Transcript of Armchair Anonymous: Study Abroad New

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Shepherd, and I'm joined by Monica Padman.

Hi.

This is a prompt that originated with an experience you had, which was studying abroad.

I studied abroad twice. Best times.

Best abroads ever?

Best times ever.

Best studies ever? Or abroad?

You know, one thing on my first study abroad, that's when I first found David Sedaris.

Oh, really?

Uh-huh. I, before going, went to Target with my mom, got a book for the plane and the trip, and it was Me Talk Pretty One Day.

Oh, really? That was your intro?

And it was a perfect one because he is talking about language.

Yeah.

There's some travel in there.

Mm-hmm.

So first entrée into Mr. Sedaris.

Mine was Carrie read Naked and told me I had to read it.

She read Naked?

That was his first book.

Oh, Carrie

read

the book Naked and— Yeah. And told

me—

Recommended it. Okay.

Well, I was like, you have to read this.

Yeah.

I said, okay, I'll do that.

Let's keep talking about—

Happy birthday, Trishy and, uh, Carrie, by the way. They just— yeah, they just had their 50th, the twinsies.

Happy birthday.

Yeah, I love them both. Okay, please enjoy Crazy Study Abroad Stories.

Hard times come and go, good times take them slow. My life, I had them all, but one thing you gotta know, I'mma keep on shining.

Hi!

Can you hear us?

Hi, I can hear you.

Is it Blair?

It is.

Blair, where are you?

East coast of Florida in Satellite Beach.

Your shirt says FSU.

Is that north or south of Daytona?

It's about an hour and a half south. It's about 20 minutes south of, like, Cocoa Beach, Cape Canaveral, where the rocket ships take off.

Yeah, just a little north of Fort Pierce. Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Today was a college day, so I had to represent my, my college.

And you're doing it well.

Today's college day? Uh-oh.

Well, what does that mean?

Study abroad. So I figured it was—

oh, God.

Yeah, yeah, we're just catching up.

I'm about to start my period.

She's— yeah, she's all— she's all a tither. A tither?

I can understand.

She's upside down. Okay, you have a study abroad story.

Yes. Okay, so this story takes place in the spring of 2005. I was a junior at Florida State, and I went and studied abroad for the semester on Semester at Sea.

Oh, hold on. I need to know what goes behind that decision, 'cause that's a little different than go to Europe and have some fun.

Right. Well, studying abroad in Florida was not ever really a thing. You know, I know a lot of people as juniors, they study abroad here. It just wasn't even really an option. But my cousin, she was going, and we were at a wedding together a couple months before it started, and she was like, you should come. And so we looked into it and it worked. So I signed up and went with my cousin. Coincidentally, were a couple people from high school that I knew going on. And then there was a couple, you know, other people that I knew through these connections.

And what kind of ship is it? Is it like a cruise ship, a working ship, a cargo ship?

So it is a small cruise ship that they turn into a school, essentially. So like the ballroom, the casinos, all the auxiliary rooms are turned into classrooms. When you're sailing from one port to the other, you're in class. So it could be Monday, it could be Sunday, you're in class. And they had classes that you know, you could take towards your major. So you were just kind of continuing your education. And then when you got to port, you were in port for about a week. And during that week, you didn't have to go to class because you were out exploring.

Oh, fine. Okay, I'm now in.

Yeah, you love cruises.

Yeah, I kind of thought she was gonna be on like a fucking fishing vessel or like a maritime academy type experience where you're a crew of a boat, you know?

Study abroads are supposed to be fun, not stupid.

Yeah, so there were about 600 students. There was a group of retired people who could have paid to go on, and they just sailed with us, and they got to sit on any classes they wanted to sit on, and then they got to travel and go around the world.

Oh boy.

So our itinerary was we started in Vancouver. The plan was to go South Korea, Japan, Shanghai, Hong Kong, Vietnam, Cambodia, India, Kenya, South Africa.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

This is a dream. What a world. Cruise around the world.

And stay in all these places for a week.

Yes.

Yeah. And then we went Brazil, Venezuela, and finished in Fort Lauderdale. So, fortunately for me, I got home and I was home. It's literally a trip around the world. It's the whole semester from January to April. All in all, spoiler alert, it was a wonderful experience and— I bet. Something you can't ever replicate in your lifetime. So, we took off from Vancouver in January, and the plan was to go across the Pacific Ocean and land in South Korea. So, this was almost a 2-week journey. Pacific Ocean is very large. And we were crossing the Pacific Ocean. And as soon as we took off, day 1, the seas were a little rocky. Everybody was seasick.

Oh, great.

So there were barf bags in every railing of every staircase.

I don't want to go anymore.

You're out?

Yeah. Okay.

I'm still in.

I am terrified of throw-up. So this is my worst nightmare. I would open my door to walk out to class in the morning, and there'd be trails of vomit in the hallway.

Oh my Lord.

This is like that movie. Yes. What's it called?

Triangle of Sadness.

Triangle of Sadness. Ding, ding, ding. There

were men posted near all the with, like, buckets so people didn't make you do that. I mean, it was a nightmare. You had to carry your tray of food and, you know, sit and eat and, like, hold your food while you ate it. Everything was a hassle.

How was sleeping? Would it wake you up, or did you sleep right through it?

At the beginning, sleeping was tough. Eventually, it got a little easier.

Yeah. Rock-a-bye baby by the end.

Right. And once the seasickness wore off and you kind of got your equilibrium—

Your sea legs.

Balanced out. Yes, exactly.

Do you have a seatbelt in the bed?

No, but we probably needed one. You should have. It's like when you're on a plane.

They tell you to keep your seatbelt on.

Well, that leads me to about a week into this trip. We were in the middle of the Pacific, and 3 storms had come together and made one giant storm.

Oh my gosh.

And we woke up in the middle of the night, and my bed had detached from the wall, had slid across to the other side of the room, and the foot of the bed was wedged under, like, the vanity. So it had completely moved to the other side of the room.

Whoa.

