Transcript of Bill Simmons Has Miami Heat Derangement Syndrome | Local Hour

Howdy folks, it's Mike Ryan. You know, The Labattard Show and Miller Lite go way back. Pretty much, I want to say like 95% of our existence we've been partnered with Miller Lite. And we believe in Miller Lite, they believe in us. It's great to have a partner with a product you truly love. That's me with Miller Lite. I love Miller Lite, always have. In fact, I consider myself a bit of a Miller Time MVP. The friend who says they've got it. I'll pick the spot. I'll throw the cooler in the trunk, bring some Miller Lite, and suddenly what was supposed to be a couple of hours turns into a whole afternoon. That's me, the Miller Time MVP. And it's great for summer hangs. Cools the body down, that beautiful white can. Not much better than an ice cold Miller Lite because it's brewed for taste with simple ingredients. Clean, refreshing, and easy to drink in the Miami heat. An all-American summer starts with an all-American beer.

Miller Lite.

Go to millerlite.com/dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

Greg, there's a lot about the last few months that have rekindled all of those feelings from 2010 to 2014 when the Heat and Miami were fighting against the rest of the country. But this morning, surprising to me because LeBron's in Philadelphia and it happened a few days ago, this morning I walked into one of the great blessings from the last 16 years, which is Zazz and Mike Ryan clearly agitated by Bill Simmons. I've missed that so much. It's been so, it's been so long since we've really had, uh, the wonderful tensions of media guy said a thing about our team and our media.

I was really mad yesterday. Now I can probably get riled up again today because just hearing what I heard yesterday will likely get me really angry again. But I was mad yesterday. Really?

I wasn't mad.

No, I was mad.

I wasn't mad. I sat back with a huge smile on my face when I heard this sound that we'll play in a little bit.

No, there was no smiling from me.

Oh, I'm smiling. Like, man, what's—

we got him.

What's Phil saying? What's he saying?

We got him.

We'll play the sound in a little bit. But he was doing— he can be a bit of an overgrown toddler. And so he wishes for LeBron to come to Miami so he doesn't appear afraid of Miami. But he's saying it because he's afraid of Miami, because he's got some sort of scars that it comes— when it comes to however it is, the Miami experience, how, how Boston— how he on behalf of the Boston media experiences us on behalf of the Miami media.

He's deranged.

He has HDS. Yeah, the clip that we're going to play later is Heat Derangement Syndrome.

It's a deranged man.

Well, his Celtics have had such a good offseason, so you can imagine, uh, what kind of mood he's in.

And, and look, I'm probably not the person to say this, all right, but Bill Simmons has been wrong about everything this summer.

Everything.

You're not the person to say that. That's why I preface it, because you've also, you've also been wrong about everything. You've been equally wrong about about everything, uh, this summer. But it is— it, it's one thing though to be the, the team that trades Jaylen Brown. It's another to watch your rival take Giannis from you and then see the Jaylen Brown turned into Philadelphia, another rival of yours, turning that into LeBron James because your genius executive decided to trade Jaylen Brown.

This—

it's just not something you see very often. It's rare enough for a team to trade a star to its rival like that by itself is rare enough. Or to make a trade of any kind, to make a trade of any kind. But to make a trade that nets your rival two superstars that makes their team more interesting than yours, that doesn't happen very often.

I heard it was the first time that two Finals MVPs were taken, were gotten by the team.

Woo!

I'm with you. I'm with you. We got it.

Woo!

First time in history that two Finals MVPs ended up on the same team in the same offseason.

There you go.

There you go.

There it is. What are you laughing about?

What was the sound that you just made, Zazzle?

You are listening to the Dan Levitan Show in partnership with the DraftKings Sports App, now live in all 50 states.

I was not here last Thursday and Friday. Greg Cody was not here last Thursday and Friday. So the crew was dissecting whether this sound from Bill Simmons was about About us or in general about the Miami media last week? There's two reasons I think it would be fun if he went to Miami. One is that I think that's a terrible fit of all those guys together. And two, they're annoying fans. They're even more annoying media will be going nuts that they think they're gonna win the title. And it's gonna be really fun to watch that crash and burn.

So more annoying media. Great little shot there.

This is my favorite. What a hater.

It's not annoying media. What are you talking about?

He just whipped that in there.

It's the most annoying media.

They know.

Simmons is a hater. This is my favorite version.

They know it.

