Transcript of #667 - Duncan Trussell

You know, America's 250th birthday is coming up. That's gonna be a big cake. And now, who's, who's even gonna blow out the candles, I wonder? Probably maybe Thomas Jefferson will come down from the clouds and huff and puff a few out. Maybe Betsy Ross or Frederick Douglass. I don't know, somebody is going to come on down and just huff and puff them cake candles out. Happy 250th! America. And an iconic summer like this deserves an iconic drink. I'm talking about Mountain Dew. Yep, an American original from their beginnings in the foothills of Tennessee. Yeah, that's where they started. To the biggest Fourth of July yet, the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew is the perfect companion to your American summer adventures. USA, baby! And you know, I get that taste of Mountain Dew in me and it just— oh, just makes my ankles start talking to each other. God, I love it. Enjoy the refreshing kick of Mountain Dew, an American original tasting great since '48. Look for American Dew limited time packaging or find it in stores near you at MountainDew.com. That's MountainDew.com. This episode is sponsored by Mountain Dew. Look for American Dew limited time packaging or find it in stores near you at MountainDew.com. Today's guest is a stand-up comedian, podcaster, and just a downright cosmic adventurer.

Adventurer. He's got his own show, the Duncan Trussell Family Hour, and his new podcast, Mystery Boys with Kurt Metzger. Always a blast, the one and only Mr. Duncan Trussell.

Whoa, look at that! What kind of cameras are you guys— Jesus Christ! He's so inspirational.

These are Flock cameras we're using.

Yeah, Palantir, baby. Palantir.

We now work for Palantir. These are— we're using Flock cameras.

It's incredible.

See, this can see right all the way through my eyes, through my past, my history, all the way into my mother's body.

Past lives.

Yes.

Gets into your past incarnations too. It's pretty cool. Tech is amazing these days.

We good, Zach?

Look at the lighting. You guys are good. Look at this shit.

What do you mean you have a podcast? You have a—

fuck, dude, this is next level.

You like— I love Josh in my studio, it's great, but I don't have this guy. Like, I— look at me, I look good in this light, dude.

You definitely, bro, you look— I will say this, it's the lighting. It's Conestoga wagon times, right? Like, it's the old days and it's like, you know, yes, it's— there's a Conestoga wagon.

Yes.

And it stalled out on the side of the road, right?

Yes.

Because anything could have happened when you had a Conestoga wagon because you had wooden wheels, remember?

Yeah, I do.

And dude, you could have gotten termites overnight.

Of many things. Termites. I mean, just think of wooden wheels on some old fucked up— there's no ways paving roads back then. You're going through forest creeks.

Your wife is guessing where a road could be.

If she's still alive, she doesn't have an arrow through her throat. She's not choking on her own blood spray. Your wagon stained with blood. Yeah.

You had 11 kids. Your wife has had kids this week.

This week.

Like, that's— it was like that. People don't realize what it was like.

Oh no, no, people don't.

We know because we've had past lives.

Yeah, I remember.

Oh dude, I remember sitting on like a, um, like a hillside or whatever, because everything back then was a hillside.

Yeah, all hills.

Remember that?

All hills.

Remember everything was a hillside? It's like now there's like a lot of pavement, there's flattened areas.

Thank you, CERN. The fucking particle accelerator fucked everything up. Now there's flat places. It used to just be a series of hills.

Everything was a hillside. I know, everything, dude. Even people's bodies, you'd have one, like, you'd have the strong side of your father and the weaker side because of how he walked to work.

That's right, you know, because you'd have to walk at an angle. Everybody was diagonal. Yes, everybody walked diagonally.

It was so different. But dude, in the— like, even your wagon could easily— you wake up in the morning, some termites had showed up, right? Like a gang of termites, or Italians some people called them, right?

Yep, showed up. Yep.

And ate a spoke off your wagon wheel.

That's right.

And you got a flat.

Well, Italians used to eat wood, so you would literally— you didn't even know what it was. Was it like a wild, ravaging group of Italians, or was it termites?

Yeah, you'd have no idea.

Yeah, Conestoga wagon wood was like the precursor to pizza, apparently.

Oh, it's called the first pasta in some cultures, dude. That's the craziest thing.

Doesn't Conestoga mean pasta? It means pasta wagon.

Well, dude, it's just, of course, like, you could see like some strong-jawed Italian showing up, right? I mean, he's just— well, he's so strong-jawed just because, you know, his neck and everything is strong from wearing all of his chains. They wore like all the chains.

Yep.

And he's so jacked, and he just sees a fucking warm wagon wheel. It's warm because it's been rolling all day.

Yeah, plus the stink of birth, of wagon birth.

Yeah.

And then, yeah, you'd hear him come slithering out woods down the hill. You're lucky if you were on top of a hill, because if you're at the bottom, they just sled on down.

Dude, you'd be standing at the bottom of a hill and an Italian would just roll right up against your leg.

Yep.

They just— that's how it is. Gravity and Italians, dude.

Back then, their stomachs were just like, like calloused underneath the hair. It was just from sliding down those hills, attacking the wagons. It's a thick sheeny callus to help them slide.

Yeah.

Terrifying times. People are ahistoric these days. And then, you know, if you don't remember history, we're fucked. Like, you gotta know what actually happened, what this country was founded on.

And I want you to say that word again. People are ahistoric.

Yeah.

And what does that mean, Duncan? It means—

and they— people don't give a fuck about history. They don't care. No one's looking back. Nobody— no, most people don't. And not just like with like U.S. history, world history, but like musical lineages and stuff. People just don't really care.

Well, reparations people are looking back. Yeah, but they've got a— that's the, that's the ultimate rearview mirror is people, right? Like, if you ride in a car with somebody who's like big on reparations, they're like 7 rearview mirrors in their car. You notice that?

That's a lot. But you have to stop. Like, with that kind of thinking, you do have to stop at a certain place. You can't— you have to like stop in a certain frame. You can't keep going back, right? You have to stop. There's where you— but come on, man, wouldn't you like— if there was some way for you to get reparations, wouldn't that be amazing? Like, people start That's, that's an incredible income source, you know, if they can tap it.

I think one of the biggest groups, um, or some of the biggest groups that probably have at least, uh, called out to the gods of reparations probably in our time would probably be Black, or I don't know if it's African Americans, I don't know if it's Black people in general, but I think it would be some African Americans, people that came from Africa. Yeah, into slavery, or their ancestors did, and then Native Americans, like What about— that tab was never paid.

Listen, this is why we got to invent a time machine, because once we get that fucking time machine, we could go back in time to the actual colonizers and slaveholders and take their fucking shit. That's true reparations because they're the ones who did it, right? You know what I mean? I mean, the idea of reparations is like we— I mean, I'm not trying to call you out. No, everybody knows you have slaves now. But I am not a slave owner. Come on. We all know what's going on in Nashville. Come on. I'm sorry. I don't mean to do— you guys can cut this out. You guys can cut this out. No, but I, on the other hand, don't. I—

oh, you're the unslave guy.

Not doing as good. I don't get the numbers you're getting. So, so, you know, you do. You should pay reparations. But otherwise, we got to get a time machine, man.

What would we do? Here's the thing. I'm saying this and I'm going to be honest with you. We get a time machine.

Yes.

We go back, first of all, in time, right? And we get there. The colonizers— I just don't— how— what is our strategy going to be when we get there?

I mean, we've got guns. What do they have?

They have guns. That's how they did it.

Yeah, but not, not like AR-15s. They've got like shitty muskets and stuff. It's going to be very easy to colonize the colonizers.

No. What if there is a metal detector when you get into the time machine?

Disable it. Like, it's my time machine. You don't think you— what, you think that's just part of the build?

Like, you think a time machine is going to come without TSA, dude? You think that the government in Israel is going to let us have a time machine without TSA?

You're right, they ruin everything, man. They ruin everything. You're gonna have like off-market underground time machines that are gonna spaghettify your ass when you travel through time. It's not gonna be safe.

I will say this, bro, they will have like— there's no way you're getting a TSA free time machine, dude. You're gonna have like some lady over there who's like, oh, you got a baby milk in there or something. They always like— they— the first— the thing I hate is the baby milk. Or if you're even a woman with full tits, it'd be like, yeah, what's in your tit? They'll be like, oh, what's in your tits? Is it baby milk?

Dude, I feel so bad for old people, pregnant and new parents going through TSA because like they get fucked up. They're aggressive with them. Yeah, they like make you disassemble the baby carriage. Yeah, they scan the baby. It's like, what the fuck?

Yeah, they're like, you're going to need to open his diaper up. And I'm like, what are you doing?

What do you think's in there? It's crazy.

Now I'm a fucking Peeping Tom just because I'm second in line now. It's like I'm getting drawn into crimes.

We're about to travel with the whole family, Theo. And like, you, and you— and we got a new baby, we got a 5-month-old, and you just— I just gotta prep because they do not treat you kindly. God help you if you're a breeder and trying to travel on the Fourth of fucking July. You are my wife. I'm fine. You just have to stand on the other side and you just watch it happen. The pat-down, the disassembly, the scrutinizing of the tits.

Oh yeah. Oh, that's the worst. And the worst is if they look at your wife's tits like they wouldn't have any milk in them.

Right. Like, what do you think's in there? Yeah, there's a baby right there.

What do you think?

She's got nitroglycerin in her tits?

What do you think? She's fucking—

Yeah. Why? Why are you doing this to us? The kids are screaming.

What do you think, we're trying to get food into Gaza or something? Like, what do you think? What's happening here?

Bringing my dad's ashes to scatter them. So it's like going to be double. It's going to be the most dramatic TSA of all time because I just am so worried about like, what are they going to do with my dad's ashes?

Yeah.

Are they gonna search them? What's in there? Yeah, what's in my dad's ashes? I have no idea.

Oh, what could be? It's a molar. I know there has been a— look, what is that? What's the most common thing found in human remain— in, uh, in dad's ashes? And Duncan, uh, good to see you, dude.

Good to see you, Theo.

Thank you for just making the most common thing found in your dad's ashes This is actually interesting. Take us through this if you don't mind, Duncan.

Oh, I'd love to. Uh, calcium carbonate, of course, that's some bone stuff. Trace minerals such as sodium, potassium, and magnesium. Trace metals, implants like surgical screws, pins, or dental fillings after processing.

Oh, that's pretty cool.

Bourbon crystals, if you had a southern dad.

Oh, I see.

Yeah.

Oh, just from like, uh, like salt buildup or something? He'd have bourbon crystals build up around his bones?

Crystallized bourbon Whiskey.

I could see that. A little bit of, uh, probably some racial jokes. A lot of dads would have like— you're just sifting through the sand of your father and like a— just like an N-word flies out.

At least 30 Pollock jokes. Yeah, you like— no one even understood why your dad was always making— you didn't, you didn't even know what a Pollock was when you were a kid, but like they were apparently really dumb. Based on your dad's shitty Pollock jokes.

Yeah. Oh man, dude. Duncan Trussell, thanks for being here today, dude.

Happy to be here.

Um, and dude, I want to say also congratulations, you and Kurt Metzger have a new podcast, The Mystery Boys.

That's right.

Yeah, dude, it feels like— producer Trev and I were— he was talking— oh, is that a bug?

Mosquitoes?

Or a spy?

Could be a spy drone. It could be a drone, dude.

If the drones get that small, we are They are.

They already are.

Well, let's don't wait. If we start there, it's gonna— every podcast now starts there.

By the way, whoever's surveying us with your mechanical mosquitoes, you're an idiot. It's a fucking podcast. You could just watch the podcast. You don't have to double film the podcast, dude.

We have— we've had people on that had the room searched afterwards to make sure that they didn't leave like a listening device or something like that.

Oh yeah, you're getting that level of guests who are living in— like, it's so crazy how like the more powerful you get, the more or you live in a surveillance state. Like, you know what I mean? Like, the Trump, he's the most surveilled person on the planet, right? Like, he lives in the most high-security place of all time. He must got like— and it's not just like Secret Service monitoring him, right?

It's people he thinks are his friends that he— I bet he doesn't even know that. I bet he doesn't even care.

I bet he does.

You think he does?

You gotta feel that you've got remote viewers from like Various countries train psychic spies. You've got ghosts, you've got, you know, a variety of dropping ghosts, eavesdropping ghosts, malevolent entities, time travelers. You've got witches actively cursing you at every hour of the fucking day. Think of the way— that's why any president, look at them, look what happens to them. They melt down. They're crushed by just the sheer weight of occult energy being leveled at them by all variety of sorcerers, necromancers, influencers, garden variety witches, like hardcore mountain wizards. You just don't even know what's coming.

Soothsayers, REI counter employees.

Yes, evil eye on you. Yeah, just like you've got the evil eye on you at all time. And so you just get all fucked up and you— like, look at Trump, he's got those splotches now. He's like, he's like falling asleep. Obama, look at Obama, he looked like a ringwraith when he—

oh, he was white by the time he got out.

Totally like just withered, all of them.

Obama, look at this.

Look at 2009, hope, joy. 2016, you've blown up countless innocent families with drones, you know what I mean?

Yeah, he's doing Clinton's work, still doing Clinton's work.

Look at fucking Lincoln. I know, all of them. It does it to all of them. Look at that.

Well, first of all, there were only 2 photos ever of Lincoln taken. So there's— all we have is a before and after of him, dude.

Yeah, it's true.

Um, that's true.

And also, people looked like he was probably 23 in both of those pictures, dude.

You know what's pretty wild? I was thinking about this the other day. There's not another famous person with the last name Lincoln.

Whoa, I don't know any Lincolns.

Like, there's him, there's him, Abraham— was that his name? Or Abram— Abraham Lincoln. And then Mary Todd Lincoln was his wife.

Yep.

Who was kind of like— and then his son Tad Lincoln, I think, who died.

Oh shit.

At a young age. Um, what did Tad die of? But no other famous Lincolns. Think of one.

