In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, Mel Robbins talks with pastor, motivational speaker and bestselling author Dr. Eric Thomas about getting back on track when a year has gone badly.
Thomas describes the 52-day challenge he created after seeing people lose hope, drawing on the Nehemiah story and on his own effort to regain his health. He explains how he tried to focus on what he could control, reflects on his years of homelessness and the choices that changed his path, and argues that people should stop blaming others.
Listeners will hear practical steps: picking one area to improve, starting with a small daily action, scheduling it, and telling someone to hold them accountable.
In this episode Mel Robbins, Eric Thomas
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Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to The Mel Robbins Podcast. Today you are in for such a treat that you better be wearing a seatbelt, because this episode is going to take off like a rocket ship. Our guest today is one of the most motivational and inspiring people. He's a friend of mine. His name is Dr. Eric Thomas. You may know him as ET, the hip hop preacher. He also has a PhD in education, and he's going to tell you you can transform your life in just 52 days.
The energy you're about to experience, the belief that he has in you, the power that you have to change it, it is going to come through the microphone and just blast you in your cells. You're going to thank yourself for hitting play today. We're going to start the show in just a minute. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to The Mel Robbins Podcast. You're going to thank yourself for hitting play today. I mean that. It's an honor to spend this time with you.
If you're new or if somebody shared this episode with you, you're not going to be alone, because this is an episode that is going to be shared all around the world. In fact, you're going to share it as soon as you hear it. I want to personally welcome you to The Mel Robbins Podcast family, and I cannot wait to introduce you to one of the most motivational, inspiring, take-no-excuses person you will ever meet. His name is Dr. Eric Thomas. And if you want to feel better immediately, just keep listening. Dr. Thomas went from homelessness to earning his PhD in education from Michigan State University.
He's a pastor, a New York Times best-selling author. He is followed by millions around the world and is known as ET, the hip hop preacher, and you better lock in. I'm not even going to say anything else. Why am I even talking? I don't need to describe what you're about to experience. You're about to experience the extraordinary. Dr. Eric Thomas, please help me welcome him to The Mel Robbins Podcast.
Thank you for having me, Mel. How you feeling?
I feel fantastic because you're here.
Thank you. And I feel the same way because you're over there and I'm here. So thank you. Something magical is going to happen.
Magical. You know, you say that you can change your life in 52 days.
52 days.
When this conversation airs, there will be 52 days left this year. I would love to have you explain to the person who is listening right now how much could change about their life in 52 days.
Everything could change. In 52 days, everything could change. And more importantly, everything you want to change can change in 52 days. You can end this year better than you've ever ended a year, and you could start the new year better than you started any year. It's up to you. You have the power. You literally have control. I'm telling you everything you want, everything you want to be, everything you want to do can happen in 52 days.
So do me a huge favor. You got to finish strong. All right? So we got 52 days to make the rest of our lives the best of our lives. 52 days. Isn't that exciting? Let's go.
I think it's really exciting because even if you're listening to this, you know, in the future, you can take on, you're going to teach us how to do this, a 52-day challenge. Now, tell me the origin of 52 days for you.
This was a tough year for a lot of people.
Yeah.
This was a tough year. You know, this wasn't one of those years where, you know, people just felt that they were their best self. They didn't feel, you know, their community, the gas prices, the groceries. Like this was just a tough year. And you got to understand, I'm in Michigan. So Michigan is like blue collar. You know, this is blue collar. It's like people rely on the industry. It just was a tough year. People weren't where they were used to being. And I said to myself, okay, you got to help them. You know, you got to give them hope.
Right? Because when people start to lose hope and people start to lose faith, they become an uglier version of themselves and they start behaving in a way that's just not healthy and they can't get to their expected outcomes. And so I was just sitting there and I was just praying. I was like, okay, okay, what story can I tell? And I remember my boy Linton, he ran a prayer group. And in the prayer group, he talked about Nehemiah and how in that particular time or that region, the wall was torn down for like a hundred and something years, 140 years. And they rebuilt it in 52 days.
And I was like, yo, I need that story right now because people have been going through it 365 days or however many days they've been going through it. And I was like, yo, what can I say? And you know what was so crazy? This is the first time, man. People said to me, Eric, you have never done anything before where you made it easy for us. Like you've never done that. They was like, this isn't you. Like you're the grind. You're the get up, don't sleep guy. This is the very first time you ever told us, I'm not asking you to get to a place you've never been. I'm just asking you to get back to your best self.
Like whatever that was in 1990, 2001, 2003. Like I just want you to get back to the time where you woke up and you were excited about life, that you were excited about your family, excited about your opportunity. And so I was like, let's just get back to that and let's do it in 52 days. Let's not try to do it in seven days. Let's not try to do it in 14 days. Let's do it in 52 days. Take our time. Whatever you can do, just do that. And when I started telling people to do it and I started to see people light up and I started to hope coming back and the joy coming back, I was like, that's it.
Don't focus on the 140 years where the wall's been down. Let's focus one day at a time that by the end of these 52 days, less than two months, we can feel good again. And then once we feel good, then we can go after it. Once there's hope, then we go, but let's not try to tackle everything once out. Let's just get our hope back. Let's get our dream back. Let's get clarity back. Let's get a sense of direction back.
Well, you know, I'm so excited to talk to you because you are one of the most inspiring and empowering. You are like human rocket fuel and it's infectious. And when I thought about when this episode was going to release, I looked at the calendar and I was like, wow, when we're dropping this episode, there's 52 days left in the year. And so our amazing producer, Amy, who is working on this episode, yeah, amazing Amy, called you and said, okay, I want to get you in the mindset, Dr.
Thomas, that there's going to be 52 days left in the year when this episode goes live. And you're like, wait a minute, 52? Are you kidding me with the 52? But 52 has a personal meaning for you. So explain why 52 matters.
Well, first of all, 52 matters because I just did it.
What do you mean you just did it?
