Transcript of #2205 - Legion of Skanks

Joe Rogan podcast. Check it out.

The Joe Rogan experience.

Train by day. Joe Rogan podcast by night.

All day. All right.

Well, boys, good to see you. What's up?

What's up, Joe?

You have a little adventure coming over here?

We did. We just stopped sweating.

Did I ever dropped off the wrong spot?

This one might be on me about.

How he dropped us off at the completely right spot in his mind and.

The amount that I cursed him because we thought it was the wrong spot.

I mean, we spent on me, that's on me because I should have got you guys the car service. We have the car service. It takes guys, all that. I figured you guys were already here.

When we were at about three quarters into our three quarter mile walk here, you sent somebody over to come get us. And he pulled up in a car and he goes, he goes, you guys for Joe, right? We said, yeah. And he goes, follow me. And then just drove away in the car.

You know what? You were too sweaty.

Yeah, that's what it was.

Lewis had his shirt off still. You can see him glistening. My eyes were going. My hair product was in my eyes.

Hey, are you guys here for Joe Rogan? He told me to bring you this heat lamp here. You can carry that with you.

The sauna is ready when you get some pocket warmers.

Guys, did you guys carry these kettlebells.

Over to the studio where I was in Utah, where it was like 50 degrees, and then I came right here to Austin. It was like 98. When I got out of the car. I was like, yo, I forgot.

Summer doesn't end in Texas.

It lasts a long time, but it does get winter here. It's hilarious. They shut it down. The Austin people don't know what the fuck to do. And it snows out.

There's no infrastructure at all.

Stuck in Houston for maybe four or five days because they had, I mean, I want to say a light flurry and there's a little bit of ice, but Texas doesn't have like, you know.

No plows, no salt. When we had the big freeze the first year I moved here, they did nothing. Yeah, they did nothing. They just let it thaw.

I went. I was the last. I was the one flight that was able to get out one time to go to Dallas for a gig, and they had like, it was three inches of snow, but the whole place shuts down. And thank God, because the car that picked me up to drive me to the hotel that night, if there was other cars in the road, dude, it would have been ping ponging every time he stopped, the car would, like, turn sideways complete. But he was just calm because there was nobody else in the road, so it didn't really matter.

Tell me the sketchiest feeling is not when you're in, like, Edmonton or some shit and they have to spray that stuff on the wings, yo. Like, there's a real. Cause it's kind of a misty, freezing rain thing going on. You're like, there's a real possibility, like, you know, fucking one, in a 1001, in a hundred thousand chance that those fucking things aren't gonna go up. Cause they're frozen, stuck, so they have to spray it.

And what would happen if those things didn't go up?

You're fucked?

Is that it?

There's no control of the plane.

I just don't.

I don't want to know anything. I'm like, they gotta back up.

That's my thing. I always remember talking to. It was Ben Bailey years ago. And I was like, like, you know, so far, the more I fly, the more I'm afraid of flying. Somehow I go. But I have to just assume planes are designed that, like, if all fails, like, they're designed to kind of be able to be able to be glided to safety. And he was like, no, if you lose all the engines. He goes, if you lose all the engines, it nose dives directly to the ground.

Well, that why it was such a big deal. The miracle on the Hudson. It was a miracle that the guy was able to land the plane when the engines went out.

Right.

And that's because that guy was like a real serious pilot.

Yeah.

That guy really knew how to fucking fly up.

He was a real hero. I love the argument that he's not. That always makes me. LauGhter like, he did his job. He goes, sure.

Trans woman. If he's a trans woman from a third world country, he'd be the greatest hero of all time.

I remember when it landed, I was rooting for him to be drunk. Like, I just wanted him to come out and I fucking did it on coke.

I also wish there was a drag queen that would do something heroic. So everyone's got to praise the things of cunt lips, thunder tits. They always got stupid names.

How weird is it that it's an argument whether or not drag queens should be reading books to kids?

It's.

What's the upside of that?

Yeah. Like, why? Whose idea was this? Can we talk to the first person who came up with this idea? Like, what?

You guys know what kids lacking these days? The most aggressive gaze. Yelling at them.

Yeah. Bullshit.

And listen to the story, honey.

At the very least, I've met some very nice drag queens. But at the very least, it's an odd choice that might be one that someone's out of their fucking mind chooses. It's a possibility, right? It's not zero.

Absolutely. Well, I went to Warren.

It's almost like a. We actually did a sketch. We did a thing called legion of sketch where we performed dirty comedy to kids in a library. And that was the whole point is that we were like, you know, you know, it's an adult job. You know what I'm saying? It's not meant for little kids. So somebody wearing makeup, and even though it's not inherently sexual, what they're doing in that moment, it's like what they're. Their whole thing is meant for a nightclub for adults.

Well, that's what the people who defend it, they always go, I don't know. Have you ever been to one, like, it's just a guy in a dress reading a story? It doesn't have to be weird. But then you're like, you know what would be even less weird? Is a guy not in a dress reading a story. Or just. Yeah, just like, whoever the person has.

So I guess the argument for it would be, this is what makes these people happy. We should normalize the fact that they want to dress up like very flamboyant women. We should normalize. That's the idea.

You shouldn't have porn stars reading books to kids either.

Yeah, right.

But if you wanted to take the other side's position, like, what would you say? You would say, hey, this is fine to do that. It's fine to do that. But it's still a biological man who's dressed up like a woman who's reading things to kids. It's still. It's like the odds of this being 100%, like, really rational, fascinating person is going to read books to kid or someone who's out of their fucking mind. There's. It's not like a 0% thing. It's like something you should be kind of concerned about.

If it was a stripper reading books to a kid or an ex convict. Yeah. You would go like, yeah, it's just not like the whole thing that's interesting about it is you take this fish out of water, and I just don't think you should be experimenting with kids.

How about guys on parole for violent crimes? How about help them read the kids?

They give them puppies now.

How about corrupt politicians? Have them read the kids that I.

Object to the most.

How about CEO's have been arrested for embezzlement? How about them reading the kids? How about all kinds of kids? Like, maybe cool, but maybe super fucking sketchy people reading stories to kids. You know, there's a lot we could go with. A lot of.

It's reading time with Deshawn.

I don't know, dude.

I was Mary people convicted of violent assault, but they wouldn't do it again. It was a bad move, kids.

I was. I was on one of those apps to hire a babysitter recently, and it's. It's a very weird that I'd never done it before. And it's almost like. It's almost like a dating app. Like you're like swiping left and right, but it's on for babysitters for your kids. And I will say, and I'm on the legion of skanks. I'm a comedian. I hang out in a pretty seedy world. But it is amazing how judgmental you get when you're just judging a person off their face over whether they're gonna watch your kids. You're just like, nose ring.

You'll never be more racist.

Tattoos on the face is a no go. It's not like being an MMA fighter.

Yeah, it's like, you might be cool, you might be a cool person, but.

Sugar Sean O'Malley could pull it off. Post Malone could pull it off, but not the fucking baby.

I'm considering getting a tattoo on my face at Skank festival.

That's a good idea.

How about if there was guys with tattoos on their faces that wanted to read stories to kids, would that be cool? Who would be cool with that? If it was post Malone, you'd be like, of course. He's so cool. Let him read the stories to kids. That'd be really fun.

If your kids had, like, a face tattoo teacher at all.

Yeah, I'd be weirded out.

I would not like that.

Listen, like, jelly rolled is the coolest motherfucker alive. He's got face tattoos. There's a lot of people that do them and wish they didn't do them or do them and are happy with them and like them. It's cool. No, I'm not saying the possibility of you being out of your fucking mind is in there.

No, no, absolutely. But I also mean also just the idea that, like, I'm not, like, evenly said post. I don't think a teacher with face tattoos might be the best teacher, like, in the world. I just think it's like, as a parent you'd walk in and be like, this motherfucker's deal.

It's possible that they could be.

They might be. They might be.

They have to be teacher in history.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They have to go so far above and beyond, right?

If someone with a face tattoo is an excellent teacher, then let them teach inmates, but stay away from my children. I don't have time for this.

Isn't it funny? We have no problem with sleeves. Like, if my kids teach her to sleeve, like, oh, teacher, sleep.

But I think 30 years ago, they probably did. If you showed up as a teacher 30 years ago, people are like, what the fuck is this guy doing?

Okay, biker Bob, now it is a signal. If you see someone with, like, a button down shirt and, like, this part of the arm you see is completely done, you're like, all right, quite cool.

But still, I think there's probably conservative America would still feel, like, a little weird about if somebody with a slightest teaching her little girl in kindergarten.

As a representative of conservative America here, I will say, I was at my daughter's t ball game, and there was one of the moms pregnant, and one of her kids is in the tee ball game, and she's in shorts and just has two leg sleeve tattoos. Now, no judgment. It was fine. But there was something where I was like, it's just a little odd. Let's just generation.

I'm judging the town. I'm judging the town for letting the girl play t ball.

Yeah, that's crazy.

Judging you for coming out as conservative.

Joe, this is my new grift. I am now mister conservative. We got to get trumped.

I've given up on this libertarian stuff.

There's no money in it.

I figured out there's definitely no money in it, but that's why they let it exist. You know, if there was another legitimate party that was actually challenging to the Democrats and the Republicans, they would attack it. They don't say a peep about the libertarians. Those are, in their eyes, the libertarians are just vote stealers from the Republicans.

Yeah, they were mad when Trump came this year, but aside from that, they don't really. They don't see us as a threat.

Yeah, it's. They don't know. Political party gets mad at the libertarians, furious. The Republicans. The Republicans are furious at the Democrats. Nobody gives a fuck what the libertarians say, including me.

Dave, speaking at the thing was the funniest. When he goes, Donald Trump's gonna come up here and we're gonna show him that we know how to act and behave. And because we are the right party and we're like, fuck you.

You fucking push.

Well, I knew I literally were a rapist.

We got off stage and I passed by Angela McCardell, who's the chair of the libertarian party, and I walked right by her and I went, 0% chance they listened. Now let's go watch the shit show. Cause this is gonna be so difficult.

How much of a shit show was it?

I was awful. I mean, just the worst.

I only watched like a little bit of it.

So I went. They kicked me out of backstage. Cause it's like a secret service, like checkpoint thing or whatever. Cause they're real on top of that. Not so big on people with rifles on buildings. But they got me out of there. And so I go out and I come back around in the main room and I'm just, I walk into the middle of just all the people, like. And one of them, at one point, Trump goes, he goes, I fired Comey. And one of the libertarians goes. Cause he was on to you. And I just turned to him and I went. I went, that's not even the right heckle. The guy goes, oh, what's the right heckle? It's like, I can't, I can't give it to you right now.

Well, the wild scene, the Comey thing was, what would they, they were alleging, first of all, that the Clinton campaign was spying on the Trump campaign. Right?

Yeah, it was. It was after that he was trying to blackmail him and fucking Trump caught on to that. So he fired him. Yeah. For sure.

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah.

Are you. How do you know?

So, okay, so if.

Here we go, guys.

So, you know, like, you know, yelled.

At Kurt about this. Yes. They came in, he goes, p. Diddy definitely fucked everybody and, and did this and raped everyone. And then we're like, well, how do you know? He's like, I read.

But that's what you can do in comedy is that is enough to checkmate most comedians. I read. He does read. A.

All right, yeah, well, it's also, it's just a funny thing to say because you could also be, like, admitting the ridiculousness of it yourself while saying, I read. You know, because it's kind of an admission like I'm not there.

I was one of these parties, and, man, P. Diddy was like, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go fuck meek mill in the butt. But, like, that's never gonna happen. No one comes out and says, so.

If you are, like, if you're looking at that. But, like, what makes you conclude that he definitely was doing that?

Because he basically, the first time they ever met, he presented him with the Steele dossier, which had all of the, like, dirt.

That's the peepee stuff.

Yeah.

All the peepee shit in it. I shouldn't say shit. There was no shit. Alleged. Just piss.

Russian piss. Yes.

Alleged russian piss. Yes. That's the aspect of that.

What collusion means?

Something like that.

And then these play so dirty. They play dirty like a movie. It's.

It's pretty crazy.

Yeah, it's really wild.

I don't know. I mean, did you see that's.

That was the number one fear of having these big agencies have so much power that they would never want to relinquish it. They would never want to say, like, hey, look, we're patriots. I think we should follow by the rule of the constitution and let the people decide. Like, it's like everything else, man. Once you start running shit, you don't want to stop.

Well, I've seen friends of mine have way less power go to their head.

It's weird, right?

I wouldn't trust these two with power.

But it is a weird thing to watch, right?

Yes, it's bizarre. That's human beings, though, man.

Now imagine that, but with no show business. No show business. So you get in that rush, but now the rush is controlling the world.

Yeah.

It's like the way we feel about, like, crushing on stage is the way Hillary Clinton feels about crushing Libya.

But isn't that what game we saw? He died crushed.

Wasn't that L. Ron Hubbard, though? Hubbard was like, hey, this will be funny. I'll start this and go into this. Start a religion. And then, like, years later, he said when his friends, he told that to hit him up, like, this is crazy, dude, you did it. He's like, you know, you. Like, you ran that scam. And he's like, scam. You better get your theta levels checked if you're gonna say it's just like he just started eating his own shit, cuz, like.

Well, he was. Do you know that he's the most prolific writer in human history?

Sci-Fi was. Yeah.

More fiction.

Yeah.

Than any other human being ever.

More than Stephen King.

More than anybody.

And one bob more than anybody.

And not a second draft amongst them. Everything he wrote was nonsense. Everything he wrote was hot nonsense. If you read it. It's like these dumbest stories.

Well, do you remember the dynetics commercials? Do you remember the commercials with the volcano? Like, the lava was going off and it just gave you, like, like, the most generalized things anyone feels. He goes, are you sometimes tired and sometimes awake?

You did it before, right, Louis, that when they had Times Square.

Times Square people, because it was just kind of cool. I was like a dumb kid. So, like, hey, do you want us to test your stress levels? It's like, boy, do. I went over and I held these dumb things, and they're like, yeah.

The words that go like that, yeah.

They'Re like, you're stressed. And I was like, I am, right? They're like, come on inside. They brought me into this weird thing. They tried to sell me a book. I don't really.

That too. And I did that in San Diego. I was down there filming something, and we were in the park, and it was, like, at a time where a lot of people didn't who I am, and I could sneak in, and I sat down at this guy's table, and he gave me the e meter, and I put my hands on the things, and he told me what it was reading. I'm like, how does this thing function? Like, what is it? What is it? Reading off my. And the dude was like, oh, I don't want to explain. He didn't want to really be there. He's just a member who got roped into doing this thing. He had zero enthusiasm about this.

They have the street team job for.

It's the lowest level.

It's the lowest level job you could have is having to go out and bark people into your church.

Have you guys read Lawrence Wright's book about it?

I don't think so.

It's called going clear.

Oh, I saw the.

The documentary. The HBO thing. Yeah, it's. The book is the documentary basically tells you all you need to hear. But thank God it's so. It's such a strange religion. But here's the thing about it, man. This is what's weird about religions. It's. This is my, you know, I'm a moron, but I occasionally have these moments where I'm like, I think I know what the fuck is going on. If you really believe it, it benefits your life. Even if it's hot nonsense. Even if it's a 14 year old kid who finds golden tablets that contain the lost work of Jesus, and only he can read it because he has a magic rock. But if you get enough of those people, they make great neighbors. Like, it fucking works, man.

They just want their kids to do it.

Is it better? But here's my question. Is it better to be an atheist and to be this person who just objectively looks at the world and none of this makes sense. There's no way there could be a goddess. I think when you die, you die. And that guy's fucking miserable. That guy's taking medication and all of his friends think he's annoying.

I think about atheists and you're right about all that. You believe, like in a higher power.

No, no, I don't not believe. I believe that's what my girlfriend says. I believe there's more to the universe and mortal life than we can think of through our narrow field of perception. That's what I think. I think there's more to human contact and interaction than just people talking to each other. I think there's a thinly veiled reality that we live in where we express our souls to each other. That's what I think. And I think it's a very complicated and confusing thing that's fucked up by lies and deception and violence and war.

Well, so many of it's enhanced by.

Friendship and love and communication. And it's weird. There's a thing going on that's beyond just like, you're born and you die. And if that thing keeps going when the physical body stops existing, I wouldn't be surprised.

I think religion is always the funniest to dial back to, though, because all the organized stuff you were doing, the Joe Smith story finds the tablets or the plates and everything, could that be more of a religion that was like. Like a pitched by a dude to a bunch of dudes? Well, this guy turns out, kid, we could have a whole bunch of. Whole bunch of chicks and they always have to live next to each other. And yeah, fuck one.

They were like. It was like racist. Up until like 30 years ago, they were like, black people were like the seed of the devil or whatever and then they changed it. They're like, no, no, they're cool now.

Racist. When your women are bearded, you ever see sister wives? It's not like you're stoked to have three of them.

Yeah, but dude, two two fours is an eight.

When you know the guy who wrote it, that's when shit gets sketchy.

Yeah, there is something about like, when it's from thousands ago, it's easy to go like, look, there was a burning bush and God spoke to this guy and you're like, when? Like 5000 years ago, you're like, all right, fine. But when you're just like three Wednesdays ago it happened. You're like, I'm not buying that there's.

Enough stories that are similar about the ancient stories of, like, apocalypses. Like, the stuff about, like, the epic of Gilgamesh is real similar to knowing the Arkansas. There's enough of those.

Jesus was like, they keep on just redescribing him from, like, thousands of years before Jesus was around that story of him being the son of God and.

All, the virgin mother.

Now Jesus is trans.

She's a black woman.

He could have been an alien Jesus. Yeah, sure. Someone who came here and didn't make any sense that he was born and he just existed, but knew everything and was the son of God and was trying to straighten everybody out, and then they kill him. He's like, all right, we tried. It literally could be an alien. I mean, if you're thinking about what, how long ago this is, this is thousands of years of people telling a story, right? I mean, how long after Jesus is dead before they even write the new stuff?

Well, why is no one considered that long ago, right?

At least 100 years after his death?

Well, it's.

But, you know, I'm saying, like, also years ago, like, no one considers the idea of works of fiction, right? Like, everything then was just written from the thing versus someone making entertainment.

There's a combination of that and then real events they're trying to document. So both things are true because they had a lot of shit going on back then. Like, they didn't have to write fiction. They were getting killed by swords, people getting lit on fire and shot with arrows. Like, this is not a time to be making shit up.

Yeah, it's like, what happened to your brother? And it's like, I don't know, a beast got ahold of himself.

It can't be all coliseum once in a while. You got wind back.

Listen, that's life. Then, though, you're not gonna write Harry Potter when you're getting slayed by the Romans.

That's why you're fighting a lie. He goes, I got the good idea. I don't know, a magical school.

The dude can walk on water. He walked on fucking water.

And then he put a guy's ear.

Back on water into wine. Come on. Who's not happy with that idea?

A lot of those miracles, I am studying magic right now for my magic show. It's gang fest, and I'm reading a book about magic. But a lot of those miracles that they talk about, it's theorized that they were just like, magicians that were doing tricks for people. And they would get, like, by the.

Way, Jesus Christ would be a great name for a magician. If there was no Jesus Christ, it's got a criss angel ring to it.

Jesus Christ would be a great name.

Come see Jesus Christ live at the rio.

Yeah, because it's got like a little bit of a latin flair because, you know, you could say it like Jesus. Mexicans are the only people that I know, or I guess spanish people as well, where the name Jesus, it's literally Jesus. You can name your kid Jesus. Like, how many muslim kids are named Muhammad? A lot. It was like the number one name for boys in Ireland, like, a couple of years ago.

Mohammed.

Yeah, Muhammad. It freaked people out. They're like, what? But you can't name your son, your american son Jesus.

It's gonna raise a few eyebrows if you bring baby Jesus to the daycare.

But isn't that crazy?

I know you legally can't name your child Jesus Christ.

Oh, is that true?

That's legally? Yeah, I swear to God.

Do you think the pendulum's gonna swing back to, like, there was a time naming kids Jesus? No, but naming. No, but naming kids, like, when there was no actual, like, lines drawn on naming years and years ago, as far as, like, race goes. So my grandmother's boyfriend, when she died, still name was Jerome.

Look at this.

There's old Tyrone. Like white tyrones. Wait, dude, that just stopped one day. Those became black names.

These are all names that are ruled illegal by courts within the US. So Bobby Green just got his name changed to King. He named legally changed to King Green?

Yeah. He's gonna have to take this to the supreme court.

Maybe not because it said, go back to that, please, but the states. But before that, it was like showing. How many states does it say that?

Why can't it be ten?

So it was just the way it was phrased in the earlier thing that you had. Okay, here it is. There's a handful of names that were ruled illegal by courts within the US.

Within.

So that could be local courts.

So in some areas, it's illegal to have these names. Not all areas, but hell.

Imagine you can't even call your kid Santa Claus. How about Majesty?

Imagine you can't call your kid Adolf Hitler.

I'm gonna name my kid roman numeral, too.

You could only call your kid Majesty if you are an r and b singer.

