Transcript of Handing Out the ‘Heat’ Awards for This NBA Season With Chris Ryan, Van Lathan, and Rob Mahoney

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You don't want to put this on his laptop.

What's up? I got to make sure you all can't see my computer screen.

That's the very level-headed Rob Mahoney.

Hey, how's it going?

We're going to try something tonight. I'm not positive it's going to work. It's going to work. This is like Nico Harrison trying to talk the Mavericks owners into the Lucidante's trade. That went super well. It's ambitious. It's ambitious. I'm not positive it's going to work, but I really like. I think we could win the title if we do this. You guys know the movie Heat? That's great. That's really going to help us tonight. We're going to... I used to do when I had a column way back when my fingers were. I used to do a gimmick where we handed out quotes from movies as awards. We were going to do that for the 2025, '26 NBA season. We're going to hand out quotes from Heat, but it's really just CR was like, I need it, brother. I need it. He just wanted to do Heat. We were trying to come up with a gimmick.

You're Metaphora, I'm Rob Polinka. You're the only phone call I made. And I'm like, It sounds like a good deal. Don't tell anybody else.

So CR and I, on my old podcast, after I left ESPN, we did Heat On my podcast, not as a rewatchable. It was the 20-year anniversary, and we just said, Fuck it. And we did an entire podcast about Heat. I had no idea if people would like it. And then we started to get feedback. Yo, the heat podcast. That was fucking awesome. It eventually led to the rewatchables where we've done heat three times, including with the director, Michael Mann, who I think is still confused by what happened. Anyway, CR, why do we keep coming back to this movie?

I mean, this is the Bible, man. This is the greatest story ever told. It's two guys circling each other in LA. One takes down scores, one goes after guys like him. I've gotten to the point now where I can't just watch it straight. I've watching it end to beginning. I try watching it. I don't watch Pacchido and De Niro scenes. I only focus on Hank Azaria. I'm doing things with heat that are like, they need second spectrum. I have to filter things out. It's a never-ending gift.

You haven't tried to watch an on Spanish HBO. Rob Mahony, what's your relationship with this movie?

It feels like a loaded question. Will I be fired if I don't like it?

You love it.

You told me you love it. I I love it. I do love it. I mean, it's educational. I think it taught me a lot about masculinity, about books about metals, about-The culture of the Ringer? Yeah, certainly. Interior design, most crucially. Yeah.

Or lack of interior design. I mean, Van Lathen, you love this movie.

Love it. Cool as a bunch of motherfuckers doing the coolest shit that you could imagine. Look, it's also... I see why you all love the movie so much.

That feels pointy. It's too early. Don't start. We're just sat down. What do you mean?

I see why you all... This is the type of movie that two Caucasians could be at a bar together and they don't know what to bond over. And one of them goes, Yo, dude, you fucking see heat, dude. Next thing you know, a whole podcast network is formed. It's true.

That's actually how Chris and I met, to be honest, to be fair. Well, I'm going to do the lessons of heat. We always do this when we do heat. There's a bunch of lessons, things to take away, little fortune cookie things. Number one, never fall for a guy with no furniture. Number two, never leave a living witness. If you've already banked a murder in the same location, just take them all out. If you've taken two out, just three. It doesn't really matter at that point. Never sell bearer bonds back to the guy you stole them from. Never do it. You pulled it off. Don't circle back. Don't go for the second three. You made the first three, just run back in place it deep in the drive.

Don't ask for the pick protection.

If you're dating someone who's husband is a robbery, homicide, detective, have her come to your place. She's married. Don't go there. Don't stick around town after someone tells you, I'm talking to an empty telephone because there's a dead man on the other line. Pack a Take a bag and get out. Also, CR, don't put your money into Malibu equity and investments. It's been a tough month. Yeah, tough month for them. Two more. Don't settle for a life that revolves around barbecues and ball games.

Isn't that what we did?

I think that's what most of us did. Is that what Pacino did? Well, no, but us. Oh, us, yeah. Well, it's a lesson from heat. I'm not saying we should heat it.

Well, then who are these lessons for?

Well, these are the lessons from heat. But for whom?

Who's supposed to take away this?

There'sfor the audience. For the audience. We're lost soul.

We're out there. Then never have anything in life that you can't walk away from in 30 seconds. If the heat's around the corner. Rob, so this was Neil's big mantra in the movie. Yeah. And yet in the big famous bank shootout, Val Kilmer's character gets shot. What does Neil do?

Drags him to safety.

He goes and gets him. The heat's around the corner. He's like, I got to get my guy. So is this only the opposite sex? What was this rule? Because he saved his buddy.

I think it's aspirational. He wants to believe he's that guy, but he can't be that guy.

Vin, are you out or are you going back getting Chris?

Am I going back?

If you're Neil in that situation, you're like, Oh, my buddy got shot. I better go get him.

1997.

Okay.

We go to a place called Just For Feet in Baton Rouge.

Just For Feet? Yeah.

Just For Feet was the name of the store.

Please tell me this is a sneaker store.

It was a sneaker store.

Okay, great. Thank God. It wasn't run by Rex Ryan? No.

Yeah. And Quint Tarantino. We go in there and my homies are in there and they got that look in their eye. They look like they're about to steal. I see them milling around and doing their thing. I tell them straight up, When it goes down, I'm telling. You're straight snitching on them? My daddy not going for it, man. You know what happened? They stole Nike socks, and I waved on my way into Cortana Mall. I was like, Yeah, I got them. This is the three of the guys right there. Peace. Talked to dad, dad said, If you'd have been with them, I'd have left you in jail all weekend. So, yeah, no, I'm not there. You get shot by the police. When the police come, I'm going to take my gun, steal another car, drive the other way. I'm out.

So, Michael Mann, he writes this. Neil says it twice during the movie. The heat's around the corner 30 leading to the end when he pulls the fire alarm, he kills Wayne Gro. He's about to leave. His paramour is waiting for him in the car. They're going to somewhere. Where were they going, CR?

I thought they were going to South America, but I'm not. I don't know if we ever get it specified where their destination is.

Nobody's really looking for them.

Nate's playing travel agent, so who knows?

Then he sees Pacino from really far away. The heat is now around the corner, and he's out. Best tie in to Lessons earlier in the movie for an ending?

Yeah. I mean, the way that the movie ends with De Niro not being able to leave Wayne Grove alone is the real tell there because it's corrupted him. His need for vengeance, his need to set that score right, is Which is what does him in at the end. It's barely E. E. E. E. E is just a passenger at that point.

Tough one. When does she date again, Van, you think? How many months? You think she eases back into it or just like, I'm single now for life?

When you look at the movie, first of all, he hits, and then the next time they talk, she is legitimately... She's like, I didn't think you were going to call. It's been some time. Remember, she can't text him at this point. She's waiting for it. She's like, I didn't think you were going to call. Then he comes back. He quasi-kidnaps her. At first, it goes like, You can't leave on some Sunny from Bronx Tale ship. Now you can't leave. Then comes back and goes, You know what? I like you enough. You can go if you want. She's this whole time. Her mind is in a blender. She's like, Is this the man of my dreams, or am I now dating like Hannibal Leclerc? Then at the end, it comes full circle. She likes him. They're on a good accord. She's sitting in the car. The police are riding by. She's like, Oh, my God, I've never seen this before. And then he comes out, walks right by her. She got tortured. This whole fucking film I felt so bad for. She needs to She comes back with somebody that can really put something on her for a long time.

How long does she wait before she reenters the dating pool?

She got to go right away.

Okay. Right away?

Yeah. She got to go right away, man. I'm telling you, Pete Davidson, this is what Pete Davidson is made for. He can smell them. He's out in the... He's like, Who just broke up with somebody? Who just got fucked over? Here I come. That's what she needs. She got to go right back.

Is that a pheromonal thing or what's he picking up on?

He sees the It makes him laugh. Got you.

We're going to do heat quotes. I'm going to try to explain them as much as I can as we do them. I think this is going to work. Some of them are going to be just we have the group answer, other ones will go around. The first one, this is the Val Kilmer, For me, the Sun Rises and Sets with Her Man Award. I want to give this-Hold on for a second.

Somebody said, Yeah.

That was the one woman in the audience.

She was fucking somebody else. So was he. Don't matter.

He had an action on the side.

I know.

He said nothing regular, though. Don't get him on the Super Bowl.

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. He made the wrong decision.

This award goes to Mavericks fans. Rob, they have not gotten over the Luka Doncha trade yet. They ended up with Cooper Flag. This worked out in a roundabout way. Why can't they let go? What happened here?

I mean, it's too deep. It was too sudden. It was too surprising.

It's been a year. God, too deep.

No, that one's going to the grave. That one's always going to be the one that got away.

That's it. You're from Texas, so you have real thoughts on this. That's it. They're never going to forgive. Absolutely.

Would you?

They got rid of the GM. There was a story that the team might actually, like Mark Cuban is allegedly trying to buy them back. For sure.

Definitely going to happen. Yeah.

Yeah, I wasn't sure, but with that. If you're the Dallas owners, what's in it to keep the team, CR?

What's in it to keep the NBA team that they have?

Where everyone hates you, that's you I go to games and people are like, There's the motherfucker who sold Luka Donch. I hate it.

I feel like the people who buy NBA teams are not their public opinion. Their public approval is not their number one concern. What their concern is that Texas has gambling and that they could have a sports team that goes along with it, right?

They're searching their name in the Epstein files. They don't care about this type of shit.

They're like, Oh, no. Did Maps fan 4, 5, 9? So be worried about it.

They don't care what the fans think. People at 10 Horn Flats in Southern This is interesting, though.

Why would you want to own a team? It's basically an investment if you bought 10 Starbucks.

Because you get talked about on stages like this. Nobody would talk about Patrick Dumont ever in the world, in the world, in the world. But now he's like, Yeah, an archvillan. But he gets to be like, The Mavericks. I own The Mavericks.

See, I think they do want to be liked, or else they wouldn't have fired Nico Harrison. To save face to do something.

You guys fucking... What are you talking about?

I think they want to be like, So we're split. Can we ask the crowd? Yeah, I want to know what the crowd think. Do you think the Mavericks' fan owners or Mavericks' owners want to be liked by the fans?

That's all I know.

Oh, wow. 50-50.

I'm telling you, this is why these billionaires is running out. They don't care. They got money. They own planes. They're doing different type of shit. They don't give a damn about none of that. The GMs and the people like that that have to exist inside of basketball culture, they might care, but it's another acquisition for them. I really don't think that they do.

Did you have anybody else for this award?

I did. I loved the briefly lived rumor during trade deadline of Damian Lillard encouraging the Blazers to trade for Giannis. I thought that was awesome.

Just the idea of him-He wanted to reconciliation.

Raring over a fogged in Portland being like, The sun, man, sun rises in sets with him.

You don't have anything to do.

What about you and Concanipal?

I think it's beautiful what you found together.

I will I would say he's my second son. Did you slip up on the nick Right pod?

Did you say that you drove him somewhere?

