Transcript of Listener Tales 114: Back to School Tales

Hey, weirdos. I'm Miss Trunchbull.

And I'm Miss Frizzle.

And this is the Chokey and the Magic School Bus, brought to you by Morbid.

That is a wild combination. The Chokey in the Magic School Bus.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, it could be good.

How?

I don't know. I think I was just like, I was going to say something and then it just never came to fruition. But I said to Elena, I was thinking about it this morning because I knew I was going to be dressing up like Miss Trunchbull. I said, isn't life just kind of like the Chokey right now?

Yeah.

Aren't we all just kind of stuck in the Chokey?

Yeah.

So I don't want—

it doesn't belong on the Magic School Bus.

I know. That's absolutely correct.

No way. But that's for kindness and love and happiness.

I don't know what I—

Education.

I don't know what I meant or where I am.

I loved it because you were just like, that would be cool.

No, I said good. Good.

It would be great. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't know.

Let's put a chokey on the magic school bus.

It's not even real.

Okay. You said, let's torture them kids. Who cares?

It's not even real. Don't put that out there. AI is going to be like, let's take her voice and make it that she tortures people.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

Oh, so, so today is, uh, back-to-school listener tales.

Yeah, it's September, so we were like— and Deb picked these and she said it's back to school, so you guys get back to school.

And we're back to school, obviously.

Say back to school again. Back to school.

Let's go. Proctober.

Speaking of Proctober, that means it's almost October, and that means you need to send us your Halloween listener tales, please. Halloween-themed, like an experience that you had on Halloween that is downright Or if it's leading up to Halloween. That works.

The lead-up to Halloween, try to keep them around.

A Halloween party.

A Halloween party, even if it's not on Halloween. A haunted house that you went to.

Yes. Halloween-coded, scary in nature, please.

Yes, if at all possible. That would be great.

Please.

Just put Halloween listener tale in the title.

Period.

Or we'll put you in the fucking chokey.

Well, I guess she's pro-chokey now. You went from very anti-chokey to very pro-chokey.

For adults.

That's what it is. I think we have some kid listeners. All right.

Well, it's not for you kids.

That's okay.

It's not for you.

Ms. Frizzle would never.

Yeah.

Isn't it just, isn't it like a weird thing for your brain and your eyes to like realize that she's Ms. Frizzle, but you know she's going to say some Elena shit during this episode? Isn't that weird? It is a little weird. It's hard to like rationalize.

My kids loved this outfit.

I came downstairs and they were like, Mrs. Trunchbull! And then they were like, Ma— they said it to me like I didn't know. They were like, Mama's Miss Frizzle! Did you know? And I was like, I literally work with her.

Yeah.

We are literally about to record.

Yeah.

Are you gonna read first?

Yeah, I'm gonna read first.

Cool.

So this one's called Haunted Schools. A school so haunted it continues to constantly recur in my dreams 17 years after it was torn down.

Yeet.

I love that people are still putting the yeet.

It's special to me.

It has such a place in my heart now.

Samesies.

I love it. So it says, hey weirdos, my name is Shelby, and please use my name. because if I hear this on the pod, I will 100%— nope, 110% have to change my pants from shitting them.

Change your pants. You just shitted.

Please excuse my writing, as I am not a writer in the least. I would normally apologize for the length, but you repeatedly say never, so I won't. Thank you. I went to a small private school in rural Tennessee.

I'm scared.

It was situated off a small 2-lane road surrounded by cotton fields and no streetlights.

I'm terrified.

Did I mention that there hasn't been a graduating class larger than 65.

Wow.

65 people?

That's not a lot.

That's but a handful.

I think actually Drew's might have been around there. Drew had a really small graduating class.

That's wild.

Yeah.

That's wild.

I'm going to text him and see how many kids graduated in his class.

He's going to be like, why are you asking me this?

He probably will.

When I say this was a small school, I mean small. My graduating class was only 46 people.

I'm going to see if Drew beats you.

Let's see if Drew can beat this.

46 is crazy.

46 is nuts. Uh, let's diabetes this.

So—

What?

What? How did diabetes enter the chat?

Beat this.

Diabetes this.

Fair.

You're silly.

Thank you. The building I am about to describe to you and the setting for today's tales no longer exists. Uh, however, on some spiritual level, the structure embedded itself deep into the core of my memory. There are few pictures of the building left, few pictures I can find attached below. Feel free to share any that don't have the school name on it.

We will do that.

But I can describe this building in vast detail. I will abstain for the sake of the story.

I have the update. 84.

84? So he didn't die. Beat that.

And I just asked him, he answered, and then I said period. And now my phone's on do not disturb.

Period.

Period. He's gonna be like, what? He's gonna be like— honestly though, Probably not.

He won't be caught, he's just gonna move about his day.

Probably.

Uh, so the beautiful schoolhouse had real hardwood floors, 2 opposing staircases, 20-foot ceilings, long hallways hung with graduating class portraits from years past.

Small ones.

This sounds like Chilton from Gilmore Girls.

I pictured, um, because we were talking about it recently, the school in Monster High.

Oh yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, make the 3rd Monster High movie.

If we can just go off on a quick tangent, please.

Who fucked that up?

Who fucked that up?

Truly, fuck you for canceling the 3rd Monster High movie!

Fuck you!

You left it on a cliffhanger, too!

And now we just don't get Frankie's story?

Exactly!

Fake as fuck!

Who was that Grim Reaper guy?

Yeah.

We'll never know.

No. We better find out, because somebody out there is gonna make it!

Let's make the 3rd movie! Come on, everybody! Okay, sorry, that's really pissed me off lately.

Same.

Back to the story.

The building was 2 stories.

The building was 2 stories tall, had huge panel windows, was wrapped in dark red brick with a sandy colored stone as an accent color.

That sounds pretty.

The building was massive, beautiful, and old.

Why was it so massive if there was only 4 of you?

Don't worry about it. They just wanted lots of room to breathe.

Yeah, I think lots of room for hauntings.

Yeah, that's true. They needed to fit the ghosts in there too. They were thinking about them when they built it.

Probably.

The building was built in 1912. though some sources say it was the '20s. These sources lie. I remember this building vividly, and on the face of it was 1912 etched in the stone. It even had engraved in stone above the doors, a girls' entrance and a boys' entrance. Damn. That's so weird. And throughout the years, oh boy, has the small, unassuming school seen some dark stuff. Many student deaths, including multiple motor vehicle accidents, as well as illness like cancer and Rocky Mountain spotted fever.

