Transcript of Jason Bourne vs. Miranda Priestly | Hour 2 New

This is the Dan Levatar Show with the Stugatz Podcast. All right, look, it's Friday. We suppress his topics all throughout the week. It's very excited, comes in in the morning and wants to talk about things that none of us want to hear. So, Jeremy, we're going to give you an opportunity here, but it's not free rein. All right.

Democracy.

Yeah, like you got 3 things, let's say, that you want to talk about. All right, we're not letting you talk about all 3. Uh, honestly, I don't want to hear about any of them, but you're gonna tell us which 3 you are most into, and we will, we will vote, and we will— man, I think you guys are really gonna like for one of them, but one of them.

No, there's some really great stuff going on that I'm really fired up about.

All right, let's hear it.

Number 1, uh This weekend, Olivia Rodrigo. I mentioned her last week. She's hosting SNL, host and musical guest. It kicks off a really great 3-week run to finish out this season.

All right, don't want to hear the whole thing. We're just hearing the topic.

Yeah, I know what he's doing. I know what he's doing.

Okay, so Olivia, that's the topic.

Okay.

All right, then, uh, in Broadway news, Evita is going to be transferring from the West End over to Broadway. Rachel Zegler, a star.

Okay, next, next, next. No, check this out. No, next, next.

All right, and then, um, lastly, uh Speaking of Broadway, Broadway star Derek Klena now a Savannah Banana.

Oh wow.

All right, which one will you choose?

I got stuff everywhere.

All right, so you're voting for Rachel Zegler in Evita?

Yeah, well, I did appear in a stage production of Evita.

I need to hear all about that.

I probably Savannah Banana thing.

Yeah, I'd vote for that one.

I've seen a couple clips of that. I saw him singing the one, uh, staring through the window.

Savannah Banana is the leader in the clubhouse. Roy?

Yes, Savannah Banana. Ah, but I did play Choir Boy Number 7.

Dave, your vote counts too.

I'm gonna go— well, I know it does, Zazz. I don't know why you would couch it in that way.

Because you're in LA, so we don't know if my vote counts.

I don't understand why you even say it in that manner. It's a strange thing because it calls into question whether or not my vote should count. I don't understand the game. I don't know what you're getting at, Zazzlo. But either way, I think what I'm hearing— Jerry, yes, Jerry. See, that's hurtful. My wife's going to love that. But you know what? You know, maybe she'll hate it because you know what? She has to take a look in the mirror. She's the one who chose to lay down next to me. And I didn't make that choice for her. That's a— that's a bear, right? Nude. Yeah. Nude. I think that if I'm reading between the lines, I think that Jerry Taché wants us to talk about Evita. I feel like that that's, that's where he— where Jerry is the most excited. So let's talk about that.

I would actually like to hear about Evita as well. So is it 3 to 3? Savannah Bananas.

Let's ask somebody else.

It's fine.

I'm praying for you even though you're already blessed.

I couldn't have meant any less with my vote for— like, I don't care, just do the one you got.

All right, Rachel Zegler. Go ahead, Jeremy. We're not giving you a ton of runway here, all right? We're gonna let you get the— get to the crux of what you want to talk about. Let's hear it.

Okay, so Rachel Zegler won the Olivier Award. It's an incredible production. One of the coolest moments of the entire show was when she would go out on the balcony on the West End and sing Don't Cry for Me Argentina, a triumphant moment where all of these people walking the streets of London would get to see this character. Is that where Michael Jackson held the baby?

It does look like it.

Bring that back up.

Time. Look, oh, it's over.

I look exactly like that.

All I was gonna let you know is that it's transferring to Broadway, and with that, they can't do this iconic scene because of gun violence in America.

What? You know what, I think it's good that they can't do this scene because Why should all those people on the street get to watch this performance for free? A bunch of freeloaders. And the people who are paying money in the theater, she walks outside for part of the show?

So they simulcast it into a screen on the theater, and the whole premise of this character is this is this leader that— in Eva Perón— that was sort of a controversial, but the first lady of Argentina.

You're just taking their money and not performing in front of them.

And so the whole premise of it was that she's one of the— like, one for the people.

I get it.

And so the symbolism of being able to perform for the people that are there while the people who are paying the high, expensive tickets of going to one of these shows, these elitist cultural consumers, have to just watch this projection of it onto the screen, it's a really beautiful moment. I was wrong about the Michael Jackson thing. Clearly a different balcony.

That's on me.

So they're going to have to figure out another way to do it. My suggestion? Just project all of it onto all of the screens of Times Square.

Guatemala and Tashay.