Oh, those are. Those. Those are the best. There's so many rapper kids. There's so many rapper kids. Gets you ready. Like prince. Yeah, that's fine.

But that spelling, though. Could I name my kid Messiah with like, an apostrophe in the middle?

Right. I bet you could. Yeah, but you change the spelling. There you go. Let me see the list. What is the third?

You can.

You can't. You can't be the roman numeral three. That can't be your name. Is that come up a lot? They had to make it illegal.

Imagine all the kid after his third album.

They'll let you in the border, but whatever you do, don't use that number three thing, that Roman three. That's fucked up, dude. You can't call your baby Roman number three.

But, like, two and four are okay.

Okay. In 19. North Dakota, man named Michael Herbert Dangler, who was adopted, wanted to change his name to these four numbers, which held philosophical and personal significance for him. State court rejected his name, changed requests in 1976, saying Miller can't be used, can't be named due to potential confusion.

But isn't, like, isn't Elon Musk kids name, like the sounds Aol used to make?

Well, he calls his son x, but it's, like, a bunch of other letters too.

Yeah.

Imagine you that guy's son, but you were a moron.

That would suck.

Our Schwarzenegger had a son that was a schlub. And then the one he didn't know he had looked just like him. It was shredded and constantly. Yeah, it's hilarious.

I think the other sons, Jack too, now.

Oh, is he? He had to catch up them because he was a schlubby kid.

Sometimes he just, you know, fuck, dad. I don't even want to lift weights.

Schwarzenegger said you're like, you have so much privilege. Like, I would just never want to lift weights at that point. I can never imagine, like, building the foundation as, like, a young Schwarzenegger to be like, I'm just gonna work really hard now at something.

Right. Because you born inside that house.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, you're half Kennedy, half Schwarzenegger. That's crazy.

Tom Hanks has a son that became another Tom.

Like.

Like, Hank's personal tucking in his polo shirts on a Sunday. And then one went full wigger. So it's like someone's.

There's, like, a thing about the way you name your kid that someone brought up the other day. Fuck, I wish I remember who was saying this, but there were. There's, like, an actual principle to it, and I think it's based on chet Hanks. It's like calling him chat just sets him up to be a. Yeah, you've.

Never met awesome Chazz's. Except Chaz Palminteri is the exception to the rule. That's not what you picture when you picture a chaz.

Well, isn't Chaz Palm? Is that his full name? Is that you say it, or is it a shortened verse?

Probably Charles. My guess would be there's certainly games.

That are, like, associated. Like, I have an ex girlfriend. I won't even say her name. This how crazy she is. Like, every girl I've ever met with this name is a crazy bitch, but she's so crazy that I refuse to say her name out loud. Yeah, dude, I want Beetlejuice.

Last night, how was it? It's fucking great. Yeah, fun as shit, man.

Enough.

I heard the reviews are not good.

That's probably why you like that.

I heard the crow was.

I didn't hear about the reviews until after I saw it, though. I didn't know anything about it. I just went in cold. It was great.

That was like the female Ghostbusters. Everyone hated it so much that I watched on a flight. I was like, it wasn't that bad.

Beetlejuice is better than that. Beetlejuice is really good.

The females Ghostbusters.

It's fucking great, man. It's like. It's, like, on par with the original movie. It's Tim Burton at his best. It's really good, man. I fucking enjoyed the shit out of it. When I heard that people didn't like it, I was like, really?

Well, I believe all the bullshit I read right away where they're like, michael Keaton's only in it for ten minutes.

So they wanted to make sure that he wasn't in it anymore, because in the first movie, he was only in it for 13 minutes a total, right?

Yeah.

So they were like, they didn't want to change that element, so they purposely made it so he was in it for around the same amount of time.

Yeah, all that fucking number stock is nonsense. It's. The movie's fun. Like, you don't give a shit if he's in there when no one. A rider's great. Everybody's great. It's a fucking fun movie, man. And it's Tim Burton, like, at his weird best. It's very weird.

No one trusted Alec Baldwin anymore.

I met Winona Ryder on the streets in New York City when I was selling comedy club tickets. Right after she got arrested for shoplifting. Yeah, that was, like, the most bizarre thing ever. She was like.

Cause you could have got her.

You're like, oh, my God. She has the same likes as me.

What? She was in, like, I can afford.

To buy you makeup, you crazy bitch.

But it's just genuinely like craziness. Right? Cause she's rich. She was a movie star at that time. She didn't need the money.

I think it's for a lot of people, it's a thrill thing.

What's the last thing you stole, Joe?

I saw a candy bar when I was 13.

That's the last thing.

Yeah, I got caught. So embarrassed.

What, like a guard?

Yeah. Pulled me into a back room and I was terrified and I don't even know, I was doing. I was just doing it cuz I thought I could get away with it, you know? We were fucking young kids walking around.

Yeah, that's really the thing is what you. What's the worst thing you got caught stealing? Mine was stuffing porn magazines down the front of my pants and putting my shirt over it. And I mean, the guy.

Oh, my God. Try reselling that.

The guy at the drugstore. The guy at the drugstore was baiting me to do it. Like, he couldn't wait.

He was baiting him like he was leaving porn out.

No, no, no. The porn section was. He was.

Just a porno mag. And then he's got like a fishing rod. I'm gonna catch this.

Yeah, no, baiting is the wrong word for him. Say he. He knew I was getting ready to. He felt that I was waiting before I did. I said, hey, you can't be in here unless you're gonna. Blah, blah, blah. I kind of made notice. He laid back and I was gonna like, he knows. I'm like, I guess not. He's just sitting there. And I did. And then an old man spinning you around and lifting your shirt to show the half of porn magazine sticking up.

How old were you?

Just ran like twelve, maybe. I ran so fair.

Twelve year old boys should not be left alone.

Yeah.

For their own devices.

I used to rob cars when I was twelve years old. We would. Me and my friends would break into cars in the shop, right parking lot and just clear out all the change in the center console.

All it takes is one bad kid in the neighborhood. That's fun.

My biggest steal wasn't even like for money or anything. I was staying at my. My grandmother's friend's house. My aunt and Eden, Uncle Herb, and Uncle Herb had a nice stack of like, porn magazines that I found.

There's a pattern.

This pattern? No, this is funny. Well, this is one I thought I'd get away with for no reason. I took a few.

I just watch. I think every one of these stories is gonna end with Jay being spun around and his shirt lifted up like, Herb gets in.

This is proverbially that because I took a few of his giant stack, being like, he'll never miss these. And if he does, he's not gonna think it was me. And if he does think it's me, we're going to have this quiet code of like, what are you going to tell my mom? I took your find about your porn magazines. Now? That's exactly what he did. He didn't give a shit. He was like, I want my porn magazines back. And I went down the channels from my grandma to my mom. Oh, did I grab these? Oh, shit. Oh, dude, that's such an embarrassing. To get a phone call goes, your uncle Herb once is Dupree.

Internet porn was like gold. When you're a kid at that age, were you. Because we had a magazine that we found on the woods and another kid stole it from us.

Every. And it was a thing every kid found dirty.

The woods.

Yeah, of course.

You just hope that it was wet for the right reasons.

They're always damp.

Yeah.

Yeah. Then I had that one at home for a little while, and I used to. I used to live in a shitty apartment, so I had, like, a drop ceiling. So keep it inside of my ceiling to hide it from my mom. And I would just. I had this. It was, like, literally covered in mud and water.

Did you guys see that shit that was going down in Philadelphia yesterday where one of those street takeovers. I saw a video, drives towards it and hits his lights and thinks he's gonna get them to scatter, and they just jump all over the car.

I didn't see that video. I saw a couple of them.

And what is it they're doing?

Check this out. Look. So the cop, they've got a street takeover, so they just decided to stay in the middle of the street and block traffic.

Oh, is it a protest?

No. I don't know what they're doing. I think they're just getting crazy. I don't know if they're protesting anything. I think a group of kids just decided to get crazy. This is a United States of America. This is like, what if you saw that this was happening in Ecuador? You'd be like, yo, Ecuador is out of control. Right? But no, this is the United States of America in Philadelphia. Watch. It happens. This cop car.

Wait, what was the first. Go back a little bit. What was the person who spun out with, like, a person hanging off the car?

They're going crazy. It's a street takeover. They're doing that with their cars. That's what they're doing. So they block traffic, and then they spin around in circles in their cars and they organize it so this cop tries to break it up and they just fuck this cop's car up, dude. Hundreds of kids and no one's in control of them.

Go, birds.

I mean, if you are in that situation and you're parked in your car in, like, traffic, because there's like, if I'm a cop. But what if you're not a cop? You can't shoot enough people. There's two hundreds of people.

It was so funny.

And they'll kill you.

Yeah, you get 16 of them.

No, you might be able to get three of them.

The first time someone with a john.

Went through just headshots, bro, it'd be.

Such a wild panic knowing you have twelve.

Well, the last ones for yourself. You can't let them have you.

The first time you see, like, someone with authority in your life or something, have to realize, like, a can't win situation is awkward. Do you know what I mean? Like, seeing a cop have to, like, kind of surrender or have to give up. My step pop when we were younger, we were driving back, my step out was like a power lifter. Always like a big tough guy to me, I always thought. And we were driving back from the Philadelphia zoo one day through Fairmount park, and they had shut it down for what's called the greek picnic, which is all the black fraternities, like, party in the. In this big giant park.

I love the old greek guy that shows up for it.

Jamie, put that video back up.

But they. My step. See my step? These guys were coming and they were just walking all through the street. All these, like, black frat dudes, and, like, sit. It was traffic jam because they're in the middle of the street and sitting, like, on the hood of our car and stuff like that. And my step pop just being like. I just see him just kind of sitting there, kind of eating it, and, like, realizing I was like, joe, you know, it was almost like that. Joe, why aren't you going to. You know what? You're right. Like, this is just one of my.

Biggest fears, that I'm going to be with my son and I'm going to get chumped out by tougher men than me. It's the most horrifying thing in the world.

Dude, look at this video and imagine if you're a person that just was going to see your aunt got in your car, you got stuck behind this. You had no idea you're going to be trapped in this kind of traffic, and they're just going to block off the street for who knows how long.

I just have to join them. Just start doing fucking donuts.

I mean, jesus Christ, that's my car on fire.

Likelihood of one of these kids getting run over is very high.

It happens all the time.

All the time. They get hit by cars all the time. They go flying through the air. It's like a dumb thing.

They're stolen cars.

Yeah, they're stolen cars. But these guys get so close to each other, they hit each other all the time. All the time. People go flying through the air.

I will say hello if you're a teenager. It does look like it's a lot of fun.

Oh, look, man, if you don't have a dad and your mom's a cunt and she does meth, yeah, I'd be there, too.

It's a nice cut loose.

Imagine being in the middle right there. You'd feel like a king.

Your dad beats you. You know, if your dad's an alcoholic who just beats the shit out of you, the only love you get is from your friends on the streets. I was doing that, too.

I was telling these guys yesterday, I saw a video where it's a guy to the people filming any. Anything. Now it's a guy in Times Square who films himself going up and just talk, robbing a guy. Like, on. I just talk. He just goes, hey, man, come here, come here. He goes, you guys, you're doing a new documentary called I just got robbed. He's like, what? He goes, I'm gonna need your wallet. Don't run. Don't be weird. He's just like, intimidate. And the guy.

And the guy's name is Rob. He's clever.

The kid's so happy that he's not getting beat out and just nervous. And baby's not getting beat up. Like, he pleasantly, like, gives him everything. It's kind of like, now go over there. He's like, man, be easy, man, be easy. And the guy's like, all right, cool. Like, he just gives him his stuff and walks away.

It gives him his stuff back.

No, no, no. Yeah, it's pretty nuts.

Is it even illegal?

Are you sure it's real?

This seems very, very real.

Are you sure that he doesn't give it back to him after they stop filming? It's not a crime and it's just a stunt.

No, I think this happens all the time. People get arrested, actually, for really. There's people guns and saying, I'm about to go kill. So and so.

This happens all the time in New York. Happened to a former Miss New York. She was in the park, and these two young, like, maybe puerto rican kids or black kids, they come up and like, hey, you know, we're trying to sell candy for our basketball team. That old scam. And then she was like, I don't have any cash. They were like, oh, you could send us a zelle. And she was like, sure. And then they got her to give them their phone, and then they just sent themselves $2,000 under Zelle and handed her phone back and just ran away. And they just couldn't get the money back.

Oh, my God.

Jesus. Yeah, I started paying attention when you said they may have been black or puerto rican. He said, selling candy for their football team or whatever. It definitely was black or puerto rican. Never had a white kid try to run the old buy some m and Ms from me scam.

You gotta have laws, kids. It's dangerous out there. You leave people to their own devices, and you get that shit. You get people going wild in the streets, dude.

It's a.

It's very scary.

Thank God we all survived being that age. Cause you're just so stupid, and yet you're in the body of kind of a grown up, and you just have, like, all this, you know, just testosterone and fucking being young and not knowing, like, I could so easily if I lived in Philly.

And one of those decisions away from being at one of those things when I was a kid.

But does that guy. Does the guy, the idiot who keeps jumping over the car and lighting the fire in the middle, is he look back like, is he 55 one day, going like, oh, yeah, I was a little.

You think he lives to be 55?

No, probably not. He probably dies under a doughnut, souped up suv.

There's a high likelihood that young man's involved in other questionable activities.

No, maybe, but I'm saying. But there's just those guys, like, I don't know how you, like, grow up out of that. That's going to be something that really nails it.

I mean, I. My childhood was outside of entertainment, crazy. Far from that. I mean, it wasn't. I just wasn't with that crew. But I was doing pretty, like, rancid shit I was stealing. And you guys.

You guys just couldn't afford to pull that off. You would have.

It wasn't a thing back then. That, like, that's only been a thing for the last, like, how many years, Jamie, as we are with the Internet, 1520 I don't know, honestly, never. When I was a kid, there was none of that. No one ever blocked the street and did donut.

Yeah, yeah.

You did donuts in the school parking lot. If you knew where the cops were.

They would drag race, though. In Philly, they would like, stop, block off streets and like, drag race.

That's true. That's true. That's true.

Did you find Jamie, the guy robbing.

I was actually. I was. I was.

I checked.

A couple 1980s. Look at that.

Instagram, actually.

Side shows, they call them side shows. Yes, I've. That's how I saw it first. It's a thing from the Bay Area. So that they first occurred from the streets of Oakland in. During the mid 1980s, back in the olden days.

It seems like a very asian activity.

Yeah, I think they're stealing the cars is probably more of a newer thing. Back in the day, they were just like. It was like a car show, essentially.

Right, right. They were showing off their cars.

Yeah.

They, you know, in the seventies and eighties, they'd have the. You know, the ones with the hydraulics and shit. Yeah, that would happen.

Oh, comes from a. It comes from a Bay Area rapper. Richie Riches. Sideshow. Damn. Bancroft to the light. Let me warm it up. I hit a donut tight. Rap sucks. I hit a donut. Chevy on my side window, straight, tinted. He got hype when he saw me spinning. I'm. Yeah. Who likes this?

I do. I like a lot of it, though.

What rap?

Sun rap is fun.

I know. I love tons of rap. That's. Whatever. That was terrible.

That also. You didn't really sell it. Like, if I was at an audition, I'd be like, big j, next time I want you to be in the moment. You know, you're rapping about these things. You really feel this. Feel very strongly about these issues.

Trying to lower loosen to a false. We have to rap battle this Friday. Oh, yeah.

I see.

Although I have a feeling it's gonna be better than what I did. But if we find the song sideways or whatever. Yeah, I bet that guy doesn't kill it. It's all that because that has to come from the air. What's the nineties? I guess so. So it might not be mumble rap, right?

Some of the fucking nineties stuff still holds up, man.

Oh, yeah, most of it does.

Yeah. You know, I listened to the other day. Tim Dog. Tim Dog. Remember that guy? He was like the first guy who went against the. The guys from compensitive.

And what was he based out of LA?

He's a New York guy. See it? Yeah, he had a song called Fuck Compton.

He probably was pretty ballsy at the time.

Well, that was the worst rap defending ever. It was NWA. NWA split up from ice cube, and then doctor Dre left, and then him and Eazy went into their own thing, and then that beef ended in an AIDS death. You don't see those ones happen anymore.

Well, those beefs, they would go to actual shooting each other. That's what's the craziest thing. Like, never in the history of show business was there a scenario where stars were having other stars murdered, like, openly.

What's happening now more than ever?

Yeah, it's easier to become like, a. Like, a quote unquote star on the Internet now. So a lot of these guys are, like, getting really popular and then getting killed, like, young rappers.

Wildest conspiracy theory about that has to do with intelligence agencies.

Oh, that. CIA made them gangster and shit like that.

They funded it and promoted it because they wanted to fill prisons. It's the wildest. But society, and you get kids, like, young kids who are like, we're talking about dumb, stupid, real easily influenced, don't know what the fuck's going on, and you introduce them to rap music, it will most certainly change the way they think about life.

Yeah. Especially. I don't know enough about that whole conspiracy and stuff, but it is crazy if you're like. If you remember the eighties and nineties, the transformation from hip hop, from being, like, the KRS one. Kind of. Like, there were, like, all these songs about, like, cleaning up their streets and listening to your dad. And, like, rap was just. It took this drastic turn from being, like, very positive, like, pro black kind of thing, to just all of a sudden being like, we're killing everybody and fuck.

Because I listen a lot of hip hop, like, when I work out, but it's like. It's like I'll be listening to the most hardcore shit. I'm like, this is nice. Let me turn up the treadmill a little bit. Like, if you're in the hood, it's just inspiring you to murder people and rob banks.

My favorite workout rap is Nas because the lyrics are so good. It gets you hyped up, you know? Like, that's the thing about the nineties hip hop. It was, like, so lyrically based.

You gotta listen to any beef. Any beef. Raps are the best to work out, too. Just like. And I take no sides.

I'll.

Biggie and Tupac just want the oppressive.

Ice cube put out. No Vaseline you do not want to get in one of those rap battles with Ice cube.

No.

He was so great for his time in rap. He was fucking incredible.

He's such a good writer.

Well, they did the song jacking for beats, and that's when he made the song. It's everybody else's. It keeps changing all the most popular beats, and he just does rap. Oh, it's great.

Didn't he do a lot of the writing for NWA?

I think he was. I think that was basically, like. The thing was, he wrote all the.

Songs easy, like money in the voice.

That doc guy probably wrote a bit, too.

You know, I'm friends with Willie D from Ghetto boys, and he wrote everything. He wrote, like, most of their songs. He told me he wrote fuck a war in 45 minutes. We were talking about on the podcast. He sent me a text. He goes, I wrote fuck a war in 45 minutes. I sat down and I was like, motherfucker, war. Have you heard that song bills getting recruited? Oh, bro, we got a play.

Can I tell you that? One of my favorite lyrics that never struck out to me or stood out to me when I was younger, but always makes me laugh and my mind's playing tricks on me. Oh, is when Bushwick Bill, you know, he's a midget, and then he sings a song, he goes, this wasn't no ordinary dude. He stood about six or 7ft. He goes, that's the n word I'd be seeing in my sleep. That's not even that great.

Look at. Look at what he would. Jamie just pulled up. Jamie, the investigative journalist that he is, just pulled up that ice Cube formed his first rap group called CIA in 1986. Oh, my God.

Coincidence.

It's all right in front of his map.

Everyone said that about Puffy. Now, like, every interview with Puffy coffee, he's just, like, just being a little bit weird. But everyone's like, it was right in front of you, bro. He was letting us know the whole time when I.

When Bill Maher said the n word on his show and then the next week had to give his apology to Ice Cube, was the funniest thing. What a weird person. Have to do it. And then he goes, I'm really sorry, ice cube. And ice cube, like, well, Bill, ma, this is a good moment to teach you something. It was so bad, dude.

Let me hear. Fuck a war. This. This is. Is one of my all time favorite war songs. Bushwick Bill was fun. Cause he was like a South park character. Like, he could say the wildest shit. Cause he just. He looks different, and you like. Ah, let him say it. He's a tiny guy.

Did you ever hear Everclear when he tells the whole story of making his girlfriend shoot him in the eye? Yes.

Yes. Crazy.

The United States wants me for what?

When I used to deliver newspapers, I used to listen to this on cassette. Son.

You delivered them on bicycle.

Now, I was in a van. At a van.

I delivered him. My uncle had a route, and I had a. I had a. I would go with him, like, 02:00 in the morning.

Throw him out the window. Yeah. Dave Smith, you should go on stage to this.

I am loving it.

Oh, it's great. Keep me a little more.

That picture is crazy. The COVID of that album.

So funny. This was, like, hard in the eighties.

Yeah, I know, I know. The flow of it doesn't seem anymore. Yeah, it seems bubbly.

Call me a funky sucker.

Can you imagine being a woman being abused by a black midget, and he makes you shoot him in the eye? Where's her side of that story?

That can't be her first mistake. She's made a lot of mistakes.

Oh, that's the end of a long series of bad.

