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Transcript of E553 Grace O'Malley

This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von
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Transcription of E553 Grace O'Malley from This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von Podcast
00:00:00

I want to let you know about some new tour dates. I will be in Nashville, Tennessee, on May third at the Bridgestone Arena. You can get your tickets starting Wednesday, January eighth at 10:00 AM local time with presale code Rat King. We also have tickets remaining in East Lansing, Eugene, Victoria, BC in the Canada, College Station, Belton, Texas, San Antonio, Oxford, Fayetteville, Tuscaloosa, Tallahassee, Winnipeg, and Calgary, Alberta in the Canada. Get all your tickets at theovan. Com/taur. Make sure to go through that site. Thank you so much for your support. That'll still be the Return of the Rat Tour. Today's guest is an entertainer out of the Boston and New England areas of America. I got to see backstage the other night when she was performing stand-up here in Nashville, Tennessee. She got her start with Barstool Sports, and I've been a fan, and I'm looking forward to get to learn more about her. Today's guest is Ms. Grace O'Malley. I'm going to start.

00:01:29

I'm going to I've got three younger sisters. I think you all do. But I'm the milkman because I'm a redhead.

00:01:38

You're the milkman?

00:01:39

I'm the milkman.

00:01:40

Oh, the milkman's kid.

00:01:40

My mom's a whore.

00:01:42

Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, damn. I I wish.

00:01:46

It was good. Yeah, thanks.

00:01:48

I wish my mom would have gotten laid more, I think. Yeah? Oh, yeah. I don't know if she was making love to maybe this auto mechanic one time. I don't know. He would always to come around and look around at us.

00:02:01

Look at us. A lot of undercarriage.

00:02:04

Yeah, I think he was just... I don't know what he was doing. He might not even have been a mechanic. I mean, it was in our town, it was like, if you were greasy enough and people would do mechanicking in your yard type of thing, where like, Come drop the car off in my house. People would do a lot of at-home mechanicking type stuff.

00:02:23

Like, tag your it, you've got the car now?

00:02:24

No, just like... People didn't have to have a shop to be a mechanic. Oh, got you.

00:02:31

All right, cool.

00:02:32

People could just do it at home.

00:02:34

I never come empty-handed to anything, but I've been in limbo all day, so this is the best I could do. I heard your on again, off again, quitting.

00:02:41

Damn, you brought me this.

00:02:43

Airbar. I heard Sometimes you're quitting, sometimes you're not. But mostly, you try to quit. So I feel like an ass, but. No, it's nice of you.

00:02:52

Very sweet of you. This is very... Yeah, it's almost like the first Thanksgiving or whatever. Whenever they did that.Yeah. Very nice. Yeah, and I've actually been doing good about quitting. I think the tough part is... The worst thing about quitting is that you have to... Every day, you're like, I'm going to quit, and then you set yourself up for failure. This is a failure.

00:03:15

Yeah, it's a commitment that I just don't have the willpower to do.

00:03:19

Yeah. Have you tried it or no?

00:03:20

I was supposed to start January yesterday, and I just didn't.

00:03:23

Yeah.

00:03:23

I couldn't. I didn't have the willpower. I wanted to stop this going on.

00:03:29

We're going to try again It's another day. You got it. Yeah, it's another day. Yeah, that's the thing. January is a lot of pressure. It's a lot of pressure at the beginning of the year to get it all right.

00:03:37

Yeah, but for what, though? We're just new all of a sudden. We're just going to flip it off.

00:03:41

Well, I think that's the goal. It just feels tough. It's a lot of pressure. It is a lot of pressure, dude. God, being alive is just damn… It's a lot sometimes. It just feels like a lot. Grace O'Malley, thanks for coming in today.

00:03:58

Thanks for having me. I'm super I tried to play it really cool the other day, but I am a very big fan.

00:04:03

Oh, thanks. Very big fan.

00:04:04

This is very sick.

00:04:05

Yeah, I'm a big fan of yours, too. You always just seem just like such a human.

00:04:09

I mean, why not? I don't know what's wrong with half of these people. Everyone's fucking out of control.

00:04:15

Yeah, those things are. I think if people get into the spotlight or get like, popularity, ego, all that stuff is super dangerous. You don't realize it. Sometimes you can be getting infected by it or suddenly you'll try to supermanage how you're perceived, which some of that's normal because you want to protect yourself. But I think all of that, it's scary.

00:04:40

Yeah. You got to be yourself. That's what it is. You just got to be yourself. But if yourself is an asshole, then maybe you should change.

00:04:52

If yourself is an asshole, bro. Yeah, because they got people out there now that are not even gay, that are being gay. They have all types of people, like fake Native Americans. Every week, they're busting one of these politicians for saying they were Honduran or something. Just a lot of bullshit.

00:05:11

I know. I wish I had the 23 and me to claim one of those things because I feel like if you can claim it, you can say it. There's a lot of words I can't say that I would love to claim to be able to say. You know what I mean?

00:05:23

Yeah. I'm trying to think if you seem like... Because what are you? You are...

00:05:27

I am a mec. I I'm Irish. You're Irish? Pretty inbredded.

00:05:32

Okay. Yeah. No judgment for me here. I think Irish, some people are really fucking Irish. Have you seen that video of that baby? He's breastfeeding and he orders another tit or whatever?

00:05:44

Oh, my God. No, I haven't seen that, but that's classic.

00:05:48

It's the most Irish shit.

00:05:49

It's about pretty much the way I was-He orders a round for everybody in the room or something.

00:05:54

They're breastfeeding it like a family thing or whatever, like a birthday or whatever.

00:05:58

One of my worst jokes I ever wrote One of my first ones was that I'm so Irish that I was breastfed Guinness. Yeah. It's stupid. But it is what it is.

00:06:09

Yeah, it's a rough one. I told some rough... One of my first jokes was like, Oh, I need a job, a blow job.

00:06:16

That's a classic, though. Come on.

00:06:17

It was pretty bad. Thanks. At least we have each other, right? It was pretty bad. I was still laughing. Yeah, I stopped by the Comedy Club the other night and you were doing stand-up. How long have you been doing stand-up? Because some of my audience won't know you. You're a podcaster and a comedian? Yes. Okay. How long have you been doing stand-up?

00:06:36

I moved to New York in 2020. I was doing it here and there on the streets because you had to do it outside at the time. Because of COVID? Because of COVID, yeah. I did on and off here and there, but started taking it serious around January of this last year.

00:06:53

Okay. Of 2024? 2024, yeah. Okay. Yeah. What did that mean, taking it serious? Just getting up more, getting into the circuits or what?

00:07:00

Yeah, it's like an oxymoron saying taking it serious because it's comedy, but just like going up as much as I could, networking, I guess, and putting myself out there thing. I've been going up as much as I could, and Whitney Cummings ended up taking me on the road with her. Oh, Whitney took you on the road with her. My apologies.

00:07:20

Whitney did? Yeah, she did. Oh, yeah. That's awesome. Which was sick.

00:07:22

Yeah. She put the fire under my ash. She came on. I used to have a podcast. It's no longer. But she came on as a guest, and she was like, I fuck with you. You should open for me. And I'm like, You don't want that. She was like, No, just do it. Just say yes, and it'll all follow. She put the fire in my ass and I just grinded.

00:07:46

Wow. Now, was it like you were overnight suddenly on stage having to do a lot of time or no?

00:07:51

She gave me 15, which turned into 20. I guess I was doing something right because she kept adding me to more cities. So I was like, All right, so I guess I'm doing pretty good.

00:08:01

That was nice. So you're originally from where at?

00:08:05

I'm from Boston, but outside of Boston. Okay. Yeah.

00:08:08

Do people from outside of Boston look differently at people than inside of Boston?

00:08:15

Culturally, probably. There was this thing in the '70s called Busting, where they brought African-American children into the city.For.

00:08:25

Schooling and stuff?For.

00:08:26

Schooling, yeah. So Some people didn't like that, so those people, they left. That is, unfortunately, where I come from.

00:08:35

That's for your family. You were birthed out of those people.

00:08:38

Yeah, those were those guys.

00:08:40

People make their choices. Because Boston is interesting. They got a lot of racism up there.

00:08:47

Yeah, but it's not as loud as it is down here.

00:08:52

Yeah, the south, it's more... The south has more of that slave magic history.

00:08:57

Yeah, we just have just little The innuendos of bad history and bad things we did, I guess. It's still up there, though, for sure.

00:09:06

It depends on what side you're on. But yeah.

00:09:08

You should just meet my dad. You'll see it there.

00:09:11

Is he a fireman or no?

00:09:13

No, he wanted to be a police officer. I ended up being an electrician, but he fucked that up, too.

00:09:18

What? Doing electricity?

00:09:19

Yeah, he got electrocuted.

00:09:21

Oh, he did?

00:09:21

Yeah, on the job. He said he saw God. He started to be a believer. Tyler Childers walked him into heaven when he died.

00:09:29

Tyler Childers?

00:09:30

Yes, Childers.

00:09:31

The musician?

00:09:32

The musician walked him into the Pearl gates. That's my father.

00:09:37

You almost got to believe him.

00:09:38

Yeah. Well, I mean, that guy is still alive, so I don't know what that illusion was with him. That's true. I'm not really sure.

00:09:47

Why would a guy who's not even dead come and help you? That's nice of him.

00:09:51

It is really sweet, but that makes me... I was like, Oh, that's pretend.

00:09:53

Yeah, that's when it got a little fictional. Yeah.

00:09:56

You were having a bad dream. Then you woke up and you were blasted.

00:10:00

Yeah, dude, being electrocuted, it's… It doesn't get as much credit as it deserves, really. I got once by electricity.

00:10:14

Little fork in the outlet action?

00:10:15

No. When I was at a fair or something, we used to go to the carnival down the street from our home or whatever, and they would let you ride the rides the day before the fair opened up.

00:10:28

Oh, a little test monkey.

00:10:29

Yeah. Nice. So we're out there and we're doing it or whatever, and they were just like, plugging shit in and whatever. And I tried to get off one of the rides and I grabbed two different railings, and I think I connected some circuit or whatever. So I was just like, this. Oh, shit.

00:10:45

Did your friends see a skeleton like the cartoons?

00:10:48

I don't know. My friends, they ran off. They're like, oh, something's... We don't want to be involved.

00:10:54

It's going to be a superhero.

00:10:55

Yeah, this guy's not doing good. We don't want to be involved in it. Some guy called me, I think, or whatever, and kicked me in the bat. Nice. I was like, Okay, he saved my life, but he still called me a. It was like, Well, that's what you get around the carnival. But that time, and then I was walking behind a food truck that was serving crab meat or whatever, which I don't trust.

00:11:15

That sounds really wrong, too.

00:11:18

I don't trust crab meat that's that close to a gas tank, I think.

00:11:22

Yeah, no, that's fair. I think crab meat should be fresh from the ocean, right from the ocean. When we got here this weekend, I I had crab legs. I'm like, What am I doing? I shit my brains out this whole last couple of days. Oh, yeah, it's horrible.

00:11:34

We're in land block right now, right?

00:11:36

Yeah, I'm never-Yeah, I don't know what I was doing.

00:11:38

Never seen a crab anywhere around here.

00:11:39

I've never had money before, so I was like, Yeah, we'll get some crab legs. This is sick.

00:11:44

You're as smooth as Tennessee's shelf is. Yeah, that's wild, dude.

00:11:52

I feel fucking stupid. That's that new money shit. That's new money, boy.

00:11:56

That's fucking new money, dude.

00:11:59

Yeah, let's get the crab legs.

00:12:01

This baby's getting a grill and we're getting fucking Tennessee crab legs.

00:12:08

What else is fucking gay that I could get?

00:12:10

I'm trying to think of shit that we got, orYeah.

00:12:15

What was your first new money buy?

00:12:18

I got a fucking cyber truck. It was the only thing I've ever really gotten for myself that was expensive.

00:12:23

Somebody was telling me about that, and they were saying that you thought that nobody would recognize you in that thing?

00:12:28

Oh, yeah, that's what I thought it first. Are you ready to buy it? I didn't think it was that big of a deal. I thought everybody would have them.

