Transcript of Rose Byrne

Wndri Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free right now. Join WNDRI Plus in the WNDRI app or on Apple podcast. Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcast. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Sheppard, and I'm joined by Lily Padman.

Hi.

Today, we have one of my all-time favorite actors. I've been singing her praises for a long time now.

She's so good.

Because she does this thing that very few people can do, which is perfect comedian, perfect dramatic actor. Yes. Rose Byrne. She's a powerhouse. She is an Emmy nominated actor and producer, Platonic, currently on Apple Plus. Neighbors, Insidious, Bridesmaids. She has a new movie in Theaters Now called If I Had Legs, I'd Kick You. It's a great title. And of course, she's from Australia, which is just endlessly charming. I find that endlessly charming.

I know. As you'll hear, she is reluctant to tall poppy, but we try to get her there.

I think we made a little progress by the end. I think we may be. And she was not reminiscent at all of that AI that would not count to a million.

No, she was nothing like her.

She was nothing like her, that Australian woman. Also, we have Armchair Anonymous prompts. Oh, yes. So make sure people are sometimes confused, how do I get on Armchair Anonymous, which is on Fridays, which is many people's favorite show. Check it out if you don't listen to it.

It really is. People love it.

Here's what you do. You go to our website and you submit your story based on- Armchair Expert podcast.

Com.

So here are the prompts. Tell us about an unexpected orgasm. This is a repeat. We had a lot of luck with the first round.

We did. Let's hope. But guys, don't lie.

Don't lie. That goes for all of these prompts.

Don't lie. But mainly that one.

Tell us about a dental disaster. Oh, get ready for pain. Erin could call in. He's dealing with some right now. Tell us about a Thanksgiving disaster. Remember grandma caught on fire? That might have been Christmas, but it was still good.

I think it was Thanksgiving.

Tell us about a nightmare holiday experience. Yoey. It's scary. Unexpected orgasm, dental disaster, Thanksgiving disaster, and a nightmare holiday experience. Please enjoy Roseburn. This episode of Armchair Expert is presented by Apple Pay. You know, holiday shopping can be a hassle, but Apple Pay makes it so much easier. Whether you're shopping online or in-store, look for the Apple Pay button or contactless symbol at checkout. No more digging for your wallet or filling out long online checkout It works at millions of places, including stores, websites, and apps. This means you can spend less time at checkout and more time finding the perfect gifts. Pay the Apple way. Terms apply. He's an objectivist. He's an objectivist.

He's an objectivist. He's an objectivist.

He's an objectivist. He's an objectivist. Hi, how are you? Good to see you.

I don't think that I've seen you since we did the movie, going down memory lane, and I was like, I feel like that was probably the best time.

And how good is your memory of that? That would have been Toronto, right?

Yeah. And then I remember running into you at Jen Carpenter's Wedding. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Which was about nine years ago because go by the kids, like how old they are. Oh, yes. That was about nine years ago, and you had one of your little girls.

I had a little girl who had refused to put her dress on. So we showed up as it was ending.

Oh, that was the Asheville wedding then, right? Yes.

And they came down the aisle. We were like, Well, fuck. We blew all the way here.

No. The wedding was like a laidback vibe.

Yeah, they were the greatest.

It was really lovely. It was really sweet. And you just did Charlie Sheen, I heard. We did. This is going to be very dull. Very, very dull. Just lower the expectations.

Sometimes we do have two people in a day.

Film the most extreme one.

Yeah, we had a sex expert on. She was incredible. That's cool. Yes, and she taught us- It was raunchy. It was raunchy. She taught us how to squirt. Oh, what? Yes, it was full on. Then she leaves, and then an hour later, we have a guy who was imprisoned in Russia.

For four years. Were you joking? I'm trumped up charges. I was like, Wow, this is a big ship.

Oh, my God. Sometimes we get crazy days like that.

Do you ever join Bobby on things where you're just hanging while he has to do all the bullshit? No.

No.

When I think about it, two actors, it's just a juggling act of- And you know what I mean? It's like- You have seven and nine. We have two little kids, seven and nine. How old are your girls now?

Ten and twelve.

Wow. Are you in tween world? Oh, yeah. Yeah. My nine is getting a little- Some testosterone arriving. Yeah. It's just the social conditioning, right? Of the peers and the friends and all this thing. But I was like, Gosh, he's still so little.

Yeah, overnight.

But your partner is a bull now. I've I've never met him, but he seems like a bit of a bull. You've never met him? I've never met him, no. So you might get some bull energy. And these names are very bull-like names. Rocco?

I love that.

Bobby's just a big love. Oh, yeah. He's Cuban. It's the masculinity, but very big heart. Such a big softy. But I think his roles, what do you call it? Belie him or no? Would he betray him? Betray him, maybe because he gets cast in these parts that are like, very alpha and stuff.

I love how you say alpha.

How do you pronounce it? Alpha.

Alpha.

Alpha. Like AlphaBedda. What's her name in Wicked?

Alphaba.

Alphaba. When is the sequel, guys? When's it coming? Thanksgiving, right? When's it coming? Thanksgiving? I think so. Girls must be pumped.

My family went so off the deep end. We had Wicked Christmas. Did you?

We didn't do that. No. That we did not do. Wicked Christmas.

There was theme.

The entire house was green. It was Wicked Christmas.

Wow. And that's Kristen. The kids love it, but Kristen really.

Really? She went to six or seven screens. She went to the singalongs. That's her thing.

Well, she's a musical theater actress, though. That she is. Right.

So this is her- I think she coveted that role when she was younger.

That's a different world.

Can you sing? No. God, no.

No. Are you being modest?

I'm not. You're not being modest. No. I think it's such a gift. It's like if someone could speak several languages or they can sing opera, I think it's like they're a secret agent. You can also do that.

It's such a skill. When people say, Would you want to fly? Would you want to be invisible? I say really high on the list, probably just below flying, would be if I could open my throat and Adele came out. I have to imagine that feels so good.

I know. Your whole body resonates with the feeling.

Can you get that same buzz we get from hearing it? Yeah. I think. Really?

Yes, because it's a jump off the deep end commitment. I'm going to go full Toronto. I'm going to let it fucking rip. And then you hear, oh, my God, I'm right on pitch and tone, and I nailed it. Yes, it has to feel like the perfect golf swing.

It probably feels good. She can't hear it the way we hear it.

I don't think she listens to it, and it feels as good as it feels to us.

I love how we're just like, we know how she feels about anything.

We do a fact check.

But maybe she's been here. I don't know.

No, not yet.

I remember when she had this surgery on her. Can you imagine being the doctor?

Oh, my God.

He did that. Great point. We don't have enough compassion for that doctor. You're right.

Let's just circle back to that, right?

She was probably shitting bricks, that doctor.

They were like, literally.

Good job with that she.

I'm not going to lie to you. I thought he and I said, no, I'm going to say she. I had to think about it.

It's good. Sometimes we have to think. We do.

Sometimes we got to step over bad architecture.

How do you guys know each other? What's your story? Go ahead, mommy.

No, you can go ahead.

No, I tell it all the time.

I started out as a babysitter for Kristen and Dax 10 years ago.

Friendship circle. She was in our adjacent new member.

Yeah, there's more to it. I was in an adjacent friend, like I met them at random parties and stuff very, very, very superficially. I was acting. I was trying to act. And I did an episode of Kristen's Show, House of Lies, where I played her assistant, and she was like, Oh, I know you. I recognize you. Yeah. And I was like, Yeah. And also I make money by babysitting. So they just had their first kid. And I was like, If you ever need a babysitter. So then after that, she called me. So I started date night babysitting. Then they brought me on full-time babysitting. When we had a second. Exactly. They had their second, my soulmate.

Here's where it would be a brag for you, so I'll take over. So then we started noticing, Oh, you see Oh, really funny. Great texter. Really good writer. And then she started working with... That's a good clue.

It is. I'm laughing because it's true. Some people don't put any effort in.

It's such a reveal. Now, this is where I do wish I was younger in dating because I could do this.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? You never got to flex.

Were you single at any point during texting? You've been together 13, 12.

We've been together 13 years. So yeah, I remember Blackberry days.

Kristen and I were on the T-Mobile Sidekick. God. The full... We got a full fucking typewriter.

How long have you guys been together?

Over 18. Really? But I did. We were the text? Actually, if you hear her tell the story, she'll say, I saw her somewhere. We had a mutual friend. I got her number. And my first text her was, Hey, it's Dax. We met at Shona's party. I violated your privacy. Oh, Shona.

That's right. I know Shona. Yeah, of course.

I said, I violated your privacy and got your number. How do you feel about that? And then she was like, Oh, that's a good Start.

Cute. So you saw her talent and then-So I worked with Kristen full-time.

Once, Delta went to preschool, and they were like, Oh, what do we do with her now? We like her, but what do we do?

I'm looking for her to sit here and watch TV.

Yeah, exactly. I mean, you could have that. That would have been nice and generous, but you didn't. So then- I would. I became Kristen's assistant then. And that's when I started writing a bunch of stuff for her. And she was like, oh. And then I started writing all our commercials and we became creative partners. And then I left her because we decided to do this.

How did this idea?

He wanted to do a podcast because he loved doing podcast, as he said earlier.

Also, we were both listening to serial, and we had different takeaways from it. And we would often debate in the kitchen about Adnan's innocence or not. And we just debate it nonstop. I was like, Yeah, this is a great dynamic.

Yeah, you had a good chemistry.

Then this started and it took off in this very unexpected way. At one point, she had to go like, We got to do this thing.

This job became bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger.

Do you and Kristen, are you in speaking terms or no? We just got back together. We just got back together.

Thank God she's the most generous person on Earth. She also wants the best for everyone, so she understood.

She was very graceful about it.

She's like a nice lady. She's a little bit nice lady. She's a little bit of a nice lady.

She was quite graceful. I can't put too much point on that because they were so intertwined at that point.

Oh, our brains were very...

If she was in an award show, she wrote a monolog. I mean, she really relied on her.

I still show up.

Does she have a new you?

She does have a beautiful new me.

She did it again.

She did it again.

You love this. The long We can talk. Don't think I'm a fucking done. This is not my first barbecue.

I don't even started with Charlie Shane yet.

No, we know.

Yeah, very Timothée Ola fan.

Exactly. Again, this is where I leave you. Tim?

Does Tim do this? We had him on.

He was the best. But he also, he kept asking me about cheerleading.

Yeah, and eventually I had to say, Okay, I got to put a flag on this. I'm going to let you ask that last question, and then we are going to talk about you.

Well, no, thank you for the back story. I was genuinely curious.

Do you feel more grounded? I feel more oriented.

Just oriented.

I'm oriented. That's a better way to say it. Where am I? I was relieved to see that. I did see this percolate up in a lot of different interviews that you've done where you are pretty honest about the fear level, regardless of the amount of success on paper. How can you not have it? But it's really reassuring because minimally, put your fear over here for one second. You'd have to acknowledge this on paper. You've had a fucking gangbuster career.

Oh, yeah. I am so grateful. I've had such good luck. This is a hard business.

This is one of the more successful careers you could ever have. And the notion that you're still fearful is very comforting.

This business is littered with extraordinary talented people who have not had luck or had timing. I cannot take anything for granted.

Melissa McCarthy had worked for a decade. Who you knew from Groundlings, right? Yes. She was working. It's not like it was not a bad career.

She was hiding in plain sight. And such a good actress. Obviously, this comedic fucking bullet.

So that stuff is happening all the time. There's people like Melissa McCarthy who, if not for bridesmaids.

If not for Paul Feege and Kristen. It's interesting the artist like Mike Jennifer Coolidge, too. Again, had an incredible career. Obviously so revered, such an uncontainable presence. But he was like, I want to write for you and a champion for her, according to what I've read. But to your point, it takes these minds like a Mike White or a Paul Fegg or someone who can harness that and give that person a shot. That's out of our hands. There's so little agency in our careers. No, I have so many friends who graduated from drama school who-Oh, you might have looked up to. For whatever reason. Yeah, I was rejected from every drama school.

Wow, really? Yeah.

It's so Can I ask that?

I learned that, and I thought that was really strange. That's crazy. You started acting at eight. Theater classes. Yeah, and you're in a suburb of Sydney.

