Transcript of "Tig Notaro"

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Hey, guys. Welcome to the show today. Hope you're feeling really good. I got a hat on. You guys don't. Are you jealous of my hat?

I've got a microphone, though. I'm ready to go with a microphone and a couple of headphones here. Let's- Yeah, a couple of cans.

That just leaves me, and all I got is a really bad attitude.

Oh, no, and a bad speech thing.

We're doing- Welcome to Smartless. Smartless.

Oh, boy. Smart.

Smart.

Lies.

Smart.

Lies.

Smart. Lies.

Smart.

Lies.

You know, Sean, you look a little bit more blonde today. I know. Did you do a rinse this morning?

No, I got a haircut yesterday, and I didn't color it. I got to color it.

It's a little too- Nice try. I I saw Sean yesterday. He happened to be at CVS, and he was buying. He bought three things of sun in, and he got a bunch of sun in.

It is a little lighter than normal, and I don't like it, so I'm going to color it a little bit.

Wait, but What color was your- Sorry, go ahead. You go ahead.

Sorry. Yeah, because I... Hang on a sec, Will. This is important. What colour- I know. I want to get to Skevo, though. Skevo, the greatest name in all of hairdressing. Sean, what is the color that one tries to target, usually? Is Is there a name for it?

A name for it.

There's no name. Is it burnt siena?

No, it's like number five and number two or whatever they have.

You blend. It's a blend.

It's a blend. But I know you don't like when I color my hair, but I like it.

Well, I like what you like, but I just want to make sure you know that I need no color to love you anymore than I do. Well, that's true. I'm at max.

I'm sorry. I'm still reeling. I can't believe you blend five and two. Honestly, I think the coloring world is going to be... I'm going to have to call Eli, our buddy Eli Thomas, Skevo. We should have a conference of all the hair guys we know. We'll get Chris McKmillin in there.

Old sweet, sweet Chris.

Chris MacMillan, and we'll bring them all in.

Is Skevo short for anything?

No, he is a shorter fellow, but no, his full name is Skevo.

I met him. Do you call him anything for short? What would be short for Skev?

Hey, Skev. Sometimes you drop the O, like if you're in a row. If you're running a bunch of errands.

What's his last name? Because usually, last name is more spicy than the first.

I'm going to tell you right now, we can cut out this pause while I look it up.

Please be Miller.

His last name is Zembilla? Zembilla?

Zemboni.

Zembillis.

Would you say that you guys are tight?

Super tight.

Hey, Will, by the way, I played golf the other day with the guy whose grandmother, I believe I'm getting this right, semi-right, reinvented the Zemboni.

Oh, I've played golf with that guy, too.

Yeah? It happened down here in Paramount, California, surprisingly, not in Canada.

Yeah.

Tracy, the Zamboane is the machine, the sweet little car or truck or minivan that you drive over the ice rings to make it smooth and shiny.

Cleans the ice, use the hot water and thing, and then drags and smooths it out. It's the one thing for hockey that's hurt it in terms of viewing because they have the ice between periods, and therefore the intermissions are so long. It's 20 minutes and it's detrimental There is no alternative.

Why don't they get two out there?

They do. They generally do. Pro games, they do. Yeah.

Maybe they need three.

They might need three. I don't know.

I was...

Wait, Sean's got something on this.

Well, Michelle Pfeiffer The character's name in Greece, too, was Stephanie Zanoni. I always thought it was Zamboni. So listen...

Sorry. Do you have a list of stuff you misheard over the years?

Okay. Dudes, every once in a Well, we get to have a guest on that is also our friend. Today is one of those days. I love every moment I spend with this woman and always wish for more. She's funny but never on. She's kind and warm, but never one of those smiley creeps. She's done movies, television, radio, podcast, written a best seller. She's been nominated for Emmys and Grammys. She's got two kids, one wife. She started in Mississippi, and now she's right here. Say good morning to the great Tig Notaro.

Oh, Tig. Tig. Tig Notaro.

I love that I was described to a T, and Sean still like, who could this possibly be?

Yeah, I had to zip through it.

I didn't get it. Because they didn't sound remotely familiar.

I knew and I didn't say anything because I didn't want my disappointment to come through the microphone so early. How dare you. I didn't want my, and not even disappointment, outreach.

Now, hey, Tig.

Tig, your hair is growing out. It looks good.

I just started today. I'm surprised you noticed.

No way is it growing. Yeah, you really pushed it out.

I just started growing it out today. I woke up and I was like, You know what? I'm going to grow my hair out. I can't believe you noticed.

Day one, please do one of those things you take a snapshot every day for 365 and then put it together as a video and set it to a really sad song?

Okay.

Hey, Tig, speaking of sad songs, are both your parents still with us?

All three are dead.

Three?

Three. Well, I had a stepfather that raised me. In fact, not only is he dead, but- He's not coming back. He has no way back to town. A couple of years ago when he died and we were having his funeral in Mississippi, it was an outdoor burial. We were talking to the priest was saying, How do you want to do this? It's more casual outside. I said, Well, I was going to say something. My brother said, Well, I'll go first. I'll just say something really quick. He walks up and he fell into a grave.

No. No.

What? Yes, he did.

What? Is that true?

Is it true?

It is very That's true. As a bit? My entire family is sitting there and you see everyone just go, Oh, shit. Oh, my God. My brother, and there's this tarp over the hole, and you just see my brother slowly. It caught him a little bit, but he's slowly going down. No. Yeah.

I mean, that would be overwritten in a comedy.

I know. It's too much. We're trying to help him out.

Had he had a few?

No. No.

He's just blind.

No. The The place messed up. They were supposed to put plywood over it, and you see the people from the- I love that the lawsuit says the place messed up.

We're suing you because you messed up.

That's the legal terminology. We messed up. The place messed up.

What was the effort like getting him out? Was it tough to get him out?