I don't know any.

That's pretty unbelievable.

I know like a lot of people whose first name is Lincoln. I don't know any famous— oh, there you go. Edward Baker Lincoln. He died on February 1st, at age 3, tuberculosis.

These are the kids. These are his children.

William Wallace Lincoln.

Wow.

Cool name. Died at the age of 11, typhoid fever. Thomas Lincoln, known as Tad. His cause of death is tuberculosis, pneumonia, or heart failure. Holy shit.

But people don't— people do not understand, and we do not understand that this was the president of the United States and 3 of his kids, yeah, died by the age of 18 of tuberculosis, um, whatever the other one was, I think just— and one of them probably was gay and they killed him.

That's always happened. That was 1 out of 3 kids.

Yeah. And then they say, they say that they give it a bigger name. Yeah, like pneumonia, heart failure. Yeah, yeah, heart failure.

Oh, we know what happened.

But dude, isn't that the craziest way to describe gay? It's He should love a woman, but he had heart failure.

His heart was failing, but his heart failed and liked men. He fell into the pigs, fell into a pigpen and was devoured.

Yeah, dude, I'll tell you, really, it looked like he was like planning for a beautiful day at a picnic basket.

Yeah. I mean, yeah, he had a letter to Randall in it, you know. Dale Randall, I know that you're but a peasant, my father's president.

But, you know, I'll tell you, that's why I think of how wild that is. You have 3 children.

4.

You have 4 fucking children?

4 children.

Yeah, you just had another child while we were finishing this sentence.

Yep.

But just imagine that. Go on, anyway, what were you saying?

No, you didn't finish your point. Imagine, like, when you have kids, you, you can no longer watch Dateline. I used to be able to when I was single. I could watch Dateline. Some murderer came in, killed a bunch of kids, exploded a house with kids in it, killed a mom, and the kids watched. And you know, it sucks. It's It's sad, right? Whatever. Yes.

Date one.

When you have fucking kids, anything about a kid dying, any— it's like your DNA changes for real. Even dads.

Wow.

So it hits so hard. Losing 3 of your children. I can't even imagine. I can't even imagine. You're not sleeping anymore. You're— you can't— you're just a walking corpse. You're— you're gone. Your heart is never going to be better after that. So That might explain why Lincoln looked like shit before he got assassinated. No offense, but this is what it's like, you know, this is human existence. That's how, you know, having—

becoming a breeder really teaches you when you choose to have someone, you choose to create more. And then we're all— we're all victims. Always been some form of— like, at that time, where everyone's a slave to the lack of knowledge, maybe.

Oh yeah.

Is that— is that a realistic thing?

Oh, I think so. I think like back then you get an infection You're dead. They're sawing your arm off. I don't even think they had like— they had ether. They didn't have like the incredible anesthesia that we have right now where they can dial in just the dose, right? They know the exact amount of time before you wake up. Back then, I think they were just like putting a rag on your face if you were lucky.

Or somebody sometimes would just whisper in your ear like this, you're not feeling anything, you're not feeling anything, you're not feeling it.

You don't feel this, you're dreaming, you're dreaming. Sawing your fucking arm off. That was what it was like back— look, you're dreaming, dude.

This is actually great.

You guys are good. 1850s, average cause of death, tuberculosis.

And what was tuberculosis? Let me say real quick, the single biggest killer in many places, especially among adults and children, which is everyone. It's a weird thing to say. In one 1867 Kentucky sample, 18 of 100 deaths were from consumption. Similar patterns held in the 1850s. What is consumption? Can you give me some— can you also be looking up what tuberculosis is?

I think that's what they called it, consumption, right? Like, that was the— that was the name for consumption.

But dude, Imagine you get invited, probably one weekend at school, you're a school kid, right? Consumption is an archaic historical term for tuberculosis, a highly contagious bacterial infection primarily attacking the lungs.

Oh, coughing up blood happened to Edgar Allan Poe's wife. She died of tuberculosis. Like, just everybody, you would have little— this is, I think, where the handkerchief in the pocket came from, is like if you wanted to politely cough up blood in front of people at dinner parties and stuff.

So yeah, because if you're poor, you just coughed it into your hand or whatever.

That was what it's like back then.

But dude, imagine one weekend as a kid— this, this could be a real life of a child back in the day. Yeah, you go to a kid's party one weekend, some kid is having his 5th birthday party, which at this point is probably one quarter of his life, right?

He's about to go to work in the factories.

Yeah, he'll be at war in 2 years.

2 years he's gonna be fighting. Yeah, he's getting ready to go to work. So this is like almost working age.

You go to his birthday and the next weekend you could conceivably go to a funeral of another, of another child or adult.

Every— I guarantee that like every Sunday you're going to a funeral back then. Like, you— like a Sunday you're not going to a funeral is a good Sunday, right? Just go to any, like, any old graveyard. Look at all those little graves, dude. Kids were dying left and right. It was a miracle for a kid to survive.

Sometimes it'll be like Rick and it was like he's 11 years or Oh yeah, yellow fever.

You know, where I come from in Georgia, the cemetery where my family's buried, it's just like filled with these old graves and it's all yellow fever. It's all just weird old diseases.

And some yellow fever, some people think it's 'cause people hate Asians so much that they die, that their heart snaps. That's not it.

Right, yeah.

We're talking about the original one.

Yeah, yeah. Actually, Yellow Fever's my favorite K-pop band. Like, they're, you know, just sorry. I'm so sorry, I do have.

I'm sorry, it's hilarious, dude. They know what's going on, dude.

Dude, have you ever heard of Peter Diamandis?

No, I haven't.

So he's like, it's interesting because there's like a group of people who look at the world right now from a historic perspective.

Okay.

And they're like, shit is really good right now and it's gonna get better.

That's what Rogan always says, that shit's the best it's ever been.

Well, and people hear that. If you don't know this sort of thing, some people don't, if you don't realize that, like, if you have electricity, you're doing pretty good. Like, if you're a—

you're a modern-day wizard.

Wizard. Yeah, exactly. Like, you could just flip a switch and lights come on, and you could take a shit and flush it and it goes bye-bye, and it goes to a poor neighborhood. Yeah, well, that used to go out the window. You'd fucking, you know, you'd shit in a chamber pot, throw it out the window where it would land in in puddles of like blood from people with consumption, horse shit, and just some kids playing.

And I bet it was honestly probably like good luck. It's almost like, you know, when like a butterfly lands on your shoulder or something now, it's like good luck. Or if you see a clock, it says 11:11. Yeah, but like if you were taking a walk and you just got hit by a bit of the King's shit, you know, like, oh, my shit, today things are looking up. Yeah. Oh, a bit of the King's shit on me.

Yeah, man.

And oh, thick shit from the king.

Ah, nothing better than a king's thick shit, bro.

Because no one else had thick shit back then.

Only the kings.

Who else would have a thick shit?

Everyone's shit was watery, watery shit. Oh, king shit.

It was Memphis coffee, dude.

Yeah, Memphis coffee.

But the king's shit, he was fucking serving plaster of Paris, brother.

Powerful. Charismatic, probably smelled good.

Alluvial.

Yeah, yeah, it was, you know, royal shit.

Medieval kings ate a diet that was far more varied and, depending on period and region, often less dominated by meat than the roasted turkey leg stereotype. Uh, roasted meats, yeah, that seems like normal stuff. But, um, but yeah, dude, if you— God, and I bet some people— and I bet there were some people almost like they're down on their luck and they would just hang out outside of like a— like a— because the king's toilets were up like in the air. They were built like, you know, on the second floor, third floor of the castle.

Yeah.

And just a hole would come out of the wall.

That— well, back then you would— the— now I happen to be an expert on, um, sewage systems in castles.

Oh good. No, I want to know.

I studied it all through school. The— you'll see here that— now that's nice, but Some castles, you would shit down into a pit, and then the way that you would get lice off your clothes, because everyone was covered in lice back then, is you would put your clothes out over an open toilet, a medieval toilet, and all the ammonia from the shit would kill the lice. So you were wearing clothes that had been lice-free, right? But, you know, like shit-scented. Smelled like a porta-potty. Yeah, smelled like a Coachella porta-potty. And that was a clean shirt back then.

Yeah. Medieval toilets, commonly known as garderobes, were built over waste shafts or pits that discharged directly into moats. They featured a surprising dual purpose. Nobles used the ammonia-heavy air from the toilet pits to store and de-louse clothing. God, as the fumes were believed to kill clotheslice and fleas. Dude, that's unbelievable. Like, God, you smell like shit, but God, no lice. No lice. Come on over.

No Lice, you get to pick.

Yeah, come on over and touch this puss. Come on over, touch this wiener if you were gay.

Steal out my underwear. Yeah, lice-free pussy back then. God, can you imagine going, finally you don't have lice crawling all over your face or your vagina or your—

or your—

the end of your wiener if you're a man. Dude, the end, the very end of your wiener almost looks like a little bit of like a vagina. You notice that?

Are you kidding? It's all I think about. Yeah, it does though.

Oh, it does.

Mine is special. Oh yeah, it's amazing. You could— you can—

I will—

it's another podcast.

When I was a child, they had— I had a— I was born with a very small wiener hole, so I could pee like 15 feet.

Did it expand?

I had to go get a surgery.

You really did?

Yeah.

So you're— it was fused a little bit?

Yeah, it's a little fused, dude. And I mean, I could piss, dude, I could wash a cat's eye from 15 feet away.

Yeah, it's so good. Did you ever wash a cat's eye? I mean, I could have, dude. You could have. That must have been painful though.

Oh, I'd surprise a fucking— and nobody knew it was urine because it just came at such a rip.

A fucking rip of fucking yellow piss.

Oh, it was like, uh Probably loud. Oh, and it had a Roger Clemens sort of— it was a—

that's painful. It's like pissing on ecstasy.

It hurt. Oh, oh, it started to burn me at a certain age. I didn't mind it, but once you get in that age where you want to piss fast, dude— yes, cuz we had a time in our town, everybody was pissing real fast, and I remember like, it's just when kids are like, how fucking fast can you piss, you little fuck, or whatever, you know?

And you're like, I'll piss fast, you got to piss fast, and you're straining, but it hurts. It fucking hurts.

But that's when I was— dude, oh, I was waff. Yeah, I would wash a bottle of whiskey that was sitting on a power washer. Yeah, it was—

yeah, you could clean off graffiti with your piss.

Yeah, dude, I could definitely— I could clean the rims on your car.

Fucking— that's— and there's money in that. There's money in that.

Today's episode is in partnership with Manscaped, the men's grooming brand trusted by over 13 million men worldwide. That's a lot of men, baby. We the most. Fellas, it's smooth sack summer. Yep, it is. It's officially in session. So if your grooming game's been a little wild lately, this is your sign to tighten it up downstairs and beyond. You know, everywhere. That's why I've been using the Manscaped Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra in the new Desert Sand colorway. You know what I'm talking about. The updated trimmer blade features longer, wider, and rounded teeth to tackle hair effortlessly. And let's not forget the best part— it's still waterproof. That's the best part. Whether you're hitting the beach, the pool, or you're just trying to survive shorts-wearing season like myself, do yourself a favor and upgrade your grooming routine. Get 15% off plus free shipping with code Theo at manscaped.com. That's 15% off and free shipping with code Theo at manscaped.com. You know, in the past I was hesitant to invest. I didn't know how to do it. You know, I'd, I'd give my money to somebody and I didn't know what was happening to it, and they'd be juggling it or something, and just, I didn't know what to do.

And I just, when it came to investing, I felt like I didn't know enough. You know, so many of us, we can only focus on where our money is today. Acorns is the financial wellness app that cares about where your money is going tomorrow. Acorns is a smart way to give your money a chance to grow. It's easy. You can sign up in minutes and start automatically investing your spare money in minutes, even if all you've got is spare change. Whether you're just starting out or thinking about settling down, Acorns supports your big and small goals across every life stage. Sign up now and join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion with Acorns. Plus, Acorns will boost your new account with a $20 bonus investment. Offer available at acorns.com/theo. That's a-c-o-r-n-s.com/theo. To get your $20 bonus investment today. Terms and conditions apply. See acorns.com/terms for details. Paid non-client endorsement. Compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns. Tier 2 compensation provided, potential subject to various factors such as customers' accounts, age, and investment settings. Does not include Acorns fees. Results do not predict or represent the performance of any Acorns portfolio.

Investment results will vary. Investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors LLC, an SEC-registered investment advisor. View important disclosures at acorns.com/teo. Um, but God, what are we talking about, dude?

We're— you know what we're talking about, I think.

Oh, it's just how it's been bad.

It's been bad. A long time.

And in some ways, this may be the best that it's ever been. I do want to talk though that you guys do have, um, Mystery Boys Podcast, because do you feel like— because you and I have both had a series of podcasts over the years— do you still have your own podcast?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, this is the newest. This is my newest podcast with the brilliant Kurt Metzger, the Mystery Boys.

Yeah, he's on my prayer list. I know that.

He's awesome. And he's just— man, his brain just absorbs esoteric information. Yes, he remembers like names of ancient grimoires that are hard to pronounce. His knowledge of occult history is amazing. It's like, it's just a brilliant dude.

Oh dude, his knowledge of Charizards from another realm is something we can't fathom. I also, one thing I love about Kurt is I love his voice. He has a great voice. Oh yeah, it's fun to listen to. It's this kind of futuristic but, but ancient sort of hodgepodge of soundery, you know.

And he's like connected to some of the most interesting people, the guests he's been getting. We've had somebody who was on who, who claims to be in a secret space program. I think that's this week's episode. No, it's last. It's a two-parter. But this dude claims that in the military he was essentially inducted into this top-secret program where— I mean, most people don't know this, but the United States has been engaged in a kind of galactic war. We're being run by reptilians. Gray aliens are essentially like IT workers. People don't realize that. This one of the stories he told, and what's so interesting about his stories are the details. They take him into this office this. They're about to introduce him to this program. He's passed an IQ test. Apparently you have to have a very high IQ to get into this program. Very high. And it's not a normal, like, written IQ test, right? They have some futuristic thing that just can tell if you're a dumbass or not. And he passes this. They bring him into an office. A gray alien waddles out.

