Transcript of How to Rewire Your Life: Erica Spiegelman on Recovery, Mindset & Habits

I love to teach my clients this, of reframing a situation that I failed, I'm such a failure, versus, no, this was just an experience, and there's a better opportunity for you around the next door. If someone has a problem with substance use disorder, please call One Call Placement. That's 888-831-1581. If we can't help you, we'll make a referral to someone who can.

One Call Placement is affiliated with Carrera Treatment Wellness Wellness and Spa, and One Method Treatment centers. Today on We're Out of Time, I'm joined by Erica Spiegelman, a best-selling author, counselor, and recovery expert, whose work has transformed thousands of lives. She co-founded New spirit recovery, created the rewired online program that's helped over 11,000 incarcerated learners. And now she's launching the rewired method, the 8Rs of Recovery, to bring her tools to even more people. Erika, welcome to the program.

Thank you for having me. It's my honor to be here.

No, the pleasure is all mine. If it wasn't, I would have told you. Okay. Your new book, The Rewired Method, lays out the eight R's of recovery. What are they and what led you to create this framework? Can you show the book?

Yeah, let's show the book. Okay, so this is the cover. We go from restart, reframe, rewire with routines, then rewrite our narratives because obviously, those are important. We can talk about all these. Reintroducing self-love and compassion, reaffirm, start by changing the pathways in our brain with affirmations, and positive self-taught, changing the language we use within our mind's eye. Refocus our lives with routine, how important that is, and then reinvention. It's a reinvention for ourselves, and we get to thrive, and again, we get to choose a different path.

That's magnificent. I love that. Thank you. It's all about neuroplasticity.

It is. It's about, again, I'm not a neuroscientist, but rewiring. I rewired my life. 17 years I got sober. For me, it was based on I went to UCLA and became an addiction counselor, but also just personally and professionally working in the treatment field for 15 years plus, seeing that really the most successful clients I've ever had were the ones that change their routine and that begin to understand that repetition in the right direction is what really changes our life overall and gives us a new existence in a way. If you don't do that, we're stuck. All right.

Of the eight Rs, which one do you think is the most important starting point for someone in early recovery? I'm sorry, this is a horrible question, but you have to answer it because I know the answer. It works in synergy.

I mean, they're all important. But I would really encourage people to look at their narratives. I like to talk about that a little bit of just rewriting the Again, stories we tell ourselves that keep us stuck. Again, those could be the false core beliefs or they could be something- Give me examples. I'm not good enough. I'm not worthy enough. I'll never get sober. I'll never be able to have a routine. I'm lazy.

All the negative talk.

All the negative talk. But again, it's most of the time reinforced by maybe a parent when you're younger or a teacher or you've been bullied. Always. Right? Yeah. Again, as adults that want to recover and move forward in a healthy way, we have to look at those and figure out what are they. The awareness has to be there. Then how do we rewrite them? How do I change and correct that thinking?

I have that problem, and I've been trying to deal with it forever about the negative self-talk. I've been part of my narrative is, I'm an idiot. Okay, I'm a moron. Right.

But also, again, how do you measure your success?

Perfectionism. All I require is perfection. That's I just require perfection.

Right. But that's obviously, as you know, could come with some issues because, again, then we're never truly happy with anything.

It's always what we're missing. Who said I've been truly happy. No.

I'm saying when people are perfectionists, they seem like they never do anything exactly the way they want it.

Good enough. Yeah. It's never good enough, but you know what it does? It drives people to excellence.

It does.

Let's go to the next one. Okay, let's do it.

Let's give me an example of the next- Let's go with reframing.

Let's go with reframing.

Reframing. As we know, our thoughts and our mental health are like this. Again, if we're not aware of our thought habits, our thought patterns, and again, like I said, the awareness of correcting them, then we suffer. People that are in this cognitive distortion, this loop of constantly, like you said, either being self-critical or catastrophizing every situation. And it creates a stress. It creates an anxiety. It causes cancer. It causes us our mental health and the quality of our thoughts matters. Absolutely. Reframing is the next one, which I love because I love to teach my clients this of reframing a situation that I failed, I'm such a failure, versus, no, this was just an experience, and there's a better opportunity for you around the next door. But if we're not focused on what I gained the experience instead of what I did wrong and the judgment, constant judgment, self judgment, that's where we fall.

I'm really good with that because every time I fail, I always create a win for myself. Great.

That's reframing.

Good name. That's good branding. It's not defund the police. That's really good. You always have to create a win for yourself because otherwise, you're going to light yourself on fire. Okay? So anytime I go ahead and I screw up, that's good for me because I've just ruled out something that doesn't work. And now my brain says, Okay, let's go find something that does. I think that's really helpful. I didn't even know that was a thing. I thought that was something I just came up with.

No, that's great.

There are no more original thoughts. All right, next one. Okay. Number three.