Well, we were like, Oh, my gosh, trying to help him out. He's like, No, I'm okay. He's pulling himself out like the Night of the Living Dead with his dirty suit, just grabbing dirt and grass, trying to pull himself out of the hole. He was not going to let anybody pull him out.

Have you ever had a nightmare with that? Has that imagery ever come back to you?

No, that was like a dream come true. That was a nightmare. That was like, Oh, my God. I couldn't believe my stepfather did not get to see that happen.

You couldn't believe your luck that you got to witness it, too.

Well, and immediately I thought, Oh, my God, this must happen all the time. Then I was like, wait, this can't happen all the time.

In Mississippi is the end of that. In Mississippi is the end of that sentence.

People ask, they're like, oh, how come? What's it with all of these stories from the South and Mississippi. I'm like, I have no idea, but I truly just show up, look around, and head home with stories like that.

I really- What about... Was Army of the Dead said about zombies? You did an Army of the Dead.

Oh, good transition. Army of the Dead. I did do Army of the Dead. In fact, I did it on green screen.

Because famously, you replaced the fella on that, right? Right? Yes. You'd have to shoot everything on green screen, and then they superimposed you into a film that was already shot, correct?

That's right. Yeah, easy enough.

Were there zombies in it?

There were.

There were zombies in it. Were you like, but nothing was there.

Sean, you saw the movie, I guess.

Well, I've done some green screen acting. Clearly read for it. I've done some green screen acting.

I flew the escape, the helicopter too.

Get in. I've got to take off.

That's not my typical acting role where I'm yelling things and fighting things and had to do it all on a green screen.

Just literally three feet away is craft service. Just three feet away.

Yeah, through every scene, you see me grabbing a donut, and it's all on camera.

But you weren't a zombie yourself. You didn't have to get in any zombie makeup, did you?

No, I was just, I think, a lesbian.

Those zombies are flying in the It's just a lesbian flying a helicopter.

Is that what you said?

Yeah. I think that's what I am in everything.

No take. Now, what about in Star Trek?

I'm a lesbian in space.

There's lesbians in space?

There are now.

There are? Yeah. Now, do you have to wear any alien makeup in Star Trek?

No. In fact, they barely put any makeup on me, I think, because they really want to-They just put jobs of lipstick can really make- Big eye-lash.

Or you're just sexually active.

Massive cleavage, too.

No, truly?

No. My tits are in a dumpster in Hollywood.

Isn't that the title of your new special? Yeah. All right. Hey, Tig, let's go back to the very beginning. All right? So we're in Mississippi. All right? We're in Mississippi.

Everyone's alive.

Everybody's alive.

Everybody's happy. That's a good way to start.

But you did start as a rock band manager type of promoter. I'll help you get on stage from city to city type of person. Yes.

Yes. Yes.

Dude, have you ever spoken English before? What the fuck is going on?

I'm such a journalist. But I do love that about our show. Every once in a while, as I said in the intro, we get a friend on here, and I end up learning so much more about them than I've ever learned in our personal life.

Why do you think that is?

Because you don't take time to ask.

I don't ask questions. I was going to sidebar for a second. You don't ask questions about other people, right?

Hey, Wayne, keep it quiet. Wayne. You know what I mean? But what about this? You managed bands?

Well, I really love music, and I play a little guitar, a little drums.

Drums, yeah, I read that. I read that.

You're a lesbian, you said. Just to come back.

I'm a lesbian.

Oh, just a little bit. Sorry, I got confused.

These are drums with sticks, not the hand drums?

No, no, no, no. See, I'm still dabbling as a lesbian, so I'm playing actual drums. Once you cross over, then you start doing drum circles. I've been dabbling for decades, not sold on it. But yeah, I was too shy to perform. I tried and it was nerve-wracking. My first girlfriend played in a band, and so I just started booking the band and working in music.

And the music. How long was that you did that?

I don't know. Maybe three years.

Are we driving around in a van? Are we-Yeah.

Yeah. Wow. We went on tour in a van. You mean like that? When we were touring? Yeah, we were in a van. One time, we actually rented a friend of ours, Bronco. While we were on tour, the hood flew up and bent in half. Wow.

You couldn't seeWe couldn't see anything?

We couldn't see anything.

My God, that's my worst nightmare. I literally thought about that just the other day. I could have sworn the hood was vibrating a little bit. I thought, what if this thing flies up?

It's like a bad Chevy Chase. What the hood of the... It's the hood of an SUV type of thing.

A Bronco. Yeah, but it was like an old Bronco.

If the top goes off, why can't you see? Because there's still a wind sheet.

The hood.

The hood. Sorry. I thought you meant the roof of the car.

Are you catching every third word?

Actually, about every fourth word.

Now, but Tick-What music was the band or the band's ?

I mean, folk rock. There it is. Yeah, of course.

What else? But you decided to help this band out because you wanted to have a seat that was less exposed to the spotlight. But then while you're doing this, you said, Well, hang on a second. Maybe I actually want to be upfront. I want to do stand up now where there's nothing between you and the Yes.

Well, the- What happened? I moved my very good friends that I grew up with that are still very close to me. We moved from Denver. We were living in Denver at the time, and we moved from Denver to LA, and they moved there to pursue TV and film. And I was newly out of a relationship, and I was like, well, I guess I'll just go with you. And so I went. And then when I When I got there, I saw in the LA Weekly all of the different opportunities to do stand up, which had been my top secret dream.

How about that? Even though you were shy.

Even though I was shy. I spent the first two weeks going to every open mic I could possibly go to. Oh, my God.

How nerve-wracking. I'm getting nervous just thinking about it. What was that first?

Don't worry. It all works out okay. I end up on smart list.

Yeah. Now, wait, Would you just climb into a bottom of a bottle before you got up there? How did you get over this initial stage fright and get up there and start doing it?

Well, somebody had canceled at the show that I was watching, and I asked the person, which is so... I should dig this footage up. I have footage of myself talking into a a flashlight in a mirror, working out material in my studio apartment. Amazing. Oh, my God. For those two weeks. Amazing. I was practicing in the mirror in my flashlight.