00:12:35

That's going to make people do many double takes. It was horrible. Once at the car, second at you. Yeah, it was horrible. Sorry, once at you, second for the car.

00:12:42

No, it was all horrible. Whenever you first got them, I got home. I ordered five years ago, right? Because it was a hundred bucks.

00:12:50

Oh, that's like putting it on the wishlist. Okay. Right.

00:12:51

So for a hundred bucks, you could be like, I got a cyber truck coming. It was online.

00:12:55

That's just on lay away. Yes. That's rich people lay away. So I was like, Yeah, I'm getting a cyber truck or whatever.

00:13:01

And then I kept bothering Elon on Twitter. Where are they? Give them.

00:13:06

Are you guys on a basis of talking? No. Okay.

00:13:10

No, I don't know him. I was just tweeting at him and stuff or saying stuff like that. And then finally, one day, I got home. I'd been on time for a few weeks, and it was in my garage. Oh, sick. And so I was like, Holy shit, dude. And at first, when you would drive down the street, people would... There There were people cheering people at American flags. There were Mexican people out there doing this and dancing or whatever. That's your president.

00:13:38

It was crazy.

00:13:40

You're like, Where did these Mexican people come from? And you were just driving. But really, they had like, We are the champions. It was like gay people. People were coming out of the closet in front of it.

00:13:53

You had girls flashing titties.

00:13:54

It was a lot. Yeah, it was just a lot going on. Yeah, I I thought it automatically would have extra darkness on the windows, and it didn't. For a long time, I thought it was like, Yeah, obviously, I can just drive. There was It was like an extra darkness. Then my buddy was like, You got to get those things tinted. I was like, Oh, shit, man, they're not tinted. Then, so finally, I did get them tinted.

00:14:23

What was it? Run DMC?

00:14:27

Fuck.

00:14:28

I forget who it was, but they said, windows don't mean nothing. They know who's inside.

00:14:32

Really? Yeah.

00:14:33

Fuck. So you're fucked. And so is the guy who waited five years for a cyber truck just to blow it up. What a science experiment.

00:14:42

Oh, yeah. Somebody did that, huh? Yeah, Bring that up, dude. Actually, you know what's funny? I thought about getting a big fuse and putting it hanging out of mine.

00:14:51

Yeah, that's a goody.

00:14:54

Oh, he did it for fourth of July. Or he did it for New Year's?

00:14:56

That's what it does look like. It does look like a spectacle. I I think it was a political point in front of Trump.

00:15:03

Oh, in front of Trump towers? Wow.

00:15:04

I think one person did die, so it's tough to find a joke there.

00:15:08

But I mean- It was probably some Middle Eastern is getting a picture next to it. People are always like, Can we get this? Can we? And you're just like, Leave me alone.

00:15:17

I'm going to blow a lid.

00:15:18

Don't come ask me. But the problem is the horn sounds a little bit effeminate, too. Does it? Yeah. If you hit the horn, a couple of gay dudes will walk over.

00:15:27

Like, Oh, hi. You need something? They still have prostitutes that work the streets.

00:15:34

Do they? Yeah. Not here.

00:15:37

They don't have to anymore, right?

00:15:38

Where's just some good... Where's streetwalkers still in America? Can you pull that up, please?

00:15:42

Because I've been looking. I've told my friends before. I I don't get laid much. That's just a fact about me. But I told my friends, just surprise me with a hooker one day, and don't tell me it's a hooker. A male hooker? A male hooker. They exist? I'm not sure.

00:15:56

I think that they... Yeah, definitely. There's Italian guys, if that's what you're talking about. Gross. But I don't know what you're looking at overall. Nevada has the largest commercial sex market in the United States when adjusted for population. Okay? Number of prostituted people. Nevada has more than twice as many prostituted people per capita as California and 63% more than New York.

00:16:19

All right.

00:16:20

They still have brothels there.

00:16:22

All right. So I'm moving to Nevada.

00:16:24

Mind if you go to Nevada to get it? There we go. Yeah, I wonder, what would that be like for a... Right. For a woman? Because I've gotten a lady of the night or whatever they're called, a mystical plus. Yeah, just one time, I'm sure.

00:16:37

I don't know what they call them. Yeah, a mystical plus.

00:16:38

Yeah, I got one in Amsterdam, where people go get them.

00:16:41

Oh, yeah, that's the prize. Yeah, the red-mecha.

00:16:44

Yeah, the mecha. Mecha of horse. It is. It's like the Istanbul of Midnight Cooter or whatever. I went there and... Here was the funny part. My buddy and I, both of us acted like we weren't going to go there. So we both went off by ourselves.

00:17:02

You went to these separate rooms like, All right, man.

00:17:04

Night, bud. And then saw each other there and we're like...

00:17:10

That's tough. That's when you just have to embrace it and then just do a force-up or something.

00:17:14

But here was a sad part of it. You go in there, and it seems like it's very alluring, and the mirage of it is very compelling. But you go in there, and right when you go in their door, because they're standing out there and there's some red lights inside of the room, you go in there in main door, and there's a bouncer guy right there, and he's a very tough guy. He says something real tough or something, and then you go like that. Then you go into the room, and it's very much like a doctor's room. Everything's covered in paper or class. It feels like- Classy. It feels like... It feels very clinical.

00:17:56

Clinical? Okay. So it's routine. It's like an appointment?

00:17:59

Right. That's what it starts to feel like. So the magic of any romance or whatever is going.

00:18:04

Were you looking for lust and love?

00:18:04

I think everybody, probably.

00:18:09

Probably. I thought you were looking for just a What, Willy?

00:18:11

No. I'm one of those guys who would leave the strip club and be like, Man, I think there's a chance we're going to get her off the stage.

00:18:18

You're going to give them a pep talk the next time you go in. They're like, Hey, Annabelle Magic.

00:18:23

We can put you in community college, babe.

00:18:26

So much better than this. You could be so much more. Oh, wow, that sure is something.

00:18:29

So I think it's very hard. I can't get an erection around broken glass, or I can't get an erection, I'm realizing, around some environments like that that are so clinical.

00:18:40

Have you ever spent a night in jail? Yeah. That's exactly that. How could you get off? That feels like jail. Yeah. With just a little silk. Yeah. It's crazy.

00:18:52

Yeah, it's a slightly silky jail.

00:18:54

Silky jail? I would go to silky jail.

00:18:56

Smooth jail.

00:18:57

Do you have a mug shot?

00:18:59

I don't know if I'm a mugshot. That's a great question. If I do, it's in Mississippi or Louisiana. I'll have to check. That's a good thing to look up for.

00:19:08

That would be sick merch. Wow, is that me? Is that supposed to be you? Damn. I'm sorry. I can't believe you to say something like that. I can't believe neither one of those are me. Then this one's just literally your headshot, not a mug shot.

00:19:26

Wow, yeah, that's just a headshot.Go back up to the second one.Oh.

00:19:29

You're a tiny baby boy in that blue shirt one.

00:19:31

Very young, very impressionable. There I am. What did I do?

00:19:38

It was Katieporn.

00:19:40

No, Katievids. Yeah. K-i-t-t Why?

00:19:45

So it was meow? Yeah. All right. No problem.

00:19:48

What about you? You've been in?

00:19:50

No, I'm dying to, though, because I would like a mug shot.

00:19:54

I could see you in there.

00:19:55

Yeah, it would be good. I think I'd run that thing like a McDonald's.

00:20:00

I'd see you in there keeping stuff in your bra.

00:20:02

Yeah. And they come to me and they got to ask, Do you want red dye number two? You want some lipstick? Because that's what the girls do in there. They go crazy.

00:20:12

Yeah. You want to watch them call it off?

00:20:14

You want me to thread your eyebrows with some... I don't know what they use. But I'll find out. And I'll be the head of the market.

00:20:23

Yeah. You want to pull some Claire all out of your pussy or what? People smuggling makeup in there or something? Yeah. Yeah. I mean- Is Claire all still makeup?

00:20:32

I don't know what that is. You don't? Not sure. I could pretend.

00:20:37

Claire all? I thought it was a makeup company, is it?

00:20:41

All right, sure.

00:20:42

Fuck it. What does love look like for you? What's your love life like? Do you have a boyfriend or you don't have a boyfriend?

00:20:50

I do not have a boyfriend. I have- You might have said that, too. Sorry. I've never had one, and I'm 26. You've never had one? I know. It's like everyone always does that. It's rats. Damn, every single time I'm like, oh, I should just let that person have that reaction because it is crazy. It is crazy, but I have to address it.

00:21:09

But it's also pretty special, though, I think.

00:21:11

Yeah. When I find that Mr. Special guy, it's going to be I feel good because I've waited this long, I suppose. Yeah, 26 years.

00:21:21

Do you feel like you've missed out on some good ones or no?

00:21:24

No, they don't really flock. You'd be totally shocked that I'm not I don't really scream fuck me. I don't really have fuck me eyes ever. I think I'm more of a bro to some people. My way of flirting is misogynistic.

00:21:42

Oh, just being buddies?

00:21:44

Yeah, just being like, Yo, dude, check out her tits, or you can check out mine if you prefer, thing.

00:21:51

Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah.

00:21:55

I haven't had luck thus far, hence the male hooker.

00:21:58

Did you have a high school Is he on a prom date?

00:22:03

I had to ask him. He was a year older, and he is now she, and we don't…

00:22:09

Is he straight still in a woman, or is he now a gay woman?

00:22:13

I'm having a hard time picking up the pieces because we don't talk. You know those people, you just have to fix the clues in and see what they're all about, the little clues that they put out there. Then I didn't go to my senior prom. You didn't? No, I was one of those. I was still waiting to get picked I had it in my senior prom in my head foolishly. One day.

00:22:35

Yeah, dude. Yeah, that's definitely... I got stuck after the prom. This dude was crying, and he had barred his... His dad had left him a long time ago, and he barred his mom's business blazer and had those shoulder pads in it. Oh, classic. Yeah, it was classic, but it was also just a sign of the times of young men being raised by single moms and having to wear their mom's his blazer to the prom.

00:23:01

Yeah, I guess I could have had it worse.

00:23:03

And it was like, but he was bawling about something. He thought he looked like Damon Wayne or something, but something bullshit or whatever. I don't know. He was out of his fucking mind. I was trying to get laid, but also be nice. I was waiting to go see my girlfriend, but it was just a nightmare.

00:23:16

But this was your buddy?

00:23:17

Yeah. I know I got stuck giving him a ride after prom. Oh, fuck. To this party, and he started just bawling.

00:23:23

Damn, it's not that bad. Take it off. Just wear the T-shirt underneath.

00:23:27

But he's like, Everybody says I look like Damon Wayans, and I want to have my own life. And I was like, Mother fucker, you don't look anything like David Wayne.

00:23:35

Is he black?

00:23:36

No, he was like, tan or whatever. Bitch, you don't look anything like fucking Damon Wayans, dude. You're a closeted homosexual. Just fucking come out of the closet so we can go to this party.

00:23:46

You wanted to wear that. You bought it specifically. Oh, he loved it.

00:23:48

Yeah, he looked nothing.

00:23:50

Was he bald? What was the problem?

00:23:52

He did have a skinned head, and he seemed black sometimes just for fun. But he was a great guy. Yeah, I guess that's interesting. Sorry to act like that about that.

00:24:09

No, no, that's actually... I think it's hilarious.

00:24:11

But now does it become a thing where you don't have a boyfriend because it's almost become a thing? Does that ever happen?

00:24:15

Yeah, I'm too far in now. So it's like, I'm not looking. I don't really give a shit at this point. It's just it is what it is. If it comes, it comes. But I would love to come one day.

00:24:25

Are you saving your sofa marriage type thing? Or are you still sexually active?

00:24:29

No, I'm not there. Well, I would be if I could be. If I had it coming towards me like that, oh, my God, I'd be a whore. But I'm basically accidentally celibate, which is a beautiful thing, really. Some women, they say, Oh, it's so easy for a woman to get laid. They can have whoever they want. No, it's not true. There are some of us that are really hard time.

00:24:52

Really? I feel like I could name at least five or six guys that would definitely make love to you that I know firsthand and have seen in the past two weeks. You know? Wow.

00:25:02

And you've got some cool pals.