That's the only—

that's the only way they get attention. So we have some fresh sound from Simmons, but Mike and Zazz were of consensus that that was not about us. And Jeremy and Damashek were saying that sound is absolutely about us. And I'm with them. I'm not with Mike and Zazz. I think that's about us. I do not believe that that's about Ira Winderman. I don't believe that's about Ethan Skolnick. I don't believe that that's about Steve Wine. I don't believe that's about Tim Reynolds. I think that he is directing that directly at us, and more specifically me.

Well, I think what I'm doing there is I don't disagree with him because I think it's all the names that you highlighted there that annoy me.

I don't think that he knows who those people are. I don't think he knows who Tim Reynolds is. You think that's about Tim Reynolds?

Well, strong disagree that the basketball guy doesn't know every beat writer. He's a basketball nerd.

Yeah, I, I think I think maybe you're not aware of the Miami media, not this show, of the Miami media's reputation in, you know, in NBA circles around the country. Like, I listen to NBA radio on SiriusXM every day. Every morning they're making fun of Tim Reynolds and the Miami media.

Oh, but that's because of Frank Isola. He actually runs into these people at gyms. That's not what's happening. Bill Simmons isn't running into Tim Reynolds, nor is he reading the work of Tim Reynolds for the Associated Press.

I think you're wrong here. I think Bill Simmons loves basketball and he knows all the players and listens to SiriusXM NBA. I think he knows it all.

I think he knows all the guys. I mean, look, I tried. I tried reading that big book of basketball he wrote. What a piece of shit that is.

Oh my God. Oh my God. That's not nice.

That book is garbage.

I'm sorry. What are you doing?

I'm giving my opinion.

Well, but why? So you didn't even finish it? Why is the book gone?

I couldn't finish it. I had to stop. I got like halfway through. It's years ago. Years ago. I got like halfway through. I can't read this anymore.

I couldn't read a book of basketball because basketball was ongoing. I'm like, the second I pick this up, it becomes dated.

Yeah.

That's not a good book, Dan.

Uh, please stop doing that.

Like, that's, uh, that's definitely gonna stick to Dan, so thank you.

I'm allowed to not like a book.

You are allowed to not like a book, but you're coming down very strong on a best-selling book that nobody has that strong an opinion on negatively. I have not heard anybody but you have that strong of an opinion on that. What are you laughing about, Cody?

He just, before my eyes, he just killed, murdered a bug and then just shook it off like it was nothing.

Well, what should I do, should I left it on my hand?

Yes.

What?

Quit killing a living thing. Other than when I want to eat a steak, I don't care about that, but quit killing a bug. Anyway, what were you saying?

What's the largest animal that's acceptable to kill?

Um, obviously a big beef cow, cattle, whatever.

I guess that's true.

A big beef cow.

No, but if that happened in front of people, they would be shocked.

If I saw you murk— I mean like you. I'm not talking about like a butcher. Right.

Is it a mouse? I got it at a mouse.

A possum.

I think the snake?

Possum.

Possum?

You would kill a possum?

I hate possums.

Obviously, it's a possum with my car.

Is it possum or which ones are opossum?

The same thing.

It's spelled opossum.

Opossum's North America.

No wonder you couldn't read the book.

Nobody said I couldn't read the book.

I think it's mouse.

The fact that I read the book is why I didn't like it. If I couldn't read it, I would not know if I liked it or not. But I can read, and that's how I knew this is not a good book.

I guess it's a type of fish.

That's true. Fish.

Yeah.

Uh, show me fish.

Marlin, like a big-ass marlin.

Yep.

Put it on.

Mm-hmm.

On the board, yep.

I just don't understand how Greg thought it was weird that there was a bug and I decided to get rid of the bug.

I don't, you know, why kill a bug? What harm is it doing to you? I saw it flitting across the desk.

So clearly it's distracting to people, us, doing a show.

I know, but I get past it. You know, I live with the distraction. I'm a professional. I don't let it interrupt me. Listen to this. And then I'm seeing somebody else kill a bug in front of me?

A lot of self-awareness here.

It's ridiculous. And by the way, thank you for acknowledging that I was the only one in this room who accurately predicted, don't leave out Philadelphia when you're talking about landing spots for LeBron James. And everybody, starting with this guy, just dismissed it out of hand, made fun of me. Who was right?

Who won?

I did.

I didn't bring that up. You're just thanking me for something that has not been brought up.

I was under the impression I had heard something about that. I apologize.

Nobody brought it up.

Okay, I'm sorry.

You were the one.

That is not true. I thought you murmured congratulations or something.

