Transcript of E535 Joe Gatto

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Get all your tickets at theovan. Com/taur, and thank you so much for the support. Today's guest has been entertaining humans and taking care of dogs for most of his life. And we're lucky to have been on the receiving end to some of that. You know him from Impractical Jokers. He has a new stand-up comedy special out on YouTube called Messing with People, as well as a new children's book called Where's Barry? I always enjoy my time and grateful to sit down with just a light of the world. Today's guest is Mr. Joe Gotto.

I've been singing this before.

I've been moving away.

This place is awesome. I never seen this place.

It was awesome. Oh, you haven't been here before?

Never been here before, yeah.

Oh, wow. It's nice. Fantastic. Yeah, sometimes you just forget where you've been or where you haven't even been.

You never know where you haven't been.

Yeah, it's true. It's true. Good to see you today. You brought a little buddy, huh?

Yeah, Spamoni.Oh, wow.One of my pups, one of my cattle pups.

How is... It's a man or woman?This is a woman.It's a woman.This.

Is a woman.Okay. This is a woman.It's a woman.It's a woman. This is a woman. This is Spamoni.

How is she doing?

She seems okay. Yeah, she's doing all right. Last time we spoke, she's fine.

Yeah. Okay.

She's good. She's one of my travel pups. She just comes on... When I'm not flying a lot and I'm just on one or two in driving, she'll come with me. Yeah? Yeah, she's not a great flyer, but she loves to chill.

And yeah, she seems very calm. In Japan, they were giving pills to a lot of those dogs so they could take good cool photos of them. You see the ones with their tongue hanging out?

I know I have a lot of those kinds of dogs because I have a senior dog rescue and all their teeth are out. So they just hang out. That's weird. I didn't know they do a pill-induced tongue out.

Yeah, bring it up if the Japanese were...

They wanted the tongue out, so it was like It made them really thirsty or just nicotine the mouth a little bit?

It just... It just gives you the right- They lived in Baltimore. Some of these Baltimore hitchhikers. I can bring that up if they were...

Dropping tongues out in...

Japanese pilling up the dogs.

There's a supplement.

No, no, no. Were the Japanese giving pills to the dogs?

That's all right. That's a pretty good prompt.

Yeah, you're just looking at medication.

You're just looking at dog pills.

Or they hide a lot of the good shit on Google.

You got to dig deep sometimes. Let's see if they come back for it.

That's not going to be on the first results. No. Yeah, that's true, man. We got to learn to go deep, dude.

Sometimes the way that Google finishes you, or do you ever find that when you put in something and the way the search engine finishes what you started is more interesting than what you were looking for? You just go, what is this? And you click that. Yeah, that's really weird.

Yeah, and all of them, it's always gay. It's like, you're dead. Dead, gay.

Yeah, it's all that stuff.

Yeah, dude. That shit's always ridiculous, man. Good to see you, bro.

Good to see you. It's been a minute, man. Yeah, it has been a minute. Last time we saw each other, we were on both in the same city on tour and we got some pizza.

Yeah, in Milwaukee. Yeah, in Milwaukee. And a pizza took forever, remember?

Forever. I went back and got it.

I think we left and you just went. Yeah, you went back later that evening.

I was like, let me get this later. We wanted these pizzas. They gave it to us. Yeah. They owe us some pies, man.

Yeah. Oh, those people were, they did not want to give it up. I'm like, Well, if you don't want to give out the food, then don't be a restaurant, right?

Right. This is your thing. This is what you do.

I was back there. He was back there eating, too. The one guy. Yeah, whenever we saw him. Congrats, man. You got a new special out. A new special out, yeah. Your first special.

First special. Messing with people. Yeah. It's really excited about it. It's out on YouTube. It was great, man. I toured with it for two and a half years, and you know how it is. You don't want the content to just to go away. I'm super proud of it. So I put it out there. It was great.

Was it when you guys-.

When you guys take-. Come here. Come on.

When you guys tape, how many tapings did you do? I did two.

Two in one night. I did the Paramount in Huntington, Long Island. It was fun, man. The first one, you know you get a little nervous. The jib almost knocked me out four times because I'm very physical on stage, running around. So I ran to the side and the jib was right there. It was knocked out, but it was good. It was really cool.

Yeah. And the jib is like the camera. That's the camera that's on the arm. On the arm, yeah.

Oh, you forget, right? That's for everybody at home.

Yeah, because some people don't know. Some people don't know what's going on. Yeah. There you go. Right there. That's it. Yeah. Did some of the other Jokers come out?

Yeah, they came to the taping. Sal came to the late taping, I think. And then the next... I was working that week, and then Q came out and stuff. But yeah, it's good. They come and see me. I see them when they're on the road. It's fun. We try to give each other the support.

You know how it is. Have you gone to one of their shows? Because do you still do the touring show with them or no? No. Right. No.

So I did. They just wrapped up their last tour, and I came out on stage there. And then when they did Radio City, I popped out. That was really fun. When I came to Radio City, it was so cool. It was really great. The place exploded. It was really nice.

Have you missed that aspect? Because they just came out with the 11th season, right? The other show? Yeah. Of Joker?

Yeah, they're doing that now. They just wrapped shooting that one. I think they got I'm the one. But yeah, you're missing with your friends. The hardest part for me is it's appointment friendship now, right? You got to think about... You used to see each other all the time. Oh, yeah. And now it's like, I feel like I haven't seen you in for it, right? When you see them, it's like they're working together or doing something, you're trying to find a time together. So that gets a little tricky. Yeah. But everybody always ask, Are you still friends? I always tell people, No, I hate those guys. I'll just say stuff to mess with people. Do you like them? I'm like, No, we don't talk anymore. I was saying for a while that Sal had slept with my wife. That's why I left. It was so fun. He's like, Dude, you got to stop saying that. Someone's going to believe you. But it's good. We're still boys. Just trying to see each other gets a little tricky.

Yeah, I think that just gets trickier as you get older, too. Just being an adult, everything gets more appointment. That's why I miss... It's like, you never know when you're in high school and college and stuff like that, that those are going to be the greatest times because everybody is just there.

Yeah. Everybody's You're going to the bump into factor of a college campus, right? You might just bump into somebody on the way to the caf or something. Yeah, that's totally different because you're all enclosed like a community. It's like a cult, almost. You're living on this stockade thing.

Yeah, dude, that's one thing. But You don't realize that when you're there. I remember whenever I was graduating high school, whatever, I was like, thank God, I'm graduating. But then you don't realize that 10 years later, you'd do anything to go back and have one big full day of high school.

Yeah, for sure. But there were some people who were looking forward to getting rid of, That was the bad part. That's the other side of it. I cannot wait till I don't have to see this person again.

The ROTC guys were really at our school were very... They acted like they were a gang, whatever. You know those guys with the wooden guns? You'd see them after school or whatever. They wouldn't even have the part of the gun that had the bullets in or something. They would just have like...

It's like a glorified stick.

It was the right shape of a stick. And they would be running through the halls, yelling different quadrants in each other and shit.

Doing this stuff and signaling. You're like, Guys, I'm getting to algebra. Get out of my way. We didn't have RTC at our school, but we definitely had different clicks because I went to an all-boy Catholic high school. So We're all boy school. Definitely had a different type of click setup thing where you had your jocks and your math leads, which I was a proud leader of. Were you? Yeah, math guy. So I was geeky. But I was a bowler. We talked about this just quickly. I was on the bowling team and stuff. So it was a different thing. But then humor, once people found you were funny in high school and you're what all dudes, I think it's a different thing. I think it's like, oh, and then people want to be around you and having fun. So once my humor started coming out, it was a different animal.

That was so much fun. Yeah. Dude, being funny, that was like them. I think that's what it was, too, because you always had an audience around. Everybody was right there. So you could make so many jokes and references. You'd see each other in the hallway in between classes. And that was the weirdest thing because you had one second where you were passing your buddy in the hallway and you got to this.

You got a drive by. Yeah. I was known for pratfalling in high school. So I used to pratfall into my Spanish class every day. And Mrs. Lonson, my teacher, always thought it was this guy, Mike Irving, that was tripping me, and she would always give him detention on. He was like, Dude, you have to stop. Stop. It wasn't me. And I was like, Oh, he tripped me. You know like that. So when I got my diploma, my mom knew that I was big, and my mom was always like, You had to be respectful. It's also where I'm getting my diploma. And everybody's like, Trip, trip, trip. They all want me to fall on stage. And my mother threatened my life. She's like, If you trip on stage, you're done, you're done. I was like, God, I can't make my mom mad, so I don't get it. Then I surprisingly get an award. I got an award. They were giving out these awards, and one of them was some of the... I look at my father and he goes... I went up and when I went to get the award on stage, I bid it and I fell off the stage.

The place went absolutely nuts. It was so funny. I was like, That's the reason why I won that award, so I could have my moment. Yeah.

That's class, bro.

Yeah, I love that.

That shit was so much fun, man.

Yeah, you think about just... Do you have friends from high school anymore?

Yeah.

That you keep in touch with?

Yeah, I still got actually a pretty decent amount. I've always done a good job of trying to call and connect every now and then just see what's up with folks, but definitely from high school. Yeah, so I keep in contact pretty decently with some of them.

Who's your oldest friend? Do you have somebody from-My buddy Scott from where we were in second grade or whatever.

Oh, wow. This went to his wedding. He had a destination wedding. Oh, yeah.

We're on the same page. You mean a forced vacation for you?

It is, yeah. And then some people can't be there, and then they feel bummed out about it.

For sure, because somebody had to miss it, and then both people feel bad. There's two different schools of thought about it.

Because the other school of thought is what?

It's like you're making a memory for everybody that can make it, and you're making it more of an event. And just spending your money, you might as well get this big memory out of it instead of being at a hall in Queens spending all this money. But for me, we almost did it, but But at the end of the day, I feel like it's a big ask.

Did you ever renew your vows?

So after we got back together, my wife and I, we were thinking about doing that.

Did you guys get divorced or no?

No, we just got separated. You got separated? Separated for two years.

Oh, wow. It's a long time.It's a long time.

Yeah, it's a long for a time. Yeah.wow.yeah. I had never lived alone. I was 47 years old for my first time living alone in an apartment. Did you get an apartment? An apartment.

Yeah. Look, if you and your wife get separated, you have to get an apartment. You got to get an apartment. You can't get a house.

You can't get a house, no.

You're in the house. You're in the kitchen.

You're getting there. No, that was actually the reason why we got back together was I had put a bid in on a house because it was like, Okay, this is not happening. I was like, I'm a grown man. I'm not going to live in this apartment. I needed a yard. I had my dogs. I'm like, I just didn't want... There was a fire drill in my building. I'm outside at 11:30 in my robe. I was like, Are you Joe from in practice? I'm like, Get the hell? This is my life right now. I was like, yeah. So I put a bid on a house and I didn't get it. Could you imagine you're going to the fire drill of your building and Joe is there in his bathrobe. I was like, Oh.

With how many dogs? I have two dogs in my arms. Cruella Jo'Ville. You're just out there with a fucking million pups.

So it was like, yes, it was rough. Then I put a bit on a house and I didn't get it. Then I was like, I had to look at another house, and I said to her, I was like, Oh, what about? I was like, I'm looking at this house. It wasn't too far from the kids. And she just went, Do you want to get back together? And I just instantly went, Yeah. Do you? And she goes, Yeah. And that was the first time we said it out loud. We both weren't thinking we were going to. We reflected on it after. And it was just that moment. I was doing a dog event in the city, and we were waiting in a hotel room for the dogs to be ready. She was napping, I was working. And then we just started talking for four hours. And I said, Okay, let's give it a couple of months. I'm not going to move back home. Let's make sure it sticks, make sure we want to do And it did. It worked out. So then I came back home. But living alone was so weird. I didn't even hang stuff on the walls.

It was so sad. It was like those white, freshly painted sheetrock. I hung one picture, and then I was like, I don't even know if I like that there. It just felt like you had to. Went on Wayfair, and I bought a bunch of discount furniture, and I go to the house, there's all the nice furniture.

You're like, Hey, at least let me come back and shower. You get that good loofah. Wow. Right after you guys decided, okay, we're going to do that, did you all go eat somewhere or something? We did.

Where? We had dinner that next... Well, I always went to the house for dinner. The kids didn't know any disruption. So that was always good. I was always at the house having dinner, family dinner. I was always still very involved. The kids didn't really know anything because at the time, they're nine and seven now. So they were between six and eight or whatever. And the next night, we went to one of our favorite restaurants in town, and we just had a nice date night, and it was nice. And then we went away, just the two of us, for a night up at this farm in Upstate, New York, and just all worked out. It was a lot of conversations, a lot of hard stuff you got to talk through, a lot of forgiveness and talking about. I think the biggest thing always is in any relationship, you always, especially with your significant other, you always think it's your soulmate, and you know what they're thinking, and you just don't. People, as well as somebody, you just have to say it. So we just started talking, and it just opened up everything.