Well, we didn't start with number one.

It's okay. We went out of order.

Restart, but we get restart. Now, rewire We're with routines. As you know, I can see that you have physical self-care and routines, right? Yeah. Again, a lot of us, I think in recovery, find that movement exercise is a helpful routine for us to feel proud of ourselves, for us to get up in the morning. Of course. But again, I think routines, too. Again, we're not necessarily always proud of our past, and we probably didn't have routines or self-care. Or Or negative routines. Or negative routines, habits. But again, we could create good habits just like we create negative habits. Again, we want to start to try and figure out, us as individuals are so different, what is going to motivate you to get up and do the next best thing for your own self-care? Telling someone they have to just go to a meeting for a night and it doesn't resonate with them, and that's what they're going to basically feel, either they're doing the right thing or not. No. We have to, again, give ourselves the permission to create our own routines, healthy routines that light us up, that speak to us spiritually, that give us that moment of joy and inspiration in our life.

And again, so for me, for example, movement, I started running when I got sober, and I would run every morning non-negotiable. It was a non-negotiable. And because I did it every day, almost every day, one day this lady came up to me at the coffee shop and she said, You're the runner girl. And I started crying because she saw me as a runner. And I never seen myself like that in my addiction. I never saw myself as a healthy woman. So for her to acknowledge that I was a healthy woman based on my new routines, it was an amazing moment because it gave me, again, the motivation to keep on going down those healthy pathways and to continue on with those routines.

How many children do you have?

I have two.

How old are they?

Five and a half and six and a half.

Those kids are the luckiest kids on the face of the Earth.

Thank you.

I'm not judging. I'm just reporting. Thank you. Next one. Yeah.

Okay. Let's go. We did rewrite the narratives. Do we want to go into that further? We get the narratives. I think we get it. I want to do it all. Okay. I want to do it all. We did talk about the narratives a little bit.

No, you did. We talked about the negative self-taught.

Let's go to the next one. Well, one more thing about the narratives, let me just say. Please. Again, let's say, our culture, if we're both raised in the same culture or in the same demographic, if you're a man, a woman, we all have different narratives based on that. Again, when we compare ourselves to others in recovery, that's not what we should be doing because someone else has had a different experience than us.

How do you do that, man? I compare myself to everything. I'll compare myself, and I always raise the bar. It's like, I get it. If I compare myself to the President, I'm going to feel shitty, so I don't do it. But just about, almost to that line, and That's a recipe for feeling shitty. All the time.

All the time. Okay?

Yeah. But, man, do you grow fast? If you run fast, you got to run fast, right? I mean, at the end of the day, you got to find out who you are, right? It's not like I need... I'm not talking about material things or finances, because it's about just finding out who who you are.

Right. And not comparing. But today, with social media and this and that, it's a hard world. But again- It's the worst.

Yeah.

But these narratives, again, take everything with a grain of salt when you start to explore what a narrative is and how it got there. It got there from your parents. It got there from your parents. I was just going to say.

I'm the blame of the parent guy.

Yeah.

Well, that's true. If I tell you, if I give you, if I gas you up on the parent thing, it's real. Yeah, I get it. It's so hard to find a good parent. I was just driving. I took my kid to school, and on the way home, I'm coming down this blind curve, and there's traffic. You can't even get up. You have to move to the side. There's all this traffic. And this father is on a blind curve with no sidewalks, wheeling his two toddlers up the hill. I'm You're the worst father ever. You're like a horrible father.

Yeah.

Right?

Yeah. Then there's fathers and mothers that drink in front of their children, that act out, that have their own unhealthy behaviors. Again, that's how these narratives are created. Let's say you have a man in the house that's cheating on his wife. What's the narrative? Oh, men aren't to be trusted. Again, so when you become an adult, you have- Only when they got caught. There's the narrative. Exactly. Okay, we got that. That's what narratives are. But Then- Next one. Reintroducing self-love and compassion.

Give it to me. I just started loving myself.

Good. At least we started. I think, again, when you... When I say recover, everyone's recovering from something. I'm not just talking about addiction and alcohol and drugs. I'm talking about recovering from a multitude of things that have gone on in our lives. So when people hear this, all this work applies for every human being that's out there. This is not just for people in recovery. Sure, recovery. But self-love and compassion, you have to be your own best friend. You have to talk yourself through things in life. No one else is going to do it for you. You can't go to a therapist and have them fix your problems. You have to do the work. At the end of the day, this is what I did when I changed my life, Good job. You did amazing today. You're so strong. You got up. You did this. You're the best. Give yourself a hug. Good job, girl. You got this. One more block. You're strong. Go run. Encouraging yourself using kind language.

Yeah, but you can't horse shit yourself because when I came back to work, I was like, You're the king. You're the best. Then I just got my ass kicked.

