Transcript of Are Any Of Us Invited To Jessica's Wedding? | Hour 3 New

This is the Dan Levatorre Show with the Stugatz Podcast.

You can check out her weekly Notre Dame podcast, The Echoes, with Mike Golick Jr. She is Jessica Smatana. Jess, have you seen this week's episode of Euphoria yet?

No, I was waiting for you to tell me about it.

I was gonna— yeah, I've never seen the show, so I haven't seen this week's episode yet, but I'll let you know when I get up to speed on everything happening though. Although I can tell Rue's in a lot of trouble. She got arrested, you know, because she's like a drug runner now. Yeah, Ru's got some issues. Mike, you know about drug running?

I do, yeah, I do.

Didn't expect a yes on that.

Yeah, I mean, I watch the cable news.

All right, uh, Jess, let's, uh, let's bring in the, the love doctor here for a moment. It is Mother's Day coming up this weekend, and the love doctor has patients who have questions.

Let's hear another Hi, this message is for the Love Doctor.

I wanted to know what he thought about breakfast in bed. Is it romantic or is it a crumb-filled disaster?

It's definitely romantic. I mean, nothing is more romantic. It doesn't matter, you may get some crumbs in the hrrr. It really doesn't matter that much because here's why. You've heard of Eggs Benedict. Try Eggs with Benedict. Try your Eggs on Benedict. And here's the thing, okay? Bring out the maple syrup, because nothing says love like warm and sticky. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Eggs Benedict was right there for us.

That's how it was back in my day. You're damn right.

Different bit.

And you know it.

All right, can we, uh, can we hear from another patient who needs advice this weekend?

How do you know it's not Jess? She's engaged. She may have some questions. Jess, do you have a question for the love doctor?

Um, I guess, Greg, do you have any ideas for potential honeymoon for me and Lehman next year?

Uh, I do have one idea. Um, triple play, right? On the, on the, on the reg.

I meant places.

Turn Lehman into a morning man, enjoy a matinee, do a little nocturnal meandering.

What now?

I meant locations.

Oh, you should travel.

Ah, you know what? Oh yeah.

Oh, the butt.

Hawaii is overrated. Rule that out instantly. Um, unless you're a beach freak, then it's worth going to the Big Island. But, um, otherwise I would, uh, I would probably go to the, uh, Montana, somewhere like that. Or, or yeah, or Lawrence, Massachusetts, you know, near the, near the Merrimack River.

Fly fishing for your honeymoon.

Yeah, go to 9 Merrimack View Court, knock on the Lenard's old door. Tell them, Greg. Okay.

I hate this segment.

When do we do the show where we make Jess feel really uncomfortable by asking her who from the show is invited to her wedding? When do we do that? Oh, wow. Because like, that's like, it's going to be a thing, right? When do we do that show?

I see the look in her eyes and it's like, you guys think you're going to the wedding?

Nobody.

I'm ready to have that conversation. It's a difficult conversation, but I'm glad that we're going to have it.

When is the wedding?

Next year.

Okay, so it's still a ways away. All right. But how, like, routinely, how you do like a save the date? What, like 8 months maybe?

Sazh, they told us you had 12 months, and then I was like, what if it's more like, uh, 10 months? At this rate, we'll be lucky if it's before 9. I, I don't, I don't understand how people do this stuff so far in advance.

Jess, are you fighting back against big wedding?

I think like in our hearts we wanted to do that, but I don't know if that's possible. Like, it's just so— there's such an apparatus around this entire thing that neither of us love, but it's, you know, it's probably going to happen.

I didn't mean a big wedding. I mean big wedding, the industry.

No, I know exactly what you meant.

Created to just exploit people. The number one tip is When you call for a venue, don't tell them it's for a wedding.

Really?

Yeah, you don't tell them it's for a wedding.

What's the rationale there?

They ratchet up the prices if you tell them I'm doing a wedding reception. Like, oh, these are the wedding reception prices. These are the reception prices.

Interesting.

Completely different.

Did you know that, Jess?