Dude, the craziest thing is how hard it is to say stuff even if you're with the person, you're married. And they would rather you probably say it so you can get to the next part, but we just hold the fucking words.

Hold on. Yeah. And then you get mad that they don't know what you're thinking. That was the funny thing. I used to say that to her at the time. I said, You get mad because I don't know what you're thinking. I'll admit, I don't know what you're thinking. I'll never know. So that's the biggest thing I found in a relationship is really, as we're starting to get through it again, it's like, just say what you're feeling. Life's too short, man. Just say what you're feeling.

Just say, I wish your legs were longer. Longer.

Just, you had longer legs. How did you know? Did she tell you that was the thing? She's like, Joe, I wish you were fine. I wish you were 6 foot, man. You had longer legs.

No. Yeah, I don't know. All that stuff is complicated, man. But that's awesome, man. Congrats. So that feels good then. Yeah. So you got the family back on track?

Got back on track, baby. I'm a real dad, which is nice. I feel really tight with the kids. Good partner. It all feels good now. Yeah. Creatively, I'm doing everything that's good. It feels nice to be able to dabble in different stuff.

Did your... Oh, your kids came to the special because I saw them. You give them a hug for you on stage. Yeah, they gave me the microphone before. Oh, they gave me the mic. One, you gave a hug, and one, you gave a high five.

Yeah, I gave the high five to my son. He was super nervous. He was? Yeah, he's cute. She is like me, dude. She comes out for a bow. She loves it all. She's all about it. My son is a little bit more of a wallflower, but he really likes to laugh and to make me laugh. And we do like fun... Oh, there. That was a thing. Oh, good. Yeah, that's the kids. The... There's Jay. Yeah, Mark. He's my tour manager. He's on tour with me. But then, yeah, this is my daughter and my son there. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, he's really excited.

I give him a little. Oh, you give him a hug. Sorry. I mean, you didn't... Yeah.

Yeah, I love my son. Don't try to... I I heard a see the clips, Jonas. I love his son.

Flitting the airs, dude. I'm sorry.

Started a such a drama.

I was trying to remember that. Yeah, dude, Jiggy was there. That's awesome, bro.

Yeah, he's with me all the time. He's on my new tour with me. He's my feature. He comes with me the whole time. He's great. He's so funny.

He has one of the best stories. I don't know if he turned it into a show, into a stage bit. It's like he met a girl on an airplane, right? So he's on an airplane. He's sitting next to this beautiful Brazilian girl, he said, and the plane kept getting delayed or whatever. Finally, they get them all off the plane, and it's like, midnight, they're not going to leave till the next day. And the girl's like, You can come stay with me, or whatever. Or at least she said, she could have said goodbye in Brazilian.

That's what he meant.

But that's how he took it. Yeah. So he's like...

She's like, Why is this guy in my car?

He's following her out of the airport. Her grandmother comes and picks her up, right? So now they are all... He and this girl he just met. Stay at the grandmother's house, and they just had it. It was like a big studio. So they sleep in one bed altogether. And they watched... I think they watched Saving Private Rock, which is crazy.

A real warming romantic story. It's like the house in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory where everybody sleeps in the same room in the same bed. It's all the old kid and all the parents.Oh, yeah.

With grandpa Joe or whatever.grandpa Joe is there, yeah. That's hysterical. And then, yeah, because I think he thought he was going to go to this romantic night, and then he just stayed in there all. Something else occurred, but it was pretty unbelievable. But yeah, that story is great.

He met the family already, though.

That's good. He said that they had popcorn, and then I guess they all fell asleep or He...

Could you imagine being somebody who came home from work and that's where you see, where they pick up this straggler he came in? He's the best to go on tour. He's just a bundle of joy and energy. He's just so positive and fun. We I like really well on that. But he gets like, we make fun of him because Steve Burns is on the road with us a lot, too. And we love to watch him eat when he's hungry because he literally... If he doesn't know you're watching him, I'm not even kidding, Theo, he'll go like, num, num, num, num. He'll be excited to eat, and He's doing, num, num, num, and he moves his hands, and you just watch him. He's just like a little kid for the first time. I'm like, apple pie. It's so funny. I'm like, Dude, you're a grown adult, man. You have a child.

What are you doing?

He gets so excited.

Yeah, he's classic, man. He's so funny. Yeah, his energy is some of the best energy to be around.

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah, what was good? Oh, Dikembe Matumbo died. Do you see that? No.

Did he? Yeah. Oh, no. When?

He just died. Brain cancer. 58.

That's young. That is young, 58.

Maybe what's on the Hall of Fame, Finger Wagging Center. Yeah, he did that, remember?

He did the whole thing with the big finger, yeah.

He gave... I wonder if after he did that, is that when they came out with those finger things or not?

No, I think those were where number ones. I think that's where that comes from. Oh, I see. But I think people started using it as it wasn't intended. This was not for this. This was for this.

We're number ones. I was like, No, you're not. Yeah, dude. That was what?

The finger wag. Yeah. That's funny that that becomes your thing.

Yeah. But then you have to do it all the time. Right. People are waiting for it. Yeah. People are always taking photos and people are like, Can you do the- Could you do this?

It's like me getting yelled Larry. What do you get asked the most, do you think, when people want to take a picture with you? Or when people see you, what is the thing that they-What's Bobby Lee like?

Yeah.

That's what you get all the time, right? Yeah.

Tell me about Bobby Lee. Is he real? Is it real? They'll say. They'll call him an it, and I'm like, That's crazy.

Are they referring to Bobby with their-I don't know.

A lot of people don't believe in people of the Orient. And also look at the guy. I mean, there's-Yeah, for sure. There's definitely 50 shades of Shezwan right here. So there's a lot going on. Then after we got to interview Trump, I get asked about that a lot. Oh, yeah, for sure. Just what it was like to be there or something. We got to go up to Bedmanster, New Jersey. That was nice up there.

I think I talked to you when I saw you. There was just the rumblings that you might have been able to sit with them. And I think you told me you were like, Dude, it's crazy. I might be able to do it. So that had to be a wild experience.

Yeah, it was crazy.

That took a long time to come together, I imagine. It wasn't like a...

It was on and off, and then it was just on. Yeah. But it was definitely interesting.

Don't think I didn't notice you put on a suit jacket. Nice, dude. You can throw on a jacket.

Yeah, I appreciate it. I think it's been at two funerals and one presidential interview, brother. It's a famous jacket, man. It's on its way up, bro. There you go. Yeah, Dikembe had that thing. Dude, what finger is used for different stuff the most, do you think?

This is for-Yeah, this is always good, and this is always bad, right?

This is good, this is bad. This one is... So, yeah, this is bad.

This is never good. This could be bad with a thumbs down. Yeah. I think every finger has a personality. Kind of, for sure. Yeah, so you could use this for that. This is probably the most useless, right? The ring finger. Well, unless you-When you were a little kid, this came in big because you were like, I'm not giving you the finger.

Oh, that's true. You would hide it. You would hide it like, Oh, just kidding. But this one is also the ring finger, so it also is like the-Signifies, yeah.

Someone has claimed you. Yeah, you're locked in. Or you've been claimed.

Yeah, your own. Yeah, this is for hitchhiking, too, used to be. Hitchhiking.

The thumb is the most versatile, I think. Hitchhiking, you're the best, kill Kill them. Kill them, right? This is a murder indicator. Straight murder. What are we doing here? Yeah. This is the first thing I taught my kids, by the way. That was a parenting hack I heard from somebody. Thumbs up. Because a lot of times your kids are far away. If they're scared or something, teach them to a thumbs up if they're okay or a thumbs down if they're not. Because if you can't see them, if you only see them, you can't hear them. So I have my daughter on top of this huge slide down where I was by a playground, and I was scared for her life. I'm like, Who can't she? And then she went and I was like, Okay, crazy. Yeah. Oh, and then you do this thing, right? That's the thing. That means, help me. I'm taking called Liam Neeson, right? That means like, I need some help. That's what that means? Yeah, this is the thing. If somebody goes, yo, there's like the wink back in the day, like something's up.

If somebody does this to me...

I'm waving it back. I'm like, You're so cute. It's like a puppet show.

Yeah, I'm leaving, dude.

Yeah.

Yeah. Dang, brother. Yeah, I can't believe that, man. I can't believe that we only get five fingers.

Have you ever been so mad that you double barreled somebody with a double FU? That's a different level of getting somebody angry that they're like, I need both hands.

Well, if you do this, this, and then you're a wreck, too, it's a third. If you hit them with that.

I've done that once. I don't like to talk about it.

These are just predecessors. You know what I'm saying?

Then it's the big finale.

Yeah, then it's the big finale.

Yeah, the double guns, they call that, right?

I wonder if in every culture, that means if every culture of people that's like, world all over. If you were in the jungles of Zimbabwe or something, and you saw it and you were angry at some dude, some guy popped out and surprised you. He thought you were Like a... A warthog? Yeah, warthog or something. He tries to stab you with his stick or whatever, and you'd be like, You didn't get me.

Then he high fives it. You're like, Wait, what does this mean? It's good. He's like, Got you. The high five and stuff, too. All those gestures, they all come from somewhere, which is so weird, The high five is crazy.

If a dude was like, Hey, man. Hit it. That was good.

That was good. Just smack my hand.

Just smack my hand. Because that feels not even that cool.

Just when we did it now, it felt weird, right?

Yeah, because it was very soft. You got to really do it. Yeah. Glenn Burke, a former outfielder for the Los Angeles Daughters, is credited with inventing the high five during a game against the Houston Astros, October second, 1977. Wow.

So I'm only one year older than the high five.

When he ran toward home plate and raised his hand and greeted a teammate who had just rounded the base after a home run.

Wait, so why did I give it to him? Who's a teammate? Because he just had his hand up. He was just doing a hand in the air. The guy who high five Glenberk. Oh, is Glenberk the guy that did it? That's crazy.

One guy was a white supremacist, and then he came by and said, You know what?

He was waiting to his grandmother in the stands. He's like, Hey, mom.

He's like, Hey, your wife's so am I. Let's do it back. Let's make it happen. That's crazy. That is crazy. The high five, dude. Yeah.

The fist bump, it seems. You ever get the aggressive fist bump? Where somebody just fight your fist? They don't know how to... They just punch you in the hand. Because you meet a lot of people, you don't always want to be touching people. You're like, Oh, fist bump.

Sometimes you'll do fist bump if it's a lot of people.

Then people just come in you and hit you hard. They just punch your hand?

Or, yeah, sometimes people will keep pushing against your hand.

They're like, Push your back. You're trying to move me? What am I doing?

But, yeah, and also a lot of people have sweaty, wet hands now. Yeah, it's a thing. Oh, it's gotten way worse. When I was a kid, Everybody's hands were dry, right? Sometimes you'd see some facial sweat or somebody who never shaved their neck. They'd have a lot of sweat and hair on their neck or whatever. But you didn't see people's hands just... Shopping. Yeah.

The worst is when you're done with it, now this is your sweat that I have on my hand. What am I going to do with it? Am I going to ruin my pants? Am I finding a piece of furniture? You have to figure out where to put it.

Yeah, they don't give you any direction. It's like, Hey, here's some wet me.

This is your problem now. This is some wet me that you have to deal with.

Yeah. One little wet me. Dude, somebody said that Pharrell, the singer, had really dry hands. Dry? Somebody told me that once. I remember that.

That he wasn't like, he wasn't sweaty? Or was it dry to the fact that you felt it was like sandpain? Yeah, like, sandpain? Yeah. Like, wow.

Yeah. Very dry hands. It could be from mixing those albums or whatever.

It gets calluses.

Yeah, that could be it. He works with his hands. Yeah. That's a good point, man. This episode is sponsored by Prizepicks. Do you love firing on sports? Well, prizepicks is the best daily fantasy sports app for you. Sign up today and get $50 instantly when you play $5. You don't even need to win to receive the $50 bonus. It's guaranteed. You can fire on all your favorite sports like the NBA, NFL, UFC, and many more. What I like about prize picks, personally, is that instead of choosing teams, you choose individual players. Each player has a set projection, and you either choose more or less than that set projection. If you're smart with sports and you know what players are going to perform on what nights, Prizepicks is the best app for you. I played this weekend on some of the NFL games, and I won. I won something. First-time users download the Prizepicks app, use code Theo, and Prizepicks will instantly give you $50 on your first lineup of $5 or more. No strings attached. Put in $5 and instantly get a free $50. This episode is sponsored by Prize Picks, and we thank them.