How far out? Twenty minutes from the city. Okay.

You're the youngest of four? Two older sisters, one older brother? Yeah. You're a ham in the family or not?

Yeah, the youngest. You get away with murder.

More like your parents are tired. By the time it's number four. Like, what are you doing?

Yeah.

But you start acting at eight, and then you're in your first movie at 15, right?

Twelve, actually. There was a casting agent that was looking at kids in my little class, and yeah, I got this part.

And then two series.

I did a soap opera in Australia when I was 15, and that was great training, actually. I don't know if you ever did a soap, but it's technically amazing, the training.

Because you do 100 pages a day, right? That's what's nuts.

You do so much stuff. Soaps in Australia are different from America. They're half an hour, and they're hugely popular in the UK. Carly Monogue was on a soap opera. That was huge in Australia. Margot Robbie was on a soap opera. It was really popular in Australia. Keith was on a popular soap opera.

What? You worked with him on one?

I worked with him on film, but it's a great training ground. I have great friends who are on shows back home. I did one that was very short-lived. But technically, it's incredible because you work so hard, you move so fast, thrown into press, thrown into all that nonsense, too, which at a young age can be, I mean, you see it's littered with kids who don't make it. This was in Australia, so it's much more of a bubble. It's a smaller pond, whereas here it's obviously way more exposure. All the eyes are on you, America's the content leader of the world.

Better that you say that than us, but okay, I'm glad it was said. I know.

I just made that statement. But it's true, it's way more exposure if you're doing that here. In a way, Australia is much more sheltered and protected.

But what confuses me is at the point you start auditioning for these procedures acting schools, this is now post high school.

Yeah, I finished high school, started at Uni, and then started to audition for all the acting schools.

How on earth was it not relevant that you were already a very working actor with momentum?

It's two very separate camps. Acting schools in Australia are way more interested in theater and your skill around that.

Like Shakespeare-y?

Yeah, it I felt way more unattainable. Acting schools felt out of my league.

But do you think they were punishing you for having success? I think they were jealous. That happens sometimes with theaters and theater schools. They really don't like on-screen performers.

Look, I would wonder now because the majority of work for an actor to make a living is unfortunately not in the theater. It is not. It's just not. It's just not. If you're going to live in New York or LA, you can't financially survive, especially if you have a family. So I wonder now, obviously, I'm so old now, I've got no idea, but if they take that into consideration at these schools. But back then it was way more snobby.

So my other thing that makes no sense is why did you even go to Uni?

My parents, they were like, got to go to uni, got to keep your brain working. I studied English literature and gender studies. I didn't finish my degree, but I went to Sydney Uni, which is a gorgeous campus. It's a bit like Hogwarts, beautiful old sandstone buildings. I did half my degree, and then I started getting more jobs, and I ended up like, I'll finish it online. I never did, and I wish I had. You still can.

I don't get this.

I do.

You don't believe it?

I don't buy it. It's hard.

It's hard to have something half done. Sure. It's always going to be hanging.

Just that sense of accomplishment that I finished it.

That's fine. But it's like you were blessed, which almost none of us are. You were blessed with actually knowing what you wanted to do from a young age. And so anything other than that thing doesn't make any sense to me. And why there would be any guilt or shame around like, I didn't go get a degree. It's like, well, yeah, you weren't trying to become a professor.

I think Because I started so young, there was a part of me was like, Do I just like this because I liked it when I was little, or do I still like this? The opportunity to study and what a privilege to be able to do that. I really liked university. I loved the independence of it. Oh, it's very fun. Yeah, it's so fun. It's a different culture here, though, because in Australia, you don't go away. I lived at home. Most people don't travel to go to college. That's not as fun. But we do another thing where we go overseas for six months after you finish school. You'll work and save money, which is a bit of an Australian tradition. Then you go and travel for six months and you're You live in London and you work in a pub, and then you travel around Europe and you go backpacking. But I think we're so far away in Australia, so you have to travel.

Where did you go?

I went to Italy. I went all around Italy. I went to London.

Did you have an Italian lover?

I wish. No, I want to look too. I did not wish that. We all wish that we'd have that.

Okay, you're working a bunch in Australia. It's going very well, well enough to drop out of Uni. I know there are a couple of American made. There's Ghost with Matt Dillon.

Oh, my God. That's such a deep cut. Ghost. Well, it had a few different titles. At one point, it was called Beneath the Banyan Trees, but I think the name changed.

City of Ghost.

Thank you.

City of Ghost.

That's 2002. So you would have been '23? The Kid. That's an American movie? Yeah. How did you get that movie?

He was auditioning. It was an Australian backpacker. He was looking at Aussies, honestly. It was a very international cast. Gérard Dapadieu was in it. Robert Duval. It was set in Cambodia, which he has a relationship with Matt. Dylan did at the time. I remember this movie. So we shot in Phnom Penh. It was incredible. I was in Phnom Penh for like six weeks.

Wow, I can see the poster now. It didn't connect at all, but he's like an Angorwater. He's one of these monument things.

I went to Angorwater. Oh, is it spectacular? Incredible. It's like when I went to Uluru, which is this sacred site in Australia in the Northern Territory. It's that feeling of spiritual awakening. I'd love to have a spiritual practice. I think it's so wonderful. But it's one of those places where you are taken over. I mean, this was many, many years ago I went, but it's beautiful.

We had that Sedona where we had to concede. Okay, yeah, I think there's something. Some places have something. You know this whole Sedona, Arizona is supposed to be a vortex. I didn't know that.

Vortex, vortex. Really? It's so beautiful.

But we were there and we were like, Yeah, man, something is happening here.

That is like, ankle what?

Because mom was an atheist, but dad and you are agnostic.

Yeah, Australia, it's definitely not the same relationship with religion as is here, which is- Oh, yeah. Which is- Intense. Very, very different. It's something I'm still understanding. It's wild that the people I've met over the years and their relationship with their practices or religion, a lot of people in recovery from a religious practice or a very extreme religious family.

Oh, there's a bazillion culty type religions here.

There, is it just less of a thing in general?

It is. Obviously, there is a history of it, but it's less fundamental than it is here for sure. But growing up, my parents didn't practice any religion, but they sent me to scripture, which is like a Sunday school at my school, but it wasn't on a Sunday, it was on a Friday. That's such a boring story in any case. But they said to me, It'll be educational and you can decide. Yeah, that's nice. You can decide what What do you think.

You were like, Where are the women in this story? Oh, there's none? Okay, I think I'm going to move on.

I just remember harassing the poor man going like, But if there's a God, why do people kill each other? Or why do people not have food? It's a good question. What's God's plan?

Why is it so unfair here?

Yeah, I know. What's the deal? And the poor priest or whoever he was trying to talk to this 10-year-old girl. Were you guys brought up anything? Can I ask quickly? Of course.

Technically, my parents are Hindu, but they're not- Practicing? Actually, the older my parents are, my dad now will go to the temple every month, but it wasn't a thing we did, really. When I was young, so I didn't know much about it.

One of my grandparents, when I was visiting them on the weekend, baptized me Southern Baptist, and then the other set of grandparents baptized me in a Catholic church independently without any permission from either parent. Amazing. And neither stuck. Although I did prefer the Southern Baptist vibe because there was a picnic after every Sunday.

Picknicks are fun. That's how they get you. That was great.

Great food. Southern Baptist is pretty hard cold, though.

There's all these pockets within Baptist. There's Southern Baptist. There's Pentecostal.

Methodist Church. I'm from Georgia. There's just certain streets where it's all churches. It's all different kinds. There's a Baptist, Presbyterian, Methodist, Catholic. There's so many.

Our friend Hannah moved to Nashville, and her parents were going to visit, and they're very religious. And I said, You know, you guys should do a church crawl.

Because there's so many.

You can really do a church crawl.

You really can.

It is wild that shooting in Atlanta and outside of Georgia, base camp, you're always in a church.

You're always eating in a church.

But growing up in Australia, no, it wasn't part of my childhood. And I started acting so early. I didn't really do sports. That was thing.

So does that movie, though, City of Ghost, had you, A, always been like, Well, we got to get there ultimately, or the opportunity presented itself and then you followed it? It was the goal. Because you said the content capital of the world.

As I said, I realized maybe Bollywood.

Oh, that's the content. I traveled through India and I went to a Bollywood film, and it was incredible. It was one line for men to see the movie, one line for women, lining up, and then one line for tourists.

Wow.

And it was packed. I think we were in Jaipur. I will never forget it. I was like, If this many people could see an Australian film, we would have the richest... There is a great history of rich cinema in Australia, but this was unbelievable. It was three hours long. There was a half an hour break in the middle. When you need one. Everybody's talking the whole time.

Oh, the whole movie? Everybody's talking. It's all in Hindi.

I don't know what's happening. The people next to me are so nice. They're explaining it to me. I'm like, What are you talking about? It was the most joyous communal I'll never forget it. Anyway, we should acknowledge the content coming out of Bollywood.

Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, I tip my hat to them. Had you traveled here ever as a kid?

I'd been to New York at 18 with my family. We took a trip. I had never been to LA. Then I did a film with Heath Ledger when we were 18. We were just kids.

Did you just fall in love with him?

He was such a charmer. Did you ever spend time with him? I did. He was a generous guy and such a talent and could have gone so many ways. We were close when we were 18, 19. We did a film together and it went to Sundance. He was such a great example of an artist that he was always getting off at these TV shows when we were starting out. And he was really like, I don't want to do that. I don't want to just be a heartthrob.

They gave to him on a silver platter after that night movie. They're like, Hey, do you want to be sexy and make 10 million a movie?

At that age, it's really hard. I didn't have that confidence to be like, Okay, I'll just not do TV. I do anything. At 20. But I really wanted to work internationally and wanted to have those ambitions, but by no means knew how. Really, it's true, heath. I came over here, I stayed with him a bunch of times, and he It was so sweet. He'd get me into audition for his things. I got an agent. That was exciting. I started auditioning and spending time in LA, and then I went back to Australia and worked more there. Then I never heard from the agent again. Oh, really?

Oh, boy.

But I still see her around.

Oh, that's so weird.

I was tiptoeing around this the other day in a fact check. We went to the night before party, which we haven't been to in, I don't know, 15 years. The Emmys party? Yeah, the night before the Emmys party. I think they doing two for the Oscars. They still do it. Yes. And the second we walked in, I'm like, Oh, I remember this. You bump into endless representatives that you no longer work with that is very, very awkward. And this is the party.

So fun. What a fun party.

What a great party. And then you see a lot of people you're friends with.

Get me the fuck out of here.

You see people that you're friends with, but you can't talk to each other because too many people are right. And you're like, Yeah, this is a disaster.

That was definitely part of my journey. Then I worked more back at home. Then I got a part in a movie called Wicca Park, and that was this film with Diane Kruger and Josh Hartnett and Matthew Lillard. I said everybody's name. Good job.

Did you love Lillard?

Such a sweetheart. Isn't he the funnest person? He had a tiny baby then who's probably now- Ad Addison. 27-year-old young woman, I'm sure. Other than the film with Matt, that was my first American job. I said it, guys. I got it right. Me too.

I said it.

And you went straight to New York?

No. Then after that, I lived in London. I didn't want to live in LA. I liked London better. My sister was living there. We bought a house and lived in London, so I was there for two years. I love that. I don't know if you've spent time there. Yeah, we love it. I love it. Then I booked Damages, and that's when I moved to New York.

We were enormous. Were you really? Enormous. I'm going to tell you the degree to which we were fans of Damages.

Please share with me.

Are you going to say the thing because it's still a thing?

Yeah, I'm going to say it. Oh, boy. So Kristen does a movie with Ted Danson. Neither of us know him yet. It's up in Alaska. So we go up to Alaska, a lot of dinners together. And we're sitting with Ted at dinner. We say, We are bonkers for Damages. And he's like, Really? And I said, Oh, my God, do you know what we're We are at this hotel as, which we had been for a couple of years at that point. We check in everywhere as Holly and Arthur Frobischer.

Wow, that is a fan. That is a fan.

We took on. We made that our identity.

Oh, my God. That was your pseudonym?

Yes.

