Transcript of The Union Screaming House

Hey weirdos, I'm Alayna.

I'm Ash.

And this is Morbid.

Yeah, yeah, it's a rainy day.

It is, it's gloomy.

Yeah, we did— can we say what we did last night? When does this come out?

I don't know. No, probably not.

No, I don't think we can. We did something spooky last night and it was really fun.

You'll find out about it. It just isn't—

Yeah, we'll talk about it. Out yet. Um, it's not for our feed anyways, but it was a fun spooky thing that we did.

And we got to go to Salem.

Yeah, we got to go to Salem in October, which was actually insane. Like, to— like, it wasn't that busy.

No, because— and it was at night. It was on the weeknight.

But now I want to go back.

I know.

But it also took so fucking long to get there.

It did. The traffic was crazy. I don't want

to go back for a little bit,

but the Salem air

Oh,

it was beautiful.

Something about it. Especially when we finished and we were walking back to the car. Oh, it, it was just so— it smelled so crisp.

It did.

And it felt good on the skin.

It did.

I think it, it de-aged me.

Yeah, I think all of that.

Yeah,

for sure.

It was gorgeous. And then I woke up today, cuz yesterday was like sunny. Ew.

Yeah.

Today,

ew.

Today, gorgeous.

It was

overcast, raining, cold. I think I could thrive in Seattle.

Yeah, I think I could too.

Or like, or is it Oregon's pretty, pretty rainy too, right?

I think so.

I think they're like right next to each other.

Yeah.

That's Geography with Ash. I think I could thrive in a place like that. Or, or Forks.

Oh yeah.

It, it'd be perfect.

Every, anytime I watch the Twilight movies, I'm like, yeah.

Yeah,

I could do that.

I would love it.

Yeah, I could definitely do that.

I crave it.

I do too.

When I wake up and the sun is shining through my windows, I'm like, oh, stop.

It's like a vampire. Yeah. Second I walk outside, I'm like,

Yeah, the sun hits

me,

especially the older I get.

Yeah,

I'm so happy it's not summer anymore.

Oh, literally, fuck summer.

Yeah,

I hated this summer.

I did too. No, I actually— because you know I'm usually like, Alina, like, don't rush my summer, like, I like summer, and then you get mad at me and we have a whole thing. I was happy that you rushed my summer. I said keep rushing it.

Yeah,

and then summer held on a little long this year and I was like, get the fuck out.

No, I was not into it at all.

Even the other day, meteorologist hour, it was 70 86 degrees. And I said, ugh.

I said, no, thank you.

65 or below.

Yeah.

I'd like goosebumps.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Let's go. Goosebumps on my skin and Goosebumps in my bookshelf. That's what I want.

I think, isn't it? You can watch it on TV too.

Yeah, you can, but I just want to read it.

I haven't watched it on TV, so I don't know.

I just want to read that shit.

You know what? I don't know if I've ever read a Goosebumps book. You should see her face right now.

What?

I mean, that's your failure. Yeah.

Did you know this, Aiden? What? I

don't think I ever read one. Here's the thing. I lived with my mom for a long time, so that bitch would trade me like Danielle Steel novels. And like, I think I read The Other Boleyn. I think I've talked about this like many times. I read The Other Boleyn Girl when I was like 11.

I'm—

and I was like, damn, King Henry is getting it all.

I'm gonna give you—

Oh, I'd like to read one.

Because you'll— You'll eat them up in like an hour. It's so fun. Like, you'll just eat them up.

Yeah. I mean, I can read like a regular book in like 2 and a half hours.

It's so fun. Yeah. Especially the reader beware, you choose the scare ones used to send me into orbit.

I feel like I read one of those maybe.

Those were my absolute favorite.

Yeah.

Because you are literally the main character in the story, which that's iconic. Yeah, that's really cool. Like that sets you up for a whole life of wanting to do that.

Yeah.

And it, I loved it.

Yeah. Hit me up with one.

And I would do it over and over until I did all the endings.

Oh, there's various ones, right?

Yeah. 'Cause you get to pick all the different things and there's so many different variations.

They're both making hand— Aiden's over in the corner and Elena's in front of me. They're just making hand motions at me. Like, beware, bitch.

And then the Fear Street. That's like the level up. You would love Fear Street.

I love the movies.

Yeah. We get, they're not really, they're not the same. Yeah. They're not the same, but. You would love it.

Okay. Oh, I'll do it.

We have a new journey.

Period.

We have a new journey.

Are we going to Goosebumps book club?

Yes.

Just to do a fun one together?

We should do a Fear Street book club.

Okay. I'm in.

I'm into this. I'm into this. You're going to enter the world of R.L. Stine.

I'm in such a spooky reading place right now, so I get that.

I'm reading Hell Bent right now by Leigh Bardugo, the second book in The Ninth House.

Is that the one with the rabbit on the COVID Yeah. That rabbit is so sad.

I fucking love this series, guys.

Is there like, is there an alternate cover that I can have?

No.

So it's such a sad rabbit. Make him sad. It's

a fucking phenomenal series.

I have the first, we've talked about this. I have the first one. I have to read it.

Yeah.

I really want to read the next, um, in Richard Chizmar's Boogeyman series.

Becoming the Boogeyman.

Mm-hmm.

That's a great series. These are all really good series for spooky season if you guys are looking. for anything to pick up.

I also got that book Bunny. It's like all over TikTok.

Yeah, I've seen that a bunch.

Yeah, I just like— I also liked the COVID

I'd be interested.

I'll, I'll read that and I'll let you know. I gotta, I gotta get a little bit back into my reading jam, so.

Yeah. I've been doing it every night with one of my kids, so.

I love that. I

wish I— We sit quietly together in her bed and just read together.

See, I'm, I'm kind of like trash, and right now it's like a big season of reality TV for me.

I'm kind of like trash.

It's— Bravo is going nuts. They're going hard in the paint right now.

Yeah, that's, that's tough for you.

It's New York. It's a new season of Below Deck. It's Salt Lake City. OC sucks ass this year. I actually stopped watching it, but it's like every night something is on. And then the Tres Tardes.

You've got a lot going on.

There's Tres Tardes regular people and now there's Tres Tardes Celebrity coming back. So it's just—

So you're booked and busy with TV.

I'm so booked and busy. Yeah. But I should probably read for my mind, especially given the brain rot that I am

consuming

on a regular basis. Yeah. I can't stop singing hypocrisy and bullshit, bullshit.

I don't know what that is.

It's from Salt Lake City.

Okay. I was like, I was like, why?

I've had no one to talk to about it either.

I know. So I'm sorry that I can't be.

I just wish you would bring help. I'll read a little more and you brain rot a little more.