I just went through a 52-day personal challenge. Now, I'll be honest, I did a 52-day challenge with everybody in my ecosystem. But before I asked them to do 52, I did 52. And I did 52 because I looked at my life and I said, of the five pillars, four of them, you're dominating, but one, you suck in. One, you've lost. One, it's embarrassing. And so I said, E, you got to take the principles from the other four and you got to bring that, you got to bring that fifth one up.
And so for 52 days, mine was health. Now we'll talk about weight, but it really wasn't about losing 30 pounds. It was about pre-diabetes. It was about pre-hypertension. It was about mild sleep apnea. It was like, E, where, how could this happen to you? How did you get here? I woke up one day, Mel, and was like, ET? Like, how did you get here? You wouldn't think, Eric, come on, the hip hop preacher. And so it was an area where I was failing, where I was losing, and I shouldn't be losing.
And I was like, you got to do something about it. And I decided before I brought the community in, I decided that Eric, you need to do it first to see if it really works.
So let's go right to what happened because you and your wife, Didi had something to do with this, but I want you to share for the person listening, kind of that moment where you're like, oh my God, like this weight's embarrassing.
I started with a goal that I was going to lose 20-something pounds and I was going to get, well, it was about 25, 30. And I was like, I got to get back to that like 215. And it was funny. The book, Greatness is Upon You, that I wrote, I looked at the book and I looked at that guy and I was like, I like the weight that that guy, I like the size of that guy, but I hadn't been him in four or five years. And I just kept saying to myself, you're never going to get back to that. You're never going to get back to that. And one day I woke up this year and I said, you know what? You owe it to yourself to get back.
And here's the cool thing about the 52 days. I wasn't trying to do something that I had never done before. I was just trying to get back to the best that I've ever been before. And that was different from me because before it was like, you know, work hard and grind. And I was like, no, E, don't do that. Just get back to the best version you've ever been. And that's like 215 pounds. And so I made a commitment to myself. In 52 days, I'm going to make the sacrifice. I'm going to make the commitment and I'm going to get back to that guy.
And I remember the first 10 days, my boy is like, get on the scale. I said, I'm not. He said, get on the scale. I said, no. He said, why won't you get on the scale? I said, because I don't want to see if it's working or not. Because if I get on the scale and I'm not where I want to be, I'm going to stop. I'm going to be discouraged. I'm going to quit. He said, no, get on the scale. And I got on the scale and I had only lost three pounds in like 10 days, 14 days. And it was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. E, you can do it, but whatever you're doing is not working. And I'm telling you, I changed my diet.
I changed my mindset. I got on the treadmill. I was doing resistance. I was in the sauna. And in 52 days, and it was so funny, Mel, I remember the suit that I wore when me and Didi did our 21st year of vow renewal and I put it on, couldn't fit it. Couldn't put it on, couldn't fit. Every day I would put it on and then one day I could button it and then one day I could button it with a shirt on and then one day it fit and then one day it had room. So I'm saying in 52 days, if you make the commitment, you can change.
And so for me, it wasn't about anything but getting back to my best self. So I did it. I lost the weight. I put the clothes back on. I started grabbing outfits that I couldn't wear in three or four years. And it just felt so good to make a commitment to myself and keep it. I've done it before. I've made a promise to myself before that I didn't keep. This was the first time that I made the promise and I kept the promise. I don't know if it was the weight or if it was the promise I kept to myself, but in 52 days, I got back in that large, when you want to succeed, as bad as you want to breathe shirt, and it felt phenomenal.
And let me tell you what was the most exciting thing, rewarding thing about the 52 days. My mother called me every day and was like, son, I'm doing a 52-day challenge. And my mother was having this like overthinking thing. You know, my mother was in a funk. You know, my mother wasn't like her best self, like the mother that I knew growing up working at Ford and, you know, doing her thing. And my mom called me and was like, son, I got it, son. She like had an aha moment. And so for me, it was like, yo, I changed in the 52 days, but my mom, like my mom knows me inside and out.
Like it's nothing I can say to my mom that's going to be like, oh, that's inspirational. Oh, that's, I've never heard you say that before, but the 52 days, she says, son, you gave me a North Star. Like I, for whatever reason, I retired and I didn't have a North Star. I wasn't waking up with a sense of purpose. My mom said, I lost my identity and these 52 days gave me something to wake up for, something to go get, something to go to bed at night for. And I'm like, can we end strong? We can actually start 2027 in a way that we've never started a year before.
That's so true. There are seven 52-day blocks in a year. Now stop and think about how crazy that is because there's seven days in a week. There's 52 weeks in a year. And there's seven of those blocks in the year. So no matter when you're hearing this, there is an opportunity for you to experience a whole different version of you in a matter of 52 days.
Yeah. And so I'm giving you something that I physically did that my mother did. And I know if you do the 52 days, you're going to end this year off feeling so good about yourself. And when you feel good ending a year, you're going to go into the next year in a way you've never gone into a year before.
We are going to unpack specifically how to set up the 52 days for sure. But where I really want to hover for just a minute with you because you said something that struck me. So for the person that's feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, because how could you not with the state of the world? How could you not with the, what's going on in your neighborhood? How could you not, given that you probably have a family member that's struggling, you might be struggling financially, or maybe you're just worried about things. There's so much out of people's control.
For somebody who's feeling exhausted, discouraged, they just want the year to be over. What do you want to say to that person about how they're going to feel by the time we end this conversation?
You know, I want to say to them, you have more control than you think you have. And here's, okay, so Mel, here's the crazy part about the 52. The crazy part about the 52 is for the first time in my life, I saw, while you've lost control in this area, there are other areas you have control in. Borrow from the areas that you are in control. There were areas in my life that I had not lost control and I needed to borrow from the strategies and the techniques and the skills I was using in areas that was working and bring it over.
I'm going to tell you one thing, Mel, that changed everything for me in terms of, like you said, it wasn't about health. It was, how did I lose control? When I was in my 20s, I wasn't going to the doctor and they were saying that. In my 30s, this is new to me. I've never been to the doctor before and the doctor told me that, you know, I had high blood pressure and that I could stroke out. Like I'd never heard, I'd never heard that language before. And so at first it was overwhelming until I said to myself, from a speaking standpoint, Eric, you have control. You're traveling the world.
