Transcript of Episode 537: Patti Stanger: Why Modern Dating Is Broken, Red Flags, and the Commitment Crisis

Hi guys, it's Tony Robbins. You're listening to Habits and Hustle. Crush it.

Today's guest is the unapologetic, straight-talking queen of matchmaking, Patti Stanger. You probably know her as the star and creator of the hit Bravo show, The Millionaire Matchmaker, where she spent over a decade helping some of the world's most successful and often most difficult singles find love. Patti built an empire by telling people the truth they didn't always wanna hear about dating, relationships, and what actually, what it takes to attract the right partner. She's matched hundreds of couples, written bestselling books, launched her own dating platform, and became the most recognizable voice in modern matchmaking. Today we're talking about the psychology of attraction, the biggest mistakes high achievers make in relationships, and why finding love might be a lot more about who you are than who you meet. So let's get into it. Before we dive into today's episode, I wanna thank our sponsor, Momentous. When your goal is healthspan, living better and longer, there are very few non-negotiables. One of them, quality. And when it comes to supplements designed for high performers, nobody does it better than Momentous. Momentus goes all in on NSF certification, which means every single batch is tested for heavy metals, harmful additives, and label accuracy.

And that's why they're trusted by all 32 NFL teams and top collegiate sports dietitians across the country. Here's the thing, they don't sell every supplement under the sun because they believe in nailing the basics with rock solid consistency. And those basics are protein and creatine. Momentous sources Creapure, the purest form of creatine monohydrate available, an absolute must for both men and women who want peak physical and cognitive performance. So if you're serious about leveling up, go to livemomentous.com and use code JENN for 20% off. Just act now. Start today. Jen for 20% off. livemomentous.com. You guys, let me just say who I have because I haven't even said it yet. So I have Patti Stanger, who is the OG of matchmaking.

Correct.

My favorite of fa— like, to me, no one will ever come close to you because you're— no, because number one, you're your personality, you have such a captivating personality. You say what's on your mind. You're such a good TV personality.

Thank you.

I appreciate it.

Well, thank you for having me here.

Oh my God, I'm so happy.

If you want to know this, her house is beautiful. The pool in the back is selling me right now.

Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. So, yeah, so hold on a minute. So you started telling me a story and I stopped you. What were you saying?

Oh, Emily. Sex with Emily is a really good friend of mine and yours. This is how we met. Right. And I introduced her to, well, actually she became friends with me because my date coach dated her and he wasn't a date coach. I created him and he became this like phenomena. Although I did, he did do something really bad. There was an article written about me in Marie Claire and that became Hitch. Can you know how that was?

That was what you're saying?

So Hitch was— so he, they called him up and said, can you give us all information about Patty? And he kind of like thought they were gonna pay him and get a credit and he didn't get a contract. He was dumb. And they sold me out. And I think it was originally a woman hitch and then Will Smith got it and created it, you know, to be a man.

So was it really based on your life?

Well, yeah, it was the article in Marie Claire. So yeah, because now I'm sure they're gonna say that they got stuff from everywhere else, but there was nobody else doing what, like makeovers and Silicon Valley nerds teaching him how to talk and walk.

No, you were the OG.

That was me. I'm sorry. There was nobody else that did that.

100%. So people don't know. So she had the show called Millionaire Matchmaker. Correct. How many years ago was that show?

I don't even know. It's on Netflix now though.

It's on Netflix, I know.

3 seasons on Netflix.

Are you getting a whole resurgence in popularity?

Yes, from the kids. Well, it's really cute 'cause you'll go to the mall and a mom and a daughter, you know, will walk down the mall and the girl's like 14. She's like, oh my God, my mom made me watch your show. And I'm like, and the mom will walk over and she goes, no sex before monogamy because they don't want the girls to get like pregnant or STDs or, you know, like they don't want their heart broken on a text. And so they'll start watching my rules and then I'll get DMs from them. Little kids. Today I had the coolest DM today. So there's a lot of young influencers I watch, especially fashion ones in New York. And Victoria Heigl is one of my favorites. She's the personal assistant on the go. We've never met her boss though. I'm done. And she wrote me back and she said to me, Patty, I love your show. I love watching you. Would you help me, you know, kind of break into Hollywood and give me advice? And I'm gonna mentor her. And I thought that was so cute.

That is so cute.

Yeah. All right.

By the way, when are you gonna be back on TV?

Are you gonna do that?

We're working on something.

I have something right now, hopefully, with a network that hopefully— like, I was on CW about 2 years ago, and the network was going into the sports arena. I did really well on the network. We hit the demos. Everything was great. And then— and Nikhyl was my co-host on it. I mean, sorry, Nick Viall was my co-host on it.

I don't know who that is. I saw you had video.

Nick, you know Nick Viall? He's like from The Bachelor. You got to keep up.

No, I know.

He's from The Bachelor. The kids will know.

Yeah.

And so— but he's going on another show. And anyway, it was really great, but it was the wrong network. I love CW, always have. Wrong network for us because it's more sports now and they're going in a men's direction because they're guys from Dallas who own this. You know, they're like sports guys. And so I need to go back to my roots. And we're trying to work with, you know, maybe NBCUniversal.

But the truth of the matter is that the way the format was back then, it worked really well. I would think it would work now.

I'd be scared to— well, we can't yell and scream and I can't, you know, like, you know, Trisha Paytas. I said something like, lose weight and change your clothes and she's now this big star and her people start coming for me because I gave advice. But you have to understand the advice I gave. I gave advice that if you came in and go, I want a millionaire, male, female, gay, straight, I'm telling you what the millionaire's thinking. So if I make you straighten your hair, it's 'cause millionaires were not attracted at that time to curly hair. It wasn't in style. So I'm giving you the laydown. I'm not saying you need to lose weight for me. I'm saying that's what the millionaire was thinking.

Well, you know, it's funny, right? Because you were just being honest. Yeah.

And New York style.

New York. But I think it should be everywhere personally.

Straight, straight shooting.

Be a straight shooter. And the truth is what you actually said or what is actually true.

Uh-huh.

Now it's become like faux pas.

We're not allowed to say anything.

Exactly.

No, we have to be nicey nice and you know, but then the kids aren't leaving home. They're living in the basements. They're waiting for their parents to die so you can take over, inherit. And they don't have hustle.

None.

You know? And that's what your show's about. Like there's no, there's no hustle. So wait, so if you expect a free ride, Okay, that's not attractive. No, that's not sexy. That doesn't have je ne sais quoi to it. So I can't help you.

100%. How would you say— I guess this is my first question. How would you say the dating landscape has even, like, changed from when you started to how it is now in 2026?

Well, the technology has changed it, but not the biology. Even though we believe in the wellness community, and I'm sure you're going to believe what I'm going to say. That men have become feminine energy females because the plastic and the water, especially the water they guzzle at the gym, disrupts their hormones. And they don't have that rugged, I'm gonna chop wood, the aliens are invading, let me get you out. They don't have— or let me take care of you, let me pay for dinner. Yeah, pay for dinner instead of going 50/50, or even you pay because you make more money. So they don't have that, that strong, rugged veneer. And we believe that the plastic has disrupted the hormones and created less testosterone in the body. And this is why the fertility rate is down.

Do you really think, though, that's why men have become more feminine?

Well, there's two reasons. One, women became more successful. Even though we don't get equal pay for equal dollar, there are more women in college, but there's more women biologically than there are men.

Right.

So there's not enough men for the women to go around, you know? Yeah. And that's one thing. Second thing is once you started making money, they got lazy. They're like, you made money, you pick up the bill, you make the reservation. But we as women were nurturers. We did everything. So can you imagine? We did everything for you. We took care of your children. We took care of you. We made the dinner. We cleaned the house. We made the reservations. And then now we're paying? No, no, no.

But I think it's changed where there's more— women have become more masculine in general in their energy.

Right.

And men have become more feminine. I don't necessarily think it's because of the microplastics.

Oh, no, no, no. It is. It is biologically. I've studied this. This is a wellness problem. I have studied this. It is not 100% because we got successful and we had to take care of ourselves. We were in survival. We had no choice. If the man didn't step up in our late 20s and 30s to marry us and take care of us and say, I'm buying you a house, we're doing this or that, we had to survive. There was nobody paying our bills. We were not a generation, especially you and I and Emily, we are not a generation of our parents taking care of us. So we didn't have what these kids have, right? Where everybody gets a trophy and everybody gets to survive. We were like, kicked you. They kicked us out of the house. You get a roommate, you find an apartment in New York, you get a job. Don't call me. That's what we were like. We were not the Girls generation of that first episode. That was really funny on the first episode of Girls where the parents are professors and cutting her off. And she's like, what do you mean?

They're like, we've been paying you for 3 years. My mother would never— my mother's like, I'm sorry, you want that? Go buy it yourself. So that's why. But the other thing with the men, and just getting back to your point, and then I'll finish. The men, okay, have lost their drive. They're tired. You know, when Wall Street crashed, you never saw so many men crying and then the woman going, screw you, I'll take your job for half the price. I'll make more money than you, and I'll be the leader on Wall Street. And that's what happened in the banking crisis. Like, nobody realized that. So women became like resilient Wonder Woman, and men resented it. That's why they date a woman lesser value than you. They might— a young girl who's naive and doesn't know how the world works, but she's pretty. And that's why a Brad Pitt goes for a 30-year-old girl, because Angelina challenged him, you know, and she didn't take crap. She left him. Most women who are taking crap right now, they have to look at themselves and go, where does that come from? Because why do you need him so badly that you would take the crap?

