Transcript of The 2026 Takie Awards Featuring Celebrity Guest Presenters, Blake Griffin, Blake Bortles, Brooks Koepka And More New

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Stella Blue Coffee is more than just great coffee, it's coffee with a purpose. Introducing We Brew to Rescue, a nationwide campaign using proceeds from our new ready-to-drink cans to help fund 1,000 pet adoptions this year. Every can you crack open helps a real pet find a real home. Simple as that. Made with 100% Colombian coffee, each 11-ounce can delivers smooth, drinkable energy with a boost of protein. Available in Espresso Cafe Mocha and Espresso Sweet Cream. Built for mornings, long days, and everything in between. Drink Stella Blue, fuel your day, and help save a pet's life. You can follow our progress in real time throughout the campaign by watching the adoption tracker on our site. Grab yours now at stellabluecoffee.com, Amazon, and select retailers nationwide. On today's Pardon My Take presented by DraftKings, it is the 2026 Takey Awards and we are ready for an incredible award show, boys. We have 28 awards we're giving out. Take of the Year, Lib of the Year, Fart of the Year, Blake of the Year, and of course, Award-Winning Listeners of the Year.

It's one of our favorite episodes we do every single summer. There's not a lot to talk about in sports, so we are giving out awards. It's the Takey Awards, and it's brought to you by our friends at Chevy. Summer's in full swing. That means no schedules, no plans, just more of the good stuff. Chevy Silverado makes that possible. There's a reason Chevy is called the heartbeat of America. And the Silverado keeps that heartbeat strong. These trucks work so hard you can chill harder, whether that's getting out of town, heading to the lake, or just not turning around when you probably should. It's got the capability, the space, and the muscle— everything you need for proper summer coolers, gear, whatever your version of chill looks like. Because at the end of the day, Silverado helps you tackle more of what you love. And let's be honest, you've earned it this summer. Now it's time to go get it. So roll the windows down, turn the music up, and just listen. That's the heartbeat of America. That's today's Chevrolet. Head over to chevy.com to learn more today. Okay, let's go. Welcome to Part of My Take presented by DraftKings.

The crown is yours. Today is Friday, July 24th. And welcome to the 2026 Takey Awards.

Yes, the most prestigious awards in podcasting. You ain't a podcast if you don't have an awards ceremony where you spend about an hour and a half sucking your own dick. And that's what we're going to be doing today.

What, uh, is this the 10th?

It is the 10th.

Yeah, it has to be, right?

Yeah, we did year 1.

Memes? Is it the 10th or the 11th?

I think it's the 11th.

I think it's the 11th.

It's the 11th Takey? How's it not the 10th?

It also could be the 10th.

Yeah, we had this discussion the other day and it was tough to figure out, but it might be 11th. 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, '22, '23, '24, '25, '26.

I think it's 11.

Did we do one the first year?

I think we did.

We did.

Yeah.

But everyone says 9-time AWL because I don't know if we had a way that year.

We had an awards ceremony, but that category did not exist. In year 1 of the— I feel like 0 of the take.

And it also wasn't a full year, right? PMT.

So, right, I think that's year 0. I think, I think so. I think this is the— this should be—

it's year 10. It's the 11th takees.

But, but that, that should be like the—

Max is confused.

This is exactly how I expected.

Yeah.

How many— okay, all right, let's start this over. Let's embrace debate. How many years are in 10 years?

10.

10. I agree.

Okay, we agree.

But the 11th take.

But it's the 11th take.

It's the 11th take. He's the 10th. The 10th year.

What?

And then I swear last year we were like, for the 10th, for the 10th take, we got to do something big. What?

We're doing something.

What are you talking about?

This is the 11th.

Oh, so we fucked up last year.

Yeah.

Yes.

Yeah. That was, that was then. Yeah, that was old us.

Right. One year we're going to put it on a big— we're going to do it big.

We're going to do a live show in Vegas. We're going to get all our friends.

It's going to be so big. Yeah, we're going to sell out MSG. Big takeies.

Takeies at the Sphere.

Yeah, no, the MSG Theater, because then we can say we sold out MSG.

Got it.

And we'll just put in very tiny Very, very tiny font. The theater.

We should just do it during Darts Day in the back of the theater.

That would rock.

Yeah, that would rock. Before we get to the awards, we have 28 awards. We have a ton of guest presenters. Has LeBron made a decision? Zach, you said today was the day.

Today could be the day.

We got a lot of hours left in this day. But I hear that around the league they're saying like pretty strong. Today's the day LeBron James makes his decision. This would actually be the most annoying day for LeBron to do this because we're taping the takeys.

Yeah, I still think he's going to wait until at least the weekend. There was that thing on YouTube where the Miami Heat said they had a placeholder for a news conference, a press conference announcing LeBron James for next Monday. The Miami Heat are now looking for a new director of YouTube content after that snafu. I put it at like 75% that Barstool Sports ends up hiring the old director of content. I'd like to at least talk to him like that.

They just press the button.

They press the button. So what happened with that?

How does that work?

Max Memes, what— diagnose what happened. They just didn't set it to private.

So there's private and there's unlisted.

And which public?

Yeah, well, and public is public.

They said they just put it on public.

No, they put it on unlisted. It was on unlisted. But if they're— once you like put something in YouTube, you can have like generic like settings that will every time you go back and like put into certain playlists and things like that. So he put it into a playlist that was unlisted.

Got it.

So there's like ways to go into like their YouTube and find it through the playlist if it's unlisted.

Okay, got it.

I didn't know exactly. I saw someone on Twitter talking, talking about it of like exactly how.

So you don't know?

No, I saw some that they went into the playlist and found it.

Got it.

But I do know that if you put something as unlisted, not private, if it's unlisted, there is, there is a way to do that because I have done that before in the past.

Can we make one that says LeBron James to Barstool Sports and just have it be not private? Yeah. And just see if people find it.

Hmm.

I have no idea how anybody would ever find it because it's secret.

LeBron James to PMT.

Yeah. Yeah.

Let's post that and let's see if anyone finds it.

They probably won't because they won't know.

They will have no idea.

He's sitting next to Hank on the couch.

Yeah, there he is right there. By the way, Hank, what are you wearing?

So get dressed up for the takeys.

And so I got—

I wore my finest outfit, which is—

it's a—

keep going.

My shorts actually don't wear my shorts or shorts are wearing gym shorts. And then I have a— my white Four Aces polo. Yeah, I have a nice blue tie and Four Aces hat.

Who are the Four Aces again?

4 aces.

Oh, we should have done a takey for the 4 aces of the year.

Yeah, Dustin Johnson, Anthony Kim, twin Thomases.

Who—

all right, let's do it right now. Let's get ourselves prepped. Give us the takey for the 4 ace of the year.

4 ace of the year has to be Anthony Kim. Okay, comebacks, probably comeback story of the year, uh, overall in all of sports. Coming back, quit golf, went to rehab, Conquered his demons, came back, won on the LIV Tour.

So you failed. The 4 aces of the year is Dustin Johnson, Anthony Kim, and the twin Thomases. You can't do one ace. They're the 4 aces.

What are the twin Thomases' last names?

Peters and DeChambeau.

I have—

is it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

They sent me—

they sent me head covers. I see them every day.

Wait, who's—

but I actually had to stop because I had like— I had one on a 3-wood, one on a 7-wood, and they look exactly the same. So I was like, this is too confusing.

So is it like each ace is a different head cover?

Yeah, the each Thomas. I just have a twin. I have a Thomas Dietrich and a Thomas Peters.

Got it.

Are you the only person in the world that they probably do?

They—

one of them probably has their own, if— and then me.

Yeah.

So it's all 4 aces. We got to give all the, the 4 aces of the— 4 Ace of the Year is all 4 aces, the Take Award. So we've given out— we're gonna get out 29 awards.

Congratulations, congratulations.

They should make a head cover that's just for your driver and it's Tiger.

That's good. And it's SUV.

Yeah.

Tiger might win an award today.

We'll see. Got nominee.

Before we start. So two things that happened. One, I won the 50/50 again.

Congrats.

Which is crazy.

Unreal.

I woke up to that news. I was— so I went to bed last night knowing that I had to wake up for Wake Up Bar still early this morning. I woke up. I usually try to catch up on my texts from last night. I thought that I was still asleep. I thought that it was a dream because there's no chance in hell that Big Cat won the 50/50 again.

Look at these fucking guys. What are you guys doing with your fingers up?

Wimpy fingers.

What are you thinking? Go ahead, speak. You think it's rigged?

50/50 rigged?

Why?

Well, you, you did. You won the 50/50, correct? And then Monday you got the big check.

Yeah.

And then Monday you sold the most amount of 50/50 tickets of all time.

Yeah.

Then Wednesday you win the 50/50 again.

Yeah.

You're going to get another big check.

But I'm probably not going to do the same selling thing. I'm just getting the big check this time.

You're not going to do the—

No, they— unless they do like 75/25. Those are my demands. 75/25 for the people.

I did call you.

Otherwise I'm not going to help.

But I think I do think that there's that— what if the Cubs were like, if they were smart, they were like, if whenever this guy wins a 50/50, charity gets a lot more money.

This is not the worst.

Yeah.

And I also just give it all to charity, right? It's 100%.

So it's good. It's good for— it's good for the league.

Yeah.

For you to win.

I'm just happy I won again. I'm— I feel like I may never lose again at this point because it's just— I've won 2 times. Meme still hasn't gotten the lottery ball. I did win it.

I got a question.

Yeah.

Now that, you know, you have— there's, there's a pattern here. There's repeated success. It's not a fluke.

Yeah.

Should I do— should I sell a course on how to win the 50/50?

Yes.

I've been thinking about that.

Statistically speaking, when you win the 50/50, the Cubs lose. If it's late in the season, the Cubs are making a playoff push. Do you buy tickets for the 50/50?

Yeah, I— we got to test it. We got to see if it's been tested twice. That's not—

no, the first time— first time's a fluke. Second time's a test.

No, no, that's not—

we've done a study.

That's not a sample. It is a sample size. Has to be more than 10.

No, no, no.

I got to win it 10 times.

No.

How many times?

2 times is a sample.

How many times would you say that you've played the 50/50?

Every single time for 15 years.

Have you figured out how many games? Like, if you were to ballpark that, they won.

They won a World Series year that I played it a lot.

But you didn't win.

But you didn't win.

But it's got to be more than 2 times for a sample size. I don't like what you guys are doing. Well, I'm going to— I'm going to focus on the fact that I'm getting another big check. And I'm going to wave. I might pay— I might not give the money, the winnings, to charity. I might give the money to the person operating the camera at Wrigley Field and be like, buddy, you got to stay on me for 10 minutes. I'm going to wave for 10 minutes straight.

Yeah, do it. Do what your heart feels.

Oh, I'm going to wave because whatever you did, it ended up making—

yeah, it made it work. And somebody asked me this morning if you were going to quit. No, I laughed in their face. I said, If there was a time to quit, it probably was after the first win.

Correct.

But now that you have two, yeah, you have a chance to achieve something. Like, incredible isn't even the right word for it.

I'm on the cusp of greatness.

Magic was the word I was going to use. Like, this could be— you would go down in the history books as the luckiest human being to ever live if you can hit the 50/50 three times.

Multiple times.

No one's ever done that.

Now you keep going.

Well, you have the opportunity.

Martino has like 5 times. But I would be— it would be incredible if I did it. And I only spent— I didn't spend that much money on it last night. Just nice little, little donation to the pot, won it. I was in shock. It's, it's awesome. What, what are you laughing at?

I feel like you were about to say how much money, how much money you spent last night, and then you were like, that's actually a lot of money, so I'm not gonna say.

Well, I got home and My wife is a hater of my 50/50.

She's—

she is— she is— she thought I could never win it. Now she's like, shit, he's actually won it twice. But she's like, how much did you spend tonight? And I was like, $1,000. And I was like, that's not that much. She's like, are you comparing it to what you spent on Monday? Because I know what you spent on Monday. I was like, that's exactly what I'm doing, because Monday got out of hand and I did not win it then. But that's okay. I won.

I won.

Two-time winner.

A win is a win.

A win is a win.

Is a win.

A win is— Memes wouldn't know. He's never won the lottery ball.

I want—

No, you haven't.

You have not.

It's the first show of the year.

You've not won the lottery.

We had to get a new machine.

I'm going to just try to keep winning. You guys cool with that? Yeah, I might win it at the Bananas this weekend. Taking my kids. Going to win that.

What's 50/50 going to be like at the Bananas?

Oh, I already checked. I asked them. I was like, is there going to be a 50/50?

They're like, yeah.

All right, cool. I'll be there. I'm going to win that. Yeah, but it's 50. What if I just got like a big banana? Did you have a one?

I mean, you have to be presented, I would assume, by the Bananas. You'd think next time they're in town, you'd think, are they going to do a big check?

The bananas? Yeah, that would be—

or like, is this check— I don't mean any disrespect to the check that you got.

No, first night, but all disrespect to the check, it wasn't big enough.

Maybe I'm desensitized as to what a big check is.

No, PFT.

When I think big check, I think, I think the JJ Watt check that we had.

PFT, you're right.

Martina Navratilova.

Yes, yes, the big check. Yeah, that you're— it's no, it's all disrespect to that check. I will be bringing my own big check to my next big check.

It could be bigger.

I don't want to bring my own big check. Check, and I'm like, you got to deal with the Cubs.

Because it's kind of like, you know, it's BYOB, since it's for charity. The bigger the check, you think to yourself, like, every inch that this check is, that could have been another meal bought for somebody that needs it.

I want to bring a big check that's like the, like the American flag that they, they take out on the outfield. That's how I want—

how big of a check. If you get— if you win it a third time, here's what I'll do for I will have a skywriting plane drag a giant check in the air behind it over Wrigley Field, like the biggest possible check. We're talking like hundreds of feet. Hundreds of feet.

I love that. Speaking of, is it— this is just a totally hypothetical question— lame or not lame to make a couple banners for yourself after winning the 50/50 for the second time?

You said a couple.

Well, I've won it twice. I have a banner for each win.

Oh, I thought you were going to do like the— you could, you could do it like 50/50 is one.

No, no, no.

2025, 2026.

No, no, there's two banners. You got to, you got to hang a banner every time. I didn't want to hang one banner. I wanted to wait till I won second.

I thought maybe, or like Billy Joel at the Garden, you have one giant banner and now it just says Big Cat 2.

Yeah.

Well, you could, you could. Put dates on it.

You could make it like, you know, like when they have like the scoring record of the school where it's like 50/50 raffle one, Big Cat date, because other people might win.

Come on. Oh, actually, no, you're right. If I do the course, if I teach you guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to sell that course. All right. That's a good call. Maybe it's— yeah, maybe it's that.

Okay.

I think it's just one banner.

Yeah, one banner. All right. I'm going to sell because when it the second time, it's kind of like having a second kid.

All right.

So I'm—

yeah, but then you can do different. You can do a different banner drop every time you win it. Obviously it's a new banner, but it just— it takes the place of the old one.

All right.

So I now have two banners that I'm going to have to figure out what to do with, and then we'll make it one banner. I think I already ordered them.

Okay.

Lame or not lame? That's a fun game.

We should auction those off.

Yeah.

50/50.

Also, Patrick Kane back to the Blackhawks, which was awesome. Do you think LeBron sees that? He's like, yeah, I should do that.

I'm coming home to the Blackhawks.

LeBron decides to play hockey.

That might— that might spur Miami.

He just thinks it's whatever, 2017 again or— 2015.

Yeah, 2014, where he won the most of his rings. It's so sick, though. I fucking love Kane. And the fact that he's back is so awesome. It's going to be— he's the man.

Showtime.

Showtime.

What this does tell me about LeBron, though, the fact that he hasn't announced yet— every day that goes by without an announcement makes me less inclined to think that it's Cleveland because he's waiting.

I agree.

He's waiting for something to make his decision. If his decision was go to Cleveland, then there's absolutely nothing holding him back from being like, I'm coming home. No one's going to hate on it. Everyone's going to be happy for him. Everybody happy for Cleveland. There's absolutely nothing. There's zero to wait on, with maybe the exception of he might want James Harden gone before he gets to town. Yeah, maybe that could be it. But I think for the most part, it's like if it's Cleveland, he should have said it already.

Yeah.

And I think you nailed it the other day when he's just trying to get Anthony Davis.

Yeah.

So maybe just maybe they just figure out a way to go to the Wizards.

Price went up. You really want to play with AD?

I got—

I know just the spot.

Um, but yeah, Patrick Kane, I was, I was just like washed over. I was just watching highlights all morning, just washed over with nostalgia, just like— and he's still good. He's not obviously prime Patrick Kane, but he's still good. And it's good, like a veteran presence. It's gonna be awesome. It's gonna be awesome to watch him and Bedard when Bedard gets back. So I'm very, very excited. I was just listening to Old Thing back all the way, like 5 times in a row on the way in from, from the 2015 team. So, um Okay, should we do the takeys?

Let's do it.

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Okay, so 28 Takey Awards. Uh, if this is your first Takeys, welcome. The awards change every year. We have some repeat awards. We always do Takey of the Year. We always do Blake of the Year. Just log off for the year. Uh, we have new awards, we have some old awards, but we're going to be giving away 28 Takey Awards, 29 if you count the 4 aces. And we're going to start with the first award where we always start, Take of the Year Award. The Take of the Year, by the way, shout out our guy Fred Siegel, uh, Freezing Cold Takes. He helps us with this award every single year. He also has a new book coming out Uh, same day as our book, so buy them both.

Love it.

Buy them both. Freezing Cold Takes College Football, August 18th. Buy it and buy the Pardon My Take book at the same time. Uh, he's the man and he always helps us and he has just a treasure trove of takes. So the nominees, there's a lot. This is our most nominated award. I'm gonna go through them. We're gonna start with just— there's just a Knicks section of this award.

There's plenty to—

there's a lot of Knicks. So We have to start Brandon Tierney. Brandon Tierney is a—

he was an old radio guy for WFEM. No, no longer.

Brandon Tierney tweeted on January 15th, 2026, I've never wavered on this and I never will. Knicks aren't winning a damn thing with KAT being a primary piece of the puzzle. Never was that guy. Never will be that guy. That's a tough one. We also have, uh, uh, former colleague, uh, Jeff Nadeau saying, going to be so funny watching the Knicks get dummied in the Finals.

Would have been funny. He's right.