I drove him back to his hotel after the podcast. That's weird. Jesus, Bill.

That's weird. What the fuck? How did I end up in this situation? But you did.

He's 20. I didn't want to put him in an Uber. Just the two of you, he can drive. He's two years older than my son.

What did you guys talk about?

Talked about a lot of stuff. Talked about life.

Wait, how long was His drive?

About 30 minutes. Thirty minutes? Wow. He was at Santa Monica. I had to get him a ride.

Was he like, Call me when you get home just so I know you're safe?

I did get worried when the fight happened last night. Khan was out there.

I was like, Khan, don't get hurt.

Next award. Oh, this is good. I got to do an imitation.

30 minutes.

That is wild. Did What music did you play? Did you play music?

Yeah. We have to stay here for a second.

How do you set the mood with Khan?

Bill, what happened? So Khan's got to go somewhere.

Bill's never given me a ride, by the way.

Never in life.

Bill is never like, Hey, do you need me to drop you off somewhere? No.

Visited this motherfucker in Malibu. Bill's like, All right, peace, Gostga. Hope you get home right. You drove him home. What happened?

I drove him to Santa Monica.

Okay, drove him to Santa Monica. What?

Dropped him off, and that was that. Okay. I didn't want to put him in an Uber. He came all the way over to my house to do the podcast. I don't know. You guys agree with me. The crowd's behind me. Just a nice person. Sorry, guys. I get to do an invitation here. The Danny Trey Award for Neil. Don't leave me like this, Neil. Please arms. I'm giving this to Steph Curry.

Oh, wow. No. Tough.

It's over. He's just lying on his back in a pool of blood. There's no more titles to be had. Neil, please. Is there anybody else you would give this to? Steve.

Who's holding the gun?

Don't trade for your honest.

Don't leave me like this. Guy Santos is holding the gun. He's just begging any supporting a warrior to help him out.

Who do you have for this year?

I agree with you about Steph Curry. What do you think the odds are that he plays for a different team before he's done?

Wow, the crowd groaned. Because everybody's thinking the same thing.

That can't possibly happen. You don't want to see that. You don't want to see Steph in a different view.

See, the problem is he's won four titles, right, Rob? It's not like he needs to chase a fifth title.

No, unimpeachable. I don't know why he would leave. I think he's just going to go down with that ship or be put out of his misery, maybe.

We saw it with Kobe, where Kobe was just like, Yeah, I'm retiring a Laker. I don't really care what happens with win-loss.

Because honestly, that means something. It means something to be a guy that wasn't a trader around the league, didn't have to leave to go find a championship somewhere else, to have been the cultural and competitive stability for a franchise for 17, 18. There's not a lot of players who can say that.

With that said, wow. Oh, Jesus. Crowd's in the back for a van, I could tell. It's February.

It is Black History Month. They should be in the back for me. Shout out Jomy. I saw Jomy in the crowd, too. Yeah, give it up for Jomy. Shout out to Jomy.

It is interesting that Charlotte is becoming good right as Steph Curry's. Charlotte that's been bad the entire time he's been on Golden State, basically. His hometown team, they're retiring his dad's number this season.

I saw that. Seeding the ground. Sure. Yeah.

Would Steph come off the bench behind LaMelo, do you think?

Well, we're talking two, three years from now. Sure. Steph's 40. This is the tail end. The weird shit happens at the end of people's curves. I don't think he leaves. Okay. This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra, a superior beer that, by the way, is worth playing for. What do I mean by that? Well, everything's a competition these days. Why couldn't you put some Ultras on the line? Come on. Everybody loves a good competition. As my friends and family know, I love competing on everything. How long I can get to the movie theater, how long will it take, can I get home before everybody, how long can I get to and from a Lakers game? I'm a maniac. I might have to put some Ultras on the line now for this. I bet you two Ultras I can get home from the Lakers game in less than five stoplights. Whatever you want to do, the stakes are even higher right now with McLobe Ultra's latest challenge because, again, not just beer on the line, we're talking pride. We're also talking tickets to some of the biggest sporting events in 2026. Enter now at McLobeultra.

Com/ultrainstructor. Mclobeultra, Ultra Instructor. No purchase necessary. Open a US residence 21 plus. Begins on January 30th, 2026. Ends on February 22nd, 2026. See official rules at micalobultra. Com/rules for free entry, entry deadlines, prizes, and details. Next one. This Slick is no motherfucking joke award for the single flimsiest tidbit that should not have been a major plot device. So the entire plot of heat hinges on...

Yeah.

Who played that? Who played that character, Albert?

Yeah, it's Ricky Martin.

Him mentioning this guy that just got out of... No, no, no. Tone Loke. Tone Loke.

Tone Loke, yes. I know you know Tone Loke.

Yeah, Tone Lo. Also an Ace Ventura. Ace Ventura, right? Oh, yeah. The year before. It all hinges on him remembering that this guy that got out of jail called people Slick, triggering Pacino's memory of a witness saying that, and that's it, we're off. Now we've found Slick. Are we buying this?

No. Okay.

Well, who do you have for this award?

I had the 65 game requirement for MVP in the awards. This was not something that I had in my list of things that I was going to need to care about in my 40s. I don't even know who's it going to be. If these guys keep dropping, who's going to win MVP this year?

So Jokić is going to be out. Yannis is already out. Shay is going to miss it. Wemby is out. Shay, it depends on how long they keep him out. He's dealing with this average.

Lebron's gone.

Luca is on pace to be If you care about Joel Embiid, Steph, those guys are out. How many heartbeats away are we from Kawhi Leonard fucking around not planting a tree and becoming MVP? How many people have to drop out? It's closer than you think.

I mean, that sponsorship would finally pay off.

I think they should give it to Shadu or Sanders.

They should have… The mistake they What they made is they should have done 2000 minutes or 65 games because 2000 minutes is significant. If you played 58 games in 2000 minutes, you're playing 34, 35 minutes in the games you played. How do you put enough thought into it.

How do we square our animus for that rule also with our general animus for load management and guys not playing in games and things of that nature?

Well, I think I understand why they did it because they were trying to prevent these guys from a situation like last night. Where if you had Lakers tickets and you're like, I'm so excited. Wemby, LeBron, Luca. And then the Lakers are like, Here's our team. And there was literally nobody. They're running the video before the game on the Jumbotron and none of the guys in the video are playing in the game. And you're like, I just paid $700 for these seats or whatever. So I think they're trying to fix that, but the schedule is too long, as we've discussed a million times. And that's it. Did you have anything for this, Rob?

How sicko do you want to go this early in the show? Oh, let's go.

We got to keep the crowd awake.

I think Landry Schamet saved the Knicks. I don't know how that happened. He starts playing. All of a sudden, they can't lose to anybody except the Indiana Pacers somehow. We don't want to talk about that. But I don't know. They were in shambles. Then Landry Schamet came back from the dead, and all of a sudden, they're a functional team again.

That's pretty good. That's a good one. Sixth banner award? Yeah.

Let's give it to him. He's the only eligible player.

I'm really excited for this next award. This game makes work out right, right? Yeah. All right, great. Thanks.

Why don't you be confident? Yeah. Okay.

Well, I'm having a good time.

I just want to make sure. Is it better or worse than driving. I was about to say, you spent 30 minutes in the car with Conkino.

If you was confident enough to do that, you could conquer the whole fucking world.

You were like, 20-year-old man getting my car. I'm going to drive you to the beach.

So creepy, Bill. Bill, do you understand? That's so odd.

What is odd about it? I know him, though. All right. This award is made up. It's the Making Out Without Pacino's Coffee, Cigarette, Morning Breath for Multiple Takes Award for the Single Worst Day in the Job. The poor actress who has to make out without. Diane Van Oren, yeah. All morning, they're like, Michael Mann's like, Let's do take eight. She's like, Kill me, honestly. I also had a 64-ounce coffee and five Marlborough Reds. Who did you have for this year?

I had Adam Silver seeing the Yannis Kalchi partnership tweet.

Love it.

He's been like, Shit.

Love it. Can you all imagine? Think about that. What a battle. Think about if 2015, Kobe was like, I would like to announce my partnership with brazzers. What a bad... It's gambling, though. You know what I'm saying? What a bad look. What the fuck is going on with you all?

Well, especially the day after he didn't get traded, when there were all these bets about whether he got traded or not.

He concocted a fiction to get people betting on it and didn't say, Hey, put some money down. It's weird.

Because all the reports after the fact were that the Bucks were not that serious about trading, that they were like, You can call, but we're not... So clearly, there was something mysterious going on. It's messed up. Allegedly.

Do you have one for this, Rob?

Chris Paul, The Day No One Showed Up to His Halloween Party.

Oh, man.

I mean, that just sucks.

Second grown from the crowd.

Rob, I'm sorry.

That was one of the... So they have these Brian Curtis I always caused these, the Now They Tell Us article after something bad has happened. There was just one today about Jonathan Kaminga, whereas his family was eating too much food from the pregame Warriors table. Un Unbelievable. It's like, Now They Tell Us. The Now They Tell Us for the Chris Paul was that Halloween story. It's like, here's how bad it got.

I got a fantastic joke about the Kaminga thing, but I can't let it fly. No. They can edit it out? No, no, no. Nobody will tweet about it. Somebody said, be a man.

For a single worst day of the job, Paul Pierce's Crisis Team. Paul pierce? Paul George. Sorry.

Paul Pierce's, too.

Yeah, Paul Pierce's. He doesn't even have a Crisis Team anymore. I like them more. They all quit.

Pg, I don't really even know if he would have a Crisis Team. His career has been relatively Crisis-free in that way until now.

That was tough. Next award. Dennis Haysbert's in this movie. He plays the guy who ends up becoming the driver. This is the Dennis Haysbert, Briefly Becoming a Short-Owner Cook Award for Worst and Most Forgettable Career Stop. I have to do Anthony Davis and the Wizards here. I don't know how long this is going to last. It's clearly a trade for we're trying to figure out new ways to tank, Rob. The traditional tanking doesn't work.

Oh, I see. Short term for the Wizards tank.

Let's trade for a guy who's not playing again this year, and we'll give up some stuff for him. Then we have a built-in excuse, and then maybe he's an asset next year. But what if they're good?

I'm about to say. This is what I'm going to say. In retrospect, Donald should have probably stayed on the line cooking omelets that day because it was a pretty tough end to his-He hated his boss.

That is B-Lesson from Pete. Do not give up your short order cook to go dry.

Every time I watch the movie, I want to kick the boss in his fucking teeth, man. The boss is just a terrible fucking guy.

He actually passed away today. The actor, Bud Court.

Did he really? Is that for real?

Yeah. Oh, man, rest in peace.

You mean for real? Yeah, he did.

Oh, dog. I'm fucked with the boss, man. It was a really inspired performance. That's fucked up.

It's a messed up character.

It is, man. I feel bad now, though.

Chris actually gave me that same spiel when I came to the Ringer. He was like, 25% of your salary off the top. Write whatever fucking blog post I don't want to do.

How long is AD and the Wizards? Is he there in 2027?

