Transcript of Need our help? Good advice not guaranteed. New

Another podcast from some SNL late night comedy guy? Not quite. On Humor Me with Robert Smigel and Friends, me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier. This week, my guests, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer Streeter Seidel, help an a cappella band with their between songs banter.

Where does your group perform?

We do some retirement homes. Those people are starving for banter. Listen to Humor Me with Robert Smigel and Friends on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Winning on clay is an art. The rallies are relentless, and at the French Open, only the toughest survive. I'd know, I competed there for decades. Join me, Renae Stubbs, on the Renae Stubbs Tennis Podcast for no-nonsense breakdowns of the biggest matches, the toughest players, and the moments that define Roland Garros. Jen should win. She's an outsider to win the French for me. And she likes clay. Listen, Elena Rybakina is arguably the best player in the world right now, and I actually—

Look out.

Can win on any surface. Listen to the Renee Stubbs Tennis Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeartWomen's Sports.

Imagine an Olympics where doping is not only legal but encouraged. It's the enhanced games. Some call it grotesque. Others say it's unleashing human potential. Either way, the podcast Superhuman documented it all, embedded in the games and with the athletes for a full year.

Within probably 10 days, I'd put on 10 pounds. I was having trouble stopping the muscle growth.

Listen to Superhuman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Last night, a blown call changed the game. This morning, the internet lost its mind, and nobody's telling you exactly what happened. That's where Sports Slice comes in. I'm Timbo, and every episode we're cutting through the noise, breaking down the biggest moments in sports, and giving you the real story behind the headlines. And we're going straight to the source the athletes themselves, their locker room stories, their reactions in the moment, and the stuff nobody gets to hear. Listen to Sports Slice on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. And for more, follow Timbo Slice Life 12 and the TikTok Podcast Network on TikTok.

Would you consider yourself an elder millennial?

For sure, I'm an elder millennial.

Oh, like, I'm like an Elder Ring millennial. I was just saying that this reminds me of Easter at Kevin's house. He had—

what was that like? I wasn't, I wasn't there for that one.

We missed you.

Wasn't invited.

Not true, he was working.

He was on one of his 10th films. He shot this movie.

No, I, I was invited, I just couldn't come.

That's so good.

Kevin had a—

you have a—

is that every year you have a big art board?

This is new, actually.

Tell us about it. Yeah, so it was for children, but all the adults did it.

It was a giant coloring page. It was just rolled out on our kitchen island. Oh, it was for children? Yeah, it was just a little craft to do during the day. And it was a coloring page, giant coloring Easter page. And his house was like so beautifully decorated for Easter. Every decoration.

Kevin loves a holiday.

Danielle loves the holiday.

Yeah, she crushed it.

Kevin and Danielle love a holiday and pastels. You love pastels.

We do like pastels.

You had the—

a lot of bunnies, fluffy peach.

Yeah, what are Peeps?

Yes, it—

Peeps that were not Peeps, but they were like decorative Peeps.

I also made you a cocktail. I made you a Cadbury cream.

Uh, what was it called? We'll show you the video, tell you the picture. That's what I did.

There it is.

Okay, so hey you, um, hey, yeah, we have an underappreciated Jonas Brothers tune. Technically not Jonas Brothers though.

That's a—

that's Jonas LA.

Weird sort of limbo category of is it a Jonas Brothers song or is it a Jonas LA song?

Technically written by you.

But Hey Jonas, um, is the name of this podcast. And so we went ahead and, and secured a bunch of handles.

And, uh, we got those handles.

Telephone number.

Yep, we bought them from loving fans.

You can reach out to us.

Stripped them from fans.

That's true. We— you can reach out to us at 1-84-HEY-JONAS. That's 844-395-6627. Yeah, reach out anytime you want. Say hi, ask us a question.

We're here to give marital advice, um, other things, non-marital advice. I don't know.

So today, because you guys just gave out the, the information, yeah, we've turned it over to the producers to ask you what they want to ask you.

Let's go to Heather on Zoom.

I'm dying to know, what's the first thing you guys do when you get up in the morning? And what's the last thing you do before you go to bed?

That's a wonderful question. Okay, who wants to go first?

Kev, why don't you take this one?

Kevin, as the firstborn.

The first thing I do when I wake up is immediately get up, go straight down and make a cup of coffee.

When you get up, the first thing you do is get up?

And like, get right— my alarm goes off. Yeah, my alarm goes off and I have to like immediately get out of bed. It's not like a, You can't just meander in bed.

Are you being quiet? Like, because Danny's sleeping? Are you definitely— but your bed's massive. I saw your bed, it's huge.

So you're fine. Yeah, it is a huge sleep number.

Um, you got a Sleep Number these days?

Oh yeah, what's your number?

The Eight Sleep. What's that about? I don't know if you don't have that yet. It's all the rage in LA. Everyone's talking about it.

Hasn't hit my, my feed yet.

Well, it's pretty exclusive. I don't have one. Yeah, my phone's in the room.

I will now get ads.

It has not hit Miami. I don't know what you guys are talking about. Okay, back to jumping out of bed. So I spring out of bed and I run downstairs and I make a coffee and then take my morning vitamins.

What do you take in your coffee?

Uh, it's straight up, it's an espresso pod, the green, uh, which one was that? It's like that deep green. Joe hates my coffee, but Joe's ritualistic coffee making is the loudest thing you've ever heard in the entire— you share a room with Joe, he will wake you up no matter what time.

Let's hear about your day, Kev. Let's— we didn't get to mine. You can go, go ahead, talk about your morning. Okay, so that's what I take.

That's my That's my first thing out of the thing.

After the poop coffee, what happens? What do you do?

I take my vitamins.

Poop coffee.

What's the level of oil? See, that was the question. It's not my whole morning. It's just what I do first. Oh, sorry.

And then what do you do last?

What do you do at the end of the day?

And then the last thing I do is fall asleep to something on television.

Ooh.

Do you guys ever doom scroll like the rest of us right before bed?

Yeah, 100%.