I was outside the hotel and people were driving around stopping. ET, what are you doing on the streets? I said, I'm here to see Mel. I got a podcast. And so, but what I realized was in my health, I was not intentional and deliberate. I did not have Didi's on my schedule. I know exactly what time Didi and I are going to meet every day. I know for how long we're going to meet. I know how to get an A from Didi. I know what a B is. I know what failing is like. Like I know, but in my health, I never had working out on the schedule.
I never had, what are you eating? I never measured what I would eat when I would, it didn't matter. So for me, it was, no, this is going to be easy. Borrow from an area where you're already great, where you're already conquering, and just bring those same skill sets into a place where you've lost control. And when I start scheduling, when I stop compromising, when I stop negotiating, I said, look, you're going to work out every single day. It's not optional. Like you're going to get up and you're going to get up at three o'clock, four o'clock in the morning, and you're going to go get on the treadmill and you're going to do resistance.
That sounds terrible.
And you're going to sit in the sauna. Like you're going to do that. And it's not negotiable. The same way you watch football every Sunday, the same way you sit down and watch Monday night football, you're going to take your health and you're going to put it in a category and you're going to watch it and you're going to measure it and then you're going to call your best friends and you're going to tell them, hey, I'm working out today at this time. Call me to see if I really worked out. I'm going to send you pictures. And once I start doing it, I got control back. And no, it wasn't visible until maybe the 48th day, but I got control back, Mel, as soon as I said, this is what I'm going to do.
I'm not taking no for an answer and I'm going to conquer in this way. And I'm so excited because I use the same skills that I was using to win over here. I put them where I was losing. And guess what? 52 days later, I start winning again.
Well, and you can use the skills of getting your kids to daycare on time.
Absolutely.
In order to be on time for yourself. You can, you know, use the skills of taking care of everybody else to start learning how to take care of yourself. And we're going to get to that, but because the person who's listening may not know the gift that is Dr. Eric Thomas. When you talk about the fact that you can change your life with a decision, that you can change who you are, you really mean it. And one of the reasons why you mean it is because you yourself have been homeless.
You yourself have been discouraged. You yourself have been in a place in life where there's every reason in the world to either quit or to say, I've screwed this up so much, there's no turning back. Can you put us at the moment that changed your life?
So I'm going to sound like a weirdo when I say homelessness was the best thing that ever happened to me.
What do you mean by that?
What I mean by that is before homeless, everybody else was the reason why my life was messed up. Like I said, I had mom, like mom was like number one. It's like, mom, I can't read, I can't write. Mom, you know, I'm getting in trouble with the law. Mom, everything that's going wrong in my life is because you got pregnant as a teenager. Everything. Number two was my biological father. I had him right under mom. He probably was number one, but because he wasn't around, I didn't get to blame him as much.
But I got to just, mom, throw darts at mom, make every excuse, everything that ever gone wrong. Mom, mom, mom, dad, dad, dad. And Mel, this is crazy. I was probably 16, maybe. I could have been 17 because I was working at McDonald's on Finco in Wyoming in Detroit. And we got pulled over by the police. It was probably about four or five o'clock in the morning. My boy had stolen, well, I don't know if you want to call it steal, but he was into some activities where the person didn't pay. And so he kept their vehicle.
And so I'm in the car with him and we got pulled over by the police. I tried to explain to the police I had nothing to do with any of this, nothing to do with the stuff in the car, nothing to do with the stolen car. Like I got on a McDonald's outfit. What do you, he didn't believe me. So we went to jail and it was in jail. I was by myself and it hit me, Mel, your mom's not in prison or in jail. Your dad's not in jail. Your mom's somewhere going to work. Your dad's somewhere in Chicago going to work. You're homeless and you're in jail. And that was the day I realized my mom doesn't know the police officer who pulled me over.
The police officer doesn't know my counselor who kicked me out of school. The counselor doesn't know my money. And I was like, Eric, who's the common denominator? And I said, Eric Thomas. And so that was the first time I was by myself and I couldn't point at my mom and I couldn't point at my dad and I couldn't point at where I was born and I couldn't point. And it was like, Eric, you know, everybody in the story, but everybody in the story doesn't know each other. Like you are the greatest common denominator. And it was at that point that I realized where your focus goes, your energy flows, your focus has been on your mom.
That's why your life hasn't changed. Your focus has been on your dad. That's why your life hasn't changed. Eric, your focus now needs to be on you. What are your strengths and what are your limitations and how do you fix them? Because again, Mel, you could easily say, I'm homeless because it is. You could say every reason why you're in the state you're in. It's not going to get you out of the state. And I was like, Eric, I don't want to be homeless for the rest of my life. I don't want to be 30 homeless. I don't want to be 30 broke. I don't want to be 30 in this environment where somebody's putting me, like, you know what it feels like if somebody put handcuffs on you?
You know what it's like for somebody to put you in the back of a car? You know what it's like to put you in jail and you got to eat the food and there's a toilet in the middle? This is the first time in my life. I was like, what did you do? How did you get yourself in this mess? And I heard something say, the same guy that got you in it can get you out of it. He's the same dude. You're okay. Don't be alarmed. Don't fear. The guy that got you in this, if his focus changes from mom, dad, the teacher, the school system, if his focus changes to Eric Thomas, you can get yourself out of this.
And that was the day that I said, there's nothing I can do about where I am, but if they let me go, and I don't know what happened, but my boy said he had nothing to do with the car. He had nothing to do with the substance in here. I just picked him up from, and they let me go. And I love my mom because they called my mom and my mom said, I'm definitely not bailing him out. I don't go to work every day to bail him out of jail. He's not, he shouldn't even be in a situation. He comes from a good home. He shouldn't even be in it. I don't know what he's going to do, but he's going to have to figure it out. And they let me go two and a half, three days later, and I walked out of there with no cab fare, no bus fare, but I walked out that day and I said, Eric, you owe you.
