Transcript of Guess the Lines Week 1, Micah Parsons Trade Damage, and an NFL Futures Draft With Cousin Sal

The Bill Simmons podcast brought to you by FanDuel Sportsbook, your friend for the NFL and college football seasons. When you are watching this podcast or listening to it a week from now on Sunday night, it's going to be me and cousin Sal doing guest alliance and reacting to week one for the NFL. And if you want to react with us, no better place than FanDuel. We have the Ringer Gambling show going every day now, live, noon, ET on our Ringer Gambling YouTube channel. A lot of FanDuel stuff on there. We have the Ringer Sunday pregame on Sunday on YouTube with the whole cast of characters. And we're doing the Ringer 107 as well, which I can explain to you when Cousin Sal comes up in one second. I watched a lot of college football yesterday. We had two college football podcasts that were responding live on YouTube. The Ringer tailgate with Joel and Van and Tate came on in the late afternoon games. Then Todd McShea after Clemson and LSU. A little upset in that one. So if you like college football, those are two awesome podcasts. It's a sport that we've struggled to figure out a good plan for over the years.

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All right, recording this.

It is Sunday morning Pacific Time, year 19 of Guess the Lines. We are here. Cousin Sal. We've been doing this forever. Quick story back in the Jamaica Malive days, If you're ready to do in this with one of your friends, but when we worked together, NFL season 2002, we started doing it in December. We were sharing an office sitting next to each other, and you just would throw the lines at me, and I would guess them. I remember writing at one point, this would be a great talk show segment someday, not realizing podcast were coming. Podcast came in 2007. We've been doing it ever since. Our 19th year, next year will be year 20, Sal.

Yeah, I remember saying to you, I was I was like, this is a great segment. I don't know if it lasts 20 years, but definitely 19. Definitely good for 19. I also don't remember coming into this a year like this depressed as I am. But we have a job to do.

We got a job to do. No, no, let's talk about it because we haven't... The Michael Parsons Trade happened near the end of last week after we had done our big Over Under podcast, less than 24 hours after. And somehow I had miraculously picked the Green Bay Packers to make the Super Bowl, which I feel even better about. We had both gone under on your team, and now it's the only case would be a possible Ewing theory situation, which I don't think you're very excited about.

No, I'm not excited about any of it. And it's all terrible. I do appreciate you holding off on the snark and texting me because that oftentimes is the worst part of this, of your friends and which you need to respond to and whatever. But as far as the trade, I don't think it's good. I'm used to the other terrible Jerry. At least he was predictable. And now it's like, if my kid gets shitty grades every semester, it's like, all right, what am I going to do about that? Oh, now he's stealing catalytic converters? Well, time out. All right, now we got to do something here. So I don't know. I made a list of 12 reasons this trade sucked, and I'm not going to bore people with them, but they're all solid.

Are you going to give them now?

No, I'm not going to go through it because it's not- You can't do the cliff notes? I'll tell you, the biggest one is his timing is always the worst. Even if you like what they got, they could have gotten more in March, they could have gotten more in June, they could have gotten more. Either he waited too long or he didn't wait long enough. If he had waited four weeks, I guarantee Micah Parsons, and we were going to lose probably two or three of those four anyway. I guarantee Micah Parsons getting to hit it a million and a quarter. A game would have been like, All right, Chair, we'll take your offer, whatever. I don't know. It's just too late first rounders. If you look from 26 to 32, this is the other one. That's where the packer's pick is going to be. It's depressing if you look at the last few years. It's like a slew of Cole Strange types. That's it. And I'm not counting on them. Shots fired. Sorry. I have to go back.

I'm just sitting here. I thought we were to talk about your team.

You're doing a good job. Yes. No, but I'm not counting on them to do a good job packaging those pics or doing a good job with the free loot. And Kenny Clarke is fine. I know he was an all pro, but his best years are behind him. He's 30. So I don't even know what else to say about this. Good job, Jerry. You fucked it up again.

Well, today they gave Bland a huge extension, like 90 million. So it's like, well, now that we don't have to pay Michael Parsons, we have more money to overpay some of the other players in our team. I don't even know if he's a top 20 cornerback.

Great job, Daron. You didn't hold out. You played that perfectly. Hopefully, you could stop the run because that's what's important here.

You mentioned the leverage piece. This is the part I had a lot of thoughts, obviously. We haven't done a podcast since this happened on this podcast, at least. But if you fed it to AI, if you fed it to ChatGPT, whatever the F it's called, and you said, when will we have the least leverage in a Micah Parsons trade? When would it be the least helpful to us and make the least sense? You would say the end of August, where it's like you've already missed last year's draft. You're already six months away from whatever draft pick you were going to get anyway. And you're probably not getting a player who can help you more than Parsons this year. So worst case scenario, you just roll this over. You play chicken with them all year. He comes back eventually. You have them for this year and then trade them in March. Because the thing I always talk about with trades It's like, is this trade still here six months from now? Guess what? The packers are still doing this trade in March. Oh, we have to give up just two mediocre first rounders and a guy in his 30s for Michael Parsons?

Yeah, we'll We'll do that in January. We'll do it in February. We'll do it in October. Would he have had more leverage in October? Probably. It almost just seemed like they didn't want to deal with it anymore. And he's old and he's like, I'll show him. Yeah, you showed him. You're probably showing him in the Super Bowl, and he got a giant contract. So what was the point of this?

Right.

Okay, the one thing I'll say is the whole team hated him. I don't even know if that's true, but the front office hated him. The players hated him. The podcast really changed them. Podcast, remember what happened with the Royals, right? Harry and Megan, whatever. Everybody loved. They did a podcast. Everybody hate them. Okay, maybe there's something to that.

Did they do a podcast?

I don't remember that they did the podcast. We'll have to look it up. No, they actually did the podcast. But maybe we could check that while we're doing this.

I can't do it. Definitely. I know Harry didn't do the podcast. He got paid to do the podcast.

That's what happened. Yeah, I know.

I don't think he did the podcast. Anyway, go ahead.

No, but you're right. Yes, wait longer. You waited too long, but now wait even longer. And what's the downside? All right, maybe he could tear his ACL holding out, playing pickleball or something. That would suck. Then his value goes.

The odds are one in a thousand that that's happening.

And Schefter said at least one team made another team was like, Oh, I was interested. We would have given more for Mike and Parsons. And Jerry himself said, 15 teams, contact them. That's a lie, because then you would have gotten a better offer than what basically Khalil Mack fetched.

It seemed like it was six teams. Albert Breer, I thought, had a really good now they tell us piece about why they did this. And he said six. I'm wondering, maybe other teams offer the two first, but they really like Kenny Clark and somebody that we both know who's been a big Cowboys watcher over the years was like, the Cowboys get infatuated with guys.

That's right. They love their players.

When you sign Mingo, we've always loved Mingo. When you traded for Roy Williams, our scouts love them. And they probably like Kenny Clark for eight years. And they're like, oh, finally, our chance to get Kenny Clark. It doesn't mean you do the trade. This really reminded me of the Muki Betts trade, not to bring a Boston team in this. But when it was clear, they weren't going to figure out the contract. They just didn't agree on what his value was. But they also could have kept him for one more year, had him play out his contract year and then just taken the draft pics for him when he went somewhere else. And instead, they were like, No, got to do this now. And they made a fucking terrible trade. They got Redogo and Wong and Jeter Downs. They got 11 cents on the dollar. I would have taken Redogo. And they did it for the year.

Kenny Clark, Redogo. I would have taken it for sure.

But we didn't even get two first-row pics of that trade. But it reminded me of that where when it happened, everybody, there was no zag. And that was the funniest thing about this Michael Parsons trade. There was no zag. There was nobody like, actually, here's why this makes a ton of sense for Dallas. When everybody who follows football, covers football, cares about football, it's like, that's the dumbest trade I've ever seen. Probably not a good trade. Yeah.

And they extended other players because the DAK extension doesn't really make sense now. The CD extension doesn't make sense now. If you don't have Micah there, you now have to replace one of, if not the best player at that position for the next few years. And the difference with Muki Betz is Muki had one more year, right? He was playing out his contract here. Cowboys had Parsons under contract for a year.

They could have franchised them forever.

They could have franchised them twice, right? So that's why waiting longer, I think we agree, is the way There we go.

Not taking advantage of... I get it. If they're like, it's too much money. We don't think he's worth it. It ruins the seller cap for our team. Cool. But you still had him on a contract for this year. You still had a chance to be good this year. You still had a chance to move it to October and have some team that doesn't realize that they were going to be good and they're good. And they're like, we'll give you two firsts in a second. I thought it was so crazy. And I feel bad for you because I know you love the Cowboys. We went to the stadium together. It's been a long time for you. That Cowboys documentary came out. It came on here a couple of weeks ago, and we talked about the glory Days. And a big piece of that- I like Jerry a little more after that.

I was like, It's appreciation. But I think he was like, oh, everyone thinks they know me. They think I'm going to give in at the last second. So now maybe that was his thing. I'm going to throw a little curve ball here just to fuck with people.

Well, this was not a curve ball. This was a slatter in the dirt. And you can't recover from losing a guy that's good. It certainly took the Red Sox four or five years. There's eight guys that really, truly matter in the entire league. And you're talking about any position. And the fact that he wasn't... Like Miles Garrett was available for a split second, but he's what, four years older than Parsons?

Even the stupid Browns knew to sign their best player.

That's the thing is Usually when these guys become available, they're still not arrow pointing up toward the apex of their career. They're usually like, they probably peaked two years ago, but they can still be at near that level for a couple more years. This was the rarest chance you could ever have of getting somebody that hasn't even maybe been the best version of himself yet. And I think then to trade them in the NFC is the other thing that has to drive you nuts. You're like, really? You can't just send them to fucking Denver or Tennessee or somewhere, anywhere.

Yeah, Jerry, you have history with Green Bay, right? First of all, the Mike McCarthy stuff. All right. There was that weirdness there. The third and 20, obviously, with Rodgers years ago in the playoffs. You had the Dez catch. Stay away from the packers. They're not in our division, but they're our enemy.

He's just a mess.

It's a complete mess.

We covered this in the NFC overrunters. You did not like this Cowboys team to begin with from a season standpoint. It was pretty top-heavy.

Yeah.

And now you've lost the number one person who made the team top heavy, and you have these pics coming that you don't even get to use for April. It almost makes more sense to zag now and just tank the season. But I don't think they're going to do that either.