There's ego, but then there's sincere talk to encourage yourself that when you're struggling, that you can do things. That's right. You have to encourage yourself a little bit. But so many people don't. They're not even aware of the self-taught, the language that goes on in their mind's eye.

I don't self-taught and gas myself up. You know what I do? I just got God with me all day long. I just ask God. I check in all day long. Are we good here? Is this the right way?

It makes you feel better.

I trust him more than I trust me. That's great.

I love that. Well, that's spiritual self-care.

Next one.

Reaffirm.

It's not enough to just give yourself self-taught. You got to say, And I'm real about this. And I'm serious about this.

The word affirmation, it's It's not just, Okay, I am beautiful. I am strong on this. I mean, that is great, too, if that's all you can muster.

All I heard was, And I love myself. I'm pretty enough. I'm handsome enough.

But you know what? If you teach kids that at my kids' age, and they begin that- Absolutely. Wiring, it will change their lives.

That's why you're the best mother. I love that.

I mean, at the end of the day, we do what we're grateful for and what was the best part of your day. But it's so funny because my son always say, Everything with you was the best part. Everything with you. But I think what he really means is, I'm grateful for you. He just doesn't know how to say that, but it's cute.

Oh, no, he meant it. Yeah, he meant it. Everything with you is perfect. When he says something like that, What he's saying is, I've got the best mommy in the world.

Thank you.

That's what he's saying. You know how you'll be able to tell because you got young kids? When they start having playdates over the house all the time, at about 10: 00 or 12: 00, you'll notice all the kids come to your house and your kids have compared all of their friends' parents to you, and then they're grateful.

That's cute. I love that. That's how that works. Can't wait. I can't wait.

Next one.

Okay. After affirming. Also, I have an affirmation book, so I truly believe in this. I just wanted to tell you I have a book called 101.

101 Affirmations? Affirmations. Well, you've written seven books. Yes. I want all seven books up there. Not just the I want all seven books up there.

I brought a bunch for you.

You brought them all for me?

I brought a couple. You weren't thinking all? I didn't have all.

I'm not worthy of all the books.

You are. When the new shipment comes in, I'm sending them your way.

Don't forget.

Refocus. Our power, where we put our energy is where we give our power, and where we put our focus. That's right. If I wake up in the morning and my focus is what I don't have, What is going wrong? What hasn't happened yet? What I'm worried about? That's my first thought morning.

All the catastrophic things.

Well, that's going to be the trajectory of my-For sure. Quality of my day. That's right. Versus getting up, learning how to... But this is work. I mean, this is what in terms of building a muscle, what we need to do is refocus. What am I grateful for? What are my blessings? What is going right? How can I do better today and learn? What can I do to make myself feel How can I solve my own problems? Moving towards solution is so much different than focusing on these things that are out of our control sometimes.

Do you know what I love most about this? It's practical and accessible and easy for everybody to do. If they want to create change, they can. I'm going to make a commitment to you today. I am not going to talk shit about myself anymore. I'm going to try.

That's amazing.

I'm not going to work on it. I'm actually going to put my best foot forward and do that. That's amazing. But I still can say idiot savant. Okay, fine. Because that's cool. Fine.

That's the only one. That's the only one. Okay, I like it. Because that's like a hybrid. I think that means something nice to you anyway. It does. To me, it does. Yeah. Well, that's all that matters.

I like being an idiot savant.

Listen, if that for you is a loving term, that's good enough. There it is. That's the test. Who cares what other people think?

I don't care what the neighbors think, for sure. Did your grandmother ever said that to you?

No, not the neighbors' thing.

Not the neighbors' thing?

She said a lot of things.

Give me one. Are you going out to have a good time? That was the worst thing in the world.

She was from Brooklyn, so she was major. She was a New Yorker. It was always, don't do. She was a worry. She was a worrier. She was an old-school. She spoke Eita.

She was really- Well, that's because she lost half her family. Right. Well- So we're a little touchy. I won't even turn the heater on in my German car.

Oh, no.

We get a little touchy about that. I know.

You're funny. I'll think of something that she said after I leave, of course. Of course.

Right when we push end.

Yeah. All right. And reinvention, last one.

Oh, we didn't get to all of them.

The last one, reinvention.

That's It's the most important.

Which is that story about me running. It's just, again, when you start to see yourself, you see yourself from outside yourself. You identify differently with who you are. That's the freedom of this path.

I don't think I've ever told anybody this. It's just going to be between you and I and the rest of the world. Have you ever seen a movie by the name of Meet Joe Black.

Yes, many times.

I love that movie.

Yeah, it's a great movie.

Let's get over the part where she looks at him and she's wells up because she's so in love with him. Nothing has ended more relationships for me than that. You're not looking at me the way she looked at Brad Pitt.

Comparing. Right.