Damn.

I've never heard of that. Me neither. To be quite frank, for a school like this size, the amount of student deaths just doesn't seem normal. I'm counting 7 in the span of 20 years off the top of my head. There were also other dark events that took place involving inappropriate behavior of staff, but those are not what these stories are about.

Thank goodness. I appreciate that.

So this happened back when I was a kid in 4th or 5th grade. I was in the school alone— LOL, the times when kids were just free to roam about a big empty school— in the gym waiting for my mom to get off work. The gym was a basketball court with built-in wooden bleachers to one side, a locker room under the bleachers, and a stage at one end.

That's wild.

Side note, the gym portion of the building was added in the '40s. Above the stage was a wraparound U-shaped closet that housed all the theater department costumes, props, as well as other things from past homecomings, proms, and whatnot. There were only 2 ways to get to the upper closet/hallway area. Offstage right, you could go up the built-in bleachers to a door that had a rather large step to enter. Or offstage left, you could climb a ladder made of 2x4s to a small square-shaped opening. Those all sound horrifying.

Yeah, they don't sound like the best entrances.

No. Why were these the only 2 options? My guess is to confuse or trip whatever hell demon lived up there. I agree.

Like Winchester Mystery House vibes.

Yeah, there you go. The narrow hallway was cramped and filled to the brim with years of production materials. Fire code violation? Probably. I was squeezing my way towards the back part of the hall around the corner to pull the small chain to turn the singular light bulb on when I heard a muffled voice from the part of the hallway where I just came.

Ew.

I knew right away that it wasn't human.

Ew times 2.

I froze, waited a few seconds, then kept moving. The muffled voice sounded again, identical to the one I had just heard moments ago. I turned expecting to see someone behind me. I thought someone has to be playing a joke on me. So I went back down the narrow hallway. And turned the corner. No one.

Ugh. Silence. Ugh.

At this point, I'm not sure what convinced my 4th grade brain to think, uh, eh, better keep going down this hallway. But I sure did. I turned back down the hallway and pulled the light chain. I finagled my way over the princess dresses when thud! A huge bang followed by a muffled voice came from the front hallway. The muffled voice kept sounding rhythmically. I ran towards the sound. Was this bravery or naivety? Naivete.

Naivete.

Naivete. Yeah. Yeah. I think it was spelled different, so I was like, what does that mean?

Naivete.

Naivete.

You have to say it pretentiously, to be honest.

You do. Yeah, you absolutely do. You have to say it like—

Like Meryl Streep.

Yeah. Hell yeah.

She's not pretentious.

No. Mostly— RIP. Most likely the latter. The voice said naivete. The voice got louder and louder. I love you. I love you. What?

At least it's saying nice things.

That would stress me out. I finally could make out what it was saying. My heart was racing so hard I could hear it in my ears, and I could feel my face tingle red. It kept repeating until I found a small stuffed bear holding a heart, making the sound that was being crushed by a Greek-styled bust.

Ew.

I picked it up and the sound stopped. As I tried to get my heart rate back down, it wasn't working. I looked around to see where this bust could have fallen and couldn't find anywhere. Granted, it was packed to the brim with props, so it could have come from anywhere. But what made the stuffed bear go off 2 times before? Needless to say, I yeeted my tiny 4th grade self out of that area ASAP. Did I continue to go back up into the prop room while I was at that school? Absolutely. Your girl always had a proclivity for the paranormal.

Hell yeah, sister.

Now, that reminds me of in The Sixth Sense when he gets locked in that cabinet.

Oh, that's so much creepier.

And it's like the voice, or when they're just listening to the voice from the cabinet. That part haunts my dreams until this day.

Same.

I fucking hate that part.

At the birthday party?

I hate it.

That one is the scariest part of the entire movie. Oh my God. Maybe not.

And you don't even see anything.

Yeah.

That's just— that part fucked me up.

I honestly can't even rewatch that movie because it scares the shit out of me.

It scares the shit out of me. And they're so mean to him. And I don't think I can watch it as a parent anymore.

That's the thing. And then, you know, you've had plenty of time to figure this out. When you find out that the guy's actually dead, it's just really sad.

Spoiler alert.

Yeah, you've had plenty. I think that movie came out the year I was born.

Holy shit.

Yeah, you've had 30 years too. But you know what I mean? Yeah. I mean—

It's just sad. It is really sad.

It's a good movie.

It is fun though when you find that out to go back and watch it, because then you can watch it and be like, oh shit, yeah, he was.

And then there's also like all the red. Yeah.

That tells you when— yeah. Yeah. Now I have so many more stories about this building that I can save for another time, but I won't. The time is now.

The girls that get it, get it.

Yeah. Thank you for doing that. Uh, because usually people are like, I have so many more stories. Maybe I'll send them later. And I'm like, no, give it to me.

It's like dangling a carrot.

Yeah, I just want them. This story takes place in the gym and is much shorter. One day after school, I was in the gym alone shooting basketball when suddenly nature called. I had to pee. I sat the basketball down on the bench on the side of the court and left for the restroom. The restrooms in this building have their own stories in the saga. Stay tuned.

Oh man.

On my way back, I heard someone dribbling the ball. Oh, someone must have come in while I was gone, I thought. So I made my way to the gym to find no one, not a single soul. And the ball that I specifically remember placing on the bench was now perfectly in the center of the court. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Now the restrooms. Is that the Meow Meow song?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Now the restrooms. There were 2 restrooms in this massive building.

That's it?

I mean, they don't have a lot of people in there.

Goddamn.

One next to the gym and another down on one, um, down one of the main hallways, practically under the staircase. Both haunted as fuck.

Oh, every school bathroom is haunted as fuck.

Absolutely. Even brand new ones.

Yeah, yeah, haunted.

It could be built yesterday and it's haunted.

Bloody Mary lives there.

Yeah, it's true. Now, anyone who's ever been in those restrooms will tell you, you always felt uneasy in there, especially if you were alone, because even if you were alone, you never felt like it. There would be times I would go into the restroom and literally start to panic. I could never stay in there for too long. The restroom at the end of the hall next to the stairs was the worst of the two. That one made me so uneasy that after only 2 times being in there, I straight up refused to go in there ever again.

