Transcript of Tony's House of Horrors | Hour 1

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There is nothing casual about football season. You can tell yourself you're just gonna watch one game, and 6 hours later, you're emotionally invested in a 4th quarter between 2 teams you don't even care about. That's what I love about this time of year. The entire weekend becomes football. You're texting friends, tracking games, second-guessing coaches, convincing yourself you saw something before everybody else did. And then Monday comes around and you get to do the whole thing again. Those are the weekends you remember. And for me, some of the best ones have usually involved some good people, a great game, and a cold Miller Lite. No matter what triumphs are in store this season, legendary game days start with Miller Lite. Cold, crisp, refreshing, that clean finish. And it's part of plenty of memorable football weekends. Make game day legendary. Go to millerlite.com/dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Game time is Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

You're listening to the Dan Le Batard Show in partnership with the DraftKings Sports app.

Now live in all This episode of the Dan Le Batard Show is presented by DraftKings Sports. DraftKings, the crown is yours.

It's a great sports day. We got the NBA. Uh, no, no Panthers tonight, but that's okay. We got NBA starting in the afternoon. The Heat, they begin tomorrow. Roy, you're smiling.

Yeah, wait until tomorrow when the Panthers go up to Ottawa to return to Brady Tkachuk.

There's gonna be some fisticuffs. There's gonna be some fists. Now, the game's here though, right?

No, it isn't. In Ottawa.

It's in Ottawa tomorrow?

Yes, it's in Ottawa.

All right, well, Brady's gonna— I think there's gonna be some boo birds then tomorrow, right? All right, that's gonna be a fun one. Let's bring aboard Tony. 10-Day Tony is coming to us live here from Horrorland. Horrorland Miami on Jungle Island. All right, but do you want— do you want to make note for our video audience? All right, before we get started, a quick heads up. this video. It's going to wind up containing some flashing and strobe lights, so viewer discretion is advised. We want everyone to be safe while they're enjoying the show. Tony, hello!

What's up, Zazz? Good to hear from you. Good to have Hawk back in studio, man. Let's go!

Thank you, Tony. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Happy to be here, brother.

Tony, tell us where you're at here. What's going on?

So we are at the opening of the Dr. Malice, uh, haunted house here at Horrorland, like you said, in Jungle Island, one of the best places in all of Miami, right between the beach and downtown Miami on the MacArthur Causeway. Uh, I've never been to a haunted house before, so I'm gonna try to give you my top 5 that I was gonna give you yesterday today here at the haunted house Dr. Malice. I don't know what to expect. I have no idea what I'm doing. There's people in costumes, there's screaming going on on the other side of the door. Like, I don't know what I'm gonna do, Zazz.

Now, Tony, really quick, where are you?

I'm at Horrorland.

Horrorland!

Dr. Malice Haunted House.

Sorry, I—

sorry. Yeah.

4-land.

2 syllables.

4-land. Word. You've never been to a haunted house?

I've never been to a haunted house. I'm not a scary guy. I'm a normal dude.

All right.

I don't like scary stuff.

All right. So you're gonna take us through the haunted house while giving us a top 5. Any OLI? What is your top 5?

My top 5 is on NFL observations. No OLI. Just straight to it.

All right. Let's go.

All right.

We're gonna enter the haunted house now, but I've got a gentleman here who's gonna tell me something, I'd imagine. I don't know.

Welcome to Lac du Valais.

This is his laboratories. From here, I will transport you into the deepest, darkest portions of his labs.

If you would follow me.

He just walked into the door.

What's he supposed to do?

That guy walked into a door.

Yeah, he's supposed to.

If you kindly would please.

In here?

All right, Tony's going into some type of, uh, contraption, and they're gonna close him in.

I don't like this.

You gotta keep telling us.

I don't like this.

All right, let's start your top 5.

Come on.

Okay. All right, number 5.

Whoa!

Hey!

Pantelito, the quick hit.

JJ McCarthy threw for more yards in a single quarter, 243, than Minnesota has thrown for in full, full games this season. I'm being transported in a coffin.

A death box is what it is.

Tony is being pushed around by the guy who walked into a door. He's being pushed around in this contraption.

Okay.

I'm home.

If Tony is claustrophobic, then he's probably not feeling too well right about now.

There's a lot of—

I don't know. Okay, number 4.

That sounds scary.

All right, and Bunk 1 with a flag plant. Houston, we have liftoff! Biggest game in London history has the Texans on the way to over 500.

To pull the curtain back for the listening audience, we've lost video.

I don't like the mask.

We don't know what's happening to Tony.

That sounds his Spooky's the second video.

They cut video. I don't know if we lost video.

OK. All right, Tony's back.

There you go.

They're on their way to 500. All right, Giants, Chargers, Browns. Next 3 up for Houston. We've got liftoff.