Zaslo brings up a fascinating point though, which is like, do you— so do you, Zas, are you against the people who sit up on the rooftops outside Wrigley and get to look in for free?

No, I mean, like, there's nothing that the Cubs can do about that. Like, they're not trying to perform for people who I see. Don't pay for it. This actress, the show is making a point of performing for people who are not paying.

I get you. So I hear your noise. What I resent more as a ticket buyer is at like Blue Man. Did you ever see that back in the '90s or whenever that was going on? Or one of the Cirque du Soleil or whatever. What I don't like is when I pay top dollar to watch your show, I'm there to be a passive consumer of it. Don't try to drag me into your show like, come on everybody, you might get— you're a part of the show. We'll call you up on stage whether you like it or not. Like, keep your hands off me. Yeah, I have no interest in that. I'm here to sit in the chair and watch you dance and do your flipping around to and fro. Don't drag me up here, Blue Man.

I went to Blue Man Group a couple years ago. I'd seen them a couple times. I went a couple years ago. Sitting pretty close to the front of the theater, and in the first couple rows you gotta wear like a raincoat.

More than once you went? That's weirder than the 30 Pearl Jam shows by a lot.

Uh, video team, let's get Zazz photoshopped as a member of the Blue Man Group.

Yeah, that'll be easy.

Uh, Dave, I, uh, I, I heard you talking a little bit about this before the show today where you had a, uh, you had a pretty terrible in-flight experience.

Yeah, well, I did actually because I had such a glorious time on the banks of the Three Rivers, Pittsburgh, PA, representing itself just beautifully. I think 100% positive reviews of the draft experience there. Sully, then, as I returned, as I made my figurative and literal return to the rest of the world, 30,000 feet in the sky, grim reality seated next to me. The lady, they give out the little pretzels and she had her little bag.

And then now you're sitting coach, you're sitting coach, obviously. What was it obvious? I don't know, man of your stuff.

I'm a man of the people. I'm a man of the people.

Now, are you sitting in the middle seat?

No, no, I, I take— I go to, to great lengths, you know. Can I remember who the 3 people were Um, I once saw on a plane, um, who— Rob Zombie. That— this is— I was waiting for the flight. Well, here's the— here's the thing that was striking to me. I don't know how this happened. A flight from Chicago to LA, 3 celebrities on the same flight. You know, they usually say if there's a big celebrity on the flight, you should feel safe because they very rarely go down, Buddy Holly notwithstanding. Um, the, uh, I'd say Rob Zombie, Sinbad, and, uh, and Tom Green are all waiting for the same flight.

All the same front rotation.

One of them was in coach in the mid— in the dirty middle seat.

Oh, can we guess?

In the dirty middle seat, who do you think it was?

Sinbad?

Tom Green?

How many years ago?

I'm going— yeah, how many years ago matters?

15.

Let's say 15.

All right. I'm going Tom Green.

It was Rob Zombie. Wow.

No, but he's tiny, I guess.

He's tiny so he can fit in the middle seat.

Mr. Tough Guy, Mr. Rock and Roll is right, riding in the dirty hump.

But anyway, I would not take a flight if the only seat left available for me was a middle seat. I wouldn't fly it.

What if you want— like, I've done that for standby flights.

No, and where I think, I think if you're in the middle You have some claim to like, I think you have, you know, people do the thing about who controls the window. Obviously the person sitting next to it, as raw as I can get, if I'm on the aisle, like I'd really rather that window open. It is under your control, person seated there, and there's nothing I can rightly do about that. Um, I, I feel like the middle person should, because they're riding hump, they should get some claim of dignity and otherwise and get to control the arm handles. And in fact, if they want to claim their elbow takes priority to your elbow, of course, shared armrest. But she was doing it in such a way that I was a little bit like, come on now, you're really consuming way too much armrest.

But like, was her elbow encroaching on your side?

I also, I also don't like when— I also don't like when somebody assumes like, I'm just going to leave it up. Like, we're not You and I don't know each other.

No, you got it.

I like that. I like the barrier.

You got to put it down. It's a barrier. You're right. You got to put it down.

I hate to be rigid like that, but, but I need— but why do I need it? Because of incidents like what I experienced. So we were post pretzel now. And, and she, she— and I'm not exaggerating this for embellishment's sake.

