Transcript of E561 Ari Shaffir

I have some tour dates to tell you about. I'll be in East Lansing. I'll be in Victoria in the Canada. I'll be in College Station, Texas, Belton, Texas, Oxford, Mississippi, out of town, Tuscaloosa, Alabama, Nashville, Tennessee, baby, and Winnipeg in the Canada and Calgary in the Canada. All those tickets are at theovan. Com/tour. This is still the Return of the Rat Tour. I promise we'll We'll end at one of these days when we've gone all the places that we can go. I'm very grateful that you guys continue to support us. Today's guest is a stand-up comedian. He's a podcaster. He's been an integral part of comedy for a long time. Bridges a lot of years and connections between other comics. He's certainly a type of glue in the humor world His latest special, America's Sweetheart, is now on Netflix. You know his podcast, You be Trippin, and he's currently on the Farewell Tour, going now through the rest of the year. I'm always excited to spend time with him and catch up. Today's guest is Mr. Ari Shafir. I'm Too much burrito. Did you?

I have American serving sizes, and they hit you with chips and salsa first. You fill up on those.

Yeah, some serving sizes are alarming. I can't tell if I'm... There's an amount of serving size that you want to get, right? But then some places that give too much, you're like, Oh, this is awesome of them. But then you start having it, and you're like, Oh, this is-I'm going to keep eating it.

I'm a dog.

And it's not good sometimes. They're just overloading you with badness.

They have shitty fries. They're like, There's no seasoned of this. And then I ate them all? I should have just been like, No, I have fry money. I could go get more fries. Yeah, get some better fries. But I don't. They're right here right now. I'm going to eat them. I want two bites too many. It would be perfect. Okay. I'm done with one or two extra bites, and then that's it. Buddy, that Trump interview was so fucking good. I've never seen an interview do it like that. Where it's like, I mean, this is the way I'm reading it. I'm Theo. I'm like, You're here for me, not the other way around. Really? You're going to facilitate me being Theo.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. I just felt... I had an exhausted week that week. We'd had a couple of interviews. I think it was in New York and in Nashville It was just a lot of traveling. I was like, I do not want to do this today. You really had to prep for it. But it was just burnt out. But I think some people have said that they think it had an effect on the election and stuff. I don't really think that.

I think it was neither here nor there. He was just sitting there like, I like this for you. It's like when I go in a bonfire with Jay and Dan, I would just like, Oh, you guys have a routine here. I'll just sit back and maybe get one tagline in.

Yeah, I wish that I got more time to talk to Donald Trump because I thought it would have been just I knew we only had about 55 minutes. That's a unique amount of time.

I hate when those big guys were like, We have this much time. You're like, All right, I'll do that. Everybody else is like, Let's just go till we're done. Yeah. But it was interesting. We're going to need to wrap up I'm like, Oh, yeah, fine. But I'm not finished yet.

There was some guy in the back, some lady.

I should have just been like, Wave it off. But I didn't. I should have been like, You don't work for me. I don't work for you. I'm going to keep him here.

Yeah, I wish you'd got... Dude, I had a dream last night, actually, that I interviewed Tim Walls, actually.

He's the loser guy.

He was the guy that said... Yeah, he was on the losing team, and he was...

What did you interview him about it? What did you talk to him in your dream?

I can't remember, but he was so cool in the interview, and I was like, Dude, no, people don't know if you're so cool or not? We have to come. Let's talk, people. But I think...

I bet they're all cool. But they're like, Hey, you know what I want to do? I want to take power. I'm like, Oh, I like that. Then when they do it, I was like, Fuck you.

Yeah, I think a lot of them just probably either are That's the thing. It's so hard to know what they're really like as opposed to what you see until I think you get some thing of them that seems somewhat relatable to you.

Yeah, they're all a product, too. I I saw somebody talking about George Bush Jr. How do you say nuclear? How do I say nuclear? And somebody's like...

Wait, how would he say it?

Nuclear.

Nuclear. That's how he would say it?

No, he said nuclear. Nuclear. Oh, nuclear is wrong. Sorry, buddy.

Which one's wrong? Nuclear. Nuclear is wrong.

Yeah. Nuclear. But they were like, You don't think he knew... No, it's nuclear power. Nuclear power. No matter what you put on it, it's always going to be nuclear. Okay.

Yeah, I've heard it both ways. I didn't really know which one was correct, but yeah, nuclear.

But they were like, You don't think he knew how to His father was the President. You don't think he knew and he heard nuclear around the house? They told him to mispronounce that so he could be relatable. Wow, you think? Yeah. Damn. He went to an Ivy League school. That's true. He would have been shaken of that.

I think people are starting to get hip to how much of it is...

Game of Thrones, like image shit. Yeah.

How much of it is this person is doing this, or they're being told this, or this is the plan? Kamala did not have a good strategist, whoever their planner was or whatever. Who was that? Who was their... That's one thing I better read.

It wasn't the swammy. Campaign advisor? Yeah, I bet it wasn't that bald guy. What's his name? He's the main one. Carville? Dreams Carville? Oh, yeah. He was cool. Not him.

He would have done something better. He would have done something cool. He's out of Louisiana.

Yeah, that's right. I went up to him once. I was like, How do you talk to a celebrity? There's no way. I don't know how to do it. They know I'm talking to them because they're them. Not just like, Oh, hey, cool shirt. I didn't know who it was. I saw him on a commercial shoot once. I was like, What do I say? I'm like, I know. He used to call in the sports radio in DC, and he had a great thing. Always been on the home underdog if there were more than seven points. I was like, That's what I'll say. I was like, Hey, he used to listen to you on WTEM with Cornheiser way back, and he goes, Oh, cool. Fuck. Fuck. Even that.

Yeah, there's nothing worse because if your planned line doesn't go good for a celebrity, you have nothing.

That's it. You stand like an asshole like, I've done that. It feels so shitty, and then it's so obvious what you were trying to do. I know.

There was a night where Johnny Depp was at the Comedy Store. Oh, yeah, I heard about that. And everybody... He's the star. There was nobody like him. He was everybody, dude. He was in that movie Peter Pan. He was in that Peter Pan movie. Was he? Yeah. What was it called? Finding Neverland? Finding Neverland. Oh, God. That's a good movie. But anyway, so then suddenly, I'd never even really been backstage at the main room. At the main room, I wasn't getting on stage there much of the time. I'm like, Oh, I got to go back. Got to go back. Johnny. You walk in, the back room back there was packed. You could barely even move. Everybody's having these fake conversations and has their body lightly turned towards Johnny Depp.

They all try to laugh louder, so maybe he'll join in with our joviality. I see it with Roger sometimes. I bet you get it, too. He's sitting and you're like, Oh, cool. Nobody's in this bar. I was like, I don't know. Just fill up. It's like, word got out. Theovon's there.

Oh, Rogan, I could imagine, dude. I feel like you never see. I feel like a lot of people, you never see him. He doesn't do a lot of...

We got 20 minutes normal, and then it's over. I'm like, I was sitting there. All right, fucking take it.

Yeah, they're like, Let me tell you about science. I'll tell you where the AIDS is. You're like, What's this guy? It's just a gig at his flirting or whatever. But It was like that at the... That was it. He was in the back. I'm coming out.

I think I care. That's Edgar. That's right.

Yeah, he was with Edgar. Who brought him? The guy... Doug Stanley. Doug Stanley brought him from Arizona. Everybody was just like...

Trying to be in his presence, his aura. You could soak it in. You could ask.

You could just see him. I can't even remember if I got to meet him or not. But if I did, I think it was one of those things like, Oh, see, things are going good, or something like that. Just like, We were from high school together.

You want this... It's never going to be that. It's never going to be like, shoot. The best was Dice one time, met some guy, and he goes, Oh, we should hang out. It's just some fan. Dice is like, Sure, give me a number. Dice called him and texted him 35 times a day, bothered him at work to the point where the guy's like, Hey, Andrew, I'm working right now. I go, Oh, yeah, work's tough. I remember a couple of jobs I had when I was younger. I was like, Andrew, I got to go back to work. The guy just regreted trying to be I'm friends of them.

Yeah, that's hilarious.

It does suck. I heard Brody Stevens went back there and either didn't know or now that I realize, probably somebody told him. He went back there and was like, Oh, you're not expected to see anybody, let alone Johnny fucking Depp. And he goes, Oh. And then I heard Depp had this way to offset. He goes, Hi, I'm Johnny. How are you doing? Or, I'm John. And then Brody's like, Johnny Depp. Yes, heard of it. He must have been like, This guy's been weird in front of me. Not I don't know. That's just who he is. He's going to hang himself soon. Don't worry about that.

God, yeah. There's nothing scarier than if you have a line for something to say this because your brain doesn't think. It's just like, Oh, everything will go good. It's not like, Well, if that doesn't I had adhered to, then what are you going to do after that?

You plan ahead. Like, once that goes great, then what do I do from there?

I'll talk, I'll listen, I'll say, Hey, I will... Then I'll ask, Yeah, maybe we can get a photo or something. Yeah, but God, it's so scary when that first line doesn't go good because then you don't know what to do.

It's so embarrassing.

It is harrowing. That was at a time when there was a real hierarchy to celebrity. I feel like celebrity has gotten very... Everybody has social media. Everybody has a website. Everybody could be a star.

You also see the real them now, the real, real celebrities. So you're like, Oh, you're just a guy.

You do the same.

You're like, Oh, I see you with your dog. You're fine. You're normal.

Yeah, things have gotten... Yeah, celebrities used to be kept in this hidden realm.

Yeah, I met Rob Lowe, who's one of those big ones in my travel podcast. Yeah. And he was like, Can I change? And the other room was like, Yeah, sure. It's filthy. I had someone sleeping in there yesterday. But we got whatever. And then she was like, Yeah, I don't have to cater to them. You're a guy, fucking go in there and change. I don't know.

Right.

Yeah, that's how they all are. It's weird realizing as you grow up, they're not different.

Yeah. Do you think that's growing up or do you think that it's changed?

Maybe it's changed.

Maybe, but I always take out the fact that I'm getting older and growing up, that that could be part of the realization of things.

Yes, somebody said whenever you have a big movie now, they're like, Oh, let's get Matt Damon or it's Brad Pitt. That'll be a big star. But then it's No one under 28 worships that guy. It's a 50-year-old studio exec saying, That'll be a head. I was like, No, get Timothée Chalamet. Get somebody younger.

Yeah, get Timothée Chalamet or get a lesbian who's a Timothée Chalamet impersonator.

Yeah, without even trying.

But even that would go further with a young generation. Sure would. They'd be like, Oh, yeah.

They'd be like, What the fuck?

Ari Shafir, man, good to see you, bro. You, too, buddy. Yeah. Are you living in Austin now?

No, in New York. Are you still living in New York? Just publicly. Every time I'm there, there's so many fucking pictures. So I was like, I guess you must be there. You can't do it two feet without somebody posting a picture.

And they're pretty immediate over there, too.

Yeah.

The second you're there, you show up on social media.

Yeah. You're It's almost like, Hey, how's the crowd I'm about to go on. I noticed you were there. Like, Oh, all right. They're pretty good.

Are you amazed at the success of Austin or with the comedy scene in Austin? What do you think about it?

It's exciting. For sure, it's exciting. They got some shit to overcome. They want to be the real scene. Yeah? Yeah. They need to know where they're weak. They don't.

Where they're weak, the comedians, you mean?

Yeah. There's a lot of ass kiss in there. It's like, We're great, we're great. And you really got to focus on why we're terrible. Self-hating was always driving you better than celebration.

Oh, you know what? That's a good... I don't know if there's as much self-hatred there.

Yeah, the store, especially when you started going there, right after me, it was like, No, it was there. We suck. We fucking suck. It's obvious. No one's here to see us. So let's try to be better.

Yeah, they've started out doing well, like the Jean Benet of comedy.

Four-year comics with serious road draws. You're like, Oh, you need that fucking struggle time. We started with a spotter. That's not the best way to work out. I didn't even really think about that. Yeah, but it's still exciting. It's a new burgeoning scene, and that's pretty exciting. There's no Hollywood there to fuck it up, to ship people away from what they're doing. So they're really just concentrating on jokes. Yeah.

At first, I was like, What's this going to be like? It seemed like a lot of when Joe went, but then also Tom Seguro went, which was huge, and a lot of comedians went.

I think the bigger thing is those five, six-year comics that are going, and in 10 years, it's a long game to make that scene something. In 10 years, they're going to be the best comics, and they're going to be Austin comics.

Yeah. Yeah, that's the last time I was there, I was like, You could go up and down that street and do five sets in a night if you wanted. I was like, Well, that isThat was nice. Yeah, that's nice.

I don't know how you are normally. You're so fucking big now. It's pretty cool. But I talked with Shane, too. I'm like, Can you go up and get an honest rep anymore?

That's a good question, especially Shane, I feel like, is the biggest guy in the world right now. I feel like he's like... I don't even know who I would compare him to.

He's like the big...

He's like Dane Cook.