TVs had fallen out. I mean, everything was demolished. So as we were waking up to this, We start to hear the sirens. Get the life vests, remain calm, get in the hallway.

So,

we put our life vests on, middle of the night. We're sitting in the hallway just waiting and waiting and waiting. We don't really have any information. Eventually, they call again, remain calm, but you need to report to your muster station. So, we go to the top couple floors of this cruise ship. Now, meanwhile, I'm about a week in. I don't know too many people other than the handful of people that I knew. So, here I am thinking, I'm just gonna die by myself, you know, on this ship with nobody that I know. So I go up to whatever floor I was on, and I'm standing on the landing. They're separating men from women.

They don't want any hanky-panky.

No, it's a Titanic situation. They want to get the women and children off first.

As they should. But what if it was because people were like, fuck, we might die, should we bang now? And they were trying to limit—

It is a college study abroad.

I don't think anyone would be paying attention. There was a lot going on, so it was a good time. But then I'm standing on the landing, I spot one of my friends, and we're We run into each other's arms and I think, okay, at least if I'm gonna die, I'm gonna go down with Jenna and Jenna and I are gonna survive, you know, go through this together.

Oh my God, you guys are the Jack and Rose of the study abroad ship.

Are those the character names in Titanic? Yes, how dare you. Okay, now quick question. I've been on a few cruises and muster station, this means like we might be getting into the boats. How are getting into tinier boats gonna be advantageous in an enormous storm? Like, don't we wanna stay on the big old cruise ship?

Well, we never got to that. I don't even know if that was the plan, to be honest. get out from below, and we had to get up on the top decks so we could do whatever step was next. Jenna and I are standing there. The sun's starting to come up at this point. So the boat's rocking, and you look out the window, and all you see is skies, and then you see ocean. And then you see skies, and then you see ocean. Later on, I heard that if our boat had tipped just a few more degrees, we would've capsized.

Oh my goodness.

So eventually, here's where the men and women come in. I don't know if this was their intention, but eventually we're moved to the rooms that we're gonna sit in for the next 12 hours while we wait for this to pass. I was in a room, in like the dining area. So we had to sit where the men had their legs straddled and we had to sit between their legs, basically sitting in their lap because we're swaying from side to side so bad.

Oh my God.

And this is like your guys' acting exercise?

Yeah, breathing in each other's throats.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I told you it was not real.

Are you so in a state of life and death this doesn't cross your mind? Or are you thinking, I hope I get assigned to a handsome man?

I was just thinking that. Like, do you get to pick your partner for leg sitting?

No, because then the last thing that happens to them before they die is they don't get picked.

That would be horrendous. That's so sad.

It did run through my head, like, maybe I'm tied to this person for life.

Meet cute. Yeah.

The ultimate meet cute. And it didn't go that way. I couldn't pick out this person in a lineup now. And since we were in the dining hall, we were next to the kitchen. And in the kitchen, you could hear all the pots and pans and plates and everything just smash and then smash from side to side.

Oh, my goodness.

It really is triangle of sadness. Yeah, it is.

For hours and hours, this went on. So, you know, everyone's delirious. We're hungry. They're passing out cheese sandwiches because they can't cook. You know, it's just a nightmare. So, what actually happened is the waves We're 30 to 50 feet.

Oh! Hold on a second. 30 to 50 feet.

Oh my God.

5-story waves.

This is a true nightmare.

What was your fear level? Had you come to peace with, I'm gonna die? Like, what was the journey over those 12 hours of just how afraid you were or were not? Was everyone shockingly calm? What was the vibe?

I remember people being shockingly calm. Now, keeping in mind, we'd been on the boat for like a week dealing with this kind of weather. Obviously not this extreme, but we'd been in it and we knew that the seas were rough. I had heard at one point, if my memory serves me correctly, that this was the first time that they had done it across the Pacific in the winter. Whoa. So, they were unaware of how the storms would affect the boat. So, what happened was a 50-foot wave hit the bridge, shattered the glass. The whole control panel was electric, so it shorted out the control panel. They couldn't control the boat. 2 of the 3 engines shut down.

Oh, my God.

We basically had to just sit there and wait it out and wait for the storm to pass. in order for the Coast Guard to be able to come out and rescue us.

And you are like a week out from port. It's gonna take the Coast Guard an eternity, I'd imagine.

Yes, it took a couple days for the Coast Guard to come out, and then they had to tow us back to Hawaii. And we stayed in Hawaii while they fixed the boat. Now, an interesting fact: when we were going across the Pacific, we had crossed the International Date Line. Are you familiar?

Yes.

So we had crossed this, and then the next day or that day, whatever the timeline was, we had to cross back over it. So, the day that this all happened was just a lost day. So, they— people kind of say it's like the day that never happened.

Wow.

Yeah. It was a Monday, we went into Tuesday, and then we went back to Tuesday. Oh, wow. And then it's like the day never happened. So, we really were out in the middle of the Pacific. So, they towed us to Hawaii, and we stayed in Hawaii for about a week while they were fixing up the boat, figuring out a plan of what to do. So, we ended up missing South Korea and Japan.

Oh.

And then they took the 600 students from Hawaii, and they flew us to Shanghai. From Shanghai, they flew us to Hong Kong. Hong Kong, they flew us to Vietnam.

Oh, so now it just became a—

It became a flying—

Oh, I love it!

Now it's luxury.

Study at air.

Yes. And they had to put us up in hotels.

Oh my gosh!

So this is a blessing in disguise story as well.

So once we were in Vietnam, the boat was fixed. It came and met us in Ho Chi Minh City. And when port was done, we got on the boat, we set sail, and we finished the semester, and everybody was fine.

And you hit all those locations?

Wow.

Yep. So then we went everywhere else. Oh my Lord. We went to Cambodia, India, and then continued on. And this was like the first couple weeks of this adventure. So when you're a couple months in, you kind of forget about it. Scarred everybody pretty badly, but you just went about the rest of the trip, and we finished the trip. I think there were 2 people, from what I've heard and looked up, that got hurt. One was one of the people that worked on the ship, hurt his shoulder, must have banged into something. And then one of the retired elderly passengers hurt their hip. No students were injured. Maybe a handful, if that, went home after this, because you had the option. People were traumatized.