All you had to do is flip it on. You could tell ghost stories right after.

Exactly. I had all the stuff worked out over those two weeks that I had been living in LA. Then I asked the person, I was like, Hey, can I go on stage? She was like, Sure. So I did. When I say it went well, if you showed me the footage now, it would be horrifying.

Really?

But, Tig, what was the first... What was the first thing you said?

Okay, the very first thing is a true story. My friend who I rented the Bronco from.

Yeah, who's mad at you because of the- Returned it without a hood.

We moved beyond that. We got the car fixed and remained friends. My friend, his name was Ro. Hey, Ro. Well, he passed away, sadly. Oh, sorry. Everyone's there. Anyway, Ro called me and told me our mutual friend, Johnny, was going to be in Denver.

Can we say hi to Johnny?

Johnny is still with us? I don't know where Johnny is. Say hi to Johnny. Hi, Johnny. Hey, Johnny.

Hey, Johnny.

So he told me that our mutual friend was going to be in town when I was living in Denver. He said, Johnny's Band is going to be there. You should go see him. And he hooked me up with the road manager for me to get tickets to Johnny's show. This is some backstory. Yeah, enjoying it. I'll say. Oh, there's more. I called Johnny's Road Manager. What was the number? This is where the story kicks in. Okay. Okay. So I called the road manager and I said, Johnny's friend, could I get tickets to the show? And he said, yes. Then at the end of the conversation, he says, now, I don't feel comfortable calling you this, but I guess I'll see you tonight, pig. And I said, oh, I said, I actually don't feel comfortable calling you or with you calling me pig either. I said, my name is actually Tig. And he said, yeah, that's what I said, pig. And I said, No, it's Tig with a T. He said, Tit? Then I just said, Yeah, that's right. It's pig tit. I'll see you tonight. Anyway, that was my first That's the story.

No way.

That must have killed. Now, your name Tig was given to you by your brother when you were two years old. See? Guys, I know how to research to it. It's more fun to just ask her how she got it, and then she tells us that rather.

You know what I mean? Oh, fuck.

Wait. Fuck you. Okay. We can do it.

Are we still rolling? We do it a few different ways and then just see which-Let's just pick one.

Are you sweating, babe?

What is going on?

Okay.

He Me. He's nervous.

But your real name, I think, is one of the best names in the history of names.

I've known you for 75,000 years. I don't even know your real name.

Can we say it? We can say it. It's on Wikipedia.

I don't even know if you'd pronounce it correctly. I know what you think it is.

Oh, well, then that's a good thing.

Well, let's hear that. Let's hear what he thinks it is.

Can I guess the correct pronunciation? Yes. Matilde.

That's correct. Matilde. No, it's Matilde.

Oh.

Matilde. Well, then what happens to the D? Matilde. M-a-t-h-i-l-l-e.

Is it Okay. M-a-t-h-i-l-d-e, but it's pronounced Matilde.

Matilde. So you don't... The D-E is no, there's no use of that.

That's French Creole, yes?

I think it's just French. French. My mother was Matilde, my grandmother was Matil. My grandmother went by Teal, my mother went by Susie, and I go by Tig.

Wow. Then why did your young brother come up with Tig?

He was older than me. He couldn't pronounce Tig, or he couldn't pronounce Matilde, and somehow came up with Tig.

His name is Rud.

Renault.

Renault. Renault. Renault. Is R-E-N-A-U-L-T, Renault?

R-e-n-a-u-d.

A-u-d, Renault. Renault. Renault. Renault. Who was French?

So people speak French?

My mother.

Is Renault still with us?

Yes, he's the one that fell in the grave and lived.

He's the one in the grave. Let's just say, shout out to Renault. Ça va, Renault?

Yeah, Rhône. One cigarette.

.

That... Wow.

We will be right back.

Now, back to the show.

Wait, I want to know, back to the standup, and that was a really funny story. Did you know? Because when I did...Thank you. You're welcome. Jesus. Was there...

Come on.

You don't keep that. We'll stay out of this, okay? Oh, God.

Was there... Because when I When I first did it, I was terrible.

This is when we take a break. Sorry.

You did stand up?

Hang on. This is Tigg. We always do this stand where we take a break. Sean, and why don't you just tell... Our audience knows, but tell Tigg what your first joke was. Let's go ahead.

Well, I think- It's not pig tit, is it? Sean wasn't.

It's a callback. Sean wasn't. My first joke was, well, I'll do two because one's not even... One was, they say ballet is one of the most difficult things you could do, so just don't do it. That was the first one. Then the second one was-Wait, I'm sorry.

That was the joke? There was a joke in there.

Yeah. Wait.

You got to be quick.

You're with it.

You're on it.

You're right on it.

They say doing ballet is one of the most difficult things you could do, so I say, just don't do it. Then the second one was- What was the second part of your speech?

Appropriate joke, appropriate response.

Then the second one was really bad. There's not even a joke. Wait a second.

It got worse.

Go ahead with the second one, Sean. Because I didn't know how to- Now you've got the audience.

Guys, he's on a roll. Let him go. And then what?

He had the audience with that first one, and you finish- I didn't know how to write a joke.

What was your closer?

My closer was something like, Hey, isn't it funny when you see people outside in public call their pet for the first time? Hey, Spot. Hey, whatever. But what if it's like, Hey, Mustard. Come here. Hey, Ketchup. There's not even a joke. It's just bad. No. At 22 years I'm like, This is going to kill. It was terrible. I don't even know what the joke is.

Honestly, it's mystifying that somebody would not just have the balls to get up and do it. We know how scary that is. I'm not a stand-up, neither are. But It wouldn't be that bad. But to go up and think.

Think, right. That you could just talk. I thought I could just talk.

I thought I could just say in front of a group of people.

I'm going to open with that.

Fuck as a comedy, just to say out loud as a thought.