I gotta pick one or the other. I can't. I don't have time for both.

Okay. Capricorn. My Gemini heart could never. I can't pick one lane.

I gotta either read and write or watch TV. There's not room for all of it.

No, you have to write too. Yeah. And to write, you have to read.

Exactly. Can't— TV won't really help you with that.

I'm, I'm such a TV whore. It's bad.

Yeah, I know. Except I do, I still wanna watch Carrie. I'm just, I'm just struggling a little bit.

I wanna watch it so bad, but I can't.

I'm struggling not because I, it's not good. It's because I— the, the lead girl just breaks my heart.

She's— yeah,

Summer, I think her name is. Summer Howell.

Summer Howell.

She's phenomenal.

Do you know she's 22 years old?

I did not know that.

22 years old. I watched the first episode of Carrie, and that's the thing, it is incredible.

Yeah,

I just have such a hard time with bullying.

And that's the thing, it like really— I want to reach in and just hug her.

Yeah, I want to get her out of there before they drop the blood on her. And she looks like somebody I love.

Yeah, like so much.

that I, I can't handle it.

Yeah. So, it kills me a little bit, but I do wanna watch the whole thing.

Well, and I heard that Mike Flanagan wants to make it 3 seasons.

Yeah.

And based off— I don't wanna spoil anything for anybody, but based off of something that happens at the end of episode 1, I think I know where he might be going with that.

Yeah.

And I'm like, I wanna enjoy that.

Well, and I'm just— I'm like, I'm down for whatever, Mike Flanagan. I

mean, the thing is, we all know Carrie ends with a good for her moment.

Absolutely.

It does. So maybe, maybe I could have that see me through.

Yeah, that's what I think.

Drew won't watch it with me though, cuz we watched the first one together and he was like, nope, I can't.

Like, it's too much.

He gets way too upset.

It's hard.

Yeah.

It's hard to watch.

Yeah.

Um, the book is wild.

Um, you haven't read the book yet? You know, I've, I've never read a Stephen King book. I have to read a Stephen King book.

I know you need to read a Stephen King book.

What Stephen King book do I read first?

I had Joan start with Salem's Lot.

Salem's Lot.

Um, And he loved it. I might have you start with something else. Yeah, but I have to think about it.

People listening to this podcast right now are like, are you qualified to host this? They're like, 9 years in, I feel like you're outing a lot of your secrets to me and you're— are you even spooky?

Are you even spooky?

I am.

We'll get you there.

Damn.

Yeah, I see. And I was gonna say, you know, that was my first thought.

I've seen the movie.

All right, confirmed then. I was gonna bring that up. Misery's a great book.

Okay.

The book is intense. You think the movie's intense? The book is really intense.

I love Kathy Bates.

But it's a great movie. A great book. I mean, okay. Misery. That's so funny. Aiden held up a sign that said Misery and in my head I was thinking Misery and I was like, but I'm going to think through it.

Okay.

That confirmed it. So

I guess I'm going to Barnes Noble today.

That's books. Yeah.

That's Morbid. That's books. That's Confessions. That's weather. And that's reality TV.

That's TV. All right. I think we're good. So, uh, hit your stopwatch, Cornelius. Cornelius,

go

ahead. Hit that stopwatch.

Here we go.

Because we're going to talk about the Union Screaming House today.

Tell me everything. I've never heard of that.

If that doesn't hook you—

The Union Screaming House?

Yeah.

Just like a bunch of union workers yelling their heads off?

That's exactly it. We can end the thing now because you just told the story.

Thank you guys for listening.

This was great. We hope you keep listening. Bye. We hope you— uh, no, that's not what it is. But

she said shut up.

So let's begin at the beginning, shall we? Sure. When Stephen LaChance divorced his wife in 1999.

We'll start there.

That's sad. Obviously divorce is tough.

Tell me about it.

Can you imagine? I'm not a child of divorce.

I'm not getting divorced. No.

Yeah, good.

Good job. The Reddit threads just went nuts. Holy shit. The Reddit threads just popped off.

Oh my God. Even though you just confirmed it, I'm sure it's already still

there. No, I'm a child.

Holy shit. That's why I was like, I, child of divorce.

You didn't even see it at first. I literally was like, don't go there.

Whoa. That was scary. You gotta be careful.

I know.

Up in these

streets, any comment you make can and will be used against you.

It absolutely will.

I love my husband.

I was not a child of divorce.

No, you were not. Nor am I divorced. They had a beautiful marriage.

They really did. They do.

They do.

Why, why am I saying that?

They are both very much still alive and in love.

No, they, they have always been in love, so I'm very lucky with that. But Steve LeChance was not.

I don't know that my parents ever loved each other.

Another confession. We should just name this episode Ash Confessions.

I don't know what I'm on today, babe. I stayed up too late last

night. You're just letting it all hang out.

My dad is gonna text me and be like, I did love your mom, like, once.

Like, once. Like, for a minute.

I'm crying.

So obviously Steve LaChance's life was kind of upended in ways that he never expected when he got divorced. Yeah. He was awarded sole custody of his 3 children. Oh, wow. So he found himself in desperate need of a place for them to live on kind of short notice.

Yikes.

So he found an apartment at the last minute and moved. The new place was Not an ideal situation. It was small. It was cramped.

An apartment with 3 kids has got to be tough.

Well, and it required his 2 boys, Eli and Elliot, to share a bedroom. But with so much disruption in their lives, it was really just the best he could do. He was trying his hardest. Now, the family spent 2 years in that apartment before Steven finally accepted that he needed a larger space for his children. But in the small town of Union, Missouri, That's where that comes from.

There it is.

That was proving easier said than done. Uh, Steve later said, I had answered just about every ad in the newspaper for rentals, but he was having no luck. Finally, after weeks and weeks of searching, he got a call from one of the landlords he'd found through the paper. The house he'd called about on North Christina Avenue was still available, and she suggested he come to an open house that was being held that weekend.

Okay.

Now, as soon as Steven saw the house, he knew This is it. This is perfectly what we need. It had been well maintained. It was in a good location. And most importantly, it was very spacious. Um, his daughter Eliza said, I thought the house was really neat. I didn't have to be so close to my brothers. So valid. As they toured the house, Steven and the kids couldn't get over how perfect this house seemed.

I bet it's not.

Steven said, imagine if I'm like, and it was.

The end.

The end. And they screamed. With happiness. Hooray! And that was it. Steven said, it was more house than we ever imagined for the price. That tells you something.

Wow.

And we immediately decided we had to have it. We have to have this house.

Good luck.

Now the family was wicked excited to get moved in. He said, we had invested so much in this move emotionally. It wasn't just a normal move for a family. It meant something.