Do you firmly believe Bill Simmons was talking about us?

Well, put it on the poll at Le Batard.

You specifically put it on the poll at Le Batard Show.

Do you know the difference between a possum and an opossum? And also put on the poll, is Bill Simmons familiar with the work of Tim Reynolds of the Associated Press? Put that on the poll as well. But let's hear the most recent sound here from Bill Simmons, because this is going to be a hell of a 4-5 matchup in the first round of the Eastern Conference playoffs when the Heat match up against the Celtics. These guys, the second biggest losers in Miami. They got dick teased nice and hard by LeBron and his camp. They really, yeah. They have, they had that $8.5 million spot burning a hole in their pocket. And now they're looking at Bradley Beal, DeMar DeRozan. Well, that's, those guys deserve $8.5 million. LeBron deserves $80.5 million. But yeah, those, they, they, I almost said Miami as my number one biggest loser because they, there's nothing they can do.

They're so fucked.

All right. So everyone in the world, United States and the rest of the globe is absolutely allowed to laugh at Miami not getting LeBron James, but not the team that traded Jaylen Brown so that Philadelphia could get LeBron James. That's the, the one team in the one group of people in the world who are not allowed to laugh at that is the team that got worst by the most this offseason with a move that got that franchise laughed at more than any move in its historic, historic history.

I mean, the Heat are screwed. They, they acquired the best player to change teams this offseason, hands down, not debatable. They acquired the best player who changed teams this offseason, a player, by the way, whom Boston tried to get. And because Miami got him, Boston is a laughingstock this summer. Matter of fact, if Miami's number 2 loser this summer, Boston better be number 1. Boston better be number 1. The entire league is laughing at the Celtics. They traded away Jaylen Brown, they got Paul George's corpse in return, and as a result, they indirectly— or you know what, I'll change it, they directly, they directly allowed Philadelphia to get LeBron James. Boston is a laughingstock, and it was the Heat, it was the Heat that started this offseason tailspin. With the Boston Celtics. Get the hell out of here.

Woo!

I didn't hear what happened before. I hope Boston was the top loser because I don't, I don't know who else could possibly be the top loser in all of this. Yeah, don't forget they blew a 3-1 lead to the 7th seed Sixers that started this whole thing. They didn't want to give up something called Hugo Gonzalez. They failed in their pursuits of Giannis, as you highlighted. Which led to Giannis going to one of their top 2 rivals, and then Jaylen Brown going to another one of their top 2 rivals, which made Philadelphia the most attractive team in the East for LeBron James to go and change all the market prices inside of that conference. It has been a disastrous offseason. And I listened to that and I didn't get angry. I had a huge smile. What a cope. That is, that is hilarious to me. Look at that smile and that tan. The guy is reaching, grasping for straws to help him cope with this disastrous offseason of Boston. And as a Miami Heat fan, I love it.

This is just a sour grapes off. Bill has sour grapes. We have sour grapes. Like, no, we have more sour grapes than you do.

Yes.

No, you're right. You're exactly right. But they should have the sourest of the grapes.

They have the sourest.

I'm with you.

At the end of the day, you're calling somebody a loser that beat you to get Giannis.

Seems like his biggest loser of the offseason was the Golden State Warriors, not the Boston Celtics.

I don't know, like the Boston Celtics had arguably the worst offseason ever.

Paul George.

They got Paul George. This was after their best player called this his favorite year.

Mitchell Robinson, is that it?

That's a good acquisition.

I mean, it takes him away from the Knicks, but you cannot get more disastrous, uh, disastrous than having to trade A Finals MVP because you botched the whole situation. Remember, you tried to do the cutesy thing of trying to offer him in a deal but not letting anybody know that tanks the market, because once everybody found out that you actually did offer him, you got no lev anymore.

Disaster.

Dan, LeBron James plays for Philadelphia now. Giannis Antetokounmpo plays for Miami now because the Celtics didn't want to part with Hugo Gonzalez.

Okay, uh, I've got a number of things that I've got to clarify here, and the first is I will not allow the, uh, the blasphemy against Hugo González because he's one of us and we need to defend him and he's good. And I understand that they didn't want to part with him, but I'm not going to slander a González, not here. The other things I want to ask you: sour grapes. Shouldn't it be something worse than sour grapes? Like, I'm trying to understand the terminology sour grapes. When grapes sour, why is sour grapes the expression? Does anyone know the answer to this question. And the other question that I have is laughingstock. Like, what technically is a laughingstock?