To relay that in front of someone You had the number one selling comedy album in the world in 2013.

Yeah, that's amazing.

Number one.

Number in the world. Even without Sean writing my material.

Is there a way? Is Is there any way you could make Sean's, either of Sean's, and I'm going to use the term joke loosely, would you ever be able to make that work on stage?

Do you think that that's- Change the name of the animal from mustard or ketchup to something that would be a little bit funnier to hear, yelled across a park.

Or just construct a joke about it, which was my question, which was what I was getting at, which was like, when you got up and because you're a very great storyteller, a lot of your comedy comes from things that have happened to you in life.Thank you.You're.

Walking in hell. Honest, That's the fucking God.

How did you learn how to craft the rhythm of a joke or a story? Because I got up, the point of me telling you how bad I was, I got up and thought I could just talk. Were you that way when you first started, or did you know how to write?

I thought, and I realized I must be like everybody else that you go watch standup and you think, oh, my God, I can do this. Everybody that does standup thinks, oh, my God. I get calls from people that are like, Oh, Oh, my friend at work is so funny. He's moving to LA. Can you meet with him? It's like, yeah, everybody in the office is hilarious. Everybody watching stand up thinks they can do it. And it just was, I took the leap like everybody else, and I think my first one did go well. And then I signed up for a competition the second time I did stand up, and I bombed so hard. And the only thing I heard in the audience, aside from silence, was my friend Derek choking to death laughing at me. And then I ran off stage, and we drove back from Orange County back to LA. But it's just been a process of... I mean, I I thought I could do it. I have been doing it. I started out doing deadpan one-liners, and then they got longer. I experimented. Will, I'm talking.

No, I was going to tell you something. I know. We always interrupt. This is our hallmark of our show is interrupting our guests.

Then once I was finally... No, go ahead, Will.

Well, I just wanted to say what I was... I wanted to say that it's not surprising and going off what said, it's not surprising because you have one of those... You are the type of person, and I don't know you that well, but we've known each other over the years a little bit and gotten to know each other a little bit more. You are a very funny person, and it's not true for all standups, and you're not just a stand-up, but you are a very naturally funny person. You don't have a choice in it. I will say that. I don't think that- Thank you. Sorry, Sean gets that one. He got there first. You are a very naturally... I think that it does come... I'm not surprised that the first time you went up, that you were able to connect with the audience because you're a very naturally funny person. I will say that. That's what I wanted to say.

Well, I appreciate that. Well, and certainly after I thought I had gotten my bearings in stand-up, I thought, well, I've got this, and I booked my first gig on the road, and it was in this comedy club in a strip mall. I had only done shows in Los Angeles in hip rooms and whatever. Then now I'm in the middle of nowhere strip mall. I was staying with friends, and they let me use their car. But the venue actually will put you up at a condo, and they have a car for comedians. I was like, Oh, I don't need the car, but thanks. This This club was called Wits End in Denver.

Oh, that's good.

I bombed. This is my first road gig. I bombed the entire weekend. Then I hear before the second show on Friday or Saturday, I hear the owner saying, Where is our emergency fill-in comedian? I was thinking, Oh, no. What happened to Nancy? Because I was thinking, something must have What happened? I was mortified. I thought she died. And he was like, Has anyone heard from the emergency fill-in comedian? I'm like, What the hell? Then he walks up to me and gives me my check and fires me. It was so mortifying. It's, again, my first gig on the road. It's the holiday season. I walk out the front door and I'm like, Oh, no. I forgot my friends were coming that night. My My friends are in line to get into the show, and they're like, we're so excited. I said, oh, I was just fired. My comedy was so bad. It caused an emergency. And so they're bringing in a fill-in comedian. They couldn't even stomach me for the rest, like that last night. So they said, let's all go meet at the Mercury Cafe. I'm like, okay, I go to get my friends in the car, and I drive off, hit an ice patch, spin out of control in a cartoon.

I'm still in the parking lot of Witzend. Oh, my God. Okay. And then the car stops, and I'm, of course, pointed in the wrong direction. I'm mortified. I thought for sure it was going to be wrapped around a pole. Then I start laughing when I realized I lived through it because I immediately thought, what if I had used their car. Their car was a station wagon from the '70s that had clowns painted on it that said, Follow me to Witz and Comedy Club. If I had died in that moment, wrapped around a light post.

After being fired.

After being fired. Anyway, it's been a long road, but I'm almost 30 years in.

How does you stick with it with that a Why didn't you say, Yeah, fuck this. I'm going to start a different career.

I feel like stand-up is like if you're in an abusive relationship and you keep thinking, It was good once. I can get that feeling Exactly. Because the first time I did stand up, I do think it went well enough. Then the second time, I did not win the $100 in the competition I signed up for.

Did you ever think about sending the charts from your number one comedy spirit and sending it to the dude in Denver?

Well, he also died.

Oh my God.

He was a black widow.

Let's stay away from that.

Out of the path of Tig.

What?

Well, how about, do you think that your talent, your skill, your angle on all of this has progressively been arcing up? Has it continued to get better and better and better and better?

My attitude?

No, no. Doing stand-up and your experience with it.

My question is your attitude.

Do you find that you're getting... Is stand-up a thing that can be... I find that I'm getting, hopefully, a little bit better each year. I continue on doing it over the hell I'm doing. Oh, really? I think, I hope. I'm not asking.

He's talking about golfing.

Let's be clear. Yeah, it's golf. Is that something that you're still enjoying? Are you still ascendant in your- I finished my last tour and put out my stand-up special.

My last tour really ran me into the ground, and I'm working in Toronto right now, so this painting behind me is not mine. That's not yours.

I was going to ask you about that. Listener, it's just a shot of basically This is home. It's up there in the cloud somewhere. That's right.

Go ahead. It's a nice hotel painting.

But I've been working on new material when I have nights off here, and that's felt good. But I've had this building need and interest in doing a one-person show. But isn't that what you do? No, I want it to be a little more of a theme Like a two-act, three-act structure.