I caught myself doing that last night and I told myself not to do that.

And I did it.

Do your doom scrolls ever end up in your dreams?

Oh yeah.

Thankfully not for me.

Yeah. It's just like, uh, opening packs of Pokémon cards. So it's quite innocent.

That's a vivid dream. Just imagine.

First thing, Nick, you wanna go?

Yeah, it's pretty simple. Wake up, procrastinate about something that gets me through about the first hour. It's pretty hot.

It's pretty hot.

I drink some coffee, some caffeine in my bloodstream, which then makes the procrastination like all the worse. Uh, make a few phone calls and try to figure out why I'm freaking out about something. No, I'm kidding. It's not that, um, intense, but it is at times.

Sounds about right. I just found a hole in my sweater.

Thanks for your support, Joe. Um, and then at the end of the night, you know, usually I will watch something. Um, but I was just recently in, in Canada, and shout out Canada. They've got SportsCenter, but it's called Sports Central. Um, but my TV didn't have it in the place I was staying, so I was forced to look at TikTok and other things. And I got so tired of doing that that I picked up a new hobby— hobby, I guess you'd call it— which I'm excited to share with you guys. So I found these videos that are basically the history of, and it's everything from toilet paper—

right, yes, I heard those are—

uh, as you got into this, the history of, you know, where, um, carpets come—

like all this stuff.

Is it a YouTube channel or is it like—

it's a channel, there's a bunch of different channels, creators that do this kind of thing. Um, and educational. I've learned a lot of useless information.

And useful.

It's next time you're taking a poop, you can be like to the guy next to you, well, did you know actually that the first guy next to you, commercial, you're in a stall.

I just roll right past that.

You're in a stall.

Listen to this.

I want to say public restroom. Kevin, next time you talk about the toilets, go ahead.

I don't, I don't shit in public restrooms that often. It's got to be an emergency.

Same.

Same.

Oh yeah. That is one of my favorite accounts on the internet. Is what is the, um, Come With Me as I Take a Shit in Hermès?

Oh, that's great.

It's like, oh, you're going with her?

She came to my studio. What with her? We took a shit together. We held hands.

Did you actually, or is it just like—

you have to watch the pod. You have to go to, uh, at Come Shit With Me. I think it's her pod. It's literally her name. It's like, it's funny. It's Okay, so, and your last thing you do? Oh yeah, it's that. It's the videos.

Great.

Um, and that's pretty much it.

Great. Okay, last but not least, the first thing I do when I wake up, I, I use the— shout out, not sponsored, or we could use this as a sponsor— uh, @Headspace. I use Headspace and I do a meditation. Clip it, clip it, clip it. Watch Joe do Headspace. And the last thing I do before bed is— last night was doom scroll, but usually I try to, uh, I go on— ready? You want to hear what the last thing I do? I could show you. Also not sponsored unless they want to throw money our way. Okay, hold on. Hold it. Hold it. It's coming.

It's taking forever.

Sorry, but this is— I put on my sleep music. It's a little ASMR for Heather at home.

Little white noise, kind of?

No, it's a sleep playlist that they have on.

Oh.

Spotify.

Um, and it's the one— the— I guess the frequencies are supposedly supposed to help you have a deeper sleep.

It's the one that, uh, Valentina uses.

6.6 million people saved this playlist too.

So I'm gonna have to try that out.

Please, it's really helpful.

Before I go, one last thing I just wanted to know: pets in the bed or not in the bed? Because none of you said anything about a pet in the morning.

I'm glad you brought up beds in general. I was, I was bursting at the seams to talk about this, but we got time to ask her a question first. Yeah, yeah, of course, Heather, we're going to answer your question, but, um, it's all related. I did this, this interview where I said something about how the bed is just for sleeping. It was sort of meant to be like a quirky answer.

Yeah, people like got upset about it.

This became like an actual like debate, and people started, you know, labeling me some, some really harsh names that I won't mention. I want to know these names, um, like weirdo Oh, nerd, that kind of stuff.

Nerd's a good— weirdo and nerd are compliments.

I know, but here's the deal, is that that's it. It's not my actual philosophy on beds. I, I understand that, that other things can happen on a bed, okay? And, and I appreciate those things. However, um, to answer your question, Heather, uh, no, no pets in bed. That's, that's not something that we're doing.

This is— my bed is not my bed. It's my wife's bed with her two dogs. And I've just somehow fit in there.

Yeah.

With the bed is huge though.

So it's, it's, that's true. I have my own side.

I have a live snake that I let loose occasionally and a little pig. No, no pets in my bed. I, yeah.

Heather, thank you so much for your question.

Guys, I could talk to you all day. This is so fun.

Bye. Next up is Sam from Jersey.

Let's go. Hi, Sam from Jersey.

Hello.

How are you?

Are we on the phone or in person?

Hello.

In person. Hello.

Oh, right there.

Oh yeah.

Sam from Jersey. Where in Jersey are you from?

I'm from Bergen County.

Oh, fantastic.

Dumont.

Okay.

Yes.

Nice.

Dumont.

And actually, I was going to say, my boyfriend and I are long distance, so I live in Jersey still and he lives in LA. We make it work, but we both have crazy work schedules, as do all of you.

Right.

So how do you make it work with your partners when you guys are not together?

Long distance can be tough, but I think we all find our balance in it. For myself, I spend a lot of time on the phone.

And on red eyes.

And on red eyes, like the one I'm taking tonight. So if I have a day, I try to get back, even a day off, as much as I can. It's a lot, but it's just how I like to do it. It's not for everybody. But we, me and Danielle kind of grew our relationship on the phone, and it just kind of continued.

We used to call him KT&T because he was AT&T.

KT&T. Always on the phone. It's gotten better. Like, we're not—

yeah, but you guys are always— you're, you're phone— you're not FaceTimers. Yeah, you FaceTime with your daughter. I've noticed that.

You call your generation, Kevin, you guys aren't FaceTiming.

I'm an elder millennial.

Kevin has to wind his phone up. I get that rotary phone out.