So it's either financially, I need him to pay the bills, or B, I'm codependent and that's all I know because my mom was like that, my grandmother's like that, it's ancestral.

So would you— okay, that's a good segue into the age gap. Situation, right?

Correct.

So don't you think there is a double standard between men dating young and women dating young?

Absolutely. But it doesn't work in the reverse. It really doesn't. I mean, I don't want to lie. There's very few— 10 years, 12 years, okay. You get to 20, 25 and a woman dating a guy, you know, I'm 50, I date a 25-year-old.

I agree.

I mean, like, there's no life.

There's nothing in common, right?

It's just sex. What are you going to talk about? Nothing. You don't even have the same music taste. But when a man does it, he's mentoring, he's nurturing, he's grooming. And then the woman's like, and a Birkin with that? Okay. You know?

Well, I think that's become like the trend, right? Like if a man is a little bit successful, they will date much, much younger. But I feel like—

But not all men. See, in Millionaire's Club, my club, we have a lot of women over 50. They're coming in, they're spending the money, and they're like, I need a man equal or better. And I need a man in my age group. You would be surprised how many quality men are showing up. They're not on the apps. These are not men. These are gems that my recruiters and my staff find. And they're like, I've tried the apps, I've dated younger girls, and I hate it. I want someone my own age. I want to grow old with my best friend, right? Best friends I can have sex with.

Because, you know, I would, I would also think that it's been a reversal, right? It used to be in these mat in like these dating situations, they would search out women and women don't pay. Now I feel like this, like you said, there's so many more women who are single than men.

You're seeing this on the apps.

No, in general.

I'm saying like it's not the app's fault. It's the way that there's a lot of desperate women, not the group that's got worked on themselves, healed themselves, said, okay, If you treat me badly from the first red flag, I'm not going out with you again. You know, like, that's it. We're done. I saw the red flag. We're done. Other women will take the red flag. Oh, he didn't mean it. Oh, it's just one time. He apologized. And those are the codependent people that will go for those men at all costs and chase. And that's not attraction. A woman is supposed to attract, okay? Not chase.

So. Right. So that's why you don't like the fact that women shouldn't text a man. No.

Well, mirror what he does. He texts you, you can wait a couple hours, text him back, but mirror what he does. If he ghosts you, ghost and block him. Now here's a reason why. Because he's basically testing you. How much abuse can I give this woman? And you are not the top of the totem pole. You're not the one on the top of the roster. He's got other things going. Men are dating multiple women. Get it through your head. And they're picking the one that has self-respect and love for themselves. Those are the ones they're picking. They're not picking the girl down on her luck. Now, could they pick someone at a lesser value? Like, I don't make as much money, I make $100,000, you make $1 million a year. Absolutely. Because that makes him feel good and empowered.

Powerful.

Yeah, right. But you shouldn't demean yourself because you got successful. Like, I'm watching all these dating experts on Instagram. You know, the, you know, the whole age of feminine is dead and we're being blamed like Vance did. You know, Vance blamed single women for being successful and not being married. Well, we'd all get married if the men would step up. I want to tell Vance, message understood, but message wrong. It's the men. Men are the leaders. Men are the ones that go out and hunt. We're supposed to sit here, look pretty, smell good, and smile, and wait for him to come to us to receive us, and then we decide what the best offer is for us. That's what it's supposed to be like.

Well, that's why my initial point was, I just don't— I've noticed that there are not that many alpha men as there used to be.

Correct. Especially in California.

Especially in California.

LA, do not come here if you want an alpha man. And I warn you now, stay away. Okay? Not Orange County, not even San Diego. You're not gonna find it. And still, Silicon, their hair down to their ankles, living in their houses.

It's really— so where do people find alpha men?

Alpha men usually are on the East Coast, especially the South and the North.

Like where? Give us specifics.

Midwest men too. I would give Midwest too. Midwest and East Coast, those are them. You got to go around the perimeter, and Texas might have alpha, but there's subsections of Texas like Houston and Dallas. You want to get more into the country.

Okay, so that's— that's okay. So ladies, listen up. Okay, now how about this? Because we were— we were saying something earlier as because I don't want to lose the track. But okay, you were saying something about— I want to hear about red flags. So what are some— what are the top 3 red flags that people should look for?

Okay, the first one is an addiction issue.

Okay.

And there's a lot of them going on there. A lot of drinking, a lot of pretending they don't drink or do drugs. And it's both sides of the aisle.

Yeah.

But if we're looking at men, men tend to absorb alcohol more than women and can stand— stand like— girl goes past 2 drinks, she's gonna get loose. Okay. So I would look for addiction issues. How much alcohol is he drinking throughout the night? Is he drinking when he calls you? Like, is he doing drugs? And you want to find those things out.

Yeah.

Second thing is, is he talk a lot about the ex? Does he pump and dump and then, oh, it was a terrible divorce? Yeah. And the third thing, if you're an older woman, I hate to say this because I've never been married and don't have kids, but I've been engaged and I've raised my ex's kids. When a man doesn't— hasn't been married at a certain age at least once and had at least one child, you're in trouble, right?

What age is that?

I'll give it to 50. Okay, I'll give it to 50. I mean, I will say I will be nice because we're living in a delayed adolescent society, you know? But I will give it— if a man's 50 and he hasn't had kids and he hasn't, like, been married at least once, unless there's some tragic story like she died or whatever, I don't want to hear it.

50 is old.

I know. I mean, I normally gave 45, but now I'm giving 50.

Wow. Yeah, I thought you were going to say 40. I thought you were going to say 40.

Yeah, I'm going to say generous.

Okay.

Well, 40 is because they don't— a true millionaire doesn't make money until he's 40. So that's when he's on the hunt for the wife. He's making money in his 30s. I mean, we can make money earlier now because of, you know, AI and all the tech stuff. But, but why can't we get married before that? Statistically, it's always been by 40.

Yeah, but a lot of times people are like making, like, you know, kind of like creating, like basically creating their career profession while having been married.

Yes.

Correct. And then they usually would leave the wife and go to another one. That's a whole other story.

She leaves for the secretary, the younger, hotter secretary. I was gonna say that the wife always knew, right? Like she could never catch him in the act.

But, right. But the thing is like, I've never heard as 50 is it, it's good, it's okay or acceptable because they're getting married.

Because we now know the average median age of marriage is 29. So fertility is down, sperm count is down. And so what's happening is— and by the way, we found out that the eggs can go on forever and the sperm count is decreased. It was opposite what the doctors told us about the geriatric pregnancy.

Wow.

Yeah, that's all been new science. I study alchemy of attraction and science of what's going on in the dating and fertility markets. And so this has been a sad story. They've told us that we had to get our you know, get married, have a baby by 35. We were screwed if we didn't. But in the meantime, the marriage count is down. So as far as age goes, so that means that if that's down, they're waiting later to get married and that they could get married by 40. Look at Hollywood.

Well, that's—

and a lot of us have— a lot of us we see in Hollywood not married and have a child at a wedding. Like, I know somebody going through something right now where she's just implanted embryos. And he's— they're engaged, but he won't marry her unless the eggs, okay, are perfect, and he wants a biological child.

Really?

Yes. I mean, that's narcissistic in my eyes, but whatever, because I'm an adopted child, so I believe you can adopt. There's many different ways you can have children. Surrogacy— there's plenty of different— we have a lot of good ways to have kids now.

Did you ever want children?

Always. Always. Well, probably from 30-something on. Yeah.

So what was your path? Like, what happened with your life?

I picked bad men.

You did?

I picked what my mom picked because I was programmed by my mother. No fault to her. My grandmother and my grandfather had an amazing marriage, so I saw both sides of the street. But I picked bad men. I was very sexually driven.

Really?

I didn't care about money. I just wanted a hot guy.

Until when?

Until I realized I was paying the bills and I was exhausted.

Is it really?

Yes. And I'm never doing that again. I am never doing that again.

So what— how did you— I'm curious, like, what was your evolution? Like, how did you become a matchmaker?

They all had inheritance, though. I have to caveat that. They all had inheritance. But, you know, we can't— if you get married, you don't get the inheritance.

Yes.

You know that, right? So— but they all had inheritance coming. It was like money down the line.

Right.

But they didn't have money right now.

And also, they didn't make it themselves. So that to me is also not attractive.

One of them— Yeah, they didn't make up themselves. One of them was like on the cusp but never got there.

Okay, so wait a minute. So, but how did you become a matchmaker? What were you doing?

