Transcript of Hour 1: The Origins of Slapdick

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This is the Dan Levatard Show with the Stugats podcast. This episode of the Dan Levatard Show with Studio Gatz is presented by Smirnoff.

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I remember many years ago, Mina didn't know that she was being heard on Highly Questionable, and she was talking, and she was saying of listeners of this show that she didn't understand how it is that our audience could listen to all three hours of this a day, given how busy their lives are. The thing that has flattered me about both Amin and all his hustling and Dominic Foxworth somehow, is that they still listen to all of it. Yesterday, evidently, this doesn't happen very often around there. But yesterday, evidently, Amin was listening, and there was something about slap dick that made him want to be a part of the conversation from afar. When was it that Mike Ryan called someone a slap dick?

Was it Monday? He called Gary Furman a slap dick.

Yeah, That feud has escalated to uncomfortable places where- Glad we've continued to talk about University of Miami basketball, though. Confront. Anyway, slap dick made an appearance on the show, and I thought it was an excellent word. It's a funny word, but I hadn't heard it for a while. I don't know what a slap dick is. I don't know what it actually is. It's someone who's standing there and just slapping their dick?

Pretty much. That's what it comes out. It's basically someone like the A masturbatory. You're not doing anything other than just touching yourself, basically, as opposed to doing your job. Slap dick was a word that we used in basketball all the damn time. He's a slap dick. What are those slap dick? Everyone's a slap dick. Anyone who's not doing their job was a slap dick. And I remember when I left basketball and I entered the media world, I used that term a couple of times, and nobody knew what the hell I was talking about. I even tried to use it on air at ESPN. Obviously, I couldn't say slap dick. So I created the euphemism or the clean version, the radio edit of slappy. He's a slappy as opposed to a slap dick, right? But nobody got it. So I was like, maybe this is just something that we did.

Billy, why are you looking at a man that way?

Because you're confused that people didn't know that something you made up, no one knew what the reference was when you just made it up.

I was confused nobody knew what slap dick was. Then I went slappy to clean it up.

Did you use it when you were mentoring Diana Tarasi?

I didn't mentor Diana Tarasi. I merely helped her win. Basically, you want to win a WMBA title?

She would probably call you a slap dick in her journey.

I am absolutely certain. One thousand %.

You should be so lucky to be called a Slaptic by Diana Tarasi.

I think she would say who?

No, DT knows who I am.

She does, and she definitely has seen his jump shot. A hundred %.

She's seen it. Look, you know what? Again, another journey that I'm glad I took because it built me into the actor I am today. But Dan, slap dick. I reached the point where I thought, maybe this isn't a word that the common public knows or uses. I was delighted to hear the show. You guys were talking about the word slap dick.

I've heard it maybe five times in my life and never thought to myself, I I wonder why it hasn't been popularized. I've used Asswipe more than I have slap dick. That's gross.

This must come from sports because there's an article here from nbcsports. Com, Pro Football Talk, in 2009. It was after hearing on Parks and Rec, which our friend Mike I'm sure was writing the term slap dick. It said that it came from sports. It says, as John Feinstein points out in Next Man Up, Anyone who is anything less than brilliant at his or her job is in the world, according to former Ravens coach Brian Billick, a slap dick or a slappy, for short.

Damn, there you go. See, so slap dick is specifically, it's towards people who are incompetent at their jobs. It's not like- Nico.

So I could say Nico is a slap dick.

I'm not going to call Nico a slap dick.

Well, what do you mean?

There's a certain level of apathy/laziness that goes along with- Amine still has to respect him.

Why do you still have to respect him? This is maximum slap dick situation.

No, I think it's just Are you Dan Orlowski?

You can't criticize peers because you want to get back in the lead?

No, I can criticize peers all the damn time. Have you ever watched oddball, Bunder Through Thursday on DraftKings Network and on YouTube, right?

Criticize Chelsea Pears right now.

The place?

Yeah, you said you criticized peers all the time. Criticize a peer. Navy Peer, go.

Navy Peer. Overpriced. What's going on over there?

That's a great call.

Chelsea Peer is built in 1910.

Really?

It looks really good for That's 115 years old. That's older than David wants to be.

Is it on the Don't Die documentary? Because that place looks great for some places it's 110 years old.

That really scary coach from Last Chance, you, Jason Brown, tried to trademark Slapdick.

No, see, you can't trademark Slap dick, man.

Slap dick is-Put it on the poll, Juju. Can you trademark Slap dick?

