Transcript of Zaslow's New Movie Theater | Hour 1

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So I saw the NHL came out with their schedule for next season. The Florida Panthers did a whole thing on— I think— did the Florida Panthers send a tweet out for every game ever? All 84? It's 84 now.

All—

Dave, did you know there's 84 games in the NHL schedule now?

I did know it, and I didn't care for the news when I heard it first, and I don't care for you bringing it up once again here.

Okay, very good. I didn't think it was that big of a deal.

Yeah, not only did they do that thing on Twitter where they posted 84 tweets for each game, they posted an 8-hour video on YouTube that you could put on your smart TV as like filler.

Make me watch that.

Yeah, you can go to sleep to that.

So, so the NHL came out their schedule yesterday, but Adam Silver yesterday at Fanatics Fest quote, where LeBron plays affects the schedule. I'd like him to make his announcement already so we could finish the schedule. That's a funny little side note where they have to make their Christmas games and their opening night games and, and how many national TV games they're going to give, you know, Team X, whatever it is.

Miami Heat.

Base— well, okay, so the Heat's national TV, like, allotment, I don't think will be affected by if LeBron goes to play for them because They have Giannis. Like, they're going to get—

No, I think you're wrong here.

You don't think they're gonna get a maximum amount of games right now just from having Giannis? No, because there's a maximum. It's not like we can put every game on.

No, I don't think they get the max. They get the max if they have LeBron.

What is the max? Do we have any idea?

I have no idea, but they'll get— I think it's 22.

I was gonna say it's something in the 20s.

I made it up.

You don't think they're getting the maximum allotment of games with Giannis Antetokounmpo joining Miami? I think you're wrong. I think they will have the maximum.

I don't think I'm wrong. I think I'm right.

I think you're wrong.

Milwaukee wasn't on national TV all that much. Miami, when they don't have LeBron—

Well, they stunk the year before. They stunk.

When Miami doesn't have LeBron, they don't get the MAC.

Well, forget about the number of national TV games.

It's 22.

22?

It's 34. Really? Well, like I told you, I made it up.

Are we just shouting numbers?

Yes, and, brother, what do you want from me?

So what it does affect is like, all right, if he goes to Miami, then, you know, we need to make sure Miami versus, you know, Cleveland is national TV, or—

That would be a good game.

You know, We didn't make sure Miami versus LA is on national TV.

Don't forget the Knicks.

So it's just funny how you have a billion-dollar industry, the television rights with the NBA, has to sit around and wait.

It's got to be Knicks-Spurs, right? No matter where LeBron goes.

For—

It's got— for like the main event, the afternoon game. No, for Christmas.

Well, the Knicks always have the noon Christmas game at MSG.

Yeah, is that a tradition? They always have the noon one because they suck.

No, I think it's a tradition.

It's a New York thing.

No, it's not. It's a recent tradition.

Okay. It's a recent tradition.

Well, again, we're going to do the thing we're just saying.

No, it's not.

No, you say one thing, I say another thing.

No, no, no.

How long does this date back?

How long does this date back?

Probably since they did 5 games on Christmas Day.

All right, so that's— all right, so like a 6-year tradition. Cool. They can move them to the afternoon.

All right.

It'll be Spurs-Nicks.

Do you want to place a bet right now that the— you can report it.

They're not putting Spurs-Nicks at noon. They're not doing that.

So it sounds like you and I are going to bet.

Yeah, they're not going to do that.

Now, I don't care who the Knicks are going to play. The bet— the wager is—

wait, what time is the NFL game? Because now the noon window might be the marquee window for the NBA.

No, that's not— let me check. Let me check. The wager is—

you know what, I still feel good about this—

are the Knicks going to host the noon Christmas Day game? And I say they definitely are, and you say they're not, right?

Yeah, I don't think— it's a bullshit tradition.

Okay, 5 straight years. That's it, just 5?

They're 4-1.

It's since 2021. Remember 2020, we didn't have—

what happened?

Standard Christmas game. I don't know if you remember this, but there was a delay in the schedule for a media concoction.

COVID. So last night, I don't know if you guys are aware, I always send a tweet out. I want to make sure everybody knows. All right. And last night, Dave Dameshek, it was movie night for the Zaslo men. Me and my son, we— do you go to the theater still very often?

Me? I go all the time. It's a, it's me and the kids. It's a regular thing. Any movie we want to see, we're there on Friday night. Oh wow.