Yeah, I don't know if that's true. At least the places that we were interested in. I think the issue is that no matter how you spin it, it costs a lot to feed and licker people up. And that's the two most important things to us for our wedding. We want people to eat and eat well and drink a lot and have an open bar and everything else. Like, we, we don't need to splurge on really— I'm not going to splurge on flowers. I don't really give a shit about flowers. I'm not going to splurge on a dress. I don't really give a shit about a dress.

The food and the music are the two most important things. Food and music.

No, most important things. What are you talking about?

That's insane. He said food and music?

Yep.

No, Jess, you're right. It's food and alcohol.

Food and alcohol. Alcohol, food, yeah. Those— but like, the rest of it's like— that's the most expensive thing for our wedding.

I might go music over food.

You guys are nuts!

Food and music's the most important thing.

Music?

No, alcohol, music.

I can do the music off my phone. I can't do—

All right, well, just make sure there's music.

Yeah, make sure it's good music.

Yeah, well, Louis just said in my ear, photos and video. Yes, that's important.

But that's Louis looking for work.

Lehman and I are lucky because we have friends in the industry that are going to like— we're going to work with. So that isn't that hard for us to figure out. But that's an us thing. That's not an everyone thing. But yes, the photos are very important. I've been to so many weddings, and when you have memorably bad food, like, you think about it for a while. Like, I'm talking like, food that is inedible. It's happened a few times, and that includes— I don't want people to—

that includes the cocktail hour too, Jess. Like hors d'oeuvres, got to have great hors d'oeuvres.

The most important thing for me food-wise, if the hors d'oeuvres are great, have great hors d'oeuvres. If the hors d'oeuvres are great, I, I don't really— by that point of the main meal, I'm just trying to drink anyways. I'm not that— I don't care that much about the main course. Just give me the fire hors d'oeuvres.

I've been to a zillion weddings, I swear to God, I cannot remember one dish, one hors d'oeuvre I ate at any—

oh, you're in the minority.

You ever had that pigs in the blanket?

No.

Wow.

Yeah, you're in the minority.

I had really good wedding hors d'oeuvres at a wedding we went to a month ago. It was all hand rolls. It was like tuna hand rolls. Um, it was sushi. It was all amazing.

Yes. Yeah, especially with your podcast partner Mike Golik. He's probably gonna post videos of him critiquing the hors d'oeuvres, right?

That would be terrible.

I hope not. He should go live actually from the reception. Critiquing the stuff that he could do, like a cookie table taste test. Yeah, that's a good idea.

Jess, when is his wedding? Are you guys gonna have dueling weddings? Will I have to make a decision?

Maybe I should. Or yeah, maybe his wedding should happen like it should start like 10 seconds after mine so that our wedding is our echoing. There's like an echo at the wedding because like his wedding's happening while our wedding's happening and everyone's talking but slightly delayed.

Jess, have you seen, uh, have you seen this? Okay, so I'm, I'm aware of these kind of happenings because my family, we go on cruises. All right, we actually— matter of fact, a couple of days ago we booked a cruise. We're going on a cruise at the end of the summer.

Get your refund.

We like going on cruises, but there's like this, this virus outbreak on one of these cruises, right? You see this?

I have seen this. I have been, um, slightly concerned about this. Do you remember when Gene Hackman and his wife passed away last year? It was from a very rare virus that you can contract from inhaling mouse droppings. And up until now, I had thought that this virus was only contracted through inhaling mice droppings, but apparently the people on this cruise, which embarked from Argentina about a month ago, have a strain of this virus which can possibly be transmitted from human to human. And so far, 3 people have died, including one woman whose husband passed away, who was was able to disembark and then fly— was trying to fly back to the Netherlands and ended up passing away before she even made it home. And so now there are more people who are sick on board. There are other people that have been evacuated, including, I believe I read this morning, the cruise ship's doctor, which is very scary. And the latest, Zaz, is that, um, this boat, this cruise ship, is supposed to park in the Canary Islands at some point, and Spain's government is like, we're not so sure if we want that to happen.

So these people are still stuck out at sea. They've been on this cruise for a month, and, uh, it's, it's looking kind of scary.