Today's episode is sponsored by Morgan & Morgan, America's largest personal injury law firm. For over 35 years, they've been fighting and winning for the people just like you and me. They've won so many cases. They've racked up more than $20 billion in recoveries for their clients. That's right, billion with a B. And because they've got your back, I'm excited to announce that they're offering one lucky listener $2,000 and two tickets to WWE's Royal Rumble. Entering to win is easy. Just text TPW to 4, the number 4, The People. That's TPW to 484-373-6742, or click the link in the description below if you're watching on YouTube. That's right. No purchase necessary. This Sweepstakes is open only to natural person to her legal residence of the 48 contiguous United States, including the district of Columbia, who are 18 years of age or older. Sweepstakes ends 10:31, 2024. For entry and official rules, visit morgan www. Com. Void where prohibited. What a day, man. What else is going on? Those storms, dude. It's so heartbreaking. I know.

I had a show in Evans that I had to reschedule.

No, did you?

Yeah. I got my one-off in Savannah and then went to the Evans one, the place, the power. They didn't have power in the theater.

Evans, Georgia?

Yeah. Evans, Georgia. Yeah, it was tough down there. And then they were like, We don't have power. I was like, We're not going to do Comedy by Candlelight. What do we have to do? We have to reschedule it. But down there, the people are so equipped to handle it and be like... It's such a community when stuff like that happens down there. It's crazy because we were there and there was people going, driving over to be like, Oh, we're just going to go get... They had family and whatnot. I was talking to somebody at a restaurant, and they were like, We got to go pick up my aunt. They just know what to do, and they're just ready for it.

Yeah, people in the south are really dialed in with their families. Being close with your family is like, it's one of the main things. Everybody has a truck. Everybody wants to help out.

Everybody has a truck. That's so different. Down there, everybody's got... He's called Tim. Cousin Tim's got it. He's got the truck. People are like, I don't know one person with a pickup truck in New York. I don't know one person.

People are like, I'll fucking help out right now. What do you need me to do? Everybody knows CPR or knows a fireman that says he knows CPR.

Then when he has to prove it, it's a problem. He's just blown in this guy's face. I was in a situation where somebody was choking on. I jumped into action. Yeah, our tour manager. Our tour manager had this... We didn't know he had this- Where we all eating at? No, he was signing. We were doing the settlement down at the... We were in the hotel ballroom, one of the things at the hotel. We had a little room, and he was signing the check to pay us for the weekend. And he had this condition. When he coughed, he would lose his breath and just pass out, but we didn't know that. So he started coughing and he was talking through it. So it's me, Sal, and Murray. And he's coughing. He's like, and he just goes, and he just shuts down. And so I'm sitting next to one side, Mur is on the other. And Murray just starts shaking. He goes, this guy's name was Jeff. He's like, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. So I hopped up and I was like, All right, I got to do something. But I didn't do the highlight. I did it over the shoulder, like seat belt, and I just started shaking him, trying to wake him up.

Sal ran over and it was at the Hoyt Sherman, near the Hoyt Sherman Theater, and he ran and grabbed the phone that was connected to the Bell desk, and he was like, Call 911 instead of call 911. He yelled it to the phone. And I'm hugging him. And then all of a sudden, he just came back to life and he's like, Oh. And I'm over his shoulder, and he goes, Did it happen again? And we're like, What are you talking about, dude? So I had no skills. The only person that had any skills was Q because he was a fireman, and he was in bed, so he couldn't even help.

Hey, that's a typical fireman, dude. If there ain't a fire, dude, I'm going to sleep. Put a hot dog in my jaw, and I'm going to sleep, dude.

Done. Yeah, so I'm not equipped for any of that emergency stuff.

Yeah, that's scary, dude. We had one time, me and my buddy Scotty, the same guy I was talking earlier, we'd eating some LSD, right? And we were children, man. And so we went... We got to the Waffle House, and we were so excited. It was like 4:00 AM, we're at the Waffle House. And we were laughing so hard, dude. We We had the giggles so hard, and they had a gay gentleman working there. And we never seen a gay gentleman. We'd heard about her seeing drawings of a guy grabbing somebody's wing or something, see somebody chisel that into a tree or into a side of a Bridge or something. But we never seen a gay gentleman.In the wild.Yeah. In the wild, dude. And in the wildest place on Earth, bro, the fucking halfway house that has a Waffle maker. We're in there, dude, and he's being real. He had as much gaze as you could have inside of somebody for his frame or whatever. And you could just see it bubbling out of his shoulders every now and then. We were laughing so hard. My buddy Scott, when he laughs, he does this choking thing.

So the guy thought that my buddy was choking, dude. So he comes around. To save the day. Yeah, starts doing that. My buddy Scott is a little guy. Starts doing the fucking humming on him, dude. I am laughing so hard. I'm laughing so hard. I remember I had to beat my feet against each other because I needed to get more sound out of it.

More energy, yeah.

Dude, seeing a gay guy do the highman maneuver.

Bouncing your little friend around. Thinking he's saving the day.

Yeah, it was just like spamoni on your lap, brother. That was a crazy thing that happened, the first time anybody ever choked by us or something.

I've seen people successfully do it, and it's so weird that people don't know what to do with it.

It's beautiful when people do it well.

When people do it well, when they do it well and the piece of the chicken bone just comes flying out, whatever, and then everybody just starts clapping. It's like the plane landed. Everybody's like, Yeah, eat it. That's so weird to take a lap because you just saved this guy because he didn't chew his filet mignon.

Yeah, dude, we had... What was happening? Oh, dude, I was at a hotel in Hawaii, and a guy starts choking at the breakfast bar, and it was a nice breakfast bar. They had cereal, fruit.

Assortment of different styles of eggs, scrambled, hard-boiled.

Yeah, they had a couple of... They had those little, the big silver things. You have to open up and see what's in it. Oh, surprise.

They want to keep you guessing. Yeah, it's like, Aloha, what do we got here?

Then there's two of them that just have smoke coming out. There's just warm water.

There's water in it. They're like, Oh, we're bringing it back out. We're bringing the ham out.

I think I don't think that anything was ever in here, but they make it look like it was.

You're scooping the water out thinking it's something exotic. I'm getting out of hot water.

Oh, God, I'll have another bubble. Honey, give me another bubble cup of water.

Give me a bowl of that pineapple hot water. That's great.

So this guy starts choking, and they bring out one of those divider things where you just can divide a room with one of those. And they bring that out because there's all these tables right there just eating. And so they bring that out. And one guy keeps eating, and people are like, Quit fucking eating, dude.

You don't eat in front of a possible death situation.

Seven feet over, you can hear this guy struggling for his life, dude. And this guy is chomping on his cornflakes over here. Magic Johnson was there, dude. At a certain point, and this took a long time, they were trying to revive the guy. At a certain point, everybody starts looking at Magic Johnson like, Fucking do something, Magic Johnson. Your Magic. Yeah.

It's in your name.

Yeah, go double dribble on his heart or something.

They got to do that, right? Crossover his arteries.

Do something. You can't tell him. You can't fucking pat him on the back in a special way.

Yeah, at least give him a hug or something.

One more assist. It got so crazy. Then nobody would eat, dude, because they were really, boom, raging into him and beating on his chest or whatever. Then finally, they took him out of there. He didn't make it. I know that.

That was his last breakfast?

It was his last breakfast. But at a certain point, we'd all sat there, and then somebody has to-Take the first bite.

The guy with the cornflakes is, who's laughing now? I didn't miss a step. I'm ready to go. Taking the first bite in that situation is rough.

It just broke my heart, man. I told my date, I was like, We're not doing do not eat first. Yeah, you just waited. That's somebody else let Magic eat first.

I think everybody looks at Magic Johnson in that situation. I think ceremoniously, he should be like, Let's eat. It's like your dad at Thanksgiving when he's like, Okay, we could do it. I've done carving. We could eat. That's the thing.

He puts it out. But that was crazy, man. It's crazy because you're in the guy who is magic himself, and he could do nothing.

I think it would be worse if there was a real magician there. If David Blaine was there, and they're like, Dude, make the chicken bone and his throat disappear. Make it come out of behind his ear or something.

Keep pulling those rags out until there's a piece of chicken in the air.

That's right at the end. It's got the bone coming out, right? Yeah, I think that'd be tough.

Yeah, dude, that flooding stuff, it makes me so sad. It doesn't seem like there's much you can do. You can donate, right? I reached out to a couple of friends to find ways to do a type of event or something because it looks like it's really bad.

Yeah, they came in hard. It came with the Coast, the other side, too, right?

It came Ashtville, North Carolina. Look how beautiful that area is, too. Yeah. Man. They had alligators, too. Did you see those?

I've seen an elevator, yeah. Yeah?

But did you see them at this?

I haven't seen them there. No.

Here we go. Alligator surprised you in a hurricane.

It's not bad enough. Now you're going to have alligators rolling up to your porch. Yeah. Oh, that's tough, man. Wow.

That's a damn gator, baby. They had two alligators at the mall, too, they found by an Eropistali or whatever.

They make them into purses?

I have no idea. But also, it's like, I guess alligators never eat the mall. If you're an animal, you never even get to go to the mall, so this is your one shot.

I'm going to go and see what's on the sail rack. I got these little arms. I got to keep myself warm. The props to this guy for seeing that's an alligator. I wouldn't have known that was an alligator, right? That looks just like another piece of debris.

I'd have just gone missing.

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah, an alligator at the mall. They're like, Do you have a really long medium.

You have a tailor because I'm going to need it. Then they go into Lacoste and they think they get a discount. Look, my face is all over this place, man. Come on. Come on, guy. They can't even get up to the counter at Panda Express. He forgot his wallet. The car has got to go back.

He forgot his wallet, but then he realizes that his tail's made out of wood. Seeing an alligator trying to get on the escalator?

That'd be a good time. It's like, it's just laid flat. Wiggle it out. Takes up 16 steps. The allegators are crazy.

And we're joking, guys. Obviously, there's a lot of people that are struggling over there, but just trying to bring some laughter to it. For sure. That's the worst. Have you been involved in a big... It's like a tragic environment like that? Were you guys in New York during 9/11?New.

York, 9/11, yeah. I live in Staten Island during the time, but I was... New York came together in a way that day there, for sure. Yeah, I think 9/11 is the closest I've come to some tragedy like that. It's always tough, but I do find always, and people always say this, people come together when it's that. I find that so true, don't you? About human nature shines brightest when it's tragedy, when it's wrapped in tragedy. I think people just come together in a real way. We got to tackle this thing.

Yeah, let me help. Let me grill something. Let me help. I got a truck.

But even like you said, you could donate all this stuff. I feel like people just really just come and do stuff, even if they're not there. You know what I mean? It's really cool that people do that. And grill. It's cool. I'm able to grill for it.

Oh, yeah. Let me get a thing.

Is that the thing, too? It's always people send food, right? Even in a personal tragedy. I remember when my father passed away and they were like, people would send food to the house. And my mom was the one that cooked. She's like, no, I still got this, but do you know how to pay the electric bill? How does that work? It was so funny. But if Food is always such a thing of we got to feed these people, right? It's just the thing that people don't want people to have to worry about.

Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah. It is amazing the ways that people come together and help each other, even when you look at people donating organs and stuff.

Oh, yeah. Are you an organ donor?

Yeah, I am.

Yeah.

Yeah, I would definitely-I wouldn't do it to somebody.

These are not good. Really? This is a used car. This is a Lemon law, and it's like, We got you a kidney. And they're like, From who? Like, Ah, shit. Who else you Yeah.

If you put your ear up to the kidney, they can hear a mer just given...

Just one kidney, what to say to the other kidney. I think everything is just like... I think if it's not my eyes, you don't want it. It's got a nice set of eyes.

Give me his eyes. Get the eyes, yeah.

Yeah, the organ donor thing is that's so selfless, too. But that's so smart if you think about it. I mean, you're not going to use them. What are you doing?

Yeah, what are you going to do? But then I think part of you wants to always feel whole. It's like you want to be like, okay, I want to know that when I'm I'm laying there dying, I'm still able to chill or relax or think or whatever.

Because imagine that's the deal. That's how it all comes down to it. You're still thinking you're laying there and you don't realize it because we don't know what happens.

You're just thinking that some guy just stole your leg in the back of a college you I'm going to go to. This is crazy, dude.

How did it get there?

Yeah, it's crazy. That'd be pretty wild, man. Yeah, so with the new tour, where you go to... So now you have to start with building the new material and stuff, huh? Yes, I got the new tour now.

Let's get into it. It's been really fun. I head off for the summer to hang out with the fam and the kids and stuff, which is great. I finished this in March, the Messing with People tour, and now this new one just started in September. And it's cool. It's real fun. As a comic, you're nervous about it, you're trying to build it and whatnot. But then when you get what your ideas are. I'm a storyteller, so I just figure out what stories I want to tell. But I'd always talk about sitting alone. I was stuck on my thoughts so much where I was thinking about how you end up the person that you are. So I'm like, Let's get into it where it really is about how did you end up like this? Because I started as a real, we were talking like a geeky kid. I used to make tests for my father. Open up the encyclopedias, he would come home, and I would have a multiple choice exam from him after his 10-hour day trying to sell life insurance door to door. I'd be like, pop quiz, bitch. Get out of here. You know like that.