Aw.

Now, as they were moving, the last of their belongings were being moved into the house and a car slowed down alongside them. And from the passenger side window, a voice called out, hope you get along okay here. And then the car sped away.

Ominous.

And Steven couldn't see who it was or even acknowledge the comment because they just, like, sped away. But he figured, like, oh, that's probably one of, like, the neighbors welcoming us to the area. And they just, they just meant, like, hope you get— hope you have fun here. You know what I mean?

Before anything happens, you wouldn't—

You would never think twice about that. You'd just kind of be like, that was a weird way to say it.

Yeah.

Now the first few nights in the house proved pretty uneventful. They just unpacked stuff, got into setting up the house. But as he walked through the house unpacking boxes, he noticed something unusual. All the interior doors had hook and eye latch fixtures on them, like the kind you might find in an old cabin or an attic.

Okay. A lot of my doors have those because of my cats.

Okay. And the thing was, the latches were on the outside of the doors, as though they'd been put there to keep something from getting out rather than keep someone from coming in.

Okay. That's weird.

Now, the first sign of trouble came a few days later.

Yeah.

As Stephen was putting away the last of their stuff in the living room, he had just hung a large framed picture on the wall and turned to walk away when he heard a big crash behind him, and he turned to find the picture had fallen off the wall.

Okay.

Now, thinking nothing of it, that shit happens.

He was just like, damn, I— Yeah, he was like, that's stuck too far in the wall.

He rehung the picture and started to walk away when he heard a crash for the second time. Sure enough, the picture had fallen to the floor again.

He said, we don't like your choice of art.

It took 4 tries for that picture to sit in place without falling.

That's actually wild that he tried that many times. I give up after 2.

I think he was like, I want this art on the fucking wall.

I'm like, did you pay a lot for that?

And to be honest, I probably would have done the same thing. I'd be like, I I chose this. I put something in the— shut up.

Maybe I would do well in this house because I'd submit to its rules.

Because you'd just be like, all right.

I'd be like, ah.

You're a people pleaser.

You'd be like, next one.

You don't like it? That's cool.

Yeah.

I'd be like, this is my house. I want that wall there.

I pay the rent, damn it.

Now, as Steven struggled with the picture in the living room, the children were having their own unusual experience on the front porch. It was Eliza who first noticed it. Anytime someone passed by the house, they appeared to become very uncomfortable.

Oh.

Eliza called out to her father and told him to come outside, where she told him about the strange behavior. He— she said, they don't like walking in front of our house, Dad. Isn't that weird?

Huh.

Stephen wasn't sure what to make of this, like, her claims, really. He was like, what? Like, what do you mean?

Yeah.

So he sat outside for a while and watched. He was like, okay, I'll see. And sure enough, anytime someone passed by the house, they appeared to quicken their pace.

No.

And a few times he called out a greeting, but they just kept their heads down and continued walking as though he hadn't said anything.

Okay, that's rude.

That's really rude.

Also, this real estate agent knew what the fuck was up.

Yeah, what the fuck?

It's fake of them not to share.

Very fake. Steven thought the whole thing was strange, but he chalked it up to just like an unfriendly neighborhood and tried to put it out of his head.

That would be such a bummer.

Yeah, you'd be like, damn.

Yeah.

Now, when the weekend came, the entire family spent the day in the backyard mowing and just cleaning up. Having lived in an apartment for years, they'd never had a yard to play in. So Steven was determined to make it as clean and inviting and like kid-friendly as possible.

So far, I love his vibe.

I know. Once he'd finished the mowing, he asked Elliott to go down into the basement to get the hose so they could wash down the walkways.

Good luck, babe.

Although they'd fallen in love with the house immediately, the basement was the one place the kids, especially Elliott, seemed put off by.

Oh, why'd you ask him?

Maybe he didn't make it known before that.

Okay.

Like many older homes in the region, the basement had a fruit cellar for storing jars, but it also had an old butcher's shower that the men would use at the end of the day.

What the fuck?

So, like, to not track blood or other debris into the house. Yeah. Besides this— beside the shower was a bench and a large sink and a spot Traditionally used to butcher animals.

Cool.

Now, the darkness and mustiness of the basement was enough to make it a spooky place, uh, and the addition of the shower and sink made it feel a little more unsettling. It was just a weird vibe.

I don't love it.

Now, a few minutes passed, and Steven was just about to check on his son when he heard screaming coming from inside the house. So he ran, and he found Elliott in the kitchen, wide-eyed and terrified. Elliott told his father he had just grabbed the hose and turned to come back up the stairs when he sensed something was behind

him.

He dropped the hose and ran up the stairs as fast as he could, knowing that whatever was behind him was chasing him.

Fuck that.

He said, I heard something come up after me, coming up the steps. I just freaked out, so I took off. And Steven and the other 2 kids went down to the basement to look around, but there was nothing there.

Damn brave-ass other kids.

But they found the garden hose on the floor where Elliott had dropped it to run. And just to— there's different varying reports about how old the children are. I don't think it's been, like, fully confirmed.

Okay.

In case you're wondering, I believe they're somewhere in the ages of, like, 10 to 13.

Like, preteen.

Between 3 of them, you know what I mean?

Okay.

But I'm not positive, so I don't want to say it without— Now, moving to a new home is obviously literally listed among some of the most stressful experiences in life.

Yeah.

So Steven naturally just assumed his son's imagination had gotten the better of him, And he was sympathetic. He was like, yeah, that sucks.

Well, they're also still dealing with, like, the fact that their parents got divorced.

Yeah. And also, I'm a grown-ass woman.

Yeah.

And if I go in the basement, I run up the stairs, and every time I feel like something is chasing me.

And you have a finished basement.

And I have a finished basement. So, like, that's— that's legit. I'm like, yeah.

Oh, bitch. Ma and Papa's basement?

Oh, fuck that basement. Fuck that place. I won't even go in there.

It's so vast.

Oh, it's so scary.

Oh, it's so spooky.

Now, by June, they had been in the house for a few months, but aside from Elliot, the Lachance family had found ways to dismiss the odd occurrences and occasional discomfort as nothing more than just Adjusting to a new house.

That's a coping mechanism.

One night on the last day of the school year, Steven took the kids out for dinner. He was fairly certain they had turned off all the lights before they left the house, but when they returned home, it appeared that every single light had been turned on in the house.

That's so rude because electricity is not cheap.

No. And he said, when I walked into the house, I was a little shaken. There was no logical reason for all the lights to be on other than someone in our house. So thinking someone might have broken in, he searched every room, every nook and cranny in the house, but every door and window was closed and locked.