I'm so flattered. I'm so flattered. We loved it. We came out the same year as Mad Men. It was that chapter of prestige. I mean, the Sopranos had set the bar.

Yeah, but it had been a long time. At that time, we thought only HBO could do that. You and Mad Men were the two was like, oh, shit, Cable is going to do this.

And then Breaking Bad was soon after that. And then now we're, obviously. It's all we have. Years later, it's like that's where you see drama. It's really on TV.

Let's be honest, it's gotten way better than movies.

It's hard not to disagree with that.

I can move like three good movies a year, and I can name like 600 episodes of TV that were brilliant. That's a good way to put it. Were you hesitant to sign up for a TV show because you had your foot so firmly in the door in the feature world?

The material was so good. Working with Glenn was like a master class. But signing that contract- Seven years.

They have you for seven It is.

That was a conversation I had with myself. But it's funny when you look back, right? And it was just like, wow, look how far it's been since that show. I feel very proud of the show. I'm so glad you saw it. As you should. That's so cute. And you used it as your pseudonym. We were obsessed. We had the most incredible support. Ted is so brilliant. He's so against type as Robichaud. Yes. This is this sleazy, maniacal fire. How fun for us to see them. Fire and so funny. Anyway, they were brilliant with their casting. We had William Hurt, Marsha Gay Hard, and we had some incredible Are you a people pleaser?

I feel like you are a people pleaser.

Of course I am. I'm Australian. Yeah, are you Australian? I love the colonies, guys.

Oh, you're a tall poppy situation.

Don't brag. Keep your boots on.

But you're allowed to be a I'm not a tall poppy.

Unfortunately, you're a tall poppy.

You have to take that back immediately. Immediately. I'll be canceled. Please don't make that.

Please take that back. I need you to lean in to your poppy.

Please take that back. I'm going to come out with it right now. It's going to wait.

But- Here we go. Gosh.

Yeah, this It's making me so nervous.

Good Lord.

We are tall poppies.

It's too exhausting to not be.

I love it. It's just fucking- You have to keep too much to yourself.

That's exhausting. Yeah, that's true. That's why I'm tired. For I'm tired, guys. I'm having a podcast tour. I'm very tired.

And Rose, for who's sake?

It's on my cellular level of keeping.

Yours is at least cultural.

I'm leaning on that. But no, I interrupted you. What were you going to say?

What I was going to say, and this will be hard for you to hear, but I have I said it on here many times. I really would put you and Walton Goggins in the exact same category, which is- Finally. I don't think I've seen two people that can be that good at drama and that good at comedy at the level you both are. It's astounding. I already loved you from Damages. But then when I saw, it had to be probably neighbors. No, Bridesmaids. I had seen you in Bridesmaids. I saw her in Bridesmaids. She was great. Melissa had this stuff.

I'm very much the straight man in Bridesmaids. She's the straight person.

But you are still so funny in it. Nabors, you had a loose rhythm and confidence that I just hadn't seen yet. I was like, get the fuck out. She can do comedy like this. And then I thought that a dozen more times since then. It's so impressive. Thank you. I hold you and my wife. My wife can do it all.

I was going to say I would put your wife in that category. I would, too. She's also incredibly disarming. I've only met her once, but she's so funny and immediately put me at ease.

In a way that we're really not doing.

She was so, so funny. Yes, she is.

She's incredibly funny.

Funny people aren't necessarily funny actors. Funny actors aren't necessarily funny people. And usually, comedians are actually very serious. Yes. Which I've learned over the years. You never know, is my point. That's such a sweet thing to say. I'm very flattered.

Everyone we've had on who's worked with you, which is a lot of people at this point, you always come up and it's always an absolute love fest about you. It is. Everyone loves working with you.

Can we jump to neighbors? Because A, how aware of it are you? You have to be. And then B, how do you explain it? And then C, how quickly did you notice it? You and Seth have this crazy symbiotic rhythm. It's so fun. How quickly into meeting him and starting to work with him did you go? There's some magic floating around.

Chemistry's so weird. How do you know How do you describe it? Obviously, we're so different. But we work the same way in that we're really into the work, private people. He's an open book in many ways.

He isn't.

I think it's a little bit of a trick.

He's a trick. I've told him, I'm like, You're someone who I think I could get close to, but I know I can't get close to you, and I don't know what to do with that because I'm the opposite.

It's making Dax's brain.

There's something I think that there's a similarity about that with us, and we see it in each other. I feel very relaxed with him, particularly when we're working. We just have such an ease He's a gentle guy, and that's where I find our place, I guess. I don't know. It's a very funny thing because on paper, you'd be like, How did this... This is so corny, and I say it all the time, but he's Canadian. There's something about that, too, that I think we have some similarity in the common. It's just a little bit different, but I feel really grateful to have that relationship with him. When you get to work with someone again and again and again. It's a lovely creative conversation.

Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, If you dare. This message is brought to you by Apple Pay.

Dax, can you believe it's already fall? This year's flown by.

I know, right? But fall is my jam. Remember that farmer's market we hit up last weekend?

Yes. All those vendors with their yummy apple ciders and the big pumpkin. I love big pumpkin.

Artisanal apple cider, don't forget. And the smell of fresh baked goods, heaven. But here's what blew my mind. So many vendors accepted Apple Pay.

It was so convenient. I love Apple Pay. Everywhere I saw the contactless symbol, I just double-click the side button on my phone to bring up my card, and then just a quick little face ID scan, tap, boom. So easy.

Apple Pay has been my MVP this season to buy festive fall treats and drinks.

And you know I'm on a mission to find the best fall-themed latte in town. You know this.

I do know that. How's it going? That maple one you were telling me about sounded pretty insane.

It was so good. And get this, you can also use Apple Pay at lots of cafés, no fumbling for your wallet. Just double click, tap, and sip.

It works at millions of places. Anywhere you see the contactless symbol in stores or see the Apple Pay button online and in apps.

Exactly. Making it easier to enjoy all the fall goodness.

Speaking of which, I'm totally set for Halloween. Apple Pay made it a breeze to purchase the perfect decoration online. Right from my iPhone, I just tapped the Apple Pay button at checkout, double click to authenticate, and boom, payment complete. No long checkout forms, no fuss.

Fall festivities have never been more fun or easy.

Pay the Apple way. Terms apply. When you get that, neither party has the leverage to continue knew that just because they enjoyed it or they would choose to. My friend Joy Bryant and I have that.

I love Joy. How is she?

She's so good. Please give her my love.

She's so fucking good. She's such a gorgeous, lovely lady.

Yeah, and we had six years together. We're just the comfort levels just so off the charts. We're a brother and sister in such a wonderful way. But I can't choose to go do five more things with Joy, nor can she choose to go do five more things with me. So there's a gift upon gift.

And that is a privilege that Seth and I, and that's due to nick Stoller.

Yeah, we love Nik Stoler.

We love this opportunity for these projects that have happened for us is so much because of nick. And now he's why Francesca with Platonic creating this show. And that was my idea to approach Seth. I was like, I'm not sure if he wants to do this. I don't know. This is a show. It's a big thing. You want to sign on and he's an easy guy. She's having your contract.

No, not anymore.

Not anymore. But He did. I'm like, Thanks, buddy.

Now, how much of you all's report on screen is scripted and how much is improv? What percentage is playful off the cuff stuff?

Seth's really loose. There is a script Absolutely. There's obviously points you have to hit and stuff. It's hard to explain as an actor, right? It's a very different job when you're doing an improv job than really specifically scripted role. It's not something everyone's done. It's something I've really learned baptism by fire when I did get them to the Greek. It was very much like, Oh, okay. Try to catch up. I didn't go to Groundlings. I didn't go to UCB. I didn't do any of that stuff. It's not a trained thing that I have. So figuring that out was definitely learning a different muscle. It always takes me a minute to find it again. I don't know if I'm particularly good at it, but I will try. I mean, it's so ephemeral that talent. It can be really bad.

It can be so bad. It can be the worst thing there.

What I was going to add is I think there's a ton of misconception within improv, which is I think actors who don't understand it and have had not any I mean, they think improv is non-sequitors, or they think improv is just, I say something different. But the art of it is, of course, moving the story to the same place the script had moved it to. It's got to be original and off the cuff, but you still have to be very much on story. I I think that's the next layer of the talent. So my hunch is you actually probably backed into it, which is you probably have great understanding of the story and point of the scene, and then the new unwritten stuff came after that.

I definitely always come from a perspective of who's the person, the traditional... The parameters of an actress or actor. The stakes have to be high.

It's not saying fart.

That's why you're better off because you care about acting than you're improvising in character. A lot of comedians just want to funny.

Yeah, they want to say something outrageous.

Yeah, and get a laugh on set. It doesn't help. It's like, That isn't helpful.

But isn't it wonderful? I so enjoy when you see a comedian doing something dramatic.

What's your example you're thinking of?

Bobby's good friends of Bill Bur. Bill was on Broadway recently. Glen Gary, Glen Ross. Did you see it? No. They have great comedy in the play, but it's a David Mamet play. Yeah. He just killed it.

Wow, that's awesome.

I would like to have seen that.

It's harder to get a deeply, deeply dramatic actor who we all revere to then do a wildly comedic performance.

I'm going to say it. Comedy is way harder. I don't give a fuck what anyone says.

No, I agree. Why do you think it's harder?

There's no help. There is tons of help available if you're doing drama. If I just sit dead still and I give you absolutely nothing and you push the camera in on me slowly and you score it perfectly, you will fill in all the blanks of what I'm doing. The lighting is at your disposal. The music is at your disposal. The person who's acting off screen who you're benefiting from, you fill in so much blanks with drama. Comedy is math that you get the equation right or you don't. There's no cheating it. And when you see people try to cheat it by scoring goofy music under it, it's dreadful. It's offensive, right? If you try to use the tools that are available to drama in comedy, it's dreadful. So it is just technically much harder to land. I love that. So you should be prouder of your comedic chopss is what I'm wondering.

Well, you be proud of everything. You be a top poppy.

I don't think you can be proud of anything.

I feel like comedy is so subjective. Yeah, it is. We can all agree on what he said.

Well, that is true.

We can pretty much agree. That's a great point. But can we all agree on what he's funny? No.

Also, timing is like what we were talking about singing earlier. It is a gift. It can be taught to an extent in the way singing can be done to an extent. You can't teach it because I feel like timing is about unpredictable.

So you can't teach that. Yeah. That's just a rhythm that exists in your head or not.

I know. And it's wild when I've worked with a Kristen Wig or a Maya Rudolf or Melissa who's like the Michael Jordans. Oh, yeah. These performances and it's effortless. I don't even know if they know it's effortless.

Then we get into the really interesting psychology that's quite pervasive among comedians that you end up successful. It's easy. And there's a guilt and shame about the fact that it's easy. But of course, it's easy because you've been practicing since you were a little kid how to do this thing. Then this guilt, now I got to do Shakespeare. There's a whole racket, I think, that goes along with success as a comedian.

Then I wonder if there's a lack of respect for how hard it is.

Polar just blasted off recently about this, and I appreciate it. She's like, Fuck reviewers. Fuck all reviewers who refuse to give any credit to comedy. Fuck the Academy Awards. And then so true. She did?

That's so punk. I love that. And it's so true. It's like, How dare you? Why is it considered less than?

And then also, who gives a shit if anything is acknowledged? None of it that.

I know.

I just want to talk about 2011, and especially now that I have a sense of your anxiety.

What are you talking about? What are you talking about?

I want to talk about 2011.

By the way, all I'm looking at is the Olson twins up there behind you. Yeah, aren't they calming? They're very cool. I feel so cozy in their huge coats and their cool hair. I don't know.

They probably cause anxiety because they're so cool.

It's a Photoshop photo, just so you know.

Yeah, obviously. I'm not with you.

Oh, really? I had a haunt you thought They were- Oh, I thought they were- I thought that was real.

I wish.

Sorry, I digress. Go back. It's a manifestation. I'm sorry. Okay, good.

You're doing quite well up to 2011. No complaints. It's going very, very well. But in 2011, you make a million dollar movie that makes $97 million dollars insidious. Oh, yes. You just minimally have to go like, Fuck, that was lucky. We made a million dollar movie that made $100 million?