And now I'm this. So I was always thinking about that. So I just tell a lot of stories and think about your life. It's been really fun. I like this one a lot. I like this one.

It's funny to see how you'll evolve, too, and how your brain will start to think of things that are a little bit more just more personal or how you get out of just telling jokes and try to share something. It's fascinating, I think, how that works out.

You feel like you share more... You talk so much, right? You talk so much with the podcast and everything, right? Do you feel like... Do you think about after... Because people get to know you in a real way when this is you talking. So do you feel like that you have People know you in a way different way than they would five years ago if you were just doing stand-up? Does this podcast open up a completely different part, right?

Yeah, I think so because we talk about a lot of... I mean, yeah, because sometimes we talk about stuff that's personal or I was a late bloomer, I think, in dealing with a lot of stuff from when I was young. And so I didn't even know that I still had to deal with it. I didn't even know what was going on. So I think I've learned about a lot of that stuff, even in the past five years. And so we'll probably try to share candidly, or sometimes you're talking and you just learn something as you're talking. So things like that have happened a pretty good bit because a lot of times you get busy with work. And then one of the times that I would sit down and be with myself was when I was podcasting. So you just be sitting there sharing and thinking. And then, yeah, sometimes you get into some stuff that's pretty personal. And then people will come up and say, Man, I could relate to this. Yeah, that's a cool part. Thanks for talking about this or that. I love that.

Yeah, that's what's really cool, too. But I've always been associated with a group. So over the past four years, it's now just me by myself. So it's a little different where your opinions are your own or your feelings are your own or whatever. You're not lumped into a category of just what everybody They get to know me. People who started with fans of Jokers are fans of me, which is a cool evolution, which I really like.

And you do that. Was it hard to make that? Was it hard to... Were there moments where it was like, Man, it's tough to do my own thing?

Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. I think, well, you're part of such a great legacy.

I love that show. I know. It's like playing with three Tom Bradies, and then now you're like, I'm going to go be my own Tom braided.

I'll play flag football. See how I could do. But I think the best part about it was I was part of that. And I don't shy away from that because you find people when they talk to you like, oh, I love you and they're afraid to talk to me about jokers. But I'm like, that's my life. I mean, I'm so proud of that. It was a decade of my life. 300 episodes. It's not something that I shy away from. And even in my standup, the show, I was me. So if you watch the show and liked me, you're going to like me when you see me because it's the same guy. I wasn't being a character. I wasn't playing an actor. So there's just some benefits to it, which is cool, and it's part of my personality. So I don't mind it. But it is cool to be able to try different things. I want to write a kid's book. I wrote a kid's book. I wanted to do the standup thing. I've always wanted to be a filmmaker, so I've got some scripts, and I never had time for any of that stuff.

That's cool. Is this their last season, is I think they're going to go back into production to finish their last season as of now, but you never know.

I think they might get renewed again. I don't know. But I think they'll let them go till they don't want to anymore. It's just so good.

Like, why? Oh, yeah. I mean, some of my first fans were you guys as fans, from going on the Joker's Cruise and getting to meet people on there. And then fans that we'd have for years and that still are. So thank you, man. You got it, man.

They're a loyal fandom. They really are. It's cool. I get them come out to the shows. It's funny, too, because you see them. They see me by myself now and they're like, Wow, you were really funny. I'm like, thanks. Were you expecting me not to be? But it's interesting for people to see you in stand-up. It's a totally different world by yourself, 60 minutes talking. Oh, yeah, dude. That was the biggest thing for me, not being on stage with other people.

Oh, yeah. You're like, Yeah, you take it for a second. There's nobody there.

I got a cough and I'm like, Oh, could you? They're like, Oh, just look.

Sometimes people make you the craziest thing. Dude, somebody made me They brought this this weekend. It's a real taxidermied rat.

That is the record. That is unbelievable.

If you open it up, it's Smith's very real. It was real.

Yeah, at one point. That's super cool, man.

Pretty cool, man.

I got somebody who made It was very interesting. He made me and him this weekend. He made us Funko pops, but he made himself as well. It was me with my biggest fan. He made himself. We're both holding Teddy bears because my new kid's book, Where's Barry? He's like, Hey, you don't have one of you with the bear? I was like, How did you know I had any? I was like, Are you my Funko pops? It was just like, yeah, he made me see there's a Captain Fat Belly one there from me in the show that I had pretty famously. And he made me one, but he made one of himself, and he gave me a two-pack. And he's like, Now we could be together. We could be best friends. I'm like, All right, yeah. But it was so cool.

I love that. Yeah, that's funny, man. Yeah, it's funny. All the things, just little things that people make that you talked about on a show or moments that affected them or something like that. It's pretty cool. But even like you're saying, it's like when people get I don't know whether there's a sense of when people want to do something for one another. When people want to help out, whether it's a storm, whatever it is. Yeah, for sure. People want to latch in. But yeah, they gave me that rat, baby, and that thing.

That is insane to think. First of all, to think of it and then execute that, that's really cool.

And if you can't see it at home, it's in a little...

Like a little protectiveAquarium.

Yeah. Like a small, eight-inch diameter round aquarium that's about a foot high.

Imagine the brain that they kept for Frankenstein. They had that jar. It's the same thing.

So it's got a rat in it. And it's got a rat in it, and he's wearing a fancy gown. He has a scepter, has some flowers. Dude, in New York, They just put out... They have a rat problem there. Yeah, huge rat problem.

You're welcome.

That's what they get for fucking being know it all, dude. I'll send more.

You'll send more. You think you got it under control? Look out, here come I'll send more.

I'll send more. So now they're trying a new tactic against me. The war on rats could soon shift from trash to a new target procreation. Rat birth control could soon roll out in New York City.

Little rat condoms. Give me a minute, honey. Let me just say...

She's like, You got to dick like a mouse. He's like, Shut up. I'm a rat. I'm a rat. New York City Council on Thursday will vote on a bill that would introduce rat contraceptives to the city's rodent fighting arsenal. If the bill passes, officials will choose two rat ridden zones to place the contraceptives and then monitor whether they reduce rat activity.

How did you do that?

The pilot program-Perverts. They set up some voyeurism going on. It's just right outside of the Kraft cheese plant. The pilot program will last twelve months, dude. Unbelievable. And now rats are going to be hearing that other rats are on birth control and go over there and trying to smash.

Yeah, they're going to be like, Yeah, it's no risk rat smashing. It's insane. I've walked down certain parts of the city, and it looks like the sidewalk's moving. It's insane. They're just moving. It looks like an ocean. There's just waves. It's crazy.

It's beautiful. The build of Flacko's law is focusing on mitigating the risk of rodentsides, rodenticides?

Rodenticides.

On other animal populations like birds. So what does that mean?

Well, the birds are going to It has a reverse effect on birds. It's like Viagra. So the pigeons are just going to be pounded away. Yeah. Because how do you know what's going to eat it? Because if it's just on the floor, birds are going to eat it. Pigeons eat the same stuff rats do.

Oh, so they can't poison them because they said other animals will eat them in those animals. Like, if owls, it says. Oh, got you. So that way they can't poison them. So they have to try this. They have to try birth control.Unreal, dude.They.

Don't want to get rid of the owls.

Yeah. So now they're going to be on Now big pharma is basically animals are on.

Is your animal on any drugs? No, she's pretty unclear. We have some animals at home, the older ones that are on some things and whatnot.

What do they get on blood denners or whatever?

It depends what I have, trazodone is a big one for dogs if they're nervous. We have a couple of dogs that get nervous during thunderstorms and whatnot. It's like a calming thing. You could give it to them before they fly. She doesn't eat it. She's good. But like some dogs, Trazodone is like a big one. They get that trazzie in them.

I'll pop a little Trazodone, dude.

That'd be great. You feel a little Yeah, it just take the trazzie, man. It's so funny because it dehydrates them, too. So they'll just be laying their pant in with their eyes half closed. You clearly see. Yeah, that's a big one for them. But they get some kidney medicines, the old one. All my old ones. My rescue is all senior dogs, so I get them when they're all jacked up. Really?

Yeah. You ever get any of the ones that are in the wheel to little chariots? I did.

I got a couple of chariots. Yeah, I got a couple of Roman there's soldiers. We said, They're going to live. We're like, No, we're going to make it. We had a couple of those. Thumbs up. Yeah. Like, Mishkeen, that was my first senior, the one on the fourth there. One more. Yeah, that one. So that was my first senior dog and had no teeth, the tongue on out. That dog's not on that Japanese pill. That's just how it lives.

Yeah, sure. It looks like Biden, dude.

That one, a little. A little bit, yeah. So that's where it was our first senior. But now we get these seniors, and they were all jacked up.

And where do you get them? Do you go meet somebody? Do you guys meet at a Howard Johnson's or something? How do you pick them up?

A Panera. Grab some lunch. We get them from kill shelters in New York sometimes, or we get owner surrenders. A lot of them have, when they're this old, older people die, and nobody can take care of the dog. They've had this dog, so the dog is 12, 13 years old, and they're like, Could you take it? We do a lot of owner surrender work. We try to find new homes for them.And.

Your wife likes taking care of them, too? Loves it.

She does. That's her thing. She really started it. Really? That's her day-to-day thing. She runs it all. We have come together to work it out now that it's our thing, which is fun.

Do you all pet every dog every day, you think?

We have volunteers, too, that come and help out. No, they come and pet them? They come and pet them, come play with them. We have an adoption center in town where people come through. Yeah, right there. That's the adoption center we just opened up last year. People could come through and hounding out with the dogs and pet them a little bit. Oh, yeah. If you ever want to see these, these are some of our VIPs right here. If you ever want to come through and pet a dog when you're in New York, buddy, I got you.

I'll come one. I'll rub one out. They're fun, man.

I'll pet the dog. No, we heard That's insane.

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Com. Thank you. Dude, I remember the first time I ever saw a dog inside somebody's house, right? I was at my buddy Scott's house, and they had a golden retriever came around the corner in his house, dude, and it was beautiful. It was beautiful. It had the most beautiful hair I'd ever seen on a man or woman or anything. That was it, but it was long hair. Google long hair golden retrievers.

Like the wisps. Yeah, it goes back. When they run, it bounces, like those things. It looked like Pam Anderson, dude.

It came out of the water slow. Yeah, it was like... Just shaking its ear off. The droplet slowly floundered.

I was like, damn, that's things. You must have been inside the home. You're like, what the hell is going on?

I couldn't believe what was going on. I was like, what is this? First of all, this really beautiful pony, I thought it was. It was pretty big. And then how did they get it inside? Because in our neighborhood, it was just dogs outdoors, just like, ruining your fucking birthday because you had to get stitches or something.

My next door neighbor had... So we had a little mutt, Midnight, her name was. She was a mix between a schnauzer or whatever. And then my next door neighbors had a full Doberman pincher. Her name was Ninja, and they kept her. They had to keep her outside. So she had an outdoor pen. And my dog would go under the fence, and they would hang out. And he was afraid. There was this huge... Yeah, like that. Like one of those big... You know like in the movies, those big German-looking, like those dogs, right? Like big scared. And I had this little mutt and they would just hang out. It was the oddest couple, and they hung out. But they had to keep that dog outside. They didn't bring him inside. So when Jason came over to my house and my dog was inside, he's like, Oh, you get to play with it on the couch? He's like, This is so weird because you play with it in the dirt, in the backyard.

Wow, dude. Yeah, I guess having that much dogs brings you a lot of joy. The other day, I was I was sitting at a meeting and somebody's dog came up, and even when I petted it, it makes you feel good.Dorphans, yeah.

It's great for sure. You don't have a dog?

No, I'm going to get one as soon as I get. I think after this year coming up, late in the year, I'll take a break from touring for a while, and then get a nice pet.

If you want a messed up, one-eye one, you call your boy. I'll take care of you.

What are some of the tougher things about... Research has shown that simply petting a dog lowers the stress from on cortisol.

That's for true. When I have her on the road with me, I sleep so much better. Really? Yeah, for sure. They said a new study just came out that I had just seen, too, that was hearing a dog breathe with you is like, lowers your... Makes you go into a deeper rem cycle, which is cool. And I have eight dogs that sleep in my bed, so I'm not going to call it.

I'm not going to You over... Like Joe O. D.

I get like three hours sleep, and I'm set for like two weeks.

Wow. Yeah, they have a lot of people. Oh, benefits of sleeping with your dog. Decreased sleep, so you don't have to sleep as much. Eases insomnia. Comfort. Promotes theta brain waves. Wow.

I get them theta's up.

Do you? Yeah. Yeah, rush theta. And then, lowers blood pressure, sense of security. Yeah. Warm. Come on, now they're just fucking-Now they're just throwing in buzzwords.

It's like you're decreases lonely in this? Yeah, because you're not alone. You can sleep with a cat, it'll still decrease loneliness. So that's not to do with a dog.