OK.

Who is that following you? Who's following you there, Tony?

I don't know.

I don't like it. I don't know what she's doing. I don't like it.

Hey, keep going. All right, this—

I don't like this.

Are you sure you wanna go in there?

Not really.

Turn in there now!

Oh!

He's scared, look at him.

All right.

There has— the NFL's got a penalty problem.

New test subjects to work with! Tony is shook.

The NFL's got a penalty problem. 1,200 accepted penalties, 15.1 per game. On pace for the most ever. 24 penalties alone in Carolina versus Philly. Whoa, whoa. Okay, it's deep. I don't know what happened here, but it's all of a sudden the floor is moving. Okay, number 2, the hot take. Everyone's talking about Mike McDaniel in Los Angeles. I think the marriage between the Chargers and Justin Herbert is coming to an end. I wouldn't be surprised. Uh, I wouldn't be surprised. Oh, why is everyone at waste time? I wouldn't be surprised if Justin Herbert is in a new uniform.

Diddy's Horrorland.

In the next couple seasons.

He's got like ghouls following him. Ask what's her name behind you. Ask her her name.

I don't know. What's your name? Okay, number 1, the definitive NFL take of the week at Cafecito. There's a legit chance the Rams don't make the playoffs with the schedule they got to finish the season. Green Bay, Kansas City, San Francisco, Dallas, And Seattle twice. Oh, what the hell is this?

What do you see? What is that? What do you see?

Oh, the Human Centipede.

I don't like this.

You know about that Human Centipede?

What is this?

Is this Diddy's Horrorland?

What is going on here?

This is—

okay, that's the top 5, guys.

Are you almost toward the end? How much more you got there?

I don't know.

Man, you look very comfortable, Tony.

I think we're getting close to the end here, boys. I see the light.

This is a good haunted house.

But a lot of rules and things behind me.

Homegirl keeps following you, huh?

Whoa!

Okay, okay, we made it out.

You're not supposed to do that.

We made it out, family.

Now, Tony, you don't have a ton of, uh, you don't have a lot to compare it to, but scale of 1 to 5, with 5 being super scary and uncomfortable and 1 being no big deal, like, where do you rate that haunted house?

Be honest.

It's a 4.76.

It's pretty good.

Yeah, that's pretty good.

Out of 5. Yeah, yeah.

You, you seem pretty uncomfortable.

The daytime. If it was nighttime, if it was nighttime, it'd be 5 out of 5, right? But daytime, 4.76 out of 5.

All right. All right, there she is again. She's, she's following Tony. She's chasing him. You're gonna fall!

Oh, oh, oh, do some swim moves out there, man.

All right, see you, Tony. Bye, Tony. There you go. Hey, the nightmares are back! Horrorland returns with its biggest season ever. More screams, more terror, more Horrorland. The Horrorland returns to Jungle Island. There you go. All right, they were great. That's a good haunted house.

That's a really good haunted house.

I'm pretty sure that's Rose. That's Rose's side gig. I could tell her voice anywhere, man.

She handed off the camera to somebody else.

Good job there by Tony. All right, uh, the NBA is starting today, 3 PM Eastern time. You got Pistons and Celtics. So you know what, let's bring back You Know About That. Hit it, Roy. Yo, what an intro! You know about that with Amin as we get to the bottom of all the big stories in the NBA's opening day today. All right, Amin, you ready?

I'm ready.

Spurs and Thunder tonight. You know about that Spurs-Thunder being the best rivalry in the NBA right now?

Best rivalry, best 2 teams. A preview of the Western Conference Finals, and the winner will be the champion at the end of the season.

A lot of people picking the Thunder and the Spurs. Will this be the year that we have a repeat champion over— like, it's been 9, 8 consecutive years?

8? 9.

9 consecutive years.

If you start with the Warriors' last championship.

Okay, uh, well, you want to start in 2019 with the Raptors. So 8 consecutive years, unique champions. Do you believe that this will be a year that that streak ends? It would have to be then the Thunder winning.

So this is an interesting thing. Not only have we had 8 consecutive champions, right? But in terms of teams returning to the Finals—

Hasn't— hasn't—

Twice. 3 times. 3 times. Excuse me.

Yep.

It's been the Heat.

Yep.

It's been the Warriors.

Yep.

And it's been the Celtics.

That's right.

And everyone else, we're getting a new Contestant every single year. This is the parody you people begged for. Congratulations. And yes, I think—

you people—

I think the parody continues.

All right, sounds like you know about that. I mean, the Philadelphia 76ers make their debut with their new roster here. You know about how many games the Sixers' big stars are gonna play together this season?