I'm trying to think of what a slap dick is. It's got to be a guy who is not just bad at his job, but bad at his job because he's lazy, he's not even trying. That's what slap dick is.

Somebody who wouldn't call around the league to find out if there was value for Luca.

You're not going to do this. Nico is not a slap dick. I'm not going to... Look, I'm not saying I agree with the move. I'm just saying not a slap dick.

Okay, are you done? Do you have any more information for us on your deep dive on the slap dick?

I am really fascinated by the etymology, though, because you were like, What does it mean?

I think you guys think that that's what it is, but it's not just somebody who's there slapping their dick. I think the reason the Parks and Rec did it is because it's not actually even a curse. It's just a funny word. The dick's almost implied. It's one word. I don't know what it is, and I don't think it's somebody who's just standing there slapping their dick.

It's exactly that. Dan, imagine this. Imagine if you hired carpenters, and they're supposed to be like-So a woman can't be a slap dick? Yes, of course a woman can be a slap dick. Never said who's dick is slapping.

You guys ever slap a dick?

All the time. Every morning.

Okay. What is that? That and shit.

What is that? It's just unnecessary. What after the other Christmas? Look, I didn't think we'd do any worse today. Look, I got to stop everybody right now, and I'm sorry it took me so long to get to this. Billy, I think Australia is really mad at you, man.

Yeah, they are. Why are they so mad at me? I apologize twice. What's the deal, fellows? Super sincere. He did. I thank you, Amine.

I listened.

That's coming from a theespian. Two times over.

Listens to the whole show every day. He knows that Australia yesterday was mad at you because you called them a place filled with criminals. No.

We don't need to go back. We're moving forward.

I want to I back up Billy in this. They're not all criminals.

Thank you. But. Most of them.

Most of them are descended from criminals, the white ones, at least.

They're not all criminals.

Malia?

The Indigenous people, not criminals. That was their Exactly right.

Victims. Victims.

Thank you. Actually, even the ones who weren't descended from criminals are criminals because they stole the land from the Indigenous people.

If anything, I was standing up for the Indigenous people yesterday, and that's not how they're choosing to see it for whatever reason. That's more on them than on me.

Billy, you let them off easy. You said it was like 190,000, whatever, less than 200,000. You let them off easy. It's a nation of millions that stole their land from someone else.

But Jessica did point out it was mostly pickpockets.

Well, yeah, I was a lot of petty crimes.

Is it petty when they steal a whole continent?

Crimes of crime. Thank you.

I guess they didn't really have a choice in it, though. But then, yeah, there's a lot of history since then that probably could be corrected.

Yeah. Jeremy, I will not have you try and sneak a Tom Petty in these windows, redirecting the spirit of Greg Cody. Someone says Petty, and you just get in there with Tom Petty. Centerfield. It's a really small window. Richard Petty.

What else did you like about the show yesterday? Do you have any other comments for Critiques?

Thoughts? Just slap dick is all he had for us. I don't know that.

What do you think about Mike's Miami Men's Basketball Head Coaching Report? Sorry, why not do a third day in a row of that?

Now, here's the fun part about it. I'm listening. I don't know nothing about nothing, right? That's how he turned foxy.

All right, so we're going to go to Gary Furman again? We're going to do this. We're going to do this again.

You know what? I like the original Confirman. Even though I like the Fuentes remix, the original, I think, is the best. Confirman.

This is ridiculous. Gary Furman is now feuding with our show.

We're feuding with- Yo, he should be honored.

Greg Cody is feuding with Gary Furman.

Which sounder are we going with? That's so good.

The Roy one. Oh, God.

Greg's the one that made it bad. I don't think Mike made it bad. I think Greg... Because... No, actually, you know what? Take it back. You're the one that made it bad. I had to do the I have the chain in my head. Why was Greg talking back? Because you were heoping praise on this dude, and you're asking basically Michael Jordan, Hey, man, what do you think of Alan Houston? Alan Houston is a good player, right? But Michael Jordan is like, Are you really? You're putting this guy on my plateau?

Jessica, did you just spit out your own meal? I was just waiting for whatever name he was going to throw in there.

It was good. Good one. It was Dan's fault.

Confirmed.

All right, look.

You kept trying to force him legendary status on him.