Um, But it's not a bad thing that you— you said it's gotten better, like as if it's, it's not bad.

No, I just— I think it was— I think what it was is— oh yes, so annoying. No, it's that way.

It's not bad, it's not bad.

Uh, we would spend not enough time not talking that there was not enough to talk about, and it was just talking. It's about song lyrics, it's about being together now and like just present in the—

you get your ass home and that's good.

Shout out Kevin. But yes, I do get a lot of that.

Is sponsored by Delta, isn't it?

No, United, because New York. Um, um, clip it, clip it. But I definitely FaceTime my daughters and try to help with math homework, which I can't do anymore. This— it's not— it ain't easy.

Yeah.

Um, what about you, Nick?

Yep.

Well, yeah, I mean, long-distance relationships are always really, really difficult. Um, I think it's just about trying to stay in contact as, as much as possible and And, you know, our, our success in it has just come from any window that presents itself that we can just be together and separate that time. Even if it's a month or two or months in advance, we just say, okay, we're going to block this window and make sure that nothing sort of touches that.

Yeah.

Because you have to protect that time. And, you know, it's not always easy to do that, but where you can, I think that's, that's clutch. Absolutely.

I also think, uh, a lot of fun games came out of COVID and a lot of fun things you could do, like via FaceTime or, um, Codenames.

Think of a few.

Go on. Oh, you know, this is now sponsored by sexting.

Yeah, I was gonna say, what's that?

Okay, never mind. Um, but yeah, I think, um, that was That's very helpful. And I'm dating somebody that lives in a tropical place, so I'm happy that I know I'm going to be on the beach if I go see her. But I think at least you got somebody who's dating— you're dating somebody who lives in a pretty cool city, so you get to go. That's nice. Yeah, that's the luxury.

What's your way of finding the balance?

I would also agree with flights and FaceTime is important, I would say.

Yeah, absolutely. I want to see what you're doing.

What are you doing?

Show me the coffee. Also, I think if you're like on your way and you have it, if you're like holding the phone while you're driving, that's really safe. Yeah, I could make sure that they're doing that. Sorry.

Well, thank you so much.

Thank you.

Enjoy Jersey.

Another podcast from some SNL late night comedy guy? Not quite. On Humor Me with Robert Smigel and Friends, me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier. This week, my guests, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer Streeter Seidel, help an a cappella band with their between songs banter.

Where does your group perform? We do some retirement homes.

Those people are starving for banter. Listen to Humor Me with Robert Smigel and Friends on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Last night, a blown call changed a game. This morning, the internet lost its mind. Highlights are trending, opinions are flying, and nobody's telling you exactly what happened. That's where Sports Slice comes in. I'm Timbo. Every episode, we're cutting through the noise, breaking down the plays, the controversies, and the stories behind the headlines. We go straight to the source, the athletes themselves, their locker room stories, their reactions, the stuff nobody gets to hear. The laughs, the drama, the triumphs, the moments that never make the highlight reel. From viral moments to historic games, from buzzer beaters to controversial calls, we break it down, give you context, and ask the questions everybody wants answered. Sports Slice brings you closer to the action with stories told by the people who live them. Listen to Sports Slice on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. And for more, follow @TimboSliceLife12 in the TikTok Podcast Network on TikTok.

The French Open is one of the toughest tests in tennis, and I know firsthand because I competed there myself. I'm Renee Stubbs, and on the Renee Stubbs Tennis Podcast, I'm breaking down everything happening at Roland Garros— every match, every upset, and what it really takes to win on clay.

I mean, she went down in 3 to Rybakina, but I'm delighted Yeah, she's an outsider to win the French for me.

And she likes clay.

Listen, Elena Rybakina is arguably the best player in the world right now. And actually, no doubt, can win on any surface. Because if she's serving well, good luck. Consider this your courtside seat to the French Open. Listen to the Renee Stubbs Tennis Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeartWomen's Sports.

Imagine an Olympics where doping is not only legal, but encouraged. It's the Enhanced Games. Some call it grotesque. Others say it's unleashing human potential. Either way, the podcast Superhuman documented it all, embedded in the games and with the athletes for a full year.

Within probably 10 days, I'd put on 10 pounds. I was having trouble stopping the muscle growth.

Listen to Superhuman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

So here's my question.

Right.

I was at a golf tournament.

Yeah.

Pebble Beach. Great time. Very flirty with a guy. I know I was flirty. Like, this is not my first rodeo. I know I was flirty.

Yeah.

Friends of friends sent a text, airballed, nothing back. And it was a good text.

Like, and he was being flirty with you as well?

We did for an hour. Like, that's a long—

that's a long flirt.

That's a lot of flirt.

What time of day was it?

Um, midday. Thank you, Joe. It was at the golf tournament. It was not nighttime flirting.

Was there any food or drink at the time, or was it just walking, hanging, watching golf?

Uh, hanging, watching golf. And then at one point I gave him the out and said, hey, I'm gonna go over there. And he said, oh, we'll go with you.

We will go with you.

His— him and his buddies.

Okay, I like to know. I've seen the scene.

Yeah, painting a picture.

Sunny day, beautiful. I know it was flirty. People were there.

Okay, then you sent in a text?

No, he asked— you gave him his number?

He gave you his That, thank you, Joe, is a part of it that I think might be where I went awry.

Let's hear it.

Friend of friend. And I got the number from—

was that—

thank you, Kevin's face.

Wait, I'm confused.

Okay, join the friend.

I'm going to just jump in here. I'm sorry. I don't mean to just dominate the conversation. I think this situation is one of those where it's like he was outside with his boys on a trip. Clearly felt a connection with you, but probably is with somebody, and then the text came through and that's why he didn't respond, because it's like, oh, that, that breaks the barrier of the thing.

So that's piping hot tea.

I don't want to disagree with Nick, but you can. That is what he said. He did not have a girlfriend.

Oh, there was, there was—

he said every guy who is on a golf trip with his boys, he lives in a state that I won't name, Montana. On his own because he could be listening.