She—

for 20 minutes this goes on. 20 minutes. She starts sticking every digit she's got into her maw to clear out whatever pretzel remnants. Now, now, now, uh, now made, uh, I don't even— oh wait, her saliva combined with the remnants of this stale bread now stuck in her teeth, and she's yanking it out. Yeah, like that, like, like, like Tashay, like Jerry Tashay apparently once did. And she's there, index finger, my name is Jeremy, in the back. Then thumb on the roof of the mouth, then a pinky to get in there. And after every single one, she punctuates it as though she's polishing off a lollipop and goes, every single time, the spit sound. And I really was becoming incred— because I'm a delicate flower, I understand, but I was becoming increasingly nauseated and I thought I may have to vomit. And then I was like, where's the bag? That'll teach her. but I thought even better if I just vomited directly onto her shoes. How say you? Too much? What's the correct response to this? How about act like a human being? And then I— here's the thing, what I don't like is then I'm the bad guy.

Now I'm the bad guy for that bothering me and being disgusted by that. But she's the one who's running afoul of decency, right?

Well, she's obviously a disgusting person, but if I'm in your spot, like, there's nothing I can do about it because I don't want to I don't want to be in that weird, uncomfortable place for the remainder of the flight. You're literally stuck right next to her. It sucks. I wouldn't have said anything.

Yeah, well, that's the right— that's what— that's what Dumb Dave sometimes does. Sometimes Dumb Dave makes noises like, ah, or whatever. But also, like, I did— I may have made more than one guttural sound of disgust.

Really?

After she made— after one of those, I went, "Ugh," like that.

Really?

I sometimes do that, and sometimes people hear that. I don't know, I feel like it's ambiguous enough that you might not, if you have guilty ears, if you know that this is a little gross what you're doing, you might hear that, "Ugh," and realize, "Oh, people around me are noticing. This is gross what I'm doing." It's really disgusting. And maybe it gets them in the line. I don't know, what's the right moves, Aslo? You say, "Really?" Like, what should I do? I just have to sit there and figuratively eat it?

No, no, no. You doing that is the right move. You saying something is the right move. I'm telling you, I wouldn't be able to do the right move. Like, I'm the one who's being soft in that spot by not doing anything. You totally should do something. I just, I don't like the uncomfortableness of now being stuck next to that person, for that disgusting person, with this awkwardness for the remainder of the flight. That's on me though. Like, I'm not doing the right thing in that spot.

Yeah, it was, there were no good choices there is the bottom line. And it's on her. Thanks a lot, lady. Uh, go sit with Rob Zombie, you know.

Hey, it's Mike Ryan, and I want to talk to you about the random midweek hang that you have with your friends. Maybe it's an NBA game. You get a text, hey, come over, you want to watch the game? And maybe you're like, ah, I don't know, I kind of just wanted to stay home. And then you think about it after your buddy hits you up, and you know just the thing that'll make that regular hang, that regular midweek hang around the basketball game into a special time, into a Miller Time. That's right, this happened to me just last week. I grabbed a 6-pack of Miller Lite, said I was on my way, and next thing you know, we're arguing about rotations like we're on the coaching staff, yelling about a missed call, and the game's coming down to the final possession. It was one of those nights that you look around, you take a sip, and you think, "Yeah, this was the right call, and my friendship's stronger for it." Cheers to legendary moments with Miller Lite. Great taste, 96 calories. Go to millerlite.com/dan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer.

It's Miller time! Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

Going for 2 when you're up by 5. Switching the zone when man isn't working. Oh, and building your new stadium in the state your team actually plays in. In sports, some things just make sense. You know what else makes sense? Drinking Jägermeister shots ice cold. Drinking it any other way would be like punting on first down! Or letting your worst hitter bat first! Or like going for two when you're down three with a second to go! It wouldn't make any sense! So don't let the team down. When it comes to Jägermeister, drink it cold or don't drink it at all! Jägermeister, damn, that's cold! Drink responsibly. Jägermeister Likör, 35% alcohol by volume, imported by Mast Jägermeister US, White Plains, New York.

Don Lebatard. John, can you rate my Al Pacino from that billiard scene in Carlito's Way if I do it for you? I think it's pretty good.

Yeah.

Okay.

Stugatz. You think you're big time?

Well, you're gonna die big time. That is on my infamous scale of 1 to 10, that's a, that's a 7.6.

Solid. Good job.

Good job. That's a Sui nominee.

This is the Don Levitar Show with the Stugatz. Mike, you are going next weekend to see the new Mortal Kombat movie. Oh yeah, do you already have your tickets?

I do.

I am— this is the second— this is Mortal Kombat, the second one. The The first one came out, what, like 4, 5, 6 years ago, something like that?

2021, during the pandemic. It was one of those HBO Max initial releases.

Okay.

Yeah, and I loved it.

I liked it too.

I did a rewatch last night. Now, a couple things held up. Holds up? Yeah, I wasn't aware that the green screen stuff was so bad, but outside of that, Kung Lao and the fatality, amazing.