James One directing it, who has gone on to huge movies, different genres. That was shot in 22 days for $8. 50.

That's bonkers. 2011, you're in Bridesmaids. It becomes the biggest grossing R-rated comedy ever. Impossible. This is the same year. This thing makes $288 million.

That's wild. I forgot it was in the same time period.

2011, Xmen, First Class, $350 million movie. How are you computing? We've been trotting along It's been improving a little bit, and now all of a sudden, in this one year, everything I've touched has just been something you could write a story about. How are you computing that? Did you get superstitious about it?

I definitely have superstition, and I think I still do talking about it.

You're afraid to even... You know what I mean?

I do. I have an I have some position around the process. With this business, you have a moment, the moment will go away. But that was a chapter. Hearing about it, it's like a core memory of, wow, that was an extraordinary chapter. You don't know. You have no control about how it will be received or how it will go. Particularly something like bridesmaids shooting it and thinking.

Fingers crossed. Yeah, were you like, This is crazy?

We didn't know. We were like, This is unusual because I'm with so many actresses. This is so funny and I love these women. I was so naive. I had no idea that that's all I would be talking about, too. Was like, Oh, women It was funny. I was like, What? I have to talk about that?

What do you mean? It opened up so many weird conversations. It was so weird.

It was like a group of dolphins. I was like, What's happening? I don't know. I grew up watching Julia Louis Dreyfus, and I didn't know any different.

I think if you're on the My bad. No, please. I squirted too much nicotine in my throat.

Have some matcha. Wow, so you squirt the nicotine?

I do both. Yeah, he has mint, mint, and spray.

A lot of delivery systems. Thank God. I think on the outside, people would assume, I'm going to take another drink of water.

Take your time. Yeah, no, please take a moment.

No, we lose the room at 3: 15. There's another podcast starts.

Not ours, but someone else's. No, just kidding. Don't scare us. There's a lot of anxiety. She's scarable. I'm also gullible.

I fully thought the whole... I was like, having a whole scenario with you guys at a fashion dinner or like the Bungalows or something.

Did you think of something? Imagining her exotic life.

Did you do that or did somebody do that for you?

Rob did it for me because for Christmas, he got me that sweater, but it didn't arrive. So he She gave this to me as a placeholder, and then this is actually the better present.

Is this a sweater from the row?

It is. I know. Yeah, you know. Did you think I was really cool? You're like, Oh, my God, she's cool. She hangs out with the Olsson. What else could you think? I was like, I know.

Elevated luke's. What are you talking about? Wow, look at that. I know. That's out of my league.

What else could one conclude, Monica? I know.

That's the only thing on the table. Isn't that what I'm supposed to conclude?

It feels like a lie. My integrity was like, I must correct this. I think she has just gone on a journey.

That's not very nice to me. I want to gain some cool points, whether I earn them or not.

No, I think you want to earn them. I know you. I think from the outside, their guess would be, hey, if I had a year where all these movies hit, I'd be dancing around my apartment. My hunch is that that wasn't how you process the whole thing. Or were you dancing around your apartment?

That's a really good question. You know what? I didn't think I was. But as I get older, I'm like, you should dance around apartment. You should dance around the fucking apartment because what are we here for? Exactly. Celebrate. Enjoy.

It's not going to get taken from you because you enjoyed it.

Exactly. Even if it does still enjoy it, you know what I mean? What's the point in not enjoying it? I did have fun. It's such a fun ride with bridesmaids that was obviously so I love it, but I need to dance around the apartment more. We all do.

But you feel like you can always lose it. That's the logical error. You can't lose it. It happened.

It happened, but you can lose it. It can lose it, yeah.

It depends on how you define it, I guess.

And how do you define I'm going to ask a nosy question that you're going to fucking hate. Monica, help me.

You've done four of these insidious movies. The first one was made for a Million Bugs, made '97. The second one was made for $5 million, made $166 million. The third one was made for 10 and made 167. The last one, almost $200 million.

Wow, that's amazing.

Please tell me you've got a juicy piece of this pie. Are you just getting like, this movie is coming, and you're like, oh, we're getting a new apartment.

It wouldn't be a financial question.

Oh, my God. This is not what I expected.

How uncomfortable are you?

What did you think was going to happen here? Oh, my God. I'm so deeply uncomfortable.

And offended?

I'm so deeply uncomfortable.

Please don't be offended. I mean, obviously, we know you probably don't want to talk about money, but how do you feel about money? Can you tell?

I would love to. Let's talk about money.

You couldn't even say money.

How should I say it? Does financial safety matter to you?

Of course. Once you have a family, are you kidding? We're talking about the theater, right?

And you're in a modest house I told mom was an administrator in school and dad was- No, totally.

A bunch of kids. I got a job really early. I worked at an Indian restaurant.

Nice. Curry World. No, we appreciate it.

Dalling Street in Balmain. And then I worked at Baker's Delight. I loved it. I loved earning money. I loved going to work. I love the performative nature of being at a restaurant. And they say, what I've read about, particularly Raising Boys, is it's good for them to have a job as a teenager is a really important thing.

I had so many. Go see the principal, get a work permit so I could work at the restaurant at 12. The whole thing, yeah. To tassel corn and agriculture at 14. I loved my jobs. Which she could be asking, and you could make it relative, which is financial insecurity is, I think, top fear for me, where it's a sickness.

Absolutely a real thing.

People have it at varying degrees.

It can tip into it being all consumed I guess I wonder on this scale, where you land.

I think I have a healthy... We do not live a lavish life. I am not a wildly lavish person, but what memories do you want for your kids? The core things that I grew up, what I remember is a great holiday at a tiny beach house. Those things are the things that I feel are the most valuable.

You and Bobby are aligned? We are. Oh, that's good.

I think you have to be. Well, to a degree, you have to figure it out. What life are we raising for these kids? What are the values? Do you have the same thing that Dax is chatting about?

No. I mean, yes and no.

I think yours is realistic. Well-mine is unrealistic.

It all changes as you get more. That's the truth. I am so financially safe, but the more you have, the more you get, and then the more you need. It shouldn't be that way. You should be able to remove yourself be like, I don't need anything. I'm good.

Do you feel like Warren Buffet have one house?

Yes, exactly. Isn't that the same story?

The same old house he bought 1974 in Omaha. What's the psychology behind that?

Well, what I'd like about it for him was it does demonstrate that you would think he was in all that for the money and he wasn't. He was in it for the game, and I can research further, and I can see value where other people can't, and that that was really what drove him. And that's admirable. And being better at it than other people. He actually didn't want any of the shit.

That's wild, isn't it? And then what does he do with- He's giving it He pledged it to the Gates Foundation.

Although I do think he took some of it back.

But that's a side note. Yeah, I think he said, My kids will get some. They're not getting that much. The rest goes away to people.

See, I mean, that amount of wealth to me is a nightmare. Terrible for families.

It's a lot. It breaks people up.

It's like succession.

I'll argue it is correlation and not causation. So I think what you're seeing a lot with these very wealthy families is they were not present parents at all. They had nannies raising their children, and they worked endlessly to accumulate that. That was their main obsession. I'm not certain that the wealth is what caused it. Again, it's very correlated. But what I see in a lot of these families that end up with a lot of wealth is much bigger, deeper problems going on in the parenting.

But then there's infighting between siblings that can happen when there's money that's going to get divvied out. It can be crazy. We had a huge lottery here, a billion dollar lottery a couple of weeks. I don't know if you remember. In LA?

Yeah. It was nationally. It was the mega because the Texan won it.

Some states. I don't think all states are a part of it. I was talking to my parents about this. My dad was like, I would never want to win a billion dollars. He said, That sounds miserable. Everyone is going to want something from you. Everyone's going to know it's you. I was like, Oh, my God.

You say, what if you're completely anonymous? I did.

I said, You don't have to. He's like, they'll find out and then they'll want something from you. That is true.

I think that's a tell of that you cannot escape your childhood. I bet where he I grew up in Kerala. If you were the town billionaire, whatever the equivalent of that was, I bet he witnessed that that's actually dangerous.

Yeah, that's true. I mean, everyone would agree, right? The more money you amass, the more-Mole problems?

Some people say it. It's not not true. It's not not true. It's not not true. Because the more things you get, the more things you got to manage.

Things get complicated. And there's expectation. If you aren't giving it, then you're selfish. There is a lot that comes with it.

I'm from watching a great documentary about happiness once, and they were saying, A certain amount of money can really help. And then a certain amount can change so much the quality of your life and your mental health and your physical, all those sorts of things. But beyond that, it doesn't change. It starts to diminish.

It does for a while and then it diminishes.

And that was fascinating because is what's not what we're sold. The discrepancy of wealth is just horrific around the world, obviously, which is a whole other conversation, but that is pretty unsettling and awful. It's just getting worse.

Okay, we're about to talk about your movie, but I'd compiled this list, and it took me a long time, so I am going to make you listen to it.

Did you see the movie?

Yeah, I watched it last night. You did?

I did. Oh, my God.

Did you get it? What do you mean get it? Did you feel like you understood it? I can't wait to talk about it.

Okay. Yeah. Great.

But not before you hear this list.

Oh, God.

I sincerely don't know that anyone has this list. This is a list of your co-stars.

Oh, cool. Fun game.

Keith Ledger, Natalie Portman, Matt Dillon, Dennis Hopper, Brad Pitt, nick Cage, Peter O'Tool, Snoop Dogg, Killian Murphy, Glenn Close, Kristen Wig, Melissa McCarthy, James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Kevin Bacon, Ryan Gos, Bradley Cooper, Vince Vawn, Owen Wilson, Seth Rogan, Zack Efron, Susan Sarandon, Jude Law, Adam Driver, Jane Fonda, Jason Bateman, Tina Faye, Ethan Hawk. That's a bunker. Do you ever go like, I can't believe how many of these people I got to work with.

That is a bonkers list. Can I take it with me? Yes, it's insane. I've never had someone say it out loud and write it down.

And I left people out. Oh, no.

No.

I mean, Snoop, that's a cool one. You know, I've also worked with Snoop. What did you do with Snoop? I did a... No, it was a Burger King commercial.

Even better?

So, yeah.

Fabulous. So we share that. Isn't he lovely?

He is very, very nice.

He was so laid back. So fun. It was great.

When you spoke a quart of praline wee today, you can be pretty chill, turns out.

It's a benefit.

The trailer was just like a cloud around it. It was pretty funny.

I bet it would be hard for you to look back. I think if I just list the movies you're in, you're like, Oh, yeah, but I did it in the name of... But you must be able to listen that list and go like, My Lord, what an incredible ride I got to have.

I do. When you hear it out loud like that, it is wild. Then to remember, too, like, Oh, yes, I got to do that.

You know all these people.

Yeah. I'm like, I had that great scene. We had a wonderful conversation.

I mean, you could have forgotten some of these. There's so many. You could have forgotten you were with Brad Pitt.

That's probably a pretty memorable one.

I'll kill you for it. No, that's a crazy unpredictable list of people.

I only put two of them in bold. Actually, I put three, but we already I've talked about he's- Which are the ones in bold? Nick cage is my great obsession in life.

Has he been on the show? No.

I've written so many letters. I'm just so obsessed with him. Can you tell me what the experience was like?

He's a true eccentric. We went to an animal farm and got to hold an eagle, and he was working out at midnight in his trailer, all the incredible things. We were doing a press conference for the movie, a pretty rote, typical boring thing. He went over to me and said, I'm going to try to do this whole thing without saying, I I or me. Oh, that's cool.

There we go. That's great.

He's a living art installation.

And he did.

He was like, When one believes that one is so great. He's having the last laugh. Yeah. I hope he comes on.

Yeah, me too. The only other name I put in bold is Ethan Hawk, and for the reason that I admire him in such a specific way. A, he's incredible. We've had him and he's such a philosopher.

He's just such a storyteller. He's very close with Bobby. Oh, he is? Yeah, they're really close. Again, Ethan could have gone so many ways. He was a pin-up out of dead poets, and he could have gone so many ways. He's a true artist. That takes such drive and such belief, similar to Heath, like, I'm not going to sign the seven-year. He's done theater. He loves the theater. He's his church like Bobby. He's that guy. I was so lucky to work with him.