Celtics.

Where does that phrase come from? And the other thing I want to do is Mitchell Robinson. That's exactly what they need. Somebody who's just going to get a ton of offensive rebounds. That's undervalued in the league. And I don't understand why it's undervalued in the league. Andre Drummond is also great at it. Anyone who gets you more chances at baskets, that seems to be something that I would pay more money for than what it's presently going for, even though there's been a move to giving these centers some money.

The issue is that he plays like 26 minutes a game.

I'll take the 26 minutes he's in there to get extra possessions for my team to shoot threes, because that's the way I'm playing basketball. I want offensive rebounds.

Damn, they failed in trying to get Giannis. They tanked the market in the process for Jaylen Brown. They got back what Bill Simmons has— we have audio of him calling the second-worst contract in the league. They got Paul George in return. Now Boston, as you mentioned, that is a, a feisty 4-5 matchup right now as presently constituted between the Boston Celtics and the Miami Heat. He'll have a better record. But that was a 2-seed that was up 3-1, and in blowing that, they changed the course of NBA history.

By the way, Dan, the other guy in the clip with Bill Simmons saying the heater screwed was wearing a wizard's hat.

The thing that I am at least slightly confused by, because it just doesn't happen very often when we have so much division and you can't get a consensus on just about anything. The idea that the Jaylen Brown trade is the trade in Boston history that results in the most laughter that there's ever been for a Celtics transaction and goes in the pantheon with trading Mookie Betts and trading Babe Ruth., but instantaneously you get everyone agreeing on the idea of that's laughable. Everything that just happened there is something that we all agree is the funniest thing as a transaction that the Celtics have ever done. It's just crazy to me that I can't find the people who are supporting this. I can't even find in the Boston media and Boston fandom anyone supporting with this with, I like Paul George as player, or just— I can't find anyone, not an AP writer in Boston, not Gary Washburn, not anybody I can't find who is saying anything that is other than laugh at this franchise. This is funny.

That's what's tone deaf about what Bill Simmons is saying. I don't care if he makes fun of the Miami media, but, but look and look in the mirror and see what your team has been doing this offseason. Jaylen Brown is going to go down as— granted, a couple of years ago out of Dallas, we saw a worse trade. But Jaylen Brown's going to go down as one, literally one of the worst trades in NBA history.

I'm down for laughing at Miami. We did work ourselves up into a lather. We're one of the few teams in this entire mix that feels let down, even though Miami's had a great offseason. What I'm not down with is having a shit-eating grin on your face as you try to make fun of the team that actually got Giannis.

I don't agree with what Greg Cody is saying there. I don't think this is going to be an eternally echoing, laughing transaction. I believe that Jaylen Brown's contract is the first of its kind that's going to be moved in a shift of the league where everyone's going to avoid the second apron and you can't have 70% of your salaries tied up in two guys. And I don't think it's going to go— he's not the player that Mookie Betts and Babe Ruth are. He's fine. He's a good player. I'm not saying he's not.

We had to check if that transaction was real. That's never good.

I'm not disputing that part. I'm just saying that this can be a little prisoner of the moment because it's not even the Luka deal. Like, it's just—

it's—

no, but it got compared to the Luka deal. That was the only— that was the only comparison that we could make at the time where we all were like, is this a fake Shams?

I'm not disputing that it's worthy of making fun of. I'm just simply not willing to say that we're going to look at this 10 years from now and say to ourselves, I remember how terrible a trade that was. I believe that Jaylen Brown is going to have some issues in Philadelphia when they're trying to decide who the hell is going to have the ball the most there. And Maxey and LeBron are going to want it just as much as he wants.

You feel like the guy who called his favorite season, a year that they lost in the first round, blowing a 3-1 lead. You feel like he may not be down with sacrificing.

So we're saying the sour grapes expression comes from an Aesop fable called The Fox and the Grapes. A fox tries hard to reach for some juicy grapes high on a vine. When he fails to reach them, he walks away and says the grapes are likely sour and no good anyway.

However this ends with, with Jaylen Brown in Philadelphia, I think when we're doing this check in 10 years from now thing, there's at least a couple of Finals appearances for Philadelphia. They have a great roster for flexibility that we mentioned this yesterday. Even if things start to implode, even if the fit isn't perfect, they can move out from some of these contracts.

Mike, the problem is that Joel Embiid was the MVP of the league. He scored 70 points in a game and they didn't make it to the, to the Conference Finals.