That's valid.

I remember not taking but a few steps in and not being able to breathe. My head would start to spin and my brain would cloud up. Not fun.

Yeah.

The other place I couldn't take more than a few steps without feeling the weight of get the fuck out was the locker room under the bleachers. Oof. Locker rooms are also haunted. Yeah, they are. They're cursed. I wish I had more stories of that room, but— but child— what is it?

Child me took hints from—

Child me. But child me took the hint from the vibes as being, don't even try. So I didn't.

You're smart.

Now fast forward a little. After some shady dealings about money that I won't get into, the building was torn down in 2008.

I wish you got into the shady dealings.

I know, I want the shady dealings. I literally cried as I watched the demolition tear down the walls of this beautiful schoolhouse I spent my childhood running through, wanting to know every story her walls could tell. And maybe she tries— still tries to tell me. Since 2008, I have recurring dreams of the building to this day, and they are frequent. There have been too many to count. I probably have one every few months or so.

Wow.

All of them with the vivid details of the building I remember from childhood. Not only the building itself, but the plethora of feelings both mystical and nefarious, I used to feel while in there. I think somewhere along the way, the spirits of the building, or the spirit of the building, and I connected. I wish I could explain it better. Even years later, I still get upset about the tearing down of the building I can still describe every detail of. I wish I could take you guys on a tour of the place. Maybe one day, for my own sake, I will sit down and simply write out in detail every room as I still see it in my mind. That would be sick. You should do that. Anywho, that's my tale. Thank you for taking the time to read, and I hope it added some spookiness to your day. Keep it weird, but not so weird that— take it away, Ash.

Not so weird that you roam the haunted school alone and you get haunted by basketballs and teddy bears and Greek busts.

Yeah, don't do that.

Don't keep it that weird.

Much love, Shelby.

Shelby.

Oh, that is a beautiful school.

Oh, oh, that's sad they tore it down.

That's a Spooky.

Oh, I don't like the red door of the bathroom because that's very Sixth Sense. I love it. Those pictures are spooky.

The demolition ones make me sad.

I don't like demolition.

I don't like demolition either.

Just demolition in general.

I don't like demolition.

Thumbs me out.

Derbies, anything demolition related, I just don't want it.

Oh, I like demolition derbies.

I do not. It's too loud.

All right. Tale number 2, fellas. The time an old man chased my friends out of a haunted house or haunted school, excuse me, with an ax. And you want to be anonymous. Hey, Ash and Alayna, please don't share my name if you decide to share this on the episode.

We won't. I'm not gonna.

Before I start with my tale, I just had to tell you guys that Morbid pretty much saved my life.

Aw.

A little backstory. I found your podcast back in October of 2020. I was 8 and a half months pregnant at the time and needed something to listen to at work. That's like hella pregnant.

Yeah. I found your, like, in case you didn't know, I'm like, guys, spoiler alert.

I found your podcast, started at episode 1.

Thank you.

I can't believe you made it this far.

Thank you for sticking around.

And I don't remember it being as bad as you guys say.

Aw.

I fell in love. Thank you. I actually was looking, thank you. I was looking through my old Instagram stories the other day, which do that to humble yourself.

Damn.

I, I was a different gal. Um, But it was around the time that we started. I had shared like so many of us just like on the floor recording.

Oh my God.

Like the one that we recorded at Ma and Papa's house.

Yep.

And we have like, oh my God, I forgot about that. We have like notebooks.

Yeah.

It's just so funny. Yeah.

We didn't even use a computer to like do our notes. Yeah. Handwrote them.

Remember our first show? I handwrote my notes and then I was like, I don't think I can read these. Yeah. And you had told me, I don't think you're gonna be able to read those.

And I was like, it's fine.

It's fine. It's fine. I can do what I want.

Yeah.

Anyways. Different gal, you know? Different gal. She's grown. Anyway, I listened every day until I gave birth. Postpartum hit me hard.

Oh.

I was weighed down with anxiety and depression all while trying to care for a newborn and myself. I lost my identity. And even though I loved being a mom, I was struggling to find out who I was. I'm sorry. That's tough.

Yeah.

Fast forward 2 months. I was back at work and trying to juggle being a mom, a full-time employee, and keep up on my house. My husband tried his best, but his version of clean and mine are 2 very different versions.

That often happens.

It happens a lot. I knew I had to start making changes in my life so that I wasn't overcome with my depression. That's when I remembered Morbid and how much I enjoyed listening to you guys. I made Morbid my reward for doing a task. That's really sweet.

That kills me.

I know. Washing bottles? Morbid. Showering? Morbid. Folding laundry? Morbid. Folding laundry is morbid.

This is actually a really smart thing to do too.

Yeah.

I want to start treating things like a reward to make me do things.

You should.

Like that. Even small things. Like even seeing that, like showering.

Yeah.

You get to do this.

Like, because like—

That's how life works. Yeah. Give yourself rewards.

Yeah.

That's another way of like romanticizing life.

Make yourself a sticker chart.

And make little things rewards.

Yeah.

Like I get to listen to my audiobook or like I get to listen to a podcast.

I think that's really cool.

Uninterrupted for however many times.

Yeah.

Yeah. I like this. Thank you, anonymous, for telling us to do that.

Well, the more I listened, the more I got done and the better I felt. Fast forward 4 years later and another baby and I'm doing so much better.

Yay.

That's awesome. There are moments when I look at my daughter and think that if I had never found this podcast, I might not be here today. Oh, that's really like—

damn.

Thank you.

You just gave me the full chill.

I know. Anyways, I'm sorry to get all mushy, but I just want to say thank you. Now to my story.

Thank you.

Yeah. Thanks for listening. Damn. The year was 2016. I was on a date with my 2 friends, their boyfriends, and their boyfriend's friend. If that was confusing, they said, if that was confusing, I was always the friend with no boyfriend who always went on dates with the other guy in the group with no girlfriend. Oh, I, that sucks.

That does suck.

I've been there.

Yeah. We've all been there.

Yeah. The difference this time was that I had a huge crush on the guy that I was on a date with.

That's pretty good. That's awesome.

Crushes are fun.

Crushes are fun. I think you're— I think it's become a hot topic, but crushes are fun.

Did you guys know that some Gen Zs think crushes are bad?

Yeah.

Look into it. Look into it. Crazy lore. It's crazy. Wait, what? Limerence?

