Transcript of 658: Dave Berke - From Top Gun to Extreme Ownership: Managing Ego, Building Humility, Emotional Detachment, Agile Planning, and Leading Teams Through Chaos
Go to www.LearningLeader.com for full show notes The Learning Leader Show with Ryan Hawk This is brought to you by Insight Global. If you need to hire one person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world has the hustle and grit to deliver. www.InsightGlobal.com/LearningLeader My guest: Dave Berke is a retired US Marine Corps Officer, TOPGUN Instructor, and now a leadership instructor and speaker with Echelon Front, where he serves as Chief Development Officer. As a F/A-18 pilot, he deployed twice from the USS John C Stennis in support of combat operations in Iraq and Afghanistan. He spent three years as an Instructor Pilot at TOPGUN where he served as the Training Officer, the senior staff pilot responsible for the conduct of the TOPGUN course. Notes: July 2001: Plans Don't Survive Contact - Dave's Top Gun graduation exercise as flight lead. Wingman yells, "Showtime one-one break right!" - an F-5 snuck into formation. Dave was staring at the radar instead of looking out, had to fall out of formation, and ended up at the back instead of leading from the front. Mission successful, but nothing like he planned. Dave: "The outcome was still really good... except it was nothing like I thought it was going to be." Lesson: You're planning for the success of the outcome, not how you're going to do it. The most important attribute in a leader is humility. To be effective, you must be able to listen, learn, be flexible, and admit you’re wrong sometimes. One of the biggest issues they deal with when working with leaders is ego and/or the inability to be humble. As leaders, we need to be self-aware enough to realize when our ego is getting the best of us. And surrounding ourselves with people who will help us know when that is happening as well. Be Fluid with Plans, Deliberate with Outcomes - Be really fluid and loose with plans, but deliberate about aligning the team on outcomes. Dave grew up as a control freak, OCD planner. Dave: "In life, it's just not how life works... If you can align on the mission and outcome, and you are very open-minded that there are a lot of different ways to get there, you're far more likely to be successful." The military saying, "The enemy gets a vote." Ryan's quarterback coach after an interception: "He's on scholarship too, you know?" Process: How You Create It Matters Most - Process is important, but how you create it matters most. If you agree on the outcome, the conversation should be less about agreement, more about "When you talk about step one, what are you thinking? How does this lead to step two?" The process has to be organic. When you create it, you're more likely to maneuver around challenges. Book Dedication: Chris and Kat - Book dedicated to Corporal Chris Leon and his mother, Kat. Chris was a radio operator on Dave's 13-man Anglo team. June 20, 2006, Chris was killed by an enemy sniper in Iraq - first Anglican Marine killed there. Dave's son is Matthew Leon Burke - took Chris's last name. Chris's mom Kat is Aunt Kat to Dave's family. Dave: "I always say I really deep down wish I didn't know Kat, because that would've meant Chris came home and life just went on. But that's not what happened." Chris taught bravery. Kat taught strength. Top Gun Reality: It's About the Team - 1986 Top Gun most impactful movie on Dave's life at 14. But the movie depicts a lone wolf. Marine Corps teaches: Your contribution to the team matters most. A really good pilot who's self-centered will do more damage than a slightly less capable pilot who's a real team player. Dave: "If there's ever a team sport, it's going into combat... It's not about you. It's about the team." Trust: Action, Not Description - Echelon codifies relationships: Trust, respect, listening, influence. Trust is the cornerstone. Dave: "If you don't trust me, I could be good at so many things. If there is a trust gap, there's going to be a problem in the relationship and team." Trust is action you take. Ego: The Universal Challenge - When Echelon works with companies, challenges are almost always connected to ego. Dave: "Our egos tend to wreak havoc at each level of organization." From birth, the ego drives us down the wrong path. When debating plans, ego says, "You're right, he's wrong." Building good leadership is managing egos. Dave: "Humility is the most important attribute in a leader. All the attributes, humility is number one, and we don't waffle on that." Humility Enables Everything Else - Dave worked with the biggest, toughest SEALs. Attribute most critical to success: humility. Ability to listen, learn, be flexible, change, admit you're wrong, and go with someone else's plan. It even affects fitness. Humility touches everything. Doesn't diminish other attributes, but allows you to strengthen them. Teaching Humility: Subordinate Your Ego - You can’t tell someone with a big ego to be humble. Dave: "The biggest challenge with someone else's ego is not their ego. It's your ego's response to it." Most counterintuitive thing: If you clash with Ryan, Dave has to subordinate his ego to Ryan's. Lower your ego: "Hey Ryan, I've been pushing back hard, I realize I'm not listening." Natural reaction: Ryan's ego starts to drop. Over time, collaborate more. You connect success to the ability to control the ego. Dave: "Humility is the measurement of how much control you have over your ego." What you give is usually what you get. It's reciprocal. Care About Team More Than Yourself - When your people see you working hard to clear paths or block an egomaniac boss, they'll run through walls for you. Outcome of a good relationship: You care about the team, the team cares about you. That selfless act shows you care about them more than yourself. Dave: "That's how you show that you care about them more than yourself, and that's what a leader's job is, to care about the team more than you care about yourself. That's parenting, that's marriage." Extreme Ownership - Book Extreme Ownership changed Dave's understanding. When you take ownership, take ownership of everything. Caveat: Not things you literally don't control. But you have ownership over everything, even just how you react. After Chris was killed, Dave said, "That's war, nothing we can do." Problem: When he embraced it wasn't his responsibility, it meant he didn't have as much to change. Should have asked: "What is everything we can do to make sure this doesn't happen again?" The tendency is to undershoot ownership. Try to take it to the extreme. If you can take ownership of everything you can control, you get more influence over the outcome. Detachment: A Superpower - Dave: "Detachment is a superpower" - (1) almost nobody can do it, and (2) if you can, it’s massively influential. Detachment is being in control of emotions. When overwhelmed with priorities and pressures, you tend to get emotional. When you react emotionally, you make bad decisions. Learn the skill of detaching - not to be devoid of emotion (we're human), but don't let emotions dictate. Get Away from Problems to See What's Causing It - When a problem occurs at work, you tend to focus on it, go into it. It seems good but is often wrong. You should get away from it, detach. Getting away lets you look around and see what's really causing it. Military example: The enemy is shooting at you; the tendency is to focus on that. Usually bad because they're hoping you do - then they send a flanking maneuver. If you detach, step back, you'll see the flanking maneuver coming. Be able to see the future - that's the superpower. Know Your Red Flags - Intervene Early - You have to understand where you are escalating your emotions. Know your personal red flags. Most people don't go zero to 100. Long day, flight delayed, bad meeting - little things tick up, so zero is actually 