Because you won the lottery. You got to do the work. You want to get new position where you fucking being forced to shoot your tiny man's eyeball out.

Hey, shoot me in the eye. What? You crazy, tiny asshole.

Jesus Christ. He's got some good. Willy's got some great Bushwick stories. That was a guy that I wanted to get on the podcast, but he got sick, like, right. We're talking to his people. He apparently got sick.

Bushwick Bill.

Yeah. And he went up in the hospital. My God. Damn, that would have been a good one.

How long. How old is gonna be done?

It was a few years back. He wasn't that old. You know, he had a lot of health problems. What year was it? 2019. He was 52. 2019, yeah. So it was right before that he got sick.

52. Do you ever get Scarface?

No. I'd love to have him on. You ever see the tiny desk thing he did?

Mm mm.

Fucking incredible. You know that tiny desk performance thing they do, but Scarface did it and, like, slowed everything down to fit with the vibe of being in this, like, really tighten thing. And so it was like, you know, he's always been a great.

Right.

Give me some of this.

Stones.

My dean with him, like, white guy stone.

Okay. My ding.

Stone.

How does it feel, Jay? How does it feel to be on the. Under the other end of it?

I'm like, it one bit.

Said he.

Greets his father with his hands out. Rehabilitation. Glad to be the man's child the world is different since he's seen at last. It's kind of strange.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, also what's strange is, again, seeing we'll never know what, how corny or not an old biggie or Tupac would have been. Like, there's nothing. He's corny, but he's just an older guy, you know, I mean, he's gotten live any kind of gangster corny. No, no, I'm saying, I'm saying he became. You get to see how people would become. No, it's not corny at all, but it's much more. It's much softer energy than you ever thought of. Scarface, eighties and nineties.

It does feel like it's a Scarface song that you could read one of these books to.

If you told me this was a guy who was in the roots or something, you'd be like, yeah, yeah, that makes sense, isn't it?

Make more sense that he's like this now. This is an intelligent story. Kept avoiding human being, right?

100%. And you should have, which is great.

That hasn't evolved since high school.

If you're Justin Bieber and you gotta sing in a girl's voice when you're 80, you know that, that, that he, that high pitched thing is. First time I heard him sing, I, wow, this girl sounds amazing. And they go, that's Justin Bieber. And I go, oh, what a crazy voice.

Well, bring him in here anyway.

Juicy Jay also. But he was real young back then. What am I looking at?

DJ Paul is three six mafia.

Three six mafia.

I just, I just saw, okay, J. Paul at a gathering of the juggalos I performed. He was one of the people form. It's so funny seeing the people who get what's happening there versus the performers who don't. Because he was up there. He knows, like, he's been with that audience. I think tech nine also does that. So he does all the family chants and stuff. DJ Paul. And he just gets that crowd, gets them going, but they throw shit constantly, and they do all kinds of crazy shit. Rock him went up there and by rock him back, the third song. And like, you know, they were throwing shit to stay, but they're into it, the audience. And then he just kind of stops the song. He goes, a, I ain't about that fuck shit throwing stuff, man. So, so you could throw shit and we could leave, or we could do some rap music and the crowd was just kind of like, oh, they got it. Hey, see, back in the day when.

We did 15 years ago, dude, they were fucking savages. So I think they're. I think the gathering of the jugglers crowd has gotten older. Yeah, they're all 40 now, so it's like, they're like, okay, if you don't want us to throw stuff, we won't, which is great.

No, I think they were a little more like crowdhead. This is our thing, though.

They had to have a moment where they were like, all right. It's a choice between. Between throwing stuff or rap music.

We did it 15 years ago when we were just so young, comedy, and we didn't know what it was. It was midnight in a tent in the woods with the insane clown posse, and it was a comedy tent.

It's still that.

I know, I know.

But now they know who we are.

I mean, they had a guy, a clown, pick us up in a van. Derosa talks about it in his. He has that joke on. His special.

Name's Joel. He's a comic from Michigan. He still runs it. He just doesn't do it anymore.

So they pick you up in a van. It's the scariest thing ever. You're like, it's just pitch black in the woods, in the darkness. And when they put us up there, like, these people aren't there for comedy. They're there for this whatever experience. So they just start throwing, like, just cans of soda and beer and alcohol. Jay goes to me, he's like, dude, just because I was going first, he was like, I'm like, a year in comedy. He's like, Jay's like, just go up there and do jokes. Don't just go up in there and smoke weed and do crowd work. He was like, me. And it was Vecchio, who's, like, a straight up joke guy. So he was like, you're gonna set us up to fail if you don't do jokes. So within 10 seconds, like, a beer can whizz past my head, I was like, oh, is that weed? And I just smoked weed with them for five minutes.

No, Louis had on. He put on, oh, yeah, the mask. Mask, weed thing. You couldn't even talk through that weed closer. And then I said, and then Mike Vecchio went out, and I was the only one that was booked on it. I was just like, they want me to do a show. So they were with me on another gig. I'm like, come and we'll do this one. And you guys go on. So Mike Vecchio goes on, and it's. They're not paying attention to him and yelling at him. And I remember he kind of looked at me off side of the stage. I was like, you can wrap it up. Like, I'll go eat the rest of this shit.

I remember one of his premises, though.

No, I remember the premise, because he goes, goes. I said that feel, you know, that feeling like when you're. When it's going rough and you see the light, somehow you even have, like another five minute burst in you because you know you are done. So, like, let me see what I can do now. It's almost like that freeing thing. So I gave Vec Ewan that kind of, like, you can wrap it up, dude. And he goes. And I almost saw his energy change, and he just goes, he's gonna do his last big joke or whatever. And he goes, so, hey, guys, I had a dream last night, and the crowd, someone in the crowd goes, fuck your dreams. And I don't, I don't think he finished a bit. And then he brought me up, and then I was supposed to do, like, 45, of which I did 20, maybe, because I remember saying, uh, where they got mad at me that I asked him why there's to rap festival with no black people. And then a black guy stood up and he was like, how about me? And I went, one jugga, bro. And then they just booed and someone yelled, they all bleed clown.

And I just was like, can I.

Go, they all bleed clown? Yeah.

I didn't know how to respond to that.

Isn't it amazing, though, that you could just. If you just create a place where anybody can join, you're gonna get a group of people, you know, whether it's the insane clown posse or the Mormons.

I respect the juggalos more than the morons.

No.

Hell, yeah. I think they're similar. They're more happy being juggalos than they are. If juggalos didn't exist, that should be the judge of.

Of all of it, though. Like you said before, it's like, what does this actually do for you?

Right?

Forget whether any of it's real. It's just like, are you happier? Is your life better because you're a judge?

Also, if you've ever listened to. Listen to the insane clown posse's music, it is unironically pretty awesome. I'm not gonna, like. I thought I was gonna hate it, but every song, it rules. It's just about clowns killing people. It's just hard to a great beat.

It's horror rap.

Horror rap.

It's horror.

Amazing.

I am thoroughly. That festival is pretty amazing. I'm thoroughly so. Just always impressed. The music is subjective to anybody, but I'm like, the, what they've done I think is amazing. Incredible. I mean, they are world famous, known.

They just did the VMA's and they're.

Kind of the only band that's ever pulled off having like a whole festival.

Yeah, we're the second one.

Without us doing the gathering of jugglers, we wouldn't have even done skanken from the gathering of the juggalos and our audience. There's a lot of crossover. In fact, I'll say it now because it's too late for people to even go. But our secret guest is the insane clown posse on Thursday night at the party.

It's amazing. It's gonna be so amazing, dude, the legionist ganks is one of the most important things in comedy. You guys really are.

Thank you.

You really are. I put you guys in the same, like, there's this brackets of, like, kill Tony, legionist ganks. There's a thing about having these battlegrounds where you go, no, no, we're gonna say what we would say if we were fucking around together. Like, you could deal with it or you cannot deal with it, but this is how we would. The conversations we're having are exactly like green room conversations.

Well, yeah, it's. And I feel like now, I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like almost like the tide has turned in some weird way. Like it's kind of coming back.

It definitely.

There were like these big moments, I think, like when they tried to cancel you and that didn't work. Shane getting SNL, just like big things where it's kind of like, oh, they're almost admitting, okay, we lost the great censor comedians war. But for those years, I think it was good to have legion of skanks for a lot of those, for a lot of those comics. I was just like, well, this is the place where you could still do, yeah, whatever.

We were just opening the door a little bit to say fucked up shit and people would come on our show. I mean, the amount of times people like, dude, should I have not said that on your show after they leave?

But you guys did a wise thing too, though. Cause you were subscripted based, right? So for the longest time, if you wanted to find out what you guys were talking about, you had to subscribe. So you had, like, I was kind.

Of like, plan on that too, is to kind of keep our, ourselves a little safe from.

Well, yeah, we have our own platform. And what we put out margin on YouTube, we put it out on iTunes, but we play by the rules there. So we edit out all the shit you can say on those platforms. And if you want to see the real version, the way that we do it, you gotta go subscribe. And honestly, with YouTube, the way they started censoring everything, it actually now. Cause for. We've been doing this for like eight years, and now more than ever, a platform that we, like we have is more important than ever because now YouTube is super strict with everything we do. We have to bleep things, we have to censor things. There are certain topics we can't even put in the podcast.

It's so wild that there's only really one YouTube. Like, if you had to predict at the beginning of the Internet when they first started putting videos and like, those little media players you'd get with windows, who the fuck would have ever thought there would only be one streaming site that anybody cares about? There's a few other ones.

Well, they don't say no one catches on. Google is like the search engine, but, like, there's a whole bunch of other ones. But no, but, but Google also bought out YouTube.

And I mean, they, it was so smart the way they did it. But yeah, like, you can't go to, no offense, to rumble. Like when you put the podcast on Rumble, nobody watches it.

There's no shows that have big audiences on Rumble.

Like, they're bigger than rumble.

Yes, that's, that's kind of the dynamic. And it is Google and YouTube, which are one in the same now. It is amazing how they just became the thing for something that there's no clear reason why there should be one thing, but nobody is, like, if you say something and you go, is that true? And I go, yeah, bing it.

Well, the YouTube thing though, it's like they've, they have it so dialed in with, like, the recommendations and there's constant. You could go down rabbit hole after rabbit hole after rabbit hole and never find the end and be endlessly entertained. And it encourages you to keep looking at other stuff, keep showing you other.

Stuff constantly in the universe is that algorithm now. It's insane how much that formula has this much power. And they, like, if they, if YouTube decides we're gonna push this person, they could make someone one of the most influential people the industry is.

Because it's not even like the industry. The industry's become tech nerds that are like, in charge of all these algorithms. And they can, like, who knows how it works? Who knows when they just pick and choose and what they.

All I know is you. YouTube thinks I want to see Ben Shapiro a lot more than I want to see Ben Shapiro. YouTube's like, I'm pretty sure you're gonna love this guy.

How cute. I told you yesterday, right? The guy's name I asked you about, I just found him yesterday, was a Kirk.

Charlie Kirk.

Charlie Kirk. Yeah.

He's big.

I watch him and Ben Shapiro yell at college kids. That's the video.

That is such a weird one. That is such a weird one. When you sit down with, like, young kids that don't know what the fuck they're talking about. They've never been on camera, ever. And you give them a microphone phone, it's a. You know, even. Even if they're willing to sign the release, 19 year olds don't know what the fuck they're saying.

Well, the one girl was getting dominated on the thing. But I was gonna say that, like, she even says it where I do. Like, even though I'm kind of like, lady, you sound dumb. I felt genuinely bad for her. When she goes, he gave her, like, some kind of smarmy, like, you know. And she just kind of goes. She's like, well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm nervous. Like, I don't talk on microphone a lot. Like, I think you do. So, like, I'm so. And I was almost like, yeah, dude, like, you're good.

Of course.

You're like, how singer and I. When no one. She says something, everyone's around, starts booing. She starts kind of, like, smiling, but it's not a smile of, like, bring it on. She's doing the smile of, like, I don't know what to do. Like, she's that scary. I've just been frozen before a lot makes me feel bad for her.

Not only that, but then that girl now is Internet famous, right? So did she really understand what she was doing? Like, did she really understand what the consequences of that are when you're 19 or whatever age she is?

Also, if you're an adult and you. You're arguing with a child, a 19 year old, a 20 year old, the goal of it, it should always be with the tone of a. Like, well, look, let me give you something to consider. Like, maybe I get why you feel that way, but, like, hey, maybe look at it this way. It should never be like, I want to have the crab go, oh, God, you destroyed. It's like, what's doing.

When you ever see, like, a comedian who's like a kid, like a 16 or a 15 year old kid? I have a hard time ever really enjoying him. Cause I'm going like, you have no idea. You've lived absolutely no experience. You have no, like, perspective on the world or anything. Maybe you understand how to tell a joke, but it's kind of. Yeah.

Oh, that's what it does now. You want to make someone famous on America's got Talent, something like that, and you're like, what do you do?

I became friends with Chappelle when he was 19. I saw Chappelle when he was 19. He's doing like.

He was also savant, though.

He was. But he also did a thing that was really interesting where he would do outside shows. He would just throw a hat down. Stand up on the street. No, anywhere. Oh, yeah, he did in Montreal. He did it right in front of the club soda. We did a show. And then Chappelle goes outside and fucking does stand up to people in the street. And they all gathered round and he was doing stand up in the street. Crush, crushing, crushing, crushing.

And this is.

This was him at 19?

Yeah.

So, no, he's not.

Maybe a couple years older by then.

Maybe he got his first.

This was 94. I want to say I did the Montreal Comedy festival with him and I met him in the, like, 91 somewhere around then. So what, how old was Dave in 1991? That will.

He did a robin men in tights when he was 19, I believe.

Dude, it was crazy. Like, he would do this thing where he would just do stand up out to people. He was 1919. He would just do stand up on the street. It was the craziest thing you'd ever see, man.

I wouldn't.

If anybody did that now and put it on video, we would all mock them.

But he learned how to do it from Charlie Barnett. And Charlie Barnett was like a famous New York comic that got on Saturday Night Live but couldn't read.

Couldn't read. So that's Howdy Murphy got the gig.

That's why he lost the gig, because he couldn't read the scripts.

Yeah, he was popping pretty popular. Charlie Barnett, he was in DC cab, right? A couple things.

Like, he was a hilarious comic.

He was popping. And then, yeah, he couldn't read the cue cards, so they had to hire Eddie Murphy.

And he. I think he influenced Dave a lot in that, too. That, like, he saw Charlie doing those better.

Better learn how to read, Dave.

That poor guy, man, because he's super talented.

Supposedly, the early influence of Tony was Tony woods.

Oh, yeah, for sure. Tony woods still is hilarious.

He's great. He's doing. Sure. He's doing the festival this year, right?

Is he was there last year?

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's awesome.

He did my podcast. Then we went to the Vulcan and did a show, and he murdered man.

Oh, he's a killer dude.

Really, really low energy. Low energy and levels.

Charismatic, though. He's just so good at engaging with the crowd.

He's very good as. Some comedians just have that gift of, like, luring you into their world. Like, Nate Barghetti is very like that. Like, when you watch him, you're just, like, you slow down and you just kind of, like, sink into him.

I can't kill unless I'm yelling at the audience, screaming at the top of my lungs. There's no internal audience.

But isn't. That's more of your personality. Imagine if you were forced to do Steven Wright's act. For Steven Wright, it's perfect.

Yep.

For Stephen.

Right.

It's the fucking best actor.

Jay, you're very low energy. You're very. You bring. You kind of bring them into you, but it's very. You sit down, which is, like.

It's by design, though, because you're lazy. Like I said, I watched very lazy. No, I watched Patrice. Like, it's a complete, like, mimic of Patrice's things. It was watching him go from standing to sitting and seeing that the crowd, some of the people that took him in, is very, like, he's, like, looming over them and saying he's, like, crazy things. Like, being, like, turned off by that to seeing when he was laying back and letting them come into him. He could say, like, much more people. Like, embrace that they were leaning into him.

That makes sense.

And when you're a big guy. So that's why I just felt, as a big presence, I was gonna say all this kind of crazy shit. Like, when I'm down over them, it looks like I'm, like, pointing down at them instead of letting them kind of, like, come into the stage.

That actually does make sense that if you. And also they're sitting down too. Why are you standing up? Well, you're not moving around unless you have some activity in your act. If you've got some activity, you've got some things you gotta act out.

When I started comedy clubs, man, I was doing a straight Chris rock pace, non stop. A lot of direct finger point. You know what I'm talking about?

Those juicy old act up. Yeah. Mandy. It's interesting now, too, because kil Tony's sort of a similar situation as getting interviewed by Charlie Kirk dudes, for their first time ever. They do stand up, and it's at Madison Square Garden. Like, what the fuck? And they go out there, and they just frozen in the eyes of 16,000 people, and that's going to be them forever. Everybody at work is like, look at Mikey bombing. Look at Mikey bombing. This fucking idiot thought he was funny. And then the comments.

All your neighbors right before me just got booed. I couldn't even hear what he got booed for. I just know he followed a handicap guy who gave a sweet, emotional speech about being handicapable, and then he walked off, and I said, the other guy just got there. And they were like, fuck this biped.

He was like, whatever it is, Shelley, kill Tony. If you're good looking, it's just. It's held against you pretty quickly. It's like, yo, fuck you, dude. Where are your burn scars?

Like the rest of earth? The audience, it's a microcosm. Well, you see someone that's good looking, and they're got a spotlight on them. Fuck you. It's like a natural, subconscious thing, though.

I think we good looking people, we want to grease the wheels for a little bit. Good looking people have. Have it pretty easy in life. In comedy, it's just a weird thing. It's just you almost give them a little.

Humor is the weapon of the not good looking person to, like, counter at this. So you're immediately going like, you're hot. You don't have a fucking personality.

Fuck yourself.

Even though there are good looking people who are hilarious and have good personalities. But generally speaking.

It'S not likely.

Schumer. Schumer had a thing one time. She said, I saw on stage at the seller once, and it was about her and her boyfriend meeting Kate Upton. And, like, she walked away to go get something to drink, whatever. When he came back, he was like, yeah. His. Her husband said to Amy, was like, she's great, man. She said the funniest story. Fuck you, dude. Come on, man. Don't you learn something? People are like, dude, George Clooney, that prankster, he's the best. That guy's the funniest dude. Like, he's fine at best, I'm sure. Relax.

It's a personality trait to get laid. We all learn to be funny when we're kids because we're not good looking enough to get laidden without it.

It's like, look, I either got to get funny or do donuts. In the streets of Philadelphia, it's easier to get funny.

I love when really good looking actors tell you who to vote for. They're my favorite. They're my favorite. These are the guys with all the wisdom, and then they're gonna tell you the same. They're the same guys told you to get vaccinated, too, by the way.

Well, the best.

Same guys.

The best was, like, early in it, like, in March and April, when they would all take videos from their mansion and be like, we're all in this together.

Imagine twirling Tom Collins with your finger.

On a raft from the future. If we go into apocalyptic times, do you think they'll look back on the shutting down of the country for a year and a half as the trigger that made society begin to collapse?

I don't think they will. They'll never acknowledge they were wrong.

But, like, history, objective historians, you think they'll look at this time and be like, this is the fall of Rome, dude.

There's gonna be a lot of books written about this period in time.

I think it's the Internet. The Internet is the beginning of the end for everything, but.

Yeah, but it's not. Didn't shut the fucking country down for a year and a half.

The Internet shared the ideas that quickly.

Yeah, but it's. It's a very specific group of people who decided that was a good idea.

Not. You wouldn't have had anyone even fighting back against it if it wasn't for the Internet. It would all just been.

Without the Internet, they would have pulled that off so much easier. They would have scared the shit out of. You would never know. Yeah, but if there was. This happened in the 1980s, you would never know how many people died on respirators. You would never know about any of that shit. You wouldn't know about a goddamn thing they didn't want you to know about. That's. That's what's so scary about the spanish flu.

You're like, how do you know how many people died? There was no Internet. There was no, like, there's a. There's no way.

Yeah, by the time you got your horse to the next place with the information.

Bro, living back then, you were fucked if you lived in the city, the hygiene was insanely bad. People would shit in these outhouses that were set up for the block. They never diseases.

They never present that. I think that always when I see you watch, like, tombstone stuff and, like, Kurt Russell and a girl run off into the woods to go kiss and, like, I better, armpits smell like shit.

Gum disease smelled like shit. You had a shit in a hole in the ground. They hadn't even invented toilet paper back then.

What?

Dude, you had to be so horny in the 16 hundreds to just power through all of that to have sex.

Big hairy bush.

It stinks.

I guess you would just be like.

I'm gonna put my chin in your shit covered ass cheeks and eat your.

Disgustingly smelly, hairy, buzzy dogs don't give a shit what anything smells like. And I guess you just get used to stuff.

I guess so.

It's probably hot, dude. Dude, a stinky pussy was probably hot in the sixties.

By 1880, horses in New York City deposited 4 million pounds of manure on city streets every day. In dry weather, it would turn to fecal dust and choke pedestrians. Vacant lots were filled with the waste. These manure piles would rise up to 60ft high.