Current colleague Chris Klemmer, uh, in replying to a Meek Phil tweet who said that the Knicks are now the, uh, odds-on favorite to win the Eastern Conference, he was— he replied, you have zero chance of winning a title. Bookmark this. You will never experience joy. Oh, the bookmark. This really adds it. Klemmer really went for it there. Yeah.

That you will never experience joy too. It felt, felt personal.

Yeah.

Almost like you told him to go to an Apple store.

Yeah. Yeah. Never, ever.

Don't tell me.

Emmanuel Acho, who has won some takeys in the past, said one quarter into the NBA Finals, Jalen Brunson is affirming the concerns people have about small guards being able to win it all. The closer you get, the more physical it gets. So, so far, Brunson's body is betraying him.

Becky Hammond burner.

Jalen Brunson went on to win NBA MVP. Yeah. Yeah.

But also he's small. So can you really trust a small guard?

That's true. And then our friend Nick Wright, this is just a graphic of his, of his Final Four in the NBA playoffs and then champion. He had the Thunder. So you got that right.

Yeah.

Credit to him. Thunder playing the Nuggets. Nuggets beating the Thunder to go to the Finals. Nuggets lost in the first round.

They did.

Okay.

And then the Celtics beating the Pistons, and then the Celtics beating the Nuggets. So his finals was the two first-round losers— Celtics, Nuggets—

Celtics winning.

That's tough. That's tough. That's a bad look, Nick.

I'm sorry. Okay, that's our Knicks, uh, uh, take-ease, uh, section. We also have from Dave Biddle— this, this came out in, uh, it was a couple years ago, but a lot of these are— they come to fruition. It takes ages like wine. He said OSU dodged a bullet with Dusty May. Not sure if Jake Diebler will be great, but May's claim to fame is a lucky postseason run last year. You had never heard of him before that. And don't forget, FAU got to play 16th-seeded Fairleigh Dickinson in the second round.

Yeah, that's right. And then that's all they did, right? Was they beat Fairleigh Dickinson in the second round, then they immediately lost, or did they? No, they actually won a bunch of games that year. Uh, Dusty May, good coach. Onto the big leagues.

Yeah.

Won a title. Now he's with the Mavs. A Michigan edition of, of the Take of the Year Award. We had from December 7th, 2025. Michigan head coach Sharron Moore says he does not expect any more changes to the football staff this offseason.

Whoops. When you've got the culture built that you need, the one that you've been aiming for, you almost reach a point where you're like, nobody move.

Yeah.

No, I love this one. I think he was fired, what, like 2 days later?

Yeah, it's pretty, pretty quick. Yeah. Yeah.

We also have Michigan A.D. Ward Manuel, who is— I think he's nominated for Take You Later as well. Double nomination. He said about Dusty May and his contract extension, he will be the leader of this basketball team for many years to come, Manuel said at Saturday's national championship celebration. It was like maybe like 2 more months.

He has a couple more months.

2 months.

I mean, credit to Ward Manuel, though, because we talk about accountability. And Dusty May leaves. Now Ward Manuel is going to follow soon after because he's embarrassed that he was wrong about the Dusty May thing.

Yep.

So he's like, hand up, I probably shouldn't work here anymore. Michigan man, I'll take the blame for that. Yep. So you can expect to see him on the move.

Yes, absolutely. We have now some more college football category here. Not, not just Michigan, but this one is from Bill Simmons from 2024 that came to fruition. He said, after watching Signetti in a playoff game for 3 hours, are people still unsure if Belichick will succeed in college football?

That's a double, double. That's a double take.

That's from both sides.

That's why Bill is a legend, because he's able to combine two bad takes into one. Yeah, no one else does it.

That was, that was cocking mouth, cocking ass.

Yeah, that was good. Airtight.

Zach, would you I forgot you're not a sex guy. Cock in mouth, cock in ass. That's just an extreme move. That's all. Yeah, it's an extreme take. That is a wild take. I mean, listen, we all have bad takes here. We have some of the worst takes of all time.

Yeah, but that's a gangbang.

I said, I said Patrick Mahomes was the biggest reach in the draft. Another gangbang take. That's gang bang. I got— I might have been ass, mouth, pee hole with cuck attachment. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Wait, so you're watching somebody else get ass-mouth peehole?

No, Zach's watching me.

Okay, so Zach is also involved in the take.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, got it.

How'd they get in my peehole, Zach?

Really small dick.

Yeah, lube.

This is from our good friend Brandon Walker, who was our college football expert 2 years ago. He was going back and forth with a Virginia Tech fan that was saying that Virginia Tech has got a great future. And Brandon Walker said, yeah, because you think they're getting Franklin and they're not.

Mm-hmm.

They did.

Then they got Franklin.

They did.

Hot seat. James Franklin, hot seat.

Hot seat for sure.

Yeah.

We also have ourselves. This is probably from memes. August 30th, 2025. He tweeted, Florida State football is back. They finished 13th in the ACC.

I didn't— hand up. I didn't realize that there were 13 teams in the ACC.

So bad.

What was that in context?

Uh, they beat Alabama.

Yeah, they were so bad.

To be fair, that was a great game.

They looked like they were back. And also, you could probably include as a double one in this, we pretty much pronounced Alabama football dead.

Yeah. Oh, multiple times. That's definitely one of our worst takes is that we were like, yeah, Bama will not come back from this. Never, ever in a million years. Kaelen DeBoer is out. Uh, this is a personal favorite of mine. Brian Drake tweeted during, uh, the Elite Eight games, nightmare scenario for CBS is both Elite Eight games are blowouts. Tough to see a large national audience hang out for the second half of a Duke beatdown.

Mm.

So that turned out to be the most watched March Madness game this year because it was Braylon Mullins buzzer beater over Duke.

And that's how powerful of a drug hope is. The fact that it was— it was a blowout. Yeah, it was. But we all watched because what if? Yeah, because what—

what if it would have happened?

And it did.

And it was the— I looked it up— the most watched game. I think it peaked at like 18 million viewers.

That's so good.

Yeah.

Yeah. We have this one's from our boss, Dave Portnoy. I forgot that this playoff series happened last year, but he said the— you know what's crazy? There's a whole generation of kids who just expect the Red Sox to always beat the Yankees when it counts, no matter the situation. And the Red Sox always do. We own this team and franchise. I think that was after the Red Sox won game 1 of a 3-game series.

I forgot about that series too. Yeah, I'll be, I'll be totally honest.

Uh, Sam Darnold takes were good. Mina Kimes, uh, when Geno Smith was traded from Seattle, said flat out, this is a terrible move by Seattle. Chances of upgrading are extremely low.

Kind of racist on your part though, right, Mims?

No, it's from Mina.

I know, but I'm saying like, no, for you to doubt.

Yeah, yeah.

Kind of racist.

True. Yes, externally. Yes, yes. Sam Darnold did pretty well. He won a Super Bowl.

Also, Geno Smith did beat the Patriots last year.

He did. That's right. I was trying to— another one that I have just memory hole.

Yep.

That's like— that was week 1. Geno Smith as a Raider is just something that we— we actually just broke our— we broke our rule. Never happened.

It's crazy that he played a whole year without a coach.

Yeah.

David Klug said tearing down a roster that was a win away from the playoffs to build around Sam Darnold is a choice.

Fact. That is a choice.

Yeah. This is Hank, your favorite league, the LIV Golf League. This is from young Yaseer Al-Rumavan. He said, my boss told me LIV is not going to go anywhere. It will be well and truly in operation, running well past his death. He's a young guy.

I'm confused.

What do you mean?

LIV Golf is playing a tournament as we, as we podcast.

Are they going to be playing in Michigan?

As it hasn't been officially canceled.

I saw there was a 5% chance it's going to happen.

Are they in good health?

It's a chance.

Is the league healthy?

I mean, they're playing right now and people are locked in.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's actually the audience is maybe as big as ever.

Yeah.

Okay. A couple more. We have Jason Schmitz from 2023 that came to fruition. He said, unfortunately, Taylor Swift isn't known for relationships that last longer than a few months. I would expect the breakup by Super Bowl and the Kelce album before next season. The new fans will follow Taylor to her next thing. Yeah, they got married. They did PnV.

Yeah, we, we love love.

Yeah.

Congratulations.

Happy couple.

I think this is from our good friend Big T. He said in September, the fake news media is attempting to link Tony Vitello to the open San Francisco Giants managerial job despite the fact it doesn't make a lick of sense.

OK, I'm going to take Big T's side on this because it didn't make a lick of sense.

Mm-hmm.

I don't understand why you would make a splash higher still as like a Major League Baseball manager trying to get a college— yeah, college baseball coach whose job description is completely different from an MLB manager.

But they did hire.

But they did hire.

They did hire.

It didn't make a lick of sense.

Didn't make a lick of sense. All right. Last one. Stephen A. Smith., in April said Philly fans will regret saying we want Boston. You're not beating this Boston Celtics.

That's a good take.

They beat them.

All right, winner.

Ready?

Drum roll. And the winner for Take of the Year for 2026 is Young Yassir Al-Rumaven for his take. My boss told me Liv is not going to go anywhere. It will be well and truly inoperable operation running well past his death. He's a young guy.

Hmm.

Now Freezing Cold Takes is going to have to make note of that recording.

Okay. So in 2 years, this will be the take of the year in 2 years. Yes.

Love that. So I like that. It, the snake feeds itself almost.

We just did our own show.

That guy's, that guy's boss.

Yeah.

Ted Turner, by the way. Oh, I just made that part.

He's dead.

I made that part up.

Yeah.

That guy's boss. Ray Charles, been dead for 20 years. Okay. All right. What do we got next?

All right. Next up in the 2026 Takey Awards, we have an award I believe we debuted 2 years ago.

Yeah.

Can't Win the Big One Award. Can't win the big one.

One of my favorites.

2026. It's a good category. The nominees are for Can't Win the Big One. Mbappé.

Mm.

This is, you know, he had the shootout loss.

Yep.

Last time, the World Cup. Mm-hmm. And this time, great, great play in the third-place game.

Lost, though.

Lost in the semifinals. Mbappé, he's got all the talent in the world. He won the Golden Boot. But people are saying that he does not have what it takes to have France win the World Cup.

I'd agree.

Is he a leader capable of winning the World Cup? We don't think so.

Can't win in the Premier League either.

Yep.

Yep.

Farmers League or the MLS.

Can't win the big one. Nominee 2 is Wimby.

Mm. I love this one.

Victor Wembenyama. This is the dawn of a narrative that we're seeing with Wemby. It felt like if he was that guy, he would have done it already.

Well, double silver medalist.

Let's see.

Yeah.

Silver medal against Chet Holmgren. Silver medal against Team USA. Silver medal against the Knicks. Interesting. Triple silver medalist.

Interesting. Dynasty of silvers.

Yes.

He's great. He might— I'll say this. Wemby might be the greatest loser we've ever seen.

He's on pace.

He absolutely could be the greatest loser we have ever seen in professional sports.

He's definitely on pace. The third nominee is Caitlin Clark. Ah, win the big one of the year. She didn't win in college. Yeah, she hasn't won in the NBA. The only thing that she's won is like people have lost their minds when it comes to talk. She's just collecting brains.

She's won rent in everyone's head.

Yes, she lives completely free. She's got a lot of real estate in every basketball writer's brain. The most recent one from what's her name, is it Nancy Armor? Yeah, absolutely insane stuff. But again, this is good. Like, it's good to have somebody in your league that makes writers lose their minds.

What was the— what was the title of Nancy Armor?

It was saying that she needs to stop flopping, but it was mostly the one paragraph that compared what she does to the death of Emmett Till.

She—

yes, which is just an absolutely absurd thing to make.

Yeah.

USA Today writer says Caitlin Clark puts Black and queer WNBA players in danger by flopping.

Okay.

Yeah, that might be taking the—

that—

it's—

put a pin in that one.

It's definitely—

that might be next year's take of the year.

It's gonna—

it's gonna be nominated.

So Caitlin didn't win in college. She didn't win— I don't think she won a state title in high school either.

Is that true?

So I don't know that she's ever won a big one.

Wow.

Yeah.

Okay.

Something to keep an eye on. Uh, the next nominee is James Franklin. Last year was pretty impressive work, but it was also couldn't win the small one, the medium or the small. He couldn't win the regular-sized one.

Yeah.

And then next nominee is Cristiano Ronaldo, who can't win the big one. He's won zero big ones of the year. And of course, the big one would be the World Cup.

Yeah, Zach, we discussed— because I think you have a presenter for us for this award and we still have a nominee— but we discussed, I said to you, can you find a presenter for this? And you said, just so we're clear, Ronaldo has won The Champions League and the EPL. That's correct. And what are the big ones? And what did I reply? Would you consider that the big one? And then I text back and I said no.

Okay.

Not the big one. I rest my case.

It's a big one. Yeah, but several big ones.

It's one of the ones.

Yeah, it's not. It's not the big one.

The big one. There's some fat boys in there, which is not the big one. No, it's not the big one.

Then the last nominee for Can't Win the Big One of the Year is Connor McDavid. Connor McDavid might be his last year up in Edmonton. We'll see. I almost feel like this past year he, he took a step back in the can't win the Big One discussion because he wasn't even in contention to win the Big One.

Yeah, I actually— that's where we came up with this award because I remember we were trying to get Whitney to present it and he just replied to me, fuck you.

Yeah.

So that's how that award came. So, Zach, you have us. A presenter. This is our— we have a ton of guest presenters today. You have our first guest presenter for the Takeys. I do have our first guest presenter. Yes, sir. Okay, give it to us.

We got it right here. Oh, okay.

Wow.

Is it—

and the winner of the Can't Win the Big One of the Year is Ronaldo. I'm the GOAT. That was, that was, that was messy. You got us.

I got him.

I got us a guy who has won the big one.

Messi.

Yeah, that's pretty cool. Thank you, Zach.

Why?

Why is it messy in like half speed? Messi is— he's going to take us—

take English as his first language.

Yeah.

Yeah. And how much did it cost on Cameo to get Messi? Well, Messi's priceless. But how much did it cost? Top of my head, roughly $75 to $100.

Okay.

That's a good deal for Messi.

Great deal for the GOAT to do that. I mean, look, he, he loves the game. You know, he's got a little bit of love for Ronaldo. They've been compared their entire careers. So he's someone who's won the big one. Ronaldo's still chasing that big one right there. So he lets him know, battery in his back. The thing— oh, $39. Wow. The thing I love about Messi is he's so committed to the game. He never takes his uniform off. That's how we knew it was Messi in that cameo. That's how good those blue— that's that blue and white striped kit is just phenomenal.

I'd never—

I wouldn't take it off either, to be honest with you.

I also like the, the touch to the cheek.

That he gave.

Yeah, I think that's a signature move. It was soft.

Yeah.

Jeff Hornacek.

Yeah, it's beautiful.

Yeah.

Okay.

Next up. So congrats to Ronaldo. We'll, we'll have that graphic. Zach, I would like you to tweet that graphic from your personal account tomorrow.

I can do that.

Okay.

I love that. And LeBron today. Yeah, we got a lot of day left. The guys are saying, they're saying this is it. All right. The next award is just log off of the year. This is for people who are 2 online, and the nominees are Kevin Durant. Kevin Durant, I think, has been a nominee every single year. Kevin Durant had, of course, his alleged burner, which was Get Off My Dickerson, exposed, where he was talking shit about his teammates, talking about how, uh, he misses Ben Simmons because at least Ben Simmons would pass him the ball, uh, trashing everyone. So just log off. Kevin.

Kevin said he will never log off.

He will never log off. We also have Freddy La7, the viral German fan who did log off and then came back on Twitter. So he logged off, he deactivated, and then he came back and was like, you guys were all being mean to me, but I'm gonna just keep doing my trip and I might be a psyop.

Yeah, I mean, he didn't say that part. When you do log off and then you get drawn back within you know, a couple of calendar weeks, that is the number one sign that you should, in fact, log off. Yes, permanently.

I'd agree.

We have pseudoscientists.

I don't know. I don't know what I would— guy who's trying to live forever. Brian Johnson.

Yeah.

From the guy who brought you the tweet, nighttime erection data from my 19-year-old son and me. His duration is 2 minutes longer than mine, talking about tracking his son's boners. This year he gave us this: just gave Kate, his girlfriend, oral sex. Good night, everyone. And then followed up with: this is her vaginal microbiome report. 100 out of 100 score. Top 1% of all vaginas. Yeah. Her sample is dominated by the single most protective bacterial species a vagina can host. Only about 25 to 30% of reproductive age women globally are El Crispo Potus dominant.

That's the number. That's the top vagina. Yeah, that's the goat. That's what you— that's what you shoot for.

Top 1% of all vaginas. We didn't need to know that. We also have Jaylen Brown for going on Twitch after every single game and then saying things like, honestly, this is my favorite year of my career, and talking about the refs and just being maybe too online. Agreed.

Yeah.

2 on 9. And then finally, we have our good friend Sean McVay for his thirst trap picture with like 16 abs.

Yeah.

I think he got fake abs.

We get it. We get it, Sean.

Yeah. It's a little too many.

It's too— that's too many for a football coach.

You're a genius. You've got a beautiful wife. You've got hundreds of millions of dollars.

Yeah.

And you also got the abs.

Yeah. Football coaches spend more time in the film room.

It's more of a just log off for us. Like, we don't want to see that.

Yeah, don't need that.

Yeah.

OK, the winner of the just log off of the year— we got to get you a drum set next year, Hank— is Brian Johnson.

Yeah.

Or his girlfriend having a top 1% vagina, which we only know about because Brian Johnson told us.

He told us all. And then, then unfortunately, he got sick.

Yeah.

The one thing that he was really, really hoping to not ever do.

Mm-hmm.

So hope you're OK, Brian.

Yeah.

Okay.

Just log off the year.

Just log off. The next category is the 14th Best Quarterback of the Year Award.

Ooh, one of my favorites.

This is a good award.

This is one of my favorites.

Who knows who it could be? Because there's a lot of really good nominees for it that you hear their names and you think, yeah, that, that sounds like the 14th best quarterback in the NFL. The first nominee for 14th best quarterback in the NFL is Dak Prescott. Oh, and last year I believe he won 16th best quarterback.

Yes, maybe 17th.

It could have been 17th.

Yeah.

The next nominee is Jordan Love. Ah, for 14th best quarterback in the NFL. That kind of feels like the right spot for him. The next nominee is Aaron Rodgers.

Okay.

14th best quarterback.

He could be the 14th best quarterback. He might be.