No. Well, you're right. They'll be somewhere in the middle and it'll suck. And I guess, theoretically, if I had them at six or seven wins, what does it matter if they have three or four?

It doesn't. And you're in a good conference. They could conceivably be one of the worst teams. You're going to have this Thursday night game that we're going to do and do Guest of the Lines, where they're playing this awesome stacked Eagles team. And all the announcement, it's going to be MBC and it's going to be Collins's where I just can't believe they traded Michael Parsons. I would rather slip my throat with a razor blade to do that. You just know that's going to be three hours of it.

Something's missing with this Cowboy's defense. I can't put my finger on it. Is he still Al? I don't know. Did you make that announcement?

Al, Michael and Mike. Was it Mike? Oh, yeah.

Come on, man. Let's get it.

My first guess to the line's a mistake. Michael Parsons. He just wrecks games. He wrecks them. He wrecks these games, Mike.

Mike, why am I calling you Al all year? You got to correct me by week eight.

Mike, are you Al or are you Mike? Just a train wreck. Listen, we're both old enough to know these trades. There's going to be no scenario where this is a good trade. None. The packers are going to be somewhere between first and eighth, I would say, in the league, right? They're going to have at least 10 wins, probably 11. They might even be really good and be like a one seed, which would be hilarious. You play them this year, don't you?

Yeah, it's week four. I can't root for them now. So I'll sell some of that. I mean, after we got off with the pot, I bet some packers to win the NFC and love to win MVP. So I'm happy to sell some of that at a huge discount to anyone listening.

I did a little more that week once I laid out all the research for our podcast because the odds were still really favorable. Buffalo Green Bay, I think was 45 to one as a Super Bowl matchup.

This is before the trade?

Before the trade. Love was in the 20 to 25 range. But I took all the league stuff Seriously, when the packers thing probably came out 72 hours before that they were really intrigued. And then the day we were taping the podcast, which was last Wednesday, somebody had a report that Dallas was at least listening to calls. And anytime I hear that, it's like the trade is happening. Because once you're actually like, what do you got? Now you're just leveraging everyone against each other. If you have somebody like Michael Parsons and I call you and I'm like, hey, I'd love to trade for Michael Parsons. You'd be like, cool, you're hanging up. But the fact that they were listening to the calls, he knew it was a wrap.

I know. I just thought a stubborn Jerry wins over everything. It's funny. But the same fellow we talked about who has been in the front office and he was on the road. He's like, What did they get for him? I was like, he said, Two? Two first? I'm like, Keep going. He said, Wow. All right. Three? I said, No, keep going. Four. I was like, No, go the other way. Go the other way. He's like, Three.

Go backwards.

He's like, You're kidding me, two? That's terrible.

Can you guess a 30-year-old defensive tackle?

How about that one? Yes, throw that in there. I feel bad going after Kenny Clark. He's a fine player. Good player. He seems solid.

It might be a... Everyone loves him in the locker, apparently. The one thing that I got to throw my body in front of was people comparing this to Luka Doncha's trade. This was not the Luka Doncha's trade. No. In basketball, you basically need three three guys to compete for a title. And one of those three guys, if it's one of the 10 best guys in the league, you always have a chance. Football, really, it's the quarterback is the only untouchable position. In any other position, you could talk yourself in a scenario where it could win without There was some stuff about how Von Miller was the last elite pass rusher to win a Super Bowl. That was 2015. So if you're building your team around, and this is the most important guy in your team, the track record is it is a little harder to win the Super Bowl. You need the quarterback. In the Luka case, Luka is the quarterback. That's like trading Mahomes or trading Joe Burrow or whoever. So I can't compare it to that.

And the shock value was a 10 because there were not even any rumors about that.

And no offers other than this one Laker offer. We didn't know at the time that they were going to miraculously stumble in a Cooper flag. And now that's actually a really good trade. So maybe you'll miraculously... Maybe can you win the NFL lottery? Have you looked at it? What are the odds?

Yeah, I think we could do that. I said we We could get Arch Manning, probably for a fifth round pick now, but we'll see. We'll see.

Maybe 32. Oh, man. I watched college football a day yesterday. You would have been proud of me. Nice.

It was boring. I wish- The OSU game was terrible.

Arch Manning. So I bet on OSU only because of the... This seems like a pretty big moment for this guy with the spotlight and being in Ohio State. But the flip side of that is parlayed it with Clemson because I don't want to call him out or mention him by name, but Van Lathen told me LSU wasn't going to win, and that Clemson was going to kill them. So I parlayed that together. I really like Nussmaier. I think that dude has it. That's the other thing with Dallas and some of these other teams, like the Saints, if the Saints are awful. And you end up with Nussmaier, whose dad played for the Saints, whose mom was a Saints cheerleader.

Right there in New Orleans.

Who went to LSU, who grew up there. And If I'm New Orleans, I'm throwing away the season, which might be what they're doing.

That seems like where it's going. Yeah, Nussmaier was the best of the quarterbacks who had a decent matchup. They were good quarterbacks who went against division 45 teams last night.

He seems like a leader. And then I like the fact that he grew up. I was reading up on him, watching the game last night because it just seems like checks all the boxes, but also has some real charisma, whereas I thought that was a rough one for Arch.

Arch was bad. I mean, what do you have? 38 yards going into the fourth quarter and then came through.

He had 10 guys. And even on that final drive, that third and five throw, the guy's wide open. It's a six-yard out and he couldn't hit it. But I know. The problem with college football is these games don't actually matter. You can lose that game. Yeah, you can lose the game and be fine.

Those two games, both teams, both of them will make the playoffs all four, probably.

Well, do you want to do Guess the Lines or do you want to just quit this season? Listen, You tell me. I'm happy. You seem so sad. When you have this look on you, you don't normally have this look until the Cowboys are one and four in week five or something.

I counted Dallas-Philly as a loss, so whatever. I wasn't going to go crazy. But going in, I'm happy to be doing this. What a stupid summer gambling this was. What color is the dildo going to be? Is it going to be green? Let's be green. And then they'll throw it at the women and we'll laugh. This was a ridiculous, asinine summer. So let's gamble on football. I'm ready.

It was the worst. It was the least amount of sports I think we've had all decade. Because even if you go back to 2020 and 2021, COVID-2020, but then when the bubble came back at some point, the bubble came back. And then in '21, the NBA season had been moved back because they started it later. So we had that. And then I think, then we have the Olympics that year, too, afterwards? Then we had World Cup. Then we had... It just felt like this was the first time we had nothing going on.

Yeah, no great soccer, no Olympics this year. The Little League World Series, you could barely bet on these teams. They're too unpredictable. I don't know.

Yeah, it turns out 12-year-olds probably aren't as reliable.

Big letdowns.

We're just watching documentaries about women falling off yachts, off cruise ships. That's all we have. We're in true crime. We're going to take a break, and then we're going to do Week 1, Guest Alliance. The Bill Simmons podcast is brought to you by Fandil. The NFL is back. As you know, Fandil is making Week even bigger with a chance to win a share of $2 million.

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977, or visit ccpg. Org/chat in Connecticut. This episode is brought to you by Verizon. Rookey debuts, underdog stories, bold trades. Talk about refreshing. You know what else is refreshing? A brand new phone with Verizon. Get a new phone on any plan with select phone trading in my plan. Locked out at low price for three years. It's a deal for everyone, whether you're a new or existing customer. Swing by Verizon today. Three-year price guarantee applies to then current base monthly rate only. Additional terms and conditions apply for all offers. All right, Sal, you beat me in Guess the Lines last year.

Yes, I did.

So maybe there's hope for the Cowboys because the Cowboys win In the NFC East and you beating me in Guess the Lion's is about the same on a miracle scale. Before we start, there's eight Sunday one o'clock games because we have a Thursday night game, your Eagles Cowboys. Then we have Friday night in Brazil, Chiefs Chargers. And then we have eight Sunday games. And I'm curious, how are you going to rank these from a multi-view standpoint? We have Bucks Atlanta, Santee, Cleveland, Miami, Indianapolis, Carolina, Jacksonville, Vegas, Pats, Arizona, New Orleans, Stealers, Jets, and Giants, Washington. So for me, obviously, Pats, Vegas has to be one of them. But I also think that's a pretty good game, and two new coaches and two new... Gino, new quarterback, all that stuff. Giants, Washington is a must. I really want to see that game. I'm excited for it. I can't wait. I still don't know what the line is. And then after that, I don't know. Would you have Tampa Bay, Atlanta as the third one?

Well, you have to have... Yeah, that's in the top. We're picking four, right? Yeah. It's your team. It's Tampa, Atlanta. It's Pittsburgh Jets just from a narrative point of view, right? You got to see a couple of quarters of that. Do you? Field and Rodgers going back there.

Do you? Is that going to be like 6-3 in the fourth quarter?

Interesting. I hadn't considered, do you? Yeah, but that's what it's about.

I would argue the fourth one. So I think the guarantees are Tampa, Falcons, Vegas, Pats, and Giants, Washington. By the way, you can get all these on YouTube TV if you get a Sunday ticket. I think I'm most interested in Carolina Jacksonville for the fourth one with the Travis Hunter piece.

Are you? Yeah. Let's consider this.

Are you? From a multi-view standpoint, I'm interested to see when he comes out. When it's like, oh, third and 11, there's Travis Hunter. I'm just immediately going to be fixated on the TV. Plus, if there was ever a setup for Jacksonville to look good as a fantasy team, as a Trevor Lawrence team, all that stuff in week one, it's going to be this Carolina game because their defense is terrible. So I think I'm leaning toward that one as my fourth, but I might be in the minority. It sounds like you would go Pittsburgh Jets.

I go Jets. I don't think I'd put Giants Washington in there. I don't care about that. But I think you're right about Carolina Jacksville. Just a crossover, garbage south game. Get it out of the way. Let's see which Teal team wins.

Oh, I'm in for Giants Washington. I think that's going to be a good game. Really? Yeah.

Yeah, I'm excited for that one.

All right, let's do it. Guess the lines. So I give the match up. Sal and I guess lines ahead of time, and then Sal is going to tell us the actual line. We did a couple of wrinkles for this. We both sent each other lines like a month ago because it's become with all the gambling discourse, it's become impossible to avoid the lines, although I have somehow avoided them. So with the caveat, you could move this by a point over the course of four weeks. If, for instance, Dallas traded the best player in their team, that would be a scenario where you could move at one point.

Give a better example, something that would actually happen.