Now it's called Staten Island.

60Ft high. Dude, if you save me 60ft, you're dead.

Yeah, save me all that shit about carbon emissions. By the way, we're doing great. This is way better than what it used to be.

Oh my God, you're breathing. Shut up. Yeah, by the way, everyone was sick.

I'll tell you who right now, nodding their head, he goes, yeah, that's why I'm the guy who invented that bag that goes behind the horses asses.

Isn't it amazing though, that the invention of the internal combustion engine and the adoption of cars by everybody and the abandonment of driving horses literally stopped there from being shit air throughout every city? Street shit air.

You've never been to Newark?

I was born in Newark. I've been there.

It's not, it's not much better smelling in Newark.

I lived there in the 1990s.

There's like, was it bad when you lived there?

That was horrible.

Yeah, that's.

I didn't have a grandfather to save enough money to get an apartment. When I first moved to New York, I didn't have enough money for an apartment. And my grandfather lived on North 9th street in Newark and he was there from the blockbusting days. So he bought a house there like in the 1940s or fifties, and then in the sixties they came by and they said, black people are moving into your neighborhood now. And it was a real estate scam. And then they would try to sell the black people and just like get money out of all these houses. And my grandfather was, it was an italian community. My grandfather's like, I love black people. I don't give a fuck. Get out of here. This is my house. And he wasn't moving. And so all these.

Your grandfather's old enough also that he's like, I was the black person five minutes ago. What do you mean?

Yeah, when he moved here, he came here straight from Italy, and he told me it was horrific, like the term wap. I was thinking, funny, if you say around him, he would get angry. Yeah. Someone called somebody a guinea, he would get angry.

Classic walk behavior.

He was a peaceful guy, but he would just get like. That was a terrible thing. They used to call us when we were kids, but, you know, that's like, that's not that long ago, man. No, it's really crazy.

All the, like, basically across the country, even, like, California. But, like, all the, like, areas that you think of as, like, the hood. It's like Oakland or Compton or Newark or Crown Heights or any of the. Those were all white areas up until, like, the sixties. And then, like, a bunch of black people from the south came up and then all the white people left.

And they did do these scams.

They did. It was like, a lot of it was, like, pushed by these real estate guys. And they would, like, purposely fuck up a neighborhood to make money off of it. And then there was redlining where, like, they wouldn't sell to black people outside certain lines. Like that was a Baltimore issue issue, too.

Well, my grandmother, it was funny. The neighborhood I grew up in, like, was jewish and black. And then down the next neighborhood was italian. Everyone started. It became predominantly black by the time I moved out. My grandmother, till, like, two years before she died and was in her nursing home, stayed in that house and did not scare the old people at all. It didn't like, as it changed around them, it didn't scare. There would be literally people, like, on her front step, like her neighbors, like a bunch of, like, teenagers, like, rapping with a loud stereo. And she would just be like, oh, they're nice. They call me Miss Jeanette. And so whatever.

My grandma. My grandma was delightfully racist. She didn't give a fuck. My grandma, in your mind, the only.

Brown person at the table had the most racist.

My grandma. Grandmother, like, openly racist. She didn't give a shit.

My aunt Emery, the penalty of being a Puerto Rican that's racist is less.

Italian. Irish.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah. And no, they would literally. I would be at the dinner table. And I remember one thanksgiving, my grandma said. Cause I was getting picked on by white kids in the neighborhood. Cause it was like a white trash neighborhood. And I was the only brown kid, and my grandma was like, you know, it's not his fault that he's an n word.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

And she was right.

She was right.

It's not your fault.

You didn't choose it. It's not my fault.

Yeah, that's what the original good will hunting was.

Not you, grandma. Not you.

I just go hug black people with good will hunting. Them is what I call it. Not your fault. What's not my fault? It's not your fault. Not you, Jay. Don't you do this. Jay.

Have you guys seen that Matt Walsh movie? Am I racist?

I haven't seen trailer today. Is it. What's it?

It's really funny.

Great things about it.

It's. It's a top ten movie in the country right now.

Yeah.

I think it's like, what number is it?

Well, the first one was crazy, dude.

It's gotten no press. No press reviews on Rotten Tomatoes. But customers reviews is 99%, which is wild.

Yeah.

Like, no one will review it.

Why?

Because it's funny.

Well, he's.

And he's not being sanctimonious. He's not, like, talking down to people or preaching to them. He's just showing how nutty all these fucking people on these struggle sessions with white people. It's better than that because this one's really funny. What is a woman at certain times?

Well, the trailer says it's. It's a comedy. Yeah, it calls it a comedy.

It is a comedy.

I don't think the other one really was pushed as that.

But he's essentially doing, like, a right wing version of one of those, like, Sasha Baron Cohen type shows.

Yep.

He's essentially doing that. He's sitting down with these people and he's pretending that he is with them. And he wants to know, you know, how he could do better. Number seven. Number seven in the fucking country with no press.

They made two and a half million this weekend.

Do you know how nutty that is? To have no press and have show take off and become a top ten movie in the country? It's pretty wild. And no press reviews at all. This. It's an interesting time, man. It's interesting.

And it is like, the thing that's. That was real interesting about the first one, and I think probably is true about this, although I haven't seen it yet, is that even though he's obviously like a real right winger, it's not like that's the movie. Like, the movie isn't even making a right wing argument or anything like that. It's just like, letting these crazy. Left wingers showcase how crazy they are.

Exactly.

Okay, you tell them it was nuts. He just went up to these. In the first one that I did see, he just went up to these gender experts and just kept asking them what a woman is crazy, and they all just collapse into themselves. This is the toughest question I never thought of.

The trans woman he asked outside was the best. Cause they're like, well, what is a woman? And she goes, I think I wanna go.

They've made it. They've tried to boil it down. I think I saw somebody do this the other day to, like, try to come up with a logical explanation. It was something really ridiculous. Like, it's. Although recognizing that there are biological differences, a woman is anybody who tells you they're a woman. While recognizing biology. So this is like the loophole. While recognizing that Harry probably can't get pregnant, he is now Harrietta. And that's just it. That's just it. There's no conversation that can be had here. And in some countries they're talking about Jamden people. Was it Scotland that had something about the proposal about literally jailing people for misgendering people?

Oh, I mean, that's like a big discussion always. Yeah, bits.

But what they were talking about putting people in a fucking cage. Like, find out where that was.

A guy got sent to jail for mischief. He wouldn't agree to call his, like, son a daughter or vice versa.

I mean, how many people actually legitimately true? It's like .001% of people are actually.

Well, now it's way higher than that with young people because there's not a real thing to be three steps away.

From racing my cars and doing donuts and also three steps away from becoming translate moonies.

Ironically, if you were asian, you would have been better at both things.

Maybe you would have been a tough sale as a chick.

No, dude, I would say dressed up as chicks years ago to make fun of the guys we fucked. Podcasts, we mocked them. We did a sketch dressing up as them. And I looked fucking good.

I'm sure you did, but there's not a lot of dudes or they're gonna want to climb you.

I'm.

Yeah, you're intimidating, lady.

You're a big lady, man. You're a scary lady.

Yeah.

If I decide to scottish law with.

Jail people for misgendering is false. And look at the elon's picture.

Why did he.

What is the actual truth? What is the actual truth if I.

Became a woman.

Is misgendering or crime? What does it say, jay, you're gonna move. False. According to law professor. That guess according to Adam Tom. Oh, one guy. Trust him. Misgendering could only be considered a hate crime if it was done in a way that a reasonable person would consider to be threatening or abusive.

Wait a minute, that's pretty vague.

That. That means, yes. That doesn't mean. No, that doesn't mean it's false. That means you just. If that's how you can write it out, that a in quotes, a reasonable person would consider to be threatening or abusive. Who the fuck is reasonable? How many people do you know that are reasonable and also threatening to decide whether or not you should be jailed?

Well, threatening is a little bit more concrete than abusive. Abusive is really vague. Like, what do you mean? Verbally abusive?

If you're a hundred pound man and Louis calls you a man name and you want to be called the woman, that could be threatening.

Right, right.

That could be threatening. I mean, I would guy.

I also would have been threatening the guy, to be honest.

That's a weird thing. Misgendering would only be considered a hate crime was done in a way. Okay, what does it say below that according to Adam Tompkins, a law professor and former conservative MSP, asserting that sex is a biological fact or that it is not changed just by virtue of the gender by which someone chooses to identify is not and never can be a hate crime under this legislation. Okay, so he's saying that, like, dead naming someone will never be a crime.

Well, no, but see, even this is in a kind of a little bit vague way because he's saying. Asserting that sex is a biological fact. So if I just say men are men and women are women, that cannot change. But can calling an individual like, could be like, no, you're not a woman, you're a man. Could that be considered abusive or whatever? It's all the interpretation. Like, what is that?

You know, that's a very good point because this is just step one. Right.

That's what it seems like to me.

Right, right. So this is not saying no arguing with them. No, you're a man. It says it's not changed by virtue of the gender by which someone chooses to identify, is not and never can be a hate crime. But yeah, that is weird because, like, asserting that it's a biological fact. Like, what if you're arguing. What if you're saying you're a man? Is that cor Aspen now? Fuck you. I'm a woman, you're a fucking man. And if you're getting in one of those exchanges. What's that then?

You know what I mean?

Like, that if I call somebody an asshole, they're not literally an asshole, right? So, like, technically, isn't it all just sort of like, deciding what words have power and what words don't?

100%. Because if you're not swearing and this person swearing back at you, that wants to be called a woman. Fuck you, you fucking cocksucker. I am a woman. And you're like, no, you're not. You're a dude. Like, you're, like, standing your ground in that situation.

Right?

That could also be the case.

What if you don't threaten them? But, like, if you hypothetically, like, if that. If that dude was like, I am a woman, and I was like, if you were a woman, I'd slap the shit out of you right now. But you're a man, so I'm afraid you might beat my ass. So, like, I didn't actually threaten them.

That's a good balance because you're putting yourself in. You're not saying you I beat your ass. You're saying, I'm gonna get fucked up. So that's.

I don't know.

Do you train?

What's to be said that's very well free?

What's to be said for feeling how you feel and also just not giving a shit? Do you know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

I feel like I said before, I think they should not give hormones or any kind of operation to children to, you know, change their gender.

That being a radical idea.

But I'm saying. But I don't. But also, if they're like, they're not making it illegal, they're doing it. I'm like, well, now I want to see a five year old with tits. Like, now I want to see it. I'm against it. I just want to go, they did what they already say. Let me see.

You don't have to say that.

To say what?

Five. But it's a boys tits. That's the thing. That's weird. It's like that with the weird. The nipple thing is, right? Didn't New York City, didn't they free the nipple? We can walk around with your taste. Did you ever see it?

Yeah, once in a while.

That you really looking forward to seeing?

Rarely. But once in a while in a park, you'll see a nice parrot tits in which fully top. What's the spring called? Barton Springs. So it's top tops are optional there.

Oh, my goodness.

I brought my son there. Dude, he was ten years old, and I just saw him staring at this girl's tits and it's all hot chicks. It's all like, hot awesome.

They're being free. They do ketamine.

And I remember James was just fucking keyed in on this girl's tits. And I was like, hey, what are you doing? He's like, uh. He's like, it's natural, dad. Mom says the body's natural, so.

Mom says, mom says. The fuck is she talking to you about, bro?

Imagine what people like before they had clothes. They might just. Just like chimps. Just fucking every chance they could. Just trees and shit. Imagine before people figured out clothes, how wild it was.

I think we figured him out pretty early on in the game.

Clothes.

Yeah, it was a leaf you put over.

No, no. It was millions of years of being sub human hominids.

What I should say is, I think pretty early in the game of being humans. So, like, whenever they're like, they trace, like, the genetic to, like, this is when we consider you like a modern homo sapien.

I came out of the water, our dicks were so small, you threw something on quick.

I don't know if that's true. I think it was all climate based, I think in Africa. Like, I mean, how much they probably covered their dicks.

Well, if you go to like, some.

Places, Amazon, that are totally buck naked.

Well, in Africa they have to cover their dicks, otherwise it's dangerous.

You don't need to tie it back like a hair bun.

Like, they didn't need to stay warm. Right. So I think it's only when people started moving.

Yeah, you might be right about.

I think it's a migration thing because where human life evolved, the same area where like, a lot of different primates evolved besides us.

Human beings got to Europe, got close. They got to Europe and they went, all right, let's. Let's cover our dicks and build some shit.

Why do we start?

I know in the Bible they says it was like, you know, God gave us embarrassment at one point or whatever, but when did we really start getting embarrassed?

It was cold.

Who was the first guy that was like, oh, my dick is small. I don't want people to see this.

I hope we don't find out or Sebastian's not gonna have anything to talk about. Aren't you embarrassed?

I think is as soon as we started moving to places where it was cold, and then we don't see people's dicks and pussies all day long, like, it kind of changes your behavior. And it probably led to us, like, saying, listen, we need a city and we need a wall. We didn't figure out how to block all these wild motherfuckers, these bare dick motherfuckers from coming over the hills. That's probably what happened.

Probably.

People started getting really shy, but who was a fucking covering themselves up with. With animal skins to stay warm?

But why was it having a small dick? I need to get to the bottom of this. What was the problem with having a small dick? That everyone was like, you need to cover that little dick up, you know?

Well, you know, the Romans thought that having a big dick was gross. The big dick was assigned. That's why they, like, had little dicks on all those giant dudes. Like, the odds of, like, if you look at some of Michelangelo's statues, the odds of those guys not having a massive hog are very small. That is a dude built like Francis Ngannou.

All of those kings and all those, like, important people, they literally commissioned them to build them like they were gods. And they would build the statues bigger than the statues of gods, right? And you would think that they would give them a big, fat, fat hog.

They all have little tiny dicks because.

Just the artist's signature.

Some. Some person, just like the same people that are tricking people into thinking your cat can be non binary. Somebody back then tricked them and think the big dicks are bad. And it's probably some conniving little dick. Young, some genius motherfucker who's out of Asia.

He's like, oh, so there was a.

Bigger dick out of here.

Look at the hog on that guy, though. What's that one from? Oh, my God. Fucking dong. Look at his dong. And look at all the extra skin he's got at the front of his dong.

That guy must be libertarian.

It looks like a fucking hawk's face.

By the way, that's the only one that's uncircumcised of all these.

Well, once they're hard, it pops out, you know? Look at these animals. Jesus, what is that from my bedroom?

That's what I keep my bracelets on.

But look at that one right there. The guy has a tiny dick. The one in the note. You. Yeah, right there. Look at that tiny dick.

Average size Joe.

It's so. Yeah, but everybody can't stay fucking boned up for the while they're bother posing for the fucking statue.

Yeah.

Jesus Christ, Joe. Leave the man alone. It's not a bad dick.

I think it's weirder. That guy was so hard.

No, no, that's normal. That's normal.

That's normal.

Walking around heil Hitler and with a giant rock. This, bro, I don't care what your excuse is. If anybody ever gets a picture, you heil Hitler. And with it. Go back to that picture. Big with a giant hog. The one that you just had with a guy. How Hitler.

And he was. His hand was upside down.

It was clear Hitler to me, bro. Is it the one. The white one? Yeah, that one right there. Click on that, bro. That's highly.

That's not the one that was walking like an adjustment.

That's not the one you had. That's. That one's freakier. This one looks, like more modern.

This guy's playing music to his dick.

That last one looked like she was wearing in high heels. What was the one you just had up, Jamie? It is that one right there. That one right there. To the left of that. To the left. No, no, no.

In the middle.

In the middle.

Middle.

Second one up, one row to the right. That's it. Bam, bro. That guy's Kyle Hitler. And that's how it started. It started like this. It's like how you turn over a punch. Yeah, that was it. That was. He was getting ready to give a fucking strong one. Look, the guy's got a giant hard on. He's very excited.

He's. He's Nazi on the left side and gay on the right side.

I was gonna say they really are. They make them sort of flamboyant.

Jamie, go back to that one and give us a description. What does that mean? Guy.

I think it's a guy with a big dick.

Don Lucas.

Like some kind of a job. Oh, okay. What's his name? Greek God of fertility, probably. Oh, that's right. Let's go. Let's go, champ.

He's the only guy with a big dick in any of that.

There's so many different versions of him, though. Sometimes his dick is reasonable, you know, really big, but reasonable.

Well, different states. Yeah, it looks like sometimes he just fucked. Sometimes just got out of the shower.

But, like, the sieg heil one, he looked pretty reasonable, right? It was a reasonable dick. It was a big dick. But some of them were like, hey, man, come on. Come on. I mean, there's no way.

I just got into an age now where I just go around the locker room.

Jesus.

I go around the locker room completely naked now for the first time in my life, like, I think it's funny.

The men's locker, right?

The men's locker room.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah.

Men's, women, children. This is in there.

But I think it's so funny to just be naked amongst men. I don't like it with my little dick. It's hilarious. It makes them uncomfortable.

I don't like it at all. And taking a little bouncy dick walk to a shower.

Nuts.

My little bird.

Yeah.

Now you guys hear about that canadian guy who is 50 years old who identified as a teenage girl. He wanted to do a swim meet with teenage girls and they were letting them step. I believe there was like an argument. Let's see if it's true. If they let him actually into the locker room. I want to make sure that this is true. Like a girl's locker room. Can you imagine? You have a teenager.

What a dream.

It's gonna do a swimming event.

Oh, this is like attached to a school.

50 year old trans swimmer shared locker room while competing against teens.

Yeah, it's awesome.

And this is this out. This is how crazy Canada's gone. This is just like the Moonies. They're just like the juggalos. Like they're in a cult. They don't realize they're in a cult. But if you think this is a good idea to let a 50 year old guy who decides to identify as a woman change in a locker room with teenage girls because he identifies as a teenage girl, you're out of your fucking ladies, ladies.

Does it say gals in here?

Let me be clear that this. Does this person say they identify as a teenage girl?

This was a plan that I would have drummed up. Drummed up when I was twelve years old.

I don't think that it was an event that teenagers, teenage girls could be 16 and older.

I think it's just a locker. She's going to a woman's locker room in general.

Okay. 16 and older. This person's competing and is 16 and older. So you could be any age. Yeah. Okay, so does. Is there any evidence this person identifies as a teenage girl or is that just the Internet? That sounds like the Internet, but I don't know, google that just in case. I would like to know because that makes it extra crazy and fun.

I'd be weird.

It does.

It doesn't make it extra crazy and fun that people like. Okay. It's the same way I feel about all the other things we talked about. Like, the odds of you not being out of your fucking mind are really low. They're really low. Super low. And the fact that everyone's like, yeah, inclusivity. Like, well, also, how. How did we get to this Mooney point?

There's also we. You should be allowed to say that some things are weird and crazy, and that doesn't necessarily mean you have to hate them or be against them. Comedians are weird and crazy. Like, we're all weird and crazy.

Okay, this is. Apparently that means wiseheart was swimming with young girls because of how fast or slow a swimmer is, not because she identifies as a young girl, but the competition is presumably separated by gender. So there's an issue where wiseheart is competing against females while being biologically male and also, I think, intact. Oh, so which is also the weird one, right? Like, you could be a woman, but you don't even have to try that hard.

No, you don't have to do, sorry.

Turn it around real quick and hit you with my pussy on your back.

And you can go back and forth. You don't have to choose.

I'll call you your name if you cut your dick off. Does anybody ever cut your dick off? I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna call you or I. Maybe. Maybe I will call your name, but I might fuck it up. But I think that's okay.

Either way, he's gonna check, figure out. We'll go from there.

It's just so nuts, man, that you're just giving up. This pervert pass, like, allows because there's real trans people that are like this. Like it's happened for all eternity. There's something wiring. You feel female, but there's also crazy people. There's also real perverts. And you give it a pervert, a Willy Wonka golden ticket.

I've got real good. I've gotten real good at calling people the Jefferson they want. If they like, I still will fuck it up. And I find I'm pretty good at it. If they look like a girl, if it's a guy transitioning to a girl and they look a girl, I say I'm pretty good at all the she. But if I almost. If I fuck it up. Look at yourself. That means that you, you're not shaving enough for. You haven't done whatever it is to make me call you because, I mean, pretty good at calling.

Damn J trans girls.

Girls.

That's also a weird thing to get stuck on because you're just, you have to. To agree to this thing and you have to agree to it. This especially, like, if you knew the person as one thing at one point in time and then they decided to change their name and gender and you're like, you're, this seems like you need a lot of attention. Like, what's going on here? This is strange. Yeah. And you're getting mad if I fuck it up and call you Harry.

Well, that's the weirdest part of all of it, is, like, you can't, like, be mad at someone, especially if it's an honest mistake.

That's why I wasn't, ma'am. That's what I'm saying. The Internet is such a bad place for it because everyone has such balls. Everyone's a keyboard warrior on the Internet. Even people that are like, you know, you know, bleeding heart liberals and people that are looking to, you know, you know, they just. They find a place to go and have this voice. Back in the day, if you were trans and you were, like, a man that was dressing up as a woman, and you wanted to get mad at somebody about it, you had to get in their fucking face. It wasn't gonna happen.