Like on Broadway.

Yeah.

Yeah, sure. But more like, I love you, you're perfect now. Change. Like one of those ones that used to pass down seventh Avenue.

Yeah, do a little singing, dancing.

Well, my big factory wedding was was a one-woman show that turned into a movie because it was her story. So you mean something like that?

Yeah, possibly. Like a Spalden gray type of thing?

Something like that.

Or like a talk radio. Are we going to keep going with- Yeah, keep guessing.

More examples.

So I'll have a copy of it sent to you today.

Then there's a theme to it, and it's a little bit more scripted or fully scripted.

Well, I mean, my standup is scripted, but I do interact with the audience. If an idea comes to For me, while I'm doing a show, I'll just go with that and just explore it because I don't sit down and write my comedy. I write on stage in front of a live audience, so I do it fully with Without a net type writing.

I know you're up there in Toronto working. When you have free nights or whatever, do you still go and perform out at clubs in Toronto? Are you doing that all the time?

That's what I'm It's interesting. There's a Comedy Club out here in Toronto, Comedy Bar. I've been doing shows, I don't know, two or three nights a week.

You got a Comedy Bar car? They send you a car. It's a Comedy Bar.

It's a Zamboni. It's I'm Zamboni. Just for a callback.

Now, you dabbled in. You do the acting as well, and then you dabbled in directing with Stephanie, your wife, right?

We directed Sean Hayes.

Yeah, good luck with that. Oh, boy.

Talk a little bit about that. Go ahead. Stage yours.

We did. We made this decision last minute to hire him. We couldn't get anyone else in the role.

That was the emergency actor. That was the emergency, yeah.

The emergency fill-in actor.

That was Nancy, yeah. That was super fun. I laughed so hard those two days. It was really fun.

Is this a project we should plug?

What's it called? Yes, it's called Am I Okay? Starring Dakota Johnson. Am I Okay?

It was a couple of years ago, right? Or something like that?

It came out this year. So thanks for being on top of that promoting my hard work. You've been such a good friend.

What part did Sean- Remember, don't forget, he doesn't...

You don't forget. He doesn't ask any questions. He has no idea, and he's not curious about your life. Yeah. Go ahead, Jason.

No, I want to say something about the standard thing, though, because you know what always blows me the mind?

You want to change the subject from your casting?

No, he has more bits that he used to do.

Let's hear him. You know what blows me the mind is when people get up there and they can justHow can you just talk? How do you have so much material that you don't... Because I'm used to memorizing a script, right? But there's nothing, and I know you've written it all, but just to... If somebody says a topic, you You don't have the perfectly constructed joke about that thing, and you have it all at the bank of your head.

But it's not all perfectly constructed. It's that I just try to leave my mind open outside of what I've already written or thought about. Then if something crosses my mind or somebody in the audience says something, I allow myself to go with that.

Whatever that is. I got it.

And explore and find what's funny about that.

Now that you've had all of this tremendous success us over the years, do people come up to you all the time and say, Hey, I'm such a fan. Can you say that funny thing? Or do they try to prompt you to perform for them?

I would say the most common thing I get is that... No, people don't do that. But I did this 15-minute bit about running into the pop star, Taylor Dane. I did this story years ago, and I did it on this American Life. I ran to her so many times. And the first time I ran into her, I genuinely said, Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you. I just have to tell you I love your voice. And she was rude to me. And she said, Yeah, I don't do that anymore. Then turned and kept talking to somebody. Then I kept running into her. And every time I saw her, I was like, Oh, my God, I'm going to go up and say the exact same thing I said to her at that party.

Just for my sister, Taylor Day was a big '80s pop star. Just in case people don't know who Taylor Day was.

Was your sister born after the '80s? The fuck are you doing? No, I haven't done that.

That was for me, too, by the way.

Was it really?

You didn't know who Taylor Day was? You don't know who Taylor Day. Tell it to my heart. Tell it to my heart. Tell it to my heart. Love will lead me No.

Anyway, so you see her a bunch of times.

You keep hearing the same- I see her out to dinner. I see her at cafés. I see her everywhere. I just walk up and I interrupted her every time and would say, Hi, excuse me. I'm sorry to bother you. I just have to I love your voice. I love your voice. Yeah. Every time. It became this- She's like, Who the fuck are you? It became this experiment that I was doing because I was like- Did she know who was you every time at this? No, she never did. Never. No way. Yeah. But anyway. Did she die? No, she's alive. Then we actually became friendly because of this because word got out that I was doing this story and then whatever. Whatever. I did this on this American life. They did the story and then invited Taylor Dane to that performance. So I met her there. No way. But anyway, people come up to me all the time and say, Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you, but I just have to tell you I love your voice.

That's amazing.

Wait, Tig, that's so good. I love that you did that. First of all, I love your commitment to shit like that. You've told me umpteen stories of things that you do, and one of my favorite, please tell us about some of the things you'll do at parties, because these are my favorite.Party.

Bits.party bits. Actually, you know what a bit that I did on morning radio when I first started doing stand-up. I'd have to go at 6:00 in the morning, some Fargo or something to promote my show. I would always ask the radio host to please talk as soon as I come on the show, please talk about how gorgeous I am. And just go on and on. Like Howard Stern and certain people, just like, you are beautiful. I mean, look at you. Because I thought Maybe I'll get people to the show, but also it really made me laugh to think of people showing up. This is years ago, and just seeing a disheveled monotone lesbian on stage, talking about my cats.

They're like, I didn't know I was going to an Indigo Girls concert. Hey, wait a second. But talk about the party bits. Okay. But talk about the party bits, the fucking...

God, I'm so jealous. I feel like you really liked this one, but my My friend, Henry Phillips, who is one of the funiest comedians, please look him up and watch everything he does. He's so funny.

Hi, Henry.