Because like, I go to the theater, I go to the theater often enough. We see every superhero movie, of course, in the theater. And we'll see, we see horror movies. We love horror movies. All right. I go to the horror movie theater. We take my son. It's not an actual horror movie theater. It's a movie theater that we see the horror movie. That'd be, you know what? I might, if I can get some investors, I might make a horror movie theater.

This is a banner idea.

Yeah, yeah, see, I said that not on purpose, but I think I may have fallen face forward on a billion-dollar idea. If I can get investors, I might open up a horror movie theater. Now, I haven't, I haven't laid out the details, the actual plan yet, Dave, but I think this is the start of something that could be really big.

You're like Billy Blazejowski. You're an idea man. We'll let Tashay and Roy and everybody else figure out crossing the T's and dotting the I's, but I like the spirit of where you're going. Is this theater, do you think, cold? Probably because it's a horror.

Cold, damp.

Yeah, maybe.

I'm up for ideas.

Like there's puddles on the floor when you walk in.

Oh no, that, that'll make mold. You don't want mold. I'm gonna get shut down. I'm gonna get shut down if it's cold.

Would be good if it's cold. Your phone would be good in this Yeah, exactly.

Cobwebs. I'm looking for— I don't like spiders, you know that, so I'm not doing cobwebs. All right.

The walls bleed.

Yes.

How about that?

The walls do bleed. I'm looking for investors. All right. So you could always hit me up @ZaslowShow on Twitter if you want to invest in this new unbelievable idea, which sometimes the ideas just come to me and this one just came to me. Does it smell inside of it or no? No one wants— no one wants the movie to be stank. All right. You want to enjoy that.

That's not really horror. This is a great idea, um, that you've stumbled into here. Now, The Odyssey isn't Chris Nolan's idea, but a lot of people are very upset about him interpreting this, uh, classic piece of myth. How say you, in the year of the Lord 2026, did he pull it off?

So I saw The Odyssey last night. Like I said, we go to superhero movies, we go to the horror movies.

You know, they got, they got the You know, they—

the thing.

Say it. You know, Juno.

I know Juno, the great movie. Juno's in this. I don't know what you're talking about. Juno's in this movie.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

Juno's in The Odyssey. So I saw The Odyssey.

Talk about a Trojan horse. I'm not gonna watch it. See Elliot Page there, feel a little gay.

No thank you.

I'm—

you know what, I'm gonna address that real quick. All right, before I actually talk about the movie, I'm going to address that because I do see— I saw there was some backlash. And by the way, you know, people who are upset about stuff like that, the Rotten Tomatoes score is so high on both sides, the media score and the audience score. I think they're both currently at 96%. And we know Rotten Tomatoes is never wrong. Okay. So these people, some people may hate the fact that, yeah, that Juno's in the movie and that you have Lupita Nyong'o. Who is Black, and she's playing Helen of Troy.

That doesn't make any sense.

Right, right. So you can't even spam the reviews to make it bad.

What's next? An Asian person playing the Cyclops? Or the doctor that turns people into pigs? What are we doing? What a racket.

So let me address this real quick. I'm watching the movie last night, and like, Lupita Nyong'o is on the screen, she's Helen of Troy, The face that launched a thousand ships. And not for a single solitary second am I thinking to myself, oh, that's weird that Helen of Troy is Black. Like, who gives a shit? I mean, in all seriousness, who cares for a second that Helen of Troy is Black in this movie? I just— it's so dumb to me.

She wasn't Black. Historical figure.

Historical figure.

Historical accuracy. Mike, address—

Mike, there's a Cyclops in the movie.

Cyclops is a historical figure. That that thing really happened.

There's a cyclops. You keep saying it.

No, my culture is not your costume.

Anyway, I wanted to— I wanted to get that out there. It's—

I bet you thought Goliath was fake too.

It's so—

he was 9 feet tall. He was 9 feet tall.

Dumb.

Like, not a slingshot, but, uh, what was it? No, it was a slingshot. Was it a slingshot?

Yes.

Thank you, David.

Well, speaking of myth, Icarus flew too close to the sun. Maybe the same people that were okay with that were okay with making a movie People are trying to take down a movie after their victories over beer and football. Remember how they canceled the NFL? Nobody watches it anymore. You see this now. They're going after— now they're going after The Odyssey. Zazz, as a moviegoer, and you love—

I didn't give my thoughts on the movie yet, though. Should I wait?