No, from what, behind a curtain or a door?

A door, like a little— I guess a cat door or something. Like, it just comes—

alien uses a door? That's the part I don't get.

I wish I'd asked because he would have an answer. He would have a great answer for that. In my view, it's like a cat door, like maybe a mid-sized cat door.

Okay.

He comes waddling out, long fingers, and he starts working on a Dell computer. He just— they use him as IT. He just starts unscrewing a Dell computer, I guess, to put more memory in it or something.

Huh.

And they were looking to see how he would react. React to the fact that a gray alien was working on a fucking computer. And it's— the story is amazing. He gets in trouble.

Bring it up. Can we show the episode? Just what it is?

Yeah, he, uh, he, he got in trouble. So he got in trouble because the first time he met a reptilian, he poked the reptilian in the eye. And reptilians see humans as essentially just like below snails. Like, we are— look, we're just hideous, foul animals. And to poke one of these things in the eye means you are going to be tortured.

When you poke it in the eye, did he say if it feels like an eye, like as if you poked one of us in the eye, or is it almost just like putting your finger into like a gelatin or like a water, like a pool of water?

You're gonna have to come, dude. We're gonna have to have you on the show because that is the level of interviewing skills I don't have. Why didn't I ask what does a reptilian's eyeball feel like? I didn't ask. It's a— I missed it.

They obviously have, because their eyes are just these fucking birdbaths into another realm.

Oh dude, they're evil. They're fucked up. The reptilians are really fucked up. They took him.

Yeah, did he— now did he get tortured, dude? Okay, hold on, dude. I do want to hear it, but I also have to laugh because it always makes me laugh, dude. Because here's the crazy thing, and I'm gonna get right back to it. We're going right back.

Please.

Reptilians, they're fucking bullies.

Oh my God, oh my God, I'm so glad you're saying it out loud.

Nobody ever says it, dude. All they do, they take somebody away, they like kind of put their knuckle in their butt or something, or they're fucking like, yeah, you know, fuck them in the mouth, or they just— they're dirty, dude.

I wouldn't be surprised if you were in the secret space program based on what you're saying. It's almost a direct account of how they torture you.

What did he say? He knows what happened. Let me try to kill this fly, dude. Actually, maybe let's, let's let science have its way.

Let's see who it goes for. Yeah, yeah, let's see who it ends up— let's see who it drains at the end.

It's gonna drain one of us. This is a new game show. At the end, the fly— there's a fly that's flying around. Whoever it doesn't like, or whatever, or whoever it does like, really is the one whose blood it takes.

Yeah, let's see. I think there's two. That's a problem.

Oh yeah, they're probably a couple of guys. It's probably Ted Lincoln and his buddy.

Come on. Take the blood. Yeah, they— they use your—

yeah, did you— yeah, sorry, did they say— so did they say what happened? Did he say what happened? How did the— oh, the torture go?

They— first of all, they didn't torture him on Earth. As it turns out, on the moon there are these like government facilities where they are mining helium.

Oh, so they did it at their place or whatever?

They took— no, the, the U.S. military, because the U.S. military is in control of the reptilians They transported him to a moon prison where this guy you interviewed. Yeah, he was on a prison on the moon.

And how did he get to the— how did he get to the interview? To send an Uber?

What? I don't know how they get to the moon.

It's— no, how do you get to your interview?

Call in.

Oh, yeah.

Called in from Florida. He called in from Florida, dude.

Which is basically our version of like Be like, that's our version of like alienism these days.

That's right.

It's a call-in from Florida.

He called in from Florida. He's a, he's a very sweet guy, by the way. Really good storyteller. And here's where it gets really weird. So, you know, they're torturing you up there on the moon, and but also, as it turns out, it was a Mexican guy.

Sorry to interrupt you. Was he Mexican guy?

I don't know what his ethnicity— it was a, it was a call-in, so I didn't get to see him.

Why do you Just because all Mexican dudes want to go to— want to go to space, you know? They don't act like it. None of them act like it. But I got like a couple of close, uh, Mexican friends. They all want to go to space.

Well, don't you want to go to space?

Yeah, kind of. Not that much anymore. Like, I don't know. Like, I— if I want to— like, if I'm going, I'm going to leave. I'm not going to go out there and come back. I'm not gonna be some little bitch that's like, I'll be back.

You're not gonna— Bezos— you're not gonna go up in a little fucking dick rocket and float around up there. I don't think Bezos went up there, did he? I think— did he go up there?

He just sent up like 5 or 6 people that I think that I heard that he wants to smash or whatever, dude, and then brought him back down. It was like one— it's like some one of his little flying smash buckets.

Yeah, he's been— he flew on a suborbital. Suborbital? I don't know if that counts, man.

Fuck no.

Aboard the New Shepard rocket. I want to go out of orbit. I want to go toward like somewhere in between Earth and the moon, dude.

You can hit suborbital just taking a direct flight up to Calgary, dude.

Oh wait, he did do it. 10-minute flight across the car— the from a line, the recognized boundary of space, and reach an apogee. But you know, Bezos sending a bunch of hotties up in his rocket is the modern-day equivalent of like driving ladies around in your Corvette. It's like what oligarchs do to get laid. It's just like, I'm gonna send you up to space. Yeah, but yeah, I, you know, that's true.

So the guy who's been to space and was molested in a moon prison gets Ubered over to you. Oh, he's a call-in.

He was molested in a moon, but you're right. This is—

but see, I'm sorry, it's not funny.

Let me know Well, first of all, whether or not it's funny or not, I need to point out something, Theo. I did not say he got molested in the moon prison. You knew it.

Why?

Why do you know that? Were you in the GATE program?

Yes, dude.

Guys, oh my God, you were in Gifted and Talented. Yes, you know what that was.

Yeah, it was easy to get into in our town.

Okay, but do you know what it was?

Yes. Oh, I've heard there's— that there's possibilities that they were— it was like a CIA, like a psyop.

Not a possibility. Like, that is— you can look that up. That—

like, no way. You serious, dude?

You look it up. It was so like— the idea was it kind of makes sense. Like, if you're running a country, who are the smart kids, right? You want to find out, like, the super smart kids. You create a program. Yeah. That separates those kids. From the rabble. And then via that, in that program, you can start assessing them to see whether or not they'd be good to work in intelligence, CIA covert programs, or just like any like federal job. And then you start grooming those kids. You start— and, and where it gets like into the deep conspiracy stuff is you— they were looking for kids who had like, you know, telepathic ability Oh, I thought nice legs or something you're gonna say. Oh, so it wasn't like that too?

It wasn't like that. It wasn't like a pedophilic thing. So, so go ahead. They're looking for kids that have what?

Yeah, the secret— look, uh, because Gateway, uh, public school operated by local school districts, blah blah blah, to provide military intelligence. The secret military unit focused on psychic espionage and remote viewing, often called the Stargate Project. But what's that?

That's not our thing.

Yeah, it is.

We were in military intelligence, dude. We weren't doing shit. We read My Side of the Mountain.

Well, right, that's, that's what you remember. But do you remember the— did you get the weird headphone test?

Yeah.

What the fuck was that? Do you remember the weird shit they made you drink?

It kind of is true, dude. They had this fucking headphone test we would take like once every quarter. Yeah, what the fuck was that?

What was that? What does that have to do with being gifted and talented? Testing your hearing? What is that? Why'd they put that on us? Why did they make us drink that weird pink shit? What were they doing to us? Why do most people don't remember it as well as you do? Most people, it's a foggy, weird memory. The whole thing was some kind of bizarre federal program.

You think that that's true?

Look, I look, there's a— now, I mean, this is one of the many, like, conspiracy theories that is not so much a conspiracy theory anymore that you could look it up. You could see some of it is obviously speculation. Some of it's real, so we don't know.

But yeah, what were they doing?

They wanted to find kids who would be great assassins.

Fuck, dude. And none of our kids made it then.

I didn't make it. Did you make it through? Did they kick you out of the GATE program?

No, I stayed in. And wow, it got a little too homeworky for me at one point.

Yeah. Yeah, it was a lot. It was a lot.

I wasn't a company man. That's what it was. At a certain point, I think I wasn't a company man. So funny. I have never thought about this in years, dude. But yeah, we had to go off in this special building and learn out there or whatever.

Yeah, they separate you. They separate you. And it was very strange. I think I made it like 2 weeks before they kicked me out. But yeah, I just think they were like, the test didn't work. He's a fucking idiot. Like, I don't, I don't think it had anything to do with like compliance or non-compliance.

Like they would have been— you would have been their target.

No, I didn't make it. I didn't make it in. I didn't get to be in in the secret space program, and maybe that's a good thing. But yeah, according to this guy, there's brothels on the moon. It'll change the way you look at the moon. There's brothels. The miners on the moon are geniuses.

Like, who brought the fucking miners up there? Fucking— it's like a— is it Lutnik and them or whatever?

Dude, I don't know. I— you know what, you don't want to get lost in the weeds when a dude is telling you about fucking on the moon. Yeah, you're right, because he was banging on the moon.

You're lying.

Dude, they have—

he was fucking on the moon.

He was fucking on the moon. Like, gosh, they have brothels. They— for the— like, for in between getting tortured, you get to go to the moon brothels.

And okay, hold on.

It's the best. It's the best.

What? Hold on a second, dude.

You got to just listen to the episode. Like, I'm not even doing it justice because there's so much more detail. There's kind of a love story. He kind of like fell in love with a nurse. Like, it's kind of romantic. And, you know, he talks about all these densities, like the way they shift you to get to the moon is like— like the reptilians are on the fourth density, we're on the third density. Aliens function like at a different vibrational frequency. They have devices that shift your frequency and can reverse age you.

So I could see that being possible, some of it.

I—

you just— who knows?

Well, because, you know what, you start to see that frequency stuff. You've seen that frequency when people put the sand on certain things and frequency.

Cymatics.

It's called cymatics.

Yes, yes.

Yeah, bring up some cymatics if you can, just so we can see what we're talking about. If you haven't seen this, it's basically they put sand— and correct me if I'm wrong, Duncan— they put sand on a paint— on like a flat plane.

Yeah.

And then they play music through it.

Yep.

And the sand forms certain like kind of like snowflakes or text— like figures or textures or designs.

That's right, predictable, uh, geometries from various frequencies.

They—

it produces these like interesting patterns that sometimes kind of look like crop circles. And that's ketamine on that plate.

Is it really?

It works way better with— I would always do this before I snorted ketamine and put it on a SIMATIC plate, set it to— yep, 47.

Dude, what if you crunched up a bunch of Fritos on there?

It would work.

It'd probably be like, you're fat, you'll die.

Yo, it's into a scale. Yeah, yeah, it—

but this is real stuff. So this is 4 to Yeah, so these are the Hertz, different Hertz they put through. And if you've never seen this, it's unbelievable that— so this makes me think that we could just like this, some way that if you put a different frequency through us, you could then transfer us from one place to another because you could shape us in a different way to be able to be transported.

Exactly. And you know what is like— when I think of this shit, I just think of like, oh right, like when people get into conspiracy theories and stuff, inevitably there's like this hierarchy where there's someone controlling someone else who's controlling someone else, and it's like, it's, it's reptiles all the way down. Like, where does it stop? Like, who's like ultimately in control? But I think of cymatics where it's like, well, maybe, maybe like the way things keep repeating throughout history in sort of the same way because there's these various frequencies that exist on planet Earth. There's frequencies that create power dynamics, that create authoritarianism, tyranny, fascism, like cruelty, war. And you can tune into that frequency. And the more you tune into that frequency, the more you like— your, your shape changes.

So why would that not be, dude? That's such a— that's cymatics, the study of visible sound and vibration demonstrating how acoustic frequencies organize physical matter in a geometric pattern.

Yeah.

Because the human body is largely water, sound waves travel rapidly through us, making it possible to use frequency and vibration for various wellness, therapeutic, and clinical applications. Yeah, dude, this is one of the most unbelievable things that I've really— I think that I've thought about in a while. Because if you see that, do that to that sand, right?

Yeah.

And if you know— yeah, what if you put a frequency on that's like, I'm gonna feel this way, or this is the frequency that's tuned into this, almost like a new radio station for yourself? Like instead of tuning into like no frequency where I'm just at the whims of the fucking, at the byproduct and like exhaust of corporate, the corporate universe we live in, I'm just wandering through that frequency all day. What if I spent time tapping into a frequency that actually brought me some peace or frequency that brought like it made me exude like love or possibility or hope or power or protection?

Yeah, that— well, I mean, this is a choice, you know. You're sitting on the toilet taking a shit, looking at whatever the algorithm's feeding you.

You'll notice that I'll throw the shit out the window. Hopefully it hits someone. So it—

I— well, you can aim, right?

But also so it hits someone and boosts their spirits.

I know, but what I'm saying is you don't have to just randomly throw it. You can aim. You can slingshot it.

Uh, but go on. So you're sitting on the toilet going—

well, I'm— but you're ever— all of us are like staring into these hypno rectangles, right? The algorithm, at least my algorithm— oh my God, it's fucked up. It's just showing me horrible things, or people in the midst of psychotic episodes, or people in the forest drinking their period blood, or, you know, just a— it's wild chaos.

And it's witchcraft, new beverages. Yeah, but it's crazy, dude. You'll go from like— it is crazy, dude. They're, they're definitely scrambling our brains, and they're— we're starting to like— with the things you see, because you'll see like, uh, genocidal killings of children, right? Children looking— kid looking for his mother for 70 days.

Yes.

Finally finds landmine in Palestine, you know, like a landmine wearing his mother's dress, and they killed the child or whatever.