Oh, my grandmother and my mother were matchmakers. And when I was 16, I loved this boy in school. He was like the hottest guy, but a badass. And I don't want to say his name, but he was Catholic. And so they would go to these Christ Church dances on Friday night. Me, the Jewish girl, got all my Jewish friends and go, come on, because those were the hot guys. And we went to school that day and planned our escape from our parents, 'cause God forbid they find out. Nice Jewish girl going to a— And I got busted by the priest who was actually hot. And he said to me, "Come in the back." And he's smoking a cigarette and he's drinking his wine. He says, "You're not supposed to be here." And none of us had Jewish star necklaces or anything like that, but you knew. And he goes, "What are you here for?" And I said, "Well, I like this one boy." And he's like, "You could do better." And I had done something really smart. I'd taken the boys on one side and the girls on the other side, and I brought 'em together and they started dancing and talking.

He had never seen this at a dance because he could never get them together because they wouldn't listen to him. And he goes, I can't believe you did that. And my best friend ended up marrying the guy at the dance. They lost touch with each other and then years later they connected and they got married. It was kind of a cute story. And so, um, I told him I had a crush on this boy and he said, oh, you could do so much better. He's so bad. Like, he's derelict. He basically was, but a hot derelict, really like a Brad Pitt Legends of the Fall derelict, you know?

Wow.

And he was always on my bus and looked like stoned out of his mine. And so he said, I'll tell you what, I'll let you come here every Friday if you could get the boys and girls to dance every week. And I did.

And that's how you started?

That's how I started. But my mother always said I was going to be a matchmaker.

No, she—

I was like, never, never. Because my mom, my, my mom was married one time. I was born already. And he basically cheated on my mother, very Mrs. Maisel. And my mom left him and she went back to go live with my grandparents. And my grandmother was like, beside— what would we say? Nobody gets divorced. It was like a time when— and so my grandmother trained her to to meet her next husband who ends up raising me and my dad. And the phones went off, like, you know, like everybody was calling my grandmother, fix me up, fix me up, teach me what to do. Because everybody was getting divorced. It was like the '70s and everybody was getting divorced. And so then the rabbi called my grandmother and said, come on, I need your help. Like, like, what do we do? Because all the husbands were leaving their wives for younger secretaries. Wow.

And so that's how you became a— so then how did the show happen?

Like the show happened because I worked for Great Expectations and I ran this this big company. It was nationwide.

Tell people what it is. Most people would not know what it is.

It was the first original dating service, like a dating service. It was like Match.com before Match.com went online. And I worked at—

How did it work, actually? I don't remember.

You'd go into the office and you'd pay like $5,000, and then you'd swipe through pictures and videos, and it was based on mutual consent, kind of like Match. And I would tell them what to do and what not to do, and they never listened to me. And when Match went up, I was like, we should be online. We should be the Sohouse of dating before Sohouse went up. And they didn't listen to me. So anyway, I worked there, and then I was engaged, and my engagement broke off, and I couldn't look at anything in Florida. I was living in Florida. I was like, oh my God, that's where we had dinner, that's where we went swimming, that's the gym we went to. Like, I was devastated. So my mom's like, you went to film school, here's your chance to get to Hollywood and break into the business. So I go, okay, I need an adventure, an off-life I flew to California with a dollar in my pocket, knew one person, and lived in the marina. And I— my cousin lived here and she was producing movies. She's like, good luck getting in the business. Now look at me.

And so I was always like, yeah, watch me. I was that girl. If you watch me. But I had a friend who said to— I made a new friend and she was doing this millionaire thing with dating. And then she's like, oh, I could do it better. And she's like, well, don't— you're never gonna be able to do it cuz it's never gonna work. So I would go to matchmakers that I knew in town, 'cause I knew a couple of 'em, and they would fix me up. And for every Gentile boy, I liked Gentiles and I was Jewish, and I gave 2 Jewish boys to them, they'd give me a Gentile date. And they sucked at it, sucked at it. And all the daters would complain to me that how bad it was. I went on one date with one guy who really liked me and he said, oh God, you're exactly what I want. He was a Mormon and he was cute, but he wasn't my type emotionally. So he said, what if I give you money? You could fix me up. Ding, ding, ding. Had credit card debt, needed money to live on.

I said, okay. And my mom's like, charge 10 grand. She gave me the price. I'll never forget that. And I said, what? And so I took him like shopping over Beverly Hills, redid his wardrobe, decorated his house in Hermosa. And he had a truck that he wouldn't give up and it smelled like fish. And I kept saying, you need— I don't care if you get an SUV, but you need a nice one like a Porsche. Took him to the Porsche dealership, he got it, fixed up with his first girlfriend, turned out to be his wife, got married. Tell 10 friends and my business. But the first person I fixed up with was somebody of Muslim descent, unfortunately, and he met his wife on that first date and canceled the check. And from that moment, I changed the industry. Nobody takes a check. We all take wire transfers now because I changed the entire industry. Because credit cards, you get chargebacks. And if you give a check, somebody could cancel it. So wire transfer, then you fix them up.

Really?

I learned the hard way.

So how much do you charge?

I charge $150K and up. $150K? $150K and up. Yeah.

And what do you get for $150K?

You get unlimited dating based on a period of time that we think is appropriate for you, plus a full service staff. And you get my number, my business partner Bonnie Winston, who's in New York. We have an office down on Wall Street. So you're getting a nationwide plus Canada, and we also do international as well.

And how do you find the people?

We have our resources. I can't give you my, my, my recipe, my trade secrets.

Okay.

But I will tell you, we have boots on the ground. We have a huge— we have the largest database in the business, and everybody knows me. I mean, if I make a text message or a DM, yeah, yeah, yeah, someone's responding.

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Men are not on Instagram. We use that for women. Men are in sports networks.

Like what? Give me an example.

Golf. We're connected to a lot of country clubs, a lot of hotels with concierge, high rollers in Vegas. We deal with the 1 percenters.

Yeah.

So we're dealing with ski resorts. We're dealing with like St. Barts, although that was crazy this weekend. A lot of people couldn't get out. We deal with high-end concierge services such as airports, you know, like, yeah, private airlines.

So when you say you deal with— what do you mean?

We deal with the people that work with those people. And we deal with people who know people who know people who know people who know people. Private clubs. There's 17 million private clubs going up any minute right now all over the country. And we deal with— we know where the men are. Like, we know boots on the ground where the men are.

So are you finding dates for yourself?

I don't date my clientele. I have a rule. So I have a hard time with that. So you have to fix me up.

Yeah, I will.

And LA's not that easy. I mean, yeah, we usually take the LA girl and make her go to Arizona.

Really?

Arizona is a hub for that. A lot of golfers, a lot of retirees, a lot of wealthy men. Yeah. Or, or we'll go to Montecito, you know, Santa Barbara.

When you say go to, like, are they moving there?

I don't recommend— like, I don't recommend a woman over 50 dating in LA proper. We might get every so often, but I will redirect her somewhere else.

When you say that, do you want them to move somewhere else?

No, the men will come to them.

Yeah, but no, you say like they should go to— what do you mean?

In other words, like, in other words, like, I don't mind dating a guy from Scottsdale because I love Sedona and Scottsdale. But how do they meet? They meet through us. We are— we concierge and arrange the date.

Got it.

Okay, so we do everything. You don't have to— it's basically put your lipstick on and go. That's all it is. And we do everything. Now, on the men's side of it, I mean, I just had 6 different men just joined this today, actually, like big ones, like some— one celebrity you would know. And so I'm doing everything for him. He charged— I charged him $350. So I'm doing like everything. Like, his assistant is licking my ass because she cannot believe that I'm doing everything where she's been doing what I've been doing for years. Like, you know, going to a Vegas party and trying to find 5 girls for him. And I'm like, stop that nonsense. I have to look under the hood of the car. I'm also psychic. I was born psychic. I read vibration. That's what you saw on the show. I'm like looking at people's energy. I have guides, I talk to them. So I'm looking at a lot of other stuff that we're not just doing surface stuff because it has to be a match on both sides. So I've got to look at what's his lifestyle like? How does he treat women?

Do I have to change some of his behavior? At the same time, can that woman go at his pace? Like if he's the millionaire and she's going to drop everything for him, is there a balance or is he going to use her? Like there's a lot of stuff I look at because I don't— I want the women protected too. And when it comes to the millionaire woman, I'm trying to get equal or better for her. So it's a little different.

So for $350,000—

and I do gay, by the way.

You do?

Yeah. I just don't do trans because I don't really know how to do that.

So you do for— so if someone's paying you $350,000, what do they get for $350,000? They don't get for $150,000?

They would— okay, so $150,000, would get one person below me, a matchmaker that I've trained. They've been certified by the Matchmakers Institute as well as me. We have a millionaire training certification program. We don't just go, hey, I'm a matchmaker. Matchmaker, there's plenty of those out there. I actually am training them from the ground up, like as though my grandmother's secret recipe. And then if it's me, you're paying more money to get me because you want me on call, you want to talk to me, you want to vent. I had a guy last week who fell in love with my first girl I fixed him up with, and I said, don't call it in, don't make her exclusive just yet, let's see what else, because I wanted him to go on 2, 3 more dates. Well, he went on a plane and he met someone And he goes, I don't know how to do this. He's like awkward, a little bit on the spectrum, but handsome. So I said, I'm gonna tell you what to say. And I became Cyrano and I went in his texts and I basically did all the texts.

Talked to, yeah.

