Transcript of #668 - Cristina Mariani New

Just a reminder that Busboys: The Movie is available to stream at home on Apple TV, Prime Video, YouTube. You can see all the options at busboysmovie.com. Make sure to go ahead and check that out. We've also got some DVDs available if you're into that. And thank you to anyone and everyone who helped support our movie. Amen. Today's guest is a stand-up comedian out of Austin, Texas. Uh, you may know her from Kill Tony and from her tour currently in America and in Europe as well next year. I had a great time getting to know the hilarious Miss Christina Mariani. Thank you for coming, and thanks for adjusting your time or whatever was going on.

Yeah, thanks for having me. Um, you know, for a second I thought you meant you were gonna do my podcast, and then I was like, why would he— he didn't know about that. It clicked later. That's why I asked if you could do it in the evening.

Oh really?

Yeah.

I'm glad that you would think about me being on there. I don't know what hat to wear here. What do you think, Christina? What do you think if you had to pick a hat for a guy that's sitting in here? Um, that's one.

Okay. Um, I think I like that one more.

You like this one more?

Yeah, you look tan.

Uh, what do you say? I look handsome?

It's tan.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, like you've been in the sun.

Oh, I thought you mean I look— I, I honestly, I thought it gave me a little street cred. I thought like you look closer to being like a B-G, black guy.

Oh no, not with a mullet. That's true, you never see a black guy with a mullet.

But you know what, you know, you know what's— I think is something that should come back is the Jheri curl.

That's what you were saying, you and Zach were just mentioning that.

Well, she was talking about mullets and I said— she was like, if he was— it's a long story. We're talking if you were black and you had a mullet, I said I think that's a Jheri curl.

Oh, that's what a Jheri curl is? I didn't know.

Oh, that's a Jheri curl, baby. Okay, sorry. And it's hard to call you baby too. Also, that's insane and that's very unprofessional and it's not cool.

I felt like you were being a narrator. Not you, Theo, just the narrator of the—

Thank you. Yeah, yeah, I wasn't trying to be offensive.

No, no, I didn't think— or like you, you said I was aloof. That was worse.

Okay, before we were rolling.

Yeah, yeah, but now everyone knows if I'm being weird, it's because you called me aloof and now I'm in my head about it.

Okay.

Um, oh, sorry.

Um, your hair looks nice.

How about that? Can I say that?

Yeah, you're very funny too, let me say that first.

Okay, cool.

Yeah, and your hair looks really nice. It looks different than the last time I saw it.

Yeah, I got bangs. Um, just, yeah, I just wanted to try it.

And how does— yeah, how does a bang choice come on? I know that's—

how? Um, you know, every once in a while something happens during the month for girls and you just get more testosterone and then you start making decisions.

Oh really?

Yeah, I feel like that's when I make all my important decisions is around my period.

You mean something ovular?

Oh, just like Because you get way more testosterone in your body when you're about to— that's why we get so angry, because we're closer to you guys, um, when we're about to get our periods. We're the closest to guys.

So then is that, is that, is that really what happens?

I'm pretty sure. I don't want to like— we can fact-check.

No, bring it up. But so, so you get more testosterone right out of there because— why is it? Because you have to hatch an egg kind of deal? Or like, is, does the body need more power or need more— that's not a good way to say it. Somebody's going to get upset no matter what I say here, but about, uh, power, or just like, you know, what is the— what do they need more testosterone for, do you feel like?

Um, I don't know. I have no idea. I feel like it was just your body punishing you for not having a baby. That's what a period is. That's what the— it's like now you get to be a man for a week. But then if you—

and what branch of Christianity says that?

I don't know. I, I don't know. Are you religious? You're a little religious.

Yeah, I believe in God, you know.

Right.

And, uh, uh, Yeah, and I like Jesus, dude. So that's where I'm at. But no, I, yeah, yeah, I have faith for sure.

Yeah, that's cool.

And you're part— you're part-time religious, are you?

I grew up really religious. I grew up really Catholic, so. But then, uh, you know, in high school I was like, I don't know, I don't know if I believe in this. And then now I'm like kind of into crystals and stuff. Oh yeah. And like, but I'm spiritual, I guess.

But you can't spell crystal without Cree, like me. Oh no, Christ.

Christ. Yeah, okay, I was thinking also Christ. Christina is close.

Wow. So you—

yeah, no matter what I was thinking about myself.

Yeah. Um, what was I even asking about? Oh no, but tell me more about the, um, the ovular, like the energy, the ovular energy.

Oh, okay.

And how it led to the bangs, kind of.

Oh, okay. Well, I think I just, um You know, I was— I think I always have these, um, things in subcon— like in the back of my mind, these things that bug me, but I'm able to ignore it for most of the month. And then when I'm about to get my period, they all kind of come to light and they really aggravate me, you know. And then I'd get like more insecure and stuff. And then I just, you know, I'm like, you know what, I will get banged. Why not? Because you get that testosterone and that confidence to just go for things, you know.

Okay, so some of it feels like a confidence that comes in.

Kind of like when you're angry, I feel like you don't have time to overthink things if you're feeling angry about something. That's what's nice about feeling angry sometimes, is that you're not overthinking.

That's a great point, actually. Anger usually kind of leads to some sort of action.

Yes, and not always good. Most of the time not good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you're not overthinking when you're doing it, you know?

Yeah, that's true. Like, oh, look at these definitive people who are making a bad choice.

Yeah, exactly. I don't get really that angry though.

Yeah, well, I think they look nice. I think they look great. Are those your bangs, huh?

Thank you. I like yours too.

Oh, thanks.

Yeah, I feel like we're kind of matching.

Yeah, we're kind of the same. Yeah, we're like two different versions of Britney, kind of.

Yeah, it's Britney, bitch.

Yeah, and I'm Ty. Well, every girl always wants to be Toxic Britney. I'm okay. I'm with being— I'm okay with being Dancing in the Foyer with the Knife Britney or whatever, like the one of the newer ones. Okay, like the second, like the New Testament, a new generation.

Yeah. Oh, this, this is you?

I'm this one. Yeah, I'm Halloween Britney.

I bet she got those bangs too. It was a period decision.

I'm Michael Myers Britney. This is Michael Jackson Myers Britney right here. This bitch is legit. And you think those dogs, how do they feel? Take me through this, Christina.

How do I think the 3 dogs staring at her, they feel I don't— do you think those are employees, the dogs? Are they emotional support dogs, do you think, or recreational ones?

I'm not sure. One of them had cornrows, I think, along its back.

I don't know. I always feel like emotional support dogs look sad. Oh, you know, they're just like, imagine your friend is just like always making bad decisions and you can't say anything, but you have to stare at them like, hmm, yeah, come on. Stop doing that. Don't fuck your ex again.

Yeah, dude, I never thought about that. And like, yeah, you don't do anything in the emotional support, you just feed them. It's like, oh, they're like, you're fucking your life up, you know, like you're doing heroin or whatever. I'm just laying over here with this vest on, you know, and people think I was in like the military or whatever. And then they're like, uh, you want me to forget about it so you'll just feed me?

Yeah, and, and dogs are good at that, at forgetting about things if you feed them.

That's a good point.

I feel like cats would keep you more accountable, and that's why people don't like them as much. A cat would be judgy. Every time you do something wrong, it would like go away and show you its butthole, and then you'd be like, I fucked up, and the cat wouldn't like—

you know, that is quite a move. What ethnicity move is that, to walk off about 11 feet away, show you their asshole, and then just wander over behind a curtain?

What ethnicity?

Yeah, I like to, I like to relate things to ethnicities, like behaviors to different ethnicities.

Okay, so what ethnicity would like walk away, show you their butthole, and hide behind a curtain?

I'm thinking, oh, I'm gonna get a little flack for this, but I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go Vietnamese. Gay Vietnamese, probably.

Gay Vietnamese? I don't think they would hide behind a curtain.

Oh, you think it would just—

I think they would be proud, mill around, maybe pass a hat around. Yeah, yeah, they would show their butthole and then freeze, freeze frame. I bet you're wondering how I got here. And that's how I met your mother.

Christina Mariani, is that how you say last name? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Good.

Uh, thanks for hanging out today.

No problem, Theodore. Is that your full name, Theodore?

Uh, Theodoreable, my grandmother said, but she was a Whore. Okay, yeah, I was gonna say, uh, she was—

no, no, I'm sorry, I don't know.

No, I was gonna say she was, uh, just like kind of a brave woman who did a lot in her community. But yeah, we'll go with that version of it.

Horrible.

She was a different type of lady. Um, yeah, Theodore, that's my name right there.

I like it, it's like Alvin and the Chipmunks. Yeah, so you'd be the fat one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh dude, yeah, I think I feel kind of like I don't know, I don't think you can say I think I feel fat because people that are thicker would be like upset. Like, you can't take the feeling of being fat but not the, the smorgasbord of it or whatever.

You could be like, I feel full. That's it, right?

I feel like a full male.

I feel like I've been full for a few years.

Oh no, that seems gay. I feel like—

yeah, I guess so. It's the Vietnamese guy too.

Yeah, like you haven't eaten anything in a couple days, you're like, I'm full. Some dude saying that has definitely been being gay.

Um, have you ever been gay?

Have I ever been gay?

Yeah, just like for fun.

No, no. I remember one time some guy was like— he was saying he was like a soothsayer or whatever.

What's that? A soothsayer?

Soothsayer. Bring up an image of one. Let me get a JPEG of a soothsayer.

That kind of sounds like a like that. That doesn't look soothing at all.

Well, all of these are options, right? The man talking to the horse, the other Britney, Suse Britney, right there.

That's your grandpa, the man talking to the horse.

But it was like, it was just like some guy, and he's like, he apparently was a guy in our town who could read your ribs by rubbing his fingers on them. He could read them like it was almost like reading on a crystal ball or something. Okay. And so he was like a rib reader, right? Like a mystic.

Okay.

And so I remember they would take us there like during the carnival or whatever, the fair, they would take us there and this guy would just kind of like, you know, he would kind of like read like the, you know, that's just your body braille right there, your ribs.

Yeah.

And he would kind of feel it like that and then give you a message.

Okay.

Like a message of hope or like a message of concern.