Or somebody got hurt or whatever. Our first game is Thursday night. Eagles Cowboys. It's in Philly. I got to ask, why isn't this a better game? Usually, this first Thursday night game is a good Why isn't Washington in this spot? How did we end up with the Cowboys, a team nobody thinks is even going to go 500?

It's just they have to give them the six-pack of primetime games, right? It has to be Philly at home, defending champ. And I looked through it. There were some other options. It could have gone some of their AFC matchups, but I'm happy with it. Get it out of the way so I could fully enjoy Sunday. But you're right. Yeah, this could have been a Sunday night game in week 10 or something.

Chris is going to be calling Mike Al, or maybe just I'll be calling Mike Al. Yeah. All right. So I have the Eagles favorite by nine and a half over the Cowboys.

Okay, so you moved that.

I moved by that point.

I said seven, and it's seven and a half. So I get that. It was actually as low in some spots as six and a half, and the Micah Trade moved at a point, which doesn't seem to make sense. I don't even know if he was going to play this game if he had suited up in Big D anyway.

The only thing I can think of, there's been a bunch of week one that are pretty good because they have so much good history of bet making and odds shifting, all that stuff. Week One divisional home underdogs against the spread since 2010. 23 and seven And I think that's the only reason that that line is not nine. But how are we not teasing or parlaying the Eagles with something?

It's the teaser game of the week. And shame on you if you didn't have some college along with this to carry over. But it could also be Kenny Clark's FanDuel Revenge game. Who knows?

Shame on you unless you had Clemson because Van Lenthal told you, Oh, see who is going to lose? Fucking Van. Never listening to him again. We should mention, so we're doing this gimmick this year that we talked about on the Over-unders. The Ringer 107, betting five games per week. And we have six shows going against each other. And on Thursday, I'm going to do my five picks. You're going to be doing yours. So you're on Ringer Gambling. We move stuff around this year. Very We're excited about it. Ringer Gambling show is Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday. And you're on at noon every day, live on YouTube. And on Tuesday, you're with Tate. On Wednesday, you're with House.

House and Dubundo. House and Dubundo.

And then on Friday, who's your Friday team?

Dubundo and Danny Hyfitz. And that's where we'll pick our five, right? Each show, we'll pick their five.

That's my- So that's going to be you and Dubundo. Hyfitz is just going to host that part because his fantasy football show is also going to be in Ringer 107. We're going to have the Ringer NFL show in there. The Thursday gambling show is in there. Shio Capote on the Ringer NFL show, he's in there. And we're making five pics a week. The catch is four straight up. The fifth one could be a straight up or a money parlay, as long as it's minus 120 or other. The Thursday night games are not eligible. If they were, I would absolutely be putting Philly money parlay in with something. Right? Interesting. Dallas isn't... What's the scenario where you beat Philly? Just You throw for 430 yards and get a weird special team's touch down. That's the only thing I can think of.

I mean, a lot of fumbles on the four push-push fumbles that we've never seen before. I don't know how it would happen.

Push-push just stops. Kenny Clark is just stopping the push-push by himself.

They changed the rule in the middle of the first quarter. Maybe that's it.

That's how we win.

One thing with you, you do have a good special teams, and they shifted the kickoff this year so that it's actually more beneficial official to the return guys, and you have a good return guys. So maybe you'd have to get a touch down there.

We'll probably have six or seven kick returns, so that's good.

What do you have penciled in for George Pickens quits on a route, and then, yells at Dak heading back to the huddle, like week four range? Or do you think he would do this early?

I thought you said play four. Yeah, week four is out. Oh, there's so much to look forward to. Brian Schoenheimer's got it. He's going to have it all under control.

You should just watch the Netflix documentary over and over again. I'm going to do it. All right. Friday night. We're going back to Brazil. Where was the game last year?

I'm proud of you for remembering this. This is three years ago, you would have botched this and said, This is at LA. Good job by you.

Yeah. Thank you.

Chief's Chargers. No home field advantage because we're in Brazil. I have no idea if the turf is going to be good. The Chargers, as we discussed in the Over-unders pod with the Rashaun Slater, out for the Year stomach punch, which when you get one of those in August, it feels like that's just a bad omen for the year. The one thing they do have going for himself, Harba, five and 0 against the spread in week one as an NFL head coach.

So there you go.

Plus the division head-to-head week one stuff is pretty favorable for the underdogs. I have chiefs favored by six and a half. What do you have? Too high?

I mean, you know this is in Brazil, but you don't seem to know this in Brazil. I had two and a half, and it's three.

It's fine.

So you're going to go- I'm a little resty.

I'm working the rest of.

You're betting the Chiefs? I mean, you should bet the Chiefs. You were so off there.

I think that line is going to go up to five and a half, six by game time. Why wouldn't it? Nobody likes the chargers this year. There was two of our favorite bets was the chargers under this year.

Everyone- We don't think they're a play-off. Everyone wants to take the Chiefs from 15 wins to eight. And Look, I think why it should be higher, there's seven and 0 against the chargers in the last seven games. I feel like Harbaugh has the most pressure on him as a coach for week one.

That's a ridiculous line. I think the line should be at least six.

I'll be vindicated.

All right. Well, so you're beating me 2-0 already. I'm a little rusty. I'm like the Cincinnati bangles of Guess the Line. The week one, I'm just a mess.

There's a cash out button if you want to hit it now. You want to check out of the week.

Sunday Marquee, Detroit at Green Bay. Do we see Michael Parsons in this game, do you think?

Yes, I do. Yeah.

Well, it looks like he's going to do good.

There's some favorable packer stuff here, including In the first three games of the season, since 2019, they were 15 and three against the spread. I thought the lions would be favored a month ago, I could only move my line of point. If I really had to do this, I would probably make the packers favorites, but I have the lions by a half point over the packers.

A half point doesn't exist. You can't do that.

I had them at one and a half, so I moved at a point, and I'm at a half point.

That's not a real thing.

That's my pick.

Bet team that doesn't exist.

Go look at the robot.

All right, you win. I said Detroit by one. So whoever you have by a half wins because Green Bay is favored by two and a half now. Yeah.

So I would have guessed if I was in the cap by the original guess, I would have said packers by two.

Interesting. So you lost.

Take the loss. The week one division home underdogs, again, 23 and seven against the spread. So That feels like by the time, and we're doing Ringer Sunday pregame again on Sundays on the Ringer gambling YouTube channel. That feels like you guys will be talking about that as a rat line, packers, lions, where everybody's on Green Bay, but the line is like one and a half. You're like, why isn't this line higher? I'm suspicious of packers money, packers momentum, all that stuff.

I wonder where that settles. Now I look at that, I'm like, wow, Detroit plus eight and a half on Teez. It's pretty damn Good week one, especially with all your underdog division things. By the way, maybe we make a blanket statement. Whenever we talk about Teasers, everyone else should go do something else. Go clean out your pantry or something.

Because nobody does teasers anymore. And they don't win. They change the juice too much. We basically do a money parlize now, so we could call them MPs.

Yeah. But in this case, moving Detroit from two and a half to eight and a half was... Anyway, I'm curious to see where that settles.

Can I do a random get up guy?

Oh, yeah. Let's hear it.

Okay. I'm going to move my mic.

Oh, you're making adjustments here. I'm going to yell.

I know it's week one, but this is a must-win game for the Green Bay packers. They cannot lose this game and go one game back against Detroit, it will haunt them the whole season. Great. Thank you.

I love it. Thank you. Five hundred thousand views.

Just for that. Must win. Is this a must win for Green Bay in week one? Guess what? There are no must wins until December, but have your content. The watchables.

I have one, two, three, four.

Do you count Pats Riders as a watchable? Yeah, I think so. Or is it a fairly watchable?

No, it's good.

All right. Well, I guess I have five watchables.

It's a good week one, considering we shot our wad on Thursdays and Fridays, too.

Okay. Bucks Falcons. I know we don't like the NFC South, but there's a lot of fantasy guys in this game. It's a scary stretch for Tampa because they basically have two receivers. They have no worse, at least for this game. And then Atlanta is missing their starting right tackle, blindside protected for Pennex, and the guy who is his backup. I'm just really interested to see what happens in this game. I had to move this... Oh, no, I got Bucks minus one.

Bucks minus one.

It is Bucks. In Atlanta.

Yeah. I said Atlanta minus one and a half for all those reasons. They're coming in a little bit gimpy, they're injured. But you're right or righter, Tampa Bay minus two and a half.

So you get that one.

We should mention you picked Tampa Bay to to make the Super Bowl.

I like them to make the Super Bowl. And we talked about this game in particular in our NFC rundown. Don't panic. If Atlanta wins by 17 this game, just wait. Tampa will be there when the cream rises to the crop, and Atlanta will eventually turn back into the Falcons.

I know it's week one, but this is a must-win game for the Atlanta Falcons. They could take control of the NFC South. They have them at home. They have to get this game.

You should do that for all All 32 teams, how it's a must-win, and then cut it up, and send it out to the various cities. It'll be great.

I'm going to almost syndicate it?

Yeah, syndicate your rent, your get up rent.

So I put this as a watchable, which is ridiculous because probably in five weeks this would be in the poufecta. But Jags Panthers, just solely because of Travis Hunter, I'm in. And I'm probably, at scale one to 10, I'm probably like a nine. I'm being I'm excited just to watch where he plays and how that unfolds during a game, but I might be too high. I also think this is the setup for the... Every week one, we have a team that looks awesome and fool's everybody. I think it could be Jacksonville this week. They're home. They're playing Carolina. Bad defense. Coker got hurt on the Panthers, who I think was looming as a little fantasy sleeper guy right after they traded Adam Thewen. So now the Panthers are down down at receiver.

Their defense stinks.

And I could see the Jags lighting it up. People have been like, Trevor Lawrence. Has he officially arrived? That's settled down. He has not arrived. His defense is terrible.

Oh, come on.

I have the Jaguars favored by two at home against the Panthers.

All right, I get this. I said three and a half, and it is three. So I know you out there. I think you're right, though. These are two quarterbacks people want to be Good. Make the case for Carolina to win the NFC South after they go one or no. Make the case for the Jaguars, even though I have them to win the AFC South. But yeah, this could be biggest overreaction game.

Yeah, Brown came back for the Panthers, but I'm pretty sure he can't play all 11 positions.

I haven't checked that, but I think he's only one of the 11 guys on the defense.