I'd like to watch it again.

But there is one thing that I think every Mortal Kombat fan who watched that movie and still found a way to enjoy it came away with the same opinion. Cole Young has to die, and immediately, in this sequel.

Who is Cole Young?

He's a made-up character.

Oh, he was— okay, the guy that came from Earth.

The bad MMA fighter.

Oh, I don't like that guy.

The tomato can MMA fighter that all of a sudden is killing Goro. Spoiler alert.

Oh yeah, Goro died so early in the first movie.

Yeah, it was bull. Uh, but you know, in the second one we actually get into the tournament, allegedly, because the first one—

and this guy Cole Young is in the second movie.

I am very encouraged by his, uh, poster placement. He's very low. It does— it seems like he's been replaced as our main hero.

Well, Johnny Cage is the main guy. Cage is played by, uh, what's his name, Butcher from The Boys.

Uh, Karl Urban.

Karl Urban. Yeah, Karl Urban.

Yeah, so we'll see how that goes. You know what I got for the— like, I have The boys want to see Mortal Kombat 2. It was a great flick. You love Mortal Kombat, you were raised on the video game, you know all the characters. What we're doing for this one, Zazz, is we're going 4DX.

Oh, who cares?

Are you familiar with 4DX?

No, but the way you describe it, it must be some fancy— they make you believe it's some fancy screen that it's going to be a completely different viewing experience. I don't care about that.

These are the chairs that move.

Oh, I have done that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

These are the choices.

I almost fell out one time.

You're in on this all of a sudden.

Yeah, yeah. So like the first time I did this—

I saw the Buzz Lightyear movie in that. I almost fell out of the chair. It was like a roller coaster.

I wasn't prepared. Yeah, no, I wasn't prepared for it. The first time I did it was for Mission: Impossible. The one that needs disavowal.

If you had fallen out of your chair and your boys were there, there's no coming back.

I almost fell out.

I didn't expect that. There's no respect ever again for the old man. It's just—

he almost fell out of his shirt yesterday.

We're finding that video right now.

We'll pull that.

Dave, we got a nice one for you here.

So I wasn't familiar. I thought it like, all right, 4DX. The first time I did 4DX, it was because it was the only theater available, and I bought tickets, and I got to see Ethan Hunt be disavowed by the government.

Dead Reckoning.

When are you gonna have the opportunity to? So we're going down the streets of Paris, right, in these cobblestones. And you know what I like to do with these fancy new movie theaters is I like to pour myself a nice little glass of wine and pair it with a bunch of crunch and elite pairing, and I was not prepared. I was spilling the wine all over me. And right now I've learned, and I've since seen Twister.

It's easier.

No joke.

No, no, they move a lot.

Yeah.

And so I was like, guys, do we want to do this where we go watch Mortal Kombat 2, but it has to be 4DX? That way we can feel every Liu Kang chicken kick. And so we're all on board. I'm gonna dare everybody to wear white and order a glass of wine, and let's see Let's see who survives. Let's see who has a flawless victory.

Dave, this was yesterday when Zazz was finishing with his ear thing and he tried to sit down on Roy's seat.

Ee, uh, I mean, maybe. All right, everybody take it easy.

Whoa! Everybody calm down. Ee, uh, I mean, maybe.

All right, everybody take it easy.

Whoa! Everybody calm down.

Damn. Everybody, everybody calm down.

You're used to sitting in chairs, come on.

I don't know what the big deal is, okay? I meant to sit down in a chair and I did.

You almost said all the vowels.

Eh, eh, one of the great rivalries of the 21st century.

I want to hear this again.

Let's re-hear. Zaslovy chairs.

Let me hear all the vowels.

E, uh, I mean maybe. Alright, everybody take it easy.

Whoa!

Everybody, E-I-O-U.

I like how you automatically went to everybody take it easy so fast. It was great.

No, we weren't gonna let you have that one. And credit to you, you knew that you were fighting a losing battle and you just excused yourself.

You're definitely one— now look, I understand what you're saying about the seats because I have done that before, and like I said, I almost fell out. You strike me as one of those snobs, one of those movie snobs who, oh, I gotta go see it on the screen that wraps around. It's the way that you are meant to see the movie.

No, no, I don't do that. I am a movie snob, but I do like these hoity-toity, nice high-end movie theaters, the big comfy couches where they serve like full meals. I got my go-to movie theater for that. And I'm typically not a 4DX guy because for Mission: Impossible, like, dude, it was straight up distracting, especially when you're trying to not spill wine all over yourself. But the second time was for Twisters, and I was like, okay, I knew what I was getting into. This can be fun. And now for Mortal Kombat 2, which is—

does the, the seats spin around?