And he got a date with the girl and he went on 2 dates and I arranged the 3rd date for him. So I'm conciergeing inside the service as well outside the service, 'cause my goal is to get you into the best love relationship of your life. Like if God said to me, what is your one wish? I'd say everyone has their soulmate in humanity. He'd go, but you're out of business. I'd be like, that's okay. That's why I'm here on the planet, and I'm okay with that. I work for God.

And do you like doing it still?

Yes and no. It's difficult. You were talking to me about your Boobs for Babes or Babes for Boobs.

Oh, Babes for Boobs.

Yes. And it is an exhausting job. It is not easy. It is not for the faint-hearted. You deal with personalities you can't even imagine. Screaming, yelling, violent, blah, blah, blah. I am like a therapist, a psychic, and a matchmaker rolled into one. It's a lot of work, but I'm used to it and it's like breathing. Like if I was at the grocery store and I saw, oh, my friend's in the grocery store and that guy's in the grocery store, I put them together. It's just auto, you know, I'm an autopilot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm the same way though. I feel like my track record's been pretty good actually with it.

That's amazing.

Yeah. And I do it because I like it.

And I want more matchmakers. I wrote a book called Become Your Own Matchmaker on Amazon. It was a bestseller because I wanted other people to do it for themselves as well as their friends and family.

Well, I think the number one thing is not to be like, you have to be bold and— You have to be proactive.

—proactive. But, you know, we're like animals, you know, in the wild. When we want to mate, there's a smell and a signal they send out, right? We're the same way. You know, we have pheromones. The problem is, is the men walking across the bar to ask you out because of COVID because of the Weinstein effect, because of MeToo? Like, they're afraid.

They're chickens right now.

They're very afraid. Like, you're going to cancel them. You're going to say something online. You know, there's a group now called "Are We Dating the Same Guy?" putting people's pictures up and destroying their image. But sometimes it's worthy. Sometimes it's some jerk who's, you know, going out and hurting women left and right, and they deserve it. But not everybody does. And it's male and female, by the way. So it's a scary time to date. It is. That's what I think.

It is a scary time. Like, I wouldn't want to be a guy right now. No. I mean, it's better now than it was maybe a year ago, but it's not great.

But also, it's also unrealistic. We've got men looking at Instagram. With these perfect looking filtered girls. Yeah. And we're going, what? I can have that and I'm a zero? Like, it's the only town where a zero can get a 10 and think he can still do better.

Well, the problem is there's so many ways now for people to, like, access dating. Yes. Where I feel that people are not taking that dating seriously. It's all like situationships at any age. Like, people just— they can scroll to the next person.

But this is the thing. If you're like my old assistant ended up with her situationship. But it was 2 years of heartbreak, and he had left the country, come back, moved in with her. I mean, I don't recommend this because of what the roller coaster she went. And there's damage to the brain and the body and the mind, you know, for what happens when you go and allow someone to abuse you. So your bar should be your bar. Like, in other words, stop allowing these people male, female, gay, straight, to abuse you. Okay? Yeah. If the guy doesn't love you, get over the fact he doesn't love you. Work on yourself rather than trying to get the guy to love you. Because it's not— even if he does come back, he's going to do it again. He always is going to test you. It's his nature. It's the scorpion and the tortoise.

You know that story, right?

Yeah. You want to tell that story?

You can.

You're the guest. So the scorpion and the tortoise. The scorpion, you know, says, to the tortoise, can I have a ride across the river? And he's like, I don't know, you're a scorpion. He's like, no, no, I promise I won't sting you. And of course he takes him across the river. And what does he do? He stings him. It's his nature to test you and abuse you. And if you allow it, he will keep on doing it.

Do you think there's any type of variation in men, like some men who are more noble than that? Or do you think across the board?

A lot of times what I found in my relationships, the minute I was done in my brain and in my body. Not so much like I took the action to block and whatever, but the minute I felt that, oh my God, I'm over him. Like you run into him and you're like, I went out with him? What the hell was I thinking? You've— now you know you're over it. They fall in love with you. They call you. They won't— my ex is like, please, you're the only one. I want to marry you. And you've all seen him on TV. And I'm like, yeah, not happening.

So why? That's 100% accurate. I see that all the time. But why is that? Like energetically?

The whole time he was with me, he didn't treat me great. Now he wants me.

He wants to marry you. What's psychologically?

How did they even know? Men are programmed to hunt. How did they know if you're not having any contact? Okay, think of this. The hunter's hungry. Yeah. Right. He's trying to kill Bambi in the woods. Right. But Bambi's like, I'm not going to let you have me. I'm not going to let you have me. And he gets hungrier and hungrier and hungrier till he can't handle it anymore because he's got no food. You are his source of energy. You are the muse. You are the one that give them— women give the life force. We birth. It's all natural. So if you think about it, they need the light. They need the light from you. Don't give him the light unless he deserves the light. What about—

okay, I have— okay, so there's a million things I wanna go through here, but first of all, I wanna finish with the dem— like the demographics here.

Okay.

I think people find this interesting. So you're saying LA, terrible. Ugh. Awful. Awful. So that's the number one city for just dating.

And I'm sorry, it's the most singles in the United States. But, you know, they're metrosexual.

Don't come here. Yeah. Number one. And I agree with you. Okay. That's for sure. So then you're saying Arizona?

Arizona has a lot of retirees. So we're talking an older community that they can buy real estate.

Older, like what's the age bracket we're talking?

48 and up. So they have a community of country clubs. They're building up these hotels. The Global Ambassador is a hotspot. If you want to go spend a weekend there, that's a fun place. Great food and everything. Okay.

Would you say that's number one, Arizona?

I would say Boca is number one. Boca is number one. Boca has more men than women and they all came from New York. And now with the Mondami effect. Yeah. And the COPA law, which I don't know if you know, they're trying to seize your property. You can Google that. You can Google that because we'd get in a whole episode on that one.

So you think Boca?

Yeah. So they're all going to come down. They're all coming down to Florida. Okay. Always Florida. And there are more men in Boca than there are women. So why is that though? They all wanna live in the country club house. You get a house in behind the gates, you get to play golf and be in a community. It's very easy to make friends that way.

Very easy.

So you, if you were moving, let's say to Fort Lauderdale in a house on the street, you're not gonna make friends. But with these communities behind the gates, they're retiring, they're bringing down their businesses. Everybody works from a computer. Nobody works in an office anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Unless they have to. Right. So think about that. So focus number one. But I would say Boca's number one.

How about Miami?

Miami is good, but it's very saturated. And also it's young. It's young. What's it— so Miami, like South Beach is gay and Brickell's young. You gotta chop it all up. You know, North Miami's got a lot of international communities, very South American. If you like the South American community, North Miami is really good for that.

Really? Okay. I just got back from Miami. I saw—

I love South Beach. I love— that's where I was— the one hotel, my friend has an apartment next door and I always go to the one. I love it. Love walking Lincoln Road. They're gonna rebuild it. I grew up part-time in Miami. I went to University of Miami. I'm a Cane. Yeah. And so, uh, my grandmother lived there and Hollywood on the beach, and I lived on Hollywood on the beach. So it's a great area. I love it. However, it's very saturated now. It's like a lot of traffic. So I would say maybe go north because the men don't really like, like, they don't like driving. They don't, they're not drivers.

I didn't see a lot of like old, I didn't see very many single men or have a—

but that's why you go north. Right. So Delray and Boca. Delray and Boca. You go to Delray and you can go West Palm Beach is really— your West Palm Beach is blowing up right now. For—

how about for single women? Are they just everywhere?

And by the way, Jupiter, if you are— Jupiter is a good one. If you're conservative Republican and you want a strong, rich Republican, a man, you go to Jupiter. Yeah, because that's where Mar-a-Lago is. Exactly.

Yeah. Okay. Okay. So Miami. Okay, we got the Florida stuff. So Arizona, Boca number one.

Also I think skiing is a great way to meet people. Jackson Hole, Wyoming. I wouldn't say Aspen is kind of metrosexual. Um, I— that— Vail is families. So I would put Jackson Hole on there. What's the one in Sun Valley? Is that Sun Valley? Sun Valley. That's Idaho, right? Idaho. Yeah. I'd go to Sun Valley and maybe Park City. Yeah, I'd pick those places. How about New York? Because you're picking places that don't have a lot of competition. We're trying to get the competition away. Those 25-year-olds that are gonna take up your space and you're gonna feel miserable because the men aren't looking at you. Okay, so what about New York? New York is really good. I'm just really worried right now. So I have a feeling there's going to be a spree of all the richie-richies leaving because I don't trust Mondame.

No. Yeah, nobody does. No.

And I, and I also think it's going to be really difficult to do business there. And I think the billionaires are going to pull out. I think the grocery chains and the billionaires are going to pull out. And once they pull out, the city is going to fall. They're in trouble right now if, if Trump doesn't save them.

Yeah, that moved on.

I mean, he revoked 150 of Eric Adams' laws, and one of them was protecting Jews. I'm Jewish. Are you Jewish?

Am I Jewish? Yeah. Okay. I'm asking. Oh my God. Hilarious.

No one ever asks. Hello. We're from the tribe. Yes. I thought that was pretty obvious. Cohen. Right. He lied. And of course, you know, I know. And he's not protecting us. And then also, 3,500 police officers retired. And left the force because of him. So we're in a— it's a bad place right now, right?