You owe you to get yourself together and stop making these crazy decisions and stop blaming and being a victim and become a victor.
Dr. Thomas, I got to tell you, I think we all want to be a victor, especially over this embarrassing stuff that we know, oh my gosh, why am I doing this? Now I want to focus on how you stop blaming other people, the things that have happened in the past. We're going to do that. We're going to focus on how to stop blaming other people for your problems, how to take the power back when we return from this short break. Stay with me.
You owe you. You owe you to get yourself together and stop making these crazy decisions and stop blaming and being a victim and become a victor.
That is the one and only Dr. Eric Thomas talking about how you are the person that can change your life, but you got to stop blaming other people. You got to stop being the victim. So Dr. Thomas, let's focus on the blaming thing. So where your focus goes, your energy flows, and a lot of people are spending a lot of time blaming, blaming the government, blaming their past, blaming this, blaming that. And look, there's lots of moments in life where someone else or something else is to blame and it's not fair.
And your point when you say you owe you is what?
So, and I'm just saying this because I know somebody's listening. You're like, Eric, you don't know. And I don't. You're like, you don't know what they did to me. And I don't. I know what they did to me. But here's the deal. If they were intentionally and deliberately trying to destroy me, I'm not going to give them fuel. So like if that was their whole point, like we're going to destroy you. Like we're going to make sure you're not happy. We're going to make sure you're not successful. If that's what they were attempting to do, I'm not going to age you in that.
So you're absolutely right. There are certain things that happened to me that should not have happened to me. But at the end of the day, I've got to do what I need to do to make sure the story doesn't end with me going to jail. The story doesn't end with me being a high school dropout. Yes, you're right. They were wrong. But life is not about proving they're wrong. Life is about making things right for you. And so I could go on and on about who's wrong and how I got in the predicament again and whose fault it was.
But at the end of the day, I want to hold a power. I want to control my own life. And by making better decisions, I went from GED to PhD from homeless to owning real estate. And so I'm saying to everybody that's out there, you're right. Which side do you want to look at? Do you want to look at the side that they were wrong? And guess what? You would be totally right to say they were wrong. You have every right to say what they did to you. You're right. I'm just saying you're giving them the control when you do that. And I want the power. I want the control.
I made up in my mind that is not going to be my reality. So do me a favor. You're right. You could talk about everything they did wrong, or you could look at your strengths and you could look at your opportunities and you could put all your energy in that, and you can sit somewhere different 52 days from now, 52 weeks from now, 52 years from now, you could be in a better state. So for me, absolutely. They're wrong, but I'm not going to focus on their wrong. I'm going to focus on my right.
Well, you said something I want to make sure we take a giant highlighter.
Yeah.
Because you said, even if somebody is treating you wrong, I am not going to aid you in that. And it sent just a chill down my spine because I think about how much time I wasted being all upset and spending lots of time, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, talking about how they wronged me and this, that, and the other. And when you do that, you are aiding them in the power that they have over you.
And when you instead just start where you are and you say, you owe you. From this point forward, I can take responsibility and make a decision that where I'm at right now does not define where I'm going. When you're in a moment in your life where there's so much out of your control, what can you actually control? And where do you want the person who feels out of control right now to focus?
Yeah, I say perspective and decisions. I feel like those two. So I'm going to be honest. Before I made the change, Mel, to be totally transparent, I didn't want to do the work. Guys, I owe my mother such an apology. And you know, we talked. My mom said to me, this was probably last year. You know, you know how it is, Mel. You open up and you start, you know, you do this therapy and just stuff comes out. My mom was like, yo, I was so hurt how you frame me, like the picture that you painted of me with everybody.
And you know what? I did not want opportunities. I wanted attention.
Hold on, hold on. I didn't want opportunities. I wanted attention.
I didn't want to change. I didn't want better. I just wanted an audience. I just wanted a group of people to understand how much she hurt me. I don't even know if she hurt me the way I thought she hurt me. That's why I said you got to change your perspective. But I felt like she hurt me by not telling me who my biological father was. And I just wanted everybody to be on my side. I didn't want to change. I didn't want to grow. I just wanted everybody to say, she was wrong and you're right. And as long as I was in that mental state, as long as that was my aim, that was my focus.
Again, where your focus goes, your energy flows. So my focus was, she wronged me. My biological father, he wronged me. So nothing changed in my life. Nothing happened for me. No, actually it did. I got what I wanted. I got attention. I didn't want growth. I didn't want change. I didn't want to be better. I just wanted to say, she did it, he did it. And if she didn't do it and he didn't do it, I wouldn't be where I am. And then when I was in jail and then homeless, homeless was beautiful because homeless, I got to spend time alone. Here's the beautiful thing about homeless.
I couldn't say it was my mother's fault anymore. Like I finally had my life in my hands and I kept messing up. I got fired from McDonald's. It was the best job I ever had in my life. Now listen to me. McDonald's was great because I worked from 5 p.m. to 5 a.m. So I didn't have to have a hotel. I didn't have to have a place to stay. I was one of the best there. It was more than a job. It was to stay off the streets, to say, I lost my job telling an elderly lady, I'll spin your food. My manager said to me, Eric, you're the best that I have.
I would let it go. I would just tell you, don't ever do that again. But the owner told me I had to. And when I gave him my ribbon and I turned in all my stuff and I walked away and I said, your mom didn't do this. Your biological father didn't tell nobody he was going to spit in their food. You said you was going to spit in their food. You lost your job because of your mouth. You lost your job because you're hurt and you're taking that hurt everywhere you go. And it doesn't matter if you go to college. It doesn't matter if you get another job. That hurt shows up everywhere you go and it destroys everything you do.
And that hurt is not your mother's hurt. It's not your father. That's your hurt. And so forget the audience. Forget if everybody claps and if everybody affirms it. So first of all, why do you want to be affirmed? Because my biological father wasn't in my life. Okay, deal with that. Say it out loud. Talk to your therapy. Your mom got you a therapist. You don't even want to talk to the therapist. Open your mouth and tell the therapist, I'm hurt. It pains me to see other kids at sporting events with their fathers. It hurts me to go to the parent-teacher conference and they have their biological father. It hurts to see the Ola Mills pictures of three generations and you don't have pictures with your biological father.
