitters that were just hitters have ever hit three home runs in a postseason game.

One of them went out of the stadium. I have not seen that there before. I haven't seen- You're still looking for it. Maybe that happens all the time now that he plays there?

No. They put a marker out in right field for Kyle Schwerber's homer in an earlier round this postseason because nobody hits the ball that far, and he hit it like 30 feet further as he struck out 10 guys in a game.

It is absurd beyond absurd, and that you guys would make it a conversation of, I want to see Chris Hammond hit more.

What a pull.

I swear I was going to say Mike Hampton. He went bad. I also had Chris Hammond in my holster. He went bad. Mike Hampton right now is sitting somewhere saying, Hey, give me 600 bats.

Damn right.

He could hit. I can't believe you just pulled Chris Hammond.

You're looking at my brain.

Yeah, pinch hitter in the World Series.

You don't think there's any pitchers? I know I'm obviously... O'tani's great. There's got to be some pitchers out there like, Coach, let me get an A-B.

But this is the part. This is the only part. I understand this is the part that frustrates me. I would say just in general, wherever it is that language barrier and baseball and foreignness makes someone not the star they should be, because in the sport of Mike Trout, somebody who hits and pitches, what he just did, is so Ruthian, so super heroic. The people who appreciate baseball understand that no other human being who has ever lived has that collection of talents in his body. It's the game he just had. If we sent a major leager to play against sixth graders, where I'll hit three home runs, and one of them will be further than any of the sixth graders I've ever seen. He's playing against all other major leagers. They can't hit him at 100 miles an hour, and he hits the ball further than I I've ever seen it hit.

And he only started pitching again in the middle of this season. He had not pitched in over a year.

Dan, I need CSI baseball to take a look at the Anaheim Angels or Los Angeles Angels or California Angels or whatever angels they were. You guys had Trout and Shohe at the same time, and you were horse shit? And pools. How did that happen? How is that possible?

And Rendon. They paid $250 million for him, too, and then they had no pitching is how it happened.

I think you could put every Major League pitcher in a high school game right now against one of- Keep talking. The better high school pitchers, and not one of them would have the game Shohe Ohtani just did in the MLB.

It's lunace. It's total. What that man just did, what I was beginning to say is, I wish the American media knew how to cover this person in a way that would grant him the stardom, that would make him a bigger thing beyond over the... This is no problem in Japan, obviously. They recognize the history of the game. Hell, the game grew as the cultures shared it. And what has been birthed is the single greatest baseball player that has ever existed, someone who would make Babe Ruth pale in his shadow. And the playoff game he just had is something they will talk about 100 years from now.

How much is he making this year?

$2 million.

That is hilarious. A good value. That's crazy. But there is one measure by which Babe Ruth continues to be the most talented player ever, and let me give it to you. You think I'm setting this up for a joke. I'm not. This is the truth. Early in the 20th century, baseball players used to work during the offseason to make extra income. Babe Ruth worked during the offseason singing on a vaudville stage. So I want to see O'Tani do that.

Okay? He got you there, Dan.

Got Can we look that up, see if it's factual? How much Babe Ruth earned singing in a vaudville show in the offseason to make extra coin?

A lot of players did it because they were trading on their name. They were celebrities, so people would go to the vaudville show.

They would be shows. They'd be shows. And there's the great Babe Ruth before television, cable, or the internet. That's correct. Influencers of their day.

It's like how every athlete has a podcast now.

The 1920s. Yeah.

Yes, Babe Ruth did sing in vaudville during tours in the 1920s. He performed a variety of acts that included singing, telling jokes, and even trying his hands at mind reading. These performances were part of his postseason tours and were popular attractions due to his celebrity status.

Being Babe Ruth, Booyah, was not allowed back then.

Yeah, that would have had you sat in a different section.

Booyah.

I don't know why you would then do it more.

I don't even know what that means. I got a thing.

Do it again.

That's a three facts, Jack, from the Greg Cody show, by the way. That fact on Babe Ruth. I'm there for you. People, I'm there for you.

The other thing that I'm remorseful about today is that I have not gotten to Zazlo's travel story that Mike Ryan embargoed from me early the show. What are you saying? Oh, yeah, about that thing.

I want to hear it.

You don't know anything about it. Two people know about this story, and Mike Ryan embargoed the story. I've never had such trouble getting a story. I wanted it, neither one of them would give it to me. What happened?