4 or 5, which means dirty dishes put you to 7. When Dave gets frustrated, traps tighten up. Some people's nose turns red. If you're at level 8 and someone says, "calm down," it makes it worse. But if at level 1 or 2 and you intervene, you're in control. What an adult does: "I'm an emotional guy, but I have awareness of where I am. If I'm a 4, I gotta intervene then." If at level 10, detaching is not gonna happen. That's the difference between kids and adults. Dave: "You are much more likely to have a hard time controlling your emotions, ironically, with people you care about the most." Quotes: "You're planning for the success of the outcome, not how you're going to go about doing that, because things get in the way." "Humility is the most important attribute in a leader. All the attributes. Humility is number one, and we don't waffle on that." "The biggest challenge with someone else's ego is not their ego. It's your ego's response to it." "Detachment is a superpower." "You are much more likely to have a hard time controlling your emotions, ironically, with people you care about the most." 01:16 Introducing Dave Burke 02:21 Dave Burke's Top Gun Experience 05:23 Lessons Learned from Military to Everyday Life 07:56 The Importance of Flexibility in Leadership 13:07 The Need to Lead: Dedication and Personal Stories 16:58 The Realities of Teamwork in Combat and Business 21:03 Building Trust and Relationships in Teams 26:04 The Role of Humility in Effective Leadership 31:03 Understanding Ego and Humility 31:50 Subordinating Your Ego 33:38 Challenges of Teaching Humility 34:07 Personal Experiences with Ego 39:20 The Power of Ownership 42:57 Detachment as a Superpower 52:58 Advice for Young Leaders 57:26 Conclusion and Key Takeaways
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Transcript of 657: Helen Lewis - Why Genius Is a Myth, Edison Needed Teams, Self-Promoters Are Overrated, Conspiracy Theories, Shakespeare Needed Luck, and How To Build an Excellent Career
Go to www.LearningLeader.com for full show notes This is brought to you by Insight Global. If you need to hire one person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world has the hustle and grit to deliver. My Guest: Helen Lewis is a staff writer at The Atlantic and author of The Genius Myth: Great Ideas Don't Come from Lone Geniuses. Notes: Shakespeare: Talent + Luck + Timing - William Shakespeare died in 1616 at age 52, celebrated but not yet immortal. His icon status required massive luck: friends published the First Folio (saving King Lear), then 50 years later, Charles II reopened England's theaters after Puritan closures and needed content. Companies turned to Shakespeare's IP, adapting his work (including changing tragedies to happy endings). Helen: "If anyone deserves to be called a genius, it's him. But he died as a successful man of his age. Scenius Over Genius - Brian Eno coined "scenius" - places that are unusually productive and creative. Shakespeare moved from Warwickshire to London for the theaters and playwrights. Helen: "You don't just have to be Leonardo, you also need Florence... Where do you find the coolest, most interesting bleeding edge of your field?" Modern example: Joe Rogan's Comedy Mothership in Austin created an alternative to LA/NYC for comedians like Shane Gillis and Tony Hinchcliffe. Ryan: "Put yourself in rooms where you feel like the dumbest person... force you to rise up, think differently, work harder." Tim Berners-Lee vs. Elon Musk - Tim Berners-Lee invented the World Wide Web. Has knighthood, lives an ordinary life, kids named Alice and Ben. Most people have never heard of him. Elon Musk has a lot of children, talks about his genes needing to live on, and lives a very public life. Helen: "We overrate the self-promoters, the narcissists. We demand oddness and specialness... We don't call modest people geniuses because they're too normal." Elizabeth Holmes (Theranos) and Sam Bankman-Fried (FTX) exploited this - looked like a genius (Steve Jobs cosplay, messy math prodigy) but stood on houses of cards. Trauma and the "I'll Show You" Engine - Matthew Parris wrote Fracture after noticing how many "great lives" had traumatic childhoods - loss of parents, being unloved, bullied. Helen: "I don't think that's necessarily genius in objective achievement. It's more like a hunger for recognition or fame... a kind of 'I'll show all of you' engine." Stephen Hawking on IQ - Stephen Hawking: "I have no idea. People who boast about their IQ are losers." The Flynn Effect shows average IQ rose over the 20th century through better nutrition, schooling, and living conditions. Higher IQ correlates with better outcomes. But at the top end, every IQ point ≠ is one success point. Christopher Langan (the highest IQ guy) thinks he has a theory to overturn Einstein, and that Bush did 9/11 to cover it up. No history of achievement. Helen: "Smart people don't always prosper. You need the gears that connect the engine to the wheels on the road." Conspiracy Theories: Narcissism as Driver - Narcissism is the most correlated personality trait with conspiracy thinking. Helen: "The sheeple, the NPCs think this, but I alone have seen the truth. It positions you as the protagonist of reality." The Internet is a "confirmation bias engine." But conspiracies are sometimes true (Epstein's corrupt plea deal), which is why conspiracy thinking persists. Researcher Karen Stenner's solution: Get back to depoliticized conspiracies like Bigfoot, crop circles, Area 51 - harmless things that got people outside instead of "shoot up a pizza restaurant." The Beatles: Finiteness Creates Legend - Psychologist Han Isaac said geniuses should either die before 30 or live past 80. Middle is "eh." The Beatles had both: a short career that ended definitively, then John Lennon was shot at 40, frozen in time. Paul McCartney lives on, performs at Glastonbury with John's vocals. Craig Brown: "The Rolling Stones just go on and on, but there's never as much of the Beatles as you want." Quality Over Quantity - Helen: "Incentive now is producing constantly for algorithms... That's neither fun nor produces the best work." Early career: say YES. Later career: "The most important thing you can say is no." Her metric: "Can I say honestly, that was the best I could do? I didn't cut corners. That's the metric." Podcast: advised to do 2-3 episodes weekly for rankings, has been doing weekly for 10.5 years. Shows that went daily? He stopped listening. "I'm gonna increase the quality bar, not the quantity." Robert Greene: "Do not speak unless you can improve upon the silence." Improving the Silence - "My dad's not the loudest at family gatherings, doesn't have the most words, but when he speaks, we all stop and listen. That's who you want to be." Applies to meetings: people vomit garbage to show how smart they are instead of waiting for something valuable. When you speak, people should want to listen. Thomas Edison: Execution Over Ideas - The Light bulb wasn't Edison's conceptual innovation - the idea dated to Humphrey Davy. What was incredible: Edison made it work (vacuum seal, filament) and created the New York power grid. Helen: "Lots of people can have the idea that a man should be an ant. Not everybody can write the Ant-Man screenplay and have it produced." His Menlo Park lab lasted because he worked with brilliant people on problems they cared about. Logbook shows assistants' names on breakthroughs - collaborative. We underrate logistics and execution. Most "light bulb moments" are actually slow, incremental, contested creations. Why Helen Chooses Teams Over Independence - Could go independent on Substack for more money. Works at The Atlantic for: resources, legal support, editorial integrity, and colleagues she doesn't want to let down. Helen: "You must have people in your life, you think, I wanna do work that they like. Finding those people who make you your best version of yourself." Ryan