Look, just like you, we'll speak with some reverence about whatever was the best front office experience that you had for a four-month period where you felt like it was a magical time in your realm. It's longer than four months. There was a time at the Miami Herald that was considered the best time at the Miami Herald for sports. Greg Cody, anyone who has been listening to this for who reads the Herald from back then would take what Greg Cody was doing to Gary Furman as being insult by not putting him in tears below him. It was insulting what he was doing to Gary Furman. Also maybe true. Well, this is his defense. His defense as he left the studio was the whole thing of, I'm just telling the truth.

If he's saying this, Gary would agree with me. I mean, it's hard to argue with that.

First time Chris has ever had Greg's back, by the way. Go ahead.

So, Dan, this is the best comp I can make. And this one, Jessica, this will hit home for you. Have you ever seen video of Joe Montana being asked about the movie Rudy? Oh, yes. That's basically what Dan did. He went to Joe Montana and said, Wow, how great was it to play with Rudy? And Joe Montana looked at Dan like, What are you talking about?

Great analogy.

He's good at analogies. Confirment.

I guess that I was coming after the legend Greg Cody with not enough respect, and everyone here is just saying it's okay for Greg Coda to be arrogant about, Hey, I'm Michael Jordan, and this is Greg Hodges.

Mike called him a slap dick.

You're asking me about. See you, Gary.

Mike was way more disrespectful. Greg is not Michael Jordan. I take that back. Greg is Joe Montana, and Furman is Rudy. What you didn't do... You know what? Because Greg humbles himself every day. He allows himself to be the butt of the joke around here. We have a lot of fun at his expense. But you know what the biggest shock of my life was? When I listened to Greg Cody on Cornheiser and I said, Who is this? This man is brilliant. He's eloquent. He's thoughtful. He thinks outside the box. This isn't the Greg Cody that I know from the Dan Lebitard show.

Well, this is one of Greg's greatest frustrations is that Cornheiser uses him that way, and that's how Greg gets produced by Cornheiser, and we use him the way that we use it.

Pretty much. When you walk in here and you start singing the praises of the guy who was the walk-on who didn't actually play that much, but we're going to let Hollywood tell us lies and fiction.

All I was saying is that if there were eight great sportswriters on that staff, one of the best in the history of sports sections, and this was one of them, does he not get respect?

Hey, man, Ian Clarke was on the 2017 Warriors.

Okay, so you can't be the eighth man on a great team.

You don't have to keep insulting this poor man for no reason three days in a row. Why is that an insult?

Leave it alone. Why did you bring it up again?

Come on, Dan.

See you, Garren. Zaza Pachulia.

Why is that an insult? And why are you still spinning up Oats?

I'm so good.

Such a good sound.

Zaza Pachulia. Because we were doing birthdays earlier with Samson, and we were looking up famous birthdays. I decided to look around and see whose birthday is tomorrow. We live in a bad time, I would say. Confirmed. I'm looking up famous birthdays for tomorrow. There's six either YouTube or TikTok stars listed as the top six. Then Elizabeth Taylor. Then right after her, J-WOW.

Those sites are all just YouTubers nowadays.

Wait, this is a great show quiz idea for Dan and Amin. Who's birthday?

Cheese.

Are they real people or not? Give us some of the YouTubers and TikTokers.

Is Cheese a real person?

I think you'll be surprised at how many YouTubers and TikTokers I know.

We're YouTubers, aren't we?

Yes, we are. Technically. And TikTokers. I posted one yesterday.

Billy, I do need to understand. You are generally not someone who looks for fights with countries.

I don't look for fights with anyone. I'm a peaceful man. I just try to go about my day one day at a time.

But Australia, what is this unpleasantness that you have welcomed into your life?

I think they're mad at me, and I have apologized multiple times. I tried to apologize the third time today. I don't know what else I can do here.

Billy, you know what I hear? I hear from them, hit dogs hollering. That's what I'm hearing from them.

Okay.

Confirmed. Thank you. Do you want to expound on that? Because it didn't really give Billy anywhere to go. He just started staring at you, and then there was silence, which is generally not great in an audio.

That's why I hit the sound. Yeah, thank you, Chris. I had my guy, Duke, from South Africa reach out to me and say, You're absolutely right about everything you said about Australia. I was like, It's my guy, Duke. But he also has, in the past, shown some very anti-Australian sentiments.

Yeah, he's a questionable ally. Dukey bar. Great. Excellent work. Way to go, Chris.

He dropped a Dukey.

Yeah, you're at the height of executive producing.

You're the Duke. A couple of Dukes cutting it up.

Oh, Josh Groban also tomorrow, 43.