So now he's a rancher.

Yeah, he like—

maybe fish is the right way to say it. Fishes.

I think he's an international spy and he's on a mission and he's gonna text you back in about a week when he gets— when he's done saving the world.

It's been 2 months.

Okay, it's a long— it's a long deployment. He's— he's out.

He is without phone and it's— yeah, this sounds— this feels like a ghosting situation.

That's what I'm— I'm wondering. So, okay, my questions.

Cool. Or Did you send a follow-up text, or is it one?

Thank you, that's what I want to know. So I—

right, I forgot there's a question.

So I did a little bit of texting, but very— I had people read it and they told me it was an A-level text.

You, you did a little bit of texting and no response? How many texts?

Well, I popped a couple in a row. Hey, thought you'd want this picture of you and your buddies.

Did you find this guy on social media?

Well, A little bit. We—

and is he a little bit married?

I'm sticking to the—

a fun story for you.

No, this is actually the guy that we took Hey Jonas from, @heyjonas.

He's not—

we found him.

It's a revenge ghosting.

So my question for you guys, this is my 100th question: do you ever go in again? Do you just take the loss? Do you ever miss a text? Because I miss texts.

Should block him.

That's a power move.

He doesn't want him.

He drives.

Okay, so now you guys tell me what you think.

Everything.

I think— okay, so it sounds like— let me just— we're just gonna—

let's just—

and not— you're not gonna hurt my feelings.

Okay, so let's just back it up. Meet somebody on this amazing trip. You meet them and their friends. It's fun, it's lighthearted. All of a sudden it's flirty. You know he's single, he lives in Montana. He's told you he's told you he lives alone. He said he lives alone, lives alone.

He's out, he fly fishes for fun, sounds like, or work, which you don't need.

You can't have a phone out there because it might disturb the fishes. Yeah, I'm from a fly fish enthusiast over here. And then you send a message, what's up? Then you send a follow-up, hey, here's, by the way, here's that pic. Uh, send it. 2 months, no word. Definitely don't text him back again. I think it's his loss, girl.

Oh, well, thank you, Joe. So you guys never miss a text? So there's zero chance?

Oh no, we miss con—

I never miss a text. Yeah, it's—

that's, that's true.

I have zero missed messages on my phone and emails. I, I also have—

you're a zeroed out guy.

Yeah, I love that.

You know, how do we feel about the thing when someone says, oh, I'm sorry, I missed your text? And you know they saw it. "I'm sorry, I missed your text." It drives me nuts, but I do it too.

Nick's a very bad text responder.

Sometimes you see it, you're like, "I will respond to that." You get busy with something else and then you forget to respond.

Totally, because you're talking.

And it's easier to just say, "Oh, sorry, I missed it," than to say, you know, "I didn't have the time in that moment to text you back." Would you like to make an apology to all your friends right now? No.

I wish the phones had a button that says "Remind me later." It does.

Hey Siri, can you remind me later to text Kevin?

No, no, not that, but like on the text be like, remind me again.

I added text Kevin to the reminder list. That's, that's, that's obvious, but I'm saying for a guy that builds apps, you should know this.

Yeah, you can say, I guess, unread.

All right, all right.

Next is Tara on Zoom. Hey Tara.

Hey Tara, how are you guys?

Oh, professional mic. Hey, how are you?

All the producers have such nice mics, the Glow mics.

Yeah, I think we have the same one.

Oh, ours doesn't light up.

Ours does not turn green. Okay. What's going on, Tara? How are you?

Good. Congratulations on the new podcast.

Thank you so much.

Yeah.

Here we're the biggest podcast in Canada, guys. Since Kevin spoke about Canada earlier, they've been tuning in. So you can go to @HeyJonasPodcastCanada. We have that just for you guys.

I love it.

Anything we talk about from this show will be on that page. Just for you. Okay. Sorry. What's going on?

Um, so I want to know if you guys can all open up your Instagram.

Yeah.

And what is on your algorithm?

Oh yes.

And what's on your For You page?

Wow.

Perfect.

My algorithm is all— it's, it's all, uh, Bollywood stuff.

It's great. Right now I'm watching somebody shake up McDonald's sponsored, and they're making a cocktail out of a sauce.

Um, my—

they're making a chicken nugget The Mc— McNugget. I can't even say it. It's a martini that's made with chicken nuggets. That's what I just came up with.

That's pretty great.

I'm seeing on my discovery page a lot of AI videos. It looks like Zac Efron as Captain Planet, which is AI.

That's cool.

Oh, wow.

That's really cool.

I think they're trying to cast him. And then a lot of Pokémon cards because I've been really into pulling cards right now and a lot of ceramics, a lot of ceramics, ceramic artists I'm obsessed with. I'm going to like that so that way I get more ceramic cups.

This is an exact replication of like my life right now, and this is coding with, with AI tools, Claude and AI, um, and golf and working out videos.

I'm getting a lot of these right now, and I'm, I'm really not sure why, but these are, uh, luxury like minivan concepts in Asia.

Oh dude, cuz if Big Rob sends them to you Probably why it is. I get a— I get a—

I'm fascinated by— they're really nice.

I kind of want one.

I'm in my minivan era.

Oh, you said— okay, you said For You page and algorithm.

Yeah. Isn't that the same thing?

No, the For You page is TikTok, right? I don't have TikTok on my phone.

Oh, well, it's also the little magnifying glass.

Oh yeah, you got the— it's the— yeah, magnifying glass.

That's what— yeah, that's what I'm on. I was in the car.

I'm seeing Pokémon. I'm seeing a lot of clothing.

And interesting.

A lot of stage stuff.

A lot of coffee. This is somebody brewing coffee. It's all the things I love. Your month, your bean, and it's just different.

So we were just talking about beds. Some, of course, I got a nice comforter situation on here.

Also got some like— Nice. Yeah. What do we got here? I love it.

Thank you guys.

Thank you so much, Tara.

Bye.

Danielle's next.