Or the fact that the Earth is 6,000 years old?

I mean, all I said was it's okay that—

9 feet tall. I'd like to know. Then the Great Flood. Came the Nephilim. Yeah, there was more oxygen in the— but then the Great Flood.

Zaz went up to Mount Pius to declare that he doesn't see color. All right, so continue now.

Well, no, I do see color. Someone who says that they don't see color is stupid.

We walked with the dinosaurs, they're colorblind.

I do see color, and it's just, it's, it's just, it's dumb. It's dumb. That's all I want to say. So this, this The Odyssey, I don't know if you know about that, Homer, but that dude can write a movie. That dude, he— you know what, I take that back, not write a movie. That dude, he could write a poem. It was a poem, all right? That dude knows how to write a poem. What a— this Homer, what a mind on him, all right? This is— and Odysseus, what a general. This, in all seriousness, this movie is so incredible. I loved it. It's 3 hours long, not for what It's 3 hours long. Take a nap during the day. Take a schluff. Get, you know, make sure you're energized. You're ready to go. All right. I even told my son when we went into the movie, because I just got a McDonald's on the way, and we see it, we see early movie, went at 5:50. So I got a McDonald's. I said, hey, listen, get yourself a couple snacks. 3 hours from now you'll be hungry again. We're not leaving to get back in the movie theater snack line.

All right, so the movie's long.

You got yourself a McDonald's.

Well, my son— yeah, I got him McDonald's.

No, it's just a funny turn of phrase. "I got myself a McDonald's." Got 'em a McDonald's. What does that mean when you gotta McDonald's?

Yeah.

And what does that include?

Fries, nuggets, cheeseburger, only onions. That's how he eats his cheeseburger: only onions.

Oh, this was for the boy. This wasn't for Zazz himself putting nuggets and a burger and fries in.

No, no, no, no pile.

Okay, continue.

This Christopher Nolan, what a director. I loved this movie. Not for a second did I think that the movie was dragging. Not did I think that it was too long. I loved— by the way, I didn't know the whole cast in this movie. Every scene is a new A-list. Well, I knew—

we told you, told you there was a—

I knew Juno was in it. All right, every scene there's a new A-list actor. Like, what, they're in this movie? You know, I— it was— it's so great. The action was great. The ending— oh my, the climax of the movie. I don't know if you know how it ends. I'm not gonna spoil it for you, even though Homer wrote this thing 10,000 years ago. All right, I feel like at this point, you've had 10,000 years. If you don't know how the story ends, it's kind of on you at this point. But I won't give any spoilers. The climax, the ending— holy shit. What a movie.

I'll wait for The Passion of the Christ 2.

What a movie.

The Resurrection. Uncle Mel.

Sounds like Zazz climaxed when Lupita made the scene, huh?

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Dan Levitar. My algorithm on Instagram is, Dan, it's all boobs. Jonathan Sasslow. It's a good algorithm. This is the Dan Levitar Show.

If I can make an admission about The Odyssey, um, when I was in 6th grade, our teacher at the end of the year showed us The Odyssey in one of my classes, uh, but The Odyssey from 1997, um, that was, I believe, uh, like a TV movie. It was NBC, I guess. I, I don't know, it was from 1997, but I was in 6th grade and I saw both Vanessa Williams and Bernadette Peters in this movie. And in many ways That was really my sexual awakening. Vanessa Williams and Bernadette Peters in The Odyssey. And I know that's a strange one on multiple levels, but I remember watching that movie in class and, and feeling all of a sudden feeling nervous as I was watching. And it's the first, uh, media that I can remember consuming where I was like, whoa, who are those people? And I know that those are random ones, but I just needed to get it off my chest. We've been talking about The Odyssey for a really long time. Around this show, and I've been thinking about that ever since. Good for you. Not random. Vanessa Williams. Well, I know, not Vanessa Williams.

Beautiful. Bernadette Peters is not random. And Bernadette Peters, I know, I understand. But for a man who is 31 years old right now, born in 1995, that is a pretty random thing. You know what else was out that year? The Buttons video by the Pussycat Dolls. That makes more sense. Also one that I remember watching on the VH1 Countdown and being like, hello. 1995, there was a moment for every young man, which was Cameron Diaz appearing in The Mask. The Mask, right? Understand that was the year I was born.