49ers Seahawks is going to be... I mean, the Seahawks, I've gone all in. I think they're the Nobody believes in us team. And then you go on the flip side with the 49ers where no Iuk, obviously. Jennings doesn't seem like he's playing in week one, so they're down on receivers. Seattle's home. I think they're going to be underdogs. I have the 49ers favorite by two, and obviously, it's going to be no surprise. The Seahawks will probably be in my Ringer 107 on Thursday.

You get this. I had San Let's go by one. You have the 49ers by two, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

I am by one, 49ers is favorite by two and a half.

Yeah.

By the way, I have a theory now. It's early. It's too early. We've only gone through six games. I think two and a half, which we've seen three times now, is the new one and a half.

What do we call the one and a half? The Mentos?

Tic-tac. Tic-tac. Yeah, because one and a half calories. Yeah. So we have to figure out what two and a half is. We'll take suggestions.

I feel like the Seahawks, this is a must-win week one game for them, too, but I'm not going to do it because I'm not doing it twice. This is a must-win game for the Seahawks.

Get up.

Coming up next. Top five pass rushers. Rams, Texans is just a really good game. It's in LA. There will not be a lot of Houston fans there. Did we find out if they're left tackles playing for the Rams? I guess that's going to be just monitor all week. I think it's a game time decision. Yeah, the blood cots. It's a stay away for me, even thinking about betting until we find out what happens with that guy. I have Rams minus two at home.

All right, you changed that. You shouldn't have. I had two and a half, and it is two and a half.

I did change it.

I changed it because the left tackle might not play, and Matthew Stafford is in traction. He's so scared of blood clots. I thought it was worth going down. Yeah, traction and blood clots are scary.

You've always been weirdly afraid of blood clots. I don't know.

This feels like a, Hey, Texans defense. Let's see it. Nice spot for them, right? Little shakiness on that Ram's offensive line. Staff are maybe not wanting to get hit. Let's go get our guy. We got the best secondary in the league. Let's just blanket some receivers. I like this spot for the Texans. I do not like this spot for the next team. The Patriots are home for the Las Vegas Raiders. And I had this penciled in as a guaranteed win about a month ago. I have no idea if Christian Gonzales is playing. And this is a big topic right now with the Pats, with the on the Pats text threads. Hinchmayer made out a text to be about it 17 different times. He's the best player in the defense. He's the shutdown cornerback. He hurt his hamstring a few weeks ago, and there's just been radio silence on So I would watch that. On the flip side, the Raiders' linebackers are really bad, and this could be an immediate Trevian-Henderson breakout game. But it's a little scary that the Pats look like you're just, oh, yeah, they'll be... Something scares me at this game.

It is scary for you because You're a slight favorite. I'll tell you that. We haven't gone over the number yet. And if you lose, though, you have to change your entire opinion of your team for the worst. So I wish you a lot of luck in the words of James Baby doll Dixon.

Pats minus one and a half was my pick.

Our new favorite number, two and a half. And I think I get it here.

Where is it?

Yeah, I said three. It's two and a half.

You're killing me.

What's your lean in this game?

I think New England. I think New England, but probably in a stupid way.

I'm not sure how.

I might try to buy the win and take the Raiders. Just in ZFL.

This could be the 21-20 where they don't cover, but they win, right? Dumb shit.

Fairly watchable. We got Stealers That's in Jersey. A hilarious matchup.

It's good.

It's a double revenge game, but neither guy is good enough to get revenge. So I don't know what we would call that. It's like, Justin Fields revenge game. It's like, is it? And then Aaron Rodgers. He could barely move. Revenge game. I don't know.

So no word starts with R-E, but I won't say it. But yeah, not revenge.

I have the Stealers' favorite in Jersey by three and a half.

Oh, you moved that one, too.

I did.

I went three, kept it at three. It's two and a half.

Again, the two and a half. You got to be kidding me with these two and a halfs. I'm used to it.

I already lost. It's going to be hard for me to not want to pick the Jets when we get to Sunday. No, to pick the Jets on Sunday as a home dog. And yet I don't I don't want to. And this is a non-bet. If you bet on this game, you're just desperate to bet on shit. You don't have to. Don't tease this game. Don't parlay it. Just play it straight up if you're going to do it. Anything is possible in this game.

This is just sit back and watch it and laugh. It's like you're watching Dumb & Dumber 2 with the kids. You don't need any stakes going in.

Could you see the Stealers winning, but winning by a point and not covering?

That's a good... That's a fun one.

And what's the cousin Sal's special for this game? Oh, I haven't seen it.

I don't think they have it yet.

Do they not have them yet?

They don't have that yet.

They should have that a week before.

That would be Jets to be winning at half and then the Stealers to win the game. So you probably get about six to one on that.

Same game parlay.

I'm on Fandle right now.

Don't they have the half-bets?

First half spread. You do the money line or just the spread? Oh, first half winner.

Yeah, do it like that if you can.

Pittsburgh minus one, 10. And then we do Pittsburgh minus...

Oh, no, we want to do the other one at minus 110.

This is some riveting stuff.

We'll figure it out.

Gaha is going to have to cut at least some of this.

Jets to win the first half. Oh, plus 524.

524. Okay. Yeah. There you go. It could happen. Get it off the board. They did it five times the cash last year.

Honestly, FanDuel, they just continue to improve the product, but also they're using some AI. I think I think they told the AI to factor in the Cousin's House special. Did they really? Even if they spit this out at eight to one, lower it by 300.

Oh, well, I think that's illegal.

I think that's minus 800 two years ago.

Is it bad for the network if I sue FanDuel for that? Because I don't think that's right.

I don't think they like the Cousin's House special. It was too lucrative last year. Washington is home for the Giants. I just wrote down under this one. Oh, boy.

Why do you like this so much?

I I like this one. Underdogs of six and a half or more in week one since 2006, '49 and '27 against the spread. We already mentioned that division underdog bet. That's '23 and '07. Every Giants fan I know, and the Giants fans, I think, are realistic with teams. It is not a fan base. They've won. They don't need to do the false positive. They're just like, Yeah, we suck. We're never going to win with Daniel Jones. I don't like our coach. The Giants fans are in on this season. Across the board, they're like, I like the team. I like everything I'm reading. Dart is going to be in by week five. We're going to have this crazy pass rush. We're going to be able to run the ball a little bit. Neighbors is a freak. Dayball is in coaching for his career, basically, right now. So I have Washington favored by eight.

Really?

I said six. I like the Giants.

I think your stat that you led with is going to... They have to keep it between six, six and a half with the in the division. I said six at six and a half.

Yeah, just getting absolutely slaughtered. I'd like to apologize.

I mean, everyone thinks the Giants fans, they lead with the... And they have a great defensive front, but those four guys aren't going to score 20 points a game.

Something's got to change. It is one of those fronts, though, that if they can get a lead or hang around, I think they're in great shape. If they're down 10, then I get a little worried. But I don't know. I'd be scared of game. Every year, we have the team in that minus six to minus seven range get upset in week one. Last year was the bangles against the pats. It's just locking down. You know what's happening. Here's another candidate, Broncos, home against Tennessee. They're in that range of Be careful. Bonex, 8-0 is a favorite. Rooky QB is having to play on the road in week one, 8-21, straight up, 13-14 against the spread since 1970. Number one pick QBs since 1970 in their first start, five and 22, eight and 20 against spread. So all kinds of lines. And then the Broncos, when they won last year, they'd win big. I love the Broncos. I picked them to make the AFC title game and win the AFC West. And I have the Bronco's favorite by seven and a half.

Yeah, you stayed with that. You didn't change it. It is exactly seven and a half. I went seven. So you win that. And welcome to the Jungle, Kam Ward. Yeah, I went big on that last year, the rookie quarterback not winning. And it was Caleb Williams against Will Levis. I think it was in Tennessee. I think it was. Tennessee was winning by 17. And then Levis made some- You were so mad. Yeah. He was the rookie quarterback there. He made throws you'd never seen before and never will to blow that game.

I think that's why he doesn't start in the NFL anymore.

That could be it. Yeah.

Poop Fecta. I'm putting the Broncos in a money line parlay.

I'm just telling you now.

I hope that line stays around the same. I've Specifically, I haven't looked at lines, done anything. But after we're done with this, I'm going to there's going to be some moves. Poopfecta.

Colts Dolphins.

It's in Indianapolis. You could argue this could be in the fairly watchables, but no Jalen Waddle. Not positive who the Dolphins starting running back is going to be. There's some A-Chain. Maybe play, maybe not. We'll know more of next week. The Dolphins have the stink on them. Almost to the point that I could see a zag where they actually start out pretty good. People are like, Oh, nobody saw this coming. I have Colts by one and a half.

You picked that exactly right. I said Colts by one. And yeah, Dubundo and JJ have a very large stake riding on this game. This is both their teams. This is pathetic. This is the healthiest the dolphins will be, and they're a dog to Danny Dimes. This is pretty bad for them.

So we both went under them at seven and a half, and we had some people in our lives like, Watch out, bro. I don't want to say who it was. It was like, Watch out, bro. We're going to be better than that, bro. They're not even favorite in this game. So how are they Seven and a half for over-unders.

Can I lock you into a cross-off after this game?

You can lock me into not putting any money in this game because there's no way I'm betting on Daniel Dim's ever.

The 0-1 team, do we cross-off? We like to get rid of one a week. Can we cross them bald off now?

You want me to say this is a must win? I need a shirt and tie in a jacket for the must win get up thing. So you're saying must win for either team?

I think in terms of our cross offs, which are bulletproof, no cross off has ever made the playoffs before.

Can I nudge you in a slightly different direction for this idea? Go ahead. This to me is like whoever loses first coach fired favorite immediately. You're like minus 200 now in that. Because if Steiken loses this, you're now the favorite. And if McDaniel gets embarrassed and killed, they're now the favorite.

I think that's a good way to go.

Yeah.

Bingo's Browns. Bingo's at Cleveland. They have that weird... They suck in the first two games of every year. Joe Burrow, one-a-nine against the spread in the first two games in his career. I The Browns, I can't even figure out who's starting a running back for them. I'm in this guillotine fantasy league right now, and it literally could be anybody. It might be nick Chubb. He's not even on the Browns anymore. He might be one of the starters. I have no idea who's starting for them.

It should be Ford eventually.

Flacko is the QB. There's some Simpson guy involved. Miles Garrett is still there, so congrats to him. It's in Cleveland. I don't trust Cincinnati. I will definitely not be parlaying, teasing the Bengals in any way shit perform. I have the Bengals minus eight.

Okay, I get this. I said six and a half.