What's acting with him? Did you get that feeling where like, Oh, I'm so planted.

So funny. The dynamic in that film was very specific, but he's a true collaborator. So it was endless creative conversation about this. And he's an open book. He's really candid. He He loves for the art, and he's inspiring. It's easy to get cynical, and it's easy to get lazy. And he's just so the opposite of all of that stuff. He's on fire for it. He's just on fire. And I've seen him at these festivals. He has Blue Moon coming out, which Bobby's in as well. Rick Lincolat is one of his latest films. And incredible storied history together, the two of them. And so every time I see Ethan, I'm just like, I'm home. Oh, that's beautiful.

Okay. If I had legs, I would kick you. That comes out October 10th. I watched it a couple of nights ago, and it's grueling. It's hard.

It asks a lot. It's pretty radical.

Yeah. And I admire you. And I'm curious how you decide to leave the fun world and throw yourself so deeply into that.

And I'm really curious about you asked Dax, did you get it?

I'm waiting to hear his take. He said, Grueling so far.

I wonder if I got it.

Whatever you had is right. Whatever speaks to you or doesn't speak to you.

I reject that in this case. This is a writer-director. She has obviously a real, I don't know if it's her experience, but she has an experience to display or let you inside of or some feeling mentally that you're going to experience. So I do think it's actually quite specific as opposed to a A lot of movies, where I could say what was in the box in Pulp Fiction. I don't know. Is it the fucking Ten Commandments or not? That's up for me to decide. But this is like, well, let's set it up as much as we can. It's probably a hard one for you to promote.

Well, it's funny because it's not set up for the audience. You are dropped into a A madness. A crisis, a madness, and the tension does not stop. It is a relentless experience, and it's purely from the perspective of this woman.

You're almost the only person we see in the movie. Yes.

And it is a fever dream. If you're not sure what's real. It defies genre. There is some horror. I laughed. I think it's funny. There is some gallows humor. There is a valve relief throughout the film for the audience.

But you're a mother, and you have a child that is sick. Yes. She has some illness. We're not quite certain, but it does involve a feeding tube. She has weight objectives. She has to hit a certain weight before it.

She's discharged from this program. Yes.

She won't comply as kids don't. You can't get her to eat and gain weight. You're stuck in this purgatory and you're unraveling in many, many ways. You have a terrible relationship with your husband.

And my therapist.

He's vomitous. Konan's her therapist.

Oh, amazing.

It's very fun to watch him act. I enjoyed that quite a bit. And you have these interesting parallels between the way you are inappropriate with your therapist, and you yourself are a therapist, and your patients are quite inappropriate with you. And yet you don't seem to see the parallels between any of this.

She can't see anything. She can't see her child. The audience doesn't see the child. It's someone in a crisis, and someone who's a caretaker more than a mother. I feel the film is about that in many ways. She's not in that role as a mother anymore, and she speaks about that like, This isn't what I want. This isn't what it's supposed to be. And everyone's been a caretaker, whether it's for a friend or a spouse or an animal or a parent, and that feeling of drowning under the pressure of that.

That was the exact word I used. I was like, I felt like I was watching you drown for a very long time.

It's a radical movie, and it's punk rock, too. It's very bold. Things about being a mother, people don't want to talk about. A lot of shame around any mother if you talk about disappointment or fear.

So that's what I think it's about. I think it is an extremely heightened metaphor for the impossible pressures that are on modern mothers. See, there you go.

There's your take. Oh, you got it?

Yeah. But why it makes it hard for me to watch is I'm sure it's hard for you to watch. The notion of talking to my children the way that you talk to your kid, I hate it. Yeah. I fucking hate it.

It's deeply uncomfortable.

It is. I imagine one of my little girls getting that source of comfort in a situation like that, and I'm irate. In that way, the movie is extremely powerful because I'm having very intense- Strong reaction.

It asks a lot. It's a radical take on this stuff. This is a tradition of seeing a woman break down. We've seen it before, the great Jenna Rollins. But I'm just saying this is a tradition of storytelling. It's a trope. A trope. This is through a female storyteller. This is through a female a writer, and that is so wild and radical. We just haven't seen it that much. And truly from that perspective, literally through the lens of that. So it's interesting to hear how people feel and respond about it.

How do you come to be involved? You get the script at some point, and what is on the page of this movie?

My agent is very discerning, and she's only written a few times where she's like, You need to read this. I devoured it, and it was like fire. This hot piece of paper was just ripping through. And there was great symmetry in the script. What is happening in front of Linda in many in many ways is happening. How do I put this? There's metaphors that are happening in her life that she can't see that are also happening in her work, that are happening in her relationship, that are happening in her home. It skirts around existential stuff, which is great and something I'm drawn to as a viewer.

And depression. What also is very clear to me is you get yourself into such a hole that objectivity escapes you, and it's the thing you need the most. And the disease itself is what makes that impossible. The cruelty of that spiral.

And she's trying to escape. It's bad choices, bad decisions, and this constant need of trying to escape. But when I saw the film, I obviously knew the language Mary was using. When we were filming it, the camera was extremely close. I was like, oh, okay.

Back up.

Okay. On the first day, I was like, Are you going to be that close? She was like, I am. But the visual storytelling is so arresting, and I'm still figuring out the movie. There's so much ambiguity in the movie. There's so many questions asked and no answers. I felt like that, for me, as a viewer, something I'm still trying to figure out, which is really cool.

Did you enjoy? Was it fun? I loved it. Could you enjoy?

Yeah, that's my question.

I loved it. What a gift. What an opportunity. It was a high wire act of figuring it out every day. We had five or six weeks, just Mary and I at her kitchen table talking. Oh, wow. About every line of dialog, every piece of punctuation, like rehearsing for a play. This gift of just talking. And without that, I would have felt untethered. And it was shot in 26 days. It's not a big movie. It's an ambitious movie. There's these crazy sequences sequences in it, like with the hamster, the hole, the hole, falling, the sequence at the beach, all this very practical stuff. There was no CGI.

Yeah, you got to figure out how to shoot that.

She pushed the whole thing up.

But do you suffer personally?

I don't take it home. I have two little kids. I am not interested, and they're not interested if I'm having a hard day. No, should they be? And it's like, you know?

We just talked about The Giving Tree.

I have problems with that.

Yes, it's a heartbreaking book. We just broke it down for way too long. We hate the boy. I'm going to fact check.

Yeah, we did.

Do you think it's like a wildly misogynistic book?

We think the tree is the mom.

Yeah, I think the tree is the mom. I think it's totally heartbreaking. He is selfish. He's abusive. He destroys her. And also, this is the point I was trying to push on Monica, that's parenting, and you don't care. I don't want anything back. Take my limbs, take my legs. I'm happy if I push you over the finish line while I have you. So we're Ideally, it is heartbreaking, but also that's parenting, and that's great because I'm not a victim in the parenting. I received it, and now I'll get to do it. And if you think of the tree as a mom who genuinely gets joy out of caring for and providing for and taking care of, in that way, it's not as bad as... It's a heartbreaking book. I just read to my kids last night. That's why we were talking about it. I'm like, Yeah, this book is the saddest book. I hate this book. But I'm like, But also, I don't feel that way about parenting.

If it's a kid and a mom, whether the parent feels like it's okay, it's also just not okay. Like take, take, take, take, taking and not giving.

It was paracetic.

Exactly. So, yeah.

Probably problematic. Yeah. I will revisit.

Can you relate to what I'm saying about how if you were to evaluate a friendship by that book, that would be a terrible friendship. I would never have a friend that was a one-way street that I gave.

No, of course, or a marriage. These relationships are conditional on treatment and respect. You're not staying with that friendship or that marriage.

They have to be symbiotic.

Of course, there are conditions. But with a child, absolutely. It's a whole different framework, which is interesting.

If you maybe make it that physical and literal, it points out how extreme the situation is. But also that might be what's so beautiful about the situation. I will read it. It's a complicated book. We're discovering it might be more complicated.

We decided we want to invite Shell Silverstein to the- Poshumously. Yeah, to the pod when we do our Ghost podcast. When we find a medium.

Yeah.

We need a really good medium.

We have questions to ask him about it. Wouldn't that be fantastic? Oh, my God. Bring a medium in.

The notion that you willingly went through this is, like I said, it's really admirable.

I didn't want to fuck it up. It is a personal story to Mary Bronstein. I felt like it was such a wildly unconventional, extraordinary thing.

Enormously brave to acknowledge that whole side of someone.

Especially of mothers. That's a scary thing.

I have an undercut in the movie.

What's that mean?

An undercut.

A buzzcut.

Okay, I like that. I like that. Oh, wow. Did you like that?

Well, can you give me some credit that I shaved my hair? You did. Yeah, I love it.

That is wild.

You don't even know what you just walked into. I have been begging Monica for eight years to shave the side I love her hair.

She now has that as a mood.

I'm like, You have such red hair, and it would look so cool.

You have gorgeous hair. Your hair is like Vidal Sasu. Can you imagine how good this level of growing would look in black?

It would look incredible. I can't do it.

She thinks she can't. I Can I accept it if it weren't because I think she thinks she can't pull it off? And that I refuse.

It's not that I can't pull it off. It is not me. It's not my personality.

You're limiting yourself. We don't know what you are with that hair color.

I'm fine with it not being my person. You're the one that wants me to have a new personality.

No. I have a friend who has it here with a tattoo. Oh, that's cool.

But it's probably that person's personality.

It is.

But sometimes you can work from the outside in. You can discover like, oh, what's new?

You know when you're figuring out the character and you're like, How are the person? Exactly. Okay, fine.

You can write a script and cast it.

Oh, that could be how I do it.

But I need to be able to pick my co-stars. I need it to be like, who are you picking? Who are you picking? I get the best of the best.

And I got to sell finance. It's going to cost This is a lot of time and money to- This is a hefty haircut.

Okay.

Oh, I got to tell you one funny thing. So I was cutting Monica's hair on air. I cut hair. He does a good job cutting hair. I have not had my hair cut by anyone but me in three years.

Do you do Kristen's hair?

I have done Kristen's hair. I've done her her hair. I've done her I was giving Monica trim before she took a trip, and I had secretly in my back pocket, I put my clippers, and she was sitting in that chair, and I was working on everything, and then I just started up the clippers.

Pretent. He was a trick. He was a mean trick. Not okay. I know. For us, anxious girls. It was scary. Were you like, Fuck, do I really want to shave my head?

It was my idea. I was like, something's missing.

Yeah, that was a good move. Something's missing. Did you I love how you looked in it? Because it's a cool look.

She looks busted. She looks really busted in the movie because she's losing it.

It's someone who's given up. Also, it can be a sign of real depression.

Oh, my God. I remember having a therapist who looked like they'd given up.

Oh, God, that is not a good sign.

We didn't last long, but she had given up. She'd quit. Yeah. That's not who you want to be therapyizing you. I'm sure we've all had therapy in this room, and it is a rich examination of that, particularly with the Konan character in mind, because it's at the bitter end of a relationship with a therapist when they're both deeply misbehaving and not doing their jobs properly. They're not doing the work. A lot of transference going on. Lots of transference.

It's just the notion you're telling him about a dream you had about him. I was like, I can't imagine my therapist. Hey, I had this dream about you and you kiss me. Then your patient says the exact same thing to you.

Oh, that's the same thing.

No one's doing That's what it would be right in this building.

That's interesting. But the reveal is great. It's a lot of twists and turns.

Well, listen, I wish it followed the same trajectory of insidious. May this 100X the budget.

Oh, my gosh.

That'd be great.

I wish you tonalux. You're so brave. And once again proving the point I made earlier, my God, can you do it all? Oh, no. You're just devastatingly good and heartbreaking and fucked up.

She's like, Get me out of here.

And then you're simultaneously being funny and wonderful on Plutonic.

Yeah, you're You're so sweet. Thanks for having me in your arm chair. Finally, I got to come here and chat it up.

Well, thank you, Rose.

Thanks for coming. Thanks for supporting the movie.