That's so fucking weird.

Now, as Steven wandered through the house checking each room, he heard Eliza call out to him from the living room asking why it was so cold in the house. In the excitement of checking, he hadn't noticed the temperature. But now that she pointed it out, he was like, actually, yeah, it is actually really cold. And it was like late spring.

Yeah.

So he was like, it shouldn't be this cold. Checking the temperature, he noticed that it was almost 30 degrees colder in the house than it was outside.

What the fuck?

Yeah.

You can't even, like, make that happen with a thermostat.

No. Stephen said, that was the first time I felt its presence. It felt like an electrical current running through my body, bringing tears to my eyes and bumps to my arms.

Oh, wow.

When the feeling finally passed, he noticed that the temperature in the house had started to rise again, and within a few minutes, it was as though nothing had happened.

Weird.

Yeah. That night, the kids were watching a movie with their dad in Steven's bedroom. He sounds like such a cute dad.

He does. And they were probably so scared. So he's probably like, you know what?

When Elliott told his father he needed to go to the bathroom, by that time, Steven had accepted that his children were struggling to adjust to the new house. But at the age that, you know, Elliott was, he insisted, you can go to the bathroom by yourself. Yeah. Especially since it was right down the hall from the bedroom.

When you're trying to teach independence.

Yeah. He was like, I don't want to go to the bathroom with you. He's like, we actually have

You probably did that for a lot of your life.

We do need to stop doing that.

Yeah.

And Elliott reluctantly accepted that and nervously began walking down the long hall to get to the bathroom at the other end. Just before he reached the bathroom door, Elliott was startled when the hallway light blew out.

Oh!

Plunging him into relative darkness.

Ugh!

He had almost no time to react to that surprise, however, because he was immediately terrified by the distinct sense that he was

And he said of that moment, I was never that scared in my whole life.

I don't blame you, little buddy.

So he turned and ran screaming back to his father's bedroom, bursting through the door and yelling about a monster in the hall. And he told— and again, he's like between 10 and 13, you know?

Yeah.

And he told his father and siblings what had happened. But despite having had his own experience earlier that night, Steven was still unable to accept that there was a clown in the hallway.

Valid.

Um, and that, you know, he might be something wrong with the house. For that matter, Eliza and Eli had also yet to have any frightening experiences, so they just kind of thought that Elliott was, like, being irrational.

Yeah, going through it.

You know, that said, they could see how truly frightened he was by whatever happened in the hall. So they did— they didn't tease him. They, like, you know, comforted him.

Yeah.

Although they said, you know, they were like, at the time, I wanted to.

Of course.

Now, 2 days passed without any incidents, which led Stephen to hope that Whatever it was that was making everyone uncomfortable, it had passed.

Yeah.

The next morning, he was to leave to work to go to a trip across the state, and the kids were gonna be staying with their grandparents until he returned. And as they sat in the living room going over the plan, Stephen thought he saw something moving in the kitchen out of the corner of his eye. At first, he thought it might have been a shadow or just, like, a trick of the light, but then he realized it wasn't a something, but a someone.

In the kitchen.

Fixing his gaze on the darkness in the kitchen while trying not to alert the children that he was seeing something, he saw what he later described as, quote, a dark figure of a man. He was solid in form, except there was a moving, churning, dark gray, black smoke or mist that made up his form.

What the fuck?

He looked down and rubbed his eyes because he was like, I'm hallucinating. He was just hoping that when he looked up, it was going to be gone and he could just chalk it up to having, like, a stroke. or something. He was like, I'm just hoping that's what it is. But when he looked back at the kitchen, it was still there, and it was moving towards the living room until finally disappearing before he crossed from one room to another.

What?

It was in that moment that Stephen was like, yeah, we can't ignore this anymore.

Yeah, we gotta get the fuck out of here. Like, I've seen it now.

And he said he remembered telling himself, I have 2 choices. We could run out of the house screaming into the night like those crazies you always see in the movies.

Do it.

Or we could get up quietly, Leave the house and figure all this out.

Okay.

So not wanting to frighten his children, Stephen stood up and said, why don't we just, like, get out and, you know, let's go get a soda somewhere before we go to grandparents' house.

Period.

Like, let's just go get a soda.

Yeah. Let's get— let's get a sodie about this.

Yeah, let's get a sodie about it.

Diet Coke cures all, so.

Not having seen the thing in the kitchen, all kids were like, oh, hell yeah, let's get a sodie. Yeah, bitch.

Let's do this.

And he's just ushering them quickly out of the house being like, soda!

Soda time! Soda pop, let's go! He was like in K-pop to the hunters.

Yeah, he's like, oh, he was the— what is it, the Saja Boys?

Yeah, the Saja Boys.

Uh, grabbing his keys as he all but pushed the children out of the house.

Oh no.

Stephen could hear what he described as a loud, painful scream of a man coming from inside the house.

What?

That was when the children realized that they were not leaving for a sodie pop, but were in fact running from a fucking threat, because they also heard it.

A man screaming?

Yup. At the sound of the wailing coming from inside the house, all 4 members of the family broke into a fucking run.

I bet.

And jumped into the car.

Sobbing?

Stephen backed, like, Tokyo Drift style out of this driveway. But before they pulled away, Elliott said, are you ready for your whole body?

No, no, no, no. Elliott's like a medium, I think.

I know. Elliott said, Daddy, the basement monster is standing in the upstairs window.

Oh my God! Why the fuck are kids so gross and weird?

This is even worse, 'cause Steven said, sure enough, when he looked, turned to look, He saw the thing from the kitchen looking at them from the second floor window.

I am a goosebump. I'm literally— I am a goosebump. I'm goosebumpy. Oh my God, I'm covered. Ew, ew, ew.

Yeah.

Gross.

And it's just screaming, like painful wailing.

Get the fuck out me window.

Yeah. That night they all slept at grandparents' house. Oh,

I would never go back.

And the next morning—

I would literally demolition derby my house.

And he had to go to the trip the next morning because it's work. Like, he can't afford— he's, he's in charge of all 3 of these children.

I can't breathe.

So he can't afford to not go on this trip.

Yeah.

And so he's gotta now— luckily they can stay with the grandparents.

But he also has to tell his parents, like, yeah, there's a menace to society in our home.

And I don't even know if he did. I think he was just like, holy shit.

But—

While he was away and out of the house. And this does make sense, like, when you really think about it.

Oh God, what are you gonna say?

While he was away and out of the house, He said it became a little easier for him to convince himself, like, something else is going on.

Yeah, I get that.

Because he said time away, he's on the trip, like, he's away from it all. I think it's easy to be like, you know what, I think we're all being crazy.

