Transcript of Hour 1: Megapod with Calvin Johnson

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This is the Dan Levatore Show with the Stugats podcast. As a lot of people know, I'm a big fan of Kirby Enthusiasm. One of my favorite episodes of all time is... One of my favorite seasons is when they're trying to do the Seinfeld finale finale, the way it should have been done. But my favorite episode that season is when Michael Richard is suffering from this disease and he's really He's worried, and he doesn't want to do the show because he's worried about his health. And Larry David says, No, my boy Danny Duberstein had it, and he's fine. And so Michael Richard says, Can you put me in touch with him? And Larry says, Sure. He goes to Jeff and he goes to Jeff and he says, Jeff, give me Danny Duberstein's number. I got to give it to Michael Richard. And Jeff's like, Danny Duberstein's dead? When did he die? Two years ago. How did he die? He died of that disease that Kramer has. It's a really serious disease. So Larry Now, he realizes he can't tell Michael Richard's Kramer this. So he gets Leon to dress up as Danny Duberstein to go tell him if everything's going to be okay.

And Michael Richard says, Your name's Danny Duberstein? Yeah. He's like, You're Jewish? You've been bar mitzvahs? He's like, Three times? I thought it only happened once. Oh, no. Sometimes you got to re-up the mitzvah. I bring all this up because Zazel turned to me and says, You know I got some bar mitzvah gifts?

I got a bar mitzvah story for you. Well, Maybe you will believe this. I don't know. I'll let you decide. I can't predict the future. So my mother sends me a message yesterday. She text me and she tells me, Jonathan, can I come over this weekend? Maybe we could do dinner at the house. I was going through a bunch of my stuff recently, and I found some very... She capitalized very, some very interesting stuff you may be interested in.

Oh, no. I don't want to hear that from my mom.

Now, I I don't know how she thinks that I'm going to wait until Sunday to find out this very interesting thing that she's found. So I said, Of course, yeah, you can come over this weekend, but what did you find? All right. So when you're bar mitzvahed- Three times. It's only once.

You had It comes out, you got to re-up the mitzvah.

And my bar mitzvah, you feel like you haven't done the mitzvah recently? You got to re-up it. My bar mitzvah was 31 years ago. Okay. And you didn't play GoldenEye? I told you what I was doing. So when you get bar mitzvahed, You get gifts. You get a lot of good gifts. But you always got that one or two or three family members who get you the shittiest gift possible.

A sweater.

Oh, it's the equivalent of a sweater. The shittiest gift possible you can get when you're Bar Mitzvah. Tradel? No, man, Draelal is a terrible bar mitzvah guest for Hanukah player. Just sit back and listen. Every Jewish young man knows exactly what the worst bar mitzvah gift is that you could possibly get. The The worst Bar Mitzvah gift that you could possibly get is a bond. It's the worst gift.

It was right there for everybody. We were all tripping over one another. We were like the Oklahoma Sooners coming out before our old mess. James Bond.

It's an Israeli bond. And you get the little note that they also planted a tree for your ass. In Israeli bond? In Israel.

Not even a US bond.

An Israeli bond.

It's basically the same thing. And they planted I got a tree for my ass, too. Now, I can't even tell you how much I don't care about either one of those things. A tree?

I care about one of them very deeply.

So you get the Israeli bond, you forget about it. And my mother tells me she found a bunch of bonds from my bar mitzvah.

All right, hold up.

How much are you at? She found a bunch of bonds that were never cashed and never accrued money. Murray? Over the last 31 years.

Are you a millionaire? Are you about to tell me you're a millionaire?

And not only that, by the way, Not only that, but a gift that I used to get when I was young as well, really young. I used to have these Disney stocks.

Oh, no. You're a millionaire. Shut the hell up.

My mother found Disney stocks in my name from my little kid.

Shut the hell up. Let's buy the Blazers.

And Israeli bonds that I didn't give a shit about for my bar mitzvah, and I hate it as a gift. Well, neither of those have been realized, neither of them have been cashed, and she's, Bring them to my house this weekend.

Let's buy the Seattle Sounders. Let's just do it.

I don't have the exact number yet, but they're worth thousands of dollars. So how about that?

Zaz, hold up. I got a guy.

What are you disappointing? That's amazing.

How many thousands? You didn't say tens of thousands.

I don't know yet, but it's thousands of dollars.

You didn't say tens of thousands.