Yeah, at the time. When Dane was Dane... Shane and Dane. Shane and Dane. Shane and Dane. Buddy Cops, where they don't do anything. They just get drunk instead, and Dane just goes, Come on, don't drink, don't drink, don't drink. And Shane just keeps drinking, and they never solve a crime.

Dane has a big idea, and then Shane just It seems gay. Raises his eyebrow at him.

He's like, All right, I won't.

It seems gay. That's hilarious. That'd be the best.

That'd be the best cop. Nothing happens every single episode. They just sit there and half-argue. Yeah, you need an honest rep. There's times where I go up in New York and it's a big applause, and sometimes I go up and it's like, One guy's like that, and I'm like, Oh, nice. Okay, this is going to be a real. I'll really tell if my jokes are good this time.

This is going to be fair. Yeah. Well, I think a lot of the people from the podcast are that realm or whatever, people podcast. It's like a lot of the audiences know us. They just see us so much.

Going ahead of time, they already know your backstory. Yeah.

They've seen so many clips for you or things that are out there. And a lot of it's stuff that we didn't even make. It's like other channels making shit. I know there's like, Legion of Skanks has extra channels that are always just making their shit and putting it out. It's great stuff, but it's like, so then that just gets so much of it out there.

Yeah. I remember doing one time when I was doing that Jew special, I would do Q&A's. What do you want to know about Jews? Sometimes he'd be like, What's Theo Vaughn like? I'm like, No, just Jew questions. Then one time in Houston, I was like, All right, I'm going to do this. They said something about Bird. I was like, Bird did that, whatever. Then Tom, I was doing that. Then this black couple, this guy, he was just raising his hands. I was like, Yeah, question. He goes, Who are all those people? I was like, Oh, right. Yeah, you don't know the backstory. I can't do shit like that.

Well, black people started podcasting a lot more last year.

Yeah, they just figured out how to get online. Yeah, they couldn't figure out the password. They keep changing their phone numbers too much. It's linked to an old phone number.

That could be true. They're like, Oh, this is my aunt's email account.

Is this your address? Who's asking? Who's asking?

Some guy putting his home address or his email address, dude.

Disguises to enter into the password. I don't know how it works. Anyway, they finally hired some white Jew out of college to run it for them. Now it's all running great.

I am curious about Austin. I'm curious because last time I was there, just this energy. There is a lot of excitement. The club will be sold out. I mean, Joe's Club will be sold out forever.

So you sell it on seconds.

Yeah, but even you go to some of those other rooms, you go to Red Band's room next door, you go to There's the Black Cat or something.

Black Rabbit.

Yeah, Black Rabbit.

My problem is also I can't get any on it. I'm a star there. Yeah. So that's not... It's fun. It was like, remember the Laugh Factory open mic?

Yes. So Laugh Factory open mic. Signing up for it and sitting outside.

You can only do once a month, and that's what kept you in comedy because you're like, I will kill. The store open mic was like, made you think about quitting. But it was so good. You need that once in a while. It was just a victory lap. That's how Austin is for me. No matter where I go, I'm like, Yes. I'm like, All right, I can't work on anything here.

It's probably because you and Rogan have been friends for so long. You've just been so intertwined with a lot of those guys, and because you've done so much work yourself.

But for new comics, you can get that honest rep there, and that's what's exciting to me. I Joe also. He's trying to build a scene, not just a club.

Yeah, I think he's doing it. I mean, he pushes. At the end of every episode, he asks everybody, he's like, So you're moving to Austin?

Oh, yeah.

He tries so hard. He really does it.

He tries so hard. I try to tell him the reasons why they don't make sense to him. It's like an influencer town. He's like, No, you just get a place 45 minutes away with armed guards every mile. It's like, Okay, that's not going to be my reality, bro.

Yeah, he has people just shooting on it, tablets. No, it's close.

They just get airlifted into the club and get aerufted back. It's easy, man.

But it's such a fun time.

It is fun. Oh, my God. It's a vacation. Every time you go there, you're treated right, you fill up your own drinks. That's how every club should be. I'm an adult, I get free drinks. Why I got to bother this bartender? Let me just make my drinks. People are like, Doesn't he lose a lot of money? They're like, A bottle of it? It costs $60. Right. No.

If that's that much of the stress, then you guys are having a tough time anyway. Yeah.

You make a little money, you see your friends with nothing to do when you're there.

Getting to be in there. People don't realize you get to meet whoever Joe had on his show that day is going to be at the club that night.

There's some congresspersons there. They're like, Hello. Anyway, we're about to make some Holocaust jokes. Do you want to stay in for this? It's on you.

He's like, I wrote a couple myself.

We're like, I think I could fuck AIDS out of a check. I'm like, I'm sorry, your honor. Maybe we'll leave.

But it It does feel energetic there. I'm seriously considering trying to get a little house there, someplace where I can be there more often because I want to be able to work on comedy more. I do feel like I get a real rep for comedy when I'm here, actually. Interesting. If it's not a show that I put on, Yeah, right. Then you get up because I feel like LA like...

At least some rep. I might know you, but maybe I'm not a ticket buyer for Theovon. So you got to win me over a little bit.

Yeah, or maybe I'm not a fan at all. Right.

Maybe I don't I like you. Yeah. So win me over. The best was one time when Louis came back, we saw a security footage camera. Some chick was there in the side, so we could see her fully behind Louis, and she was just mad. And then four minutes in, it's Louis CK. So he's the talent. There is undeniable. She's mad. After about four minutes, she goes… And then five minutes later, she's like… And then by the end, she's just dying laughing. She's like, Yeah, maybe this guy's all right.

At the end, she's like, Jerk off in front of You can do it.

Don't ask. I'm not into that.

She's changing her whole MO.

Yeah.

Dude, I really think… I think Louis, Bill Bur, are probably the funny. They might be... Louis is the funniestest guy I've ever seen, the funniest person I've ever spoken to. He's the most creative, I think.

He's always just making jokes, and you put him on a pedestal sometimes, but now he's just a schmuck. He's just a schmendric, a fat blob. And whatever we put on, that's us putting himself on. He's just a dude.

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Yeah, it's out. It's out now. Yeah, it just came out. America's Sweetheart.

Nice. Oh, and that's you?

It's me. That's right.

Wow. So things have changed in America for sure. I'm the nice guy. Hey, we'll take what we can get.

Is nobody nicer? No.

Is Do you find as you... Because you've been in comedy for how long?

Twenty-five years. Wow. It's a long fucking time. It's more than half. I've been more in comedy than not in comedy. I think I just passed that.

Do you feel like in the beginning, you were just telling jokes, and now that there's any more purpose? I just wonder, I try to look at, do we evolve as comedians? Because you hear some people say we evolve, right? You hear some people say their whole goal, their is just to get the punchline. Some people want to start being philosophical, right? Do you feel any difference or notice anything about that for yourself?

Yeah, I think it's everybody. It's not even like you do this thing, it might even take off or not take off, but then you're like, well, I'm a different person. Like Sturgill, Sturgill Simpson. He's singing about DMT and mushrooms and stuff. Then the later albums, it's about his kids and stuff. They're like, What about the drugs? He's like, I mean, I covered it. I'm in my 40s now. It's gross to be talking about like, Can you believe I got so whacked out? It's It's lame at some point. So you have to shift. The better you get to, you talk to Hattel, who I think definitely could be the best.

It's a good point.

You see him and dude, that joke was so funny. It was a simple switch. He's on such a higher level that I've been around for a while that I'm like, wow. He's like, That was the nothing thing. That was an easy trick I just did. And he's so far above me, I can't see it. So, yeah, everybody evolves a bit. I've started using my English degree more.

Really? Yeah.

Doing pretty much my last two specials.

Like a fellow or something?

No, like the five-paragraph essay.

Like having a real plan to it?

Yeah, I'm just like, Here's my thesis, here's my proofs, now here's a wrap-up. Instead of just a collection of bits. But once you get pretty good at joke telling, then it's like, What do I want to do on top of that? That's what I'm doing with this. I'm trying to get people off the news.

Yeah, is that what it's about more?

Yeah, I'm just like, Things are pretty good. If If you're on there too much, they're going to think it's bad, but it's actually pretty fucking good.

Yeah, I saw a clip where you were with Harry Mandel. I don't know if you guys are talking about anti-Semitism. Somebody was.

How come you could pronounce that well and not nuclear?

That's a good question.

Yeah. Programming. Yeah, you've come in contact with one more than another.

Yeah. He was so sure that's a horrible time for Jews.

Yeah. I'm so positive it's not.

Yeah. I remember There was one time he was, I think it was when Trump was running for office, and nobody can understand how I was excited that Trump was running because I was like, If that fucking dude can win, then anybody could win.

Yeah, the way Obama gave Black people hope. Yeah. He gives... Trump gives regular people hope.

Oh, dude, the first time that he won, I remember dropping down the street, and I've never even been a big Trump, or I've never endorsed Trump. I don't think I voted for him the first time. I don't remember if I voted for him the first time. But I was like, Fucking anybody can win.

If you're born with a billion dollars, but you also say, stupid, and I'm stupid. That's the part I relate to.

Right. You're like, anybody could win. That's the part that was fascinating about it. But I remember how I was scared. He was like, Oh, When they had that Richmond neo-Nazi, that Nazi thing in Richmond, remember years ago?

Oh, yeah.

What was that? It was like those guys had bought those cheeky torches or whatever.

Yeah, no, it wasn't Richmond. Charlottesville? Charlottesville. Charlottesville. It was a statue. You know who the statue was there? No one does. Nobody knows who the fucking statue was, and it was a flashpoint of everything.

Was it Steven Douglas?

Were the symbols of the city's Confederate past? They don't even I don't even know who it is. They're all protesting. They don't even know where the fucking statue is.

Totally normal. Oh, it was Robert Lee and Stonewall Jackson.

Two of them.

Now, that's New Orleans, isn't it? That's Charlottesville? Yeah, that's Charlottesville. Oh, yeah.

There's a school nearby me called Robert Lee Junior High School. I wonder if it's still called that. Probably Probably changed it.

Probably changed it. Erasing history.

To Bobby Lee. Bobby Lee College of Dropouts.

Dude, how does Bobby Lee not have an elementary school name back then?

You got to. You still look like you're in one. You could go undercover, Bob. Just shave that stupid stash. You have pistache. You can go on the cover. You look young.

Oh, yeah, with just insane teriyaki lunches every day.

Yeah, just these giant meals. You ever go eat with Bobby? He just fills up the table and you're like, Is this for us? He goes, Oh, no, you can order two. Bobby's eating Bobby is like Ralphie May.

He's a principal. He shows up once a year over Zoom. You know what I saw the other day? Oh, I was talking to this kid, and he didn't know what AIDS was, dude. What? Yeah.

He doesn't know what AIDS is.

I was like, Kid. I was like...

You're trying to educate him? I don't think I'm allowed to tell you, but...

I was like, Dude, what about AIDS? And he's like, AIDS? And I was like, AIDS, you know?

One of the top three things.

Dude, it's like, But where is it? Kids don't even know about AIDS, man. It's gone. But that's crazy.

You got to talk to gays, bro. I talked to Mateo. Because you can't get it. We got a force field now.

Oh, they do? Prep. Oh, prep drugs.

Yeah, So it's like, they just can't get it. It's back to '80s. Let's fuck. Let's be gay the way gay was meant to be. Yeah. Let's fuck in the back of the church. Let's fuck anywhere.

Gays are The fuck anywhere, huh?

They just go for it.

That's crazy, isn't it?

Imagine just- The guy trying to jerk me off in the back of a bus in Vietnam.

You did? Yeah. And the guy was gay? I don't fucking know what their culture is.

That's a big sign, usually.

Dude, they're starving over there. They could have been ordering soup. Dude, any joke that ends in soup, Jewish people love it for some reason.

I'm listening. It's a little cold. I'll eat half and send it back, but I like that joke. I'll eat half that joke and send it back. Hold on, I'm almost done? There's a hair in there. It's the biggest problem with Jews going bald, they can't send soup back. Sorry, Howie, you're right.

That's hilarious. That's fucking hilarious, dude. That's fucking hilarious.

What are we talking about? Jesus Christ. This is where the President's at?

Oh, the 8. No, the 8. I miss it.

It was like a real thing, United people, United Nation AIDS.

I remember, yeah, they were at a school or whatever. They made us do a round of applause for HIV or whatever it was. It was like something, like some thing they had at our school. It was like clap for AIDS or whatever. I was like, clap for it? It was like somebody would clap as long as they could to raise money for AIDS. Like one of those things, like do it as long as you can, like an AIDSathon or whatever. Okay. It was like, I just remember being in this gym and people just... It was like somebody had to keep clapping. So you had to tag in somebody else to clap. Then if you got to a certain number of hours, then you raise a certain amount of money.

Wow. Turns out they never got the cure. They just got a pretty much a vaccine. You did it. Aids.

They That's not funny. But when you're here, everything's funny, dude. Oh, what is this right there? Oh, an unfortunate product name, AYDS.

I was overweight. Looked terrible. Helped me lose 46 pounds. The AIDS Diet Plan helped me lose 28 pounds. Aids helps control your appetite so you lose weight.