Okay. I feel like the ribs is a funny thing to pick because you can only feel skinny people's ribs. And so that was a way to like filter out who he would touch. Yeah, I think he— I think he was like, I'm not touching fatties, right? Like, but I don't know.

I think, look, Brittany, I think money doesn't have— I don't know if money cares about how, like, which, you know, like, but maybe, yeah, he maybe— he maybe had a type. He had like a very like a starving type.

But yeah, I guess it's like, yeah, let me just Picture an obese person, you know, and you go to like look for their ribs and you really gotta like—

oh, I would love that—

get in there.

It's like an Easter egg hunt, kind of. Yeah, yeah, I think I would dig that. Um, you are from— just some audience can learn about you. Okay, you, you and I toured together some.

Yeah.

Yep. And you're on tour right now.

Yes, I am. Right. Yep.

Where you have coming up, just so we know?

Um, I Man, I just— fuck, I should have looked that up, right?

Here we go. Skyline, Appleton, Wisconsin. I love Wisconsin. Chicago at Zanies. That's great. Yeah, congrats, dude. The Comedy Store, La Jolla.

Oh yeah, that's the first time me doing that. I'm excited.

That's the best.

Okay, cool.

That's where Mitch McConnell lives, somebody said, I think.

Okay, that's what—

anyway, or lives is a unique term to use with Mitch McConnell, but, um Didn't he just fall asleep the other day? You see that? He was found unconscious.

Why?

He's a senator. Okay, so he's just up to those like— it's like those sleeping senator tricks, you know, like those— what's those animals that play dead or whatever?

Possums? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, so he's just being a possum?

Yeah, he's just the opossum of the, uh— what is it? Senator Mitch McConnell was found unconscious at his Washington, DC home on June 14th, 2026, and reportedly received CPR for a Suspected cardiac arrest. Sure, probably trying to get insurance money. While his office confirmed he was hospitalized, they have provided few details on his current condition.

I don't know, I kind of believe that he had a cardiac arrest.

You do?

I think that's— yeah.

Well, he's the guy that they keep like pressing the butt— like they keep shutting him down. A lot of people think that he's controlled, right? And so he's a guy that they keep pressing the button on him and shut it. You know, he's the guy that kind of shorts out.

Oh, so he's a robot? You think?

People have said that he is. He's more of like, yeah, he's kind of a—

yeah, that would be great to make all robots old, so that's the excuse for them glitching out. Oh, they're just old.

Oh, you got a 1996? Yes, what do you, what do you expect?

You know, maybe Michael J. Fox is also a robot. You think he's just like glitching?

I think he's definitely, uh, he's testing the Matrix. How is Michael J. Fox? What's his health condition right now? Because I know he's made all these— what does he have, MS, right? Oh, he's got Parkinson's, dude.

Oh, I feel bad making a joke.

Oh no, it's okay. I mean, he's a comedic actor, I'm sure he's okay with joking around. Uh, Michael J. Fox, in the advanced stages of Parkinson's disease— and also, this is what you get for traveling through time— um, uh, is in the advanced stages of Parkinson's disease, which he was diagnosed with in 1991. While he deals with severe symptoms and mobility challenges, he remains mentally sharp and active. Making high-profile appearances like his surprise attendance at the 2026 SAG Awards. Um, dude, it would be interesting to talk to someone that has that just to learn about what it's like, you know, just to learn about Parkinson's. And like, just— I always wonder what it's like to have certain, like, a certain ailment or a thing that's going on with your body or mind, but while you're like— can you still experience it? Like, does it feel like you're in like a Halloween costume? Like, you know when you're in a Halloween costume, you put it on in the mask and you're still looking out of it, like it's you inside, but outside people think you're like a ghost or like a, uh, like a Wookiee or whatever.

You mean like if you're self-aware about how you're coming off to other people?

Yeah. Like, does it feel like you're like just trapped inside of something that's having a problem, or does it feel like you are having the problem? I guess that's what I mean. I mean, um, and sorry, there's bugs in here.

Oh, it's okay. It's not bugging me.

It just has a lot of bugs. It's not— no, it's okay.

Sorry. No, no, no, it's all good.

I'm taking on anger for somebody else. You're fine with it? That's fine. You're from Stockton.

It's okay. You're a guy, you always have anger.

That's true. And you get it every once in a while.

Every once in a while. And that's when I get stuff done. I wait. I write down the things that— okay, I'll do that when I'm about to get my period, cuz I'm about to get angry.

That's a good idea. Like a period to-do list.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then I'm like, I'll get to this. I know when I'm going to, so that way I remember. It's like, all right, time to, you know, um Yell at my mom today? No, I wouldn't. I love my mom.

Well, who knows if you do. Time to like dig up that body, or time to like, you know, go look for treasure, or time to do something, something that's productive. Yeah, yeah, yes, put those 2x4s up.

Yeah, yeah, because then if not, I'm just sitting with all that anger. I need to use that energy. Um, which is why— do you work out?

I like that. Yeah, I like to work out.

Yeah, because of all the anger. Yeah, you got to let it out.

It does kind of— it makes me just— I don't know. It makes me— here's what it does for me is I realize I need to let myself know that I'm in control of myself, right? Because if not, I'll be more at the whims of just like what my thoughts are. So going to the gym, making myself go puts me a little bit more in control of myself. It gives me a little bit more hope that like, okay, somebody's got my back and it's me.

Okay. Yeah, that makes sense.

A little bit of that. Does it make sense?

It completely makes sense.

I appreciate that.

If you complete tasks, if you do things you tell yourself you're going to do, That builds your confidence, and then you trust yourself because you're like, I'm not a liar. I said I was gonna do it and I did it. You hate yourself when you're lying. Yeah, yeah, to yourself. Yeah.

Oh dude, yeah. And that's— oh, I spent— I got to the point where I didn't believe myself anymore. I wouldn't even listen to myself. I realized I would know I would say something like, I'm never— that's not gonna— you know, like you start to lose like integrity with yourself. It gets kind of like, I don't know, it can get— it can— you can get into like kind of a rough spot.

Yeah, because then you don't like yourself. I mean, think about somebody in your life that you know, is a compulsive liar, you don't respect them. You don't want to be around them. It makes you feel bad. And then that thing is inside your head. It's you. Then you're like, you can't escape. Kind of like Britney's dogs, you know? And then that's you in your head. You're just like, mm, you know?

Somebody cornrow my back.

They're like, enough. That's why I never say—

One of the dogs had lipstick on too. That's the part that shook me a little.

He was just, he was like, I need to feel better. Somehow. Do I look pretty?

And he was a man too. I think he was a Vietnamese dog, that one. Yeah. And this is a new advertisement for Hollywood. Uh, this is insane.

Yeah, Hollywood the Musical.

Hollywood the Musical too. That's exactly what this is.

You know, there's some things you couldn't make musicals. It would be inappropriate, right? You can make movies about everything, but you can't make musicals about everything.

I don't know if that's true. I've been thinking one thing we do need more of is like Wiggers the Musical.

Okay, but see, that's funny. That's funny. You could do that. That's— what about 9/11: The Musical?

What would you call it though?

9/11: The Musical. Yeah, I don't know, that doesn't seem appropriate. It seems like—

no, well, I think you— yeah, you need a softer pitch. The, the title of the— the title of it, I think it's an interesting idea, and I think if you had fundraising in it, then it would be— I could see it. But 9/11: The Musical.

No fundraising.

Who would be in it? You need like kind of like a gay hero that survives the rubble.

A gay hero that survives?

Well, you have to have somebody that first of all likes being in a musical.

Okay, right. So that's why you said gay.

I'm just— I'm not saying it has to be.

Would you not be in a musical? You don't think?

I don't know. I'd be in— I'd be in it for 10 minutes.

Can you sing?

I can sing all right. I'm pretty good. I'm not that great. I'm getting better. I'm actually not that good.

Well, can you sing something?

No.

Really?

Yeah, I'm not singing also. Yeah, I don't sing during the daytime also.

Okay, it's a nighttime activity.

Yeah, you know, like being gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, being gay is a—

it's for the nighttime.

For some people, I think it's nighttime. I was just talking to my friend earlier about having a hot air— but like, they had this guy in our town and he would meet a friend. They both were hot air balloon enthusiasts. And they would go up in the sky and that's where they would hang out. And just like, I think they had a gay, a gay energy and they would take it up there because there was just so much embarrassment here at, uh, sea level.

Okay, so you're saying two gay guys went in separate hot air balloons and then they— yeah, and that's— but they're in separate hot air balloons, right?

But they met up.

Oh, so they did it so people on the ground thought they weren't gay. They went their separate ways and then they—

but people knew. They're like, there's no— what are they doing up? Like, you know what I'm saying? People started, started to kind of put two and two together.

It's like Up but also their penis is up. Yeah, it's a new Disney movie.

I guess it is. Um, Christina Mariani, good to see you today. Um, can you tell me again about— so did you— can you bring that up about, um If a woman is going through ovulation, do they have— is there more testosterone in the bloodstream?

I think it's like around their period, not ovulation.

Okay. Yes, yes, on average women's testosterone rises around the time of ovulation.

Yes, it is ovulation.

And then stays somewhat higher through the luteal phase.

Okay, yeah, that's when you get your period and stuff.

Okay, but it is not highest during the actual period. Huh.

Yeah, it's usually the week before that I find is the most productive. Then I start to mellow out again once I start bleeding.

It's like— so that pre-period, that pre-drip kind of—

mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

And is that— is that a crazy term to use?

Pre-drip?

Yeah, I feel like that, that makes sense because I don't want to be like unprofessional or whatever.

Have you ever seen Under the Tuscan Sun?

No. Is that a— is that like a euphemism for a period or whatever?

No, no, no, it's a movie. But, um, the whole movie she's trying to open a faucet and it doesn't work, and then at the end it just flows and she's happy. That's kind of what it's like. Oh, yeah.

Oh, like Mad Max or whatever when they finally get the water.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's actually when it's like, it's uphill from here now. It's kind of like we go through a movie every month.

Okay. Can you let me know how much testosterone, Trevin? Like, what is the actual increase? That's so cool. I didn't know that.

Probably varies from person to person, the amount. Like, if you're lightweight about testosterone, then you just get fucked up on it. Just one shot. That's all it takes.