Josh Groban.

Who's Josh Groban? Can I ask you guys something?

I know there's at least one person that's going to fall into this category, but it's a conversation that I've been wanting to have since the holiday time.

Memes and Nightmars is on Hulu. There, I answered it.

Michael Bouble, not for me. He's for some. I get it. Not for me. He's like Mariah Carey, right? His whole thing is Christmas, and let me I sing songs if I was a crooner in the '50s about Christmas.

You had me and you lost me so fast with that.

What do you mean?

I'm with Billy.

If you talk-Well, in that, Christmas is his time. Michael Bouvlet's time is Christmas.

Every time is Mariah Carey's time. No.

Did you just… Fantasy? Always be my baby?

You're going to argue that Mariah Carey's time is not Christmas time. This is a crazy argument. No, her time is all the time. Her time is Christmas time.

All the time. Then at Christmas, she shifts gears to a Christmas side of her, and then she dominates that. Then when Christmas is over, back to dominating the regular stuff.

She's 55, by the way.

Wow. I guarantee you that if you were to look up, you have easily a 10-month span where you don't listen to Mariah Carey at all. Very easily. Not When's the last time you listened to Mariah Carey? Today. Bullshit.

I was listening to fantasy.

Sorry, pardon my French.

Fantasy remix. You're an old dirty bastard.

French have bad mouths. Is that where that comes from? I think so. Where's the origin of that? I'll look it up.

I'll look it up.

That's amazing. I'll look I'll look it up for you.

Pardon my French. I'm also serious. Pardon my French. I'll look it up. Continue. You did not listen to Mariah Carey this week. I do believe this might be a to America situation.

Yeah. Well, no, an American of France situation.

Michael Bouboublé, when he's talking, sounds like he's singing. I'm like, Don't do that.

Just talk. Billy. He's like, Hello, I'm Michael Bouboublé. It's like, just talk. This is why Josh Groban is better. I can't tell you a single thing he does other than Christmas special.

I don't know a lot of Bouboubles.

Thank you.

That's why I was with you until you brought Mariah Carey.

Mariah Carey is where we're arguing.

Wait, I'm not... Okay, Australia, Mariah Carey. I'm not meaning to disparage any of you.

I don't mean-Pick some powerful enemies.

If Mariah is listening to this, I'm not meaning to disparage her. I thought that it was a compliment to own Christmas. I think people think of Christmas, they think Mariah Carey before Santa Claus or Jesus, right? And before Boubouboubouboub The songs? Okay, listen, Mariah, Ms. Kerry. There you go. I apologize. I will remove you from this comparison. I meant it more so that that's the time of the year that they shine, but it's not a his song. He just gets his cover song. That's why I will take a step back, Mariah, and I apologize to you.

Where's the camera? And Australia.

No, that was sincere. That was way more sincere than your apology to Australia, by the way.

Haven't met you yet. Well, that's not even how that's uncomfortable.

I didn't know who Josh Groban was until I saw Sweeney Todd.

What? And then I found out he's like, Christmas Carol guy.

Close your eyes.

Josh Groban just like...

He's just one of those people that's like, Oh, Josh Groban is here.

He shows up everywhere.

He just shows up places, right?

I didn't know who he was. He just shows up places, right? I didn't know who he was. I love him now.

Random episodes of TV shows. People seem to like him.

He seems super likable.

The terrible Sweeney Todd.

Howdy, folks. It's Mike. And look, it's been an exhausting couple of weeks. Even on the show, there's all sorts of debate, which sport takes it seriously enough. Where's the effort? Let me tell you something. As long as I'm sitting down on the couch and I have a beautiful white can of Miller Light in my hand, I'm good. I make any sports time a Miller time, and it's a perfect supplement because Miller Light makes all the moments better with great tasting light beer for people like you and me who love beer. It's always the perfect time for friends, family, and a great tasting light beer tastes like Miller Time. Miller Light is brewed for taste. It hits different than other light beers. The taste that you know you can depend on. No games, no gimmicks, just great beer for people who like beer. It has simple ingredients like malted barley for rich, balanced Well-instoffy note flavors, and the iconic golden color that we all know and love, the original light beer since 1975 and still the very best one. Miller Light. Great taste, 96 calories. Go to millerlight. Com/dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Light much anywhere they sell beer.

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Wow.

What's up?

I just bought and financed a car through Carvana in minutes. You?

The person who agonized four weeks over whether to paint your walls eggshell or off-white bought and financed a car in minutes.