Time out. I have to explain something to the audio audience. We just had a graphic go over our screen. To use the word amateur, does not begin to describe. Please run that graphic again to celebrate Zaz's newfound wealth.

Yeah, look at that. Look at that. I'm like Richie Rich.

I'm back anti-sorrow. That's right. Anti-sorrow, man. What is that?

So I'm about to be... I'm about to dive into it headfirst like Scrooge McDuck. So my mother is coming over with my bonds that I hated when I got for my bar mitzvah and a bunch of stocks from Disney, which I believe my parents got from me when I was a little kid, and neither of them have been cashed, and now they're mine.

Are you saying their current value, thousands of dollars, or were they thousands of dollars back then?

No, like the bonds. So here's a $100 bond. That's 30 years ago.

Yeah, but compound money is For 30 years. That's monster.

I need someone to look this up for me. Israeli Bond 31 years ago, which is what? Thirteen? 31 years ago. 94. 94. What's it worth today?

I'm on it.

I to find out. You said you had multiples of these.

Yeah.

How many? Just so roughly I know.

I don't know. I didn't ask. She's bringing it over.

Then the Disney stock is from the '80s.

Yeah, definitely. Dog.

He might be able to buy a Pixar. What are you talking about?

That's right, player. From the '80s. That's right.

Found money. So you don't know exactly how much this is?

I don't know yet. But I can tell you, I already know what Daddy's buying. All right. You want to take a stab at it, Mike?

Las Vegas Aces.

No, no.

It's not- John cena tickets. Bingo.

That's right.

Now we're going to see. Now, I don't care how much those tickets are. Yo, boy, we're going to see John cena in DC next month, Saturday night's main event. Now, the question is, what is my wife going to say when she realizes that's what I'm spending the money on? You blew all the money on. Because these tickets are very expensive. We're talking several thousand dollars to sit near the ring. And obviously, that's what your boy does when he goes to the big wrestling matches. So what is my wife going to say? I don't know. We're going to find out.

Does she know about the bonds in the stocks?

I told her yesterday. Yeah.

Just explain to her that it's John cena's last match.

Yeah, she'll probably understand. No, why did I tell her? Because what's going to happen when I buy the John cena of tickets, and she sees how much it costs? I've told her- She's not going to see. Of course, she's going to see. Why would she see how it costs? Because we have a bank account. No. What do you mean? No, we do. We do have a bank account.

You got to have another bank account.

No, no.

That's the shenanigans account.

I'm not one of these crazy couples that have separate- You got to have a shenanigans account.

A shenanigans LLC.

Come on, man. No, we have a mutual checking account.

Shenanigans Incorporated.

Okay, well, I don't have one. Lllc. Excellent.

Come on, man.

So your boy is going to see John cena Because the lamest bar mitzvah gifts ever. That's right.

Hold on. Your boy has to ask permission to see John cena.

All of this is wrong. Yeah? Yeah. Which part? The fact that you might be sitting on substantial money and I get to see John Cina once I run it by my No, no, no.

There's no running it by my wife. That's exactly how that went. It's how he got to react.

Boys, I got some bad news. Uh-oh. Oh, no. The Zazlo mansion may take a little bit of a hit here. No. The value of an Israeli bond from 1994 depends entirely on its face value specific to what type it is? Was it a Jubilee? Was it a Mazel Tov? Or was it a Macabee? I don't know. Okay. And it's interest rate and maturity date. Israeli bonds from 1984 would have matured some time ago. Most Israeli bonds have a maturity of up to 10 or 15 years, though some bond types are shorter or longer and generally do not accrue interest after maturity.

Okay, well, but when it matured, how much am I talking about here?

I think it said from 100 bucks, it might be 164. No way.

Check out the Disney stock. No way.

My mother told me it's thousands of dollars.

She may have been wrong.

How much Disney stock? Do we know? I don't know.

Do you remember what year? You said you were a little kid.

It's got to be late.

85. Let's say 87. Running Man year.

I thought these were the worst gifts, man.

They are the worst gifts, apparently. They're the worst gifts. No, they are the worst gifts. Killian, I'll be back.

Only in a rerun.

Oh, ass off to Richard Dawson, man.

Yo, don't try and rain on my parade here, Tony. I'm just trying to help you, buddy. My mother knows. She told me it's worth thousands of dollars.

I don't know if she knows.

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Dan Levatard. My algorithm on Instagram is dance all boobs. Stugatz. It's a good algorithm.