I mean, you might want to go like—

I would say in wintertime you always go to ski mountainy places that like Yellowstone. If you can get into the Yellowstone Club, hats off, go. You know, even here's another thing: forget that you don't see someone at the bar. Mingle with the guy who's married. He always has one token friend who's single. So you want to get the referral. See, people don't work and network enough. Like they just, oh, there's no one here, let's leave. And I'm going, wait a second, who's at the bar? He's got a Rolex on, he's buying shots. Like, let's talk to him. Right.

You know, like maybe a conduit.

And by the way, steakhouses where I tell you where there's meat, there's men. So if you go to a steakhouse and you go at 5:00 and you're nice to the bartender and you say, hey, do you know any regulars who are single in my age group? He's going to introduce you or she's going to introduce you. Be friendly. If you know the hostess, they all know what's going down. Seriously.

You know what? That's— that's a— that's— what's your number one piece of dating advice, though? To go to places like the steakhouse?

Yeah, I have a rule. I have a rule. Go out once a week by yourself. Those who travel in packs do not attract. It's a very hard rule, and a lot of people can't do it. They cannot eat by themselves. They cannot go to a bar. They think they're going to be called a hooker if they sit at the Peninsula at 5 o'clock. You know? That was the old days. If you went to the Peninsula in Beverly Hills at 5 o'clock, you were a hooker. We're like, where did this come from? Because the Russian hookers used to sit there and wait for the guy to come in and buy them a Chanel purse. Don't they still? I don't know. I haven't been to the Peninsula. I haven't been there in forever, so I don't know. I don't even know that anymore.

I don't even go out anymore.

I love to stay home and watch TV. I want a guy who likes to do nothing with me. Yeah. Does that make sense? That's the most perfect guy. I just want to eat great food and get under the covers and watch television. 100%. And then take a walk. Walk on the beach when the weather's good.

It sounds like, sounds like a perfect date to me, which is exactly the problem. That's why people aren't like— these great girls are not meeting people because they don't want to be doing the whole rigmarole.

My favorite is when the guy is super athletic on the apps and he's like, I do this, I hang glide, I did— I'm like, oh my God, you're exhausting, goodbye. Like, and they are like, I want an outdoors girl. Okay, that's right.

Okay, I mean, they want an outdoors girl, but I think also they want someone who they can chill with.

An outdoors girl is not going to be feminine, pretty, and shaving her legs every week. Every day.

Yeah. I was gonna say, okay, let's say this. So my next question was, what do you think the number one thing that guys are looking for? Like something that's unattainable.

Like, you know, the men have visions of like what they want, but then what they take is completely different. So what they want is the wish list, the 100 things to the floor. But when they get in front of a woman, she may not be in perfect weight. She may not have the perfect smile. She might be a little bit older. You know, they smell the pheromone, they run after it. So you'd be surprised what they take versus what they want.

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I find that that's a very hard category.

Well, I mean, I am like double. So I'm a Gemini and I'm two personalities. So right now I'm on my work mode. I'm like, let's do this. And then, then I meet a guy and all of a sudden that I'm attracted to, not just any guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I'm like, hi. Right. Oh my God, you did that. That's amazing. Like, that's how I am. And then I noticed that recently, I went on a date Christmas Eve, and I did that. And I went, no wonder he called me again. He asked me out. He kissed me at the end. And I was like, not giving any signals. I just automatically went into feminine mode. Because when I was working with Pat Allen, who was my mentor and who was on the show, who wrote Getting to I Do, she would say to me, switch when you go in the house. And I had to— I had— and I was at a boyfriend at the time, and I lived with him, and I had to train myself to go from— because I was producing my show and in front of the camera— to go, hey babe, what do you want for dinner?

Right? And like, take off. But you have to—

I think that you have to train yourself.

But I also believe you have to be with a man who can bring you into your feminine. Well, this—

there's a— there's a reason why the masculine women who make money don't meet someone who makes more money than them, which will make them relax. Because if a guy said to you, "Honey, you don't have to work anymore. I'll take care of you. You can have anything you want," you'd be like, "What? Who are you? Where'd you fall from? What alien? What? What?" You know, I'm waiting for the aliens to come any minute. Like, "What planet can we go dating on?" Right? Because we've done Earth, and Earth sucks, right? So, yeah, so that's kind of like where we're at, and we don't get men like that because men are like, "I'm exhausted." You know, they're whining and their moms are momming them to death.

You know, it's really awful. See, what I think is social media and the dating apps have really kind of ruined the landscape. Well, because they don't have to hunt. There's no hunting.

And I think hunting does not count on the app, by the way. I don't want to say hunting is physically in person where you walk up to the girl at the grocery store and say, hey, which cereal should I get?

That's what it's supposed to be like. But it's not. For most, for the majority.

Do you remember? Do you live on the West Side? Yeah. So we used to go to Whole Foods on Venice. Yeah, I remember. Like Tuesday, Wednesday night was— I know one of the nights was singles and the other one was gay. And you'd go and sit outside and look really cute from the gym. You'd braid your hair and you have your little beanie on top in the winter and you'd sit outside.

Do you remember that? I miss those years. Oh my God.

I was like, I cannot believe I did not take advantage of that time.

People don't like— that's what I'm saying. Now with the social media thing, it's People are also getting really— their brains are thinking what's real and what's not real are completely different. Like they're seeing all these, like you said, everyone's Photoshopped, Facetuned, all these things, and they think that's what women look like.

And then they look at the girl in person and they're like, I get these complaints from the men when they join the service, like how they went online, their secretary found these girls, and they would say like, how do you know she really looks like that? And we're like, would you like to FaceTime with her? Yeah.

And they don't normally look like that.

They FaceTime and they go, can she filter it? And I said, no, she's FaceTiming. There's no filter on FaceTime. You know, Zoom, she can do the beauty thing, but not FaceTime. So then they thank me and they go, gosh, she's so much prettier than her pictures because he's seeing a human being. And remember, when you show a picture or even a video, you're not connecting with that person. So it's very attractive when you connect with a man And you may not have makeup on. I can't tell you how many times my ex used to say, I love you when you don't have your makeup on. I'm like, what the hell is that about?

I think that's a known thing though. Men hate makeup. They hate makeup.

They just want to see like maybe a little lip gloss and go. Yeah. And so a little tan, like, you know, you've had sun kissed from the sky. Forget a spray tan. Yeah. And they think like, you know, you should just be the girl that throws on a pair of shorts and gets in the car. And I sit there and I go, Oh my God, they're going back to high school when this was a high school. Yeah. So they're trying to get that cheerleader in high school that looks all organic. Yeah. And that's where their brain— the natural girl next door. That's where their brain is going. But I will tell you this, that men are acting like it's a given, like their entitlement without having to hunt. Like, I deserve the best and I shouldn't have to hunt.

Well, I was going to say also, there's a lot of rhetoric about, like, I want my peace. Peace talk. Like, you know, I just want to have peace. That's become like the new tagline.

So here's the new thing. So women are making money, they have their vibrator, right? Yeah, yeah. They got their girl posse and their life is full. And they're like, if you can't meet me at my level of peace or better— peace or better— I'm not getting out of bed. Now that never happened. So women are on strike. We've been on strike right now. And this is 18 and up. This is not like 45-year-old women who are like, screw you. These are the kids talking. Just like 867% of alcohol sales are down. Did you know that? Kids are not drinking enough.

They're not. That's what I say. Social clubs are becoming very popular. Fitness and wellness clubs.

I'm making money on influencing or AI or whatever, you know, because they're all techies. And I get to go home and go to sleep when I want, eat the foods I want, and walk my dog. And life is great and they're showing it on it. I can't tell you how many hot influencers don't have boyfriends.

I would say the majority of them.

Yeah. I mean, I'm watching them all and they're like, nah, I don't wanna go out with him. He said this or he did that. And I could tell right away and they're getting smarter. And I have to give social media one credit. I learned about narcissism from Dr. Ramani and all these experts and realized my ex was a narcissist, my last boyfriend. And it was my father. He was my dad. My dad was an alcoholic narcissist. So was my ex. Boyfriend. And I learned so fast that I would never learn from years of therapy. So I give it to social media and now I would never pick a guy like this again. And I can see the red flags before the wall comes in where I could never have done that in therapy.

But you don't think that the word narcissism has been overplayed and overused? I feel like everyone's a narcissist these days.

I feel like there's more narcissists than you think. You do? I do. Oh yes. It's a narcissistic tragedy happened when they were a child where they created this world that they're the star of their own movie and nobody else matters. And they lost their empathy, Jen. So in the UK, they're starting in the schools, which is shocking considering it's the land of rape right now, you know, London and all that. They're making the boys take empathy classes and how to treat women. They're getting etiquette and empathy classes right now as we speak so they can treat women better. In these like boarding school situations.

Really? Well, do you know also that people are using AI now as women, like dating people, creating their own avatar?

Yeah, just like they used to do the blow-up doll and the robots.

100%. And the robots versus like, you know, these like— it's like a film becoming reality, like real life. Yeah. There's so many reasons why dating is down. Do you think it's worse for the younger generation, like the— oh, it's 18 to 30, or for 40 to 70?