Hi, Henry. He has a couple of movies out, Punching Henry, Punching the Clown. I'm in one of the movies. But anyway, he and I do so many bits together. Yeah. He's so good. I used to live in Venice, in California. He was like, Hey, I'm at a party near your house. He was like, I don't know any of these people. He was like, You got to come do some bits with me. I was like, Yeah, sure. I'll head over. I love the mischief of it. I go meet him, and we're just loose at this party doing all these different bits that are truly for our own amusement, which is what I they do things for. If people catch on or they enjoy it, too, that's fine. But I love looking foolish. I go in. I don't know anybody at this party except Henry. I go into the kitchen, there's five people standing around, leaning against the kitchen counter, having a drink, chatting. It's a Saturday night, maybe 9:30, and I lean in and I just tap the wall and I go, Hey, guys, I'm going to be going to be going to bed in 10 minutes.

I have no idea if the owner of the house is in there. I have no idea if the host is in the kitchen. I don't know who those people are. Then I go find Henry, and I'm dying laughing. And I was like, oh, my God, I just told five people in the kitchen I was going to bed in 10 minutes. He's like, oh, my God. He said, there's 200 people in the backyard. You have to go out on the deck and announce that. I was like, no problem. This is years ago before I was on TV regularly and whatever. That is really funny. I walk out on the back deck. Everyone's holding their solo cups and whatever. I'm like, Hey, everybody, just so you know, I'm going to be going to bed in 10 minutes. To me, I'm like, I am For all you know, I could be going home and going to bed in 10 minutes. That doesn't mean I own the house.

That's right. They're bad, not yours.

Teg, there's something about that that I've just always loved. I think it's the funny.

It's so fucking profoundly funny.

It reminds me, I used to always wanted to do this, but I never had the guts. I wanted to drive around Beverly Hills, Bel Air, in a fancy car and pull up to gardeners as they're about to start on these big fucking estates and just go, roll my window down and go. I just spoke to the missus. She said, You guys can take the day off fully paid and just start relieving gardening crews around Beverly Hills and Bel Air. They're like, look at each other. I'm fully paid. Yeah, you got the business said, Go ahead, take it.

She had a long night. You guys, don't turn that shit on. Get out of here.

I remember one time you texted me to... You said, I'm about to drive by your house. I want you to stand outside and look on your phone, but don't look at me as I drive by. I was like, okay, I'll do it. I stood by and I couldn't look up and you drove by and you said, Hey, Sean. Hey, Sean. I didn't look up. That was the bit. That was the bit. I had a beat buried in my phone. I didn't quite understand it, but it made me laugh.

You don't understand it?

It was like performance art.

God, that is so good. You know, Teggie, you'd like this. My buddy, Pete Sarah Finnewich and all these English guys, they did this bit once. They'd go to a restaurant in London, and they all learned beforehand They got together, conspired, and they learned. They sang, it was somebody's birthday. They sang Happy birthday. Then everybody at the table, eight of them, launched into a second verse that they had written. They start singing a second verse to Happy birthday, and everybody in the restaurant is just looking at each other like, Hey, what is this? That's so funny. That they've never done their second verse. That is so funny. How fucking funny is that?

Oh my God. That's great. I am so jealous.

I We'll be right back.

All right, back to the show.

What about the kids? You now have with your wife, Stephanie, you have two little, the cuteest boys ever, and they They are...

Max and Fin. They're doing well.

They have a sense of humor.

They are seven, eight.

They are eight. They will be eight and a half this month. How about that? And huge into golf these days. Truly? They are They're so into golf. They're so into baseball, basketball. They're on some team. But yes, Sean, they have a sense of humor. My son, Max, I think But I tell everyone he's bone dry, and we don't know where he got that. Sure.

Was there a bone dry comedian that really defined your comedic sensibility? Was it like Stephen Wright or somebody like that?

I was really into Stephen Wright. I also really loved Paula Poundstone. I thought she was so great at writing jokes, telling stories, and also interacting with the audience. I felt like she could do everything and still feel that way. But yeah, my kids, they're like little... A friend of ours described them as little Midwestern uncles because they're It's just they have a certain maturity about them. My son, Max, one of my favorite things that he said when he was four, Stephanie and I were sitting on the couch with Max, Fin, her dad and our three cats, and Max got up when he was four, just got off the couch and he said, I'm getting the hell out of here. All these damn cats walked out of the room. I was like, I like your style, kid.

No way.

That is so funny.

Yeah, they're the best.

Never dogs for you?

No, I've had dogs. I've had a couple of dogs in my life, but we call our house Kitty City.

Yeah. Do you like that the cats just they take care of themselves? They don't bother you, you don't bother them.

I like that in a person.

Yeah. A dog needs shit, right? A cat needs nothing.

I mean, but I do love an excited dog that's about to have a stroke. They're so excited to see you. They get the zoomies.

Now, Stephanie, you really make Stephanie laugh, too, which is great. You guys laugh a lot.

I love Stephanie.

Stephanie really makes me laugh a lot.

Yeah, and she's really funny, too. She's super funny.

She's so funny, and she's in love with Will. I'm in love with Jason, and we don't know where Sean fits into this equation.

Sean was with the kitties.

I love Stephanie. I love Stephanie.

Is there a meet cute there you want share with us?

Yeah. We met on the movie, Lake Bell's movie called In A World.

The Great Lake Bell.

Yeah. I was deathly ill. I didn't know I had three deadly diseases at one time. Then, I collapsed, went away and dealt with- Wait, was this to cancer? It was cancer, pneumonia, and this intestinal disease called CDIF. I had it all three at once. Christ. I go away, and I was in a relationship Stephanie had never dated a woman. We really enjoyed each other on set, but I wasn't thinking I was into her romantically, and she wasn't thinking that about me. So I collapse, I go away. Six months later, I resurface in the world, and the movie is going to Sundance, and we exchanged numbers. I told her, I said, I'm not the biggest texter. I told her about this girl that texted me incessantly after her coffee, and that she texted that night. She said, Sweet dreams, the girl I had gone out with. Not that I thought Stephanie was into me, but I was just giving her the example that I'm not great at this. That night, Stephanie texted me, Sweet dreams. And I was like, oh, that is hilarious. Then we start texting, and it's building, and I'm thinking, oh, I'm really into her.

