Transcript of 669: Oz Pearlman (Oz The Mentalist) - Overcoming Rejection, Getting the Reps, Always Following Up, Living with Gratitude, America's Got Talent, The Curiosity of Steven Spielberg, and Making Others Feel Seen
Go to www.LearningLeader.com for world-class notes This is brought to you by Insight Global. If you need to hire one person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world has the hustle and grit to deliver. My guest: Oz Pearlman is the greatest mentalist in the world. After leaving Wall Street to pursue his craft full-time, he's performed for Steven Spielberg's family, for Nobel laureates, and Fortune 500 CEOs. He ran a 2:23 marathon and holds the record for most laps around Central Park in a single day. With five kids and 250+ performances a year, Oz has mastered the art of reading people and understanding what separates good from world-class. Key Learnings (In Oz's words) Doug Anderson is the magician who got me into magic. When I was 13 years old, I went on a cruise with my parents. I got pulled up on stage and took part in a magic trick. (The sponge balls) After the trick, my dad and I started creating theories on how the trick worked. The people in every industry who make it to the top are the ones who are kind and respectful to others. As soon as you stop thinking that you can learn from others, you start dying. What is the recipe for success? It's getting through the tough times. When I walked up to someone at a restaurant, and I'm 14, and I have a very fragile ego, after three tables in a row at differing levels of rudeness go by, "Dude, get outta here, man. Like, I don't wanna see this," it hurts. That's a painful thing to experience. I had to learn a defense mechanism very quickly because carrying that pain, pain turns into anger. When I get to the next table, I'm angry at the next group, even though they haven't done anything wrong to me. I realized to get my goal, I needed tougher, thicker skin. Deflect the rejection onto someone else. Create separation between you and rejection. I created what I would call an agent in my own mind. When you're in showbiz, the conversations you don't wanna have, your agent has for you. I'm a 14-year-old doing restaurants. I don't have an agent, so here's what I decided. When they don't like me, they don't know me. They don't know Oz Pearlman. They know this guy Oz the magician, who walked up to them. Maybe my tricks aren't good enough. Maybe my approach wasn't good enough. Maybe they had a bad day at work or their kid's sick. I made it less about me, and I was able to deflect all of that pain and hurt to this other person. The fear of rejection is worse than the rejection itself. Once you experience rejection a few times, it's not that bad. It's like dating. It's a numbers game. You'll probably not meet your spouse on the first try. You gotta meet a whole lot of other people to realize what you like best in the person that hopefully ends up spending your life with. "Never let someone else be in charge of your destiny." When I do a gig, I don't wait for someone to go, "Oh man, that'd be great. Let me get your business card." I go, "Amazing. Let me get your number and your info. I'll have someone from my team call you." My team is you, me, myself, and I. There's no team. But it sounds fancier. Fake it till you make it. Branding is so important. When I went on America's Got Talent, I made a conscious decision to separate myself from the guy from the year before. (Matt Franco) He won. I thought we were too similar. I had to do something unique or do something better than anyone else. That's when I branded myself as a mentalist and not a magician. Mentalism is much harder than magic to practice. Magic can be practiced in front of a mirror until you get almost perfect at a trick. Mentalism is near impossible to practice at home without an audience. It's like comedy. You can't tell jokes to a mirror and find out if they're funny. You need the audience to do it. Charm takes the sting out of so many things in life. It allows you to win people over quickly. What is charm? Just the ability to smile, to make someone laugh, to be vulnerable in a certain moment. That's a skill that's developed, and if you study it well, you can develop it quicker because everyone thinks it's natural. What I've learned from comedians: It's the purest form of entertainment that exists. You, the audience, and a microphone. I think you start to get a feel for timing. Where to pause, what's funny, how to get people on your side. With a heckler, there's a very fine line between punching down and offending your audience versus having them on your side and laughing with you at someone as opposed to laughing at someone. I'm a slightly more exaggerated version of myself when performing. The volume is turned up a little. The charisma is turned up a little, the ability to joke around, but it's me. I think that resonates. Walking into a room smiling, having no hesitation, connecting with somebody, remembering their name, giving them a compliment. Such easy, low-hanging fruit, separates you from 90% of other people if you can do them consistently and effectively and genuinely. "That's why he's Steven Spielberg." The Steven Spielberg lesson changed how I see success. I did Spielberg's dad's 99th birthday. At the end of it, Steven beelines to me and I'm ready. I thought I'd get 30 seconds. He talked to me for upwards of 20 minutes. He just asked question after question after question. When I left it was like a blur. I didn't ask Steven Spielberg a single question about Jaws, Close Encounters. I had all these things I wanted to ask him. I'm like, man, I totally screwed that up. But over time, the lesson got