Yeah, Canary Islands have denied them, so they're actually just floating out at sea with no real port to go to, and they're going across the entire ocean for somebody to try and find a port for them to dock. But everybody's like, yeah, I think we're good right now. And now it begs the question, like, what do we do with this ship that has this terrifying virus that fills your lungs full of liquid with no cure? And we're looking at, you know, another repeat of something else that happened a couple years ago. It's like, do we— how do we stop this?

Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

It's interesting that human beings can do this. I know somebody—

Were we ahead of ourselves last time?

Who would be very proud that their gas could kill another human being, right? I mean, I think we all know people who would use that as a real point of pride, a real feather in their life cap.

Wait, I like Tony being like a "we should have locked down sooner" guy because that's not what I would be.

No, not locked down sooner, just like maybe probably taking it a little bit more serious.

I feel like A lot of people did try to take it seriously. What? Wait a second, Dave. I don't know anyone who would say that their farts can kill people.

We know different people.

Okay, let's— where are you going with this? I would love to. I would love to know.

I just recently had the opportunity to visit head coach of Pitt, Pat Narduzzi, and I was talking—

I love this segue so far—

about dos and don'ts about— well, you were just talking about what you're going to feed your wedding attendees, apparently, none of whom will be from the LeBretard universe, if I'm picking up what you were laying down.

I didn't say that.

Well, I was reading between the lines there. I asked—

Okay, but Noxious Farts Pat and Arduzzi, yes.

I would never— I wouldn't want to be a college coach because I wouldn't want to have to go to people's houses and I like sit down with them and then like whatever finger foods they point out, put out. What finger food, if you were a top recruit or your progeny was, who— what, what food would you put out? What would be appropriate and what would be inappropriate?

That's a great question. I mean, there's a very famous story from when Brian Kelly was being offered the LSU job when he was at a recruit's house and the recruit's dad made burnt ends and Brian Kelly ate like 3 plates of burnt ends while he was in the process of accepting the job and knew that he wasn't actually going to coach that kid once he committed to Notre Dame. So I, I think if you're really good at barbecue, It's a— I mean, it's a no-brainer, but are they coming to my apartment in New York, or do I live in like a house somewhere with a smoker and a grill?

They're gonna find you where you are, you know, it's your home. Yes, you could get out on the balcony.

Limited with our options here. I'll have Lehman whip up a stir-fry in, in the wok.

A little bit messy for a conversation about this young man's future.

Okay, well, what do you suggest then?

I—

well, listen, I'm turning to you. You're the college football expert in this conversation, so I thought you might have some insights for me.

But no matter what I serve, if the coach is trying to get my child's recruitment, they're going to have to act like they like it. So it doesn't even really matter.

I'd go with a neat charcuterie. You know, I'd get the cornichons, pickles. I'd get some— some— a variety of meats and some cheeses from across the seven seas.

I can tell that you guys are pretty hungry right now.

We're starving.

Yeah.

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Yes, you know, I'm a married man. I don't cheat on my wife despite that gratuitous I wrote this line back in my day.

You wrote Stugatz.

I wish you were here, my wife. I really miss her. No, I don't. That's the thing about being married, you know, you're not allowed to say I don't miss my wife. I've been gone 2 days. I haven't been gone long enough to miss my wife. I'm sorry. I call her, I'm on the phone with her for 30 seconds. You know, what am I— hello, all right, all right, we'll see you, all right. And then, you know, I'm gonna see her in 2 days. How's Jumpin' Charlie? Good.

This is the Don Levitar Show with the Stugatz. Jess, let's check back in with the Love Doctor as he has another patient who is waiting to get some advice. Let's hear, go ahead. Hey, Love Guru, I recently found out my dad is dating my ex-girlfriend.

Does this mean I have to get her a Mother's Day present now?

Absolutely not, you do not, sir. The same situation happened to me once back in the day. I found a way to get back at Dad. I started dating his ex, my mom. Now don't get it wrong, for the most part we kept it platonic.

For the most part?

Give that a try and you know it.

I don't know it.

Even the inner monolog is speechless right now.

And these are people you don't want at your wedding, Jess.

I never said that.

Unbelievable.

Could set up a booth for the attendees at the reception. You know, Dr. Love is sitting off on the side to handle any questions they might have.