Like, yeah, I guess you can look back and be like, Joel Embiid broke Boston over his knee in a legendary elimination. Yeah, he does that. But now they've added two Finals MVPs in LeBron James and Jaylen Brown. Like, they beat— they came back from a 3-1 deficit without those guys against the 2-seed Boston Celtics. This team is loaded as a starting five. Loaded.

I got the shit kicked in by the Knicks the next—

exactly right. Do we think that this team makes a conference championship this year?

The problem with everything that's happening here, and I will continue to say this again and again because I'm a little startled at how forgetful people are about what I'm about to say, because it's only the most obvious thing. You cannot trust Joel Embiid.

Like, period.

You cannot trust that. That's like— in what world am I living in where anyone trusts that to be healthy?

All right, they got to the second round and they've added Jaylen Brown and LeBron James.

I, I—

hey, this is not hard. It's not hard. They've dramatically improved. Even if Joel Embiid does the same Joel Embiid bullshit, they're going to be right in that mix.

And by the way, it's not even like, hey, we need to get to the postseason with Embiid healthy, able to play. He, he misses playoff games every year. Like he's in and out, including this past year. He's in and out of the lineup in the playoffs every season.

He's missed half of the games in his career. You can't trust him. You can't assume he's going to play 50 games. The over-under might be 40 with him. You, you just can't assume anything with Embiid, and, and that's a huge factor that overrides the LeBron acquisition because it's always going to be there. His, his injury proneness is, is ever ready. It's always there.

What are your guys' thoughts on Richard Jefferson saying on his podcast that the Heat have a 5-year championship window with Giannis? The quote is, Giannis's window for being a top 5, 10 player in this league is a lot longer than a player who is 6'7", so I think they you have a 5-year window with Giannis to build a proper team around him where he can still be a guy who can lead you to a championship from 31 to 36 years old.

I think that's best-case scenario.

That's generous.

That's awesome. If he gave them 5 more years of his prime, I'm very confident that the Heat will make the finals.

Well, it won't be of his prime. It won't. You're not going to get 5 years of his prime. You're going to get 5 years of his 30s.

Yeah, but you have a championship window where you can hope, even if he does get hurt, that if this guy returns to form— kind of like the Embiid thing— if this guy is healthy, though the injury history is not nearly the same, I do firmly believe the Heat right now are the worst they're going to be, uh, for the next 3.5, 4 seasons.

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Howdy folks, it's Mike Ryan. You know, The Lebatard Show and Miller Lite go way back. Pretty much, I want to say like 95% of our existence we've been partnered with Miller Lite, and we believe in Miller Lite, they believe in us. It's great to have a partner with a product you truly love. That's me with Miller Lite. I love Miller Lite, always have. In fact, I consider myself a bit of a Miller Time MVP, the friend who says they've got I'll pick the spot, I'll throw the cooler in the trunk, bring some Miller Lite, and suddenly what was supposed to be a couple of hours turns into a whole afternoon. That's me, the Miller Time MVP. And it's great for summer hangs, cools the body down, that beautiful white can. Not much better than an ice-cold Miller Lite because it's brewed for taste with simple ingredients. Clean, refreshing, and easy to drink in the Miami heat. An all-American summer starts with an all-American beer.

Miller Lite.

Go to MillerLite.com/Dane to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

Down, Levitar!

I'm not going to apologize.

I wouldn't expect you to apologize. Then you're a giant infant. Okay. You have no control over your emotions. You have no control over your emotions when you're calling someone you know an idiot. I don't deserve it. Okay, I don't deserve it. All right, and you're a fool for saying it.

Okay, great, Cody, you're a fool.

Yeah, I was kind of following.

Oh, you're locking in right now? You're locking in on us? Yeah, all right, let's drop the gloves, pal. Let's talk. You should be thanking me.

For what?

Every day.

For what?

For what I've done around this character. And the second shit gets real for you, you want to come at me and call me a fool?

Yeah, no, no, no, seriously, Jeremy.

Seriously, pal, I've added 10 years to your career.

This is the Dan Levitan Show. Greg Cody of the Miami Herald, uh, came in here today with something that is wildly unsurprising, and, uh, he is steadfast about it. He has announced— the legendary Miami Herald columnist who has been covering the Miami Dolphins for more than half a century in this market. Greg Cody has announced that the Dolphins will be better than anyone expects them to be.