And if you went to the village in New York City, they did. They did get in your face.

You get aggressive in the West Village by a trans chick.

Well, what's the one. That's why I loved the. That was the GameStop video, right? Yeah, the famous one, right? Was like, it's ma'am. Yes, sir.

And then it's like, that's not how. Ma'am.

Stop. Nerd. Just going like, okay, sir. Kicking over PlayStation.

See, that's the problem that women are having, is that these men who decide that they're women are now invent. They're entering into these places that are just women's only and women's events and women's things. They're dominating like men do.

It was one of the very. It was one of the very few points that I've had, like, seeing that other side of it that I didn't for a long time to kind of recently. It's like the. The argument. Sports is almost like, oh, they're gonna dominate and kick ass. And, you know, it's basically a guy beating up a girl in this fight and all those things. But then it was a scholarship thing. I don't know why that never dawned on me before. It's like, no, these girls are like, no. I was going to be, like, the number one recruit out of my school for sure. And then this girl came in and made me look like I'm terrible because she's six foot five and, you know, 35 pounds more than me.

Yeah, it's nuts. You're letting people cheat you, literally. There's a reason why Title Ix was invented. It was invented so that women could be able to compete with other women. And you can't have an exemption for that just based on feelings, because it's not about feelings. It's about fairness in sports. And the only way to make it fair is if you're an intact biological male, you have to compete against intact biological males.

Yeah, it's.

You could still call yourself Debbie. Get an aisle for Debbie. You're in lane for. You're competing against Mark and Steve. But there's no, fuck. We're not children.

It's just we're not rational sect of the trans community. I don't know if I've ever heard someone in trans community come out and agree with that sentiment. Like, oh, yes, no, he shouldn't be.

Oh, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Blair White.

And there's a bunch. There's a bunch of people who are trans. Who are you, like, basically come out and say, like, look, I know I'm not a woman. I know I'm a man. Yeah, we shouldn't be. We shouldn't be around kids. We shouldn't be competing in women's sports. There's a decent.

We shouldn't be around kids at all.

Blair White goes to these. These events where, like, trans people. And she gets, like, called a Nazi and kicked out.

Yep.

Well, she is highly Hitler with a huge cock.

That was a sculpture.

No, I think she's gone through the whole thing. That's the. It's like one day they're gonna be able to manipulate chromosomes where you're not gonna ever have to worry about that again. They're gonna be able to change you to a woman. You're gonna actually be able to do it. I don't know if they're gonna be able to do it to us, but some. Somebody's lifetime from the. In the future, there's gonna be.

What do you mean?

You know, people are, like, serial divorcees. They keep getting married and divorced, getting people to go back and forth, man to woman. They're just gonna be pigs. They're just gonna be dirty, greedy pigs. They just want to fuck and get fucked and just.

Self. Last week, instead of saying I was.

A whore or like, a. Like, a womanizer goes, I guess I was a bit of a woman in my twenties, and then I did my thirties as a guy.

Yeah. Some women are gonna be looking for men who've only been men the whole time.

You get teenagers that, like, they change. And then a few years later, they were like, oh, yeah, it was a phase, of course.

Especially these poor girls that are getting mastectomies.

No, toy. It's making a choice of goth at one point.

Yeah. Imagine you had eyeliner tattooed when you were 16.

The crazy thing is you don't let them get tattooed, but you will let them get gender alternating surgery, which is just bananas.

Is that happening, by the way?

Gender affirming. Excuse me? Gender affirming surgery.

Not a lot. Not a lot of surgeries under 18. There is a lot. And when I say a lot, I think 10,000 chemical shit, like the all of it blockers.

There's plenty of girls that are getting mastectomies very young. There's photographs of them. If you're doing that before you're an adult, you don't know what the fuck you're doing.

It's insane.

It's insane. It's insane. It's just nuts. Well, people are agreeing to it just to be kind.

Look, there's also a real debate with surgeries like that about whether that should be allowed even after you're an adulthood. Like, I'm not.

I'm not even going to loud allowed. But shouldn't Steve o be allowed to give fake tits if he wants to?

But listen, I'm not out of that, though.

Yeah, you got out of that.

He's not doing it even too much for Steve.

Oh, I think he thought it was dangerous.

Yeah, it was retarded.

Well, you also have to cut the muscle on a dude. I think.

All I'm saying is there's. Yeah, that's tough if.

To go up in there. It's got a pump out. Yeah, I don't think.

I think Steve.

Oh.

Made the right call.

I mean, look, it would have been a great bit.

That's the only way it would have stuck out, because I don't think he has enough tissue in the front to give you, like, a traditional, regular type boob job.

All right, I'll do it. But my point is, like, next man up.

If you're a grown woman and you're 40 years old, you decide to get your boobs removed, who the fuck am I to say you shouldn't be able.

To listen, I kind of. Look, I'm a libertarian. I tend to agree with you. But if there's. If there was a die and you asked them to just, like, remove my fully functioning left arm. Cause I identify as a right one armed person or whatever. And doctors were like, no, I'm not. I'm unwilling to, like, perform a surgery on.

You would understand so many elective surgeries that they.

Well, there's an elective preventative surgery that a lot of women do if they think they have that gene for breast cancer.

That's what Angelina Joey did.

That's a little different.

Okay. Steve O was supposed to level, he said, but the person in the supermarket spoke to Steve O about the level of oppression that the trans people face in a pretty heartbreaking way, which made him realize, wow, maybe it's not all fun and games. After this, he feared a stunt would seem like an exercise in celebrating violence against trans people, and he decided to call it off.

So that's why he called it off. I thought it was just. This is insane.

I'll tell you what. I have a feeling he was like, I don't want to do this. But then you can really get out of it by doing. Making a nice speech like that. It's pretty great.

That would be a good move, because otherwise you're going to ruin your tits forever. And then you'd have to go under another time to get them removed. And then you'd always have scars and your tits and your 50.

When someone you're afraid to fight says they're gonna fight you after school, and you go, when do we break the cycle of violence?

He was gonna dress up and go to a biker rally. I guess that was part of it. Oh, he thought he would get a crazy reaction out of a motorcycle riders who were checking me out before realizing who he was. I would have considered it to be better footage if I was to be beaten up at the motorcycle rally. He said, you know, but the thing is, like, you could get fake tits put on you by prosthetic people. The same people that did, like, the penguin. Ever see what's his name? The handsome fella?

Ferrell.

Colin Farrell. Handsome fella, right. They made him look disgusting for the penguin. Like, yeah, they can give you tits, bro. You don't have to get them.

Yeah.

And it'll look indistinguishable.

Yeah, it's the same fucking stunt. Marilyn Manson. But though, that's a painting, isn't it?

That was the person.

But it's also. You didn't have something where.

Well, look, no copy either. Do you know there's people that are doing that? They're just getting castrated because people want to be nulls. They want to be nothing.

Is that a real thing?

Oh, yeah, it's a real thing.

But isn't that essentially what someone gets the surgery is doing?

Well, they were trying to get a hole.

Yeah.

They don't want to.

They want to see. This is just like. They become, like, unsullied from exactly.

They want no cocktail balls, no nothing.

How do you pee?

Let's. Let's go, champ.

You don't pay. What?

Piss out a little piss hole? Just keep a little fucking band aid over it for most of the day. I don't know, but, you know, I don't want you to do that. But if you're, you're an american, I feel like you should have the freedom do something stupid. Yeah, I'm covered in tattoos. You want to get your dick chopped off? Who the fuck am I to tell you?

You're never going to hear a thing where someone goes, you cut your dick off. His best thing I ever did.

Probably not, but some people just don't.

Well, there was that, like, pain olympics thing back in the day where the guys would mutilate their cocks, and you're like, what do you. I mean, you only got one shot to slice your dick in half. Like, that's it.

I saw plenty of those videos where guys just chop the head of their dicks off with knives, like.

You get. I mean, how good is that orgasm? You get it one time ever.

I don't even think they're orgasm. They're soft, they're not slicing to a hard dick, they'd bleed out.

How good?

All right, Joe, so fucking science to the dumb conversation we're having.

You imagine what a terrible time to get your dick chopped off.

How good is the choking guys break.

Their dick, they have sex, and then their dicks bend down.

Pay Ronis enthusiastic young lady might get a little bobbly on the top and let it slip a little and taint slam you.

How can they not tell?

Like, Anderson Silva's shin.

How can these ladies not tell that they're at the end of the dick when they're jumping up so hard?

They're having a good time, Jay. They're having a good time.

But, you know, we're walking. I know, I know. We're on the tightrope. We're walking that tightrope. The come ups are coming up too high on her.

I've had it happen a few times where it bet, but, I mean, obviously nothing, no real injury might have been.

With that heil Hitler dude before you. She's used to a little bit of travel in her suspension.

She's like, nah, we got plenty of time.

She wants that raptor type travel.

Boom.

She wants some fucking. Some lift.

You should have that thing, like, on the back of your car where it's like, you guys, we're getting close. We're getting close here.

Just have some sort of a strapping system, you know, where you, like, you're spotting her, like, cinch her down, okay. We got this much travel. That's it. Crazy. So we're gonna agree to dog this? You savage trying to break my dick.

I wish my.

What a terrible way to break your dick, too.

I wish my dick was big enough to break.

Damn. It's a girl out there right now. And go, I could break it.

I'll break the cock right in half.

Break that.

Fucking angry little guys, while we have a law. Can I talk to you about my new propulsion system? Jamie, the PowerPoint? Please, please. It is so funny coming into this room and thinking about the things I've watched that are made such, like, whether be the cat Williams thing or fucking. I mean, that was wild. The one I just said. Terrence Howard.

Oh, yeah. Terrence Howard. One's very interesting. He's a very, very smart guy. He just doesn't have a formal education, this stuff. So, like, when I had Brett Weinstein on the. Excuse me. Eric Weinstein on the podcast. Eric sort of explained to him the things that he's getting wrong, and explained him, you gotta stop teaching. You gotta stop saying you're teaching people. This is very offensive to people like myself. He's like an actual super genius. But they were talking about, like, crazy equations, and he was explaining the equations to him, and he's like, do you understand how to read this? It's like having him go over the equation. So it was very interesting. So Terrence is like this super smart guy that's way smarter than any around him. But then the really super smart guys who are actually super smart guys who are educated about it, they don't engage with them. And so Eric was like, let me just talk to this dude. I think he's one of us. He's just gone astray. Just a brilliant guy who hasn't actually gotten the correct education in this stuff.

I liked when he was doing, he goes, well, then, Joe, you have to understand, because the Fontelese, it was words that I don't think they were things. Maybe they were.

I think some of them were things, but others, they're things that he invented.

Whatever you want. Yeah.

What is the invention of the flying? What does he call them again? When all those little components move together and it creates, like, he's got this. God, why? It's at the tip of my tongue. Linchpin. So this thing that he created, it's like these. They're like geometric shapes, and they fit into each other and each one of them has a fan and the surface circle of it. And through this thing, as a drone, it can move, like, in any direction. It's this very bizarre. And Weinstein was looking at it like, this is a very legit invention. Like, you came up with this crazy. See if you can find the videos of it. And so it's. It's also. You could add more to it. It's not like one single shape, so they connect into each other, and you can keep adding more and more to it and give it more power and.

More maneuverability for it.

Drones. It's like, you could have a drone that moves concrete bars. I mean, concrete blocks. You could have a drone that moves railroad ties, and they could fly them through the air. It's scalable. So this is the small version of it in operation. And it's all of those things that you see, those little geometric patterns. They're all individuals. Individuals. And you can keep piling them on top of that and connect it, and you can make them larger and smaller. Smaller. It's a. It's a fascinating idea. And this is the dude who is an iron man. And he's got, like, some crazy amount of patents, man. The dude has, like, what is it, 90 something patents? He has something crazy. But this is all, like, his invention.

And those are normal education.

I'm very not to the level of, like, an Eric Weinstein, which is really all these people that are actually working on stuff. Generally, they have, you know, depending upon what the discipline is. They have a long education in traditional universities. And he's kind of like a self taught genius.

Nah.

He'S crazy. Smarteendeze. He's just. He's not like, he's gotta hang out with more people like him. Do you know what I mean? He's too smart for anybody he knows, right.

He needs more. Eric Warren.

He need more people.

Dave Smith, a few years ago.

That's true. Same thing.

Well, I was on the episode after the first time you had him on, and the episode with him was just insane. I mean, it was like the biggest thing on the Internet. And almost 100% of the comments on my episode, the next one were, we want more. Terrence Howard.

Enough of this, Dave, where's your system.

You piece of shit?

Man, he's fun.

David. Dave, can you invent an Uber to get into and get the fuck out of here?

I did. It doesn't go to the right address, but I did invent an Uber.

Yeah, it's. It's fun. Those things are fun. Yeah, it's fun to hear people, like, come up with these wacky theories and like, his. But he has some great ideas, man. And one of them is the idea that all the planets are coming from, like, stuff that's jettisoned off the sun. Like, his theory about the creation of solar systems is very bizarre. And it's really interesting. He thinks that a planet gets to a certain distance after a certain amount of time from the sun, where it can develop life, and then that life evolves as quickly as it can, because it's going to eventually, over the next hundred million, 200 million years, it's going to be further and further and further out to space, and it's not going to be habitable anymore. So you're going to have to figure out a way to make your own environment, or you're going to perish. And every planet goes through a transitionary period. It's called peopling. When a planet gets to a certain distance, these hominids start figuring out things, and figuring out tools and engines, and civilization and agriculture, and then electronics. And then they have to get to a point where they realize, like, this planet keeps moving away from the sun.

We are fucked. We have to figure out artificial environments. We have to figure out interstellar travel. We have to figure out how to fucking plan it, populate other worlds.

So that's where we're at right now.

Hundred thousand years away from it being a planet.

This is brought to us by Terrence fucking.

But his theory about planets is fascinating, because nobody really knows why planets are formed. How the, you know, there's a distance from the sun, you could figure. There's a thing called Bode's law. We could figure out roughly by the size of one planet when another planet's gonna exist. And that's where they look.

His voice is too cool to be a nerd. That's why I think the problem, the disconnect I have, is he's like, come on, Joe, it's simple.

Too cool.

Nitrogen makes everything.

He does that. That thing where especially. Cause most of us aren't people who even think about this stuff. So then when he's saying it, like when he was saying the whole thing when he was on with you, about how the periodic table shouldn't be squares, it should be circle. And he had, like, a really good argument for. And I remember just being like, that does sound really impressive.

Why?

And, well, that's what the thing is. Then, like, when you see someone like Eric Weinstein go like, oh, yeah, he's got a good point about this. You're like, wait, seriously? He's nailing it, all right?

Neil degrasse Tyson, he's fucking genius, man.

Terrence Howard is fucking genius. He's just. Sometimes guys are too smart for everybody around them, and they just get off on the wrong track. And if you're used to being the smartest guy in the room, and then all of a sudden you're talking to a guy who's like, spooky smart, it's, you know, it's a little unsettling. It's like, you know, a guy who tells you he's a comic, you know, he's telling everybody he's a comic. Hey, Mike is a comic. Mike who works down, and then you meet Mike and you're like, how long you been doing comedy? Well, I've done a couple open mic nights and like, oh, okay, okay. You're not really a comic, right? Right. You're not making a living. Like, you know, you're not getting paid.

Well, I don't have any money for Terrence Howard. His projects. I gave it all to Eddie Winslow from family matters to clean up the ocean machine he's building.

There is a kid that's cleaning up the ocean. What's that kid's name? Boy and slot. You ever seen that machine? He's invited.

His name is Boyant.

Boyant.

So I was like, that's funny.

That's so on the news.

His name's waverunner Johnson.

I never even thought of that. You said it. That's hilarious. I've even had him on the show. Boy and slot. He was like, 19 when he invented this. He invented this gigantic skimmer that's been scoop and stuff off the ocean. And then they turn the plastic into, like, sunglasses and shit, which will eventually find their way back in the ocean.

Sure. That's out for a little bit.

They make stuff which will find their way to landfills.

That's really great, dude.

19, super fucking smart. Like, spooky smart kid just said, this is what I want to dedicate my life to. See if you get a video of how they do it. It's pretty wild, but they've already cleaned up a significant amount, and they have this proposal to make and scale the thing up and make it huge. And they think they can clean up the whole garbage patch within the next decade or so.

It's incredible.

It's nuts, but it's not. So the fucking thing existed in plastics. Only been around for like, how long? A hundred years.

Yeah.

And we already have a Texas sized chunk of it sitting in the middle of the ocean.

Yeah.

People are great.

I know. People also make things that young and get this kind of thing. I feel like they're late later in life, last shadows ones ends up being crazy.

Oh yeah, it's gonna be all.

Yeah, they gave up all their fun stuff, so then it just is too wild afterwards.

Right. He's gonna get all that eco pussy too.

Oh yeah. Once you shave those bitches down, there's usually something hot under there.

It's usually the kind of gals that are willing to throw paint on statues and glue themselves to the floor. You know, no more oil.

So this just all sitting in the ocean?

Yeah. So he scoops all this stuff out with each run of this. And this is just, you know, one haul and they just continue to do this. And then they crane it and pack it and, and turn it into different objects and stuff. And you can buy that stuff.

That's fine.

It's a good thing.

I mean, he becomes a, like a co kid partier a little bit later. Or he, you know, he dies like a whale ate him. Like while he was helping clean up the thing.

I was watching this thing on Singapore and how well Singapore recycles. It's incredible. Singapore takes all of their garbage. They pick it up like multiple times. They have this insane facility where they sort it out. They find out what's plastic, what's this? What's that? They, they use the plastic and they figure out some way to use it to make power, generate power by burning it. And they have this insane filtration system that stops it from polluting the air. And then they take it and they grind a lot of this stuff down and they use it to make roads with it and they recycle everything.

Isn't that. Isn't our recycling bullshit? I remember reading about this years ago that our recycling is all.

Every time I put stuff into my recycling, it makes me so angry because I read like 10% of it gets actually recycled.

Yeah, we thought we were good people. We're just getting scammed. He's getting scammed to buy a fucking blue dumpster.

What is the point of it though? What it, what is the whole scam?

I don't understand why it's too expensive to convert.

There was Singapore guy sitting on a bunch of blue garbage cans.

See if you can find something on how Singapore does it. I know I saved it if you want me to find it.

You're saying they do a good job?

Incredible. They fucking recycled everything they have, like this insanely efficient way of taking the plastic and reutilizing it and using it to, like, fill streets and pave roads and build things. And they're using all of it, whereas we're just fucking sticking it in the ground. Somebody else will figure it out. Covered it up with dirt.

Singapore looks like it's made of legos. It's just plastic everywhere.

It's pretty nuts, man. No, it's pretty.

They also polluted the ocean with that plain.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah. Human beings are fucking weird. We are weird.

Remember how much used the litter back in the day, in the nineties? Dude, I would fucking. Anytime I had, like, a Coca Cola cup, I just throw it right out the window.

Give a shit. Full bag to trash on the highway side.

So it used to be a big problem. So they used to have a big trash problem, apparently, and that's what led them to this insane, like, super efficient version of recycling and super thorough. Pretty interesting shit.

Waste generated. Oh, we're. We're making a lot of waste.

Yeah, we make plenty of waste, son. That's what America does, motherfucker. If you don't like it, you can move to China.

Yeah, we must. Singapore, you get.

Yeah. So they take it and they burn it. And that burning it is what powers electricity. It's like, it's really insanely efficient. And then again, they use it for all kinds of stuff. But the point is they utilize all the trash, and that's what we're supposed to be doing. But there's a bunch of knuckleheads, the same knuckleheads that are in charge of the homeless. And the homelessness just keeps growing. And they need more. We need more funds to deal with this issue that we can't deal with is the same fucking thing. If you had private companies that were incentivized to collect all the plastic and that they could take that plastic and use it for all kinds of things.

That's right.

Yeah.

All you got to do is set up the incentives and human beings figure it out. All you got to do is go. If you solve this problem, you can become a billionaire. And then some genius will figure it out to become a billionaire.

Isn't that interesting? We're not willing to give the private sector access to garbage so much. So much that we'll let them pretend they're recycling and just sticks up in the ground. It's plastic because it's not cost effective to turn it into things.

Can sanitation be one of the last mafia run businesses?

Well, it's run by a section of the government. Right. But it's like, if you were competing against Singapore, you would lose. Okay? If, like, one city was run by Singapore, like, Chicago was run by Singapore, but Detroit was run by people who do it right now. And you had to figure out which way is better for the city, which way it looks better, which way is more efficient, which way actually, like, creates less overall ways because you just recycle and reuse it, and it actually works as an asset and a commodity. Wouldn't that be better? Like, if somebody could do it, you could do it. But the problem is there's no fucking incentive.

There's probably so much infrastructure within all of these. Like, it's just been, however, years that we've been having this system of sanitation, that it's like, to try to change that in any sort of, like, abrupt way is, like, insane. What do you even do? I remember there was a landfill near my house. We would go, like, we would, like, ride our bikes down to the train tracks and find the landfill, and it was just piles and piles and piles of garbage.