Yes, of course. I wish you luck. Everyone, see it October 10th. Find it in a theater near you. Yes, sir. Go see it live. I imagine the experience in the theater will be a little bit like our movie last year that was intense like that, Substance. Oh. Did you see Substance in a theater? It's funny, you can be in them, but you can't.

The gore. I was like, Oh, gosh, for me, I'm creepy crawling.

It was intense.

It's so funny, though.

It is very punk rock, that movie. It's wild. All right. Thank you. Thanks, guys.

Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert. If you dare He is an armchair expert, but he makes mistakes all the time. Thank God Monica's here. She's got to let him have the facts. Hi. Hi.

First and foremost, I want to say it was so heartwarming. All the Jennifer Anaston comments.

Oh, yeah.

Were so heartwarming, and especially because So I feel like I should say this because people are probably going to be upset. I do look at the first few comments because those are people I know. And it's not No comments. Nothing against people who are strangers. Well, you can't trust them. No, I just don't want to be swayed in any way by strangers' opinions, good or bad. But the people in my life, I do feel like I want to connect with or whatever. Sure.

Also, heaven forbid, Jen commented.

Heavens.

Not forbid, but heaven willing.

Heaven's prayers.

Jasper's prayers. That should be a saying. Oh, Jasper's prayers.

Jasper's? Jasper's. Who's Jasper?

I don't know. Jasper Daniels. Jasper Newton Daniels was Jack Daniels' real name.

Oh, wow.

I think it's the name Jasper. Sure.

I didn't know if that was a person you were referring to.

No, I don't think I've ever met a Jasper, unfortunately. Me, that's- But what did I just say? Jasper.

Jasper's prayers.

Jasper's prayers. That should mean something great, fortuitous.

Yeah. Well, Anyway, a bunch of people really came out of the woodwork.

Oh, in your friend group?

In people I knew in high school and stuff. And it was really sweet because they were around for the height of my friend's addiction. And so that was so cute because they were like, Monica, I can't believe this for you.

Space-time fabric is torn.

Yes. And someone from my improv group, my UCB improv group, was like, we would practice in my apartment. And she was like, I have the image of your box set burned into my memory. I was like, Oh, how sweet.

But if there's a comment that said, Guess I was wrong about Derry Queen, cry face, cry face, cry face. What?

The guy?

Jasper.

Jasper? Yeah.

And crying faces.

You want us to feel bad? No. You think he meant it for real?

No. It's a regret. He's like, I guess I was wrong about Derry Queen. Cryface, cryface. Cry face.

He was wrong about it.

I mean, he was literally wrong, and he was metaphorically wrong and objectively wrong. That's right. And emotionally and spiritually wrong.

Yeah, but- Spiritually right. No.

You got to I have one right in there.

I don't want him to hold that.

My comments on that episode were solely about you. I mean, God bless Jen Anisley, but she didn't get a lot of feedback.

Jasper's prayers for Jen Anisley. Austin.

Someone did write, Ashoka's just showing off now.

I know.

Oh, you saw that?

No, but he is.

Yeah, he's just showing off now.

Oh, my dad. He's so cute.

I hope it's not his grand finale. Dax. Monica Yeah.

For real, don't say that.

Wait, hold on. Let's be clear about what you think I'm saying.

He's going to die? No.

The sim's going to be over in that. I guess in that way, we're all going to die, but don't let mom. Jesus Christ.

I've been feeling a lot of anxiety.

You're real on edge.

Yeah. I don't know why. I feel even like, I feel jinksy saying this. But I think, obviously, I'm sure it's just because his sister just passed away. Oh, that I'm like, I just feel I'm anxious about him. Yes.

But he was a good 14, 16 years younger than his sister.

Like 12 or 11. Your dad's almost- My dad's 70.

Oh, he's 70. Wasn't she 84 or 82?

One or two. We don't really know anyone's real ages. That's the problem.

India didn't. They didn't. Yeah, it wasn't for them. Yeah.

Yeah, so...

Well.

Yeah. I understand. So I'm just a little anxious about him. Yeah. And then I called them on Sunday to chit chat.

Have a little check in chit chat.

Yeah. We check in on Sunday's.

Sunday's check in.

And they were watching some documentary or something. Oh, pin in that. Okay. They're watching some documentary.

I think it's earmark, but go ahead.

Okay.

Pin in it. That means stop, right? Put a pin in it. I don't want to say what I want to say.

Now, there's one side of the couch that has a chaise. It's a small couch. The living room is weirdly shaped, so it is this size.

It only accommodates a couch of that size. Yeah.

One side as a chaise, and my mom always gets that side. Yeah.

She's going to be doing her YouTubeing on her iPad. Yes, she does. She has a whole set up. Yeah, she needs it. Your dad doesn't need all that space.

Well, okay. Then they're watching TV together, and he's like, he looks He's so uncomfortable on that couch, and it makes me so sad.

I don't think he is. I think you're projecting. I think he would get himself comfortable. He's a very smart man.

He doesn't know what comfort is. I don't think he knows what it's like to be comfortable.

You have a really dynamic assessment of your father. You infantilize him at sometimes, and he's a dad. No.

Of course, he's a dad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He like, knows everything. And yet he doesn't know what comfort is.

No, it's okay. He doesn't because he's like, I don't care about... It's like, as you said, you said this once about dad. It's like you're starting to understand Like, dads just start to be quiet and they deal. They don't speak up. They don't say I'm uncomfortable. Right. So that's what's happening.

I'd argue that your dad is comfortable in that scenario.

Well, his body looks uncomfortable to me and- That's because he's not lifting.

He's not lifting.

He's not lifting.

If he started lifting, his posture would take over and his form would be a little different.

No. Okay. Well, also when I'm home and sometimes I've sat there, it's not... Okay, maybe this was a better way to start it. Objectively, it's not a comfortable spot on the couch at all because there's this other little pillow put your feet on, and it's not good.

Now, why aren't you buying them a couch for Christmas?

I keep saying, Let's get a new couch, but there's not a good couch for that space.

In this modern era with AI, if you put in the dimensions of the current couch and say, I want a couch at this dimensions and this price range, I bet it'd find you an answer in one second.

Okay. My mom's going to be mad at you about this because she's like, I've looked, I've done it. But she's We can only look so good. No, it's because the angle of the living room is strange. You walk in, you can't really have a chase on both sides.

You're making it seem like this living room is somehow like 22 square feet in shape like a peanut shell or something.

It is shaped really strange. Why?

Is there a stairwell in the middle of something?

There are stairs, but also- Could you have them send a pickover of this?

Yeah. Layout. We'll post it. Have them get on the couch, too. I want to see your dad in this position and see if I agree that he's uncomfortable. I'm glad you're bringing up dads. My wife is out of town for the week, and it's an inordinately busy week with the kids and the schedules. Lincoln has play rehearsal at night. Great. Delta is up and joined a volleyball team. Oh. Yeah. So she had her first practice on Monday night. And then last night, Lincoln, her rehearsal. Tonight, her first game. Her first practice was Monday. Her first game is tonight, Delta.

Oh, my God. That's too fast. That's not enough practice.

It's very quick. We've got two different projects that are due at school.

I saw one on the table. It was so cute.

Yes. Like the whole chain of food chain in the tropical food chain. Yeah, tropical food chain. Yes. And then Lincoln has this crazy sewing project.

Oh, cool.

I mean, it's all cool if you're not the only adult at the house.

Yeah.

And And so Monday night, Delta goes, What does that go? Yeah, Delta goes, Are you going to get up and make us breakfast? I go, No, I'll be journaling and meditating. Oh, shit. Okay. You can make your breakfast. Mind you, she makes dinner and lunch when she wants it.

She makes breakfast a lot.

Kristin, especially if she's about to go out of town, she'll really get up early and put on a show. I get it. It'll be pancakes and stuff. I can't really imagine this childhood that these kids are having.

I know. I want that.

I'm like, Girl, you know how to make toast, oatmeal, cereal, eggs? They can cook eggs. I'm like, You know how to make breakfast.

But she wants to do her hair and get ready and then come and sit in the breakfast as ready, of course.

But this girl gets up so early. She got time for all of it.

All right.

So anyways, it was the way she accepted it. She was sad. No, she was really generous about it. I then felt bad.

Yeah.

So then I did wake up really early.

Today?

Yesterday morning. Okay. Because Monday night, she said, Are you going to make breakfast tomorrow? No. But then the way she like, Okay. And then I felt bad. So then I did wake up and I made eggs for everyone. That's great. It's great. It's really great. So last time I was like, I can't. Something's got to give. Something's got to give in this scenario. So I did a pre-order from Starbucks. I really enduished. Nice. Yes.

Okay. By the way, a pin and something's got to give.

Okay, right. And we have another existing earmark, or is that the same one? Because you said put a pin in a minute ago.

I know. Now I already forgot. Damn it.

So, yeah, I just I splurged and I put in an order. I know the refreshers they like, and then they like the pesto. This sounds like an ad. It's not an ad. I wish. It's insane they're not a sponsor.

Yeah, because the egg bites are great.

So I got four of those bad dogs. Got myself a fancy coffee. It was great other than, I will say this. There's often paparazzi in front of my gate, and there's probably a 2 million photos of me getting Postmates. Of course, they don't sell one of these photos. No one wants to see this.

Food delivery, yeah.

But I scrabbled outside. It did occur to me. I grabbed this Starbies at 7: 00 in the morning, and I was wearing a very thin-Pajama bottom in a tank top. And I was like, As the gates were open, I was like, Oh, this is not the wardrobe for a paparazzi, unless I want the entire world to see my penis.

Okay. To keep your eyes peeled, I guess.

There was not a paparazzi, luckily. But I just was like, Oh, I didn't think this through as it was too late.

Yeah, and then you were upset because you were like, Oh, I can't even- I can't even do. Get my egg bites.

I wasn't upset. I just was like, I got to have a better game plan if I repeat this move tomorrow morning, which I'm likely to do. Okay. And then so busy, busy, busy. Messy, messy, messy. That's from Frosty the Snowman. So anyways, by the time I took the girls to the in and out last night, and on the ride there at 5: 00 PM, I said to them, I said, Lincoln, you might have to take this. I think I'm going to fall asleep.

Wow.

I was so tired at 5: 00 PM. Interesting. But then I stayed. We stayed up naturally till, I don't know, 9: 30, fell asleep, and I was so tired. Then, Monica, 3: 00 AM, wakey, wakey. . Put my grant book on tape, back on, fall back to sleep 30 minutes later. I do that three times. 4: 40, I'm like, What's? We're doing it. So again, I got up at 4: 40 this morning.

Oh, wow.

And then- I did get a lot of writing done. Oh, that's good. Yeah, that was good. That was rewarding.

And did you use the time to make breakfast?

Why? I had already put in the Starbucks plan.

Oh, God, you couldn't.

So I didn't end up needing to do that as Murphy's law would have it. Sure. But whatever. It was coming, and I was going to accept it. Okay. And I needed the caffeine. I understand.

When my mom was sick or have a sickness or something, and my dad was in charge, we would have subway for every meal.

Sure. Did you like it?

Yeah. But also it was like, oh, God. When is she going to be better? Oh, my God. Speaking of that, I'm reading a book called The Wedding People, and there was a line in there that said something about people who wake up at 3: 00 AM.

What did it say?

And I meant dog ear. Dog ear, another word we could use instead of pin or earmark. Okay. And I didn't. It's in my bag. I'm tempted to go look really quick.

Okay. Go ahead. I'm just curious if I can- I may be asleep when you return, but that's okay. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

Because I'm sleeping about five hours a night, and then I'm doing the job of two parents.

Yeah, but why don't you nap while there at school? I know, but we didn't have anything yesterday.

I had stuff rolled the wall yesterday.

What did you have?

Well, one thing was incredible. I took a bike, my first buddy bike ride with Nate. Okay. He got a bicycle, which is so exciting. And we went up to the observatory. Then we had breakfast, so that doesn't really count. But then I edited two episodes of the show. I wrote my opening- Of Mom's Car? Mom's Car. And then I wrote my opening for an emcee job I have. Then the kids were home from school. On that note, I do just want to say the Breeze episode came out so good. I'm so happy about it. I'm I'm really, really happy about it. I'm happy mostly because she liked it and her mom liked it, and that's a big relief. That's huge. And then the armcherries really, really love Bree. No shocker. Yeah. But that just makes me so happy. If you haven't heard that episode of Mom's Car, I recommend it. It's so good.