But you don't start like— like, I'm trying to think, you don't just start like buying a Corvette or whatever, do you? Like, what do you— let me see. The myth in healthy women, the mid-cycle rise in testosterone is small in absolute terms, roughly 10 to 30% higher. Wow. So take me on— is this crazy to even ask you about?

No, I don't think so.

Okay, you're from Stockton, right? Okay, I just want to get a little bit about your life and then we'll go and yeah, we'll come back and forth. So Take me through, like, how do you know if you're getting your period? Are you just like— because is it almost like you get déjà vu? Like, you're walking and then you feel like— is it feel like getting déjà vu kind of?

Um, it feels like I'm start— I, I get obsessive anyway. I'm kind of an obsessive person. But then when I'm about to get my period, I get really obsessive. Like, almost I can't get out of my thought loops, whereas I can snap myself out. But then when I'm on my period, it makes me fixate on certain things or certain things I thought I resolved. Then it brings it up again and then I just get real like obsessive. I don't know how, but it's different for everybody. I'm already obsessive, so I think it enhances it, you know?

Okay.

What was the question?

How do you— oh shit. The question was like, say I get a period, right? Say I'm walking around town or whatever and I'm gonna get a period or whatever. How do I know I'm gonna get it? Like, do I— like, do you start to feel like your leg— like, does it feel like your legs sweat or do you feel Like, so you said you start to feel a little more fixated on stuff and you can notice it.

Oh yeah, it's super different than—

Dude, that's crazy, bro.

Yeah, I get like 2 weeks where I'm like pretty happy, like feeling good, and then 2 weeks of just steady decline and obsessive. And then, you know, like, do you always see how people perceive you the same way? Is it pretty constant for you?

That's a good question. So like, do I always think like— yes, I think I do. Yes, I think I do. I think I always kind of think people sort of perceive me the same way. Okay, so I don't know what it is, I haven't specified it, but I do believe that.

Yeah, like for me, I feel like sometimes people perceive me better, and then when I'm on about to get my period, I'm like, everybody hates me. Oh, it kind of gets like more darker, ever. Like, it's just kind of like real life but with like a cloud. You know, like a mean dark cloud that's just like— and you have to like think, no, this isn't— it's kind of like being on drugs, but a really bad one, you know, like, and it's a bad trip for 2 weeks, but it's like, it's not super intense. I don't know, I don't know how to describe it. It's just—

no, it's cool. It's the most I ever even talked about it with somebody, and it's interesting because it's just crazy to think that like maybe that's why women are so resilient and tough. You know, because they have to, like, you know what I'm saying? They got like an interior thing that's good. They got like a— they're going through like a mood. They're going through like a— I don't know if you would call it like— they're almost like going through the four seasons in their body and in their, like, like—

so true—

in their mind and heart and everything. They're going through all that. So they're like, they're constantly sort of having to monitor and see what's going on with themselves and, and kind of, uh, come back anew, kind of.

Except it's kind of like, uh, summer and winter is what I feel like. It's like summer and then winter just hits you just out of nowhere.

We had a neighbor lady and something had happened to her. I'm trying to think what happened, or she fell out of a boat or something, and it didn't— and it was going too fast. And she, uh, so after that, something was on kind of unwell with her, with her brain, right? She had a brain issue. An overall brain issue. And whenever she would get her, uh, period, she would put, uh, like pot— like hand warmers or something on.

Okay.

And she would stand out in their yard down the street from us, and she would always sing like Def Leppard, or she would sing like, uh, Lock Up the Wolves. It's like— it's like an old song, but it's kind of crazy that she would— that she was basically going through a menstrual cycle and she would sing Lock Up the Wolves.

It's like, so you think her about to get— that's what made her do it? Did it help her feel better?

I think it probably did.

It was some sort of coping mechanism.

She would stand out on the, like, out on the— in the porch, in the yard, and kind of vibrate a little bit, and she would sing like a couple different songs, and one of them was Lock Up the Wolves.

Dear God, Andrew, how does that go?

Uh, bring up the lyrics to it. Lock up the wolves.

Okay, it's like a metal song. Yes, that makes sense.

Bring up that Lock Up the Wolves, Rodney James. Uh, that's Dio right there. Uh, in the house of the holy, to the middle of the mystic sea, at the cradle of the world, there's a black cat screaming and it's not even midnight. No, at the cradle of the world, they're screaming for sanctuary, they're screaming at you. Lock up the wolves, lock up the wolves, yeah, yeah, yeah. Does that seem like a period?

Totally, yeah, except you want the wolves to get out of you. Get away, wolves! Get out! I'm tired of these demons, you know. Enough wolves, enough, you know. Um, get out of my cat, you know. Speaking of cats, um, meow, because it hurts too.

Oh dang. Yeah, I gotta think, I gotta— I sometimes gotta remember that. Is it crazy if you approach a woman and ask her where she's at in that sort of cycle pattern? Is that— do women feel like they don't, or I'm sorry, some of this stuff feels like I'm just like—

because I'm a girl, you're asking me about periods. Is that what you feel like?

Yeah, I just feel like it seems kind of cheesy, and I don't mean to do it like that. I just don't ever get to talk about it, and somehow we ended up talking about it.

It's okay, I wouldn't overthink it. Okay, thanks. It's like, this is what I would be like if I was about to get my period. I would get in my head about, oh my God, is he— I would still be thinking about the mullet comment earlier.

Oh yeah.

And I wouldn't be able to be present.

I think my whole life I've been about to get my period.

Probably. Well, you're a guy, so yeah, exactly, dude.

Think about it, if you're a guy, you never even get to have your period. You just have to do all the other shit the whole time.

You're on your period the whole time if you're a guy.

Oh, you are?

Yeah, that's like— us on our periods is closest to a guy, just baseline.

Well, what if a guy hugs you while you're on your— like, when you're riding that baseline? Is that like almost like a gay moment? I wonder.

Maybe. Maybe that's why it's like, you know, if you're straight, you're just like, no, get away from me, buddy. Yeah, you only kind of want to be around like I don't know if you actually— I don't really want to be around anyone, huh, going around my period time.

Yeah, I just wonder if we all should be wearing some sort of thing that tells how we're doing so people would know when we get approached. Not even ovularly.

Yeah, you can't tell though, like, people's vibe right away, like, oh, they're not having a good day today.

Yeah, I think sometimes you can, but sometimes I think there's a little of you don't know. I met a girl at the gym today and she, um I could tell she was— something was a little bit uncomfortable, but I didn't know what it was. But then I just said, yeah, what's, what's going on? You know, you seem like you're just maybe having like a— you're thinking about something.

Maybe like because she was like at the gym trying to work out and you went up and hit on her. I don't know, like, what's going on? It can't be that I'm interrupting you working out. I don't know, I mean, bro, like, that can't be it.

That could have been—

but it could have been a small part of it, you know what I mean? She's there trying to like meet her goal and you're like, so, so baby, which hat? What chat do you think? What, you're not enjoying this? Hey, can I ask you about your period? Are you on it?

Oh my God, dude, well, why didn't somebody tell me that there's something this wrong with me? I don't know, you like my hat?

Hey, which one? She's like, I'm trying to bench 20s or whatever, I don't know, please. But I don't know, maybe not, maybe that wasn't it, could have been something else.

It could have, it could have been anything.

It could have been anything.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Yeah, we, we talk about mental health more openly now. Hell the heck Sometimes it's all anybody talks about. You'll tell, you know, you'll be like, hey, how, how was the game? And people be like, I'm not doing good. But asking, actually asking for help can still feel hard, and BetterHelp's latest research confirms it. BetterHelp's 2026 State of Stigma report surveyed 2,000 Americans and revealed that 85% of Americans believe getting support is wise Yet 74% say society discourages people from doing so. Cut out the noise and do what's right for your own well-being. BetterHelp can help. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 6 million people globally. Mm-hmm. And they do the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. Don't let stigma stand in the way of support. Start therapy with BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/theo. That's betterhelp.com/theo. What does the $7 Big Deal Meal get you at Sonic? The real question is, what doesn't it get you? For just $7, you score a classic Sonic cheeseburger, medium fries or tots, a medium drink, plus premium chicken bites.

Yeah, that's not a snack. That's not a just grab something real quick. That's a full meal and then some. You know what I'm talking about. I'm talking burger in one hand, tots in the other, chicken bites just hanging out like, yeah, we came too. Squad up! Squad up! Only thing it doesn't get you is a bigger dashboard in your car to hold your $7 spread, but that's what cup holders are for. We've all done it. Enjoy a full meal plus premium chicken bites for just $7 only at Sonic. Live free, eat Sonic. Christina Mariani, good to see you today.

Nice to see you too.

You're so funny. Thanks for coming by.

Yes, thanks for having me.

You grew up in Stockton. Take me just so our audience knows, because some of our audience knows you, a lot of it does, but some of them might not.

Okay. Yeah.

And so take me through a little bit of that if you don't mind.

Okay. So I was born in Lodi, California, but just born there. Then I lived in Stockton till I was like 4 or 5. And then I moved to Italy, um, and then I moved back after a few years. When I moved back when I was 11.

And do you remember being Italian over there?

Oh yeah, totally. I, uh, really? Yeah, yeah. I mean, 6 through 11, you remember things, you know.

Oh wow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And the, the Romans, they're very— are they Romans?

Some of them, uh, not all of them. The ones in Rome are Romans, and then the ones in Tuscany, just Italians.

You know, and how was it like being around, being an Italian child?

Um, you know, the kids are a lot more brutal in Italy. They're like wild animals. They'll just like beat you up, you know. Here in America, they're like mean with their words, you know, and like they're more psychological about it. But in Italy, they just start mean or they just beat the shit out of you.

Really?

Yeah. I remember when I first moved there, me and my sister went to a birthday party and I think because we, you know, we're new. Um, yeah, all the kids started chasing us around and trying to beat the shit out of us. And at first we thought it was like hide and seek or like tag, like a kid game. Yeah. And then we were just hiding, like, we were like really got really good at hide and seek. We were hiding under the table. We were calling our mom like, please come get us, but like in Italian because it was in Italy, you know. Yeah.

But, um, so there was a level of like So they got the Italians— well, they're very handsy. Well, that's the thing. So I guess it goes like, even if it's violence or love or something like that.

That's true. Yeah, I guess so.

They're very gesticular, you know, they use their hands when they talk.

Yeah, totally.