Yeah. I might have been out after that.

Sorry. I think I'm going home.

Like, because how many warnings does this one person need to go like, oh yeah, this is not to be trusted?

Well, I'll probably go on the flying part, but once the boat comes back, I'm I think it's time for me to go home.

Yeah, now I want to go home. Now I want you to pay for me to go home.

Yeah, fly me home.

Did you have any romantic liaisons on the—

Oh, no, unfortunately. I had a boyfriend at the time, not on the boat. So, yeah, none of that. Well, actually, so my cousin, who I went on the boat with, met a guy on this boat. They, you know, were friends first and started dating, and now they're married with 3 kids.

Oh, my goodness!

So it was a meet cute.

Oh, my God. Do you think she was in the legs?

Quite possibly. I wasn't with her, so I don't know. I don't remember. But she can clarify for me. One can dream. Yeah. They now live in Amsterdam and have 3 kids. and they're happily married. So something great came out of it.

Yay!

Started adventurous and ended adventurous, living in Amsterdam.

No, I do have one more question. During the, like, legs and back and forth, was there puking again?

Yes, some. But the extreme that— if it had been calm and then this happened, I think it would've been a totally different situation. But I think at that point, we were all used to it.

Everyone was already out of fluids at that point. They had puked themselves out.

Oh, yikes.

Well, Blair, that's a wild study abroad story. I did not expect we would have an oceanic portion of this. Me either. Yes, yes. I figured

that somebody on my semester had to call in. So hopefully I did them justice. Yes. That's great. I'm glad it was me that called in and got picked.

Do you have any idea if they stayed in business, that organization?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're still sailing. I get emails all the time about, you know, the next adventure. And, you know, when I was doing some Googling to get my facts straight for this, it said spring 2027. So they're still ongoing. I know that after our semester, the host school changed around a bit. Because obviously there was a lot that went along with that legally and everything. Yeah, it's still going. I get emails to go on reunion tours.

Would you ever do this trip again?

No, I don't even love a cruise anymore. We've gone on a cruise as a family and I do it to appease the children, but I'm all set.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm with you. It's a little fishbowl-y, a little claustrophobic.

Yes, very much so.

Well, Blair, it's delightful to meet you.

Thanks for chatting.

So nice to meet you guys. Thank you for this.

Take care.

All right. Bye-bye.

Hello? Hi. What fake name would you like?

Whatever name you want to use for me.

You don't have a favorite name? Is there, um, like, let me just say, if I hadn't been named Dax, I think I would have wanted to have been Justin.

You're obsessed with the name Justin.

I am. Every Justin I've ever met was so cool. My cousin being the coolest of the group.

That's nice. I wanted to be named Skye.

Oh, like the Paw Patrol character?

Well, it was pre-Paw.

Pre-Paw.

I think we should call you—

It's dangerous, right?

No.

Is it too tough? Should I just randomly pick a name?

No, I want to call her Rachel. Rachel.

Oh, perfect.

But there's a stress involved, Rachel, because we do this often. And so if someone has some association with a name, like let's just say their grandmother was named that. And then you're like, oh my God, what do you think, I look like a grandma?

That's why I picked Rachel, because Rachel's one of my best friends.

Oh, thank you.

Wasn't she also a member of the Friends family?

Yeah, I didn't even think about that. My goodness.

Okay, great. So Rachel, are you allowed to tell us what part of the world you're in?

Yes, I'm in the Midwest.

Ah, wonderful. We love the Midwest.

I'm just keeping my name anonymous because I couldn't get a hold of all the players in this story, you know,

being

respectful.

Yeah, that's very ethical of you and very Midwestern of you. So Rachel, you had a study abroad experience. Please tell us all about it.

So I'm going to take you in the Wayback Machine, truly, all the way back to May 2002. This exchange program between my university here in the US, Big Ten university, right, and university in northern Italy. So this program ran from January to June, so long period of time, like time for us to get to know all of Europe, all of Italy, and classes were Monday to Thursday. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, we got to go off, travel, do all the things, right? Spend all the money, be 20-year-olds in Europe without a care. So by the time May rolls around, we are on a super budget because we're like, okay, we have pretty much spent all of our money gallivanting around Europe, but we've still got all these weekends. Where are we going to go? So we figure, hey, let's take a slow train down to Naples and then let's get on a ferry and go over to the island of Ischia. I don't know if you guys are familiar with Ischia. Most people go to Capri.

Educate us on Ischia.

It is an island in the same area, like Bay of Naples. They're famous for hot springs. So like on the edge of the sea, you can actually boil an egg. Most people like to sit where the waters mix.

Wow.

So we're like, okay, slow train, cheap, very cheap, free hot springs. We're in.

Can I ask you a really quick question? It's an Amanda Knox question. She was in northern Italy. No. Is that where she was at?

I don't remember what part it is.

I'm just wondering if you were in the same area or if when that case came about, it rung particularly poignant to you having done a study abroad there.

When was that?

After

2007 in Pergia, Italy.

Okay, so nothing. When that was happening, you weren't like, oh, that could have been me?

No, I definitely thought about it. I was like, ooh, like younger woman. This story also kind of leads a little bit, right, into some concerns about that.

Okay, okay,

we'll tell the story and then we'll figure out the parallels.

Okay,

so we go down to Ischia, we get to a hostel. The hostel owner's like, hey, good news, it's not really touristy season, so all 5 of you can go in one big room. Because there's me and 4 friends, right, that are also there from the same university. You can go in one room together, be in all the bunk beds, have a great time. Super. So we go out during the day, we see all the hot springs, we come back and like Italian time, like 8:30, 9:00, we're like, we should get dinner. So we go down to the guy at the front desk of the hostel. We're like, hey, we need a restaurant recommendation. No cell phones, no internet, no Google, no Yelp. He says, well, the restaurant across the street is actually pretty good. And we're like, that's a restaurant? It doesn't look like a restaurant.

