Transcript of Episode 538: High Performing Women and Why They Lose Attraction in Relationships When They Lead

Hi guys, it's Tony Robbins. You're listening to Habits and Hustle. Crush it. I have to talk about something that I saw that I was so excited to bring up on this podcast. I saw this video where this woman was saying that women need men that are better than them, who are smarter than them, more successful than them, fitter than them, more inspiring than them. More of everything. And the reason is because that's what we would naturally be attracted to. I gotta tell you something, I actually totally agree with her 100%. Like, I believe like a guy has to be alpha, double alpha, or else I will eat him for breakfast. And that's just the way it's gonna be. And when I was watching this, I thought to myself, wow, this is probably one of the most controversial videos, or it probably would be a really controversial video because of the time we're living in.

Wait, really?

I think so, because it kind of feels like it's like how people thought 50 years ago or 100 years ago. Yeah. But I think that we're living in a time that we're unable to say what we— like, we say things that we don't actually really believe in our heads, or that's actually really human nature. But the truth of the matter is it's 100% true. Like, I do want a guy who is better than me, who is smarter, fitter, faster, stronger, taller, more inspiring, more successful, richer. I mean, all the things, right? Like, I don't want to be the one that is superior because it's hard for me to, like, be attracted to someone who I feel I'm more dominating in some way to them. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, no, I totally get that. I mean, especially I think like the stronger— I could never imagine being with a guy that's literally weaker than me. I can only bench press 75 pounds. Like, if you can't do that, that's just craziness.

Okay, I think the exercise thing aside, I think it's overall— and I think that if people say otherwise, they're like, they're lying to themselves. It's bullshit. Like, what girl wants to be with a guy who is weaker, less successful, less inspiring, who is like all the things, you know, like who is less fit. I mean, I don't know. I think we are as we're like, we're animals. And as animals, we are animalistic and have needs and we are automatically drawn to like a stronger, like a woman is drawn to a stronger sex. It's just how it is. When I'm with a guy, or not now, I guess, but When I used to be, I guess.

Back when you were dating?

Back in my dating life. No, I remember, like, even now, like, what am I even talking about? Like, in real life now, even, like, I find, like, so many men aren't even men. It's, like, actually kind of, like, sad and pathetic. Like, the pool of people that I see some of my friends having to deal with, I'm like, oh my God, that is so unattractive.

Yeah, help us.

They're, like, weak. I mean, it's just like they're weak and they're just, like, not manly. They don't take any initiative. They don't take any control. Like, I guess I am like more of an alpha girl, right? So especially if you're an alpha girl, you need a guy who's double alpha. Yeah. Or at least alpha. And so that's just— and even if you're not an alpha girl, even girls who are beta or kappa or whatever you want to call it, delta gamma, delta gamma, like, I don't know any girl. I don't know any girl, any woman, any female who is attracted to someone who they can walk all over and who is like, who has no spine and all that. Like, they may decide and choose to be with them because it's easier, right? And it's the path of least resistance, and they do it because they can. But don't lie to yourself or lie to me and say, like, you're hot for that person because there's no freaking way you are, period. That's my opinion. Now you can tell me yours.

No, I mean, I think I agree for the most part. I, I obviously there's like nuance to every situation, but I just could never imagine that— I think the only category in which I could see myself giving a little like leeway-ness would be in the sort of financial success category, just because I want to be a billionaire. Now I cannot only dream—

it's just silly—

why? I can't— for example, so here, let me give you an example.

Focusing on like the outcome and not doing something that can make you that by doing the work to get there.

That's not all we're talking about, talking about dating guys.

No, you're saying I want to be X, right? So I'm saying, but also have realistic expectations.

Okay, but hold on, let me finish my sentence. You're not— that's absolutely not even the point of what I'm trying to say at all.

Okay, okay, fine.

I'm saying, I'm saying I would— I consider myself to someone who's aspiring for crazy aspirations when it comes to success financially and also in career, right? Now, if my guy that I'm dating doesn't want to be a billionaire, but they want to be a millionaire, for example, and they are moving towards that direction, they're motivated, they're inspired, they're constantly working, they're an entrepreneur, they have that grit to them where they're successful, and they don't make me feel like I'm the wealthier one in the relationship— they still pay for things, they still support me, they still make me feel like the woman— then I'm okay with that. But I don't necessarily—

like, you know what I mean? 100%. I agree with that.