connects to athletics: "Being surrounded by people better than me forces me to raise my game. That's why we want to be part of a great team." Sample First, Specialize Later - High achievers have "hot streak" later, but sample early - trying different things, learning transferable skills. Helen: "Take the first job at a publication you could learn from. Even if not wildly interested, if it's good and they'll hold you to high standards, do it. Your second job is infinitely easier to get than your first." Work Around People Who Care - Helen: "If you work somewhere where no one cares, it's very hard. You can't care on your own. You'll become infected by the apathy around you." Nothing is more boring than a job you don't care about. Don't Wait to Live - Some devote long hours to something for money, promising they'll retire at 30 and then live. Helen: "What if you spent all that time chasing something and then you get hit by a truck? Don't wait for it. Just try and enjoy what you're doing right now." Quotes: "You don't just have to be Leonardo, you also need Florence." "We overrate the self-promoters and underrate the humble achievers." "Smart people don't always prosper. You need the gears that connect the engine to the wheels." "The most important thing you can say is no." "Do not speak unless you can improve upon the silence." - Robert Greene "You can't care on your own. You'll become infected by the apathy around you." It’s funny that we have come to use the phrase ‘lightbulb moment’ to describe a momentary flash of inspiration, because the birth of the lightbulb was slow, incremental, and highly contested.
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Transcript of 656: Dakota Meyer - Medal of Honor, The Battle of Ganjgal, Leadership Under Fire, The Loyalty Question, and What America Needs Right Now
Go to www.LearningLeader.com for full show notes The Learning Leader Show with Ryan Hawk This is brought to you by Insight Global. If you need to hire 1 person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world have the hustle and grit to deliver. www.InsightGlobal.com/LearningLeader Guest: Dakota Meyer, a United States Marine Corps veteran and Medal of Honor recipient. At just 21 years old, Dakota's actions during the Battle of Ganjgal in Afghanistan saved many lives when he repeatedly went against his orders and drove into a Taliban ambush zone to rescue trapped soldiers. He became the first living Marine in more than 40 years to receive the Medal of Honor. Today, he's a firefighter, entrepreneur, and New York Times bestselling author. Dakota is dedicated to developing leaders who can handle crisis and complexity. In our conversation, you'll hear why Dakota believes his most heroic day was actually his greatest failure, what he was feeling the day he received the Medal of Honor from President Obama, and his practical blueprint for bringing our divided country together. Notes: The Three-Phase Life Cycle - Dakota's framework for wisdom: "You have an obstacle you face. You have to get through that obstacle and become better from it. And then the third piece is you have to share how you got through that obstacle." Leadership vs. Responsibility - "Leaders are just people too. You can lead from anywhere in an organization... Leadership comes in many forms." True leadership means choosing where your loyalty lies - with the people you're responsible for or with protecting your own position. September 8th, 2009: Leadership Failure - Dakota frames his Medal of Honor actions as "an absolute story of leadership failure at its best" - multiple levels of leaders avoiding responsibility while he went against orders to save his teammates. The Loyalty Question - "Where does their loyalty lie? Is it in the people that trust them to lead them and to protect them? Or is it in the organization in order for themselves to keep getting promoted?" This fundamental choice defines every leader. Risk vs. Results - "Organizations and leaders today are so risk-averse that risk comes before results... You can't be successful, do hard things, and stay comfortable and be safe. In no world does that exist." Mental Health Reality Check - Dakota challenges current mental health approaches: "We're giving people no hope because we're trying to accommodate their emotions and not bring them back to reality and logic." He distinguishes between trauma that needs addressing and self-induced mental health issues through poor choices. Love as Choice, Not Emotion - "Love is not an emotion. Love is a choice... If you love me, you're going to always help me be the best version of me. That doesn't always feel good." Accountability and Fatherhood - As a father of two daughters: "I can't be anything that I wouldn't let anybody else be to them... You set the bar for what they're gonna accept and what they're not gonna accept." The Civil War Warning - "America doesn't need a Civil War. What we need is to vote, to lead, to speak up in schools, to teach our kids history, truth, kindness with strength, and how to disagree without violence." The Ambush - When his team walked into an ambush, promised support assets (air support, mortars, quick reaction force) weren't available due to rules of engagement restrictions. When Lieutenant Johnson called for artillery support, saying, "If you don't give me these rounds right now, we're going to die," the response was "Try your best." The Decision to Act - Dakota requested permission to help multiple times and was denied each time. He finally went against orders with his driver, Staff Sergeant Rodriguez Chavez, making four or five trips into the valley over six hours to evacuate wounded and recover bodies. The Human Cost - Dakota describes the helplessness of watching Afghan soldiers get "mowed down" while running toward his vehicle for rescue. He performed basic life-saving measures, loaded wounded in trucks with the dead on the bottom and living on top for triage priority, and ultimately recovered some of his fallen teammates. The Immediate Aftermath - Dakota put his teammates in body bags, flew them home, then immediately returned to cleaning his truck and helping Afghan soldiers with their dead. He went back to his base alone - the only survivor of his four-man team. Mental Health Crisis - Dakota developed a destructive cycle: daily drinking (depressant), massive caffeine intake to compensate, creating anxiety and amplifying trauma. He was surrounded by people who only wanted to discuss trauma and war stories, preventing healing. Suicide Attempt - Dakota reached a breaking point where he held a gun to his head, but it wasn't loaded. This became his turning point - he made a commitment to either "rack it back and go ahead and do it, or go out and find a way to get through this and start living a life worthy of their sacrifices." The Path Forward - Recovery came through accountability rather than accommodation. Dakota emphasizes that while trauma needed addressing, he was "amplifying and feeding the problem, not the solution" through his choices. Real vs. Perceived Heroism - Dakota challenges the hero narrative: "I am an example of the potential that's in every human being... If they believe in a cause that's bigger than themselves, and they love people so much that they're willing to do whatever it takes to stop the suffering." Daily Character Building - "You don't just wake up and do the hard thing. It starts every day. Do you get up when you say you're gonna get up? Do you do what you say?" The Medal of Honor action was simply "upholding my end of the deal to my teammates and to my country." Being a Great Dad - Dakota sets an extremely high bar as a dad: "I believe that if your daughters start dating shitty and weak men, it's because you are a shitty and weak man." He sees fatherhood as the ultimate accountability. Unity through Truth - His current focus: "I just want to bring people together... I wanna put hope back in the world through truth." He believes in finding common ground with anyone through genuine connection and curiosity. Education vs. Knowledge - Dakota distinguishes between theoretical education and practical knowledge: "There's a difference between education and knowledge... those who can't do, they teach. We need more that have done teaching." The Power of Love - His core philosophy centers on love as action, not emotion: "Love is limitless... there's no expiration date" compared to hate and negativity, which "there's an expiration date on." Practical Application Leadership Loyalty Test - Before making decisions, ask where your primary loyalty lies: with those you lead or with your own advancement Risk-Taking Framework - Understand that meaningful results require accepting risk and discomfort Mental Health Approach - Address trauma while taking responsibility for choices that amplify problems Daily Character Development - Build integrity through small daily commitments before facing major challenges Connection Over Division - Seek common ground through curiosity and questions rather than attacking opposing viewpoints