Uh-oh.

And he's like, yeah, it's a restaurant. It's got super old stone building, no windows. 2 giant wooden doors. So we're like, all right, dude says it's a restaurant, we'll believe him, we'll go over. Let's go over, open the giant wooden doors, and it is, it's a restaurant on the inside. There's only one other party in there, so not a big deal. Server comes over, seats us, all good. So we order our pasta, and again, we're on a big budget, we order one house liter of wine. It's like €4 or €5, it's all we can afford. As we're eating, suddenly the server brings over another house liter of wine, right? Wow. Comes in a little pitcher. And we're like, excuse me, sir. And our Italian's pretty good at this point. We're like, so sorry if you misunderstood. We didn't order that. Actually, we can't afford it. Right? Like, we're straight up telling him, like, we can't have the wine. He's like, it's okay. It's okay. It's from that table over there. So we look over, and there's a long table lined with men on both sides, and one guy sitting at the head of the table.

Sorry. And is it all girls?

5 girls. All 20-year-old girls. And a table full of men.

Age range of the men, are they in their 40s? What are we talking?

I'm gonna guess 35 to 60.

Okay, nice mix of men.

Nice mix of men. Exactly, that's what we said. Look at that nice mix of men. So as we're eating, more and more pitchers of wine appear, like liter after liter of wine. I'm not really drinking that much, I'm not a big drinker, but my friends are pretty inebriated. One of them says, we should go say thank To the table of people that have been sending us wine. That's what you do, right? Like a bunch of 20-year-old women, you're like, let's go to the strange men that have been sending us booze. So we go over there. They're like, hey, sit down with us, like eat with us. So nice to meet you. Let's introduce ourselves. So we're like, sure. So we sit down. They've got tons of food, tons of alcohol. We go around, we do introductions. They introduce us to the man at the head of the table. They said he doesn't need a name. You just need to know that his name is the Papa Pertutti. which means the father for everyone. Oh!

Okay, so this is a mafioso situation.

The father for everyone.

Right? The padre, the godfather.

20-year-olds know nothing about mafia, right? Like, Sopranos may or may not be out. We can't afford HBO. It's not happening at that time. We're like, oh, nice, there's a father figure for the neighborhood, right? That's so sweet. So, things are taking hours. We're having a great time. Eventually, I realized 2 things. One, no one else has come in the restaurant. Two, suddenly there's really loud music, like dance music playing.

Oh.

All of the kitchen staff has come out, all of the waitstaff. They all want to start a dance party with us.

What?

They're like, everyone get up, dance. Everybody's, except for me, is, you know, pretty 3 sheets to the wind. So they're like, yeah, like, get up. They bring over tables. Everyone dance on the tables. My friends are on the tables dancing.

Oh, my Lord.

There's a moment where I'm like, feels like it might not be the right thing for us to be doing. So I'm in my head, and I'm like, I need to touch grass for a minute. I need to go outside. I need to get a deep breath. I need to figure out, like, should I be grabbing my friends out of here? Is this a danger moment? Right?

You are so me. We should've named you Monica, not Rachel.

Yeah. Maybe we have to retrofit the name.

So I go over to the big wooden doors, and the big wooden doors, like, the handle is one of those big iron rings, right? Like a bullnose. You can picture it on the old door. So I grab the ring, and I go to pull it, It doesn't move.

Oh, no.

Oh, Jesus.

And I'm like, oh, God. Okay. So, maybe it just has to turn, right? Like, maybe I'm just a dumb-dumb. Old door. So, I turn the knob. Nothing again. The door is locked. And it's locked from the inside, obviously, 'cause no one's been outside. So, I'm like, okay, I have to figure this out now. Now, panic alarm. So, I see a server actually doing restaurant-y stuff. And I was like, hey, sir, I don't feel very well. I think I need to go outside. And he just ignored me. I know my Italian's good. He's ignoring me. He's doing stuff. So I finally— I'm like, I think I'm gonna be sick, like, right now. And he was like, oh, okay, hold on. So he grabs me, walks me quickly over to the door, goes in his pocket, pulls out keys.

Oh my God.

So either he was the right person, or they all had keys. I don't know. Opens the door, shoves me out, slams the door shut. So now I've lost all visibility to my friends. So I'm like, all right, they can't see me either. I'm gonna hightail it over to the hostel and try to get some help. So I run across the street, to our hostel, and I start screaming, like, in Italian as I'm running in, like, I need help! I need help! My friends I was with need help! And the guy at the front desk is like, oh my God, what do we need to do? I'm like, I think you need to call the police. So he picks up the phone, he starts dialing, and he says, where are your friends? Right? Like, where do they need help? And I'm like, they're in the restaurant. And he stops dialing.

Yeah. Yeah.

And he looks me in the eyes, and he says, which restaurant? And I said, the restaurant across the street. And he puts the phone down.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

And he says, I can't call the police. And I was, like, screaming in Italian, like, Perché? Perché? Like, why? Why? Like, why can't you call the police? And he goes, Well, they own the police.

Are you kid—

this is horrifying. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God.

You were right, most likely, right? Like, this is some type of nefarious family or group. So I did what any other 20-year-old, you know, American would do at the time. I called my boyfriend back in the U.S. to talk about it.

Call the, call the police at home!

Have them help!

I actually married this man. So he was, he was like, oh, you're going to tell the restaurant story, aren't you? So I called him and I'm telling him things like, I think we need to call the embassy. He's like, I don't know that we're there. I also don't know how I would do that. You know, he's like 21 years old back in the U.S.

This is good thinking.

I'm freaked out. I'm like, these are my friends. I don't know what's happening to them. So I was on the phone with him for about probably 2 hours or so.

Oh my goodness.

When I talked to him, he's like, I think it was 2 hours.

That's pricey.

Well, yeah.

Yeah, I bet.