There you go, Jess.

This feels like a Valentine's Day themed thing, not a Mother's Day themed—

well, it's Mother's Day.

Okay, go ahead, Amin.

The time for romance is every day, Jess. Which leads me to my suggestion of what you should do at your wedding. Watch this. Okay, you should have like a designated 2 slots for people from the Metal Ark environment.

Oh baby!

And then you make everybody compete for it in a series of challenges.

I like that.

Oh, okay.

So only 2 remain, and those are the ones that get to go.

Finally, we have the stakes we've needed to have the regular Guy Decathlon. First event, 50-yard dash. Second event, who can throw a football the furthest. Event number 3, free throw shooting contest, and so on.

Seems like I'm going.

No, no, this is a, this is a wedding guest tryout though. You have to be able to dance, you have to have good vibes, you have to be funny. I have to be able to stick you at any table at my wedding and you can hang in a conversation, not be weird.

I feel like you're painting a picture of me right now.

You have to, you know, have some, some manners.

Oh damn.

Some social decorum. I think this kind of rules out the whole— pretty much everyone except for the two people I was gonna invite anyways.

And is it taking place in New York?

That's a need-to-know basis.

Whoa, Chicago, Pittsburgh, Somewhere in between.

You gotta go Dan, right? Just for gift purposes.

I've heard from— I won't name names— someone who invited Dan to their wedding thinking he's never going to show up, but he will send me a check. And not only did he not show up, he also did not send a check.

Whoa, it's not me.

Dan came to my wedding.

Showed up late to mine.

Did he give you a check?

He like, he did this thing where he like bought up everything left on my registry, which was kind of annoying in hindsight.

I don't need this blender.

Jess, uh, yep, tell me what's going on here with Live Golf. Uh, and I know that, I know that Greg wants to get into this a little bit as well. But tell me what's going on here, Jess, with Liv Golf.

Okay. I feel like this is the one of the few times in my life that I've been vindicated where I was like, hey, this was what, only like 4 years ago? I was like, hey, this seems like a bad idea. It seems like something that maybe, maybe the golfers that join aren't gonna regret it because of the monetary, uh, reward that they got. But like from a relevancy in a golf standpoint, I don't know how this is going to work. And kind of feels like I've been taking a mental victory lap over this for the last few weeks because the golfers who are now trying to exit are sort of stuck. They don't know what to do. I haven't been following like the specifics of the different, um, PGA Tour— what the PGA Tour has, has said to some of them yet and like what they need to be able to rejoin the tour. But I heard— I saw today that Bryson DeChambeau had some comments about how he's going to just do his YouTube channel now and play in the majors. And that feels like a terrible outcome for someone who was a very exciting player to watch 5 years ago.

Um, it still is, you know, at times in the majors. Obviously the Masters, he didn't—

Are they play political scientists now? Are these live golfers the canaries in the coal mine of what people should anticipate 6 months or 2 years from now as they try to re-enter general society after they dabbled in some extreme political views?

What do you— oh, uh, interesting. Um, sure, we'll go with yes. I think I see what you're putting down. Um, I think there's an aspect of this where people said to some of these golfers, like, okay, you— yes, you're being offered like hundreds of millions of dollars, but most of these big name guys were already making millions, tens of millions of dollars at least. So for anyone who's like, well, you have to take the money, it kind of feels like there's a really interesting question to be asked for players like Jon Rahm and Bryson and, you know, Brooks Koepka, who, who has, you know, made his way back now. Um, did that make you happy? Like, was it—

well, he bailed. Well, he bailed on it. And so I do wonder if Brooks Koepka then shows the path Well, side by side, he bailed early enough. And yeah, you know, I mean, there are people out there now who suddenly have found Jesus and now realize the error in their ways. The doctor wants in on this. Sorry, go ahead.

I have no sympathy for the traitors who left the PGA Tour for LIV Golf. Saudi Arabia leads the world in sportswashing. These guys accepted the blood money, and now that LIV Golf is collapsing under them, they should— the PGA Tour should make it a hard path back to the PGA Tour for these guys. I have no sympathy for them. I think there should be punitive measures. I think initially they shouldn't be allowed to play in, in majors, or they shouldn't be allowed to do this, that, or the other, and eventually have to earn their way back onto the PGA Tour, in my opinion.