This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugatz.

Rob Tony does the research on the Disney stock from the late '80s. I want to talk about how Mad Dog reacted to some of the Dodgers' shenanigans to to use that word again. You have that clip?

When you're a national broadcaster and you're the voice of the sport on a big stage when you did a million playoff games, and then in one of the crippling losses that a franchise is going to have in the history of the sport, that's as bad a loss as you're ever going to have. I got Joe basically the body's not even cold yet. I got Joe at Dodger Stadium doing a freaking Dodger parade. Oh, my God. That's bad. I'm sorry. I don't care what you say. You could say I'm screaming and yelling about nothing. That would piss me off if I'm a Blue Jay fan. I got Joe Davis shaking everybody's hand. Give me a freaking... Yo'm a shaking freaking O'Tani's hand, and he's freaking whacking, getting rings.

Baled on the answer for the World Series.

You think Kirk Addy was getting any of this nonsense?

Kirk Addy.

You think Gargiola was doing a parade in 82 with the condos?

I was wondering what he was doing. Oh, my God.

And he's got the trophy right there. God, if you're a Blue Jay fan, you're vomiting right now. That is bad. I don't care what you say. You could say I'm being hard. That's ridiculous. Chris, what's the big deal? He does the games. Nonsense. He's the voice of the World Series. He's supposed to be Right down the middle, obviously, he's wound his ass off for the Dodgers in the World Series. Everybody who I spoke to hated the idea they sensed the shoot for the Dodgers throughout the World Series. His call at the end was ridiculous. You got to be a champion and knock whatever he said about not going to be a defending champion out. And then he's waxing poetic about Kershaw at the end of the game that nobody in America cared about. Oh, my God. That's bad, and that's wrong, and that's not the way you do it. I don't care. Call me anything you want. Call me an old man on a hill screaming, 'Get off my lawn, say anything you want. That's bogus. The Dodgers should have done him a favor, Joe. You know what? You're the voice of the team. We just want a classic.

Why don't you lay low here? We'll get somebody else to do this. Why don't you lay low? It's like he's on the lamb. We'll get Daniel David, that's it. That's the three and four. Why don't you lay low? This is not the time for you. You're the voice of baseball in postseason play. You can't be doing our parade waxing poetic about us at the Blue Jay's expense.

Wrong.

Top of the hour.

He's going to get a ring, Joe Davis.

Of course he is. He's the voice of the Dodgers. He's the only guy than Vin Scully to call Dodgers game.

For people to understand, not only is Joe Davis the voice of the Dodgers, but in that parade, he's The MCAP.

Which is typical. Yes. Fitzgerald up in Golden State, he's the MCAP every time they want a championship.

Steve Goldstein each year, the Panthers. Absolutely.

That's typical. Yes. If the Knicks win the championship, Mike Breen. Mike Breen is going to be doing that. Yeah, you would assume. Mike Breen is also the guy. I guess that's the difference in that Joe Davis and Mike Breen are also the guys that do the call for the national broadcast. But I think all of us can agree. They're very professional. I never watched that and for one moment thought, Oh, this guy wants the Dodgers to win.

I got to tell you, if I'm a Blue Jays fan-I don't care. Like, dog's going nuts over it. If I'm a Blue Jays fan, God, I don't care.

I just don't care. I want to vomit because we lost. Not because the guy who called the game is like, That's him at the parade.

What's he doing there? I do agree with Dog there. I didn't like the final call.

You didn't like it? I thought it was a weird final. They always try to do something with gravitas.

Yeah, I'm with Dog on that one. I didn't like it.

So you think it was nonsense. He's a voice of the World Series. He's supposed to be right down the middle. Obviously, he's rooted in his ass. If we could get just the- Can we find Yum?

It was a clutch move. He knew, I'm in trouble here.

I don't have that one.

He pulled the red cord.

By the way, doing a little investigating here in the Disney stocks.

How much do I owe?

How much do I owe? Now you're talking. The Israeli bonds, cooked.

Cooked on. I don't think it's cooked, man.

I think I got a lot of money on my way. I don't think you know how bonds work, buddy. I don't think you know how bonds work. But with stocks, okay, so I'm looking at 1987 is the year that we said. It could be earlier, it could be later, but whatever. The price for those Disney stocks was 348 at that time. Disney's trading right now for 109 bucks. There you go. A little bit of a down year. There you go. But to what Mike said, which what I was looking up, what I wanted to see is there's been many stock splits.