Oh, one of the great— you know, that's a great side conversation.

Are we parking our car in the same garage, Dave?

I think the movie that represents a human being best physically, the loveliest a person has ever looked, is Grace Kelly in Rear Window. I think though that on the short list is her— that's the first time we meet her is in The Mask. That's the first time we ever see her, and she's a spectacular beauty. Sort of like Kate Hudson in Almost Famous. She is a spectacular beauty in that. That maybe is my top 3 right there.

If you want to check out Cameron Diaz in The Mask, make sure you put the before mask because there's another one with Eric Stoltz.

Definitely.

That's right.

Right.

Yeah, but that's sharing it.

Rocky Dennis.

Hey, I want to close the loop on the Rhodes family and their lack of athleticism. I mentioned that Cody Rhodes once played basketball and it was almost as bad as a field goal kick. Really?

Yeah.

So why is he doing these things in public? And look, I'm going to suggest that Cody Rhodes is shaming the great Rhodes name, which is not actually their real last name.

You're right, Mike. I know where you're going. Zazz is going to be blown away if you have video of this.

So here's Cody Rhodes getting some shots up. Let's go ahead and play this. No sound here. Just a guy. Oh, using both hands. Look at this form.

Oh no. Using both hands.

Oh no.

It looks like one of those robots. You know, the robots that shoot baskets.

No, left wood bottom shot. Shoes, nothing going on. Look, and so that's your champion. Many people don't know this, but the Cuban American Nightmare is brothers with Goldust, and we all, all familiar with Goldust's ability to D someone up. Now we have no footage of this, there's just this iconic still image, and Goldust, you can see picking up, you can hear him saying, I got, I got ball.

Picking him up half court, looks like him up half court, intense.

And you know why he does that? Because that apple did not fall far from the tree. Because the greatest hooper of the Rhodes family was Dusty. Here is Dusty Rhodes playing, and his game was anything but dusty. Buckets! Buttery buckets! The American dream from outside. Look at the cheek. The ideal male figure. Look at this. Oh, what a bucket pass! Good cut to the hoop.

Put it up.

There you go.

Finish.

Fundamentals off the square.

Finish.

Dusty Rhodes was a baller. Many people don't know that.

Oh, Barry Windham with the free throw line. How about that? What is this, is it like celebrity, uh, uh, wrestler game? Look at that, look at Big Man running the floor! Look at him getting ahead! How about that?

Look at you, Charles Barkley, new rounder mound to rebound. Zads, I'm curious, as a moviegoer, um, I love that movie. You, you love the summer blockbusters.

Yeah.

Do you think So counting off, off the top of my head, the greatest summer blockbusters of our lives: Star Wars, Jurassic Park, now The Odyssey. Which universe do you think you would thrive in most, and which do you think you would not survive very long?

Star Wars, Jurassic Park, The Odyssey.

You think you would do well on Tatooine?

No.

And engaging in matters of the Force?

No, I don't think I would do well on Tatooine. It seems unbelievably boring. To be in Tatooine. All right.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, I wouldn't want to be there. And there's so much desert. I don't do well in the desert. I'm fair-skinned. All right. So I don't want to hang out in the desert.

Isn't that the one with the sandworms?

Maybe you get 10.

It might be. It might be.

No, that's Dune.

No, the sandworm that like Jabba tried to feed Princess Leia to. I know what you're talking about.

Yeah, there's also—

Yeah, that's Tatooine. Yeah, and Beetlejuice digests you over 1,000 years, which sounds terrible.

Yeah, it's a long time.

The Sarlacc Pit, it digests you, but you know, you know, silver lining, you probably would be dead within, you know, 36 hours.

Well, but with Jurassic Park, most— at most with Jurassic Park, can't I just not go to Jurassic Park? Can I just stay home?

No, you're on the island. And once you're on the island of Jurassic Park, you know, no, I think you would do with the dinosaur.

I don't like it. I think I think I would go with I would go with Yeah, I'd live in Ithaca.

What would you do?

What would I do?

Yeah, what would you do? Would you be a soldier? Would you be like a shoemaker?

In Ithaca?

Yeah, what are you doing?

Maybe, maybe I would—

Would you row in a boat or something?

Maybe I would be one of the suitors. Maybe I would try to be the next husband for Queen Penelope. Maybe that's what I'd do.