Oh yeah.

Limerence.

Limerence.

Look into that.

Yeah. Anyway, damn.

We drove 45 minutes from our little town to a slightly bigger town that had a fair going on at the time. A first date at the fair.

Stop it.

Love it.

With your crush or like whoever you have a crush on.

Come on. I die. We had our fun and decided to stop at a shake place. Oh, the problem with this detail is—

Get a shake.

Oh no. Oh no. The problem with this detail is that I am lactose intolerant.

As someone with a very lactose intolerant household, uh-oh.

As somebody who is lactose intolerant and has IBS and is just constantly in the bathroom, oof. I fear for you, baby girl. Yeah. Or baby boy.

Anonymous.

Uh, baby anonymous. Baby anonymous. Baby A. And didn't wanna be the only one who didn't get a shake. So I ordered one. Sure enough, on the way home, my stomach was pissed.

Oh yeah, shake will fuck you up if you're lactose intolerant.

Oh, jeez. Because that's like, don't they put milk in the ice cream to like— I think they add it to the— Yeah, that's fucked up.

Damn.

But I had to play it cool to not scare this hottie away.

No way.

2 more important side details I need to add, and then I will get on with it. I have severe— I have a severe fear of disappointment. I hate when I disappoint people, but especially my parents. So I never really did anything that was remotely dangerous, illegal, etc. Can't relate. The second, uh, fact is that I am a scaredy cat who loves true crime, so it makes a lot of things worse when put in scary situations.

I understand that.

I, yeah, can relate there. Our group decided to stop at an old elementary school that was haunted in the middle of nowhere.

Fun.

It was a full moon and I was not about to go into a haunted school in the middle of the night with me trying not to shit my pants with my hot date.

Oh no.

I knew that if I got really scared, I wouldn't be able to hold it in. I'm so scared that you're gonna shit yourself with your hot date.

True. And normally this would This would be great as a first date with a crush you like, because it's like, oh, I'm scared.

Ooh-wee!

Cling on. For this one, you're like— This one, you're clenching your balls. I'm scared and I'll shit my pants.

That's rough. You're totally gonna shit on your crush. I can feel it. I can feel that you're gonna shit on this kid. Literally.

You're gonna shit on a ghost, I think.

You're gonna shit, period, at the end of the day. Okay, so they went in and I stayed in the— hold on. I told everyone I was gonna be the getaway driver in case anything happened.

That was smart.

That was really smart. You can go shit in the woods while everybody is in the car.

With the bales.

With the bales. They went in and I stayed in the back bucket seat. Some getaway driver, eh? I was curled in the seat so that my head wasn't poking over, but I could still see the rearview mirror. That's when I saw him. An old man carrying an ax, wearing nothing but overalls and a ball cap, was walking up to the car. The idiots who left me had left the doors open and the key in the ignition and the car on.

Oh, no!

Mama, you gotta get in that front seat and hit that man, maybe.

I don't know, not escape, just commit homicide.

Just go to the place of vehicular homicide real quick. I panicked and got on the ground quick, covered myself in a blanket, and just prayed that I was not about to get murdered.

Oh, no!

He walked around the car, got in the driver's side, and turned the car off.

What?

He then shut all the doors and walked inside the school. It's kind of nice that he wants to save your gas. That was before gas was even expensive, probably.

My heart would have stopped beating.

Yeah, I would have shit myself.

Just ceased.

What if you shit on that guy? I would have— What if that was your defense mechanism?

Here's the thing, how did you not shit then?

Like, I—

that would have been the time I shit. Well, even if I didn't— even if I didn't have like issues going on, that I would have shit my pants in that scenario.

Yeah, I would have peed the most.

Yeah, if you didn't shit your pants then, you could have gone in that house. Or in the elements.

Yeah, maybe you won't shit on your crush if you didn't shit on the guy.

Yeah, maybe not.

I immediately called Sarah. Nothing. Anna? Nothing. I called the guy I was on the date with. Nothing. Shit on him.

Because the car—

he doesn't answer your phone calls? Poop on him. Put that on a fucking t-shirt. Because the car was off, it was silent outside. I heard no screams, but they weren't answering. I knew better than to go back inside, but I felt like I had to. I decided to call one more time before going in and my date finally answered. Okay. Glad you didn't shut off yet.

You don't have to shut off.

He was laughing and suddenly stopped when I whispered to him that somebody with an ax had come inside and they needed to come out a different way. Then the call drops.

Oh no.

Oh my God.

I'm nervous.

I can't with this. I decided to hop in the driver's seat and wait for them to come out. After what felt like an eternity, all 5 of them ran outside with the old man chasing them out of office as fast as I could. No one recognized who this man was, and to this day have no idea who it could have been. What?

You just never found out who this man with an ax was?

I mean, how do you find out, really?

I don't know.

He probably was just there to scare us away, but I've never been more grateful to be a scaredy cat with diarrhea than in that instance.

Yeah.

I know that I'm not the best writer— untrue— but I hope that you ladies enjoyed my story about the one time an old man chased my friends with an ax out of a haunted house. Thank you for all that you do.

Holy shit.

I'm just glad you didn't shit on your crush.

I can't believe that that man— that's pretty iconic old man behavior, to be quite honest.

Yeah, it actually is. It reminds me of the old man lore of our town. Yeah.

There's always old man lore of any town, I feel. And I think that's— I want— I would love if I became an old man, I too would chase kids away from things, I think.

I think you'll do that as an old woman too.

Maybe.

You might.

We never know.

I respect it.

But I think that's like old man right.

Yeah.

You know?

It's a rite of passage as old men.

To chase teenagers out of places they shouldn't be.

Oh my God.

Do you remember? With a weapon.

Remember the guy with the lawn? Yeah. Oh yeah.

Yeah.

That guy was—

Oh yeah.

That guy was scary.

Yeah.

Get off my lawn.

Yeah. No, legit.

Old man looks at clouds. He like had a gun, right? Yeah.

He definitely didn't just say, get off my lawn.

Yeah.

Like there was some violence involved. Stay off his lawn.

Not violence.

But everybody has one of those, right?

You guys know what that is, right?

Yeah.

You guys get it.

Uh, tale 3, Spooky Stories from a School for the Deaf and the Blind. Hello, lovely ladies.

Heyo.

Please do not use my name.

Oh, another anonymous— anonymous, but they have a pseudonym.