Horrible.

You'll see that, but then immediately it's like, 40% off these Asics, you know, and you're like, that's right, that's right. But it starts to confuse your brain because your brain, it takes the depth of one that's so deep and one that means nothing really at all.

You got it.

And then it puts them kind of all on the same plane.

You're— you better watch out because you just articulated something that I've learned from Metzger, which is real. Like, it's, it's for me, like, it's— believe it or not, I'm kind of skeptical about stuff, but this one, like, it's hard for me to dispute. So he, he says that, uh, assassinations, public assassinations create trauma, cultural trauma. Charlie Kirk— did you notice the Charlie Kirk assassination? Everyone saw Yes. Before they shut it down. All of us had to watch that shit happen, right? So this produces trauma. The trauma response opens you up to conditioning. It's the same shit kidnappers use. It's the same shit people who torture you use. They freak you the fuck out so that you kind of disassociate. You don't want to be there. You, you, you go into a kind of sad, foggy place. And then in that place, they show you the ASICS commercial. In that place, they give you some propaganda. In that place, they give you a solution so this will never happen again. This is a known technique for mind controlling people. So anytime there's assassinations, it's not just like power dynamic shift, it's cultural dynamic shift because they inject that moment with however they want to shift the tide.

Right.

So, so, so Instagram Instagram is, or any social media, it's kind of doing this, but like low level. So you look, you know, suddenly you're—

Microdosing it.

Yeah, exactly.

You're microdosing it.

Opening, like freaking you out, and then what do you know? And then where it gets really creepy is the commercial you're getting isn't just from the algorithm, it's 'cause your phone heard you talking about wanting to, like, what's the best fishing rod to catch catfish? And then so right after, you watch a furry eat a hot dog with a human turd in it.

Yeah.

And you're like, what? What's happened to the world? Like an ad for like fishing rods comes up. You're like, oh cool, I should get that fishing rod.

And dude, speaking of hot dogs, dude, footlong hot dogs, that should count as— white people eating footlong hot dogs should count as reparations, dude.

Oh my God, disaster.

I'm just saying, like disaster at a baseball game, whatever, having to eat them in public, dude. It's so fucking scary.

It's crazy that that's, that that's accepted, that that's not studied.

Yeah.

And that's the kind of thing that they're getting us to do. It's like these little— they're, and they're sitting in a fucking like globe, like they're sitting in a snow globe on the moon at a, you know, outside of a brothel on the moon that they own, you know, probably just like, uh, descaling their skin with their like reptilian brush.

You got it.

And then they're watching us eat eat, like, just like streaming, like, countless hours of us eating foot-long, uh, hot dogs, you know.

And like, got it.

And then they say— then they hit you with the reparations thing, you know, like, will you sign for reparations? You know, it's like, yeah, whatever it is, it's like, you know, it's—

but the reality of it is, you're— you know, a vampire only goes where they're invited. That's a vampire rule for some reason. Never understood it, but a vampire only goes So if a vampire comes to your door, they'll always ask, like, "Can I come in?" And if you say no, they won't come in. I don't get it, but that's vampire mythology. So your phone is the fucking vampire, and you're inviting it in every time you stare at it. You're saying, "Please contaminate me with a combination state propaganda, propaganda from other countries, corporate propaganda," and like just weird shit. Like, you're invite— we're all inviting this in. You— all you got to do is stop, which I can't.

It's hard.

It's hard. It's almost impossible.

You can do— I think there's ways to do better. The ways that I found that help me are, one, some meditation helps. I do meditation every day now. It's not a ton, 10 minutes, but it helps. Some days I'll get in 2 sessions. It's not a ton, but it gives me a little bit more space sometimes. Like, how does I don't need that. It'd be times like, let me look at my phone now. I don't need that. And then the other thing I think is different types of plant medicine can help you, can help give a little bit that more you to connect you back to nature. Those are the two that I know. Well, but yeah, it's too much, man.

I think 10 minutes of meditation a day is actually pretty admirable, man. A lot of people can't do that. That's— you shouldn't beat yourself up about that. I mean, like, how long were you told to meditate?

I don't know, I just feel like the good people do it for such a long time.

20 minutes maybe.

Like, yeah, that like 20 minutes seems good. Um, but they did have those monks. Who were those? Don't monks meditate?

Yeah, man.

Yeah, well, dude, but then they found those monks with meth or whatever. Can you look that up?

What?

Those meth monks?

Meth monks? Oh yeah, there was— were they smuggling dope? No.

What was it?

A third of monks at a temple in Thailand. That's got to be hard to meditate.

Third of the Buddhist monks at a temple in northern Thailand Thailand have tested positive for meth. 6 out of 18 monks at Wat Phra Tham in Phichit Province were disrobed after failing surprise drug tests during a police raid on Monday. Officers also found meth pills, a homemade gun, and bullets. What the fuck? A gun? Oh my God, a gun, dude. A gun is the total opposite of being a monk.

That is a crazy temple. And that is— I just— do you think A gun would help you meditate?

A meth would help you meditate? No, you would be like, dude, you would be doing all, all the prayers like as fast as you could. It'd be like, Our Father who art in heaven, hallelujah, amen.

I don't think those monks are doing the Lord's Prayer, but that's what they're doing.

I think they're probably in a crazy contest online to do the Lord's Prayer as fast as they can. That's 11 seconds. Yeah, bro, new record. Fuck yeah, dude. That's what they're doing. That's how— but dude, that's how distracted we've gotten. Monks are doing meth and they're having contests to read the Lord's Prayer as fast as they can.

Probably.

I mean, and they had a gun. The guy had a gun.

You're paranoid. You're fucking paranoid. You're on meth. It's the next step. You get a gun, dude.

Maybe you have a copy of the Chantaram under your pillow.

Maybe. Maybe.

That's the most risqué thing you're supposed to have as a monk.

Yeah, dude, that's wild. That's just— it just was— I guess that's what's happening right now, man. People are— people are fucking snorting meth in temples. They disrobed them. I know, which is wild.

But I bet you're hot if you're all methed out. I bet you want your robe off.

You're You're not really a monk.

Yeah, dude, my buddy was a monk for like almost, I think almost 6 months.

What kind of monk?

Um, I'm not sure. It was in Oregon.

What color were his robes?

I think his robes is just orange, kind of.

Probably a Buddhist monk.

Yeah, yeah, Buddhist monk. And he said that they would sit around and— this is kind of crazy— but he said sometimes they would sit around and draw hair on each other because they all had their head shaved, and they would sit around for fun and draw and draw hair on each other. And it was kind of like the key, like kind of the low-key, like, you know, or whatever, like kind sweet thing that I heard, you know.

It's weird. I don't know, man. I don't want to— that creeps me out, bro.

The other guys are doing methamphetamine.

I don't know which is worse. Our Father, they were probably drawing hair on each other too.

There should be a contest to see how fast can someone say the Lord's Prayer, dude.

You want to do a— you want to do a race?

You think you could do it? Do you know it?

Yeah, I know it.

Okay, then let's try. You go first. All right, Zach, will you time us?

So you going to tell me when to start, or should I just—

Yeah, how does it work?

Uh, I'm going to count you down.

Ready?

3, 2, 1. Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, forever and I'm in. That was good, but I kind of slurred.

9.87. Under 10 is great, dude, especially this time of year. All right, um, you mean the summer heat? Let me think. Uh, all right, do me.

Yeah.

2, 1.

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And for—

oh shit, another chance! Give him another chance.

I missed some Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us of our trespasses, for we forgive those who trespass against us. All right, let me try one more time.

3, 2, 1, go.

What did it start again?

Sorry.

Our Father.

Okay, our Father. Let's call her. Okay, because we only had a stepdad. Go on.

3, 2, 1.

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive and forgive— forgive us this day our daily bread, and forgive those who trespass against us.

No, that's the devil getting in you there, making you stutter. Oh, that's the mosquitoes. That's the Texas devil flies got your tongue.

That's that tongue-berculosis.

Yes, we got the consumption, spiritual consumption. You gotta let the Holy Spirit flow through you, Theo.

You pretty lady, won't you give her a sign? I give anything if you give mine a man.

Praise God.

You know that Mountain Dew, you know it, it makes me think about summertime, that hot part of the calendar. You know how it works, you know when the calendar just gets hot, it gets so hot sometimes I'll call the government, I'll say, just turn, can you turn it down, we can't handle it, it would get so hot. And then you'd have to open up the windows, but then the hot would come in, you know? And then you— but they'd get so hot inside, you have to open up the doors, and the hot would go out and in and out. It was just a lot of hot. Thankfully, I had me some Mountain Dew. Just a refreshing— whew! It was like the heavens cut the faucet on. And I could just enjoy myself. Just, just doin', just doin' myself with that Mountain Dew. I liked it. If I had me a can or two of Mountain Dew, I'd go out, I'd pet every dog in town. That's how I, I just became like that neighborly American, you know? That's how I became. I'd be shakin' the hands of local raccoons and politicians and All of them, you know.

I'd watch as— I'd watch the wind go by, maybe whistle at it, let it know I had a way of making my own little breeze right there. Something about that summertime and just having a little bit of Mountain Dew in ya made you just want to get out there and just kiss a bald eagle. You know, and sometimes you'd settle for your grandmother or whatever, you know, a little kiss on the cheek, whatever, you know. Pop Pop didn't mind. What I'm saying is this: Mountain Dew, it's just, it's an alternative to the heat, but it's also part of, it's part of summer. But dude, you win, first of all. Congratulations.

Thank you so much.

9.8 seconds, that was really good.

Yeah, actually, I can't believe I have it. You know, that's wild.

For Our Father in under 10 seconds. Yeah, I think it's good. And I would love to see other people if they want to challenge Duncan on that.

They will crush me. There's going to be critiques too. There's different ways to say it depending on what denomination you are. I think that was what I learned as an Episcopalian. But I think there's— my wife's Catholic. I think they say parts of it are different, but I don't know if that's going to add or subtract seconds.

Dude, my girl Catholic, but that pussy Baptist. You feel me? Let's go.

Yeah.

I'm just making up. I don't have a girl, but if I did—

you don't have a girl?

No, but she'd be cute if I did.

Wow, it must be tough to find a girlfriend for you, huh? Just a handsome dude with a super successful podcast.

One day I'm gonna get one. I mean, it'll happen.

Comedian.

I think, you know what, there is like an age where I think it gets a little bit weird, and then—

what do you mean?

Maybe I'm just— you know what, I think some of the stories I tell in my head I gotta change a little bit.

Yes, dude, there's this—

and you know what's funny? I never said that. I've never said that before.

You've never said that? Come on, there's a book.

Not really, no. But the, the ones I'm telling myself, because I don't even realize they're being told, they've just been written on this wall, like these old, like, this is the way it is or whatever. It's like, dude, I'm going to find somebody great. Of course it takes time. Everything in my life has taken time. And, um, I don't want to get somebody that's just like, um, you know, like, I want to have some fun, but at the same time, like, yeah, I want, I want somebody that's going to be a— as perfect a fit as I can get, dude.

If there's this book and it sounds like bullshit, and I actually got the book because I was watching that documentary on NXIVM, you know, NXIVM cult, Keith Raniere. You know about that?

Yeah, we had a guy on here from NXIVM, didn't we? Oh no, we had a guy who got bit by a dog at a NXIVM event.

What?

I'm not even joking. Who was that guy?

That sucks.

He was fine.

He was like at a cult event and a dog bit him.

He got bit by a dog, but that's how he got involved with the cult.

Whoa.

Oh, that was it. Oh no, Michael Rosenbaum. No, not him.

That's out. Yeah.

Oh, he was talking about Alice in Wonderland sex cult. Yeah, there was another guy who'd been, uh, cured of— oh, he got cured by—

of, um, OCD. Yeah, or not.

Um, cured by Nuvexim. Yeah, cured by Nuvexim. Mark Elliott. Yeah, bro, look at me right there. I was young. That's AI.

You look younger now.

Well, I'm older now, but also not if I— if I'm definitely older if I keep telling myself that I'm a fucking boss. I'm a fucking 9-year-old, you little fuck. Mark Elliott, I'm former motivational speaker and loyal follower of Keith Rainier and his organization of XM, a purported self-improvement company. I believe he got bit by a dog. I could be wrong, but I thought the dog something happened, he got cured. He was diagnosed with Hirschsprung's disease, a rare intestinal disease, at birth. Um, Ali was returning home from a camp via Greyhound bus when he repeatedly shouted an anti-Black racial slur at Black passengers. That's called riding Greyhound, first of all. Uh, at the— and I think some of that comes with the price of your ticket, I believe. Also, yeah, I rode G-Hound for a long time.

Shout out Hound.

Uh, oh, because he had Tourette's though. That's why. Did he ever cure it? Did they say?

He claims they cured it.

They cured it.

It's in the documentary, like it shows people being like, um, it did not cure my Tourette's in any way.

Oh, well then why do we have him on the podcast? He said he did.

In the documentary that I saw, it was— well, I mean, it was claiming that they cured it.

Oh, well, so maybe it says it didn't— he— it didn't cure his Tourette's. But I thought— I can't remember exactly what happened in the episode. It was just 7 years ago.

And the documentary I saw, it was, you know, some people it seemed like it was helping, but I heard about this book on this documentary. I was fascinated by this Raniere guy because it's like you see him and he doesn't really seem like somebody who would successfully start a sex cult.

Bringing him up, you know what I mean?

No judgment or anything, but it wouldn't be like the first person I would guess.

You look at like—

put, pull up a picture of like young Charles Manson, right? And Keith Raniere. Manson, you look at and you're like, okay, there he is, right? This dude was getting ladies to brand his name into their fucking bodies.

No way.

Yes, yes. Now, now you look at him and you wouldn't guess that, but pull up like a picture of Manson. That's a Montana young Manson.

Bring young Manson.