I think if all goes well. Yeah. The next nominee for 14th best quarterback in the NFL is CJ Stroud. Oh, Stroud boys. 14th best. How the mighty have fallen. It's all right, little bro. You got a long future in this league. Next nominee is Bryce Young. How about that? This is actually— I would imagine that if you're a Bryce Young fan, the honor of having him nominated for 14th best quarterback in the NFL, huge. You might as well be putting him number 1 on the graphic.

Bryce Young is now officially, from here on forward, in the conversation for 14th best quarterback in the league.

And the final nominee for 14th best quarterback in the NFL is Jacoby Brissett.

Is he still going to play this year?

We'll see. The holdout continues. I don't think there's been any motion on it. The Cardinals, you got to pay Jacoby. Yeah, you got to step up. Yeah, you got to pay him. I don't know, he's— there's probably a bunch of other teams that probably want him to be a starting quarterback. Probably.

I'd agree.

I'd agree.

Uh, the winner of the 14th Best Quarterback of the Year Award, Max.

You have a cameo for us, Max. Hey, hello everybody! Hey, it's Coach here.

Wow, I'm excited to announce the winner for the 14th Best Quarterback of the Year, and the winner is Dak Prescott!

Hey, congratulations! With that, time's yours.

Oh my God, that's incredible. This guy, I mean, you talk about a money-making scheme for all seasons. This guy just, he transfers straight into Mall Santa.

Mm-hmm.

He's doing Andy, his Andy Reid impression is literally Mall Santa.

I'm starting to realize too that the takees probably account for like 75% of the in-person impressionators on Cameo's yearly budget. Yeah, they're like, all right, well, the takies are coming, so we'll be able to afford rent this month.

Andy Reid impersonator is probably making bread on—

you think so?

Oh yeah.

And Messi for sure.

Yeah, but I think both of them are doing well.

Like, how well? It sounds like you think that they're rich.

They might be.

They're Cameo rich.

Every dad and grandpa who's a Chiefs fan grandson's like, we got to get a Mandy Reid. Zach, can you do any impersonations?

I don't—

impersonation is like really a lowlight of anything. I can't do impersonation.

None.

Fortunately, no.

I would like you to work on an impersonation and then become a Cameo impersonator.

Open-ended. Yeah, well, you got to look like the person.

Well, yeah. Who does he look like?

That guy who eats food?

Yeah, dude. The guy— dude, Nick Toreni.

Or Nick. Or Nick.

Okay, I can look into it.

What about the guy who eats everything in 2 bites?

Zach, that guy is unimpressionable. He is a special guy. I get he has a gift. You can't recreate that. You should We should do Nick Barstool's Nick from KB and Nick impersonator. That could be strong. That'd be sick. Yeah. Maybe the guy who eats the food. That'd be cool. You see the food.

Someone DMs me that guy once a week being like, did you know that Zach had a secret account?

Yeah, I get the guy 15 times a day. Yeah, I love it. It's always like he's the first guy who found him. I love it. All right. So congrats. Congrats to Dak. Huge award. Massive, massive 14th best quarterback. All right. Next up, this is a new award. It's the Brad Stevens No of the Year. Brad Stevens No of the Year. Uh, first up is Brad Stevens saying no to UNC. Good no.

Gotta make him say no.

Strong no. Uh, then we have Michigan. Brad Stevens, gotta make him say no there.

Turned down.

Said no. Then we have the Paul George trade.

Paul George, Jaylen Brown, which they thought to themselves, like, we should make Brad Stevens say no, right? But he didn't.

He didn't say no.

He said yes.

Yeah.

And finally, the Mavericks opening job opening that Dusty may end up getting. But Brad Stevens had to say no.

He said no to it first.

Yeah. Okay. We have Hank. You got us a cameo for this? Yep. Okay.

It's a real one.

Yeah. No, this is impersonator.

These are all real.

Here we go. 2026 Takeys. First and foremost, to Dan, to PMT, to the entire crew. You guys are the best.

What a year for Pardon My Take.

All right, the winner of the 2026 Takey for Brad Stevens Know of the Year is Paul George. Oh, PG, congratulations. You're the winner of the takey for Brad Stevens' No of the Year.

Wow.

That's—

I respect the committee, so I still had him do that one, but I, I, I wanted to change it to— it should have been Giannis.

Why?

Because he said no to Giannis.

To Hugo? Because of Hugo?

Yeah, he didn't say no to Paul George.

No, but that's—

no, he should have.

But that's why you make him say no.

You—

they didn't make him say no. They just asked him, are you down for this?

Which means it was a smart move.

So really, this award goes to the Sixers.

Yeah, they, they, they realized to not— don't even make him say no. Just say we're going to do it.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

So, yeah, we might have confused this award around a little bit, but I think maybe the Sixers won this.

I think the Sixers win this award.

Sixers win this because you had to make Bradley say no to the trade.

Yeah.

Thank you.

And he didn't.

He didn't say no.

He didn't say—

that's why you got to make him say no, because sometimes he won't.

Yeah.

Okay. Before we get to our next one, can we get our guests for the next one? Should we have them come in now?

Let's have them come in.

Come in now for the— not the— I know this is confusing because they might have the same name, but yeah, the in-person guest for the next award. I think they dressed up and they probably want to hear who the nominees are, who he's up against. Before we do that, a quick word from our friends at Twisted Tea. Summer's here and so is the Twisted Tea Summer Party Pack. Twisted Tea is a refreshing hard iced tea made with real brewed tea and 5% alcohol. They also have a new summer party pack, has a brand new Twisted Lemonade. It's a refreshing hard lemonade made with real lemons. It's only available in their new party pack, so grab it while you can. Whether you're hanging out at the bar, hitting the lake or the beach for a weekend, or day drinking with friends, Twisted Tea is there to turn your day up a notch and make a good time a great time. Keep the good times going all day and all summer long. Keep it twisted. Grab a refreshing Twisted Tea today. What is our next award, PFT?

The next award, Big Cat, is a favorite award of ours. It's the Lib of the Year Award. Oh, the Lib of the Year. And Jersey Jerry has won, I believe, 3 times in a row. Yes, he's 3-peated. So this is a confirmed dynasty of liberalism for, for Jersey Jerry. And earlier today, I asked you if he would come in for the Takey Awards because I told him we were doing an award for Bush of the Year. Bush of the Year. Because his, his, his esports team is Telluride Bush.

Shout out to Bush.

Shout out to Bush.

Support the Bush.

But wanted Jerry to not know that it was the Lib of the Year Award. So I told him he's nominated for Bush of the Year.

Mm-hmm.

So Jerry's coming in and we will announce the nominees in just a moment for Bush of the Year. I'm going to tell him that it's not Bush when he comes.

Oh, breaking news. Breaking news.

While we wait for Jerry.

Breaking news.

Breaking news.

Diego Pavia waved by the Ravens.

Damn, end of an era. What was your favorite Pavia moment on the Ravens? Mine was that video that they showed where it looked like he was shorter than the center's butt.

I would agree with you. Yeah, that's a tough one to top.

I like that coat.

Oh, that— I like mine.

Okay, we got Jersey Jerry in here. Uh, Jerry, welcome to the 2026 Takey Awards. How you doing?

Incredible hat, Jerry.

Thank you so much.

Does it— now, are you a little nervous because people are going to say, hey, this doesn't feel like it's on the up and up? We're giving out Bush of the Year and you're wearing a Bush Gaming hat?

No, I'm not worried.

Okay.

I'm not worried.

All right. All right.

Bush of the Year. It could be anybody. Memes, can you just pan down to get the full Jerry outfit in the shot? I just want people to see the whole outfit.

Look, can you see?

What does that say? Bush Records.

I like that. And you got— what does it say? Telluride Bush.

Oh, Telluride Bush.

You don't take the stickers off the hat.

No, in New Jersey, like, they kind of keep it on. I like that jacket. It's blue no matter who. That's true. Yeah, it's nice, right?

Turquoise. Yeah.

New Jersey, they keep it on.

Yeah, I guess East Coast, maybe.

I mean, New York too.

This has been a bit— they make fun of me for that. I can't.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We keep the stickers on.

It's been a big year for Bush. Yeah, Bush might be back, but I think Bush is back. Yeah. But, Jerry, I got a confession. You're not nominated for Bush of the Year. It's the Lib of the Year Award again. I just wanted to trick you to get you in here. But you did tell me earlier that you kind of missed the Lib of the Year. Like, you take a little bit of pride in it. I figured that was going to happen.

You did lie to me.

I did lie to you.

So, yeah, we might have lied to you a little.

I mean, that's why I had the undershirt on. There you go. You know why? Well, because he told me I was going to get Push of the Year. So I was like, oh, okay, cool. Let me get the hat out, the undershirt.

Mm-hmm.

And we're here again.

So you're nominated for Lib of the Year. This would be 4 times in a row for you.

Who could have seen it coming?

No, this will be 3.

Oh, I'm sorry, 3 times.

Yeah, this is a back to back to back.

Okay, so this, this would be for a Diner's—

well, nominated. I didn't win.

Yeah, if you won, it would be for a Diner's. Okay, okay. The nominees, because you're up against a tough crowd, the nominees—

really tough one.

Kawhi Leonard has been nominated for Lib of the Year for his service planting trees. He's a tree planter. Yeah, you know, he's like trying to be the Green New Deal, a one-man Green New Deal.

Okay.

Then yourself, you were nominated. Can I say something real quick?

Why? Why was I nominated again?

Oh, so, I mean, you've become more accepting of various lifestyles this year, I think, you know, learning more about— you got a cousin that maybe is gay, maybe he's bi, maybe he's straight, and whatever that you've learned about, like how you can go back and forth and you've expanded your mind. You're like, oh, maybe that could be you one day.

Jerry, can I just— I'll answer your question with your own words.

Okay.

This is a direct quote from Jersey Jerry. June 15th, 8:11 PM. There's no way I can just turn gay. So how did that happen?

Congratulations.

You're accepting of it.

You're missing the context.

You tweeted that. I'm reading that right here.

There was context. You were saying that you were born that way. I was not born that way.

No.

You just said there's no way that you can just turn. So you were born very accepting. You and Lady Gaga born that way.

No, he wasn't.

Beautiful, Jerry. Beautiful.

You run it with Harry Sisson. Was that last year?

No, that was, that was last year. Yeah, it was last year.

Yeah.

But still pretty impressive. Well, have you seen this?

I mean, people are making this big thing about the search history. That doesn't seem very lib, does it?

Hmm.

I know what you're talking about.

Yeah.

Jerry did have a screen. Do you know what we're talking about?

I do know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Screen grab of his search history. Do you have it?

I don't. I don't.

You pull it up and just read us what Jerry was searching.

Buffet Las Vegas.

This is Jerry's Google search that he accidentally had.

COVID China. Hantavirus. None of these things are non-lit. Las Vegas food.

Yeah.

Charlie Kirk microphone gun. That's kind of like you might have been looking for it.

Like, yeah, that's some key.

That's what you find on that one. Not much.

Yeah.

Are you deep into the Candace Owens lore?

No, not Las Vegas. Who killed Steve Jobs? MKUltra.

Who killed Steve Jobs?

I don't know.

I don't want to say the wrong thing.

Allegedly, there's stories out there.

Okay, well, there is stories out there, but could the answer be cancer? Yes, but that is—

that actually is not—

take medicine.

But there's a—

there's a reason for all that.

They didn't— they didn't—

apparently, allegedly, from what I've read, they didn't— they forced him to not take the medicine.

Okay. Yeah.

MKUltra.

Yeah.

P. Diddy.

Israel.

Yeah.

Who is part of the elite group?

I mean, none of those are not.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So again, I mean, kind of strengthening the case a little bit.

Yeah.

And the other nominee, Jerry O'Connell. We got two Jerrys nominated this year. He was last year too.

No.

Yeah.

This year Jerry appeared on the Bill Maher podcast and proceeded to lib out for about 90 minutes of just solid libness.

Yeah. I think he was on the— wasn't he at a Kamala.

He was.

He was at the rally. He's a white dude for Kamala. Yeah. Well, he's got daughters, right?

He's got daughters.

Yeah, he's got daughters.

Yeah.

That doesn't make someone—

well, no, Jerry's got a daughter. Yeah.

Jerry.

Oh, you do have a daughter?

I do.

And you might have another daughter on the way. I might be outnumbered.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I might have made a mistake the other night.

Yeah, that was a mistake. What'd you do? I really— I released on ovulation.

Oh, you didn't pull out? Yeah, I didn't pull out.

I kept it in.

Okay.

And it felt like a chick.

Yeah, because it was bad.

Yeah.

All right. And then the last nominee for Lib of the Year is Max.

Wow.

Yeah.

Wow.

What was that for?

Yeah.

Oh, what was it? Why was Max nominated?

I don't know.

I don't know.

You're nominated. Congrats.

Congrats, Max.

All right. I'm just happy to be in the conversation. Good luck, Jerry.

Love that.

Thanks.

You too.

May the best lib win.

So, Jerry, last year we had Mayor Pete. Present you with an award.

Yeah.

This year we have a very, very special guest presenter for you. Can we pull it up? Fanta? It is.

Wow.

It's Hunter Biden.

Wow. Hunter Biden.

From one brother in recovery to another.

Congratulations on the Live of the Year Award. I know you didn't have much competition, but I'm still proud of you.

We're both proud of you. Hey, Jerry, congratulations, man. Keep the faith.

What the fuck?

I was not expecting that. Joe Biden wanted to wish you a happy Liberty Hero Award.

That's President Joe Biden, Jerry. President Joe Biden just, just gave an award on the takees to you.

Serious?

What are we doing?

You won.

You won. Congrats.

You're a president.

That's crazy.

I will say, I will say, 47 of those. It's starting to hit me now.

Let it hit me for a second.

I mean, that's kind of respect there.

Yeah, that's big time. Yeah.

All right, Sleepy Joe, thank you, brother.

You want to hear it again?

Yeah, one more time.

You run it back, run it back.

Does he say Jerry?

Jerry, from, uh, one brother in recovery to another, congratulations on the Lib of the Year award. I know you didn't have much competition, but I'm still proud of you.

We're both proud of you. Hey, Jerry, congratulations.

Keep the faith, Jer. Congratulations.

Oh, how about that?

45 men have served in 47 presidencies.

Wow.

You have— you have one of 45 men. That's pretty crazy. Who served as president of the United States of America giving you a takey for Lib of the Year. Just let that set in for a second. That's history. And his history right there is incredible.

Can we get—

if you get in trouble at the Invitational now, you got—

now you're talking to the president.

Knows who I am. Yeah, I was just on the phone The president, the Tiger Woods.

Yes.

On the phone with the president.

Memes, can you do a Photoshop of Biden putting the presidential medal onto Jerry's neck? Can we do that? You stand up for that, Memes, or no?

No, he's—

Yeah, yeah.

Can you stand up for that real quick? Just for the meme. Sure. We're at memes.

Okay.

Tell them where to stand, Memes, so the meme's just right. Do go to the center of the rug. This is a great moment in patience, right?

Have him move to his right.

Move to your right.

To your right, Jerry. Keep going, keep going.

Mhm.

Now turn.

Now turn.

This is the first time Jerry's moved to his right all year.

There you go.

Turn a little to the left.

Turn a little to the left.

You could do this.

Look that way.

You didn't have to turn.

Is he good now, Meebs?

Yeah.

Okay.

You have him do a spin.

Do a spin. Do it.

Just do one.

One full twirl.

A little twirl.

Okay.

Okay. Got it. Got it. All right, Jerry, we logged it.

A president of the United States knows who you are, and he knows that you're the Liberal of the Year. Listen, man, I mean, Trump's never done that.

So I'm going to say to that one, it's true. Trump's never done that.

Yet.

Yeah. Yeah.

But I never see myself winning Republican of the Year.

I don't see that.

Yeah.

But there's no one way we could go for your presenter next year.

Trump calling you a liberal would kill you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Bury me.

You can't beat that, though.

So it's got to be it.

It's so real. I did a jump. I showed it to me earlier today. I was just like, what?

I did a jump scare, too. I didn't know that. I didn't know that the big guy was going to be there at the end.

Play it one more time. Play one more time for us. One more time.

Hey Jerry, from, uh, one brother in recovery to another, congratulations on the Live of the Year award. I know you didn't have much competition, but I'm still proud of you.

We're both proud of you. Hey Jerry, congratulations, man. Keep the faith. Love that, love that.

By the way, he looks— he looks great. Not a day older than 50.

Hasn't lost a step.

He's locked in. Sharp as can be.

Well, congrats, Jerry. Thank you guys again for the opportunity.

Yes.

I mean, I think a first ever back to back to back or no? Yeah, yeah.

Oh yeah.

I mean, I mean, that's pretty crazy. So congratulations.

Thank you guys.

One more. And that's the FDR. Yeah, that's what they'll call that. Exactly.

Yeah.

So I appreciate that, boys.

Wear with honor.

Yep.

Cash prize.

Never got it last year. Well, it'll be in the mail.

All right.

Yep.

So double this year. Yeah, yeah, we'll double.

Yeah, well, inflation, taxes, taxes and inflation.

40 spot this year. It's 90% tax.

But we got you cash prize.

You understand?

We're proud. Okay, maybe we'll get you a bumper sticker for it. Yeah, we'll get that made up for him. All right. Great award. Next up, we're going to kind of stay in the same, same zone here. We have the first ever Cuck of the Year. Oh, Cuck of the Year. And the nominees for Cuck of the Year are— I don't know who this first person is. Josh Heyman. Who's that?

Josh Heyman.

Oh, well, let me put that on.

That was the John Heyman. John Heyman is the guy because he said, I don't know why everyone online keeps calling me a Yankee cuck. Oh yeah. Reporter said that 2 days ago.

That's a good way to be called a cuck.

All right.

We have also the Wisconsin chancellor because I on this program called her an anti-football pussy. She then decided to quit her job at Wisconsin and join an Ivy League school. So turned out to be right.

Nailed it.

Turned out to be right. We also have our good friend Jerry O'Connell is nominated for Cuck of the Year for the time he went on Bill Maher's podcast and said that his daughters and his wife beat him up for being like, hey, you know, like even just saying something that wasn't fully—

even like thinking about Donald Trump.

Yeah, right.

They would hit him. Yeah.

Are you thinking about Trump right now? Crime slapped him across.

And then everyone online called him a fucking cuck.

Yeah, it's an absolute fucking cuck. We have Nikki Glaser. Why is Nikki Glaser on there?