It's five and a half.

Oh, Vegas zone.

Our first Vegas zone.

Yeah, division game for all the reasons. He's one in 10, this Zack Taylor, in the first few weeks of the season. So I think that's why they have it at five and a half. I think I said Harbaugh has the most pressure week one. This Zack Taylor is another one. If he loses another one of these clunker games to terrible Cleveland. Come on, that's enough. This might make the four box, though. If this is close in the third quarter, we may have to put that on.

Somebody's sneaking into the four box from these bad games. Somebody will get bounced. Last one is Cardinals in New Orleans. This is another one that I'm probably too low. I was stuck with the original pick I had. I think it's higher than, but I'm stuck with what I have to guess. I have Cardinals minus four in New Orleans. It's probably higher.

Yeah. Why are you stuck? I said three and a half, and it's five and a half, so you get it. Wait, I got to add these up now. One, two, three, four, five, six. One, two, three, four, five, six. I'm still on an eight, six.

I thought it would be at least six.

What world is Arizona, who I love this year, laying five and a half on the road? You get beat by Rattler, so be it. I'm putting this on a teaser.

Counter. Don't tease Kyla Murray. Just don't. Why are you doing that? You can't. It's one of the rules. It's like one of the foundational rules of the 2020s is don't put Kyla Murray in a tease. You can't. Don't do it.

I like him too much this year. This has to be a I love you.

All right. So if you're doing the symbiotic strategy, my symbiotics that I created 15 years ago, whoever you really like, you just have to back them in week one. So this is the perfect spot. My question for this is, if If the Cardinals are, they're really good, and we don't know that yet, but in week eight, we will know that. What would this line? We'll look back. We always look back at these week one lines. They're like, wow, the Cardinals were only minus five and a half. That would be minus 13 now. Yeah. So could that be the candidate for this week?

Yeah, that could be something like that. Right. The Saints are already tanking. It's not even Halloween.

Or it's, wow, the Cardinals were favored by minus five and a half on the road. How fucking stupid were we?

The Saints not favored. Jesus. Remember what the Saints did last Last year with a more promising quarterback crew there. They scored 40 points in each of their first two games or something against my team, and then just fell apart.

We never talked on the Over Under pod about your feelings on Kelenmore as a head coach because your feelings weren't exactly excited as your offensive coordinator. I can't say you were a giant Kelenmore fan.

No, no. And I'm happy for him and everything. But I think this is the worst spot a coach has been thrown into in a long It is definitely a I needed a job spot.

Because you don't ever want to go to a situation with a bad ownership group that also doesn't have a quarterback. But if you think, can I just hold on for a year and then we get Nussmaier, now I'm feeling pretty good. Yeah.

And this was the last spot to fill, right? Because I had to wait for Kelenmore and the Super Bowl to end and everything. But there was a point where you're like, wow, maybe Kellenmore doesn't want this and nobody wants this job. Maybe they're talking still in May about who's going to coach this New Orleans thing.

It's all of a sudden, Hugh Jackson is the head coach. Sunday Night, fantastic game.

Bills Ravens.

It's in Buffalo. You can't do better.

No.

This is the best possible AFC game from an entertainment standpoint. Sorry, Kansas City. It might be the best game you could just put together, period, for a week one. Ironically, I did pick Buffalo minus two and a half for this one.

Yeah, I did, too. And it's one and a half. So it went back to the old one and a half, our friend. But yeah, this is... I don't know. I'm trying to think of what our reaction. Is it going to be an overreaction coming on the pod after this? If the Ravens win by a field goal, the new kicker belongs it off the upright at the buzzer, and you're going to be like, are the Ravens a team to beat for the rest of the decade. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down. Yes, you're right. They are. And then everyone kills us.

I have the Ravens losing this game. When I did all the prep before the season, I had this as an L. I have them two and two coming out of the first four and then winning everything after that. As you know, I'm all in on the this is Josh Allen's year.

I picked them to win the Super Bowl. And I just think you have to win this game if you're the Bills.

I wouldn't call it a must win, but this is a good we're here. The AFC is going to actually run through us this year, and we're going to smack the Baltimore run a little bit.

What a great game. I'm very excited. It's very hard to beat at home. We talked about this. This is mid-90s Bills again. They have three losses in two and a half years at home.

So I'll see you right after the game, live on my YouTube channel that we also run as a podcast. It's a video podcast on Spotify, but we're going boom, live, ready to go. You won't be sad because the Cowboys will have played 72 hours earlier.

Yeah, it'll be so far. You'll be in a good mood.

I can't wait.

Monday night, Bear's Vikings in Chicago. Justin Jefferson Mild ham string strain. Not sure what's going on with him yet. Adam Thielen, aged 35. They had to trade for him because Addison's out for three weeks. Jj McCarthy in a possible Arch Manning spot playing in Chicago and with a lot of pressure on them and a lot of eyeballs. And yet I think the line is only Chicago minus one and a half.

It's Minnesota minus one and a half. Wait, let me make sure I got this. It's Minnesota minus one and a half, and that's what I had.

Holy mackrel.

That's what it'll be. And that's a win for me. Okay. Yeah.

So I promise you I'm going to be taking the bears in Ringer 107.

You can lock that down right now.

Could this be the Levis-Williams game from last year, where the year two quarterback goes against the year one quarterback, and we just assume that... But then, Caleb Williams sucks this year? I don't know. I wonder.

Oh, interesting. Wow, I'm really surprised the Vikings are favored, because on the over-unders, the bears are eight and a half and the Vikings are nine and a half. The Vikings are not healthy, and the bears are. I think this line shifts. I'm going to predict, I think by game time on Monday, I think this is bears minus one and a half.

It's too much Minnesota love here.

Yeah, I don't get that. Rookey QB on the road. Plus the chance to bet on a home dog on a Monday night in week one in a division matchup, too many Too many things for that.

Sorry, I'm towing here. It's like signing a golf card at the end of the round. The win won't count. Oh, you're like Tommy Fleetwood. Yeah, I have to sign this out.

Just got to make sure I nail this.

Ten, seven, one, nothing on the year. Okay, good. Now I could talk to Jim.

Not a strong start for me.

I'm just glad I know the lines.

Okay, we're going to take a quick break then. Quick parent coin. And now it's time for draft recap presented by our friends at Yahoo fantasy. Yahoo fantasy, the best place to play fantasy football this season. Season starts on Thursday, September fourth. You can do the new Yahoo fantasy guillotine league. The lowest scoring team gets eliminated instantly. You play with your friends with the new draft with friends mode. You can do a private league, do a public league. Knock yourself out. Yahoo! Has everything. It's the best place to play. We did our big Ringer, Yahoo! Fantasy draft, snake draft last week. Controversial. I took five quarterbacks. I didn't like the options. I had the first pick. By the time it got back to me, I wasn't that excited about just grabbing one, got to the fifth round, some guys were gone. I was like, screw it. I'm just going to keep taking awesome guys, and then I'll address the QB later. And I just rolled the dice. Caleb Williams, Trevor Lawrence, Michael Penix. I just kept taking guys, hoping one of them hits like Baker Mayfield hit last year. Was it a great strategy? I don't know.

Did I have fun? Yeah, I did. And if it worked, I looked like a genius, which is all I care about. The season is almost here. All you have to do is draft now at yahoofantasy. Com.

/ringer.

All right, Parent Corner. We've been doing this for a long time. My kids are grown up. You still have a younger one. For my Parent Corner this season, I'm going to really have to lean on my parents versus my kids because they're way funnier and way more interesting.

That's fine.

So I'm just... All parents are eligible for Parent Corner. Sal and I are heading the point where our parents are old. We're taking care of them in a lot of different ways. And the comedy is just coming pretty fast and furiously at this point. But you still have young Harrison entering the sixth grade, plus Jack still in high school. I feel like you have more comedy weapons than I do. So you go first.

Zoe Jr. In college. I have Archie Jr.

In college. Zoe is like a 30-year-old at this point. Plus, if I did a parent corner about her, she'd fucking kill me.

Well, that's the whole thing. So that's out. Yeah, everybody's listening now. Well, I recommended years ago, So you adopt someone because it's a kid and you could still do it. And I could put in a good word for you with our friend Brad, who I got custody of. He's screaming in another room right now for no reason. I don't know why. He's screaming at the UCLA at the He was screaming at the UCLA quarterback last night, 10 o'clock at night. Captain, how is he a captain? Just nuts. And so we get custody of him every Labor Day weekend. And the whole visit is just an overload of beef ribs and orange Shasda colon napping and screaming at commercials.

But when you say get custody, it's not like he belongs to somebody else. You basically inherit him for Labor Day weekend. Yeah.

Yeah. So Jimmy Kimmel Live is off for a couple of weeks, so he hasn't seen people in a while. So we bring them out. And it's always fun. Kids love him. I'll give an example, but some of the things he says. Well, first of all, we went for barbecue. The waitress said, And he ordered a beef rib, which is his favorite. It's on the menu. And she's like, no, we don't sell those anymore. He walked off. He walked off. And we didn't see him for two minutes. And the waitress is waiting, just waiting, confused. And then he comes back.

But he just stood up and left?

He stood up and walked off. And I thought it was for comedy. But then two minutes. It was like a solid two minutes. I was like, all right, but just wait here because I don't want you to have to come back. And then he comes back and he accuses her of not looking hard enough for beef ribs. They're back there somewhere. I know they are. And she doesn't get the joke. And then five minutes later, we had a totally new waiter as it was. So that's just an example. Good idea. Yeah. He's in the basement. He's looking at the shitty little trophies my kids have amassed over the years. And he tells them, Listen, if you ever choose to commit murder, do not leave your trophies in the trunk of your car because that's the first place the cops are going to check, and it's going to seem like you were looking to flee. And so they're like, All right. But my favorite parent corner Their life advice thing is what he said to them yesterday. He had sits and down. He's like, Listen, there are seven billion YouTube shorts posted by parents where they think their kids are doing something smart or funny.

And out of the seven billion, only four kids total are smart or funny. So don't ever post videos of your stupid kids. They're not going to be smart or funny. Nothing against you. It's just math. It's not personal. So that's my parent corner.

What did they say? What was the response to that?

More confusion, laughing, can't tell. But By the way, I more or less agree with that.

Didn't you also, you had a thing where you walked to get ribs, but the bar was too packed and then Brad couldn't walk back. So you then had to walk back and get the car to pick him up.

He wasn't capable. He He has an inexplicable limp for the last 25 years. And it was walking back to my house, it was uphill, and I was like, Oh.