That's beautiful, dude. I wouldn't like to get me a couple of pups and do a little Iditarod or something. That's something I'd always love to do. An iditarod with dogs? Is being the Iditarod, man. Because there's a parade, I think the day before the Iditarod. Look up Iditarod parades if you can. And all the dogs go through the town or whatever, and you get to see them all.

That's cool.

Yeah. And look at the ones with those blue shoes on. That's mine. Those are fancy.

I think they're sponsored by Nike.

I'd have mine and some fucking Yeezy's out You know what I'm saying?

When we used to have the dog in the city, we used to put these little balloons on their feet because the city's gross. Then you have these dogs and their paws are porous. My dog used to walk around these little balloon shoes. They're literally like, Do you do? Yeah, it was that time. Exactly.

That's it. Look at those. What? Those fresh Paul Balugas. Look at those right there. The third picture right there. That's it, right? Let's zoom up on that a little bit. Something to those guys.

He's got them.

Wow. New York Fashion Week.

They did Yeezy and Unfired sneakers for dogs.

Wow. Unreal. Some people have too much freaking money.

Too much money.

Yeah. We just have Mark Cuban on here. That guy has a crazy amount of money. Some people are billionaires. Isn't that crazy, dude? That's so nuts.

That's so nuts.

Can't even imagine.Yeah.How do you even-5.7.

Billion is what Google's telling us. That's a lot of money.

You would think at some point you wouldn't want to try and make any more money, I guess. Right.

But is it that you're just so good at it that your money is making money? Because people say, Why wouldn't you stop? He's I did stop. I'm just my money is making money. What do you want me to do? It's out there. You think he's out there being like, Let me clock in? His money is just making money. You know what I mean?

Yeah, it's not like he just has to drive over to work in the morning.

Bye, honey. I got to get to the You are the office. You are the office. You can do whatever you want. Yeah.wow. Yeah, I think that's a big part of it. That's one of the problems I'll never have to worry about.

Yeah, I think at a certain point, you would just want to do helpful stuff and not make any more money. But then I guess if you want to do helpful stuff, you still have to keep making money to do it, maybe.

That's part of the thing. I think Bill Gates talked about that, right? When they were talking about the Bill Gates Foundation, whatever, and he was like, People were like, Oh, you could just give all your money away. He was like, Yeah, but what do I do when all my money is given away? I need to make money to give away the money. It's part of it all. It's just cyclical. You got to keep putting money back in the bank to give it out.

Yeah.

You're a charitable fella?

Yeah, I think so, man. We do. Trying to start a foundation and start doing more charity stuff. Oh, cool. So did you ever do something like that?

Yeah. Well, I started my nonprofit for the dogs. It's like a real nonprofit. Last year, we did it. Oh, sweet. Got up up to friends, a registered one now. So that was our thing. But I give to... We do a lot of animal, mostly animal stuff, I think I do, but I also work with a couple of other foundations in New York. But I like it. But you get tapped a lot to be the celebrity at the events. I've hosted so many things. You ended up hosting and doing the charity drives, the auction here and stuff like that.

Like, Womerauners for narcoleps. It's always crazy shit.

You're trying to get out there and you have to auction off this trip to Hawaii for these people, and you run around auctioning, trying to pit people against each other. So it's fun. But I could see that being a cool part of it. I do a lot with Howard Stern does the North Shore Animal League. That's the big North Shore Animal League. North Shore Animal League is on Long Island. It's a big dog foundation there, and they do their cat rescue with them. So I've done a couple of events with the with them. And it's so funny just to be at these big events. Yeah, that's nice. Oh, yeah.

And see as many dogs as you can.

So many, yeah. I try not to take them home. Oh, yeah.

So cute. Yeah, I think I have a goal. I want to Well, we wanted to make a halfway house, but I don't know what it's going to be for, really. Like an addiction place. So we started a group that meets online on Tuesday afternoons. That's a Zoom meeting, and it's like intimacy, disorder, sex and love, addiction, all stuff like that. But then-It meets online once a week?

Yeah.

That's pretty good. I mean, it's awesome. What am I saying? It's pretty good. It's cool. You see guys start to turn their lives around and stuff. That is awesome. Yeah, but then we want to eventually make a center. But we'll see one step at a time. For sure.

Right now, all the dogs are living at my house. I want to eventually have a place where you can do more. Yeah, I want to... It's definitely like a Motel 6, bed and Oh, definitely. Take over that one in Seattle.

Did you see that there's somebody made a white house. Homeless people just making their... Making houses. They're like, literally, a lot of them aren't even homeless anymore. They're making houses.Making their own homes?Just in parks. Yeah, just like, okay.Building? Their own stuff?We're building a home. Yeah, look at this guy. Built a freaking white house somewhere.Oh, my.

Look at that. Here, downtown Seattle, the Soto White House. That's it.

He made that.

This guy built a fucking house.

With the fence and everything.

He lives in there. So it's crazy that suddenly-Get out there and build it, and they will come, man.

You just do it. You solve your own problem. This guy built his own life. Look, he's like, Stop filming my house. He came out to get the mail or something.

It even has an address on it, number 12. Go back and look at it again.

He gave himself his own address. If he gets mail there, that'd be amazing. What? That is amazing. That's pretty impressive, actually.

Oh, it's unbelievable. A lot of stuff people are doing. There's so many great... A lot of homeless people have just taken on ways or they're in between homeless and not homeless, you know what I'm saying? But they're finding a way to make it work. I mean, there's people building all kinds of small businesses and stuff. They're just out on the street.

There's a lot of the barter ends up, right? It's going back. It's taking a step back inside that community where it's help each other out.

Yeah, I'll treat you soap for nails or whatever.

Something like that, yeah. Human ones, no, I'm good. Even got some nails. I'm trying to build this white house.

Yeah, that's changed a little bit, dude.

Yeah, but it's interesting to see how that community starts.Sticken.

Together.yeah.

It's the same thing, man.

Yeah. Yeah, because you see how much people they're used in big groups. If you go down to some of those areas. We're in Vancouver, and they have a street there. I can't remember the... Hatching or something. What was Vancouver? Hastings, that was it. Hastings, yeah. And man, we went down there at night, But they're still all in groups. Somebody's got the grill out and somebody's like... It's like a tailgate. Somebody's a Jets fan or whatever. But it was just like out there, everybody working together. Somebody's cooking up a drug.

Somebody's Yeah. That's a sense of people are busking, they're trying to make some money.

I watched somebody the other day play tears in heaven on a vacuum cleaner down there.

It's a real talent is what I'm That's right. Get down to Hastings in Vancouver. You want to find the next Justin Bieber.

You got a tear coming out of your eye and the carpet's clean. How can you lose, bro?

You can't lose.

But that's what I'm saying. There's so much skill out there in a lot of these communities, and they're working together. You want to cut the AC on a little bit? It's a little warm in here, do you think, or no? You're fine?

I'll take some AC if you got it. Okay.

I was in the ice bath.

Oh, really?

Earlier, I was in an ice tub or something. It gets… Then you're so cold, you I don't know what's going on.

How long do you do it for?

I stand for 10 minutes.

Ten? Yeah. I never done it. I did a cold plunge in a spa once, and I was like, This is not for me. But people love it.

You're more that warm boy, huh?

More that warm boy. I love a good sauna, steam room.

At night, do you sleep in bed with your dogs or not?

Yeah, I got eight of them in the bed with us.

There has to be an Amy's law or something like that. There has to be some...

Yeah, this is pretty close to it, actually. Yeah, that's my plus.

Do they all... Do they get like-Spamonium.

No, no. Spamium is on this picture, actually. That's Biscotti, my favorite top.

Do they all have to pee at the same time, like a women's basketball team or whatever?

They hold it for 10 hours. No. They go to the bathroom at seven o'clock. We take them out, and then 5:30, they're up, and we take them down.

Wow. So 5:30, you got to take them down? Yeah. Wow. Even in the winter?

That's why I sleep so good. I get that four hours. I'm ready to go, baby. Yeah, even in the winter. In the rain. The rain's rough. Rains worse than winter in the rain. But we have a run so they could go by themselves. I had to walk them, thank goodness. But yeah, that's tough when it's in the rain. They don't want to go outside.

What's a crazy gift that somebody brought you guys one time? Did anybody get-Mor of it's the tattoos.

You got this, too, right? People tattoo themselves. I saw this woman just tattooing our faces on themselves and stuff. This woman on her upper thigh gave a caricature version of the jokers of each of us around her thigh. It just said in front. I was like, That's for life. It's great. You sign people, they put their tattoos on you. That's crazy. I started doing this thing where I started... People asked me, Oh, could you sign me so I could make a tattoo? I said, Can I just draw you something instead? I said, Because I feel like that'd be... So I just draw a heart with a Paul. That's a heart. I was like, This is important to me. It'll be cool that you do that. But yeah, see, this woman has her name all written on all of us. She finally got all of our signatures. Yeah, she got Sal there.

Who held out? Just help the lady out.

I think the last one was, I think she had to meet Q. I think it was. You can tell by the placement. She met Sal early. Sal's right in the middle of the arm. Yeah, Sal got the Sal. Look at Murray's always in the back, creeping. But yeah, people get our signatures a lot. But then people get interpretive stuff, too, whether it just be a bowl of mesh potatoes. Like, look, I got scoops of potatoes on me. I'm like, dude. Like, thank you. I guess that's very odd. All because of a joke you made. So that's really weird. But we've gotten like... I get a lot of fan art of drawings. I see you notice you have some drawings and stuff, too. I get some drawings and some of them are just really, really well done. And it's like, wow. And then you just get some that are like, that's really bad. Oh, yeah.

Or interesting. A lady this week gave us a painting, and it had a rat and an open vagina on it. The rat, it was very like a vaginatic or whatever. It was something in heat or whatever. Yeah, I got you.

Well, you got to send that thing to New York. Solve that problem real quick.

It was crazy, dude. It was a really neat painting, too, but it was definitely wild, man. I'll have to put the picture on the YouTube if we can. I don't even know if we can put it up.

I had this woman who took a picture off my Instagram of me and my daughter, it was a jewel, and she made a jeweled painting of it. She used jewels, just different color jewels, and she made me and my son and my daughter.Oh, it's beautiful.I framed it, and I put it in my office. It was really cool. I get some really cool stuff. It's so funny because they're so talented, and I can't... Because you draw? I can't draw for sure. I'm so unartistic. So I'm taking a backbind. I'm like, Wow, this is really nice.

Oh, yeah. If our teacher tried to get me to draw, I'd accuse the teacher of touching me or something. I'm like, Dude, we're shutting this down today.

I didn't But we had art history, which is still in high school. We didn't even have our art class is art history.

Bro, is there anything worse when you think it's going to be art, dude, and it's art history, dude? You get in there and you're like, Where's the art at? And they just give you a fucking book about Stonehenge.

You got to read. And you're just out here reading about art. Reading about art is the worst. It's the worst thing. Let me read about art instead of doing it.

Even when you're at a gallery or something, you see the little thing with the name. I'll read only a third of that little card that is a guy's name.

Tell me what his inspiration was. Oh, God. I do like going and sitting amongst the art. I feel inspired by it. I I like taking a look, but I don't read the things about it. I don't know anything about artists.

Yeah, I don't know a lot. I could pretend about some stuff, but I don't know that much. It's like some stuff I know a little bit.

Do you have any art?

Yeah, I got a nice piece of art. This lady...

Tell me the history of it.

This lady is an artist out of Louisiana, and I saw her in Hawaii, and I bought a piece of art that she had.

Oh, that's cool.

Yeah. Korkowski. Korpowski. Can you look it up? Korpowski? Laura Corkowski, maybe? Maui artist, L-A-U-R-A.Lauri.

Corkowski.corkowski, wow.

Yeah, she had some really cool art, man. That's cool.

I like that. So you saw it at a gallery, you got them, yeah?

Yeah, I got it.

It spoke to you, as they say.

Yeah, it just makes me feel like, I don't know, you can feel when somebody put something into something. For Sure. Yeah, but she had some really neat things. And she was from Louisiana, and we met each other in Hawaii. And so I was like, oh, this is a cool sign or whatever.

I was in San Diego for Comicon. And who's the guy that drew Bugs Bunny? Mel Blanc. Mel Blanc. Mel Blanc, right? So the old Warner Brothers lot used to have a Bugs Bunny stop sign. So Bugs Bunny would be standing there with a stop sign when you pulled into the lot. And he did 50 versions of it, and I bought one of those. But it's huge. It's the size of this. So I actually mounted it inside a sliding door in my house.Oh.

It stays in there?Yeah.

It stays in there. I was like, That's a really cool thing. It's signed by him. He only made 50 of them. It wasn't that expensive. And then I went back a couple of years later, this is a come count again. The guy was like, You said that Bugs Bunny, right? I said, Yeah. And he's like, It had gone up exponentially. No. And I was like, Really? He's like, Yes. So some things I didn't get in for the game. I just love Bugs Bunny. I grew up with it. So I was like, That's really cool. That actually it is something. But now it's a door in my house. If I wanted to sell, I have to sell a door. Yeah, it's that stop sign right there. Bugs Bunny stop it a lot.