I think it'll be two seasons. Oh, interesting. Two full seasons after this little chunk of change, I think.

I think he's out in January.

Are they not a weirdly interesting team?

I think this is going to work.

Having added him and what they have now.

This is amazing to watch you guys talk about.

I'm just going to be real. There's a sleeping giant basketball fandom in that area. I think Trey and him probably are going to play pretty well together, and it's a good look for the young guys to be like, It's not all on us. I think it's going to work.

It's too bad it's not 2020. Next award. The selling Roger Van Zandt has stolen bonds back at 60% of their value to make 40% on top of the 100% award. For best idea on paper, that was actually insane in retrospect. I have to give this to, if this story is true, Mark Cuban trying to buy back the Mavericks. Sold super low in the market right after it exploded, and the team was probably worth What were the Mavericks? What would they have been worth last year?

What was the final so far?

I thought it was three and a half. Isn't it like six? Wouldn't it be six?

A massive team with a clear superstar in one of the biggest markets in the country. I would think it has to be huge.

Hasn't he spent all his money on Indiana football now, though?

I guess it went well.

Chris, did you believe this story?

I did not. It just sounded like a PR move. I mean, also, it's like, what is that? A phone call? It's like, no, click.

Yeah, that's a good point.

It would be funny if Patrick Dumont was like, if the word on this street that you can take my money.

Next award, Kelso, the guy in the wheelchair. You want to do it, Chris?

It comes to you. The stuff just flies through the air. They send this information beamed out all over the fucking place.

The Kelso predicts the entire future of the Internet from a wheelchair award for single best vision of 2026. What do you have, Rob?

Is he the best hang in the movie? Just a normal well, just a guy with a hobby?

You think he's normal?

He seems pretty normal. Honestly, relatively speaking.

I would give him a Ringer podcast right now. I think he had really good ideas.

You should make him the third chair on game over.

Put him in there.

Or put in plain English. He could be a rotating host with Derek.

Sign him with clutch.

Who'd you have for this?

I had the Wizards and the Jazz buying distressed assets and immediately tabling them in order to tank.

Is this not the Derek King trait?

From which perspective?

For best fishing or This is the best vision.

It seems to me this is the best vision. He turned into an actual player.

Yeah, the idea is that this is something nobody had thought of.

Nobody thought of. They didn't know. Now he's Nigrola Jokich.

I'm glad you didn't share that before Jogich.

I got another one, too.

You want to get it off your chest now or are you going to wait?

Nigrola Jokich.

What'd you have for this? I'm moving. I'm moving. I'm moving.

You're moving all.

What are you supposed to do?

Keep it moving. You drove 30 minutes with confidence. But you're too shy to laugh.

That ties into my answer. I had the Hornets for this. It took them forever, but they finally figured out a nucleus that I like. What'd you have?

Is it not just the Thunder having everything? All the young players, all the future plans, the Clippers pick? I don't know how they aren't the vision for every future at this point, unfortunately.

Yeah, you're probably right. Sorry.

When is Rob going to be wrong? It's weird.

No, the problem with the Thunder, we struggle with this doing basketball on our podcast. There's just not a lot of angles. Everything's been said. They have a ton of assets. They did everything perfectly. Their team likes each other. There's no drama. Coach is a normal guy. Gm just keeps his head down, does his job. I don't even know who the owners are. What's there to say?

I've got a wrinkle for them later. I got something for them later.

I like that. Spurz might have their number.

All right, three more, and then we have a special list from Vin. The Vincent's girlfriend telling him, I'm stoned on grass in Prozac, and now I have to demean myself with Ralph just to get closure with you. Award for single worst relationship. Poor Ralph.

What'd you go with here? Ja Morant and the Grizzlies. That's the answer.

What'd you have, CR?

Kominga and the Warriors.

Oh, that's a good one. I had Balmer and Kauai. I mean, they're still finding LLLCs. Pablo He's finding out more and more LLLCs every week. Kauai has more LLLCs than anyone who's ever lived.

But you don't feel like they're trauma-bonding? I see a world where Balmer calling up Kauai like, Hey, man, this little motherfucker's at it again. What are we going to do about this problem? Hey, man, you're not going to talk to Uncle Dennis. Talk to Uncle Dennis. We got to get rid of this motherfucker, man.

Chris, what were the high times for Vincent and his girlfriend?

For Diane What was the courting process? Maybe he had a little bit of a soft spot in his schedule, like a lull in major crimes in Los Angeles. He was just like, You and me, we're going out. We're going to Wolf Gang Pucks. You know, we're going to...

So you think it was dinners? It's '95.

Let's go see what, nick Van Exel? I don't know who was playing '95.

The Lakers are going to get Shaquille O'Neill. The Malibu Equity Investment Special Achievement Award for best money laundering operation? I don't even think we have to answer this one.

I mean, there's one that's literal money laundering.

I don't know if this Tanka Palooza, 2026, qualify for this as a money laundering operation?

No, that's more out front, I think now.

Basically, you're charging your fans full price. Like, look at Utah the other night. You're charging your fans full price. In the fourth quarter, you take out all the best players in your team and to play the players seven through eleven and try to lose the game, but you don't. Then everyone's in the locker and they have to be like, Yeah, weird one.

Then they asked Will Hardy, did you think about putting those guys back in? He's like, No.

No, I didn't.

It's not laundering. You're right. It's just out front.

All right, last one. The Natalie Portman as Vincent's Troubled Stepdaughter Award for, I'm not sure why we needed this plot, but maybe I can see why if I squint long enough at this award It's hard. Cierra, did we need the Natalie Portman plot? Ultimately, is this a cut?

It's a little bit of a drag on rewatches, but in the totality of the movie, it works. I wouldn't want it without Natalie Portman. It's so weird. The barretts.

It's interesting because there's a scene in the movie where he gives her a ride back to the house.

Oh, yeah.

Even Even in the movie, it's like they weren't expecting to see it. It's odd. You can come and call them Mom. Why would you do that? They're in the car 30 minutes. What happens? That's pretty good, man. I'm not letting it go. That's fine.

I I had for this one. Inside the NBA on ESPN. Oh, yeah.

Oh, shit.

Another third grown of the night. What is going on with this? These guys, the whole point of the show being special was they would come on after the for over an hour and just do their thing, and now they're getting shoved out in a half hour. You called this, though. Yeah. Then everyone said, No, it's not going to happen. Then it just feels like neutered inside the NBA. It's sad, bro.

I don't think it's good for anybody. I don't think they like doing it. I don't like watching it? Who is that product for if you're going to contain those guys into a 15-minute block?

It's really strange. I hope it changes in the second half of the season. They said their schedule was going to be weighted towards that.

They're growing in a little bit now, like the audience. But the question is, how long do they... They are used to being the cultural standard setter for commentary of the NBA. How long do those guys who are legends at this, how long do they stay comfortable with that?

Speaking of comfortable and uncomfortable, it's time for Van's special top five list. Yeah. I ask Van, sometimes when he comes on the rewatchables, he makes a top five list for us. What do you have for us, Van?

All right, so I'm going to do some NBA comps to heat. I'm doing my whole top five here. Neil. Neil is clearly LeBron. Cultural, psychological leader of the movie and team. Claims to know when to quit, but obviously doesn't. Secretly, he knows it's over, but he wants somebody to take it from him. I'm not going back, right? Also, he is willing to make an example out of any subpar player that doesn't share his DNA. Okay, I'm not. Shirelis, Kyrie Irving.

That's good.

I like it.

Beautiful killer. Looks better doing his job than anyone. Perfect 1A, probably not an ideal one. Wouldn't want to build the crew around him. Least likely person in the crew to get vaccinated. Most likely person in the crew to maybe be right about it. Okay, let's move on. Okay. All I apologize. Been on YouTube. Okay. Vincent, Steph. Highly technical, natural, skilled foil to Neil's force of nature. Computer-minded, methodical, but when he is on, he is the entire reason to watch the movie. Has a marriage that the movie is probably too concerned with.

Dan, be careful.

I'm just saying we need to get out the people business. I'm saying we probably to invest it just like we were probably to invest it in the movie. Okay. Tarita, Draymon Green. Yes. Indispensable do-it-all glue guy of the crew who doesn't realize that his mouth probably caused the end of the dinosaur. But it did. Van Zandt.

Uh-oh.

Son's owner, Matt Eschiba. A suit-wearing business guy who thinks he can control what goes on in these podcasts and internet streets. And just like Van Zandt, we might have to make an example out of him if he keep running his motherfucking mouth. One more. Wayne Gro. Dylan Brooks. No further explanation.

You know, that was good. The thing with Vincent and Steph, Steph would have the hot streaks from three. Out of nowhere, it would hit the three-threes in a row. Kind of like Vincent, just the random scenes.

Just yelling randomly. By the time I get to Phoenix, she'll be rising.

All right, more quotes. We have a special Vincent Hannah section coming up. The What the Fuck is a Regular Life Barbecues and Ballgames Award for Most Depressing, but Probably Accurate Look on Life. Tanking works, Rob. Most of the best players in the league have ended up on teams that probably tank to get them for the most part. And that's why teams keep doing this. This is why we've had tanking for 42 years and counting. This is why we've never come up with the rules to stop it. And there's this awesome draft this year. And all of these teams that are doing this are probably going to be rewarded in some way.

Fucking bleak.

Yeah. What would you do? How would you stop it?

How would I stop tanking? Yeah.

This is what everyone's What are you talking about this week.

I don't think there's a good fix for it. I would in the NBA draft, to be honest with you, I would do rookie free agency. I would do, you have an allotted rookie exception based on how bad your record is, but ultimately, make it a marketplace.

Who would ever be like, I'll go to Utah then?

The question is, are you going to take $8 million to go to Utah, or are you going to take the minimum salary to go to LA?

How does this work in soccer, Chris?

But even with that, though, there's going to be cultural considerations.

You can't tank in soccer. You get relegated. You lose tons of money. And lots of teams fall down the toilet and never get back. It's really hard.

If you're in the draft, you change the structure of the league competitively for a while. But look, the tanking thing is a deeper question about, is there a method of thinking that tanking is actually a competitive strategy?

This is the problem, is that these guys just don't know branding. The Sixers had it. They called it the process. They announced what they were going to be doing. They were talking about what was going to go into it instead of pretending. They sat Embiid for his rookie year. They sat Simmons. They had injuries.

The fans loved it. They got super defensive about it. We got insane. They were like, Shut the fuck up. This is working.

But also, how did it go?

We got to the second round of the play. Just like we did with drewholidains. Com.

You see me doing Thrill Seeker liquor store hold-ups with a Born to Lose tattoo on my Chest Award for Best Hope for the Future. What do you have, Rob?

I think it's got to be Cooper. Is there a better answer than that?

Yeah, I was going to say the entire draft class. Combine that with this coming draft class. This is like, we're talking next generation of the league.

This is a VJ, I'd show him going to say VJ Edkshom going for in-game dunks. Yeah.

Any disagreement, Van? No. Okay. The Neil Macaulay. 30 minutes. I am alone. I am not lonely. Romance award.