The 4 players we're talking about— Maxey, Brown, LeBron, and Joel Embiid, right? I don't know what the oddsmakers have it at, but I'm hammering the under.

What would you make it?

I would say 19.5.

Whoa!

For all 4 to be in the game at the same time, regular season, 19.5.

That is low.

That's very low.

I'll take the under.

I mean, let's say that's the case. Let's say they play a combined— like, wasn't it the one year where you had Durant and Harden and Kyrie? They play like 8 games or something together, you know? Like, can you play that few games together in the regular season and then be an actual contender in the postseason? Or just throw it together, hey, go ahead and do it? I don't know about that.

I know about that.

All right.

I think you can up until a point. At some point you're gonna play someone good, and then that having just that talent is not gonna work out.

You're gonna need more.

So I mentioned Spurs and Thunder tonight. You know about that Chet Holmgren versus Victor Wembanyama. Chet Holmgren's season ended last year afraid, essentially, of Victor Wembanyama. Do we see any difference tonight? You know about that?

I know about that, and, and I know— I think about that.

He put on £2 this offseason.

Pure muscle.

Wow.

£2?

Yeah, apparently went from 213 to 215.

Wow.

Bulked up.

Hawk, what was your biggest weight jump when you were a pro?

Biggest weight jump as a pro? Before the draft, I went from 163 to 183 in like 4 months.

Jesus. How'd you do that?

Steroids. No, I'm kidding. Protein, eating 4 days a week or 4 times a day. You wake up early, you scramble eggs, you eat egg whites.

How many eggs would be in that serving?

3.

Oh, that's not that much.

Yeah, it's not bad. You gotta just— it's like more of timing than anything. Heavy protein, heavy lifting. I got jacked, man. It was awesome.

Did you feel like you were a better player, or you just reached that threshold of weight that you were looking for?

I felt like I was a better player because I was, you know, when you're training for the draft, you have to do so much. It's literally 24/7 training. And as a college athlete, you don't get the opportunity to do that. And I had like my man muscles combined with not worrying about class and straight-up sport. It was the, it was the 4 months I became a true professional.

This guy was worried about class.

Yeah.

Did the £20 do anything to your speed?

Uh, it increased it.

Really?

Yeah, because strength, like, a lot of it was in my legs. I'm thick down low. Is that a weird thing to say?

Me too.

Yeah, I have thick legs.

Okay, good. There we go.

Pistons and Celtics this afternoon.

Okay, we're good.

All right.

I mean, you know about that no one taking the Pistons serious this year?

Yeah, because I'm one of those people not taking them serious this year. I felt like they were the only team in the East, other than the Milwaukee Bucks obviously, that took a step back, right? What they were last year, I believe, was a better team than what they are this year. Also, you've got Jalen Duren, the combination of, you know, the contract kind of negotiations drawn out. Plus, last time we saw him play basketball, he wasn't very good, right?

Mm.

Plus, you've got Thompson— Ausar Thompson, who, tremendous player, but like, hey, typically by year 3, if you still can't shoot, that's where it really starts to get accentuated, those flaws. Think about Ben Simmons, by example. So I think there's a lot going on there. And then they didn't do themselves any favors. They added John Collins, who so far in his NBA career has been a guy who puts up good stats but really hasn't been a huge huge motivator for winning for the teams you play for. I'm not taking the Pistons seriously. I think they've actually taken a massive step back.

And that right there is an NBA opening day. You know about that. There you go.

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Going for 2 when you're up by 5. Switching the zone when man isn't working. Oh, and building your new stadium in the state your team actually plays in. In sports, some things just make sense. You know what else makes sense? Drinking Jägermeister shots ice cold. Drinking it any other way would be like punting on first down, or letting your worst hitter bat first, or like going for 2 when you're down 3 with a second to go. It wouldn't make any sense. So don't let the team down. When it comes to Jägermeister, drink it cold or don't drink it at all. Jägermeister.

Damn, that's cold.

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Down, Le Batard.

Can't trade Marino.

Nice hat.

It's what he's most known for. It's not like I'm holding on to it. Greg Cody.

Nice hat.

They were 9-2. But it's Marino.

Nice hat.

And then the next time we saw Marino after Greg Cody traded him, he threw for 5 touchdowns.

Nice hat.

And he was Dan the Man on the COVID of Sports Illustrated. You can't trade Marino. Nice hat, asshole. This is the Dan Levatar Show. You know what? You know about that dude walking into the door in the haunted house?

Yeah, that, that wasn't a great start for him. He walked into the door.

Look at, look at that.

That's tough.

No, that was impressive because he's playing to the camera and he fights through the concussion. We probably should test. Walked into the door.

It's his haunted Tony's the one who's never been there.

Did somebody open it?

Rose opened it. Rose opened it. He didn't know she opened it and then ran.