They made it easy. Transparent terms, customizable down and monthly.

Didn't even have to do any paperwork.

Wow.

Mm-hmm.

Hey, have you checked out spreadsheet I sent you for our dinner options. Finance your car with Carvana and experience total control. Financing subject to credit approval.

Hey, friends, it's Jair Bear here, and I'm here to tell you all about Boost Mobile, which is now a legit nationwide 5G network. So I must take a break from the jokes here for a second and put on my serious voice because I would never, ever joke about a 5G network that has invested billions building 5G towers across the country. Not even once. Not even if Mr. Boost Mobile himself asked me to. There is nothing funny about it. Boost Mobile is now a legit nationwide 5G network and also provides coverage across 99% of America. Seriously. Visit boostmobil. Com or your nearest Boost Mobile store location to learn more. The Boost Mobile Network, together with our roaming partners, covers 99% of the US population. 5g speeds not available in all areas.

Don Levatard. Chris Cody does an impression. Just be careful.

Dangerous game. This is a dangerous game.

I don't want to play this game.

No, he was saying, Man, I could do such a great Kendra Birkin.

No, I don't want to play this game.

He's like, Man, I can talk to you.

I like him. This is who we're going to trust with this.

I mean, you do it. Let's let Amine do it, I think.

I think you could do it, Chris, because you did a great Charles Barkley. You're one for one there.

Did no one just hear the segment we just did with Amine?

We cannot be taking- Amine's judgment.

Is that the best? Council from the local drunk on whether or not you should do the impersonation of a black man stumbling over his words. You don't see the bad in that?

There was. Moses Moody, Moody, Moses. Moody, Moses, Moses. Don't, don't, don't, don't. It sounds worse.

Be careful, man.

We cannot do this. It's too close to the line. This is where the line is. Something legitimately funny can't be funny because we're scared our ginger is going to do something racist by accident.

Carry What the hell on, Dan.

Rachel.

Dan, the line is where we feel alive, though.

This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stukats. I think when you're cool, like you're just a cool person, you find your way onto a lot of different sets and into a lot of different projects.

I got to find my way to memes at Nightmarish, which you can catch on Hulu right now.

You've mentioned that people say Pardon my French before swearing because it's a humorous way of apologizing for using profanity by pretending that the curse words they just used are actually French.

That's such an AI-ass answer.

Playing on the stereotype that French is a sophisticated language, even though the phrase is used ironically and the words are actually English. In the past, knowing French was associated with upper class and education, so using French words could be seen as showing off, which is why people would apologize for using them. The irony is that today, Pardon my French is used ironically as most people understand that the swear words are not actually French.

I'm with you, Jessica. That is Gemini. I've learned to know how Gemini sounds. Gemini, ladies and gentlemen, is terrible. It doesn't know what the hell it's talking about.

That sounded right, actually.

It sounds right, but it's also almost exclusively wrong.

I saw a headline for an article about the Jaguars that I thought was AI, but I found out it's actually AP. It was one of the more insulting headlines I've ever read. Jags expect inexperienced staff, including 34-year-old GM James Gladstone, to grow into it. I can't believe he's 34.

Have you seen this guy? He looks so young. I've never seen... Look, it was once upon a time that McVay was the baby, and McVay looked young and looked ridiculous. Have you guys ever seen a sports leader? Theo Epstein was like 28 when he ran the Red Sox.

Sean McVay was young?

He was 30.

I think he was younger than this. Yeah, but also Steve Martin. We have a clip of the see Jaguar's new GM, James Gladstone, talking at his introductory press conference that we're going to play just so you could get a sense for his-How adorable he is. His youthfulness. Holy shit.

Yeah, I don't think we've seen the best of Trevor. I'm really excited for Liam to get a chance to work with him, support him, and really bring the tools that he has in his arsenal to life. I think it starts by the protection, making sure that he feels like he's got as much time to work with as possible, and also that he's comfortable with the catchers. I think through that lens, he's going to feel that change in both the operation schématically and then the personnel that we invite into the building.

Looks like Jeremy's younger brother. My younger brother looks older.

I don't trust him because he dresses like Jeremy.

He does dress like me. I would dress like that. That's a good fit.

That's a good fit. That's a good fit. He dresses like a fan, too, though, Billy.

No, this guy looks 19, 20, oldest.