No, it's worse for 'Cause at least the 40 to 70 has had a taste of what physical companionship is.

Yeah. So they're—

the 18-year-olds, some of these kids don't even never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and they're not bad looking and they might be tech spectrum-y. Mm-hmm. But when it comes to like actually asking a girl out to the prom or something, like they've never done that.

Also, I find, and I, I don't know if it's mostly just in LA or California in general, everyone is fluid and bisexual. Yeah. So like they're not even the gender that they are.

My friend's daughter is like that.

A lot of my friends' kids are.

And if you say anything against it, I'm like, can't you pick one side? If you close your eyes, which one is more attractive? They're both. They're both. And then my favorite is the pansexual where they, they're in the mind. They love the mind stimulation. What's— there was another one.

Yeah, no, I know exactly what you're talking about.

There's pan and what's the other one? The intellectual one.

Oh, neurotr— no. I can't think of it.

It's like a sexual where you're only turned on by the mind. The pan is the soul. Yeah. The soul and the other one's the mind.

I don't know which one you're talking about. I'm sure if you said it, I'd be like, oh yeah, that one.

It'll come to me later. I'm sure someone's going to— they're going to DM me. Yeah, they will.

I'll let you know. Here it is.

And I forget what it's called.

But I feel like that's another reason why relationships are not flourishing at that age. But so then you think that generation is worse than our generation? Yes, way worse.

Way worse. They will get to the point where they will never connect. There was a movie with Sylvester Stallone and Sandra Bullock. And she— they didn't have sex. Remember, he comes back to Earth after a certain period of time and she's in the present, but it's really the future. And he says to her, let's have sex. And she starts to work with some computer thing. And he goes, what are you doing? And he's like, I'm having sex.

Like, yeah.

Like, in other words, something outside of her was stimulating her and he didn't get to touch her. That's what's going to happen in the future.

I think it's very— we're not that far away.

Yeah, we may Maybe 5, 10 years.

Yeah. I was just telling someone before you got here, I just got back from Miami, like I said, and I played padel or padel. I heard it's amazing.

Better than pickleball.

Way better than pickleball. That's why I'm bringing it up to you. So my friends—

and there's clubs coming up with it. So, yeah.

So my friends were super into it. Like, you have to come to padel. So I went to, like, 2 or 3— no, 3 different clubs there to play. I found it to be super vibey. I found there to be a ton of single people, women and men. Who are professional and successful and attractive and athletic. I was like, wow, like, this is like the panacea.

Did you see the country club is being built in Fort Lauderdale? That's all pickleball and padel. It's like this. And padel both. It's both. And it's, it's country club. You basically join like you're joining SoHo. Yeah, exactly. And then there's clubs everywhere, all different groups, age ranges and everything. And then they go to have lunch at the club and there's parties at night and it's in Fort Lauderdale by Saugus, and I'm sitting here going, we need that in LA because we don't have anything here.

Can I tell you something? I was like, that's exactly what I was saying. I'm like, this is crazy because there it's so vibey. Mm-hmm. They built a whole culture around it. People go there, they hang out, they watch other people play, then they play their game. Then there's like a whatever thing going, and the crowd is way, I think, a much more affluent crowd than pickleball. Oh yeah. Like it's way more affluent. Yeah. And like athletic. So if you're someone who's into athletics, yeah. So like, to me, these are great places to meet people as well. Well, that's another thing.

Like now, like mahjong took off.

And it's not— and it's not just for women only.

Like I've seen groups where men and women are playing mahjong. They're going down to Chinatown. They're learning how to play with the pros, and then they're starting their own mahjong groups. Really? Like, we—

like, men are playing mahjong?

Yes. My mother was a backgammon champion and my dad was a card champion. And my dad— my mom won awards. She beat Wilt Chamberlain and everything. She won awards in New York City at El Morocco. And she used to have these backgammon— my father imported caviar, beluga, for 5 years from Russia. And so they would have caviar backgammon parties. Caviar took off, mahjong took off. Like, what's next?

Are you kidding me? Yeah, crazy.

That's incredible. It's crazy. They used to have these amazing parties at my parents' house.

So I used to have this thing called game night, which I would like— Oh, I love that. Oh my God. Can I tell you something? We would do game night probably once a month. And what we would do is we would invite a whole different array of people. Like usually 30 people, 40 people. Can we start that again? Yeah. I will say something. It was such a hit. So it became so popular, like, and then everyone would bring their friends and like everyone would like, you know, like mingle and talk. Like I think having like experiences with people is the best way to meet people. Okay.

I can't tell you how many people, like in the old days of game night, like when I was in, I lived in Florida. Yeah. Because we took it for granted. We lived in buildings on the beach and everyone knew each other. Yeah. And on like Thursday night we'd go to the cigar bar and play pool and like we had it so good and we took advantage, we took advantage of it cuz we, we should've like picked one and got off the market. Yes. But I think that's the best way to meet people because even if you don't meet someone, you meet someone's friend. Can I tell, or they introduce you to someone. You know how many times I've said to someone, I'll fix you up if you fix me up. And then we did that 100%.

But also like I'm a big conduit person, right? Like I'm very much, I think like you in that way. Like even at these game nights, like you would, you would be surprised how many business things happen. Like business relationships, friendships, a couple of people.

You need to take 10% of all that.

I, I was, people, people would say this to me all the time. They'd be like, you ha, you should take, like, you should definitely take a commission on this. Yeah. Because the amount of things that have happened just in the vicinity of me, business relationship, I mean, professional, personal, I think it's. That is the way to do it. Like surround yourself with people.

That's what we need to do. So like, if you're in a community, you need to be the ringleader. Like, you're the social butterfly, you know, Everyone. Everyone chips in and pays for whatever they have to pay for. The food, the drinks, whatever.

Right, right.

And then you start doing this. It will create a community. And the problem is most people are lazy right now. They don't want to lift a community.

People don't want them, by the way, I'm not even that much of a social butterfly, however, but what a fun thing to do on social media.

So I would look forward to that.

So that's the thing, like I'm not even naturally a social butterfly, but I do like to do certain things. And to me it's like, I'd rather get everyone together. Yes. Than going individually with one person, one person, one person. Oh, it takes forever. It's exhausting. So I'm like, I'm gonna invite 20 people and that's the best way to do it.

My mom, my mom created this thing called Ring the Bell and I put it on the show and it was the greatest thing in the world. So it's a, it's called Ring the Bell. It's a party that my mom used to have. So she'd have tables. And men would sit around the table and women would sit next to them. And she'd have icebreakers in the front, like little cards when you'd read— So fun. Somebody would read the question and then would break the ice. And then whoever ran the event would ring the bell. And after every course, the man would get up, the woman would stay and go around the table. This is speed dating. And my mother had marriages and marriages from this thing. So I brought it on the show once. It was really cute.

And— Isn't that speed dating?

It was in a sense, but not really. Okay. Speed dating is when you're across from someone, or we call power dating, even though the rabbi invented speed dating, across from someone and then you jump, you jump, you jump. But this is different because you're at a dinner. So you're at a dinner and you're talking to everyone. So a woman has a man to both sides and then a man has another woman to the side. If the man gets up and moves one over, everybody meets this. Everybody meets everyone. Yeah. And it's like after each course. Course. Like she'd have small courses and then the big finish with the dessert at the end. That's so great.

I love that.

Yeah, it was a really cute idea. So dinner parties are great too. The problem is people go there, I'm gonna meet my husband. No, go there to meet people. Yeah. How about you just make friends and see where it lays? You know? Yeah. You got outta the house, you look, you put some lipstick on, you put a pair of cute jeans on and just relax. Like, you know, rather than hunting and standing at a bar waiting to get picked.

Yeah, I agree. And also I think that like air of desperation, if you're going there just to meet, just to meet, as opposed to having much more of, I am going there, like a reframe of your brain. You are going there to meet people versus I need laser focus, I need to meet a man, I need to meet a woman.

I mean, my mom was good at the matchmaking part because she did that for a living. But the other thing is like she also put people in the group that had the same common interests. Like if they were golfers, you know, male and female golfers, she put them all together and then they had something to talk about. So another thing is you can make groups. Based on like skiing or whatever your hobbies are. I love to cook, so mine would be like cooking, you know. I cook everything, you name it, I can cook it. That's just my thing. I've always been like that since a child. Yeah, I was— my family always had the refrigerators filled, my aunt, my grandmother. And if they didn't have food to cook, you were in trouble because that was how we showed love.

Yeah, I mean, that's also very Jewish though, right? Like, that's what I mean.

Like, I cook really clean now, so I'm like, I was Erwan before Erwan, you know what I mean? Like, that's how I cooked. Yeah, all clean ingredients, reading labels. I— she just gave me something to look at, and I looked, I immediately went to the label.

I know, so you, you, you read every label? Every label.

I know what seed oils are in, I know everything going down, what flour they used. I'm neurotic. Yeah, I love that. Yeah.

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Go to www.fatty15.com/habits and use code HABITS at checkout to get an additional 15% off their 90-day starter kit. That's fatty15.com/habits. Habits. Code Habits. And you can find the link in the show notes. Now let's get back to the episode. What's the number one question people ask you?