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Transcript of 655: Morgan Housel - The Simple Formula For Happiness, Betting on Others, Gaining Independence & Purpose, Family Vacation Secrets, The Art of Spending Money, & The Death Bed Lesson Every Leader Needs to Hear
Go to www.LearningLeader.com for full show notes The Learning Leader Show with Ryan Hawk Morgan Housel is the New York Times Bestselling author of The Psychology of Money, Same As Ever, and The Art of Spending Money. His books have sold over 10million copies and have been translated into more than 60 languages. This is brought to you by Insight Global. If you need to hire 1 person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world have the hustle and grit to deliver. Notes: Morgan dedicated The Art of Spending Money to "Kellie the Unicorn" (his sister Kellie) after she was diagnosed with colon cancer and asked him to fulfill her long-running joke request. Sometimes book dedications "mean nothing to the reader, but they can mean everything to the author." People Who Bet on You - Brian Richards (Motley Fool boss) bet on Morgan when he didn't have to, providing unconditional support for a mediocre college writer. Craig Shapiro (Collaborative Fund) pursued Morgan for months to join his tiny VC firm as a full-time blogger when it wasn't a business necessity. What money can’t buy - Morgan once heard a story from a priest that he'll never forget… It’s from a priest who delivers the last rites in hospitals. He described the difference between what kids say to their parents when they’re about to die. The priest tells them to tell their parents what they’re most grateful for… In families with lots of problems, the kids usually talk about something that costs money. In the best families, the ones with solid relationships, the kids say the same thing every time. “Thank you for believing in me.” Making vs. Spending Money - "There are literally tens of thousands of books written on how to make money... There are virtually no books written about how to spend money." Most people assume spending needs no guidance, but wealthy people often demonstrate this isn't true. The Internal vs. External Scoreboard - Donald Crowhurst (fake sailor who killed himself seeking external validation) vs. Bernard Moitessier (expert sailor who quit before winning to avoid attention and live authentically). Modern society pushes us toward Crowhurst's external validation while we actually want Moitessier's internal satisfaction. The simplest formula for a pretty nice life: independence plus purpose. The independence to do what you want, and the wisdom to want to do meaningful things. Chuck Feeney's Wealth Example - The duty-free store billionaire first lived the stereotypical rich lifestyle, realized he didn't like it, then chose to live modestly and give away $10 billion. "I was happy when I was giving money away, and I was not happy when I wasn't giving money away." Every Dollar of Debt - "Every dollar of debt that you have is a piece of your future that someone else owns." Debt narrows the range of outcomes you can endure in an unknowable future. Money and Happiness Research - Recent studies show that earning more money only helps if you're already happy, joyful, and content. For depressed, anxious people, more money doesn't improve well-being. "It leverages whoever you are in either direction." What Money Can't Buy - The book is "40% about how to spend money to make yourself happier and 60% about realizing what money cannot do for you." Relationships, health, and personal fulfillment must come first. “Comedians are the best thought leaders because they understand how the world works, but they want to make you laugh rather than making themselves feel smart.” "Nobody gives a shit about anything other than how you make them feel." Vacation - Morgan realized while building sandcastles with his kids on the beach in Maui (10/10 experience) that building Legos at home with them was almost as good (9/10). The real value was "uninterrupted time with my family," which required travel to avoid daily distractions but pointed to what actually mattered. Ambition - Morgan's career drive crystallized while kayaking past $25 million mansions on Lake Washington in 2010: "I need to work harder. I want one of those one day." This wasn't envy but ambition - though he notes the line between inspiration and envy is thin, especially once you know the person. A high savings rate is not "saving" but is "purchasing independence." Each saved dollar buys freedom to handle life's unknowable future without someone else's schedule dictating his choices. Why Spending Is Complicated People try to fill emotional holes with material purchases Society tells us what we should like, which may not align with our actual preferences We chase peer comparison rather than personal satisfaction We overestimate the social rewards of nice possessions The Independence Framework Save money not for retirement but for freedom to handle uncertainty Debt narrows your options when life throws curveballs Independence means being able to do what you want, with whom you want, for as long as you want The Internal Scorecard "No one's watching. No one's thinking about you." When people notice your possessions, they're either imagining themselves having them or envying you for them Neither response gives you the social validation you're seeking Use money to buy independence rather than others' admiration Relationship Investments Focus on what creates "uninterrupted time with people you love" Consider how purchases enable deeper connections (bigger kitchen for family dinners) vs. impressing others Remember that belief and support matter more than material provision Purpose Morgan's purpose became clear the moment he became a father: "There. That's it... I don't matter anymore. That's the only thing that matters right there." Purpose can be parenthood, work, religion, or community, but it needs to be bigger than yourself. "Comedians are the best thought leaders because they understand how the world works, but they want to make you laugh rather than making themselves feel smart." They deliver profound psychological and social insights while focusing on how they make you feel, not their own status. Regret -- Gerontologist Carl Pillemer interviewed 1,000 Americans aged 90-100. Not a single one said, "I wish I earned more money" or "I wish I worked harder." Nearly all said "I wish I spent more time with my kids" and "I wish I were nicer to my spouse." Inspiration vs. Envy -- Morgan credits James Clear as inspiration for "The Psychology of Money" and describes him as incredibly successful yet humble and kind. This creates pure inspiration without envy, unlike other successful writers whose personalities trigger competitive feelings.