Correct. Yeah, there's no question about that. And that's not homerism. You know what that is? That's me stepping over a very low bar. Okay, I'm not predicting the playoffs. I'm not saying they're gonna, they're gonna go 10-7.

They're expected to be the worst team in the league, and the market price on them for the season is 4.5 games, for 4.5 Victories.

Yeah, they're the second worst team behind, uh, ahead of only Arizona. Arizona is like 500 to 1 to win the Super Bowl, and, uh, and the Dolphins are like 400 to 1. They're not going to win the Super Bowl, and I'm not saying they are.

Oh dear God, we started on Super Bowl prediction.

Mark it down for the Suez, they're not going to win the Super Bowl.

4.5 games is the easiest overbet easiest bet in football.

You said this last year when the number was 7.5. You said it was the easiest bet in football.

I missed by half a game. You missed by half a game.

You missed the easiest bet. You got the easiest bet in football wrong.

Easiest bet means they should go over by several games.

Dolphins have a pretty good defense. They have a legit quarterback, better than Tua.

Oh, you can't be that confident in saying that.

You don't know that. They upgraded at the, at the most important position. De'Von Achane is one of the best running backs in the game. They have 3 all-star caliber offensive linemen. I think they're going to be better than people think.

Greg, have you seen the schedule, dude?

A tough schedule.

Have you seen the schedule? If they don't get the win week 1 at the Raiders, if they don't, they're at San Francisco the next week, at home to the Chiefs, on the road to Minnesota, at home against Joe Burrow and the Bengals. Then maybe one of your, one of your opportunities here to get 25% of that win total that you need at the Jets, which by the way, the Jets are looking at that game saying, we gotta take that one.

Do you know, do you know how impossibly bad the money thinks you are when they've got you at 4.5 wins and you get the blessing of playing the Jets twice a year?

Yes.

Oh, here's, here's what happens around those Jets games. Dolphins at Jets, road game. Tough. Uh, they host the AFC champion New England Patriots, then they host the Detroit Lions, then they're on the road at the Indianapolis Colts, then they're on the road at Highmark Stadium against the Buffalo Bills, and then sweet salvation, the Jets are back, we host them, we can win that one. Then let's go to Denver, then let's go to Chicago, then let's go to Green Bay. Hey, then Mike McDaniel comes back to town with an AFC prohibited favorite in the, uh, LA Chargers, and then we host the Buffalo Bills. We get to host them in January. They don't even get the warm weather game down here. And then we close at Foxborough. This is— they need to sweep the Jets for you to have a shot.

Greg, I want, I want to hear which 5 games you think they're winning.

And I just want to add, the Miami Dolphins will be favored once next year.

Yes, correct.

One time they will be favored against the Jets at home, and that's it.

Yeah. And then only by 1.5 or 2 points less than the standard 3-point home field advantage. I'm not, I'm not saying anything you don't know. They're expected to be awful. The odds are they're expected to be 1-16. And Mike's right, they have the second most difficult schedule in the entire NFL. I just think they're going to be better than people think. They're not tanking under this new regime.

But what's that mean? 5 wins? Is that like what—

Oh, that's the upside. Yeah, would be 5 wins.

If they have 5 wins, you have a quarterback for the future and you've made good hires.

Can a team— has a team ever won 5 games and the summary at the end of the season was they were better than people thought?

I think this time.

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

I think this time. This is a really impossibly difficult schedule.

I want to talk to you guys about a couple of the things that you just mentioned. But Tony, have you looked up laughingstock? Greg, do you know what a laughingstock is?

I don't. I assume it's meant that you're in a stock and people are laughing at you.

It's exactly what it is. I didn't even have to look it up. I knew that off the top of my head. It's when in the medieval times, they used to put you in a stock to mock you. They would throw tomatoes at you and certain things, and it's called a laughingstock because people would walk by and be like, "Hahaha, look at this guy!" Put it on the poll at @LebatardShow.

Did you know in the medieval times that when they threw tomatoes at you, it was known as a laughingstock? Because I did not know that. You also mentioned a couple of other things. You mentioned the Arizona Cardinals. You guys see what happened with McBride where he says, "We have no fans"? He, uh, I think it was on the bus and with the boys podcast. Well, he walked it back afterward. He shouldn't have said that. He made a lot of people mad, and then he's like, "No, no, We got great fans. No, buddy, you already said it. Oh man, like you can take it back, but we already know. We know how you feel already, and you can do a little bit of a dance and a shimmy and a shake, but we know exactly what it is you said. You said you have no fans. You didn't misspeak. You said it.