00:25:06

Yeah, but it's like, what am I even talking about? Is that a crazy thing to say?

00:25:11

No, it's great to hear. Actually, that just gave me a little bit of a boost.

00:25:14

Dude, yeah. Are you kidding me, man? I know some people that would definitely probably knock you up even. I knew some people that would just- That would be amazing.

00:25:24

I was thinking about it the other night. I'm like, you know what? I'm so anti-having a kid, but I guess if I had one, I would have to have it because that it would be my only shot.

00:25:31

Only shot at what?

00:25:32

Having a child. Because if this one guy wants to bust it in, then I guess I got to put one out. It seems like a sad thing to people, but this is just my life.

00:25:46

No, Grace. I think there's a lot of semen heading your way in 2025.

00:25:52

Oh my God. I can't wait to guzel it down my man. It's going to be good. But it's funny to not be a whore, but really want to be. Yeah. There's something special about that. Because most whores, they don't want to be. They want to be known for something other than their hole or their box.

00:26:08

But then they're just out there slurping or whatever to feel decent. But at least you don't have to do that.

00:26:13

Yeah, I guess. Well, you know. I'm sorry. Most wide open. I'll wait for my special day. I don't either.

00:26:20

This why I don't have a daughter, dude. This why I don't have a fucking daughter, dude. What do you do if your daughter is a tramp and you're the dad?

00:26:30

That's when you got to start.

00:26:32

Do you have a talk with them, you think? Have any of your friends ever, they're like, damn, my dad had a talk with me because he knew I was getting smashed so much or doing a lot of sex or whatever?

00:26:41

I think when you start having the talk is when they develop more I have a daddy problem. There's nothing you could do as a father, I feel like. It's just their decision to be what they want to do, I suppose. I don't know. I've never been a whore yet. We'll see. If you had What would her daughter, what would her name be?

00:27:03

Probably something from that Scarlet Letter book. What are some names in that book? Something from the days when people used to die on I'm on a ship journeys type shit. You know what I'm saying?

00:27:17

Hester. That's beautiful.

00:27:19

Hester. Maybe a Pearl.

00:27:21

Pearl.

00:27:22

Roger Chillingworth. That would be one. Yeah, maybe that name would be that.

00:27:28

I only have a boy name if I would have a boy. Yeah. What do you have? I got Danger, but we call him Danny.

00:27:33

Danger? Danger. And everybody in Boston named Danny anyway. No matter what their name is, it becomes Danny.

00:27:37

Yeah, it doesn't matter. It could literally be Roger. Danger is good. Turned into Danny.

00:27:42

My name is Roger, but they He's calling me Danny. Yeah.

00:27:46

But this kid, when he's filling out medical forms, he has to write Danger, but everybody knows him as Dan or Danny. Oh, yeah.

00:27:53

I think it's good. That's a cool name. Yeah.

00:27:55

Danger.

00:27:55

Andy could get a cool job. He could be I'm trying to think of what he could be. Anything.

00:28:02

He could be the caution sign when you mop the floor.

00:28:05

Yeah.

00:28:06

He could be a traffic guard. I feel like I'm blowing this. Am I blowing this?

00:28:12

This conversation? Yeah. No, I feel like it, too. Okay. Do you feel like I am?

00:28:16

No, I feel like I'm blowing this. You're doing great.

00:28:18

I don't even think I'm asking about the best stuff.

00:28:20

I think I'm too honest sometimes where I just have to be like, I feel like I'm fucking this up.

00:28:25

No, I think it's interesting because I never really... I don't think I'm not good at it. I don't talk to women that much about stuff.

00:28:30

I think- I never talk about sex. Really? I was just trying my very best. Just there. Yeah.

00:28:33

Thanks for trying.

00:28:34

I have no a personal experience.

00:28:37

Dude, well, hold on.

00:28:39

I'm like writing a book report on a book I've never read. We're going to get somebody to come in here and just...

00:28:46

Look, I'll do it like this, and you guys just figure it out.

00:28:50

Oh, shit. God, dude, that's crazy.

00:28:55

When I was growing up, I had a job cleaning out Wishing Wells over there in my Parish. There weren't many of them. Yeah, I agree, but I wasn't much of a worker as well. But I will say this, that Wishing Wells, they bring in big loot. The Trevi Fountain in Rome collects over 1.5 million a year. What I'm saying is spare change really adds up. That's why I want to introduce you to Acorns. Acorns, this episode is sponsored by them. Acorns is a financial wellness app that makes it easy to start investing with the money you've got right now. You don't need to be an expert. Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that fits you and your money goals. You don't need to be rich. Start with just $5 a day or even just your spare change. Here's the best part. Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $20 bonus investment. Offer only available at acornes. Com/theo. Com. That's acorns. Com/thheo. Get your $20 bonus investment now. Paid non-client endorsement. Compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorn's investing involves risk. The hypothetical calculations are for illustrative purposes only and are not representative of the performance of any Acorn's portfolio and should not be used to predict the investment results of any customer.

00:30:25

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00:31:59

I I got a fever or something, and so I was like, everything was miserable.

00:32:05

Yeah, I feel that. I had an ear blow out. I can't hear out of this one. Really?

00:32:10

Yeah, like at all. Were you guys out on the water?

00:32:13

I was on an airplane, and three weeks ago, it just just blew. This is just a nightmare. I've never had it. I can't hear. It's pretty brutal. But other than that, pretty classic of a holiday. Good stuff.

00:32:26

You spend time with your family? I did, yeah. Nice. Are your parents still married?

00:32:29

They shouldn't be. They can't afford the divorce. They looked into it. And so I'm just working really hard this year so they can get there.

00:32:35

Dude, that's such a great thing if at the end of the year, you actually have a big divorce for them.

00:32:39

I think they'll be stoked. Oh, yeah. It'll be really good.

00:32:42

They still live outside of Boston? Yeah. Oh, That's beautiful.

00:32:45

Yeah.

00:32:46

And so you have... So just so my listeners know, I know you, because we had Brianna Chicken Frow, and you guys had a podcast together. Yes. And it's called- Plan Bri Uncut. Plan Bri Uncut. Yes. And you guys don't have it anymore.

00:33:00

It's no longer.

00:33:02

It's no longer. Yes. And you guys had been friends for a long time?

00:33:07

Yeah, we were friends forever since we were in fifth grade.

00:33:11

Oh, wow. Kid friends. Yeah. Oh, that's cute.

00:33:14

Since we were little baby children.

00:33:16

That's sweet.

00:33:17

That's sweet.

00:33:18

Have you guys kept a good friendship after? I know that there's been... I'm not trying to get into the tumultuousness of things or whatever, but how does that stand today? Because it must be tough to have a business with a friend.

00:33:30

Yeah. In 2020, she got the job at Barstool and had to move to New York for it. I was taking a semester off from college, and she was like, Do you want to come with me? I was like, Yeah, fuck it. Why not? I doored on foot when we got there and stuff. She slowly but surely was trying to get me a job at Barstool.

00:33:52

Oh, really? So really hustling for you?

00:33:54

Yeah. She really stuck her neck out for me. We ended up doing the podcast together after a year living there. It was just so much fun. We had a blast. It was always fun doing it.

00:34:04

Yeah, a lot of you clips are so great.

00:34:06

Dude, we would just shoot the shit, good banter. But I think we're just going through a rough patch right now. I think one day we're going to figure it out. But she's doing her thing, I'm doing my thing, and I still love her, so I'm being a politician right now. How do you feel? Trying my best.

00:34:27

You know what's interesting is I've had times where I was going through moments with friends and stuff, and most of them evened out over time. But the toughest part about it was the times where we weren't getting along or we were having differences, that I didn't have my friend at times. That was really the shittiest part. It was like, even though I would have a leg to stand on about why I was upset about stuff, sometimes I'd be like, Man, fuck Scott, dude. I got to call Scott right now and tell him. I couldn't even call my friend.

00:34:59

I was so fucking fired up. Then you get done with the conversation like, Dude, you know who would really help me out with this? Exactly who I'm talking about. It's fucking brutal. It's tough.

00:35:09

That was the worst part sometimes, was just hitting that type of moment. We're like, Oh, man. Because it's hard to have good friends.

00:35:16

Do you still have pals from growing up?

00:35:18

Oh, yeah. I got some good pals from growing up. Then I've made more over the years. People go through things. A lot of friends get married and stuff. And since I'm not married, you fall into this weird place where you just become like, you're just friends with whoever's not married.

00:35:32

Yeah, that's fucked up. When does that start happening?

00:35:36

I would say probably in your 30s, it starts getting where, well, I guess it depends on where you're from. Where I'm from, Louisiana, people get married early. Yeah. And so you lose a couple of guys right out of the gate. Right after they get married, their hair falls out immediately. I don't know why.

00:35:49

Well, at least they locked it in beforehand.

00:35:51

That's true. Maybe some of those guys know their hair is about to fall out.

00:35:55

Yeah, they have an idea. They're like, Oh, I'm going to lock it in. I'm going to get that.

00:35:59

I'm That's where bald dad is just having a conversation with them.

00:36:02

Hey, buddy, it's time to get that ring and put the knee down.

00:36:07

They're like, Dad, I'm only 15. They always had that one kid that went bald way early. People would use him to buy alcohol, they're like, What do you mean? He can't buy I'm going to get a liquor and be like, he's bald, damn it.

00:36:18

He just stuck out his 401k. He's fine. That's Roger.

00:36:22

He rode here on his bicycle. You think a fucking child is bald, damn it?

00:36:29

He's a DUI. He already bought the boost. That's why he's on the bike.

00:36:32

He's selling the liquor, damn it. But I still have good friends from when I was growing up. I think, yeah, and then I met... I think since I work in business where I travel, I don't know stuff, you meet a lot more people probably than you do if you just stay in one and live in one town.

00:36:50

I do think everyone should get out of their town at some point. Oh, yeah. Because you don't know what you're missing if you don't. I thought everybody was Catholic growing I never knew any Jewish people. I never knew anyone who was different. I didn't find out until my junior year of high school that there's other religions. Oh, yeah. That's pretty retarded.

00:37:08

Yeah. You guys are Catholic is the one- With the priests. Okay, yeah. The one where they're playing free tag with the kids, but they didn't tell the kids?

00:37:15

That's where I thought I could get some.

00:37:18

Oh, really?

00:37:19

But they only liked the boys. Oh. Yeah. I've been trying every angle for years.

00:37:22

Did you do anything you put eye black on or anything?

00:37:24

I guess I could have shaved my head, but they see right through that with the tits. Yeah.

00:37:30

It must be horrible when a priest sees tits. He's like, Oh, fuck.

00:37:34

Good day, son. You shall not be blessed. I don't know what they say.

00:37:39

What are we talking about? Yeah, I've never been. I'm trying to think if I ever been Catholic or not, I might have been. We were Presbyterian for a while, I know. Then my mom got in a fight with somebody outside of the church once. And so then I think we were Methodist or sixth Methodist or something. I don't know how many there I got to ask my mom.

00:38:01

Is that like, Norman shit?

00:38:03

No, it's just like, you don't drive far to the church, wherever that one is.

00:38:08

Okay, yeah, sure.

00:38:10

Like the closest church or whatever.

00:38:11

The Lemonade Stand Church.

00:38:13

It was very, yeah. It was Yeah. It was like, Okay, this is it. Yeah, it was like that. Okay, so you ended up in New York. Was that your first time you had lived in New York when you went there with Atlanta? Yes.

00:38:31

I've been there for four years.

00:38:33

Do you feel like you're fitting in there now?

00:38:35

Or is that the story? Well, now with stand up, I'm like, Oh, finally. I love New York. I needed my thing, and I finally found my thing. I've been loving that. I was just too scared to do it. I was just being such a pussy.

00:38:48

To get up on stage?

00:38:48

To get up on stage, yeah. And even give it a whirl. Open mics and shit, I just wouldn't.

00:38:55

Because you're so endearing me. One of the things that I always admire about you is just you being is it's immensely charming. It's like you can't help but not want to follow along with your world, it feels like.

00:39:13

Yeah, that's just really sweet. Thank you.

00:39:15

Yeah, it's great.