That's good when they split.

For people that don't know, in the investing world, a stock gets to a certain point, they split it, and it creates more stocks. So you double up. So there was a-You had one, then you got two. There was a March of 1986, so hopefully you got them in before '86, which we don't know, but there was a four for one stock split. Then in May of '92, another Four For One Stock Split. That's 16, if you're looking.

When the movie started rolling out, they were like, Oh, we got this.

July of '98, a three for one stock split. So now we're looking at Even more. I don't know the math.

I'm pretty sure I'm rich now.

The most recent split, June '07.

Give me my money graphic.

One for one split. So you're looking at four, four, three, and another split.

I'm looking at being rich is what we're looking at.

So you're looking at potentially... Again, we don't know the number of stocks you have. We'll find that out when your mom shows up.

Probably enough to retire.

I'm better hope. 342 to 109. Split. But with all the splits involved.

Split 11 ways or more. If I'm not here Monday, you know why?

Give me a freaking... Yo mama, shaking freaking...

Yo mama.

I found out why it's called Begonia. Why is it called, Begonia? Begonia refers to classical myth about a ritualistic method to spontaneously generate bees from a sacrificed bull's carcass. Now, part of the backdrop of this film is the two kidnappers blame this tech CEO for a bee Colony collapse. Hey, you guys want to play a game?

Let's play a game. What do you got?

I got real or fake podcast.

I love this game.

That's what I'm talking about. Listen up.

Time to think fast.

Is this a real or fake podcast?

That's pretty much the rules. You guys have to figure out if something is a real or fake podcast. Sometimes it may seem easy, sometimes it may seem very difficult, but we have fun along the way. First one up. Okay. The Keith Bullock Show.

That's just what's called?

Is that a real or fake podcast? So the question here is, does Keith Bullock have a podcast?

Right. Yeah, so I'm going to go real then.

Don't look it up. What are you doing? I'm not looking at anything off. No, not.

He just- Yeah, text message?

Not looking at anything up. How dare you?

I'm going to go fake. It's too straightforward. I don't think he has a podcast.

The Keith Bullet Show is fake.

Yeah. Oh. Just too straightforward. Although I like it. I like it as a change up there, Mike.

Free Range with Von Miller.

Oh, That's real.

I'm going to fake.

That's real.

Vawn. What does free range mean?

Like cowboy shit, man. He always be wearing cowboy hats and stuff.

He's not cowboy shit.

He's cowboy. I'm going to fake. He's cowboy.

He's got his forems.

He's got chickens. Yep. Free Range. I'm going real.

It is a brand new, real podcast.

I'm two for two.

Megapod with Calvin Johnson.

I feel like if Calvin Johnson had a podcast, we would have heard about it. And also, wouldn't have called it Megapod.

Why? His nickname is Megatron.

I know, but Megapod.

It almost makes too much sense.

Just admit you didn't know that was his nickname.

I didn't know the Georgia Tech grad. His name, Megatron. I'm going real. I'm going to go fake.

Fake.

Three for 3, baby.

Next one. Pugilist Specialist with Lennox Lewis.

Wordy, way too erudite. That sounds like Lennox Lewis to me. Who, by the way, do you guys know this? He grew up with Russell Peters, the stand-up comedian. They're friends. His mom knows him and everything.

Perhaps it's something they cover in Pugilist Specialist.

I'm going to go real. Zaz?

He's thinking.

Yeah, come on. You know what Pugilist means?

Yeah. Do I look like someone who doesn't know what Pugilus means?

You look like a little confused, buddy.

Stop talking. I'm going real.

Tony, you want to venture a guess? It's fake. It is indeed fake.

I'm three for four.

Finally, Clipboard Jesus with Charlie Whitehurst. That's funny.

That's got to be fake. No one's calling themselves Jesus.

His nickname when he played was Clipboard Jesus because he looked like Jesus.

I actually didn't know that.

You didn't know that? Someone didn't know a nickname, huh?

I'm going real.

It is fake.

Shit.

It's a tough game. Three for five? That's still a success. This game can be really hard sometimes.

I did it. I did it, man. I lived it. You know what I love? I watch Pluto TV, and they always have ads for... What's my man? The fighter and the and the Kid or whatever, that podcast. They have a million ads for it every time. I'm just like, Should I be advertising on Pluto TV? Because I don't know if you know this, Zaz. Pluto TV is the future.