Or not that young, but you know, that Manson. I could see— you look at him, you're like, yeah, I could see you starting some kind of sex cult. I could see your members cutting swastikas into their foreheads. But this dude looks like, like somebody your mom dates before she marries your stepdad.

But this dude does look like he has a dark side to him, dude. Oh yeah, this is just all based off of one photo, but that guy looks like— yeah, yeah, he dates your mom, you think he's nice, he comes in the house and says cool stuff. Yeah, but he doesn't come through with kind of his promises, and then you see him yelling at your mom outside of the apartment window.

Yeah, man. Yeah, that's that shit. That's what it is.

Keith Raniere, could we get him on here?

He's in jail.

He is?

Maybe you could call him from jail, dude.

Jail, that's the most sex trafficking you could ever do. It's bumper to bumper in there, dude.

No, he— and this guy, he like— it's— the documentary is incredible. And, you know, obviously like it's horrible, like doing this shit's horrible, So when you just watch it in terms of like, whoa, like the ambition, like, oh my God, how'd you pull that off? And so they mentioned this book, Psycho-Cybernetics, which sounds like horseshit.

Yeah.

The name sounds stupid, but I got this book and started listening to it. And it's this plastic surgeon wrote the book and he noticed that you would give plastic surgery to people and their personalities would change. Fix their nose, and they would turn into these different people. And so his premise is that there's sort of an internal visual image of yourself inside of you. And so, oh, so basically, like, if you look at what you think about throughout the day— and a lot of people worry, ruminate, they're constantly bringing up things they're afraid of in the future or shit they wish they do in the past.

Yeah.

And this is what's creating the you. It's you, you're habitually running through a Rolodex of bad memories and internal fears and stuff. And so he's saying that what's really cool about that is it shows you how disciplined you are. You think you have no control over that, but you do. It's just habit. And so what he says is, oh, there's a lot of techniques in there, but one of them is is what happens if you start habituating yourself to remembering good moments in your life instead of bad moments in your life. And it sounds so obvious, but every time you find yourself getting freaked out over that fucking memory, the thing, what you're worried about, the thing, you replace it. And he says it doesn't have to be a big thing like winning a marathon. Like, he uses the example of when you learn to tie your shoes.

Yeah.

You know, some—

just when somebody smiled at you. Yes. When you smiled at someone.

Yeah. That, that's enough. And you start replacing this habitual rumination with good memories, even if they're from the distant past. It doesn't matter. All of a sudden, your life starts changing because your, the, your inner your identity will begin to conform to—

it'll begin to lead your outer identity.

That's right. Yeah, you start making different choices, all this stuff changes in your life. So his point is you don't really need to get plastic surgery. He was, he was saying that some people get a scar on their face and it makes them more powerful. Like, he was, uh, I think the, the Nazis in and fencing Nazis, if you got a scar on your face, it means you were like a great fencer.

Yeah.

So, but some people get a scar on their face, ruins their life.

Right.

You know, so obviously what's going on there is not the external appearance.

Wow. It's how your brain— it's how you're wearing it.

You got it. Dang.

And I wonder if— what if we all just don't even— I've long thought this. What if we all don't realize there's so much more capability that we have that we just don't know? I believe that that's such a truth. Like, what if you could think your way into looking somehow different? Like, that's almost— that's almost— it's interesting for a plastic surgeon to say that because it's like, yeah, what if people could think or believe themselves?

Yeah.

Into actually— that you're— that you would then visually somehow look different. Like, I know it probably would be tough to really unstructure your— like, it wouldn't— skeletally, that would be probably impossible. But on a— but on a different type of level, or could your skeleton morph over time? It's interesting to think that, wow, if I had enough of belief or if I— if I pervade this type of energy or I just envisioned it enough that I would actually become the thing that I envisioned.

Well, pull up— pull up like an early picture of Marilyn Monroe before she got famous.

I go visit her grave sometimes.

You really do? Is she in Nashville?

She lives— or she's— she died. She dies, I guess. She lives. In a coffin around the corner from where I live.

He lives in a coffin?

In Westwood, I mean.

Craziest way to speak dead.

Yeah, she's deceased, sorry.

She's living in a coffin now?

Yeah, but she's— yeah.

So that's her? Yeah, so that's Marilyn Monroe.

Oh, bro.

Yeah, yeah.

Now I will say this, she's an attractive young lady. She's not the Marilyn Monroe that we envision.

Still beautiful.

That's— you sure that's her?

Yeah, like find some other, like, early pictures of Marilyn Monroe before she was famous. I don't know how you find that because, like, a lot of these are like modeling pictures. But when you look at them, it's like, there you go. And like, you know, obviously you could say I'd suck her feet still, but you could say that, that this was, you know, lighting, makeup and stuff like that. But there's a story I heard. I don't know if it's true or not. Marilyn Monroe is at a diner. She's, uh, with one of her, like, I think childhood friends. And like, you know, no one even knows it's Marilyn Monroe. And Marilyn Monroe says to her friend, "Do you want to see what happens when I become her?" And her friend's like, "Yeah." And so all of a sudden she does something and turns— like, essentially shape-shifts. Like, she embodies Marilyn Monroe, and everyone in the cafe starts looking at her like, "Oh my God, that's Marilyn Monroe!" So Oh, this is what this dude is talking about. And you know, how many times have you been with a person who maybe isn't like classically beautiful, but their personality is so amazing that you start falling in love with it.

You realize the physical appearance, it's nothing compared to this spirit inside of them. And the converse sadly happens where you're around a beautiful person and you realize, oh my God, This is a monster, and it's so fascinating. It's just the shell, it's, it's like a lampshade or something. It's like, what kind of light is shining through?

Dude, that's a great way to say that, man. It's like a lampshade.

There it is.

The Marilyn Monroe shapeshifter story refers to a famous anecdote where she could alter her appearance simply by changing her posture and energy. When walking down a busy street unnoticed as Norma Jean, she would turn to a companion, ask, 'Do you want to see her?' and instantly transform into the iconic Marilyn People who were with Marilyn during these moments, such as her friend Eli Wallach or the actress Susan Strasberg, noted that she changed nothing about her clothes or makeup. Instead, the transformation was a masterclass in embodiment.

Wow, it's wild. That stuff is wild that you could do that.

But it is interesting. Yeah, how I feel, what do I carry, what am I going to take outside with me today, what am I going to take inside with me today, you know? And I, I You know, I applaud like parents because I know their lives get so busy, and the time that they have to even take for themselves.

Yeah.

And the time that one of them's like, hey, will you keep watch for a little bit while I just go meditate for 10 minutes, or brush my teeth, yeah, or pat myself on the back, or cry in the bathroom. Yeah, yeah, you know.

Yeah, it gets wild.

Like, I think that's a real war. It's a real tandem. It's a real— if it's working well, I bet it's a real tandem thing. And sometimes it's painful, and sometimes it's beautiful, and sometimes probably a lot of things, but I applaud that. The amount of time parents has, has to be like, oh my God.

Well, you know, but the thing is, um, and you're right, and you're totally right, the amount of free time I have now compared to the free time I used to have, like, I could spend days, days alone in my house blasting Rails Academy completely happily alone, playing video games. Yeah, alone. And I would get bummed out if I had something to do like 2 days, 2 days away, I'd be stressed out.

Yeah, but, but bro, that's when you know you're gonna be doing some drugs.

Oh yeah, man. And, and, but now, um, I have, I have no very what, what people would call free time. Yeah, but what is free time? The real question is like the, the example that I've been taught in Buddhism is we all have a version of a place where this is where I'm gonna feel all right. And for like a lot of people, maybe not touring stand-up comics, but for a lot of people that could be a hotel room, a nice hotel room. You can order room service, the TV, the soft bed, No disturbances. Phone is off. Now I will relax. So this creates a terrible tension between every other moment. Like everyone has their place. What is that place? Or everything. This is where I'm going to be. For some people, it's just coming home after a hard day's work, sit on the couch, whatever it is. For some people, everyone has their little oasis in their mind. This is the place. Yeah, but the idea is This is an illusion. The oasis is an illusion. You go into that place, the place isn't giving you relaxation. The place isn't giving you peace. You're deciding this is where I will be at peace.

Theoretically, you could do that through the whole fucking day. Your whole day could theoretically become that place that you're hoping to get to when you have enough money, when you finally get a vacation. When you finally get a moment to yourself. And this is what I have read is one of the definitions of enlightenment. Enlightenment, this is a definition I heard, 'cause even defining it is difficult and who the fuck knows. But the idea is, what if every place you were at was free time? Even though it was filled up with all kinds of activity, even though there were things you had to do, What if you were maintaining this sense of like, yeah, this is where I belong, this is good, this is the vacation. And this is in the Third Patriarch of Zen. He wrote this great book.

In Buddhism you learn this?

Yeah, the first line, and I wish I could, the name is like, I think Japanese. Can you look up the Third Patriarch of Zen? And yeah, that's it. And he wrote, the great way is not difficult for those who have no preferences. Your preferences are tormenting your ass. You want to be there. You don't want to be here. You want to be somewhere else. And when you're a parent, your preferences will destroy you.

Wow.

Because you obviously— there's moments that I just want to play Diablo 4, dude. I just want to sit on the fucking couch and play Diablo 4. I just want to be alone. I don't want to be around anybody for a second. That's a preference. And the more you cling to that, the more you'll suffer. The part of the soul that burns in hell.

Yeah.

Is the part that clings to life.

Wow.

That Meister Eckhart.

But dude, first, I think about that stuff a lot, dude, with like, uh, sometimes with like reliving old parts of my past or old stories or just like, yeah, old things that happen. It's like, how long do I want to think I have to figure this out before I just want to set up some barricades for myself now that's like, hey, we're not going to go try to figure that out anymore, we're just going to move on, right? And we're going to move on and we're going to put boundaries in place so that when this thing or the— or certain types of people or this energy comes around, that this is how we're going to behave towards it.

Yeah.

And we're not going to be like mean to it, but this is how we're going to operate now. Instead of like, I get stuck in this place of like like, well, I'll figure this out, or a little more therapy and this and that. And the therapy and stuff, it's all good, right? It's all helpful. It's all like puts a magnifying glass on things that are cool. But, um, but to at some point be like, you know, this path, it's a lot. I don't know, I've been on this, this path for a while. Let me try to do something else. Let me try to move forward. Let me try to not even let this be a, like, let, let me really let this be part of the past. Yeah, instead of going back to the past to solve something. Like, that's the thing, sometimes I keep going back to the past to solve the present where it's like, let me try and do this maybe a little bit different. And, um, so I've just been thinking about that recently. Um, thanks so much for some of the chats, dude. I want to find out what's, what's a rabbit hole or like something that you guys have learned, um, on Mystery, on Mystery Boys.

Um, but I just want to get this update. The guest, Mark Elliott Clarifies that he does not claim to have been cured of Tourette syndrome. Instead, he describes his experience as a journey where he found a way to master the condition, noting that while the symptoms have drastically reduced, he still feels the urge occasionally and works to change his relationship with it. That's interesting. Yeah, write it down. That's what I do, dude. Write it down. Um, with Mystery Boys, what is a rabbit hole kind of that you— or something new that you guys have like latched on to that's been like really interesting to go down that you and Metzger have, uh, have—

I gotta give full credit to Metzger for most of the rabbit holes. Like, I'm telling you, this guy, he like— it's—

do you think he's good or evil when you think about him?

He's good. Okay, very good.

This is a pop quiz, man.

Do you— why do you think he's evil?

No, I don't. I was asking you. He actually texted me and told me to ask you that.

Are you kidding me?

I'm not kidding you at all. So it's just a good—

oh, he's the sweetest.

I know him. I'm— I've, I've already decided how I feel about it.

He's good. Really good. Okay, I wouldn't do a fucking podcast with an evil person. Why would you do that to yourself? That's horrible, dude.

Do you ever think, what if one day you got home years from now and you started to notice like something like the— like your skin around your chin or something, and you started peeling it and then you took it off? And what if we were the aliens, dude?

Oh my God. Oh my God.

Like this whole time, yeah, we've been trying to hunt the aliens. Sure. And then you peel, you're like, what is that, dude? You think it's acne and it's just fucking abracadabra. You're an alien.

Oh my God. And then you peel the alien mask off and you're human. Yeah.

And you're a cool black guy.

So what the fuck are you, man?

Yeah.

What are you?

Turn it up.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, spin that shit.

How about this, dude?

I'll give you a quick one.

Yeah, take me down. But I want to go down a rabbit hole. And that was— and no, No, Kurt didn't ask that either. I was just joking around, dude.

He's far from evil. But Metzger did give me a little bit of trivia which I'd never heard before, which is the most batshit thing ever. So John Wayne Gacy, the famous serial killer from Illinois. Yeah, horrible motherfucker. The clown.

Yeah, pedophile.

John Wayne Gacy, pedophile fucking clown. Just horrible human being. He—

you put lazy too. Lazy. Killed people, put him under his house.

Oh yeah, he said that if he was guilty of anything, it was running a funeral home without a license because he had rotting child corpses under his fucking house. Also weirdly political. And, um, so John Wayne Gacy was executed on a solar eclipse, which is already weird. Like, what? You know, you know there's going to be eclipse that day, right? Why are you executing one of the most notorious serial killers like on the day that, like in a horror movie, that's how you get a zombie, Freddy Krueger. That's how you get a demon or something. Execute the person. It's a solar eclipse. They come back to life or they haunt your dreams. So that's just weird by itself. But coincidentally, Jeffrey Dahmer was baptized, and I'm not sure into what denomination of Christianity, on the same day. Another fucking serial killer baptized while during the execution of—

like, so, so, so a spiritual realm is open.

Yes.

And a, and a calendar, a seasonal— a what realm would that be?

What do you mean?

Like the, the, the, the spiritual realm is open with the baptism. Like there's a spiritual, right, like embodiment happening.