And when they, I guess, do violence or whatever.

Yeah, the— yeah, yeah.

Does it— did it feel romantic? Do you think people romanticize— like, do you ever romanticize like getting beat up?

All the time.

You mean like the— getting beat up, the musical?

Okay, musical. My childhood in Italy, the musical. It's just me getting beat up for 4 years.

But do you ever kind of like— yeah, do you ever like— I don't know, I guess I wondered if I— because I like, I'll like romanticize or like kind of like make something seem greater that was a long time ago just because, right?

Like what, for example?

Like the past was better, you know?

But what's in something?

It could be just like, um Like when I was a kid, if you wanted to know if somebody was at home, you had to go over there and see if they were at home, right?

Okay.

Like now you can have your mom text, or you could text or send a, uh, uh, just hit them in the chat or whatever. But now— but then you had to walk over there and you kind of get a clue. Sometimes their cars would be there, car wouldn't be there. Sometimes maybe one of the parents would be home and they'd be home sick or whatever, and you'd even just try to go in and play anyway.

Like, yeah.

But, you know, but you had to go over there and so you had to create this, like, you know, it was kind of like a little bit of— sometimes you'd be too nervous to go ask, you just go stand there. Like, I remember standing by my friend's door for like 10 or 15 minutes until one of his parents or somebody just came out or came by, like, what are you doing here?

You just stand there, you're committed.

Yeah, I'm like, I'm waiting, is William home, you know? Yeah, yeah. And like, he's not home, he's out of town or whatever. But, you know, so I think something like that Does that make sense, you think?

Yeah. So like, you—

but I romanticized it. It was tougher for, you know, kids had to do this sort of thing. It's kind of a bad example, I guess.

So that's not romanticizing if you're thinking it was worse, or you think it was better.

I thought it was better because it challenged you a little bit more. You had to actually go— it was just like, I don't know, things seemed a little bit more like you had to go and have an actual human experience to get a little bit of information. Yeah, I mean, that's what I mean, I guess.

No, yeah, I get what you're saying. I feel like everybody says like social media and like just how much access we have to the internet is killing human connection. And I was thinking about it, and I think it's killing like the small talk of human connection, you know? Now you can't like— you already know what they did like superficially. Now when you see them, you have to like talk about mental problems, you know? Like, okay, I saw that you had a salad for lunch and you're going through a divorce. Tell me how you're feeling.

Yeah, like show me your croutons.

Yeah, exactly. It's like now I know all the boring stuff.

Yeah, I'm trying to think of some things maybe that I romanticize.

But is romanticizing, um, healthy?

Do you think that's the word? Am I using the right word?

Yeah, I mean, I feel like if you romanticize something, you're painting it with rose-colored glasses, right?

That's what I'm saying. It's not exactly like romantic, but it just means you're looking back on something fondly, even though that may not have been the way it was.

But what was the way it was? Isn't it better to romanticize everything then, so that way you're like looking back at your life all romantical, because like, what's the alternative?

Last week or something, you mean?

Yeah, even yesterday, even this morning at the gym, you know, with the girl.

You could romanticize the harassment, you mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you could romanticize that. You could be like, it was unrequited love, you know? Yeah, it was. And, uh, eventually the universe will bring you guys together in a more appropriate setting.

You know, you know what, those videos that are the wildest to see, uh, those reels, bro, some reels, it's like, it's too much. It's like 90% of your shower water is chemicals. Have you seen those reels?

It's like, oh yeah, the ones that try to sell you the filters.

Yes.

Yeah, I've gotten one.

Oh, you got one?

I got one. I believe them. I'm really gullible. I'm a sucker for marketing. Do you know how many best Bloody Marys in the world I've had? So many.

Really?

Because they always say they're the best. And I'm like, I got to see this for myself, you know? And I believe them. Why are they lying? You know, they're never the best. They're not even close.

Yeah.

Yeah. Anyway, sorry, keep going.

No, that's good. But all those things are like that. It's like, uh, did you know that your grandmother has forever chemicals in her? You know, it's like hugging your grandmother in the summer again, that's a no-no. It's like, it's just like shit that's like, what? Like we can't even hug our grandmothers now? It's like, oh, the forever chemicals that, that Nana has, you'll never get out of your arms, you know?

Well, if it was your Nana, it was still Phyllis. That's what the chem— cuz she's a whore. Sorry, it's a callback from earlier.

That's fair.

Um, but I haven't heard that about, um, hugging your grandma. Is that actually something that's like a—

no, but it's just these things that you see. It's like nosebleeds must be a fat or whatever, you know. It's like it— every reel is just something. It's almost like it's just this bot that's making up two things and putting them together.

I feel like it is a lot of them. It is bots that are doing stuff like that, you know.

And then it's just like you hold, and then it attaches some sort of thing like that's a product, you know what I'm saying? It's like, nosebleeds must be a fucking— huh, time to get some roller skates, you know? Or, you know, time to get this new, uh, time to get this new set of ice trays or whatever, you know?

Yeah, so it's like two things that aren't related at all, but they somehow make it work for the marketing.

Yeah, and they just— and it, it makes so many of them that it doesn't even care, dude. Like, all it cares in the end is if you buy something, right? Um, One of the craziest things that I see on AI all the time— or I don't know if it's AI, but that I see on, uh, that's Reels a lot— is the, um, have you seen the one? It's like, if your husband is in Wilmington, Kentucky, and you think he's here on a business trip, think again, baby girl. Have you seen those? Damn.

No.

See if you can pull up one of those for me, guys.

It sounds like they prey on people's fears most of the time, like Yes, this is a fear thing. Well, yeah, that's because like people respond to fear. That's like, so if they make it seem urgent, like, oh, this is gonna happen, you know, right? Your grandma's gonna get cancer if you don't buy, I don't know, Splenda, right? Yeah, something like that, where it's like, oh man, I don't want Grandma to die, I don't want it to be my fault. Yeah, I feel like they use that.

There's like— here's one. Yeah, what is this one? Your name is Meredith and you live in Nashville, Tennessee, and you're dating Kevin and he works at a car dealership.

Run.

He's not just test driving cars, baby.

Run.

But there's like— I see these all the time.

Well, that's not even trying to sell something. Do you think they're just being nice, or do you think they're being shitstirrers?

That's what I just know. There's just so much everything out there. I just think it is— it's about fear, like you just said. It's like everything out there, it's like it's just creating like, oh my God, you know? I mean, this guy's a snitch or whatever, which is fine, I guess. But I guess maybe he's a good snitch, or maybe it's not even true.

Maybe he was just like, people are going to find, you know, they just fabricated it. I always believe them though. I'm always like, oh shit, poor Meredith. You know, I always am like, I'll comment sometimes.

I'm like, prayers for Mayor, you know, I'll put that in there a lot, dude. But yeah, I don't know, there's just so much shit that's out there, I feel like. And it's, I don't know, sometimes it's fun to figure out if it's entertaining to me or if it's just kind of like I need to stay away from it. So, so, okay, so you grew up, you grew up until 11 in Italy and then you moved to where?

And then I moved to Stockton again.

Wow.

We moved back. Yeah.

Did you ever see Nate Diaz over there?

No. You know, I feel like every time I've been on Kill Tony, Tony always asks me that. No, no, no, it's okay. It's— that's the only thing Stockton's really known for, I think. I don't think it's really— nobody— there's nothing else going on there. No, I never have.

Well, how would you describe Stockton then? As like, what would you say about it? Because there's probably a lot of great things about it. I know there's a lot of missing people up there.

Mhm. Yeah, crime is a big one.

What else I have? I know there's cigarettes. I know.

Yeah, yeah, cigarettes.

The Kings.

The Kings. Yeah, no, that's in Sacramento.

Oh, Sacramento.

Wait, is there a Kings in Stockton? No, basketball Sacramento. Oh yeah, yeah, right.

Yeah. So tell me a little bit more about Stockton then.

Um, I mean, you kind of nailed it. I think that was pretty much it. I'm— I liked it though. I think when you grow up somewhere, you think that's your baseline. I think it's better to grow up somewhere that's not that great, cuz then has— I've moved around places, everywhere else has been way better.

Oh, you know, interesting.

Yeah. So, um, my baseline is low for where I lived because if you live somewhere like really pretty, like, um, I don't know, Aspen, then everywhere else you're going to be like— or Australia, like, can you imagine? And then you move to Stockton. But I guess I went from Italy to Stockton, but I don't know.

That's a crazy push.

Yeah, it was a lot different for sure. I lived in the mountains. It was like in an isolated town in Italy. In Italy? Yeah, there's like 300 people. Corfino.

In Corfino?

Nobody even knows about it. I feel like, uh, when you look it up on Google, it used to say human settlement. It didn't even say like town or village.

Wow, that's it?

Yep.

Oh my gosh.

Nope, it's not. See, they always think it's in Abruzzo. No, it's in Tuscany.

It's in Tuscany, man.

Yeah, this is wrong. See, there's an I.

It's an O, man.

Yeah, but that's how tiny it is. It always brings up that one.

Got it.

It's the wrong— it's an imposter.

300 people live there? Yeah. Oh my God.

Oh my God. But as a kid, that was awesome.

It's a perfect amount.

Yeah, we— the whole town was basically like— we could play hide and seek in, which was good for me.

Yeah, with the violence. Do you remember leaving it?

Uh, not really. Um, it was really sun our house is still like— when I go visit, yeah, it's still my room when I was like 9 or 10. There's still my toys. Yeah, my parents still have the house we grew up in, um, but it's still like untouched. It's like a time capsule. Wow. Yeah, so it's crazy. I go back and I was still playing with like Barbies and they're still out and it's just there and it's crazy, kind of.

That's— wow, that's Stranger Things. Dang. And so why did your family move?

I think my dad, he's really ambitious. He's always been a real, like, project starter. And it's just a tiny town and he got stir crazy, I think. And so he was like, I can't do this anymore. Then he wanted to move back. Yeah. I think also just in those tiny towns, you know, people are in each other's business all the time. And I think he got sick of that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Makes sense to me.

It makes sense to me too. I don't think I would want to live there now. I think if I were to live there, it'd be when I'm like, you know, retired. It's really pretty, you know, like I could write up there a book or something, you know?

Oh yeah, always romanticize about writing a book somewhere.

Yeah.