You don't know who your grandfather is. Just say it hurts, but stop walking around masquerading like you're this tough guy. You're not fighting because you're tough. You're fighting because you're hurt. You're not hard because you're hard. You're not hard. You're hurt. And so I had to say, Eric, this has nothing to do with your mom. This pain has nothing to do with your dad. This is you. And you owe you to fix it, to be honest and transparent and fix it. And so 1000%, Mel, that was the thing that I would say to somebody who's sitting here, you have control.
Everything that is ailing you, you can deal with it. You can be transparent. You can get help or you can continue to blame. I'm telling you, I blamed. I didn't attract the Mel Robbins in the world when I attracted the police officers and other people who weren't, who didn't have a North Star, who had no clarity, who were hurt.
You're right. If you're focused on all the excuses, if you're focused on all the reasons, if you're focused on all the hurt in the past, if you're focused on the people that did you wrong, you literally attract more of that. When you focus on making a decision to change yourself because that's the only thing you can control, now your energy is moving in a forward positive direction and it starts to build. Was there a moment when you remember making a decision like, this is the turning point.
This is, I am changing.
Yeah. I remember it has nothing to do with church, but it has everything to do with an individual at church or individuals. And I was fortunate enough to, at that time, be in the proximity of DD, who's now, it was my girlfriend, became my wife. And there were others there who were going to college. And DD pulled me to the side. That's why proximity is so important. And I remember DD saying, hey, I'm going to college.
I would love to have you go with me, but if you don't, I'm leaving and I'm never coming back. And so it was the one positive place or thing in my life. And I said, Eric, you've messed everything up. You can't mess this up. Like you have one good thing going for you. And so for me, it was just a moment of, Eric, this is a defining moment. You can keep going down the path you're going, or you can take the help. And oftentimes, Mel, the first greatest decision we can make is to say, help.
It's not us doing anything. And that's why people get overwhelmed because they feel like the change that needs to be made, I have to make it. Mel, I didn't get here because I made all the right decisions and made, I was with people who made good decisions. I was with people who had hope, who had clarity, who said, let us help you. And that was the first decision I made. I said, pastor, you know what? You've been talking about GED. You've been talking about night school. How do I sign up? DD, you've been talking about me going to college and following you. I'm about to go to night school.
Bob, you've been talking about getting in this youth program and coming here regularly. You know what? I'm going to take advantage of these three great opportunities and those three turned into six and those six turned into 12 and those 12 turned into 24. And then one day I woke up, I was on the Mel Robbins Podcast.
Come on, y'all. Come on. Well, you know what I love about you is, first of all, you're very lovable. Second, you're extremely smart. Third, you have just a gift with words. And because you've lived it, this is not something you've read in a book and you're just like spitting it back. This is the lessons and the truths that you have learned the hard way. And what's interesting is that you know how much work it takes to resist the positive.
You know how much work it takes to make excuses and to blame everybody else. And it's kind of surprising when you make a decision that you want your life to feel better, how when you're finally ready for that to happen, it happens pretty quickly. You know, you say excuses soften the pain.
Yeah.
What does that mean?
Excuses just make you feel so good, but here's the challenge. You still got to get up the next day with the consequences. You still got to get up the next day knowing that you blew it. You know, you still got to get up the next day knowing that nothing changes for you. And so that's when I started realizing while excuses may feel good, they don't help. And Mel, I want people to hear me. You got to hear this. The greatest error I've ever made in my life is me deciding to take the hand that was dealt to me and come up with all the negativity in the hand.
I never saw the big Joker that was there. I have a gift. God gave me a gift. Like I've been speaking before I even knew what I had, I had it. I've always been a people person. I've always loved on people and took care of people. I've always been that person. I'm the oldest in my family. I've always taken care of my sister. I've always taken care of everybody on the block. But I always looked at what I didn't have. And the day I started looking at that same hand, but seeing what I had and started playing what I had, my whole life changed.
I'm sorry, Mel. I had the same mother, the same father. I didn't grow any taller, as you could see. Like nothing like happened, but I changed what I was looking at and where my focus went. My energy started to go in there. Next thing I know, I'm with DD. I got my GED. I'm with DD in college. I married after our freshman year. We have a beautiful family. I started speaking. I become known in the city. I leave, go back to Michigan, get a master's, a PhD. I become ET, the hip hop preacher.
Everything changed. When one thing changed, I looked at my hand different than I looked at it before.
Oh, so insanely powerful and true. Because if all you do is complain about the hand you've been dealt, you will lose. You will lose. But you can win with any hand. It's all how you play it.
It's how you play it, man.
It's how you play it.
If you ever play cards.
Oh, if you're from Michigan, you play a lot of cards. Yes. And so that is a huge takeaway. I want you to grab that and stick that in your pocket and start doing that today. Dr. Thomas, I need to take a break, but I want you to stay right where you are because when we come back, I am going to ask Dr. Thomas to walk us through this 52-day plan step by step by step because he promises that he can make this easy and life-changing. So don't go anywhere.
I want you to stay right where you are. We'll be back with Dr. Thomas and this 52-day plan when we return.
Excuses just make you feel so good, but here's the challenge. You still got to get up the next day with the consequences.
It's so true. It is so true. Dr. Eric Thomas is here and he is just hitting us with what we need to hear. Now, Dr. Thomas, I want you to coach me and the person who is listening, who is saying to themselves, all right, Dr. Thomas, you convinced me. I do not want to stay where I am. I do not want to be this version of myself. There are things about my life I've been making excuses around, whether it's the job or the weight or the relationship or whatever it may be.
How do we apply this 52-day thing? Like how do you pick something that you're going to shift for the positive and actually stick to it?
So I would say this first. I would just say, whatever you pick, we're going to walk through it.