Hi, Danielle. Next up, Danielle. Hi, Danielle.

Okay, so I am a boy mom. I have two little boys at home.

Awesome.

And so my question for you guys is, obviously you're very close to your mom. What did she do for you guys growing up? Like, what is one thing that stands out? That she did for you guys that you love?

I love that.

What are your boys' names, if you don't mind?

Matteo and Milo.

Beautiful names. Great. Very nice.

M&M.

Um, M&M.

Something our mom did for us that really stood out. I mean, there's so much, it's hard to really pick. Um, our mom, you know, she sacrificed so much of her time and life and energy to look after 4 crazy boys growing up. Um, and we owe them so much, man. Thinking back when we were first kind doing musical theater and commercial works in New Jersey. We would drive, for those that don't know, we would drive pretty much 20 to 30 minutes at least on the early, without traffic, into the city for auditions. And then one other boy would have to go to Broadway, but our dad was also a minister at the time, so he had a desk job and our mom would drive us to these auditions. And she was pregnant with our my youngest brother Franklin at the time, until like she would stay in the city. And usually New York, being as it is, um, especially now, cold until May. It was literally like the— it would be winter and she would be finding little cafes where she can just stay warm until one of the boys was done in the shows and then drive us all back home at like midnight.

It was just crazy. And they do it all over again and there's matinee shows and things like that. And we had school. And then she was homeschooling us at one point and she would make meals for the entire family. And she had also projects that she did with the church and she ran the women's ministry there. So I mean, it's hard to just say one thing, but I think she really taught us how to respect people and women and really looking up to her and how she does. She's such a great cook. She's a lovely woman. We love her. And She's an incredible grandma now. Totally. She got her— finally she got girls because she wanted girls badly and she got all 4 boys. Now she has 5 granddaughters so far. And I don't know, chill. I'm just saying. Well, Franklin's, you know. Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Franklin's, I don't know, one day maybe. Anyway. So yeah, our mom, it's hard to pick one thing. I don't know. Sorry.

I, I was great.

It was great, right?

So beautiful. Actually, I'll say my favorite, one of my favorite memories was in high school. I had to get up super early for school with her and she was doing this with you guys at the time, like going to the city and I was still going to school and we would, she would make me coffee for my bus ride to school.

So she's the reason you drink poop coffee.

Actually, maybe.

Yeah.

Yeah, actually, at the time, her, actually, I take everything I said back. Yeah, it's just kidding. Really interesting. Hi, how are you?

Hello, Jackie. How are you guys?

Nice to meet you. So I'm from San Diego.

San Diego.

San Diego.

Yes.

Lovely. Well, it's good to see you. What's going on?

Well, I'm a big fan of reality shows. So if you had to choose one that you could actually win, like The Traitors, Dancing with the Stars, Survivor, which one would you guys do?

I just watched, um, that movie. Of course I'm blank. Um, Rachel McAdams is in it.

Oh, Send Help.

It's so good.

And it's good. I liked it.

And she was a big fan. I'm not, I'm not gonna spoil anything. She's a big fan of Survivor. It's in the trailer. I like to— when I say, when I set up, hey, I'm not gonna spoil it, I just give you what I saw in the trailer.

It's because you're not gonna spoil it doesn't mean that I can't.

That's true.

I've seen it. So I gotta watch this.

Okay, so I'll tell you what happens.

It's so good. Basically super fan of Survivor and— oh my God, don't watch it on a plane though. There's something you don't watch on a plane. You just figure out why.

Um, anyway, I saw the trailer, so I understand.

Oh yeah, that's also in the trailer.

I, I have a thing.

I—

well, so you're saying that you think you could win Survivor? Uh, that was the question.

Um, I think I do all right. I don't know if I could win. I think I do pretty well. Cool. I'd learned a lot from watching that movie.

I'm a scripted— that has nothing to do with reality show enthusiast. Like, I love game. Um, I hosted one with my brother Franklin.

I think Traders— you would do well in Traders.

I like the Traders concept. Traders concept. Um, watched a bunch of it. It was very, very fun. I could do Traders.

You would win like a— well, you had a reality— you haven't had a reality show.

Yeah, or have No, no, no.

Married to Jonas.

I live that now. I don't have the show though, right?

Should I live that now? Yeah, it's funny.

Thank you. Life imitating art, Kevin.

Um, and, and the other one, Claim to Fame. Claim to Fame.

Yeah, with Franklin, which was so fun. But to answer your question, what do I think I could— we could win? Was that, was that your question? I'm just trying to—

what do you think you could win of the reality shows you can think of? Can it be any reality show or has to be the three that you mentioned?

No, any reality show.

Yeah.

Oh man, Worst Cooks in America.

I don't know if that's a show.

It's a show. It's a reality show. It's a competition.

It's really a thing.

Yeah, it's like the worst chefs.

I could do that.

Oh, you know which one? To that point, the one that I love is, uh, it's like they're like, oh, almost— what's that one called?

Almost?

They're like, make something, it's terrible.

Huh?

What is it called?

Is it like food or— it's food.

They're making food and it's awful.

And it's like, Worst Cooks in America.

Nailed it.

Is it— nailed it?

Yeah, Nailed It is the, the cake one, but desserts, but are bad. Yeah, with Nicole Byers. That's great.

Gaslighting me. This is a real show.

When you said food, honestly, I actually—

guess what? Me earlier about, uh, alien that I saw in the sky. He said it was a plane, and then I said, no, it's obviously not a plane. He's like, actually, no, it's a helicopter. And I'm like, why are you so confidently saying? He's like, oh, maybe it's not.

And I'm like—

and then we walked in the studio and he was like, Joe saw an alien earlier. I'm like, now, now you confirm this.

Well, once it didn't appear as a plane or a helicopter, then I started to believe.

Is it cake though? I think I could, I could nail that. I would know.

So you would be the contestant trying to pick and not making the cake.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Next is Amy. Thank you so much.

Thanks, Jackie.

Thanks, Jackie.

Thank you.

Thanks, Jackie.