Oh, Rose pushed the door into him.

He pushed the door into her.

We got confirmation she was there.

But the guy's like a zombie, right? I mean, zombie's gonna bump into a door.

I'm with you, Greg. I think this is all part of the act. He's in character. He's gonna be bumping around, knocking about. He didn't— like Jeremy said, he didn't hiccup or anything. He just kept it moving.

That's bad, though. The fact that he played it off.

He didn't break though.

That's a pro.

He no-sold it.

He should have, he should have like ran into the door, full stop.

I do have a question about zombies. If you wore glasses when you were a regular human being, when you die and become a zombie, do you still need the corrective lenses? And if so, if I don't have them, do the zombies then end up like going in the wrong direction? Like, oh, I'll just walk out this door. Oh, there's a door there.

Good question.

Yeah.

If you're gonna be a zombie who still wears corrective glasses, What's the point if you're still walking into the doors, right?

New prescription. You have to go to a zombie eye doctor.

Get it updated.

And then the zombie eye doctor's like, number 1 or number 2? And you're like, number 1. And he's like, better or worse? Kind of the same.

So last night, Monday Night Football wrapped up Week 6 of the NFL with the 49ers improving to 6-0. Uh, what did it cost them? It cost them Mike Evans. Mike Evans, uh, ruptured Achilles.

The line was right there. What did it cost them? Everything.

Yeah, well, that's what I was doing.

No, you weren't doing it, or you did it poorly, like the zombie walking into the door.

No, no, no, it didn't cost them everything.

What did it cost them? Mike Evans.

Yeah, cost them Mike Evans.

Everything.

So he has— by the way, are you Agamemnon?

Will somebody get these beggars out of here?

Ah, okay. All right, there you go.

I haven't seen that movie.

Bobby P?

You gotta go see The Odyssey.

I gotta see it, man.

I gotta see it.

You gotta go see it, man. But honestly, now it's gonna be out on streaming probably around Christmas.

I think December. Yeah.

Yeah, just hold out.

Is there any good Substacks around it? Could we find one of those, Jeremy?

Okay, I'll try to see if we have one. Would it be our Odyssey Odysseys?

No?

Ought to see?

Ought to see Odyssey.

Ought to see.

Our Odysseys Toward the Odyssey? I'll find the right one.

Keep working on that.

So the Niners improved to 6-0, 23-17 win over the Commanders last night, Greg. And we, we all know what the big story was last week with the Commanders. The last time we saw the Commanders before last night was them botching the end of overtime against the Giants. The game ends in a tie. You got Dan Quinn who looks terrible there. You got Jayden Daniels who looks terrible there. And you would figure, okay, we'll make sure we don't do anything stupid again this season. All right, well, what if I told you they did something stupid again and it came immediately the next game, which was last night? Would you believe that?

Uh, I think I would have.

So there was a 4th down, there was 4th and 2. I think it was in the 2nd quarter. It was 4th and 2, and Jayden Daniels and Dan Quinn decided to again be stupid On the same play! It's like they're in sync.

Okay.

They're in sync, the two of them. And Jayden— let's, like, let's start with Jayden Daniels. It's 4th and 2. They're at like the 20-yard line. And he's rolling out and he throws the ball away. Instead of trying to throw— like, he throws it, you know, off to the side of the end zone. It's 4th down!

I know.

He throws the ball away! And forget about the part that he was laughing afterward. But it's 4th down and he threw the ball away!

Yep.

What are we doing?

I've never seen that before. That would be like you're throwing a Hail Mary and you intentionally throw it out of bounds because you don't want to risk it.

Because no one's open.

Right. It's like, you— why? Jaden, why are you— you're a good quarterback. You're a smart man. Why are you doing that? I don't know.

Hawk, am I missing something?

No, I think sometimes it's like a trickle-down. You had the last one where the play was to throw the ball away, right? Because they're trying to get in field goal position. And now it's like you're in your own head. Now you're not quite thinking the way you should, and you're just trying to Okay, do something that's not a mistake. Throw it away. It was like, well, that's— this isn't the play to not try to make a mistake. So I think it's like he's still a young player. I think that's what we forget about Jayden Daniels. And I'm not forgiving how that play went, but a lot of this stuff you have to go through to truly learn. I'm like, I have a much higher, like, judgment against the head coach than the quarterback only because of where they are in their careers.

Well, so, right, this is a guy who's been in the league a long time. He's been a head coach of a team that went to a Super Bowl. All right. in Dan Quinn. Well, after the Jayden Daniels throwaway, Mm-hmm. the camera catches Dan Quinn on the sideline, and look, all the lip readers were out in full force. And this is a turnover on downs. Jayden Daniels threw the ball away because nobody was open on 4th down. This is a turnover on downs, and the lip readers got together and decided that Dan Quinn is saying into his headset to Field goal! And then a moment, a beat after, he says, oh, that was 4th down. And then he gets upset, like, then he, you know, shouts like an expletive or something. He's asking for a field goal, somebody in his headset presumably tells him, no, that was 4th down, and he goes, oh, that was 4th down. Like, everyone— you saw the clip?