It.

Yeah, I mean, that sounds like what may happen for, for a lot of these players. But I, I mean, I agree with you. It just— you— there's so much like bullshit that people were saying when this initially started going on. And if I had heard from enough of the players like, actually, we're, you know, this is a— this is so much money, we can't say no, at least it would have been honest. But all along it's been like, this is going to grow the game, this is going to make you know, this will make the PGA Tour better, like, we have to do this. And, um, it just like, yeah, it rings completely hollow. And a lot of people saw through it from the beginning. And, um, here we are now, and it has been a big failure.

Jess, Formula One, the Grand Prix in Miami, early on had mixed results. I mean, it was a place to see and be seen and hobnob, but now the races have actually become increasingly better. I don't know what kind of tweaks they've made to this, But the last race was pretty exciting. What's your takeaway of what's become— uh, Antonelli, a 19-year-old that can't even— they can't even enjoy the champagne that they're spraying on. Yeah. Uh, what do you make of, uh, the race getting better over time?

Well, there's been quite a lot of drama this season because they changed the cars and now they have more, uh, electric power and combustible power. It's like 50/50 in the engines. And so a lot drivers, specifically Max Verstappen, have complained about and said that this isn't the type of driving they want to do. It's too much like battery management, and they've had to tweak the rules. And this— so this past weekend was like the first big rule tweak. Here is a beautiful view of the corner, um, like right before the straightaway, I, I believe, on the Miami Grand Prix track, like towards the end of the, the circuit, that you can see from a turnpike camera on the Miami Turnpike, which— or the Florida Turnpike, which I love. That is so American. You can't get that at any other race really, uh, on this, on this circuit. But anyway, Anyways, yeah, so there's been rule tweaks, there's been car tweaks. And so I think like Toto Wolff said after the race, like, he attributes the excitingness of this, the excitement of this race to those tweaks. Um, there's also, you know, the weather was so terrible over the weekend they had to move the race up, and there was a lot of questions about how these cars would do in the rain.

Um, so there's a lot, a lot going on at the circuit, Mike, but it was really exciting. I think that, um, it would be, you know, having— after Max Verstappen won several championships in a row, having two different young drivers win back-to-back seasons. If Antonelli is sort of the, the clubhouse leader through the first half of the season, which there's only been a few races so far because they did have to cancel, uh, the Saudi Arabian and the Bahrain Grand Prix because of, um, the US's bombing of Iran. So, um, if he were to lead the series and win the championship, I think that would be exciting. You would see, um like a different champion for the first time in back-to-back seasons for a long time.

Jess, speaking of races, um, who do you think will win the race, Aaron Rodgers or August, which comes first, to the Pittsburgh Steelers?

Um, do the Steelers want Aaron Rodgers back?

It's very interesting, and the money issue that I thought was probably not really motivating things now makes me think that maybe it is a factor because allegedly the Arizona Cardinals have expressed interest, except the Arizona Cardinals deny any interest in it, which makes me think that obviously this is Aaron Rodgers ginning up interest in him that doesn't actually exist anywhere outside the banks of the Three Rivers.

And may— if the— if, if that even— I saw a picture of him wearing a Jets shirt the other day.

That was— that was going around. I think that was from 3 years ago.

Okay, like that, that would have been an awesome troll. Um, I also saw a picture of Joe Burrow at the Kentucky Derby. I'm not sure if you guys saw what he was wearing.

I did see that and I didn't care. Oh, I saw him in a tank top. Wait, did he change?

That was after the Met— I think that was after the Met Gala. Gala? Gala? I don't know, that's a question for Greg.

Um, it's a hell of a 3 days.

He was wearing— yeah, he was wearing this fedora he had like a, some sort of pink pants with a brown belt and a gray shirt and like a tennis necklace. Really, the egregious part is the fedora. So it made me wonder what was worse, Joe Burrow at the Kentucky Derby or Dan Lebatard at the Miami Grand Prix 3 years ago.