Why? What's so good about it? I always see the app.

We're going back to channel Surfing, pal.

Oh, man.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I always see the app, but I never click on it.

You got YouTube, you got Disney, fighting. I'm sick of all of it. I pay hundreds and hundreds of dollars, probably equal to the Israeli bonds that you have in streaming services. You pay a lot then. Still, I sit down and I'm like, I don't want to watch any of this stuff. I miss, as a child that grew up in the '90s, I miss channel surfing.

You just grab a remote and go up, and then you see something on your screen that's already in progress. You have my attention.

I'm a Pluto TV guy now.

Pluto TV. Let me tell you where Pluto TV is most clutch. The most clutch.

Do you have to pay a subscription for it?

It's free.

It's free. Gratis. Yeah, it's free.

What channel does it get? You get ads.

Not any more ads than regular television.

Yeah, regular television ads. What channels you get?

You get- Dude, the channels are outstanding. If you like movies, we got that. There's just a '90s movie channel, the Forrest Gumpel.

Why don't I have Pluto app?

Just get it.

I don't understand why you don't have Pluto app.

It's free. This is the new thing. Mike, you travel a lot. I do. You see more and more of these hotels.

I know exactly where it's the most clutch.

Where?

Airbnbs.

Slash hotels. I don't do Airbnbs. You get into the hotel room and I'm like, Okay, you got local news. All right. Msnbc, CNBC, Fox, and all that. Hello, you got a Pluto TV? I get in there, and all of a sudden, you know what I'm doing? I'm tuning into that Barrescue channel. Yes. I'm watching back to back to back.

They have a channel that just shows Barrescue? Just Barrescue.

I Love, Mar-Rescue. They have a channel that just show you like I Love Lucy? I love Lucy. You might be. No. Jonathan Zazel may say to himself, Man, I love Lucy.

I don't.

Well, there's an entire channel dedicated to I Love Lucy. Did you like MTV? But in the '90s, we got a channel for you.

Zaz, how about the 18? Would you like to just watch the 18 episodes back to back to back? I like the 18. They have an 18 channel. Hey, do you want to watch Black Movies from the '90s, specifically?

And they'll hit you over the head right on the nose. That's what it's called. Black Movies from the '80s.

Wow. The Golden Child, followed by Beverly Hills Cop.

On Pluto app at any given time, Booty Call is on, Forrest Gump is on, Predator is on. All of them. And Bob Ross, just painting away.

You want to watch Bob Ross nonstop?

Not really.

Are you high off your ass? Want to melt in your Couch? Bob Ross channel.

Did I mention that they have a Barrescue channel? If you love Barrescue, there's a new podcast called Here's the Science, a Barrescue podcast. It's me, it's Zack Harper, it's Chelsea Reynolds, it's Colin Caster. Get it wherever you get a podcast. Support Especially if you work in the industry, especially. We're having guests. If you work in the industry, especially if you worked at a bar that was rescued, a bar rescued bar, you're going to come on our show. We're going to ask you about the experience.

That's a great title for the pod.

Here's the science.

Yeah, I love how he would just...

Was your bar rescued by Barrescue.

You just give people a paper.

Here's the science. Mike, did you know that if you get a customer to order food, they're more likely to stay up to 50 minutes longer? I do know that. Yeah, that's the science you learn on Here's the science. But back to TV.

Dude, I saw-It is the future. I saw a bartender scoop ice with a glass.

Oh, no.

And I screamed, Shut it down. You can't be doing that.

Why can't you do that?

Because you can break the glass.

You're going to kill somebody.

You're going to kill somebody.

You're I'm on my...

Ice looks like glass.

You got to burn it. You don't know this?

No, I don't know about Pluto. That's what we're talking about it. We're talking about bars.

It used to be a planet. I'm telling you. Pluto TV, draw planet. We're all going to go Jack. We're going back, Jack. If you watch, I love what WPLG did, which is like, We don't need ABC. We'll just be live and local. We're just going to concentrate on local. They even have some heat games. If you live in Miami, we're for you.

Wplg? That's how I learned about the fire.

As everything is artificial and algorithm, people are going to be gravitating to something that is grittier, more real, more sense of community. And also, they're going to realize, man, this shit was better in the '90s. Oh, my God. I miss channel surfing, and Pluto TV does that.