And she had invited me. I was writing my book at the time. She invited me to come meet her and her friends at La Poubelle in Los Angeles. I thought, oh, my God, it's 11:00. I haven't showered. I'm wearing this big Canadian wool sweater with an eagle on my back. I can't go meet her. Then I thought, oh, well, she's not even into me, so who cares what I look like? It happened to be Valentine's Day. And so she's sitting at this table. Happened to be. But truly, she wasn't into women. She She's at this table with friends. I walk into the bar. She is wearing a dark blue Canadian wool sweater with an eagle on her back. No way. And I was like, this is insane. I said, let's switch sweaters. So we switched sweaters, and her friend says, Get together so I can take a picture of you. We go to hug each other, and we start making out immediately when we touch each other. And Wow. And then, so we end up making out that night, and then she writes me a five million page email the next day, I get it, that's telling me how much she loves hanging out with me, how funny she thinks I am.

She's not gay, but that she wants to be friends. I can't tell you how long this email was. I'm reading this going, because I realized I do like her, but I thought, I can't chase her because she's not into to it. I wrote back, Okay, dyke. That's the only thing I wrote. Then she said when she got that response, she just thought, Okay, I like this person. And so now-Yeah, that's great.

And then so, I mean, however you're comfortable relaying this, if there's any further in the story you're willing to go, how does that Do you guys just start seeing each other for a while? Because you want to respect her sexuality, but you want to continue seeing her, but you also don't want to work on flipping her. How does that go? What happens?

It's true.

It's a good question.

I just don't like how do you protect your own- No, it's valid. How do you protect your own heart?

I'm going to go to work on flipping her.

I'm going to go to work on my heart hat. I didn't I didn't know that she had... I didn't know, Okay, Dyke made the impression that it did. I just thought, I need to be light-hearted, let this go, and just see her as a friend down the road. But I knew it was going to take me a beat. So I told her, I said, I get it. When we talked again, I said, I just need some space, and then I'll be able to see you as a friend, and everything's fine. And so I went to Montreal and was doing shows there, and She reached out to me a few weeks later, and she said, I'd like to see you when you get home. I said to my friend who was there with me, and I was like, Why does she want it? And he was like, Because she likes you. I was like, No, I know, but she told me she doesn't want it. He was like, What do you think? She's like, Oh, I want to see you again so I can tell you for sure I don't like you. I was like, I don't know, maybe.

Then she came over- You had multiple friends that were females that weren't gay, right?

You had multiple friends that were females that weren't gay. So you were thinking, maybe this is just another one of those, perhaps.

Yeah, I just didn't know what to think. But I got back to LA and she came over. She's a very confident, comfortable person, and she's very straightforward. It's what I realized I'm so into about her. She sat down on my couch and she just turned to me and said, I realized that I want to be with you. I was like, Oh, what do you mean? She said, I want to be with you. I'm not saying I want to see how it goes or check things out. I want to be with you. I was like, What? I was so...

You still had the eagle jacket on?

You still had in shower. We took our eagle jackets off and we got down to it.

It was just pure. It wasn't about declaring as a label or anything. It was just like, all I know is I just really want to be with you, whatever that is, it is. That's great.

We make each other laugh a lot.

Very cool. I love that. I love her so much, and I love you so much. I remember one time you were doing your live show and you wanted to meet as a guest, and it was at the... Largo. Largo. We had such a good time and we laughed really hard. Then the next day, literally the next day- Next morning. The next morning, I go to La Pan, this restaurant on Larchmont, and you walk in, and we both had the exact same outfit on that we had that we were on stage in.

No way.

Oh, my God. In those clothes and then woke up thinking, Well, it's early. I just want an egg. I want a couple of eggs, and I'm going to go to home and shower and change.

You're across the city, no one from the show is going to be there.

Yeah.

Do you remember that?

Except we live close to each and dress alike. Yeah, exactly. You know what I have to say? Also, Stephanie directed my latest standup special.

No way.

And was nominated for an Emmy, and so was the editor, and so was everyone else except me. I was the problem. No.

Oh, really? Oh, no. Now, wait, what is the name of that one? Is that one Hello Again?

That is Hello Again. Yeah.

Very, very nice.

Are you in Toronto doing standup or a movie?

Stand-up. Show.

I'm doing a show.

I pay attention because I know what she's doing because I've asked her.

I'm doing Star Trek with Holly Hunter and Paul Giamatti.

Yeah.

Oh, great. Wow. Do they have to wear the alien makeup?

Paul, yes. Holly, no.

Are they lesbians in space, too?

I have to ask just for full- It's called Starfleet Academy, Lesbians in Space.

That's That's the new series. We don't know.

I don't know Holly Hubby, but we love Paul Giamatti. He's just a gem. He's a gem, gem, gem.

Yeah, he is.

Yeah. Holly's great, too. I'm sure. Obviously, a real talent. Then I'm thrown in the mix.

Don't you dare.

Don't you dare. Don't you? Don't you say that. Tignitar is a gem.

But I do have... I mean, close to lesbians. Well, it's across the spectrum. But my podcast, Handsome, is right here on planet Earth. It's like my fourth podcast. I don't know if you know, I've been podcasting for a long time, you guys. Yes.

And how are you loving it? Are you loving it? You're still loving it.

I really enjoy podcasting. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. I was so baffled by it in the early day. I think I started in, I don't know, 2006 or something. I have no idea. But I do enjoy it. It's such a different way to be comedic and tell stories.

Yeah, and you can do it inside In the comfort of an air-conditioned room.

In the comfort of an air-conditioned or heated furnished apartment in Toronto.

Up there with the Jesus painting behind you.