I want to ask you guys because Theo Epstein is the one I remember, and I could make the argument that Theo Epstein is the most successful successful baseball executive there's ever been. If you win titles in Boston and Chicago with the Cubs and Red Sox when they haven't won in 100 years, you do it in two different places because you're outsmarting everybody. That one could not have possibly worked out better because he was a money ball disciple. This franchise has done it with Urban Meyer. This franchise is a regional franchise. It's barely hanging on to the fringes of feeling like they matter Major League, the way that the teams in that sport matter when they're good at football. Jacksonville has been lost for a long time, has been embarrassing for a long time, and as a quarterback that all of us are looking at and being like, I don't know if that's worth $50 million. Why not turn to the young guy who probably crunches numbers better than others instead of Urban Meyer When you've already done that and it lasted 10 games.

There's no way this guy doesn't crunch numbers.

That's what I wanted to land on, Chris, because I don't know. I just learned about this guy right now.

Analytics help the ass.

Hold on.

Oh, my God.

Are we stereotyping right now? Or do we know?

I'm profiling. I am straight up profiling. I know nothing about this dude other than, Man, he's got metrics down.

You know why I believe you, Dan? Why I believe you're right? Because a guy who's deep in the metrics probably can't read who's cool and who isn't, and that would make sense why he hired Liam Cohen to be the head coach. He probably walked us, This guy's cool. And the rest of us are like, This dude, man.

But I would also say that I've gotten to know Tony Khan a little bit, the owner's son, and he is a numbers nerd, and he loves the information game, and they've given it up. They've given franchise control and leadership over to a bunch of football people cavemen before, and now they're like, No, we're going to do it another way.

He also didn't hire Liam Cohen. So Liam Cohen basically went, got interviewed and then said, Never mind because I don't like your GM. Then they fired the GM and then kidnapped Liam Cohen, brought him back, didn't let him go back to his job in Tampa Bay. He takes the job. Then they hire this guy. And I think that there's a likelihood Liam Cohen is going to bully this guy. Dubal.

I also saw a video where Florio and Sims asked him if he would redo his Duval, and he was like, not right now. He wouldn't do it. He's not ready for it.

That means he's not confident. He's like, Wait, is it Duval or is it Duval?

He still I don't know.

Or he's not committed.

Somehow this GM has been working for the Rams since 2016 despite looking like that. He worked for the Rams for eight years before this? Yeah. He's lived for eight years before this.

That's nuts that he's been in football for eight years. He climbed his way to the top, grinded his way out for eight years.

If he's a guy that looks slightly older, we're not paying attention to the Jaguar's GM higher right now. He just looks like baby. Facial hair.

It does intrigue me.

A muskash. I'm like, This guy's good. I like What's going on? He was hired by a friend of the show, Tony Basselli, and I wonder if it was just like, Tony's like, I don't know what the hell he's talking about. He must be an analytics guy.

So many words. Basselli is now a VP over there. He's in charge. He's got some real power over there. Yesterday, I I don't know if you guys were surprised by this. Can you get me the wheel here? Because I saw that Tony brought in from Hia Leah the wheel this morning with football topics because I was surprised yesterday at the amount of football that made an appearance. So, Jessica, you tell me what it is that it lands on here because the wheel, as I see it from over here. The Browns say they're not going to trade Miles Garrett. The Falcons say they were unaware that Kirk Cousins' arm was hurt. Aaron Glenn says the Jets players were mad at him about cutting Aaron Rodgers. The Colts are throwing open Anthony Richardson to a quarterback competition. The Patriots are toying with making Joe Milton available. Devante Adams goes anywhere that Aaron Rodgers goes. The Eagles are interested in Miles Garrett to keep him away from the commanders. The Raiders might trade up to get Kam Ward. Gronk might be making a comeback in Colorado, and Jamar Chase is going to become the highest paid, nonpositioned quarterback player.

Go ahead and spin the wheel. What does that land on, Jessica?

It's Jamal Chase.

Definitely didn't forget everything he said and just picked the last one.

Yeah, there's no way.

Did you guys just stop listening to me?

Is that what happened? I actually was writing them down, but I lost you at Gronk.

It's a very wide wheel.

I was looking at it, those slices are so small. The font is so small.

How do you even read it?

I'm just saying- I do actually want to talk about groc. Can we talk... What is that?

Well, no, it landed on Jamal Chase.

Yeah, we have to talk about him.

Can you spin it again, Chris?

No, but it's not... No. So is Chase off the board or we can get back to him.