Okay. Walk me through it. Yes.
But I do want you to pick something that you're going to get the greatest return on your investment. So I don't want you to pick something that, you know, it's going to change, but it's not going to do a lot for you. So me changing high blood pressure, that's a great return on investment. Me losing 25 pounds, great return on investment. Not snoring. And so DD can get some sleep at night, right? Not eating after six anymore. I was doing some intermittent fasting and that was helping the body, right?
So blood pressure down, everything is going to be down. So I want you to pick something that you can get a return on your investment. But here's the first step I want you to take. And nobody, just listen to me. Don't ask anybody because when you start getting people's opinions, don't do that. Don't ask anybody for permission. You don't need permission. But let me tell you what the first thing I did. I took a picture of where I wanted to be and I put it up. That's the first thing I want you to do. And do me a huge favor. I did not pick, you know, that picture, the Michael B.
Jordan in Creed III. Shout out to my boy, Michael B. Jordan. I did not pick that picture and put that picture on the wall. That's not, I just wanted a better dad bod. I literally picked the picture that I felt when I spoke in that season was the best version of Eric Thomas at that time. I didn't pick anything that would be overwhelming. That's out of reach. I didn't want to start in the deficit. Don't do that. Don't put $6 million. Don't do that. Put, I don't want to be in debt.
52 days later, I want my credit score to go from 559 to 600, whatever. First thing I want you to do, where your focus goes, your energy flows, most of you need a North Star. You just need some clarity in your life. You just need something to go to bed to and wake up to. And I mean this with all my heart. And so for me, it was like, Eric, this is actually embarrassing. To be 242 is actually embarrassing. Like, come on, Eric, to be the number one motivational speaker in the world, you know what I'm saying? To write a New York Times bestseller, to be in a blissful marriage, to do, Eric, this does not even reflect you.
This is embarrassing. Like the one area in your life. So I would just say to you, pick that area where it's like, you know better than this. It's not bringing you a return. It doesn't make you look good. It's not attractive on you. It doesn't feel good. And I'm telling you, putting a shirt on and there would be times I would do a video and I was like, do me a favor. I wouldn't tell them, but I wanted to tell them. Don't get a side angle. Like the gut, you know what I'm saying? Don't just keep straight in front. Like we just want to say, I'm only wearing black, all black shirts, right?
And I got to a point where it's like, Eric, it's embarrassing at this point. So I'm saying to you, yes, you know, but I just want you to turn that camera. Just do me a favor. Take the camera, flip it, turn it on you, look at you in the mirror and say, this is embarrassing. I should be doing better. I know better. This has nothing to do with the reward on the other side. Let's just start with, it's not even me. This is not who. Like I don't even know how I got. I don't know how I got. Well, I do know how I got to 242, but you know what I mean. Like I don't know how I got to 242. Like I don't even feel comfortable.
Like I don't like wearing double X. I'm not 6'6". I shouldn't be wearing a double X shirt, right? And so that's what I would say to you. Look at an area in your life where you're like, I know this is not reflective of me. I know this is not who I am. I know this is not the best of me. Turn that camera on that person and look at that person and say, I'm firing you. You're no longer needed. You're no longer healthy. You're no longer productive. You're no longer needed in my life. You are a menace to where I'm trying to go.
No more pink slips. You're out of here. So that's what I would say. And then do me a favor. Don't even do 24 hours at a time. Don't do that. That's overwhelming. I don't work out 24 hours. I say, Eric, do me a favor. When I first started, I said, bro, give me 30 minutes. If you can give me 30 minutes on the treadmill at two speed, two incline, three incline, just give me 15 minutes. Just do enough for your body. It's like, okay, I like this. And put your body in a situation where it's muscle memory that the first week you do it every day, you do something light that the second week the body is like, are we doing that again?
So just do me a favor. Put the picture up. I want the picture in your bathroom. I want the picture in your living room. I want the picture on your car. If you have a ceiling that you can get to, put the picture on your ceiling so when you go to sleep at night and wake up, you see it. Like I want a picture of what you want to be everywhere. I want you to see it everywhere you go. And then do me a favor. Every day, we're just going to do a little bit, not too much. And then we're going to keep adding to that to 52 days later. You're going to look up and go, did I do that?
Did I become that?
You really believe you can change in 52 days.
I really do believe you can change your mindset. And once you change your mindset, the results may not all come in 52 days, but the mindset will come in 52 days and the results always follow the mindset.
Here's one other thing that struck me as you were talking. When you have the courage to admit that you're embarrassed, you're embarrassed by how you're showing up at work. You're embarrassed by how you're eating. You're embarrassed by how you've let your health go. You're embarrassed. I'll give you the one that I have. I have been so overwhelmed that I feel at times like my stress and feeling frustrated, it feels very similar right now to how I used to feel when I was a young mom.
And it is embarrassing to me that my work stress has gotten to me the way that it has. And I can say that because I don't like that. And when you can admit to yourself that there are parts of you, whether it's your jealousy or maybe your spending is embarrassing, maybe it's embarrassing that you work really hard and you spend all your money buying stuff or leasing a car because you want people to think a certain thing about you, but you're embarrassed that you don't have any savings because you're so busy spending it all to prove something to people you don't even care about.
When you can admit that, I want you to understand something powerful. The new version of you, the true version of you actually showed up. That version of you is already in there. That's why you're embarrassed. And now it's about taking on this 52-day challenge of acting like the new version of you, even if it's just for 30 minutes a day. Yeah, I started at Transcendental Meditation Practice because I had to look into what do I need to learn as a skill to help me manage the very real stress of building a company like this?
Because I don't want to take it out on my family. It's embarrassing. I don't want to be upset about stupid things. It's embarrassing.
Yeah. You said something powerful. I didn't add that as a part of the steps. Yeah, but maybe that embarrassing inventory is kind of where you start before you even get the picture. It's like, let's do an embarrassing inventory and let's audit all the areas where either I'm embarrassed or I should be embarrassed. Because maybe like some of the areas you're not taking ownership that you actually should be embarrassed.