Well, and your brain, like, naturally wants to rationalize. And you want to believe this.

Yeah. Um, and he's like, you know—

I'd be so pissed if my dad came back though and was like, you know what, that didn't happen.

We didn't see that. Well, his whole thing was like, this move and the divorce have been extremely emotionally taxing for all of us.

For everyone, right?

And it's been an expensive one. And I— he had to put all his financial resources into this house, so he just wasn't ready to be like— and you get it.

Yeah.

He put everything into this house for his kids, and he's like, I— we can't just let it go. Like,

yeah,

so I can't believe that it's being haunted by demons.

That's why demons, they know when you're broke.

Yeah.

Demons know when you're broke.

That's the thing. And, and that's the thing. So even if they could have gotten out of the lease of this house because they were leasing it, it

would cost something.

There was no money to find another apartment or something. Like, they just— all the money was in this house. So it's like, they— where would they go?

Right.

So taking some advice from his mom, when Steven returned home, he called the landlorry. Landlorry? I always say that.

You do that so frequently.

Why do I do that? Landlorry.

Landlorry. He called up the landlorry on the landline.

Because it's a landlord, but then like landlady. So I just combine them.

Yeah.

Landlorry,

landlorry.

So he called the landlorry.

Okay.

To ask some questions. questions about the property.

Super duper fair.

Yeah. The house had been rented through a realtor, and aside from signing the lease upon moving in, he had really never had a conversation with the homeowner.

Might I say a fake-ass realtor.

And he didn't quite know how to ask about what was going on. How

do you word that?

Without sounding really strange. So choosing his words carefully, Steven asked about whether the previous tenants had ever complained about anything unusual happening in the house. But when it was clear she didn't quite understand what he was getting at, which I was like, bitch, you did. You did.

You absolutely did.

He asked outright whether anyone had ever reported seeing ghosts in the house. He was like, you want me to say it? You want me to say it?

I'm not fucking around. Yeah.

To his surprise, the landlode took the questions in stride and hesitated before saying, there was one tenant that claimed her dead father had come to visit her.

Fantastic.

The landlode had always thought the woman was a little strange. So she didn't think much of it.

And she's like, and now I think you're strange.

Yeah, now I think you're weird. And it turned out that the woman who claimed her father had visited had left some things in the shed behind the house.

So she could, she could roll up and take them on out.

Oh yeah. And also she refused to come back to get them.

That's also fake as fuck.

Which tells you something. She doesn't want to come back to that property. That should tell you something right there. When people leave all their shit and say, I'm not coming back to get it.

That's not my responsibility though, landlady. That's your responsibility. Get that weird shit out of there.

Yeah.

What's left there?

Now, when Stephen checked, he found them exactly where the previous tenant had left them. Hadn't touched it. There were several items left behind by another tenant before her as well, a man who lived there years earlier and had left in the middle of the night.

And the landlady is like, yeah, I don't know.

She's a fake bitch. Yeah.

Like, that's crazy.

That's all fish. But otherwise, she couldn't recall anything else strange happening.

That's just like people leaving in the middle of the night with, like, all their belongings.

Yeah, that's shit.

They go, okay, that's fine, nothing to see here.

So needless to say, this phone call did very little to alleviate Steven's anxiety, but he had no other choice but to return to the house.

When is it gonna get so bad that they leave all their belongings?

We'll get there. So when the weekend came to an end, he picked up the kids at his parents' house and they all returned home.

The dread within me if I had to drive back to that home.

Now that night, Steven was downstairs on the phone while the kids were He had a deep— he was like deep in conversation with his mother when he heard the French doors that led into his bedroom being shaken. Thinking the kids were playing in his room, because kids do that, he yelled out for them to get out of his room and leave the doors alone.

I also— can I just say I love a French door?

I do too.

I love a French door so deeply.

Me too. There were a few moments of silence, then he heard the doors rattling again, this time harder and louder than they had before. So annoyed, he's like, hey guys, stop! When Eliza replied to say she was in her bedroom reading and Eli and Elliot were asleep in their room.

Gross.

Now Steven's heart dropped into his fucking stomach at this point, and he nearly dropped the phone. And before he could respond to Eliza, he noticed the temperature in the kitchen drop down again, followed by the feeling of the electrical current running through his body, holding him in place. Quit it.

Quit it.

This time, the experience was accompanied by a terrible, putrid smell.

Oh, I don't like when that happens.

He said like something was dead and rotten in the room with him.

Ew.

Then the screaming started.

Oh, not again.

At first it was quiet, as though it was coming from somewhere like deep in the house, but it quickly picked up momentum until it drowned out every other sound in the house. It was terrible. Agonized screams.

Like, what the fuck happened in this house?

Painful screams. But not long after it began, it felt like the whole house started to shake, like they were experiencing an earthquake.

I'm not a religious girly, but call a priest.

Yeah, call someone.

Call the deacon.

Yeah, call the deacon.

I don't even know his job.

I don't know. Just call someone.

Call the Pope. Yeah.

Now, Stephen was able to drop the phone and began to move when he heard what sounded like footsteps that sounded like they were coming from an impossibly large man coming down the stairs.

Never an impossibly large man.

Each one was coinciding with, like, a jolt that shook the house.

There's a fucking Jolly Green Giant up in this bitch?

Yeah! By then, the children had been alerted, and Eliza was calling out to her father from the second floor, and the terrible sound of this man's agonizing screams were mixed with Eliza screaming out in terror.

I am so overstimulated.

And he said that's the reason he could move finally, because he wasn't able to move at first. He felt like paralyzed. And he said, when I heard my daughter screaming and this entity screaming, I was able to move.

Right now I'm really in a place of Steven forever.

Like feeling like something was pursuing him through the house. He ran to the stairs.

I'm also like, sorry, is his mom hearing this on the other end of the phone?

Do we know? I don't know.

Okay.

But he's like skipping steps as he's like running up to get the kids. And when he reaches the second floor, Steven yelled out to Eli to grab his younger brother and get outside to the car. Eliza, on the other hand, was frozen in place with terror and would not move. She just was like paralyzed.

Literally, tag yourself if you—

She desperately tried to get his daughter to snap back to reality, like, we gotta get out of here, all the while listening to those loud footsteps and screaming happening.

I'm like, just throw her over your shoulder, you gotta get out of there.

Now by then, The screams had morphed into something truly unnerving.

Bitch, that wasn't truly unnerving!

It sounded like the man's agonized screams had mixed with the voice of a child.

Get the fuck out of here.

Both

of them

screaming at the same time, with the same intensity.

What do you mean? What do you mean?

So knowing that they need to get the fuck out of there right then, Steven could think of no other way to motivate Eliza, which you might back up.