Maybe.

I'm a catch.

Maybe.

You know, I show up, I show her what's what, and the next thing you know, I'm sitting next to her.

I'd be one of the guys on the horse going, "Shh." I'd like you being in the band for Jabba.

You know? I'd like you down in his lair making the noise or maybe tending bar in Mos Eisley.

What noise? What noise is that?

Wack wack wack wack! Like that, you know?

I pick to be an Ithaca. I want to live there. I want to be part of that whole scene that I saw last night.

Sail the high seas.

Well, I'm going to be afraid to get seasick when do that my vertigo would probably play some kind of limiting— You know? Yeah, I'd stay back probably DMP coach's decision.

Vertigo.

You gotta go see this, The Odyssey. Oh man, I loved it. Yeah, that's a—

I'd like you in an X-wing, you know, attacking the Death Star.

You know what?

I don't know if you'd make it.

You know, one of the things that I love about seeing the summer blockbusters, you get the good movie trailers, right? You gotta make sure you're there in time for the trailers. And I know we brought this up yesterday, but for the first time I saw the full trailer for I Play Rocky, and holy shit, this movie's gonna be a really big deal. That, you know what this I Play Rocky is, Dave Dameshek?

Yeah, who gives a shit? I can't believe that they made— I am against— here's how curmudgeonly I am, and plug your ears, Roy, if this offends you. I think the idea that the existence of this movie miracle that covers what happened in 1980 when most of the people that participated in that are still walking the planet Earth is at best unnecessary, redundant with the actual video evidence we have of this event. We have the movie Rocky and Sly Stallone lives among us right now. Why do we need— why do we need a movie about the making of Rocky? It's bizarre. And I couldn't care less about it.

Okay, sure.

Back to your—

okay, true or false, if the movie was about a guy from Pittsburgh who, you know, wrote a movie and became a big star, I'm sure you you would already have your presale tickets.

I don't even know what that gets at.

This is a Pittsburgh-Philadelphia thing. If Rocky was a beloved Pittsburgh person, you'd be all about this. Let me ask you a question. You ever see the movie Sudden Death with Jean-Claude Van Damme? What a movie! You named one of your kids after him. And that's because it's a Pittsburgh movie.

Now listen, don't— now you are poking at me here and I don't appreciate that, as I've said before. And now I have to say again, I don't understand why Hollywood decided to wage war on the City of Champions way back when, but it does and it continues to this day. Witness the fact they make, um, Black Sunday, which is about a terrorist attack in a Goodyear blimp on Super Bowl X in the Orange Bowl. Who's playing in that game? The Pittsburgh Steelers. In Heaven Can Wait, the LA Rams defeat in overtime what team in the Rose Bowl? The Pittsburgh Steelers. When Roy Hobbs hits the home run in the one-game playoff, who is it against? The Pittsburgh Pirates. Sudden Death features, as you mentioned, a terrorist attack where? Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. And even The Dark Knight, we— they protect— The Dark Knight Returns. They—

no, it's Dark Knight Rises.

Guard— whatever the hell Batman Returns is, a Christmas movie.

Yeah, Dark Knight, whatever the hell it's called, whatever it's called.

Don't pretend like you don't know. Dark Knight Rises.

And if you're talking about Batman Returns, that's what Michael Keaton and Christopher Walken—

Yeah, Christmas movie.

I don't care about I Am Stallone. I return Rocky or whatever. It's a ridiculous idea for a movie. I really— you're compelled by this?

Yeah.

Now, a documentary about The Fish Called— The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh. Now we're cooking with gas.

No, I think it looks tremendous seeing how Rocky got that movie made. I think there's a lot of people who don't understand. It's 50 years ago. I think there's a lot.

I think legitimately, sincerely, my reaction was everything I need to see about that is represented in the trailer. I have no need to see the movie. It's cool to see somebody who looks like Sly Stallone recreating the iconic shots of an iconic movie, and that is all— that is all given to me in the trailer. I have no need to sit through 2 hours of this.

If you ever want to rizz up some lady at the holiday party, go find the mistletoe and do what Michael Keaton as Bruce Wayne said to Selina Kyle, Catwoman, mistletoe could be deadly if you eat it, but a kiss could be deadlier.

It's a bar.

And then if you remember correctly, that's how they realize, oh crap, you're, you're Batman and, and you're Catwoman. Like, oh my God, because they said the same thing when they were in costume. Michelle Pfeiffer also in Batman Returns, in the class of Cameron Diaz, upper echelon.