But I believe that if you don't replace drug addiction and that life that you held as most valuable with something of equal or greater value, you can't stay sober. For me, it was about being an elegant man. Since the modeling I had was anything but elegant, I said to myself, I want to be like Anthony Hopkins' character in this movie because he was the most elegant man I had ever seen in my life. And that's what I wanted. I'm so glad I remembered this. And so that's how I live my life. I try to live it in comfort and convenience and humility. I I try to be, I try to leave this place better than I found it. Right. Right. And I operate from, really, there's nothing to get, there's only to give. Yeah. And when you operate in the world like that, it's pretty easy to be an elegant man. I fall short all the time. But I'm cool with it. I'm cool with 85% success, not perfectionism in that.

Yeah. He was a great character. So good. This is why I love film and movie, and I studied that, too, for my undergraduate. But I think stories and us to relate to others in that sense is so much better than Joshma over here, where we're comparing ourselves to.

All right. Where did we leave off? From your perspective, what is the biggest gaps in our current treatment system?

I don't think there's enough modalities, to be honest. I created an online program called the Rewired program. It's online on tablets by a company called the DOVO in 1,100 prisons across the United States in every state. We've had 10,000- Helping people out in prisons?

Yeah.

A company called the DOVO has these relationships with 1,100 prisons, juvenile detention centers, and jails across the United States in every state. And there is vocational skills they can learn. They can learn how to read. They can also learn for substance abuse and issues that are around addiction that they've never treated before. And so I gave them my rewired program for free, and we've gotten back the data, and we've had 10,000 incarcerated learners graduate the rewired program online. Now, I'm trying to bring... I have a rewired coaching certification program where I can train other counselors, other professionals in our field.

Oh, that's great. That's something that you should focus on because I have a friend that did that with the letters behind their name for interventionists, and everybody goes to that school, and nobody knows that it's completely unnecessary, and you don't need that.

Yeah. Well, I think- It's not even a good class. Okay. Well, yeah. I mean, it's hard. First of all, I'm not going to chase treatment centers to train their professionals in my rewired method, but that is the question you asked me, what is missing in our treatment world, which is I now consider this evidence-based. It is. Because we've had 10,000 people and a 92 % complete.

But it's not just that. Everything that you just said is tried and true. Yes. There's any one of those eight that you put into your life that You weave. I'm not talking about you're doing. I'm talking about it's part of your DNA. You do that, your life gets instantly better. Absolutely. And you are happier, okay? And you have a fuller life. And when you're not like this all day long. You can be present for your children, for your love relationships, for your friendships, for people that need you, and you're at your best. Whether or not people think this is objective is ridiculous. It doesn't matter. It's not subjective. It's objective. These are things that objectively make your life better.

Exactly. I agree. That's why I consider this a methodology now, this rewired method.

You'd be doing... You'd do great taking this into treatment centers and doing groups. And to train somebody because you're a big shot, you don't need to do that. That's not the world you're living in anymore. But to train somebody to go in or a bunch of people to go in and do groups at these places will really benefit people.

Well, that's why. I have this online. It's under rewiredacademy. Com. It's my business called Rewired Academy. If you were, let's say, a professional, you could sign up today. It's a 4-8 week course. You graduate, you become a rewired coach, and then you can teach the material in any treatment center you work at, anywhere you work. The Rewired Wellness course is being created right now. I'm really excited. I really believe in these online educational courses. Sure. I also write for Push, which is like an online... I write for a demographic that is young. Push? Yeah, it's a Kardashian blog that they- I want to write for Push? Yeah. I'll take you to a party with me.

You take me to a Push party?

Yeah.

That's awesome.

But so my point is not mentioning that, but it's more of like, so through the years of writing for them and also doing some other media for just everyday, let's say everyday 20 to, 60-year-olds that are just dealing with a lack of self-care, mental self-care, emotional self-care, spiritual self-care, physical self-care. All of this, which I think you would agree, is relatable to just everyday people. Rewired is all about healthy boundaries and learning how to communicate and self-care practices. But again, I would like to create a course for the general public. So that's what this Rewired Wellness course is. It'll be online. It'll be available for anybody to take. It's a four-week course, and there's a meeting with me every week on Zoom.

We get to- You get a bunch of group of people in- A community.

We'll start to build a community. They could take the course, and after, they could opt in to some other options to keep their journey going. But it's giving somebody, again, a little bit of an outlet for them to have a path and have a better life, even if they don't have an addiction. A lot of people are suffering out there.

I love that. I love that. All right. Erica Spiegelman, this has been magnificent. Thank you.

See you next Tuesday.

She said it. We're out of time. Please subscribe on YouTube, click the thumbs up, and leave a comment. Please subscribe on Apple podcast and Spotify, and leave a rating and a review, and share the We're Out of Time podcast with others you know who will get value out of it. See you next Tuesday.