through to me. It wasn't about me. It wasn't what I was gonna ask him. It was about him. It was learning what makes him tick. No matter who you become, if you can make the other person feel like they're a star when they meet you, they will always remember that memory. Try to deflect. If people ask you questions, answer, but ask them something about themselves back that no one's asked them. Make them feel seen and heard. Make them feel like they are the star of your movie as well. Little things add up to big things over time. If you were to ask my kids what do I ingrain in them all the time? Gratitude and being polite. One of my secrets to success has always been being very polite. "Please, thank you. Always." Write a thank-you note. When I was doing bar mitzvahs, birthday parties, I realized early on, when people are throwing a party, it's very stressful. The person hosting doesn't always have the greatest time. They're so worried about everyone else. Create memorable moments. I would take a selfie with the bar mitzvah kid. I found this online service where I could instantly upload the photo. I would always give a compliment that was specific. I'd send these cards to them on Monday. The parties are usually on Saturdays. It would get there Tuesday or Wednesday. To this day, 15 to 20 years later, I'll get emails when I'm on TV from people being like, "I just dug up this card from 17 years ago. You were at Benjamin's Bar Mitzvah, and now he's 30 and has a kid of his own." Takes notes | Write everything down. In today's day and age, there's a power in the human touch that still exists. Take notes, write stuff down. I'll leave a gig, I'll write some stuff down, I'll remember it. If I run into that person again in a month, in a year, in five years, I can literally look at my phone. It's literally like a mentalism trick to reveal that information to people even though they gave it to you already, because it shows you took the time. Some of the biggest things I've ever landed backtrack to small moments. ESPN, the thing that brought us together can backtrack to a Bar Mitzvah 18 years ago where I first met Adam Schefter. The first seed was planted, and I had to keep watering it, watering it, watering it. Small plant, small plant, until it grew into this thing. Now look at all the things that came from all the things I've done with ESPN, where Adam Schefter originated them. You are interviewing for your next job every single day. You have no idea who might be in the audience. You have no idea, but you give it your all every single time. One time, Adam Schefter was in the audience. Intelligent people are often the easiest to fool. When intelligent people watch what I do, they're confident in their ability to figure it out. They think they're smarter than the average person, so they start looking for solutions. But that overconfidence creates blind spots. They're so focused on being right about how they think it's done that they miss what's actually happening. The more you think you know, the more vulnerable you become to being fooled because you're operating from assumptions rather than staying open to all possibilities. Reflection Questions Oz created an "agent in his mind" to deflect rejection away from his core self, making it about "Oz the magician" rather than Oz the person. What mental separation could you create to handle rejection or criticism more effectively in your professional life? Oz emphasizes that intelligent people are often the easiest to fool because they're confident in their ability to figure things out. In what areas of your life or work might overconfidence be blinding you to what's actually happening? Oz sends handwritten notes with specific compliments and a selfie to everyone he performs for. What's one relationship in your network right now that could be strengthened with this level of intentional follow-up, and what specific compliment could you give that person? More Learning #525 - Frank Slootman: Hypergrowth Leadership #540 - Alex Hormozi: Let Go of the Need of Approval #510 - Ramit Sethi: Live Your Rich Life Audio Timestamps 02:43 Oz's Career 04:48 The Art of Mentalism and Magic 08:22 Early Career and Overcoming Rejection 17:45 Branding and Success Strategies 22:59 Authenticity and Charm 27:25 Building Trust Through Honesty 27:53 Developing Genuine Confidence 28:36 The Power of Preparation 29:22 Learning from Failure 31:24 Connecting with Influential People 34:27 The Importance of Politeness and Gratitude 37:05 The Art of Follow-Up 42:27 Handling Nerves and Anxiety 43:23 The Magic of Mentalism on Ryan 51:55 EOPC
- 54:53
- 23 views
- Published 6 days ago
Transcript of 668: Brian Kelly (The Points Guy) - Building a Media Empire, Crafting a Big Vision, Relentless Leaders, Hiring Well, Scaling Up, & How To Win at Travel
Go to www.LearningLeader.com for full show notes The Learning Leader Show with Ryan Hawk This is brought to you by Insight Global. If you need to hire one person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world has the hustle and grit to deliver. My Guest: Brian Kelly is the founder of The Points Guy, which he built from a side hustle blog into a travel media empire that he sold for $28 million. At 42, he's now an angel investor in 15+ companies, including Bilt (valued at $11 billion). In this conversation, he shares lessons on manifestation, selling too early, building yourself into the brand, and why vulnerability beats wins in interviews. Key Learnings (in Brian's words) In 1995, I was 12 years old, and I was great with computers, so I started booking all of my dad's travel for work. He'd pay me $10 per booking. Then it turned into points, when my dad showed me all the American and US Air miles