So this is a topic that's come up in this episode already, and I feel like it comes up with you guys a lot. And Joe, I really wanted to ask you, you gave a very heartfelt message about pooping your pants in 8th grade.

Correct.

And that you really turned it into something beautiful.

Yeah.

My question is, why did you poop your pants in 8th grade? Did you tell your brothers? Did you call your mom? Like, I'd love to know what happened.

Well, my mom was there, actually. Um, I, I didn't want—

I was nervous.

I was scared to use the restroom, uh, because there was a lot of kids that would hang out in the bathrooms, and I was like, well, they're gonna know. If people know that you poop, that's just no-fly zone in school.

Everybody Poops was not a book we had growing up in our household.

We didn't get that one. Our library didn't have that. It was— so anyway, so then, um, I went to the nurse's office and I said I had a tummy ache. I called my mom, I said, Joseph— she calls me Joseph— do you have to just poop? I was like, no, such a Denise. And she's like, if I come down there and I bring you home and you poop at home and you could have stayed in school, I'm not going to be thrilled about this. So he's like, she's like, no, I promise, Mom, I tried. I lied. I said I tried, I tried to poop, I couldn't. I have a bad stomachache. It was your, your crazy, uh, food you made just now. Um, she knows. I finally told her mom that I don't like her, uh, What's the thing she makes that you like?

Red casserole.

I don't like red casserole. I finally admitted that to her. It's the best thing in the world. I can't believe you told her that you don't like it. I think at 26 years old, I finally told my mom. I was like, I'm sorry, Mom, I got to tell you this. I don't It was a good— it broke her heart. It broke her heart. But you know what? We're stronger for it. So then back to the poop story. So then she comes down and then she— I have to go collect my school books. So now my stomach is like, it's go time. And I'm walking and I'm starting to feel like this might happen any moment, any moment, and it's not, it's not gonna be solid. And so my mom—

so you kind of did have a stomachache.

Technically, that wasn't a lie. There was an easier solution than going home. Um, but again, cool kids in the bathroom. I didn't mention there were cool kids.

Oh, and they were just hanging out in front of the cool kids.

Where do you think cool kids hang out? In the bathroom. Smoking cigs, you know, what 13-year-olds do. Dude, they were smoking candy cigarettes for sure. So anyway, so then, and then, um, my mom bumps— our mother bumps into the principal, and of course, as our mother is so kind, stops to have a 30-minute conversation with this lady. And I let it run down my— I just can't hold it. It starts running down my leg, and I can see the principal and my mom start like smelling a little bit. They're like, oh. So they're like, I think they were even like, oh, was that me? So they're like, okay, well, have a good day, blah blah. And we start walking away, and I just— I go on to decorate the halls of this school with me. And it's like, it's just, it's just dripping down my leg. And then we get to the car, and we— I sit in it, and I'm crying now. And our mom is like, did you just And she's like, I knew it. And she told— she made me go back and clean it. Oh, off the floor?

Off the floor.

Wow.

She made me go clean it because I left, uh, because remember I was standing next to my mom while she was speaking to the principal. I had to go collect it. And then I went home and she was— luckily, I think she cooled off from being angry. Was like, I think was like, I don't want you to have to face the embarrassment of going back into school like that. Also, I I didn't have an extra— obviously I didn't have— no, no, she was just pissed I didn't have an extra pair of drawers, you know. So then I had to go back and—

oh my God.

Yeah, well, I still, I still won because I got to go home for the day, but she was mad at me. Yeah, so that's my pooping in 8th grade story. Oh, next is Maddie on Zoom. Hey Maddie, what's up? Hello, how are you guys? What's going on?

Great little story.

Oh, you heard that?

Great.

Well, it's waiting room.

We're doing a podcast. A lot of people will hear that story.

Well, well, it's great to meet you guys.

Good to meet you.

Um, so for my question is, I'm getting married.

Congratulations.

Thank you. So we're currently in the process of planning our wedding, all the things. So I want to know from you guys, What's a wedding day must-have, or maybe something we should avoid if you have any regrets?

Wow, gentlemen, things you must have. Um, it's hard to—

it's hard to pick one thing.

Uh, electrolytes. Do you drink?

Okay, yes I do.

Okay, then electrolytes are a very good handy thing. Um, the, the, the big win is Are you having like a reception where everybody says, you see everybody before the wedding, the days before or day before?

Yeah, we'll do like a welcome party.

Okay.

Yeah.

Rehearsal dinner.

That's the time you say hi to everyone.

Okay.

It's good.

Because your wedding's for you.

Yeah.

Yeah. You and your partner and you want to be able to enjoy that or it becomes literally just a meet and greet.

Yeah.

And let me tell you something, we know about meet and greets.

I got a hot take. Oh, it's, it's piping, but I got to say it. It is okay. And it should be okay to encourage your, your, your friends and your family that are going to speak to write some things down before they speak.

That's a good one.

They go off the cuff and things get weird.

People say, and if they want to run it past you first, that's fine.

That's also nice.

I don't know.

I just think it's, it's, it's so taboo. Like everyone should be able to do whatever they want. It's their moment to speak about you. But it's okay to be like, hey, I'm asking you to speak. And maybe if you just want to write a few things down, we can even chat about it beforehand. I think that should be okay. Some people are going to disagree and that's okay. You're entitled to your opinion, as am I. I love that.

That's great.

That's a good one.

I like that. Kevin, that's amazing.

Wedding day must have.

Kevin, you have an ice luge at your wedding. Would you suggest that?

I would. It was very fun. Birthday cake shots for the wedding Joey Fatone over there just ripping shots. He was at his wedding.

Okay, sorry, I interrupted you.

It's okay. Um, you know, I would say keep your, uh, keep your doors like locked in the morning of your wedding morning.

Oh shit, I forgot about that.

Oh yeah, this is—

I got woken up by our, our late grandfather, uh, Papa, at 4— no, 3:30, 4 AM in the morning. To waking me up in my room.

No, you're now shared room.