Yet AIDS lets you taste, chew, and enjoy. The appetite suppressing in AIDS is not a stimulant. Aids helped me to lose 18 pounds, and it doesn't contain anything to make me nervous. Question, why take diet pills when you can enjoy AIDS? Aids helps you lose weight without making it bitter.

That's crazy.

That's crazy. The term enjoy AIDS. People are like, Where did AIDS start? In chewable form. That's wild.

What's that new drug that makes you lose weight? Ozempic. Ozempic. That's that. They just rebranded. Aids. Zema did it. They went to Truly and Whiteclaw. They were smart. They did, huh?

I forgot. Zema was just an early Whiteclaw.

What happened there me hope for society because you're within a 10, 15-year age of me. You remember Zema? Oh, yeah. It's like there's a cooler stuff, and you reach for a Zema, people are like, You sure you want to do that in front of people? Yeah. You're going to be called gay for a long time. You're like, Okay, I won't. We went away, and then truly, our white club, whichever the first one came back, we all made a deal. Let's not call each other gay. Let's just drink this. We all were cool about it.

And just fucking shit.

Yeah.

It's better to be about it. If nobody calls the other person gay, we can enjoy this.

We can do this. Don't be the first one to take that shot in the revolution.

Dude, Zema was one of a kind because it had the bottles, and it was a malt liquor. It had a malt liquor idea to it, but was Lemon-flaved?

Citrus, yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, a touch of citrus. Look at the Jolly Ranchers nearby it.

Yeah, put a Jolly Rancher.

Is it out? Can you still buy Zema's? Is the IP still available?

You can't find Anywhere else, though, it is sold in Japan.

I'm going to Japan.

Are you?

I mean, now. It's a weird reason to go.

They got a lot of unique stuff over there.

Yeah.

What I see the other day, in China, there was a... Did you see this Jackson Hole, the city in China that they built?

Jackson Hole? When I was there, they just built a city. Really? Suzhou wanted a business district, so they just like, Do it. No bureaucracy. Make it happen. Just build it. It was up in six months. Twenty-size skyscrapers. No waiting, no codes.

Look at this place. This guy built. I visited China's $170 million little America replica town. It's a town of Jackson Hole.

Wow. That's It's a burbs.

Yeah, so it made of Jackson. It just looks like America. This guy went to visit it.

That's George from the Sleep-in?

Everything in it is...

Wyoming.

Yeah.

What? Who Who does this? How can you do this?

That's wild. They built a few of these. How big is that town? Who's building it? China.

Just to bring new people in? Old churches?

I think rich people, it looks like. Yeah, what is it? Can you give me some information on it?

So you can live in China but be in America? Yeah, something like that. Be in America. Property taxes.

Jackson, Old China is a resort town on the border between Hualai County, Yangaogau, wedge between Tai Hang and Yann Mountain Ranges. In architecture, it's designed by the town Jackson, Wyoming.

Is it a ski in there? Damn.

I don't know. Let us see some of that information. Cowboy bar. The 1,000 single home development used stock Western home plants from an architect in Oregon. Adding designs, reminiscent of Billy the Kid, Geronimo, Stage Coast Station, Big Bear, etc.

The Antler chandeliers, saddle blankets, all this stuff.

Wagon wheels, Navajo rugs, iron light fixtures, wildlife scene, fireplace screens. This is a whole place that's there. The project was completed in 2009. Lou Young-Yung, the developer Young of the community, said his selling point was more than architecture. His buyers wanted freedom and spirituality, so he built a Christian church in the center of the community for residents. According to Smith, the properties have sold out and tripled in value since being built as the first was put up in Beijing Park for display. People apparently went nuts for it.

Yeah, I should have invested in Chinese real estate. I know. Damn, I invested in Palisades. God. Wow. That's pretty cool. Yeah. Replicate town. That's Saudi shit.

Just interesting. They have a few of them.

I think there's China space. Made to be like Venice, the canals?

Yeah, replicates of Paris, London, and Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Just interesting.

What? Wait, right there. Hold on. That That's in China? They have an Eiffel Tower in China?

Oh, yeah, they do it all. Because they're like, We have so much land. We have so many expendable souls that we can use to do construction. Why not just build it here that we don't have to go somewhere?

Dude, I have a map in my studio for my travel podcast. In China, you see all the cities on the right side of it. Then as it goes left, there's just nothing. There's an occasional dot of a city. I'm like, What's all this? I think I should have looked it up by now.

What's out there? Yeah, What the fuck?

What's in central China?

That's a good question.

There's just no reports from there? Is that where they're keeping all the people who talk back?

What's in central China? I saw some Korean people yesterday.

Is that where they teach people to butt on the subway before you get a chance to get off?

Is that what they do?

Yeah, they do. They don't understand, though. We get off first, then you get on.

Oh, they get off first?

They just get on. They just push on. Elevators, too. Let me get out first.

Oh, they say it's up to you.

Yeah, it's like you didn't go for it.

What else is cracking, man?

It's cracking in the world. What do you think of everything? What makes you hopeful? Well, I get- It's time of negativity. What makes you hopeful?

Do you think things are feeling negative right now?

It seems like they're pushing you to be negative, but I don't think you have to be. So if you center on something that's like, Well, I like this. New Austin scene is pretty cool. We never had a third real scene. That's a good point. Yeah, that's nice.

At first, I didn't think, I was like, Oh, we'll never really be able to compete. But as I've gone back, I feel like, Hey, it is.

I don't think it has to compete. That's the problem, too. You get into that where I come to LA, I spend a little time hating it, the way I hated religion for a while when I left, and now I'm in school, and I get back to LA, I'm like, Oh, yeah, I'm going to get some burritos. I'm going to see some friends. This is great. It's just a great new extra thing. It's not like, Which one's better? It's like, Well, we don't have to live there. He's always like, You got to move here.

But it is cool, though.

The bars are cool. The Honky Talks away from where he built that club is still cool.

Yeah, sixth Street is a violent atmosphere of people vomiting on one another. It always was. Then they put horses. There's a horse comes by every 40 minutes and just shits everywhere.

Just shits. Let's add this to the mix. Let's up it now. You know all this violence and people are ready to go and barf and puke and Drunkenness, let's add a horse shit and then sit back and watch from a safe distance atop a stallion.

Yeah, there's just occasionally people, there's just horses shitting out there. And one of the horses, they said was an undercover cop. I'm Who gives a fuck? I'm like, Who's going to let a horse bust them?

Who goes up to a horse like, Do you want to smoke with me?

Fuck. She's like, You're under her wrist.

Look at this, check. Look at the move. What the fuck are you wearing, lady?

Have some class. When the skirt's so short, I can smell your thoughts.

I remember going there before, it got like, methy. I saw some UT You guys walking along. It's like who we used to hang with tangentially. Just like tough frat guys. They passed some check, overweight check. They're drunk. She goes, You're fat. And I was like, Dude, That's how it always was. That's sixth Street. No one in Austin goes to sixth Street. Yeah. Once a year for a lark.

Nobody real goes there. Nobody who wants to go do something fun. At least Broadway in Nashville is based on It's based on the old honky-tonk area.

There's only one or two left, but it's based on something. It comes from a place. Sixth Street in Austin, it's based on nothing.

It's got a darkness to it. Yeah, it definitely seems. It seems spooky, but it seems like people that are just there to get drunk. It has more of a Bourbon Street vibe to me.

Oh, yeah, maybe. Also, you're in this beautiful place at Rogan's Club, and you're like, It's like a casino. No lights, no anything. So you're like, I'll see you guys later. Yeah. What?

Then a Rickshaw comes by. The guy's like, You guys want to get in? It's only $50 for some AIDS. And you're like, Whoa. We just want to go two blocks. He'll be like, I'll get you AIDS by then.

I'll get you for sure. I can buy some AIDS for you out here.

What's this from? That's an Aztec death whistle.

The corner we had on, Tobi gave it to us. If you blow it full, it sounds like a woman screaming for death. Does it? Just a warning. Wow. It sure does. I've heard a few of those in real life. Keep screaming. No one's here. Yeah, I was with Gabby Petito and Brian Laundry when it happened. Really? But I didn't leave any dumb fingerprints like Brian did. That's what she sounded. The darkness. Gabby, rest in peace.

The darkness continues. Do you think there will ever be... I believe there will be a time when people will live forever and people will not. I believe that kids right now that are 15 and under, they're 15 and under. They're going to live forever.

Forever?

They'll have a chance to live forever.

They might get the drug.

Yeah. But there's going to be this weird thing where there's going to be like...

Hey, can I get it? No, you're too old. Yeah. So am I just going to age out? Yeah, it's been nice knowing you. I'll keep in touch with you for a few years, but then you're going to get old.

Yeah, but they're going to be like, Oh, you're going to die. People are going to be like, Dude, your dad died? What a fucking loser.

Was he poor? Yeah.

Oh, man, you guys must have been so poor. Your dad died of natural causes. That's so retro. Oh, God.

Here's my impression of your dad. Fucking loser. You should have worked harder, bro.

Yeah.

Look at Timmy's dad.

But that's what's going to happen. I think there's going to be a cut off, and the government will probably say this is the cut off. There will be some bad drugs that will come out of people trying to get the actual drugs.

You have some knock-offs.

Or it'll be a chip or something that you get, and then slow down all aging at the cellular level.

I'm in. Let's do it.

But then there's going to be so many people who are knocked, and there's going to be less jobs, probably. It's going to turn very dystopian.

Would you take it if they had it right now? It's been tested. It's safe. Here are the options. Take it right now, wait a few years, and decide and see how it shakes out or not take it.

So you have to pick, really. I can give you one week to decide.

Yeah. Or, well, this won't be for you as much, It's not for me, it may be for you, too. It's like you can either take this, live forever drug, or perfectly workable hair transplants. Full head of hair, back to Mohawk, back to what everything I always wanted. I might go with the hair.

So hair now or live forever. Yeah.

Because then I got to live forever with that.

I think bald is cool now, bald-er.

I'm in. Spread it. You've got influence. Spread that. A lot of people are being bald and loving it now.

Really? There's bald women. I saw a bunch of bald-Fad people love it, too.

Really? Yeah. We know their line of themselves.

Is that a bigger thing, being bald?

Yeah, big and beautiful or...

Big and bald. It's bald and tall. Is that a shop, bald and tall?

Big and tall. Big and tall.

Big and tall. Dude, bald. Bold and tall. Bro, bald and tall is a crazy look.

Do you burn yourself in the sun too much?

Bold and tall is a crazy look. Yeah. Kanye's Back on Twitter right there, it says, God, Hollywood sucks. Jada Pink at Smith, Kanye is the most out of control person I know. What's the point of that post? Why did she start that?

Why are you looking to be in this? Because you're not a center of attention for a second. Then he went right back out of, Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair.

He hit her where it hurt. Yeah. Dam. That's a good wordplay.

It was all right. But I heard it just enough. Thank you. It was like it was something.

That's a little thing.

It got nothing. It deserve something. Thank you. So there's something.

It It's very sweet of you. Little things that keep us alive. What do you think about Kanye being back on Twitter? You try to use your song for the intro to your new special.

Yeah, I've had this whole big piece about how great he is. That's another thing, focus on the positive. That's the whole message. Then everyone's like, Kanye's crazy. I'm like, he rules the music, just the music. What is she writing about anything other than music?

To come at Kanye, it's like, yeah, if you're trying to get other stuff out of him, he It probably shouldn't be your liaison to anything except maybe creativity and music.

Yeah, exactly. It's like going to Burke Kreisher for weight loss tips.

Or coming to comedians for political ideas. Oh, yeah, that's another one.

I heard Sontol said this about the fires. They're not firemen? What the fuck? They're just at a bar talking. It's crazy. You go to Kanye for anything other than music, you're nuts. Because he's not just okay at the music part. He's great at it. So I tried to get one of his songs, Black Skinhead. For my credits. I was going up to the whole tour because I was talking about Kanye a lot. Christine Ocerson, Big Jay's check, was like, Hey, I know he's popping off whatever. Have you heard Black Skinhead? I was like, No. I was like, Oh, my God. His antisensors have got me into this song. I played it the whole fucking tour, and I was like, Let me try to get this for the credits. I wrote them. I was like, Listen, I can't afford it. I'm like, Hey, I'm appealing to them creatively. I was like, Hey, I had this whole big piece of how Kanye is really great and how people have lost focus on what's important. I want to close with a song with Blacks Kinneth. It was one of his most killer songs. I think an underrated song, to be honest.

They go, I hope you're not referring to him as Kanye. He goes by Ye now. It's like, Fuck. I'm never going to build it. His whole staff is crazy, too.

It's like, yeah, just the fact that that was their first reply, you're like, I got no chance.

I have no chance.

Yeah, I wonder what his mind is like. I mean, a lot of his-I think his mom died.

Give him some sympathy. Heyeah. What?

His girlfriend is. His wife is beautiful.

Is that a Photoshop? What?

She wears a lot of skin tight suits, that lady. Skin tight? But make it a color. Bianca Sensori, I believe is her name, possibly I'm not sure.

She's unveiling herself. She's a piece of art to him.

Might be.