Zaz, you know what I love? So for instance, that Barrescue channel. One would think, I was like, Oh, okay, so they start with season one, episode one, and then two. No, it's all random. It's all random from all eras of the Bar Rescue show. It reintroduces that feeling of mystery. I don't know what's coming next. That's the thing that kids are missing. They don't know about that. How you used to be turned on the TV like, Oh, this is my favorite episode of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. And then you just sit down and then the next episode is like, Wait, on Viv is back to the old on Viv. Yeah, because that's how it is, man.

I was watching the Bob Ross channel last night, and I saw a rerun. It was one that I saw when I was in an Airbnb in DC for MLS All-Star. I'm like, I've seen this one. This one's great. I watched the whole thing twice.

Folks, listen up.

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I went in the margins. I'm like, You're a money ball of sex. I'm basically Scott Hatterberg for a walking. A lot of walks. Stugatz.

A lot of walks, but I'm on base.

When it comes to sex, I'm Scott Hatterberg. Other dudes, they can be Giambi.

You know your role you play well?

I know my role.

This is the Don Levatard show with The Stugats.

Mike, if I may, I've got Tudor TV in front of me right now. I'd like to shout out some of the channels and what they're playing. Yeah, go through the program. First channel I've got in front of me called TV-Land Drama.

What is that about?

They've got shows like Jag. Right now, Diagnosis, murder is playing. Solid. Then we got- The O Street Blues? Diagnosis, murder, yeah.

How about Prognosis, negative?

Is Is Matlock on that one, or does Matlock have its own channel? Because I know Columbo has its own channel on Cluedo.

I think Matlock has its own channel. Good. We got a Bobby Flay- Sometimes I just want to watch Matlock and only Matlock. We've got a Bobby Flay channel. They're playing Brunch at Bobby's Slumber Party. We've got a-Was it a brunch or was it a slumber party? Well, it's a little bit of both. They woke up. Guess what?

Bobby's place. What's for brunch?

We've got BT throwbacks right now. Five minutes left in an episode of Hanging with Mr. Cooper.

Oh, that's great. Do they play Old Rap Cities?

No, because next we have Everybody Hates Chris, which is also a great one. Hey, would you like Pluto trending now? How about you watch 28 Days Later, the movie?

I want to see that.

There you go. What about Pluto Icons? You want to watch Mermaids, Winona Ryder, Cher?

No. No? No, but that's why you keep flipping the channels.

Hey, my friend here, he's never watched James Bond. Could it be that there's a Pluto 007? No. The world is Not enough? No. Right now, 2 hours and 35 minutes left, followed by Die Another Day.

You know who did the song for The World is Not Enough?

Let me think. Adele.

No, no. Garbage.

Zaz, how about The World Not enough, James Bond uncovers a nuclear plot while protecting an oil heiress from her former kidnapper, an international terrorist who can't feel pain.

And the sequel to that- That sounds good. Was Die Another Day. You know who did the song to that?

Adele.

No, Madonna.

James Bond is sent to investigate a connection between North Korean terrorist and a diamond mogul who's funding the development of an international space weapon.

Die Another Day.

Hey, Roy, I want to watch a movie that has Wesley Snipes But it's based on a Michael Crichton book.

Passenger 57.

Not a Michael Crichton book.

You ever see Skyfall? No. You know who did the song for Skyfall?

Let me think.

Drop zone.

Adele.

Actually, you're right there.

I knew it.

When the sky falls, right? That was it. The Art of War was the answer we were looking for. The Art of War, yeah. You know I could watch The Art of War?

What was that? Sure it wasn't Passage of 57?

Pluto Action, followed by the Art of War 2, Betrayal, and the Art of War 3, I don't even know what that-Sequence to this movie? Yeah. How about Pluto Reaction? We got Species: The Awakening. How about Pluto Fantastic: Divergent Series? How about Pluto Comedy, the 430 movie, followed by Bull Durham? How about Pluto Drama: Coach Carter, followed by Amistad? How about Pluto Romance: Clueless, Followed by Sleepover. How about BT Cinema on Pluto? Jackie Brown.

Great movie.

They have a ton of movies that you would watch if you were just flipping through the channels. But when you sit down on your couch, you have decision fatigue. You're like David Blatt, you're a fighter pilot. I got so many options. I just can't make a single one. Please, Pluto, make my decision for me. Clueless? That sounds lovely. I can half pay attention to that. Thank you.