I'll text her real I'm guaranteed she's available. Do you want to have lunch with my mom today?

I would love to. Would you?

She's close.

She's a character. She's a lot of fun.

She'll keep you on your toes. Okay, we'll hook up the lunch.

Okay, I'm going to hook it up.

Teg, hurry home and get back to our Sunday Rhythm, please.

We miss you. We miss you.

I have missed you dearly. We would love to see you. When does this come out?

Today. It's on right now.

You got to tell your family. Yeah.

I'm going to tell all my dead parents.

But hurry home so we can hang out again.

There's a better chance of them listening than if Sean's dad listening. Put it that way.

Wait, how can I naturally mention? Because I wanted to I naturally mentioned something, and I didn't naturally mention it.

You're doing it.

I have a documentary that just got accepted to Sundance.

You ready for this? You're ready for this? Fantastic. Weren't you working on a documentary for a while?

I was going to get to that, Will. I've got a bunch of questions here.

Jason, you didn't even know about it.

Thank you for asking, Will. Of course. I have been working on a documentary, and I had called their incredible filmmakers. They did the Pamela documentary and the Dr. Ruth documentary, Serena Williams, all this. But I was like, I can't sell you on this person. You have to do a deep dive, not even that deep on Andrea Gibson. They called me three days later and they were like, we're in. They got on a plane, flew to Boulder, Colorado, and started filming.

When does it come out?

Well, it's going to be at Sundance. That's January, right? In January. But Andrea is a brilliant poet, just a brilliant poet, mind-bellowing.

What's it called?

What's the documentary called?

I believe right now it's Come See Me in the Good Light.

Come See Me In The Good Light. The title is shifting a little bit as we get closer to finish.

Well, I mean, that's the last I've heard is that's the working title is Come See Me in the Good Light. But it's a phenomenal documentary about a phenomenal person.

Sorry, I mentioned Andrea's full name again for the- Andrea Gibson. Andrea Gibson.

Ridden eight books.

Amazing. Wow.

Incredible. I'll check her out online.

Amazing. These guys will love the books.

Yeah, we deserve It's an audio version? These two love books. These two love pictures. Now, are you going to go to Sundance? I am. Okay, good.

I'm going to go to Sundance. Yeah, going to Sundance.

Yeah, that's great. Well, good luck with it. Thank you. Congratulations on that. Finish strong there in Toronto and get your ass back home here.

Send our love to Stephanie, who we also miss.

All of my love to your families. I'll see you at Sunday Fun Day anytime I'm home.

Very soon. Wonderful.

All right. Love you. Thank you for doing this. Enjoy the rest of your day. Stay warm up there.

Well, truly, thanks for having me. Of course. Love you all dearly. Thank you, Tate.

That was awesome. Love you, honey. That was awesome.

Bye.

Bye. Guys, that was Tig Nataro.

Yeah, that was Tig Nataro.

Tigtaro spelled T-I-G.

That was such a funny story about her name, Good Cord.

About the pig teeth. Pigs do have teeths. That's why it made sense. Did you know you can get milk from a pig? That there's pig milk? No. There's certain countries, they drink pig milk?

Oh, God.

I'll try it. Will, did you know that?

No, I don't know what you're talking about, man.

Pig milk.

Okay. Okay. People drink pig milk. They put it cream.

You knew that, though.

I'll put in cereal.

I didn't. No. Actually, I feel worse for now.

It's not true. I was hoping you would say, Yeah, of course, I fucking knew that.

You fucking How great is Teg?

Teg, I've known Teg for a long, long, long, long, long time. She's always been so funny and so unique. Like, there's nobody like her.

No. They're really, yeah. I just love because I usually end up sitting next to her on Sunday. I just, I love it. I just drink it all up. I love her. I love every minute with her. She's so funny. Yeah. So, Willy, I say you call your mom and-I might do it. I would have lunch with your mother in a heartbeat if I was in trouble.

Oh, my God, I would, too. I would love... When is she going to come down here?

I want to talk to her. You know what else I'd like to do? I'd like to go to your childhood home. I'd like to see your bedroom, which I bet is still pretty much intact.

No, no, no, no, no. Sure. No, no, no, no, no. No? They've moved a few times since.

What would we see on your boyhood wall when you were growing up in the house there? Were there posters of hockey players? What age? 12, 13, 14?

Okay, well, these are very... From the time I was 6 to 11, I had a map of the world. This This is true. Huge map of the world. Then on the legend underneath, it had all the countries. It just had, listen, just basic info about every country. Capital, the size, it's a square mileage, population, et cetera, for every country in the world. So I had that. Then when I was a teenager, I ended up having like... I went to boarding school, as you know, for a few years, and then I came back and I had a Smith I have a poster on my wall. Yes, yes, yes. I had a big The World Won't Listen and a Morrissey poster.

Yeah, the best.

Were you like a mod? Did you ever wear eyeliner?

No, but I wore tapered Like green Dickies type pants. I wear a lot of that. I wore-Doc Martens? Doc Martin Brogues.

What are Brogues?

Like shoes, like wingtips, you know what I mean? I got it.

Yeah, Like Ducky from Pretty and Pink.

Yeah, but never... I wasn't a mod in that sense. But I... Yeah.

He kept it tasteful. Sure.

Yeah, of course. You keep it timeless.

That's the key. Okay, 12 or 13.

Did you have posters of yourself on your wall? Because you were in Tiger Beat and 16 and all that shit.

All the different hairstyles. Because there's a different sweater in each one.

God, I wish it revealed that Sean had a poster of you in his room. It would be the first thing. That would be the greatest reveal.

I think we said this when Rachida was on the show. I had a life-size poster of Quincy Jones on my wall.

Did you really?

Oh, wow. That my dad just put up there for me, and I just never took it down. You never took it down? Yeah.

All I had was Michael Jackson posters everywhere. Did you really? When I was a kid, and my favorite one was probably Bayly G.

Oh, my God.

Bayly.

Bayly. Smart.

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