What is the romance in that?

Well, I'm going to give it to you now. First of all, bleak display of how you feel about maybe falling in love and caring about other people. Sure. I'm giving it to the Bull's owners in front office for 11 years and counting of just being like, Fuck you guys. Don't really care about any of you. We're going to go 40 and 42. We're not going to pay the luxury tax. Middle finger right here, baby. You love Michael Jordan 30 years ago? Yeah, you got Michael Jordan. You can come and look at his jersey. We're going to have a shitty team to give you. Here it is. I think that's the right answer.

I think that's the right answer. That's the right answer.

All right, two more. The Evil Waynegro, The Grim reaper's Visiting with You Award. Did you have one for this? Because I have a good one.

I didn't. I want to hear yours is.

It's Palo with the advanced basketball metric nerds coming after him this year. They came after him early. They're still coming. They're talking about his long twos, Rob. They don't like the lack of playmaking.

God forbid, someone talks about your long twos.

The big salary, could he be available this summer? The nerds are out on Palo.

I think people were hopeful and waiting. It's just like the magic have not turned any corner whatsoever for years now.

They lost tonight to Camp Thomas and the Bucks.

I mean, just embarrassing.

Camp Thomas is on the Bucks.

He's on the Bucks.

He's got to start with the Bucks.

Not only is Camp Thomas on the Bucks, there is a two and a half minute Camp Thomas highlight video from tonight's game when he had 34 points. Yeah, he is fucking cooking the magic. He is the Bucks right now. You can see Doc Rivers, the look at his face like, I thought I was going to be playing golf in early April. Now I might be in the play and I have to cancel some trips.

Can we shift focus back to the movie for one second. Wayne Groh is a serial killer.

Yes. It's a hobby of his outside of bank robbery.

Wayne Gro's killed several young women.

If they did the scripted version, the scripted TV version of this movie, there's a Wayne Groh. There's a whole Wayne Groh. In the movie, they throw it in as a little extra. Yeah, it's strange. All right, last one.

I do appreciate you not throwing those quotes about being a real cowboy and a hot dog and the fuck of her young life as one of the themes.

Save the audience from that. All right, we got to do this. I hesitate to do this because I know how excited Van is going to be, but the Diner Seen Showdown Award, for there's a flip side to That Coin. What if you got me boxed and I got to put you down. This is every Celtics fan's fear with Jalen and Jason Tatum when Jason Tatum comes back. Them staring at each other across the diner table and Jalen like, This is my team now.

Right, that's not what he would say. He's going to look at me and be like, Get that light skin shit out of here. Okay? It's a real motherfucker in the room. Back up when a G comes in this bitch 30 again. What the fuck you've been doing? Get out of here, okay? You know it's happening. You know it's happening. I told you it was going to happen.

I told you it was going to happen before the season. I do study the interviews that they give and the quotes and whether one guy's mentioning the other guy. It's dark. Not great. I'm not proud of it.

Jail is like, I'm from Minta, bitch. You can't even say what I'm saying.

Do you really think you really... Wouldn't you be happier if Jason Tatum just took a year off to recover from Achilles' injury, which is what he's supposed to do?

I think if he's healthy, why would he just play That's how it works. But if they clear him and they're like, You're ready to play basketball.

They cleared Lindsay Vaughn. What are you talking about?

They definitely didn't clear Lindsay Vaughn. Shout out to her. She's torn ACL.

She's been giving back to the community for a long time. Man, the fact that that happened in February, that was a shot to us all, man.

Rob, are you worried about this?

I'm worried about my career at this point.

Are you worried about this Celtics thing at all?

I don't know what the negotiation is. I'm with Van. They're one of the best offenses in the league, and Jalen has been cooking. What are we talking about exactly? Great.

You made me all feel better.

Can I ask you a question, though? You want Jason Tatum to come back, and the Celtics fans are really investing in Jason Tatum. But obviously, to his point, what's the big deal? Take the year off. The Celtics weren't going to... Just get as healthy as you possibly can. It's an Achilles It's a very serious injury. Why to rush back? Does he need to assert dominance over the team to let people know that he's the big swing of dick?

I just think these guys are meant to do what they're meant to do, and he's a basketball player, and if they're telling him he's healthy, he's just going to wait another six months to play. I think that's what it comes down to. I'm hoping it... I mean, these guys, I love having these guys on the same team. I'm hoping it works out. I'm hoping it's great. I'm hoping it fits in. I'm hoping it's one big happy family. I'm hoping it blows the fuck up. See her?

You hope they hate each other.

That's what I'm hoping. Yeah, I'm in LA.

And by the way, I just want to say something real quick, real quick before we move on, man. I get accused by the people on Reddit and stuff and injecting politics into everything and stuff like that. And I know that this is a time where as a country, we're pretty divided. But I do want to take the time right now, right here, to really give congrats to a group of American heroes who this past Sunday stopped an evil empire from rising up again. So up there in Seattle, man, you all like the Jedi, baby. That's what I'm talking about, baby. 12th man. 12th.

12th man in this bitch. I heard you talking shit about that EGLE Super Bowl, too, on the pod where you were like, That didn't count. That was a 50/50 game.

Honestly, I have no comeback at all. We got destroyed.

They're early. They fine, man. They good.

I watched all of Will Campbell's pass protection. No, I literally did. I did that today. I watched every pass block he did. I was like, It wasn't that bad. It wasn't as bad as I remember. That's the stage I'm at now, defending the left tackle who gave up two sacks and nine pressures. All right, we have a special Vincent Hannah section, and we have the best Vincent Hannah person on the planet, Chris Ryan. Chris is going to do these quotes. Take it away, Chris. Here's the first one.

The I've got three dead bodies on a sidewalk off Venice Boulevard, Justine. I'm sorry if the goddamn chicken got over cooked award for guy most beaten down by his own profession.

There's just nobody doing it like you.

We got many more, too.

I got Billy Donovan for this.

For the 1442 for Night's Trade Year?

Just stuck in this third chamber of hell. Just like, Here we are again. What new Kings do I have on my team? Yeah.

Is Nico Harrison eligible anymore for this?

Absolutely still eligible.

Yeah, I think he would be my pick. Because I don't know if he works again. What's his next job?

I would be shocked in the NBA.

He's going to work at Foot Palace in Baton Rouge.

Just for feet? I think the detail I'm always going to remember on Nico Harrison is right before he was fired, a Dallas fan accosted him and his daughter out to dinner. It was because he took his daughter to Twin Peaks, which is a hooters-adjacent restaurant. I was like, Why any of this?

For a second, I thought it was a rep theater screening of Twin Peaks.

No. It was like, David Lynch was just in his bag.

Honey, you got to watch this.

Do the next one.

The next one is the Give me all you got. Give me all you got. Award.

I have the Bucks at the Trade Deadline, and I don't even think they were serious. That's the one. They were just like, We want all your pics, and we want an All-Star, and more guys, and throw some other stuff in. I don't think they were ever serious. Also, Rob, The weird thing was, some of the best teams in the league were not serious about trading for them. Spurs were like, no, thanks. Rockets were like, we're good. Okc is like, fuck, no. Celtics, no. You go through the top. Cleveland couldn't do it because of the apron. So Why wasn't he as popular of a trade asset as you would have thought he would have been if he was a top 20 guy of all time?

I think it's just hard with that level of salary if you're not in the offseason. It's just easier to wait and trade him later because if you do trade him now, it's like, do you want Jonathan Cumingo or Kalele wear in exchange for one of the greatest players ever lived?

With a bunch of weird pics.

It just didn't really make sense.

Well, maybe he'll be in the play-off. What's the next one, CR?

I told you when we hooked up, baby, that you were going to have to share me with all the bad people and all the ugly The Events on this Planet Award for best excuse for being terrible at something.

Yo, this should not be this funny to me. I'm on the rewatch He wins them all the time. It kills me with the fucking voice because I don't know what it is.

This is one of his best things. I have Adam Silver just being unable to stop tanking at all. He's just like, I just can't. I can't stop it. I can't stop this from happening. What'd you have?

Aaron Gordon and Christian Brown and the Nuggets just didn't play defense for three months. Like, Yeah, we're good. No, there's no way to fix it. Let's just wait.

All right, next one, CR.

The You could get hurt walking your doggy award. I think I know what this is for. Go for it.

That's what he says.

I mean, this is the Achilles cap thing.

This is the soft tissue in the Achilles stuff.

More calf stuff in the last two years, I feel like, than we had in the previous 20. I have no explanation for it other than it seems like they run more Euro step, step-backs on threes, just hard planning. You said this was Euro step.

Why Why is that EuroStep is really doing people's Achilles like that?

I don't know. It's a conspiracy bill theory. I'm not going to apologize for it. I think they do on natural motions. You go back and you watch games from the '70s and '80s. Everybody's just going this way, back and They try to get through.

We're all high on cocaine running in the three lines.

Now we're doing this. We're going backwards. We're doing these fancy steps. What do you think it is, Rob?

I think it's exactly what you said. Explosive movement in ways that players were never doing before. They refuse to touch the schedule, which is the one thing they actually need to fix, and they don't want to mess with it.

I think it's these bullshit-ass skill coaches teaching these motherfuckers all this shit that don't make no sense. In and out, dribble, left, right, tween, tween, back, spin, half 360, move up under the basket. Over the Okay, that's the way. Fuck all that shit. Get the ball, make a move, pass the motherfucker.

Do cocaine, throw an entry pass? The whole nine. Let the center hold it for 14 seconds.

Right. What about it? To Hakeem Olajuwant, let him go get a bucket. That's the game.

Think about all that shit we have in 2026. Probably the best sneakers we've ever had. All these things you can put on your legs. We have ice baths and saunas and a million different things that you would think people would be getting healthier They're less healthy.

Well, I mean, the game is different. The pace is different. They're playing the game in a totally different way. So nothing is a substitute for the stress that you put on your body. I actually heard Dr. Clapper one time talk about the fact that the game is played so much in gyms that the players might not be getting the vitamin D. Who's Dr. Clapper?

Why did you say that? Everybody would know what that is.

You guys don't listen to the Weekend Warrior Show? No. You all know the Weekend Warrior show? He was talking about the fact that what he thought… This is one of those things to where… Because you guys know I'm hypersensitive to almost everything. This is one of those things to where I listened to it, and the first, I was driving in my car, I was like, What does What do you mean by that? Then by the end, I was like, Oh, he's spitting. He said that they should pump in UV light into gyms. Yeah. You like that?

No, I don't.

That sounds horrible.

Why are we pumping in UV light? This is what Dr. Klapper said. I don't know who that is. Let me cook. Dr. Klapper said that it used to be that a lot of these players who are black, that they would play outside. They would get rays from the sun. And these rays from the sun would strengthen them because they got melanin and what have you. And so they would get stronger bones or whatever. He was like, But what happened was, you're laughing, this is what Dr. Klapper said. He said, What happened was they went into gyms and they're not getting as much sun exposure as they need as the original people of planet Earth. You feel what I'm saying? The injuries that you see might be because of that. He said, What they should do is they should put UV lamps inside of gyms to feed the skin, the soul, and the bones of these bro.