Hey, Mike, you want to watch Jackie Brown when that's over? You could watch Flight. God help me. God help me.

I'm drunk right now.

That plane was upside down.

You saw my boy Denzel work?

Should have given him a medal landing that plane upside down.

Tony, this one's for you right now on Pluto Thrillers, The Running Man. Followed by Basic Instinct, by the way.

Oh, yeah, baby.

Mike, you like horror movies? How about Succubus? That's on right now, Pluto Horror. On Pluto Terror, we got Scream 3. On Pluto 2000's replay, we have Joe Dirt.

On Pluto- This is the greatest thing.

'90s throwback, Saving Private Ryan, 80's Rewind, Platoon, 70's Cinema Rancho Deluxe, movie channel, Pluto. I don't know why that's a different- I honestly want to strip away all my other apps here in Utah.

Right now, there's no There's no reason. Why am I HBO Maxing? Well, because I'm on there. That's why I'm HBO Maxing.

Let me tell you something. They told me, You're destitute. All you can afford is your internet bill, and that's it. Can't afford Netflix, HBO Max. Look, I'd miss them. I'd miss them. But you know what will keep me warm at night? Pluto TV. It's just great for when you don't know what to watch. By the way, they also have an on-demand section.

I'm going to miss my sports. I like my Premier League soccer. That's why I keep it on the cock.

Yeah, love the cock. Yes.

But movies, flipping through. Sometimes you don't know what you want to watch and you need them to speak to you.

Can I say something? Let me speak directly to our friends at NBC and Peacock.

Go look right at your camera.

They do have fast channels.

They do have some of those. They do have fast channels, and I do appreciate them.

You like that Stone Phillips? They got you.

This is what I need from them, though.

Look right into your camera.

I need Insights to Excellence, a fast channel for that. I was looking for it this week. Didn't get an episode.

They're making you yearn for it.

Getting antsy.

Isn't it a little crazy that he used one of these episodes to lament load management?

He didn't lament. Why is that crazy? He didn't lament.

Well, because he did this all in one shooting.

He didn't lament it, Michael. He didn't lament it. Lamentable ball.

I mean, I'd like to see fresh ones. I'd like for him to talk about Tiago Splitter.

This is fresh. Have you seen it before? It's fresh then.

But I like for him to react to Tiago Splitter and this incredible turnaround, the Portland I wanted to hear about Tar Eason.

Tell me more about Keison Wallace. Aj Mitchell is getting more minutes. Tell me more, Michael.

Definitely real names that I've heard before.

Oh, man. I just want... Just right here. Give me a belt. You got a belt? You ain't got any belt.

You wear belts?

No.

Me neither.

Trying to be comfortable, dog.

I don't wear belts ever.

Yeah, me neither.

Never wear a belt.

You only end up on this inside to excellence?

I like it.

Yeah, I like it, too. I like it.

I don't like the tone. I like it. Why? It's great. I want more of it.

I want more of it. That's why I said I like it.

I'm just like, I like them. I was disappointed, Peacock, this week. Where was it?

That's why I only said I like it because I was looking for it this week and I couldn't find it.

Let me tell you right now. You give me some insights.

Instead, I got Atlanta and Orlando.

Good game.

Yeah, but no insights to excellence in the middle.

Yeah, good game, though. All right, here we go. Right here. Wow. I need insights into excellence right there. That's what I needed, right there.

Wow, making me uncomfortable.

It is it? I mean, that's how you get the veins popping, man. You ever played train spotting? You know about the train spotting?

Yeah, I know about train spotting, but I never played train spotting.

How do you spot the train then?

You have a free base?

Buddy.

Richard Pryer did.

I invented freebacing.

Too soon.

Too soon.

Come on.

Respect the legend. You got singed eyebrows, man.

Oh, Mountain Dew bottle.

Look, here's the deal, Man, some people like to play it fast and loose.

Get some of that Bolivian. Yeah.

Marching.

You don't have to deal with any of the nose stuff.

Too uncomfortable. Start to sneezing, now everyone's mad.

You just need a hit. Just one. Just one. You don't have to deal with the nose running at all. This is stuff that people that I know have done this have told me.

Look, man, you're out here. It's like you're a bird. You see this? You see this around the Elser? All these turkey vultures? Gliding, gliding. You know what they're doing? They're free-basing. That's what it's like? That's what it's like, baby.

You'll be chasing that first high for the rest of your life.

Oh, my gosh.