Did he get ice cream?

He slapped her.

Oh, Steve.

I'm only laughing because you were just like, I am so for Steven right now.

But you know what I said? I made sure.

You did. You said that.

I know this is the '90s and I'm gonna be in a place of—

It's the '90s.

With what I know right now.

It's the '90s and you gotta get her outta the house. I'm not saying I would slap my child. No. I'm just saying like, there's a lot going on. I don't know if he tried.

Do you even lift, bro?

Do you even lift, bro? I don't know if he tried to and couldn't lift her, like if she was like stuck in body weight or something. Like dazed or something. I do not know what was actually happening.

Listen, desperate times—

It did finally wake her up. Like he said she was in like a trance. Yeah. So he was doing the thing you see in movies, which is like, wake up, snap out of it. He's like, you saw it on

TV. She's hysterical.

Again, I would not be slapping my child in the face, but I have also not been in this situation.

Yeah. Okay.

So she was brought back to reality.

Period.

Uh, taking Eliza by the hand, he fled down the stairs and out the door as the house was shaking violently and cries of pain were echoing all over.

In a man's voice and a child's voice.

Yes.

Like, like

screaming at the same time.

Not synonymously. Synonymous? Why can't I talk?

Simultaneously.

Simultaneously. Thank you.

Now outside, he packs all his children into the car and just drives down the street, parking at the top of a hill where he could still see the house but were far enough away out of danger.

It's like, do the neighbors hear this shit? And that's like— they must, because that's why they're like—

They're all freaking out. When he got there, he called his parents and told them what happened, and they were like, hey, you should bring the kids to our house, and we'll all figure out a plan together.

I'm glad they, like, believed him.

Yeah, they were like, sure. Now, before driving away, he remembers seeing the swirling mass through the window going room to room, as though it were still hunting for them, unaware that they had fled from the house.

Oh!

Yeah. The Lechance children never returned to the house after that.

I'm so glad to hear that. I'm so— good dad move. We're back on Steve's side.

Stephen went back a few more times to collect some of their belongings, always bringing someone with him. Yeah. He never went by himself. He said, everyone I brought into that house with me would also witness something happen. A scream, whispers, pounding from the floor above. It was not selective anymore at who it let hear its fury. A few weeks later, when he returned the keys to the landlord, she looked at him and said, some people are meant to live in an old house like that and some people aren't. I never thought you were the old house type.

Fuck her. Fuck that bitch.

I would have a hard time not like spitting in that bitch's face. Slap her.

Slap her. No, don't hit women.

That's—

I'm just kidding.

But like, uh, no, that, that's fucked up. Like, he has children. Like, you're an asshole.

She really said, I thought you were cut out for this, but I guess not.

And then she was like,

ew,

what a—

I didn't think you had to live there then. You own the property.

You let him with 3 children move into that house, you asshole.

Yeah. And she's like, it's just old. I'm like, yeah, I've lived in old houses. They never screamed at me.

Screamed and shook at me.

Or been putrid at me.

Yeah, they've never rotted and screamed at me. Now, Stephen and the children stayed with his parents for a few months until he was able to find something new.

Oh, poor Stephen.

And in the meantime, the owner of the house on North Christina Avenue began showing the house to new potential renters.

She should stop doing that.

By the end of the month— I mean, of course she should. Yeah. By the end of the month, Linda Marsh, Emmett Bryce, and their daughter Ashley moved into the house.

Not Ashley!

Not Ashley! Linda said, we thought we'd hit the jackpot.

You didn't.

It just felt so comfortable in there, and it was like home.

It's weird how it almost—

It welcomes them.

Yeah, it welcomes them.

Yeah.

It gives them a false sense of security. It does. This house is a man.

It is. No, a toxic man.

This house is a toxic man.

No, during the day, Ashley is away at school and Emmett's at work. So Linda was home just unpacking.

Vibin'.

And just as in the case of Stephen LaChance, the unusual activity started almost immediately. One afternoon, just a few days after moving in, Linda was unpacking boxes in the living room when she started hearing noises coming from the floor above her, as though someone was moving furniture around. She immediately is very uneasy, as though she's like, I feel like someone's watching me now. Like, she could get that, like, weird feeling. And she was like, but I knew no one else was in the house, so what am I hearing and why am I feeling like someone's watching me? And she said, most of my thoughts were that someone was in the house. I didn't know what I was gonna run into. It was scary.

Oh!

Now, later that night, Ashley was putting away her things in her bedroom when she again started hearing noises. Now the daughter is. This time, they were coming from the hallway directly outside the bedroom. She said it sounded like slamming doors that started softly and grew louder the longer it went on.

Okay.

So she's terrified. So she runs downstairs and finds her parents sitting in the kitchen. And she told them about what she'd heard, and her father immediately was like, no. Like, you didn't hear it. He's no Steven.

Not a Steven.

Until Linda, his wife, shared her own experiences about what she heard when she was alone in the house. For Ashley, her mother's support was validating, but it didn't do a lot to make the anxiety go away. Now, on the other side of Union, Steven LaChance was trying to get settled into his new home with his children, but he was plagued by dreams of the night they fled the Screaming House. That's called traumatized.

PTSD.

He can't help but feel like the dreams were some kind of warning, like he had an obligation to inform the new residents of what they experienced.

He's a good man, Savannah.

Now, after a few weeks, Steven finally got up the nerve to introduce himself to Linda and Emmett.

But— You know what is so cool? All these other fake-ass bitches were just scurrying past the property. Just scooped, right? He went back.

Yeah, he did.

And he helped a friend.

Yeah. But he said now he was gonna have to choose his words carefully so as not to frighten them or give them reason to dismiss his story.

Okay.

Although both Linda and Emmett listened politely as Stephen recounted what happened to his family, it was only Linda who believed him. Imagine a man

rolling up on your property

and

being like, hey,

this is what me and my 3 kids experienced in your house, and I just want to let you know.

That's a movie.

And imagine your husband being like, I don't believe you.

I would fuck him up.

Even though you and your daughter have already had experiences.

I'd be so pissed off.

No, and she thought he could help. And she, uh, Stephen later said, my advice to Linda from the beginning was to get out. I mean, it made a whole house shake. If it can do that, I know it can hurt you.

Yeah.

And he's right. Now, the more time they spent in the house, the worse the activity became, especially for teenage Ashley, who was already struggling to adjust to a new home and a new school.

Oh.

One night, while Ashley was in the backyard talking to a friend on the telephone, she spotted something unidentifiable hanging from one of the tree branches. When she got close enough to identify it, She was— this is like—

What?

Yeah.

Animal?