Who's in the middle there?

Aaron Jones. Well, it's crazy is like the most famous guy pictured is off to the right. He's an active SNL cast member.

Yeah.

Who is it? It's not Daniel Taj on the other side. We thought it was. It's not.

It's not.

No, that's the Red Bull guy.

Dan Lebatard.

Greg, how's your birthday going so far?

It's going fantastic. My wife and I are staying home tonight. We're watching the debate on TV. We're going to do something special for the baby. It's a nice day for me so far.

Stugatz.

That sounds like not a super nice night. The debate.

Old people love that shit.

Yeah.

That's exactly right. Yeah, that's exactly right. Old people do love that shit. And I'm old now. I can't deny it anymore.

Now, this is the Dan Levatar Show with the Stugatz.

I mean, that was quite the 3 days for Joe Burrow consecutively. He went to the Kentucky Derby. He was at the Miami Grand Prix. Then he did the Met. That's wild.

Oh, wow. He was at the Grand Prix. Now I need to see what he wore to the Miami Grand Prix.

I was standing next to him. It was like a little white and with like some purple glasses and his signature Macaulay Culkin haircut.

I don't know how he's pulled it off. I guess it's because he's a handsome devil, but he has neatly slid into just, you know, you know, garden variety celebrity who attends all celebrity-based events.

Well-liked by everybody.

But more like he is because he's handsome.

Well, 10 years or so ago, it was weird to me. Odell Beckham, if you talk to social media types and all of that, they would say, oh no, Odell Beckham by far and away, forget Patrick Mahomes or any other name you would invoke, the biggest name in football is Odell Beckham. I kind of feel like Joe Burrow is now the most recognizable celebrity in football. You don't see Lamar Jackson out of those things or Josh Allen, and he's married to— I think he was a celebrity.

I think you would have seen Josh Allen at these events, but he just had a baby. His—

ah, he didn't have a famous—

well, they had a baby.

There you go.

Jess, do we have a, uh, both of them together? Jess, do we have an internet minute this week?

We do.

Time to get in it.

It's Jessica's internet minute.

Do you guys remember probably 4 years ago when people were like, we're gonna storm Area 51, and like a bunch of people gathered at Area 51 Yeah, we tried to get Tony over there. We're like— it was like this whole internet phenomenon where everyone's like, we're just gonna, we're just gonna run up on it.

We're just buying time right now. There's still stuff going on over there. You hear the earthquake that happened under Area 51? We'll talk about that later.

I want to hear about the earthquake actually.

Um, are they testing something down there? We don't know.

Okay, there's a version of this where people are doing this, like it's called speedrunning. People are doing this but at the Church of Scientology, and they're posting videos of it online. So they're like sprinting into the Church of Scientology lobby. I guess like there's a recruit— open to the public recruitment area in these buildings, and then they're like taking their phone and like filming until they get kicked out. And it's escalated to the point, uh, I watched, uh, the local news on Sunday after whatever sporting event— I think it was Game 7 of whatever series that was— and apparently people did this at the Church of Scientology in Times Square, and, uh, people also did this at the Church of Scientology in Vancouver. And then there was a video of people dressed as Minions at the one in LA, and they have upped— the Church of Scientology has upped their security. They are not happy about this. They have apparently removed the door handles from the front doors of some of their buildings so people can't open the door and run inside. And this is, uh, this is the latest, the latest internet phenomenon. The Minions video was was quite funny because the minions and, and their leader Gru did no harm.

But, um, people have said, why the Church of Scientology? I'm not sure if there's a specific reason other than people are— it started with people being like, let's see how secretive this is, we're gonna go inside and try to take video and post it. And now it's just like a repeating thing because it is the Church of Scientology.

Yes, Brad Williams posted one where they rushed it and it was all dwarves. Did you see that one? It was just like, how did they get so many dwarves all in one place? I don't know. I mean, Brad wasn't in it, so apparently he didn't get the newsletter. But yeah, it's, it's been, it's been pretty, pretty insane to watch these people just run around. And the poor security people are like, wait, no, you can't.