Like, oh my God, no, no, no, girls are beautiful. No, no, no.

What? No? Michelle Pfeiffer in Batman Returns in that catsuit? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me, pal? Do you like girls?

Yes, I like girls.

I don't think you like girls.

Yes, I like girls.

You don't like girls.

I like girls.

Down levitar.

DJ Laz is playing Gulo in the back of my pitbull. Here's Dave Demacek and he's like, hey guys, Pittsburgh, uh, all right. Everybody's like, who the fuck is this guy? Dave Demacek.

He goes, what TV's the Penguins game on. Who the hell is this guy?

This is the Dan Levitan Show, dude.

Scarface, come on.

Oh, okay, but we're just talking about Batman Returns.

I understand, but we're talking about Michelle Pfeiffer.

Yeah, I think she looks great in Scarface. Yeah.

Do you know, do you know in Batman Returns when she is Catwoman and goes into the empty department store and takes out her whip and knocks the heads off of all the mannequins.

Oh, that was dope.

This is true. This is a true thing. She did that on the first take. Yeah.

What about in Grease 2? That's true. Oh, Jerry.

Grease 2 is underrated.

No one's trying to hear about your favorite musicals.

Dave is apparently here to hear it.

Oh, this is my favorite show, talking about all these hot women.

Love. Love it. Love the turn that show's taking.

Gotta go back to school.

It's a great time. Me too, finally. Talk about The Odyssey, now we're talking about women. This is called a market correction.

I was glad though last night when we saw The Odyssey.

That's how we do it.

I saw the movie with my 14-year-old son.

Chicks are hot, high five!

And I was pleased that there were no sex scenes in the movie. Never comfortable sitting next to the 14-year-old son and we're watching the sex scene together. I've told you this before, right? I've told you this. The most uncomfortable I ever was when I saw The Silence of the Lambs for the very first time. I was like 15. Was watching with my parents, and Buffalo Bill, you know, he opens the robe and he's got the mangina. That's tough. That's a tough watch next to your parents.

Tough league.

That's a tough watch. I'll never forget that. 30 years ago. Still haunts me to this day. What am I supposed to say? He's dancing, he's got the robe open, he's got the mangina going.

Would you bleep me?

I'd bleep me. It's, it's, it's very upsetting. Anyway, I avoided that last night.

Tough look.

That's, that's very tough. Okay, I have a World Cup question.

Transition.

I have a World Cup question. So tomorrow is the vaunted third place game, and then of course on Sunday we have— but by the way, special treat for everybody. We do big game, not a big game later on in the show today. Yes, yes, yes, everybody prepared for that. We're gonna do a big game, not a big game coming up a little bit later on today. But I'm wondering, and it could be for the third place game or for the game on Sunday, When the game wraps up earlier in the week, Mike, like if it's the Tuesday semifinal or the Wednesday semifinal, do all the fans who are just at the game, do they then all just take out their phones like, "Alright, we're booking our flight to New York, let's get a hotel," and they just, they get on a plane and they go to the next city because it makes no sense to go back home, you know, for a few days, you know, cross the ocean.. So it's just like, alright, I guess we're going here, let's all book our flights.

Yeah, this is, um, so I, I know what's happening here. Um, Americans are so perplexed at the rest of the world's relationship with work and holiday time because when I worked with Chelsea FC, I couldn't get an email back over the summer because they're just on a 3-month holiday and they think that we're the ones that have it wrong, and they may be right, but it's just, it's bewildering how people just can be gone for months on end. Now in the group stages, those, those things are set and you have to kind of bet on where your team is gonna finish. Like, for example, I thought there was a chance the Philadelphia match that I, the Fourth of July that I bought tickets to, if the US didn't win their group, and it seems like a long time ago, but there was a lot of talk that the US wasn't gonna win their group, they were runner-up, they could potentially be in the knockout stage in Philadelphia, and I'm like, worst-case scenario, it's Germany-France. It ended up being Paraguay-France, and the match was crap, but you can kinda look ahead. But when you're in this stage of the tournament, it is basically that, and it's not unlike the CFP, which is just Terrible.

Where you have like 4 days to get travel plans together.