It's basically the modern version of what it was like to live in a city with horses, shit in the streets. Yeah, it's like, a mild version of.

It, which wasn't, like, much thought put into, like, the down the road times. Now it's just weird.

Not only that, it gets into the water. You know, when you just dump a bunch of shit on the ground like that, you know, you're allowed to have a place where you just fill it in. What about the water that's running under that? Like, what happens there?

Liquid death?

Yeah. Yeah. There's, like, so much fucked up in how we do things and not course correcting.

But, I mean, is it so with the recycling thing, is it just designed to fine us for not recycling and create more revenue streams?

Initially, they had this idea that that's what they were going to do, that they were going to recycle things. And they do recycle bottles and they do recycle cans because it's a cost effective. The problem with plastic, it's not cost effective to recycle. So 90% of it or something in the range of that gets thrown in the ground, they just put it in the dirt, which is fucking worse. Like, why are you making me separate garbage? If you just get it? Can I just put plastic? We just admit, and I'll just put plastic bottles in the garbage now, because that's what I've been doing. I kind of gave up. I gave up on your little bullshit charade. I'm not going to be a part of this if I know you're not doing it.

Well, there is. I see, like, there's, like a rule following for a while. Like, people. It's so funny to. I just kind of see the results, but I don't know what the actual fight is. Like sometimes in New York, there's plastic bags everywhere. And then one time they'll tell you, goes, no, they're completely illegal now. Plastic. And then.

In New York, well, during the pandemic, they kind of. Because it was. They made that law maybe six months before the pandemic, and they were like, no more plastic bags, only paper, and then make it. And they were like, all right, we need to figure out priorities here. And then they started using plastic bags again. But in New Jersey, you have to. When I go to Shoprite, I have to pay for new reusable bags every time. They no longer give even paper.

They're good for lighting fires. The paper ones want to start a little fireplace, crumple up some paper bags, stick it under there it is.

Like at the airport, they'll do that with the big paper bags. And they charge you for the. For the paper bags. It's like. Like bags were always free. Do you know I existed for 30 years on this planet of bags?

I think it just makes you think about it. Like, every time, one out of every hundred people remember to bring their own shopping bags. What type of fucking nerds? Shopping shopping bags?

Paper bags are good, man.

But my girlfriend goes to the store when she's been like, oh, let's go and wait. I'm gonna run back to the apartment. I forgot to get the bags. We're going to buy a new. I'm not.

You know what? The biggest scam going is the paper bag industry. Because they should all be hemp paper bags. If they were all hemp paper bags, they would be a hundred times better. They'd be so much stronger. You wouldn't have to chop down a tree to do it. You chop down a stalk of a plant that doesn't even make weed. You know, they have them where they don't. There's no thc in them at all. And you make gigantic fucking chunks of this paper that's almost indestructible. It's so different. You barely tear it.

Is it cheaper? No.

Sure. It would be cheaper if you had the infrastructure, because you could read. Like you say, if you have an acre of trees and you chop them down, it's going to be fucking years before you can chop down the new ones that you plant afterwards, it takes forever for them to grow. But hemp, you can redo it every fucking few months. That shit grows like a weed.

Wasn't a big part of why, like, weed was made illegal, because they didn't want the competition from hemp or something like that.

100%. It was William Randolph Hearst, right? He was the reefer madness guy. Along with Harry Anslinger. They demonized it as a commodity. If we. If we had, like, true freedom in terms of, like, to use the best plants to do stuff, that would be one of the number one. Forget about the weed argument. The number one thing is hemp. It's so much better paper. It's. It's like. It's really strong. Like, in a weird way. Like, if you have a piece of hemp heavy, like, what the fuck, man?

But hemp's legal now, right? Everywhere. Just paper clothing.

It was. It's been suppressed for so fucking long that the infrastructure is not really available to compete with, like, regular paper or to compete with. I mean, they're making hemp clothes. It's sort of an oddity that was.

Always, like, a hep. Like, if you could find, like, even.

I. Harrells was real big on hemp for a long time.

It's way better. There's a company called Datsu Sara. They make hemp geese. They're the best geese, man. They don't rip cotton. Geese rip. They rip. All these hemp geese are, like, indestructible. The only thing that gives out on them is this. The threads give out.

I feel like you don't want to get caught in a hemp gee joke, though. I'd much rather just like a regular gee than a hemp gee.

They.

Dude, I forgot to tell.

The only keys that rip are old ones, man. Regular gee will fuck you up.

I read a thing about a spider silk earlier today. As we're talking about, like, materials, apparently spider silk is, like, one of the most strong. Like, if they actually. They may. Yeah, they make actual clothing and, like, garments out of it. And it's like.

I believe that because you get caught in one of. One string of it, and it's, like, on you for five minutes.

As thick as, like, a power line.

It's one fifth as thick as a human hair or one 10th as thick as a human hair. And they. There was a team of guys who spent five years, like, I don't know, milking spiders, but they were, like, using. They were getting the silk out of these spiders, and they made this, like, big fucking gown with it, and it was. I don't know.

You know, there's a thing they're trying to do. Okay. They're saying the human side silk is used to make bulletproof clothing. There's a thing they're trying to do now, though, where they're trying to make humanity skin. And, you know how they can kind of splice genetics together? They want to make human skin that is made with this gene for this spider silk. So see if you can find that. So what they're trying to say, you.

End up in a superhero movie literally.

Developing, remember, human Spider.

This. Right now, it's theoretical, but if you think about what they're going to be able to do medically just in the next decade or two, especially with the AI stuff that's coming, that's the scary shit. The scary shit. As soon as they start integrating humans with that stuff, they're going to come up with all sorts of solutions to all sorts of problems. And one of them is going to be non bulletproof skin. Instead of stopping crime, we're going to just make everybody mandatory. Just like you get vaccinated, everybody's going to have to get bulletproof skin, so we don't have to worry about gun violence anymore. Doesn't work anymore.

We're just shooting each other in the head like Wolverine.

We're going to evolve.

We can't afford bulletproof.

We're gonna all look like turtles.

We're already there, Joe.

Ninja Turtles. In the future, we're all gonna be, like, covered with armor, and it'll be just wild kingdom out there in the streets. Every day is a fucking street takeover.

Philadelphia, Philadelphia. Street takeover.

Maybe that's how we get out of this. You know, like, humans had to figure out opposable thumbs to be able to throw spears. Maybe we. Maybe at one point in time, we have to just grow armor. We're not gonna fix this problem of violence.

It would be pretty badass. Just have you. Especially if you're the first human with it. Like, if you get to be the first one who's got armor.

Like, for real, how the fuck did a turtle become a turtle? How long did that take? And what?

Guessing a lot.

It was a rat phantom in the sewers.

Let's see, I won him at a carnival.

But think of all the animals that are so vulnerable, and this one motherfucker goes, you know what? I'm. I got an idea. And somehow or another, over the course of who knows how many fucking million years, it becomes a goddamn turtle. And it's such a good design video.

Of, like, alligators and crocodiles just fucking smashing through turtles just like a cookie.

Saltwater crocs crushing them up like, they're not really. Oh, it's so disgusting.

It's brutal.

See if you can find a video. I've. So the bulletproof skin was a story from 2012. Yeah, a project with an artist. I don't know that they were actually ever trying to do. That's a fucking CIA cover. I couldn't find it. They're gonna cover Jason Bourne with bulletproof skin first, and they're gonna say, jesus Christ, that's Jason Bourne. Bulletproof skin inspiration for this project. Oh, Genghis Khan wanted it. Of course he wanted it. This legendary emperor said to have issued his horsemen with silk vests as an arrow hitting silk, does nothing break it, but ends up embedded in the flesh, wrapped in silk. Interesting. Wow. So the silk was so strong that the arrows would just go into your skin through this and you wouldn't get hit. It's like a kevlar. So you, you would, you'd still get fucked up, but you wouldn't get full penetration. It wouldn't penetrate. Wow.

Silk. Buy you a silk shirt and shoot you with an arrow.

Those arrows sucked. Those broadheads sucked.

Yeah.

Joe Rogan could fucking shoot somebody with a silk shirt on.

You could not do that today. Yeah, there's a different, I don't know what kind of silk they had, but a modern day broadhead, those things are horrifying.

Well, I don't understand it, but it can't just be like a silk t shirt. They had to have some type of thick silk even for arrows back then.

Yeah, it must have been really thick. Cause they were powerful bows, too. Especially the Mongols. The Mongols had these insane bows that took like, 160 pounds to dress, draw back. And they were famous for, like, when they looked at their skeletons, their bones, their one side of their body was, like, deformed because they were pulling, like, with the right arm. Their whole life, their whole spine and everything is. They have, like, giant bones in their shoulders and arms. Like, their whole body developed to pull this fucking insane bow back. So that kind of a bow has crazy power behind it with this bullshit homemade arrow. And these fucking whatever kind of heads.

They were using suck to put all that effort into pulling the bow. And then silk takes it out. I did that for nothing. I got beat by silk.

I wonder if it would work with their bows. I wonder if that was just for the enemy's bows because the Mongols were, they were so advanced militarily. Which is really bizarre that there's, like, one dude's group who likes to live in tents, decided to literally take over the fucking world and would have done it. Got pretty close. Yeah, they killed 10% of the people on the fucking planet during his lifetime.

All people like that always have weird facial hair.

There is, however, little historical basis to this. What is it? The silk shirt claim. Oh, you've likely heard the claim.

Jamie. Can you stop making us look like assholes at every chance?

Bring everything tells me I was wrong from front to back.

There is, however, little historical basis. No primary source can be found containing the statement. The earliest mention of it in relation to the Mongols comes from Michael Prawden's 1934 de Shingis Kahn der Sturm aus eisen prouden. Did I get that right? Eager to give Mongols every technological edge over their foes, appears to have assumed the Mongols, as a warrior race would only have worn silk for military purposes. But is there any historical depictions of silk stopping arrows? You could find that when I was. Maybe the Mongols didn't do it. Maybe it was, like, a theory. The AI from Google says that they were silk underclothes to help prevent blood loss from arrows and that they had armor that was sewn together with silk, but there was some sort of plates that makes.

Us, by God, just like the.

The samurai outfits.

Right?

They have the mesh under the plate so they can move around. We have one of those samurai outfits out there. It's a real one from the 18 hundreds.

Really?

It's freaky. It's freaky to think these show how.

To use this time machine to go get it.

Took a long time on it. Actually got for me as a gift. It's like a pain in the ass to get it over here.

I'd imagine that's a tough thing to buy.

Yeah, it's a weird museum.

We talked about doing. So they do these, like, medieval fights. Like, it's almost like MMA and, like, medieval gear. Yeah, we talked about doing it at Skank Fest, but to ship the armor to Vegas from wherever they were, it would be so expensive. We'd have to. It would be. It would make more sense to drive it out in a van, just like a team of people.

You've seen those russian videos where those guys beat the fuck out of each other?

Yeah, it is. Yeah.

Dude, don't do that. I can't believe I have to tell you. Don't. Don't do that.

Please don't. Armor, dude.

Yeah.

And I got a sword, bro.

You're gonna get hit in this head with a sword. You're gonna forget all your jokes.

No, it's all right.

Start fresh.

I gotta.

A sword weighs.

No, I got him. I got him a spider silk hat. He's fine.

Even if you have that helmet on, imagine how much a fucking sword weighs and it's hit you in the head.

Well, the armor is like 120 pounds, 130 pounds.

How much would you need around your head to let someone hit you in the head with a sword? I need a lot more than that, son.

Yeah, more than that.

A lot more than that.

That'd be fun, though, bro.

You get a shield to the head, you're getting Ct motherfucking e. You can pretend that you're protected. You are not protected from that rattle, son.

You still remember your jokes.

Dents in that guy's helmet where he's got hit in the head with a fucking sword.

And one medieval.

That is fucking rules.

And they're doing it live for what I would describe as not that many people.

Yeah, 45 people.

I know, but if I went to this, I would go home and I go, I can't believe there's only 45 people. This is the coolest thing.

Turkey leg. Get a giant goblet, guys.

They got everything. Renss fair. They got the dark game where you can win the animal.

I'm going to look at this. He's on top of this.

She.

Oh, my God.

So weapon. He's meeting with his weapon that night. Insane.

That night. Had really good top control, bro.

That guy got fucked up. That.

Are you okay? Yeah.

That kind of weight dropping down on your head with that big ass fucking shield.

And look, this virgin is gonna take his helmet off.

Hello.

Hi, guys.

Thank you, everybody.

You also have to take your performance for you. You got to take into account the weight of all that armor on his arm and how much more that's driving down the impact of it.

Right, right, just coming down.

Yeah, all that weight because it's all covered in steel. And then he has this big ass fucking shield and steel gloves on, and he's coming down in your head with that over and over and over again.

You think that's more dangerous than MMA?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. That guy got. Might got a real fucked up. Like a different kind of like a crack skull type fucked up.

They fed him to a dragon afterwards.

I mean, that could drag that, like, seems like that. Kill somebody like that. That doesn't seem like. Even with armor on, I don't believe that you can be okay from getting hit like that in the head.

Well, also, all the shit from, like, from the NFL is like, the helmet doesn't really matter. Cause if you're. When it's cracking against your head and you're rattling around, how good could that.

Helmet be where you let a dude with a shield and an iron fucking sleeve on slammed down on your head over and over and over again that could crack your skull?

I completely agree with you.

At the same box with an MMA person.

Well, that's. There's no way that's.

I would do that over power slap any day of the week.

So insane. This is so fucking insane.

Let's me and you play. It's going with spears.

Let's go. Here's.

I gotta run to the bathroom.

Don't.

Don't do this. You too. And I do want to watch a full pay per view of this.

Now, here's the thing. If you allow these guys to have no armor, do, dudes would sign up. If you decided you're gonna have a full sword fight version of this with no armor, guys would show up with a fucking bikini on ready to slice you up. If we decided one day, if some crazy country, some fucking warlord dictator type dude decided to have actual sword fights with no armor on, dudes would do it. There's. There's enough psychotic men out there jumping to something. Yeah.

Back in the day, there was. We used to watch felony fights, dude.

Oh, yeah.

And those guys would have. They would give the two guys nunchucks if I just beat the shit out of each other in a parking lot and just two fucking mexican guys wailing on each other.

I remember this Mexican. How many people fucked this white dude up? And he was a good boxer, and he cracked him and knocked him out. And then when he got him on the ground, he kept dropping knees on his unconscious. He was like, you know that one?

Yeah.

Horrible.

Yeah.

The sound like seizing up and shit.

I was listening to Howard Stern the other day. It was an old one where they were talking. The people that were good old days. Yeah. The people that were trying to get on, like, the one way trip to Mars, they were going to try to do. It was from the years, like, 2012, and they said it wasn't going to go until 2020. Something which I don't think it ever ended up happening, but they said it was thousands of people were trying to get on that mission.

One way trip. To die on Mars. Yeah, thousands.

Oh, to die.

Yeah, that way. It had to be whittled down, by the way, it's being whittled down to like, 16 because it was not a lot of people. But they was like, oh, yeah, you had to go through. And it's like, how many doctors and all? It's pretty crazy, like, how much people are willing to do.

Some nutty people, bro. There's a lot of people out there that want to end it. Null.

They said for sure, you. They said that for sure, but they said, odds are you definitely will never make it to Mars. And if you get there, it'll. It's like, it's everything just kind of like, you're probably going to die en route takes.

You're always going to have people that want to sign up for that kind of stuff.

Yeah. Just put, like, whatever the thing is. There's like, remember back in the day, it was a big thing in New York in the nineties, there were bug chasers. It was like a sect of the gay community that was trying to get AIDS.

Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely. There's a. There's a great series on Netflix right now called the Terror, and it's about these guys that try to cross the ice paths in, like, the 18 hundreds, and they. They never make it. Spoiler alert. It gets fucking dark, dude. It gets dark. These dudes just got stranded on a boat with other guys, and of course they start eating each other. The real story. It's based on a real story. These gentlemen actually did do this. And they didn't find their body. They didn't find anything until years and years later, they found clear evidence of people getting cut up.

What was the time period?

18 hundreds. They just thought they were slick and they're going to make it across. And it was a particularly cold winter, and the. The ice never thawed in that area. And they just got stuck there. They just got stuck. And then the ice developed all around them, and they were there for years.

I mean, that, like, that's like a thing of survival, which I understand, but you see people that go to like.

What'S the big fish concert? And start hitting each other.

What's the mountain? They're like, the tallest one, the hardest one ever. You see those videos of, like, the bodies that are like, the bodies are now markers. Like, you get to a certain name. A guy like Jim. It's like, that's Jim. He is. When you're at however many feet high.

Yeah.

And there's no way to get their bodies back down. So they just are. Stay there frozen.

You have to leave them there. No one. No can. No one can retrieve them and stay alive. It's too dangerous.

That's wild.

It's fucking nuts. Man, you could find like one of the first guys that ever died up there. He's like his. It's all white, it looks like a statue. And he's face down, face down on the rock, frozen.

And they don't touch the.

See if you can find the image, the images.

I mean somebody must haunting because climate who can like. No, no, I'm saying one person that can climb it, that can like that it's done like something shitty to the stuff up there.

Yeah. You know when you were kids, you take like the reindeer on people's lawns and put them in different.

Yeah.

Positions.

Look at this. These guys. This guy's dead. But there's one we. That one in the lower left hand corner. Jamie, lower left hand corner one. That's the one. Look at that. Wow, bro. Imagine walking past that and go, yeah, that guy's a pussy. I'm gonna come back down, I'm gonna jerk off on its back with a fucking Chicago bulls hat on.

So he's really frozen?

Yeah, he's frozen. He's dead forever. He's been dead for a long time. Look, that guy's got old ass clothes on that have been just slowly worn away by time. Yeah, it's amazing.

Picture from the seventies this.

What happens, like people die. Like you'll be in a group and somebody dies. They go, well, guys, we have to leave him. And you're like, you're like, what?

You have to leave them while they're dying? Yeah, you could die. Yeah, like, you can't help them, you have to just go and they're just.

Gonna die a slow death.

Look at these guys got trapped.

I can't believe how many people agree to, like, do sentences. But like, then there's something like the submersible thing that we just like, everyone was like, cheers in champagne like this, the best. And then just ends immediately.

Oh, they saved that guy. Look, he got trapped.

Oh my God. Imagine getting trapped like that. And that's it. You just slowly die.

Like wishing you could just get shot in the head and not have to slowly die.

That's so insane. It's all so insane and it's just to get to the top. So you got there.

I mean, is it how exhilarating it has to be? So I bet it's not that great.

Well, it's probably, you realize you could do something very difficult, which a lot of people have a desire to do. And it's also a bragging. Right. For a lot of dickheads. I want to tell you, I've been in Nepal. I went up to Everest. It really helped the community. There's a lot of people that just do it for street.

Acoustic guitar song up there.

It's pretty gay.

Some people, they just want to fucking challenge themselves, though, in some insane way where they might die.

I think it's when you don't have kids all. Any of those things. Like skydiving. All I never did wanted to skydive, and I'm terrified of heights. But as soon as I had a kid, I was like, I'm not.

I'm the same unnecessary risk. And I said, now is my daughter's older, too. Like, having that thing where it's like, now she'd have to be like, what happened to your dad? Like, motorbike didn't open. Yeah, exactly. Motorcycle. I think he turned. It was raining, and he turned on his motorcycle a little too fast.

Oh, I didn't. I was gonna get a motorcycle license. I was sitting in traffic, and I was just watching cars or motorcycles zip between me, and I was like, dude, I got to get a motorcycle. And it was maybe the fifth time that I crashed my car in 2022 that I was like, this is gonna be the death of me.

Lewis had a moment where he was like, I don't think I should do armored fighting or get a motorcycle. Maybe neither of these are good ideas.

I have to trust you. Cause I have to pee. So keep chatting amongst your heads. Fuck up my show.

Okay, it's no. You're leaving the number one show and the number one show in the world being left in the hands of the legion of skanks. What could possibly go wrong?

Let's take calls. Jamie. Phone lines.

What if it just turns out there's been phone lines the entire time?

Just.

People have been waiting to get on.

Three says, you got some new ideas for the show.

It's all. But it's all way behind. It's all a guy who's like, I want to say something to Brian Redband. This is your years late, sir.

Yes, I've been on hold for 17 years.

This is going well, guys.

What do you guys think?

He's going pretty well.

Does he like us? And when I say us, I mean you two.

I think this Joe fella has a future in broadcasting.

Oh, yeah. He's.

Stick with it.

Doing all right. I'll give him some notes. But, man, I tell you what, though. His. His, like, on air stuff. His accoutrement to the table is very different than ours.

It's cooler than ours. We have a racist bear.

We have a race.

I like to think we're getting there.

Yeah, we are.

But no one's ever made his art out of drums or stuff like that.

This is all really cool stuff. This is an actual dinosaur head.

It's a real skull.