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- Published 23 days ago
Transcript of 654: Jake Tapper - The Most Important Leadership Skill, Handling Criticism, Chasing Your Curiosity, Understanding Tradeoffs, Responding to Rejection, and Being So Good They Can't Ignore You
Go to www.LearningLeader.com for full show notes This is brought to you by Insight Global. If you need to hire 1 person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world have the hustle and grit to deliver. www.InsightGlobal.com/LearningLeader The Learning Leader Show with Ryan Hawk Guest: Jake Tapper is an award-winning broadcaster and chief Washington correspondent, currently anchoring The Lead with Jake Tapper every day on CNN. He’s also the #1 New York Times best-selling author of 7 books, including The Outpost (which was later made into a movie), Original Sin, and most recently Race Against Terror. Notes: Be So Good They Can’t Ignore You. Jake: I’m in control of how hard I work. It is our responsibility to work so hard that we become the obvious choice for the job or the promotion. Be So Good They Can’t Ignore You. "I had to be so good that even though maybe on a broadcasting level I wouldn't be the number one pick... they had to give it to me." The one leadership skill that is massively important to develop… Don’t insulate yourself with “yes” people. You have to have truth tellers in your life. Who are your foxhole friends? Who are the people who are willing and able to tell you the truth? Who are the ones who love you and care about you enough to let you know when you’ve messed up? Those people are gold. We all need them. Rejection: Dr. Seuss was rejected by 47 publishers. Rejection is part of life. You have to stay in the game for a chance to win it. Keep going. And nobody will give you a job to be nice. What value do you bring to a company? How will you make your boss's life better? You get hired to solve a problem, not because someone wants to be nice. Pinned tweet since 2017 – "To see what is in front of one’s nose needs a constant struggle." -- George Orwell. A reminder to see obvious truths being obscured by spin or wishful thinking. "You Can Always Tell Them No" - Ted Koppel's crucial advice to young Jake about maintaining journalistic integrity and not compromising values for opportunities. This became a career-defining principle that Jake still follows 20 years later. The Jar Jar Binks Theory of Leadership - Successful leaders often remove critics from their inner circle, creating dangerous echo chambers. "Great people often achieve as much as they can to the point that they are able to remove from their inner circle anyone who tells them they're being an asshole or making a wrong decision." Constructive vs. Destructive Criticism - Jake learned to distinguish between useful feedback and personal attacks: "Very few of my critics are people that I actually care what they think... folks who understand I'm just trying to be a good faith operative here." Curiosity as Career Driver - Deep curiosity drove Jake from reading microfiche about MASH as a kid to investigating complex stories as an adult: "I find something interesting and I wanna find out everything I can about it." Rejection as Constant Reality - Even at his career peak, Jake faces daily rejection: "I get rejected every day... it doesn't matter that I've had New York Times bestsellers before... it's part of life." Humility Enables Learning - Accepting expertise gaps allows growth: "Having the humility to accept that I am not an expert on any particular thing... I'm a journalist, which means I try to be an expert on whatever I'm covering at that moment." Leadership Lessons From Powerful People The Inner Circle Problem: Leaders systematically remove critics until surrounded only by yes-people, creating dangerous blind spots. Jake witnessed this pattern with Joe Biden (surrounded by aides and family who weren't honest about his declining acuity) and across industries. The Solution: Intentionally maintain truth-tellers in your inner circle who care about you personally but will challenge you professionally. Creating Truth-Telling Environments: Jake encourages healthy disagreement with executive producers, acknowledges power imbalances that make criticism harder for junior staff, and creates indirect channels for feedback ("some people on the staff think..."). The Criticism Paradox: Public leaders face constant harsh criticism, making them naturally defensive. Understanding this context helps leaders distinguish between constructive feedback that improves performance versus personal attacks that serve no purpose. Following Curiosity Despite Opposition Jake's major works were all advised against by professionals: The Outpost (no military expertise) The Atlantic story of freeing a wrongly imprisoned man Biden book (started the day after the election, despite uncertainty) Key Insight: "Every single one of them, people were telling me not to do it... It's been following my curiosities even when people told me I'm not interested in that." The Hard Work Advantage: Jake couldn't compete on appearance or natural broadcasting ability, so he outworked everyone: broke stories constantly, used blogs when he couldn't get on air, and made himself impossible to ignore through sheer output. Dealing with Rejection Expect constant rejection even at a career peak Don't take rejection personally unless there's constructive feedback Use rejection as data, not judgment of worth Keep creating regardless of immediate acceptance The Wave Metaphor: Like Tom Hanks in Cast Away, timing the waves - "every code can be cracked" if you persist and find the right timing. Key Elements for Writers: Strong structure: "Act one, chase your hero up a tree. Act two: throw rocks at your hero. Act three, get your hero out of the tree." Good editor who pushes back - be willing to "kill your darlings" Life Philosophy The Acceleration Mindset: At 56, Jake is speeding up output: "I don't know how much longer I have this window where people are paying attention... relevance is ephemeral... when it leaves, it looks fucking brutal." For Young People: "So much of life is rejection... You cannot stop it... don't take it personally." Focus on developing skills and delivering value: "Nobody will give you a job to be nice... They'll do it because you have something they want." Time Sacrifice Awareness: Success requires acknowledging costs: "What I cried about is the stuff I missed that I wasn't there for because I was chasing a story or on assignment." Time Stamps: 02:46 Jake’s Dedication to Influential Figures 05:05 Hot Mic Moment in Alaska 06:59 Preparing for Big Interviews & When to Follow Up 09:01 Dealing with Criticism 12:07 The Story Behind Jake’s Pinned Tweet 13:48 Race Against Terror: The New Book 18:29 Balancing Multiple Roles 20:47 Chasing Your Own Curiosity 23:58 Sacrifices for Career Success 29:00 The Importance of Humility in Leadership 31:08 Surrounding Yourself with Truth Tellers 34:18 Healthy Tension in Team Dynamics 37:15 Understanding the Pressure on Public Figures 40:09 Empathy in Leadership 45:17 Balancing Career and Family 49:00 Advice for Aspiring Journalists and Writers 52:01 The Reality of Rejection and Hard Work 57:26 The Importance of Structure and Editing in Writing 01:01:16 End of the Podcast Club