Nikki Glaser, I believe she told a story about she wanted her boyfriend to go out and—

oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's, that's cuck behavior.

That's also respect.

Yeah. And then the Coldplay concert CEO. So that— remember that happened? That was like— yeah, that was a long time ago. Yeah, but it wasn't. It was like a year ago.

Exactly.

All right. The winner for Cuck of the Year in the 2026 Takey Awards is Mr. Jerry O'Connell.

Wow.

And would you know it, we have Jerry here live to accept his award. Jerry. You have just won— I don't know if you heard us, but you won Take of the— Takey of the Year for Cuck of the Year, uh, for the time that you told the story about how your, uh, twin daughters and your wife, uh, slap you around a little bit.

Um, yeah, kind of exciting to have 2 years in a row, uh, of being a Takey winner. That's, that's pretty exciting. Um, I, I don't accept this Takey, guys.

I, uh, What a cock move.

I can't accept it.

You're gonna let another man come up and take your award, Jerry?

You wanna watch another man take your award?

Uh, that—

you know what?

Give him two awards now, because he just won again.

Oh, that's interesting, Jerry.

Two awards.

We got trophies, Jerry.

We got trophies for you. We got two of them. It's a man sitting in a cuck chair just for you. So we're gonna send that to you.

I think it's you, actually.

It is you.

It's you.

We made you sitting in a cuck chair. As a trophy.

Jerry, what is it like being such a fucking cuck?

Hey guys, do you remember when I first came on your podcast to address the Vrabel-Racine issue and I implored people to stop calling me an F-word cuck?

Yeah.

But you're now the exclusive exhibitor of your podcast, Netflix. Netflix actually wrote the actual F-word out in the closed captioning. Yes. So on behalf of the closed captioning person at Netflix, I want to apologize to anyone who may have been offended by Pardon My Takes' closed captioning choices.

That's such a cuck thing to do.

Yeah.

So you've come on. You've come on just so we can recap. You've come on. You've not accepted the award and you've apologized. Just proving the award.

It's an honor to be— it's an honor to get a Techie. I do want to apologize to my wife and children for saying anything about them in the past. I love them very much. They should speak for themselves when it comes to matters about them. I would only like to talk about what projects I'm working on and so on and so forth. My main focus right now is fantasy football. Yeah, I'm not even kidding. I'm in so many mock drafts all the time. I'm really just concentrating on managing your team, and it's a really tough season. So much has happened. So many players are in so many different places. David Montgomery is a Texan. Um, you know, uh, we got a running back situation in the AFC East.

Um, we do.

I'm just everywhere, you know. Like, how good is George Pickens gonna be?

Like, Yeah, lock in, Jerry. I love this.

Yeah, I just don't know. It's really— right now I'm really just trying to lock in. I'm really just trying to lock in. I'm actually, uh, it's, uh, it, it's exhausting running our fantasy team because expectations could not be higher this season. I also want to apologize. I, I re— I, I rewatched, uh, the episode where I told Hanky, um, Tubi was a growth engine and stuff because Hanky asked what screens my Tubi movie was going to be on, uh, what, what movie theater. And unlike Odyssey, it was, uh, Tubi is a streaming service. Um, you know, I don't really like look at— I, I try to save battery on my Android, so I don't really have like— I don't really look at my reflection when I'm on your show. I don't really see what I'm looking like right now. Yeah, it was, it was a bad physical look for me, um, streaming that, um Hankie, uh, saying very, very rude things about Hankie and all that sort of stuff. But the angle was like terrible. It was down here and I was very vascular and I had like bags under my eyes and stuff. It was, uh, it just wasn't a good look.

Hank, I do want to apologize to you for, uh, saying a lot of those things and physically what I would do to you. It's, it's not appropriate. It's not appropriate.

Yeah, that was actually So is Tubi not a growth engine? Oh, sorry, is Tubi not a growth engine?

No, Tubi is a growth engine. Um, by the way, somehow the people at Tubi were very pleased with my, uh, my performance on, on part of my take when I was saying it was a growth engine. I had to— I apologized vehemently because unlike at Barstool, I deal with human resources a lot, and just sort of what I was saying about what I was going to do to Hanky and Yeah, I was pretty graphic and vascular. I was pretty graphic.

Yeah. Yeah. But in a spin zone here, you actually were going to buttfuck Hank, which is very against your cuck-like tendencies to watch someone else buttfuck Hank, right? That you're an alpha in that moment. You're an alpha.

I would say if you would, if you were going to power bottom Hank, then I'd be like, yeah, that makes sense. But yeah. If you're, if you're doing the drilling, yeah, then yeah, that's kind of, you know, badass, bro. The committee will take that into consideration next year.

That's badass.

I'm not, I'm not doing any of that. I, I want to apologize to anyone who heard that. And I also don't want to affiliate the people at Tubi with what I was saying I was gonna do to Hank and everything.

Tubi is a, uh, is a girth engine.

Just to, just to switch everything up for a second. Um, Hank, uh, little olive branch. I'm really excited about your Patriots this season.

Wow, love that.

They really, they really look good, all of them. I gotta tell you, the biggest question I have, and we'll deal with this when I do— well, actually, let me— guys, is it okay if I start with, with the AFC East?

Hey, do you accept his apology?

Come on.

Yeah, we'll see what he says at the end of this call. As of right now, yes.

What do you mean?

I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything. Hank, I'm actually done fighting with you. There's no beating you. You always say the one thing. You're like an acupuncturist with rude things to say. You're just like, oh, let's just get this nerve right there. You just get it right in there.

If I feel like I'm getting attacked, I'm attacking back every time.

100%. You are a worthy adversary. I lay down my sword, Hank. I lay down my sword.

Wow.

I need to concentrate on true cock fashion, uh, on, on people I can, you know, need victory with, you know?

Yeah.

Yep.

Yeah.

Hey, what happened with—

All right, Jerry, we'll see you.

Thanks, Jerry.

Thanks, Jerry.

Congrats again.

You could take that cock trophy and you could shove it up your ass, both of you. You could shove it up your ass. And you know what? I am gonna cuck and watch you guys get that shoved up your ass. I'm gonna watch Zach and Hanky shoving it up both your butts just like this.

Yeah, yeah.

And then I'm going to be a growth engine right down there. Yeah. Blood flow. Shove it up there. And I will watch. You're right. Maybe I am a cuck. Maybe I will take this award.

Yeah, I am a cuck. I want to watch that. I want to watch you shove that cuck thing up your ass.

I want to watch it. Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, thanks, Jerry.

Good.

I'm glad.

All right.

You're right.

I am a cuck.

I am a cuck. Call me a cuck. I'm a cuck. I want to watch Big Cat and PFT get that trophy shoved up their buttholes. Probably for sure. It's not the first time something has been up there, so it's going to slip right in.

Yeah.

Both your heads are up there all the time.

Thank you, Jerry.

All right, Jerry.

For more information about Jerry's charity, check out Seven Sunday Heroes Foundation.

By the way, let me— I thought for sure when you said I was winning a takey, I thought it was going to be something along the lines of best impersonation of Geno Smith, which Somehow still have not been canceled for that. But let me tell you something, if I ever run for city council here in Calabasas, for sure that video is coming up.

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay.

Oh, Jayden Daniels came up in one of my mock drafts yesterday.

Wow.

Oh, huge. What'd you do? Yeah.

Uh, I, uh, I passed on him.

Sorry.

I'm fine with that because you put him, I think, number 1 overall last year. So I'm fine with you. Staying away from Jayden, please.

Yeah, looking at, looking at Caleb though.

Caleb, here we go.

Yeah, you don't want that. Yeah, you don't want this.

Yeah, I'm a little nervous now. Yeah, I don't want that. I don't want that. I want that thing.

Also, we're gonna have Zach learn how to do an impression of you, Jerry.

Yeah, he's gonna get on Cameos. Oh yeah, impersonator of you. Yeah.

Oh cool, uh, maybe he can now make fun of my impediment just like Hank does every time I come on there.

Yeah, he is an acupuncturist.

Pretty cool.

Yeah, ableist. Yeah, yeah. No shame in the impediment game, Jerry.

No way.

No shaming in the impediment game is what Zach said. He's got you.

Yeah, I mean, no, but Hank, Hank.

All right, Jerry, our phone's going to die. Our phone's about to die.

Okay.

Are you still— you still recording, Max?

We're running it.

We're about— I don't know what you're going to say. I don't know when to stop.

All right, the next award. Is Hank Loss of the Year.

Hank Loss of the Year.

Mr. Bing Bong to Hanky Loss of the Year. Hank's taken to the shorts in the past 15 minutes. That's okay. That's why we love him. Hank Loss of the Year.

I'm excited to see these nominees.

First nominee for Hank Loss of the Year is LIV Golf. Okay.

Because currently playing.

Technically still a league. That's the best thing you can say about LIV. The Super Bowl. Nominated for Hank Loss of the Year. Never really felt like the Patriots were in that one. I was just as heartbroken as Hank, probably if not more. Tough loss to the Seahawks. That's true. The next nominee is the Celtics losing to the Sixers in 7 games at Max's bachelor party in Vegas with a suite full of delentes.

Bad.

That would you say that was one of the worst losses?

Yeah.

Jalen Brown, great player though.

Great player.

Great player.

Great player.

Really good player.

Yeah.

You got to say.

Yeah. Definitely.

I'm man enough to say it.

Next nominee for Hank Loss of the Year is Hank switching to lefty. So he's losing his ability to golf right-handed. Giving up on being right-handed.

That's not a loss. That's a win. I've gained another hand.

That's good. A good way to look at it.

That's true. You now have two hands. Most people only have one.

But didn't you give up on the old hand?

No, we're just— we're just adding a new skill.

Okay. Most, most golfers only use 50% of their God-given ability.

Yeah.

And not you.

Right.

The next nominee for Hank Loss of the Year is the Boston Bruins. Boston Bruins.

Yeah. Devastating.

That was devastating for you.

Heartbroken about that.

Yeah.

Yeah. Next nominee for Hank Loss of the Year is Mike Frabel.

He's still a coach.

Still a coach.

Still a coach.

Just took us to the Super Bowl. Except for the Sunday of the NFL Draft.

Yeah, he went to rehab. Guys can't get better. Guys can't fix themselves.

The next nominee for Hank Loss of the Year is the Jaylen Brown trade. Losing Jaylen Brown.

Added Paul George though and future picks.

And kept Hugo.

Yep.

You love Paul George and Sharman. Kept Sharman and he only—

but only good things to say about Paul George out of Henry Lockwood.

Yeah, I mean, I trust in Brad Stevens.

Mm-hmm.

So that's a win.

You got a contract. You got Paul George's contract. Pretty good. The next nominee for Hank Lost the Year is when you farted during the interview with Kellen Moore. Farted really loudly.

Although that was a win. That was very fun.

I would also like to say it was— it was just air escaping his butt. But it wasn't a fart. So whoever wrote this category, not fair.

And they didn't factor in physics.

Physics and the chair and the fact that the Pelicans facility was right next door.

Yeah, that's why I was wearing the hat.

Right next door.

The next nominee for Hank Loss of the Year.

There's a lot of these.

Damn.

It's a lot of loss.

The Duke loss to UConn in front of a record-setting TV audience.

Yes.

Mind you.

Yes. Breland Mullins. So wet. And that one hurt because we watched it like 75 times.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we reenacted it. We have a cameo, a guest presenter for Hank Loss of the Year.

Oh, who is this? I like this. And the winner for Hank Loss of the Year by unanimous decision is all of them. Oh my God, that's great. Bruce Buffer, that's the real Bruce Buffer. Yep, that's not an impersonator.

No, that's him. His wife is probably in the next room just like all day he's doing that on Cameo.

You had to smile a little bit at that, Hank.

That was, that was funny. Yeah, it was a bad year, that, uh, hearing them all stacked up against each other like that.

It's like, because you get, you do the Super Bowl and then you're like, all right, well, that was bad, then live and And then the switching the hands and switching hands.

Not a loss. It is not a loss. Some of those were reaches, but it was, it was a bad year. Can't win every year.

No, but you also can—

rebuilding.

You lost a lot this year.

Lost a lot in big ways. But like, you know, you got to, you got to feel the loss so you know how to overcome them and then win again.

Yeah, true.

But you used to just win.

Now there's a lot, you know, when you win so much, there's still, there's still losses. But usually the wins outweigh the losses. This is a record-setting year of L.

You actually won it losing the most after L. So congratulations.

Yeah, this is the start of your winning.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because you went— you win this award.

Yeah, you won the team.

I'd like to thank the committee for this award for loss of the year. And I would like to officially start my championship DVD for next year.

Awesome.

Good job, Hank. All right. Next up, we have the Takey Four ratio of the year. Some really good nominees, including some people in this room. And we'll start with PFT. You're nominated for Ratio of the Year because you said on June 12th, hey, Paraguay, fuck you. And then Catriel Escobar said, fuck you too, quote tweeting you. Got 7,600 retweets. And the quote at 135,000 likes. And the retweet was just a picture of a Paraguayan football player doing a bicycle kick with the ball exploding the World Trade Centers.

Yeah.

So it was quite—

I'll take that.

Yeah, quite one.

I'll take that.

It's a hell of a reach. Likes 135,000 likes. It's a great one.

That's absurd.

That's like, yeah.

Hey, football.

Jeff Nadieu is actually nominated, our former coworker, for some— some guy named Brandon Carr said, you corny and fat, go get in the weight room. He quote tweeted and said, you're— and you're a woman beating piece of shit, and then posted the guy's arrest record. He got 107,000 likes on that ratio. Wow. For 4.4 retweets.

That's a man of honor.

Yeah.

Emmanuel Acho. Is nominated not once but twice. The first one is, if I'm Shador Sanders, why am I listening to Todd Munkin? What have you won on an NFL level? He got 4,800 replies, 3,100 tweets, which were mostly all quote tweets, retweets, and then only 1,000 likes.

That's tough to do.

That's a really good ratio.

Really, really tough to do. Emmanuel Achoo just continues to cement himself as being the weirdest guy in sports.

Yes.

Easily. We also have our own account, Pardon My Take account, because after we lost— what was this after? March 17th?

World Baseball Classic.

World Baseball Classic. We tweeted the USA has 60 Super Bowls, Venezuela has zero. And then Leonard Reyes quote tweeted us to the tune of 27,000 likes. And it says United States zero Domino championships, Venezuela 61 Domino championships. And so that's some good shit right there.

That's a really good—

that's really really good shit. And then finally, Emmanuel Acho again, because he said the WNBA would be better without Caitlin Clark because she is a bigger distraction than she is additive. That one got 4,000 replies and only 1,000 likes.

Also, late edition nominee Pat McAfee for tweeting out an album coming out the day after he's laid off a bunch of people.

Yeah.

Which I will be purchasing.

Yes.

Said album.

Yes.

100%. Yes, I was saying we should do— we should do McAfee karaoke at some point.

Yes, I'd agree.

Fall Out Boy, we're going down, down and early around.

The winner of the ratio of the year. Listen, I went into it being like, we actually didn't put a winner here. Yeah, it's got to be Emmanuel Acho. He did such great work.

Yeah, it's pretty good.

I mean, those two, the Schnur Sanders should not listen to his head coach. Yeah, because what has he done in the league? And then Caitlin Clark is actually bad for the WNBA. Unbelievable. Yeah.

His takes are sometimes indistinguishable from a man recovering in a hospital from getting attacked by hammers. That is kind of like where his brain is at. Yes. He got ratioed the other day too for, for claiming that he, that, that Ryan Clark built NFL Live. Oh, from the ground up. Oh, and then And then Trey Wingo flew in and he was like, wait, wait one dad-burned second. Because if you want to talk about building an NFL Live, let me put some stats on you. So Emmanuel Acho, truly one of the dumbest to ever do it. Can't wait to see what he has cooked up for us this year.

Yeah, he really is. I feel like every year he's, he's just, he's, he's basically competing against himself.

Yeah.

There's no one else out there. He's just going to a point.

He's Joey Chestnut.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's like one year that a Bertoletti won. Yeah, everything else.

No.

All right, Pete, you want to do an ad before we get to our next award?

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Terms apply. That's code PMT20 at checkout. Get $20 off your first order. With TickPick. And the next award in the 2026 Takeys is, it's a brand new category, the Week 1 Super Bowl Win of the Year. Ooh, there were a lot of, a lot of victories that in the moment felt huge and in retrospect were not, were really not worth anything. So the nominees for the Week 1 Super Bowl Win of the Year are The Philadelphia 76ers beating the Boston Celtics in Game 7 in the first round of the playoffs.

That was huge.

Technically, that would— that wouldn't be Week 1. That'd be—

we're talking about— it's, it's the Week 1 sentiment is like, oh, congrats on your Week 1 Super Bowl, you're not gonna win anything else.

Well, that would be round— that'd be round 1.

Yeah, it's not an actual literal Week 1, Max.

I'm just gonna spoil it for you. None of these are actually Week 1 NFL games.

Okay, but you understand, a figure of speech like round one would have made more sense.

Well, not all of them are round one. 3 out of 4 of round one. One is round 3. Okay, the expression week one Super Bowl, it's the celebration after a big win that then immediately follows a big loss.

Got it.

Yeah.

So the Sixers, you're very happy, and then reality came.

Yep. I'm, I'm curious to continue listening to these.

Okay, uh, the second nominee is—

you did the nominees. Yeah, I know.

The Chicago Bears.

There we go. Just wanted to make sure that one was in there.

It's on there.

It's number 2.

I wanted to make sure it was in there.

You have the same Google document as us.

It's in there. It's in there. Actually, us getting under your skin for that first nominee, that was, that was a Week 1 Super Bowl we just had. Yeah, for this category.

And we do that.

So you're about to have a big loss.

Yeah, because we both have two nominees coming up. The Bears over the Packers. Yep. In the playoffs. It was awesome. Great time. So much fun. And then you ran into the big bad man.

He's not that big or bad. He's like medium size.

Yeah, he's good.

Stafford. Yeah, no, he's a good player. Hey, good player. Hey, like Jalen Brown. He's a good player. He's a good player.

And McPhay's six-pack. Yeah.

Yeah.

14-pack.

The third nominee is JMU covering in the first round of the college football playoff against Oregon.

Hmm.

That would be a victory that was not a victory at all. But we'll take them where we can get them. And then the last nominee is the San Antonio Spurs beating the Oklahoma City Thunder and everybody thinking that this is Wimby's time to shine. Congrats to the Spurs for winning an NBA championship.