00:39:18

I try to be just myself and open and honest. But my problem is I do this accent and it comes out only sometimes. So I've got this Boston accent, but sometimes it's on, sometimes it's off. So people are like, You're doing a fake accent. But I don't even know I'm doing it. So I don't know who I am. It's crazy.

00:39:40

If you don't know who you are, then you're a comedian. Then most comedians don't know who they are because that's why they're putting on a show. Some of the show is over time, they're trying to figure out who they are. They're trying to manage this presentation that they put to the world. I think because when they were young, maybe whoever they were didn't feel comfortable or whatever in the world, so they started making this them. Anyway, that's a little bit meta, I think.

00:40:04

Was there ever a point in your life where you were like, Oh, my God, I want to be a performer?

00:40:11

Let me think about it. I liked when people laughed. I never really trusted people that much, but I knew if they were laughing that they couldn't not like me. I feel like it would be impossible to hate somebody and laugh at the same time, because you can't fake a laugh. You can, but I would know.

00:40:43

I know a genuine laugh, and I know a fake laugh. If you're just going to fucking hate me and be a dick, then you're not going to laugh in general, and then I could wean you out.

00:40:54

It's good. I think there was something like that for me, probably. Do you think you had that comedian thing that you wanted to be a comedian, or do you think that you just wanted to be a performer? Did you know what it was, where you wanted to end up, and do you still know?

00:41:10

I've always wanted to do stand-up. I just didn't think I could. I didn't think it was an option. There's a part of me that wishes that, and this is, I guess, serious, but there's a part of me that wishes I was able to get into stand-up before anything else because I just want to be... I don't want people I don't think I'm just doing it for shits and gigs to have this other thing. It's like, that's what my main focus is, and that's what I love. It just so happened that one came before the other thing. I wish I, I don't know, got more the reps in before people started coming.

00:41:46

Knowing you? Yeah. Right, and coming to see you.

00:41:48

Which I appreciate people coming and seeing me. But I really wanted to get it right. I didn't even want you to stay the other night. I was like, 10:00. Over the set? One day, you could see it. Not yet. It's not there yet. It's good enough to buy tickets, but it's not there yet for you. No, no shot.

00:42:05

It was just cool to see you and your friends in the green room. That was dope, dude. And just to see... I wanted to see what your energy was about going up on stage. And the room was buzzing, man. People were so excited. I think, especially with podcasts and stuff, I noticed this. I've sat in the audience and watched some of my friends who are podcasters as well. You just want to listen and be there in the room with them. You're like, that's my person or that's my friend, whatever it is, I fuck with them. I just want to be in the room while they're doing whatever. Yeah.

00:42:38

I've done the podcast touring. That shit is so easy.

00:42:44

Oh, you mean being on stage with just as your podcast. Yeah. I never done that. It's so easy.

00:42:48

You have segments, you do the same thing every night. You can switch around with jokes depending on the crowd, but compared to stand up, it's a walk at the park. It feels like stealing. You're stealing money from fans that adore you. It's not fair. What? But I never made any money off of it.

00:43:07

Really? Barstool talk it all, yeah. Off your tour? Yeah. No way.

00:43:11

I had an interesting contract. Yeah. But I loved them so much.

00:43:17

Are you still working with Barstool?

00:43:19

I actually just recently left.

00:43:21

Okay. If you leave, that means do you still have your rights to...

00:43:28

I didn't make anything when I was there.

00:43:30

Half of your podcast, but you had a contract, you got paid something annually.

00:43:32

Yeah. I had a salary, and that was it. I had the option to leave, and I took it.

00:43:40

Was it a good salary?

00:43:42

It was decent. It wasn't a Rated to...

00:43:47

Was it like $500,000?

00:43:49

No, nothing close to that. No. My buddy was making a little bit more, a lot of bit more, a whole shit ton more. Okay.

00:43:56

So there was discrepancy in power.

00:43:58

But she was doing another podcast and whatnot.

00:44:01

Oh, that's right. She was bringing a baby, different fans from that also. Yeah. Got it.

00:44:05

It's all relative.

00:44:06

Yeah. Also, some of that stuff is as much as it's live and learn sometimes.

00:44:12

I also didn't care. I was just happy to be there. I was literally just... I was stoked to just have the job. At one point, I was working for free selling T-shirts, just paying for my own clothes. Yeah, it was crazy. I was like, Yo, I'm just really happy to be here. Yeah. I do it any way I can. It's about to grind.

00:44:33

Oh, yeah. You know what? I think no matter what you get involved in, you have to go through periods of that. Even with stand-up, you can't escape that. It's like you just have to get it on stage. It's like we all learn it. I still learn it every time I take some weeks off and go back on stage. It's like, God, this feels new and scary, and my balls just hide inside of me.

00:44:53

That's the new thing I'm learning is because I haven't taken time off this whole year. With Christmas, I took two weeks off, and I fucked myself big time. I was like, Jesus Christ, this is bad. This is bad news business. Those shows, I don't know, they were fine, but they weren't great. I'll tell you that. It was tough.

00:45:14

Do you have a close or do you have it set up? Are you telling stories? Are you telling more jokes? What's your set like right now?

00:45:19

I'm all over the place. I'm trying to find my thing. I'm doing half jokes, half punches. The punches are corny.

00:45:27

Oh, some of the punches to the jokes are corny?

00:45:29

Yeah. I don't know if you can tell, but I hate my entire set at the moment. I really think it could be a lot better. But that's why I'm doing Dry January when I hit the ground running.

00:45:40

Oh, for sure. Try some new ones. Now, do you feel like a comedian? Or do you feel like somebody that's pretending to be a comedian?

00:45:45

I feel like I'm pretending. Of course. You can tell. It's brutal. I'm like, I really want to be taken serious, but I can't even take myself serious. Fucking fool. I'm just foolish.

00:45:58

At least You know what, dude? I'll pay to come watch you be dishonest. I will pay $42 plus fees, okay? To come to a room and watch somebody be dishonest. It's just like, I'm just honest.

00:46:15

Just fucking sweating. I'm going to be sweating through my pants. I'm like, it's really not as bad as I'm making it out to be. Hey.

00:46:24

No, but I think, look, there's something about honesty. There's not as much of it in the world. I would literally pay to go to a and watch somebody be honest with themselves about what's going on. I'm learning it. I think we all pretend to be something until we get the hang of it.

00:46:38

I look up to you. I look up to all your buddies.

00:46:44

Well, we just been doing it longer. We don't know the fuck we're doing.

00:46:48

But you've got it. It's just so awesome to see. I just, I can't wait for the day I finally get it. When did it click?

00:46:57

I don't know. I think it's about 11 10 years, you start to be like... I don't know. There's some different moments. I mean, thank you. That's sweet of you to say that. I mean, I definitely feel like it is my job now. For a long time, I didn't know if it was my job. I felt like it was, but you keep going home at Christmas, and you don't have a real job. And you tell me, I'm a comedian. Like, whatever, dude. Where's your husband? Because everybody just thinks you're homosexual until you get on some television or platform.

00:47:28

Like, oh, he's actually very successful. You should have been rooting them off. I'm good for them.

00:47:32

Maybe we'll scratch out these funny posters that we drew.

00:47:36

Actually, will you sign this? I'm actually a huge fan.

00:47:40

It's a poster that says, You're a f. You held up at my show. But yeah, I'll sign it. Thanks, guy. So, yeah, I think there's like... So that stuff gets tricky. Then I think there comes a point where it's like, you don't have anything else. And so it's like whenever you give up anything else. There were times I quit to do real estate. There was times I quit, and I fucked up the third contract I ever did, and I had to pay somebody's lease for six months. How did you fuck up that bad? I fucking put myself as the guarantee or whatever. Are you kidding me?

00:48:10

That's crazy. That just takes one on Hancock to pay six months rent.

00:48:17

I had to go live with my girlfriend, and I'm paying rent for these other motherfuckers. This is the worst part. I was going through some weird shit sometimes, and I would pee in the sink at night with my girlfriends because I didn't want to and wake up the family, right?

00:48:31

Oh, with the family? Oh, shit.

00:48:33

With the family. The cat would go in there and mill around in a sink and fucking snitch me out the mom. I ended up knowing that I was Yurminating the sink.

00:48:43

What does that talk sound like?

00:48:44

She said it, your boyfriend been peeing in the sink.

00:48:48

It's not the first boyfriend that's ever peeing in the sink for her. She's into it. The mom's into it for some reason.

00:48:55

I remember her daughter texted me, Mom knows. That's what she said.

00:48:58

About the piss in the Who knows?

00:49:01

Whatever, Grace. We're all going through it.

00:49:03

I suppose.

00:49:06

You're going to figure it out. And I think it's interesting these days, I think, because I'll say this, there used to be more of stairways for how people got into comedy, right? Yeah. Obviously, you got on stage, but then you got on different little... There was like a Comedy Central 10 Minutes, or there was like these Now there's like dry bar and different groups like that. But there was other small groups where you did comedy sets that they put out there, right? And now a lot of that's disappearing. There was like, what was that late show? There were some late shows where you would just sit around in a panel, where people would start to build their name. Now, I think just a lot of podcasting has become that. It's taking the place of a lot of things. That's true, yeah. Whereas before there was maybe more acting roles or things like that for Comedy, because there's not even that many comedies now, like shows.

00:50:05

Not really. No, not so much. I think that's the new wave that they're trying to do right now is that they're trying to cast for a lot of comedy shows because there has been a lull. That's what I heard.

00:50:17

I think that you have to have some place where you start to build... That's like an entertainment outlet. I think podcasting is that. I think it's just become that. Or TikToke or It's just people's own social media. Because sure, you have the podcast, but then also the clips are what bring people into your world a lot of times.

00:50:38

Yeah, that's true. That is really true.

00:50:40

I don't feel like I'm preaching at you.

00:50:41

Do I? No, I'm listening and I'm taking it all in because I- I wouldn't take any of this It was clearly I needed it. I needed all the information that I needed.

00:50:47

I know it's been a while since you had a man in you, but this ain't it. But don't take any of my ideas. No, don't take any of my... I'm not trying to give you any advice.

00:50:57

No, that was the advice you gave. Don't Don't take anyone's advice. Was it? The other night. Oh, good. He said, Oh, well, I just fucked that up.

00:51:05

Because that's even advice, huh? Yeah. Damn, what an idiot.

00:51:08

I guess I haven't podcasted in a while. I'm pretty rusty. You seem great. I'm usually good with the banter.

00:51:13

No, you're always great.

00:51:14

I'm usually good with the jokes.

00:51:15

I feel like you're doing good. Your sister's here.

00:51:18

Yeah. Shut up, Nora. What's up, Nora? Nora is here. We're trying to figure out... Nora just graduated from West Virginia University. Wow. We're trying to figure out what we're going to do with her. She needs a job, so I'm trying to think of what she can do within the realm of working together.

00:51:32

Do you have some skill sets, Nora?

00:51:36

I don't know. I can edit. You can edit? Yeah. We're thinking she's going to be doing the social media side of things.

00:51:44

That'd be nice.

00:51:45

She's tagging along. It's good to have someone that knows you very well.

00:51:48

Yeah. Yeah, and just find new things that are creative. That's just one of my goals I start thinking of for this year. It's like, what things could I do that would be create, would seem like unique or that I could try and be more creativeCreative.

00:52:00

What do you got so far? Well, you have that movie is coming out.

00:52:05

Yeah, me and David Spade are making a movie.

00:52:07

You're making a movie. It's in the process of being made right now.

00:52:10

Yeah. We wrote it and we start making it in January.

00:52:14

What's the writing process for that? Are you allowed to talk about it?

00:52:16

Yeah. It took us two years, and we tried to get financing. Nobody wanted to help, and so we're making it ourselves.

00:52:22

Oh, no shit. Fuck, yeah. That's sick.

00:52:24

So it's like... Yeah, I think I thought, I never wanted to be an actor or anything like that, and I don't really think that that is a world of mine. But I thought, if I look back and I was like, I get a chance to make... I got to do something with David Spade, who I idolized.

00:52:41

Do you Skype and write?