- 01:03:43
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- Published about 1 month ago
Transcript of 652: Arthur Brooks - The Power of Teaching, The Arrival Fallacy, The Mad Scientist Profile, Lifting Heavy Weights, & The Two Best Practices To Be Happy
Apply to be in my next Learning Leader Circle - https://learningleader.com/leadership-circles/ This is brought to you by Insight Global. If you need to hire 1 person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world have the hustle and grit to deliver. www.InsightGlobal.com/LearningLeader Notes: Key Learnings The Mad Scientist Emotional Profile – High achievers typically have both high positive and high negative affect. "Hustlers, hard workers, strivers, entrepreneurs, ambitious people, they're in that quadrant of high positive, high negative affect." This creates intensity but requires management of negative emotions. Dangerous Negative Affect Management – People try to manage high negative affect through alcohol, excessive internet use/pornography, and workaholism. "The isms, the addictions, they're almost all negative affect management techniques." Two Best Ways to Manage Negative Affect: Faith, Spirituality, Philosophy - "Every day, go deep" into transcendent practices Physical Exercise - "Go pick up heavy things" - resistance training moderates negative emotions Arthur's 4:30 AM Protocol – Wakes at 4:30, works out 4:45-5:45, attends mass 6:30-7:00, then has high-protein breakfast with dark coffee at 7:45 for 4 hours of peak creative focus. "I get four hours of creative concentration with maximum dopamine." Exercise Reduces Unhappiness, Doesn't Create Happiness – "Working out hard... moderates negative affect. It makes you less unhappy" rather than directly increasing positive emotions. The Failure Journal Method – Write down failures/disappointments, return after 3 weeks to note learnings, return after 2 more months to identify good things that resulted. This installs learning in the prefrontal cortex rather than letting it "float around limbically." Early Success Can Be Dangerous – Scholars rejected for early research grants outperformed those with early success. "Much better is when you do the work and build yourself up... be a wholesaler before you become a retailer." Management Doesn't Provide Flow – "There's one kind of job where you don't get flow, and that's management... you're getting jerked from thing to thing to thing." Being CEO was "satisfying, but not enjoyable." Intelligence Must Serve Others – "Intelligence is just another gift... whether or not it makes you happier depends on whether or not you're using it to make other people happier." Denigrating others for lower intelligence indicates misusing your gift. The Arrival Fallacy – Olympic gold medalists often experience depression after winning because positive emotion comes from progress toward goals, not achieving them. "Your positive emotion doesn't exist to give you a permanent good day." Two Midlife Crisis Solutions: Focus on what age gives you rather than takes away Choose subtraction over addition - appreciate what you no longer have to do Making Changes Stick Requires Three Elements: Understand the science - Know why something works Change your habits - Actually implement different behaviors Teach it - Explain it to others to cement learning in the prefrontal cortex The Happiness Formula – "Use things, love people, worship the divine" instead of the natural impulses to "love things, use people, and worship yourself." Multi-generational Living Benefits – Arthur lives with adult children and grandchildren: "The research is clear that the closer you are to your grandchildren... the better it is for everybody." Quotes: "I get four hours of creative concentration with maximum dopamine in my prefrontal cortex... ordinarily I would get an hour and a half, two hours of real clarity." "The isms, the addictions, they're almost all negative affect management techniques." "Working out hard... makes you less unhappy. The research is very clear." "Being the boss isn't that fun. It just isn't." "I have carefully accounted for all of my days of happiness. They add up to 14." (Emir of Cordoba) "What's first prize in a pie eating contest? The answer is pie. So I hope you like pie." "Beware the corner office boys. Beware the corner office." "Use things, love people, worship the divine." "Watch one, do one, teach one." (Harvard Medical School) "Don't trust your impulses. Your impulses are to love things, use people, and worship yourself." Life Lessons Develop Daily Discipline Early - A Consistent morning routine with exercise and spiritual practice creates optimal brain chemistry for peak performance throughout the day. Manage High Achievement Personality - If you're a driven person, recognize you likely have high negative affect that needs healthy management through exercise and transcendent practices. Reframe Career Setbacks - Early failures often build stronger foundations than early successes. Use disappointments as learning opportunities through systematic reflection. Question Management Ambitions - Consider whether you enjoy management or just want the status/money. Management roles inherently provide less flow and enjoyment. Use Intelligence to Serve Others - Your cognitive gifts should lift others up, not put them down. Intelligence without service leads to unhappiness. Focus on Progress, Not Arrival - Derive satisfaction from forward momentum in meaningful work rather than achieving specific goals that won't provide lasting happiness. Embrace What Age Gives - In life transitions, focus on new capabilities and freedoms rather than what you're losing or leaving behind. Teach What You Learn - The most effective way to cement new habits and insights is to explain them to others. Teaching accelerates your own learning. Choose Subtraction - Happiness often comes from eliminating negative elements (bad meetings, toxic relationships) rather than adding more positive ones. Build Multi-Generational Relationships - Prioritize time with family across generations. The research strongly supports benefits for all parties. Exercise for Mental Health - View physical training as medication for negative emotions rather than just physical fitness. Cultivate Transcendent Practices - Whether religious, philosophical, or spiritual, daily engagement with something larger than yourself moderates negative emotions and provides meaning. Time Stamps: 00:10 Arthur's Fitness and Health Routine 02:01 Link Between Fitness and Happiness 04:03 Managing Negative Emotions 06:23 Morning Routines 13:24 The Importance of Failure 22:26 The Reality of Promotions and Leadership 27:56 The Power of Intelligence: A Double-Edged Sword 28:28 Using Gifts to Spread Happiness 29:20 The Impact of Helping Others 33:28 Avoiding the Arrival Fallacy 36:36 Redefining Retirement and Midlife 47:39 The Importance of Teaching and Learning 51:28 Life Advice 53:01 EOPC (End of the Podcast Club)
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- 100 views
- Published about 1 month ago