Crying his eyes out.

Cried his eyes out.

Which I had no problem with. But you got to win the— you got to win the title after that.

Yep.

So we have, we have an award presenter for this. This was Hank. Hank got a presenter here. Two presenters. Oh, what's up, boys? DeLente Brothers here broadcasting from Rittenhouse Square in Philadelphia. We're here to present the Week 1 Super Bowl Winner of the Year and accept the award on behalf of the Sixers beating the Celtics in Game 7 of Round 1.

Yeah, very honored and privileged to be accepting this award on behalf of all Philadelphia. Uh, as everyone knows, we were out in Vegas for this incredible feat.

This isn't a good thing, boys.

We just really took it to those Celtics, you know.

Um, just put them in their place, and now we've supplanted them as, uh, the top dog in the division. Um, we really had a hell of a time out there.

Also not true. Um, Knicks literally won the NBA championship.

Las Vegas with dinners and celebrations and, and, uh, just good vibes all all around. So, um, it was a hell of a Super Bowl, and, uh, we're happy that, uh, we're with our buddy Hank. I can't believe anything. I'm just a little surprised that we're not getting the award for the greatest leasing of the year.

Yeah, there we go.

Like Dancy just did to Brad Stevens getting Jaylen Brown.

Yep.

And, uh, we'll say it one more time: Jaylen Brown, very, very good player. I love it. Hank, by the way, uh, in like planning out the take, he's kind of a mishmash. I'm trying to get everything organized and sending, hey, you get this cameo, you get that Cameo. This morning I, I saw this award and I was like, oh shit, we don't have a Cameo for it. I texted Double D and I was like, hey, can you send a video for this award? He's like, Hank texted me yesterday, me and Nick already got it. So we're, we're same wavelength.

We're alive.

And he said, he noted, great category, thought though, I, I stand by that we should have one for biggest fleecing. I wanted to do Delente of the Year Award. I think it goes Double D. Yeah, just for talking to himself in the tee box saying, come on, Double D. I would agree.

You just like the nickname Double D. I love the double D. That's really what it is.

I'm a tits guy. Yeah, we always say— oh man, we got— we might have to do another Bachelor party, just this room partying, but bringing your brothers, because I miss them. They're the best. Yeah, look at them. I can't believe they accepted this. I can't believe they were like—

Nick was proud to win this award. You see, this is— they don't understand.

No, they didn't push back at all.

Hank was so happy during the entire presentation.

Oh man, they were— yeah, they, they're, they're raising a banner.

Yep.

Oh man.

All right, great award, great award. Uh, all right, we next up we have Michigan Man of the Year. Michigan was big in sports this year. We had coaches getting fired for weird things. We had, uh, best-selling authors and Dave Portnoy. We had national championships in basketball. So Michigan Man of the Year. The nominees are Sharron Moore, Michigan Man of the Year, keeping Michigan on task this year. Maybe not the best year possible, but hey, listen, he, you know, they won a few games here and there. They also got Bryce Underwood going. So Michigan Man of the Year, Sharron Moore is nominated.

Yeah.

Was it a good tenure? Who's to say?

Yeah.

Dave Portnoy, our boss, congratulations on the New York Times bestseller. You are nominated for Michigan Man of the Year. We also have Ward Manuel for being an AD who's won a national championship in both basketball and football.

Few and far between.

Yep.

Dusty May. Dusty May for winning national title, then going to the Mavericks. Some say the greatest Michigan man to get out of there.

But is there anything more Michigan man than leaving before the consequences arrive?

No, that is the most Michigan man. And then we have Adam Schefter. For just being a Michigan man. Yeah, through and through. Okay. I have a special guest for Michigan Man of the Year. Hi, this is Dave Portnoy, Michigan class of '99, here to present the award for Michigan Man of the Year.

And the winner is—

Sharon Moore. Congrats, Coach. Hope you're doing well. I don't know what Quigs put in the prompt, opted for Dave to like go to the envelope. Yeah, you saw the AI got a little confused there and he just, he put his hand in front of him and then pulled out absolutely nothing.

Nothing. I want to see like which, which videos of Dave the AI drew on to go with that beard.

Yeah, it's good beard. Yeah, it's actually a really good haircut he's got right there. So congrats to Sherron Moore, Michigan Man of the Year.

Huge congrats.

Love that for him. He really embodies everything that Michigan is and believes. Yep.

The next category is the wedding of the year. We love love on part of my take. The nominees for a wedding of the year 2026 are Max.

Max.

Max getting married.

Max, you got married a lot.

Yeah.

This is going to be—

this is going to be—

Max's wedding number one is the first nominee. Next nominee is Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift got married at Madison Square Garden, something that we all thought for sure would be way, way too tacky for her. But sounds like it was a great wedding. Dean Blandino was there, and I think everybody had a great time. Mm-hmm.

They couldn't sit down to eat dinner.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

I didn't know about that.

I didn't know about that either.

Standing dinner.

Yeah. People were just like standing around.

Wow.

There weren't enough seats.

Yeah.

The next nominee for Wedding of the Year is Max Wedding Number 2. Oh, the second time Max got married.

Second time.

Yep.

The next nominee for Wedding of the Year is Pug. 99 Pug. Pug got married this year.

Love Pug.

We love you, Pug. Next nominee for Wedding of the Year is Sam Darnold. Congratulations, Sam.

Mm-hmm.

I, to be honest, I forgot that Sam Darnold got married.

He did get married.

The next nominee for Wedding of the Year is Tyrese Halliburton.

Also forgot he got married. Oh no, he got married like yesterday.

Yeah. Congrats, Tyrese Halliburton.

Late, late entry.

Late entry. The winner for Wedding of the Year, we have a guest presenter.

Oh.

And the winner for the 2026 Takee for Wedding of the Year— may I have the envelope, please?

Thank you. Wow.

Max Dolente!

Congratulations, fellow paesano!

Oh, that's good.

Paisan Furio from, from, uh, Sopranos. And he, he made an actual card that said Takis.

Pretty impressive stuff.

Did he do that?

That's good. That's a good talk.

It looked like it said 2026 Takis.

That's incredible.

Thank you, Furio.

That guy does his cameos right.

Yeah, that's a guy you want to go back to. Give that guy a rating.

Yep, absolutely. Yeah, screenshot that. We'll use that for some promo. That's incredible.

Yep.

Yeah.

Okay.

I still wish he had pushed Tony into that propeller that one time. Yeah, no, because like after that happened, then Tony goes on.

Yes.

He kills Christopher.

Him and Carmelo were perfect together. Yeah. Max, congratulations. Do you accept?

Yes, I accept.

One more.

You got one more in you.

You got one more in you.

Done. Done.

All right. Next up, we have Animal of the Year. Animal of the Year. This has been a big year for animals, fun animals. First up, we have Neil the Seal, the sea lion, actually. And where was he? Was he in South Africa? So if I forget, it was just wrecking shit. He was like £10,000, just dummying everything in sight. And everyone was just like, hey, we got to let Neil the Seal do his thing. We have the bison who flipped the old man. Upside Down, probably video of the year, if we're being honest. We have the snakes in China, the snakes in China who were in that river of the flood. That was fucked up.

Yep.

Punch the Monkey, which we've spoken about. Punch the Monkey. I still maintain that I would like to do a vibe check on Punch the Monkey. He was the monkey that got bullied and everyone felt bad for him. No one asked a simple question. Is Punch the Monkey just a bad hang?

I was watching that and I was just seeing nature take its course.

Exactly.

Seemed like they knew that punch was going to get them in trouble.

Yeah. And then the last is Jimothy, the mutant raccoon that has gone viral recently.

Jimothy.

Yeah.

So the mascot of the Titans.

He's not the mascot. He might be. All right. Do we have animal of the year?

Oh.

Oh, wow.

We do. Wow.

Oh, my God.

Our favorite animal.

Our favorite animal.

What's up, guys?

This is former President Pug here, just announcing the Takey winner for Animal of the Year. Without further ado, the winner is the bison who flipped that guy over.

Wow.

Hope all is well, fellas.

Miss you. Pug. Banger.

Oh, so good.

Thanks.

You surprised us with that, Pug. You told us it was gonna be someone else.

Well, yeah, that person— that person said no, so—

oh, so you got Pug last minute?

Yeah. Pug sent that in like 20 minutes ago.

Pug's always there for us. Always. Good guys will be always there for us.

Okay.

The next category is Ball of the Year. New category, Ball of the Year.

Okay.

And the nominees are Lamelo.

Mm.

Lamelo Ball. Not the world's best driver, but he's got a change of scenery, entire new municipality to terrorize with his car. Oldie is nominated for Ball of the Year. Yeah. Oldie's balls. He was showing them to anybody that would look at the bonfire last year at Camp Powerstool.

Yeah.

The pouch is what legends are made out of. Actually, I don't know what that's made out of, but shout out to Oldie and his balls. Next nominee for Ball of the Year is Solo. Solo ball. Just having solo ball on TV.

Yep.

Great.

Great for balls.

Yep.

New nominee. I just put this in right now.

Yeah, I was wondering what that was going on.

Joshua Corotta-Grauer has been nominated for Ball of the of the Year. He's— he plays for the Oakland Athletics. Fouled, tipped a ball into his own ball last night, ruptured his testicle at the plate, stayed in the game, got a base hit, and then went to the hospital. Oh, we had to have emergency surgery.

Fuck.

So that's one tough ball.

Yep.

And then the final nominee for Ball of the Year is Tyler Shaw. Yeah, because it's just so fucking catchable. Oh, such a good ball.

I can't wait for Shuck season.

Such a good ball.

Do you guys have to play Shuck this year? Yeah, I believe there's a redemption game on schedule. You have to. Yeah, you have to twice.

Yeah.

Does anyone else have to play Shuck? Because that would break my heart.

Let's see. Let's see what the Saints schedule is. I should know this.

I do not think the Bears play the Saints this year.

And the Saints play the Lions.

We do not play the Saints.

Oh, shit. We do play the Saints.

Fuck.

Yep.

Oh, yeah, that's right. We— I think we played the—

you're the only one in this room.

I think we played the NFC South.

Yeah. Fuck.

Fuck.

At least you get to play the NFC South.

November 22nd. Okay. All right.

Well, sorry.

Sorry, Chuck.

Happy Thanksgiving.

We're going to have to intercept that catchable ball.

The winner of Ball of the Year. I believe we have a guest presenter for this one today.

That's right, I'm Lavar Ball, the big CEO of the Big Baller Brand, and you know I got a hell of an announcement to make. That's right, the winner of the 2026 Tacky for Baller of the Year is Tyler Shaw. That's how it's going down. The quarterback for the New Orleans Saints, Triple B style. Big Baller Brand is in the building and you know how we do this. Again, The winner of the 2026 taking for Ball of the Year is Tyler Schoch. There it is. Big Ball is out in Iowa. Great job.

Haven't heard from LeVar in a while.

Great to see LeVar.

Good to see he's still out there doing his thing.

Great to see LeVar. Okay, so Tyler Schoch, congratulations. Ball of the Year. Well, well deserved. All right, next up we have a new category. It is the Gorilla Trade of the Year. The nominee is the Pittsburgh Zoo trading with the Boston Zoo, uh, the getting Little Joe for Frankie. Um, and that's the only nominee, so let's get to the winner.

The Takey Award for the Gorilla Trade of the Year goes to Pittsburgh for trading Frankie to Boston for Little Joe and And it's not true that Boston is going to get a gorilla to be named later.

And that is the king, Mike Francesa. Thank you so much to Mike Francesa for— he does not have Cameo, by the way. Um, his son works, uh, for us and he's great. And it was very funny because I asked him, and, uh, Mike Francesa is the best, but he, he was like— I was talking to his son and I was like, hey, we really like it if if, if, if he could do the Takey Award for gorilla trade of the year.

Yeah.

And he was like, all right, he's going to think about it. And I said, all right, well, let me know if you need me to like call him or text him or anything to explain it more. He said, no, no, he understands. He's going to sleep on it. And then he got back to us, the king.

And he's like, I've decided—

sports pope—

I've decided we're going to do this. Yeah, we're going to do the gorilla trade.

And bonus, we have a very special bonus. We actually, uh, talked to the CEO of the Pittsburgh Zoo to see if he would accept the takey for Gorilla Trade of the Year and break down the actual trade. So let's do that. Okay, now on to officially accept the takey for Gorilla Trade of the Year is the Pittsburgh Zoo President and CEO, Jeremy Goodman. Uh, Jeremy, thank you so much for joining us.

First of all, congratulations, you have won Gorilla Trade of the Now, thank you so much. This is an honor. I mean, you know, it's something that as a little boy you always, you know, think about. And growing up, you know, in the zoo world, about winning that gorilla trade. And, uh, you know, the fact that we were able to pull that off this year, you know, it was a total team effort.

That's awesome. So, so can you walk us through the trade? When is the trade— like, are you making calls all the time? Are you calling zoos everywhere around America being like like who's on the market? Is there a trade deadline with zoos? How does that work?

Yeah, um, there's no official trade deadline. We're always, uh, talking with our, the other zoos. Um, you know, we're more like colleagues than competitors, but, um, you know, everybody's trying to have the best zoo possible, um, just like the best team possible. And, uh, you know, we're always looking for new animals, different animals, trying to make sure that get the right matches. You know, chemistry is really important. You can't just put two animals together and, uh, and win a Super Bowl. It's, uh, it's just one ball, same sort of thing. It's, uh, you know, trying to do your homework and, uh, you know, scouting, and, uh, very similar in a lot of ways. And that's how you get success and get a winning team.

Can you walk us through this particular trade, uh, when you decide to pull the trigger on it, what other offers there might have been out there, and what the overall strategy was for you behind why you thought this was a fit.

Yeah, I mean, you know, we were, uh, silverback is, is the most important position in a gorilla troop, or gorilla team if you will. And we were down, uh, a silverback, you know, we, we just didn't have one anymore. And, uh, it was a big hole to fill, and we were looking all over. And, um, you know, we, the rest of the team, uh, you know, our females, we had some youngsters that really needed that, that kind of big role model to, to up to, uh, and somebody who would be good with the youngsters. So, uh, you know, we did our homework and, uh, you know, Lil Joe was on the top of the list, um, you know, and, uh, you know, his genes weren't represented, but, you know, he— we really thought he would be a great fit. And, you know, our, our younger guy Frankie, um, you know, he, he was an amazing animal. I mean, like, you know, he was born here, homegrown talent, um, really just, uh, you know, everybody loved him but, you know, it was his time to shine and his time to move on and, you know, become part of another team, another troupe.

And, you know, he's wreaking havoc over there in Boston. And Lil Joe is just trying to fit in with his teammates, his new teammates here.

So the plan with Lil Joe, and we obviously aren't experts, we're not Adam Schefter or Ian Rapoport when it comes to these type of trades. But what we understood, and maybe you can correct me, is that Little Joe now, you could potentially have more gorillas. You can make more gorillas with Little Joe, whereas Frankie's not ready for that yet. So this is a play for the future where you can, you can basically rebuild in the farm system with Little Joe potentially producing more gorillas.

Yeah, absolutely.

I mean, that's the job of a silverback, and, uh, you know, to, uh, that's the primary job other than defending the, the team and the troop. It's to produce little gorillas, and that's what we're really hoping for, that he hits it off with our females. And, you know, before you hit silverback age, you're in your bachelor years, and that's where Frankie is right now. And he's with the bachelor troop over in Boston, and they're doing their thing. Not ready to, you know, they're just in a different stage of life as Little Joe is. And, you know, this is something that, uh, you know, we're ready now. We've got some great females here, and, uh, just really hoping Little Joe, uh, meshes with everybody and, uh, we have those little, little gorillas to help the species.

That's interesting. It's a silverback-driven league is what I'm hearing. And so that was a, that was a big glaring hole that you had on your roster. It sounds like you filled it. I hope that he's able to make some more gorillas for you. How common are these types of trades? How, how often do you engage in, uh, not just gorillas but maybe anything that you have in the zoo? How often are you on the phone with somebody else talking about a potential trade? Trade?

Um, you know, pretty frequently actually. Uh, it's not, it's not always a one-for-one trade. Um, a lot of times, uh, you know, it's the player to be named later type of, uh, type of deal. Um, but yeah, we, we're talking with, uh, um, you know, some other zoos right now about, uh, them taking some of our, you know, one or two of our animals and us getting a few in return. And, uh, the good thing about zoos is, you know, we're all very cooperative and we all want to each other succeed because it's all about the animals. And, uh, and that's really what all these, these trades and, uh, you know, are about, is, is just making sure that everybody has, has that right winning team and combo.

As you're, uh, in your career as president, CEO, have you had a trade that you've looked back on and been like, I, I kind of messed that one up?

Um, not that I've messed up, but I, you know, there was one trade that I just had to steal the century.

Um, tell us.

Yeah, yeah, just, uh, work with another zoo. Um, we were looking— we had, uh, it was a giant tortoise trade, and, uh, they were looking for some new genetics, and we had some baby giant tortoises, uh, which weren't so giant yet. And in return, we got some, uh, you know, 600-pounders. And, uh, I couldn't believe I pulled that one off. But, um, you know, once again, we got what we needed and, uh, they got what they needed, and, uh, that's, that's definition of a good trade in the end is everybody wins.

You do sound like Howie Roseman. That's like almost word for word what he described to us when we were like, sometimes, you know, you've had your way with a couple other teams, got some really good trades. He's like, you know, ultimately we want everybody to be better. The best trades are the win-wins. Like, bar for bar, you are the Howie Roseman of zoos, I think.

It's smart. Yeah, you want to, you want to keep everyone else wanting to trade with you because if they have a bad time—

a lot of parity in this league. Yeah, we really, uh, Yeah, I want to keep everybody on an even playing field. And, you know, uh, although we want our zoo to be the number one zoo and finish, you know, number one each year, um, you know, we, uh, have no animosity to anybody else.

Where do you guys rank?

You know, ranking zoos is, is pretty arbitrary. Uh, you know, some people rank off of, uh, acreage, number of animals, uh, um, you know, different amenities. Uh, yeah, I think we, we're pretty high up there. Uh, in fact, we have both a zoo and an aquarium I mean, have over 10,000 animals here in Pittsburgh is, uh, you know, puts us pretty high on the list. And, uh, you know, certainly if Little Joe does his job, uh, we'll be moving up in those rankings.

I would, I would measure it by smiles per customer. The happier you make, we have plenty of those.