That's the best part though. It's people that are like working the desk, not even security, like people like signing people up, and they're like, they're like trying to like sidestep to try to stop people.

If 100 dwarves ran in here right now and just started running around like, can't stop them. It's just so confusing. It's like, what's happening here?

Low center of gravity.

We're still allowed to make fun of the Church of Scientology, right? Because you're not supposed to make fun of religion, but I feel like dwarves— that's the one religion we're allowed to make fun of still, right? We can make fun of Scientology.

Where's Miscavige's wife, by the way?

Yeah, I don't think anyone's gonna stop you, Zazz. I think because of how unpopular it is and because of the various, uh, exposés over the past decade or so. That is also a reason why young people on the internet have fixated on it as the place where they want to do this speedrunning thing.

If we put Brad Williams in the Broncos backfield and you handed it off to him at the 1, does he score?

Well, he pitches this to Roger Goodell that they should allow for a designated dwarf that on short yardage situations—

Brad did this?

Yeah, over the top.

Pick you up and throw and toss him with the ball.

He holds the ball and you throw him over the line of scrimmage.

I mean, Brad knows this better than I, but you know that, you know, Brad Williams is probably heavier than you think he is.

Wow.

Pick him up.

This is his idea.

I'm just— well, listen, what do you got? That defies the rules to do that. I think what you could—

you're not throwing him over, Dave. You're what, 5'10", 145 pounds?

I'm about 6'3", 45. Thin guy.

Thin guy.

2.45.

What are you, Dave?

Child slender.

I bet Brad weighs like 160.

No way.

No way.

No way.

You're at least— I weigh 180 pounds.

Atta boy.

Do you think that— do you think Brad Williams weighs 20 pounds less than I do? I do think he would be heavy to try to pick up. But anyway, back to my original important question. If you handed the ball off to Brad Williams, given that you would, you know, you always hear about Maurice Jones-Drew, boy, he could really hide behind that offensive line. You didn't see a little bowling ball. What happens?

We've talked about this on the show. We're simply going to throw him.

Got to go over the top. I know, but that's against the existing rules. You can't do that. Says who? Is it polite to ask the dwarf how much he weighs? I'm not sure of—

was it polite to say Dave weighs 145?

Very polite.

You guessed that Brad weighs 160? Are you nuts?

The more I think about it, 145 is where I'm at. You're nuts!

145.

You think he weighs 100?

Yeah, I do.

Dude, my daughter weighs 100 pounds.

No, 100.

Yeah, he doesn't weigh 100. What— how tall is Brad Williams? He's 4'2", I'm gonna guess. I just texted him.

I have his weight.

I was a little high.

I'll bet I'm right on.

What is it?

100? He weighs 125. Okay. He says about.

Big boy.

That means—

Ask him if he could score. Which means it's 135. I've done the whole thing before. Not with some muscle-bound guy playing hero and throwing him over like he's a prop. He's a human being who might be able to find the angle. And we need to score. Who might be—

right, he might be able to find the angle.

Then get Proctor in the backfield and toss him over. I don't want that. I don't want that. Stop patronizing Brad Williams. He doesn't need Brock to do it. He said to do it. He said, I want Brad Williams to have enough self-esteem to believe he can score on his own with the pigskin betwixt his arms.

Toten—

that would be my biggest concern. Put it up, guys. Can he hold on to that pigskin with both of those arms, secure it, and also nose his way into the end zone? I think he could. That sign is just unnecessary.

Small player, big play.

Why don't they have a helmet on?

Why is he being thrown from out of bounds into the end zone?

And why are they throwing him if there's no defenders? Just let him walk in.

This just looks like a celebration, perhaps after he has already scored. That's the only way I can make sense of this AI-generated image.

He's wearing Emmitt Smith's number.

Disrespectful to make him a Viking though. Hasn't he made it clear he wears the orange?

Check out our weekly Notre Dame podcast, The Echoes. Wait, he's got more! What are you doing? Sorry.

I wanted to ask you guys before I left, have you seen that show DTF St. Louis with Jason Bateman?