Transcript of 651: Shaka Senghor - From Prison to Purpose: Breaking Mental Barriers, Working with Mentors, and Leading Through Vulnerability (How To Be Free)
Go to www.LearningLeader.com for full show notes This is brought to you by Insight Global. If you need to hire 1 person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world have the hustle and grit to deliver. www.InsightGlobal.com/LearningLeader Shaka Sengor spent 19 years in prison for killing a man. He’s transformed his life through not making excuses and taking full ownership of his decisions. Now, he’s a New York Times best-selling author who has been called a “soul igniter” by Oprah. His latest book is called How to Be Free. Notes: The Permanence of Split-Second Decisions – At 17, shot three times on a Detroit corner. At 19, he killed a man in a conflict after creating a narrative that he would "shoot first." Sentenced to 17-40 years for second-degree murder. "I try to teach young people about understanding the permanence of a 30-second decision." Books as Portals to Freedom – Read over 1,500 books during 19-year incarceration, starting with street literature (Pimp, Black Gangster) as a gateway to philosophy (Plato, Marcus Aurelius). "Books allowed me to escape in the most literal sense... a portal into other worlds." Prison Mentors Changed Everything – Lifers became his guides: "These are men serving life sentences who came equipped with wisdom about what's on the other side... they guided me to books that shattered old narratives and opened possibilities." Reading Creates Writing Excellence – Speed-reading skill from age 8 (learned during punishments with encyclopedias) combined with voracious prison reading, led to becoming a NY Times bestselling author. "You have to be a practitioner of the craft every day." Journaling as Transformation Tool – "It was the most healing experience I've ever had to speak to my truth, speak to the pain points." Uses 20 different journals, writes everywhere - planes, shower thoughts on phone, margins of books. Hidden Prisons We All Carry – "The most powerful prisons aren't the ones made of concrete and steel. They're the ones we carry with us, built from grief, anger, shame, trauma." Everyone has internal prisons that can be opened. Vulnerability as Strength, Not Manipulation – Authentic vulnerability vs. weaponized oversharing. "Human beings have this innate ability to suss out the truth. Authenticity and vulnerability is the super unlock... being true to your center." Community Through Shared Truth – Prison taught extreme friendship criteria: "Are they willing to serve a life sentence for you or die for you?" Now applies accountability standards: showing up consistently, being loyal to family first. Violence Born from Fear – "Reactionary violence is typically born out of fear, being afraid." Prison taught him to see "the child in people" who are acting out, leading to empathy instead of escalation. Voluntary Hardship Builds Resilience – Monthly 3-day fasts in solitary confinement prepared him for food deprivation punishment. "None of us get through life without suffering... that extra hour a week can change your life's outcomes." Composure Through Self-Awareness – Developed through journaling about times he wasn't composed. "Once you've written it down, you own it. When you own it, you can control it. When you can control it, it's easy to become composed." Remove All Excuses – Florence Nightingale quote: "I never gave or took any excuse." Despite a felony record, a violent crime conviction, and 20 years in prison, he chose to "lead a great life" by removing every excuse. The Ben Horowitz Friendship – Unlikely brotherhood with VC billionaire, starting from Oprah's introduction, bonding over music and culture until 3 AM conversations. Shows authentic relationships transcend backgrounds. Quotes: "I try to teach young people about understanding the permanence of a 30-second decision." "I was in prison before I stepped foot in a cell, and I was free before they ever let me out." "The most powerful prisons aren't the ones made of concrete and steel. They're the ones we carry with us." "Books allowed me to escape... a portal into other worlds." "Once you've written it down, you own it. When you own it, you can control it." "I never gave or took any excuse." (Florence Nightingale) "Master your thinking, master your destiny." "Violence is typically born out of fear, being afraid." "If you can see the child in the person that's acting out... it equips you to have more empathy." "None of us gets through life without suffering. At some point, we're all gonna go through adversity." "I chose to lead a great life... I removed every excuse." Life Lessons: Face Your Internal Prisons – Identify the shame, anger, grief, and trauma that create mental prisons. Recognize that these have doors that can be opened through conscious work Use Reading as Escape and Growth – Books provide mental freedom regardless of physical circumstances. Start with what interests you, then expand to broader learning. Practice Voluntary Hardship – Choose difficult challenges (fasting, extra work, taking stairs) to build resilience for inevitable adversity you don't choose. Journal for Self-Awareness – Write down thoughts, patterns, and reactions to own and control them. Use various methods - handwritten, voice memos, and margins of books. Build Authentic Community – Surround yourself with people who will hold you accountable and tell you the truth. Apply the highest standards to friendship selection. Transform Fear into Empathy – When facing conflict, look for the "child" in the other person. Understanding their fear reduces your reactionary responses. Develop Composure Through Practice – Review past moments of losing control to build awareness. Use this knowledge to respond rather than react in future situations. Remove All Excuses – Whatever your circumstances, choose to pursue greatness rather than accepting limitations. The past doesn't define the future unless you let it. Share Your Truth Vulnerably – Authentic storytelling about pain and growth helps others escape their own prisons. Vulnerability is strength when used to serve others. Create Evidence of Resilience – Completing self-imposed challenges builds confidence for handling external adversities. Each victory creates proof you can handle hard things. Choose Your Narrative – You can change the story handed down to you. Reject limiting beliefs about what's possible based on background or circumstances. Apply to be part of my Learning Leader Circle
- 51:46
- 130 views
- Published about 2 months ago
Transcript of 569: Rob Henderson - Luxury Beliefs, Foster Care, Social Class, Self-Discipline, Ivy League Universities, External vs. Internal Achievement, & Lessons Learned The Hard Way