I mean, why wear that heavy a coat if you wear that little underneath? I don't know, dude. Wear a sweatshirt and a lighter coat.

God, I got to get out more.

Jugs. Jugs. There's a moonshine in that.

My God. Dude, some babies... Oh, my God. I would slurp if I were her kid.

So he just keeps fucking chics that look like Kim?

I guess so. It's a good question.

I mean, you got to type. I know guys are only the Asian chics.

I can't say slurp. That's his wife, isn't it? That was pretty rude. Is that his wife? Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry.

Try it again, but use a different word other than slurp.

She's a beautiful lady. Obviously, she's in to showing her body off, though. She's got some really… If I were a baby-It's rude to not show it off. Right. It's a good point. If I were a baby, dude, I would just pretend like it was morning all the time. Just like, Breakfast.

Yeah.

God, that's got to be fun when you are a baby, huh?

God, it really does. Underrated part about being a baby.

Yeah.

Yeah, if you're a baby and you put the baby down between... And it's a breastfeeding baby between that check and I don't even know who, Karen Fehan. Who do you think that check is? That baby is going to go right for that fucking check. Big fucking lot of food.

Oh, yeah. It makes sense. You think you'll have any children already? What do you think?

No, I have a vasectomy. You did? Yeah.

No way.

I was taking chances. You were? Too many chances.

You were actually trying to have a child?

No. What?

What Sorry, what are you saying then?

No, I was just pulling out late.

Oh, you were? Yeah. I don't understand how people do that. I know a lot of black guys like to just do the nut or whatever.

The nut is great. I know why they want it. The nut's great.

Yeah, but it's also great outside of it.

It's less great.

Is it?

What do you mean, is it? Shut up.

I've never done it. I've never ejaculated inside of a woman.

Then you You haven't lived. Really? But this is all this? It's a facade, buddy. Just get what you need to get. None of this is real.

We never said we had done it.

No, but I mean, all this is like a fucking... You're just buying time until you can get a cream pie. This is all just because you've never cream pie. Really? You got a nut inside, buddy. What do you mean he's never done it? What do you mean you've never cream pie inside of a woman?

I never have in my life. Swear to God. You fuck, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why? But every time I do the...

What if she's like, I'm on the pill?

I barely know her. So I'm not believing that.

You know how many checks I fucked that said they couldn't get pregnant, that I later found out got pregnant from somebody? Really? And I was like, Wait, you said I was blowing loads in you. I'm like, Oh, I thought I couldn't. Based on what?

You're in there just like one of the Ghostbusters just throwing ectoplasm in there. It's coating the walls. I was a salad for some other guy's steak. I've never done that in my life, man.

But Well, let me recommend something to you.

I'm going to end up being a father. People are always getting... I don't want to be in a lawsuit or something.

Find some old check. Find some postmenopausal check. Get to me more.

I want to get a regular wife that likes to.

The last of the Golden Girls died. It's too late for that. No. Yeah.

Estelle Getty? No.

Maybe. Astell Getty Museum? What was her name? I'm not sure.

Who was the last? No, Stell Getty. Betty White? Betty White. Estelle Getty was so...

She was old when it started.

Right. She Who's the looker? Ru McClanehan was the one that everybody, my dad, had hots for.

The youngest, the slutty one.

Yeah, Blanche, Deverot. God, what a great series.

Hot take. Golden Girls is just sex in the city. They're both written by gay men about gay culture, and this one, they made old women play it, and the other one, they made fucking horseface chicks play it.

Do you think that being gay will be something that will be eternal or one that that will be hacked or something?

That we can cure it.

Or that it'll be hacked, that they'll be able to hack the genetic.

If you were a scientist working on the cure for gay, and you were like halfway there, you lost a lot of funding recently. I Yeah, they're probably like, We're not paying. We don't want it anymore.

You don't think?

There's a small segment of the population. We're like, We got to cure this. Everyone else is just like, Who cares?

Oh, I think most people are like, Who cares? But I just mean, maybe cure is not the right Do you think that they'll ever... A vaccine. Vaccine, yeah.

So you won't ever get it in the first place. He had a kid when he was two. Didn't they say vaccines made kids gay? Wasn't that a rumor for a while?

I don't know. We're going to find out soon if Bobby Kennedy gets in there.

Yeah. So wild. Say no gay kids after a while. I ended vaccines. Who knows? So all this stuff he says, people are like, That's ridiculous. I'm like, Really? I don't even know the words he's using. He's smarter than me. I don't know shit. I don't even know the Earth is round. I'm just guessing.

The The latest viral COVID-19 conspiracy theory boosted by Q-Anon falsely claims vaccines turn children gay or trans. Wow, I didn't know that. That's a false allegation, that COVID-19. Yeah, I mean, a lot of kids, I will say, seem very gay, though. Do you notice that? If you talk to a-They're post-gender.

Is it? Yeah, they don't care. The idea that a man can wear a dress, you cross-dressing, they're like, What? When I grew up, you couldn't wear pink as a dude. You'd be ostracized. There's no There's no gay color. That's where it passed that. Those kids are past that shit. They're wearing top hats and skirts.

It doesn't matter.

It just doesn't matter. Okay. Yeah. We see them as gay, but they're like, Oh, dude, we're not even using those terms.

Yeah, you're from a different universe.

That's why you go to Bushwick or something, and you're like, Oh, this is the cutting edge kids.

I've heard rumors that a lot of Haitians moved over there in there to the parks and stuff when we're selling sex and stuff like that. Have you seen any of that over there?

Hookers in Bushwick?

Yeah, in the parks over there.

They were selling their bodies?

Yeah, they were selling sex and oral sex over there.

I mean, Haitian, that's not who you want.

I mean, who you want is who you want. I guess it's the... I don't know what the rate is.

It was just a bunch of dark, black, very thin hookers. I'll check it out. I haven't heard anything about that.

Yeah, one of my friends was telling me there's a lot of hookering going on over there in some of the folks.

Haitian hookering?

I think they said Haitian. I would have to ask them.

You know what there is, though, for real? What? Casual hooking. Really? Why? Chicks who do it three times a year. Housewives, regular chicks who are like, For a little extra cash, I'll hook. What do you mean? I mean like, Oh, your friend seems cute. It's like, Hey, my friend's cute. She likes you. Would you be into it for a couple of hundred bucks? I was like, No.

In New York? Yeah.

Regular chicks just occasionally like, Yeah, I'll fuck for money. The guy seems cool. They're not going to on the street taking all callers. But occasionally for extra cash instead of driving Uber.

Do they tell the husband? I don't think so.

Possibly, I don't know everybody's situation.

Would you... There's a thing where people let- Do you think the Obamas are still together for real? It's a great question.

You think the Clintons are? No. No, right? So it's a possibility that they're There are such things as Sham marriages. Yeah, for sure. I wonder. She didn't show up to the Carter funeral. She didn't show up to the inauguration. I could see like, Hey, I never wanted to be in the public eye like this.

I just wanted a ball.

Yeah, I wanted to dunk on these bitches. Yeah, that's it.

That could be it.

Yeah.

Yeah, I wonder. It's a good question. That whole inauguration thing was just such a game. You went? Yeah, I had total Game of Thrones energy over there.

What did you think? Because that's not you. Oh, not at all. You were going there the way I go to Comicon. Yeah. I'll just stare at everybody. That was ridiculous. I don't know what's Spider-Man.

Oh, I was like, I should not be here.

You should not be there.

That's how I felt.

At least you're not doing the endorsing thing that a lot of comics are doing. I thought we were supposed to just make fun of everyone in Power.

Did you feel like it was It was weird that people were endorsing?

Endorsing? Who's endorsing? What the fuck are you talking about? You have a literal sports team you root for. You don't endorse Tottenham. It was so wild. But all right, he's in power now, so let's see everybody go after him.

Well, I think a lot of people were-endorsing.

Just make fun of all of them. It seemed weird.

Well, I think the biggest thing that seemed like it has been on the table for me is just the free speech stuff. You to worry about a lot of these social media companies limiting speech, limiting what's possible.

It affects me for sure. Yeah? For sure. If somebody's like, Hey, I want to do this. I'm like, Great. I love it. I also love when Trump gave us all 600 bucks during the pandemic. He got everybody really partied in New York. I love that.

Do you worry about...

Yeah, but I'm not going to get involved in getting it there. But then some of these guys have a lot of influence, to be honest. But also they're like, How can you have this guy on your podcast? I'm like, I'll have everybody on. I had Tucker Carlson on my podcast, the travel one. We just talk about travel. People Why don't you call him on his shit? I'm like, Was he lying about the UAE? That's all I care about, the travel part. I don't want to get involved in this. I get that part of it. Somebody seems interesting. A former president, I'll have him on a podcast.

Oh, in a heartbeat. Yeah, people gave me grief for going to theInauguration. Inauguration. I was like, Dude, you don't think I'm going to be...

But if you got invited to the, I don't know, Bush inauguration or the Obama one or the Reagan one, you would have gone? Yeah, I would have gone. It's like, Oh, I'm not political. I got invited to the presidential inauguration.

How am I not going to go to inauguration? I I have no idea. What if it's not even real and there's video? It's the moon landing. Who knows? I went and at least saw like, okay.

What was that right doing? Did it feel powerful? Did it feel like these guys are deciding fates? Or was it just like the Oscars where they're all gladhating each other and celebrating success?

I guess I didn't get to be there long enough.

Was there food?

At the ball, the food was not good. That fucking broke in my heart.

What do you mean?

Tony was there. He's like, We did it. And I'm like, The food isn't good, Tony.

We didn't. We still have room. What do you mean the food wasn't good?

It wasn't that good. And then they only had 30 chairs in this whole ballroom, and there was probably 1,500 people in there.

30 chairs? That's like my house. I have four chairs, and I have eight people over, and it's like we're sitting on Amazon boxes.

That was the most hectic part. But yeah, just to be there, to be in Washington, DC, to see that happen, for sure. I was like, Fuck you. I'm going, I would never be weird. I I never think it was weird if anybody went. Is that you there? No, but pull those people back up. This was the part that was fascinating to me.

These were the guys deciding our fates. Who's the brown in the middle?

This is the Ola Jartee right here. Sunder Pachai from Google.

He owns Google? So these guys all decide how we think about the world. These one, two, three, one guy, the check I'm assuming is.

There's Zuckerberg.

Yeah, Zuckerberg is the most evil of all of them.

You think? Yeah.

Because I think he was like cigarettes where they didn't know what they were doing. Then when they found out, so there's no problem. They're just given cigarettes. They didn't know what caused cancer. Then they found out it caused cancer, and they go, Hide that shit. Zuckerberg at first was like, I don't know, I just am too autistic to have interactions, so I want to see a world where we don't have to meet eye to eye. Now he goes... That's true. Yeah, he made us live like autistic people. But then he found out that we're all fucking turning on each other and cutting off our uncles. He goes, Yeah, keep pushing it. I think he should be up. I think he should at least be Is this company taken away from him, and it should be shut down. Facebook and Instagram should be shut down. Push the button.

Well, it's like...

It's not making our society better.

Well, I agree with that. But say I'll say that type of thing. People will be like, Well, a government can't decide what can and can't make It makes your society better, right?

I think they can. I think that it might be abuse, but at some point it's like, This is too much bad.

Right. Well, I feel the same way about porn, about porn channels.

Yeah, or let's have some oversight. Oh, yeah, porn, too. It's nonstop. You can't push porn to kids, right? They had to stop making THC gummies that are in the shape of clowns because they're like, Hey, we're not actually giving these to five-year-olds, and you're marketing to five-year-olds. They had to stop putting- Steve Simone was eating all of them, too, I think.

This is a Steve Simone joke. Love you, buddy.

They had to... Yeah, there he goes. Look, he's always smiling.

I know, huh?

Where are the bodies?

Yeah, he's our Gacy.

He's our John Wayne Gacy? Wow. On the surface, a kind man.

That's insane to say that, though. I joke, he's the sweetest guy.

He is.

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Yeah, I think it's really bad. You can't just put in additives into fucking baby formula.

But why do we keep doing? Why do we keep building stuff that's bad for... But if people say, well, if your government says you can't, then that's a form of communism, right? Like your government says you can't have this and you can't have it. Because we shouldn't have... I mean, we just had a woman on, we're talking about Pornhub, and extremely high percentage of their content was totally unregulated. They had rapes on there. They had unconsentual sex. They had sex with minors. They had sex with babies on there, on PornHub, on the website. But their whole goal was just to have as much content as they could have because then they sell more advertising dollars because we have this many URLs. We have this many links that people can go to. They were selling in bulk, but they didn't have anybody, or they had very few people moderating any of the content that came through.

Yeah, so we have some laws, right? You can't blast music at parks. Because it's infringing other people's rights here. It's a privacy, it's quiet. So there's some regulation. I don't understand all this. I don't know what the line is from socialism or not. I don't get any of that. It's not my thing. I just know this is really hurting us as a society and nobody's doing anything about it. You can't sell guns on a street corner just to anybody. It's like, Well, if it was bad for you, you wouldn't do it. You need someone to step in. As a society, that's not allowed. You're making us hate brothers and friends and shit. See the world as a terrible place. We didn't sign up for that. I don't like it.