A pseudonym. A pen name, if you will. Please do not use my name, but you can call me Emma.

Ooh.

I've been meaning to send this to you for a while, as I believe you'll greatly enjoy the spooky tale written in this putterfer.

We better.

Everything within me wants to apologize for the length, but I know you'll both just scream, never apologize! And read on regardless.

Just keep—

Freaking champs.

Oh my God, thank you.

I am a teacher at a school for the deaf and the blind. This school was established in 1846 and is still running strong. It's located in a picturesque, adorable little town called Staunton. Oh no, Stanton. Don't know why there's a U there. Oh, okay.

Here we go.

Stanton. I know we don't believe in proper phonics here, I guess. Thank you very much.

That's nice that they recognized it.

Which is also known for its many ghost stories due to being built atop limestone caves with rushing waters that the spirits seem to really enjoy.

I would like to look into that.

I want to. The school has loads, and I mean loads, of ghost stories that have been documented by multiple staff members and students over the years. It's also important to note that during the Civil War, it was temporarily shut down to serve as a hospital for both the Confederate and Union soldiers. Damn.

That's so interesting because that happened back then, like, with schools and hotels a lot.

Yeah, they would make them into a hospital.

Whenever we tell a haunted hotel story, that happens.

At one point it was a Civil War hospital.

Yeah, legit.

This is crucial information since during renovations they found tons of amputated leg and arm bones in a mass pile. And you know how ghosts feel about renovations.

They do not like them.

We also made a ghost story documentary based on the stories below. Buckle up, buttercup. It's about to get spooky.

Oh, fuck yeah.

I'm buckled. The school has residentials— because I'm on the bus. The school has residential students. I have a buckle. You always have a buckle. The school has residential students, so that means staff members work in a variety of shifts throughout the day and night. Many night staff members have seen one swing swinging— oh, one swing swinging while the other's stagnant during windless nights. The old metal merry-go-round creaking quietly in circles without anyone around, as well as various ghosts throughout the property.

I don't like it.

Playground ghosts freak me out.

It reminds me of the Shawnee Amusement Park. Yeah.

Or the beginning of Are You Afraid of the Dark? There is famously a little boy in early 1900s blue clothing who we call The Boy in Blue.

Why?

That's very unique. Why? He's a harmless lad who is usually caught running the halls after bedtime, playing hide and seek from the staff members, or bouncing a ball down the hall.

That's cute.

In the early 1900s, there used to be a road that cut the campus in half. It was quite dangerous since there were many carriages and early vehicles just zooming by without paying much attention to the deaf and blind children present on the grounds. That's super cool of humans.

I guess we didn't have those signs yet.

People always be peoplein'.

Yeah.

In one sad instance, a little boy was struck by a vehicle and passed away on the property. The road was then bought and grassed over to combine the campus into one. Wow, that's so tragic. However, staff members believe the boy in blue is the same boy who was struck by the car that fateful day. He still haunts the halls of the nearby dorm and enjoys playing tricks on both the students and staff members who live there.

I like that he's just like living in the afterlife.

Yeah, he's just being a kid.

Yeah, just pranking.

Good for him. This dorm is very spooky. It was renovated recently to become apartments where older students would live and practice independent living skills like cooking, cleaning, paying bills, etc.

Ugh, the worst skills to have to have.

In order to prepare them for adult life. The renovations must have stirred up some other spirit friends, because the students and interns would arrive to school and share stories about what they experienced the night before. Faucets would turn on by themselves and run for long periods of time. Bathroom doors would lock by themselves, and the water would run in the shower. Lights would flicker on and off throughout the night, random cold fronts would pass through the room, and TVs would turn on and off without anyone touching the remote. That's my least favorite. Yeah, that one's scary. I don't like it. Again, it seems like these ghosts just enjoy playing harmless tricks on those who live here, but it's scary nonetheless.

Yeah.

I was filming a movie in the dorm with a few of my students. I almost hiccuped. While filming, one of the students noticed that all of the burners on the stone stove were red hot. Yeah, that's right. Every single burner was put on high.

That's fucked up.

None of us had gone near the stove and we're pretty freaked out by this. According to 2 different groups of interns, this happened to them multiple times as well. Thankfully, nobody has gotten hurt by this, but it seems to be the most malicious trick.

It's pretty fucking malicious.

Main Hall was the original building erected in 19— or 1846, where the students lived and participated in school. It's a stunning brick building, and this was the one that was briefly turned into a hospital during the Civil War. This is the building where most stories were documented. Let me add that there are older stories since students no longer live in this building or participate in student activities here. since it was being renovated. Again, with the renovations.

Oi, with the poodles!

Oi, with the renovations. When students still lived in the dorm, many blind students commented that they heard what sounded like walking slowly down the hall on crutches. They would hear one leg thwump and 2 creaky sounds follow.

Interesting.

After sharing this with a few deaf students, they set out to find out who was walking the halls past bedtime. The floor was vibrating, and one hard of hearing student heard the same sounds that the blind students described.

Oh, wow.

This is so interesting. I love how they worked together to be like, all right, let's use all our collective powers here.

All our senses.

Yeah. They slowly opened their door to peek out and gasped. They saw a soldier dressed in his Union uniform. He was slowly crutching down the hall. His right leg was amputated below the knee and still bandaged and bloody. He looked like he was looking for something. Our lore calls him Billy X. and says he walks the halls at night looking for his missing leg.

That's so sad!

Poor Billy X! My TA was an alumni for the school and worked with me daily. She had a story she experienced when she was in high school. During her time, the student activity center was located in Main Hall. It was Halloween night, foggy—

Oh, see?

There it is.

Halloween night!

Foggy and crisp, with the moon peeking out behind rolling clouds.

Oh, I love it.

What a picture you just painted, period. She was dressed in her costume and headed to the student center for the Halloween party that was planned for that evening. When she arrived, they told her, sorry, you're too early and need to wait in the hall. We will let you know when you can come in. She sighed, frustrated, and sat in one of the old red velvet chairs that lined the downstairs hallway.

Pretty.

Curiosity got the best of her, so she decided to sneak up the off-limits stairs to check out the abandoned second floor. I too would do that.

Yep. What else are you going to do?

Yeah, exactly. These stairs had a landing in between floors where you had to turn in order to go up to the final set before reaching the next floor. She was successful at making it up the first set. As she turned, she felt a sudden ice-cold chill run through her, and all of the hair stood up on her body.