Yeah, I remember seeing that on the shows a lot. That's it.

Chuck Jones. That's it. Chuck Jones, not Mel.

Chuck Jones. I'm trying to think of other things, anything else. I got another piece of art. I don't know if it's a piece of art or whatever. There's some other nice things that people have drawn us that are up in the studio in Los Angeles, some other stuff. But yeah, it's amazing, man. People, the other night, two kids gave me these little bracelets that they made.

I love that. They make the bracelets and say stuff.

That bracelet culture because Taylor Swift, she did something right there with that.

I mean, everybody's given out bracelets. I love that. You get them all the time. I get bracelets from the kids, and I actually bring them home, and my daughter loves them. My daughter will keep doing stuff, it says.

I have a pretty good collection. They're different, like rocks or something. People give you rocks. But then somebody brought me their molars one time. They got taken out. Somebody brought me-What's the story behind it?

For a reason or just wanted to give it to you?

I can't even remember what it was. It was crazy. People had brought me a box that smelled so fucking bad, dude. Opened it up and it just... There was nothing in it and it just There was nothing in it, and it just smelt fucking horrible.

It's hot soup water from Hawaii.

It brought me some fuck. Just what? It was terrible.

I've gotten some weird stuff, too, but a lot of people just like to bring me food because I'm known for being a sweet tooth guy. So people bring me in canolis and pastries and donuts and stuff. That's awesome. But I'll never eat. I made you these cookies at home. I'm like, I'm not eating these. It's like in a saran wrap. It's still greasy. I'm like, I'm good. They're like, eat one. I'm like, I'll eat it later. Make sure you do. It's so weird. There's tracking devices in it.

I had a guy bring me 10 hits of LSD one time. He's like, I know your server, but here's 10 hits of LSD. I was like, this fucking could go. Do you know how sober means? Any direct, this could go. This could go poorly. But yeah, a lot of time, just some super neat stuff. Yeah, it's crazy. Then just people adding to your world of your podcast or of your show or of you guys' podcast, which is fascinating. What else is going on, dude? Oh, I saw that the SpaceX, they're going to pick up the astronauts that got You see that?

Oh, I did not.

So two astronauts got stranded, right? I knew that part. On the International Space Station and for the stranded astronauts, the arrival of their ride home. Perhaps an additional reason for Butch and Sunny to celebrate. And lift off. The SpaceX rescue mission was launched from Florida with just two astronauts on board. The other two seats kept free for the extra passengers when it returns to Earth in February. It a coup for the company, but an embarrassment for Boeing, which is still trying to work out why thrusters on its own Starliner capsule failed as it docked in June, leaving the test pilots marooned. Lots of cheering here in the room. There you go.

So they called an Uber? They called an Uber. They're like, Can you come get us?

They called Uber X. So, yeah, Elon, SpaceX is going to pick up these two stranded astronauts, bro. Imagine being just stranded out there.

That's insane.

Imagine you think you're going home, you're supposed to go home, and then they're like, No, it's going to be from June to February, it's going to be seven more months, eight more months.

There's got to be-9 more months. Sorry. No, How much? Do they have enough? Do they have enough food, packets of oatmeal? Do they have enough stuff?

I bet they pack like a head, but like, surely-9 months more?

Yeah. That's a full baby being born.

Even the person who packed it up was probably like, they're not going to be out there that long.

Yeah. Let's take someone this oatmeal home. Yeah, 100%. They don't need this much as oatmeal. You think they need 80 jars of apple sauce? Give them 68. They'll never know the difference.

Meanwhile, they're up there like, licking this food.

We just had twelve more jars.

God, dude. But yeah, Elon's going to get him. I actually tweeted at him the other day to see if they would let me... I wanted to interview the... Oh, go. It would be sick, dude.

They're sending Theo to go pick him Would you take that risk, you think, if they said you could go?

No, definitely not. Definitely not. That's a big risk.

Yeah, but that would be... That's a one in a bazillion thing. Nobody else would ever say they did that. You know what I mean? Picked him up. Who'd they send? Did they send people that were equipped to do it Or was it-I don't know.

Hopefully, they sent Ben Affleck because-He's working on the drill. Well, I think he could just use-Bruce Willis is who I want to send, right?

They got that work experience.

Bruce Willis is already... He's out of space currently. I think he has dementia right now, which is It's basically free outer space. You know what I'm saying? He's just there. I'm just joking, Bruce Willis. Yes. But no, Sunita Williams and Barry Wilmore have been strained in on the ISS since June after the Boeing spacecraft suffered thruster failures. Spacex rescue flight will not return until February. Oh, wait.

It arrived already, though. So they already picked them up.

No way.

But arrived just after 10:30 PM on Sunday. Oh, so they already-They're there. They're already in.

That was really them picking them up. They're in today.

They're in. But at the ride back, they're hitting some traffic. It looks like the Waze Map is telling them that they're going to be in some traffic. Okay, so they got them. So halfway there.

So coming back must take so much longer then. Yeah.

How did they get there? So quick. That doesn't make sense. I guess so. Let me see. When did they leave to go get them?

Nasa confirmed in August that the two will return to Earth and will not return until 2025 with SpaceX now in charge of rescuing the astronauts on a crew dragon flight.

But what's the plan if they don't send SpaceX? What's the plan? How do they get these guys home? They put their homes out the side.

A crew situation.

Come on, stroke, stroke. Take me to the river. What is the plan? What is Boeing's plan? That's crazy. If Elon doesn't bail them out like that.

That's crazy that there's a... Yeah. But everybody's flights are getting delayed now. That's the crazy thing.

You're acquating a Southwest flight being delayed.

It's still a flight.

It's true. I guess on paper.

Everybody's having trouble, dude.

Nobody's above it, man. We're all just human at the end of the day.

Nobody's above it. But yeah, I wanted to get to interview the two astronauts podcast with them. But...

They'll come. You think so?

You get it. I mean, it would be interesting.

Yeah, if they're fans, yeah, sure.

If they don't have anything to do also.

I mean, their job's done. They never have to work a day in their life. They're done. They get some pension. You kidding? Name a bigger You went and saved two people from space. That's a movie plot, a real-life movie plot.

But that's working for NASA. That's working for the government, man. You work at the post office, they barely give you a fucking... That's true.

Some guy was stalled over on McDonald. They couldn't pick him up for three weeks. Where's Jim? Oh, his car broke down on McDonald. We'll see him in March.

Yeah, so let's don't put it past the government's relief. First of all, if the government said, Hey, I want to take you and a buddy to space, I'd be like, Fuck, no, dude. You guys can't even decide on a correct price of stamps, dude. All expense paid.

You guys are going to space.

Thanks. I'm good. I'll be like, Dear God, no. But everything has become privatized now. That's just how everything is. Yeah.

Even rescue missions, apparently.

Yeah, it's crazy. It's like it used to be everything was the public things were rocking, and then now it's like...Not. They're just going home. It used to be the post system, now it's Amazon. It's just like Things, or a lot of things have become more that way. What else is going on with you, man? Sorry, I feel tired today.Do.

I seem tired?No, you're doing great.

Really?am I boring?No. Okay, good. You're doing great, dude. I've been trying to fast a lot, and so I think it's slowing my energy down.

Yeah, you look good, though.

I feel pretty good.

Where are you in your weight loss journey or your weight gain journey? Are you trying to do something?

No, I've just been trying to fast just to see if it helps my brain get more like... Sharp? Yeah, just sharp. They say it can reduce inflammation and stuff like that. Got you. But then you find yourself suddenly you can't think or anything.

You get cloudy.

Yeah, but maybe it's just part of the process.

Do you drink caffeine? Do you drink coffee and stuff or no?

I've been off of it for a little bit. Yeah.

I do a cup of coffee. You do? Yeah, I do coffee. I had a cup before I came here. That's why I'm so bright-eyed. I normally have one earlier in the morning, but I didn't get one. I was late getting it, but I got one in the afternoon, and I I realized it woke me up a little bit. So that's good.

Oh, yeah, dude. One time, I took 30 days off of coffee, man, and I felt wide awake, dude.

Did you?

Yeah. I felt like rocking, bro. Really?

Yeah. I think for sure, I also like the taste of it. There's some people that don't even like the taste of it, but I enjoy a cup of coffee. There's some people like, Oh, I need my coffee when I wake up because it got to wake me up. I never drink it to wake me up. I drink it just because I wanted to enjoy a cup of coffee, a nice warm beverage. Yeah.

It's nice. Yeah, there's something nice about it, something romantic about it a little bit.

By the fire, cozying up.

What else is happening, dude? What else is going on, Joe?

I got lots, man. I got my kids' book came out, where Barry is really fun.

Yeah, and what's it about? You had another kids' book a few years ago.

I had a book. A cookbook? It was a photobook. Photobook. The Dog Father, my love of dogs, desserts, and grown up Italian. I was during COVID, I had taken pictures of my dogs because I'm a photographer. I'm a amateur photographer, too. I had done a bunch. But my Where's Barry book just came out. It's a legit book, which is cool. It got published by Penguin.

No way. Yeah.

Congratulations. Spamoni is actually in the book, too. But that's my son and my childhood bear. Where he animated for me. So it's really cool to see that happen.

And what happens with Barry? What's he dealing with? What is it?

So my son and at Remo, he lost his bear in his bedtime, so he's having a little bit of a meltdown, and that's the worst catastrophe for any parent. So he has to go I can't find it. But in reality, it's based on a story. My son is beside himself at night, and he's like, I can't find it. And I was like, All right, well, where did you put it? And I had to teach him how to calm down and trace his steps. But he had decided in real life to play hide and seek with it, and he hid it under a pot in the kitchen. I in a cabinet. I never would have found it, ever. So I had to calm him down, and he went and found it. So I wrote this book up, and I sent it over. And the guy that did it, Luke flowers, is awesome. He's a huge Joker's fan. He put a bunch of Joker's Easter eggs in it, which is really cool. Nice when I got the first things, but it's a really good book. I like being a part of bedtime. I think it's pretty fun.

I read it to my kids, my kid, my son. I went to their school, got to read it to the school, which is fun. My son, he's like, I'm in a book. It's really cool.

Was he excited when his dad came to school or not?

Yeah, he's super excited. They love when I get to come to school and do stuff. But they come on the road with me, too, which is cool. They're going to come on the road with me next week, actually. Two weeks, they'll be with me. They're going to come hang out on the road, which I love. I love to get to take out. Yeah? Yeah, it's fun. They love coming on stage at the end and bowing like they did at the end of the special. It's really fun. But they just like to be like room service. It's like, Can we get pancakes? It feels like a king, which It's really fun. They get to see these towns, which I like, too. They get to go to different places. I like to not be shelter. I want them to see the world and stuff.

Yeah, we were just in Milwaukee. Milwaukee was a really amazing city that I didn't know it was like that. Oh, yeah.

Milwaukee is great.

Bro, I had no idea. And then there was another city that we were just in.

Springfield, Missouri.

Springfield, Missouri. It's a sleeper.

It's a fun one.

I don't even remember where else.

Jesus. That's my favorite part about it is when you go to these little towns. Two years ago, I wanted to perform live in all 50 states, so I did it. I checked off all of them. My last one was Fargo, North Dakota. You went there there? Yeah. Which is such a cool little town. And then you get to all these little towns. I love that about going down Main Street. You see all their little stores.

Oh, yeah, little things.

Every street's got a candles and bullshit store, and they got their coffees. You just walk around. I love that. That's so cool.

Yeah, that is awesome. Oh, yeah. Just a simple fact to get in to see certain places, man. We got to go through Eastern Oregon, and that was just-Do you ever do the Coast Drive?

Did you ever do that drive on the Pacific Coast Highway?

I never done it.

Oh, no? Yeah, that's really fun.

Wait, I've done it down by California, but I've never done it all the way up.

Yeah. So my wife, when she was still my girlfriend, I picked her up. She lived near Seattle, this town in Seattle. So we took her from Seattle, and I drove her down to her parents in San Francisco. So that was such a pretty drive. And then when I lived in LA, I never did it all the way, but I've connected each piece, but it's really cool. It's like movie sets. It's unreal. There's pictures of it. That's so pretty.

Yeah. America is a beautiful country, man. There's so many cool spots. We just saw some Mennonites, too. We were in Little Rock, I think, and we saw some Mennonites outside of there. Bring up a Mennonite. There you go.

Was it creepy?

No, they were cool.

Did you see them at night? No. They disappear, right? I don't know what they're up to at night.

But we saw some, yeah, lit up ones. We saw some daytime ones.

Daytime Mennonites. It's my favorite time of Mennonite. Nighttime Mennonite, that's creepy. That's a major trope in horror films. It's that type of life. That's crazy. I could never do that.