00:52:43

We would write together. Together? Yeah, I still have my apartment in LA. Oh, got you. Whenever I'm there, we've worked on it over the years in tons of ways. Oh, fuck, yeah. But it's been fun. I can't even believe it. I definitely have learned a lot, and we think that it's funny. But if I look, I'm laying in deathbed or whatever. I think it'd be neat to be able to say that I got to do that. Absolutely. And also that I tried to do it because people may make it seem like you can't do this. You have to have all these special people. I haven't had an agent help me. Nobody's... And so that, to Really? The key is the shit that I like. You don't think I can do this? Watch me.

00:53:19

Yeah, fuck you. I'll prove you wrong.

00:53:21

Yeah. There's nothing. The only thing different between you and me is that you've done it already. That's the only thing. That's fair. I don't know. That shit makes me fucking activated for some reason.

00:53:30

Sorry. Yeah, no, dude, you're locked in. I love to see that. I don't know why. Well, you're excited. You're Jess.

00:53:34

I don't even know if I'm excited.

00:53:35

I think I'm just- You're just fucking angry.

00:53:37

I wanted to hide somebody's kneecaps in their ass, dude.

00:53:40

Dude, you even spaded people?

00:53:42

I mean, it'll be- Fuck people up. Look, if anything, I get to sit around with him for five weeks and laugh, and we have a good time. That's so sick. So it'll be cool. That's so sick.

00:53:49

When do you know something like that's done?

00:53:52

I don't know. That's the toughest thing. It's scariest is that you know once you move on, there's That scene or whatever is locked in. Yeah. And I'm not a great actor. It's like, I'm going to do my best. I have a plan, and I'm excited about what we wrote. You also worry that if you wrote it now and it comes out in seven months, will any of the jokes still be funny? I'm sure. That thing. I'm sure.

00:54:21

You guys have timeless humor.

00:54:23

He does. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, dude. But he's definitely... So I don't know. It's just a lot of little things you learn. Like, oh, this is maybe Maybe why I don't… This isn't something that I love. What did your mom get you for Christmas?

00:54:37

My mom got me a megaphone for Christmas, and I got her a trip to Hawaii. A little different.

00:54:47

And your dad, too, to go to a wife? No.

00:54:48

That's what's fucked up, I'm realizing. But my father and I, we have a tricky relationship. Really? Yeah.

00:54:57

Do you all have any brothers? Does he have any sons? No.

00:54:59

Even the dog's a lady. Yeah, the poor bastard, everybody always says, but it's what he gets, he says. I guess he was a fucking asshole growing up. Was he to who?

00:55:08

To women?

00:55:11

It must be. Yeah, he must have been a fucking prick because he says, I deserve it. That's what I got. Four women and a lady dog.

00:55:18

Yeah. What happened again? He was in a fire?

00:55:21

What happened? He was electrocuted on the job. He's the guy when the lights go off in the city, he turns them on. He got zippity inept. Now we're doing the same drugs. He does ketamine therapy.

00:55:38

Does he really?

00:55:38

Yeah. He does his in a doctor's office, and I do mine under the Brooklyn Bridge. It's a little different.

00:55:46

Dude, my buddy Ernest used to do it in a car wash all the time. He'd call me. I was like, How are you doing? He's like, Can I meet in the car wash?

00:55:54

Training.

00:55:56

Wow. Is your dad a romantic guy still? Do they still have a romantic relationship of your parents?

00:56:00

No.

00:56:01

I'm just trying to envision him.

00:56:03

Just absolutely no. A picture of any Irish guy with a scally cap about yay high, wide, one dead tooth.

00:56:14

Oh, Yeah. The old Andrea Gale, huh?

00:56:17

Yes. Chooing tobacco, but he doesn't care anymore. It's just all in his teeth.

00:56:23

It's just all like- It's a fucking salad bar hanging out of his face.

00:56:26

Confetti tobacco all over. Confetti. It's like every day is a party in his mouth. Yeah, like that guy just fucking whistling tunes, just whistling the soundtrack at the Depart at all the time. Just rehearsing for lines he doesn't even have. He just always wanted to be a mobster.

00:56:52

Who is on your Boston Mount Rushmore?

00:56:56

We've got Ben Affleck.

00:57:00

Oh, yeah.

00:57:01

Matt Damon.

00:57:02

Mm-hmm.

00:57:03

Then it used to be Marky Mark, but he lost me because he wakes up too early in the morning, and gets too swollen, too early.

00:57:15

Yeah, it got him got bizarre. But he was also selling liquor, too. That was a strength. I was like, it's selling a liquor, but you're also up so early.

00:57:22

His hands are in too many baskets. I don't trust him. He has his hands in too many things.

00:57:27

Does he seem like you think he still has the pulse of the In the streets in Boston or no?

00:57:32

No. I think he lost that. He went full Hollywood.

00:57:35

He might have.

00:57:35

He lost us.

00:57:36

He moved to Vegas now, I think. I think he lives in Las Vegas.

00:57:40

Yeah.

00:57:41

Nice guy. Busy man.

00:57:42

Busy. He's busy.

00:57:44

Done a lot.

00:57:45

He has. It starts early on, beating the shit out of an Asian guy, all that jazz.

00:57:51

He did that? He did that. I didn't know all that. You can't get caught.

00:57:57

He's not stopping Asian hate at all.

00:58:00

Yeah, and that's a shit. The brothers picked it up a couple of years ago. Remember when the brothers was zapping Asians everywhere? Were they?

00:58:05

. Your brothers are the brother brothers.

00:58:10

The brothers was zapping Asians everywhere. The news kept being like, Asian people are under attack. They were like, Yeah, my brothers.

00:58:19

It was the brothers and my father. My dad just is sparky now.

00:58:22

Yeah. Your dad's like that guy who just walks across the floor like this, and he's like... Remember doing that shit to people?

00:58:29

Oh, I get people good. My favorite thing to do to fuck with someone was pass the milk carton around and say, Oh, you sit on it. It's all right. Then you give it to the biggest person and you know it's going to explode.

00:58:42

They sit on the milk carton and it opens? Yeah.

00:58:43

I never seen that. People did that to me. Really? Yeah, it wasn't me who was doing that to people.

00:58:47

Would it open under you or not?

00:58:49

Always every time. Really? I fell for it every time. It was foolish. I got jumped a lot growing up. You did? I did, yeah. By who? One time from a black man. Oh, yeah. That was good. That was at a 21 A 21 Savage concert.

00:59:01

That's the old, yeah. That's the Irish hello right there. We got a 21 Savage concert? Yeah.

00:59:07

He was windmealing me and I was pissing my pants, crying. And then all of a sudden, 21 Savage said, Yo, you all wild sitting down there. You all got to chill. And I'm like, Can you help? It was crazy.

00:59:20

Were you wilding or you were not?

00:59:21

I was getting wilded on. Okay, you're getting wilded on. Sorry that happened. It was brutal. It was good though, because my buddy didn't even try to help. The girlfriend of the guy who was punching me said, No, just let it happen. And she did. She let it happen.

00:59:37

No way. So there wasn't even any female support?

00:59:40

No, it was just... Yeah, it was just...

00:59:42

Baby girl, that's tough.

00:59:43

Yeah, no. It's quite the story, though. I went to school the next day with a black eye from a black guy. So that was nice.

00:59:51

That was cool. Then they say that's cultural appropriation. You're like, Give me a fucking break, dude.

00:59:58

I just pretended it was from sex. I just keep running back to that.

01:00:07

Well, I'm sorry that you got abused by a brother like that.

01:00:10

That's all good.

01:00:11

You could have got knocked up, though. I would have been nice. Have you dated a lot of black men over the years?

01:00:17

No dating.

01:00:18

You haven't dated either? No.

01:00:20

What? Well, I've been on three dates in my life. Are you serious, Chris? The last date I went on, he recorded inside my house. So I said, I I'm good for now.

01:00:31

For now, yeah. Two weeks later, you're like, Let's run it back.

01:00:34

You got to lock your camera up, I guess. Yeah, so that was brutal.

01:00:39

I got to think if somebody good as Seth. Well, now that's sad. I shouldn't have said that.

01:00:44

No, it's all right. Another date I went on, I was talking about it on the podcast, keeping it very ambiguous. I didn't want any feelings to get hurt, but he showed up hammered, and I thought that he was just wicked drunk and slur in his words. It turns out he had a speech impediment, and I didn't realize, and I didn't pick up on that. He sent me a very long text, I have a speech impediment, and I don't know why you're doing it. Very long. Yeah. He said, I didn't know why you didn't like the champagne I bought you at the dive bar. I said, I'm sorry. I guess we just want different things. Yeah, I don't know. I don't have a good track record.

01:01:19

Well, I think you do. I think it's just I think I would have no idea. Yes, Papa? I know. I'm not going to fucking tell you, dude.

01:01:30

It's quite all right. She's a part of me.

01:01:31

No, we're going to get some fucking real dogs in here to smash you, Gracie.

01:01:35

Hell, yeah. Have you seen that girl? Have you seen that girl got railed by 150 guys?

01:01:40

Oh, yeah, I saw that. I don't know how I feel about that.

01:01:44

I don't know what to do with that. It's just a thing that happens.

01:01:47

But she's almost like the evil geneval of like, let's see.

01:01:50

Yeah, she's doing like magic. I don't know. She's adding time. She's doing daylight savings or something. That's a lot of time spent.

01:01:59

Yeah, it just seems crazy. And then what are you really doing? It's almost just like people just running and just jousting themselves into your vagina real quick, and then we're running off.

01:02:10

It's like a meet and greet with their dick out. Yeah. Yeah, just like, next.

01:02:15

Yeah. Lily Phillips is her name.

01:02:16

She's a gorgeous- British OnlyFans. British girl, yeah.

01:02:20

Well, I wonder if this is the thing you're starting to see because of OnlyFans, people are having to start to one up each other.

01:02:25

Yeah, well, this is going the extra goddamn mile. You Yeah.

01:02:30

I don't know if I would even enjoy something like that. Even if you were doing it, we're like, I'm going to make love to 100 women. I'd like 11 women. I would definitely want to chill, have a gatorade or something, get them on my phone.

01:02:44

Yeah. I don't know why I was going to ask that. Listen to some Scott Stapp or whatever.

01:02:49

Did you see that Scott Stapp, that their band has made more this year than they ever made before?

01:02:55

Who did?

01:02:57

I thought that was pretty interesting. Bring that up, brother. There goes my hero. You know that song?

01:03:02

What's it while it goes. Yeah? Is that it? Yeah.

01:03:08

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01:04:34

I keep carrying. I don't want to have this luggage anymore. I even met with a therapist today, and was talking about some of those exact same things. Betterhelp offers therapy. Betterhelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide. Life isn't about resolutions that fade by February. It's about picking up the pen and becoming the author of your own life. You can think of therapy as an editorial partner. Write your story with Betterhelp. Visit betterhelp. Com/theo to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, betterhelp. Com/thheo. Dude, your friends were so funny the other night. You're the best friend.

01:05:24

Yeah, those were my friends growing up. What I didn't realize was one of my friends, she's a really big fan, and her boyfriend who was sitting next to you, he's an even bigger fan of yours.

01:05:35

That guy, I think one of his lips was sweating a little.

01:05:37

Yeah, he was losing it. She had her phone out, and she did exactly what I asked her not to do. And she had her flash and she recorded a video. I was like, she thought she was taking a picture. Oh, that's hilarious. She actually took a video, and it was three seconds long of her boyfriend saying, Yeah, I think so. Yeah. That's All right.

01:06:00

Over the scary part is if you think somebody recorded your whole conversation just because then you don't even know what you've said.

01:06:05

No, my God. Not that you say something crazy.

01:06:06

We're having a good time.

01:06:07

No, I would have had to delete that. I was so upset. You ask your friends to do one thing, which please don't do that one thing, and they do that one thing. I was like, Oh, fuck.

01:06:16

Being alive. Being alive, they made it interesting. Here, right here, Cree reached their highest calendar year earnings in 2024, grossing 64.8 million from 825,000 tickets across 55 performances. Damn. That's their highest calendar year earnings. Is that ever? Is there any more information with it?

01:06:35

Cree has never been hotter than right now.

01:06:38

That's crazy to think because weren't they playing stadiums before?

01:06:43

You know it would be a good idea. I've been saying this There should be a comedian at the halftime for the Super Bowl.