Like, I think that's the only area where there's— but I just said that there's nuance. I'm not disagreeing. I said I agree with everything you said. I just said that there's nuance, and I'm just adding to the layer.

I actually agree with that. I think I'm riffing here. I think that It's not, it's not about the money. It's more about like the ers, like smarter, fitter, you know, stronger, you know, whatever it is. I just think that a lot of times when you are a successful woman and have a lot of those things going for you because you are fit and you are smart and you are successful, you know, the pools of men get smaller and smaller to pick from because there's a piece of it that's like a lot of guys are intimidated by that, or the woman gives off too much alpha male energy where it's not even a turn-on for the guy. So there's— okay, that component becomes very difficult. So what I really feel is that when a guy is all those things, all those things more than the girl, it quiets down that girl's alpha energy.

100%.

That's what happens. The girl's alpha energy comes out more when she's around some— a guy that doesn't have it and can't bring it. 100%, right?

So like, it brings out their masculinity, right?

So when I have a guy around me who's like way more masculine and super, like, super alpha, I automatically just— but not on purpose, subconsciously, I end up not cowering like, like, like, like a little bird, you know?

You do just—

but I, I do, like, I get like— I feel more feminine. I feel more of a girl. I feel much more like a little girl.

Yeah.

And every girl wants to feel like a little girl. They don't want to feel like they're, like, taking over.

Yeah.

And though I guess the girls who do feel that way, well, then all the power to you, you know, God bless you. But the majority of us, the majority of women who are just, like, doing well and strong and smart and fit and blah, blah, blah, we want the guy to be way better, or we will eat you for breakfast. Um, and so snack. So that's just how it works.

But I, I really wish that guys understood that concept, like, because I feel like if they did, they would understand that when they're presented with a woman who's maybe a little bit more masculine, if that guy were to just assert themselves more, that would allow the woman to be able to enter her femininity more. And I think guys don't understand that dynamic as much, and so they immediately think, oh well, she's just a masculine, more intense female. And then they, they think to themselves, oh well, she's got this. I guess I don't have to be like— I can just be a bit more beta. But I think if they understood that a lot of those really intense women who are power, you know, just powerhouses who are working, who are crushing it, they actually can be really feminine females within their relationship dynamics. They just need to be given that shot, and they need to be with someone who can present that more masculine kind of vibe, right?

But the guy has to have enough real inner confidence to even like do that. To actually show that and be that as opposed to going the opposite. Like, listen, I'm not going to lie to you. There's a lot of women I meet who are, like, super, like, have, like, have a— who are successful, who have, like, a really, a really strong male energy. And it is a turnoff, right? But I'm saying for the majority, for the most of us, like, people who are not, like, in the 0.1 percentile of, like, super, super successful, crazy powerhouses. I'm saying the majority of people, majority of women who are whoever and on the scale of whatever, that what we need, we are looking for someone who is better than us. We need men who are better than us. Like I said, smarter than us, fitter than us, all of the ers of us. And it's just what we naturally will gravitate to. And again, you can't fake that stuff. Either you have it or you don't. Right. So this is not about people being kind of like pounding their chest and pretending. It's the ones who actually are those things.

Yeah.

So that's really how I feel.

It's interesting. You know the joke about how women can never decide where they want to eat?

Yeah, that's me.

Yeah. So what's so funny about that scenario is that I just think the joke could be nonexistent if guys understood that sometimes we just don't want to have to decide things. We're constantly faced with a ton of decisions. And in some scenarios, I think, like, just handle it.

Just handle it.

Like, you know what I like. We've been out to eat many times before. You know what my vibe is. Just fucking pick something and let's go.

So that's a great point. And that's what I guess that's really at the end of the day what I was even getting to, because I just want someone to, like, handle shit.

Yeah.

If I'm handling all this shit all the time, I want someone else to be like, I got this. I don't have to handle stuff. And trust me, that changes the entire dynamic of the relationship. If I don't have to take control, trust me, I don't want to take control. I'm taking control in enough areas of my life. I don't want to be taking control in every single area. And if someone can alleviate some of that for me, oh my God, it is the biggest turn on for me.

I love that shit.

Yeah. Me too. So that's all. Let me know what you think. Leave me a comment. And for someone who thinks that I'm out of my mind, crazy, or whatever, let me know that too, because I like to hear from you and what you think.