All I got to do is look out my window and see all the smiling kids and adults, and, uh, just shows you why we're in this business.

Are there ways that you can tell when maybe an animal is not happy at the zoo? I know you'd never want to have an animal that doesn't feel like they're a fit there, but can you tell when maybe an animal is doing their version of requesting a trade? Uh, maybe it's like James Harden, they get heavy, uh, they appear sluggish and lethargic, and at that time, you know, it's time to move on. Or has that ever happened to you?

Um, you know, not every trade works out, not every, you know, acquisition works out. Uh, you know, we try to make them all work, but if sometimes they don't, then You know, depending on the situation, you know, sometimes you just have to move that animal on to another location where they can succeed. It really depends. You know, there's a lot of things that our staff, our keepers do to try to make sure that each and every one of the animals that comes into our facility, uh, is happy and successful. But sometimes, like you said, it's just not the right fit. And, uh, if that's the case, then we work to try to make sure that we get that individual into a better place where it is a good fit.

Is there a win-now mode for zoos? Because I feel like when you guys have— when a zoo has a big baby birth, that's like a win-now mode. Like, we're in Chicago, the Lincoln Park Zoo just had a baby rhino, and I took my kids there instantly. I was like, we got to go see the baby rhino, and it was so fucking cute. So is there— do you guys, when you guys have a big baby born, are you like, oh, we gotta— let's go, let's hammer it, let's get out in the press, let's let everyone know, hey, we got a baby seal, we got a baby giraffe, we got all these babies, we gotta— you gotta come see them.

Yeah, I mean, I think all zoos are in win-now mode, um, you know, I think with the rate of, uh, species becoming endangered every day and going extinct, we have to be in win-now mode, um, you know, otherwise we're gonna lose more species. So yeah, it's something, uh, it's great, you know, for visitors to come out and see, but you know, the bottom line is, is that that we're really trying to, uh, you know, save all these different, uh, incredible animals. And, uh, um, you know, and when we had— I mean, we just debuted a baby lion cub, and, you know, she is amazing. And, you know, people are coming out like crazy. But it's, it's more than that. It's really about, you know, continuing to make sure that that species is around forever, and, uh, um, so that our grandkids and their kids can, uh, you know, experience the same really cool animals that we do today.

That's awesome. All right, so Jeremy, thank you so much for joining us. I have one last question. It's a Rowback question. rhoback.com, promo code TAKE, 20% off your first purchase. Q-zips, polo, uh, polos, joggers, everything. Rowback.com, promo code TAKE. Zach, you ready?

Yes, sir. Jeremy, how are you doing today, sir? Good, how are you?

Having a great day.

I did have a quick question for you. I was curious, throughout your, uh, you know, Zoo career, moving up the ranks, getting to the office that you do hold now, is there anyone you can point to as that maybe you shaped your game after, like took inspiration from when, uh, climbing these ranks, getting to where you're at today?

Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of folks that I, I've really looked up to over the years. And, um, surprisingly enough, uh, you might not expect this one, but, uh, Walt Disney, um, was a, a big fan. Just how visionary he was. And, you know, just to look at some Florida swamp and, and, you know, envision this whole big incredible park and enterprise. Very— try to learn a lot from, uh, from Walt and everything he's done. And within the zoo world, there's so many mentors that I've had that, um, you know, probably too numerous to name. But, uh, yeah, there's a lot of people that I've looked up to that have helped shape my career and that I owe a lot to. So, uh, very much, uh, indebted to all those folks.

Great question, Zach.

Great question. Yeah.

Well, Jeremy, thank you so much for joining us. Congratulations again. Uh, we'll— we actually could make you, uh, we'll make you a plaque and we'll send it to the zoo if you want to.

If you want to put it up somewhere.

I have a spot on my wall already for it.

I love it, I love it. And Jeremy, if you make any more trades, let us know. We would love to be like the, the newsbreakers for any zoo trades that happen. We would love to be ground zero for those. So if you've got anything, or if there's an animal that you have on the trading block right now, we can even maybe try to gas that up a little bit. Other zookeepers that listen to this podcast know that you've got something that you're looking to maybe wheel and deal on.

Yeah, or even like other, other zoos. You're like, I'm hearing the Kansas City Zoo is like looking for a giraffe. We'll post that, we'll put that out there.

Yeah, sounds good. You guys will be the first to know.

Okay, thank you so much, appreciate it.

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Okay, what do we got next, PFT?

We got a—

we're rounding up. We're getting close to the end here.

Great category next is the, uh, Still Alive Person of the Year.

Oh, love this.

Still Alive Person of the Year. The nominees for Still Alive Person of the Year: Ray Charles, whose voice was used during the All-Star Game and is not still alive.

But he's still alive to me and Hank and the video, too. Yeah, they did. They duped us.

What video?

They made it look like he was on the field.

Yeah, they made it look like he was right there. That was bullshit.

The next nominee for Still Alive Person of the Year: Joe Biden. President Joe Biden.

Very much.

We've just seen that Joe Biden is 100% still alive. Mm-hmm. Also nominated for Still Alive Person of the Year, Mitch McConnell. We know that he's still alive because he— somebody put a newspaper in his hand, which is what you do to somebody when you take their picture.

Yep.

Next nominee for Still Alive Person of the Year is Mr. Pear.

Mm.

Mr. Pear.

Mr. Pear's still alive.

The turtle. Memes. Still alive, has bachelor pad in Missouri. All right.

Hell yeah.

PMTBachelorPad@gmail.com.

We should go visit PMTBachelorParty@gmail.com.

Thank you. Thank you, Max. The next nominee for still alive person of the year is Ted Turner.

Still alive?

No.

Ah, but Ray Charles is.

Committee got that one wrong.

Okay.

Next nominee for still alive person of the year, Jeffrey Epstein.

Very much still alive.

Very much alive.

Yeah.

To do your research.

Next nominee, Still Alive Person of the Year, Lindsey Vonn.

Mm.

Congrats to Lindsey Vonn for still being alive.

Remember?

Remember that? Yeah, she crashed.

She tore ACL and then she said, I'm not going to— I'm not done skiing. Yeah. And then she crashed and everybody's like, yeah, well, you were skiing with a torn ACL.

Yeah, probably a bad idea.

Next nominee for Still Alive Person of the Year is Pug.

Pug.

Yeah. How do we know he's still alive?

Well, because he just won.

We just—

congratulations!

Oh, he won! Pug, still alive, person of the year!

We love you, Pug.

We love Pug.

Great. You guys trying to kill Pug?

No, I don't know who decided that Pug was the winner.

I don't know where that came from.

Yeah, but how did Pug become the winner?

Let's do that again.

Let's give it to someone else.

Shane went rogue. Shane went rogue.

I thought we were gonna give it to Mr. Pug.

I think so. Oh, because the onion. Because of the onion.

Oh, all right, the real The winner is Shane.

Shane.

Shane.

For still employed person of the year. No, the real winner of still alive person of the year is also nominated was Jerry Jones. I forgot to nominate Jerry Jones.

Yeah, Jerry Jones nominated.

The winner of the still alive person of the year.

This isn't a perfect award show, people. You know that.

It's not. Somebody did go rogue and put Pug in there.

Yeah.

The winner is Jerry Jones. Jerry Jones wins still alive person of the year.

Congratulations.

Congrats, Jerry Jones. Still doing it.

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

All right. Next up, we got Fight of the Year. Fight of the Year. Oh, yep. Shane is trying to now, as always, just try to cop out of it and just be like, oh, it wasn't my fault. Pug was on the dock when I was making graphics as the winner. Oh, maybe it was Dom trying to kill Pug.

Yeah.

Okay.

Fight of the Year. We got some good fights this year. We have the Knicks twerking fan fight. When— remember, if you remember the— at the parade, The lady pulled her pants down and then she just tossed her off a light post. We have the Dennis Rodman Spurs fan who is from Philly.

Yeah.

Who just put on a Spurs jersey and said, I'm going to go fuck up some, you know, people.

All due respect to that guy.

Yeah.

All due respect. We have Hank versus Big Dom at the NFL Combine.

Great fight. Max, you remember seeing that fight?

Yeah.

No, you ran away.

You pussy.

Yeah.

We have Conor McGregor. For those 15 seconds. 15 seconds. Then we have a couple Barstool ones. Kelly Keegs versus Sam Goldfinger, fight of the year at Barstool Spring Break House. And then finally, Ben Mince versus Crutches. It's an ongoing fight.

Crutches wins by submission.

Yeah.

All right. The winner for fight of the year is Hank and Big Dog.

Oh, wow.

Incredible fight. Hank, would you like to accept? Accept?

Yeah, I'd like to thank— I'd like to accept. I'd like to thank you guys, my partners, uh, for giving me this award.

I don't like the way you said that.

Okay.

And, and Big Dom's a worthy adversary. I think, I think we squashed the beef at the end of it, but sometimes you gotta, you know, chuck knucks and then come out stronger on the other side.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, good point, good point. Max, would you like to accept on behalf of Big Dom?

Uh, no, that's Big Dom's award. I can't accept on his behalf.

Okay.

Okay.

Next category in the 2026 Takeys, the Just Chill Out of the Year. A lot of people need to chill out this year. First nominee is Max for screaming at Meekville in the gambling cave.

One of my favorite moments.

That was a great moment of the football season. Got really in his face.

Next.

Max, what's up?

I did need to chill out.

Just chill out, dude.

We're not saying anything big. It's just like, hey, maybe chill out.

Yeah.

Yeah, maybe.

Yeah.

Just chill out.

Yeah.

So take a chill pill. Next nominee for just chill out of the year is Max for slapping Hank.

Hmm.

Well, that's all right, Max.

I was instructed to do that.

Yeah, but just chill.

Still.

Yeah. Instructed to murder someone. That's still murder.

Good point. What do they say to that when they do crimes against humanity and the Nuremberg Trials? Just following orders.

Just following orders.

I was. I was following orders.

There's very— there's, there's many good Maxes. Yeah.

Yeah. The next nominee for Just Chill Out of the Year is Mark Sanchez. Oh, just chill out, man.

Yeah.

Just chill out.

He had to chill out.

I think he chilled out. He might have gotten the message.

Yeah.

I think he chilled. Next nominee is Ryan Clark for going at Pete Schrager.

Yeah.

On the air. Just chill out. Just chill out.

That was not that serious. Big time chill out.

Not that serious, right? The next nominee for Just Chill Out of the Year, Pat McAfee, for releasing an album. Okay, I guess. Yeah, it's not super chill timing on the album.

I'm still going to listen.

Chill out.

Yeah.

Next nominee for Chill Out of the Year is Max, for when he ran to the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and then proceeded to stab all of our inflatable animals.

Our positivity rabbit.

Trying to make him feel better after the Eagles lost.

And you weren't trying to make me feel better.

We were trying to make you feel better. That's— that's a lie.

It's positivity.

That's a fucking lie, Max.

I don't think you understand what a positivity rabbit is.

You still don't.

Okay. Is that it?

Yeah.

I got an addition. Oh, okay. Please, Max. Oh, for losing a game to the Broncos, hitting me again and taking my phone and throwing it across the room. Oh yeah, screaming in my face.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You weren't here.

Did you hear on Friday?

The acupuncturist right there just being like, yeah, the Dodington Bones.

I found AJ Brown signed his like locker room like placard after that game and I almost won the auction. I don't know what happened. I would have— oh, it would have been great. It was the Dodington Bones game.

Hmm. That would have been all time.

A combo of AJ Brown and Dodington Bones. I was thinking out for you.

I would love that.

We're trying to find it.

Next year I'm going to be chill. No.

The winner of the Just Chill Out Man Award is Max.

Max! Max!

You had a— All of them. Yeah. Lifetime Achievement Award in needing to chill out.

Yeah. I do need to chill out. This one, this one I will accept and I will— it's correct.

You're not trying to go back to back.

Although the Mark Sanchez one's probably worse.

Yeah, probably.

Maybe.

Who's to say?

Probably.

Uh, okay, our next award is Dildo Toss of the Year. Uh, we had a great year for dildo tossing. We had, uh, big— yeah, just a lot of dildo tosses. So our nominees are, uh, the WNBA dildo tosser on July 29th, 2025, the Atlanta Dream and Golden State Valkyries game. Uh, WNBA thrower number 2, August 1st, Also Golden State Valkyries versus Chicago Sky. And then WNBA thrower number 3, August 3rd, 2025, uh, the Fever versus the Sparks. Zach, you got us a cameo for this.

Yes, sir.

All right.

What up, it's Bam Margera, and the winner of the 2026 Takey for the Dildo Toss of the Year goes to the second dildo toss at the WNBA game.

Congratulations. All right. Bam!

Thanks, Bam. Looking good.

Oh, he looks great.

Yeah.

Can't wait for Jackass. Is he in Jackass?

Yeah. No.

Oh, Zach, great get. I figured there was nobody else to get for that one. Yeah, he fell into one.

One.

No, that was great. Great get. Okay, we got 5 left or a few left.

Few left. The next category is the Apology of the Year. Apology of the Year nominees. Luke Kwan for his— oh yeah, 9-minute-long YouTube video that he posted apologizing for sleeping in, where I don't think he said that he was sorry or apologized. No, but it was 9 minutes and there was a lot of things that he said on it.

Yep.

Um, the next nominee for Apology of the Year, Ryan Clark, for apologizing for the things that he said to Peter Schrager regarding, you do not play football, you don't have an opinion.

Yeah.

The next nominee for apology of the year, Bijan Robinson. Bijan Robinson for saying in a postgame interview, it's like when we played Smear the Queer as a kid. The next nominee for apology of the year, it would be the YGT and Michael Block drama.

Yes.

Where it was the Bryan Brothers and Grant Horvath that put in a clip from Michael Block that they probably shouldn't have put in. Did I get that right?

No, no. It was actually a totally normal—

nothing.

Yeah.

And then they released a long statement saying, apologizing, sorry for including this clip.

Yeah, God, it was just basically Michael Block having a bad round of golf, missing a putt, and then being upset about it, which is a totally normal thing.

Yeah.

And then they apologize and said, we like to just only be positivity. We don't like to spread that type of negativity.

Okay, drum roll, please.

Okay.

I'm going to give it to YGT and Michael Block.

Okay.

Yeah.

The Nothing Burger apology is is always very fun.

It's so funny because it also was like, I— everyone did the same thing where I was like, what, what, what are they apologizing for? And then I watched it. I was like, wait, what are they apologizing?

What I've learned is that a lot of people that are in the YouTube golf community are, are very sensitive individuals.

I don't understand how people play golf and don't bust each other's balls.

I mean, don't bust balls.

Also, don't you fucking take a picture in their back No, we do not want to garnish attention through drama and controversy, but through high-quality golf.

Yeah, I know a place where you can see a lot of high-quality golf.

We are thankful for everyone's commitment and participation on the YGT, and they deserve to be portrayed in a more positive light.

So they're just all rainbows and gumdrops.

It's kumbaya.

They were like, hey, Michael Blocks competed and he's mic'd up. And then we put in a clip of him being upset from the competition.

Totally normal.

While he's still mic'd up.

Yeah.

Right.

Which is what he signed up for.

Correct.

And also what people want to see the human interactions, the real human interactions, not the like, oh, good shot, good shot.

Now, Hank, do you see why maybe people don't want us to be kumbaya?

Do you guys ever think about that? You guys are the kumbaya. What if we ever—

what? You're kumbaya. You started kumbaya.

We— what do you mean we're the kumbaya?

No, I made a statement, then you guys were, whoa, whoa, whoa, I thought we were going to be kumbaya. Oh, uh, you guys wanted to be kumbaya.

You wanted to be kumbaya.

No, we said we wanted to be kumbaya Kumbaya at the beginning of the Mount Rushmore because you have a long Mount Rushmore, right? You were no longer at the beginning.

Okay. But for the record, you guys wanted Kumbaya.

No, I said we could—

no, I never wanted—

I actually think you said it first.

Yeah, Hank did say it first.

Yes.

Hank's gaslighting us, right?

I think you are gaslighting us. Can someone help? And they get help.

Help!

I don't—

I don't know.

I have no opinion on this matter.

It's not an opinion. It's just a memory.

I have no— I have no—

he wasn't listening. He wasn't listening.

I was listening.

Who was the kumbaya?

Yeah, no one's kumbaya.

I don't know. Chill out, Max.

Could you imagine if this podcast was kumbaya? Like if we did it like these guys suck.

We should do kumbaya.

That's what you guys want.

Yeah, do kumbaya.

No, it's not.

You stop gaslighting us, you fucker. I swear to God.

Yeah, Hank came up with kumbaya.

Shane, find us this clip. You might be gaslighting us.

Never.

I also might have misremembered.

No, I think that's a—

PFT just remembers how he wants and then says, this is what I said.

I wasn't fully—

I'm pretty sure that Hank said first.

Oh man. All right, next up we have Fart of the Year. Oh great, who could potentially win this one? The nominees are Chuck Schumer.

Oh yeah, he's good fart. Good fart.

Good fart. Scottie Scheffler at the Open in 2025 when he farted when he was swinging. Yeah, he admitted to it to us on our show.

Iconic. Big clip.

The Noah Kahn fan who— that wasn't really a fart.

That was just poop. They shat themselves and they kind of like stepped on it.

That was a full-blown fart. Yeah. Yeah. And then finally, Henry Lockwood for his fart at the New Orleans Saints facility, which is right next to the Falcons facility.

True.

Fart asterisk.

During our Kellen Moore interview.

And also, the chair was very solid. It was a solid chair.

Yeah.

And circular. Circular chair.

Yeah.

Sitting on an ampitheater.

I might have another late nominee.

Okay.

Oh, you got it. Oh, this is a close. That was wet.

That was wet.

Oh, shit.

You got to wipe your butt. You got to wipe your butt.

It's a little wet. Yeah, you're gonna give yourself pink eye.

Uh, okay, the winner for fart of the year is Henry Lockwood. I'm raking it in this year.

All those losses, I'm— I feel like I'm sitting here, we're trying to gas our guy. I have like—

you asked us to do kumbaya.

We're doing 5 takeys. I did not. Uh, but I would like to thank the committee. I think the Scotty Scheffler probably deserved it. Bigger clip, bigger, bigger profile. But I'll take it. I'll take any award I can get. It's a lot of loss this year, and I'm just going to keep stacking little win after little. That's how you end up getting big win after big one.

Yeah.

Yeah, I like that. Good job, Hank. Good job.

And I'll just—

I'll keep farting.

Yeah.

Not going to stop.