Where are all the men? More than where are the women?

Do men ever ask you where all the women are?

No, they just say, hip, fix me up. They just know that I have the women, so they go, fix me up.

But they want to know. But it's always, where are all the men?

Where are the men? They're so sad. And look, Look, everybody goes through depression. We watched all those Christmas movies where everybody found love this last period, and I just wanna cry every single time and go, where's my guy? And now we have a song, our national anthem. What do you mean? Where the Hell Is My Husband by Rae. That's right. The minute it dropped, I told everyone, this is gonna be the biggest hit of next year. People are like, you're crazy. I'm like, okay, I'm an idiot. But it's— that is the national anthem. Where is my husband? It used to be the single girls. Screw, screw you, Beyoncé. We have Ray. Right, exactly. Ray is new girl in town. So that's your—

that's the number one question they ask you. Do they ever ask you, how are you single if you're a matchmaker?

Always, always. But that's my journey and my story. I go on dates. I haven't found the one. I feel like LA's really hard. It, it would be easier for me in Florida, but I don't live there. So that's why— why don't you move?

Why are you here still?

I live here cuz I produce TV. I make— I made 5 movies for Hallmark. I'm producing a scripted series with the people that made The Kissing Booth and The Queen's Gambit and The Walter Boys. So I'm working on a scripted show with them.

Can't you live here half the time and— I can.

I can. And Boca half the time? I can. But you know what? I really like the weather here. I don't know what it is. Like, the humidity.

Did it get you a little bit? I was lucky. It was freezing cold on the set.

Oh, you were good. You were in the rain. You had the rain and the freezing cold. Oh, no.

Yeah, no rain, thank God. Oh my God, I hate— that's the problem with Florida.

Usually it had rain this last year. You know that?

I had the worst— I was—

the last time I was there, I went there— I usually go every other month. My best friend lives there. Oh really? In Fort Lauderdale. Yeah. And the last time I was there, I said, thank you for the rain. Every day I was there, it rained.

I hate rain though. Yeah.

Well, rain brings the mosquitoes, so it's terrible in Florida.

Oh, I just— yeah, that's— yeah, listen, I really love the life in Miami. I want to bring it—

if I have to import somebody in, I know, like, hey guys, if you're watching the show, we're both single. I'm just putting it out there, um, because I would totally import a guy in, especially a guy who's successful and already has money. He can live anywhere. Well, I mean, 100%.

And who wouldn't want to live in LA? It's beautiful. Yeah, I'll tell you who wouldn't— anybody who has any, any money because of the taxes here. So expensive. Okay, not to mention all the homeless. I can give you a million reasons.

Okay, all right, all right, okay.

Many people have— most of the people I know have like— and then we lost the Palisades also. And the Palisades. And so there's a lot of reasons. I think the only reason to be in LA now is the weather. I mean, I think that's, that's really where it comes.

But then we don't have even summer. We don't— we get, you know, June Gloom and May Gray, and we don't get like summer till everybody— everybody's leaving to go back to school, and then we get our summer. Isn't that something?

So stupid. It's crazy. Yeah, I agree. What's the difference between being picky and having very high standards?

Picky is neurosis. So it's constantly where, you know, her eyelashes flutter too much or, you know, one thigh's thinner than the other. Like, that's, that's creepy. But, um, high standards, high value woman, that's okay. Yeah, but I'd rather you have high standards. No, but what's the difference? And someone who's like picking silly things, but like picky is kind of picky. That's not so much silly things, it's just neurosis over like, you know, like I'm too picky. Well, should I be low standards? So high standards is like you look at yourself Do you have those things? Are you success— if you want someone successful, are you successful? If you want someone in shape, are you in shape? That's like high standards.

So what I find so hilarious is when these— I find this is what I think happens a lot when people who aren't like— they're a 6 and they expect to get an 11, especially if it's a man that has money.

Yeah, because he—

but they can get it. They get the 11.

Yeah, he believes the entrance fee Okay. Of the money. Jeff Bezos 101, you know? And then she comes along and makes him in shape. Yeah. I mean, they have a good relationship like that.

I know. But to me, that's even— I see it way worse. At least she's age appropriate.

Yeah. Isn't that nice?

At least she's age appropriate. Isn't that really nice? Like, to me, it's like—

Laura's great. She's great.

Life's great. And also, she's no dummy. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, so he— to me, I can deal with that. What I don't like is when it's like, I'm— you're like 5'1" and you're bald, but you're very rich and you're—

Well, there's tons of nerds on the Forbes 400.

And they're dating a 25-year-old gold digger and they think that's okay. But I don't see how—

But they didn't get that in high school.

Exactly. But I say if you marry for money, you earn every penny because the girl still has to have sex with that guy. Some girls don't care.

I know. They're going Birkin, Birkin, Birkin as he's going up and down and pumping a junk.

Yes. But what I don't get, but is how— what does that say about the girl?

The girl is materialistic, but you get what you pay for.

You get what you pay. And you earn every penny. Did you ever watch the movie Gentlemen—

Gentlemen— what's that movie? Blondes. Gentlemen Blondes. Gentlemen— the Marilyn Monroe movie. Gentlemen Were Blondes. Yeah. Okay. So she says to— she's dating this guy, and the guy's father has the money. He's the billionaire. And she says to him, well, don't you know a pretty girl is just like a man with money? We have an exchange. Transaction. Transaction. And then she said, what's wrong with that? You're not going to date— you're not going to marry an ugly girl. Why not me? In the end, she says that. And I just saw that clip. I put it on my Instagram.

Listen, if it works for you, all the power to you. But I find that very— I find that interesting. Okay.

Yeah, but you have to understand, in that time, in that era, women didn't have money. So we were slaves to men. So think about this. Yes. We've always been slaves to men till this generation. Think about that. Think about that. Yeah, I know. Our generation, okay, made the money to pave the way for these younger kids where they're making— they're not going to even college. They're like, why should I go in debt? I can make 6 times that month. AI, you know, CGI and all this other crap that they're doing, UCSG and all this shit. They're making all this stuff online without even going to college. Well, we had to go to college, we had to pay our dues, we had to work for the man. They're not doing that anymore. So they're making all this money and living at home and saving money at the same time. Like, it's crazy. It is crazy. But then they're socially inept, so there's a payoff at the end of the day. But the girl that's traveling around and, you know, on Instagram and going, I got princess treatment, he's taking me there and here, and I just got my ring, and we'll see how long that lasts.

What do you think though of having like traditional values?

I'm traditional, right? I'm old school, very old school. I'm old school. I'm way old school. Then you would never know that about me.

But that's what I've been trying. You, you, but you preach it a lot.

I feel better when I'm old school. The minute I get outside of old school, I do not feel good at all.

Right. No. I mean, and you all, your whole thing also with like no sex before monogamy. Yeah. And all these things, you still believe in that.

But there's a reason, there's a biological reason, you know that, right? So the biological reason, Emily would tell you this, the biological reason is that we have oxytocin. They only get oxytocin through vasopressin. So a man falls in love when he's doing things for you, solving your problems and doing things, building those IKEA shelves, okay? Picking up for dinner every night. When he's doing, he feels good and then he loves you more. That creates oxytocin, a very small amount, but still it does create it. Women, the minute we have sex with you, we fall in love with you, whether we like you or not, whether you got an orgasm or not. The touch creates oxytocin. We bond. That's why we spoon. Okay, and we're screwed. So we can fall in love with the gas station attendant who doesn't give a shit about you, okay, will rob you blind, you know, steal your sister at the same time. And we're like, wait, what just happened? He is not bonded. He bonds through vast suppressant.

But doesn't that change over time? So let's say you get— so like, you can start— you don't think it changes over time?

No, as long as he keeps doing for you, he will be in love with you. That's why they did a study recently which upset me greatly that said women who cook, okay, don't get the love from the man like women who don't cook. And I automatically cook because that's what my mother and my grandmother did. Right. So then you just— I remember once I literally was— I was at the best sex I ever had in Florida at one period. It was dirty '30s, early dirty '30s. And so I thought my boyfriend was cheating. I wasn't sure. And he was leaving the next morning to go on a business trip. So I conveniently went naked under the robe to his house. You know, like one of those. I lived in Florida. And I made his favorite chocolate chip cookies. I stayed up all night baking. That's how he was driving my bus, because my hormones were raging to procreate and have orgasms. Oh, he gave me the best orgasms I ever had. So I was like— Emily would love this story. And I went 4 years on again, off again. The day I said it was over, I had the click.

He wasn't for me. He wasn't treating me right, blah, blah, blah. I met my fiancé the next day, but I had the click go off. Of course, then he Please come back. I'll marry you. I love you. I told you, they every time, they always come back. They'll come. They could come back 15 years later and say you were the one that got away. You're going to hear women say that to you after this episode. Yeah. Like, yeah. And so the oxytocin controls our brain to make our decisions. Now you get into your 50s and what happens? Hormones change, right? They change. You get into menopause, testosterone increases. Estrogen goes down and testosterone does not increase for men. For women. Oh, God. Women increase testosterone in menopause and our estrogen decreases. When that happens, our brain changes and we become the man. That's why you can have sex after menopause and you basically don't get attached.