But why did you decide to walk anywhere with him?

Well, because it's parking. It's Labor Day weekend. It's crazy. I can park by you. I'd be closer than if I can try to get a spot. So I don't know. We bit off more beef rib than we could chew there.

What is Brad on the iPhone? What are his steps every day, you think?

Over a thousand? Well, his phone hasn't worked.

He paces.

His phone hasn't worked in six weeks. He is pacing around a lot.

So a lot of Shasda Soda, cola.

My parent corner. So my mom has just gone up seven levels as a character.

Nice.

Including when David Chang asked me to be on Dinnertime Live and I wanted the recipe for meatballs, she thought that I wanted her to make the meatballs and was preemptively upset about it, that she'd have to cook on a Monday and do all this work. It was a misunderstanding. I gave her four days to prepare. But the problem was she had made ravioli for my son and me when my wife was away, but didn't tell us she was making it. We She didn't ask for it. She lives far enough away from us. It's hard to get. She made the ravioli and she's like, Hey, I made you guys ravioli. You got to come and get it. Ben, he's about to be a high school senior. He's the least reliable person probably in the planet. I don't even ask him to go get me a water at this point. And then I was legitimately busy doing stuff, so I was never able to get over there, which then made her mad and she had a grudge about it for two, three weeks that she cooked us the ravioli and we never came to get it, but we never asked for the ravioli.

So I had to navigate that whole thing with her. But as you know, with the moms, they start taking stuff personally. But the thing I noticed, so she watches these movies, she subscribers to Brit Box and all this stuff on Amazon. And she watches all these different things but can't remember the title or who was in the shows. And then tries to tell you about what the program was. So she was telling me about some movie the other day. Could her I don't remember who was in it, but it was like, The English lady. There's a lot of English actresses that didn't really narrow it down for me. Then it was something and there was... I just couldn't get it. I was thinking there should be a Shazam for moms. I can't remember if SNL maybe did a version of a sketch about this. I can't remember. But something like where they start describing what the show is and then I can just put it in the app. Oh, that's great. And it translates your mom where she's like, So it was on Amazon. That English lady was in it and she gets murdered. But it's really good.

You got to watch it. There's just barely enough breadcrumbs to know what the show is. And then I put it into my app and AI spits out like, that's actually the new movie with Kristen Scott Thomas. There is no spy, I think. She has three daughters. And that's just basically mom translator. I think she needs it.

You shouldn't have said anything because it's a good idea and you should have just pursued it and done it.

I just done it. I don't know why I called Alec, had him fund it.

Call our buddy Alec. You should call it Shazamma, like a grandma thing.

Shazamma. Does your mom do this? Where she just gives you recommendations?

Yeah, it becomes like a game of charades. Like, oh, she was in the movie, but then she broke up with the guy, and then they had a baby.

It's not Jennifer Anastan, but she looks like her. Right. So when you hit a certain point after you've had a couple of kids and lived your life, you just can't remember anyone's name anymore in a movie or a TV show. Is that where we've landed?

But it ends up being 6 degrees of... We could navigate it at this age because we remember the act of like, okay, I know he was in this thing, so I'll go to his IMDb, or I'll go to that show, that movie's IMDb, and I'll look backwards.

If you give me Scarlett Johansson, I can now go in and be like, all right, Scarlett Johansson. So this sounds like a rom-com. I like Shazam. I think that's great. Shazam.

That's very helpful. It'd be great for them remembering your friends, too, although that would be a little more It's difficult to detect, right? What if it happened to that one guy who lived over on Hammond Road? Yeah, his father went to jail for a minute.

Brad?

Yeah.

I saw... I randomly over the course of a couple of weekends, saw a bunch of my old friends, and it brought her delight to no end. When the old friends get together. It really makes them happy anyway. Shazamah, a new parent corner. The house is It could be a half baked idea. I have to pitch it to Wilds. All right, so we're going to take a break, come back. The last thing we have on this podcast is we taped on Thursday. We did our whole back and forth NFL Futures draft that you did really well on last year.

I did. I had both the offensive rookie and defensive rookie of the year, so that's how I wanted.

Yeah, so we just went snake fashion. We did a Fogo to Chou style. We just kept throwing props at each other until we ran out.

It's a half hour. There's a lot of dead air, but it's nice. It's a nice, breezy listen. But I do have a couple of plugs here. We got to talk about a couple of things here. Three days a week. Three days a week on the Ringer Gambling channel. That's me. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday. I'm going to be- Live?

Yes. Live at noon ET on the Ringer Gambling thing. And you're also going to be posting shorts and all kinds of quick stuff.

Posting shorts. I have an interview with Michael Irvin this week. I only have a million things to ask him. Tuesday starts with Tate. We'll go over the college week. Tate went three and one with his picks. Kids good. We'll talk about Bella Cheeth's debut as an underdog against TCU Monday and I'm not going to head to week one NFL.

By the way, heavy MJ rumors on the sideline for that North Carolina game. Oh, really? Nice. Yeah, there's some rumors. There's some buzz.

So there could be two Jordans, the girlfriend Jordan and the Michael Jordan. Double Jordan. Real quick, I'm hosting an eliminator pool, $250,000 to the winner. Splash Sports, Cousin Sal's Loser Take All. But finally, our friend Tony's turn to kick someone out of our fantasy league on Tuesday. And I just want to say that Tony is the most talented fellow I have ever met. He was amazing as mole and John Quincy Adams in Windy City Heat as Niall Standish and Crank Anchors. Jake Bird, possibly the funiest character in late night history. He cooks, he snowboards, he fixes shit. He's a renaissance man. Incredible family. His youngest son went off to college this week. Just a special talent, great guy. Can't say enough about him. I don't know if you have anything nice to say about him.

I mean, once upon a time, me, you, and Tony shared after our friend Daniel got fired. We took over his office, and it was me, you, and Tony. And it's some of the best memories of my entire life, just getting to spend that much time with the team in. So whoever he chooses to vote out on Tuesday, I'm sure it'll be a really good, smart pick that he put a lot of thought into. And if it happens to be one of us, I'd still respect the hell out of him because he's that great of a guy.

Yeah. It sounds like you're pandering. I really meant what I said, but you're sounding a lot like pandering, but that's fine.

One of the funniest people ever. One of the nicest people ever. A huge fan of the Celtic City docs. That may be a nice long text about it and just somebody I really treasure as a human being. Yeah.

Good job, Tony. Don't fuck this up, please.

Who's the favorite to get voted at?

I don't know. Might be the guy wandering around with looking at everyone's trophies in the next room over here. I'm not sure.

All right. Well, I'll see you on Tuesday. Sorry about Michael Parsons. We'll be back. Give me a quick good job by you. Good job by you, buddy. We'll be back with the Futures draft right after this.

All right. You'll be watching listening to this on a Sunday, but we are recording this late Wednesday afternoon. Futures Draft, second annual. We had such fun with this. Who won last year?

I did. This one I won. You crushed with the over-unders. I had both rookies of the year.

So It's basically one unit. If you do a 10 to one and it hits, so we'll keep track of it. What we do is somebody gets first pick, somebody gets the next two, somebody gets the next two, and we go that way.

Futures that we like. I'll give you the...

Do you want the first pick or second and third? What do you want?

Second and third.

Okay. I'll go first pick then. Philly, Casey, and Baltimore, all to make the playoffs minus 110.

It's over. You lost.

I'm locking it down. Thank you. That's good.

We've been doing this for I don't know how many years where we put together a parlay like that and you say, Who's losing that, Simmons?

Right.

I I can't come up with a team that loses that.

It would have to be a Kansas City catastrophe.

That was the only thing I can think of. We went through that. That's even odds about minus 110.

Minus 110. Yeah, minus 110.

Yeah. Okay.

You have next. All right.

I will go in this order for the AFC North, Ravens, bangles, stealers, browns, plus 310.

Okay, plus 310. So you think Pittsburgh will be the three-seed is basically the bet? It's a smart bet. Yeah.

I think what You're basically going Cincinnati versus Pittsburgh for that two-spot.

I agree with you. I think that's a good one. I like that. All right, what's your next one?

Oh, that's right. I got two. All right, I'll do this one. This is very tough. Nfc North, and I know you don't like this. Lions, packers, bears, Vikings in that order.

Lions, packers, bears, Vikings.

Plus 1,300. It's tough. It's like a newborn figuring out a Rubik's Cube, but I have to take a chance here. You would reverse packers and lions, right?

Yeah, I would do Green Bay winning that one as we covered in the NFC podcast.

Yeah, I wouldn't... The NFC North, I'm surprised you mess with that this early in the draft.

I know. It's all right. This is what I'm going to beat you this time around.

Got a lot more.

All right. I'm going to do a homer pick for this next one. It's the New England Patriots to finish in second place in the AFC East is plus one 170. As we discussed, I don't see any scenario where Buffalo loses the AFC East unless Josh Allen gets hurt. I don't see the Jets or Dolphins passing the pats. Plus 170, great odds. I would almost rather bet that than the playoff. I think those are better odds than the playoff. Interesting. So I'm grabbing that.

That's pretty good. I wrote that down, by the way. I had second or third. Let's say you were a millionaire. Let's say you put $100 million on plus 170 and $100 million on plus 220. You can't lose that. They're coming in second or third.

So the only way you lose that is if Dr. May gets hurt. Yeah.

Okay. Maybe.

And my other pick, which I really like, and I'm surprised you didn't take it off the board, This is on Fandle. This is one of the Ringer specials on Fandle.

New Orleans or Cleveland.

Yeah. Under three and a half wins minus 130.

That's good.

So one of those teams has to suck, basically. I think both of them might suck. I actually wish you could do both of them at the same time. But I just don't see any scenario where both of those teams win four games.

You could have that wrapped up by Thanksgiving somehow. I feel good about that.

I like backing the teams with the worst quarterback situations in the entire league. All right, you're up with two.

All right. I'm up with two. All right. I'm going to steal this from you because I know you like it. Jordan Love, MVP. 20 to 1, you said? 25. 25. Great. I'll take it. Love Matthew Golden. Love that offense.

Really smart. I should have taken that. God damn it.

Carolina, Cleveland Giants. In December, he's in the conversation, a 20 to 1.

You got one more.

I'm going to go Chase, Offensive Player of the Year, plus 800. Everyone's picking this guy first overall in every fantasy. That's probably the reason. Henry and Barkley slow down. I think this leaves the door open. That's 17 touch downs and 1,700 yards. Wide receiver's due, hasn't won in three years.