Can you give another simple example of a 52-day get it done plan? Like what are some of the daily non-negotiables for you? Like how you're coaching people through this?
Yeah. So number one, schedule it.
Okay.
Like for real. If you don't write it down and you don't give it a time, it's just not going to happen. So that's number one. Like actually schedule it. And okay, now DD's going to kill me for this. DD's going to kill me for this.
I don't want to get in trouble with DD.
Yeah, DD's going to kill me for this one. Not only do you need to schedule it, you need to make you a priority. So here's DD's thing, right? And I don't know where DD got it from, but she watched too much TV. So when we would go on a trip and we would be in the hotel, I wouldn't exercise mail until she got up because DD felt like I don't want to be in the room. Like you're working out, you know, if it's people here with keys, anybody can come into the room. And so for a long time, ma'am, I wasn't working out.
And DD would get up, but by the time she got up, it's like, we're retired. So we're doing worship together. We're going out to eat. She's going shopping. I never got to it. It's like, Eric, your non-negotiables are not DD's non-negotiables. For years, I would not get up and go work out because of her fears. They weren't even my fears. And it wasn't even true. So number one, schedule it. Number two, non-negotiable. Once you make up in your mind, you're going to work out or do whatever you're going to do. Your wife, your husband, your kids, you can't let somebody else's fear or somebody else's reality consume you to the point that you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing.
Number three, take it light. Don't do anything that's going to overwhelm you and make you stop and make you quit. Number four, tell somebody else you're doing it. Be held accountable. I don't know what it is, ma'am. It might just be me and I feel silly saying it, but sometimes I would rather work out because I told you than work out because I said I was going to work out.
There's nothing silly about that at all. I will meet you at 5:30 in the morning because I promised you I would be at that class and I will not meet myself.
I don't know what it is, ma'am, but there are times where I just won't meet myself. But if I tell you I'm going to do it and you say, hey, where's the, and sometimes, oh, man, it feels so good when I do the hour, you know, treadmill and I do the 30-minute weight and I do the sauna and I send the whole thing. And my boy, CJ, go, go eat, let's go. I'm like, was it the workout? Was it him saying, go?
It's both.
You know, and so I think that's important too because you can let yourself down sometimes quicker than you can somebody else.
You know what I think you should do is you should take this episode and copy the link and text it to your best friend or to your sister or to your brother or someone and say, I am so inspired to take on a 52-day challenge. Let's do it together. Let's each pick something. And I want to share with you, Dr. Thomas, and with you as you're listening, that the team that's producing this episode is listening to our conversation and they're feeling so inspired and here are things that they're going to be taking on for the next 52 days. State of my home embarrasses me.
I need to organize it. I'm embarrassed that I don't work out. I'm going to take on a 52-day challenge to start working out again. I'm embarrassed by how much I complain. So I'm going to take on a challenge around that. I'm embarrassed by my lack of knowledge. So I'm going to take on a challenge around reading. Here's another one. I'm embarrassed by my posture. And so I'm going to take on a 52-day challenge to start stretching more. I'm embarrassed by not knowing how to cook. Multiple people on our team are saying this.
And so I am going to spend 52 days learning the skill of cooking. I'm embarrassed by the amount of debt I'm in. And so I'm going to spend 52 days making and sticking to a plan. And so you can see that we, like you need to take that embarrassment part because I think there's a lot out there about hitting rock bottom, right? That it's got to be really horrible in order for you to muster up the motivation intrinsically to say, I'm so sick of myself that staying here is worse than actually doing the thing that I'm avoiding.
But embarrassment is a way for you to access the truth that you're living in a way that's not aligned with your true values and who you truly know yourself and know you want to be. For somebody that's really in it with us and has admitted this thing that's embarrassing, they're having their own personal reckoning. What do you want them to know that's good news?
I just want to say congratulations. Like no, for real, congratulations. And I say congratulations because I deal with so many people every day who know that they're not their best self and they quit and they give up and they surrender. So I just, I honestly want to say to you, congratulations. Like I don't know if you know how big it is to say, I'm embarrassed by this or that. Most people hide. Like most people aren't transparent. And you'd be shocked that the actual secret to success is really transparency.
It's really owning up to it and saying, yo, I'm not happy. And guess what? People who hide, they're never discovered. They never discover. They never explore. Once you hide, that's it. But the person that says, I got on a scale, y'all, I'm being honest with you. That was the reason why I never lost. And I know Mel would say, you know you were big. I did, but I didn't know how big. And I didn't want to know how. Okay? I didn't want to know how big I was. Why?
Because I knew once I got on the scale, guess what was going to have to happen? I was going to have to do something about it. So most of us are running from our scale. We're running from the real number, the real truth, right? And so it's like, you just get on the scale. And I got on the scale and I said, whoa, you're the 240. Now I got to be honest, it was 242 like a week or two when I was like, you got to get on the scale. So I think I kind of pulled back. I might have been bigger. If I would have got on the scale and then that was in the morning too, like dry weight.
That was like in the middle of the day when I had, you know, something to eat. So, but when I saw the 242, guess what? While it was embarrassing, it was the beginning of 219. It was the beginning of 219. Like because 215, DD likes you too small. I don't like you at 215, 219, 220. She's like, I still feel, you know, I got something to hold, right? And so I was like, eat, 219. But listen to me. The day you see 242 is the day 219 comes alive.
It's the day it comes alive. The day you see your worst self is the day your new self was peeking in and saying, I told you, I told you. And just all I need to do is just tag me in. And the 219 dude said, just tag me in. Just turn on the treadmill. Just give me a shot at the treadmill. I just dare you to go in there and be by yourself and listen to your own thoughts, Eric. I dare you. And I did it for a week. And then my body was like, I dare you to do it two weeks in a row. I dare you. Just give me a shot.