My now— no, no, this was the night, the day of the wedding.

Day of the wedding.

So I was like finally asleep after we were hanging out the night before, like just finally getting some rest. Why didn't he wake you up? I forgot why. My grandparents gave me and Danielle a, like, a sexy time gift, which is insane.

That, that grandfather came in at 4 in the morning.

I'm pretty sure they're like, did you give us— no, they gave it to me, us, the night at 4, and we're like, great.

Like, huh? Well, I'm just confused.

Why?

What was he doing at 4 in the morning?

I gotta tell the story.

Oh, sorry, I'm just stressing out.

So he gave me this gift with our grandmother.

You were asleep though, the night— the morning of your wedding, the night before.

The only one that had a question too. It was—

yes, it was 3:30 in the morning.

I was up. Well, you didn't—

wait, we didn't sleep at your wedding.

I know, but I was so like you know, excited.

I had just fallen asleep. It's realistic.

Taking a catnap.

Okay, I was like in and out, right?

This episode sponsored by In-N-Out Burger.

Cut to I'm getting woken up by Papa, our Jerry Miller, and he just wanted to see, uh, me and your grandmother were talking, just making sure. I do remember this now. Uh, did you like our gift that we gave you?

He felt like— I'm so— like, he was— he felt bad about it because they had a big fight because it was like we shouldn't give him this inappropriate gift, right?

I think I did— me and Danielle didn't quite respond in front of a group of people. Oh, I think— and I think they took it the wrong way. I don't know exactly. I think maybe they probably spun out, spun out, and somehow got a key to my room, got into my room, woke me up. But you know what, God bless him, I am so happy that he did because I'll have that memory of my grandfather on my wedding day. I did not go back to bed. So keep your doors locked.

So lock your doors. Okay, I like that. I never would have thought of. So thank you.

Congratulations. The best of luck.

Good luck.

Thank you.

Next we have Easton. Hey guys. Uh, hey Easton. First time listener, first time caller. Uh, happy to be here. Hey Joe, I know you're online a lot. I just want to know, be honest with me, please. Yep. Do you ever watch those thirst edits of yourself? I make them. All right. You and me both. Consumption. Is that a Mickey Mouse watch?

Yeah.

That is wild.

I just told the story about—

you just told about our— wow, he's in the room. Our grandfather used to wear that exact watch. Wow, that's really— it's a good watch, eh? That's— yeah, it is a really cool watch, but that's wild and that's beautiful. Thank you. Um, uh, I do not make them, but I— they come on my feed because I, I like to support fan content, so I see them and sometimes I like to interact with them. Well, thank you so much.

Thank you, appreciate it.

Another podcast from some SNL late-night comedy guy? Not quite. On Humor Me with Robert Smigel and Friends, me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier. This week, my guests, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer Streeter Seidel, help an a cappella band with their between-songs banter.

Where does your group perform?

We do some retirement homes. Those people are starving for banter. Listen to Humor Me with Robert Smigel and Friends on the iHeartRadio app. Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Last night, a blown call changed the game. This morning, the internet lost its mind. Highlights are trending, opinions are flying, and nobody's telling you exactly what happened. That's where Sports Slice comes in. I'm Timbo. Every episode, we're cutting through the noise, breaking down the plays, the controversies, and the stories behind the headlines. We go straight to the source, the athletes themselves, their locker room stories, their reactions, the stuff nobody gets to hear. The laughs, the drama, the triumphs, the moments that never make the highlight reel. From viral moments to historic games, from buzzer beaters to controversial calls, we break it down, give you context, and ask the questions everybody wants answered. Sports Slice brings you closer to the action with stories told by the people who live them. Listen to Sports Slice on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And for more, follow @TimboSliceLife12 and the TikTok Podcast Network on TikTok.

The French Open is one of the toughest tests in tennis, and I know firsthand because I competed there myself. I'm Renee Stubbs, and on the Renee Stubbs Tennis Podcast, I'm breaking down everything happening at Roland Garros—every match, every upset, and what it really takes to win on clay.

I mean, she went down in 3 to Rybakina, but I'm delighted.

Yeah, she's an outsider to win the French And she likes clay. Listen, Elena Rybakina is arguably the best player in the world right now, and I actually— No doubt. —can win on any surface because if she's serving well, good luck. Consider this your courtside seat to the French Open. Listen to the Renee Stubbs Tennis Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeartWomen's Sports.

Imagine an Olympics where doping is not only legal but encouraged. It's the enhanced games. Some call it grotesque. Others say it's unleashing human potential. Either way, the podcast Superhuman documented it all, embedded in the games and with the athletes for a full year.

Within probably 10 days, I put on 10 pounds. I was having trouble stopping the muscle growth.

Listen to Superhuman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Lauren. Hi, Lauren. Hi, Lauren. Hi guys, how's it going? Good. How are you today?

Good. Thanks for having me. This is Hey Jonas.

Hey Jonas. Hey Jonas.

Yeah.

Everyone should say that when they call. Oh yeah, that's a good idea. Everyone should say that. Hey Jonas. We say, hey you.

All right. My question is for Nick. I'm wondering if you have a random hill that you're willing to die on. For example, minus the dryer sheets. Don't need them. They're a myth. That's— I think they shouldn't exist.

They do work though.

I don't think they do.

I think they do. What are they made for? They're made to take down the static electricity inside your dryer so you don't actually pull your clothes together.

Um, okay, I made that up.

Am I right? Is this sponsored? I wasn't even listening. Come on, Downey, let me know.

Thinking about my—

hey Siri, what are dryer sheets made for?

We're giving you time to think.

The mechanism of a heated seat is built to keep your back, thighs, and legs— sorry guys, it's a different channel.

Hey Siri, what are dryer sheets made for? Dryer sheets— she wasn't speaking. Dryer sheets are made of non-woven— oh, they're— what are they made of? Okay, fuck this. All right, go ahead.