Oh, shit. It landed on the browns not wanting to trade my money. I really wanted to get to gronk.

The overarching point for me was, that was a lot of football news yesterday out of nowhere. That was a lot of stuff that made an appearance where I thought that some of it might be fake because Gronk making a comeback- It didn't land on that, so we can't talk about it. Yeah.

Unfortunately- Miles Garrett, though.

Miles Garrett. I'm more interested in Miles Garrett. Him staying there and the Browns doing this one is interesting because wherever it is that player empowerment resides, it has not yet come to football, where someone like Miles Garrett... Football is a different sport, different culture and wherever it is that we have thought that basketball has let it get out of control with how powerful the players are, where they can hold an organization hostage, there are very few football players who actually have the power to leverage an organization that we all see from afar is less excellent than they're worth having. I gave you the stat recently that this Browns franchise, in terms of historic incompetence, when you go one in 31 for two seasons and what you end up having is none of the MVP quarterbacks that were number one picks in that draft, you miss on all of those and your two best players are two players that ask for trades because you're incompetent. You don't do anything right, and now you're tied up. Miles Garrett doesn't break his back because we've got too much money tied up in Deshaun Watson, and it's all ruined.

He doesn't want to sign up for, No, I've got three more years of pass rush here. I'm not going to play for a team that's going to throw Jameis Winston out there nine games a season and have him look better than Deshaun Watson, where all our money is tied up. Miles Garrett has legitimate power here. But football won't let you have legitimate power here. So what is it?

I think he's one of the people who does have the power, though. They're going to say, We're not going to trade him in all stuff. But at the end of the day, he's at the end of the day, it's again, wow.

You've got a crutch. Now, you need to pay attention to it. I'll tell you why you need to pay attention to it. It's what Stugatz did at the beginning of his career, and it was just always at the end of the day. At the end of the day, it's just a verbal crutch. It's useless. It is useless.

But they're going to say what they're going to say, which is we're not going to treat them. You have to project that strength, especially in that sport. But ultimately, which is a different version of that at the end of the day.

That's right. That's great. All crutch is to get you to the next point.

Ultimately, Miles Garrett is not only high enough value, but also impactful enough for their team that he can ruin their season by just not- In the Cleveland Browns, you don't have...

That organization had expectations, and they had a brief period where it was Manzel, and it was going to be Odell Beckham, and it's the first time any of us have believed in the Browns. They are now starless. They do not have a star. This was a playoff team recently. Miles Garrett is their only star. He's their only important player. I can point to in Joku if you want to, at least in part because he's always wandering the Earth shirtless, and you would, too, if you looked like him, walks through airport shirtless, does all interviews shirtless. But the Browns don't have a star now. They've got one player, we know. They've got one player that America respects, one, and it's only because Chubb is hurt.

Who also has two years left on his deal. There's that element to it as well, which is, look, not only can I mix things up here, but every The moment you wait to trade me, my trade value decreases. You need to move now in many ways. This is like the Jimmy Butler thing from last summer. It's like, if you're going to do him, if you're going to deal him, do it now.

The difference between the Browns and the Heat is just it seems like the Browns would be okay being bad for another season or two, right? They're in tank mode. And so holding on to this player, even if he can sabotage you with his on field play, which isn't what we would expect from Miles Garrett, it might be okay them just to hold on to a guy that the fans love.

I've got to explain, though, on this one where I'd love this power to come to football. Very few people actually end up having it. He can leverage the Browns here because he doesn't want to waste three seasons playing for something that is sure to be 6-11. They've got a quarterback problem that can't be fixed. Are people not aware? We throw around, even though it's a salary cap sport, we all understand that's one of the most ruinous contracts ever given for guaranteed money, correct? It has pinched Miles Garrett so that the prime of what's left of this part of his career will be played for sure in obscurity with every season feeling like this one, which is how he gets to the point of, I don't want to play here anymore. No amount of money will keep me here.

If I'm the Browns, do I say, Hey, does Kam Ward change any of that feeling? If they draft Kam Ward, now you've You got another star, you got the best quarterback in college football.

That could be even more reason, A, for him to either participate and stay and say, I'll do my job on the defense, you build this around the rookie, or really, it should incentivize the Browns to trade him because why wouldn't you try to get as many pieces that you can build around Kam Ward as this new wave of the organization moves forward?

I think the issue, though, is the dead money hit. If they trade him, it's going to be like $36 million if they trade him before June, next That's part of it. They're in cap hell because of making the worst deal ever.