All right, Dan. Well, you know how I travel with the ESPN College football campus, or this weekend, I was South Bend, all right? Notre Dame, USA. Fun game. You know how they treat me with the travel? They treat me very well. Matter of fact, sometimes first class available. Like when I flew home yesterday, I sat first class. They treat me very well, ESPN, with my travel. But I book my travel, okay? I book it through a system. It's on me. Obviously, they pay for it. I have a certain status, blah, blah, blah. So I'm flying to South Bend on Friday morning, but I have to stop through Chicago, through O'Hare Airport. Okay, fine. I've done that. They're going to stop. Okay, I've done.

You can't fly straight to South Bend. South Bend is tough from Miami.

They have one terminal. There's six gates. It's really small.

It's going to take a couple of place.

Do they still call it international airport? They do.

Which is my biggest pet peeve in the world. They do because they apparently have one flight. It probably flies to the Caribbean, so they get to call themselves an international airport. Anyway.

It's a ridiculous place to put a football stadium.

I'm flying to South Bend through Chicago. When I get to Chicago, a very short layover, I'm walking over to my gate. Okay, no big deal. I get to the gate, I I see on the board there, it says South Bend, and it says the time of the next flight is 2 hours and 45 minutes. I'm confused as hell. I'm trying… 2 hours and 45? That's how long it took me to get here from Miami. Two hours. I take out my phone. I open up a map of the United States on my phone. Illinois and Indiana are right next to each other. How can it be two hours and 45 minutes? I send Amber Wilson a text, I got this message. Amber, I'm sitting here at my gate. It says two hours and 45 minutes. Is that possible? She says, Are you sure you're flying a South Bend? I go, I think so. She goes, It's not possible. I go, Right? I'm really confused. It gets to the point where they're calling the boarding groups. Group one, group two, group three, American Airlines and Flying. They get to my group. I'm one of the first people to board.

I got good status, Greg. I get up, I show my boarding pass on the American Airlines app. They scan it, you're good to go, sir. So I'm walking in. It's one of those deals where you got to go outside. It's a really small airplane. Yeah, commuter jet. I saw the seating map. It's two seats on one side. One on the other. I'm in one of the ones. Yeah, got a lot of room, all right? Small plane. I'm walking through the terminal gate now. I take the steps downstairs. There's a bus waiting for me. It's a bus.

Is it taking you to the plane?

The bus on the On the side of the bus, it says, American Airlines. I'm like, Okay, cool. Shuttle bus taking me to my plane. Like a minute, no big deal. I get on the bus. I sit in the first seat. It's going to be a quick flight, quick What? 30 seconds. I sit in the first seat. I don't even take my backpack off. I sit in the first seat immediately behind the driver. People are starting to get on. They're looking at their phones. They're sitting in a assigned seat. Why the fuck are you sitting in an assigned seat on this bus right now? And all of a sudden, this woman is standing next to me. She's confused. I'm apparently in her seat. I'm looking around at all these people. She got that good bus seat. I say to the bus driver, Are we taking this bus to South Bend? She goes, Yes.

I go, Now it makes sense.

Okay, I'm in the wrong seat. I get up and I'm in 4C. I get up and I sit down. I'm so confused. Then moments later, the bus driver. By the way, if you're wondering if there's going to be a drink and snack service, there's not. But the bus driver, she gets on the PA. She gets on the PA and she says, Just so everybody knows, this bus is heading to South Bend. Some people might be confused. I'm sitting on this bus. I can't believe it.

You thought it was two airplanes, two little airplanes.

She was flying. 2 hours and 45 minutes.

You had no idea the second leg of this first-class flight was a bus. Put it on the poll at Lebitard show. Can the second leg of your first-class flight ever be a bus?

This woman then gets on, We haven't pulled out yet to leave. She was, We're waiting for the go ahead to pull out from the air tower. I'm like, Woman, air tower? We're on a bus.

Air tower. I mean, you're a seasoned travel veteran. Has anything like this happened to you?

Have I ever taken an American airline bus?

Why would anyone book a bus through American Airlines?

Why would the bus say American Airlines on it?

You're not an airline. You're a bus. It was just a normal terminal. One of the gates?

Completely normal.

How full was this flight?

Oh, the bus was full.

Was it a cheap flight? Did you think, wow, this is a cheap flight?

I don't know. I don't pay for it. Espn does. I have no idea. Why would I assume that when I'm booking my air travel through American Airlines that it might be a bus.

Was there any turbulence on the drive?

South Bend is about a three-hour drive from Chicago Airport, right? So you couldn't just take another small flight anywhere closer to that.

The funniest thing was when Zaz started the story, I was going to say, You flew to South Bend? Why didn't you just fly to Chicago and drive from there?

I thought there was a different Chicago in another state.

That's where I thought we were going. I text Amber Wilson. I said, You're not going to effing believe this. And then I just wrote, I want to go home.

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