Ooh.

She knew something was off. Slowly, she looked up to the top of the stairs and saw 2 dirty, bare feet standing at the top of the landing.

No. No.

No.

No.

No. Uh-uh. Not for me.

Clean your feet.

A young girl wearing a tattered old white nightgown was slow— stepping slowly down the stairs.

Get out of here.

Wash your nightgown. Wash your feet.

Wash your nightgown. Wash your feet. Wash up.

Just hygiene.

Forget squabble up.

Wash up. Yeah, just wash up. My TA said, absolutely not.

Go.

Covered it as quickly as possible and flew down the stairs. Out of breath, she reported this to her staff, who did not believe her.

Fuck them!

Now, you may be wondering, Em, do you have a story yourself? Why, yes, in fact I do. While filming this ghost story documentary, we were in Main Hall in the dollhouse room. Yes, I know. Uh, did you just say dollhouse room? Yeah, I sure did. Apparently in the '50s, students would build dollhouses from scratch and enter them into competitions around the state.

That's really fun!

That sounds That's sick.

I want to do that.

They won multiple times and had a few relics of furniture they made, as well as their massive winning dollhouse in the center of the room.

I bet that was so cool, but also so creepy.

So spooky, yeah. This was on the abandoned second floor where nobody works or goes since it's off limits.

Oh, they should display that.

Yeah, we had to get special permission to film up there and take multiple safety precautions. One of my students was sharing her story about feeling a cold rush while in the dollhouse room in an elementary Uh, as an elementary student. The entire class was helping film, setting up lights, finding the best place for her to stand, filming, directing, and giving feedback. At this point in the project, my students were comfortable doing this with little support from me, so I enjoyed stepping back and watching them do their magic. Mind you, I am the only hearing person in the room. I'm standing by a wall somewhere near the door while they're filming on the opposite end of the room to my left. Suddenly, I felt a cold rush as the hair stood up on my body. To my right, I heard a marble drop to the floor and roll down the hallway. I stared in disbelief and didn't know what to do because I was the only hearing person. I was the only one that heard this. My students kept filming happily and quickly moved towards them. I guess— and I quickly moved towards them. I guess I looked like I had just seen a ghost because they all paused and stared at me.

they knew. We all got out of there as quickly as possible.

Ew!

I will end with what I find to be the spookiest tale of all.

Let's go!

A blind department student had gotten lost and disoriented while going to class. He was stuck on the 4th floor, which at the time was only used for storage, and wasn't sure how to find the stairs. He checked each door he could find, only to find it locked. He was increasingly more frustrated each time the door handle didn't turn, and even more flustered since he had no sense of where he was. That must be really scary.

Yeah.

Soon he felt a tap on his shoulder and a young boy's voice say, hey, do you need help? Yeah, that would be great since I'm not sure where I am. I know I'm late for class and I can't figure out how to get there. I can help, the young boy replied. He grabbed the blind student by his shirt and led him down the hallway towards the stairs, down the stairs and to the correct floor.

I'm so glad you said to the correct floor. I thought you were going to say like to the basement and killed him.

And then murdered him.

Yeah.

Yeah. Spooky. Actually, that was the spookiest tale. The blind student thanked the boy and went to class. When he got to class, his teacher said, where have you been? We've been looking for you everywhere. Oh, I got lost on the 4th floor, I think, and this boy helped me get here. Can you help me find him? I want to thank him. They walked into the hall and saw nothing. Checked the stairway, nothing. Checked the 4th floor, nothing. Nobody knew who the boy was, where he came from, or what he looked like. Maybe it was a harmless boy in blue who noticed a lost friend and wanted to lend some help.

Wait, that's not spooky, that's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. I love that.

Either way, I find this the spookiest, since the blind student was completely unaware that he was interacting with a spirit.

That is pretty fucking spooky.

Well, this concludes my tales from the deaf and blind school. I hope you enjoyed reading them. Maybe one day I'll write you about living in a former insane asylum turned prison turned apartment complex. Until then, much love to you, Emma.

Emma, don't just dangle that carrot at us!

Yeah, I want that! Give me that, Emma!

Please!

Give me that, Emma!

Por favor! We're gonna end on the probably best tale, at least best headline we've ever gotten. Tale 5: Fuck That Condom-Stained House. And I thank you for this tale. And I thank you. Hello, my beautiful besties!

Hey!

Yes, I do consider you guys my besties.

Ayo!

I'm gonna jump straight into my tale, otherwise if I start talking about my love for you guys, Your show, this thing won't be a tale. It'll be a damn tome.

Hell yeah.

Before I do that, I have to give a shout out to my mom, who I've also put onto your show.

Shout out to your mom.

Shout out, Mama. And my friend Meg, who listened to your listener tales with me for 6 straight hours in the car back from our friend's lake house.

Shout out to Meg.

Yeah. Now you guys have been binging them for the last 2 weeks. She's on listener tale 84.

Damn, Meg.

Fucking Meg and Mama. This tale is really just a compilation of 6 really creepy occurrences at my old college house. Do they all involve a condom stained home?

Or it just was.

Maybe.

Just homeostasis for that house, I guess.

Perhaps. Oh yeah, there you go.

Yeah.

So let's set the scene. My girlfriends and I are going into our 3rd year of college and we decide we want to live in a house instead of an apartment.

Good for you.

We found one for rent near downtown, closer to the bars than campus. So clearly it was already perfect. We walked through the house with the landlord while the current renters were home, a group of 5 guys that were all on the football team at our college. The tour itself was uneventful. Yeah, it was probably smelly as fuck in there. I know it smelled in there. The tour itself was uneventful, and we've just— we decided to sign a 1-year lease for the next school year. Unfortunately though, the house got creepy almost immediately following moving in.

Uh-oh.

Creepy instance number 1: demon summoning cross. In the house, my room was upstairs with one of the other girls' room and a bathroom. As I took the first load of stuff up to my room, I noticed there was a cross hanging on the wall. Without any hesitation, I took it down because I'm not super religious.

Good for you.

I felt like throwing away a cross was asking for some crazy bad juju though. So I left it sitting on top of a random stove that was in an open space before bedroom, before the bedroom doors. Weird college choices. House that probably was a duplex at some point. Choices of you to leave a cross on a stove.

That's what I mean. Like bad juju to throw it away.