No, no, it doesn't go— that'd be something. But for Mortal Kombat 2, where, you know, it's a popcorn flick, we don't have to follow a plot here. We all just want to see Baraka, right? Yeah, we want to see cool fight choreography. I think this is a good choice.

So you already bought the tickets? Were you in advance?

Yeah, 8 seats together.

If you were— if you were drafted into an international battle and you had to draft sides and you have the first overall pick and you know this is a life and death battle—

I love this game—

across across all the seas of the big blue marble.

Yes.

Is your first pick Ethan Hunt, or is it Jason Bourne? Well, Ethan Hunt, or is it Beatrix Kiddo? I—

it's actually Brock Lesnar. Brock Lesnar is my first pick.

Really?

Brock Lesnar?

Yeah, yeah, the Beast Incarnate.

The Beast Incarnate? I don't know what the hell you're even talking about.

Brock Lesnar. Brock Lesnar. If we're all having like the Minnesota Viking Yeah, the, the former UFC World Heavyweight Champion and, uh, and the, the legendary, uh, WWE performer, The Conqueror. Yeah, I, I've, I've often said if the aliens come and we need to assemble a team to show like how intimidating humans can possibly be and also have the chops to back it up, because remember, I mean, one of the, the most superlative combat sports athletes there is. I mean, when you include amateur wrestling pro wrestling and also MMA. Not many people on the planet ever produced quite like Brock Lesnar. Brock Lesnar is on our motley crew here of people that can intimidate the aliens.

Throw Ngannou in there.

Feh! Who'd you say there, Tony?

Francis Ngannou.

Ngannou's got to be in there.

One of the hardest punchers literally of all time.

Yeah, Ngannou's in there.

I'd throw Miles Garrett in there.

Yeah, probably Darcy Hordachuk too. You need a little hockey crazy.

Maybe Mirko Krokop.

Zazz.

I mean, these, these characters are— I wouldn't throw Zazz in there.

Aren't they? No, Zazz is not in there.

No, no, Zazz is not in there because yes, he can't sit in a chair, so of course he's going to have to draft Vida Veya to defend his honor.

Or Haloni Nata.

Oh, Haloni Nata.

Vida Veya really, uh, should not be wearing the number 50, right? I feel like if anybody should— like, he could wear like He should wear like 792, just about something like that. Yeah, right. Yeah, but either way, Zazz, these guys are way off base with their foolishness with Brock Lesnar. I hope you're not gonna— you're not gonna jump on that.

No, I, I do agree.

I understand.

I totally agree strongly.

Do you— did you guys not see Jason Bourne? You understand, when, when he—

I would say, have you not seen Brock Lesnar?

I, I don't, I don't give a good goddamn.

Jason Bourne would not be Brock Lesnar.

Jason Bourne killed a guy with a book. Not just a random guy either, an assassin.

Yeah, and Brock Lesnar beat the Undertaker's wrestling knees. Did you not see when he took John Cena to Suplex City?

He gave him like 13 suplexes in a row. It was a squash.

You understand that Bill, you understand Bill organized a cadre of assassins. Of assassins. All right, and then they all tried to kill Beatrix Kiddo. They all tried to kill her one by one, and one by one she dispatched them, including Bill. You think she couldn't handle Brock Lesnar? No, fat, double fat.

No, no, Brock Lesnar beat Kofi Kingston in 4 seconds for the WWF Championship. Yep, WWE. I'm sorry, I should be better than that. I hold myself accountable.

Yeah, I mean, did you see what Brock did to The Rock?

That's The Rock, and he became the youngest WWE Champion of all time. That was at SummerSlam, the bright lights.

Yep, you You understand these people's lives are devoted to being not just like assassins, like taking out political figures and all of that. It's to take down each other because very often that's what it comes down to when you're in the world of Jason Bourne. And one by one, Jason Bourne takes them on. They fly through his windows. They, they, they, he jumps through, he jumps from rooftop to rooftop. He jumps from rooftop into people's homes. So he can fight these trained killers, and every time he comes out victorious with his life. Okay. And you're talking about Brock Lesnar to me.

All right, let's try transitive property here. Jason Bourne or Randy Couture? Because Brock Lesnar beat Randy Couture.

Like, really badly.

I mean, I don't even know what we're doing here. Like, Ethan, Ethan Hunt, who is a distant third to Bourne and Beatrice.

What do you want about? What do you want about?

What?

What do you want about?

He was disavowed.

I think you don't understand the stakes. I don't think you understand the stakes. The whole world was gonna blow up.