Oh, I'll write a book.

What would you write a book about?

Mm, I would probably write a book just about I don't know. I thought about two guys that aren't married that just keep giving each other shitty advice about like, like they keep being each other's like, I'm going to help you find somebody type of thing.

Okay.

That'd be a funny thing to write about. I would write about growing up, just people that I knew, stories from home, things like that, things that I thought about, things that I think about now. I would write a book, maybe a cook. And so some of it would be words, some of it would be recipes.

Okay.

A little bit of that.

Maybe words and recipes.

Yeah, a book is kind of like a bunch of words because sometimes I'm reading, I get hungry.

That's a recipe, huh?

Sometimes I'm reading a book and I get hungry and I'm like, oh yeah, yeah, no, I get that.

It's kind of like watching a movie, then you get hungry. It's because your brain's preoccupied and it's nice to do something while you're—

right, I want to do two things at once. Yeah, you know. Yeah, but also if you're reading or get hungry or you're in a recipe's right there Or a movie had a recipe right in the middle of it.

So you're saying like if, um, like a recipe movie, like, oh, so it's not like Die Hard and then in the middle there's just a recipe for some reason? Yeah, it stops to like—

yeah, it is that.

Okay, like that. So he stops and he just is like, okay, let me make some food, or like just read the recipe, or does he go through with it, then he goes back to killing German terrorists?

Oh, does— now if you could get— that would be cool if the person in the movie— yeah, like Daniel Day-Lewis is suddenly—

yeah, yeah, that's what I mean.

Yeah, helping you make like a tuna tartare or something. I think something like that would be pretty wild, you know, or he's helping you make like a bouillabaisse or some kind of, you know, like a nice soup or something, or gazpacho or something.

Yeah, or like, um, Taken, you know, he's looking for his daughter but he has to eat still.

Yeah, now he's looking for ingredients in his cupboard.

That'd be cool.

Yeah, dude, see, I used to think of like a bunch of TV shows. I don't know if I think of that many anymore. Have you ever had— did you try to pitch television and stuff? Like, once you got into Hollywood, did you try to pitch on what you got into, like entertainment?

Oh, I've just been working on some like things, but I— nothing that I'm like comfortable pitching or anything yet, you know. Um, but yeah, I mean, just being creative, it's fun to like explore.

Did you have a dream for like a sitcom type of thing? Like, or did like— what was kind of your motivation towards like getting into comedy? Like, there was a time probably before my generation where a lot of people were like, I want to get a sitcom, you know. And then now I think it's been a, it's been a little bit more like, I want to get a special and I want to get like my generation, probably like, I want to get a special or I want to get a podcast, right? Maybe those things. Oh, but yeah, I wonder like, yeah, was it like what was some of the reason like that, like that you kind of got into like being creative like in this way?

Well, I guess I've always really liked writing and being artsy ever since I was a kid. And then for a while I kind of neglected that part. And you know, like when you become a teenager and then college and then I was just kind of lost.

And how'd you neglect it? What do you mean? Like drugs? You went into nursing?

No, no. I think just, um, you start— other things seem to matter more than just being creative, you know? Because like kids start bullying you and then you start worrying about what people think about you. And I remember I used to never— a lot of things that then I got insecure about, I never knew. I was just focused on like creating or like drawing or writing. And then something like is like, oh, this matters now, like all the social like aspect. And then, you know, you gotta get lost and you gotta get sidetracked. And then when I figured out what I wanted to do after I graduated college, I was in insurance, and I, after a year, I wanted to kill myself. And I was like, how did I end up being in an insurance job? And then I started thinking, what did I do as a kid that had made me like enjoy life so much? And then I kind of started doing that stuff again. And then I— that plus things that scared me. And so then I got into like trying to do comedy because that's something I always like wanted to do, but I always was like scared, and I thought it wasn't like something you could really do, you know?

Um, did you see a certain comedian and made you be like that, or did you see like— it made you think like— yeah, because sometimes I don't remember if there was a certain comedian. I mean, maybe Chris Rock probably, or I mean, Eddie Murphy was like the biggest that people would pass around when I was young, you know. But then it was like, uh, yeah, I don't know, I'm trying to think of other ones. I mean, there was like John Capparulo, there was like, um, I'm trying to think, it was like a certain comedian that really got me into it. One time I just went to a comedy club, they gave you free tickets, they would call all the time and get free tickets. And I've never been to a comedy club, I never even see— I'd seen comedy like uh, on television and stuff like that, but I'd never seen it live.

Yeah.

And so I went to a live show and I was like, oh my God, so this is how it works. And like, somebody gets up there and they do this and then people laugh and everybody's just like in a room having a good time. I was like, this is so fascinating. I needed that like exact direct proof of like seeing it, you know.

Interesting.

What about you?

I never had like a comedian that I saw. I just always liked to make people laugh for some reason when I was a kid, to the point where my my mom would get annoyed with me because I wasn't that funny. When I was like— yeah, I would try to make people laugh because for some reason I loved when they laughed at something I say. And then I would repeat it over and over again, and then my mom would be like, you gotta shut up, this is fucking annoying. And, um, I would always want to make my dad laugh because I felt like I got his approval when he laughed. He was pretty strict, Dad, you know? So then when I could make him laugh— he wouldn't laugh at anything— I would feel like—

so then that was something too, like Like making a Black guy laugh, kind of.

Kind of, yeah, absolutely. That was my dad.

He was, um, he's the Black guy of the family.

Yeah, he's the Black present father though, he very much. Oh yeah, yeah, like he was, he was there, you know.

Different.

Yeah, he was very, yeah. Um, but, uh, I forgot what I was saying. I'm sorry.

Um, Oh no, no.

Yeah. So I was, I just like to make people laugh always. And I like to create. And so even when I got into comedy, I didn't have like, oh, I want to get on a TV show or anything. I just really liked doing it. And I just knew it felt right. And so then I just like, like to write and get on stage and perform it. And so I've just been kind of like, oh, this, I just love to do this. And, um, I like exploring other avenues too, but this is like the thing I really like to do.

Has touring been tougher than you thought? Has it been a good time? Are you enjoying more when you just get to be at home? Um, you seem to be out there a bit.

Yeah, I really like it. I like, uh, going to the airport. I like being on a plane. I like being in hotels. I like the whole experience.

Really?

Yeah, it's like relaxing. I don't know, uh, why, like, being on a plane is relaxing. All I got to do is think. I like to just like close my eyes and just think.

Will you sleep on the plane sometimes?

I can't, I can't sleep, but I'll like get like relaxed, kind of daydream, you know, like, and just think about things.

Oh, that's probably a good— that's a good call.

Yeah, it's, it's nice, you know.

Um, yeah. Oh yeah, dude, the other day I was on a plane and my friend that was with me, he had to freaking do CPR on somebody on the plane.

Yeah, what airline?

And I was like— it was on Delta— and I was like, dude, do not go do CPR. They're like, does anybody know CPR? And he raises his hand. I'm like, dude, do not go do CPR right now, dude.

Because he couldn't do it? Did he lie?

I didn't know if he could do it. He's like, dude, I can do it. I was like, dude, cannot— you cannot do it. He had a couple drinks. I was like, you cannot be— have a couple drinks and do CPR on somebody.

But I mean, yeah, what if he threw up in his mouth? Crazy.

What if that then brings the guy back? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then he throws up and they keep throwing up in each other's mouth, but they're both alive.

Yeah, at least. Oh yeah. Oh, that's romantic.

Yeah. Um, so did he— did he do it?

Did he give him CPR, man? And they got the guy going again. They got him back up. They puffed him up to almost 200 PSI. Oh, build him up.

That sounds good.

Um, dude, one time— I told the story before, but one time I was at a restaurant. It was like a breakfast, breakfast buffet. And Magic Johnson was there, and somebody started— they needed CPR or whatever. So this guy, like, it was at a table, it's like a kind of a nice place. And so they just kind of bring out one of those, like, you know, those folding walls, those Chinese folding walls or whatever, that they bring out like a section or like a section, like origami. Yeah, it's like a sectional that Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.

Uh, I think origami is Japanese anyways.

Yeah, like a panel thing just to make a— right, make it like a little area for something.

Okay, okay.

They bring— they bring one or two of those out and they're just doing CPR behind this— these like little sectionals while we're— all the rest of us are supposed to be eating. And you can hear them like hammering away on this dude, like they're doing like baritone shit on him. And we're all like, when do we eat? Like, because it's like because it's buffet and it's nice.

And it was like on the plane.

No, this was off the plane.

Oh, okay. So I was picturing this was all on a plane. I was like, there's a buffet on the plane?

No, this is at a hotel.

Delta's really stepped up.

This is at a hotel.

Okay.

And, uh, so everybody starts looking at Magic Johnson to know when to eat because he just became like— it's weird, like in a tribe, like somebody kind of becomes the leader and everybody just looks over at Magic Johnson. We're like all waiting for him to eat. And he had like a plate of little sausages, I remember. And everybody's just waiting for him to have a little sausage so we can all eat. It was kind of crazy, just like— and then they got the guy going, they got him popping, you know, you could hear him kind of gurgling a little bit and popping or something. And, uh, and then he went down again. So we all started eating, and then everybody was like, ugh. Everybody had to like set their silverware down again and be like, okay.

Oh man, you know, that's, that's crazy because, um, what that story tells me is that no one really cared about how the guy was doing. Everybody just wanted to eat, and then they had to pretend because if not, you look like a horrible person. But everybody really just wanted to eat because it's like, who is this guy and who sent him to ruin our meal? Yeah, that's kind of the vibe that I'm picking up on. Because if you're worried about, hey, can we eat, you're not caring about the guy dying. Nobody gave The fuck? That sucks, dude.

Oh, here was the worst part though. We kept seeing the dude that had saved— because somebody saved him the first time, and then that guy had been like pumping too hard. He'd been like— and I think his tris had worn out or whatever, and he said his tris locked up because he had like a— he'd been overdoing creatine or whatever. I guess your arms can lock up if you have too much creatine.

Well, like, it's like the opposite of oiling your joints.