Twitter does that a lot, I noticed. Twitter definitely can be a place where you can really get trapped in there. Do you notice that, nick, you think? Yeah, I wake up in the morning and just piss myself off by reading all the lines.

Start angry. It's not a good way to start. You've been on the beach when you start pleasant. It's a better feeling when you're at the beach than you're on Twitter showing you what's to be mad about. There was a guy who used to work in Google to see which of the things had to go to the dark web and which were allowed. So his whole day was spent looking at snuff films and fucking car crashes and child endanger, stuff like that. Every one of those guys had to go to therapy for the rest of their lives because you're not supposed to see that stuff. And we're seeing versions of that. I hate it. God, let's draw on Carter, Mark Zuckerberg.

I don't think we should do it. I don't know what we should do. That's Luigi. But is it just him, though?

It's must do. It's anybody who now knows what you're doing to society, and you're not doing anything about it. You actually have the power to stop it, and you're not doing it. So fuck off.

Well, that's the same thing that I noticed with this woman talking about with porno. It was like, they would bring up these cases. There were cases of people who had been raped and their footage uploaded, right?

Oh, my God. You can't just go, What? It's an open-source thing. No, you're facilitating it.

Right. That's the thing. People were like, Well, we... At one point, she said they only had one moderator who would spend, and something had to be flagged 15 times before it even comes into the moderation queue. You're already fucked over. The moderation queue would be hundreds of thousands of videos long that they have to sit there. Then there's just one person deciding, adult, not adult, consensual, not consensual.

The problem is you start with they need to have some oversight. They're going to go too far. And they're going to make it like, Well, this joke they had about who's on top. We can't have that. That's not our society wants that. You're like, That's too far. I don't know what it is. You can't trust the government to regulate. I don't know what the answer is, but right now it ain't working.

Well, and then you wonder, is Is human society supposed to have this success story, or is it a unsuccessful experiment, or is it just it is-It's like pharmaceuticals, how to be regulated.

You can't just give everyone side effects. You have to show your side effects, and it barely is. But you have to show your side effects. You have to go.

At the end.

You have to at least do something.

But then it's like, I think people have lost total faith that their country is going to do a lot.

They're not going to do shit. They're not going to do shit. They're just going to let it go. You go to another country, you eat like garbage for a week, and then you lose seven pounds. How's this? There's not that many chemicals in other countries and shit.

Right. But I think we talk about a lot on here with the Sackler family, the company that made all the drugs. God damn.

They're still alive. They're still pushing it to people. You should do Oxy. You should get on Oxy for pain. My dad had to get on something like, Don't take that. Take Ibuprofen. If you get hooked on it, you can't kick it.

They're still selling OxyContin? Oh, yeah.

Doctors are still pushing it. They're incentivized, too, financially.

Who's even making money? Is it just to go back to pay for victims?

They're not paying those bills. Those fines, They're not paying those. Really? Yeah, same thing as PG&E. All the forest fires, half of them were caused by PG&E not doing the safety measures. Look at how many forest fires in California are started by the utilities.

Hold on. Let's get this really quick, Larry. Purdue Pharma, Sackler Family's boost contribution in opioid settlement to 7. 4 billion. The company and the once prominent family behind the drug OxyContin agreed Thursday to increase their financial contribution to resolve mass opioid litigation. The Sackler and PD Pharma boosted their settlement contribution to 7. 4 billion. They have approved the new plan would end the costliest corporate bankruptcy resulting from the US opioid crisis. That's to make 7.

4 billion over the next 15 years. How much should they make a year? Go back. This is the same thing as like… Scroll, scroll.

Under the new settlement, the terms of Sackler's control of Purdue Pharma ends, the 7.

4 billion-Oh, they have to give up the company.

Will go directly to communities across US, including states, counties, cities, and territories over the next 15 years.

Well, that's good. But even this headline is like, Oh, they decided to boost their contribution to the lawsuit. Even though they killed hundreds of thousands of people. Yeah, all the golf oil spills, they paid this big fine. It was still less money than it would have been to do the safety measures.

Right.

So it seems like a big number, but not compared to what they're There was a time when if I got a parking ticket, it would break me. Oh, yeah. Now I've seen rich people like, I'll park here. It's like a little bit like, It's fine.

I'll just park here. Yeah, it's fine. If somebody takes a car, I'll just buy a new car.

Yeah, Chris Rock, instead of pulling into the lot, would just park in front. They're like, They might give you a ticket. I don't care. It's $80. I'm a millionaire. He doesn't care. It's not going to de-incentivize him.

Look at this.

This is a wildfire. It's caused by power lines.

Okay, so why are we looking at I'm saying they're supposed to worry about safety measures.

They don't. We fine them. They don't pay the fines. Look at all those fires caused by that. Then they just don't do anything because they know, what are you going to do? Not use us? You're going to all be in the dark for your fucking years?

Yeah, what are you going to use? A candle?

Hundreds of forest fires, maybe thousands, by PG&E, and they won't do shit. That's the government. It's not doing shit. It's like, why even pay attention?

Yeah, What are you going to be? You're just going to use Yankee candles all day? Fucking. Dude, some of the candle smells have gotten crazy.

It's really up in it. That's what makes you hopeful. The candle game, it's bar none. There's shapes and everything. I saw a candle dick in Washington Square Park. Really? Can they lit it up? Yeah. No, you can. But I don't know what the smell is. I never lit it up. I have one, though, in my house.

I'm good. They have somebody of a guy trying to smoke his own dick or whatever. He's laying on his back, pulled his nut, brought his legs over his head, tried to put his penis in his mouth and tried to light He was nuts. He was like he was in a bowl of weed.

How did he do?

How did he do? The video cuts off early. But just unreal behavior. You know what I'm saying? That's one vote for Trump right there.

Did you get to say anything to him? You should take I'm not aware of this.

Is it Trump?

Yeah, I always have this dream. There's an outside possibility I can run into him. Oh, yeah. It's an outside possibility. I'm like, If we all got to be like, Hey, I just want two things to do, what would you hit him with?

Two things to do in the world?

Yeah, in America, anything.

I would say Sentence to Sal. I would probably say Sentence to a Sackler Family to death, I think. I like it. That would be probably my favorite thing by click.

That would put other people… I mean, you grew up in a town that's fucked by this.

Well, yeah, most of America. Just the AA rooms alone, you see so many more people that aren't alcoholics. They're opioid addicts.

From pain relief straight to heroin.

It's a different thing. It's like the AA program helps them, but it does not the same. It's like these people, their database has been compromised and altered. I don't know. Can opioids affect your genetic makeup over time? Can they alter? Lose teeth. Your DNA? Yeah, they can definitely alter your fucking...

Your grill is affected by sure. Your grin.

But yeah, yes, opioids can alter DNA, which may contribute to opioid use disorder, these changes. Then you're not even talking to a human then. You're dealing with someone who's been compromised by a drug.

Yeah, they're not people anymore. Why Why is this not being talked about all the time? Every city in America, Democrat and Republican, are failing under this, and no one's doing shit about it. That's not even what I tell them.

At least they stopped them from doing it. But now they have another new anti... What's that? There's a new opioid I just saw that they were putting up.

You think they just rebranded and came back? Like a college bar that gets busted for underage, and they go, It's a new name now. It's my brother runs it. It's a different company.

That's the best. Bro, when I was in college, they had this group of gay It was one of the fellows that would come and they'd fist fight. I've said it before, we'll beat this part. But it's called Fist Fights, right? It was their company. They came. It was gay men would come. You pay five bucks, go there, you get a beer, and you get to watch fights, and they would beat the living shit out of each other, dude. Wow. Pretty cool.

In Texas, they have a bunch of midget wrestling.

Yeah?

It's just signs for it. It's not like a hidden back room thing.

Yeah. It's a cock fighting of the... I wonder Have you ever been in a cockfight? No. But there is midget versus rooster or whatever.

Right near the border. How about midget versus gay? We got to make odds on all these things. Three midgets, two gays. What's the over-under?

Three midgets versus two gays.

What gaze? What gaze are we talking about? Is it like, luck of the Draw?

Are you talking Ariana Grande fans, or are you talking hardcore?

Mateo can take somebody. He's strong enough.

Oh, yeah, he's very strong.

Yeah, but can he fight? And can he fight down? I bet he could. You got to be able to overcut.

I think he auditioned for Newsies and got pretty far. So I bet he could.

Dude, don't pick that fight. You're not going to win that.

You're not going to win this, fucking. Is that Carlos Mencia? Why does he dress like Carlos Mencia? Is that crazy to say that?

It looks a little like Shane in the face. He's dressed like Mencia, and he's got a face like Shane.

Shane Gillis?

Yeah.

How could you even see that's in 8 pics.

Let me see when he turns.

Pause it when he turns and we see his face.

There. That's Shane, bro. That's Shane, bro. He's one of my friends. That's Shane.

Tell me it's not. Okay. Look at that chicken from 5-5. That's a new commercial right there. That's him. Wow, that's great, dude. He's wearing an eagles hat. That is so great. That's great. What were we just talking? What's the new drug? You see it, nick?

This is a non-opioid that was just...

Yeah, there we go. Fda approved novel non-opioid treatment for moderate severe acute pain. Yeah, that's what they need. Yeah, this just happened. Journavx, J-O-U-R-N-A-V-X, is the first drug to be approved in this new class of pain management medicines. 50 milligram oral tab. It's a first in class non-opioid analgesic to treat to severe acute pain in adults. But wouldn't you just get addicted to using this?

But does that mean you don't-It's not an opioid. Maybe it's not addictive.

That's what I'm wondering. Do you not feel-Melatonin, which helps you go to sleep?

Not melatonin. Melatonin? Yeah. But then sleeping pills will become addictive. Melatonin is like, it's fine.

There's not opioids in here?

What the fuck's an opioid, too?

Targeting a pain signaling pathway. Unlike opioids, which act on receptors in the brain, Jernabix works by targeting a pain signaling pathway involving sodium channels in the peripheral nervous system.

A lot of words I didn't know in that.

Yeah. Blocking pain signals before they reach the brain. So it's stopping the signals instead of the receptors in the brain.

This is like the difference between OMWire or Napster. It's pretty much the same, but it works different.

That's a good comparison. Thanks. Evidence of non-addictive properties. Clinical data showed no evidence of withdrawal or drug-seeking behaviors in patients.

That's it.

Right. The drug does not activate opioid receptors or induce euphoria.

Well, they said the thing with Oxycodone, Oxycodone, whatever, was that they were like, Well, what about getting off it? We haven't seen any problem with that. And they go, Did you test for that? And they go, No, we did not. It's like, how do you know how hard it's to withdraw? You've never tested it.

Meanwhile, people are just fucking sleeping in fucking baby beds and shit.

Those lean backs are fucking crazy right now.

Opioids are a class of drugs that interact with opioid receptors in the brain and body to reduce pain perception and produce various effects that can be natural, semi-synthetic or synthetic chemicals.

Well, I don't know, but they got to do something. That's a good one to tell them. Yeah. Kill the hecklers. Because once you kiff them, the rest go like, Let's get approval for this first.

Yeah, people will start to, I think, be a little bit on notice. There will be some... Yeah, because they're serial killers. I don't understand how they were not...

They're serial killers. They're mass murderers. And they go, Well, it's a company. You know what they did in China? They were testing for purity for baby formula. One company put an additive in to make it test pure to go from '96 to '99. But that additive ended up killing 12 babies. Yeah. And The government found out, there was no bureaucracy there. They hung the board, the whole board. They're like, No, the company has it. No, you guys killed babies.

Is that true? Yeah.

It's like, We're done with this.

Yeah, I want to see that.

They just hung him. You can't break the law and kill babies. You're out. You're out. Hopefully, this will be a sign to everybody else. There's enough Chinese. They might not have been the ones. They might have been different ones. Come on, Theo.

I'll say this. If you show me 40 Chinese, dude, I don't know how I feel.

You just go on the same one over and over again? Be honest.

Well, it's like this. One time, this lady paid us to go get her a cat in her yard or whatever, and she was very old, and she would give us, I think, a quarter for each cat that we brought in. And me and my buddy William just kept bringing the same two cats in over and over again.

When I had to get my visa to play China, I went in there and they're like, What are you doing there? I was like, I'm working. I got gigs. I'm like, You're working? Where's your letter of invitation from the government? Where's your $50,000? And I'm like, I don't know. It's early when you go to Canada, you have to tell them you're just visiting a friend. It was that, too. I didn't realize. So I called the promoters and was like, What do I do? They go, Go back. Only Bieber can afford the proper channels to play China. Go back in there and tell him you're just there to see the great wall. But I was just in there. And he goes, So you know how we can't tell them apart? It's a two-way street. No. Yeah. He goes, Just go right. Try not to go to that window, but if you do, it won't matter. And I got called in that window. She goes, Hi, how are you doing? I thought she was fucking with me. I'm like, Here to do some traveling in China? She's like, Okay.

That was it. Damn. Did you go with the same group that I went with? Did you go to...

I didn't go with that Lee guy. I went with Turner Sparks and Andy Kertain.