He got to it with 3 seconds left.

Exactly right.

And he broke into the Kremlin. The Kremlin!

That's Russian White House.

Who, Hunt? Yeah!

Yeah!

You obviously haven't seen I'm supportive of Hunter. You're not supportive of your jive about Lesnar.

I think you're going on and on about the tour. There's a bridge too.

Randy Couture's got a head as bald as Zaslo's. I'm supposed to be afraid of that?

This isn't about me.

Andrew Lloyd Webber said Rachel Zegler's rendition of Don't Cry for Me, Argentina was the best it's ever been sung.

You had your turn.

Oh, Jerry, who is that? Oh, shut up, Dan.

Dan Lebatard. I've never stepped foot on that campus.

I—

if you told me right now your life depends on it, go to Santa Fe University and just, just take a picture. Stugatz.

I would die.

I don't know where it is. This is the Dan Lebatard Show with the Stugatz. So Mike, yeah, you've had these Mortal Kombat tickets in advance for, for a little while.

3 weeks now, going on 3 weeks.

I'm not embarrassed to admit that I have pre— I have, uh, uh, advance screening, advance tickets for a movie that I'm going to see tomorrow as well. I'm not embarrassed to tell you. I'm not. I'm not embarrassed to tell you that I've had these tickets for over a month.

Okay.

Because I'm also going to see a sequel tomorrow of one of my all-time favorite movies. I bought these tickets a long time ago to make sure that I get in opening weekend. And like I said, I'm not embarrassed to tell you that tomorrow I'm very excited, taking my wife.

Devil Wears Prada 2.

Devil Wears Prada 2.

Oh, there you go. Nice.

All right, we park our cars in the same garage.

What a movie. I love The Devil Wears Prada. I love that movie.

It's a great flick.

It's not even like my wife said, hey, Devil Wears Prada 2 is coming out. You know, can we go? No, no, no, I bought the tickets and I said we're going to see Devil Wears Prada 2.

How pitch perfect is Stanley Tucci in this film?

Love him. Love everyone in that movie.

Even Adrien Grenier?

Uh, he— no, no, I hope we wrote him off, but he's perfect for that role.

What is going on with Anne Hathaway? She looks great and she's got a billion movies coming out this year, and she's a big Knicks fan.

Emily Blunt, love her in that movie.

Oh, the chemistry between Emily Blunt and Anne Hathaway, off the charts, Jonathan.

We haven't even mentioned Meryl Miranda?

Come on, Miranda Priestly?

I can't wait to catch up to these characters, see what they've been up to. I mean, magazines, they've kind of died. So how do we evolve?

Everyone knows I'm just fascinated.

Jason Bourne! Jason Bourne was once armed with only a magazine against one of those aforementioned trained killers, and he beat him down. Ethan Hunt, Dave, got out of a submarine at the bottom of the ocean with no mask and came out and made it to the top.

No mask.

You're looking for me— if you're looking for me to take down Ethan Hunt, dude, you're looking in the wrong direction, friend.

You said he was a distant third.

Yeah, why aren't you giving him more credit?

Distant third.

What I'm doing is— what I'm doing is praising Jason Bourne, not denouncing Ethan Hunt.

No, you're denouncing him. Jason Bourne.

I think this is fine.

Jason Bourne or Miranda Priestly?

Oh, the answer is obvious.

I, I already told you, Devil Wears Prada is one of my favorite movies.

Do you think Jason Bourne would have urine going down his The second Miranda Priestly lowers her sunglasses—

steak!

Can we put that on the poll?

The Jason Bourne— oh my God, it's Miranda Priestly!

Is that Zaslo? You, you start. What is the best romantic comedy of all time? I don't think that's— Devil Wears Prada doesn't count as that, really.

No, there's not a lot of romantic—

I got it. Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

When Harry Met Sally. That's a comedy.

That's not a romantic. That's not a rom-com.

Pretty rom-commy. No, I love that movie, guys.

I'm gonna come out and say it. Pretty Woman.

Okay, that is a rom-com. You're right, that's the most iconic, certainly. You know what's a good one though? Hugh Grant and Sandy Bullock, Two Weeks Notice.

That's a great one. I'm a Nine Months guy too, and that one's like, oh, we gotta reconcile, like having a baby is hard, you know. Robin Williams, I mean, incredible. In that film, or she's having—

is that the one they go, yeah, yeah, she's having a baby?

Yeah, Kevin Bacon. You—

will we count The Wedding Singer as a rom-com? Because I love the way—

yeah, I think it is. Yeah, I think it is.

Yeah, man, that's a great movie.

It is great because we, we shot down Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but Wedding Singer is more wrong. I got it, I got it. Boomerang.