Worst juju to leave it on a flammable surface.

Yeah, it could potentially light on fire.

Yeah. Well, a week or so later, I'd left for the weekend, and when I returned home, the cross was hanging upside down in my room.

Okay.

Your friend stood up.

If one of your roommates did that, they're fucking iconic.

Yeah, that's the best roommate ever. I left it there and immediately asked all my roommates who did it, but no one admitted to it.

Yeah.

Once again, I took it down, and again, Left it on the oven because even though I felt like it was going to summon demons, throwing it away felt like it could make things worse. Nothing more ever happened with the cross. And you bet I left that bitch there for the next tenants.

Good for you.

They were probably like, why the fuck is this cross on the oven?

Yeah, on the stove.

Creepy instance number 2. Why are you staring at my house?

Why?

Maybe a week or two after moving in, I end up being the only one of my roommates staying at the house for the weekend. Oh, I don't like it. No, I don't like it either. So I convinced one of my girlfriends to stay with me.

Good job.

We were already hanging out at the house, but she had to go home, shower, and grab some things. So we went back to her place and we're driving back to my house around, let's say dark o'clock, because all I know is that it was late. I like that. We were chit-chatting in the car and she went to turn into my driveway, which was just a cement pad next to the house and an alleyway. She begins to turn into the alleyway and she's looking more at me than the road when something super casual catches my eye. There is a man in the middle of the alleyway staring up at my house into the window where I had left the lights on.

No.

Bad. No.

That guy was hoping someone was in there.

100%.

He was going to be able to look at you.

That's called a peeping tom.

Yeah.

I said her name without looking at her, continuing to look at the man. As her headlights illuminate said man, he takes off running through my neighbor's yard.

Ew, what a nasty little pig bitch.

We both panicked and drove away, debating over 10 minutes if we were going to go back in my house or not. In the end, we did decide to go back to the house so I could grab my charger. She refused to get out of the car and left me to fend for myself. That's a bad friend.

Yeah.

And only unlocked it long enough for me to get out.

Damn.

I don't know why you would want to be sitting in your car, though.

I know.

Like, at least you can be in the house where you can find a weapon.

Well, and you've already— he's already seen you, so it's like—

Yeah, and he knows he ran away. Yeah.

Bad friend. Bad friend, doo little pig bitch.

Yeah. Well, I sprinted in, grabbed what I needed, and we went and stayed at her house. We never figured anything out about the guy and didn't report it since he technically didn't do anything wrong other than be creepy as fuck.

Ew.

I hope you got curtains after that.

I hate that.

Creepy instance number 3, Dark Cloud Man.

Dark Cloud Man.

It's giving like Blue Man Group. I don't know.

Whoa.

My brain just works that way. Okay. One night. Like they could be a troupe, Dark Cloud Men. I like it.

All right.

I had to explain myself further. I like it.

Yeah.

One night as I was about to go to bed, my boyfriend, now husband, Aiden, was staying over. I would like to clarify, I was stone cold sober. So I was in a clear state of mind. I had just brushed my teeth and came back into the bedroom. Turned off the light, got into bed, and then realized like an idiot, I had to pee.

Oh God.

I do that so frequently. Idiot. I'm too an idiot. I got out of bed and decided not to turn the light back on because the bathroom door was less than 4 feet from my bedroom door. I walked out of my room into the bathroom, left the door open and left the light off. But there were windows upstairs that did let a little light in. In the bathroom, there was a mirror that faced toward the toilet. As I did my thing, I looked forward. and saw a whole-ass black shadow form walk into the room and stand in front of the mirror, like it was looking at me. No. You have to just flush yourself down the toilet. I was just gonna—

what do you do?

You flush yourself down the toilet, is the only option.

That's it.

Give yourself a swirly, babe.

That's it. That's the ultimate swirly. A fatal swirly.

You might make it to the sewer system, I don't know.

Oh, Lord, give yourself a terminal swirly.

Ew! It was not a solid figure, just like a dark cloud in the shape of a damn man.

Ew!

I didn't know what to do, so I just closed my eyes, finished peeing. I can't believe you continued to pee. What else did I do? That would halt my peeing.

You know what?

See, I'll just pee more, probably. Yeah, that's true.

I'm afraid.

Well, and then I ran out of the bathroom back to my room, woke my boyfriend up to go look in the bathroom, to ensure that the dark cloud man was— man cloud was gone.

Man cloud.

He thought I was being dramatic.

Damn.

But went in and looked anyway, because he knew I wouldn't let him go back to bed until he did. We're high school sweethearts, so he knows me very well. He went in and looked and he saw nothing, which logically I knew he still wouldn't be there, but I had to know for sure. I never saw the dark cloud man again, but I can still see the shape of him like it was yesterday every time I think about it.

Oh, every time you pee.

Every time.

Now I'd be worried about peeing. That there's like a dark cloud man that's going to walk through. Yeah.

I don't like that. Just got to put a toilet in your room.

Ever heard of knocking?

Yeah. Forget a bathroom. Just put a toilet in some area of your room. And be like that.

And then put a little sign that says, cloud man can't be here. Man cloud.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't like it. Creepy instance 4. Nearly every time, question mark, question mark, question mark.

Huh.

About half an hour— half an hour— about halfway into our lease at the house, Aiden dropped a bombshell on me. He stayed with me probably 3 or 4 nights a week, which is important to this part of the story because the bombshell he dropped was that he had a recurring nightmare almost every— nearly every single time he stayed at my house. Before I get into the dream, what the hell was this man doing at my house 3 to 4 nights a week if he had the same nightmare nearly every time?

He lurves you.

My ass would nope the fuck out of that house immediately. 2, why the fuck was he now just telling me this after months of staying with me? He lurves you. Yeah, he does.

He didn't want to scare you.

Like, you kept that shit to yourself for this long? Why the hell couldn't he wait until I moved out so I didn't have to worry about the nightmares coming after me? Because he lurves you.

He lurves you.

But let's get to the dream. The dream always started out normal but would switch into him feeling like someone was watching him. Every time Aiden looked back, he would see the person. And they would move out of sight. This would continue until Aiden decided to chase after him, but he could never quite catch them. He describes feeling more and more anxious as it would go on until he'd eventually wake up. I moved out of the house over 4 years ago and he's never had the nightmare again.

Oh, so what was it about that house?

Haunted.