This is how you won last You want big odds to big chances. Yeah, get big numbers.

What are you doing? Big chances. Even odds, pictures.

That's smart. Well, I'm going to have to take a division. I already did that one, though.

You want to tap out?

Well, we're doing Foga to Chou rules. I love it.

Which means we just keep doing props back and forth until somebody quits.

Someone throws up.

Yeah. Okay. I'm going to do That those aren't great odds on that. Fine. I'll do this one.

You're rattled now.

No, this is a good one. I'm surprised you didn't take it. The odds aren't great. Miami, Cleveland, New Orleans, and Tennessee all miss the play-off. Wow.

I have it right there.

Plus 105.

Yeah, it was even a 105. Shit.

So who screws that up? Tennessee.

Nobody. That's good.

Tennessee, maybe going nine and eight, getting a seven seed.

I mean, it's your Brown Saints bet, but you're giving yourself more leeway, three or four more wins.

Well, I'm going to double back up on it. I won't do that. I already did that. Okay, this is a good one. I like this one. Denver or Green Bay to be the one seed in their conference plus 550. Just a fun way to bet on Green Bay to be the one seed, but then you get the Denver odds.

That's on there? One of those two.

Yeah. Denver or Green Bay plus 550 as the one seed.

That's on there. They don't have First Coach fire, but they have Denver or Green Bay.

Denver or Green Bay.

I get to bet on Matt LaFleur and Sean Payton. I get Bo Nix or Jordan Love.

Good times. All right, you're up with two.

All right. I will say... All right, I'm going to do the NFC South. I shouldn't, but Tampa Bay, Atlanta, Carolina, New Orleans, plus 500. I like that. I feel like there's some hedging to be had in there.

Plus 500, that's it.

Plus What do you mean that's it? That should be more? New Orleans is locked for a fourth.

Yeah. What's your next one?

I'll get one more. Aiden Hutchinson, defensive player of the year, plus 700. I think he gets a sympathy vote. He puts together numbers like he did last year.

Plus 700.

Plus 700. He had seven and a half sacks in five games. He was on his way to shattering, definitely a personal high, but for the year, he was going to be- Well, if you remember, I had him in our Futures draft, and he was 14 to one.

Yeah. That one really hurt. Okay, we're going to go borough, most passing, plus 500 that he has the most passing yards in the league. I was a little scared of the most passing bets. I was a little scared of the most passing bets.

I was a little scared of the most passing bets.

In this case, I think he's the only guy who could actually throw for 5,000. Yeah. Did he play 17 games? Hit a lot.

What did he have last year?

Close. Yeah. He's the only one I could see doing that.

That's good. Five to one. That's good.

Then I'm going to double I'm going to pull up on Joe Burrow. Burrow throws for 4,500 plus yards. I saw this. The odds on that one are plus 165. It's almost a little bit of a hedge on my most passing.

Basically, if he gets hurt, I lose both.

You're up.

These individuals are so tough because of the week 18, you don't know. All right, Emeka Bukha. I screamed about that a lot. Offensive rookie of the year, 16 to one. I dig his bucks. Offense is going to be dynamite. Lots of opportunities, lots of favorable matchups with Godwin in or out. Who knows? You said it, Brian Thomas type year, 1,300, 10 touch downs. It's really good. The number one-16 to 1 on that? 16 to 1. Jesus. The number one overall pick is one they award only once in the last 13 years. I thought that was interesting. It was 40 to 1 earlier in the year, but I'm going 16 to 1.

Okay. What's your next one?

Next one, Mike Green, defensive rookie of the year. This is a guy on the Ravens.

You're going deep cut.

Deepoy was his nickname in college at Marshall for defensive player of the year. So he could be explosive. I know there's personal issues, maybe. He dominated the senior ball. He left the senior ball early. He was like that good. The Ravens were second in Sacks last year, so he's 22, Edge Rusher. Don't forget that name. Mike Green. Were the odds? 1100.

Would you describe our friend Brad as having personal issues?

All of them. Every single personal issue.

Every conceivable personal issue? Okay. I'm going to do Denver makes the playoffs, and Cincinnati doesn't make the playoffs. That's a parlay for plus 230. You like that one?

Yeah, that's pretty good. Denver play off. Cincy. Interesting that you could do that. There was a day when there was no way you could double dip.

You know why we could do that? Because that was a Ringer special on FanDuel. That's great. I don't need to do that yet. Okay, here. Let's do this.

Maybe.

Gino Smith, P. Carroll, Tom braided, Brock Bowers, and the Las Vegas Raiders. 8 plus wins, plus 150. I think they go at least 8 and 9. It's good. I had to grab that one.

That's solid. What do you got? All right. I have... Okay. It's a new award. Did you even know this? Protector of the Year. I saw that. Penny Sewell consistently earns the highest blocking ratings as a PFF. It leads the NFL with a 95. 1 PFF, 23, 24. Deion Dawkins and Andrew Whitworth got together and created this war.

I don't know if they threatened, but there's a new OC.

I get it, but if he plays this game, I don't see it mattering. Where are the ads? Penisuel plus 460. The only one who could challenge him is Big Dom, considered a protector? I do worry about that. It's almost exactly what he is. What's your Robert Salah, Assistant Coach of the Year.

Oh, my God. That's an award? Yeah, baby. Is that on Fandle? Sure.

Plus 800.

Wait, I got to look this up. The A.

Cody.

What site are you on? Is it Season Leaders or Awards? Awards.

It's like the last one.

Oh, my God. I didn't realize it went that far.

Pick one. It's fun. Those are fun.

Well, then I'm doing Aiden Hutchinson Comeback of the Year plus 270. All right. Let's take that right off the board because I didn't see that was available.

You don't like Rogers?

No, I do not. Then the Assistant Coach of the Year, a lot of good Choices.

Yeah. Take Matt Patricia. I know he's a college guy.

I'm not ready to do that yet. I'll do this here. Green Bay over nine and a half wins, Chicago over eight and a half wins, plus 370. I think that hits.

Feeling good about that one. You need them to split, right? Yeah. That's a good one. All right. We mentioned this. We're talking about this at Hercules. Hertz to have the most rushing touchdowns, plus 800. It's ridiculous. Yeah, he doesn't say it. They didn't change that rule for Neanderthals. I don't know why that Tush Push is there. He's 42 rushing touch downs in three years. He's always around 15. Cooke had more than him last year. Gibbs and Henry, they only had one more, I think. I like Hertz, plus 800.

I'm trying to think who beats this.

Out of those guys?

No, just in I mean, Barkley is right behind them if they want to make an example of it. Travianne Anderson? What's your other one?

Mike Evans, 1,000 plus yards, minus 130. Eleven in a row, right? Every year he's played, he's had a thousand yards. That's a great bet.

Minus 130?

Minus 130. Week 18, home against the Panthers. What number would you be comfortable at for him? I mean, you saw last year what they did. They stacked it up. They just threw to him every down. They were winning and they threw to him.

So he'd be like an 840 yards, and they're just going for it.

I wrote down 650. I think he can get 350 yards in that last game. All right, those are mine.

That's really smart. Did you do an AFC bet?

I don't think so.

All right. Well, I'm going to do it. I thought you did it. What did you do at the top?

I did NFC South, NFC North.

Buffalo, New England, Jets, Dolphins, exact order, plus 600. I'm going to step in on that. I love that. Yeah. I just like the odds because Buffalo, New England, lock those down. Then you're just arguing with the last thing.

Yeah, that's pretty good.

That's pretty damn good.

Then This is a fun one. Nico Collins, Most Receiving Yards, 10 to 1.

Really?

That's Chase missing two games with calf tightness, Jefferson being JJ McCarthy, and then all of a sudden, Nico Collins has the most service.

Yeah, that's everyone in the league missing two games.

Yeah.

No, that's good. All right, I'm going to go Baker, passing touch downs plus 900. Most passing touch downs, 41 last year. No sign of slowing down. What are the ads? Plus 900.

Okay.

I'm going to go Love 30 or more, touch downs plus 190. We both love love.

There we go.

Plus 190. All right. I'm going to do Trey Van Henderson for offensive rookie of the year, 16 to 1. That's good. The case is, if you look at Jamir gives his stats as a rookie for Detroit, and he was ended up with almost 1,000 rushing yards and like 500 receiving yards or something like that. I actually think Henderson can do better than that.

Him versus Zegbuka versus...

Who's the other receiver? Golden? Golden versus Genti. Genti is probably... I mean, Genti is the safest pick. Then I'm going to take this right off the board. Dak Prescott, 4,000 yards, plus 105. Shit. Suck on that. How do you not take that?

I have another Dak one. I mean, it's a little bit of a swing.

Hold on.

The Fogo to Chou waiter just came over.

You guys doing good?

We're good. We're fine.

Keep bringing the steak.

Wait, so Prescott, 4,000 plus?

Yeah, plus 105.

Okay.

Basically, he You have to get hurt not to get that, especially because you don't have any running backs.

He's going to be throwing the ball like 40 times a game.

Yeah. I'm not going to argue.

How about Prescott? Most passing yards, he had 4,500. He's one year removed from 4,500. That's plus 900.

You're taking that? Yeah.

I know you have Burrow there. I'll take... How about this? Travis Kelsey under four and a half touch downs. He had three last year. He's going to be worried about freaking flowers and seating charts and who's going to be fighting with who and which in-laws hate each other. He's going to be counseling for all this. He's not going from 3: 00 to 5: 00, even if the 35-year-old remains healthy. Plus 1: 12, under 4: 30.

I have...

Oh, this is a good one. Let's do three or more NFC North playoff teams plus 3: 30.

Wow.

You like that one?

Mm-hmm.

Basically, Basically, one from the NFC East, one from the NFC South, two from the NFC West, and I'm home free. Then here's the other one. I mentioned this when we did part two with the NFC.

Michael Pennex led the college football on interceptions, or at least this conference had 11. He's going to be chucking the ball, slinging it around.

I have him for most interceptions, 14 to one. I think I would have taken that at 8: 00 to one.

So isn't this one where there's no other option? You want to take if there's no other option, right? Because you need this guy to play to have the most interceptions.

Well, that was the other thing I was thinking. I wanted to take a younger QB that might... I mean, he had four season ending injuries in college, so maybe not the best guy for that, but I thought 14: 00 to 1: 00 would be nice. What do you got?