I bought the cheap phone cards at the train station. Let me tell you, I knew how to get the cheap stuff so I could call him. But still, still more than another liter of wine, which I probably should have just bought and avoided this whole situation. Right? So all of a sudden the door bursts open. and my friends come running in, and they are distressed. You can tell, like, they are sweating, and they are freaking out. And I'm like, how did you get out? Oh, my God, I've been sitting here freaking out, but I didn't want to go back to the restaurant, and then there's nobody here to tell the story. You know, like, what's happening? And they're like, we were almost taken to Switzerland.

Huh.

They said all the men there were talking about, yeah, they have wives and kids, but there were secret tunnels, and they were gonna bring them to Switzerland. Now, remember, we're not in Northern Italy anymore. Like, we're down the coast now, so Switzerland's not down the block. They're gonna take them to Switzerland, They've got homes there. They're going to have great trips. And they're like, eventually we convinced them we had to go back to school on Monday and they let us go.

Okay, good. So they were in the business of trying to buy their way into some action and woo, but they weren't into assault as it turns out.

Yes.

In that case.

Oh, thank goodness.

So we went back to the hostel room and those that needed to sleep it off slept it off. I stayed up. I was like freaked out, right? I'm like, this is right across the street. I don't know who's still there. at first light, I was like, everybody get up. We are getting off this island and we are never eating

again.

Yeah.

Forget boiling an egg in the water.

Who cares?

I have been to Italy, thankfully, many times since. Never once have I gone back to Ischia. Never once have I wanted to go back to Ischia.

Well, it was lovely meeting you.

Yes.

Lovely to meet you too. Great to chat with you. Have a great day.

All right, take

care. Okay, bye.

Hello. Hello. Oh, hello.

Oh, for— you were a ghost for a second.

That guy was scary.

Can we give you a fake name, or is she a real—

She's Nina. What did you want to call her?

What'd you think?

Oh, oh, oh, oh. 1, 2, 3. Olivia.

Really?

You look like Olivia Munn.

Yeah.

I've gotten that before, actually.

Yes, you look a lot like her.

Enough so that you could be her. Right now tricking us. Nina, where are you?

I'm in Santa Monica.

Oh my goodness, a stone's throw and a 6-hour drive.

Also, Dax, I have to say, I just moved, but my apartment before this was on 14th and Santa Monica Boulevard.

No, that's where you lived? I lived at Euclid, which is 13th. Did you live between Santa Monica and Colorado or Santa Monica and Broadway?

Santa Monica and Arizona.

Oh, right. Arizona. So you were north. You were one block nicer. Exactly. Where are you from, though?

I'm from Rhode Island.

Oh, Rhode Island.

So Monica, respectfully disagree with the little brother.

Yeah, I thought that might come up.

You know, I mean, I think it's fair enough, but it's small but mighty.

Yeah, of course. A lot of little brothers are.

I've yet to hear who has big brother envy. Monica is only saying everywhere's got little brother envy. I think only New York City has big brother envy. And what else? Los Angeles?

California has big brother energy. New York has big brother energy. No, other places do too. I think Georgia has big brother energy.

Oh, I'm shocked. Yeah, everywhere you live has big brother energy.

I think a lot of places in the South have big brother energy. I don't think many of those have little brother energy. Okay, I'll go through each. I'm just kidding.

The more that I think about it, I love little brothers. They always come out a little bit better. They get to learn from the big one.

Oh, that's very nice of you to say.

They mature earlier too. Sometimes steal the girls from the older brothers. I know some stories.

There's a little brother present, you know.

I know. Have you ever stolen a girlfriend from your brother?

That's none of your business or his. Exclusive. Okay, Nina, you have a study abroad story.

I do have a study abroad story. Okay. So it was December 2016 and I was studying abroad in Barcelona, best city ever. And my friends and I decided to do a weekend in Stockholm. One of my girlfriends had friends there, and so we were planning to stay with one of them and his family. So the first day we got there and we hung out, oh, we'll call this guy James, the one who was hosting. We were hanging out with James and his friends. And so we went to his friend Sam's house. And from the start, everything was super fun. Like we were at Sam's family's house. His parents were amazing. So warm, so welcoming. Sam was awesome. So kind. He had this like adorable relationship with his little sister and just great vibes. family-oriented person, we're like, cool, like, this is a great day. So later that night, the plan was to go out to the club with James and his friends, including Sam. So we were about a van of like 5 to 8 kids, and initially we just wanted to go straight to the club, but at the last minute, Sam insisted on stopping at this house party.

Most of us didn't want to go. We didn't know anyone there. We didn't know where it was. We just were like, no, like, what's the point of going? Let's just get to the club. But he just somehow overruled us. Like, our opinion did not matter. He had his, like, set on his party. The party itself was, like, pretty boring, pretty forgettable. We were only there for maybe, like, 15 or 20 minutes until Sam abruptly decided it was time to leave. At this point, something about him felt different, like his demeanor had totally shifted.

Yeah, I'm already— I'm like, Sam just needed to stop at a house to get drugs before we go to the nightclub is what it feels like. Why do we need to do a pit stop here if not to get something? But I'll stay out of it.

Okay, I was wondering when you might jump in, but here we go. So he was, yeah, suddenly like tense and like distant and like cold and like also felt like he was somehow in charge of us. Like, nope, like we're going, we're leaving now, let's go. Just like this eerie energy. So So we did though. We made it to the club. We all had a good time, kind of lost sight of Sam. Like my girlfriends and I were just dancing. Eventually we were ready to leave and our host James had already left. So we hailed a taxi of our own and we're ready to go home. We were tired. And then suddenly like Sam reappears and said he was going to join our taxi home and like make a stop.

He loves to stop.

He loves pit stops.

But the taxis are like incredibly expensive for some reason. I don't know if that's still the case in Stockholm, but they're really expensive. We were tired. We were already like kind of freaked out. by this guy and just wanted to get home. So we were like, can you just get one of your— on your own? We're gonna take this one. We're 3 girls. So we got in the car and we started to pull away, and then Sam just like jumps in the front seat.