Yeah.

Creepy, spooky, condom stained.

Condom stained.

When I decided to write in my tale, I asked him to remind me about the nightmare and he demonstrated by standing with only one eye showing behind our closet door and then moving out of sight. Oh, fuck that. Then they said, it was unnerving and he's literally my husband. Yeah, I don't like that. Yeah, that would, that would fuck me up.

No.

Also, I knew these football players were coming back.

I did too.

Creepy instance number 5. Fuck them football players.

Fuck them.

As I mentioned, the reason we picked the house was because it was close to the bars. So naturally, One night we went out to the bars and ran into one of the guys who lived in the house the year before. As soon as we began talking about the house, he said what I was already coming to know. You know that house is haunted, right?

Duh.

I remember being shocked and saying, what the fuck do you mean? I knew exactly what he meant, but I hadn't said anything to him about things that I had experienced. He asked me who had the room upstairs, and that was at the end of the hallway. And as I'm sure you can guess, that was my damn room. Of course it was. He told me his friend who lived in that room was on his way to the bar and I needed to talk to him. Oh, that's like a movie. Yeah, it really is. Uh, his friend got to the bar a little later and he told me about a few situations that led him to believe it was haunted. He said his PS4 would randomly make its signature beep like it was turning off when he was nowhere near it or in bed about to go to sleep. I immediately tried to dismiss it as the house and outlets being old, but what he said next, I couldn't come up with an explanation. He said if he had the LED strip lights on all around the room— I fucking hate those things.

I know.

And thank you. And while he was sitting in his room one day, they all fell off the wall at once.

Honestly, good.

They're probably just like, not sticky enough.

Or it's just the, the house is being like, these are dumb.

Yeah, don't put these up in an old house. Why does your room have to be right here?

You can't sleep with this shit. Turn it down.

He said not like a trickle where it slowly peeled off the wall, All at once, like switching gravity on.

They fell to the ground. I wonder if the house was just being like, fuck 'em!

This is an old house, don't decorate like that. Yeah, don't do that. I was happy I was the only one to experience the thing, uh, experience things, but it also made it more real. Like, why would some football player make this kind of thing up? And how would they know that that was my room and I was the only one in the house experiencing anything? Side note, I'm going to attach an image of the bathroom upstairs. I don't want to see it.

Oh, I do.

I do. When I moved in, I noticed there was a weird stain on the wall that happened to look like a used condom. I never asked him about it and I regret it to this day. If I have to see it, you have to see it too. Actually, I retract my—

Here's the thing. What?

What?

I mean, I didn't— in no way did I see that coming. I know the name of the tale, but I didn't see that coming.

I didn't see it being that, but You don't have to ask him about it. It's a house full of football players. Somebody threw that condom at somebody else.

Well, I was just going to say, what answer are you looking for?

And they never cleaned it. That you're like, what?

It's going to be—

We're like, not to make you feel bad.

Yeah, not to make you feel bad, but the answer is going to be pretty black and white.

Yeah.

It's a used condom that I threw at the wall.

That's so yucky. Yeah. Also, you can't— you know what? I'm not going to ask follow-up questions.

That's foul.

Foul. Creepy Incident 6. Shawty fire burning on the dance floor.

Oh, whoa.

You know, I listened to that on the way here the other day.

Did you really?

It came up on my, on my club playlist.

Well done. My club playlist.

You know that like throwback playlist that I've been listening to?

Yeah.

Yeah. Funky style club playlist. So good. At this point, I moved out of the demon, uh, summoning cross, scary alleyway man, dark cloud man recurring nightmare, PS4 turning on condom stained Thank you for including that. I'm so glad you moved out of there. Mostly because of the condom stain of it all.

I would.

The house I moved into was about 4 blocks away. And so sometimes I went on walks past there. One day a girlfriend and I were on a walk and happened to see smoke in the distance. I obviously needed to know where it was coming from because I'm nosy as hell. And as I kept walking toward the smoke, I realized it's getting closer to my old house. Lo and behold, the house that I'd moved out of less than a year earlier was on fire.

Ooh.

I was able to look up at my old bedroom window standing on the sidewalk and see, uh, outside on the other side. My bedroom was completely destroyed. The roof caved in. I've attached a video of the house on fire.

I bet it's— I bet it's because there was a cross put on the—

Stove?

Yeah.

Probably.

That's what I think happened here.

Oh, man. I've attached a video of the house on fire and a link to the news article about the fire. I read later in the news that everyone in the house got out okay, but that a car had exploded and lit the house on fire. I still think it was the cross.

Huh.

It's a little different.

It's a little different.

A little bit. I don't know a lot about house fires, but it seemed crazy that a car explosion would cause so much damage to a house.

Yeah.

I mean, it depends on where the car was. Where it was. Yeah. If it's in close proximity. I wonder if it was like right in that alleyway.

Dang.

What was really confusing was that my room was on the opposite side of the house from where the car was parked and on the second floor. So how was that part of the house damaged so badly? That's a solid question. I would love to hear what either of you think and if this is really realistic.

No, it was the cross on the stove.

Yeah, probably.

That's what I think.

It's fucking weird either way. Either way, the house was a total loss and was later demolished. I hate demolition.

So much demolition.

It's just an endless cycle. Empty lot to this day.

Demolition tales is what this is. Fuck off. Yeah, for real.

Well, friends, that's my long-winded as fuck tale about my creepy-ass, haunted-ass, college-ass house that burned to the ground. Keep it weird, but not college-ass house.

College-ass house.

Everything else was ass, I had to put it in there.

Yes, it was ass.

Keep it weird, but not so weird that you move into a house that was owned by former football players and there's a used condom stain on the wall.

Yeah, don't.

That's so college, though.

That is so college.

That's so young. Dang.

That— those are some good back-to-school tales.

Yeah, some of them were not safe for school, but—

Yeah, no, most of them weren't.

Yeah, they definitely weren't.

But, um, but yeah, from Miss Frizzle and Miss Trunchbull, we out. I don't know what I was gonna say after that.

I— you kind of just looked at me and I was like, and, and me, and me, we out. So we hope you keep listening. And we hope you keep it weird, but not so weird that you don't stay in school, kids. Stay in And throw your condoms in the trash.

Yeah.

When used. Don't—

use them for sure.

Don't just throw them in the trash and go, fuck it, I'm pro-condom. Bye.