All right. Well, it's something about people who wake up at 3: 00 AM.

Now, in your mind, can you see what side of the page it's on and where, roughly?

Yeah.

Isn't that weird? That is how my brain works. I don't want to go so far as, say, a photographic memory, but I do know where anything I remember is physically situated on the page.

I think it's on this side, but I'm not finding it.

Can you believe that guy that Rain Man was based on who reads books all day long at the Salt Lake City Library, that he reads both pages at the same time with two different eyes?

Can you imagine?

I thought you found it.

Oh, no. I thought I was trying to do it.

No, it can't be done.

It can be if that guy can. All right. Trade-off. Maybe one day I'll find it. But it was a very interesting point.

What book is it?

It's called The Wedding People. Okay. Pin in something's Got to Give. Okay. I watched it, that movie, Something's Got to Give, with Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson.

Oh, yes.

I guess, I mean, this is a horrible thing to say because I love rom-coms so much.

It's a Nancy Meyers.

Yes, it's a Nancy Meyers movie. And I love rom-coms, and I love Nancy Meyers, but I was like, I haven't seen it. So Diane Keaton, sadly, has passed away.

Yeah, former co-star of mine. Really? Yeah, I did a movie called Smother with her.

Wow. Well, I love her, and so I decided to watch it, but I think I hadn't watched it because I was like, oh, that's that old person rom-com. You know, when I was like, young and sprightly.

Isn't Quiano and Favro in it? Yeah.

Amanda Pete, maybe? Yeah. She's in it as well. Wow. You know it well. And anywho, I loved it. She's so good. She's just doing a rom-com, and it's so- Believable? It's so believable and heartfelt. Oh, my God. I loved it. I love it.

Wait, was it Great Kenir also? No, that's another one I love. No, that's the other one that goes in. No, that's another one I love. And the dog Trudell.

Trudell? Trudell? And Hilton Hunt.

Yeah.

What is it called? All's Well?

All in All. As good as It Gets. As good as it gets. And what's the other one?

Something's got to give.

Something's got to give as good as it is. This is insane. Nicholson's in both movies. Yeah.

Okay. This is part of- And he has little bacon treats for the Brussels Grifon. Yes. It's complicated. It's another one. So that was a fun thing I did. I left a party to watch it. Okay, let's see. I went to the movies by myself this weekend, which is a fun thing to do. It is. I really enjoy that. I really enjoy that. I saw After the Hunt, the Julia Roberts, Iowa Debrry, Andrew Garfield movie.

Oh, I have not heard of that.

It's by the director of Challenges. Oh, your favorite. My favorite. My favorite. And call me by Your Name. And I'm still processing, so I'm not going to give an- A score? Not going to give a score.

I'm not going to talk about- We don't really even do that, do we?

We don't give a score. Jess does.

In real life. Oh, yeah.

Oh, but you're not here. No, no, no. But yeah, I don't need to talk about the movie. But I will say there were people... I guess, to be fair, it was during the trailers, but there were multiple people in the theater that were talking at full volume. And I was so- Where did you see the movie? The Americana.

Okay.

Yeah. It was at 12: 00 PM. And they were talking at full volume. And I was doing this for the listener, just looking around like- Hoping to shame some, catch their eyes. Well, more like looking to see somebody else also looking like, what the fuck is happening? And then I thought, is this because of streaming? Is this because people don't know how to be in a theater anymore and be around other people and respect that other people don't want to hear what you're saying?

No, I think it really has a lot to do with where you see the movie, personally.

Really? The Americana is so nice.

I'll say, yes, there's a rash of insanity happening. We were in our trip to In-N-Out yesterday. This guy was watching on his phone at In-N-Out.

Yeah, I've seen this.

A TV show or the news or something like as loud as possible. I know. Coughing, he could have only had tuberculosis. I'm looking in because you know at that In-N-Out, you can be seated right next to somebody, but you're not at their table. They've got those two tops stacked in. And we just kept as a family, we kept going like, this guy just doesn't give a flying fuck. He's like, watching TV. And I'm looking at this poor woman next to him who's up seven inches is from this guy's face.

Yeah.

And I had to make like CBT. I had to start distracting myself because I started getting so sheriffy.

Right. Exactly.

I'm like, this is insane. He's ruining this poor woman's thing. He's ruining those people right next to him. No one's saying anything. Yeah. He's just allowed to ruin everyone's meal. I know. That they all stood in line for an eternity to enjoy. And I'm like, I'm going to say something. And then I'm like, I'm not going to because Lincoln will hate Yeah.

Yes.

Good. So however much I'll be saving their discomfort, I'll be creating my own discomfort. But it is so hard for me to watch that and not get involved.

That is how I felt. I was like, what? Should I say something? I don't think at a movie theater, you should expect to have to deal with people speaking at full volume. To be fair, once the movie started, that did stop. Okay, great. So I guess they thought like during the train.

I'm not willing to say that full statement because when I lived in Detroit and I'd go to the movies in Detroit, everyone there talks the whole movie and they love it. They don't mind at all. That's what's culturally happening, and they're all happy as hell. So who am I to say how they're supposed to be watching, how anyone's supposed to be watching a movie?

At a movie theater, literally, it tells you to be it.

I know. I know.

So that's a rule. That's an etiquette rule. Sure. Maybe there's some theaters where people are like, no, this is a theater where everyone talks or something. And that's not the Americana. I go to the Americana all the time. This isn't that. And It was like, I was doing a little bit of like, notice me and notice that I'm uncomfortable.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. A little passive-aggress. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a passive aggression. Believe me, I was trying to get the guy's eye contact. He was coughing, but I couldn't compete with the news program he was watching and all the coffee and the lettuce that was shooting out of his mouth.

Yeah. Similarly, they were too deep in their worlds to recognize that other people don't want to be involved in your conversation. Then I felt bad because then they were just laughing really loud, and I was like- Oh, I'm having a good time. Yeah, but I was annoyed.

Now, I am somewhere between them and you when it comes to trailers. See, this- I came to see see another one battle after another. If I'm seeing some terrible trailer for a movie I'm never going to see, I'd certainly rather be talking to Nate. Dax.

Yeah, that's not fair.

The movie hasn't started. I would never want to.

But other people. It's about other people.

Yeah, this really- What about if they talk during the commercials before the trailer?

That's fine, but still not at full volume. I was realizing this. I was like, Oh, my God. Obviously, we know I have injustice stuff. But I think it's very specifically triggered when it's people who think they're the only people on Earth, people who are not aware that other people- That's very unattractive.

I agree with you. We already know what your thing is in this situation because we've already talked a lot about it, which is what I think what's really getting triggered is you always felt like you had had to do everything right or you'd be excluded. So when you see someone have total public disregard making a spectacle of themselves, and they're not even afraid of getting excommunicated, I think that's what's in the mix that we've already talked about in the past.

No. That's not it. That's not what's happening here. Here, I'm watched. I am enjoying the trailers. Yeah, you love them. I love trailers.

All trailers?

No. But I was enjoying a bunch of these. And then I was like, I kept getting like, Jol It's all built it out because of these dumb-dums. And I was like, it's very much like, how dare you think your time or your enjoyment is more important than mine?

Yeah. So you prioritized your experience over everyone else. Yes.

And that's so shitty. Selfish. Then it's so selfish. Yes. Selfish is really that hurts, that annoys me. And also, but then I had to think because I do like to be thoughtful and self-aware. And I was like, is it possible I do this? But I don't know it because I don't see movies by myself very much. I'm obviously so hyper-aware because I'm by myself. Yes. And so I really had to think, maybe do I do this?

You and Jess might have been laughing during the trailer.

That's what I was wondering. But I feel actually pretty certain that I don't speak at full volume. Maybe I would laugh harder with other people there.

You would love living in Japan.

Okay.

Because that's where the absolute social contract is thoughtfulness to the people around you above yourself.

It doesn't have to be above yourself. To me, that's a misconception. It's like, in order to... It's not a sacrifice to just whisper. Right. They could have talked. I'm not saying they had to be silent in a little bubble, but they needed to have some awareness that... I mean, am I wrong? I don't think I'm wrong.

I'm wrong? Of course, I always say this. We go, Am I right or am I wrong? Yeah. Am I right or am I...

Am I wrong? Yeah. So I don't know. I just... That was tricky for me. Then as soon as the movie was over, one of the people ran out so fast. I think she had to Tonka. And I was like, that is karma.

You felt like that. That was karma.

Yeah. But if I had the ability, my superpower was to make people have diarrhea.

And you could look at them Like in Wednesday, the kid with the snake hair turned you to stone.

Right.

If you could like, you had to cover your hair, but when you took your headband off and they saw your hair, it would just squirt out immediately.

Diarrha, yeah. But the painful kind.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Mounding. Anyway. I have no opinion whether it's right or wrong.

Okay. I just think you... I just feel like you just said you agree because in and out.

I'm telling you, yeah, yeah, yeah. But... So, yeah, it drive me nuts. The guy was coughing and shooting food all over the table while his TV was... I don't know. That drove me nuts for sure. I know for me, the goal is, okay, Who suffered? I did. Not the guy. Yeah. I suffered because I was uncomfortable and agitated. Right. And so I do know my goal in life is to not let that stuff affect me. That's my ultimate goal, because I'm the only one that pays the price. The guy doesn't care. He doesn't know that I was agitated and distracted by all this coughing. So all I've done is I've made myself suffer. We just had an expert, the semi I had a similar... Oh, let them. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm like, Why is this ringing a bell? But I do know the path to me having the nicest time on Earth is to not be affected by that. I mean, that's just a truth I know for myself.

Right.

So I aspire to accept the world as it is. Unless someone's getting hurt, I do want to get involved if someone's getting hurt. But I do think the happiest version of my life is one where I'm not annoyed and agitated by other people. Sure. For me.

Yeah. I mean- That doesn't sit well with you, does it?

Something about that feels thorny.

Yeah, it does.

I mean, I agree. Because you feel like it's a surrender that you're accepting bad behavior.

No, it's not like I sat through the whole movie and I was like,.

But even while it's happening.

I know. But I guess to me, I'm not choosing it.

Oh, no. I think it happens quite organically. Yeah. Agitation.

Yeah. Agitation happens organically, and then Then you can try your best to let it go. And then when they start screaming again, it's coming back.

Is anyone screaming fire?

No, I don't know.

Because they say that's illegal.

They say in a theater, yes, it is illegal. I mean, I'm mixed on this because I agree that you should not let other people's... Being annoyed is not a good feeling. If you can let it go, great. But I also understand if someone's doing something obnoxious, You're not an island. You are amongst others. You are, and you're right, and you'd win in court.

The point is, if you got to work backwards from reality, can I control that? Do I have any say over it? If I can control it and change it, if I have that power, then I should care and I should do something. But if I assess that I can't do anything about it, then I know my quickest route to relief is to just accept this is how life is in this movie theater.

No, but I guess that maybe that's part of the agitation is like, should I say something? In fact, there is the option to change it. Excuse me, guys, do you mind keeping it down?

Sure.

I could have.

I think that's- You could have, but it sounded like there were a lot of people, right? You couldn't have gone through the whole theater one by one.

It was mainly these two people. Oh, it was? Yeah. But then I think they were having a contagion effect because then some other people were doing- Were they treating you in any other way?

Were they like boys that seemed rowdy? It was a man and a woman. It was a man and a woman.

I would guess around my age.

I want to be clear. I'm not saying you did anything wrong. Do you hear that?

Yeah.

Okay. I'm I'm not judging you in one iota.

I know, but do you think I should have maybe said something? I do think potentially that is the cause of what's like, because it's one thing if you're in a position where you really cannot control anything, then you're like, okay.

Okay, now here's another thought. This is basically what you're always telling me to do, which is almost impossible for me to do. You said it was Tuesday in the middle of the afternoon.

No, Sunday.

Okay. How packed was the theater?

Not at all.

So you could have got up and moved away from them.

No, I was not close to them.

Oh, how far away were they?