Yeah, I think he just— because he was over there, I mean, 7 or 8 minutes they were over there just looking for oil in this guy, dude. They were over there pumping him and you could hear him, and you know, and like everybody's just like— it was almost like everybody's like, yeah, and everybody's just waiting to finish their food, which was getting cold, you know. And it's not like save the guy fast, but it's like save him or don't save him, like, because he— dude, I will say this, at a certain point you started to kind of feel like, hey, this guy's had enough, you know what I'm saying? Like, hey guys, we all kind of feel like That's enough.

Like, we gave it our best shot, the musical.

It's just, it's 40 minutes of CPR.

Yeah.

So then they get him popping and then he goes down again. So everybody's like, fuck, fuck, fuck, you know? And I'm like, Magic Johnson, help out. Like, you, you know, go over there and fucking— because he's so good at like dribbling, it's like, just go dribble the guy's fucking shit, you know what I'm saying? You would think if he just would go over there and just double dribble the heartbeat, you know, until it would get— I don't know, but that's just—

he just becomes black. Yeah, he's like, oh shit, and then he gets a heart attack. Bad hearts.

Oh, do a lot of folks have—

I think so, right? Isn't it like high cholesterol?

I think it's— they get sugar in their heart.

The sugar just goes right to their heart.

I'm not sure that— that sounds insane, but I think they get sugar in their heart because they have a lot of— some black people have too much sugar because there's even people stopping them. You'll see people don't have any more sugar. I've seen a couple of black guys in my area, they'll have a shirt on says, I I can't have sugar, don't give me sugar.

Really?

Yeah. Black adults are about 30 to 50% more likely to die from cardiovascular disease than non-Hispanic white adults.

I wonder why.

I don't know.

Does it say—

yeah, to say why— can you just ask why at the bottom? And this is on perplexity right here. Um, social determinants of health. Let me see. Lower income, unemployment, and poverty. Increased stress. That makes sense. Unequal access to healthcare. So some, uh, internal and external higher rates of high blood pressure. Dude, you know what was I thinking about the other day? What was I thinking about? Oh, do you see there was like— I was thinking about AI and it's like the truckers that are like, like they won't even have any more— like they would have some autonomous trucks out there.

So like self-driving? Yeah, yeah.

And The self-driving stuff kind of gets me a little bit. Have you seen the first time a Waymo sees a gay guy? Have you seen that?

No.

Oh, that's good. I'm trying to think, see if you guys can find that. But dude, an autonomous truck, and what if some— what if like some lot lizard is parked behind like a, you know, a Flying J's or whatever, like it's parked behind like a Buc-ee's or whatever, and some lot lizard just climbs in the cab, you know, like one of those like kind of parking lot escorts or whatever. She climbs in the cab and she's just like— what do they even do then?

Yeah, um, I would think they would have the doors locked so you wouldn't— lot specifically for lot lizards that like, like to pleasure trucks.

I think you gotta let them in though. You got to give the truck the full experience.

That's true. The truck is probably pissed.

Driverless semis. Driverless semi trucks have started running regular semi indeed.

Texas.

Yeah, semis from the autonomous truck company Aurora have computers and sensors that can see for more than 4 football fields. The company is starting out with a single self-driving truck and plans to add more by the end of the year. Fuck that, dude. That's too much for me. Um, what was your journey kind of when you got into comedy in the beginning? Um, you said you kind of got it to be creative. Did you end up feeling like— did you try other outlets first? Like, did you— was there like music or was there—

well, I used to, um, One thing I was scared of was leaving home because I feel like I'd just always been just, you know, my family's really Italian, really close. They don't really like it when you leave, you know? So I was really nervous to like leave. So that was the first thing I did that made me scared was leave. And I knew they were going to get mad at me, but I did it anyway. And I drove from California to Texas. And then once I was— and before that, I would do things like go to the Grand Canyon by myself, for example, and like, um, like to practice being on your own. Yeah, or to like practice just, um, yeah, just being by myself and doing things that— like, I used to feel self-conscious about eating by myself in a restaurant, you know? So then I started just doing that to get over that feeling embarrassed, like, oh, like just feeling a lot of shame. I did a lot of things to get over all dumb things I feel shame about because I had a lot of guilt and shame I get from growing up, I think, Catholic.

And so I would just— I started doing a bunch of stuff to get me over that and, um, just not, not care about what people thought anymore because that was— I realized that that was keeping me prisoner in my own life and I wasn't able to like live it how I wanted. And if I kept doing it, I was just gonna wake up one day and be old and be like, where the fuck did my life go? I didn't even do what I wanted because I was so worried about what everybody else was thinking about me.

Do you know how you kind of got through that moment? I can relate to that a lot. Like, recently I started— like, took a— like, I finished touring for like a long time, and I've been touring for like— I don't even know, I've probably done half the weekends every year, you know, 4 days a week for 20 years maybe, uh, every other week. So not all the time, but I've been touring for a long time, and now there's just like— I have no comedy dates on the books. I don't even have to do it if I don't want to. It's like, you know, I do want to, I'm feeling, but it's like, but for the first time I was like, a little bit of me was like, well, who am I? You know, like, yeah, like, I didn't have— I always kind of defined myself, I think, by like achievements, like some sort of achievement. And I don't even feel much reward from achievements, but it's just the only way I knew to like have it, like to define myself for some reason.

It's like a measure at least.

Yeah, it was just something like, am I okay? Like, am I like— I guess, I guess this means I'm okay, right? If I'm achieving something, then I must be okay, right? Um, so that, that's just been like such a spot where I'm at, um, right now.

You mean like too?

Yeah, just recently I've been there. I'm just recently been there, and I went and did this plant medicine, and, uh, and I started like— but they record you while you do it, like while you're under it, so then you can go back and listen to the recording after. Most of the stuff, most of the stuff I was saying was just like, am I okay? Am I okay? Am I okay? It was like this, like, this voice inside of me was asking this all the time.

So do you feel like when you achieve things, you can— you're like, okay, well, I must be doing fine because I did this and this and this, but then you feel kind of empty inside because it's more like, oh, this is just something that everybody gets to see that you did, but it's not really about you. It's not really necessarily like— do you know, you're like, the things you value, do you live with like doing things like, oh, I'm nurturing this thing that I value and this thing, or is it more like, oh, this is the goal I need to achieve, and then you kind of ignore what you value to get to it?

No, I don't ignore what I value to get to it, but I do— I don't— I think I haven't had like a lot of like strong list of what my values are. I think I have them. I know I have them, but I've never really kind of listed them out. So funny you say that. That's kind of like what I'm working on with this therapist right now is like, well, what are your values? What are your beliefs? And actually being able to see, okay, well, what I'm doing, does this go towards, does this honor those, or is this something that doesn't honor those?

Right.

So at least to give me more of a map, kind of a chart of what's going on.

Yeah.

No, I just think I didn't know any way. I never felt like, look at me. I just felt like, well, what's a way that you can know you're okay? And it's like, okay, well, if I have to achieve something, right? Like if I do something then and we get it done and everybody, and it seems like everybody thinks it's fine, then it must be fine. You know, I just didn't have any, I didn't have any other, I'd never had a pattern built inside of me that's like, well, this is really what means something to you and this, you know, Does that make any sense?

I think so, if I'm understanding it correctly. So it's kind of like you— it doesn't feel almost though like then you're not super present in your life when you're focusing on like, okay, this is what I got to do. And then you're not really like really absorbing every moment. And then that gives you so much anxiety because then you get to it and it's like, oh, well, where did all that time go that I got to this? But I didn't even live. And now more time has passed and now I got it. But to what cost? I didn't even like really spend the time enjoying it.

Yeah. Oh dude, that's so crazy. It's like you're reading what I was writing out yesterday. Yeah, that's what this therapist was saying. It's like, well, you have to take time when you have certain things that you're proud of, that you recognize that with yourself. Okay man, I'm proud of you, you did a good job, and— or we did a good job, or this is neat. Um, uh, and so yeah, just— I never— I don't know, I never I didn't have a strong other value system. Like, thankfully I didn't have like a strong immoral value system where I thought like crime or murder or stuff like that was okay. I knew those things, right? But I didn't have a much other sense of like, um, yeah, I don't know, I guess I just— the only way I knew how to be seen, like, like, I guess if it was some sort of achievement, then I was being seen, I guess, or something. And, and then that made things kind of okay. But yeah, at a certain point You're just like, I wasn't even there. I wasn't even there. Yeah, I guess it felt like I got to the end of this tour and I was like, yeah, yeah, where am I?

And it's like, and then you think, but I should have been like really enjoying this the whole time, but I was just in my head thinking about like either being hard on myself or like, that's what it was, that's what it is. And then you're not like being really immersed in it and then it passes you by and it's like This is a cool thing. Everyone thinks it's a cool thing, but I wasn't even really there, like, if I'm really being honest. Yeah. And it's hard to separate that, like, wanting to do something just right and being present and just letting yourself exist without worrying about doing it bad, you know? Because it's like, you still want to be, like, well represented, but then that's still caring about what other people think, and it's not making you be in the— I think about this stuff a lot too because I struggle with this stuff too. Yeah, yeah. That's how I can That's how I can read it.

Yeah. No, as you're saying this, I'm like, damn, that's so crazy.

I've had these thoughts too before because you get really in your head, you beat yourself up all the time.

Yeah. People are like, dude, you're so hard on yourself.

Yeah.

It's like, I don't know, I feel that some, but it's like, it's the only way I know how.

It's like, it doesn't even feel like you're being hard on yourself when you do it. It just feels like you're being realistic and you're being like, well, I'm just not an idiot. And you see people all the time that are like, like, not hard on themselves. And then you're like, well, I don't want to be delusional like that because that's not helping them, you know. So if anything, I err on the side of caution, and I'm a little bit— I see myself in a little bit worse than what probably is true, just in case, so I can improve from that. Does that make sense? Yeah, um, yeah, you know. But then, but then you get to these milestones and you're like, why was I stressed out for so long, you know? And then somebody will ask you on a podcast, like, what was your favorite part about touring? And you're like, fuck, I was stressed out the whole time. I don't even— I can't even remember something. Like, I obviously, I was doing exactly what I want to be doing, but I was so stressed out I didn't even like enjoy so much of it.

Yeah. Then you're like, fuck.

Yeah, it's kind of like an impo— you're getting like kind of this like paddle ball match with yourself, or like this— you get in like this, uh, padel— what do they call it?

Ping pong?