What are people feeling? Do you see a lot of political stuff up in Staten Island? Is it like- Long Island?

Yeah, not really. I feel like it's polarized everywhere. But I steer clear of that stuff. I don't really try to put my opinions on people because I don't know much about anything. I'm not going to make their own thing. Do you find yourself getting in the mix a lot?

No, I think so. It's hard for me to think about it and talk about it at the same time sometimes. I don't know when to put my thoughts in. This year, we started having just different people on. We had some politicians on, and then we had... Even last week, we had Mark Cuban on, and we talked about some political stuff, but sometimes it's hard for me to think and share what I want at the same time. Some of those conversations, it's not as fun.It's not as fun.Yeah..

That's why I heard people don't really talk about politics because it's a device It's invasive in nature.

You got to pick a side. Yeah, you want to be respectful, too, of what somebody thinks, but at the same time, sometimes it's like you don't want to get in a rebuttal, and then it's like... It's just some of that. It's like a learning curve. Even with doing podcasts, and it's like, how do you get into conversations with people also when they have more knowledge than you do, too, about stuff?

Because you're learning and contributing at the same time.

Or they think they have more knowledge. Because then you feel like, well, I think something, but I may not know a fact on it, but it is how I feel and when to speak up.

When people try to talk you out of feelings, that's the worst thing ever. When you feel a certain way about anything and they try to disapprove how you feel about something, I feel like that's wrong. Well, blah, blah, blah. And I hear you with all these facts, which some were probably made up, you don't even know. And it's like, okay, but I still feel that way. Yeah. What are you trying to talk me out of?

Exactly, dude. Yeah.

That's an interesting thing there.

What else is happening in the news? What else is going on, man?

You read the news when you wake up? How do you get your news?

That's a good question. Probably TikTok, websites. That's it, really.

Stuff that comes across your radar?

Yeah, like that, or things that I'll see over and over again. Dude, you see that snake that's head got bit off and it still bit itself? Bring it up. Watch this. They cut the snake's head off, right? Yeah. That's its head at the bottom.

That is insane.

Yeah, that's from Satan, dude.

You think it's having a bad day, and then it just gets way worse.

Bro, look at that. It bit its His head was a foot away from the end of its body.

It taps it, and then there you go.

Then the other end of the snake rolls over and touches the head just reflexively.

It just opens his mouth and instinctually just chomps down on itself. Now the snake is like, not only have I lost my head, but now it's biting me.

Look, I've tried to do some things to myself. That's the talent right there. In junior high or whatever. But this is crazy, bro.

Do you have a fear of anything?

Are you afraid of snakes? Snakes make me very nervous. That makes me nervous.

I'm not really afraid of snakes. That clip changes my opinion.

It makes me feel like they're directly from Satan. Also, huge corporations make me very nervous.

Snakes and huge corporations and sheer evil. Yeah, those are tough. Those are tough.

Yeah, and genocide also makes me nervous, too, a little bit.

We're talking in no particular order.

All three of those things make me pretty nervous.

Sometimes you see animals pull off some stuff, and you just can't believe that they're real with stuff. You ever see when you see these falcons, they're 100 feet out of the water and they see a fish and they just dive, get it out of the water and just come up and have lunch. It's like, I missed a turn on the way here and I have GPS. You know what I mean? It's crazy. It's crazy what some of these animals could do. But biting yourself with your head off, that's bonkers.

That's some ditty shit.

Look at us. These are nuts. They just die and they go underwater. They can't breathe them. They're just diving and going. He's just like, I'm just going to grab this fish right out of the water.

If you could train a Falcon to do that and you showed up at a bass tournament.

Everybody's there with their rods or just there with a little helmet on it. Go ahead, Maximus.

It's time to eat. In 30 minutes, you're done. I love birds. You're done for the day. You do?

I love birds, man. If I could have a Falcon, I'd have a Falcon. I had an African gray parrot for a minute. No way. The best. Maximus, his name was. It was a little bird I had. It was so fun. Yeah, those guys are super smart.

Are these the ones that can read and write or no?

Yeah, they're the most intelligent of the parrot. They got that red tail. They're really fun. But I didn't teach it how to talk I only taught to go like that because they lived to 80 years old. I don't want 80 years old to like, Hello. I don't want 80 years of saying hello to this bird. So I didn't teach it how to say it.

Oh, dude, come on.

So I'm like, What am I going to do? I'm going to be answering questions?

That's like having a toddler or whatever. You don't teach him anything.

It's a bird, though. He liked his life for a while. It was great.

And what happened in the end?

I ended up moving to LA, and I didn't have an apartment or anything, and I was living with a friend, so I couldn't bring a bird in a bird cage with me. So I ended up there this bird rescuer that worked at the Bronx zoo, and she came over and took it and interviewed her, and she was really nice.

They got a good zoo in the Bronx. A lot of Union work, a lot of Union animals.

A lot of Union animals up there. It's clean. A lot of Union animals. The Bronx zoo was one of the biggest ones. Wow. They do a big thing at the holidays, too. I think all the zoos do it where they light up and do that at night thing. Oh, yeah.

It's really, really cool. Animals at night or whatever.

When I went to Australia, did the weirdest thing. They had the The nocturnal animals, they change their clock on them. They're all indoors in this facility. There's these mice and whatnot, and they change their clock because they are supposed to be asleep at night. That they make it sun at night inside this building. It's sun up. Then during the day, they make it night in this building. Isn't that a war crime? I think it is. I think these mice are like, Hey, if they ever get out in the wild, it's not going to do it. But it's great. You walk in, it's like you're walking through the prairies at night. I think it was in Sydney, the Sydney Zoo or wherever I was. And it was crazy. You walked in and it was like you were walking through. And they had all these mice running around, all these different owls, bats. It's crazy.

I wouldn't be able to be a night animal, dude.

No, you're too lazy.

It was just too risky out there. Something attacks you in the dark.

Something always sees better than you. That stuff.

Yeah, dude. If you can't see that good and it's nighttime or whatever, and you're like, I'm an animal or whatever, you're done.

These scary movies, too, where people run through the woods at night. No. I'm going to stay here until the sun comes up, and then I'll figure it out. Yeah. Like trying to run through and stuff.

I can't do that. Yeah. Like they said, it was Friday the 13th movies. They were like that. Did you ever watch those?

Yeah, I did. I like some horrors and stuff. Yeah, that's it. Nocturnal house.

The Taranga Zoo, Upper Nocturnal House, Australia.

See, that's the indoor. So they totally change it. It's broad daylight outside. You walk in tonight. It's these crazy squirrel things. And all the Australian animals are all batshit crazy. They got some weird animals over there.

Well, even if you think about... It's funny because if you looked at... Say if you walked into the forest or whatever, and they had... You saw a bear in there, right? But he was drinking. He's sitting there drinking 20 cups of coffee and smoking cigarettes. And it's on on his computer all day. You'd be like, Something's wrong with this fucking bear. The other bears are just having fun, scratching their backs on trees, dude, eating berries or whatever. And he's just over there like…

Got to get this report It's in the corporate. This bear's got something wrong with him.

It just shows you what sick animals we are just… Like humans, we've gotten sick. Bear appears to carry a laptop computer at Montana Roadside. Never mind, dude.

This guy, he was like, Dude, I got to give Theo a story. Wow. People get stupid around bears, though. They always want to pet them. It's got to be the number one animal attack.

There's always a video in the background. The kid's like, Touch them down.

People think they're scarier than them. They're going, Oh, oh. Meanwhile, the bear ripped the head off. It's so dumb.

Don't be a wimp, dad. Dad puts a bike helmet on and goes to fucking talk to the bear.

It's okay. And he puts his hand out. It's like, Oh, oh. What are you doing? The bear is like, I'm going to eat you, you dumb human. It's so stupid. People get so ballsy or so scared of bears. It's unbelievable. I don't know why people think bears are friendly. It's the one because they look cute, but the people are like, oh, they're friendly. But nobody goes up to like, lions tries to pet them. Lions are cute, too, right?

But they're not as... Bairs have been commercialized as being so cute. The Berenstein bears, right? You got it.

The Teddy bear.

Yeah, the Teddy bear. You stole it. Yeah, so- Bear grills.

Yeah.

People approach him like that.

It's going to fight you off.

People just bear spray him all the time. No, no, no. Give them a whole finger to a bear.

He's like, You're not going to eat me today.

Dude, that'd be the best. You see a bear in a Hakeem Olajuwon's jersey somewhere. Or in a Nuggets's jersey.

And the bear's going, I'm going to eat your ass.

Yeah, dude. Nature's crazy, man. Do you think that we are We're diviny separate, or do you think that we're just part of nature, do you think?

I think we're part... Yeah, it's hard. I think we are part of it, but I'm not sure. I think we We fit in a different way. We think we fit in a different way than we do. I think it's like we're supposed to be part of the mix way more.

We're not in charge of half this shit. Yeah, we're supposed to be part of the mix way more.

It's 100 %. We have to put these animals in cages to control them. And someone was like, Where's the dominant speech? She's like, Yeah, really? Let him out of the zoo and see what happens. I think it's crazy that way. Yeah. I love animals, though.

Yeah, man. I think I wish I would spend more time around. We had this neuroscientist on, and she was saying that, yeah, being around animals, being around horses. Horses are big, right? Even just if you have a big family and you all sleep together in the same house, that it creates more feelings of low stress.

Horses are used a lot in therapy, right? Equine therapy, what they call it. Where you hug a horse, you go to a ranch for a month. Yeah. It was a big thing. It's like a horse hogging. That's the thing. I didn't make that up.

But then it can escalate, too. I married this horse.

I found love in Arizona.

You'll end up in one of those donkey shows or whatever. How does equine therapy help trauma victims? That's a good question. Equine therapy is an excellent option for trauma victims who have a hard time opening up about their experiences or who feel overwhelmed, anxiety or panic. Equine therapy provides a unique environment in which individuals are able to heal their invisible wounds in a way that is intuitive and fun.

It's fun. Therapy could be fun, man.

This is a website, I think, trying to sell us something. Can you find something that's a little bit more information, just like the actual information, please? I'm curious about that.

Yeah, there's a...

Because how do you do it?

It's basically just like you're around... Because they're low stress animals. You have to be calm around a horse, or you have to calm yourself down. I think that's part of it. I think that does it But it's weird. You see these people, they're laying down with the horses and just petting them, and you see the problems they were dealing with. It's crazy.

Oh, yeah. I met two alpacas outside of a loz outside of Park What were they picking up?

They're picking up some two by four?

No, I don't know what they were doing. One of them named Macaroni, I remember that. That's great. Love that. I'd like to put that video in of it. The movement of horses can improve motor function and core strength. No. The psychological effects of equinoxis that there become from the horse's ability to recognize human emotions and provide an intentional response.

Okay. So if you're freaking out, they'll just come over and be like, Look, it's okay. I'm a horse. Improved self-esteem? Okay.

Yeah, man, I think my brain just feels slow today. Do you ever have slow days? Do you take days off sometimes? I just got off the road, too, for a few days, and it was just-That's always the hard one, yeah.

You think? Yeah, I think when you get back to settle in, it's nice. You're trying to readjust because your clock's off, too, right? Because you're having that high of doing a show at night, meeting all those people and doing everything, right? So it's a little different. You don't get that at home. What time do you normally go to If you're at home?

If I'm at home by 11:00. Oh, really?

Yeah.

What about you?

I go to bed probably around 1:00.

No way. 1:00 AM? 12:00, 1:00. Yeah. Joe, that's late, dude.

I probably should get more sleep. But Like I said, I sleep hard with these nooks. I get a good five hours, and I'm raring to go. I'm a napper, though, sometimes. I'll shut it down for 20. I like a good cat nap.Oh, yeah.I grab a nap. You nap?

Yeah, dude. I like to nap.

I think nap is the best. I think they're the best. Could you nap for longer, though? If I go over 25 minutes, half hour, I'm like, I slept. I need to go to sleep.

My dream is to take an alarmless nap, dude.

Wake up when the body says it's time.

Yeah, dude. God starts pulling on your strings again.

That's right, yeah. Blacked-out curtains. Maybe the AC's on.

I like it. Ac on, ear plugs in, fan on. One of those Vietnamese water fountains playing in the back or whatever. You got it, of course. Water dripping directly on my forehead in the center. I like to be a POW.

That's it, getting out, right?

Oh, I want, yeah.

Do you do ear?

I want somebody to just slip me a small ten of beans around 8:00 PM. That's the only food.

Do a paper cuts on your foot? Yeah, dude. Did you do ear?

I'll do ear plugs, yeah. Dude, I wear earplugs now. It's been on till 11:00 AM. It's like there's just too much noise in the world. I don't want any of it. I don't care. I've heard so much of it. Put the earplugs in, see people. They don't know. Talk loud to them. God, neighbor is loud.

Theo has got his ears going. Do you have them in now? No, I don't.