Yep.

Is there any reason to believe that's not what happened there?

It's tough. It looks the way— I mean, that's what they talked about at halftime. That's all the social media buzz. When you watch the video, it very much looks like he thinks it's 3rd down, which makes me question, did everybody think it was 3rd down?

What, is that why Jayden Daniels threw the ball back?

Is that why? It's like, hey, if you don't have it, throw it out of bounds, we'll kick the field goal next play. It's like a— I don't know, but it looks like— I know his postgame said differently.

Well, so let's hear. This is Dan Quinn obviously being asked about it postgame.

No, I definitely knew it was 4th down. We were going for it, and I was I think what you're referring to, I was probably saying like with the illegal shift, there's not a penalty to go for a field goal.

Like it doesn't go—

like it's the turn on downs.

Hmm.

I don't believe you.

Hold on a second.

You are lying.

Read my lips.

Jeremy's mouthing.

What did I say? Which time?

Do it again. One more time.

Jeremy's mouthing right now.

Uh-huh.

Did I say 2 different things?

You're mouthing very loudly, by the way. I can hear your lips smacking.

Illegal shift, there's not an opportunity to go for a field goal.

Mm, no, I said 4th down and field goal.

Ah, okay.

We might have seen him say field goal and thought he said 4th down.

Huh?

The F to start? Maybe he's not lying? Anybody?

No. No?

No.

Just trying to make excuses for Dan Quinn?

No.

Thought you were talking baseball.

Okay, that happened.

Can I say something? Isn't it crazy that every single major sports show in America, right, whether it's us or Simmons or anyone on ESPN or anything, right, nobody employs a lip reader? That seems like it'd be like the— every sport we're seeing people talk all the time. Shouldn't we have a lip reader on staff who just call him or her because we're inclusive?

Like you bring in the official?

Because we're inclusive.

Yes.

Not because that's what humans are— okay, go ahead.

But like how you bring in an official on the broadcast to break down— yeah, bring in a lip reader.

Yeah.

Not a terrible suggestion.

I'm saying, man.

I would go a step further and think it's a great suggestion.

Thank you. I mean, look, I just feel like it's worth the investment. Definitely for a live broadcast. Like, if I was Monday Night Football, I'd have the lip reader right there. If I can call Gene Steratore, whatever his name is, I can call a lip reader, right?

Can't even be that expensive. You're telling me ABC, ESPN, You bring aboard a lip reader for the night. Like, Greg, how much do you think that'll cost? $500 for your services for the night? Easy, right?

I feel like the lip readers, they're looking for work.

Yeah, right? Begging for work.

$500, come work for 3 hours.

I'll see if there's a Substack about it.

You know what makes even more sense besides the Substack that Jeremy's gonna look for on the sports sideline lip readers? Why don't teams have lip readers?

Oh.

Because I can see where, like—

Well, they might. Well, don't you think that's why they— the coaches hold up the, the menu above their mouth?

Yeah.

I mean, I think it's That's for sure why they don't want people to read their lips, but you can't do that all the time. And the lip reader's job is— the lip reading coordinator, their job is solely looking for players. They're charting everything that's said. It's basically like having a microphone on the other sideline.

There's no way that Dan Quinn said what he is saying that he said in that clip. There's just not. He's like—

The word shift has a very— shift. Like, you look at my lip. Where am I?

Shift.

Like, it would be very obvious if he said shift.

There's no F in there.

Rough look, the two of them. And then, and by the way, Jayden, rough ending to the game too, as they're in a position with under a minute to go to take a couple cracks at the end zone, down by 6, and he takes a grounding call where, I mean, he's flat out in the pocket and throws the ball away. It moves him back 10 yards, loss of down. and you lose 10 seconds on the clock. And so you have to do a Hail Mary on the final play, which, by the way, I mean, Hawk, the 49ers, they rush 3 guys. You got to block those 3 guys. All 3 guys. All 3 of them. Not one of them. All 3 guys sacked Jayden Daniels in the last play. They don't even get the playoffs.

Shout out to the 49ers defensive front. They've been balling like the last 4 games. I think they had 4 sacks in that game. So I just think that's a good unit. They're flickable. There's only 3 of them, but still good.

There is a Lip Reader Substack. It only has 13 subscriptions and it has 1 post ever. Uh, I believe it was a like. It doesn't even have its own post. It has 13 subscribers, but 2 of those subscribers are Piers Morgan and the US Department of State.