You guys are all laughing. Rfk is definitely appointing this guy. This is really important video. He's going like, This guy wants to put UV lights, and I agree.

Basically, they could also just take vitamin D.

Wow, Bill.

That would help.

If I was running an MBA team, if I was doing, especially the medical department, I'd zag hard and move my practice facility closer to an electrical substation.

Oh, like the Niners, yeah.

Because pressure makes diamonds. They'll all turn into Wolverine by the end of six months.

I thought you were I'm going to say outdoor practice facility, suggested by Dr. Klapper.

We're joking, but this is actually an actual real problem that the lead. I'm sorry.

When you said Dr. Klapper, I was prepared for any job for him. Bouncer at a strip club, rapper, doctor. I don't know Dr. Klapper.

He was a doctor for the Lakers or something like that. I'm surprised you don't know him.

Like Dr. Pepper was a doctor.

Like John Klapper. Cr, what's the next one?

The I had coffee with Macaulay half an hour ago Award for Most Dumbfounded Reaction?

Yeah, I didn't really have an award for this.

You just wanted me to do that line. Yeah.

I have one. This is me when Van told me the Lakers should just straight up cut LeBron at the office. And then tried to explain it.

Wait, could you explain? You wanted them to cut LeBron?

Yeah, get them out of here.

So would it help the salary cap?

I mean, this is my thing. First of all, I love LeBron James. I have to say that. I have to say it, or else you won't get invited to the Image Awards and all that stuff. I love LeBron James. I think LeBron James is a fantastic human being. The right career, the right guy, great father, humanitarian, astronaut, physicist, sociologist, all of that stuff. Economist. One time, I sat down, LeBron was talking about, Let me tell you something about Kenzian economics I was like, Oh, shit.

Was he reading a book in the lockerer?

Yeah, he sat there the whole deal, all of it. I just was like, one day I was pissed off. I think maybe I saw two possessions where he went like that. I was like, You can't have Luca doing like that and LeBron doing like that. I just called Rob and I said, Get him out of here. It was emotional.

So you cut him, you save salary cap, he goes to a contender, everyone wins.

Oh, no, this wasn't even to save salary cap. This was in the middle of the season in a fit of rage. They just cut LeBron.

Yeah, I was just venting to Rob.

It was Mac McClung, just like, write him off.

Well, you know what I wasn't expecting? For the shit to be brought up.

Appreciate it. All right, buckle up for this last award for Vincent Hannah's section, part one, because there's a part two later.

The She's Got A Great Ass, and You Got Your Head All The Way Up It Award for, Okay, what drug was this guy on here? So some background-I have a subcategory for which is from Ricky Martin in this movie, this could also be the, It's a substance abuse problem, brother. Where's your empathy?

What's your empathy, brother?

What's your empathy? So we found out years later, as research keeps coming out about this movie, that Al Pacino allegedly decided that Vincent Hannah had a cocaine problem. Yes. And that he plays him in certain scenes. He was chipping coke throughout the- Like somebody who had just done cocaine, explaining the give me all you got, which we have a pretty confirmed Hank Azari didn't know that was coming. No.

You could see it on his face.

Yeah, he's like, What's this guy doing? So what drug was this guy? And it's obviously this is the Paul George discussion. We still don't know what he did. No.

I have some educated guesses. Yeah.

Well, we'll end it there. All right. Vincent Hannah is coming back later for part two. Some more quotes. The B. J. 'S at Alvarado at 2: 00 AM Award for what the hell actually happens there? That place was bussing. B. J. 'S? B. J.

It was what?

It was bussing. Two What the fuck are you talking about right now? B-j's at Alvarado.

B-j's on Alvarado, K-Town. It's hopping.

Hopping works better for you. Bussing. Okay, Bill. You know what? I'm fucking with it.

That's what?

Concanipulating.

I got that for my daughter. No, my daughter got it. That's actually my daughter's thing.

You signed up to shout to Zoe. Shout out to Zoli. Shout out to being here, too.

I put NBA Player podcast for this.

Okay.

Because I only see the clips on social, and I've never actually listened to any of I'm not actually sure what happens in the universe. But then occasionally there's four. It just happened on the Jeff Teague pod. Zier, frankly, looks like he was going to kill him. Yeah, occasionally, almost a fight is going to break out, and it's two minutes, and then there's an article the next day that everything's fine. It just seems like it's now this new subculture of media.

I watched that whole podcast. It was one of the most entertaining podcasts I've ever listened to. Shout out to Tee for coming back and apologizing. I do not know what Tee was on that day, but that was a great podcast.

He was trying to I'm going to antagonize a lightbacker.

They were having an argument over what sport is, what's more meaningful or what's better, out of the NBA and the NFL, obviously, two completely different sports with completely different structures. 520 is one of the best podcasts out there, but that was actually interesting content. I think that's what I dig about the player parts, is that they are not media-trained. So when it's authentic, it does feel like you're eavesdropping on conversations that people actually have.

I don't count the Teguan as a quote, unquote player podcast because he's a retired athlete, and I think his podcast is pretty unique.

Yeah, it is.

There's some other ones.

That's a really good podcast.

It feels like the ones with the actual players are multiplying.

I'm more of a finalysis guy myself. Yeah.

Next one, the Roger Van Zant, I'm just hanging out watching a college hockey game, and oh, my God, help me, shot a word for Most Unexpected murder. Yeah.

Did that happen in the NBA season?

The Mavs fans have finally calmed down. Nico Harrison's out. They have Cooper flag. Then it's the one-year anniversary of the Luka Trade, and it becomes a two-day media story about, Hey, it's the one-year anniversary of Luka Trade. They're just Roger Van Zandt hanging out watching some college hockey, and all of a sudden, they're getting shot. The chair's going through the slider, and they're getting shot. All right, this is a big one. The Tom Seismore.

Say, Thank you, Nico.

The Tom Seismore For me, the action is the juice. Award for a supporting star throwing a team on its back. Cr, take the stage with Tyrese Maxi.

Tyrese Maxi. Now no longer the supporting star. Now he's the star.

That's true.

Yes. I would die for him. Thank you to the COVID draft for letting him fall into the Sixers. Thank you to Darryl Morey for drafting him. Thank you to VJ Edgecom, who will play his backcourt partner for 10 years, hopefully. And Joel Embiid, thank you, brother. You can just chill, score 40 a night, do whatever you got to do, take a week off. It's maxi time.

He did today. He took today off. Yeah. Is he ever first-team on NBA?

I feel like he has to be at this point.

Yeah, I did, too. You think he's better than Jalen Brunson?

I do.

Yeah.

Sorry. I do.

It's a long season.

Hey, you right here, who are you a fan of? No, you. Yeah, him. You guys Maxi pointed with the black hat right here. When I said that, you liked that shit. No, you right here in the front. I was people with you. He said, I think he's better than Jalen Brunson. And you was like, Yeah, this motherfucker talking that real shit. You like Maxi.

Are you breaking up for social right now? I'm not breaking up for social.

I'm not breaking up for social. I'm not watching them. I'm watching what's going on right here in the front.

Can we talk a little size more here? Sure.

I'll talk to my man.

We've talked about this on three rewatchables about It's the famous scene when first it goes to Kilmer and says the bank's worth the risk. Seismar is like, I don't know if we should do it. He's like, No, you got to tell me, Michael, what are we doing? This is your call.

Forget about me. He's like, I'm down with whatever you do.

And Seismar does the step back.

Yes.

And then there's a smile. And it's like, he's just chewing up the scenery. And it's like our favorite moment in a movie of somebody who's not as big of a star as the person in the scene being like, fuck it. I think I'm as good as the mirror. I'm just going for it right here. And this was the highlight of his career? Yeah. Yeah. Right? Yes.

Got to be. I love how there are actors who read as this guy feels so cerebral or this guy feels so charismatic. You're right, there's heavyweights in this movie. He reads as like, That's just a solid dude. That guy will just show up for you and give you a ride to the airport even if you're not comfortable.

I wouldn't leave your kid with him. No.

He did use a child as a shield later during a shootout.

Not his child.

That's true. Well, we have two awards going to our next guy. It's the Wayne Grove Memorial. He was making a move. I had to get it on award with the Henry Rollins' Tough Guy Award to the character you'd least like to piss off at a bar. Both of these go to Isaiah Stewart. Uncontested.

We were waiting for the brawl that he was going to be prominently involved with.

I think he was waiting for it, too. Unfortunately, he wasn't on the court when it happened, and then he had to just take matters into his own hands to get out there anyway. Even though we've had 30 plus years of rules of, Don't leave the bench during a fight. We have coaches jumping, holding the guys back, begging them not to go out. He was like, Fuck it. It cost him $700,000 to go try to beat up Miles Bridges in front of 15,000 people. Glad somebody did. Yeah. Seven games. What's the right number, Van?

I don't think it was... A lot of people thought that, obviously, his previous psychotic nature would play into how this… But when I look back at it, I think our threshold for the vicious NBA fight, we're a little bit more precious by than we used to be. When I saw it, I didn't think it was as big a deal as everybody else did. When the Miles of the Palace…

It just doesn't happen anymore. Miles of the Palace was different. You know what I think is cool about it?

It was a bunch of guys who wanted to fight. You know what I mean? It wasn't anybody who was like, Oh, shit, don't touch It was like, no, Durin, Diabate, and Beef stew, and Bridges want to fuck each other up. Get out of the way. Duncan Robinson, get out of the way.

Duncan, nobody had to tell Duncan. Duncan was like, all right, now, what they got over here on the sideline. Look, it might be somebody in the league office that saw him going at Bridges and went... Yeah.

Knock a couple of games off.

Go ahead.

A little justice there.

Speaking of... I mentioned this quote before, but the Val Kilmer, the bank is worth the risk. I need it, brother. I had for this Will Hardy asking Danny Inge for the Jaron Jackson Jr. Trade. I know we're tanking for the fifth straight year. Just Jaron Jackson's worth the risk. I need it, brother. Defensive player of the year, something. I need it. Just give me a taste.

What did you have, CR? I had Chauncey Billups looking at an invitation to play cards at someone's house.

Oh, no.

Allegedly.

Allegedly.

Do you have anything, Rob?

James Harden. Cleveland trading for James Harden. We're at the squeeze. Yes. It's worth the stretch. You got to stretch for it.

Why not? That's fair. The bank robbery, We're here for the bank's money, not yours. Don't try to be a hero, Ward, which is always my favorite line in any movie that has a bank robbery. Before we get to the answer for this, so if we're all robbing a bank, what are our jobs?

I think Chris has to be the mouthpiece. He's the guy in the lobby because we would hit uncharded levels of Stockholm syndrome if you were taking people hostage.

My job is the motherfucker that's going to jail. If I'm robbing a bank with you all three?

No, no. We're not talking whether it's a success. What are our jobs?

That's like an episode of Star Trek. You know which one.