Yeah. He was like, dude, this is actually in a real UFO. We actually went to Mars and found a miniature UFO.

Oh, isn't this like a Tyrannosaurus windpipe or something? I don't even think I'm wrong about that. I think it's something like that.

Jamie, is that what we're looking at?

Walrus dick up there somewhere?

It does. It's kind of look like a walrus dick now that you mention it.

That was pulled out of the permafrost in Alaska.

This was.

Yeah. See how it's like shaved or saw in there? That, that was the. No one knows why it's all flat like that.

That's the shock, dude.

If I steal the thing from the.

Permafrost, everybody take a little thing. Dave, take a commemorative coin. I'm gonna take dice's cigarette.

No, I don't need to steal anything. I'll be back.

We should leave something. Yeah. Dave, Dave, we really dumb you down for the show, huh?

Oh, we're having fun boys.

No, I don't think so.

Jamie was telling us about. About this. The unfrozen walrus dick or something.

Yeah, yeah, it's um, a bone. That's not. Oh no it's not. We actually have a walrus. What is it? What kind of bone is it? What kind of bone? Is it? The wall stick. Bone? Where is that? Is that in the other studio? If it's not up there, it's. We got a wall or stick.

Is it not very big? It's very fucking huge.

Giant.

Wait, Walter, sticks actually have bones?

Yeah, they. What is it called?

The proboscis.

What is it called, dude? Isn't it proboscis? A nose.

You slow down this podcast like that.

It's called a baculum. It's bone. That's it. That's what they look like.

That's a giant and that's an actual walrus's cock.

Yeah, that's why they're always hailing Hitler. Big fancy.

Yeah, they. It's actually a bone because nature doesn't have time for your hard ons. You get a bone with us, it's like too complicated. Raise kids like, you gotta be really into this. I want you to be like in the mood.

Yeah.

Fully committed.

What, do dogs have bones or bones? No.

Yeah, they do. Yeah. Dogs.

They find out. Isn't it a recent? Are you.

I think cats have bones. I don't know if dogs have bones.

Isn't there Loch Ness monster actually, like a whale flipping upside down and his cock coming out of the water?

I've heard that the Loch Ness monster photo, the famous one, is fake as fuck.

But they said it's actually. If you see a whale flipping over on its back and it's dickens out. It's what it looks like. They said probably much could have been that.

Nah, it's horseshit. Or it's a sturgeon. Probably a sturgeon. Canine baculum. Yeah. Yes. They have dog dicks. They have dogs, yeah. It's called the bat. So they have the same thing. Baculum.

It doesn't taste like it has a bone in it.

I think it's only us. I think the. We're the chimps and the primates are the only ones that God doesn't trust. Like, you can't have a bone.

That is just buoyant.

You just use it all day long. You never build houses.

It's a good God made the right call on that.

100%.

You don't want to give us a bone.

It's too easy for us to fuck, so the bone dies off. That's probably what happened. Because it's too easy. Because if we just bred, like, we're already overpopulated. Not really, but I mean, if you wanted to look at us, compared to any other animal, the balance is way off. There's way more us than there are them. We're everywhere. Every fucking part of the country, every part of the world. Some primates do have one. Which ones? Oh, we got robbed.

The cool ones.

It says gorilla and chimpanzees.

The baculum of the dog's penis.

Did you watch that thing yet? The lady who? The chimp crazy on HBO.

I love. Did you say gorillas have them? Gorillas up the phone. So that's exactly what happened.

You do not want to get fucked by a gorilla.

We developed agriculture in cities and the bone went away because then we would just fuck all day. We would never figure out cities.

Well, it said chimps have them, which are supposed to. To be our closest.

Throwing shit at each other.

It's like whatever the common ancestor of us and chimps is, that was the split was. They were like, look, we're going to go in this direction where we build civilization. And the chimps were like, we're going to keep our dick bones, so good luck.

That's exactly what happened. They had a conversation about it.

They're like, I get it. I understand why you want to do it.

The female has one. She has a bone in her clitoris. Damn. How hard she comes.

Wait, there's a clit bone?

Yeah, buddy. Well, it probably has to be because all animals that are mammals, they start off as female anyway, right? Like the same process, I think, for primates in that, right?

That's why boys penises aren't done yet. We haven't grown into them.

There is definitely a market for grinding down dick bones and fucking putting them in your drinks or something.

Like drinks in China. It's probably right up there with tiger bones.

I guarantee it. I guarantee it that they grind dick bones down in certain cultures.

Yeah, well, certain cultures, like they. They will want to drink rhino tea because it's naughty. You know, they know rhinos are an endangered species, but they cut their fucking horns off just to make tea. And it's supposed to make your dick hard for real.

It's like a fucking.

Just because it's like so crazy.

I'm a naughty boy. I'm gonna serve you some. You know, imagine you go over a guy's house, like, what a fucking house. Look, this guy, you want some fucking rhino horn tea?

Wow, you've got the real shito bird.

That guy's got a raccoon. They sell them on. They sell them. Oh, I need one. Yeah, I need a raccoon bone dick.

If you want a raccoon one, you want a fucking, like a big old. Yeah.

A bear dick with it when they're nothing. Open shirt.

That's what happened. We went, we were like, I don't need the dick bone. I want to figure out space travel. You can't figure out space travel if you have that dick bone away a little bit. Once they develop the bulletproof skin, the next thing is going to be a reemergence of the dick bone.

Starts coming back.

No, is going to fight against it. Viagra. They're going to be like, fuck you. Earn it.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, you'd put a larger stop bulletproof skin because of the. Because this thing goes all the way up the ladder, you to follow the money.

It's going to be a bulletproof dick bone for sure. If you're going to put a dick bone in there, why make it a regular bone?

I like one that can't break if.

A girl gets crazy.

The CEO of Viagra, like, as this podcast is out, is in a room somewhere going. They're talking about it on the Joe Rogan experience. All right. This threatens our entire business model.

Once AI goes live, that's going to be one of the first things we fix. Bring back the dick bone. We've already devolved enough. We realize there's, like, a limit. You get to the end of the road, and civilization has to collapse and start over again. But in the meantime, we're gonna need that dick bone back.

That might be the thing that drives the collapse.

Yeah.

Once you get the dick bone, there's no more need for civilization.

No, I think civilization collapses, and then the reemergence of the dick bone becomes a necessity because you have to fuck very quickly because you get eaten by animals.

Okay, all right. I get it.

Yeah. And so there's madness. Cannibal gangs in the streets. Fucking block takeovers times a million.

Juggalos. Here we go.

We're all back.

We're right back here.

And you're gonna need a dick bone because you have 13 seconds to impregnate your wife and then hope that neither one of you gets eaten on the way to the lake.

You're like, that was my. That was my third wife, by the way, so I'll have a fourth one soon, bro.

Is this the skull of a wendingo, an evil, mythical forest creature?

Mule deer. It's a mule deer. It's just a regular deer.

Did you kill that one?

Yeah, as the first animal told us.

You killed the crocodile that's out there.

It's alligator, so.

Yeah, sorry, that's like. That's misgendering.

I just watched Joe actually get mad at me.

No, no, I didn't. But the crocodiles are like. That's a bigger accomplishment. That's a scarier animal. Way scary.

That is a huge alligator.

Big ass.

That is a massive beast.

Wait, the crocodile is scarier than the alligator?

Yeah, way scarier.

What is it that makes them way.

Bigger, way more aggressive?

Che, some of us are here to learn.

Look stupid now because of that fucking terrifying, man.

If we, you know, they found a bunch of them in the everglades in Florida. You know, the same assholes that let loose their fucking python. A bunch of them have let loose some giant Nile crocodile.

Oh, is the guy that was. He's riding, like, the fan boat through it. And then I all of a sudden, like, the ground is more. Oh, that's a different one.

I think that's in Costa Rica. I think that video. I don't think that video is in America. It might actually be a different kind of crocodile. It might be in the Amazon. I don't believe that's America. But the ones in America, the ones they're spotting, they have like, a kill on site order for them in the everglades. Because if you have a fucking, a population of breeding Nile crocodiles, it's overdeveloped. Fuck your golf.

Like, they're killing sites. A funny thing, if you're unarmed, you just see what out there. They go, well, the government said, I got to kill this thing on site. Like, let's go, motherfucker.

How do you, how do you kill an alligator?

You have to shoot it. How many to the, to date have they killed in the everglades? Because they've, they've spotted, it's more than four, I think. So the problem is they don't look through much of the everglades. It's too crazy. It's so thick. The whole middle of Florida is like, Florida's the dick of the country. And that dick is infested with monster soup. It's just pythons. Pythons and fucking crocodiles and alligators everywhere. And there's no mammals left. Like 90% of the mammals in the everglades are gone. The crocodiles just fucking the pythons. Pythons have killed everything. Pythons have killed everything.

That's just like, very recent, right?

Pythons are killing alligators. They eat alligators.

Jesus.

American crocs, it says when I look it up. No, no. Nile crocodiles and everglades for sure. They, I was watching a news thing. Now, crocs and l, yeah, there it is. Wow, that's something on Reddit. Yeah. Ten years ago. Ten years ago, someone caught on. There's been more than one, though. I think there's been four different ones that they've caught.

I don't know how my algorithm got this, but it was like, if you ever get attacked by, it must have been a crocodile. Maybe it was an alligator. But they told you what to do.

You punch in the nose and put it through its always.

By the way, step one is always stay calm.

Yeah.

No, first thing you want to do.

You got to roll with it because it's going to try to roll you right? And then if you have an opportunity, play dead, because then it'll think you're dead. Or it said, punch it in its nose, which is the funniest.

I was.

All of, it's hilarious. You ain't doing shit.

Try tickling it different places.

You ain't doing shit, my friend. Jim Shock.

You don't know that, Joe. I might be able to tickle a fucking alligator, my friend.

Jim Shock, he got sent to Africa to hunt them because they were killing these people in this village. Everybody in the village was, like, missing a hand. They all had, like, bites taken out of them. These crocodiles were, like, targeting these people like they were food. And so they brought in this professional hunter. This guy was a friend of mine, Jim Shocky, and he went to Africa and shot these, these crocodiles. While he was there. One of the ladies got taken. One of the ladies was washing clothes in the river and they just fucking snatched out and cried.

Maybe don't wash clothes in the river.

But this is how crazy it is. They develop, like, a system where they stick logs in the ground in, like, this circular area. Cause they think the crocodiles can't come through it. But I think the crocodiles are figuring out how to go on the ground when everyone's sleeping and slip right into that and wait.

Don't lions do that shit in Africa too? Like, they really hunt humans, right? They'll really, like, plan it out and shit.

You ever see that valve?

People whistles.

Are you guys hearing that? I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go check this out real quick.

I wanna suck your dick.

Why doesn't the alien, the predator, like, the guy who comes down, fucks people up? Why isn't hunt us that way with car?

Really?

Wouldn't that be more exciting for him? Yeah, instead of just running people down, fucking taking their heads.

Off by getting.

Them horny first, trick them into going on a wellness retreat. Set it up like a deer blind. Like a wellness to treat.

Yeah, dude, if you're fucking. If you're a duck, do you think you're about to get laid and you fucking. Just get blasted in the head?

Right? Well, they think it's a safe place to land. It's even more. More despicable. They take rubber ducks and they put them everywhere, like, oh, party, duck, party. Everybody's happy. And then you come in and just imagine being a duck, just getting blasted out of the sky. Like, how.

Yeah, that sucks.

I thought I had to worry about dogs and things like that. I didn't think I'd worry about getting blasted out of the fucking sky.

Doug is delicious, though.

It is delicious meat. Yeah.

And it's probably fun to blast him out of the sky. I haven't done that particular activity, but I bet it's a good time. Just fucking pop the hatch, boom, boom, boom. And then you cook them up that night.

Nice.

Yeah, it's gotta be a lot of.

Fun, but you gotta be careful you don't eat buckshot. That's a real issue. Cause you don't always get all the little bb's. Cause a shotgun, when you shoot it up there, it's a scatter. That's how you can shoot birds.

Not for the migrants, dude. They just grab and break their neck and cook them up.

That's the better way to. Really?

Yeah, no buckshot needed.

No buckshot needed.

Get those bitch ass domesticated ducks that are subject to grabbing those park ducks. They don't know any better yet.

Just. Oh, yeah, I don't. I assume you can't just eat like, lake duck.

You could, can you?

Yeah, I mean, I'm sure you could eat. I'm saying is that, like. Is there any kind of good. Doesn't.

Is that the same duck that you just see in like a. Like Central park?

There's different kinds of ducks. Some ducks are called diver ducks. And those are the least appetizing because diver ducks go all the way down to the bottom of the. Of the. Where the ground is the bottom of the lake. And they eat all the algae and all the bullshit. And like, anything that's down there, they eat anything. They eat dead fish and all kinds of rotten things. And the idea is that they're not very tasty. But the other ducks, there's like mallards and different ducks that like people hunt. They don't dive. You know, they eat things that are like, on the surface. They don't go down and eat the muck. But I've had diver duck that was really well prepared by a chef. This guy owns daidue in town. It's an amazing restaurant. And he cooked it fantastic. It was awesome.

And this is the ones who eat all the bad shit, but it still tastes good.

You can. Yeah, you could still do it, right? It's just an involved process, you know, like he had to. He brined them and did a bunch of different things, marinated them. But the ultimately you can eat them. But I think like a regular duck, the kind that are like sitting on the pond, you could snapdeze one of those up. I bet it would be just like a regular duck that you shoot out of the sky. It's just a duck.

Well, fellas, we know what we're doing after this.

Well, I mean, if you came from a country where there's no food and all of a sudden they flew you into Ohio. I'm like, why are we all here? Like.

And no one tells you not to eat the ducks. There's just ducks there.

None of that. Maybe you don't even speak English. So there's all these signs saying, don't kill the ducks. And you say, oh, look, look, ducks.

Kill ducks.

Kill ducks.

Wouldn't you automatically grab a duck if, like, you came from a place where there was no food?

Oh, yeah. No, I'm not blaming the Haitians.

Pekin duck is the most popular duck to eat. Pekin duck meat is known for its mild, satisfying flavor. Easily adapts to a number of cuisines, has a lighter flesh and milder flavor.

So this is not Peking.

This is a duck. It says Pekin Peking is a type. But this is like domestic ducks. That's what they're showing here. So, like, if you buy duck in a restaurant, you're not really buying wild duck, you're buying a domestic, domesticated duck. But there's wild ducks that taste really good. And there's wild ducks that are a little funky. And those, those are the ones that they call diver ducks.

Yeah, there's, like, fish. I went fishing in Puerto Rico. We went deep sea fishing. And there's like, certain fish that, like, they eat, or I guess the bigger the fish were, like the, um, they eat like, all the algae and stuff off the reef. And I guess if the fish was really big, you had to, like, throw it back because you can get, like, really sick.

I think it's the toxins from the fish they eat. They eat stuff off the reef.

Oh, right. You're right about that, actually. Yes.

Yeah. They, we caught some barracuda and they're like, in this area, you can keep them, but if you catch them over there, you can't keep them. You can't eat them. It's weird. It's like, it's in, especially with, like, big game species because those there's ones they just won't eat. It's too risky.

It's pretty wacky. We could went fishing on a birch tour this summer and they caught a fish. And, like, it looked like he was going to, like, I thought he was going to like, gut the fish right there on the boat. But what he was doing was, uh, when you pull them up very fast, like, uh, yeah, they get like the bends, so it looks so violent, but they're actually saving the fish. They're gonna throw them back and they like, just like, stab them almost like underneath the thing and like, it just like, lets the air out and they're able to live.

Fish get the bends?

Yeah, yeah.

The pressure that their body has to be under when they're like 500ft underwater is insane. And so when they go to the top. Their organs, like, come out through their mouth.

It's crazy. So, yeah, they fill up. All filled up. So he's like, you, like, lit the air out of a balloon, and then the fish start moving again. You throw them back on the water.

I cooked a lobster once, and you're supposed to put the knife into the back of its head. You're not supposed to just boil it. But I couldn't do it. I was like, there's no way that's.

What it looks like. The guy's eyeballs pop out and his tongue pops out. I've seen that happen.

Looks kind of like ari.

It's very. A lot like Ari.

It looks like a wacky. Like a. Like a card you'd get at Spencer's.

Fish called a jew fish. There is, right.

That's good. Filter fish.

But that's, uh. I mean, imagine what that does to your body going from 500ft down in the fucking ocean to pull it up to the top.

Yeah.

Just pops out.

Yeah.

That doesn't sound fun.

Why isn't that not the case? Probably. That's probably exactly what would happen if you went to the moon, took your helmet off.

Well, we've never really gone, so that's.

What total recall said happened to on Mars.

Jew fish. There you go.

Do you think the other fish you.

Pull up, the Hitler fish? Please.

It's a goliath.

That's what it's like. One person is gonna lie.

Only one fish can get to the bottom of this problem.

Do they have a disproportionate control of the fish media? I'm just wondering, is that the fish banks?

A Jew fish is a goliath grouper. Popped it in the Google says atlantic goliath grouper. Whoa, let me see that, motherfucker.

Well, hello.

I'm here for your rent money. Look at that picture with the rent money.

That picture with a diver. That's fucking insane. That's like a largemouth bass that could eat a person.

If I saw that, I would think that I was about to be murdered.

I would not be comfortable with that thing being right next to me.

I would think that I shrunk. Am I inside of a small fish tank?

Bro, if you were a little kid, if, like, you were a four year old kid and you went diving, free diving near that, there's a real likelihood that thing swallows you 800 pounds.

800 pounds.

Oh, yeah. Jew fish eating your baby. Let's spread that rumor.

You ever seen largemouth bass take out a duckling?

No, but I want to now.

They take them out. They take out birds. There's a guy that was developing a lure for. There's a giant pike called a muskie. They're notoriously hard to catch. And they're enormous, like real ancient fish. Looks like a monster. And they're hard to catch. They call them like the. The fish of 10,000 casts. And so this guy developed a lure for them. That's a duck. It's a little ducky. Move it across the water. It's very effective.

Go for it.

Muskies like the fuck up ducks. Jeez, they're huge, dude. They're like this big. Ever seen one?

No, I don't think so.

Pull up a photo. Got one on a. Right here. Oh, there it is. That's a largemouth bass. But, um. Google Muskie giant. Just Google giant muskie. That's them. Wow, look at that thing. Things are crazy. And they're super predators. They take out ducks and all kinds of things. And if you. You want to catch them, you have to have a big ass lure. Look at that. Look at the size of their fucking mouth. It's just covered in teeth like a barracuda.

Is there a video of one of these things, like, eating a duck?

Oh, yeah, for sure.

If you have the catch, you have to dress, dress like antifa.

Yeah.

With a bike lock.

You gotta catch those motherfuckers in some cold ass water. Just like northern pike.

Jew fish will not replace us.

Look at this. Giant muskie eats a duck. Here goes. Come on, baby. Oh, you fake this out. Cocksucker.

Oh, I thought that was.

It wasn't bad.

Okay, musky eats duck. Gotta sit through an ad. Okay, is this a duck lure? Yeah, unless he's got a duck with a hook through it. That monster and that fucked, like, you hate mice. You kill mice at the mouse trap. But if you went fishing with a mice and a hook, people are. You piece of shit.

What is wrong with, like, live bait, right? You put it right through their eyes, right?

But if you did that to a mouse, everybody would get very upset with you. Piece of shit in the crazy. Like, you kill them with a spring whack and everybody's like, oh, yeah, mousetrap. Good job.

And it's not like, a humane way to kill them.

You can torture. I got lost on a YouTube journey once with a guy who made homemade mouse traps. And he would, like, create little systems to. To drown mice and rats in buckets. Yeah, it was great.

Oh, yeah. They like, get, like, sent to like, a bucket. Yes.

Was that it?

Crazy that was a little crazy. It's New York, right?

Yeah.

His system of mice and rats, and it just catches ThEM and puts them in the buckets to drowns. And then the guys at the end of the month, he just has like a pockets of mice and it's so crazy.

You guys see that Netflix documentary, Rats?

No.

It's all about rats in New York City. Rats all over the country. Oh, it's fucking horrible. There's. I think the biomass of rats in New York City is equal or greater to the biomass of human beings.

Oh, yeah, there are so many rats.

That is. Think about how many people are walking on the street and think about the idea that the number of rats is greater.

People and rats.

Eat rat shit. Do you know?

Horrible.

The entire underneath New York City.

This is a bullshit estimate. This is an estimate that there are approximately 3 million rats in New York City, which is close to a third of the city's human population.

Way more.

It's a 50% increase from a decade ago. This is the AIo review.

Although we do have a rat czar now, so maybe she's doing her Shit.

I think the documentary was saying that there. Here it is right here. There are 8.2 million humans. Average mass of 70 kg. About 2 million rats. That is not true. There's not two. Who knows how many. One said there's 2,000,001 said there's going to be.

What's gonna be not safe for work. A girl saying it with her pussy, it got deleted.

Oh, there's no good measurement of how many rats there are.