Never stop farting.

Never stop retiring.

No.

You got one more in you, Vince Carter.

I got a lot more in me.

Okay.

Next category is the Retirement of the Year. The nominees for Retirement of the Year are the Meow Mix podcast for walking away from covering the Carolina Panthers. And then afterwards, the Panthers go on a win streak and then they came back later on the season. But it was all good vibes from them. Mm-hmm. Next nominee is Lee Corso, walked away from college football. It was actually a cool way that he went out because it was the first game that he did on college football on College GameDay.

Agreed.

The next nominee for Retirement of the Year, Mike Frabel, for retiring for a day. During the NFL Draft and then coming back.

Didn't retire.

The next nominee for Retirement of the Year is Ralphie the Buffalo at Colorado. Just had no interest in running anymore.

Yep.

So they had to send Ralphie to greener pastures. Shout out Ralphie. We all understand what you're going through.

Very relatable.

The final nominee for Retirement of the Year is Philip Rivers for retiring from football again after he came back. That was awesome that Philip Rivers came back. I can't believe— I still can't believe that it happened. Shout out for the Colts to even like ask the question. Yep. And shout out Phil.

Yep.

The winner of Retirement of the Year is the Meow Mix podcast.

Yeah.

Congratulations to Meow Mix. And we have a video from them.

Yes. Hello everyone. It's Steven and Jerry, formerly of the Meow Mix Carolina Panthers podcast.

And we want to graciously accept this takey award from Part of My Take for the best retirement of last year.

We surprisingly earned it, maybe.

Yeah, yeah.

Lots of nominees out there, lots of people who retired, but they recognized us. And, and who do we have to thank for this? I mean, I want to thank David Tepper for putting an incredible product out on the field week after week. Yeah, I mean, I should say the turf, right?

Not the field.

Uh, Frank Reich, let's thank Scott Fitterer, uh, your favorite coach, Matt Rhule.

Oh, Matt Rhule.

Yeah.

So many luminaries helped us get to this point, Jerry.

Yeah, Baker Mayfield, you know, horrible, horrible here and now against us, you know. But when we started this, we wanted to become one of the best podcasts or most popular Carolina Panthers podcast there was. And unfortunately, it just happened the day after we retired. Yes.

What major news that was picked up nationally? A small Carolina Panthers podcast retires. And, you know, maybe, yeah, the message might have been a little melodramatic, but yeah, I don't know. The whole thing was a whirlwind. But seriously, to Pardon My Take, you guys were amazing. You guys seemed to get it. Like, you understood. You're real fans, you know, of your teams, and you just You know how it feels to be in pain, and we were in massive pain for a long time, uh, as Panthers fans. Then we stopped doing it and the Panthers go on a run. I don't want to say jinx, Jerry, um, but we're not going to be recording anymore just to be on the safe side.

Yeah, I tried, but it's, it's not fun without you, man. So overall, we want to thank every listener again that listened to us and stuff. Thank you, Pardon My Take, uh, Yeah, and on that, keep pounding.

Shout out to Meow Mix, guys. Uh, they gotta win Retirement of the Year because, like, they, you know, they were podcasting through some really bleak times. Yeah, retired, and the Panthers got good, and then they got good.

Yeah, so good, good for them.

Yeah, great job.

Season to remember.

Um, okay, next up we have new category, Tits of the Year. Tits of the Year. So the nominees are Myself. I've actually been feeling pretty flabby. I have to do some push-ups. Haven't done push-ups in a while.

Barstool Big Rack.

They are—

they're—

they're voluptuous right now. I just caught myself in the mirror the other day. I was like, damn, dude, you're stacked. Memes. Memes is nominated for Tits of the Year. His iconic picture.

Great picture.

Memes at the Shore Acres Golf Course. Max, you were nominated for Tits of the Year. Good job, Max. And then finally, Sydney Sweeney. Great tits.

Great tits.

Great tits.

All around great nominees.

Yeah.

All right, here we go. We have— oh, here we go. Let's see who's presenting these awards. This award.

Hello, friends.

It's me, Nancy Pelosi, here to present the Tits of the Year Award. Congrats to memes, my friend. You have absolutely absolute cannons. And much like my stock portfolio, they're pointing in the right direction. Memes, are you good at keeping secrets? Because I wouldn't mind being kept close to your chest, big man.

Wow.

Congratulations.

Congrats, Memes.

Have you ever won a takey?

This is my first takey. Wow.

This is a huge honor.

Uh, just another win.

Yep.

Uh, yeah, you want him if he got him. Are you still mad at me?

No, I got tits.

You were mad at me. No, no, it was a fine photo. Then you came the next time we played golf. You had like 6 layers on, like 80 degrees.

Yeah, I'll probably wear a sweatshirt Monday when we film this video. If you, uh, you like hit the gym, make any changes.

Dude, he just said he layered.

Yeah, just layered.

Yeah, you don't have to go to the gym. You got to wear a sweatshirt.

Spanx, maybe.

It's pretty easy.

Yeah.

As soon as summer's over, that's fine. I don't care about my tits. It's one I have to wear a t-shirt. That's like, it's just torture.

Okay.

We got a couple left. What do we got next?

PFT.

This is the Book of the Year.

Okay.

The Book of the Year Award. The first nominee for Book of the Year is Pardon My Book by Big Cat and PFT Compter and Hank and Memes and Max and Zach and Shane and Shane and a lot of other people that were guests on Pardon My Take over the years.

Yes.

The next nominee for Book of the Year is Cancel Me If You Can, Dave's book.

Yes.

New York Times number one bestseller.

No big deal.

Next nominee for Book of the Year, Daddy Issues by Sophia Franklin. That's Sophia with an F. Okay, check her out online.

That's a good one.

And the winner of the Book of the Year award is part of my book.

Oh, congrats.

And the book's not even out yet, but it's just that damn good. Read, uh, that it's already won. It's gonna be out on August 18th, and we just got our first copies today. The first official copies of the book arrived to the office. I, um, I gotta be honest with you, I, I did not expect to be a little emotional when I got the book. Yeah, because I was looking through the pictures that Hank put in the middle of, uh, of, you know, some of the rare photos from the last 10 years, a lot of them going back to like 2016, 2017, and It was pretty cool to look back on. So hope you guys like it. It was a labor of love doing it. It was a lot of work, but we liked it. We enjoyed it. And we hope that you guys like reading it too.

And we promise, listen, when we get to the week of the book launch, we're going to have to talk about a lot because we want to be also New York Times bestseller.

Yep.

Maybe one as well. We need the AWLs to help us out on that. We do think it's a very, very good book. The History of Part of My Table. Um, we're going to be signing a bunch of copies. The first signed copies, uh, are now available though on, uh, andersonbookshop.com. So go get it. Uh, customers need to pre-order there before August 17th, and the book with signed sticker inside it is shipped directly to the customer to arrive the week the book goes on sale. So andersonbookshop.com, search for Pardon My Book. And again, it comes out August 18th. So let's gear up.

It's—

it is. I really think people are going to very much enjoy it because we have a bunch of our friends talk about it in ways that we, you know, we never really like sat back and been like, hey, that was crazy.

10 years.

Yep.

And we're going to keep going.

Yep.

Keep going.

All right.

Next up, we have the call to the president of the year. This is a new award.

Yeah.

And because it was a stacked, stacked year for calls to the president, we have— first up, we have Bryson DeChambeau. Threatening to call the president, threatening to call the president because of a penalty at the Open Championship. We then have Tiger Woods just, just on the phone with the president.

Just got off the phone with the president. Sorry, I was just talking to the president.

Yep.

We have the call the president made to the U.S. men's hockey team that started a complete shitstorm.

Yeah.

For no reason. And then we have the call that the president made to FIFA. To get Balogun's red card rescinded.

Yeah.

So big, big year.

Huge year.

D.T.

was on the phone a lot.

He was—

yeah.

Get those minutes.

Yeah. Okay.

The winner for call to the president of the year is Tiger Woods.

Yeah.

Just without a doubt.

Just, just got off the phone with the president.

So he's talking to the president all time, all time lie. And it was shocking, not just because, like, you don't expect him to say that, but also I know that that when he's driving, that's where he usually goes to be alone.

Yeah.

And that's where he goes to feel normal. And you wouldn't expect him to be talking to the president. And that's exactly what he was doing.

He was talking to the president.

Talking to the president.

He's talking to the president.

Yeah.

Scott Fulford, president. He's talking to the president.

What do you think, Hank?

I mean, Jerry's got that in his bag now.

It's exciting. That's a good point.

Yeah.

Jerry could be nominated next year. True.

Called the president.

He's talking to the president.

He's talking to the president.

Okay.

This is a crazy category. The preemptive take of the year.

We do this every year.

Yeah, uh, last year I'm trying to remember what the takes were.

I don't remember.

I think mine might have been that Paige Beckers is going to be better than Caitlin Clark. Okay, so you're just by this time next year taking credit for being right? I think I'm taking credit for being correct. Yeah, I'm a preemptive take.

Yeah, I don't remember, but let's hit it. Let's, let's rip them. Hank, preemptive take of the year.

Uh, my preemptive take of the year is that the— there's gonna be a new women's basketball the WNBA is gonna split up.

Oh, okay.

And a new league is gonna form.

Okay.

All right, how are they gonna split up?

Players are gonna leave.

Is the WNBA gonna stick around?

I don't know. Yeah, that's my take.

Okay, memes.

I've been right 2 years in a row.

What?

Yeah, I just picked one of your teams to do bad. What did you pick last Last year was the Commanders, said they were going to implode, which they did.

Year before?

Uh, the Paul George trade wasn't going to work out and they were actually going to be bad because it was a super team of losers. Okay. Uh, this year I'm going— you're gonna do it?

Max gave me the hand.

Oh no, Hank gave me a look. I was like, that's, that's your loser now.

I, I thought you were gonna argue that it did work out.

Yeah, true.

No, he said Paul George. So, yes, look, and I pointed it— I pointed at him.

The Cincinnati Bengals are gonna win the Super Bowl.

Whoa.

Okay, that's okay. All right, I like that.

That's my take.

Okay, uh, my— is it my turn?

Cincinnati Bengals to win the Super Bowl.

Hmm. All right, my take is going to be that the Wizards are gonna make the playoffs.

I love it.

And they're gonna play the Celtics.

Smart man.

Oh, the, the pod is going to have a hell of a couple weeks there.

And Wizards are gonna probably have home court advantage.

No.

Okay, what seed were the Wizards gonna make the playoffs as?

I think it's gonna be a 2-7 situation.

I love it.

I love it. Okay, feed it to me.

So we're gonna be back to the 2 seed.

How'd that work out for you?

Yeah, sure.

I'll take it. I'll sign up for that.

Yeah.

Okay.

Max is right.

I just think there's been so much Wizards-Celtics talk that I feel like it's so much. So it's going to— it's going to end in Wizards-Celtics. Yeah.

It's just bubbling over everywhere.

Two teams are circling each other.

Yeah. Destiny. Collision course. Zach, what do you got?

I'm going to go with— we are going to get Tiger Woods at the Masters in the—

at the upcoming Masters.

Oh, okay.

I love that.

By the way, Zach, this just dawned on me. The fact that I didn't nominate you for take of the year when you said, uh, I show speeds bigger than Donald Trump.

That's my fault.

That probably should have won. Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a good take. All right. Tiger Woods, the Masters.

Yeah, I believe so.

I think he's going to play.

Not to say he's going to win, but he's going to play. Okay.

Would love to see that. Um, I think Arch Manning is going to pull an Eli. Whatever team finishes with the worst record this year, Arch and his dad and his grandfather are going to say, my boy's not playing there. He wants to go to a different organization.

Mm-hmm.

I'm not going to say what team is going to finish last. Okay. Because I don't want to incur any wrath from anybody in this room or in the booth.

Okay. Who are you talking about?

Whatever team finishes with the number one overall—

Why not the Commanders?

It could be me. Quarterbacks hurt all the time. Could be me. Not all the time. All the time. You watch the documentary? It's a couple of games.

Every game.

But, brother, I lived the documentary last year. No, you should watch it. I'm going to respectfully opt out of Jaden Daniels elbow content.

No more than elbow.

But whatever team— I didn't say what team it was going to be. Whichever team finishes with the worst record.

I'm just talking.

I— same. Me too.

Couple guys doing a podcast.

Couple guys talking. Couple guys doing a podcast. The boys and he's going to say, no, I don't want to go to that dysfunctional organization. And they're going to pull a power play. That's what I think. Mm.

And we're not naming—

we're just not naming teams. We're not. That's an exactly accurate description of what just happened. Yeah. When it was two guys talking. Yeah, guys talking.

Two guys talking. Two guys talking.

Could be the Cardinals.

Yep. Could be.

Actually, no, they've already got their quarterback, Jacoby.

Yeah.

Well, we'll see.

Yeah, I have one, but can I just add on to yours, Zach? I think Phil's gonna make the cut at the Masters this year.

Mm.

Like that?

Yeah, like that. Like that a lot.

My preemptive take of the year is that there's gonna be a controversy surrounding LeBron James. Wherever he goes and plays, he's gonna have an injury, and then he's gonna be caught golfing with that injury, and everyone's gonna be like, does he actually love the game anymore? He's gonna be forced to retire.

I like that a lot. Yeah.

He'll never be forced to retire. I like that. I liked it up into that point, though.

Okay, so we'll take out the forced to retire. Kumbaya. Yeah.

Okay.

You could see it happening, though.

Yeah.

Someone gets him, then like, oh, I thought, dude, I thought you had a broken wrist, or I thought, you know, yep, your hamstring is like— just can't quit golfing. He loves the golf. Okay, we have 2 awards left. Next up, one of our favorites. We have Blake of the Year. Blake Griffin versus Blake Bortles versus Brooks Koepka. We taped it yesterday, so let's get to it. Okay, it is time for one of our favorite awards every single Take Eaze. It is the Blake of the Year Award. We have Blake Griffin. The nominees are Blake Griffin, Blake Bortles, and Brooks Koepka.. And we've done it many different ways in the years past. I think we've perfected the, the best way to do it. And what we're going to do, I have alerted all 3 Blakes that there is a window. They had a 2-hour window that they could potentially be texted a Zoom link, a link, and the first Blake to join the Zoom is the Blake of the Year. So the 2, we are right now an hour and 28 minutes into the window. And we're about to send them the link. So is everyone ready?

Does anyone have a prediction?

I'm ready. I'm feeling an upset today. I don't know why. I woke up this morning and I was thinking to myself, this is the year Brooks Koepka becomes the first ever non-Blake to win Blake of the Year, which would be important representation for everybody, every youngster out there that grows up not being named Blake, that you too one day could possibly Be Blake of the Year. I feel, I feel like it might happen this year.

Okay, here we go. You boys ready?

Ready.

Come on, Brooksy.

The text has been sent.

Okay.

Oh my God.

You got—

text has been sent.

I'm going to say Bortles.

You got this, bro.

Text has been sent. I'd be happy with anything.

Blake Griffin.

Oh, oh, oh, that was Blake.

Who was first?

That was—

no, it was, it was—

who was first?

I saw, I saw. Yes, I saw it. We can't see anyone. It has to be first. No, hold on.

Well, he doesn't have his— he doesn't have his video on.

He doesn't have his video on.

Okay, that's fine though.

Hold on.

Video doesn't count.

You can't hear either of them. What's going on?

I can hear you guys.

Okay, there's Blake Griffin. There's Blake Portal. So here, here—

wow, this was crazy.

We got a little bit of an issue, by the way. Brooks will join whenever. Uh, Brooks is not gonna join. He's not gonna join. So we first saw Blake Griffin on the screen. Okay, thank you.

No, what?

But wait, wait, but we have it screen recorded for which, which person joined, tried to join first. And Blake Portals, you are the 2026 Blake of the Year. Oh, congratulations. Oh, it was—

there we go.

A split split-second difference. We have the recording.

Yep.

Blake Bortles, I mean, the floor is yours. What an upset, uh, finally breaking up the dynasty. Good for the league. Blake— Blake Griffin is now muted. I don't know if he's yelling at himself. You muted yourself by accident. Good for the league. Parody is good for the league. We learned that. Blake Bortles, you, you, you have just won Blake of the Year. What would you like to say?

I mean, massive.

Um, I hate that it came down to a bit of controversy there, that, um, you know, I just—

it's been, what, 3, 4, 5 years in a row, and, uh, it was bleak for a long time, but I'm happy we stuck to it, and, uh, and here we are.

Yeah, I mean, it was, it was a photo finish, quite literally a photo finish, sent you in over the top. Are you walking? Are you pacing around your house right now?

Are you—

were you positioned close to the router?

No, I'm in the hallway of our hotel, and, uh, and I was 5 minutes away from just forfeiting because my family's waiting on me to catch a train to go to this Red Sox game. Oh wow.

Wow.

And so you did this as an away game on the road, like with, with hotel Wi-Fi on the road, hotel Wi-Fi.

It is arguably better Wi-Fi than at my house, but it's nowhere near Blake's personal Starlink orbit he's got.

Did you, did you pay for the extra fast service at the hotel?

Not originally, but I did upgrade to it today.

There you go. That's now, that's thinking.

That's, that's the difference. What, what a performance. So, so Blake Griffin, what's going through your head right now postgame? What happened out there?

I did everything I could.

I don't know, prepared. Sometimes it just doesn't go your way.

I'd like to see the tape.

I will be putting a call in to President Trump.

See if there's something we could possibly do. Yeah, you're calling ABS on us.

Or maybe just quit.

Yeah, just threaten to not play next year.

PFT doesn't know what I'm about to say because he was, he was recording macrodosing. But, uh, let's walk through something that happened about, I don't know, 45 minutes ago. I told you guys, uh, on a text— so I had Blake Griffin, Blake Bortles, Brooks Koepka on a text. I told him, hey, look, the window opens right now. About— so, so then all of a sudden I looked down on my phone and there's a FaceTime from Brooks Koepka. Brooks start— because he's never really fully competed in Blake of the Year— he started his own FaceTime with the four of us and just kind of declared himself the winner. Wow. Yeah, he was like—

we all—

we're like— we all joined the FaceTime like, who started this? And Brooks was just drinking at the bar and he's like, I did. He's like, did I win? Which is arguably one of the most Blake things to do.

Yeah, it is. Now, how soon after the text did he send that?

That's the best part— a full 5 minutes. Okay, so yeah, so, so in his mind he thought that was the text being like, all right, whoever calls first, it's yours.

And so he calls basically 5 minutes away.