No, this is going to succeed in this scenario.

Okay, so what would I do if we rob in the bank? I think that I would be like...

I'm vibes guy.

You're vibes. I would be polite, crowd control because I'm not aggressive like a good cop. I'll be like, good cop. People will be trying to bug up against you. I'll be like, Hey, chill. We're going to be gone.

We're going to be gone in one minute. Your girl, fine as shit. I think Ciar hops up. Ciar hops up on the... I hop up.

Yeah, you do that. You're there for the bank's money. Your money's insurance.

Rob goes to get some money, and I'm driving. I'm in the car. I'm ready to get the fuck out of there.

You're a good driver. I'm a good You don't really rely on GPS. I mean, I don't know. It's been a while since I've driven with you. You're driving.

I'm fucking driving. Yeah.

We all get in and conknipples. Connipples? Yeah.

Conniple. Conniple. Conniple. Conniple. Conniple. Conniple. Conniple. Conniple. Conniple. Conniple.

You're like, Hey, Con, I'll take you to Santa Monica. I just have to stop down on Wiltshire for a second. Do you think your seatbelt thing would be better or worse as a getaway driver? Because Bill doesn't wear his seatbelt a lot. What?

Fourth grown of the night. I've been wearing it more. Good. That's great.

When Khan's in the car, you're like, Buckle up.

Actually, he reached over and put Khan's seatbelt off for him. Precious cargo. Precious cargo.

Baby on board.

Every time they got to a red light, somebody didn't stop. Bill's like, Whoa.

He's playing the next night. I had to be careful. I had the Pelicans for this. We're here for the bank's money, not yours. Yeah. Because you're fans from Louisiana. They've hit the sweet spot that the old Clippers used to have of, yeah, we're just not going to pay the tax every year. We have a bunch of weird assets, and we'll just collect luxury tax from everybody else, and we don't really care how many fans we have at the games. And you can do this in the NBA, in a 30-team league. Why are you making a face, Rob?

I mean, it's a real cool sweet spot. It's what we love. It's the aspiration that we want of all of our sports teams. Yeah.

They're just like, We're good. The lease is expiring in three years. We'll see what happens. They have good players. They have good assets. But this is what the Clippers did in the '90s and the 2000s. Next award, the Neil's No Furniture Malibu House Award for Cheapest Decoration.

I actually got something for this. It's coaches wearing tracksuits. This is why I think coaches are getting younger. I think your Jim Boylins of the world are getting phased out because they don't look good in tracksuits. Because they would just look like they were in the Deli and the Sopranos if they were wearing a tracksuit. It's like, only Will Hardy and JJ Reddick and Charles Lee can rock tracksuits. I think it's ageist.

The third phase of the interview process is just like, quarter zips? Yes. To see what you look like.

It's like, what does it look like when you wear joggers? If we see a little ankle, what happens?

How many are you watching the Winter Olympics right now? Tepid response.

Well, they're here, so they're not watching it.

Well, this week-Ice dancing crowd, though. Those looge suits, those looge track suits and the bobsled track suits. You like that shit. Not a lot of room left for the imagination, man. The Franks and Beans are really crammed in there. But yeah, I was thinking that might be the next iteration of the NBA coach dress. It would be good.

nick Merson in a skin type suit.

In a looge suit.

Now that we're more focused, we're more ass-focused than we've ever been before, people are starting to notice. Was it always like this?

Was it I think the TVs are better. I'm just saying. It's the issue. That's what it is. The HD. Yeah, you're really seeing shit now.

You're watching the speed skate. It's like Magic City out there. You mean to tell me it was... Hey, Kalika, not to disrespect. But it was like, I never noticed that before.

That's what I'm saying. Tvs are better.

Van, are you up on the penis inflation, controversy, and ski jump?

Why would you ask me that?

I feel like you would be.

Oh, no. When they were injecting penises so they can fly further?

Yeah, so they can have bigger suits for better drag or something.

Wait a minute.

Are they injecting- Wait, is this an actual scandal? It's an actual scandal.

What the hell is going on? I legitimately thought that they were injecting their penises so they looked better in the suit. No, it's for performance.

It's for performance. When they get measured for the suit, they have more junk. And then for some reason, having more material is beneficial for the ski jump.

That's what I'm talking about.

That's science.

That is.

You guys are having a good time, I hope. Yeah, we have a good Two more awards for another special section. This is the Hank Azaria, who plays Alan Marciano in this movie. Does he look like Alan Marciano?

He definitely looks like a liquor wholesaler.

The Hank Azaria Alan Marciano Award for Worst idea to steadfastly believe in a former lottery pick. In this case, that's Ashley Judd, who I think was a lottery pick, but now she has a kid. She's married to a degenerate gambler.

Is having kids bad?

No, he's You have the kid, you have a criminal who's probably going to kill you if you find you're having an affair with the wife. That one's bad. You're still talking yourself into the lottery pick. This is the John Morant trade decision for a month heading into the trade deadline. This guy was the number two pick in the draft. He was second team on VA. Face of the League for a hot minute. All of a sudden, you're in a hotel room with them at 2: 00 in the morning, and Neil's busting in, yelling at people. That's who I have. Do you have one for this, CR?

I misinterpreted this, so I just had Benedict Matherin, but I don't think that's what you meant. Just a guy I still believe in.

Here's a positive one. The final airport chase scene for most underrated moment of the movie or season. I mentioned the final airport thing because I think people focus on the shootout and the diner scene. I think the end of this movie is fucking awesome. I think it's a big three for me, the way they shoot it with the lights and the planes and it's dark and then the lights come again. Watching Pacino, who's had 28 cigarettes probably that night, chugging through the gun, he's running the 800. I think that's an awesome scene. It never gets mentioned.

Oh, it's a banger.

Yeah, I think the two scenes are actually dancing with each other. The brutality of the bank robbery scene is indicative of... Neil's character is so regimented. He has such morals. He has such a point of view that it's difficult to look at him as a villain, as the bad guy. But when they get to the bank, you start to... There's a couple of things that happen in the movie. You start to see him. The minute Sheeralus sees the cops, he opens up. He's smiling. And then the minute he sees it, he just starts to kill. All of the mayhem that they have throughout that scene, this breathtaking violence, dances a little bit with at the end of the film, it's actually intimate. It's really the same as the coffee scene at the same time. It's these two guys almost having a conversation with each other.

They find each other at the end. We're both here to do one job. I won, but we both won. Now die.

But it only works because if Vincent Hannah shoots before he sees him. He shoots before he looks, he's leaning into that. It's his instinct.

Absolutely. By the way, when you're watching that, you're not quite sure who you want to get.

This is Bill's thing, which is Neil Lenn.

You don't know who you want to die in that scene. I still watch it and I'm like, actually, Actually, I always Vincent would have took one to the goal.

I have some nitpicks after seeing this movie 130 times. I feel like Neil could have made some better decisions on the sprint. Yeah, obviously. He had a big 50-yard lead. He's got a wide airport. There's all these places to hide. I don't know how he gets caught.

No, it makes absolutely zero sense. Zero since. Zero since.

He should have gone away.

That Vincent could have found Neil. He doesn't know where he went. They just cut two and he's on his tail. They don't even explain it.

I think in real life, Vincent's chasing him for, I don't know, two minutes and then has to stop and coughs up. That's a massive heart attack. It does. Anyway, for this award, most underrated moment in movie or season, I think it's that we have San Antonio in Oklahoma City and Denver, Minnesota looming as this awesome final four in the West. I consider San Antonio a legitimate threat. I think you did, too. Yep. I'm still in on Minnesota, even though it's always hard to trust them. But I think with Edwards and the team they have, and then the other two. I don't know how it's going to be one through four, two through in the playoffs, but it's going to be awesome. Like, really, really high end. All right. Special section. This is the Edie the Librarian Award for most red flags you've ever ignored when you're falling in love.

She worked at a bookstore. What was she?

She worked at a bookstore, lady. Whatever she was. For most red flags-Side hobby of graphic design, that's not a big deal. Went to Parsons. Most red flags you've ever ignored when you're falling in love. Her first exchange Change with Him starts like this. What are you reading? A book about metals. What work do you do? Lady, why are you so interested in what I read or what I do? That's her introduction to this man. He tells her he's in sales as he's reading a book about stress fractures in titanium. Then she asks about his family, and he tells her the following three things, My father My mother died a long time ago. I don't know where my mother is. I got a brother somewhere. She asks if he has anyone, if he's dating, and he says, I am alone. I'm not lonely. To have sex, she falls asleep He leaves, but not before he gives her a glass of water bedside that has a paper towel wrapped around it so there won't be fingerprints, and he has a place with no furniture. And she's like, I'm hooked.

This is my guy. There's only one thing you're leaving What is it? This is in Los Angeles. This is the first non-actor, bullshit, halfway eligible guy that she's met in a long time. Mid-level guy at CA. She's just so happy that he didn't say, Fuck it, man. I got this fucking pilot for this medical show coming up, and I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. She saw him like, Cowboy, Salt of America guy. She's like, I'm in.

So who's your MBA person for this?

James Harden. The Cavaliers, they look at it, they look at it, they look at it. At some point, the person who's in charge of convincing somebody else to make the trade is like, Don't look at his basketball reference in the playoffs part. They keep pushing. They're like, He's got more size, more size than Garland. We'll be able to have more flexibility. He'll be able to get some more assist. All of a sudden, you have James Harden on your team in round two in a game six where he shoots three for 21. Are we getting to the point-7 turnovers.

Are we getting to the point where James Harden is an underrated asset.

Like there's a redemption coming from that?

Yeah. Obviously, the narrative about James Harden's career, it's well documented and it's not like it's not true. But at this point, that motherfucker is a badass basketball player.

The problem is we did this last year, and then in game seven, he did not look at the rim for the first hour of the game.

But we don't do this about Deere and Fox or the guys who have never really been in those games. James Harden gets scrutiny because he goes deep in the playoffs every time he's not a flipper, basically.

See, are you rooted for James Harden?

The Honey Moon's amazing. I think he should only sign nine months deals, and every year, he's on another cool team, random, like Cleveland. It's just like, Harden's on the Pacers. Let's fucking go. It's just like, if that would be an exciting subplot to any NBA season is that James Harden only has three more weeks in his contract sweepstakes, what's going to happen? Where's he going? Is he going to rail Madrid? Who knows?

You could see with the Cavs Denver game the other day, they beat Denver, and they're all celebrating and congratulating each other. And it's like, Oh, we're in the real I'm on a honeymoon face right now.

This is Darryl Mori's first time. Speaking of people you're rooted for, the Wayne Groe escaping a Padded Trunk Award for Most Improbable Escape from Certain Death.

I think we got to do Embiid here. Yeah, man.

Do you believe? It's on his name. Yeah, I believe. Look at those numbers. He's incredible. He's playing on one leg. We don't know what's wrong with the other leg, but still. I think that the thing I've come to with Embiid is that because of the next generation of Sixers looking pretty good, that he's an incredible add a bonus. I hope he's happy. I don't really understand what's happened over the last three years, but he, on any given night, can go for 40.