Also, the theater was small. I don't think that movie is doing well. There literally would have been nowhere in the theater to go without being... That's what I'm saying about how loud it was. This is not like I was sitting next to them and they were just being loud. They were being obnoxious. And I did think, should I leave the movies? That really crossed my mind. How much am I going to take of this before I decide, I got to go. I can't handle this. But then that made me so sad. It's like, I made this whole plan to see this movie by my little self because all my friends are out of town and no one wants to hang out with me. And I guess I have to hang out with me, and I have to be my own best friend. So I'm going to take myself to the movies.

I'm going to be my own best friend.

I'm going to take myself to the movies. Yeah.

I'm going to spoil myself.

Yeah, I did. I got a hot chocolate. I'm going to wear something pretty. Oh, no. Do you think this could be my own karma now that we're talking this through? Because I got a hot chocolate at the Starbucks, ding, ding, ding, at, I almost said Baskin Robbins, Barnes & Noble. What? Nothing.

What? Nothing.

I love that. I love Barnes & Noble, and I love that hot chocolate.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I get a little bit of whip. It's so rare. I used to get that all the time.

The whip cream in your hot chocolate?

No, the hot chocolate. That hot chocolate. I used to get it all the time. And then I've grown up and I don't get it anymore. But I thought, I'm going to indulge. I'm taking myself on a date. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I got it. But the thing is, you're not allowed to bring it outside drinks. I've learned this the hard way at the Americana. So I put it in my purse. I smuggled it in.

Great. This is great. So your thing was like loud things, hearing all that chatter, and you couldn't... Someone else would be So bent out of shape that you brought something in when it clearly said not to bring any food. And now I bring outside food all the time. I smuggle it in. I want caffeine-free Diet Coke. They don't sell caffeine-free. Put it in my pockets. Sure. For some other person, their big thing is, Well, I'd like to bring, too. Maybe I want to bring a full ham sandwich in here. But I follow the rules. We just have to acknowledge that we're also doing things that somehow would make people mad because-Okay, I want to push back on that.

My bringing in the hot chocolate only affects me.

I'm glad you did, by the way. Well, no, because they smell it. They'll be like, I don't want to smell hot chocolate. That's why they have a rule.

Okay, first of all.

No, but don't you think But easily, you can imagine someone who's like, You're not supposed to.

Yes, I imagine that person. But I'm saying to me, there's a hard and fast rule in difference in that one is impeding on other people's experience. And Again, if these two people want to talk through the entire movie and I can't hear it, I don't care about that. I don't care that they're talking. I care that I can't engage in my experience because of them. The hot chocolate just smells great.

I figured out a way, though. Do you want to hear how?

Okay.

You can spill it.

I spilt it in my purse. Oh, sorry. So again, it only affected me.

Right. But you can spill their hot chocolate, which you weren't supposed to bring in. And then the next showing, someone could sit in the seat you're in, they'd be like, Oh, the floor is fucking sticky. Probably because someone fucking brought a big sugary drink in here and it says you're not supposed to bring a sugary drink in here.

Okay. You're really grasping at stress. I don't think I am. I'm just saying- You see, because they sell slushies there. It's not because you can't eat or drink in the theater. It's because they want you to buy the stuff in the theater. Yeah, I know what it's all about. I know the racket. So there could still be a spill regardless. And here's the other thing about me, Monica. If I spilled hot chocolate everywhere, I would clean it up.

You brought a mop with you?

No, I would go get the paper towels.

That's not going to cut it. You need water in a mop because of the sugar. I mean, same as someone spills a Coca-Cola that they bought. I can see to that.

Oh, my God. You're always trying to fight me. No, I'm not. No, I'm kidding. I know. I know you're not.

But I- I'm trying to do what the guests we had on, which is like, let them let me. I'm attempting to apply that strategy to this problem you had.

What I went to when they were behaving in this manner is, do I say something? And then I didn't. Then I was probably like, why am I not saying anything if this is bad? So that's my own thing. You felt cowardly. Maybe. But then there's this like, who am I to tell them? But I think I am just a human on Earth who could be like, can you please keep it down?

What if they go, sorry, we're utilitarian. You're one person. We're two people.

I'd be like, have you been listening to my podcast?

Where did you go, I didn't expect you to be so smart.

I would definitely not. If I had an interaction with them that was bad, if I did approach them, I would leave.

Yeah. Well, I was going to say, so this happened to me. You may remember this story with Bri and her friend and some dude I never met. And the guy in front of me, a gangbanger, took a phone call. He's on this phone call so loud, and I just was trying, trying, trying. And finally, I said, Hey, can I say hi? And he goes, What? And I go, What? I'm part of this fucking conversation. So can I have the phone and say hi? So now I go outside, as you recall, I don't realize he's there with five other guys. I don't know why they're all spread out in the theater at the AMC City Walk. And I walk out into the lobby? And yet now I'm out there with six dudes, and I'm going to get killed. And there's a security guard making $1 an hour who's also 21 years old and 100 pounds. He's got a walkie-talkie. That's my only hope. Thank God they start talking to him. I go back in the theater. And yeah, then I sit down, I'm like, Okay, here are my options. I got to go in the lobby and I got to call Scotty.

And I got to get together five friends to come up to this movie theater so that it's a fair fight when I leave, or we got to leave mid-movie, which is what we did. So in that case, I learned a real hard lesson.

I know. But Again, I'm going to have to push back. Okay. What you did is so different than what- That you might have done. I might have even done, which is politely say, Hey, excuse me, I'm really sorry, but do you guys mind keeping it down? That's how it would have gone. Yeah. And that's not provoking.

My hunch is, though, if you had done that and they complied, when you walked back to your seat, I think you would have regreted it. I think you would have sat down and been like, I didn't need to do that. I know. That's why I didn't do it. I think you made the right call. Because I don't think when we do that, I don't think ultimately, what we do is we sit down and we go, We shouldn't let that go. So you should be happy. You did the right thing. But did I? Because you wanted to- There was an old person nearby me. He couldn't hear you or the movie or the trailer.

No, they were also there by themselves. They also took themselves on a date. But no. But also, circling back, what happens to me is I start thinking, why is this happening? So that's why I said, I think maybe streaming is the cause of this. Have we, as a society, moved away from knowing how to be in the movie theater?

I'm 50 people have been talking in my whole ride.

It was agreed.

And then anywhere I lived in Detroit, you were allowed to talk the entire film.

Okay. Well, I've been to the theater a lot, too, and I'm 38. You think it's new? I'm not young. I just thought the way this was happening, and maybe the age demographic of these people, I was thinking, something feels wrong because they're not not thinking anything about this. They think it's totally fine. And I do think they think they're in their own bubble. And it's like, you remember you came to the movie theater and there's other people here, but I think they thought they were on their couch.

I've also been a bad person at the movie I'm just remembering.

Okay.

Because Nate and I used to go to movies all the time. And if a movie was a real stinker, like a really bad movie, we had a routine. This is how you would signal. Is you would try to sit back in your seat and get out of your whole shirt.

Oh, right.

Without them noticing. And then lean forward like, you're going to watch the movie a little closer. And then Nate realizes, oh, he has his shirt off. Either one of us would do this, and it was so fun. And then it became like you'd walk like you were going to go get popcorn with your shirt off. So I did. I've done a lot of bad stuff.

So I was about to say, actually, that would be fine because that's not affecting other people. But then the walking is not okay. That's distracting.

It was distracting because it would make me laugh extremely hard if I was watching a film and I just out of the corner of my eye, saw Nate lean forward, and I noticed he didn't have his shirt on in the movie. I would laugh pretty hard, and it might not be a funny scene in the movie.

Oh, yeah.

I don't like that. So my apologies to anyone that was next to Nate and I. Okay. Let's do some facts.

Okay. So we talked about Wicked for a second, and you said Alphaba. No, you asked what the woman's... The woman. The name, the character. I mean, she is a woman.

The witch.

Right. Is she... Are we allowed to say she's a woman?

She's a witchy woman. She's a witchy woman.

Interesting. Anyway, and you asked her name, and I said Alphaba.

But really quick. Yeah. Which woman is redundant? Hey. It is. Why? Why? Oh, because loser. We don't ever refer to men as- Oh, because lizard. Yeah, you'd be a lizard. So we don't need to say witch woman. Someone in Wicca is going to be mad. There's probably a male Wicca witch, but I'm talking... That's a woman. So it's just redundant to say, witch woman. It actually sounds like you're saying, W-H-I-C-H. Which one of these women?

No. I don't know.

I think when you say witch, it's implicit.

Well, I don't know if I like that, and I got to I'll think about it. Okay.

Okay.

Alphaba is not her name. I said Alphaba. It's Alphaba.

L-e-l?

E-l. And I said A-L. That was embarrassing.

I thought it was Alphaba, too.

Alphaba. The new movie is coming out soon, very soon.

Yeah, TikTok.

Wow.

Okay. I'd like to have Ariana Grande on.

I would, too, because we had Alphaba/Cinthia Arevo on last time.

And I'm going to Halloween as for Ariana Grande. That's right. So I just feel like I'm making as much of a commitment as I can to woo her.

Yeah, that'd be great. Okay. Now, Australia's relationship to religion, she was like, it's different from here. So then I looked it up. Most religious countries. Saudi Arabia, number one. Sure.

Just as we would expect.

Number two, Israel. Three, Iran. Iran. Four, India.

Oh.

Five, United Arab Emirates.

Uae.

Six, Egypt. Seven, Qatar.

Qatar.

I know. I don't know what to- You didn't say either. Eight, Jordan. Nine, Turkey. Ten, Oman. How many can I do? Okay, I'm going to scroll down.

You just basically say the Middle East plus India in this case.

Yeah, and Israel. That's Middle East. Israel, number 2. Oh, can I count that as separate? Thailand's on here as number 23. Mexico is 25. That makes sense. Yeah.

Where's the US?

I know I'm looking.

I would have thought we would be way up higher.

I haven't got there yet. I'm at 50. I mean, we have a lot of agnostic and- But when you look up what percentage of Americans believe in basically Basically, Jesus or some Judeo-Christian.

It's super high, in the 80s %, I think.

I don't know. It's 69.

Great number. Number 69. Preverse. Do you mind if I ask? Sure. What percentage of Americans believe in God? What percentage of Americans believe in God? 83 % of US adults believe in God.

Jesus or God?

Well, we got to say God because we have Jews and Muslims. We have Muslims. We have Christians. Well, that's- But let's ask France.

Okay.

What percentage of people in France believe in God, 44 %. So 44 versus 81. It's like twice as many people here.

Yeah, that's true. But I guess just on the scale, there's a A lot more.

Must be in the '90s and all those places.

Exactly. Yeah. Okay. What did Poehler say recently about comedy? She said, Every single year at the Oscars, everybody gets blanked, said the 50-year-old.

That must be fucked.

I guess. I don't know if that's a word people use.

I can't imagine Polar saying blank.

She'd say fuck. Well, it says it's some hot bullshit.

Oh, interesting.

Because comedy is not easy. That's what she said.

Yeah, that's true. That's true. She's right. Yep.

Warren Buffett did pledge the majority of his fortune to be donated to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, along with four other family foundations. He made a public pledge in 2006 to give away the bulk of his wealth and has been making large annual donations.

Good boy.

Yeah. It says, He has stated that the Gates Foundation will not receive any money after his death. The remainder of his estate will be distributed to his family these foundations. Okay. Okay. All right. Okay. You said what's in the box in Pulp Fiction. When you said what's in the box, I was like, that's seven. You thought a seven? Yeah, because it's a briefcase. Case.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

And I don't know what's in it.

No one does. I know.

Someone said that one of the rumors is the Ten Commandments. Yeah.

That was some. One of them is Marcellus Wallace's Soul.

Oh, wow.

Glowing.

I thought you're going to say Marcellus. Marcelle, the seashell.

The seashell, no. Marcelle, the shell.

Yeah. All right. Well, that's it for Rose. That was all for facts.

Light on facts.

Pretty light on facts.

That's okay. We like it sometimes when it's light on facts.

You get what you get, and you don't get upset.

That's right. That's the same. All right. Love you. Love you. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wundry app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad-free right now by joining WNDRI Plus in the WNDRI app or on Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wundri. Com/survey.