I thought you lose testosterone.

No, you don't lose testosterone. It increases estrogen. You lose estrogen. You need estrogen. That's why it's very important for people to get on bioidenticals, which now we know the truth, which they've been lying to us. And I was always a Suzanne Somers girl, read the book, went to the doctors, have the best functional medicine doctor, Dr. Reed. You know, Molly Sims goes to her.

Do you go to Dr. Reed? Yeah, love her.

Saved my life. She saved—

by the way, I went to her 10 years ago. She's a— she's French, right? Yes, she's— she's a very good doctor.

She knew about that number. She knew. She's in Santa Monica. She knew about peptides before anyone knew.

Anybody else did?

Anyway, I went to another famous doctor in Beverly Hills who almost killed me in COVID, and Dr. Reid saved my life. What do you mean? What kind of doctor? She overprescribed. I don't want to say her name, but she was really bad. She overprescribed hormones? Overprescribed Biogenical, but she misdiagnosed my dosage. And having Hashimoto's and everything, I almost died. And Dr. Reid changed me. Really? She completely changed me. Me. Yeah. And that's important that you go to good, good physicians that know what they're doing. She won't give you anything FDA-approved. Like, there's something I wanted and I was reading about, and she's like, nope, it's not FDA-approved yet. Like, she's one of those. But she knows about shit before it happens because she's friends.

I remember she was really good. She was a very good doctor. And I, I remember when I went to see her for something, she gave me something that nobody else was giving at the time. She's got a great reputation. Amazing.

There's somebody else really famous that goes to her, but I don't want to say it. Molly has talked about This other person is even bigger than Molly. And, you know, I know, I know. You know, she knew about Exosomes and all the glutathione and all the drips before anybody did. No, that's what she gave me, glutathione, like 12 years ago. And she said, and like, when I got COVID, she knew exactly what to do. Sam Grant, who's my nutritionist, works part-time with her too. And she is amazing too. So those two people together really changed my life.

God, I should go back to see her. Can you give me her number? I forgot.

Yes, I will give it to you after the show's over.

I really want— I'm just like, I got to go see her again. Is there anything that I forgot to ask you that you think would be something that my audience would like to hear?

You said you mostly cater to men, right? Is that what you said? I would say 60/40.

Okay. No, not all men.

I would say 60/40. Maybe talk about some men stuff because we talked more about women stuff. So let's talk about men stuff. Ask me questions about men.

Okay. So, well, I was asking— Yeah, you're telling me a lot about women. Women, by the way, would love this also. But men were my premium clients.

So it started with men and it's still with men because men don't have time. They're busy, they know what they want, and they need someone to give it to them. So if they go back on Instagram with their secretaries, they gotta spend a lot of time, not so much swiping, but screening. And one of the things that I'm able to do that nobody can do is me and my team, we screen like nobody. We'll say, we'll know who their first grade boyfriend was. You know, it's like one of those things. And then we know who's right energy for them. Like, I had a really difficult client about 3 weeks ago who's famous on Instagram and he gets a million girls, really handsome from the Midwest. And I gave him 2 girls, right? He likes them both. So now his biggest dilemma is, which one do I choose? I go, well, don't choose any. Just keep dating both and then you'll figure it out. So one of my clients always says to me, you always give me so many choices. I'm like, should I not? Like, other services barely give you one and I'm giving choices.

Don't you think it's better to focus on one person and see if it works?

No, not in in the beginning stage, not these kind of clients. These kind of clients need choices, because if they go through one, they will come back immediately. They, oh, I pulled the trigger too soon. I rather them date a few people than pick one and take their time, right?

Well, you did tell me that earlier.

I mean, that's why I tell women, when the women come in, these men are dating everyone. You date everyone too, just don't date— you can only date my service. One of the problems I have is that I tell women, the men who pay, or the women who pay, that's the client. So they can have as many as they want. You cannot.

So in the matchmaking space, who— like, I'm not gonna— besides the dating apps and all the things we already covered, is this a big business? Are there a lot of matchmaking?

It's getting bigger and bigger as we talk about it because of what's going on. Yeah. And people are sick of apps and they're sick of everything. And AI is going to now take over in the matchmaking space. That's a new thing that's happening with apps. Really? Yeah. It'll assist us, but it'll never get rid of the human touch because they don't know what they're doing. I've tried ChatGPT for the matchmaking, didn't do what I needed to do. So I— it's— you need a human touch because we are taste, touch, and feel. So it's a little different than ChatGPT going, theoretically, what you should do. You know, it's not the same thing. But I will say that AI will be good for recruiting, which means like if I want to find a golfer in Cincinnati at a certain country club, eventually, not today, AA will find me that particular golfer for that client, that female client. So it's like, kind of like it's gonna be my legs on the ground, but I wouldn't say it knows how to actually put— sorry, how to put these two people together.

You know what I was just thinking would be a great thing? Mm-hmm. If they're gonna do something online, LinkedIn should put together—

I always said LinkedIn should do dating for sure, because it's like you have that core. I don't know them, but I've always said that, and I would be the in-house matchmaker and help them put together. I've always said that.

I think that would be brilliant because you, you have like all the business, you have like the built-in audience of people. I think they tried to do that with The League. Do you remember?

Well, The League has, has basic dating, but Facebook Dating, but it's not the level because you're looking at business profiles, you're looking at people, CEOs and own corporations, and you're looking at a higher level of clientele.

Okay, I have one last question actually, and then we can wrap. It's been a while, but But what do you think of interfaith relationships versus, um, this is a touchy one.

You know, being Jewish, we all want everybody to date Jewish, especially after October 7th, right? Um, right. Love is love, so I'm not here to tell you not to— who to date because you have a different religion. You just gotta know, are you compatible? So like, for instance, if I'm talking about compatibility, if you're Orthodox Jewish, you're not going to date a born-again Christian?

No, no, I don't mean it like that. What I What I mean is, historically, in your experiences with people that you've set up, have you noticed that the people who have longevity over time is people who are Jewish-Jewish, Muslim-Muslim together versus this one and that one? No.

There are plenty of people that have opposite religion. Most of the people now, I feel, are getting more spiritual. I'll go to church with a Catholic guy like I did my last boyfriend. And then I'll have Passover dinner with him at my house or something like that. But it's more about, do you believe in God? Like, I can't date an atheist. It wouldn't work for me.

Right, right, right.

I'm not religious, although I am a Zionist for Israel. But I can't date somebody who's like, there is— once we die, we're dead. Like, I'm like, no, we're reincarnated. Like, you know, there's other stuff going on. Right. There are planets. Even how many times have we now know there's alien life and yet nobody wants to talk about it. And I'm sitting here going, there are other planets with other alien life forms. Don't you want to know about that? Yeah, I'm like, great, until they invade. Okay, right.

So that's not really— so it's more about the spirituality.

Spirituality is believing in God, you know. And but when you have a religion, and I won't say the one, everybody's gonna know, that will blow themselves up and hurt people in the name of their God, that's a cult. That's not a religion, that's a cult. So I'm sorry if you don't like that, that's a cult. Okay, and I'm sorry because God doesn't hurt people. Okay, you know, yeah, I agree. I was watching One Battle After Another. Did you see it? No. Oh, so good. So fucking good. It's the best movie next to Marty Supreme, and that are the two movies of the year. So I watched One Battle After Another, and there's this thing—

where is it on? I want to watch it.

Um, I think it's on HBO now. Okay, so it's with Leonardo DiCaprio. Okay, and so there's this thing, this white supremacist club called the American Christmas Club in the movie, and I can't give it away what it But I thought about this and I went, wait, they don't want anybody whose blood is tainted that's not purely white. I thought, Jesus was a Jew and he was Sephardic. He did not have white skin. Like, I was like, like, that's how dumb religion became. Yeah, like they just made up their fairy tales as they went along. That's not the truth, right? Jesus was a rabbi, did tefillin every morning. He'd come back and go, what the hell did you people do?

That's right, that's interesting. Exactly true. I'm gonna watch that movie.

Yeah, so you're gonna love that and Marty Supreme. Both. Okay, I'm gonna watch that. Well, they're both online. Well, no, Marty Supreme I saw in the theater last week, but One Bet After Another is on HBO. Yeah. I like that.

Okay, I think that's all. We've been doing this for a while now. I don't know how long this podcast is, but if people want to know more about you, where can they find you?

They can either go to millionairesclub123.com. It's got an S in Millionaires Club. Or DM me on Instagram, @istanger with an I. There you go.

You heard it here. Not first, but you've heard it here. You are great. Again, the OG of matchmaking and so entertaining. So, like, straight. I think that you're just so fun. Cool. Thank you so much for being on here. I really appreciate it. You're great. And go find Bette Patti on Instagram or The Millionaire Matchmaker. Is there, like, any kind of, like, survey or something people can fill out? Yeah.

When they get to my website, they can decide if they're going to be a client or a dater, and then they'll just— the prompts will lead you in there.

Oh, okay, great. Yeah, on the website. Perfect. Perfect.

Thank you. Yeah, thanks for having me.

No, thank you for being here. Bye, everyone.