And in eclipses, just so like in the West, we think they're cool. Everyone goes out, you get your eclipse glasses, everyone goes out to look. They are fucking cool. I've been there. They're amazing. It's amazing to witness. The temperature drops, shadows get weird. But like, you know, one of my friends who's like a Shaivite for real, like, who, like, you know, Hindu follower of Shiva, you know, he was explaining to me, like, in India, eclipses are not something you want to go out under. Like, it represents an opening where a lot of weird shit can come into this realm. So, you know, His advice is, "Don't go outside during an eclipse. You don't understand the energies that are out there." This is in their cosmology. So it's a very powerful, even if you're not into the woo-woo stuff, it's a very crazy thing that happens. And birds stop singing. They think it's nighttime all of a sudden. It's just a very deep spiritual moment. So why? Why do you execute this monster during an eclipse? And why do you baptize another monster during the eclipse? And why— why on the same day? And how is that accidental?

And maybe that's cymatics, I don't know. Maybe that's just part of what— of like the weird secret gears in the universe we don't know about. But to me, it's very fascinating when moments like that emerge, right?

When it's— when, when when the curtains are open a little bit into the ethereal, into the next realm, when somebody's spiritually— you're kind of— you're, uh, you're— when there's an anointment and a, and a, uh, an embodiment, putting the, you know, blessing somebody with the, the embodiment of God, like bringing God into their, into their heart, you know, like, right? That's, that's risky behavior, dude. I, I— yeah, I wonder if, um, do you know if It's kind of weird that we get people to go outside and look up into the eclipse then.

Yeah.

Was that always a practice, or did people used to not stare into the eclipse?

Oh no, dude, people went blind for sure. There's a famous—

went blind just because they were 8 years old back in the day.

Oh yeah, you just go blind from drinking water.

Yeah, I mean, dude, imagine how scary— dude, everything was a game show like 200 years ago, dude. A cup of water, you could get undehydrated or tuberculosis.

What do you want, explosive diarrhea? Yeah, you want to die of thirst or die of dysentery? Pick one or the other, one or the other.

No, people have not always looked at eclipses historically. Witnessing an eclipse was often met with fear, awe, or strict avoidance rather than direct observation because ancient civilizations lacked scientific explanations. Many cultures considered the darkening of the sun to be a bad omen or a disruption of the natural order.

That makes sense for sure.

Many cultures believed a celestial creature was attempting to devour the sun. The Norse blamed sky wolves, the Chinese told tales of a celestial dragon, and Aztecs believed the jaguar was eating the sun. People would often bang pots, scream, or shoot arrows into the air to frighten the monster away, and it worked. Yeah, but it is— when did we start in— when, when did we start seeing eclipses and going and watching?

I mean, forever.

But did— when did— did it become a practice? Like, was there something that happened? Like, it was a big thing on television, like, go see the eclipse or whatever?

It was always significant. I mean, it's just like, no matter what period in human history, like, can you fucking imagine, like, not knowing what was going on? Why?

But dude, how much fun would we have had back then? First of all, you get to make up what's going on, right? Or you just get to believe what's hap— like, you get to believe what's happening. But I just think the The imagine— imagine everybody's imagination back then.

Yeah.

And everybody's like storytelling. Like you had to have a piece of information to even— you had to like— life was probably scary. You had to seem viable. You had to fight for your existence, probably.

Well, I mean, this is what I think is interesting.

Like you valued your life more because you fucking— your sibling was dying at home. It was like Let this day mean something to me. Let this information that I'm reading through, let the fact that I can absorb information, let it mean something to me.

Right. You're saying that now maybe we've lost that, that people have become sort of numb, nihilistic husks who don't value their own existence like they did when you watched your friend get eaten by a wolf.

Right. I think it's a tough— I think we are deeper in it than we know. I think we are up to our waist right now. In it.

In what?

In, um, in the suction of, of, of the devil.

Oh, right.

In the suction of something deviant, in the suction of the dark arts, man. I believe that it is. We think we just have nice pants on, but we don't realize that we've invited these skins of like, you know, we've invited something. There's something very demonic going on. Do you think technology is inherently demonic?

Oh my God, I You— it— okay, so first, like, let's define demonic. Okay, so what is your definition of demonic?

Uh, with intent to harm, to— let me see, demonic, I would say of Satan's will. Yeah, with intent to be a succubus. To the godliness, that to the, uh, nature and morality and godliness that may exist inside of us as a group and as individuals. Okay, so does that make sense or not?

Did you have Bishop Robert Barron on your show?

Yeah, cool guy.

You gotta have him on.

BRB.

Yes.

Damn, dude, you guys will hit crazy though. You guys, the initials to have.

Yeah, he's, he's really cool. He was a—

sign him up. All right, Zach.

I had him on my podcast. And what's really interesting is actually having him on my podcast got me more interested in Christianity than any other time in my life. And the reason was not necessarily what he told me, though. You know, he's a really cool guy. And like, obviously he's like brilliant. He's a bishop and he's obviously a theologian.

And he's Orthodox, Greek Orthodox.

He's Catholic. Like, okay, I don't— yeah, so, but what was really weird is, you know, I've had so many guests of all kinds of— I've had Satanists on the podcast, I've had witches on the podcast, I've had Hindus, Buddhists, New Age people, LSD chemists. I've had all kinds of, you know, generally Wiggers, God's Dalmatians. I never—

and you haven't?

Not yet, bro.

That's a road to go down. That's the eclipse, dude. That's the eclipse.

No, I probably have. I have to go back and look at the catalog.

That's a human eclipse.

But dude, I get it. I have one Catholic bishop on and man, people got so mad at me and it was really interesting because it's like, wait a minute, what the fuck? Like, you guys didn't care when I had like people who—

Were you trying to demonize the guy? Why'd they get mad?

Well, because like the— basically what started, uh, bubbling up was that I, I moved to Texas, I'm having a bunch of fucking kids, I've become some kind of fundamentalist Christian. I— all this, like, I love religion and I, I love Christianity. I love, like, I, I'm fascinated by it. And, and the New Testament is so beautiful and so different from what most people think it is. Like, when you sit down and actually read it yourself, if you have an idea of what Christianity is, you realize whatever that was is not what this is, which is to me a really sort of thrilling moment in studying any religion. Like, if you're, if you're going to critique a religion or a philosophy, you really, I think, need to study it deeply.

Amen.

And then you can then go for it, right?

We got to start doing that more, I think, on here, is learning about some of the depths of different religions, because you see a lot of stuff online that can lead you in certain ways.

Um, but demons—

yeah, Satan, Satan and demons. I believe that Satan is way more active than we think. I think we got into this lush period of like, um, of self-believing that something was taking care of us. Not that something doesn't love us, I believe that. Yeah, but we believe that something was taking care of us, that we didn't have to show up for our own, like like salvation, not just, uh, religiously, but for our own salvation as human beings as well, for our own day-to-day salvation. Do you think that, um, do you think that we are strong enough or care enough to save ourselves?

Well, I mean, I, I hear what you're saying, and that's a really good question because I think you're pointing towards a misconception, or in Buddhism, what would be considered a distortion when it comes to what people think they are. So in Buddhism, this shows up as something called interdependency or dependent co-origination, which means that we're all connected, that the clothes that you're wearing, everything that you are, every— everything around you, everything is there because of causes and conditions that created the situation that we're in. So in other words, when you ask, "Are we enough to save ourselves?" It points to a distortion, which is we think we are an individual self disconnected from the system. And of course we're not enough to save ourselves. And I don't just mean in a spiritual sense. Everything that we consider that we need for survival around us right now is there because of the labor and work and energy of people you're never going to meet. The food was hauled in on trucks, the plastic in the Fiji bottle, your clothes, everything, your books, the trees that grew to make the wood for your sign. All of these things point to a complete tapestry of existence, meaning there isn't such a self anyway.

But if you think that you're a self, then you— if you're foolish enough to think you're all you need, it's like, look around you, right?

But no, but I mean, I agree, but do you think we as a— do you think we are strong enough to show up and save ourselves?

You mean as a species?

As a species? Because feel like we're kind of on the brink of this place where something could happen, or like, where this— like, like, they're— like, I don't know, it seems like darkness is trying to defeat us.

Oh yeah.

And, and it feels like, are we strong enough to save ourselves? Because some days it feels like maybe, and some days it feels like maybe not, if I'm real honest.

I don't think— I think that— I, I think that the I think a lot of people's suffering is related to self-cherishing. A lot of people's suffering is related to being misdirected. There is a misdirective force in the universe. Now, Bishop Barron, he was telling me, well, what is the definition of Satan? Like, what is the actual definition of Satan? What is it described as? And he said it is the accuser The scatterer, that which scatters. So if we're going to come up with a definition of the demonic, and, and the question is, is like this technology demonic? And let's just throw the word Satan out for a second because that does create a knee-jerk reaction in people. A lot of people do have like religious trauma for real, and I know that word gets thrown around a lot, but some people are born into highly abusive households where religion is used as an excuse to fuck with the rational mind or people. It's not— when—

right, I'm being a little bit flippant about it.

No, I don't think you're being flippant. I think you're— I'm just— I'm—

but you're just clarifying.

I'm— yeah, but, but so for some people it's useful to throw out words like that and just— you don't have to use that word if you don't. I think it's a useful word, but, um, I can mean the devil, the dark energy, whatever you want to, you know, but But Satan does have like some specific definitions: the scatterer and the accuser.

That's exactly what's going on.

What is technology doing? It's accusing one group or another group of being the source of all the suffering in the world. The accuser. I've seen you, Theo, accused of, you know, because of the people you have in your podcast. It's all your fucking in fault, dude. Look what you've done, right? But it's not just you. It's not just you. It's what, what, what technology is doing, what the algorithm seems to be doing, is creating these very clear distorted distinctions between groups of people, right? Which is, anytime you have direct one-on-one contact with most people, they're awesome. They might be annoying, They might disagree with you, might be chatty or whatever, chatty, but in general they all—

they're good.

People want to help. Yeah, people actually really want to help. It's very sweet.

But I agree, you get behind these phones and it's like, I mean, there's so much racial— like, I have like Black friends that'll just be like, they act like they were slaves sometimes because of the fodder they get fed. They'll get stuff like, remember when you were a slave?

And it's like, yeah.

And I'm like, dude, Ronnie, what are you talking about? I'm like, your dad worked at Chase Bank, dude. Yeah, when were you a fucking slave? You were the best player on our team, dude. You got all the girls. You got all the white girls too.

Yeah, well, look at all the stories. Look at all this.

Remember when you were a slave? Chew some of this slave gum and it'll say you slave. It'll be like, oh, remember this Richmond, Virginia gum? You know, now it tastes like the 1870s.

You know, dude, they're trying to replace you. Yeah, if you're white, they're trying to replace you.

Better watch out, you're gonna be replaced, or But there's some groups that never get pointed at.

Well, what I'm saying is, if you look at the emergent religion, like you could call the culture war stuff, I think you could actually identify this as a kind of religion or a LARP even. It's, it's people are LARPing because the first thing that's happening is you're being invited to take a side. You know, if you're If you're a Black person, okay, you need to be on the side of whatever. Like if you want to get—

slave gum or whatever.

If you're gay now, you need to join the LGB. You're part of this movement, right? If you're white, you're being replaced. If you're Jewish, they're going to— the concentration camps are about to start up again. You can look and see that every single person on the planet, if you want to attach to a terrifying, horrible story, You can find it. And the moment you subscribe to it, you invite it in. Your algorithm will be flooded with things to confirm your worst fears, giving you a sense that this is real, crystallizing the distortion. This, this is all happening in 2D space on your fucking phone. Yeah, mostly. I'm not saying that there isn't obviously real evil happening in the world right now, but this moment right now, wherever you may be, this moment right now, it's pretty good, right? This is the kingdom of God. This is what I think Jesus was talking about. The kingdom of God is here right now. This is why the symbol of blindness appears again and again. Saul of Tarsus, Saul of Tarsus, stoning fucking Christians, which to this day is very popular. You know, they're one of the most persecuted— it's one of the most persecuted religions to this this day.

And people get mad at me for saying that, but you can look it up, dude.

Oh, who? Christianity?

Yes.

Oh, for sure. There's some— there's a lot of videos recently that you'll see. It's still happening in a lot of places.

Very popular.

Can you bring up the Saul of Tarsus story, please?

Yeah, Saul of Tarsus. It's a great story. He became Paul.

Saul of Tarsus. Thank you. Saul of Tarsus was a key observer and approving bystander at the execution of Stephen, the first Christian martyr. Rather than casting stones himself, Saul guarded the heavy cloaks of the witnesses while they carried out the stoning. Wow.

And then who did he become? Saul of Tarsus, the road to Damascus. He's walking, has a vision of Christ. Jesus says, Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me? He's had a conversion experience.

The story of Saul on the road to Damascus is a pivotal event in Christian history, describing Saul of Tarsus' dramatic conversion into the Apostle Paul. Traveling to Damascus to arrest and persecute Christians, he was blinded by a divine light and heard the the voice of Jesus. Wow.

Yeah. Yeah. Now, now there's a lot of interpretations of this, this event. Who knows? But this idea of, of blind— of blindness, Jesus curing the blind man, all this stuff, the blind— the blindness. This to me is the situation. We're kind of in a situation of, of blindness, but an interesting kind of blindness, because the modern mind thinks that they're very clear. They think that they're seeing things very clearly. They know a sophisticated person should be worried about— you know, there's a list of things you should be worried about. This means you're on the right side and you're sophisticated if you're worried about the right things. Certain things, if you're worried about them, mean you're a fucking piece of shit, racist, bigoted piece of shit. You got to be worried about the right things. But what do they all have in common? Worry. You need to be freaked out. You need to be worried, scared. That bumper sticker: if you're not angry, you're not listening. Now, yeah, That's one of the most satanic bumper stickers I've ever seen in my fucking life. I think the devil himself printed that shit out. It's basically like, if you aren't angry, something's wrong with you.