I'm going to skip through the You don't live with me, you Live With Me, You Live With The Remains of Dead People Award and the Dominic Sureherliss Award for the young kid who has no chance whatsoever. That award as well. Sorry, I'm running out of breath there. Let's go to the Chris Sheerherlis Award for single worst gambler of the 2025, '26 season. There's some candidates. Do we know if Rozier-Oh, we're actually literally talking about gamblers. The worst gambler. I think it's Billups, though, right?

I mean, those games were rigged, so he was winning.

Yeah, but he ended up losing his job. He's never going to click again.

Look how uncomfortable everybody is.

You don't like the gambling thing. I want to talk about Chris as a gambler, though. There were two Super Bowl's in the last 50 years where Vegas lost and got killed. One of them was Chargers Niners.

The 94 Super Bowl.

Niners were favored by 18 and a half. Everybody bet the Niners, and then they won, and every bet with them won. This is the Super Bowl that Chris got cleaned out on when he has Dude. So he's obviously the worst Amberball type. Chris is a fucking moron. Chris is zag. Stan Humphreys, I'm in.

Humphreys and Nature on Means and all that. Everybody knew. My grandmama was like, Steve Young about to bust them boys' ass. Chris is stupid. I never thought about that. This is why I fuck with the pot. Because I never thought about how dumb Chris is. This whole time, I feel bad for him.

Now, he's the easiest Super Bowl we've had in the last 30 years. Chris got smoked. He's selling everything. Speaking of Chris, Chris. The cop who let Chris go outside the park, even though he looked exactly like Chris award, even though Chris had just been in a high-profile bank shootout 36 hours earlier, this is for the worst job by anybody this season award, or we could go Most Incompetent Character. So two people from the movie, you could go this guy or the OAPD guy guarding Wayne Groce's hotel room.

That was just a hotel security guy, I think.

Who did a worst job out of those two?

Clearly, the hotel security guy because he had one What about the cop who set alerts them to the bus by sitting down too hard?

I feel like that guy really-Oh, the guy who hit his rifle.

Yeah, he was bad, too. He sucks. You know what? I'm going to go with the cop that lets Chris go. First of all, they are in an active-It's an active stake out.

It's an active stake. It's an active stake.

It looks like Chris. They're looking for Chris. Chris cuts his hair. He stops. The cop goes, That can't be him. Let him go. And Bubble from Forrest Gump, he didn't do anything better. He just let the fuck... That That would never fucking happen.

I think he was starting to feel for Charlene, though. I think he was just like, I want to give her a break. Bubble? Yeah. I think he knew that she gave him the no-go sign. Oh, shit. I feel like it.

I think he has-Oh, I don't think that at all. I think this was Abject incompetence. They're like, his ID says he's from New Mexico. Meanwhile, he's got the same hair.

The car is registered to all of this stuff, man. Take him in and fingerprint. I'm not rooting for the police, but yeah, anyway.

I think the winner for this award for most incompetent character, basically, Joe Dumar is not putting the top three protection on the pick, which we've talked about forever. They now have one of the worst records in the league, and there's a real chance that might be a top three pick.

Is there another room in America right now where Joe Dumont is not protecting the pick enough would get applause?

Get applause from multiple people. Yeah. All right, a couple more here. The Let's Have a Big Family and Friends dinner right after we just committed a huge heist that led to three Dead Bodies Award for single worst idea. They just committed They're on the news all over the place. They're like, You guys like Italian? Open table. There's a reservation for eight. This was Chris Paul's retirement tour.

His homecoming.

Just say it's your last year. Maybe don't say this is going to be a tour when you don't know how it's going to work. What'd you have, CR?

I think that the Brooklyn Nets drafting five international point cards was weird.

Well, it seems like that was a tanking strategy.

Yeah, I guess so. But it's tough for those guys' career.

Do you have one, Rob? The Magic doing nothing at the deadline, just sitting on their hands. I guess that's good enough that they're going to be a middling to bad team, and they're just going to hang with that.

Lost the Cam Thomas tonight. This is a good one. The Al Pacino's Asian stunt double award for funiest in-season glitch. So when they go to get Henry Rollins, and you could see it now that the TVs are clearer, a stuntman plays Pacino jumping on Henry Rollins. I can't believe they didn't do another take of it. Honestly- Michael Mann was just like, TV's will never get better. It's the funniest- We're good to move on. It's the funniest freeze frame of the movie. So funny as in season glitch. Should we do the White guy revolution here?

Sure, man.

Why not?

nick right on my podcast yesterday was calling for a van. Yeah.

The White guy versus Black guy All-Star Game? I've never heard an idea that I like more. Nick is out of in the world right now. I love it. Nickso in his fucking bag. Let's do it. Let's do three different levels of it. Let's do it with the All-stars, then let's do it with the rookie.

That's a good idea.

Let's do it, and let's just make it about this Because it is about that anyway.

It should be an entire team of dudes named Luke. Yeah. That's it.

I'm fucking with it.

What guy in the black team tries the hardest?

Probably like a Russell Westbrook. Russell out there going... He demands to be in the game. Yeah, Russell. Here's the thing about this, because I know that, Bill, you guys are feeling now that things have changed and you're going to have your shot at it and all of that stuff like that. I'm telling you, it depends on how you look at this, right? Because if you do all the Black guys against the White guys All-Stars, and you let the Black players have their international players, the White players are getting ran. But...

If that's another team.

If you take the international brothers out, which sometimes we do.

Is that Canada?

Canada out. I don't know if you know, but there was a whole rap situation that's been happening over the last couple of years. But we've even relitigated that. We're not sure anymore. Then the game gets interesting. But I'm telling you right now, if you put Russell Westbrook in front of a just got to Santa Monica after a 30-minute drive, conking it.

Nice and relaxed.

Yeah, full-court press.

Westbrook is going fucking ape shit. After everything I've been through, I'm not about to let you bust my ass with that police ass haircut. You know what I'm saying? So that game would be... Nick is right. That game would fix it. I don't know who would win the game.

It would honestly do better ratings than the Super Bowl. It would just be like, 100%, even people who never watch basketball would be like, What? I got to see this.

But see, here's the deal, though. What you want to do around the game is you want to put in a bunch of different cultural fail-safe to make sure this doesn't go too far.

Because like-Is it like, Isaiah Stuart plays for the white guys?

At the beginning of the game, you got the players on one side, you got the players on the other side. You got to have, I don't know, Obama and Ryan Gosling meet at Center Court.

Why does Ryan Gosling are a representative?

That's the coolest white boy you all got.

I don't think we can do any better than that.

Ryan Gosling is number one?

Everybody else got some shit with him.

Who would you have be the celebrity coaches?

I'm saying it would have to be Obama for the black because all the black-Oh, I thought they were just representing a coin toss. No, man, all the black guys are going to play hard for Obama. They're going to play hard for Obama. Then the white guys, you have Gosling. Who would you all want? Who would you all want? Just you all going to say somebody vaguely problematic.

Who would the white guys play the hardest for?

No, who would be the white guy's coach?

Who? Timothée Chalmet.

Timothée Chalmet playing with us.

Yeah, he doesn't want to be part of our team.

You all going to get Timothée Chalmet out there. You all going to pass on the ball. He's going to be missing shots. Then looking back at the black people like, I got you.

It would be Sean Penn, but as Lockjawn.

That would be the name of the white guys team, the Christmas Adventure. That would be their team.

One more of the, I'm talking on an empty telephone because there's a dead man on this fucking line of work for single best threat. I have the Spurs because we know OKC in Denver, those are two best teams, and the Spurs are just lingering. They're smoldering in the background, and I don't know what they are.

They're this good, and I don't think it's near as good as they could be.

We don't know what this is, but we've seen it with the '86 Rockets. They came out of nowhere. The '95 Magic. We've seen these young teams that are just like, We're here.

The Thunder do not want to see the Spurs come in. The Spurs have figured out a way to in jail and really present real problems to OKC, man.

But it's good for them. The Spurs existing is good in the same way we're talking about they don't have that internal drama. They don't have a lot of storytelling. But if the Spurs are this amazing, I think we're going to like the Thunder more even if they win.

I have good news for you guys. It's time for the next Vincent Hannah section part 2. Cr is back. He's taking a big swing of water. You thought you were done hearing him do Pacino. You're not.

Okay, so this is a two-parter or is this You're doing the second part. Okay. By the time I get to Phoenix, he'll be rising. He'll probably leave a note right on the door. Give me early again. Award goes to That's got to go to Matt Ishmael.

Anyone else on the Suns? Would you do Devin Booker?

Yeah. We're going to go to Devin Booker.

Quick question. What is this award?

We don't know. It was an excuse for Chris. He just wanted him to do it. Do the Phoenix thing. That goes to the next one.

The Don't Waste My Motherfucking Time Award. This goes to Having Our Time Wasted.

This goes to the Yana story, ultimately. That's good. We got a lot of content out of it. I certainly He led my podcast a few times with Yana's traits. You guys did as well. Every pod. And ultimately, it was just completely meaningless and nothing happened. And then he signed up with Kalsi the next day. Yeah. And that's how it played out.

Cool, cool, cool, cool.

My life's a disaster zone. I got a stepdawner so fucked up because her real father's this large type asshole. I got a wife. We're passing each other on the downslope of a marriage. My third, because I spend all my time I'm chasing guys like you around the block. That's My Life Award. This is a really good one. This is Pat. This is Pat Reilly.

I was thinking somebody heat-related. Pat Reilly, or- Pat Reilly, doomed to chase unicorns in a league he actually hates.

Where he's just every quote is just like, They don't fucking do it the way we used to do it in the '80s. And then he's just like, But I guess I have to pretend like Damian Lillard It might come here.

Yeah, you get the feeling when you have dinner with Pat Reilly, he has one drink in the entrees, and he just starts talking about when LeBron left in 2014. At the first sign of adversity, he left, and I hate this league, and I don't know why we're like this anymore. And then the waiter comes over and is like, Pat, another glass? He's like, Yes, I would love another glass. Yeah, I think that's the answer. Next one.

You know what they're looking at? Us. The LAPD Police Department. Okay, motherfucker. Award. I got one for this. This is the thunder finding out that they are slowly becoming villains with all this Lou Dore shit and Jay flopping. That's a good call. Now, Thunder fans are litigating calls. I mean, well, if you go back to this, you can see Jake Leravia bumps him. It's like, that's just not going to earn you casual fans or neutral fans. I think we're about to see a little bit of a turn in the narrative. I think they're going to become annoying.

Yeah, people are tired of everybody doing the postgame interview together. It's like, Fuck, just pick one guy. Stop it. The entire league is tired of Presti hearing how great Presti is compared to everybody else. What else, Rob? Plus, they have all these pics, including the Clippers.

I still like them. I got to be honest with you guys.

Rob, just the basketball appreciated. All right, two more. What do you got?

The You know you can ball my wife if she wants you to. You can lounge around here on her sofa in her ex-husband's dead tech, postmodernistic bullshit house if you want to, but you do not get to watch my fucking television set.