Order our new book, The Score That Matters https://amzn.to/3HSQzhf Rob Henderson has a Ph.D. in psychology from the University of Cambridge, where he studied as a Gates Cambridge Scholar. He obtained a B.S. in psychology from Yale University and is a veteran of the U.S. Air Force. He's the author of Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class Self-discipline beats motivation. Often, people say they need to feel “motivated” to perform a task. Motivation, though, is just a feeling. Self-discipline is “I’m going to do this, regardless of how I feel.” Air Force Training – "My favorite part of training was the camaraderie. I especially enjoyed drill and marching. The synchronized movement with others, moving as a single element, instilled a feeling of belonging." – The military provided a structured environment. Rob said that whenever he felt like an outsider, he sought refuge in helping others. Because of that, he volunteered at New Haven Reads near Yale. While there, he met a kid named Guillermo. There, he learned how to relate with others by sharing his story. Writing: Rob was accepted into the War Horse Writing Seminar at Columbia University. The program was designed to help veterans write about their experiences. External Achievement: "Upon obtaining a few totems of achievement, I came to realize that they are flawed measures of success. External accomplishments are trivial compared with a warm and loving family. Going to school is far less important than having a parent who cares enough to make sure you get to class every day." Two of Rob's mom’s friends came to him for advice. They were talking about their 6-year-old son and they were concerned with how “smart” he was. They asked, “Should we be reading to him more?” And Rob responded, “Yeah, but not because it will expand his vocabulary. Read to him because it will remind him that you love him.” The best and worst things about Yale: Best Students work ethic Focused Unique pursuits Worst Self-censorship One of his instructors at Sheppard Air Force Base in Texas asked the class one Friday afternoon if they had any questions. Rob asked, “If you could do it all over again, would you still have enlisted?” – “Understand that the Air Force is going to ask a lot from you. Just remember that you can get a lot in return from it, as well.” Luxury beliefs - Rob coined the term to describe beliefs that mark the believer as holding the approved opinion while harming those less privileged. Lessons Learned The Hard Way: You are what you do. Not what you say or what you believe. People use words to strategically justify their actions and blind you to who they really are. Don't be fooled by cheap talk. Pay close attention to how people actually spend their time and effort. Good conversations are made up of questions. Avoid speaking for longer than three minutes without asking one. When seeking advice, ask people in a different life station than you—ahead or behind, older or younger. People in the same position are often biased by envy, and this can color the advice they give. One of the most common life regrets people report is “I wish I had let myself be happier.” You'll never be happy if you continue thinking that you’ll be happy one day. “The study of happiness often sounds like a sermon for traditional values. The numbers show it is not the rich, privileged, robust, or good-looking who are happy; it is those who have spouses, friends, religion, and challenging, meaningful work” - Steven Pinker (How The Mind Works) 35% of people in America graduate with a bachelor's degree, 11% of people from poor families graduate from college. And just 3% of foster kids graduate from college. When you think about Rob’s story, it’s hard not to be inspired. He’s beaten almost impossible odds to not only graduate from college, but he served our country, then went to Yale, graduated, and got his PhD from Cambridge. It’s awesome to see what he’s done and he’s still so young and at the beginning of his career. I love it when good things happen to good people. Life/career advice - “Be a fish out of water. Do something hard. Be uncomfortable.” That was advice for a recent grad, but I think it’s useful for all of us.
- 01:01:29
- 940 views
- Published over 1 year ago
Transcript of 568: Tony Robbins - Learning From Mentors, Building Confidence, Becoming More Valuable, and Coaching The World's Most Impactful Leaders
Order our new book, The Score That Matters https://amzn.to/48jAoUM Full show notes at www.LearningLeader.com For the past 40+ years, Tony Robbins has been known worldwide as one of the most impactful business and life coaches in the world. He’s hosted millions of people at his events, written 6 international best-selling books, he’s involved in more than 100 businesses that have done more than 7 billion dollars in revenue, and as part of his work with Feeding America, Tony has provided more than 850 million meals to those in need. He’s personally coached President Bill Clinton, Serena Williams, Connor McGregor, Marc Benioff, Usher, the Golden State Warriors, and many others. Notes: The advice Tony received from Jim Rohn. "Your job is to become more valuable. We are all equal as souls, but not equal in the marketplace." “If you want things to get better, you’ve got to get better.” Commonalities among leaders who sustain excellence: They find something they care about more than themselves, they have a hunger for it, and they work amazingly hard at it. “You’re rewarded in public for what you practice in private.” Steph Curry has taken far more practice shots than game ones. He’s rewarded in public for what he does in private. How to build confidence: Preparation creates certainty. “Whatever you hold in your mind on a consistent basis is exactly what you will experience in your life.” The essence of building confidence is this: If you go into a situation knowing that you can handle it – whatever it is – then that's exactly what you'll do. “A belief is a poor substitute for an experience.” You might believe it’s something you’re going to love, but you don’t fully know until you do it. Get in the arena and do it. See what it’s like. That’s when you’ll learn. Tony learned NLP from John Grinder (founder of NLP). Neuro-Linguistic Programming. is an approach to communication, personal development, and psychotherapy, that first appeared in Richard Bandler and John Grinder's 1975 book The Structure of Magic I. NLP asserts that there is a connection between neurological processes, language, and acquired behavioral patterns, and that these can be changed to achieve specific goals in life. “The path to success is to take massive, determined action.” “Any time you sincerely want to make a change, the first thing you must do is to raise your standards.” “The power of positive thinking is the ability to generate a feeling of certainty in yourself when nothing in the environment supports you.” "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man."― George Bernard Shaw Tony interviewed a dozen of the world’s most successful investors in private equity, private credit, private real estate, and venture capital. He wanted to learn everything he could about the private markets and investing. Ray Dalio - Apply diversification across 8-12 uncorrelated investments.
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- 1.7K views
- Published over 1 year ago
Leaders are learners. The best leaders never stop working to make themselves better. The Learning Leader Show Is series of conversations with the world's most thoughtful leaders. Entrepreneurs, CEO's, World-Class Athletes, Coaches, Best-Selling Authors, and much more.