Or so they say. It sounds great, but it will destroy your lives.

That's what Insight to Excellence feels like to me.

You're going to destroy your life?

I'm going to abandon all of my responsibilities. That's why, Tony, that's why they give it to us in microdoses, because if they gave you the whole shebang, we'd all be like, it'd be like Pulp fiction. Someone needs to stab us in the heart with an adrenaline needle. Wake us up.

Ota adrenaline shot.

Yeah, man. Could you do that? You think you could do that to someone?

Can I be the person? No.

Would you ever look around? Can you be Vincent Baker? Yeah, you look around like, okay, I guess I'm the person that has to put this adrenaline needle in Uma Thurman's heart.

I could do it. You think you could? Got to do it hard enough to smash through the breast plate, though. I could do it.

You could?

Got to stab her three times? No bit? No, you don't got to stab her three times.

No bit? Would you? Could you?

Yeah. You know the heart is, right?

Yeah. You know of it.

It's right here.

Tony, can the Rockets keep this up all season long?

It's a good point. I'm looking around and saying, All right, two big, three big, five big lineup. Is at some point, I mean, like, Ahmed Thompson going to be the answer point guard? Obviously, Fred Vanvly, we know he's out. It feels like they're not going to make a trade for a point guard anywhere. So it's like, All right, we're going to let Ahmed play point-Yeah, why do they need one?

He's a really big point guard.

Sure, but he's still super raw and super green at playing the position It's the same thing as Cooper Flag. Like, Oh, we're playing him at point.

He's got 82 games, figure it out.

Sure. Okay. But then when everything slows down in the playoffs, is he going to be 82 games worthy of like, All right, I know what I'm doing, versus having his entire career playing basketball, knowing how to play point. At some point, something's got to come to a head. Either they're going to be the biggest team and just maul everybody, or they're going to get to a point where in the half-court, it's going to be like, Oh, shit. Katie, here's the ball. Try and do something.

I like the idea. They played Memphis last night, and they went small. And by small, I mean, they started Thompson, Jabari Smith, Shingun, Josh Ocogui, Kevin Durant.

Everybody's like 6-10.

That's their small lineup. Thompson in the playoffs, decision-making left a lot to be desired. And it was understandable. Energy, young guy, first time in the playoffs, playing against Golden State Steph Curry. So there is some jitters there, but I hear what you're saying. It's like, you need that old head, Fred VanVleet, Mike Conley. These guys are just like, Everyone, settle down. I got you. Don't panic. I know they've scored a couple. What we're going to do is we're going to organize this thing and get it going.

Another good game for Ja last night.

Why are you on Ja, man?

What do you mean why am I? It's the biggest story in the league right now. What do you mean why am I on Ja? Why? Because it's not... You're not monitoring him? Got to monitor him.

I'm monitoring him, but I'm not going to be like, Oh, yeah, here goes Ja, another 6 or 19 performance. Why wouldn't you? Because I know what's happening. What's happening is he is at odds with his coach, and By the way, they asked him about that, too. Do you guys see this?. Last night? Last night because Jaron Jackson didn't have a great game either. And so they were asking him about that. And he said, and I've got the quotes right here. Believe me.

It was a weird start, though, too, because Jaron Jackson, you figure, all right, if they're not building around Ja, they're going to build around Jaron Jackson. But then he has six shots in a game and you're like, who are we building around?

He said his efficiency has been up about Jaron Jackson. I I think he's shooting the best, blah, blah, blah. Obviously, for us in this situation, we'd love to have a more involved in the offense. Like today, I'm looking at these numbers and they are what they are. I can't really trust them. So obviously, the half-court offense is not in sync.

I don't know. And it looks it, by the way.

How do you feel about the energy levels? Like I said, very inconsistent. It comes and it goes. We need to do a better job.

Here in the NBA, you know what you need to do unless you don't. And that's the weird part about it, right? It just seems like everybody's in flux in Memphis, and you got one guy who's fighting with the organization. You got one guy who got paid, and he's like, I guess I'm going to do what they tell me to do, even though I don't really know what we're doing. Just a weird situation. Anyways, all your favorite NBA players are back. And DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting part of the NBA, is the place to bet on NBA stars this season, like Ja Morant. New customers download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code Dan. That's code Dan to get five bucks and get three months of NBA League pass plus 300 bucks in bonus bets. If your bet wins in partnership with DraftKings, the Crown is yours.

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