Ugh.

And we're like, no, what? Like, please, can we get another car? Like, we're just tired. Like, we just want to go home. And he just like ignored us as though like he couldn't hear us, as though we didn't exist. And then he said something to the driver in Swedish that we couldn't understand. We were like a little panicked, but we were like, what's going on? Like, where are we going? But we were like, why is he getting so intense and secretive and controlling? And so we go for the ride and we're still hoping that either it's going to be like a short stop or maybe not so far away. We also asked the driver, like, can you take us home first? Not sure what he can understand, but he and Sam again completely ignored us. It was as though we were like ghosts in the car. We're like, hello, like, what's going on? And so when we started getting a little bit louder and being like, hello, like, please, at least where are we going? Sam just goes—

Put his hand up.

With his hand, like, to silence us and then just goes like, shut up.

Oh, wow. Okay.

He like gestured the driver to also like not respond to us. And so now we're getting really uncomfortable. What we do is call one of James' friends who speaks Swedish, who's awake, and we're like, here, talk to the driver for us. And so we tell him what's going on and he's immediately furious. He's like, give me the driver right now. Hand the phone to the driver. Driver talks for a second, hangs up. Nothing changes. Still no response. We're still going the wrong way. And again, they're both just ignoring us. So for the next 20 or so minutes, we're just like quiet, obviously imagining pretty bad outcomes until we pull into this like dark, empty parking lot and Sam like jumps out, tells us to stay put and disappears. So we're just sitting there in the cab in silence. The driver starts moving the car like forward and backward abruptly, just jolting it forward, back, forward, back. And we're just like, what? What? We're just like jolting. We're like, what? This is like the creepiest, like eeriest, most random thing ever. And then he just like creepily laughs.

Ew.

And then he like locks the car door and we're like, no, no, no. Like, we're not gonna be locked in this car door. We're like, sir, please unlock the car door. And then he just starts locking and unlocking, locking and unlocking, like the little lock thing just going up and down, up and down. And we're like, dude, what is going on? And he again just starts kind of like laughing. Like, what? Like, are you just trying to scare us? Or like, what is this? Sam returns, gets back in the car without a word and just like told the driver to leave. And continued to ignore us on the whole way home. We're like, where were we? Where are we going? Until eventually they do drop us off. So we do make it home and we run inside. We're like, whew, that was weird. Go to bed. And then in the morning we like wake up and we tell James's mom like about our night. We're like, this is what happened. Like, how weird is this? And we told her like the area that we were brought to and her face just goes kind of pale and freaked out.

And she's just like, I cannot believe that you guys were brought to that area. That's the most crime-ridden part of Stockholm. We call it the murder capital. Oh. Guns are pulled out all the time. We're just so happy that you're okay. And she's like, that boy, Sam, who was a childhood close friend, is never allowed in my house ever again. And so we don't have too many answers to what happened, except the last weird part of that is the next day or so, he's starts messaging us on Facebook and starts harassing us and demanding that we pay for the drinks from the night before. And we're like, no,

dude. Wow. I think Sam was an addict. I think Sam had an addiction. Yeah, I think he needed to stop at the first house to get some, then he was really irritable because he needed more by the time he got out of the club.

Why didn't he just get in his own cab?

We don't know.

Because he probably is broke from being an addict and didn't have any money to pay for a cab, I'm guessing.

I think the weirdest part, because we were like, no, we're not paying for these drinks. Like, we just paid a couple hundred bucks for this terrifying taxi ride.

Yeah.

And then he just like got super dark, like started calling us names, using misogynistic slurs, all these antisemitic— Oh my God. Stuff that was just terrifying. We blocked him.

What did James have to say about his friend Sam? Did he have any explanation?

We didn't get any answers. James was just freaked out. He was like, this is crazy. Like, this guy's not my friend anymore. Made that pretty clear. But we had the same conclusion. I mean, it's more like upon reflection later, like, okay, Okay, that's definitely drug-related. But I think the creepiest part, or like the saddest part, was just seeing him earlier in the day and how he like transformed beyond the lies just into this like—

Gargoyle.

Monster.

Yeah, drug monster. Yeah. Oh boy.

So scary.

Yeah.

And I wonder what he told the cab driver. Like maybe he would pay him extra. Like what did he tell him to make him go along with this?

Good question. Also, the cab driver's gonna know what part of town he's asking to go to. Right. So why is he willing to go there? Maybe he wanted a little something something. Lest this not reflect on Stockholm as a city, what a beautiful place. No, beautiful.

Other than that, it was amazing. It was Christmas time.

Ooh.

There's always adorable Christmas markets.

How cute.

Do you fly or take a train there from Barcelona?

We flew, we flew everywhere. We made like lots of different stops. We went to like 10 or so countries. I think train sounds so much more charming. We just didn't have the time. We were on student schedule. We were like 48-hour trips.

Yeah.

Right.

Wow.

Well, thanks for sharing. I'm glad you made it out of there. Could have been a horrible ending.

Thank you both so much. Thank you. Have a good rest of your day.

Bye.

Bye-bye.

Hey guys.

Hi.

Hi. Is this Noah?

This is Noah. How are you?

Wonderful. Noah, you have a robust head of hair. Congratulations.

It's a real accomplishment.

Yeah.

It is. It is. It is. As someone who's fighting hourly to keep mine, it is. It's impressive.

I think we're in the same boat.

Okay. And it's a gorgeous swoop too. I'm new to this. Yeah, it's nice.

Thank you. That's kind of me to say. I appreciate it.

Noah, where are you?

I'm in a suburb of Boston.

Okay, wonderful. Please let us in on your study abroad.

I'm just a shade younger than you, Dax. This story takes place in February of 1994.

Okay, great. So this is your graduation year, maybe?

No, the year before. So I was a junior.

So you are '93. Yes.

Yes.

Okay. Oh no, you were a junior in '94.

I'm '95. I'm '95.