What was the third baseman's name for the Phillies a couple years ago where he was caught mouthing when he came off the field after he committed an error, and it was at home, and he said something like, I hate this fucking town? Who was that guy again? You remember what I'm talking about?

Committed to what?

An error.

Whoo!

Alec Baum?

Was it Baum?

I don't know that fool.

Alec Baum. Sure.

Yeah.

Okay.

The thing that the Marlins and their 12-game losing streak yesterday against Philadelphia makes no sense the way they did it. Nobody can hit their closer or their starter. And the Marlins did both to win the game in the 9th inning. The thing you mentioned about Tua, I just saw on the televisions here, put this on the poll as well. Is ESPN contractually obligated to talk about Shedeur Sanders? Yes or no? Because I just saw their quarterback battles and they made McCarthy-Kyler Murray a quarterback battle. Is it like— are we assuming that that's a quarterback battle?

It is.

I assume week 1, Kyler Murray is their starter. You guys don't assume that?

No. I mean, McCarthy's a top draft pick who happened to be injured.

He's a— yeah, but he's a top draft pick at the time when we changed everything and made it just that you got to take a guy in the top 10 at quarterback because the biggest gift that you can have in in that sport is hitting on a value pick at a locked contract when he's young. Uh, I, man, Michigan spent its entire championship season hiding him from us. Like, I— maybe he's good. I've seen no proof of it in the pros except one fourth quarter he played in a night game. Like, I've seen zero proof. Like, I don't believe that that's going to be better than Kyler Murray to Justin Jefferson, but I don't know why people are doing that. They're telling me it's a contest. They're also saying Tua and Penix is a contest. You guys believe who will be the starter there week one?

Penix?

I think it's totally up in the air. I think that's one of the closest races in the NFL.

I think it's Tua.

I don't know if Penix's body is going to be ready yet. I think it's Tua.

And Tua's is?

Yeah, more so than Penix. Penix has a lot to overcome. Like, remember, he entered the league with like cooked knees, and I, I don't know.

Tua's got to overcome being bad.

Well, and, and injured all the time. I mean, Tua's healthy like Embiid is healthy.

No, but right now and for the next minute, I'm not sure Penix can I have to look it up, but like, there's a lot of question marks surrounding his ability to continue playing.

I'm surprised you guys are— I thought that by and large, the J.J. McCarthy experiment in Minnesota, we saw what it was. And there's less time on these things than there's ever been. You can pull the plug quickly because you're not paying these guys that much and you don't get Kyler Murray to be your backup. That's not— Kyler Murray selected Minnesota because it's the place where he thinks he's going to start.

Yeah, that's the same reason that Tua selected Atlanta, right?

I mean, Kyler Murray's he's a retread. Kyler Murray, I don't think, is held in great esteem anymore. He's a, he's a mid-age veteran who needs to prove himself all over again.

So Penix still hasn't been cleared fully. He's torn his right ACL twice. Last year he tore his left ACL. He had two shoulder injuries in college. It's an uphill battle for that guy to overcome those injuries.

You remember when I said it'll be Penix? It's not going to be Penix.

Is Arizona going with Jacoby Brissett as its starting quarterback?

$15 million.

Yeah, I would think so.

And the most recent reports I saw from Carson Beck while he was good in, in the rookie camp. Not so good now.

Tua Penix, Murray McCarthy, and ESPN. And this, this is a sad, sad thing. If you've been someone who's a grandfather in Cleveland or a grandmother in Cleveland who has passed down your team to your kids and your grandkids, kids and the quarterback battle entering the season is Deshaun Watson and Sha'Dur Sanders.

Woof.

Like, you talk about—

well, they say woof as a celebratory thing over there.

Hopeless woof. Yeah, no, that's not the woof I'm talking about. I'm talking about a— I'm talking about a spanked dog, an abused dog. I'm talking about a dog that every day that the owner gets home, What? Every—

What?! Ooh! That sounded like me. Was it me?

It was you.

It was an echo. Down Levitar! Baker Mayfield tearing up Tampa Bay 38 for 45.

Greg Cody shred 'em!