I get on and it's just me and him and he goes, did I win? And I'm looking at him like, why are you the only one? I was so confused.

I love that.

He started his own tour for Blake's.

Yeah.

The live tour of Blake's.

Yeah.

Which he immediately won.

Yeah.

Oh man.

It was, that's an incredible, that's probably the closest it's ever been in terms of Blake of the Year. And yeah, you have to agree, Blake Griffin, that it is good for the league. Like, we need— it's, it's good for the league. It's good for the league, Blake.

I'm happy for you. Um, I feel like when one Blake wins, we all win.

Uh, rising tide raises all ships. And, um, cheers to—

cheers to you, man. You're, you're a formidable opponent.

Yeah, it's, uh, I appreciate it.

I was starting to feel like the, uh, who was it, like the Jim Kelly '80s Bills. Yeah, just getting beat year after year.

Yeah.

And now you can enjoy a baseball game and with new championship under your belt, right?

A record breaker too.

Yeah, that's right, going for 16 tonight. Go Sox!

Yeah, yeah, the Red Sox score for 16 and Blake Bortles is gonna go.

Was that Hank that just chimed in there?

Yeah, that was Hank. Hey Hank, hey buddy.

Oh man.

All right, well, thank you boys. This is one of our favorite awards. Um, well, you guys can leave. We'll stay on for a couple minutes, see if Brooks ever joins. Um, I'm guessing no. Uh, but yeah, he does. This is— Brooks is now setting it up for like in 10 years from now when he wins his first ever Blake of the Year. It will be one of the most— it would be like the 1980, you know, U.S. men's team. Like it will be one of the most shocking results ever. First time he plays in the States, I feel like he's gonna win.

But he did—

but he, he's just taking vacation right now. Yeah, everyone else is back. Yeah, so I hope, I hope he's not playing because He was not sober on that call.

I knew the longer the call went on, the less chance Blake had of getting in. Yeah, he might go to bed tonight thinking that, or Brooks, I mean. Yeah, and that's probably as good as an actual championship for himself. Like, he might right now think he is current Blake of the Year.

Well, it was great sportsmanship because Blake Griffin immediately texted him and said, congrats, you won Brooks of the Year, which he did. He won Brooks of the Year. He was the first one to call it.

Oh man.

All right. Well, thank you, boys. You guys are the best.

All right.

Congrats, Blake.

Congrats, Blake.

Oh, now his Wi-Fi goes. Now his Wi-Fi goes.

Come on.

See you guys.

All right.

See you guys later. All right. So now we see if Brooks is ever going to join.

I saw it on the screen too. I will verify that Blake Bortles joined the call slightly. I'm talking like a second before. 4. That might have been the closest margin that we've ever had on this.

That was crazy.

Yeah.

Um, I'll try to call Brooks. Uh, let's see. Yeah, PFT, look at this. We'll, we'll put this in the, uh, in the show. This is me just— this is a FaceTime that Brooks started again 5 minutes late. I sent, I sent basically a text just saying the window is now open, just to remind everyone.

I could see that if, you know, you get couple cocktails in you, that text might be implying it's time to call in.

And he was just like, oh shit, did I win?

But then he thought— but then his response was to then FaceTime everybody.

Yeah.

And he thought that he had then won. That was the— that was the rule. And I had made it very clear.

Now, where is he? What country is he in?

He's in Portugal right now.

So 9:30 in Portugal.

Yeah. And oh, I even went as far— it actually kind of broke my brain because this morning when I reminded everyone this morning, I gave them I set up like a week in advance, like, does this day work? Does this day work? Then like 2 days, I'm like, hey, reminder, tomorrow's the day. This morning I woke up, I reminded them, and then I actually wrote out the time zones each of them would be in. So I was like, Brooks, this is going to be from 8:30 to 10:30 your time, because I didn't want any, any issues and any, anyone saying, oh, it wasn't fair. Yeah.

It's fitting that he's in Portugal. Some might say that he might be the Cristiano Ronaldo of Blake's. Oh, like a lot of accolades. Yeah, a lot. Like, there's no denying one of the all-time greats. Yeah, but can he win the big one? No, probably not.

The answer is no.

But also great body.

It is, it is an awesome story that if he does ever find a way to win one of these, it's gonna be, it's gonna be monumental.

I thought it was today. I don't know why. I, the, the Portugal aspect, if I had woke up knowing that he was in Portugal, probably would have changed my, yeah, premonition a little bit.

But then I thought it maybe—

but also he kind of did win. I see his point.

I—

well, yeah, 5 minutes his mind. 5 minutes late. All right, hold on, I'm gonna call him. Let's see if it'll pick up. I don't know if it goes overseas. Nope, it's not even going through, I don't think. Oh man, he tried. He tried. It was the most active he's ever been.

Yeah, you know, like I'm saying, this is— I, I see why he would think that he might have won won. Yeah, he did not win, but I could see— and that really, that's what's most important.

And again, he did win Rookie of the Year. Yeah, that was— oh, here we go. It looked incredible where he was. He was just at the bottom.

I'm willing to say he will never win.

Never?

Never.

That's a never. Don't use the N-word, Max.

I'm He's never even come close.

This is the closest he's come.

It's pretty close.

He started his own competition just randomly. So that, that was, that was something.

But the other Blakes are so good.

They are.

They take it very seriously.

It's two titans. Yeah, we got—

yeah.

And I, I think the most Blake aspect of him is that he's totally fine with finishing third every year.

Yeah.

Yeah, he's probably pretty chill with that. Now, if he ever does win, I don't know if he's prepared for how much his life will change overnight after he wins Blake of the Year for the first time, because nobody will be calling him Brooks on the golf course ever again. No, it'll just be—

that's a very good point.

It'll just be a chorus of Blakes.

Okay, incredible, incredible Blake of the Year competition this year. We should say too that we had a couple updates, uh, from Brooks afterwards, uh, The first being that he joined the Zoom how many hours after we finished?

About an hour and a half.

Hour and a half.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think it was about an hour and a half after he tried to join the Zoom.

I was extremely wrong with my prediction.

He texted and said, where are you guys? Did I win? That was an hour and a half after the competition ended. Then today I texted him and I said, hey, do you want to come on and explain what happened? And he said, yeah, send me the link, going to the pool, so might not have phone. Then I, I texted him the link and he, uh, didn't reply. And, uh, I followed up— oh no, actually no, my last text to him was, you have your phone now, we can try to, to, to do this.

Yep.

At 11:24 AM today, I sent him that. 5 hours later, he just wrote back, nope, Hope definitely, definitely can't speak.

Yep.

So he's having a great time in Portugal.

Absolutely having a blast.

He might, he might have— there, there are probably like, you know how when you go back in the history of college football and you can be like, oh yeah, well, we won the national title this year, you know, we were undefeated. Oh, there's like 17 teams that can claim a 1912 national title. I think there's some Brooks fans that could potentially in 20 years from now claim this year in his performance as a national title, as a Blake of the Year, from how much, how much of a Blake he was.

He's putting up numbers right now. There's no doubt about it that if you look at Blake criteria, the way that he has not given a fuck about the Blake of the Year is just outstanding. He's actually forcing us to reframe our entire point of view on the award.

Correct.

Um, it still goes to Blake Bortles.

Yes, don't get me wrong, 100%, but I'm saying the history people will— they might raise a banner in 30 years in the Kepka household being like, actually, we claim this title.

It's like ahead of his time.

Yeah.

And, and how he approaches being a Blake.

Yes.

Thank you though to the Blakes, are the best. Okay, last up, PFT.

Last up, it's the award we've been waiting for. Yeah, the 2026 Takey Award for the top podcast listeners of the year. There's a lot of good nominees this year. Daddy Gang nominated again, of course. The YGT Bros. Yeah. Doing all the post-round catch-ups, the Brian Bros and Grant Horvath and all the positivity.

Kumbaya.

We've really appreciated hearing about that. Also nominated would be the Stavi Gang. Shout out Stavi Gang. Appreciate you guys. One of the— Stavi, as a Greek man, should have been in the Odyssey. I'll just say it on this podcast.

Yep.

Would have been a much better movie. And also nominated are the award-winning listeners as part of my take. Oh, wow. Be a 10-peat.

A 10-peat.

A 10-peat. That sounds a lot like we're getting into Bill Russell territory.

Holy shit.

Yeah.

You're saying rings for every single finger.

Every finger. And then if maybe for Jason Pierre-Paul, you got one for dick and balls too.

Couple toes.

The winner of the 2026 Takey Award for Podcast Listener of the Year. The award-winning listener is part of my team.

Congratulations.

Wow. Who saw that coming?

Not me.

Not me.

Not me.

It was the two most shocking awards given out, I think, in this entire time were award-winning listeners. I didn't think they were going to win it again. And Hank's father. Part. Didn't think he had that.

And Shane trying to kill Pug.

Yep.

Yeah, Shane trying to kill Pug.

That was kind of a crazy plot twist in this whole thing. Um, but thank you very much to everybody that's, that's listening to the show right now, that continues to listen, that has listened in the past. Um, I sincerely appreciate each and every one of you. I really do. We have the best job in the entire world. It is not lost on me. I feel like we say it, we try to say as much as possible because I mean it. And, um, it's very, very very special to me that you guys take the time and you opt into hearing the sound of our voice every day. That is a crazy thing. And I really love all you guys. That's why in every show saying it, I truly appreciate you all. Love you very much. Thank you for being there over the last 10, 11 years. I would not trade any of this for the world. It's been magical. And I hope to do 10 more with you guys if you'll have us.

Thank you so much.

We love you so much.

Yeah, it's the 10-year writing the book, the 10-year anniversary, I've been getting a little bit sentimental. Yeah, not in like a bad way of like, oh, it's ending, but in just a holy shit, 10 years is a long time. And it's like everything kind of floods back when you have an anniversary. So 10 years, it really is just unreal how many people have supported us and listened. And I think I wrote this in the book, but like The, the thing that makes me happiest is when I'm like walking on the street, like I'll be walking Stella and someone will walk by with their phone or their headphones and they'll be like, dude, I'm listening to you right now. And it's like, fuck, that's fucking wild. Like, it still kind of blows my mind. Like, holy shit, we're idiots. But, uh, it's been— we've been number one for, for a long, long time and it's all because of you guys. Uh, so I think that's— yet that's also like the day we're not number one, then we won't give a AWL.

Yeah, we punish you.

Yeah, but you, you guys shown up for us year in and year out, day in and day out, month in and month out. So thank you so much. And I know Hank wants to say something as well.

Yeah, yeah, no, I love you guys. I mean, I said it in the book as well, like, I don't— I think if you ran a simulation of my life on this podcast before this podcast started, like, 99.9% of them would not have worked out as good as doing this podcast has been for the last 10 years of my life. I can't believe any of it's real. Time flies. Feels like just yesterday we started. And I appreciate you guys, and I appreciate the listeners the most.

Yeah, it does. Yeah, there was a moment too for me, Big Cat, when I got the book today, I was flipping through it, and it just— it hit me all of a sudden, which is like, if, if you were to tell the story of my life, probably the biggest part— no, without a doubt, the biggest part of my life is doing this podcast. Yeah, it's what I'm going to be remembered for one day, hopefully far distance into the future. But it's a testimony to the listeners, and none of this would ever be possible without you guys. And I do love you all. Thank you so much for allowing us to, to be part of your life.

And it's, it's cool to also— I know we're getting very sappy now, but it is cool. I think it's very important as you get older, and I've been trying to do this more, is is like enjoying the moment and, and embrace— like, the start of the show was such go, go, go, go mania of like, we gotta keep going, we gotta keep going. And it's not like we don't— we haven't lost that. We're still trying to get better and trying to get interviews and doing funny stuff. But, um, being able to just say, holy fuck, man, like, we— this is, this is pretty substantial what has happened here. You got to enjoy it. And it's because of our listeners like that. If they're not listening, we're nothing. And, and all this that we have and the fact that we get to do this with our friends and we all remain friends and just fuck around, we talk about all the time, but we— our biggest problem, our biggest flaw as a podcast is we chill too hard before the show, just shooting the shit. Like, we have a problem with it where we say we're gonna start at like 7:00 PM and we just sit in our chairs and just shoot the shit for like an hour.

We do an extra podcast.

Do an extra podcast.

Yeah.

Yeah, but yes, it is the listeners who make this thing go. We never, ever lose sight of that. So thank you all. And let's, let's finish with numbers, memes.

Wait, I do have breaking news.

Oh, breaking news.

Jacoby Brissett is at practice today. Oh, our long national nightmare might be over.

Holdout of the year.

I think holdout of the year might be done. Now he's holding in.

Wow. All right.

Memes, you ever gotten this?

I have.

No, you haven't. I have won this. Did we ever find out who was kumbaya?

It's Hank. Hank's the kumbaya. Shane's in his feelings right now with onions.

Oh, so Shane, you say one thing and he just loses.

He shuts down.

He tried to kill Pug.

He did try to kill Pug.

What did he say to me? What are you pointing at me like that? I don't think you initiate. I think the word kumbaya came up first and then Hank agreed.

When did this happen?

Who said this episode? Big Cat took an absolute ricochet at me.

I think it was the start of Mount Rushmore.

He would never do that.

And then I would not—

thank you, memes.

And then you guys were like, let's just do Kumbaya.

No, we're all— we're in agreeance of Kumbaya.

What's crazy is that I don't think— and then Kumbaya, I think Hank and Zach have won this year. Mount Rushmore, they don't have a single win. Kumbaya, bro. I don't know, just stats. Just that.

Did you ever find out Shane, did you ever find out?

No. His head's down.

He's down. It was Dom.

No, kumbaya. Kumbaya. Oh, I thought you're talking about— I thought you're talking about the Pug. No, no, we don't care about Pug. You tried to kill Pug. It's fine. You tried to kill Pug. You always hated Pug. It's fine. Who, who said— who said kumbaya first?

I think it was Hank.

All right, so then we're fine.

That's good enough. That was a great look.

Hey, still serving looks.

Oh, that was great.

Oh, there's no way. Shane, just whatever.

I think it was Hank.

I think it was Hank.

We're gonna find it out. All right, numbers.

I'm gonna do 99.

Let's do 11. 5, 11 for the 11th takeies.

86.

Do 10.

Shout out Pug.

69.

88 for Patrick Kane. Remember when the AWL almost didn't win the award?

Because Big Cat was addicted to coin flipping.

Yeah, I was just thinking about that.

I forgot about that.

I thought every year I think there's a chance that you'll do it again. We should do it.

I should do it again.

Yeah.

How exhilarating.

We decided we already did it.

I want to do that next year. Zach, remind me. We got a coin flip.

Just call it a coin flip.

Yeah. Got you.

The coin flip. I'm out on that.

I put this in God's hands. Coin's going to always land the right way. Hey, it was my fault. Do we not agree that the God is in AWO with, with the 1 in a billion shot of all of this coming together?

Yeah.

So he'll call tails.

God, you watch your apples.

Does anyone have a coin right now? Let's just see what it would have been. Let's see what it would have been. Does anyone have a coin? Oh wait, oh wait, you're holding a coin.

I'm holding this. It's a ball marker.

This does— this doesn't count, obviously. Because we already gave it to them and they deserve it this year because this year was a great year and we know they're going to show up for the book and they're the best. What if this year—

what if it hits? We release cool 10-year anniversary t-shirts. Oh, okay. That we are releasing regardless.

Regardless.

But I like—

so if—

let's just say that this is just purely hypothetical. I'm just prove to you guys that God is in AEW. I'm going to prove to you guys. So if it is tails, then the AWLs would have won. If we had done this as a coin flip, the AWLs would have won a 10th in a row. And if it is heads—

what?

What has your fucking face on it, dude?

I'll be head.

Turn your brain on. And if it's heads, then they— we would have given it to Stavi Gang. All right.

Max also has a mic behind him.

Tails.

Just like I said it again.

Did you see that?

Never.

That was one fucking flip. He's an AWL. Don't worry about it. It's in God's hands.

He's got this.

Do you see this? You mean— I mean, Max, you see this?

The mic's just behind.

So you were worried? Never be worried.

No, but we— I would have made the argument that even if it wasn't tails, we already gave the award, so it didn't even matter.

I'm not— that was They said you said that.

I said that. I'm just saying hypothetically, if it had been a coin flip today, what would it have been? And it would have been still they got it.

Shirts on sale, Barstool Sports Store. Love it, memes. Good call. Flash them on screen.

Now what are you doing?

Tails if Max is done getting married. Heads if he's got another one in him. This is tails.

Bang!

Told you.

I got you, dude.

It's good.

Yeah, I trust the coin. All right, that was actually way more nervous than the first one. We probably would have cut that. I was very nervous.

Yeah, we probably would have cut that one.

Very nervous. Yeah, another bachelor party would rock. Or it'd be his third bachelor party.

11.

Oh, anyone?

Anyone said 11?

1.

I think we should do one number. Do one number. No, no, I don't even think we do another one, right? You got to do two.

One's the number.

I'm fine with one. I don't need to beg for it. Memes, if you want to—

one's the number.

Seems cool.

You guys are number one. There you go. Love you guys.

Also, happy birthday to Barry Bonds. Happy birthday to, uh, I'm not gonna say this name. Nope, I'm not gonna say Karl Malone. Uh, happy birthday. Happy birthday to, uh, Cody at Barstool. He tells jokes. Love you guys.

Oh wait, hold on.

Brooks! Brooks!

He's, he's butt dialing me, I think. You see this?

Hey Brooks, what's up? How we doing, buddy?

Hey, yeah, yeah. Live? Yeah, we're live.

Yes.

Hold on, I got to take a shot. I'll be right back.

Say hi.

What happened yesterday? Fuck you, Dan!

Fuck you!

Here we go.

What's up?

Who's that guy? I don't know, I can't hear. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. All right. Oh, I'm drooling, I'm stumbling. Yeah, do you have a— you almost won, you almost won yesterday. Do you have a message for everyone who was rooting for you? Uh, listen, I'm a born loser. I'll never be any good. Um, yeah, just a born loser. Listen, gambling, anything, I'm a born loser.

I don't know what to tell you guys.

You got a bunch of majors. Yeah, you got 5 majors. I'm a Barstool guy through and through. I love that. All right, next year, Blake of the Year, you're gonna win. I'm a heavy favorite to finish third.

Okay.

All right, we love you, Brooks.

Thanks, bro.

Thanks. All right, love you guys.

All right, see you.

Have fun. Bye.

Bye.