'95. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Yeah. So I studied the Russian language.

Sure.

When I was in high school.

Yeah.

I had a wonderful Russian teacher who happened to have a relationship with a school in northern Russia, 8 hours by train north of Moscow. This small to mid-sized industrial city called Petrozavodsk, or PZ is what we call it.

Wow. The way you said it was great.

Yes. You nailed it. Does this put you in the Arctic Circle? Are you that far north?

South of Finland. And I went there in the wintertime. It was pretty cold. Our exchange program, it was reciprocal. So I had a student come and stay with us in the first semester of the year, and then I went and stayed with them the second semester of the year. So by the time I got there, me and this guy were already buds.

Fun!

Great. And really quick, when he was at your house, we're only 5 years out of the Wall falling at this point, right? So this is like a— probably a new program And are you speaking to each other in Russian when you're at your house or English?

No, my Russian was so much poorer than his English.

Okay.

His English was great.

Okay.

Okay, sure.

And it was his ambition at the time to become a doctor. His father was a doctor, so he was a dialed-in student. I go to Russia in February of 1994, and I live with his family. His father is a neurosurgeon.

Wow.

And this is gonna pique your interest, Monica. I wanna tell you something right up front. There's gonna be a thing or two about this story that's probably gonna be a little bit bothersome.

Okay. Yeah.

But I'm gonna tell it anyway.

Don't tell me yet, but I'm just wondering if that means like sexually or if that means like maggots.

Oh, mm-hmm. Yeah. The sky's the limit. Well, we're gonna find out. Or the wrong college.

Neither of those things.

Oh, interesting. Okay.

The dad is a neurosurgeon who makes $2,000 a year.

$2,000 a year.

Oh my God.

A year.

Oh my goodness.

And the mom is a nurse who makes less than that. So it's rough. Inflation is rampant. And we lived in a 7th floor walk-up tenement, one bedroom. They were a 4-person family and I was there too.

So relative though to other people, were they like living high on the hog? Was that good relative to the non-neurosurgeons? Okay.

Think like projects. I mean, medical professionals, I think at that time in that country were paid very poorly. There was no communal electricity in the building. 7th floor walkout, the elevator was broken. Parents slept on a fold-out couch in the apartment, and my friend and I stayed in the bedroom. All that is to say, things were pretty economically rough at the time.

Yeah.

So we ended up having a career day. I tended to hang out with the Russian students. I bonded with them more than my American counterparts who were there with me at the time. But this city, PZ, hadn't had a lot of American tourists. So they were, like, really happy to have us there.

Yeah, sure. It's exciting.

Yeah.

You're from the movies at that point.

Kind of, yeah. And so I go to career day, and my host dad sort of shuffles us off. I went there with another one of my fellow American students, and he sort of says, younger surgical staff, take care of these guys. Show them the ropes. Okay, so Monica, sorry, but things are gonna get a little bit sideways right now. We get a tour of this place, and the first patient they take us to see is A woman, and they've cut out half of her brain.

Oh, okay. Do you get an explanation for why they did that?

Not really. She had a terminal brain injury. And the gnarly thing about this is that they didn't put, like, a prosthetic back into her head. They just took the flap of skin and sewed it back onto her head. So she was pretty much missing this—

Ah! And was it squishy?

No, I didn't touch it.

But presumably it was sunken in and misshapen.

Like, when you looked, did it look like, like if you touched it, it would be squishy?

I would imagine that it might be a little squishy.

And it was enormously dented, I'm guessing?

Oh yeah, it was like they took this entire quarter of her head out. So that was a little jarring.

Yeah. Was she conscious? Like, was it a successful operation?

She was in a vegetative state. The next patient they take us to see, his name is Ivan. And the reason that I remember that is because, as you're probably well aware, there's a significant booze culture in Russia. And this guy, I think, was a bit of a bruiser at the bars.

Sure, sure, sure.

So he got into a fight, and somebody hit him in the head with a hammer a couple of times.

Oh! Yeah. Wow. Oh, yeah.

I'm remembering now that he's a neurosurgeon.

Okay. Yeah. So he can do brain surgery. So all of these are gonna be horrible, horrible head stuff. The surgical staff

takes me over to see Ivan, and Ivan's pretty banged up. He's being held to the bed by bedsheets. They've tied him down. They don't have formal restraints. And they have a bedsheet wrapped around his head, which is bloody because he got hit in the head with a hammer.

Yeah, yeah. It's also the kind of bar where people have hammers at their disposal. We should have had that.

I guess it was a hammery bar. But they keep saying, Ivan, which means, what's your name? And he said, which means, I don't know. And so they were just fascinated by the fact that this guy couldn't remember his name. And as soon As soon as my American counterpart saw this guy, she fainted.

Oh!

Straight to the ground.

Like a weak American. Just like, yeah. Zero constitution. I

mean, I was kind of nervous too, but I just kept talking my way through it.

Sure. Nervously.

I mean, you're in high school. Like, this is a lot.

It's extreme. Well, also, you've gone— everywhere else is in Spain and Italy eating spaghetti, and you're in a tundra.

God, were people making $2,000 a year?

You guys have already self-selected. You're a specific group.

I had a wonderful time. Sure, I can—

yeah, I can tell you're built for it.

A few days after that, we go to a discotheque. I was closer with the Russian kids than I was to the American kids. So we're partying at this discotheque. It's very, as is the case with many discotheques, very dark, very loud, a lot going on.

You're allowed to drink at that age there, I presume?

Nobody really noticed.

Yeah, they have bigger things to deal with.

One of our friends hasn't shown up yet, and we're looking for Sergei. He's not there yet. About 30 minutes after we arrive, he enters the discotheque, but he sort of lurches in, and he's got his hand on his side.

Uh-oh.

At this time in Russia, the Russian mob is everywhere. And so, he comes over to us, and we don't really notice. We're dancing, having fun. He says, they got me. Maybe the rest of the Russian kids who I was with already knew that he did this kind of thing, but we're all like, ah, whatever. Sergei, chill out. Just party with us. Hang out. And he says, no, they got me. And he pulls his hand away from his side, and it's red.