All right.

Oh boy.

Is that real? Yeah, man.

Yeah.

Who writes their exclusive, uh, articles?

There are no articles. So I'm gonna try to— I'm gonna message this person and see if we can get them on the show.

All right.

I think Levitar's written for that Substack.

I think he hasn't posted the article yet, but I think that was his first exclusive.

I think you're right. You know what's gonna happen? You're gonna see on sidelines that coaches are start— gonna start communicating in Pig Latin to confound the lip readers.

Lip readers.

You think so?

Yeah, that's what's gonna happen.

That makes sense.

Yield, fey, old, gay, right?

Yes, yes! Field goal! Field goal!

There you go.

Yeah.

There you go. I know where you're going.

Thank God. But I don't wanna go with you.

I speak Pig Latin.

Wherever this bit is going, buddy.

Egal, ob ihr gern flauschige Feste feiert, dann nach dem Sonnenaufgang in Berlin die Baywatcht und die Lage der Nation diskutiert oder lieber zu Hause bleibt und euer gemischtes Hackmeister scharfen Senf aus Hollywood verfeinert, bevor es auf die Couch geht? Bei Finanzierungsbedarf ist EasyCredit der richtige Ansprechpartner. Denn bei uns schließt ihr euren Sofortkredit in 5 Minuten und ohne Papierkram ab. Außerdem reservieren wir euch kostenlos Geld, damit ihr keinen neuen Kredit abschließen müsst, falls ihr noch einmal etwas braucht. So entspannt kann Finanzieren sein. Mit EasyCredit. Down, Lebatar!

The blood that pours from me has your Lucian. Now drink.

Oh, it's, it's you. Oh, the figure in my dreams.

Drink.

Greg Cody!

Oh, oh.

No, no, no, no, no, no. There is no leaving. You will not wriggle away.

Jonathan Saslow!

Drink from me. Ah, and with this baptism of my blood in your mouth, throat, and veins, you shall be my servant!

This is the Dan Levitan Show!

You know what's weird though about what's going on with Washington is that that's That's a division where 5 or 6 wins could win that division. Terrible, terrible division. Jalen Hurts is out. The Cowboys are not good for the 30th consecutive year. The Giants are the Giants. Don't discount Washington.

They're still in it. They're in that division. They're absolutely still in it.

Yeah. The Giants lead the division at 3-2-1, and considering where we are with all 4 of those teams, it feels like we're guaranteed an under .500 winner of the NFC East.

Losing team, NFC East champion. They will play 1 game in the playoffs.

A home game.

Then they will go home.

Yeah, it'd be a home game though.

Home game, they'll lose at home.

And then everyone gets upset like, oh my god, they have a losing record, why do they have a home game? Everyone gets nutsy about that.

Maybe they'll expand the playoffs.

Going into the game yesterday though, we, uh, gives us an opportunity here, Roy, where we are able to play one of our favorite games. All right, and that game— are we gonna do both Opens or are we gonna do the, uh, the newer Open?

No, no, we're gonna do the old Open.

We're gonna do the old Open?

Yes.

Because I think both Opens are good. But we're gonna do the old open. All right, let's get to our game. Time to play a new game.

It's sweeping the nation.

It's called Guess What Michael Wilbon's Response Will Be to This. What'd he say? Shocking opinions.

Unexpected answer.

You know about those answers.

Shocking revelation.

You know about those revelations. I can't believe he said that. What'd he say?

Greg, do you ever listen to stuff like this and say, that came out of my balls?

Yeah, all the time.

All the time. All right, let's get to it here, Roy.

All right, Michael Wilbon has some thoughts on Troy Aikman.

I'm Mike Wilbon.

You know who calls a game better than Troy Aikman?

Knuckleheads.

Nobody calls a game better than Troy Aikman.

I feel like he's talking to Dan. Is he talking to Dan there?

Has to be.

Again.

He has to be.

This is just like the Stan scenario.

Yes.

It's like people are not people.

Who else is saying Troy Aikman does not call a good game? And I don't think— we're not even saying that Dan says that Troy Aikman doesn't call a good game. But Dan has been the one who's been, you know, Joe Buck is that good that he could, you know, help anyone be a great broadcaster.

Let me tell y'all right now, man, like, rumors of Dan Le Batard's demise are greatly exaggerated.

You're right.

This dude still carries weight.

Yep.

Lots of it.

Yep.

Okay, okay, I see what you—

that's—

So, Hawk, I want to show you this picture of Troy Aikman.

Whoa!

It's okay.

Okay.

I want to show you this picture of Troy Aikman and Joe Buck.

Troy Aikman, okay.