01:06:50

It's a horrible idea.

01:06:53

Yeah. I want to do it. You do? Yeah.

01:06:57

Grace, you would be-I would fail miserably. You think you would?

01:07:01

I don't know. Maybe, give me, what, 11 years?

01:07:03

Oh, 11 years. I thought you talked about in a couple of months. Oh, right now?

01:07:06

No, God, no. No, I could pull that, though, if I wanted to.

01:07:09

It'd be hard. I think it would be way too scary.

01:07:13

It would do half music, half You got to find the good happy medium between fireworks, music, and jokes.

01:07:21

It would be, yeah.

01:07:22

I think it'd be- It'd be the worst thing that's ever happened in the Super Bowl thus far.

01:07:26

Fuck, I'd be brave of you. I would punch of allegiance to that.

01:07:30

Salute on that. That would be intense. There goes my rule.

01:07:38

Does Cree even sing that song? I have no idea. Truly and honestly. But yeah, it says right there, Cree They're earning more money in 2024 than they did in any other year over the 30-year career.

01:07:49

Oh, so they've never been hotter. Good for them.

01:07:52

My Hero. Oh, no, it's my Foodfighter.

01:07:54

Oh, shit. What's Creege?

01:07:58

Fucking who knows, dude.

01:08:00

I don't know if I'm supposed to say this, but I saw a kid rock the other night on New Year's. He looked like he was about to...

01:08:06

Like he'd been through it? Yeah. Oh, yeah. He looked like crack rock, dude. Pull up that video of him from the other night.

01:08:11

No, I saw him with my own eyes. Oh, you did? He looked like he was about to go out on a stretcher. Is that always the thing? Is that his deal?

01:08:21

No, that's not always the thing.

01:08:23

Oh, did somebody get a video of him? Yeah, this is it.

01:08:26

He definitely- He looked a lot worse upstairs. He seems pretty healthy right there. Good or not. Yeah, he was clean. He looks like a good drinking night out.

01:08:35

He was shaking good.

01:08:37

Was he up? Was he singing?

01:08:39

I don't want problems with Kid Rock, actually.

01:08:41

Did he go upstairs? He's the best at taking jokes and telling jokes. Oh, good. All right. Yeah. He had a good time. I met him for dinner that night, actually. Oh, really? Did you ever spend time around him?

01:08:52

No, just that one high and by thing.

01:08:56

He should do his Comedy Festival. He does a comedy show here every year that Rhymen is for charity. Oh, no shit.

01:09:01

It'd be fun to get along. Oh, yeah.

01:09:02

If you wanted to, if you guys got to meet and you guys got along. I'm trying to think.

01:09:08

You think he'd fuck with me?

01:09:09

Yeah. Are you fucking with me? He's a sweetheart. Yeah.

01:09:13

All right.

01:09:13

I'm fucking with you. Cool.

01:09:15

Cool.

01:09:15

I'm a fan.

01:09:16

All right, let's go.

01:09:17

I'm curious to see. I'm just excited to fucking be along for the ride and see what goes on.

01:09:25

Yeah, thank you, man. I'm really pumped your movie. That sounds like really exciting stuff. When do you start filming that?

01:09:29

We'll see January 10th. I don't want to think too much about it because I think, what if it's horrible and then it's like, you have to put it out?

01:09:35

Yeah, just enjoy it. Just enjoy it. Don't talk about it. Just do it. Real G's moving silence like lasagna. Yeah.

01:09:41

That shit. That's the shit we're doing. I'm trying to think of You have a new podcast coming out or it's out already?

01:09:47

Coming out. Okay.

01:09:48

I want to talk about that. I want to talk about that.

01:09:49

With a new network. Have you heard the Unwell Network?

01:09:53

Yeah, with Alex Cooper, right?

01:09:54

Alex Cooper. Okay. I never thought a day in my life I'd be a diversity hire, but it's all blonde hair, blue-eye pretty girls there.

01:10:02

Are you considered a diversity hire? Yeah. Why? Because you're doing red-headed?

01:10:06

A red-headed. I just bring a different flavor.

01:10:09

Oh, yeah. Bay leave, huh? Yeah. Bay leave. Yeah. Do they have back bay leaves?

01:10:18

I think they might.

01:10:20

Grace Amalia is officially unwell. That means you're officially working with their network. That's happened.

01:10:24

That's happened, yes. That happened right before the new year.

01:10:27

Did you know that was coming?

01:10:29

Was there They hopped on it quick. So I- Did you already separate it from your previous podcast before this happened?

01:10:36

Yes.

01:10:37

That happened on... I left Barstool on Sunday, and then I got to call Monday, and we had paper signed by Thursday. So it moved pretty quick, which was crazy.

01:10:49

Is it a better deal than you had at Barstool? Yeah. Oh, that's good. Yeah, I'm excited about that. You feel good about it? I feel good, yeah.

01:10:54

Except the one thing I'm concerned about is I don't have health insurance anymore, and I'm going I have stuff in my left ear.

01:11:01

Oh, yeah, it's true, huh?

01:11:01

So I'm going to have to figure that out.

01:11:03

Especially if you start taking on a lot of kicks this year, you're probably going to need some health insurance.

01:11:09

I'm going to need a couple of Plan B pills and whatnot.

01:11:13

Oh, yeah. Get you a little couple of grams of Plan B. Yeah. I'll buy it in bulk.

01:11:17

I'll get it from Kid Rock. Yeah.

01:11:22

Get it something from that ditch on you, dude. He'll sell you something, bro. I already got that. Plan B should do a powder, huh? Yeah. How great would it be to do a line of plan B?

01:11:32

Dude, I would fucking rip that left and right if I had the sex.

01:11:35

I do it. I'm like, Oh, goodbye.

01:11:39

I had my first crazy fan bring me a bag of cocaine to my show the other night. Fuck. Yeah, that was good. Oh, yeah. They know I like this stuff, but they wrote, We love you so much on a bag of cocaine, which I thought was hilarious.

01:11:57

So cool.

01:11:58

It's just interesting.

01:12:00

Were you able to use any of it or not?

01:12:01

I preferred not to just because the circumstantially, it was unknown where the origin was from. Yeah, you know where it's coming from? For sure. Yeah, absolutely.

01:12:10

Yeah, dude. My buddy's aunt used to fucking shed a hole in her throat or whatever, and they used to boof cocaine right now on it. That's fucking awesome.

01:12:18

That's sick.

01:12:18

Rock at that shit.

01:12:19

I want to get there.

01:12:20

Right through that little bird.

01:12:22

You got to be doing something right to get to that point.

01:12:24

Right through that little bird house door she had on her neck hole.

01:12:27

This cuckoo. Yeah, Yeah.

01:12:30

She had that little bird house door. What else is going on? What else is happening in the news right now? We have not confirmed that the explosion was caused by very large fireworks and/or a bomb carried in the bed of the rented Cybertruck and it's unrelated to the vehicle itself.

01:12:47

It could have been a fun time or terrorism. Yeah.

01:12:51

Dude, the toughest thing about a Cybertruck, what do you drive, Grace? What are you driving?

01:12:54

I don't have a license.

01:12:55

You don't have your license?

01:12:55

I live in New York.

01:12:57

Oh, you don't even need it, huh?

01:12:58

Yeah. I used to have it, but I just let it expire. I used to drive. I used to drive. I had a 2002 Lincoln presidential town car, which is either an elderly person or a pimp. I don't know if you've ever seen those bad boys.

01:13:15

Very prestigious, yeah.

01:13:16

Yeah, three in the front, three in the back. That was the fucking cruiser. We loved that thing. It was awesome.

01:13:23

Whipping that bitch, boy.

01:13:24

That thing was classic.

01:13:25

Whipping work in that bitch, son. That thing's awesome.

01:13:29

Yeah. It still smelt like my dead grandpa. Oh, yeah. It was good.

01:13:32

All right, Papa. Yeah. He's in that bitch for good.

01:13:36

I couldn't wait for him to croke to cop that thing. You ever...

01:13:41

Didn't you ever make out on your back seat of that car with any man or anything like that? I'm sure you had some dates. We had plenty of room for it, but it never did. God. Nora, you don't coach her on dating or anything?

01:13:57

It's hopeless. Well, It's fine. I'm not worried about it.

01:14:01

I'm not worried about it. But it's just been something that's been in your life. Mm-hmm. Now, what if a man came along and he's looking for marriage? Do you think that that's something you would actually consider, you think?

01:14:09

I mean, at this point, it's starting to be like, Well, the older I get and the bigger reaction that I get when I tell people I've never been in a relationship is when I start to think, yeah, I think the next guy will probably be a forever.

01:14:21

Might be, huh? Yeah.

01:14:22

He could be a real prick, too. I got to lock it down.

01:14:26

He better be a prince. He better be. And There's got to be some... I'm trying to think of... What's your ideal man? Or do you even have that? It's such a dumb question, isn't it? Who gives a fuck?

01:14:39

Fuck it. I'll tell this story. I had a crush on Shane Gillis for a little bit. Big crush. I had met him at my work, and I just word vomited. I was talking to him, and I dropped a sandwich that I was eating, and he said, Are you going to pick that up? And I said, I got to go. And I just left.Oh, yeah.That thing. I just kept running into him.

01:15:01

You pick it up white boy, that shit.

01:15:03

Well, I just got really nervous that I wasn't playing cool at all.

01:15:06

It wasn't a stacked tactics?

01:15:09

No, I scrammed out of there. But I just kept running into him that month a lot, and it looked like I was stalking him. It ended with he hosted Saturday Night Live. I was at the after-party, and I'm looking at him. I'm like, Don't look at him. Don't look at him. I looked at him and go, Hey, congrats tonight, man. He's like, Yeah, thank you so much. I said, Yeah, I bet you're going to get mad pussy tonight, bro. Oh, great. He's not supposed to say that. You're not supposed to say that one. He said, What did you say? I said, See you. Then I just left the bathroom line. Dude. I bought him a beer because I felt good.

01:15:48

Fuck, yeah, dude. No. I respect your fucking move.

01:15:51

That's how I flirt.

01:15:52

Yeah. You want this pussy, you're never going to get it, whitey. Don't you come honky, honky in around this thing, around this little fucking kiddy chain, but whitey. Yeah. That's just a really great example of how I operate.

01:16:09

So it all makes sense, right?

01:16:10

I feel you. Sometimes I would get so nervous. I follow the woman one time for seven or eight blocks, and I finally caught up to her, and I was so nervous. I just was like, I'm not following you. That's what I said. Fucking walked off. Yeah.

01:16:27

I'm not following you.

01:16:28

And someone was uphill. I was obvious that I was fucking following her. My face was all wet.

01:16:33

She started running. She started running fast.

01:16:36

No, she was moving with pace or whatever. Yeah, Shane just won cracker of the year.

01:16:42

I saw this the other day. This This is a new one by him, right? From Mr. Ab. I don't know.

01:16:48

What is this?

01:16:50

Ab. He did a whole... He was giving awards out to everybody this year.Oh.

01:16:56

He was?Yeah. Antonio Brown?

01:16:58

Yeah, funny as cracker.

01:16:59

Somebody said, Winter When he got to use the N. That was his thing, winner got to use the N-word. Is that what Antonio said, one time or something?

01:17:05

I got a new goal for next year. You do?

01:17:10

Yeah. This is it? This is it. Cracker of the Year.

01:17:12

What do you get to say the N-word?

01:17:13

I think you could do it once. All right. It's not even like a month. It's not that I want to.

01:17:17

It's just like it'll be a nice perk.

01:17:19

No. Yeah. It's got to be a prize.

01:17:21

I wonder if you could say it in public or does it have to be alone in the shower?

01:17:26

I don't say it. I think it sometimes loudly or whatever, but you will not. I'm not that guy. Somebody in our town used to write it down all the time and put a message in a bottle and throw it out into the water.

01:17:41

Then it go downstream.

01:17:42

Some dad and his kid are just walking along the stream and the kid finds it. He's like, what's this?

01:17:48

This is a historic artifact.

01:17:52

It's just sad that that shit is just like...

01:17:54

That's unfortunate.

01:17:56

It's that shit that's ruining our water Waze. That's what I'm saying. Have you ever been in a contest? Did you ever win a Most talented or Funiest contest?