I think that, um, people should be more aware of their space in an elevator. Agree. And, you know, during the pandemic, we had the separation. Everyone was— if I get an elevator and someone for no reason gets right up near me, it pisses me the fuck off. And in a way I can't even describe. It happened yesterday. I was, I was in a hotel and there's a bunch of people there. For FIFA, big FIFA conference. And one thing that was interesting was all these guys had the same uniform. It was a blue, dark blue suit, white shirt, and some sort of like cool sneaker.

Sounds like a soccer player.

That was the first thing that kind of like got me feeling a little bit like Larry David, a little pissed off. Okay.

Just like, why are you all wearing the same thing?

Maybe they're at their club. It literally was like a uniform. Maybe they play in a football team. It's kind of like walking down like—

No, they're just the executives.

Executives. Executives. Like a cool sneaker.

Yeah, um, like an Asics, a white cool sneaker.

Yeah. Oh, so anyway, I get in the elevator and I've got, you know, my, my suitcase and my other bag, and 3 people get in, but they all decide to stand like, like too close to me. And I was like, we have room.

Spatial awareness. Yeah.

Did you say anything, or do you use your body to like— I did this. And you both know this.

When I went— yeah.

Did they pay you any mind, or they were in their business combos? They were in deep in business combos.

That's some gosh— how many floors did you have to— 11 floors. Yikes. And then I had to say, hey, excuse me, to get out. Excuse me, to get out.

It was blocking the door. Oh, even when it opened?

When it opened, you know, man, like, that's like common.

That's pretty good.

Check if there's a positive hill to die on. I like— I think most people would agree with that. I don't think it's technically one that— I think you probably have a couple a lot of people would disagree with.

Yeah, well, what, like what?

Mm. While you're thinking on that, I think it's true, but I could be wrong. I think it's actually illegal to talk to a stranger in an elevator in New York.

There's, there's some like, it's a law like that.

It's a weird law. What? Yeah, I think that's the thing. You could look it up. I could be wrong at the wrong state, but like there's a law where you're not allowed to talk to a stranger in an elevator.

Oh, I got it. I got one. I held it down. Every restaurant should serve breakfast all day.

100%. Yes. Especially in a hotel.

They go, oh yeah, we're, we're stop, we stop serving at 11.

At a hotel. I'm sorry, I just woke up.

And you should be able to drink at an airport at any time.

You can do that. Amen.

Because you don't know where the— and you can't judge anybody, as I'm saying.

If you see something— you don't know where I'm from—

having it, you don't know where they came from. Yeah, these are my hills to die on.

I would also say, um, if you can— here's why I think we should— this should be passed. Yeah. What? When Kevin becomes New Jersey governor and then you eventually become the president. Is what we should do. Nope. Um, we should get it passed that if you can recite the entire flight safety briefing, you never have to hear one ever again. You should do like a re-up, like it's your driver's license. It does expire.

Like you have a certification, you're like, I'm certified.

If you can, you show it, you're like, all right, good, go back to watching your show. All right, so reminder, guys, If you want to talk to us or you have questions or concerns or comments or things to get off your chest, that's right, @heyjonaspodcast on Instagram and TikTok. And call us at 1-844-HEYJONAS, 1-844-395-6627.

Or you can email us, which is something you can do, at heyjonas@iheartradio.com, right?

Out of the three, Kevin's personal cell is You know, when someone sends me an email instead of a text, it kind of stressed me out. You know, like a person and you have in your inner circle.

Oh, you get an email from someone instead of a text and it feels more like, oh, there's a problem.

And then they write in the email, if it's easier to contact you, you can just text me. And then they give you the number to give you the anxiety push of like, how about this? You haven't responded in 24 fucking hours.

The bottom of the email says sent from my iPhone. It's like, I know you have another one.

They just do that. It's in the— they just do that.

No, guys, beyond all of that. Someone leaving a voicemail. Oh, I got him from Dad. I got like, yeah, I get a Dad one and it's just, oh man, Kevin, I feel bad. Give me a call back.

It's like, oh God, who died? Yeah, he just called me actually. I have to call him back. Not right now, but wait, like, he just— it's— he's got the— he always— he says bye-bye at the end of— let's see if he says bye-bye. It's so cute. Ready? If you can, give me a phone call.

Hope you're doing well. Love you so much. Talk to you in a bit. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. I didn't even know that.

But tell me that does not sound like someone passed away. Yep.

Yeah, every time. Oh God.

Okay, uh, bye-bye. Bye-bye. Okay, I love you.

Another podcast from some SNL late night comedy guy? Not quite. On Humor Me with Robert Smigel and Friends, me and Hilarious Various guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier. This week, my guests, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer Streeter Seidel, help an a cappella band with their between-songs banter.

Where does your group perform?

We do some retirement homes.

Those people are starving for banter. Listen to Humor Me with Robert Smigel and Friends on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Winning on clay is an art.

The rallies are relentless. And at the French Open, only the toughest survive. I'd know, I competed there for decades. Join me, Renee Stubbs, on the Renee Stubbs Tennis Podcast for no-nonsense breakdowns of the biggest matches, the toughest players, and the moments that define Roland Garros. Jen should win. She's an outsider to win the French, right? And she likes clay. Listen, Elena Rybakina is arguably the best player in the world right now, and I actually can win on any surface. Listen to the Renee Stubbs Tennis Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever wherever you get your podcasts.

Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeartWomen's Sports.

Imagine an Olympics where doping is not only legal, but encouraged. It's the enhanced games. Some call it grotesque. Others say it's unleashing human potential. Either way, the podcast Superhuman documented it all, embedded in the games and with the athletes for a full year.

Within probably 10 days, I'd put on 10 pounds. I was having trouble stopping the muscle growth.

Listen to Superhuman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, what's good, y'all?

You're listening to Learn the Hard Way with your favorite therapist and host, Kia Gaines. This space is about Black men's experiences, having honest conversations that it's really not safe to have anywhere, but you're having them with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing. How many men Carry a suit of armor. It signals to the world that you're not to be played with. And just because you have the capability, that does not mean that you need to. Listen to Learn the Hard Way on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.