I want to watch what happens with the players in this sport who have legitimate power, because you see what's happening with Matthew Stafford and the Rams That strikes me as a unique business relationship where the Rams appreciate their quarterback, what he's done for them, and they're like, Hey, you want to go shop around? Go have your agency if someone wants to give you $50 million a year. That's not normal. That's not a normal thing to That's like McVay super grateful for, Hey, you no look past us to a championship. You gave us all a golden time here. Our trade of golf worked out, and now they're working together to get a quarterback that could also make a mess in a sport that doesn't allow these messes. You understand how infrequently you ever see any of this in football? It's not a normal thing to come to your franchise and exhibit any power as the laborer.

But then I often think about that, is that because they can't or it's just because they never... The old, I didn't know you could do that. If we look at football and say the reason it's done this way is because they basically convinced their labor pool that this is all you can do. You can't do any of that mess over here. Then as they look over at basketball and player after player getting exactly what they wanted, do we not see a rise of this happening on the NFL level?

I think this is what Aaron Rodgers is doing to test the fringes of this. Do you realize how valuable a quarterback is? I'm going to pick my next spot, and Devante Adams is coming with me if I want to play, even though my QBR is 25th in the league. It's a real power they have. But Belichick and Kraft ran off Bradley, and then he won, and Bradley won all the games after that. Brainy wins all of the money after that. But no, they don't want players to have power. Why would they?

No, they don't want players to have power. But sometimes you have the power by just telling people, You don't have any power. Shut up. Then one day you realize, Wait a second, I have all the power.

What are you talking about? No, but it's part of the entire culture of you don't make a mess for your team, you don't hold out. It's the whole culture of the thing.

When you say culture, you're saying there isn't a rule or a financial restriction, although there are on some players based on how their contracts are structured. But when you talk about quarterbacks and guys at the top who have a lot of guaranteed money, then yeah, they can tell you the culture, and that's not how we do things here. But at the end of the day, it's the honor system, basically. You're asking me just to go along and get along.

You did at the end of the day, again, play the Stugat sound for me the first time I chastised them about this about 17 years ago. Listen, at the end of the day, I think at the end of the day, that's what it boils down to.

Listen, at the end of the day, again, I spoke about this in the four o'clock hour. At the end of the day, he's going to help that team win football games. At the end of the day, though, it's the players Ricky, at the end of the day, can help him win football games.

He sounds so young.

Or he sounds like he had a golf ball in his throat. That was young?

That's young, Steve. The end of the day thing. Do I do this every day? And today was- You do it all the time.

Really?

You guys concur on this? I do it, too.

I haven't really noticed, but at the end of the day, it's about what you've done for me lately. Solid, Jeremy.

Nice. Also, the quarterbacks right now that are in positions to sign bigger deals are in a good spot because there's not a lot of potential day one starters in this NFL draft. Not really the same as having power via your CBA or whatever. But it is interesting to see how in a normal year, the way Darnold ended the season, probably not a great for him in this year, probably isn't going to matter too much. He's probably still going to make a lot of money.

To your point, Dan, Diana Rucini's latest 10 minutes ago was that Stafford's exploration of his market over the last few weeks has attracted significant interest from teams, notably the Raiders and the Giants, who are two teams near the top of that draft, teams are anticipating the Rams will now be driving up the asking price if they decide to move him. In this case, both for Stafford and the organization working together on this, theoretically, is not only going to get him where he to be, but also bring back the best draft capital for the exchange.

When you were in the front office, did you ever have players that you guys allowed to explore trade options? How does that work? Do they come back and like, Hey, so I was talking to the Raptors, and they said, Trade options, no.

But we did consult players. We wanted to trade Shaq, and Steve Kerr got a deal done with Portland, basically. And he went to Shaq. He said, I have a deal on the table right now to send you to Portland. Shaq said, Please don't send me to Portland.

Yeah, but staff is not cold calling. He's like, Hey, it's Matthew Stafford, quarterback for LA. I'd like to maybe play for your team. What's your snack machine like?

That's what agents are. That's what I'd be asking. Who was it? Shaq-oasis Alexander fired his agent, and everyone was like, What a great move. I'm like, No, you need an agent because an agent is the one that gets you out of trouble.

You have honey bun? Chris's agent is like, Chris, no, we need to talk about the terms of the deal. He's like, Please, what cereal?

At the end of the day, that's what he cares about.

Confirment.

Again with Gary Furman. Again.

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