01:18:09

No, I've lost pretty much everything I've ever tried to do. You're crazy. But you can't let that stop you. I had lost Class Clown to some girl who dropped out of high school. So we did them at the beginning of the year, and she was not there to receive the The award at the end of the year.

01:18:31

You should have to stay in school to even be able to do it. That's what I'm saying.

01:18:35

It wasn't fair. I don't think I was eligible because of just being a shithead. I had a 1.5 GPA.

01:18:42

Oh, you were not educated?

01:18:43

I was not. I was too worried about having fun and crack of jokes.

01:18:48

Oh, so you were having a good time? I was blasting off, yeah.

01:18:51

Okay. I wasn't as much of a lose. I just wasn't getting late, but I was cool.

01:18:56

I was having fun. Were you getting wasted at parties and stuff and having Oh, absolutely.

01:19:00

People didn't like having me around because if you got stuck with me, you would be dragging me out of the woods. Yeah. I would fall flat.

01:19:08

Oh, really? Yeah. You were fucking just... I was just... The party stops here, boys.

01:19:13

If a tree falls in the woods, you're going to hear it, it's Grace. Yeah.

01:19:16

We used to have this guy in our town, this fellow. Well, a lot of Irish, they've always equated the Irish with, I don't want to say a step up from having down syndrome, whatever, but it's a popular- No fair, yeah. We had a guy in I've told this story before, but he had Down syndrome, and his mom didn't know it, right? Never got the paperwork or the blood test or whatever. She just thought he was Irish, right? She thought he's Irish, and she's buying him all this Boston.

01:19:42

You're talking about Shane? Huh?

01:19:43

No, not I know. This wasn't Shane. Shane probably knows the guy. But this was just a local DS guy. But his mom would get him all this Boston Celtic shit and Notre Dame shit. I was like, The train that came in our town didn't even go to Boston, so it'd probably never go to Boston. But whenever he would misbehave or whatever, they would put him in this baby crib, even when he was an adult. He had this thing where he just would not go out of it. He would stay in the crib. Oh, wow. Like a playpen, not a crib, but like a baby's play little area or whatever. He would stay in it even 14, 15 years old. Yeah, something like that. What else did I see recently? There was the LA LSD, Diplo. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Diplo trips on LSD walk. What is the most... I'm so curious. What's the most conventional place that you've done LSD? Right now?

01:20:44

Right now? This is when the last truck. Oh, my God. Please.

01:20:49

Oh, my God. Hold on. Hold on.

01:20:52

Hold on.

01:20:53

Please tell me. Look at Anderson. He's probably getting sick from being... He could be from gay for me. Diplo is definitely... Every time I'm in Las Vegas, I see that guy. That guy loves to party. Yeah, he loves to party. That's so brave, dude, to go on live television on LSD.

01:21:14

Oh, my God. I'd kill myself. I really would. That's so scary.

01:21:21

I would smoke my own nuts, bro.

01:21:24

I could not even find it, dude.

01:21:26

I would take my penis off and just fucking hide it in somebody's face I would freak the fuck out, dude.

01:21:33

He was playing it so cool, too. So cool. I would have been scratching my eyes out. I did it one time.

01:21:40

You did? Yeah. You did LSD when you were on camera? Yeah.

01:21:44

I wasn't on camera, no. I just, in general, did it one time. I didn't like it.

01:21:47

Oh, only one time? Where did you guys go?

01:21:50

It was after a long day of partying. We ripped it at 3:00 in the morning, so it was a really bad idea. Yeah, really bad idea. Oh, yeah. I won't be doing that anytime soon. But Molly's a lot better. She's a sweetheart. I like her.

01:22:05

It's good shit. The other one shit. I remember throwing a bunch of rocks at a bunch of grass or whatever. We thought there was these little people in it or whatever. We thought we kept hearing them yell every time we throw the rock in there.

01:22:19

It was just children.

01:22:20

In the morning, half my buddy's drive, I was in that fucking in his yard, dude. We're all sweating and our shoulders were hurting.

01:22:28

It was like the neighbor.

01:22:29

Yeah, just fucking... They had these elephant ear things in the ditch, and we thought that... We kept throwing these rocks. I was like, Listen, you can hear these people scream when you throw it in there.

01:22:39

Getting fucking devious on that. You are not a one love hippie on LSD.

01:22:45

We threw a fucking eighth of a dump truck of driveway gravel into that ditch.

01:22:51

Started eating it and shit.

01:22:53

I'm trying to think of some famous LSD trips. I mean, I had some good ones. I had one where I I took mushrooms to a party. And a lot of people had never taken them, and I gave them all to them. And I was like, Let's play, I can go see. And I just counted, and they all went and hid, and then they fucking- And they were all alone with their thoughts.

01:23:12

I never looked for any of them. Wait, that's classic.

01:23:17

I'm still never- You are devious. I've still never looked for them. Yeah, fuck them, dude. If they can't handle that fucking mountain lion bitch, then get out of the fucking- Can't handle their own goddamn dogs, then they get the fuck out of my face. Then Get out the forest, big dog, huh? If you don't want to link up and get out the food chain, bitch. Do you feel me?

01:23:38

Sorry. That's how you tear your friends, who can handle it? Who can handle being alone, who can do their drugs?

01:23:44

My favorite thing ever, I used to be with my buddy Jeffrey and Scotty and Nate. We'd all be outside smoking dope or whatever, smoking flour, weed or whatever. I'd come back in a few minutes early, and Jeff's dad would be always sitting in the house just reading a newspaper or whatever. I'd come in, I'm like, Mr. Mike, they're like, What's going on? I'm like, Just Jeff was being… I don't know. He kept taking his shirt off or whatever. Mr. Mike had issues with gay stuff.

01:24:17

Yeah, I saw that coming.

01:24:19

The second I was like, he had his shirt off, whatever, he'd be like… You could feel his fucking teeth just climbing over his tongue through the newspaper. In the paper, right? He'd be like,. And so I would just plant that seed, dude. I would just go, and they would come in. They'd be stoned out of their brain. They'd come in the house, and He'll be like, Jeffrey. Then he fucking have them come in there. He just roast them for being homosexuals. What are you doing out there? How would you fucking shirt off? And Jeff stoned out of his face, has no idea what's going on.

01:24:58

He'd say in the house behind him like, Yeah, why Are you being such a gay homo?

01:25:03

It was a good time. It was the worst.

01:25:06

You throwing your boys under the bus.

01:25:07

I like fucking being the bus driver, and all the seats are under the bus. Nice. That's what I like.

01:25:13

It's short, too.

01:25:16

Yeah, I just like that. I like it. I like just creating something, right? Let's see what happens here if we set this thing up this way.

01:25:23

It's called some chaos.

01:25:26

There was that one famous story. Who's the famous? There was two members of, I think, Fleetwood Mac that took LSD.Oh, wow.Oh, there it is. The night that Fleetwood Mac lost Peter Green and Danny Kerwin to LSD.What was this about?Oh, they died? It's all Amid a manic, psychedelic party in a commune-like mansion. Green, I think it's Peter Green is the guy's name, was drawn down into the basement and arrived out of the other side in tears. In the band's eyes, he was distraught despite Green claiming to have had an extraordinary and stating that he played the best guitar of his life down there. Another member of the band present that day was Danny Kerwin. Fate also besieged him that night. Peter Green and Danny Kerwin both went together to that house in Munich. Okay, that's where they were after a show. Their one-time manager, Clifford Davis, recalls, Both of them took acid, as I understand. Both of them, as of that day, became seriously mentally ill. It would be too much of a coincidence for it to be anything other than taking drugs as of that day. A fear the rest of the band felt an intense sense of dread in that place and managed to scurry away with the two heavily intoxicated members.

01:26:35

While Green would recover and enjoy a creative life away from the spotlight despite persistent problems, things fared differently for Kerwin. Danny had been a nervous and sensitive lad from the start. He was never really suited to the rigors of the business, McFleetwood once opined. Touring his heart in the routine wears us all down. One night, while backstage, this regression came to the fore. Danny was being odd about tuning his Mick Fleetwood remembers. He got up suddenly and bashed his head into the wall, splattering blood everywhere. I've never seen him do anything violent. In all the years I'd known him, the rest of us were paralyzed in complete shock. Damn. He was wonderful, but he couldn't handle the life, eventually ending up homeless on the streets of London. Wow. Damn.

01:27:18

Sounds like a Tuesday.

01:27:19

Yeah, that's what happens, dude.

01:27:23

That's my biggest fear. Is it really? Getting schizophrenia.

01:27:26

Really? Yeah.

01:27:28

It freaks me out. It doesn't I'm running the family, but that sounds scary.

01:27:34

Yeah, I think taking a hit of acid or something, and next thing you know, you don't know what you're doing. You done lost it? Yeah.

01:27:42

Actually, it might run in the family.

01:27:43

I got a cousin like that. You do? Yeah. It's tough. And it's a man or woman?

01:27:47

Both.

01:27:51

Yeah. That's the thing, dude. I don't know if I could be a man and a woman. Do you think you could handle it?

01:27:57

I think I do a good job already. I I'm saying manly shit to men to flirt with them. Like, Yeah, fucking get some tail in that, brother. I'm like, What?

01:28:08

Yeah.

01:28:09

Eucalus, huh?

01:28:10

Padreya. Let's go, braided.

01:28:12

Come on now. The Flake these balls. God. Yeah, that's the unfortunate truth.

01:28:22

Who's on my Mount Rushmore, I wonder? Yeah.

01:28:25

From where you're from.

01:28:27

From where I'm from? From the blue. I'm trying to think of my boss My Boston one. My Boston one would be... Is it okay if I do a Boston one? Oh, please. It's be my guess. Will hunting. You got him, you got Tom braided, you got Dutch Smith, Bring up Dutch Smith. This is him. Following an arson over the weekend, police say a teenager is responsible for all that damage. He's watched 16th's Nicki Cries. He joins us live from the Central Pennsylvania Newsroom with more tonight. Julie, a lot of people in Shomoken are upset that Duncan Donuts is closed because they didn't have anywhere else to go for coffee and donuts. Today, we also learn new information about the teenage girl police charged with setting the place on fire. Yellow tape surrounds the Duncan Donuts on West Sunbury Street in Shomoken. The popular donut shop is closed until further notice because of extensive fire damage.

01:29:25

There's a lot of people that's definitely going to miss it, no doubt about it.

01:29:29

A A teenager is charged with starting a fire inside the restaurant on Saturday. Go further down. They start interviewing people. Oh, back up. Many people who live in Shomokin are upset that Duncan Donuts is closed. Now I have to rely on myself to go to maybe a turkey Hill or something where I don't like their donuts. I'd rather the donuts at Duncan Donuts. I'm dealing with it, but I really miss Duncan Donuts.

01:29:53

I go to every day, I get a chicken baker croissant, or I get some coffee, Powerade if I'm dehydrated.

01:29:59

I sit there all the time. If I have any legal work that I need to do, I go there.

01:30:03

I meet with my attorneys there. I'm going to miss that place if it don't open up. That's crazy. A lot of my friends go in there, get the cold coffee, well, ice coffee, I guess it's called. What a fucking Motley crew that is.

01:30:19

The guy in the middle was like, Yeah, stay dehybrated. Meet my attorney up there, my boy Dutch Smith.

01:30:25

He's on my- He's on your motorbike? He's on my motorbike. Is he also on your team? I feel like you know him.

01:30:31

The Dunkin' Donuts over there.

01:30:33

I got to talk to my lawyer.

01:30:35

He's like, I got to do some legal work.

01:30:37

When you're going to do legal work, you got to go to Dunks. That's classic.

01:30:41

Oh, yeah. What do they call up there? Cold coffee? Ice cold car. Coffee, ice coffee. That was good. They call it cold coffee. He's a freaking crazy person.

01:30:53

I'm like, Oh, yeah. Me and me had the dunks on 15th and second. We'll get to the legal work.

01:30:58

We got some legal work. That is so good.

01:31:00

You know he's not studying to be a lawyer.

01:31:04

Yeah, you know he's not studying to be a lawyer. Can you do accents? Do I do them?

01:31:14

Can you do accents? Yeah.