Yeah, but like I said, the main difference is with the CFP, like, okay, your school advances to the next week, you're going home in between because it's like a 90-minute flight to go home. These people who live in Spain, they're not going home on Tuesday, they're flying back to East Rutherford on Sunday.

Yeah, but obviously ball is life to these people. They're in the host nation. And that's super exciting for them. There are other matches being played. They can go to World Cup Fan Fest watch parties. They can go to other host cities. They're sampling all that the country has to offer.

It's just amazing. Like, hey, we're going to go to the States for 3 weeks and see how long this ride lasts.

They have to be super rich by definition, right, Mike?

No, no, no. They have a different—

it's crippling credit card debt.

Yeah, they have a different relationship with all that stuff. Yeah, it's pretty wild. But there were several World Cup fans that I met that were— when the Scots were down here, when the Tottenham Army were down here, I was like, hey, are you going to any of the matches? Like, no, we just wanted to be around. We wanted to be in Miami around that atmosphere. And when I went to New York before the France-Senegal match, there were all sorts of nationalities going to Times Square. And a bunch of those countries weren't playing in New York, New Jersey. They just wanted to be in one of the main cities around all that World Cup energy.

To me, I'm curious where you— because you— I accused you of maybe some hyperbole before this thing started. Where does this rank for you now? I know maybe a little unfair depending on Messi, you know, going back to back and that would, you know, burnish the tournament. But where does this rank among the sporting events of your lifetime?

This is the whole tournament. Yeah, the whole tournament's been great. I think that there—

how many did you go to? 4?

I went to 5 matches. I think that, you know, there were really classic, classic matches in this World Cup tournament. What England did in Azteca, Argentina, any of them. I mean, pick your Argentina match, but Cabo Verde, Argentina, I think that one will stand the test of time. Argentina, Egypt will also be one that is remembered forever. I'm really excited about the final, not just because it's a World Cup final. I'm always going to be excited about it, but I am really certain, and it's not just because the FIFA Coca-Cola Men's World Ranking said that those were the top 4 teams in the world. I thought it was pretty clear those were the top 4 teams in the world. I think it's pretty clear we're watching the 2 best teams in the world play for a trophy, a world championship in a single elimination tournament. Once you get out of the group stage, that's not always guaranteed to you. Obviously, we have this incredible storyline with Messi and La Mini Amal and the, and the photo that is still shocking to some.

It's real.

It's real. It's real. And I just— I think most people think that this is going to be a bad match just because of how Argentina approaches the game, their pace, and how Spain is a tough nut to crack. But I think both teams score in this match. I think it's a heavyweight fight, and I cannot wait for this match. There's storylines all over the place. This is going to be great theater, and For you Americans out there, we get a 30-minute halftime spectacular that, that will rival a Super Bowl halftime show. Dave, what say you about the pageantry of an American supersized halftime show?

I don't know the details. Please inform me.

So it was curated by Chris Martin of Coldplay and—

not Korn then.

Okay, no, it's not Korn, unfortunately, because I would have, uh, I would have suggested Korn. I think that they represent America quite well. But there are 3 host nations here, so Justin Bieber I think is going to represent the Canadian delegation. Justin Bieber's gonna be there. Shakira and Burna Boy are gonna be doing what is the song of the summer, "Die Die." Um, Madonna is gonna be a part of this. BTS is gonna be a part of this. I think Coldplay will also feature, so it's stars on stars on stars on stars. It's a huge, immense halftime show and That's just a halftime show. We also have closing ceremonies, which I think will happen before the match. Tom Cruise is one of the listed performers. Oh, I'm not sure what he's going to do.

He's—

I'm not sure what he's going to do, but he's going to do something.

Speaking of Tom Cruise, I saw a trailer for that movie, uh, Digler. Is that what it's called?

No, it's not called that.

Digman?

No, it's Digger.

Digger.

Yeah. Which is a real popular title that people like love saying out loud.

That movie looks crazy.

Yeah. But I Show Speed.

Sure, it's not called Diggler?

I'm sure that's, you're thinking Boogie Nights. But I Show Speed is performing. You know about that, I Show Speed?

Yeah, like I don't care about I Show Speed.

You like that song though.

Yeah, yeah.

Woke up, woke up.

I don't get I Show Speed.

You don't get I Show Speed? No, I don't get it. Well, that's because you're in your 40s.

All right.

And you're a white male, but I am also in my 40s and I dig I Show Speed. I've been on iShowSpeed for a very long time.