Yeah, there's not like a guy going down there, like, everybody holds still. 1415.

How would you possibly know?

You cannot. They're justifying their job, just like the people in the homeless commission. There's no fucking way you can tell me how many rats there are in New York City.

No, there's no fucking.

I parked my car once. It was back in the day when you had to use cell phones or payphones, rather, and I was pumping gas, it was in the Bronx. And I went over to this payphone, and I'm on the payphone, I'm watching rats jump onto the wheel of my car, jump into the engine bay, jump all around it. They were coming out of the sewer and jumping on the car. It was two minutes on the phone going, what the fuck?

I didn't realize until I lived in the city what a problem that is. Rats will go inside you if you leave your car, like sitting for days at a time. Rats will get inside and like, chew like wires and fucking, like, fuck your. It's crazy.

So it says. For over 100 years, nearly everyone has believed New York is about 8 million rats, a ratio of one human to one rat. The theory began in the 19 hundreds when author and rat expert WR bolter hypothesized that in England there was a ratio of one human to one rat. However, Auerbach points out that the hypothesis was erroneously applied to New York City and is widely quoted. To this day, many expert has debunked. You know what? I lost a lot of faith in experts over the last few years. You know, it's actually 36 humans to one rat. I don't know about that. I don't think you know that. I don't think you know.

I mean, under. Under the grounds, like, how do you possibly know the entire subway systems are.

Full of fucking rats after that, Jamie, someone said it's one to one. What did it say? It said, in 1950, the New York City health department went back to one to one. Okay, that's probably more accurate, and it's probably even worse now. There's no fucking way. You know, the whole. The tunnels, it's all filled.

I'll do it.

Rats are everywhere in the city. And we all, you know, lived in the city for years and years, but Jay still does. But there'll be. Every now and then they'll just be like a block where there's, like, construction or something like that. Like, there's something open in the ground, and so you just have to walk through, and you just have to, like, stomp your way through it because there's just rats everywhere. It's the fucking worst, dude. It's like. It feels like your skin is like.

I've never seen it with rats for. But I will say I found out what it was, was after. But talk about a first time New York thing happening was, uh, I was just outside smoking a cigarette on my stoop when I was in East Village, and all of a sudden, I was like, hmm, that's weird. Three roaches walking by in the daylight for, like. That's kind of weird. You don't see that a lot. Just like, you know, it's like three different times, three different roaches. I'm like, that's pretty strange. And then several more. And then I'm telling you, and I'm telling you, you meet within five minutes falling off the buildings. Our superintendent came out, and he was like, what's going on? And then we saw Mc landing on his shoulder. He was freaking out. And then we went inside, came out a couple hours later, and there was thousands of them dead on the street. And I go, what happened? He goes, oh, that's what they do in New York. Whenever they, like, bomb a building for, like, roaches, it just shoots them to other buildings. They just come out. So that's what it was, just.

He goes, one building. There's. They're probably trying to sell a building, so they bombed it for roaches. And it just sends tens of thousands of them out onto the streets. I mean, I'm talking, when I was saying, like, it wasn't. You couldn't take a step and not be stepping on, like, the carcasses of lake 50. Oh, but they just did, like, the water bottles.

New York.

That's the ones Jay's talking about. The most disgusting creature in the world. Those water bugs in New York City. That's what you see.

Oh, it was crawl, and then all sudden, it just takes flight and comes at you.

You're like, it's like one month, a year that they actually fly. But when they do, man, they just become the grossest thing.

If you want to live in a big city, that's just part of the program.

Yeah, it's.

Can't get rid of them. Can't get rid of the rats either. It's not like anyone's incompetent. It's too deep. You would have to move out.

It's our job to go let the rats have it.

Yeah, you'd have to move out and then nuke it from space.

Well, there's all types of, like, I live out in the country now, and there's all types of animals that I don't love that are around, but nothing's gross. Like, right? Like, it's like, there's, like, a bobcat that we've caught on our camera a few times. I'm like, I don't really want that thing around.

But it's kind of cool, though.

Yeah, it's cool. It's not, like, disgusting.

There's some gross animals. I live a little closer to the city in Jersey. I get some gross animals. So we had those.

What are the one of them?

Puerto Ricans? You know, what are the things that was, like, a big problem in New York last summer?

Lives matter, right?

The bugs?

Yeah.

Oh, they're still there back this year.

Lantern flies. There.

Are those invasive? So it came over in a.

So in 2020, in the summer of 2020, they're being funded by the UN.

They were brought over. They were doing work on the high line.

But I know they said in the summer of 2020, we started seeing these little bugs we had never seen before. And they said they're almost kill it. You're almost like it if you see it. And immediately we're like, I don't work for you government. I'm not going around killing your bugs. And then by the next summer, there was, like, ten times as many. And the next summer, there were, like, ten times red.

They look like moths with, like, a red underbelly or something.

Yeah, they're like, a little red. They're almost kind of pretty looking until there's a bunch of them, and they kind of fly.

First when I saw them, I thought they were like beautiful little butterflies. And I was like, oh, they're nice. And then I heard that they were a problem, and then they skeeved me out like ropes.

They fuck up plants. But they came over the high line in New York, was doing something. They brought in plants from China, and they came in years.

That why.

Yeah, so they came in through the docks and these plants from China, and now it's just they are there, and it's. It's crazy. It's about a month, month and a half. They are a. Like, the roof of my building.

Probably pull that up, Jamie. Like, New York City.

You can't go on the roof of my building. Like, there's same thing. Like tens of thousands. I'm all over there. There was a lady up there once. I walked up there covered in them like fucking candy, man.

It was crazy. Out of her mouth.

She was accepting.

But they're evolving, too, in the fact that the first year that I was aware of them, the first year I was aware of them, you could step on them, and they didn't really do much. Oh, now they fly and they run.

Around all over the place.

If you have no screen on your window, if you open a window and you're. They will. There will be hundred of them in a room.

Oh, my God. It's so disgusting.

It was only like this for, like, two weeks last summer, but there were two weeks where my I yard was unusable. Yeah, like, you just could not go.

It's about one of the ones that come up every, like, however many years, they come up out of the ground and locust.

Cicadas.

Cicadas, that's it in Jersey as well.

Like, cicadas are cool, though. They make cool sounds.

They make really find. They're like carcasses. Like the hollowed out carcasses of their bodies all over.

They're not trying to run through your bathroom?

No, no. And these things are. They're killing all, like, plants and stuff, too. Yeah, it's really bad. But they're like. If you read one article, it's like, here's New York's five year plan to get rid of the lanternflies. And the next article is like, no, they're just here, like, this is gonna be a month.

Where?

China.

Wow.

China got us twice.

And they land on you. They're not.

They're not. That's it.

Two strikes. China. Don't you try this shit again.

Do they land right on your face and your head and your body?

Great. Did they come over in some sort of a cargo ship or some. Something?

Yeah, I think it was like.

It was implants that they were bringing.

I'm pretty sure Fauci made them.

They're pretty cool looking. Maybe they can vaccinate us that way. Genetically engineer mosquitoes to run around, vaccinate people.

They would do this thing. In my old place, we used to, like, we'd have, like, on the. There's like, a sliding glass door, and we'd have just, like, the screen open. And it was like, in the weeks where it was bad, every ten minutes you'd look over there and there's, like, four of them on there. And then you hit the screen and they kind of fly off. But then they just fly right back. And if you, like, left the room and came back, you'd come back and there's 50 of them, like, on your screen. It's just gross. Yeah, it's not fun.

I'm a real chick. When it comes to bugs and creepy things.

You're normal.

Yeah.

People, like, bugs are weird.

They are weird.

People keep bugs in their house. Like, look, that tarantula. I'm gonna feed it a mouse. Psychopath.

Oh, yeah. Anything's wrong with anything icky? Not my thing. So I went home with a girl years ago from a diner.

Turns out she was a tarantula.

She was tarantula. No, it was. It was weird. Pets and the final straw where I left, we didn't hook up, because when she was like, oh, you gotta let my. My albino rat crawl on you, and I was like, I'm just gonna go, like, this is not worth it.

I had a buddy who hooked up with this girl, and she had a crocodile monitor. Crocodile monitor in her house. It's a pet. You can keep it as a pet.

Wait, what is it?

It's a crocodile monitor. It's the creepiest looking lizard that you could buy from pet store. You could buy them. You could have that. This girl apparently had that. He was like, yo, red flag.

Yeah. Virginity about an iguana that I hated.

This lady thought she was on games of Thrones. She had her own dragon. She was.

You said you watched that chimp crazy thing. Yeah, it's lonely. Old women will can throw heartfelt emotion into anything in the world.

Yeah, women are caregivers.

What is the get chimps?

They wanted to keep these chimps and raise them. This lady, this fucking chimp attacked her friend, tore her face off.

I was at the 911 call.

Yeah, the documentary is not about that lady, but they talk about that.

Oh, my God. That one is horrifying.

Point is, that lady got a chimp after that, another one missed having her chimp even cool. It got murdered.

I went to that. The doc annals place down in Myrtle beach with my son. You know, it's like the one of the.

It was in the tiger, Tiger King.

Tiger King documentary. Yeah, but they didn't just have tigers. They'd like the baby tigers, which was all. But they had, like, chimps that came out and they had, like. It was. It was a really, really cool experience.

Hutus and what educational.

Yeah, no, it was definitely. They were torturing these animals, but it was definitely worth the $500 I spent.

Nice.

They castrate those chimps, too. Most of them. The one, that one in Connecticut, though, they didn't.

The mind blowing thing.

Was that part of why he like.

Oh, yeah, they're way more aggressive than. Not Caster. I had the guys on, the guys who made the documentary, the show, he.

That chimp crazy thing. It's. I was blown away, actually, by how much stuff. I mean, like, she made them weirdly self sufficient on something. When she throw McDonald mcNuggets. It wasn't. You open the McNuggets, then they throw them. She goes, oh, and here's your sauce. Like a sweet. Like a sweet and sour sauce. And the monkey knows how to go, like. Like, rip the lid off and, like.

Think, yeah, no, they weren't dipping it, though. I kept asking them, did they dip? Like, why didn't you show that they dipped? Like they just drank that stuff?

Because there's a weird line there. It's like, if they dip, you're almost like, maybe they deserve rights. If you go, I'm not gonna have a dry nugget. I know.

Sodas drink them.

Yep.

They don't just, like, bite the top off of a. Yeah, things too.

She could say, grab that paper, and he'll grab the paper. And give it back to her. Give her the garbage when she give him McNuggets and shit, but she has to keep him in a cage because he's a male. He's a grown male and they'll just go crazy and just rip your face off and there's nothing you do about it.

They were given. They were giving them Kool Aid at Doc annals place. They were like. They were chugging the Kool aid. These channels. They were fucking. They loved it. They were really scared. They came down. They like, they like. And they were like, you weren't at all.

But I just thought you were about to make a really racist joke. They love Kool Aid. You're like, easy. Come on, man.

No, but like, they came down and they were just so, like, kind of like walking around us. They were full. So they were like 6ft tall. It was fucking, dude, that's terrifying. Yeah, they were.

They could full grown chimps.

They were full grown chimps and they. They just felt at any moment that they could just lose their shit and.

Just take over if they just wanted to. At any moment, they could just attack you then. That's what. You ever see that one where the guy was like with his bear? He had a trained bear. He had this guy stand still and the guys just stand still and the bear just decides to rip his neck off. Just out of nowhere.

I'm thinking of the one. Was that the one joke about it?

Right? Joe was back in the day.

Yeah, but that's a different one. That's a different one.

That's.

This is different. This is a guy who's just standing there and it's a bear that was in a bunch of movies was a bear that was like a trained bear. And this bear, out of nowhere, just decides to rip this guy's throat apart.

What kind of bear?

A grizzly.

Okay. Those are the cuz. What do I got in Jersey? By me, it's the black bears.

They're not still kill people?

Oh, yeah.

They killed a couple at Rutgers.

It is so funny when someone has to scream, though. Like the name they give, like chimpanzees and stuff. Like Mister Mittens.

He'S biting her fingers off.

Well, it's a funny, it's a funny thing because especially, like, little kids, like, they all of their, like, stories and shows and it's all like nature personified and things like that. Like, I remember, like, my daughter when she was like three, asking me why bugs are running away from her. She's like, why is the spider running away? Or whatever it is, well, he thinks you're going to kill it because you might actually kill it. But then you almost. Bears, especially the young ones, look so fucking cute. You just look at them and you're.

Like, you see a bear cub, you're dead already.

Tiger cubs look cute. It's nature's dirty trick.

Awful thing of it. That's the problem with, like they said about, like, having chimpanzees as pets is like, for a while it's totally fine, and then one day it's just not. And that one that ripped the lady's face off, did you see, like, that video they show a video of, like, they should have known this was kind of going to happen because a kid one time picked up a shoe off the floor that, like, the monkey wanted. And then he goes over and he's going after me. It looks a little aggressive, but it's still like, he's not that big. So athlete, look that scary. But then when he just makes a move, like, to grab at the shirt and whatever, and you see the kid, like, almost falls over. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And they have to like, all kind of jump in front of the monkey, like, yeah, over something. He's unaware that guys, you know, he did wrong. He just grabbed the shoe off the floor and the monkey wanted that shoe and didn't know how to tell him.

And he just decided to beat the fuck out of that kid. And it doesn't.

Right. That's what they do.

They tell. Fingers off.

Yeah, they tear your generals off so you can't procreate anymore.

Bite your feet off. Yeah, really crazy. Don't shit.

Don't keep them as, you know what.

They don't do, they don't kill people. And that crazy, they just maim you, just rip you apart. That's what's really nuts.

They don't, they won't kill people.

They don't kill people. There's very few instances of chimpanzees killing people. They kill. These guys were saying they kill people. Like, as far as, like, little kids get snatched up in Africa. You know, like, if you're a child, like a baby, and you're near aggressive, hungry chimpanzees and you leave the kid alone, they could, they'll steal your kid. There's been instances them stealing kids. Yeah, well, they eat monkeys all the time.

That, that I've seen videos of, which is insane. I think I saw you playing it.

On the show, chimps eating monkeys.

But chimp seeding monkeys is like, dark. Well, they do it.

They didn't know they did it until Attenborough went into the woods and he started filming. And then he got this footage of these chimps setting up an ambush on these monkeys, and they rip them apart while they're alive.

Yeah, they torture him to death.

Got him alive. And he's just eating them. Fucking dick first, just pulling chunks of meat off of him, and they're ripping arms off and handing it to their friends. And you see the.

It's just because we're so related to them. It's so much more gruesome. But, like, I did I watch, like, nature is metal. It's a great follow on Instagram. And I just did I watch a fucking. A lion, like, eat a baby out of an antelope's stomach and, like, just swallow it like a pill. You're like, oh, that's awesome.

Horrible. Komodo dragons are the scariest. They just swallow everything whole. Take a whole goat.

Just.

All four legs are hanging out of the mouth.

So, yeah, no animals have. There's not a lot of emotion in their faces of those, too, like lizards. So, like, they eat a whole goat and then they're just like, yeah. On the next thing.

No highs, no lows.

Do you just ate a fucking goat?

Like, dude, watching a bird eat a mammal is just one of the weird. It just doesn't look like it should happen. So, like, it's be like a bird or, like, it'd be like a seabird. Like a seagull. And I'll pick up a squirrel and just rats.

They kill rats all the time. They eat them, swallow them whole. There's crazy videos of seagulls swallowing rats whole.

All right, we got to bring the seagulls into Manhattan. We'll figure out the seagull problem next.

Your cat. They're going to eat everything once they run out of rats. What? They won't? Well, that's one of the reasons why the Hollywood hills aren't filled with rats, is because of coyotes.

Right?

The more coyotes there are, the less rats.

We one time in, I think actually it was the last time that we all did your show together. The three of us did it. And it was back when you were in LA and I was staying in some Airbnb out in the hills, and me and my wife heard. We were literally sleeping at night, and we heard, I believe, coyotes attacking a dog. And it was like, the saddest thing to hear because you just. You hear them, like, come up and then it's like 30 seconds of a dog and my wife loves dogs. She was, like, crying and she's like, we have to do something. And I was like, we will be doing nothing but letting this happen.

You can't do. It's already too late.

Yes.

Pitch black outside. I wasn't gonna go out there with a lantern.

Get out of here.

What a pussy.

They usually don't kill people. The last time a coyote killed a person on record was there was a canadian folk singer. She lived in a part of Canada where the coyotes had started eating moose because they were running out of things to eat. And they realized that if they bite on mooses legs, especially like, young mooses, they could take them out and then they could eat them and kill them. So they were going after things. They were accustomed to going after things larger than them. So they started to learn they killed this lady. Wow.

And we know female folk singers. They are big.

I don't know. She was big. I don't think she was. In fact, I think she was pretty small.

It might have been an honest mistake. They thought it was a moose. Like, we're used to this.

And that's how much fuck music sucks.

Or they don't give a fuck about you. That's more likely you live in a place where there's actual bears. Like New Jersey. So bad that the mayor ran on a platform of having bears, the bear hunting be removed. And then once he was in office, he was like, fuck that. Start hunting him again.

Yeah.

Because there's so many humanity bear interact. New Jersey has more bears per capita than anywhere in the lower 48.

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah, New Jersey.

New Jersey got a lot of bears. Yeah, we had a lot of crazy water mountains.

Why? Because the thing is, you forget about the, like, was it Ramapo mountains? Like, it's. It's gets rural.

As rural as shit, man.

Jersey, New York called the Garden State, but everyone, when they think of Jersey, to think of newer Cam or Jersey.

Shore being so big that we say Jersey now you're imagining that dyed hair and the fucking fist bump. Guys.

Most of New Jersey beautiful is not anything like that. It's just mountains and woods. You know, a lot of mountain.

Yeah, there's like, rednecks in New Jersey.

Oh, yeah.

Out of the furnace, like, explores that whole thing was Christian Bale, Casey Affleck, Willem Dafoe.

Oh, really?

And Woody Harrelson played the character of, like, those, like, mountain people. Like just, you know, meth trade cousin fucking. It's like. It's really like. They make it like a weird place.

Was that in Pennsylvania or in Jersey.

It's Jersey saw. It's. It's actually on the border of. It says Maramipo Mountains, I think. Yeah.

Jim Miller, UFC fighter, lives in New Jersey. In, like, the woods.

Yep.

He lives in Sparta, New Jersey.

That's crazy.

It's crazy.

It's crazy that you think you would think. Everybody thinks smog stacks and. Yeah, they think it's the smell.

Well, it's like the same way people think of Pennsylvania. They think of Philly and Pittsburgh and shit. But most of Pennsylvania, Pennsylvania is not. They're not producing. Jay Okerson's out there. They're making like it's you, but you just went in the lumberjack direction.

It's me with a dad that stuck around. Really? Tell me how the world worked.

That's where the world gets dark, right? You get born into a spot where there's fucking no way out of here. You know? You get stuck in the coal mines of West Virginia and you're like, shit, like, how do I.

That's why big cities, like, are good. Because if you live in a big city, there's like, people are dreaming and shit. If you're, like, in the middle of.

Nowhere, it's like, well, even if you're in the suburb of a big city, you know, like, if you're. If you're in kind of nowhere, but there's a half hour bus to, like, a city where something's happening, but there's people. I remember talking to Jeff Dice, this really brilliant dude. He was Ron Paul's, like, chief of staff for years, but. So where Ron Paul is, it's like 2 hours south of Houston. Lake Jackson, I think, was the name of his district. And he was telling me, he was like, dude, there's nothing here. Like, there's no, like, if you're a kid coming up here, it's like, I don't know. We got an arby's and we got, like, some. And that's where so many of those kids joined the military, because that's like, the only thing you could do.

Juggalo.

Or you could. Or there's one other option, oft overlooked option.

Become a juggalo or join a cult.

Join a court.

You know, that's the time you get someone in a cult. It's the best option available. You know, like, hey, can you guys travel? Can I be a missionary? I'm gonna go to Brazil. Fuck it.

He doesn't stop. I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette. I'm gonna.

Let's wrap my eyes.

Gonna pop out like three and a.

Half hours in, boys. It was a lot of fun.

Dude, you're the man.

Really? Believe what I said about Skankfest. It's very important. You guys doing is very important. I know it seems like fun. It is fun, I'm sure.

Very fun.

You need things out there that are genuinely open and free and pushing the boundaries of comedy, you know? And Skank Fest is a great place for that, so it's important.

Thank you so much.

And there's a live stream event. Tell us. Tell everybody about that.

You can still get passes for Sunday, I believe there might be a handful of Fridays left, but we're live streaming it as well. If you guys can't be there live in Las Vegas this weekend, September 27 29th. Let's go to skankfest.com dot. There's a bunch of events you could actually watch live as we stream them. And, yeah, we're just pumped. Thank you.

Get your liver detox pills ready, you fucking animals.

Yeah, everyone's going to party like we've never done before.

Liposomal glutathione. Get that. You're going to need that. All right, gentlemen, appreciate you. Always fun.

You're the man.

You're the man's. Bye.