There we go.

Yeah, Boomerang's a good one.

Also say How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days is a great movie.

How about My Best Friend's Wife?

Great movie.

Oh, that's a good one. Dude, Rupert Everett in that.

Oh, the scene in the brunch scene. Come on.

The moment I wake up. I want to see just how woke— I want to see how woke everybody is. Tony.

Yeah.

Tony, I start with you.

Yeah.

Have you seen Brokeback Mountain?

No.

What's your review? No, I haven't seen it. You can't see it. Not that I can't see it.

It's in his queue.

Not that I can't see it.

I'm saying you're not willing to see it.

Haven't seen it. I got other stuff in my queue.

Do you know what it's about?

Yeah, I know what it's about.

It's a— I don't think it's a comedy.

No, it's more of just a romance.

Yeah, they bang.

Oh no, I, I'm aware. Again, I'm getting to it one day.

Maybe it's a bromance.

English.

Also, there's— what's your, what's your, what's your review of that movie? You've seen Brokeback?

Nope.

Never seen Brokeback?

No.

Why? Because you're— what, what's the sort of time— the thought process? I haven't had time.

Yeah, I haven't seen the movie Brazil, and I believe that won Best Picture. So there's certain films I still have to get to.

Can't see everything.

I've never seen an episode. I never saw an episode of Simon Simon or Murder, She Wrote, even though they were really popular shows for long stretches. I've never seen an episode of either. Speaking of your boy Heath Ledger, I have seen Brokeback.

10 Things I Hate About You.

Great rom-com.

Classic movie. Absolutely classic. Julia Stiles at her peak.

And if you want a little, a little like deep cut, for a rom-com, if you're looking for something, movie called What If that then got rebranded to The F Word. So I don't know how you would find it necessarily, but how about Daniel Radcliffe as a leading man in a rom-com? Adam Driver playing like a comedic sidekick. Really like soup. It's great.

Okay, I have a list from Rotten Tomatoes, the 200 greatest rom-coms of all time. We'll start at 200 and we'll begin at 1. The Philadelphia Story. Is number 1. I've never heard of this film. It's a film from 1940.

No.

Yeah, no, but Modern Times, what are we doing?

If you're confusing that with the movie Philadelphia, you are in for a different experience.

Very different stories. Yes. Yeah.

All right, like, you know what, I don't like this. Big is number 7. That's not really— that's, that's an inappropriate—

see that as a rom-com.

You know how— all right, should we peel back the layers on how this shouldn't be a rom-com?

Yeah, Elizabeth Perkins should be thrown in prison.

Absolutely. Thank you, Zaslo, for having some courage to say something. That's exactly right.

What'd you think when you were younger?

I thought it was inappropriate then.

Really?

I think it's inappropriate.

The woke-off is over. The woke-off is over. It's okay.

I mean, yeah, that was outrageous behavior from her, putting herself on a little boy like that.

All right, let's go to Cosmo because they have Notting Hill. Man, Julia Roberts, she— is she the GOAT of this genre? Notting Hill, My Best Friend's Wedding, Pretty Woman. She's, she's the go-to.

Notting Hill is good.

She's All That is number 2. Number 2, my—

She's All That. Who's that?

She's All That is that movie where like, oh, she's ugly, she's got glasses, and oh wow, she's pretty.

Yeah.

And then she takes the glasses off. Whoa.

Never knew.

No more paint on those overalls. Uh, number 3 is My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

That, that's a good movie.

Yeah. Number 4, She's the Man.

Oh, good one.

Number 5.

Is that— who's that with? Is that Channing Tatum?

No, no. Yeah, yeah. Amanda Bynes.

Yeah, yeah.

That's the, that's the intro to Channing Tatum.

Number 5 is great. Something's Gotta Give.

Mm.

You know? Yeah, yeah.

That's a— that's—

you know what?

That's a nice movie, even though I find it's— I find it a little specious that she's in Paris with Keanu Reeves and chooses to bail on Reeves in favor of Nicholson.

Yeah.

I mean, Nicholson in his prime, yes. Yeah, but Nicholson—

Runaway Bride again, Julia Roberts, Dave, uh, the greatest. Now, uh, this list was confined to the '90s.

That's a crappy movie, by the way.

Running a Google search though, it seems as though, uh, When Harry Met Sally is that.

You know what, now that you say that, I feel like you can make the case When Harry Met Sally is the greatest rom-com.

Can I give you my favorite? I will concede, not the greatest.

I mean, that scene in the diner, come on.

My favorite is Forget Paris.

Oh, that's good.