What's the dig?

I, I, I— well, he was very smart to tap into the Messi-Ronaldo thing, and he aligned himself with Ronaldo. His reaction stuff is like quintessential YouTube streamer, but I like—

right, that's the part I don't understand.

No, I mean, what I don't understand is why Mike Ryan is taking shots at you, Zaslo. I have to stand up and defend you a little bit.

Well, I'm trying to get to the bottom of it.

Look, he's like, you know, you wouldn't get it because you're in your 40s and Whatever. And like, Mike Ryan's like, but obviously I get it because I'm cooler than you.

Yes, I am. That's what he's saying.

Well, I didn't want to come out and say it, but thank you very much. Okay, but Aisho Speed is good at everything he does.

What?

What? Yes, he's— everything that he tries, he's a natural at.

All he's doing is watching a game. It's all—

yeah, he's awesome. He's awesome at that.

But anything— awesome at watching—

he's jumped over a car. He's about as fast as Tyreek Hill. Like, he, he is an incredible athlete. Did you not watch him at WrestleMania?

Yeah, that was— that was kind of—

he was— he was good. Yeah, he's good at whatever he does. It wouldn't surprise me at all if IShowSpeed is a future president of the United States at one point.

All right, so you're just saying weird things now.

Doubt him at your peril. That's what I've always said for 5 years. Doubt him at your peril.

That's what you've always said. Always doubt IShowSpeed at your peril.

Yeah, doubt him at your peril. And guess who's right 5 years in? He's performing at the World Cup.

Put it on the poll, Juju. As Mike Ryan always said, doubt I Show Speed at your own peril. Please.

Burn a boy.

You into this World Cup, Dave Dameshek? You're going to be watching? You're going to watch that, the World Cup final?

Sure, I'll watch the final.

Yeah, but are you going to get up for it? Are you going to get up for it like you'd get up for a Super Bowl?

No, of course not. I mean, how would I get up for it like a Super Bowl? I've loved football for decades and decades and built a career around—

No, I don't know who you're rooting for.

What happens in the soccer game?

Are you rooting for anybody?

Two countries that I've never lived in.

Are you rooting for— No, I don't know.

I guess Messi. It's a fun thing to witness. As I say, I like to pay witness to historical events. And so, yeah, seeing Messi do it at age 39, what does strike me is that we can now add Messi after this month of watching him play. And, you know, legitimately, to my untrained eye, he does stand out as having an ability in tight spaces to get the ball through it when most anybody else out there that I've looked at does not have that same ability. But man, he might be the number one weirdest looking athlete to be the GOAT in his sport. Wayne Gretzky, at the height of his powers, looked like a 14-year-old girl. Michael Jordan had a receding hairline. Babe Ruth was a fat slob. Tom Brady, who went on to become the GOAT, is best known for that picture of him weighing £124 in his underpants.

You don't think he's best known for winning 7 Super Bowls?

Okay, okay, it's on the list at least of what Brady's known for. But now Messi is this stumpy little guy. I mean, really, even among the soccer players when he's out there, I look at him and they're like, that's it? That's the number one best player? This little stumpy guy with the, with the little, the portly kind of build.

And you think he's portly? You think Messi's portly?

Stocky?

He's, he's ripped. He just wears a baggy jersey and everything. Yeah, he's ripped.

Bow legs. Is that what you said?

Yeah.

I mean, he has bow legs. Stumpy?

You think Messi's running out there with bowlegged?

That's what I— I mean, I don't think it— I'm— that's what my eyes are telling me he's doing. And by the way, impressive, impressive at age 39. And by the way, should give you hope, especially if you get LeBron, that you'll have LeBron and Giannis in an era in which all our assumptions about being on the wrong side of 30 ruins any chances for you.

There's Stumpy Leo Messi.

Look at that stumpy, stocky guy.

Look at that guy. He does sit-ups. Good for him.

I mean, LeBron can join him. That's right. I mean, can you imagine?

We've got Leo Messi, the Kachuk brothers, Manu, Otto Lopez, Davin— uh, Achan. What's his first name?

Devon?

I said Davin.

Throw someone from the Marlins. Go ahead.

I already did. Yeah, Otto Lopez. You missed it. Did you say Manu? I did say Manu. Oh, yep, that also. Steve Martin.

All right. Very good. Go see The Odyssey. That Homer. What a poem.