Of Troy Aikman and Joe Buck, all right? So everyone's, everyone's watching last night, right? Everybody's watching going into the game where this is the first time since we know about a potential schism between Joe Buck and Troy Aikman. Because before Monday Night Football last week, the report was that there was a little bit of a heated conversation over, over money because Joe Buck signed a new contract while Troy Aikman does not have a new contract.

Okay.

And the next day, Troy Aikman went on radio and essentially confirmed that he's leaving ESPN. after this.

You are aware I work for ESPN, right?

Me too.

Okay.

Yeah, me too. We're in the same boat here. No one's saying anything bad about ESPN. I love working at ESPN.

It's a great job.

And, and so—

Be very clear about that.

Fantastic network.

And so Troy Aikman said the next day, essentially, like, he's, you know, we'll see how it goes. You know what's going to happen at the end of the season. Well, let's, let's be body language experts here. All right. Here's Buck and Aikman. We're seeing them together on screen for the first time since we learned last week that they may not be happy with each other.

Green screen? No?

I don't know. No, that's, that's legit.

Are they in the same location?

Okay. I think so. Uh, I don't think they're separated by plexiglass. I think they're next to each other.

There's a weird gap right between them.

It's too clean. It's a big gap.

You think there could be— you think there could be something separating them?

Yeah, one of them's on Zoom.

Well, yeah, one of them's not even here.

Yeah, I don't know, man.

I mean, Joe Buck looks normal. Like, Joe Buck is looking at the camera Like, what's Troy thinking about when he's just staring at Joe Buck there?

That's not like a just a mid-turn screenshot?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I'm curious.

That feels like one of those frames where you grab it right where you can try to maybe gray it, like, does he look mad? Does he not? Yeah, I wouldn't—

not out of the question.

I don't know much about what's going on between the two of them. Let me put that on record. And I'm not at liberty to comment on any network-related matters at this time due to other contractual obligations. I have to be mindful of what I discuss. But no, I'm joking. That's a— that's a—

I need that disclaimer.

That's a— go ahead. That's a ChatGPT special. But okay, so it doesn't look like from this frame that there's anything with Troy.

Looks like they're just doing their job.

If I didn't know anything, which I don't, it looks like they're just doing their job.

I think we need a stare reader.

A stare reader.

A stare reader to analyze what Aikman's look is right there.

Ameen, are we missing anything there? Do they look like they're just working? They're just doing their job?

Well, I'm gonna draw it up for you guys right here. So first of all, like I mentioned, you could drive a truck through that gap right there.

Ameen has the telestrator. There you go.

Look at all that space.

Yeah, pretty big gap in between.

Who the hell gave him the telestrator?

Number one.

Number two, usually we see eye contact to the person you're talking to, but here he's looking down. He can't even look him in the eye.

Oh, you think he's looking at the mic flag?

Yeah, he's like, I want to look anywhere other than at this guy's face because this is the guy that screwed me out of millions of dollars. That's what's happening right there.

Yeah.

And then finally, right here, you can see that I have— oh, there it is. Yeah, I have completed— yeah, there it is. And everything's going down for these guys.

Yep, there you go. It's a penis, everyone. It's a penis. Yep, there it is.

Good illustrator work.

Thank you.

Ridiculous.

So yesterday, I'm interested in getting your thoughts here, Hawk, because you're a guy who played in the NFL.

Let me guess.

Your opinion carries a lot more weight.

ESPN. I'm joking. Go ahead.

So yesterday, during the show yesterday, the report came out from Tom Pelissero that Jalen Hurts, who we now know is out for the season, that Jalen Hurts, it's a little bit more than superficial blood clots. All right. This is a very serious situation. feels like Chris Bosh all over again, which of course we knew plenty about here. It essentially ended Chris Bosh's career. We're not there yet with Jalen Hurts, but we do know he's not going to play football again this season.

Right.

And the report that came out from Tom Pelissero was this took place in the game in London before that game against the Jaguars, and that doctors told Jalen Hurts not to fall asleep And so Jalen Hurts, it was a report that he was awake for 36 hours before playing in the game in London. And so this led to Nick Sirianni yesterday having to answer questions, and obviously it got contentious. Did you, uh, were you briefed by the medical team, uh, before you did this press conference on why he was permitted to fly despite the blood clot?

Yeah, guys, I talked to them about it.

Can you give us the information? Hi guys, I talked to the guys.

Hey, Jeff.

As a spokesman of the team, we're just hoping you'd give us some information for the public. Thank you.

Guys, I've addressed this. I've talked to you guys about this.

Again, the medical experts are there, and I think I've answered this question multiple times.

We put out a statement for you guys to hear, put out multiple statements. for you guys to hear. And so, and I told you guys that last week that I was going to leave it at that of where, you know, where we were on that, because we put out a detailed statement for you guys to hear and understand.