Your first thought is hammer attack. I know about that. They got you with the sharp end of the hammer.

So immediately, I'm like, whoa, hang on a second. We sort of hit pause on everything, our whole group of friends there, and we're like, Sergei, what's going on? What happened? He worked part-time for the Russian mafia in the city, and he mugged people and gave a portion of the proceeds to the mob every week and got to keep part for himself. And apparently, either the week prior or maybe this week, he had forgotten to pay them. So they caught him outside of the disco and shanked him in the side.

Okay, so they've stabbed him. He's dealing with a stab wound.

And he's in high school.

He's a 16-year-old boy.

Yeah.

Okay. But he's tougher than most 30-year-old American men, I'm sure, at this point.

Tough as nails, dude. Those Russians, I mean, don't mess with them. So my friend, his name is— his dad is a doctor, right? So he says, okay, we're gonna fix this right now. He's been working at the hospital since he was like 12 because Russia.

Yeah.

This is crazy.

So he says, we're going to the hospital right now, and we're gonna fix this. The hospital's within walking distance from the discotheque. So we walk to the hospital, and like I mentioned, like, the electrical grid is a little bit messy. So we kind of quasi-break into his dad's office, and my buddy finds a suture kit kit and some antibacterial ointment and some cloths and cleans up Sergei's side and stitches him up.

Wowzer.

That's your dream, Dax.

That is kind of my fantasy. Yeah.

And that's really—

we

went our separate ways, and I don't think we ever talked about it again when I was there.

And presumably this young man recovered. It was a successful—

Oh, he was fine. Saw him at school the next day.

Oh my God.

School. Like he's getting stabbed and then he goes to school the next day. Yeah. I mean, look, I just wanna remind people, you do not get to choose where you're born.

No, no.

And to whom you're born to.

Ain't that the truth?

It's so important to remember that.

The full circle part of this story is that my friend did realize his dream of becoming a neurosurgeon himself and is one to this day.

You're kidding. And you guys have remained friends?

It's been difficult. I mean, obviously things have gone a little bit sideways with Russia.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Recent years.

But we were until about 10 years ago in contact with each other. And in fact, he had a residency at Yale for 3 weeks and he came to visit us. So I took him to New York City and we hung out for a little

while.

Fun. It was great.

So he's a neurosurgeon in presumably Moscow or something in a big city, maybe?

No, no, he's still in the same city.

But now we make more than $2,000. Yeah.

Yes. He has a proper house and he is supporting his family. And the economics of that area have improved.

Yeah. Wowzers.

Wow.

What a bizarre What a bizarre and wonderful decision you made to go to Russia to study abroad.

I actually didn't really want to go, but I went anyway, and it was fantastic.

Wow. Oh, boy. Well, Noah, this is a delight. You're a delight. Take care, brother.

Okay. Take care, guys.

Bye-bye. Bye. What a nice man.

On 3, who we reminded you of?

Okay, hold on.

No, you don't have it?

I got one.

You got it? Rob, you want to join us?

Yep.

3, 2, 1. Paul Giamatti.

Oh, no.

Yes. Paul Giamatti.

I could see it.

It was the voice. If he's listening, it's not that he looked like him, it's just the voice was very Paul Tremblay.

He had a similar happy face.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He was great.

Okay.

Wow. Well, people are out there, they're studying. I studied abroad twice.

I don't know that this prompt made me want to study abroad.

It's the best. Anthony could have called in because he pushed me down the stairs during a study abroad. He regrets it.

Okay. Intentionally or accidentally?

Kind of. He was trying to save himself.

What?

We were being chased.

By what?

Police! Because we tried to get in— What? Yeah.

Monica!

I know, I know.

You're saving so many layers of the onion.

I know.

You've really paced yourself out nicely. Okay, so you ran from the police, and what—

Only a little bit. So, we were in Cannes at the Cannes Film Festival, and we were dressed up— We were dressed up 'cause we were trying to get into all the premieres, and we couldn't get into any of the premieres that night. And so, we heard that there's 2 fancy hotels there that the stars stay in. Sure,

sure, sure.

And so, you know, you kind of want to go and look for the stars. And then so we thought, oh, we'll go up to the highest floor you can go to.

You know, you're the reason they put the key. You got to use your key to use the elevator now. Correct. Yeah.

And I don't remember if we happened to be in the elevator with someone who was going up to the top or something. We ended up in the top. and wandering, and then some police came up there, and Anthony freaked out.

Okay, he panicked.

Just by the vision of seeing them.

Yeah, he really felt like he was committing a crime by trespassing.

Exactly.

He overreacted.

Exactly, he overreacted. And then he said, run!

Okay.

And then I was like, oh my God, I guess we have to because now he's really making it seem like we've done something horrible. So then we're starting to run, and I'm not running fast enough. I'm probably wearing heels, and we're running down the stairs. and he just pushes me to the side.

Oh wow, kind of a force majeure situation.

It was. Yeah, he pushes me to the side.

Did it change how you looked at him? He just deserted you?

He did.

Oh my goodness. And he really showed his colors.

I— yeah. And then they run past me. Oh, okay, okay. The police.

Yeah, well, now he's made himself look like he's a thief.

A suspect.

I know.

And then I, I just— Did he get away?

They didn't catch him though?

They did not catch him. I just walked on out, and then he was just standing there looking like, you know, puppy dog.

Uh-huh.

He hates this story.

Sure. Who wouldn't? You know?

He's grown to really hate it. One day randomly, he was like, I just want to say I'm sorry about that.

I know. I would prefer you stop telling this story.

I'm never gonna stop.

No, you've earned that right to tell that story. All right. Love you.

Love you.

Do you want to sing a tune or something? You know, a theme song?

Oh, okay. Okay, great.

We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions, and with the help of our jerrycans, we'll get some suggestions. On the Fly Rhyme Dish, On the Fly Rhyme Dish. Enjoy!