01:31:15

No, I can't really do them that much, I don't think. Sometimes I wish I spent more time focusing on stuff like that. Yeah. What about you?

01:31:21

I could just do Irish. Yeah? Yeah. But under pressure, it's pretty hard, but you just really have to emphasize ours, really. Are you Truly and honestly, yeah.

01:31:31

Truly and honestly, yeah. How are you going?

01:31:36

I do it a wee little bit, but here and there is a good party trick if you do it. Oh, yeah. But it's not really going to take me far in life, is it? What?

01:31:44

Take you back Ireland. That's fine. Yeah, I'm bad. But I think it'd be fun to work on, I guess. I don't know. Yeah, I think I like it. You did a good job. No, thanks. Have you toured in Ireland yet? No. You got to wait.

01:31:58

I'm new.

01:31:59

Yeah, sorry. What are we talking about? I'm brand new. Yeah, I shouldn't have said that.

01:32:03

Which is probably why I have nothing to talk about.

01:32:05

No, you're great to talk to. Grace Amalia, I love it. I'm glad I've gotten to sit and chat with you. If you guys don't know Grace, now you probably You do? I think you have a good... I think, did we talk about your life enough, do you think?

01:32:19

Yeah, sure.

01:32:20

Okay. Yeah. Did you finish college or not?

01:32:24

No, I dropped out. You did?

01:32:25

Yeah.

01:32:26

But by the time I dropped out of college, I had a 4.0. You did? Yeah, I I found out what Adderall was.

01:32:31

Oh, you were using it?

01:32:32

So I needed it as it turned out.

01:32:35

The Irish need it. What are the Irish missing? There's always that thing.

01:32:38

They're missing out on... Well, the fathers are missing out on loving their children. That seems personal. They don't know how to express it.

01:32:46

Oh, yeah, they can't, huh? Yeah, they can't.

01:32:48

They just get you a fucking Edelman jersey. They just hope that'll equate to love.

01:32:56

It's good. Yeah. Why can't they do it?

01:32:58

Well, sharing a beer in silence, that's also supposed to be love in their eyes.

01:33:03

Really? Yeah. Why do the Irish have that trouble sharing love? If people listen, they can hit the hotline, too, with that, 985-664-9503. That would be great to just... I want to examine that next time we have a solo episode is why the Irish have that trouble expressing their love. Do you think that they have it more than other cultures?

01:33:26

Let's think to compare.

01:33:28

The Koreans can't They can't?

01:33:30

No, they can't. Is it tough love or is it just no love?

01:33:34

Well, there's a video. You see that I think Steve... Look up Stevie Weeby. He just put that video of him, Bobby and their mother, trying to do Christmas together or something. Can you see that if you put it on his Instagram? The Koreans, I don't think they can do it.

01:33:50

Bobby's the Asian representative.

01:33:52

Bobby is... I want to say he may be.

01:33:55

You like it? I know. You like it? Yeah.

01:33:58

Yeah. Late at night, and I leave Duke here by himself. He loses his mind. Bobby? No, Duke.. Because you have no snacks here. I got hungry. So there's she's been drinking. No, it was 3:00 in the morning. It's not the- No, it was 6:00 in the morning.. What happened last night was- He's guessing. I wanted some snacks, so I went to snacks. I went to 7:11. I got a slurpy. I got cool- That's good. This is like that game show, like that telephone game or whatever. Can you see where Bobby comes in later or not? Can you help me out? Get further down. Further, further.

01:34:42

Is there any part where Bobby comes in or not? Trivial closed captions. No, maybe not.

01:34:47

The mother is very endearing. I would love to meet her. She's probably a star that I would like to meet.

01:34:52

Yeah. Who's up there for you? Who haven't you met? And on top of that, who was your favorite thus far?

01:34:58

I don't know. I got to meet Gibson one time, and he was very captivating.

01:35:02

Yeah, that's wild.

01:35:03

It's very like you get drawn into him.

01:35:06

You sit down and shoot the shit with him?

01:35:08

Yeah. Yeah? Yeah, I did get to one time, which is crazy because Patriot is my favorite movie, probably. Was there anything else that we wanted to talk about? You have any of our topics, anything you want to look at really quick? I'm just trying to think, Grace, before I let you go. Oh, wait. So your new podcast. Tell me about it.

01:35:25

Okay, so it is going to be coming out in February. That's great. Everything is completely up in the air right now. Trying to figure out what the hell it's going to be. But for the most part, the idea for it is the name is going to be Disgraceful, and I'm going to have guests on every week. For the first 50 to 20 minutes, they're auditioning to be my new co-host because I need a new co-host. That's the niche there. Then after that, hopefully, we'll shoot the shit. I'll get to practice in a little more and be a little better for that.

01:35:56

What are you looking for in your co-host? Do you already have a Parameter's?

01:35:59

That's the thing. It's all just a gimmick. I'm never probably going to have a host.

01:36:05

Oh, you're not?

01:36:06

We'll see how it goes.

01:36:07

But there is a possibility, though.

01:36:09

Possibility. Alex Cooper suggested that From Call Her Daddy. I had pitched her my idea for this podcast, and she was like, Yeah, that's awesome. But what if you did a podcast with Blake Griffin? I'm like, What? That's the idea that she has for it. We're going to figure out something somewhere in the middle, something like that. That was just a little behind-the-scenes phone call.

01:36:35

We'll see how it goes. Will she have a say in it? Will you have a say? Will it just be, Is it up to you? I get final say.

01:36:40

I think I'm going to stick to my guns.

01:36:45

I think just trust your instincts. Whatever your instincts are, I love them. Thanks. Right back at you. They're fun. Your instincts are fun to ride along with. The Down For Anything tour that's going on right now. Yeah.

01:36:58

Despite everything I've said on this podcast, it is a good show, so come on up.

01:37:03

Oh, yeah, I believe that it is. I wanted to say that. I think I got nervous. There were so many girls in there.

01:37:09

A lot of girls. Yeah, it's like a slumber party. Yeah. Then my whole time, I'm just trying to make the boyfriends laugh because they don't want to be there. Oh, they are. I really try my best to make them laugh the most.

01:37:23

You know what's so funny about comedy? A lot of times you'd be on stage and it's all dates there. So not only are you the If you're the lonely one, if you're the one that doesn't have a boyfriend or girlfriend, then you're also the entertainment, right? They're paying for sure. But then they all have... And then you're like, Oh, it just builds up this. Sometimes it can build up this weird fucking resentment.

01:37:43

Yeah, totally. I just did a New Year's Eve show, so everyone, three, two, one, everyone started a kiss, and I'm like, I'm still on stage by myself. It's like a double whammy, fuck you.

01:37:54

I was like, This is nice. This is fun. What do you do then? You throw a couple of fingers in the hoohah? What do you do at that point?

01:37:59

I just grabbed the bouncer. I just fucked him on stage there. No, I started shotguning beers, so I felt less lonely. Really? Yes, I swear to God.

01:38:16

There it is. There you are, Gracie. We're going to send some cacks your way this year, Gracie, baby.

01:38:25

Yeah.

01:38:25

We're going to send you a boatload of cacks.

01:38:28

Get me fucked this year, that's for sure.

01:38:32

Your dad might be in this. Okay. And why do they say Cork up there in math? Cork.

01:38:39

Yeah. It's just no way. It's not a way for a woman to talk. Cork. Yeah.

01:38:49

Yeah, dude. I was going in. I had a show right outside of in... Not Medford. I don't know where it is. Is that right outside of the city?

01:38:55

Medford, yeah.

01:38:57

That's a town. And I had a show right out there, and some guy's walking up with his wife, they're eating a piece of pizza, and he's like, Doris, that's the guy. We're going to give him your pizza.

01:39:06

Give him your pizza.

01:39:07

Doris, they're both eating. You can tell they just got a snack. They're running over, they're running a few minutes late. I'm like, Don't give it. He's like, Give me a fucking pizza, Doris.

01:39:14

You fucking bitch. Now, I love this guy.

01:39:19

Yeah, that's how he is.

01:39:19

I don't love you.

01:39:21

Yeah, you're fucking like, I want to see him, Doris. Doris gives me her pizza, and then they go inside. The guy's just eat him like, What are you fucking doing, man?

01:39:31

Oh, my God.

01:39:32

I'm just like, What?

01:39:33

Yeah, that's the guys up there. They'll throw their lives across a car to impress their voice.

01:39:41

Oh, yeah.

01:39:42

They get more about their voice. They're gay for it.

01:39:44

Oh, they Definitely. Just to get a whiff of Pedroia's fucking catch his mitt. All right. I think we've had a good start to the year. Anything that you're trying to push on yourself this year? I know maybe love is in the air. That's always in the air. Yeah. Anything else? Is there a real goal that you have or something this year?

01:40:06

Get porked at least once. Okay. Then we got...

01:40:10

Getting slam. Now we're talking-We're talking I'll take it wherever I can get it.

01:40:15

This is a Christian program. Oh, is it now? My apologies.

01:40:22

So you're right at home. Go ahead.

01:40:27

Yeah. No. And then I'm trying to cut back on drinking. I have a drinking problem. You do? I'm a functioning alcoholic. Oh, yeah? Yeah, big time. So I'm trying to kick back. Okay. I'm going to start with the dry January and see where that goes.

01:40:38

So you're tapping back in. So for the rest of January, you're off.

01:40:42

Oh, yeah. I missed the first day, but what are you going to do?

01:40:45

That's still December in some places. Yeah, right? In Holland, I think they're behind. Yeah, it's like- I'm on Holland time.

01:40:50

Fuck it.

01:40:52

I'm on Holland time. Okay. What about you? What about me? No, I'm going to try to be sober all year, I think. But New Year's resolution?

01:41:01

Resolutions, yeah.

01:41:02

I'm going to try to be more pertinent with my time. Don't waste time in things that I know. I think with relationship stuff, don't waste dating time in things that maybe don't have a chance thing. That's fair. I don't know.

01:41:17

Stop dating girls with no personality.

01:41:21

If I know it's not really there, don't just use the situation just because maybe I'm lonesome or something. Or just because I don't have anybody to Or just be like, Well, just do shit by myself then. So now they're just be by myself or whatever. It's not all that bad.

01:41:34

It's not that bad. Do it all the time.

01:41:37

And then- Your nightmare is my every day. I don't know. And then, I don't know, get out there and do some sex, maybe. I don't know. Something else. I don't know. I'd like to read a little bit more, maybe this year.

01:41:59

You read a lot last year?

01:42:01

Not as much as I'd like. But just because I want to have that slow time, your thoughts are slowed down and you're just relaxing. It's like my brain gets so sped up.

01:42:10

Yeah, I don't know how to slow it down.

01:42:11

Yeah, slow it down and maybe pray. Yeah, pray if I meet a wife or something. 20/20 Live, that's where I'm at.

01:42:17

There you go. 20/20 Live. It could happen, dude.

01:42:19

That's good. I like that. Welcome to come, country.

01:42:22

There you go. Then you can hang out with your other friends.

01:42:25

Yeah.

01:42:26

We're coming over. I got me a bride now. Look at her. Look at her. She give me pizza.

01:42:33

Doris. Grace O'Malley, thank you so much for coming. Nora O'Malley, thank you for coming, too. And cheers and blessings to you guys. Happy New Year. Happy New Year, man.

01:42:43

Thank you very much. It was an honor, truly and honestly.

01:42:47

Same for me. And best of luck with Disgraceful. It comes out in February? Yes. Okay, on the Unwell Network. Hell, yeah. Amen.

01:42:53

Hell, yeah.

01:42:55

Now I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone. Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones.

01:43:14

But it's going to take.

AI Transcription provided by HappyScribe
Episode description

Grace O’Malley is a comedian and podcaster originally from Boston, MA. She previously co-hosted the Barstool show “Plan Bri-Uncut”, and has a new podcast launching next month. You can also see her live on her “Down for Anything” tour happening now. 
Grace O’Malley joins Theo to talk about growing up in Boston before heading to NYC for comedy, how she found herself as the co-host of one of Barstool’s most popular shows, why she’s going solo now, and what she’s got planned for her new show coming to the Unwell network. 
Grace O’Malley: https://www.instagram.com/gracekomalley
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