Yeah, yeah, you get in like this ping pong match with yourself. But yeah, I think in the end it's like I don't know. It takes focus to, like, do certain things, and it does take, like, um, a lot of self-monitoring and stuff. Like, I grew up with, like, a lot of self-monitoring, like, always kind of monitoring myself. Like, is this okay? Is this okay? Do I seem okay? How do I seem? Am I okay?

How do you— where do you think you got that from?

I think I just didn't have anybody telling me that everything— anything was okay.

So you had to guess, kind of?

Yeah. So constantly guessing. Like, I used to do, like, things, like, to soothe myself when I was growing up. Like, I would rock on my bed all the time as a kid. Um, like my brother and I's bed were on wheels and they would wake in the morning, they'd be across the room. Like we would both have like rocked, and sometimes they would be like kind of like over by— like they were both trying to get out of the room. Like it was like cars trying to leave. Um, like traffic jam. Yeah, traffic jam. Um, I used to walk, like step on certain things, like monitor where I was walking. I used to swallow on both sides of my mouth, like, uh, like bite your cheek kind of. Yeah, yeah, do certain things. Because just to create patterns so some— so things would make sense to me in my life. Like, because I think I just didn't— I had no idea if anything made sense.

Yeah.

And it was harrowing, I think, as a kid, because then you're so into— you're just— everything's internal. You're like this sort of like a fish that fucking somebody put on some land.

No, I feel like—

and let you be alive.

I feel like I, um, I had most of my existential crises as a kid. I feel like people have them as adults.

Existentially, you guys bring it up just so we can say it, because I know people— we say it all the time.

But also, maybe that's not the right word for this because I was a kid, but, um, I just, I was just had so many questions as a kid. And I, I was one of those kids that asked questions to my mom all the time, and I'd freak out. I get like, I throw up sometimes because things didn't make sense.

Like, you know, that sounds like a cartoon character. Sorry.

No, no, no. But it, but it didn't like, um, like being in space and then black holes, and then I'd worry about a black hole forming right next to the Earth and my mom wouldn't have the answers. And like, but how do you know? But how do you know? Like, that, that can't happen. And just stuff like that. Yeah.

So yeah, when I heard— I was worried a black hole, that the music would be so loud in there.

In a black hole?

Yeah. And I'm like, I'm gonna fucking hate that shit. That's why I did not want to be an astronaut.

That's so funny. That's so autistic. You didn't want to do it for the loud noises?

Well, just allow music. I'm like, I'm gonna fucking call the cops. They're gonna come over. Everybody's gonna get pissed. They're gonna make a— it's gonna be a Worldstar video or whatever. What an existential crisis is. An existential crisis isn't a formal mental health diagnosis. It's a pattern of thoughts and feelings centered on big questions like, who am I? What's my purpose? Does anything really matter? How should I live given that life is finite?

Yeah, that's literally what I would think about as a 5-year-old. And I remember just seeing other kids playing and stuff and I would just be like, Mom, what's, you know, is the world gonna end? You know, like just stuff like that.

Like, yeah, I had to worry too early, I think.

Yeah, yeah, I think me too. Yeah, worried all the time.

Why do you think you had to do it though?

I didn't know. I don't know. I think I just was curious. I think it comes from curiosity. Isn't curiosity cool? Like, it's like so double-edged sword because curiosity makes us want to create and ask things, but then also curiosity is the reason for like, I don't know, bestiality, for example, right? Because it's like, it's all coming from like, I wonder, what if?

Oh yeah, that's true. Bestiality.

I mean, that's why the cat, it got killed. It's because of that, because curiosity.

Yeah, and I want to see that. If they do like a mural of that, I don't want to see it.

Of a cat?

If a cat got killed through bestiality, I'm out.

Um, but sorry, I don't know how I got down that train of thought.

I, uh, no worries.

We're talking about being curious and I don't know why. No worries.

I don't think we even know what we're talking about, It's good.

No, no, we're talking about like, we're making any sense at all.

I, I don't think so.

I'm following you and I think I know what you're saying. Do you know what I'm saying?

I think so.

Are you thinking about the girl in the gym?

No.

Okay, what if this whole time when we were talking, that's just what you were thinking about?

Oh no, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't let my brain just like— I don't let my brain just do that anymore. Like, I'll try to stay locked. I'm happy to be here with you.

Sometimes I do that and I catch myself. It's like tabs, and then I'm like, okay, don't leave that tab open, just close that one out so that way I can come back.

I control the tabs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, every now and then one of them will get out of hand and I'll have to chase it around.

Yeah, yeah, it's like you get a virus.

Yeah, every once in a while I control the tabs.

Yeah, it's like a porn pop-up and you're like, fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Um, but no worries. Talking about—

we were talking about like, um, as kids just being warriors too soon.

Oh yeah, yeah, I think that's it. You just find for some reason concern comes in too soon for a. And I don't know why, sometimes why that happens.

I think, um, when you're a sensitive kid, that's part of it. Like, you're sensitive, so like, but you don't know when you're a kid that you're sensitive. Everybody else tells you you're sensitive, but you don't know what somebody else's experience is and how they're perceiving the world. So you only know like, oh, that really hurt, and everybody seems to not feel that, but to me it hurt really bad, and now I'm being dramatic and I feel it so much.

Or like, and then you worry something's wrong with you.

Yeah, yeah, 100%. I always thought I was so weird, and I always felt like— yeah, did you feel like that too?

Oh, I felt like my life was kind of a nightmare when I was a kid. I'm not getting into like— I'm not in like any woe is me shit, but shit was kind of a nightmare. And so I thought that, that the outside is this reflection of me, so I must be a nightmare. Like, oh, if this— because the world just centers around you, you're a kid, that's all you know. So it's like, fuck, if everything's so fucked up out here, then it must be— it's a reflection of me. I must be fucked up, you know? And that, like, I think when you— for me, realizing that, well, I think it just, like, I don't know, it makes it— it makes a lot of things— you're going uphill a lot. It's up— it's a battle a lot.

Yeah. And, um, I think it's kind of like, you know, when you get older, your taste buds decline. I think, um, when you get older also, like, you get maybe less sensitive because you get more data and you get more used to, like, um, certain experiences. So then things don't feel as intense. So you're still sensitive now, but probably less than when you were like brand new, you know?

Yeah, you start to get the hang— like, I think no matter what horse you're on, you kind of get the hang of how it rides a little bit.

Yeah. So I feel like a lot less stressed out now than I did as a kid, to be honest. I feel like as a kid I was like peak, like just everything was overwhelming and too much, you know?

Yeah.

And then I felt like, how come everybody else seems to be getting along and I'm so weird? And I'm trying to be like them, but I'm not. They're on to me, you know?

That's what I always feel like. I was trying to have to like, I didn't always feel that. A lot of times I feel like I was having to try to posture to fit in, and I didn't really know where I fit in. And also, sometimes I was kind of glad that I didn't fit into just one place though. Like, I think there was bits of all of that, you know. Um, but I do start to recently, I start to like, uh, say thank you God for these things that happened, right? Even if some of them are painful, I can say thank you. Even if something was painful, I can say thank you God, you know. Because, um, that's the only way, right? Like, even if my, like, family stuff— like, I can still be very grateful to my mother for having me, you know? I can be very grateful to my father for having me. Like, um, instead of sometimes being generally— like, I got— sometimes I get in the space where I'm generally upset, but I, I can still find a lot of specific things that I have gratitude for, and that gives me, like, a different position to operate from, you know?

For sure.

I could sit there and think, like, oh, I'm upset at my mom about this, or this thing happened, or my brother, or my boss, whatever. But if I can find some, oh, thank them for this, right? And then that's kind of where I can hang my hat on with them, you know? And if my thoughts start to go down some of these other spaces, I can put up some boundaries and say, I'm not going down those spaces anymore just because it's not the best place for me to be. Does that make any sense?

Yeah, 100%. And, um, it's, it comes from self-trust and open-mindedness, and it's a fine line. That's what I've been thinking about too, because I've been like, is it that I don't trust myself or I'm open-minded? I tell myself I'm open-minded, but is that an excuse to not trust myself? Do you know what I mean? Like, sometimes you want to be open-minded and not think, oh, I know all the answers, because most of the time you don't know all the answers. So you look for like, you're open to what people have to say and feedback, which is good, but then it can go too much to where you don't even listen to what you think and you're or, you know, the gut feeling, because with the excuse of, oh, I'm just being open-minded, I don't want to be like, I know everything, you know. Does that make any sense? So, so then sometimes it's like, oh, the measure is if people are liking it, but then if that's the only measure and you're not thinking like in your gut, I'm not proud of that, that's when you end up feeling like— because I've done things where people have liked, but then I've been like, but you know, that doesn't really reflect my values very much, and I don't feel good about it even though it went viral I don't know if I really feel good about that.

Oh yeah.

It's almost like you sold out a little bit because you didn't listen to the voice that was like, but is that something you value even if everyone else likes it?

Yes, that's something I still value. There's things that I've put out there like, or that are out in the world that I wish sometimes I hadn't put in certain— like could be a special or this or that. But then some of it is I won't even be fair to myself. I will hold myself to my older myself when I taped a certain special or something to a certain special— I only have 2 specials— I will hold myself to when I tape the special, or when I put a certain joke out there, I'll hold my current self to those, to the time at that time, you know what I'm saying?

Yep.

Like, I'll hold the person at that time to my current, like, way of looking at the world. So that's when I start to realize, man, you're too hard on yourself. You're holding a past self to a current belief. That is like, if you watch somebody do that, that would be— it would be insane to watch somebody do that.

So that's when it's bad to romanticize something, is when it holds you trapped into it. You think romanticizing is good, but then it's just making a story that's better than the current one, and that's not good.

Well, sometimes romanticizing— I think this is interesting because we're kind of bringing it back to that— sometimes romanticizing is, uh, it's almost a savior way of like, if you really had those moments from the past or those feelings, like, sometimes maybe you're grateful that your brain romanticizes them, you know? Like maybe if you were trapped in a, you know, if you were like imprisoned for like as a prisoner of war and, but there's, you've, the thing you remember the most is like chats with the guards on a Sunday, right? You know, it's like, or being able to sit there in peace and meditate or, you know, I don't know.

Totally. Well, it's like if all the stories in your head are not quite right, why not make them good? So that way you have like a good like story. 'Cause if it's all made up anyway, why not make up something fun instead of making up something bad? It's all made up. I think.