Yeah, I just love that film. If you love '90s basketball—

I got a thing against Billy Crystal these days. Yeah, it's a good movie.

It's a great movie. What did he do? School, school, little golden rule.

You got it.

Ta-da!

There's some good things in that movie.

Good list.

It's a little ponderous, but yes, fun.

Dave, uh, you got Pat Narduzzi on Football America today.

We do. The Dews, the, uh, the Pitt head coach, we— I bring up to him because I know that, uh, that you guys in Miami care a great deal about ACC football and specifically the program run by Mario Cristobal. So I ask him about that. I ask him about Curt Cignetti, fellow Pittsburgher or, uh, Pittsburgh native who just won a national championship against the aforementioned, uh, you. Um, and we talk about Where do you guys come down on this? I brought up to the Dews that were I ever given a choice, head coach of a college football team or an NFL team, I would probably take college in almost every regard, except I don't want to be on the recruiting trail, especially you go through a whole autumn of football and all of that. And then your reward for that in January and February, especially in the colder portions of football America, is to hit the recruiting trail and to go into strangers' homes to try to convince them to come move to where you live. All that seems unseemly and unpleasant, and I'm not a people person, and so I would hate that. The dude said he did— he does love doing that.

So one, would you choose that? And two, if you were a recruit or your child were a recruit and the big time— if let's say Cristobal's coming over, what kind of food are you serving? He told me The dude said someone served Chinese food, which I think is wildly out of line. Out of line?

Serving Chinese food?

That's not the right— What are you talking about? A little honey chicken?

A little lo mein?

Fried rice?

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about the setting. You don't sit there with a plate of noodles and you try to like— You want ribs? Shrimp? You're trying to shake a hand? I got ribs on my hands.

Like, what are we talking about?

Maybe a sandwich.

A sandwich makes some sense. A charcuterie plate might, might, uh, might be nice. You don't put out Chinese. You ever had egg rolls? It's too much. I mean, I had them, yes, and I've enjoyed them. That's not the point. I enjoy a nice pot— I like a potsticker too. It doesn't mean I want to be eating it with my prospective head coach. The man who I'm gonna— who's gonna oversee my development over the next 3 to 5 years of my life. I'm gonna sit there and then the introduction is how I'm gonna be eating Chinese food with him. I don't think so. I don't like it. Kung pow.

Black truffle honey.

Autism crackers.

Dave, did you ask, uh, uh, Coach Narduzzi if he was offended with your really long arm?

Our conversation preceded that unfortunate photograph that was taken. Here's what happened. We were all like, you know, Lucy Rodin was there and Rose was there and Carmen was there and there were some Pitt people along with the, with the Dews and somebody said, let's all get together. We were up in the Dews' office. What a, what a time we had. What a time we had running amok all through the Pitt offices. Right next door, they're the Pittsburgh Steelers. But don't talk to them. They're getting ready for the draft. So, um, and we're also waiting out— we're sitting here on pins and needles waiting out the old man, waiting out Aaron Rodgers to see if he's going to move here. Oh, we've tendered him. Yeah. Hey, Steelers, guess what? Great news. Nobody else wants him. You don't have to tender him. But either way, we took a photograph.

How many coins are you holding in your hand in this photo?

Why are you doing your best?

Well, I felt jammed. We were too tight. And then I had to free up my arm because it was like sort of pinned back. So I pulled it forward. And then all of a sudden We landed on this and now I look, uh, like I say, like, uh, maybe I had a minor stroke of some sort.

We have a loop to close. I need the Blue Man Group Zazz before, before we go. All right, so someone can, someone throw that up.

I also can't believe we forgot Crazy Stupid Love.

Oh, that's my favorite. There it is.

There he is.

Really enjoy that, Zazz. Really lean into the gush of paint there.

Hey, it's Mike Ryan, and I want to talk to you about the random midweek hang that you have with your friends. Maybe it's an NBA game, you get a text, hey, come over, you want to watch the game? And maybe you're like, ah, I don't know, I kind of just wanted to stay home. And then you think about it after your buddy hits you up, and you know just the thing that'll make that regular hang, that regular midweek hang around the basketball game into a special time, into a Miller Time. That's right, this happened to me just last week. I grabbed a 6-pack of Miller Lite, said I was on my way, and next thing you know, we're arguing about rotations like we're on the coaching staff, yelling about a missed call, and the game's coming down to the final possession. It was one of those nights that you look around, you take a sip, and you think, yeah, this was the right call, and my friendship's stronger for it. Cheers to legendary moments with Miller Lite. Great taste, 96 calories. Go to MillerLite.com/Dan to find delivery options near you.

You.

Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.