Transcript of Facing Family Drama? A Powerful Perspective Shift | Mel Robbins Clips

The fact is there is something really profound that I want you to think about. See, there's a clock ticking in the background that none of us can see. At some point, your life is going to be over. Your parents are going to be gone. Your sister or brothers, if you have siblings, are going to be gone. There is power available to you right now to make the most of the time that you have while you have it. I want to read to you from the Let Them Theory book because this perspective about time is what motivated me to truly change the way that I show up for my family, to change the way that I align my actions and my time when it comes to my family. The Let Them Theory truly helped me make changes while I still had the time to do so. The fact is, my dad is 80 years old. I'm lucky if I have 10 Christmases with him. I hope he outlives what my grandparent and his father lived to, but my grandfather died when he was 84. I am very aware that if I want to lean in, the time is now, and you just never know when things you're going to change.

When you think about it that way, I really want you to because it helps you focus on what's meaningful to you. Let me read to you from the Let Theory book, and this is in Chapter 6 on page 104. The truth is, you have limited time with your loved ones. At some point, you're going to realize that your parents aren't going to be here forever and that this was their first time as a human being, too. People can only meet you as deeply as they've met themselves. Most people, particularly the people in your family and my family, in Family family have not gone to therapy, they haven't looked at their issues, and frankly, they don't want to. Let them. Let your parents be less than what you deserve. Let your family life be something that isn't a fairy tale. They're just doing the best they can with the resources and life experiences they have. But now you get to choose what happens moving forward. Now, I'm not saying this to justify anything bad that has happened to you, and I'm not saying that you deserve better. Everyone deserves to feel seen, supported, and loved, particularly by their family.

But the fact is, most human beings have never done the work to understand themselves or heal their past or manage their own emotions. If they haven't done that for themselves, they are incapable of doing that for you and showing up in a way that you deserve. Let them. When you recognize that you have a choice in your life and you let your family be who they are, and you realize your dad's not changing. Your mom's not changing. Your siblings aren't changing. Your in-laws aren't changing. In fact, the older people get, the more set they are in their ways. The only person you can change is you. When you say let them, you see your family exactly as they are, perhaps for the very first time. They're human. And you have no control You have no control over what's happened in your family. You have no control over who they are. You can only control what you do from this point forward. Accepting the reality of your situation doesn't mean you're surrendering to it. It's actually the opposite. Accepting the reality of your situation helps you reclaim your power to shape your future. When you learn how to let adults be adults and accept people as they are, and then you decide how to make the best it, I promise you, your family dynamics are going to get better.

That's how powerful you are. Because the acceptance allows you to see your family with compassion, and more importantly, it allows you to see yourself as an individual who has your own unique frame of reference and your own unique path in life. Then when you say, let them, I want you to move to the second part, which is, let me. Let me figure out what relationship I want to create, and based on the person I want to be and the values that I have. This is deeply personal because you get to choose. I mean, it could mean that you're spending more time with your family, not out of guilt, but because it matters to you. This This is what happened to me. When I started to really embrace this and to dig deep around what I care about, I realized I don't know how much time I have left with my parents. My dad's 80 years old. I'm lucky if I have 10 more years with him, 10 more summers, 10 more Christmases. When you start to think about it that way, what truly matters comes into focus. When you start to really embrace this part that your connection to your family, it's your responsibility.

I mean, it might mean that you're going to define your own traditions, even if it upsets your Let them. It might mean that you're the one who makes the effort, even though no one else does. You're the one who shows up and asks the questions. You're the one who is interested. You're the one who makes the plans for the family. You're the one that brings the games. No one thanks you. No one calls back. Let them. The reason why this matters is because you're not doing it for them. You're doing it for you. You're doing it because this is the person that you are. That's what it means to take responsibility for the relationship that you have in regard to your family. It's not about them. It's about you. It might mean saying, I love you, or I understand, or I forgive you for the very first time. It might mean having the hard conversation that you've been avoiding because you've been afraid of their opinions or their judgment or their disappointment. It might mean freeing yourself from the guilt and making some big changes. It might mean that you're going to separate yourself because you just aren't willing to accept less than you deserve.

Or you might be like me and you're like, I got to focus on what matters, and I got to focus on shifting how I show up because I'm going to go all in while I still have time. The truth is, any relationship can get better. The Let Them Theory has helped me improve almost every relationship relationship that I have. Because when you let other people think what they think or feel what they feel or say what they say or do what they do, it actually gives you the freedom to do what you want and to say what you want and to think what you want. When you start showing up and aligning your thoughts and your energy and your actions with your values, guess what happens? You're so proud of yourself. When you're proud of yourself and you're showing up because it matters to you and you're not doing it out of guilt or obligation or this sense of duty, you're doing it because this is who you are, you actually stop focusing on what everybody else thinks. That creates this space for people to feel accepted and for you to feel in control. When that happens, everything changes.

I am so excited for you. I'm excited for you to use Let Them and to use Let Me to to truly create a dynamic in your family that you deserve. That's how powerful you are. We've all made mistakes. Clearly, I'm still making them. I got a lot of room for improvement. That's not what to focus on. The thing to focus on is the fact that you actually care to, that you value this. Regardless of what it is that you define and what your values say about what family means to you, it is undeniable in my mind that you hold the cards, you're in control, and that you can shift this in any direction you want because it all starts with you. And in case no one else tells you, and in case your family doesn't tell you, I wanted to tell you that I love you, and I believe in you, and I believe in your power to create a better life. And when you get clear about the things that you want and the way that you want your relationships to feel, and you start using let them and let me to create the space for people to live their lives, your life is going to get better, your relationships are going to get better, your family life is going to get better.

And I am so excited for that to happen to you. All righty, I'll be waiting for you in the very next episode. What if I told you it was possible for you to have a much better relationship with your family, whether it's your parents or your siblings or your in-laws or your adult kids, that it is possible, no matter what's happened, for you to change the dynamic with anyone in your family, even somebody with a really difficult personality.