That was a different group, I think. That was one of the best things about doing comedy, man, was just the places you got to go.

You couldn't afford it? No. You just never would have been able to do it. It flew you to fucking Juzo China, Guangxi, and all these places. You're like, Dick jokes are paying for this. It was wild. You meet the local scenes. I'm like, That's a comedy scene in Hong Kong? That was the best, man. It was so cool. Iceland. You're going to Australia, and it's a weird spots.

Yeah, we went to one right there. That's Guantanamo Bay. You played Guantanamo Bay. Yeah, with Mike.

That's in Cuba?

Yeah. Who's that guy on the right guy? Jewish guy, too. Mike.

E?

No. Smoothie? Is that Mike Costa with us? Patrick De Geer.

That's Costa. Yeah, it looks like Costa.

Patrick De Geer. Mike Costa. Who's Patrick De Geer?

The blind one.

Yeah, Patrick De Geer. Yeah, he's blind.

That's you on the left?

Yeah.

Damn. I had good hair back then. Look how angry your hair is.

Yeah, because you've been on it, man.

That kid never nutded inside a check?

Never. What an idiot.

That's a nutter. That's a nutter guy. That was his time.

Bro, he nutded in his shampoo bottle a few times.

You never want a title in your prime. Yeah. Wow.

Fuck, I was young as fuck, bitch. Damn. I was doing good.

You look like Dane Cook there.

Yeah, bro. Dane and Get that off the ground.

Come on, MBC, make your comeback. You just went all over. Look at that. That's the Guantanamo Bay Lighthouse behind you.

Went to Guantanamo Bay.

Isn't it so fucking cool? You can go out places like that.

Crazy. Went to the... Dude, Guantanamo Bay, I didn't realize, first of all, Nice golf courses there. Underrated. You'd never know it. We got to see the prisoners play some volleyball.

Wow, really? Yeah. Did you play in your jeans and no shirt, like in Top Gun?

No, they wouldn't let us get that close to them or whatever. Some of them had blindfolds on or whatever, but they were still playing. Unbelievable. Just to get out in the yard or whatever and have a-Oh, the prisoners? Yeah.

Oh.

Yeah, they had these...

They could play volleyball?

Iguanas down there, foxes, rodents, unique animals. They had a beach, this thing called Glass Beach. It had all this, it used to be glass, but it all was rounded out now.

From the tides? Where else they send you? Where else you go?

I went to Azores. We went to the Azores, which is somewhere, I I don't know.

Is that Portugal?

Yes. Off the Coast of Portugal, between Portugal and America. Pretty amazing. What about you?

I just remember I saw Paul Morrissey today. You know him? Yeah.

We went to the-3. Paul, he's a basketball player, too.

He's great. We got flown to Switzerland, Montrose, Switzerland, for a festival. Then we made a deal with each other. Let's keep going places. We had Iceland, Australia, but the China gigs, those weird gigs, Dominican Republic. You went to Dominican Republic? Mm-hmm. You just here on their dime. The Anchorage gigs.

Oh, I never did that.

Those were good. They take you on either a thing above the glaciers or deep sea fishing. Me and David Taylor were deep sea fishing. We cut one open right there. It had all these dots in it. He's like, What's that? He's like, Well, It's eggs. It's pregnant, so it's eggs. He goes, Is that caviar? Yeah. Can you eat those raw? Yeah, he showed us and ate it. And David was like, I'll have some right out of the thing. Every pregnant one we found, David just started filling up on it.

Did he get sick?

So You're not supposed to fill up on caviar on a boat.

Yeah, dude. Especially when you're poor.

You can barely afford a burrito and you're eating fresh out of the womb caviar.

Bro, if somebody brought caviar to me, I'd fucking-Served in a womb. I'd fucking serve a sword to their neck, dude. You can't fucking eat caviar if you're poor, dude.

Yeah, that didn't go.

Your stomach's like, Chill out, fuck. You know? Your system can't handle it.

God, those gigs were They just fly out somewhere and it was just on their dime. They cover the hotel. They let you know where to stay. There's no arranging.

You never made any money.

Yeah, right. But it was just broke even.

Maybe.

But then you're living on a vacation to the level I can barely afford now. All covered. It was so cool.

Dude, we went one time to... What's the blue stuff that they put in drinks? They put in a...

Oh, Curaçao.

Yes. Boom. That place. It's an island. Oh. So we went there.

You went there on comedy? Yes. Zoom out from the map. I want to see where this is on the map. Go and then slowly zoom out. Yeah. Yeah. Night Air, Bone, air. Okay, out, out, out. Where the fuck is this? They keep moving this place. I really don't know content it is yet. Me neither. Okay, in the Caribbean.

Every couple of years, they move this place somewhere else.

It's like the island from Lost.

We went. Go look at a picture of it, dude. It is a small place. There's only one area that has a few buildings, and then there's this military base there, but they manufacture this blue liqueur there. Yeah, that's the area. It's very small. It's beautiful. It's beautiful, but there's nothing. I mean, this is it, right? Then we went to this military place. I think we did a show, and then they put us up in these rooms, and then you go into the facility where the rooms were, and it just looked like a bear, almost like a community college type or an old high school, just the cinder block wall with painted over and stuff. Then we opened the door to this one room, and it was the most eccentric, craziest room I'd ever been in. Dalled up? Yes. I think fancy operatives or somebody came down there every once in a while and they put them up in this crazy place and probably get them some chips or whatever. But it was unbelievable. We went with cheerleaders from Houston, Texas cheerleaders. What?

That's when you would have nutded.

Yeah, should have. Who's that? That's the room I was in. Wow, that is crazy. Me and Jay Davis were in it. Wow, that is crazy. But every other room was normal. Then they had this one room that was crazy. It had mirrored ceilings, like heavy cocaine vibes, me and Jay Davis.

That was a coke vibe for sure.

Yeah. It was just crazy. There was me and him just...

Wait, back up.

Which when we had some women.

Are you in shape there?

I was in shape.

God damn, bro. Wait, what? Yeah. Yeah. That's you on the left.

I used to jerk myself off. That's how good-looking I was.

Damn, dude, you need to lower those pants a little bit. Show that B. What?

Who is that? B-l-m, dude. I don't know what's going on over there. But that was pretty amazing. That's cool. But yeah, going places like that was unbelievable. Military, you ever do any of the ones where you were in Iraq?

No, I just had Nate and Louis Katz and Joe List on podcast about going to Kuwait with a stopover in Istanbul. It's just that same thing of like, What are we doing here? It's all paid for and set up.

Yeah, that was crazy. You just thought you were like, This is crazy.

Because when you grow up, you're like, I'll probably never go there, ever, let alone on someone else's dime.

Yeah, they had a woman in a black... They had a woman gave me a BJ. Coming soon.

You'll be tripping.

What? A black hog. They gave me a BJ and a black hog on the ground on a They arrange that for you? No, she arranged it. Okay. She arranged it. And she said, Oh, the airfield is un... I don't know what it was, like unattended or something tonight. But yeah, pretty cool. And then what else? Oh, another time. Wait, wait, wait. Wow. I know, pretty neat. I think that was in like...

Would she hold your hand and make a man out of you?

I don't know what happened.

Wait, you got a blowjob in a Black Hawk helicopter. Pretty cool. Did she leave no man behind or I don't remember.

I remember she had a huge zit on her neck or a goiter or something.

You're just looking at that the whole time.

She was from Philly or something. It's a way to last longer. But really a sweet That Gail.

It was nice.

Oh, there was another group that went jogging in the morning in the Air Force, and she slipped over into my little cabin or whatever.

She slipped out of a line of the jog? Yeah.

I couldn't get an erection. I was too free out or something. I thought they were going to come over the guns. I didn't fucking know how the military works. Where was this? This was in somewhere near Kuwait, Eref John, or it's one of these bases or something. Pretty cool. Wow. Yeah, it was good. A good time. It was good Good for everybody. It was just cool. They would take you out in the middle of nowhere, you'd just shoot a bunch of guns. That was Kuwait?

You went to Kuwait?

Yeah, whatever the one in Iraq. Yeah. Eref, John, that's where we flew, and then we went to these forward operating bases.

I I think that's where they went, too. I think it might have been the same one.

That's pretty great. So, yeah, the special, let's get a little bit more about it. I want to know about it. Are you touring off of it now?

Is it going to be a new tour? Not touring off, a different hour. Okay. Yeah, I'm touring a little bit till April. Then I'm going to take about a year and a half off off the road.

You always do a good job of that, is taking time off. You're the one guy who's always like, Dude, you got to take some time off for yourself. I'm like, I will, and then I never do.

Yeah, I always try to get you to.

Yeah, you do. Yeah.

You could.

I know. One of them day, I will. One day, I'll just take time off forever. I think that's probably maybe my goal.

Save it up and then go.

Yeah, just like when people save up their PTO or whatever.

You save it up to the end. When you quit, I get all that. Oh, that's the wrong way to live. You think? It should be taken along the way.

Yeah.

Yeah. So I'm going to go backpacking for six, eight months, just traveling.

You've been some pretty great places over the years.

I went to Cuba this year with Bobby Kelly.

Did you really? Yeah.

We were there for a hurricane. That's not why we went. We went to get away from the election. No way. Yeah, we got there on Monday. We didn't find out who won until Sunday. Wow. No. They didn't even have elections there. You're like, What happened in the election? I don't know what that word means. Elecciones? No sé. No sé. Wow.

What was it like there?

It was pretty wild. You can see the remnants of what it would have The extravagant, same buildings. They have an embargo there. That's one thing I tell Trump. Come on in that already. They're just poor people now for no reason.

What does that mean they have an embargo?

They won't trade with America. They won't trade with anyone who trades with America to a degree, I So we won't trade with...

Did we do that or they did that? We did that. Okay.

And so Obama ended it and then opened up travel and everything. Trump put back on the embargo, but you can still travel. Then Biden also stayed full embargo, but you can still travel. There's 20 flights a day from Miami and Houston.

Okay. So you can travel to Cuba.

You can't bring back cigars, can't bring back alcohol.

And we don't do trade with them.

Yeah. That means they can't grow extra stuff in trade. All their sugarcane, all their tobacco, there's no reason to grow extra because it'll just rot. There's just poverty there.

It's just poverty, but it's also just poverty because the government takes, probably funnels a lot of the money just to themselves. Yeah, sure.

They're doing okay. But that hurricane, they evacuated everyone they had to evacuate really well. There was three people rushed to the hospital. That's it, during a Type 3 hurricane.

That's nice.

Yeah.

It's heavy.

The whole island lost power for two days. So there was no power in the entire country for two days. That was It's weird, but then we just wander around outside afterwards, just looked at the devastation. Us business is conducting trade or commerce.

Current embargo status. In terms of interests. Yeah. President Donald Trump went to the office for second term on January 25th. So to reverse several actions taken by the outgoing Biden administration. Well, that happens a lot. For a couple of days, the things have changed, right?

I think I know what this is. So Dias told me this, gave me a clue. Florida didn't vote for Hillary Clinton because they never forgave Bill Clinton for giving back Elian Gonzales. Because those Cubans that fled and went to Florida, who are all... And they breed, so there are a lot of them. They hate the Castro regime over there. And they're anything you can. They tell their grandkids, You can never visit Cuba. Fuck that place. They were mad at them giving this kid back to his real father. He should be in America. They just hate him. It took Obama for like, Well, I've already run twice and it won, so I'm not going to run for a third term, so now I can end this embargo. If he didn't, Florida goes against him. So Trump, same thing, is like, I want that Cuban vote. Let's put that embargo back on. Biden, too. I want that Cuban vote. Put that embargo back on. Yeah. Florida is a big vote. It ain't Maryland. If it was Maryland, they're like, I don't care. Florida is a lot of points, right? So I'm hoping he's like, Well, I'm already in.

Dang. Yeah. It's just whatever. Then when you go, Can you bring in anything? Like, Yes, light bulbs. Or it's not even expensive. We just can't get shit here. Batteries, a battery charger. We would love that. Yeah. He was like, Hey, the hurricane's coming. We're going to lose power. Charge everything.

Wow. Yeah, that's wild. You don't even think about the things you would need suddenly.

Yeah. You can see all the buildings. They look cool. It's decrepient, but if you blink and imagine it with a clean coat of paint, you're like, Oh, yeah, this would have been the vacation spot. Yeah.

Maybe one day it will be again. Well, I guess, you guys went there for a vacation. How was it?

I loved it. I had so much fun. Did you go to the beach and stuff? I went to the beach, nobody was on They cooked you a lobster right there for $10. It was so cool. It was so much fun and free. I got to practice my Spanish.

So it's a great place to go.

God damn. We didn't get out of Havana. We would have gotten out except for the hurricane, put a damper on it, but it was a cool experience anyway. But I would love to go back. I would love to go to Trinidad, the city of Trinidad in Cuba, in the East.

Was there a nightlife there when you went? Really?

Dance in and music, that Cuban music. We went to what's left of Buenoviso Social Club. I was dancing. They picked me up to dance. This fucking hot black check, Caribbean black check, just dance with me, and I remember a little salsa class.