You need to be angry, scared, pissed off, judgmental. Don't talk to those people. Don't look at those people. Don't think those thoughts. Everything about you is fucking wrong. Everything about them is wrong. You got to be in a constant tortured state of deep anxiety, fear, and worry, or you are not okay. You are not a good person unless you're scared.

And we should— there should be a score now that you get to see when you meet someone. How much time have they spent on their phone? What, what, what apps have they been on? Yeah, what's— you know what I'm saying? Like, because it's kind of not even fair that these algorithms— the recent— there was just an— the Algorithm Act. What was that? They've been trying to get it passed for years now. But, um, and they've had some cases recently where Meta has been held liable. There was a girl that had a lot of suicidal thoughts and, um, was— I believe had an eating disorder, I could be wrong with that, but— or was dealing with, um, uh, Algorithm Accountability Act of 2025 focused on automated decision systems in critical areas: jobs, credit, housing, health, education. And this is according to Perplexity. But yeah, it's like these algorithms should be held accountable. We are letting these— that's where the devil— it's like we're letting these things control. Because I'll watch stuff, I'll see some clips, and if you look at one, then something else comes up, and now you're down a rabbit hole. Then you see somebody from that group, whatever that is, in real life.

Yeah.

And you could have an energy towards them.

That's right. Um, I mean, they got you thinking about reparations. Yeah, you're thinking about reparations a lot. Why?

It keeps coming up on my feed.

Fucking algorithm is showing you this version of reality where there's people all over the place trying to get reparations, which there are probably people— there are people doing that. Yeah, but probably not as many as you think there are because your algorithm is just like, look, look what they're doing.

So then I see like a homeless guy and he's like, hey, can I get a buck? I'm like, oh, okay.

Oh, reparations.

You want reparations?

And that's just because of the— you're getting— you're, you're right, you're contaminating yourself. We all have it. I have it too. Everyone has it.

Everyone has it. But that's the thing. Are we— is there enough space to rise up? Is there enough space to rise above it? I think here's the thing, we have to believe that there is and envision a possibility that where there is, otherwise there isn't. So that's one thing.

Um, definitely is.

But dude, even just the fake AI stuff, just to make things a little softer, to soften up the conversation, soften it up. Um, what's a fake AI story? Oh, did you see— what was the one? Brain. I think I put it on the list of— it's in my, it's in my, um, Oh yeah, there was this girl, Kay. Oh yeah, Kayleigh. This was the lawsuit she had. She argued that features like infinite scrolling, autoplay, algorithmic recommendations, and beauty filters were engineered to make users engage compulsively.

True.

What breaks my heart sometimes, though— or I don't know if it breaks my heart, but it kind of makes me— I don't know, it makes me mad that I got to sit with some of these guys and they act like there's no crime in their algorithms. They act like there's no, like, um, like evil goals behind it, right? And I think it's obvious, yeah, that anybody can see where we're headed isn't a great place. So do you think some of these technocrats just don't have a moral compass? Because something must be wrong.

Oh dude, I mean, that's a whole— that's a deep fucking rabbit hole. Like, you're okay because you're talking about like the Galapagos Okay, Galápagos Islands, right? Weird creatures there because they're separated from everything else, right? So when we're talking about the Silicon Valley tech overlords, we're talking about a weird kind of Galápagos Island where you've got this set group of people who've been there for a while, who have been engineering the technology that is now being used for mass surveillance. For blowing up Palestinians, for fucking exploding parts of the world, and for hypnotizing children into, like, being glued to the fucking technology, right? And so you're looking at, like, essentially a warlocks guild. These are the wizards of the world. They are summoning spirits via AI. A lot of them were into the occult. You can look that shit up. And regardless, I think there's public records of some of them saying that they used B.F. Skinner, the behaviorist's work. He was the guy who could make like pigeons tap dance and shit. They coded that into the algorithm, the same stuff they use for slot machines and stuff in Vegas.

I've seen that, right?

So these are wizards, illusionists. So, dude, it's like, do they know what they're doing? Yes, they were there. They're making addictive technologies. Can they say that's what they were doing?

Hell no.

Do you think it's a unified goal, or do you think they all just happen to each have these things things going on, and that's where we are, dude.

I think that—

and I'll come on, I want to come on y'all's show and we'll go down this rabbit hole.

I love to. I listen, man, I think we're gonna get into some softer stuff. That's what I do know.

Uh-huh.

Before you get in the soft stuff, I do know this: Zuckerberg apparently doesn't let his kids on the fucking computer. Apparently a lot of these tech people keep their kids off social media.

I think I asked him about that, didn't I?

What did he say?

I think I said, do you, do your kids use social media?

Regardless, they have strict fucking guardrails for their kids using social fucking media.

Yeah.

And that is, is interesting to me. It's like, if this shit's so okay, what's going on?

Yeah, I think I— let's check and see. I'm gonna— I'll find out in just a second. I think we asked him about that. Um, but yeah, this was, this was one thing I was saying about this. Like, I remember watching this, right? I think—

often think so.

This was last year, a little bit. But this is called Brain Bridge, right? Play this clip.

Oh my God, this is going to blow your mind. A startup company called BrainBridge announced today that they believe that they will be able to successfully perform a head transplant surgery in the next 8 years. The way that this would work is you would take a person with a perfectly healthy and active brain, but their body has cancer or paralysis, and transplant it to a brain-dead donor body. What's crazy is that they said that by doing this, the person that's receiving the new body would still be able to maintain their memories, cognitive abilities, and consciousness. They say that the brain could last several hundred years if it had a good working body, and that that might be a potential in the future, but that this would also give people with different ailments a second chance. Wow.

I mean, but this came out and I remember, uh, a guy sent it to me. I'm not going to say who it was, but like kind of like a certain type of person. Yeah, sent it to me. Yeah, from, um, Birmingham or whatever. And he's like, man, this is scary, you know? And I'm like, that ain't real. That's not real, man, you know what I'm saying? But it's stuff like this that we think, like, you know. And then you probably have like, like spouses, like a woman, she's like, oh, you know, 6 more, you know, 6 more birthday cakes. And because it said like 6 years it'll be happening, right? Yeah, 6 more more birthday cakes and my, you know, I'm gonna have Denzel Washington in my kitchen or whatever, or I'm gonna have, you know, you know, my husband's gonna look like DaBaby or whatever. You're gonna have like a 75-year-old guy with like a body that like looks like a fucking— like a California raisin and DaBaby's head. Like, it's just gonna— so, but that's, that's AI stuff, you know? That's the things that people believe.

It's not real. I've been— what, you know what AI's been showing A lot of fake honey badger content videos, like nature videos, looks real, like honey badgers, like fighting elephants and horses. A lot of AI videos of like, God, what are those creatures that defend themselves with shit?

Are you talking about those David Attenborough Fight Night videos?

Well, yeah, but people are now generating very good AI video of like honey badgers fighting shit. And I was watching them for a while before I realized that's not real. Like, because I love honey badgers. It's a, it's a different subject altogether. But a lot of these are fake as fuck. Or the hippos spinning their tails and shitting off, you know, they— yeah, doing that, blasting tigers away and stuff. That's a lot of those are fake.

Are they really?

I mean, it's insidious. It's at that level too. It's not just head transplant.

Elephant shits on birthday party or whatever.

It's like, go on Instagram. And look up like hippo defending itself, and I'm pretty sure a lot of these are AI. I don't want it to be AI, I want it to be real. But if you look up any hippo, it's a whole genre now of hippos shitting on various predators.

Yeah, if you guys can bring some of those up, we'll get right back to them. Um, dude, oh yeah, I saw this thing the other day. Hot air balloons are being used for sex trafficking, and that was an AI thing.

That's so—

and that was an AI thing, dude. It's so fun. So now it's like when you take one of the most beautiful— like, people are watching a hot air balloon race and there's some grandmother being like, you know, there's a 9-year-old, you know, or something.

Kid bound and gagged in the basket of that balloon, getting shipped off to some fucked up island. That's so cr— everything beautiful, you know, brothels on the moon, kids being transported in hot air balloons. They're ruining everything.

But then they'll start to— but then also what'll happen then is this is— then this, this piece starts to happen. They take a fake story like that, right? Like the kids being sex trafficked, you know, like in hot air balloons, which is crazy. Yeah, like, like, for how many people could even fit in a hot air balloon? Probably 6 to 8.

A lot of kids.

That's true. Probably 4 to 10.

I don't know, but I think I could get 20 in there.

I don't want to know.

We could talk after this.

Yeah, we'll talk after the show. Yeah, we're joking.

But dude, we are joking. Jesus Christ, we're joking.

But then here's what happens is they put the story out, right?

Yeah.

Then they become— then there becomes this lobbying towards the government. Like, now somebody's lobbying We need to train officers. We need specifically trained officers who know how to fly hot air balloons so that they can be lookouts for this thing. And it becomes one of those Somali welfare things where it's just a money laundering thing, but it's all based off of, well, let's put the story out first, create the fear, create the worry, then let's find this other big financial solution that we— and do all the training and all the bullshit.

Yeah.

So we have something to invoice the American government or any government for, and then the people— our tax money just goes to another thing. Now we have 700, you know, trained like hot air balloon surveillance technology.

I'm sorry, I don't think you realize what you just did, but you have come up with like an incredible series on like NBC. Hot air balloon, like, cop chasing sex predators through the skies.

Oh.

Dude, that's an incredible show.

Thank you.

Like, that would be really, like, really fun to watch.

Dude, imagine you're ducking down in your basket. Yeah, you get a new partner, you do that heat thing, you turn it up.

Dude, I would watch that all day long. That's an incredible idea. But yeah, you're right. It creates a chain reaction and essentially just shit tons of money gets wasted on something fabricated, right? By like a couple of like teenagers in Morocco.

Yeah.

And you don't—

or wherever, I don't know why I said, you know, but then they honor him at a football game. It's like, and there's Harold Arthur III, he did 17 years in the hot air balloon surveillance squad, let's give him a round of applause.

Yeah, yeah, man, it's— you're right.

And dude, but they used to have— I remember they had this girl in our school and her dad and his friend, I guess they were kind of gay men or whatever, and they would, uh, they were hot air balloon guys, but they would go up and kind of kiss or whatever. Like, it would lock— like, whatever, meet up in this— like, not meet up, I guess meet up in the sky or whatever, you know? How? Or just like lock their— you know, tie their balloons off to each other.

How does that— that wouldn't the— like, it's like, wouldn't the balloons themselves bump into each other?

I think there's ways you can do that, because that is like—

if you're gonna like create sort of a spectrum of gay was to hide.

They were scared to get seen around town. So you level up.

Like, making out with another dude in a separate hot air balloon is— that's, that's gay.

It's brave gays though. It's brave, power, brave gays. How was that on a show?

That's the name of the show. That's it. They're gay hot air balloon cops. This is the Brokeback Mountain.

This is—

dude, uh, do we have a beat of it here? Did he say anything?

I think that that's a big part of it. I try to— like, it's important to me that, that the kids get that too. And the kids are very active.

Um, do your kids have a lot of, um, like, screen time? Like, how much screen time do you allow your kids?

Yeah, um, it's different for the different ones. We don't just like let them do whatever. But I actually like want them to be fluent with this stuff and like kind of like we talked about earlier, you know, I want them to learn how to code, how to use technology. I think it's important.

But he's not saying he wants them to use it. He's saying he wants them to know how to code and use technology.

I want them to be able to create the mind traps that I've created. I want them to be able to build manipulative, seductive technology so that they can lure other children. Into my trap that will inevitably control the entire planet. But I would never show them the fucking hypno rectangle.

I mean, dude, it's giving that dude a lot. Is there any more to it or that's it?

It's a long answer to a simple question, right? He could just be like, yeah, I put them on it all the time.

A lot of socialization. They have their own accounts, like happens online at this point. Like people need to get used to the norms and stuff around that. So I mean, they're not on They're still too young to be using like social media, but they have Messenger Kids. You know, we make it so that they can video chat and chat with their friends. And you know, we'll obviously monitor to make sure that they're just connecting with the people who we think that they should. But like, I think it's actually good. I think people need to kind of grow up. I don't need to, is strong, but I think is, I think it's good if you have an engaged parent and they, and as a child you learn up, you kind of grow up learning how to use a bunch of this stuff. So I think that's all good. I want the kids to the extent that they're interested in it to learn how to code, learn how to create stuff, whether it's in like Horizon or VR tools or they play, you know, Roblox and Minecraft.

Roblox! Did he just say fucking play Roblox? Look up, look up Roblox. Like, look up Roblox pedophilia.

Oh, is that where they're doing it now? Dude, dude, this is like the new rest areas. Remember rest areas?

Look at Roblox. Yes, Roblox is currently the subject of heavy scrutiny, including investigations, lawsuits from U.S. state attorneys, local governments, and reports highlighting that predators exploit its massive demographic of young users for grooming and sexual exploitation.

Yeah.

Don't put your fucking kids on Roblox or like, man, I'm telling you, like, people need to understand that. Dude, do you remember, like, did you ever, like, dig around for your dad's porn?

I remember digging in a hole. Somebody said there was porn somewhere, like, not far from us. And we dug. Did we dug as kids? We probably dug fucking 11 feet into the dirt.

A pirate buried his porn out there. That's what Blackbeard beard.

We didn't find anything, dude.

Dude, you just remember the—

we did find like a CPAP machine though. But go on, dude.

My point is, we all know that kids, when they know, like, just based on like the experience of anybody who grew up in the '80s at least, or the '90s, yeah, you would find your dad's porn. Yeah, he could put that shit like in a sewer. He could put that stuff—

he could like keep it under his hat.

You would get it.

Yeah.