This is The Dan Levitar Show. I wanna ask you guys a question about something that was happening during the World Cup that delighted me, but I was surprised by. Evidently, English language speakers en masse were going over to Telemundo to hear a language they could not understand and watch soccer— pretty easy game to watch and understand— and they preferred the emotion of the Spanish announcers and the poetry and fun of the Spanish language to English-speaking broadcast. And it made me think, after listening to some of the World Cup coverage and just hearing how emotional the announcers are, it made me wonder to myself, are American broadcasters, sports broadcasters, a bit repressed in terms of giving you emotion? Like, compared to the Hispanic ones, I suppose just about anybody would be, because the Hispanic ones are shouting all games. The broadcasters are exhausted, they're sweaty after the game, they're jumping up and down out of their seats. I guess anybody, but just generally speaking, when I put the World Baseball Classic against how the United States plays baseball, emotional repressions are all over the place in sports. Hell, I've been yelling and screaming for I don't know how many years about let the black guys dance.

Like, what's your problem with everything out here? And it's because there's just a general repression around sports that's weird to have around fun and games, which are supposed to be joyful experiences.

It's amazing to me that the Spanish broadcasters in soccer celebrated for their enthusiasm and their goal calls and all that. Why haven't English-speaking soccer broadcasters adopted that? There are exceptions. Ray Hudson brings that enthusiasm to describing a soccer game, but why don't more?

I think it's a cultural thing.

I— oh, that's going to be a really unfortunate Bleacher Report social media title. Let the black guys dance.

Dan Le Batard.

I don't like that one.

That's a misquote. I don't like that.

Yeah, in soccer— I definitely don't like it. In soccer, it's not an American American repression. It's an English repression. You mentioned like the, the Fox broadcast. Was there one American play-by-play guy in John Strong? They were mostly Englishmen. The, the English soccer play-by-play guys are a little bit more repressed. But in soccer, when I watch MLS and there are American voices there, they're excitable.

Ray Hudson is English.

I mean, you know, yeah, he's also not a play-by-play guy, but he's famously enthusiastic. But he's a color analyst.

So let's listen to why it is en masse people were going over to Telemundo. Telemundo crushed it during the World Cup. And people were going to find a language they don't understand because of how joyful it is.

Oh, Messi, se devía la pelota que cae al área. No pudo Julián Messi.

¡Gol!

¡Gol! ¡Gol! ¡Argentino! Que este equipo no te va a dejar tirado, dijo un día Messi. Que está viejo, que tiene 39, viejos son los trapos.

Que está fundido.

Mira nada más cómo le empalma Messi. Emocionante, le metió vértigo a Argentina. Y, uh, this is funny for a number of different reasons. Unfortunately, we don't have the video. If we did, you would have seen that Andrés Cantor fell to his knees, removed removed his slacks and was waving them over his head shirtless. Unfortunately, we don't have the rights to that video, but when you listen to it in English, it usually goes something like this: Messi at midfield, he's sauntering, looks like a man in a supermarket aisle with no true intention.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, González has the ball to him, it's on his left foot, he's slaloming, slaloming through the defense. You know, with Messi, it's that kind of thing. Seen it all his career. So forth and so on. His left foot, Cox, upper right corner, net rattles. Argentina 4-0. That's a good goal call. I don't know who that was.

I rate that.

That was pretty good, right?

Is there more of that?

Lionel Messi saltering in the midfield circle. No great intention in his play. He's moving at 1.4 miles per hour. They have stats on everything now, that kind of thing. Messi gets a pass. He gets a pass from Fernandez. He's moving a little bit right. He's jogging left. He's slaloming through 6 defenders. This is incredible. We've seen it before with Messi. His left foot cocks. The ball sails upper right corner. Net rattles. Argentina 4-1. Yeah, I like that guy. See, I don't need an enthusiastic broadcast I'm watching it with my own eyes. My eyes are dancing when a goal is scored. I don't need the repeated goal.

Was that an own goal?

Yeah, that was an own goal. Messi decided to—

he went the wrong way.

First goal was 4-0 and then it was 4-1.

Argentina's net rattled.

Well, it's a different game, I'm sure. I give that broadcaster—

Argentina's net rattled.

Some announce— I give that broadcaster some benefit of doubt.

Tony, help me please with the translation. When Andres Cantor is saying You said Messi was fundido. Fundido is a synonym for washed, but it's not quite washed.

Fundido is like sunken. Like he's sunken. It doesn't really work there, but fundido could also mean like the lights went out. Yeah, some sort of washed, but not in the literal term washed.

It is so nice though to hear Cantor grab that. Like you can hear the emotion emerging from his nether regions. It's come— that's coming from his hamstring. Strings. Like, that's where, where it starts. It starts back there, and then it just comes out, and he falls to his knees, and he's weeping. The electricity's just like—