This is a— this isn't real.

Okay.

But she saw it.

Okay.

Trigger warning. Ashley was horrified to see it was the body of an infant hanging upside down by a rope tied around its ankle. She dropped her phone. She ran inside to get her mother screaming. But when they returned to the backyard, there was nothing there.

What the fuck?

So she had just been, like, shown this.

What the fuck?

Yeah.

Little Elliot sees a clown and she sees a dead infant?

Hung upside down by its ankles from a tree.

How do you ever come back from that?

And who would make that up?

Yeah.

How do you even make that up?

No, I, I, I actually expected you to say it was like a cat or something. Yeah,

that's what I would have expected.

And I was gonna be still upset. Now I'm even more upset.

No. for Linda, this was very alarming and more than a little unbelievable because, like, what the fuck?

Yeah.

And she said, at that point, I was really concerned that she was having some kind of mental problems.

Yeah, mental health crisis.

She said, and my first concern was drugs. I accepted the fact that she was hearing noises because I did too, but as far as seeing things, I was not seeing the things that she was.

Linda said, bitch, you're tripping.

She said, what's going on? It wasn't just that Linda hadn't seen what her daughter saw, But it was all part of a noticeable shift in Ashley's behavior as well. She was angrier than she had ever been in the past. She stopped sharing things with her parents, and she was becoming defiant.

Yeah, because they moved her into a haunted-ass house.

Yeah. Now, a few days after Ashley told her mother about the baby in the tree, Linda received a notice that Ashley had been skipping school with surprising regularity. When Linda confronted her, she didn't deny skipping classes and deflected by telling her how much she disliked their new circumstances.

Okay.

As they were talking, Linda noticed a cut on her daughter's arm just above the cuff of her sleeve. And when she pulled up the entire sleeve, she noticed— and trigger warning again.

Yeah.

She discovered that Ashley had been cutting herself extensively in order to deal with the stress and negative feelings.

That is awful.

Fearful that this could lead to something a lot worse, Emmett and Linda took her to the hospital, where she was admitted for psychiatric observation. Now, although he still refused to accept that their new home could be haunted, Elliot could see how the experience was affecting his family, obviously, and reluctantly agreed to allow Linda and Stephen to invite a local paranormal research group to the house.

Okay.

Because he— I think that seeing that must be like, okay, something is wrong here.

Yeah, let's do something.

A few days later, local psychic medium Betsy Bellinger and her group, the St. Louis Ghost Search, Arrived at the house to see what they could uncover. Now, Bellinger said, when we first walked into the home, we felt spirit activity. I could tell that it was not human and that it was something otherworldly, and exactly what it was, I had no idea. As they walked from one room to the next, the team used a boom microphone to record any sounds or incidents. And it was while they were searching one of the bedrooms that the audio engineer began hearing a man's voice speaking softly. But the sound is muddled and he can't— he couldn't make out what the voice was saying. At the same time, Betsy began to sense the presence of an older man in the corner of the room. She said, he was not shying away from us. He was just observing what we were doing while we were there. So the group stood like perfectly still for a few minutes, and eventually they were able to make out what the voice was saying.

I don't even know if I want to know, but I do want to know.

This is my house.

Have it.

I'd be like, yep.

Correct.

Bye.

All you.

When we were finished walking through the house—

What the fuck?

The fuck was that? Fuck, fuck, fuck,

fuck. I don't know.

No, it was my

phone. Oh my God.

How dare you? How dare you? Oh my God. I think I just peed.

Oh, you have to keep it. That was so scary. I just went silent. I was like—

my entire ass lifted off this chair. My whole body. It was like, zwoinkies. You almost shit the ceiling. I did. Holy shit.

That was so scary, 'cause it shook the floor, and I was like, oh no!

It was loud, it boomed, it shook the floor. Fuck you for that. Fuck you for that.

Damn.

Oh my God.

Woo! All right.

Holy shit, I'm so scared even though I know what that was.

That's scary. Aiden's phone photos. Fuck you. All right, when they were finished walking through that—

Oh my God, my stomach. Ouch.

Betsy reported back to Linda what they discovered, and she believed the male spirit was that of a former occupant who had not moved on, obviously. Clearly. Or wanted to drive the new occupants The more concerning problem, though, was in Ashley's room. Betsy said it was not pleasant. It was not a pleasant place to be. Although she couldn't be sure whether the force in Ashley's bedroom was a spirit or a poltergeist, she felt relatively certain that Ashley had telekinetic abilities and at least some of the— or psychokinetic, excuse me, abilities. And at least some of the phenomena they had been experiencing. had been a result of her negative feelings, like, feeding on it. Oh, okay. Like, it was one of those things where it, like, draws on it.

Well, we've talked about cases before where that happens with teenage energy, especially—

Especially, like, puberty.

Yep.

There was also the matter of the spirit in the basement, which the team believed was that of a former owner as well. The spirit was extremely negative and angry, and it too seemed determined to force Linda and Emmett out of the house. Given everything they'd experienced so far, Betsy predicted the activity would only get worse and suggested that if they don't think they can live with that reality, then they should seriously consider moving out of this house.

So there's 2 former owners.

Yeah.

That are— this is like a demonic HOA.

It really is.

It's a demonic HOA.

The worst, or just a regular one, to be quite honest.

Period.

I think this is just the HOA.

When we were searching for houses, I was like, I will not do an HOA.

I will not.

Because I will I will be talking.

Now, up to that point, Emmett had still not had any of his own experiences with the paranormal and was convinced his wife and daughter were misidentifying ordinary phenomenon, which I was like—

I don't like him.

Babe.

I don't like him at all.

That all changed though.

Good.

A few nights after Betsy and the St. Louis Ghost Search team visited the house.

Kill him.

He and Linda were asleep in bed when he was awoken by the sound, by some sound in the corner of their bedroom. As his eyes adjusted to the dark, he could see something moving by the foot of his bed, though he couldn't tell what it was. The sight caused him to bolt upright, and when he did, the figure at the end of the bed darted back into the corner and disappeared. And he said, so now I've seen it and I believe it because I've seen it myself.

You should.

Which also is pretty fucked up to say, like, your daughter and wife have also seen it.

Yeah, I was gonna say, believe your family, asshole.

But like, He's like, now you believe it. Now I've seen it.

Okay, you had to see it.

Happy you believe it.

You're the end-all be-all, buddy.

Now, while Emmett and Linda considered their options for dealing with the house, Stephen decided to do his own research into local records. He was not done. Using the information provided by Betsy, he discovered that the property dated back to the Civil War.

Oh, no.

And had been the home of John Crow, a captain in the Confederate Army.

Checks.