All right, good. But I'll put them in a lot, dude.

That's good, though. I'll just shut you down.

What else do I do? What's something else that I like to do a lot? I used to sleep in a neck brace when I was young to try to make my neck longer. Do you ever do anything like that?Stretch it out?Yeah.

No, I didn't sleep in a neck brace, but I had a-It's pretty hard to do. Did you ever I had braces growing up. Oh, yeah. So I had a brace. I was the last one that I got it from my doctor. He was totally through this thing where you had the headgear thing. Because I was the last one in the family, he was milking it. He didn't want the gattles to be out of that orthodontic game. So I had to wear a headgear for... I had braces for five years. And he was like, You had to wear the headgear when you sleep. And I was like, You know what? I don't want to wear it for five years. I'm just going to wear them all the time. So I just used to wear it 24/7. I was like, I'd have this headgear. I'd have the headgear on.

Like an air traffic controller?

I would just have the piece thing. Yeah, similar to that. Oh my God. That's a little bit... Could you Google 1980s? That's like, keep your mouth open thing. That thing, the headband thing.

It's the same thing, basically. Bro, early braces was crazy. When you saw somebody with that shit on you, you were like, What are you a part of?

I'd go to school like that. Yeah, what culture you're in. Because I didn't want to wear braces for so long. It was weird. That's the only thing I really did. But that was because I wanted to be done with it sooner. That might be me, actually, that picture right there.

That third one, that guy looks trouble, dude.

Third one, that guy looks trouble, dude. Yeah, he's like, I don't want to do this.

Yeah, those things were crazy, dude. What were the first braces ever? I wonder, what did they look like, the first teeth braces?

I don't know any before this. Besides the silver things, they were glued to your teeth. They put it on with the adhesive to the front of your teeth. That's what I had, the exposed ones, like Toody has right there.

Yeah, and then they put the ones with the little rubber bands.

Rubber bands underneath here. You have to bring back the overbite. But then the big one was when they went to a clear one. They were trying to fool you that it was clear.

Egyptian mummies were found with metal bands around their teeth. Archeologists believe they used cat gut to tie the bands together to move them. Primitive orthodontic appliances were also found with early Greek and Roman artifacts. Really?

They were getting in that straight your teeth came early.

But But imagine using cat gut. Cat gut your tongue.

That's where it comes from. We thought it was God, it's cat gut your tongue. And we're solving the mystery.

Cat gut your tongue? Dude.

You got cat gut tongue.

Look at this shit, bro. Oh, my God.

They drilled through the teeth, though. That's not right. They should have done that. That doesn't seem correct.Horrible.

Ideas.yeah. This is also, who knows if this is a reliable website? It's 123dentist. Com.

They might have put this up together in Canva in the back and just threw together a graphic.

Bro, that's the crazy thing about news nowadays. You don't know what's news and what isn't. I mean, it's crazy. You don't know what is real, what isn't. You can go down a rabbit hole. You find something gets disproved on the next page. And the real news channels, they're not even serving you news. So it's like, what the fuck are they?

Their opinions. Yeah. That's why I asked you where you get your news from, and you said TikTok, which is an That's an insane answer if you think about it.

Tiktok, rumors.

What my neighbor says. Oh, for sure. Whispers at the coffee bean.

People things yell out during sex or whatever, anything.

Did you hear about that? I heard it from Dorine, my neighbor.

Trust me, every now and then when Hank's home early, she leaves her window open, and you'll get the real scoop.

She's yelling, SpaceX is saving the astronauts.

God, when are you guys come already? I'm pretty sick of hearing this.

You're earpods in.

Dude, what about all that deady stuff, man? He's going to go down, huh? Did you ever meet him?

I never met him. Never met him, no.

We're asking everybody now.

In New York, he was always around, but I never met him. I mean, I'm only in the public eye for a decade now. He's been around forever. I never really ran.

I know him now. Seeing him, though, is crazy. Seeing all that happen. To me, it's crazy. I wonder if If... Say he does have tapes or information on other people. Other people, yeah. I wonder if they are going to use that to get people to support different... I wonder if the government is going to use that to get people to support different... Agendas? Agendas, political agendas. That's what I wonder. It's like, Okay, this tape won't come out. We need you to support this candidate, or we need you to support this bill or policy or something. Yeah.

I mean, it's not beyond comprehension, right?

I don't think so. Yeah.

I mean, there's definitely stuff that people are afraid to have out there for sure. I mean, he famously said that he's got tapes of stuff, and everybody knows.

And then imagine if you were ever even there, even if you were just eating an hors d'œuvre really hard.

Before you realize what's going on, you're just having some deviled eggs. You turn to your left and you're like, I should leave, but they already got you on camera. Deviled eggs. That's rough.

A couple of four eggs in a baguette in your mouth or something. People are like, This guy's involved. I don't know. That would be...

Yeah, that's right. I mean, it's going to be interesting how it shakes out for sure. I think it's going to be... That's going to be a long time coming out, though, right? That's not going to be like a... I think it's going to go on for a while.

Yeah, they got to drag that out.

They got to drag that out for sure. Yeah.

What else is going on?

You're such an interesting fellow.

I am?

You are, yeah. Do you feel that? Because you are one of the most interesting people to sit down with. I love it. Every time we sit down, dude, I love it.

Really? I just feel like my brain is a little bit off today. It's been good. I just sometimes feel a little bit like, I don't know. You got too much sleep, you didn't get enough sleep. I don't know. It's a mixture of both.

You need a nap. We got to tie you up and drop some water on you. Are we okay? Get you in some sleep.

Did you ever go do one of those military shows abroad? Like military tours?

No, I didn't. I wanted to. I never did. Have you?

Yeah, this is pretty cool. Was it cool?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it's because you get to go to places you never would even think that we have military presence, and you're like, oh, my gosh, we're in this place. And suddenly you're performing and there's just people.

Do you get the military escorts and all that stuff, too? When you're going on the way there. I had a girl who offered a BJ to me once in a Blackhawk.

That's not that escort.

I meant like they take you. Not like a girl who's in the military offering.

Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about now. No. This girl, but she had like, oh, my God. Yeah, I just remember-In a Black Hawk. Yeah. She's like there's-Black Hawk down. Yeah.

She was Black Hawk down, man.

I don't know what she was into. She was White Hawk down. I know that, dude. But she, yeah. I didn't do it. I think I got too nervous. She also had a big, huge pimple on her neck, and it made me nervous, too.

Yeah, that's not going to do it for you.

It just made me so nervous. I was like, you know.

Did she have neck curpies?

I don't know.

It's weird she didn't hurt her on his feet.

So I don't know. That shit, man. But then, oh, one time, there was another time on a military, I think it was an Air Force base. They were doing runs in the morning, and some girl came by my room in the morning. I don't remember what it... I don't I can't remember what happened, but it was all above board or whatever.

Yeah. It was above board. They love to on the basis.

Yeah. She was probably a little late for work, two minutes late for work, but still. Yeah. She was just a couple.

Just a couple of minutes. I'm not going to break.

She was, yeah, 80 seconds late for work.

A minute 30 at most. Yeah.

I hear that. What's been something that you didn't expect about heading off in a stand-up comedy? Did you expect it would be How different do you expect it would be the challenge of it? I know you've always been on stage and been a performer.

Yeah, the challenge of it for sure. To have to talk for 65 minutes and do all that and just put it together that way. The crafting of the hour was such a... It's such a really cool thing to do. And being aware enough to be like, This isn't as funny as the other stuff. This has to go. That was such a weird thing. The editing of the hour is where you think this is going to be a great part of it, and then you go and just some All this stupid thing that happened. And you're like, oh, wow, this is so much funnier than that. And it becomes a big piece of it. A year into the tour, I found a different story and I just was like, oh, I got to pull this out. This is not as funny as the other stuff. And that was pretty cool. I never really experienced that because you think you have it. You're like, Oh, this is a great hour. And then you have something like, No, this is a great hour. I just have my son, and I had a story in the new special messing with people.

I had a story about my son going on a Star Wars ride, and he had never been on a ride, and he never saw Star Wars. He's five years old, and he thought he got abducted by aliens. So he legit, he starts screaming, I want to go back to Earth. And it was so funny. I was told Steve Byrne, that story. We were driving, and he's like, Dude, you got to try that in the hour. He's like, That's funny. He's like, You got to tell that story. And I was like, What? And that night, we were driving that night. He's like, Just tell it. Just start telling it. And I told it, and then I just started in belt, working it out and figuring out what the punch was wearing. It's such a cool part, but I had never really talked about my kids at all. And that was like, That's a really cool piece to add to the puzzle.

A really cool way to do it. Cool way to do it, yeah. Let's see just a bit of it.

Big Star Wars ride. Any other Star Wars fans up in here? I got to go on that Star Wars ride that they built. If you don't know about it, they spent hundreds of millions of dollars on this ride. It's basically a movie set. It's unbelievable. But it's also an immersive experience, which means everybody who works on the ride is in character. They play a character. When the ride starts, you're in the woods with all the rebels, and they're moving you down the line. Thanks for joining the fight. You go through the woods, a big alarm sounds, and they The first order is coming. We got to get you out of here. You turn the corner, there's this humongous spaceship. The door's open. You get in with these big LED monitors all around you, these 90-inch TVs, and you take off into outer space. A battle begins. You get sucked onto the death star, and the next time the door is open, you're on the Death Star face-to-face with 100 animatronic human-sized stormtroopers with their guns pointed at you. I was like, This is the coolest thing. I thought, Are you kidding me? This is so cool.

What a cool experience for me. Not for my five-year-old son, who's never seen a Star Wars film or been on a ride.

That's good, dude. Wow, that's hilarious, dude. When you take it back and think about that? Yeah.

I think he's going to think he was abducted. He was going to be on a Netflix documentary. He'll be like, I got sucked in his face.

And they sucked on my butt. Why is it that everybody is taking a space? Everybody gets their I've probed everybody.

What is so interesting about our assholes? I don't know.

And we can't even see them, dude. That's the scariest part. That's right. If all the information is there and you can't even see it, that's the shit that just like, what are we fucking doing out here?

That's why they're the higher intelligence. They got all the secrets we keep in our ass.

Yeah, dude. Meanwhile, we look at dogs like, look at these idiots.

They're all like reading each other's QR codes.

Oh, That's the devil's QR code right there, dude. That's true, huh? And you know, no two assholes are the same. It's just like your fingerprint.

Same exact thing. I don't know if that's true.

Really? It's the 11th fingerprint. They call it that.

They call it?

Yeah. Maybe. Google the 11th fingerprint, see what it says.

I think... You know what? It seems possible, but I don't know if that's a fact. But also, how do you prove that? You got to know everybody's asshole print.

Yeah. What is the rarest fingerprint type? Well, that's not it. Arch. Yeah. Arch holes. The arch holes. 11th fingerprint. I use the numbers. I think you have to write it out. E-l-e-v-n-t-h.

It's going to be one, two, three. Dentist is going to tell us which one.

They're fucking hiding the truth. That's it.

Here it is, man. We got to ask your neighbor. I get the real news.

Yeah. Wake up, Spamoni. Yeah, come on, Spamoni.

She's great, man.

Thanks. She's doing great. Joe Gotter, you got the news special, Messing with People. It's out now on YouTube. It came out September 17th. Yeah, 13th?

September 17th, yeah.

September 17th. You have your new children's book, Barry. Where's Barry?

Where's Barry? Where's Barry? Where's Barry? Came out. Then I'm on tour now on my new hour. Let's get into it tour.

Where's Barry? What age is it for?

It's 4-8. It's a picture book.Beautiful, man.For people who just one day want to have children, if they don't have kids now, it guarantees that you'll procreate, actually. Really? Yeah, it reads. It's on the back flap. It's the opposite of the thing for the rats. So that's why the rats can't read it.

If you play it backwards on a record player, is that it? You can play it. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks so much, man. I appreciate you got shows coming up in Memphis, St. Louis, Indiana, Akron, Oklahoma, Texas.

Yeah, I'm in Atlantic City, October, I think 19th, the October 19th.

Wow, you're doing a lot of shows. Yeah.

So I just kicked off the new tour, so you know how it is. You get out there and do it. Yeah, I'm excited.

Yeah. Well, dude, thanks so much for all the entertainment over the years, man. You're the best. It's always so great to see that. It's been awesome. And thanks for the nice gift. You gave me a nice... It's almost like this. It's like a counter puzzle thing that you had sent to my room whenever we were in Milwaukee. It was just thoughtful. It had a funny note on it. But yeah, thanks for all the thoughtful humor over the years. Congrats on the new special, man. Yeah, You also have the podcast. Yep.

Two Cool Moms.

Two Cool Moms with Steve Byrne.

With Steve Byrne, yeah. You find that wherever you get to your post.

Thanks so much, Steve, for hanging out. You're the best. I appreciate it. Love you, buddy. Love you, man. Now, I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.

I must be cornerstone. Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in.