I have seen it. I saw the whole thing and I found it captivating and was really intrigued. I'm a passive viewer of TV and movies. I do not like to solve. I don't participate in what do you think this is? Who do you think the killer was? All of that kind of stuff. I'll let the storyteller tell it to me. I am here to receive what they want to tell me.

So you don't sit there wondering what could happen next?

I repress that. I am passively watching this. I am not a part— like I already told you, I told you a week ago, I am resentful. I went to see the Blue Man back in the '90s, and I was resentful that they would start going around like, "Hey, we're gonna pull you up onto the stage." I thought, "I didn't sign up to be a part of your show." I bought a ticket to watch you do a show. Don't bring me into it.

Did you just see one Blue Man or was it the group?

I saw all of them. Yeah, I saw all 3 of them, I think is how many there were. But Jess, your thoughts on the resolution of what went down in St. Louis?

Weird show.

What was the message, as you perceived it at least? What were we supposed to take away?

Oh man, well, how much time do I have? I thought the message was that people are very lonely, and even though they were besties, it wasn't enough for, um, David Harbor to overcome his loneliness, I suppose. Um, but I also have some issues with some of the writing in it, but we'll leave it at that.

For—

I'll just give one example. For one, Jason Bateman is just like cheating on his wife, and, uh, we just never talk about that. It's not part of the show.

They completely eliminate the role of—

no one gives a shit. No one gives a shit about it, right?

She—

yeah, you're supposed to like empathize with him. It's like, well, he's kind of just blew up his family.

So anyways, interesting point about that. Yes. Um, by the way, speaking of weird, uh, familial stuff, I don't know if you heard Chris Cody sometimes when he isn't feeling terribly aroused will, uh, conjure thoughts of his wife's twin sister. Your thoughts? Flattering, I think, this in a way for, for the wife though, that it's like Oh, she's not thinking about, you know, a brunette, you know, 'cause I'm blonde. Like, he's thinking, like, when he's not thinking of me, he's thinking of what I look like exactly.

I think my segment just ran a little long, so I gotta go.

We still got a minute left if you got a minute.

Yeah. The Echoes with Mike Golick Jr., Notre Dame podcast. Check it out every week. Thanks, Jess.

Echoes, echoes, echoes.

Dueling piano weddings.

I have some regrets about today's show.

No kidding.

Mike, did you see during the Laker game last night that Ric Flair took to Twitter?

Yeah, he's calling out Luka.

He was not happy about Luka not playing. Here's the tweet, and there's a follow-up that just came out. So Ric Flair last night—

was every individual word capitalized?

Yeah, it was. Do you think he does that by himself, or is it like a program that does it and he just types away?

I don't know, but it's his thing.

It's obnoxious.

Every first letter needs to be capitalized, and they're There always needs to be 5 O's in woo.

So Ric Flair last night tweets out during the game, @LukaDoncic, please get in the game. Take a shot of cortisone and deal with the pain. They are paying you $50 million a year and you're not there. WTF. I hope Genie Bus trades you next year. Nobody wants a lame duck on their team.

Woo.

And about an hour ago, Ric Flair followed it up. FYI, obviously they are not going to trade Luka. He's their future. He's their franchise. But do the math. He averages 33 points a game. If he has 20, LeBron is 27, and the rest of the team, they win. I would have said the same thing about Tatum on the Celtics, but I'm not a Boston fan. Okay, for $46 million a year, I think you could play. Everyone is allowed to have their opinion, and this is mine.

The other night I was staying in. At least that was the plan. Then the text from my buddy Eagle Eye comes in. Mike, we've got the games on. I say, yeah. I grab a pack of Miller Lite and immediately my plan's gone. Now it's playoff basketball. Every possession feels huge. Baseball's on another screen and I somehow care about that too. Everybody's got takes flying. Nobody's watching just one thing. And we're all way more into it than we ever expected. It was one of those nights that you take a sip, you look around, and you think, yeah, this was the right move. That's why I reach for Miller Lite. It's clean, refreshing, easy to drink, brewed for taste with simple ingredients. Just 96 calories and 3.2 carbs. The original light beer since 1975, and it still hits different. Cheers to legendary moments with Miller Lite. Great taste, 96 calories. Go to MillerLite.com/Dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time! Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories, 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.