And an owner of enslaved people. It had also been the site, which I can imagine is where those agonized screams might be coming from.

Oh, no.

It had also been the site of an unusual amount of crime and violence, including several murders and the execution of a Confederate officer by a firing squad.

Are you kidding me?

Yeah, I'm not. Stephen shared his findings with Emmett and Linda, which only confirmed that they needed to do something before things got worse.

Yeah.

That night, they had their local priest—

It's about time.

Come out to the house to perform a blessing. I think— I feel like it's past that, to be quite honest. I don't think a priest is taking care of this. But from the moment he arrived, Linda could tell the man sensed something was wrong in the house.

He said, I don't have enough holy water for this.

Linda said he seemed like he was very uneasy the whole time he was in the house. He just seemed like all he wanted was to get out.

Yeah.

The priest blessed the rooms on the first floor, but when it came time to go upstairs, he started packing his things and told them it wasn't necessary to bless every room.

It is though, baby.

So he literally said, fuck that. A man of God said fuck that.

A man of God.

A man of the cloth said, I'm not going up there. Wow. So I think I did a good enough job down here.

He just, like, tossed some up the hallway, like, up the stairs.

spray bottle and it's like—

he's like, I think it reached.

I think we're okay.

It actually kind of spreads.

Like, it's cool. That night, Linda went to bed hopeful that the priest's blessing was enough to bring an end to their nightmares.

How does anyone go to bed in this home?

Quarter blessing, I guess.

Yeah.

But a few hours later, shockingly, she was awoken by the feeling of something heavy on her chest and a pair of unseen hands wrapped around her throat, cutting off her air.

Awesome.

After a few seconds, she was able to wake her husband and the attack came to an abrupt end. But there was no longer any doubt as to whether this house was dangerous now. Now, the next morning, Linda was still deeply unsettled by this attack in the night and called Stephen to tell him what happened.

Uh-huh.

Like Linda, Stephen believed that unless they did something soon, someone was going to get actually hurt in that house or worse. And Stephen told Linda, pack a bag. And he said, I'll come and pick you guys up and I'll take you somewhere. But when he arrived, things were far worse. than he imagined. He said, I saw the bruises on her body. At that point, she appeared suicidal. Like—

Oh my God!

Just completely at the end of her rope. Fearing for Linda's safety and health, he brought her to the emergency room where she was— Stephen did? Yeah. I don't know if Emmett wasn't home. Maybe he was at work.

Okay.

Where she was admitted for treatment and observation. And Linda told the psychiatrist that she was feeling hopeless and suicidal. And she made no mention of what was happening in the house. Well,

because she probably didn't want to be, like, sectioned.

Well, and maybe she just didn't know the connection. Maybe there was like— it was like sapping her.

Yeah, yeah. You know?

Finally, after a few days, she began to open up to the doctor and was surprised to find that not only did he not dismiss her claims—

Wow!

But he actually believed her. So the doctor told her he definitely thought that she was suffering from depression and anxiety, and he did prescribe her medication. But he also strongly suggested that she move the fuck out of that house as soon as possible.

Really?

Like, that was part of his recommendation, was like, move out of the house.

That's wild that a doctor was like, you know what, I think you should get out of there.

Upon her release a few days later, Linda and Ashley moved in with family while Emmett stayed in the house until he was able to find a new rental a month or so early— uh, later. Now, not long after Linda and Emmett abandoned what was their dream home, Another family moved in, but they were gone within 6 months.

Why are— why, like, stop renting out this place?

Well, according to Stephen LaChance, the house eventually developed such a bad reputation that the landlord was— no, was now struggling to find new tenants. And eventually she converted the home into a dog kennel.

I hate this bitch. I literally I fucking hate this. If I see her, it's on sight.

Like,

it's on sight. Are you dogs?

Yeah.

We're gonna put the most beautiful creatures on Earth here? I say tear the house down and plant a garden.

Yeah. Yup.

She's evil. She's part of the problem.

Yeah.

She, she loves this.

I, I'm shooketh. I'm shooketh by that. Steve did write a book called The Uninvited: The True Story of the Union Screaming House. Um, yeah. And I think there's also an episode of, um, that showed a haunting.

Are we done here?

Where— yeah, that's it. It converted into a dog kennel and that's it.

What? You— she said Steve did write a book about the incident. I said there's a lot.

I have so many more questions, but so So little answers, you know.

Does it— is, is it still a dog kennel?

I think it is. That's what I was trying to look. It was a dog kennel. It might still be.

It was a dog kennel, but then some, some sources say that it's like a vacant lot now. Yeah, plant a garden.

Yeah, plant something.

Put a plaque there, like, Jesus Christ.

Yeah.

Plant a field of sauge.

Isn't that sauge? A field of sauge. Yeah. Isn't that a terrifying story?

I hate that story so deeply.

It was— that was one of the most diabolical hauntings I've ever heard.

1,000%. The screaming.

The screaming really got me.

I, I get overstimulated by yard work.

Yeah.

Like the sounds of like, mon—

Yeah.

I always say mon-lowers. Lawnmowers.

Like, landlory.

Yeah, truly. Uh, and like, like blowers. Like, yeah, a child and a man screaming from the same body. Simultaneously. And then like stinky smells, house is shaking. I gotta slap my kid to get out of there.

Slap my kid.

What the fuck?

Yeah, I don't know.

I hate that story, but I, I like— that's a good haunting.

Yeah, that is a good—

I would not— if you wanted to investigate there, I would probably say no.

Really? Yes. I feel like I would.

I know, because you're crazy. I'm not going anywhere near Missouri. Wait, last week we were gonna go to Missouri. Now I'm not going.

Now we're not going.

You said Missouri, right?

Huh?

Missouri?

Yeah.

I'm not going.

You're not going?

The whole of Missouri, love y'all, bye.

Love y'all.

Y'all, I don't even drink beer. I don't need to go to your caves.

I, I like that. Steve

was a helping hand.

Was a help. Like, he was trying to warn other people.

Yeah, he warned a whole lot of us.

He did.

Wrote a book.

He really did.

Holy shit. Why was anybody skeptical?

People are always skeptical.

That's— to them I say, shush,

shush,

shush, baby,

shush.

I'm so deeply affected by that story.

I feel uneasy right now.

I feel uneasy.

And we'll, we'll like link to Steve's book and all that good stuff. Um, but yeah.

Fucking A, dude.

I'm saying.

I guess we hope you keep listening.

Yeah, I'm so—

I'm like fucked up right now.

We hope you

keep

it weird.

But not so weird that as a landlord, you rent out to these people and then be like, I just don't think you were cut out for it, but I bet a bunch of dogs are. Fuck you.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.