Saltwater Sisters, baby. Yeah. I was going for it, dude.

It felt so good. It was so fucking fun. Yeah. Everyone's out. Everyone's smoking and just casually smoking those cigars and just drinking.

Are they busting on you? Do they bust on you because you're American?

No, not at all. One guy goes, I know it's not you. I know it's your government. I was like, I wasn't even thinking about Wow.

When I was a student, we went.

I want to get you on my podcast about that year.

When I went to there, a semester at sea? Yeah. Did I come talk about that?

I never talk about it. I met a guy. It would go perfectly with that pod, but also like-Journey What's it called?

You'd be tripping.

You'd be tripping. Just about a place you've been, but I haven't had ocean as any. But I met a guy in my neighborhood.

Did I never talk about that whole trip.

We were talking. He goes, Do you know Theo Vaughn? I was like, Yeah, it's a friend of mine. And he goes, I was on a boat with him once. And I was like, Oh, It was weird. And he goes, No, it was a six-month thing. Yeah, that was it. I got to get his name to see if you remember. I got to remember his name.

Semestra, is he a white guy?

Yeah, white guy. James.

James was his name.

James. But anyway. Yeah, and I was like, Oh, that'd be perfect. That sounds so cool.

Oh, it was great. Yeah, Semester at sea. It was like a floating school, took off out of Canada, out of Vancouver over there, and just went around the whole world, finished in Florida. We stopped at Cube on the way. You did? On the way back, Fidel came and spoke to us, too. It was pretty crazy. Really? Yeah. What? But then we just tried to get out. Oh, dude, I'll tell you this fun thing that happened. We went out and nobody spoke any Spanish or whatever. We would just do like that if somebody talked to us in Spanish.

That's it, We'll fucking just do that in order of Cuba Libre. Oh, man, they're great there.

Oh, yeah. The Havana Club.

Yeah, we went to the Havana Club. We saw a guy picking his nose so hard for so long. It's so long. I have a picture of it. I can't show it because it's being too much hate. Hard workers over there. No, there's a white guy. There's a white guy getting rid of that fucking pollution.

A lot of people travel over there, pick their nose, fucking come on that.

It's different in Cuba. The flick goes further.

We were at this thing, we were just walking down the streets, and finally, we find this party going on. It looked like there was some people. There was a birthday cake and stuff with this old guy, and these people were drinking, and we were drinking. We all just start dancing in this little four-year area off the edge of this house and stuff when we're hanging out and stuff. We're singing Happy birthday and dancing. Then you start to realize, look over, and this old guy is going down on this woman. They were hookers that they'd hired for this birth for these two old dudes had hired some hookers for their birthday. What? We're just fucking there, like cutting the cake with them and shit. We're like, What the fuck are we doing, bro?

There's a lot of hookers there. Yeah. Was there? Yeah, I didn't get any. You see them, though. I'm like, I haven't seen hookers. And you notice like, Oh, yeah, Oh, yeah, that. They're like, Hi. And you're like, Yep. This is just different.

Yeah, that was... And then we went to a baseball game.

We had to go get bread and cheese. You got what? We were staying with a guy, and they were like, Should we help? Should we help? He goes, No, I got it. I got you. And then when the hurricane was coming, Should we go out and get supplies? And he goes, Yes. He was like, Oh, shit, you're worried. So we're on the hunt for bread and cheese, and everywhere we went, they were like, We're out. We're out. And then Bobby Kelly was like, All right, let's go. Let's go to the next place. We got to go. And he goes, Well, hold on. There's cookies here. I'm like, Bob, It's not a cookie time, dude. Let's go. So what else you see?

An alcoholic with a dessert. It's hard.

It's a fucking-It's a replacement. What else did you see there?

What else did we see? We went to a baseball game.

I missed doing that.

When we left, we were throwing everything we had off of the edge of the ship, like tennis shoes, just because they didn't have... Just things that we're like, What are we going to do? Take this shit. We don't even care. Who cares? Because you made friends with the people while you were there. They had this guy named Henry that was taking us around. It was just so we were just throwing everything we had just off the edge of this boat. Just take it. You take it.

Take it here, here, here.

They'll go use it. Clothes, all stuff. Yeah, because they could use it. That was pretty awesome. That was really great.

Yeah, it's crazy that they don't have access. It's weird when you go to another place and see a cultural difference that you hadn't even noticed before. Like, Oh, I have access to shoes when I want it. I might have to afford them, but I can get them. Yeah.

They had horse meat. That's what they served us at this conference. They horse meat. Then they had also... You wore this translator machine, so whenever Fadel was talking, the speakers were talking, you could hear what they were saying. Then some people got to ask them questions and shit. One kid got them to sign his passport.

Fidel Castro?

Signed somebody.

Wow, that's a perfect thing to sign.

Signed somebody's passport. Wow. Pretty fucking cool.

You met Fidel Castro? Some little slurper.

I don't know if I met him. I don't think I did. But you saw him? Yeah, we saw him. He came and spoke to us, like 600 students or maybe. Then I'm trying to think of anything else that happened that was super great over there. I just had him pretty quick, and we just drank with a lot of homeless people. A lot of times you would pull in, you were on a boat dox, you were It was around homeless people and shit and wherever boat docks are. Right.

That's not the typical vibe of a city.

Right. Sometimes it was cool, like Miami, and then sometimes it was like you were in Jersey. It was hit or miss, some of these ports you went into. You'd roll I'm off thinking like, Oh, we're going to be in the lap of some cool area, and you'd just be in the industrial in the docks, like in Belfast or something.

Yeah, exactly. Who would go here? No one in LA goes to where the ship's dock.

People are just getting fucking wasted.

I've been to see in nine months. Get me hookers and drugs now.

Oh, dude, all the staff that worked on the cruise ship, they were from Trinidad and Tobago and stuff like that. They would all go get hookers the second that the boat docked. You'd see them file out like ants to go get hookers in these different countries.

I went last year, Trinidad and Tobago, for a carnival.

Was it nice? It was so much fun.

For a carnival, I dressed the whole outfit with the big fucking feathers and just dance and drink for days. Wow. It was so much fun. Who'd you go with? A chick. I met my friend. My friend's in line to be the Prime Minister there from college. Really? Yeah, his dad was the Prime Minister. Then when I met him, he was the ambassador of America.

White guy? Tobagon?

No. Dark skin, black.

Dark skin, black.

Yeah. They only have Indians and blacks there, pretty much.

Oh, yeah.

But everyone's dancing, winding on each other. They're winding on me. They were playing this not happening for some reason on loop. No. On loop. So for four hours a day, they were playing this not happening in Trinidad. No residuals. And so I was getting recognized in Trinidad and Tobago. Some chick was like, Are you a Harry Shapier? And I was like, Yeah. She goes, Can I wind on you? I'm like, Yeah, she just fucking backing it up.

That's what they do there? Yeah.

It's not even sexual. It's just backing it up right on your ass and just rub it, and they just go all the way down.

Oh, yeah. That's great. What do they call it, Wind on you? Wind.

Winding. It's their dance. Winding.

And it's Tobagan?

I guess so. Steel pan, all that shit. It was so fucking cool.

I love that. What do you notice after traveling to some of these places? What are the things you miss about America? What do you think are the things that we lose by being in such a capitalistic environment?

Environment. Food is cleaner other places. Like in Cuba, they don't have much, but they don't have chemicals to put in there either. Then it's the need to work for life. She's teaching how to wine. I might have watched this video before I went. God.

And what do you do? Stand there?

Stand there. I could lift one leg around them, try to go down with them. Even you can't do it, but it's funny, the white guy trying. But they're not mad about you for being there. There's so few Whites.

There are?

Yeah. Yeah, I think the real one has more.

Whoa,. That's when you really... That's when your nuts go missing right there.

Wow. It's learned to want... Jesus, lady.

I know. I caught a pickpocket in Croatia one time. Got a picture with him.

He pickpocket you?

Called him fucking just like that.

Then you're like, I'm not mad at you. Let's just take a picture.

Just get a photo of you, and he ran off. Little guy, little Five will go steaving..

He was like, Hey, no. I was like, All right. Yeah.

Fair is fair.

It's just like you notice, Oh, we have some good things where we are. You get to appreciate that. But then also the need to work as your method of reward. It's like, No, it shouldn't be that. It should be work to play.

How much value we put on that.

Yeah, it's like never any work till you die. And there, they're like, They're going to work for the weekend. You try to go towards It's like some fun. There, they have carnival season. It's a month plus long. Parties, parties, parties. It's great. Juvé, everyone's throwing paint on each other in mud. Juvé? Juvé. Juvé? Juvé.

It's like Jauvair. That's in Trinidad?

Yeah, it's the night before. You're up all night, you get two hours of sleep, then go back to drinking and whining. Yeah, that's Juvet. Juvet, J-Juvet-O-U-V-R-T. Everyone's fighting with...

Wow.

They're fist No, they're fighting with paint. No, they're in a great mood.

It's all pretty safe. Let's look about Juvet. Can you find me a little information on it?

It looks beautiful. It's the day before.

So color. A traditional carnival celebration in many countries throughout the Caribbean. The parade is believed to have its foundation in Trinidad and Tobago with roots steeped in French Afro-Criole traditions. Wow, such as Camboulet.

Camboulet, what is that? Yeah, it's all so fucking weird. Click on it. It comes from some weird version of Christianity and slavery celebrating.

Oh, yeah. Kanbullet is a precursor to Trinidad and Tobago Carnival. The festival is also where Calypso music has its roots.

Steel drum. You know why they do steel drum? Because they outlawed drumming because they were like, You're riling people up. Let's get these abandoned steel drums, the oil drums. We'll make music out of that.

Go back to that information, nick. It was originally a harvest festival. It was Drums, singing, dancing, and chant, and were an integral part. Yeah. Kanbullay has played an important role in the development of the music of Trinidad and Tobago, for it was the banning of percussion instruments in the 1880s that led to the disruptitious innovations that gave birth to steel pan music.

That's cool. Yeah, here's me in my fucking costume. Wow. Isn't that fun? Yeah, yeah, blah, blah. It was so fucking fun. So he He showed us how to do it, my friend Brian.

Dude, that's so cool. You look like a native, bro.

Yeah, I got lost in it.

You look so native.

It was so fun. I mean, they party. They do it right. There's no status. There's no any of that.

What do you mean they party?

They go to let loose. Like a Filipino lady and all the Filipinos in China and stuff, when it's the weekend, they party. They just dance on the docks together. They go for it. They're like, Let's let loose. It's not about, which table am Who's going to be here? It's the party for the sake of party. It's like the downstairs on the Titanic.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. Everything else just gets a little bit fucking ridiculous out here. I think you definitely notice that more in big cities.

Yeah. Clubbing in Europe is about doing drugs and dancing. Here, it's about bottle service and velvet ropes.

Prestige, yeah. That stuff starts to disappear once you even get out of, I feel like, some of the bigger cities. I always notice, too, that Australians travel the most.

Australia, yeah.

It's like they go do it. It's how they...

We can't even comprehend it. You see one in the audience like, Oh, what are you doing here? It's like, I'm on holiday. And you're like, Oh, so just LA in the back? No, LA, Vegas, Miami, and then Copenhagen, London, whatever.

How long are you going for? What field of dreams are we going to? There's always one outlier thing they're going to see. Yeah. It's like, why nobody goes there. I want to see Mickey Rooney's grave over there.

Yeah, they go for two months.

I know. It is really incredible. It's almost like that Amish thing. What's the where they go? Rumspringer. Rumspringer. Yeah. Australians almost had that. We're like, I'm going to go see the world.

And Australians, all they really want to do is try the different cokes from around the country.

They like doing cocaine?

Yeah, they love it, and they have the worst. They love it the most and have the worst. So it's like, imagine you're dunking. I love to dunk, but I can't really do it because I can't really do it. But then you go to the moon and you're like, I can dunk now. All you want to do is just dunk all day. I believe. Yeah.

Just fucking jumping.

Right past the sun.

Would you see that picture that just came up about Mars? Did you see that?

What about it?

They found this crazy thing on... There's a photo. If this photo is real, did you see that, nick? Yeah, they found a perfect square on Mars.

Is that what you're talking about? Yeah. What?

It's fascinating.

That's unsettling. That hit perfect.

The square circle is a photo of Mars behind branded Wild has Space, fanatic's completely baffled.

Yeah, that's a straight line.

Yeah, I'm trying to see if we can get a clear picture of it.

I'm sure they were, too.

Yeah, facts. Oh, that's it right there. You start to wonder because your mind also starts to say, Well, okay, that's a square.

But also, is it just right there, the rocks broke down just that way? It's like Bigfoot shit. It really is. Or UFO. Every time a UFO, look at this, I'm like, I can't see context. That looks like a dot.

And The shittiest thing for me is, UFOs have been in the water recently. Do you hear that a month ago?

Yeah, why wouldn't they hide in the water?

You're like, Okay, so you're telling me this whole time we've been looking up. And they're down. And they're down. Oh, you tricksters. It's like part of a Scooby-Doo episode. It's like, What? I'm not worried about them harming me. This was a... They tell me something. Cbs News? Yeah. Tim Berchert said in an interview on Wednesday that an admirable whom he did not identify. I told him an unidentified moving at incredible speeds in the sea.