And I'm telling you that 219, which is, you know, figuratively, I'm not, I don't know what, we're not talking about weight, but that person is daring you to tag them in. They're daring you to give them control. Give me the keys. I just told a group of kids in school, I was at a high school in Flushing, Michigan, which is right next door to Flint. And the kids were like, I hate my teachers. I hate the counselors. I hate school. I said, do me a favor. Take the keys then. Go make your own curriculum. Go study yourself. I dare you to take the keys.
Go talk to your counselor. I dare you to go to college. I dare you. If you don't like what your teacher's doing, you don't like the way the school is, take the keys and go start writing your own paper. Start doing your own research. Go meet with your teachers and find out what books they read when they were in college. I dare you to take the keys. And so I'm daring somebody today to let the best version of you take over because the worst one has. And I'm telling you, don't wait another day. Start the 52 right now. I don't know if you're at optimal below. I don't know, but let's start right now. And for the next 52 days, let's just operate at optimal and let's give our best self a chance.
And then I'll see you January 1st. I promise you, if you don't like it, call Mel. You don't like it, call Mel. You don't have my contact, but call Mel. And yeah, that's how I feel about the 52-day transformation.
You know, we're not going to end this. I'm going to have you send this. Send this, meaning send the person into the next version of themselves. Dr. Eric Thomas, what are your parting words?
You owe you. You owe you to do what? You owe you to look at the hand that you've been dealt and play it. And so study your hand. That's all I would tell you. Study it. And then when you study it and you learn it, play it to the best of your ability. So you owe you. Nobody else owes you. If they help you, that would be great. But I promise you, if you help yourself and you get rid of that victim's mentality and you become a victor, I guarantee you, you too can be sitting next to whoever you want to sit next to. You can be on whatever podcast you want to be on, whatever stage you want to be on, whatever magazine you want to be on, whatever you want to do.
I guarantee if you handle you, people will see how valuable you are and they'll start to bless you the way you bless yourself.
Well, Dr. Thomas, you are a blessing.
Thank you.
And this structure of 52 days and the invitation to get embarrassed by where you're at.
You have to get around the right person.
You know what I'm saying? Like you do not have to have your whole life fall apart to change. You can just be honest about what you're embarrassed about and you can make a decision.
Absolutely.
That you're going to spend the next 52 days doing something about it. Yes. That's how you roll, Dr. Thomas. So Dr. Thomas, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And thank you. Thank you for making time and spending it with me and Dr. Thomas. Now stop listening and do something about it. You take the link, you send it to a friend, you create a 52-day plan just like I've done. You challenge yourself to make your life better, to feel better about yourself. And I promise you, just like Dr. Thomas did, January 1 rolls around or 52 days from now, you are going to be a different you because you're the one who made that change happen.
And in case no one else tells you as your friend, I'm going to tell you that I love you. I bet Dr. Thomas wants to say that too.
Absolutely. Love you, love you, love you. And I pray that you would learn to love yourself.
Oh, and this conversation, it is my hope that it helps you do that because you can create a better life, but learning how to love yourself, you better follow everything Dr. Thomas said because that's how you do it and you owe you. I'll see you in the next episode. I'm going to welcome you in the moment you hit play.
Eric Thomas.
Eat the mic or I'm good. Where it is.
You're going to talk to Jasmine, whatever she wants.
Yeah. Do I eat the mic or is this fine? It's perfect. I got it.
Yeah. And he gets going. So you're like, don't.
Yeah. That's what I said. I want to make sure I'm not.
Oh, that's, we bumped into it. Sorry about that. We're killing the set over there. Yeah. This is one of those episodes where we're all going to need seat belts. You can tell. You're killing it.
Come on, y'all. Come on. Come on. Did I mess the camera up? I know I'm looking at.
You're good looks.
Did I mess it up? This is where you need Denzel.
You shut up. Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist. And this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.
Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.
SiriusXM Podcasts.
If you’ve been feeling like this year got away from you, this episode will help you get back on track.In this powerful and practical conversation, Mel sits down with world-renowned pastor, and motivational speaker, and New York Times Bestselling author Dr. Eric Thomas to talk about how to get yourself back on track when life has knocked you off course.Dr. Thomas knows what it feels like to have your circumstances work against you.He went from being homeless and dropping out of high school to earning his Ph.D. in education from Michigan State University and becoming one of the most influential motivational speakers in the world known as ET The Hip Hop Preacher.But this conversation is not about pushing harder, grinding more, or trying to completely reinvent your life overnight.In this episode, Dr. Thomas shows you how to stop focusing on everything that is going wrong, identify what is still within your control, and start building momentum again one day at a time.He also shares his 52 day challenge that he created after watching himself and people around him lose hope during a difficult year, and will inspire you to take on this challenge as well.You’ll learn:-The story that inspired his 52-day challenge and why it completely changed the way he thinks about transformation-How to figure out the one area of your life that needs your attention right now-How to take the skills you already use successfully in one area of your life and apply them somewhere you feel stuck-How to choose a daily action that is realistic enough to actually stick with-How to recognize the excuses you keep making without beating yourself up-Why you do not need to change your whole life in order to change the direction of it-How to keep going when you are doing the work but still cannot see the result-The question to ask yourself when you feel like giving up-How to stop obsessing over how far you have to go and focus on what you can do today-Why getting back to your best self may be more powerful than trying to become a completely different personYou do not have to solve your whole life before this year ends.You do not have to wait for your circumstances to change before you start feeling better.You just need to stop giving all of your attention to what you cannot control and start putting it toward what you can.If this year has worn you down, this conversation will help you focus on yourself, make one decision that moves you forward, and use the next 52 days to get your hope, clarity, and momentum back.For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page. If you liked the episode, check out this one next: Strong, Fit and Healthy: How to Get Your Best Body & Increase Your Energy in 3 Days Mel also wants to tell you:Try the 23g protein shot I drink every single morningJoin 2 million readers loving my weekly newsletter - full of tips, tools, and inspirationThe Let Them Theory: read the book everyone’s talking about Watch the episodes on YouTube Connect with me on InstagramFollow the show’s Instagram for clips, behind the scenes, and more Find some daily positivity on my TikTokWant zero ads? Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes ad-freeDisclaimer Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.