Chief's TD every game, plus 110. Last four years, seven Seventy-five and two. Only two out of 77 games didn't they not score a TD. One was two years ago against Denver Day and three field goals. One was last year, week 18. That's the one that's sticky. They lost 38, nothing. I think it's as close as even money lock as you can get. Bet they're on Detroit. What are the odds? Plus 110. Okay. Then I get another one. Detroit, to make the divisional round, to make it to at least a divisional round, plus 130. They can get a buy like they did last year, and then you automatically win. Or they can win 10 games like I have them, and then they have a home game, probably against an inferior team. That's what I have. I don't think they're in a ton of danger of missing the playoffs. That's why I pick plus 130.

All right, long shot.

Denver and Green Bay make it the Championship Weekend, the final four. 33 to one.

Just make the final four.

Yeah.

Good to go. Then I'm going to bet... Where's the other one I had? Oh, man. Am I starting to run out of it? That's all right. No, I don't want to run out of it. It really was. A Philly Green Bay NFC title game. What do you think the odds are for that?

Twelve?

Twenty to one. Really? Yeah.

That's good. I didn't look at those. I should have looked at some of those. Those are We call those runway bets. When you're leaving a Fandle State, you're like, I got to get 40 bucks on these, all these matchups.

Fandle should do ads for runway bets when the flight attendant is like, Sir, can you please put your phone away? Hold on, I got two more minutes. There's going to be a huge brawl six rows from here that you're going to have to tend to in a few minutes.

So you were convinced Fando was paying off pilots to stay on the runway for six extra minutes in states where gambling was legal.

Yeah, I think they were in cajoots But let's see, spirit air. That's the only thing that kept them going.

I think it's smart.

Okay. I'm going to go Darnled Most Interceptions plus 1100.

I looked at it.

Yeah, I liked it. He had 12. He's had as many as 15.

Smart. He'll be right there.

Jonathan Gannon, Coach of the Year.

I thought the tap out was coming.

No.

Gannon? Gannon, Coach of the Year, plus 1400. Do or die a year for him. I think it's his award. If he could take them from Under 500 to the vision title.

Interesting.

There you go. There's my two.

I'm going to bet on a couple of young QBs here. Tennessee over five and a half wins, New England over seven and a half wins, plus 185. And then I'm going to do the one, the only, Brock Purdy, 4,000 yards, plus 105.

That's good. I had a purdy one.

Guys slings it.

Yeah.

Plus 105? Yeah. Purdy 4K plus 105. Okay. All right. I will go. All right, this is the Giants fan, Meadhead fan special. Meadhead, giant fan, long shot, future play.

Okay.

Cam Skatebo to record one or more receiving One or more rushing TD, and one or more passing TD in the regular season. 29 to one.

Could you see it? Td, triple crown?

Yeah.

Passed, rushed.

29 to one. 29.

Could you see it like, Yeah, did you see Jerry's face when week 18 in a meaningless game, he threw a 15-yard. That's fucking great. Who cares? We're 2-16, whatever.

Did Skatebo, did he throw passes in college?

Were you studying YouTube clips of him?

He had a rolling play where... I don't think it worked from what I saw, but 29 to 1.

What's your other one?

Wasn't that, too? That wasn't it.

You did Skatebo TD, Triple Crown, 29 to 1. Oh, don't I?

You're tapping out?

Matthew Golden over 700 and a half. That's fine. Minus one, 10.

Matthew Golden over 700. 700.

5.

700. Oh, man. That's a good one. Plus We can end this.

Whatever you want to do.

No, because I'm going to take Abdul Carter for defensive player of the year at plus 185. That's a layout. How is that not a minus odds at this point? I need to get in on this coach of the year.

Do it. It's fun.

I mean, Vrabel at plus 750 staring at me. No, you know what? I'm not going to do that. They probably gave it to them already. I'm going to do the assistant coach of the year. Let's take a flyer. Clint Kubiak, 16 to one For Offensive or for Coordinator of the Year. He's the offensive coordinator for the Seattle Seahawks.

I'm going to be so pissed if that's what beats me.

It's just people talking about his zone blocking and how How he gave Darnold comfort.

Shit, that's going to win, isn't it?

16 to win.

Cam Skatebo, better be passing.

All right, you got two.

All right, I have two. Hutchinson over 12. 75 sacks. Why is it 12.

75?

Because a half is an actual measurement in the sacks. Oh, my God.

You could find 12.

73. I don't want to veer anyone off with Fanble. You could find 12. 725. No. 7. 5 in five games, 19 in his last 22 games. There's JJ McCarthy, Caleb Williams, who takes a lot of sacs. Flacko, Russ, Stafford, the statue, Rogers, if he's still standing in December. I like this.

So what are the ads?

Minus one, twelve.

Okay.

You can get to 15.

What's your other one?

My other one. Panthers in third place in the NFC South plus 185. They can come in second, but they can't come in first or fourth.

Panthers in third place plus 185. I have to look. You don't trust me? I'm not tapping it. No, I'm not tapping it.

It looks like it did.

I'm going to do Buffalo for the one seed, and that's plus 250. Then I had... Where's the other one? Miami, under five and a half wins plus 260.

Wait a minute. Is that real?

Yeah.

What's their regular one? Seven and a half? Yeah. Okay. That's pretty good. That could happen. What do you got? I'll do Bill's Bucks Super Bowl plus 5,000.

Plus 5,000?

Yeah. And I'll do- Bill's Bucks.

I'll do- Fifty to one.

I'll do Bill's Super Bowl plus 750. There's their year. The Tommy Fleetwood bills.

You took that from me.

The Kieran Culkin Bills. Sabrina Carpenter. Who else won first thing this year?

I'm going to double up on Buffalo Denver title game, the AFC 23 to 1.

That's very good.

I would need Denver to win the division for that one to Then where's the other one I had? Was there one? I thought we had one.

Oh, there it is. I got to help you out.

I don't know if I want to do that.

You're done. We don't have to fire a new round. That's fine.

I don't want to do that one. I'm going to do New Orleans and Cleveland, both finished in fourth place. Wow. Plus 158.

What You don't have that already?

No. You have every combination. I had a different version of it. You have every combination of it. Doubling up on it. What do you got? All right.

Cardinal's division plus 380. It's a long shot.

Plus 380. I like it.

Let's see. All right, I'm doing something stupid. I know I said a lot of bad shit about Kyle Pitz, but what if this is the year? 750 yards or more plus 380.

750 yards plus 380? Yeah. How did you even find that?

Well, 525 says Regular over on there. Okay.

I need to find... Oh, yeah. Okay. I'm going to do Sam Fran, misses the playoffs. Plus 160.

Okay.

I'm going to do Seattle division plus 500. All right. Double up. Sure. On those two beauties.

We talked about this in the first podcast. Chargers lose in the wild card round plus 290. I don't even have them to make the playoffs, but this seems like everybody should have this every year. Can we just get it out of the way? What are the ads? Plus 290. They're either going to lose a Shakey's game or they'll be hosting essentially a road game. Okay.

Oh, and I get another one.

I'm going to go Adams Under 9: 25. 5 minus 1: 10.

Under?

Yeah. I don't trust Stafford being around for a lot of that.

Under 10: 25. 9: 25. 9: 25. 5. 5. 5. Odds were what?

Minus 1: 10.

Minus 1: 10.

Okay.

I'm going to do Houston and win the division at plus 1: 10. Okay. Then I'm going to do... I'm running out now.

There's no shame.

It could be a tapping out.

No shame.

I'll do variable coach in the air plus 750.

All right. Let's see if I'm excited about any of these others.

Tapping out.

Bills beat the Dolphins home and on the road minus 135.

It's definitely Bills Dolphins sweep.

Bills sweep the Dolphins. That's plus odds? No, minus 135. Seems like something We could do individual weeks, but I'm going to parlay it together. September 18th and then November ninth. Oh my God, that's wonderful. Yeah, do that.

I like that one.

I'll go Connor under 875. 5 rushing.

Why under? What's the thing you like about him?

I got a little secret. It's going to make me look like an asshole, but if you take all the runningbacks under, there's six who are out for the year by week six or seven. It is true. You can split there, but I don't like that. Not bad. He's going to be 32.

I'm going to do Indie Under 5 and a Half Wins. That is plus 250. You like that one?

Nice. Yeah, sure.

Plus 250. Then I'm going to do... What was the other one I had? I don't know if the boss did that. I'm starting to run out now. Let's do...

Should we blow a horn to wake the audience up or something?

Chargers, no play-offs, even.

Yeah, it's pretty good.

Want to do two more?

Sure.

All right. Or I get one. I went first, so you get two more, I get one more.

All right.

Sorry. Field's 6 plus rushing shutdowns plus 1: 15. It's at 8, 4, and 5 the last three years. Hid five in 10 games last year. He already has one in preseason.

And what were the odds again?

Plus 1. 15.

I like it.

And then CUP under five and a half. Touchdowns. Under. That's minus 1. 54. It's a big, big, but come on. There's got to be some decline a little bit there. I don't see a lot of scoring. Missed 18 games in three years.

Minus 1. 10.

So you have one more pick?

Yeah.

Don't fuck this up.

I'm going to do Buffalo over Green Bay in the Super Bowl, and I have no idea what the odds are.

I don't know if they have over. They might just have- Buffalo, Green Bay, Super Bowl?

Yeah, they will. What's Buffalo, Green Bay, Super Let me find it. Because that's my actual pick, so I should probably have money on that.

40 to 1 that they made up.

40 to 1. That's my last pick. All right. We're tapping out of the Fog in the chow draft.

That's it.

Thank you, Mr. Wendell.

I don't feel like we had enough player props, but I think The problem with player props is that guys get hurt and get screwed.

You mean just over-unders?

Yeah, just those over-unders. I never know who to trust. I like the quarterback throwing ones, but remember last year I had Trevor Lawrence, Caleb Williams, and somebody else will throw for 4,000 yards each. Right, right, right. It didn't happen.

It's more fun. It's more fun to take the big odds, guys.

All right. Cus, great job. Good job on you, buddy.

All right, that's it for the podcast. Thanks to Cus and Sal. Thanks to Gehow and Eduardo and Sourudi as well. I will be back on this podcast, possibly with a two Carter on Tuesday with a big guest, too. So stay tuned for that. And then don't forget about the rewatch of us coming Monday night, Movie 400, American Gangster. Don't forget about all of our awesome football content. Don't forget about the Ringer Gambling Show, live every day, noon, ET on the Ringer Gambling YouTube channel.

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