Yeah, dude.

Yeah.

You're so true. Yeah. I think real, I started, I think I'm so funny. I'm just like in the past 10 days in this place where it's like I'm realizing a little bit more of the control that I have over how to frame some of my thoughts and frame some of the ways that I'm looking at things and how kind of off some of it has been. And yeah, I guess I'm grateful that I can still kind of learn, and it's definitely a slow process. I feel like I don't like to lie. I don't, I don't know, every— it's like I like to be where— I don't know, I like the comfort of the old thoughts and ways, but it's just after a certain point it doesn't— it's not serving you anymore.

Yeah, I feel like it's like, um, it's like going on a diet or eating healthy but with your brain. So like when you're like reframing things, expressing gratitude, being present, that's you eating healthy. But every once in a while how you want to dip into the junk food, and that's the, you know, going back and thinking about things that don't even make you feel that good, but for some reason you do it anyway even though it's not helpful. Because, because why? Like, it must be doing something to do that, right? Yeah.

Oh, well, I think for me, Christina, I realized there was a time where I was like, man, sometimes I don't want to leave these old feelings of being sorry for myself or feeling bad or thinking about the sad things. Sometimes I don't want to leave those feelings. Sometimes I would, because they're the only— for at a certain point, for years, they were the only friends that I felt like even had. Like, somewhere deep inside of me, it was like those are the realest things I knew, was like how much pain I was in or how I felt, or like this level, like a certain level of discomfort. They were like my closest friends. Does it make any sense?

Yes.

Like, they were the things I felt the most. So to leave them, it almost feels like you're abandoning a big part of yourself, which for— in some ways, sometimes you are, you know.

And I feel like sometimes Sometimes it's comfortable to be in that mindset of pain because if you start feeling too good, that kind of sets off alarms. It's like, uh-oh, now I have something to lose. But if I can retreat in the safe place of not misery, but pain, then it's like, well, I was already there and I didn't expect much more. And it's almost like a protective mechanism because it's scary to feel completely good.

It's scary to feel like you deserve something.

Yeah, that too.

But yeah, it's not— but that's a lie. But that was a lie that I think was stuck in me for a long time. It's scary to feel like I deserve something, or if I feel like I deserve something, what are other people gonna think of that?

Yeah. Or like, oh, am I gonna jinx it if I feel— I don't know, that's kind of like, oh, I think there's some karma in there, something like that. Yeah, too. It's like all these like, oh, I need to like keep putting my— making myself smaller so that way I don't lose everything almost, or I don't like fuck it up because I'm being like I'm giving myself too much, that's not good. Like, I don't know why we feel like that.

There is a nice balance with that though, because I think the world— like, you do want to watch your ego because your ego will also trick you, right, into thinking that, you know, you deserve like everything's like, you know, that there's something more special about you. You know, it's okay to think that there's something special about you, but to think that there's something more— like, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know.

It would, yeah, but it wouldn't be like that. It's like a fine line between ego and like loving yourself the way you love like your sibling or your mom or somebody, you know, like, because like when I see my sister, for example, I'm like, she's amazing, she's great, she could do whatever she wants. And that's not me being like thinking that like some ego-driven thing, it's just love, you know. Ah, but if you look at it towards yourself, it feels like ego when when you do it to yourself, you know, when it's like, no, but I do that for other people, why do I feel guilty doing it for myself? It's not like from a place of superiority, it should be just love. And I think that's the struggle, is loving yourself but like keeping yourself in check, like not— it's the difference, it's the difference being like egotistical and loving yourself, but it's a hard difference to distinguish, I guess.

But I think thinking about it and seeing it a little bit and having a conversation with it, you know? Like, well, why do I act this way? Like, what do I get out of acting this way? Or what am I afraid of if I do behave this way? And like, but having some of that self-conversation, I think it's like, that's pretty key. And some of it can be fun to have some of that conversation. Before you go, because we gotta stop in a few minutes because they have to— they're gonna— this is a restaurant and a nightclub, and here in Austin, Texas.

It's cute. I've never been here.

You haven't?

No, but I liked it. It's a good area.

Yeah, it's great. We're glad that you're here.

Yeah, thank you.

Um, what, uh, when, when was the first time your parents came to see you perform and what did they think? Because obviously you got—

see me perform? They've never come to see me perform.

Really?

Yeah, they, uh, oh man, they were, they were not happy with me doing comedy for a long time. They're okay with it now, but they haven't seen me perform yet. And, um, part of it was me too. I don't know if I really want my parents to see me perform, you Why do you feel like it's your own thing or something? I just, I feel like I can, I really care a lot about hurting my parents' feelings and like making, disappointing them or doing, if I say something that they don't think is quite right, I don't want to get it censored because I know it's going to get in my head, like whatever they think. And I want to be like, when I do comedy, I want to be as honest and real with people and connect with them in the most genuine way I can without feeling like, oh, I can't talk about this because my Dad's gonna get mad at me, you know what I mean? Yeah, because then I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm thinking about what somebody else wants me to do, and then I'm not being myself, and then I'm not even doing a good job at that point.

Yeah, then you're wasting everybody's time.

Yeah, it's like, that's— then that defeats the purpose of, uh— but that's something I'm trying to get over too. That's where I don't care about— not in a bad way, I don't care what my parents think, but more in a like, I'm my own person and I'm gonna trust that they love me anyways if I, you know, like, no matter what.

Yeah, yeah, that's it. Wow. Yeah, I forget, I didn't have much of a relationship with like my parents at that time really, so there wasn't like— I didn't have to worry about any of that. But I forget that some people have to worry about like, yeah, when your mom first sees you're doing some of this stuff and like how that feels. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's interesting to see, like, to put that in front of them.

Yeah, yeah. And I had like, you know, my— they were very involved in my life and very like like, you know, not passive parenting at all. They were very— so, and they raised me a certain way, very strict parents, you know.

Oh, that's tough.

Yeah, yeah. So it was very like— so it was even hard for me to like move out comfortably without feeling like, oh, I'm doing something they don't want me to be doing. That gave me a lot of anxiety. And I know it's like, sounds kind of dumb, I guess, because it's not that big of a deal, but to me it was.

No, it's a huge deal. Disappointing your— yeah, someone that loves you, disappointing your parents.

I don't have tattoos because I know that would make them feel bad if I got tattoos, you know? And I guess I don't want them that badly, but I think when your parents are really involved and are really strict, and it's from the best, they love me, you know? But sometimes it makes you not feel like your own person until you leave for a while. And then you're like, what do I actually like? What do I want to do? What do I think?

Yeah.

You know, I don't know. I don't mean to keep going because I know you got to go.

No, it's okay. Yeah, well, it's okay. The time limit just happened. We didn't know.

Yeah.

We've been having a nice time chatting, and I think it's like, um, yeah, it's been cool. And yeah, and that's important stuff. And sometimes we talk, or like, that's unique things, but that's real stuff that happens for people. It's like, yeah, I don't want to disappoint. What am I— but am I being too this? And how do I grow? And like, how do I— you know, it's like we're all kind of examining the walls, um, to see like, you know, what the space looks like.

Yeah.

Um, but yeah, I just appreciate your time. And yeah, we'll have to— we'll just have to do it again soon so we can We have to talk about some more of this stuff.

Yeah, I love talking about— I think about this stuff all the time.

Me too, dude.

Oh my God, constantly. And then the more I think about it, I feel insane sometimes. I'm like, I have nothing figured out. It's like, I think I figured something out, and then I'm like, I didn't really though. There's so much more. And then it's like, is any of my thoughts even my own? Sometimes I just go crazy. I go down rabbit holes. Yeah. And then I'm like, I got to stop, like, because I'm just— I need to be present. Then I'm Sometimes I smoke weed so I can get present. That helps quiet down the, the all the voices that are constantly like just getting high and watching a movie and not trying to predict what happens because that's what I'll do. I'm just like, nope, just go scene by scene and don't try to figure it out. Just experience it how it's supposed to be experienced, you know?

Yeah. No, experience it how it's supposed to be experienced. Yeah. I mean, I think it's what we're all trying to do with life, you know? Christina Mariani, thanks so much for hanging out. Thanks for touring with me some and doing some shows.

Fun. Yeah, super fun. Thank you for having me on the road with you. I did that when I was 2 years in. That was insane experience.

Oh wow, that's crazy. I forget about that.

Yeah, then it went from like doing little rooms to fucking arenas and theaters. That was crazy.

Did we do somewhere really cool? My brain's bad.

Yeah, no, we did. For me it was really cool. It was like an 8,000-person Um, oh, that's awesome. Yeah, you tripped on the stool. I remember.

Oh yeah, oh yeah. Oh no, uh, and, uh, Ari. Ari was there.

Yeah, Ari was there. Yeah, yeah, that was the biggest place that I've done so far, I think.

Well, um, yeah, we'll have to do some shows here when I'm in town too, because I'm gonna be spending more time here because I got to start practicing comedy again. Um, coming up here in Appleton, Wisconsin, Chicago, Illinois, La Jolla, uh, Comedy Store there, Sunnyvale, CA. At Rooster Teeth Feathers. Tell them I said hello over there. That's a beautiful place. Um, at the Bend Comedy Festival, Rochester, New York. Um, I love their Garbage Plate Central. Pittsburgh Comedy Bar.

I'm going to Europe next, um, in January too, later.

And you're doing shows in Europe in January?

Yeah, in January and February. Yeah. And I have a podcast too. I almost forgot to say that I have a podcast. So I— on my YouTube.

And what is it called?

I don't know. I think I was thinking, um, this upcoming weekend This upcoming— what do you think? What do you think of that name? You think that's good?

Yeah, I think it's one of the better names here.

Yeah, should I call it that for real?

I think it's not a bad idea.

No idea what to call it.

So, um, how about this? I'm gonna think of subtitles, and if you haven't started by the next time we talk, uh, by the next time that we podcast, I'm gonna call it This Upcoming Weekend.

I swear to God, I will do it if if there's nothing else.

Well, look, don't second-guess it then. Don't think too much about it. I think it's a great choice. Um, Christina Mariani, thank you so much.

Thank you, thank you.

Now I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone. Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found. I can I feel it in my bones, but it's gonna take a little—