I think it's a little bit unfair for Sirianni to have to be standing up there by himself.

You think it's unfair for Sirianni?

When, when they know he's going to be peppered with medical questions. I think it's a little bit unfair for him to be sitting up there by himself.

Now, would you— are you under the assumption that he knows less than maybe the reporter thought, or he knows more?

I would think he knows more.

Or also what his— if he had a role on whether or not it was a push for Jalen Hurts to play that football game.

Right. I think he probably knows more, but I would like someone who's higher up the food chain than Sirianni in this spot when we're talking about something so serious.

Okay. Owner?

Uh, at least the general manager.

GM?

At least the GM.

Okay. I mean, I, I'm not gonna argue that. I would just say it's tough for me because the GM doesn't typically make those kind of calls. That's not like under his purview. I could see owner maybe, but that's like absolutely something that ladders up to head coach.

The line from that that stands out the most is the media member saying, as the spokesman of the team.

Right.

This is the person that's being put out there to talk about this stuff. They know that he's going to have to answer questions. And for the PR team to only give him the advice of don't answer those questions, I'm not the medical expert, that's putting him in a— Not in a position to succeed. Like, that is not putting Nick Sirianni in a good spot. You have to at least equip him with a certain amount of information that can even be a statement off the top of here are the things we knew, here are the things we didn't know, or Hey, we're doing— we're going to have a deeper conversation as an organization about how this came to be. We do know that Jalen is okay. Our medical experts reassured us that him playing in that game is going to be fine, blah, blah, blah. But even if you didn't, even if that's too much information, you need to give him something off the top to be able to answer in some sort of capacity, as opposed to just, I'm going to be hands-off on this, because he is the representative there.

Greg, how did you feel about the Guy asking the question basically talking over—

I don't like how aggressive he is. I don't like that.

I don't like that either. When Sirianni starts to talk, give him his space.

Be respectful.

Be respectful. And he is in a tough spot, but I think he's vaguing it up. You know, he's saying, guys, I've already answered that question. We put out a statement. He's vaguing it up because everybody's CYA right now. Cover your ass. Because if, if the Eagles Should not have played Hurts in that game and retroactively—

Well, the question there wasn't even about playing him, it was about flying him.

Yeah, that's huge, you know, because that's a deadly, potentially a deadly situation, blood clots.

And blood clots are created— well, a way that it can be created, certainly we believe it was the case with Chris Bosh, is you're sitting down on the plane for so long. That's an overseas flight, it's a long flight. If we're dealing with blood clots, go sit on the plane for 6 hours?

I mean, I think there's a lot of conversations. I will say you guys are very forgiving to Sirianni. Now, I'm not saying he had anything more to do with it than what was let on, but even the reporter's question, like, the question is fair. If you don't have a statement, what did you think when you found out, which you were the first person to find out he had blood clots? What was your advice on what he should do, on whether or not he should fly the team? What was your conversations like with Jalen when you got that news? Because you are the first person who is going to get that news. So I don't feel like it's a situation where it's like, oh, they set him up. You don't have to speak for everyone. Speak for yourself. You're the head coach. The next point I want to make for Jalen Hurts, for every $300 million quarterback, it's time. Hire your own doctor. Take a million of that a year of your $50, $60 million and have your own doctor on speed dial because you need a second opinion for everything.

Even though they're independent doctors, right?

It does not matter. Have your own doctor to confirm or have a second opinion on whatever the team is telling you, because their goal is to get you to play, especially when they've already invested so much money. Your own doctor's goal is for you to remain healthy and prolong whatever opportunity you have in your career.

I thought everyone looked poor in that spot, and, and I don't want to give Sirianni a pass because It's almost like he was offended. Now, I didn't like the way the reporter handled it, but it's almost like he was offended with the line of questioning. Like, you have to know you're going to be asked this, and you're going to be peppered with these questions. It's almost like he was stunned that the statement they put out wasn't, we're done with this.

Yep, we got it.

Like, come on, man.

All set.

Well, my question is, where did these blood clots Come from? Like, how, how quickly did they show themselves? Because NFL players are some of the most cared-for athletes in the world medically, right? I mean, yeah, they, they have a complete physical before every training camp. Why are we surprised by this? How soon? You know, there's a lot of questions here that need answering.

It's a great question. Where did they come from?

I love how old Hawk is, talk about speed dial. People don't know what that is.

I said speed dial?

You did.

Jeez.

Hey, guys! Uh, quick reminder, you can win a VIP trip for 2 to Miami!

Wow!

To hang out with The Levittard Show. Enter the Weekend Observations Picks Contest, presented by Miller Lite, by October 26th for your chance to win. Must be 21 or older. Visit draftkings.com for all the details.

I'm thick down low.

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