Give it up, you all. Come on, man. Come on.

Award.

I have Raptors fans for this because we haven't mentioned them the entire podcast, and I think they got pissed 20 minutes ago. It's the most sensitive fan base we have. All right, one more.

The Bon Voyage, Motherfucker, You were Good Award.

This has to be the Pacers, right? We had them in the finals. They Bonvoyaged. They're executing a flawless tanking season. They traded for Zubats. Hal Burton is coming back, and they're probably one of the lead contenders of 27. They'll be right back. They're going to be awesome. Even They still they suck. They still own the Knicks. They still own them. They had nobody in the game the other night.

I had Durant's failing body language. Yeah. Oh. And him, sadly, standing in the corner. One of the all-time crashouts was when we got to see Sun Spurs in Texas. I believe that was last season. It was. And just watching him, motherfuck, buttonholzer for an entire game. I don't think he's going to do that with Emea, but I am clocking his body language. It doesn't seem Well, speaking of people motherfucking other people, what about Draymon Green's last ride as a warrior? Could this be it?

Yeah, being in Trade Rumors for the first time. Got to be. And then Mike Dunlin, he's like, The Warriors' GM. He wasn't in Trade Rumors, and they were like, Well, who was in The Trade Rumors? He podcasted about it. Well, I can't talk about it. It was an unbelievable non-denial. All right, we have two more awards. These are the big ones. The Roger Van Zant Award. Van Sant or Van Zant.

I believe the S is pronounced like a Z.

The Roger Van Zant Award for Most Comically Bad Performance from a Management Figure. Thank God the Kings are back in our life, Rob. Yeah, baby.

Scott Perry.

I missed it. I was happy for their fans during the two Light the Beam seasons when we had some competent Kings basketball in a playoff series. But honestly, it's fun to have them back, Rob.

When is the next time the Kings will be good?

A A long time.

Because they're going to hinge on this lottery.

Will we get the big one before the Kings win a playoff series again?

I would be worried legitimately if they had the number one pick that Darren Peterson be like, Cramps, I'm not doing this. Why? Why? Why?

Why? Why Eternal crampss.

It's brutal. I think even if they got a lottery pick, it would still be a couple of years from them. What's crazy is they have a team that's so bad, the tanking is just, play the guys you have on the team. It's like, hey, Russell.

Who are legitimately good NBA players.

It's like, Guys, we're tanking. Just go out and do your thing and we'll probably lose.

Is this not our guy Adam Silver? Is he not the comically bad managerial figure of the season? Wow.

Bill might have some dinners this weekend. You got to watch out.

A third of the teams are tanking. Everybody's hurt.

Multiple huge controversies that he has not really spoken to.

Off the court issues that strike directly at the heart of the competition of the game.

Yeah, huge. No one can watch their local broadcasts in a lot of markets. No one wants to watch the regular season. The league is in a really awful place, and no one seems to want to do anything about it.

You know what's funny is how quickly did this change? The first month, month and a half, two months, maybe even three months of the season, everyone was talking about how awesome things were.

How many awesome players we had.

How many awesome players we were. The coverage was being lauded everywhere. The studio teams and new places that were it and stuff. Now, it just wears on me. I got to go five different places to watch the games, all of this stuff. It seems like it's coming apart.

But then the cycle comes back to the playoffs when we're like, Basketball, this is fucking awesome. Yeah, for sure. We're in the dark days.

We've talked a lot about tanking. But let me throw an idea at you. You tell me it would be bad for our company, but it would be interesting to see the effect of the league if we got rid of the midseason trade deadline. I know it would be very hard for teams to improve or to replace guys got hurt. But I felt like the Trade Deadline Talk started earlier than ever this year. Giannis dominated it. It was all bullshit. What if you just removed the transactional part from the middle of the season? It was like, your team is your team. You can sign guys off the street. You can have guys in the G League, but you cannot trade for Yannis or Harden in the middle of the season because you didn't like what you did in the summer.

I thought you liked content, CR.

I do. But to the point of Vans making, pretty much when we started talking about trades is when everybody was like, Yeah, we better just sell the farm on this team.

The season's too long. We've been saying it every year. This is a real crisis. I did a podcast part of it about it yesterday, and I was texting with a couple of people about it today. And one of the best arguments I've heard, so in the NFL, they might add an extra game, right? None of us think it's a good idea. We're going to an 18-game season, 19 weeks. It feels inevitable. It's not great. I don't think it's... It's not an I'd be like, this is the dumbest thing ever. I'm never watching football anymore. Can you imagine if the NBA were like, we're actually we're going to go to 88 games. We're adding six. Who would think this was a good idea? Everybody would be like, This is the dumbest thing. You're adding games, you dumb motherfuckers? They should be taking games away and going to 66 to 70. It should be the length. It's just clear as day. They're not doing it because of money, and that's it. They've made so much money from the media deals and all this other stuff.

I do think that there are certain in-game things, like with the replays and the way the end of games generally play out. If they fix that, I wouldn't be so mad about the 82 games. If the ends of games just felt like they had more flow.

It feels like they're getting worse. Yeah. Last award. This is it. That don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner award. I mean, we got to do the Lakers and LeBron here, right?

You have to do it for Lakers and LeBron.

Why is it just me? But this is LeBron's last Lakers season. So first of all, he's been here longer than... He's been here twice as long as I think he was with Miami. He won a title. How do we feel about LeBron and the Lakers eight years in? It's a little bit weird.

Do you guys, Lakers fans in the crowd, LeBron statue?

But everyone has a statue. Taylor Horton Tucker has a statue out there.

Yeah, I mean, would you put him in the Kareem, Magic, K Kobe. It's a weird one. It's been an amazing thing to have him on the team, but it's in this weird spot now.

I think after Kareem Magic and Kobe, Jerry West, Elja Baylor. Okay. Shaq.

You keep going and going Shaq. Yeah. Yeah, we're going and going. James worthy. Nick Young.

Yeah.

I think that's the thing that when I think about the Laker run he had, the weirdest part was that they won the title in that crazy COVID year. I think they probably would have won the title anyway. If you remember what was happening right before COVID, it was them and the Clippers and the Bucks who hadn't really done anything. But we were really like, holy shit, this is finally going to happen. We're going to get LA versus LA for real. Then COVID happened, the bubble. He wins with no fans. There's no parade after. It was just a weird one. Rich thinks it's the best title anyone ever won because of the mental warfare. No, I don't think you can compare it to any other title. That's ever happened because nobody's ever been in that situation before.

You know what? It's interesting about LeBron. I was talking to my grandma one time. I was like, Okay, I'm sorry, guys. I tell stories. I'm sorry. I'm talking to my grandmother one time, and my grandmother was really involved in civil rights throughout her entire life. When I was a kid, I was talking to her about Martin Luther King Jr. I'm not comparing the two guys, but she said that it's different when you were living. When you were living through it, you all look at it now and their statues and their birthdays and their days like that, and history looks at the guy in a certain way. She's like, When you were living through it, people had opinions. People had opinions about whether or not he should be doing this in this way. People had opinions about whether or not they liked them. There was all kinds of ways. People wanted to go do it this way, people wanted to do it that way, but you don't have to go through any of that. You just look at what actually happened in the history of it. I think as people get further away from LeBron James' career, the only thing that they're going to remember is Most Points Ever, Four Championships, they're going to see all of that stuff.

But when you lived through it, it was a little stakada. It never really felt like this unbridled, unassailable dominance, or it It always felt like there was some other bullshit that got in the way. It was never quite what you thought it was going to be. That's not saying that he hasn't been consistently great because he has. But when you're going through it, the championship is there. The championship is in the bubble as NBA players playing against NBA players, you still got to respect it. But then there's all other stuff. There's the drafting of Bronnie. There's all kinds of stuff that's in the middle of it. There's the decision. There's just stuff that just stopped him from being the unassailable, completely dominant figure that you felt like he should have been. I don't know how to explain it any better than that.

But he is unassailable. I think your point about how it feels different in the moment is totally true. And LeBron has dealt with more opinion in the moment than any superstar ever. Just the pure volume of shit that is talked about with him all the time, I think is completely unparalleled. And for him to do that and still be this successful. He did win a title here. You can call it whatever it is. You can throw an asterisk. You can think it's impressive or not. He did what he set out to do as a Laker, but it is complicated.

I think the stuff he's doing now, I'm the most amazed at with how many years he's been in the league, and you just see him take over Gamestown. It's like, how is this still happening? It just breaks your brain.

I'm not in any way trying to hate him. I'm just saying, but think about this. Think about the cultural capture that Kobe Bryant with all the problems that Kobe Bryant had off the court. I'm not just talking about any of this stuff. I'm not I'm talking about just conversations about Kobe's personality, Phil Jackson talking about Kobe.

Phil Jackson writing books about how up it was to go.

When I first got here, there was a real Black versus Mexican thing that was going on. It happened. It was a thing. People was like, Yo, if you see somebody with tattoos on their neck, get on the ground, they're going to kill you. But you would see the Lakers where there's this bonding thing between Black and Brown people. If you saw somebody with a Kobe jersey on, you knew that it was cool. There was this thing in the city. There was this like, I can't even explain it. Kobe Bryant was able to do that and able to be this guy that inspired a generation of basketball players despite everything that went on off the court. Lebron James, perfect off the court, but there's something missing. I'm not trying to be a hater at all. I'm just saying there always has been.

Well, do you think in 2018, if he had to do it over again, CR, would he stay in Cleveland or would he come here?

I think that his career has just been defined by the movement so much that it seems like-Made sense for him to come here. He would be like... I also just think his relationship with Gilbert seems so, Dan Gilbert seems so contentious that it was going to be an exit. I wish, just for the sake of the theater, that it had been the Knicks, just to watch him at the Garden. I say that as a Sixers fan.

We might get that next year, by the way.

Yeah, I don't know. That's what I was going to ask you is what's the last chapter?

If this is the end of the- There's no way he's quitting yet because we just lived through this with Tom braided. He's too good. As long as you're good enough to keep doing this, you're going to keep doing it. You're not going to be like, Yeah, I could do this.

But how creative could he get? Could he go to the Thunder?

I think he goes back to Cleveland. I think that's how that money would be. It makes the most sense. Yeah. They are a good team. He'd have a chance to win the title there. Yeah, Vegas won't be probably ready. Operational. All All right, before we go, do you want CR to redo one quote? One Pacino quote? Just redo one, and then we're out. Which one do you want, Van? Which one do you want? I'm not doing Wayne Jenkins.

You want to do Wayne?

No, I don't. Is there a quote from Heath that you want me to do?

Great ass.

Oh, yeah.

She's got a great ass. You got your head all the way up it.

Thanks. That was for Michelobultra. Thanks for helping us out. Michelobultra, you got a great ass. Thanks to Chris Ryan, Van Lath, Rob Moning. Thanks to everybody for sticking with us. We had a great time. Appreciate it.

On a seat down, on a way so I'd never said.

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