So like the idea that Zuckerberg's throwing out there, which is like you can like monitor your kids, number one, dude, are you fucking kidding? A lot of people don't have time to do that. They— and they don't understand this tech. It could be really dangerous for children. Oh yeah. They don't have time to monitor. Number two, the fact that he's recommending Roblox, which as you just pulled up is currently being investigated right now, because it is Dude, it's crazy. He just told everyone watching your show, he's like, put your kids on Roblox. Like, you know how fucked up that is? I don't think he— I don't think he intended to do that.

Well, it was a past episode, it was probably 1 year ago, right? But still, I think if— I don't know, do they know that pedophiles is going on on there? Like, they have to know what's going on, dude. And for years there wasn't even a blockage, I don't think, between adults and kids messaging each other, which would be the first fucking thing. So part of me starts to question, do some of these tech lords, do they want pedophilia to be a thing that exists in our universe?

I mean, um, let me answer that question. I— this is the deal. If you're making—

we need to ask a kid.

If you're making a, a tech, a plat— like, how much is money worth? In other words, let's just say you, Theo Von, invented an app and you found out that somehow children were being abused through your app, you know what you do?

Shut it down.

Shut it the fuck down.

And apologize.

On that day. And reparations. Give them back.

That's your reparations.

That's what you do. You don't keep something going that allows children to be abused. The question is, how much? How, how much is your mansion worth to you?

Well, here's the thing. Here's the thing, Duncan. I agree with you, but people keep saying it's about money. These people, it's not about money anymore. It couldn't be about money if you have a lot of money. It's not about money anymore. It becomes about the next currency. So other currencies are power, and then some of the currencies, it's like you get to be the king and then the king turns into a— I think after king is a devil. Oh yeah, I think it's right on the other side of being a king is being a devil, because there's, there, there's, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's like everything's just a circle. So if you're at the— if you're a king, yeah, then right after it is devil.

Yeah, I mean, you just have to deal with the fact that the technology you create is being used to distribute child pornography and, and it's hurting children. And then whether you— the rest of your life should be spent stopping that from happening not getting taken to court to make that happen. You should just stop it because—

It makes me question these guys a lot, dude.

Well, you know, human sacrifice, especially the sacrifice of children, is an age-old practice. And just because, like, the energy is being extracted from children using a brand new technology doesn't change the fact that this technology is harming children.

And we're not saying that Facebook is doing that, but we're just saying that Roblox has accusations about that and that it's obvious that I mean, you can look.

I mean, again, I don't know.

There have been probably instances of adults commandeering children sexually on Facebook.

Obviously, I can't say with the authority of some of the people doing the investigations whether or what's happening, but I will say that if you don't think that social media and online games is being used by predators to fuck with your kids You are a dipshit. You're out of your mind. What are you fucking doing? And also, might I just add, and I know we're supposed to light things up, when you're posting pictures of your fucking kids—

yeah, in bathing suits, in bathing suits, or no shirt—

and you look and you can look at who's favoriting those pictures. If 60% of those are like dudes in their 40s— yeah, what are you doing? What are you doing?

Well, that's when you start to realize that we've— like, there's this vortex that you start to get manipulated by, and that we're being manipulated. It's like watching a belly dancer dance, and next thing you know, you've given all your money. And after you've given all your money, you'll give her your kids, or give her your organs, you'll give her your offspring, you'll give her whatever it is, and you don't even notice you're giving anymore. You're not even getting anything out of it anymore. You were just tricked into giving everything all away.

That's right. Dude, you said it. Praise the Lord. Throw your fucking phones in a— oh yeah, this is great. Let's watch this. This will lighten things up. It's hippos shitting on animals.

Oh yeah.

I mean, we all—

we all—

like, if we didn't— oh, it's not— I don't think that's—

and now this— and look, dude, and they'll probably— they'll accuse the animal of doing blackface or whatever.

It's AI though, right? That's not real.

I don't know, but this is the kind of stuff that just breaks my heart because he poses like he sits like he wanted to get shit on.

Like, it's not real, right? Breaks your heart.

It looks real. He's pissed, bro. And that cheetah is pregnant, bro. He's probably like, I know where to get some lunch, and he pulls out.

It's gotta be fake. And this is a whole genre of hippos shitting on, on jaguars.

And bro, don't come on my back and tell me it's raining, brother.

Why did he sit there? Like, why?

It's like, because it's the old, hey, let's go get some lunch, I'ma shit on you trick. Okay, that's the whole thing, bro.

That old classic.

What else do we have? What other AI things are out there? There's some other AI things that were fake, or were there other AI things in the news? Or what else can we talk about? Is there something else on your mind you want to talk about?

On my mind? Yeah, right now. Um, yeah, man.

Do you feel hope as a parent? That's a question. Is it okay if I ask you that? Do you feel hope as a parent knowing, seeing a lot of these open vortexes of the devil that are operating around us and how we are being like summoned to dance for them like the brooms in Fantasia. Like, but do you— and, and none of this is accusatory. Like, I have the same stuff. I'm like, you know, I try to battle it, and it's probably easier because I have less responsibilities than you do as a parent. But it's like, um, we're all fighting this thing, you know?

Yeah, I, I, I, I will never stop loving existence, and I have— I know that people are good. In Buddhism it's called fundamental goodness, that underneath the fear is goodness. And when you're around a baby, when you're around your kids, you get to see that. You get to see a brand new human before the windshield gets like covered in splattered fear bugs that begin to define their personality. And as a parent, you can't keep those bugs from splattering on the windshield. That's gonna happen. But you also can, like, maybe you can at least help them understand that love is eternal, that love is eternal, that we're embraced by the universe, that benevolence, kindness, all the things that are taught in Christianity and many of the world religions, these ways of being are not affected by technology, by AI, by all of the things that inevitably are coming down the line. This way, the actual term for Hinduism I've heard is called Sanatana Dharma. It means the eternal way or the eternal path. This path, it doesn't fucking matter if there's cyborgs walking down the path. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. And I think that's the most important thing to remember.

Is that this— what, what we were today, we're calling the Satan. Satan depends on us building up that energy, making it big, scary. This is described as like it's the monster under the bed. It's darkness.

Darkness is—

all you have to do is flip on the light.

Amen.

Gone. Instantly gone. And so the more I think we focus on that darkness and all of its complexity and all of its seeming sophistication and all of its tricks and deviousness and deception, the more powerful it becomes. But the moment you just turn into the present moment, right, and, and your own heart and the people you love, it's like a light turns on.

Well, I think we need astronauts too sometimes to go into the darkness, man. We need astronauts to go in there and find the switches too, you know. I think sometimes we need I think sometimes it does feel sometimes like we are too— like there's like, you know, a lot of times in Christianity they talk about acceptance a lot and acceptance and acceptance. And, you know, in a lot of religions they talk about acceptance, surrender. Yes. And it's like you can do that in some ways, but also part of you is like, but when do you like really stand? You know what I'm saying? When do we stand up? Because we're creatures with legs. Yeah, you know, when do we stand up and, um, and not just accept everything? And maybe that's the phase that we're in now. And then part of me, like, I was talking to my friend Curtis the other day, and like, we talk about religion a lot and things like that, and it's— and, um, and he was saying that it doesn't really matter if you win here in the world, right? If the world wins, if we win as a society here here.

It matters in the, in the afterlife, in the next realm, in like, you know what I'm saying? Like, um, this is just a practice ground for your spirit, like to see how you operate a spirit. It's almost like, like, uh, when you did like school driving or whatever, right? And there was some guy who was like obviously a pedophile usually who would get to teach you how to drive because they wouldn't let him coach him where they took away his whistle. And so he's fucking sitting there just squeezing your thighs. But dude, he's in there squeezing your thighs. Like, if I squeeze your left thigh, it means turn left. If I squeeze your right thigh— and I'm like, why, fuck, dude? Why are you touching me, dude? So I was just going like in circles, dude. This motherfucker was just massaging me or whatever.

Just fucked me up, man.

But it's just like, yeah, but it's like, is— or do you think it matters? Because sometimes I care too much. I feel like if we win here as a people, as opposed to like if I— if my like as opposed to like best curing the meat of my soul for the next refrigerator or meal or charcuterie board of existence. Does that make sense?

Charcuterie board of existence. It's very poetic. I know what you mean. I just think, you know, the move is you look at this thing and now you're worrying about literally all of humanity, right? How do I fix all of humanity? It's— that's a very anxious—

right? It's an anxious place.

It's—

instead, it's not fair to you. It's not fair to us.

You can't. It's not your job. And I think that doesn't mean you should be some kind of impotent pseudo-spiritual person who isn't actively trying to make the world better. But since you're the first part of the world you encounter, How much time are you spending seeing if you can reduce your own fear and anxiety and increase your ability to have compassion and love for the people that you encounter throughout the day? And, you know, if enough of us do that— and that is not easy, by the way, right?

But it's incremental. You don't have to do it all in one day, but you get to do small things.

And you never know. I mean, it's I think if we're going to use the Bible as a reference for the conversation, didn't— doesn't the story go when Jesus sent out the disciples, he said, don't worry about what you're going to say. I will speak through you. And if your message is not accepted, leave and knock the dust from your feet, which is really just saying, stay in the present moment. Trust, trust. Don't let this darkness trick you. Into getting all freaked out and angry, because when you're angry, you'll say angry words. But, you know, this is a terrible way to ruin whatever the fuck I'm saying. Have you ever gotten in an argument on MDMA? Have you ever said a single shitty thing to someone when you're on ecstasy? Now, this is, I think, a way— there might be a way. I'm not saying be on ecstasy all the time, but imagine if somehow you could cultivate that that part of yourself that shows up on a nice MDMA tab, if you could cultivate that— in Buddhism that's called bodhichitta, and it's the awakened heart— if you could cultivate that, then whatever came out of your mouth, whatever you did, theoretically would be much better than what you do when you're angry, freaked out, scared, and pissed off.

So maybe the first step is to take more ecstasy, which brings me to a plug for my new business, Trussell MDMA. Go to Trussell— I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

Trussell MDMA church wafers too. That would be the best, dude.

No, I just feel like the idea is as much as you can cultivate compassion in your own heart and see how that—

The best thing I noticed too, I just go on a walk with a friend. When Saul was walking, dude, when Saul was walking, was he walking alone out there?

There? That's a great question. I don't know.

Can you look that up? When Saul was on the road to— where is it? Damascus.

Damascus. I'm guessing alone.

No, Saul—

no, let it go! This is awesome.

No, Saul was not alone when he was traveling to Damascus. According to the biblical account in Acts 9, uh, he was accompanied by a group of traveling companions who were rendered speechless by the heavenly light and sound.

They all saw it.

Um, Wow. So yeah, I think— I don't know, I just— there's nothing I enjoy more these days, bro, than honestly just going on a walk with a friend or something like that.

You know, you seem great.

I do.

You do.

Thanks, man.

Yeah, you see, your energy's really like— you got like— you've got— what's the word? What do they call it now? Your aura. I don't know what the word— my kid the other day, it's so funny when they start saying like kid insults, and it's a brutal insult. He was talking about somebody, he's like, their aura is chopped.

Damn.

Have you heard that?

Yeah, someone said that. Chopped aura.

Your aura is not chopped right now, man.

Someone called me chopped onk one time. Someone drove by and called me fuck it one month ago.

What?

For no reason. Where? Huh?

Where?

Because I had two bags of fucking shopping clothes.

Are you kidding me?

Yeah, I know I bought a lot, but still, I— yeah, yeah, dude, it was just because I think—

crazy.

I think because I was like tying my shoe, but I bent over like at the hip, like at the hip instead of like kind of squatted down.

That's fucked up. That's crazy.

I know, that's crazy. That's crazy because I like bent like, like fully just because like, yeah, I get it, but it's like, God, just say it. Roll the window up and just say it to yourself.

That's a rare experience for— right? Like, yeah. How often does that happen to you?

Uh, I don't know, dude, but I put, I put, I put stuff out in the world that didn't need to be out there, dude. Dude, when we were kids, we would write— this is horrible to say in this crazy, crazy way to end this conversation. Thank you for the compliments, dude. I am in a space where I'm trying to ask myself a few more questions instead of just take how I feel. I'm like, what's this feeling trying to show me? Yeah, you know, like, okay, if I'm angry, what— why— like, okay, what do I get by being angry right now? I'm just trying to question a little bit more about what's going on. But when I— yeah, dude, when we used to do this, it was kind of messed up. We would like write the— and we might take this out— we used to write the N-word on a piece of paper, right, to get it out of our system. And we would put it into a bottle, like a message in a bottle, and then we'd throw them in this river not far from our house. Throw them off this bridge, off into this, into this river.

And then the craziest part was though, dude, like a couple months later, we're over at the park, which is like a mile from where we're throwing them off, dude. We see a dad and his kid find— pick up a fucking— pick up one of these bottles, and he— the kid opens it up.

That's so sad.

And the dad's like, what does it say? And we're just like, oh bro, we gotta find a better way to dispose of this.

There's a racist dude wrecked around here.

So dude, we live and learn, man. That's what we do. Um, you can live and learn, uh, in one of the best possible ways. Dude, this honestly the most fun conversation I probably had in a year and a half.

Oh, that means the world to me, Theo. I—

that's the truth.

I love talking with you, man. It's such a joy. Thanks for having me on the show.

It's the truth. You bet, dude. I'm going to come on Mystery Boys. I want to go down a rabbit hole, so we got to— we got to procure a nice one one. Um, oh yeah, and, uh, you can check out Mystery Boys, um, with the good— we know he works for good— Kurt Metzger.

I would argue saintly.

Okay, saintly. Saint Metzger, dude.

Saint Metzger. I'll vote for it. Yeah.

Um, Dungan Trussell, thanks so much, bro.

Thanks for having me on. I really appreciate it, Theo.

Yeah, man.

Thanks for watching, you guys. Like these leaves, I must be cornerstone. Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found. I can feel it in my bones, but it's gonna take a little—