It's always incredible speeds. You're like, How about it's far away? Look, if you have something really far away and it's moving across the screen like that, you're like, It's slow. If it's right here, it's like, Oh, my God, that's so fast. You can't see the fucking scale. You can't see where it is.

But also, they just say, Oh, they've been in the water. We were looking up here and they're down there. You never thought to tell us about the water?

You got to discover it. You got to be a real scuba-do.

It makes That was good. That was better than the other one. You went around. But I was like, This is so fucking dumb, dude. Now they're in the water. It's like, So they're not up here? It just was so dumb.

Yeah, where else are they going to be? Where's next? In the fridge?

I know.

Where do you want to go? Still Argentina? Yeah. Bariloche. You know a place? Map that for me.

Let's see Bariloche, where the women swim like This is wine. Let me see it.

You don't know how to spell that?

Yeah, I'm just going to say, How do we spell it?

It's up to you, really.

You're a free American. Yeah, it's up to you, bro. It's up to you, boy.

Miraloche. Bariloche. Why that place?

Where'd you hear about that? You just heard about it from somebody. It's so funny when you hear about something you're a kid and you just remember it forever.

You're like, Yeah, I got to go. It's funny with Bon Jovi. Wow. Wow. Also, it gets cold there, too.

Oh, it looks perfect.

It does look perfect. San Carlos de Berra Lucha.

Looks beautiful. Halifax is beautiful. You've been there.

I just went for the first time. Did you? I've been trying to go to Eastern Canada for so fucking long, and my Jews just keep telling me it's not worth it for the money. I'm like, I want to go. They go, Fine. Only winter. I'm like, No, no. You got to be outside during that. You'll draw less. I'm like, Guys, get me out there. I finally went. I loved it. Beautiful. Weird, cool people, isolated. Strange, different people. What's that movie where they put that guy in a box and they burned it alive. I think Nicolas Cage did a remake of it. Not match stick, match. Was it Wicker Man? Wicker Man. It looks like Wicker Man-ish for sure. Yeah, it was great.

Yeah, I love that. Lacrosse Wisconsin was a place that I liked in America.

Yeah, outside Mount Peelier.

Very beautiful. It's just a perfect place.

I've been doing that now a lot. When I meet somebody from another country, I'm like, What's your tips? And they go, Oh, we'll go to Buenos Aires. I'm like, No, you're from Buenos Aires. It can be a restaurant, a bar, or where you go hiking outside of there. Then they tell me, and I put it on Google Maps, and I'm like, I'm getting there.

Give me the grass roots. Baraloche. I'm going to write that one down. That's La Crosse, Wisconsin. I think it's one of the best little cities. Bar Loche? Barroloche, yeah. Where the women swim like swine. Oh, yeah, there you go. There's granddad's bluff over there.

Baraloche. Oh, yeah, bro.

That's what we need, more Barroloche. In America, yeah. Then I would say in America, probably I would go with La Crosse, Wisconsin as a place that I really think is a great place to go tour or see. Just nice. It's like if you thought of an ideal place in America, Especially, where in the fall, the leaves change color. It was a cool mountain, but you could still ride your bike everywhere you wanted to in town as a kid, and you have just enough of a little downtown with some three-story buildings. We were like, Oh, that's downtown. Cool enough, two bars? Yes. Every Everything, but some cool old shops and stuff downtown where it really feels cool. How many people live there in La Crosse, Wisconsin?

52,818.

A good enough size, too, where it's like you'll have some neighbors, you have some good sporting events and stuff like that. You're close enough to drive to Greenbed to cheer for the packers. But yeah, just beautiful.

But far enough away, we don't go.

Right. This is their downtown, so everything is just perfect.

This is where Jairosa lives in Pennsylvania, a city like this. Yeah? Yeah. An hour outside Philadelphia.

Pennsylvania has got some beautiful places.

Yeah, but a small downtown, just It's like that. He's the mayor. Wow. Yeah, you got one light.

Yeah. That place is a great spot.

That's the thing you do when you're on the road where it's like, All right, I'm going to stay a few days longer or go a few days early, chill out, then do my shows or stay there and drive in for your shows and go back. So you have all day.

Yeah, I want to do some more. I think maybe after this year, then I would just get a camper and do a year where I just go around the country, do some interview just regular people in different places. You're good at that, too. And just have a...

I saw you interview a school bus driver once.

Go touring. Who did we interview?

Did you have a school bus driver or a bus driver?

We have a hostage negotiator coming on soon.

No, it was somebody who was more regular.

We got a native American. A couple of years ago. We had a female long haul trucker, a mortician, Lunch Lady.

Maybe it's mortician, maybe it's lunch. But yeah, that normal shit that you can get a lot out of them. That'd be fun. Fascion. Who drive the RV? You? Or you could have somebody else be driving it or switch off.

Probably switch off. I've driven a one of them. Or if I have a family at that point.

You're looking?

I got to get a family at some point.

Well, if you do that, guess what you're going to have to do first? Nut inside. Nut inside, buddy. That's it. It's for you. It's all there.

You don't say.

That would be cool. Me and O'Neill and Matt Egar did one where we did Spokane, and we did Tacoma. No, Tacoma then Spokane. Then two days there, two days there. In the interim, we found a fire station, a fire lookout station that had been redone. It was an hour hike to get up. There was no roads in. We took all our shit, and we stayed up there for three days doing mushrooms. There's hundreds of acres around us. There's nothing up there. It was a 360 deck on top, so none of the animals would get at you, but you could be out there.

You just found it?

Yeah, O'Neill found it. The guy was like, Yeah, we own this. We retrofitted it. They don't need these fire lookouts anymore. That's cool. But that's all there if you're willing to take the week in between skiing, doing anything.

Yeah, I think some things just get like you want to work, but then you're like, Have I done enough work? I don't know. But then you start working so much, you don't even know what you're doing anymore sometimes, too. Just autopilot, wasting time.

It's funny, I have two different sets of friends, and half of them are pitting me for not buckling down enough, and the other half look up to me for paying it back in enough.

I think I look up. I think I always admire the fact that you go and do these fun things that seem to keep you alive.

I got a proposition for you. Maybe I'll tell you off there.

Okay, that's fair. Yeah, I want to come. I want to talk about the semester at sea. That's what I would like to talk about. Okay. Yeah, for sure. You're doing it in New York?

New York, or if we're in Austin together, we can do it then. Okay. Yeah, I have a studio there, too.

Yeah, that'd be fun to go to the different places. I've never really gone through and thought about.

Yeah, you'll think about it. You're going to remember stuff as we go. That's what happens to everybody when they're doing it, when they're doing one of the episodes, and then it went, Oh, that Chit Margaret. Oh, yeah. That's that moment that I love.

Dude, we had a girl. She fucking did a water slide somewhere in Vietnam, which nobody knew they even had, broke out both of her front teeth and got knocked up by a mariachi player, dude.

A mariachi player in Vietnam?

I know.

What do you mean we had a girl?

I don't know. She was on She was just on the cruise ship, too. Because that would be it. You'd land in a port with the cruise ship. You would take classes while you're on the ship. The program is called Semester at Sea, and it's amazing. You'd take classes. But then once you got to a city, people could go do whatever they wanted.

You could be back at whatever?

Be back when the ship leaves at like, oh, 1700 or something. People would come back with drug habits. Some people would come back with amazing stories. People would come back with their teeth in their pocket in a full womb.

That's like fantasy Island.

It was just crazy. Some people would... People would stay with a couple of people fell in love in this fucking stayed. They're like, Fuck it. A couple of people got busted with drugs or whatever, and they just left them there. No. Yeah, rules are rules, man.

Yeah, wheels up. Wheel's up at this time. Yeah, it anchors up.

So all of that was fascinating.

Do you think fantasy Island was a precursor for Epstein Island?

I'm not sure what fantasy Island was. Is it a real place?

No, it was a TV show. Oh, it was? Yeah.

I never saw it.

With Herbie Villishet, whatever.

No, my buddy's dad was in Loveboat.

Yeah. Really? What was he in Loveboat?

He was a captain, I think.

What?

He was a captain.

Captain Steubing? Yeah.

I think so.

I don't know how to spell it. Yeah, him. That was your buddy's dad? That guy, slung. I guarantee you that guy came inside. You think? Dead at 90. He passed away? He was fucked until he was 88 and a half.

Guaranteed. Oh, no, this wasn't his dad then.

He was just a captain on A boat. He fell in love on a boat and he was the captain. Yeah, that's it.

I can't. No, my body said that was something else.

You're going to not continuing. You're like, No, I'm not lying. I'm not lying on any of these things. I love there was a clip of you on Rogan when you were like, you're doing the Theo thing. You're doing the Theo thing, you're like, I can't do the acting. I'm like, Man, these bees are just exploding. Joe just starts laughing. You're like, Yeah, they're exploding. He's like, What are you talking about? I go, Look it up, Jamie. Everyone thinks you're a lot. He goes, Yeah, there's exploding bees. He goes, Yeah, what do you mean?

Every now You got to go in. You bring a piece of information that he doesn't have. That's when his mind is blown.

How did you know this?

Well, he's a library. Imagine going to bed when you're a library. He's a fucking library. It's like you go to the front desk, you're like, Hey, do you have this and he's like, Let me see what I have. And then he shows up with the information that he has.

For a pothead, he really remembers quite a lot.

Unfucking real. That's, I think, he has a lot of... These are evaporating. He's a hard worker, but I think he has an endless memory.

And a lust for knowledge. He wants to keep feeding it.

Genularly curious.

Yeah, I'm already like, I know enough.

Dude, I know so little, and I gave up then. I think that was my MO. Ori Shafir, we got the new special.

American Sweetheart.

American Sweetheart, and people Netflix. On Netflix, congratulations, man.

Thank you. Yeah, I wanted this one more regular people to see it and less YouTube people. Even those lower views on Netflix for people at my level.

But it just take time for people to get to it, too.

Yeah, but then also just like, I'm trying to really get through with humor of like, chill, chill. Everything's nice. So hopefully some people... I've seen some people feel, Hey, I put down the phone all day because that's special. I'm like, Great, getting through to you.

Yeah, because that's how they really captivated Yeah, it's like, man.

Yeah, the closer is the darkest one.

Yeah?

Yeah, so get to the Closer, I guess. And then I'm on tour. Cool. All over America, the farewell tour before I go backpacking.

Man, that's going to be nice, dude.

Okay. As soon as we're done, I want to suggest something to you. Okay.

I'm ready to take a suggestion. Yep. Thank you, guys. America's Sweetheart, Ari Shafir, his tour after the Backpacking number 4.

What? The tour? Yeah. Tour is now, and then I'm going to end that and leave. It's just like, let's go a couple more months of hanging out in New York, having fun, and then take off.

Yeah.

Take off, then I don't know. But the Ubi Trip and podcast will still come out on the gone. Banked, I'm already like 30 ahead just for this.

What a great idea, too. It's all about trips to be able to take in.

One trip you took. Come back, tell me about a different trip. Come back, tell me about a different trip. We just stay in that place. It's not like, what am I supposed to do? It's like, what did you do? I fell in love. Danny Polashik was like, I had Denge fever in Laos, but the whole time in a sand floor hospital. Perfect. Tell me about it. Fuck. Yeah, I just love it. Sometimes I finish the episodes and I just sit there and sigh like, I want to go there. Sometimes I'm like, That was bad. I didn't care.

I think, so long as we do an episode, I'm like, How was that? That was the best ever. I'm like, You guys are fucking... We're all idiots. It is fascinating how the idea of planning a trip is so hectic, and then you just plan it. Then the day comes, you're sitting on the plane, and you're like, This is the best decision I ever made. It's the best.

You're nervous, you're nervous. I'll do it later. My booker in Romania, he goes, I'm trying to go to Thailand. I couldn't go. Do you know what? I'm buying a ticket, and then I'm going to force yourself to go from six months or no. If I have a ticket, I'm going. He did, and he went. Then that thing, if you get off the plane, you're still in an airport. It seems familiar. But when those sliding doors open, you go outside, and there's a little smell difference. You just feel the signs in a different and you're just like, Oh, here we go. It hits you and you're like, Oh. You just got to get by. The cab drivers are trying to hustle you. You're just like, Oh, it's just the best.

Yeah. God, it's good. We had a taxi, took us in Vietnam straight to a bird, animal place that had hookers in the back. So pet shop front, hooker back.

How did those go together?

Just what a... What a What a combo.

Hey, kid, play with the puppies. Dad's going to go in the back.

It was like you see those pizza at Baskin Robbins or whatever? Was that merger or whatever?

Yeah.

You're like, Yeah, I'll take a couple of scoops.

A couple of scoops in a wing.

I'll take a fucking piece of pie and a fucking gerble. All right, Shafir, man, you endlessly continue to create content, man, and put your comment out in the world, man.

Yeah, I'm trying to have fun.

Yeah, you always You always do. Thanks for coming and hanging out, man. Yeah.

Good to see you, buddy.

Now, I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone. Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones. But it's going to take.