he had. "If you can figure out how to use all of them, we can go on a family trip." And the rest is history. That was my first real, oh wait, this points thing is amazing. Points were a way for us to live a fabulous lifestyle. I grew up thinking we were poor, but I really wanted to live a fabulous life. My parents were very humble and did not spend money lavishly. For me I always wanted to travel. When I was a kid, I would spin the globe and be like, This is where I'm going. I would actually research Oman. Somehow genetically, I got this gene of I need to be rich and travel the world. I used to call Mercedes, get all of their glossy pamphlets for all their new cars, and I would cut them out and stick them on my wall. Manifesting alone won't make you wealthy, but visioning helps. I do believe being able to visualize what it looks like and taste it and get close to it helps you take the smaller steps to actually achieve it. When I think of my investments, I actually envision what they're gonna be. I envision that they're multi-billion-dollar companies. I believe it unlocks a level of pushing you to reach these mini steps that you can't see throughout the process. I started The Points Guy in 2010, but there were already Titan bloggers. I for sure felt imposter syndrome, but I saw that what they lacked was creativity. Points and miles are very clinical. Very few people were translating that for an audience. I knew I had an opportunity. I'm in my twenties, living in New York City. I'm gonna explain what everyday people need to know. Building a media brand became my moat. No one else in the points world was doing media. Doing media's frightening. While it was scary going on TV the first couple times (I almost fainted), I knew that each time I did it, I got better. That was the moat I would build. I would build The Points Guy into a brand more so than any of the others who had come before me. I saw from the beginning to double and triple down on that strategy of building something that's more than just a blog, but a lifestyle that people want to achieve. "I made a million bucks in my first six months of just blogging, but using affiliate links." In 2011, within six months of learning about affiliate marketing, I made six figures a month using the credit card links in my blog. I was still working at Morgan Stanley. My mom was like, this sounds too good to be true. You can't leave Morgan Stanley. I was making like $300,000 a month in affiliate. Meanwhile, at Morgan Stanley, my salary is $70,000 a year. But it didn't pay right away. My parents actually lent me $10,000 just to pay my rent. I remember where I was in Madrid when that first Chase deposit of $490,000 hit from months of back pay on the blog. I sold for $28 million because I thought the industry would collapse. When Bankrate offered me $28 million in May 2012, I kind of had this negative mindset over where the industry was going. About a hundred blogs started when people knew they could make money on affiliates. Most bloggers have zero business sense. They were writing stuff like, "Cancel your Amex, cancel your Chase, cancel, cancel. Then get new cards." I saw this really bad business sense, very shortsighted greediness. I'm watching this thinking they're gonna pull the rug. Do I regret selling? Yes, the company is way more than what I sold it for. But at the time, you always have to remember what the landscape was. We're coming out of the recession. There were still a lot of weak indicators. Building myself into the brand gave me leverage. I had a three and a half year earnout. Over that time, the business really started to grow, but then I realized, well, I am also the business. So, the more press I did, when I negotiated with that parent company to stay on, they paid me a lot of money and still a cut of the business to grow it as CEO. It's kind of crazy to think 13 years after selling, I'm still here. But because I built myself as a core part of the business as The Points Guy, I've been able to stay on with less risk, getting paid well to do what I love. I'm more of the brand visionary, the consumer person. I'm very much an ideas person. When we're speaking with our longtime clients or pitching new ones, that's really where my special sauce is used and not in the day-to-day. People are not mind readers. In 2020, I had this breakdown where I thought I would actually leave. I went to the owners, and I was like, I just can't do it anymore. They said, "Brian, we've been waiting for you to say that. You don't need to be CEO. We have plenty of smart people." It was this aha moment. I think in life we often think polar, black or white. That's advice I give to people. Whether it's your parent company, your boss, your mentor, people are not mind readers. While there is risk to leveling with someone and saying, "Hey, this role is just killing me," more often than not in my career, the more vulnerable I was, the more it turned out to be such a blessing. Check Your Spam Email Frequently: In 2011, I was featured in the New York Times, but the email came to my spam email. At that time, the narrative that points were dead, blackout dates, etc. I was the only blogger putting a positive spin on points. And I tried to do it in an informative and fun way. I'm 6'7", so putting my personal angle on my travel reviews had a huge impact on being the face of this industry. As a founder, I was a tough boss because it was so personal. If I look back at my time as CEO, I still took it very personally. I do take the integrity of this site. As we expand, we can't forego quality. In hindsight, I didn't highlight enough of the wins. I would focus too much on mistakes. That's advice I would give if I could do it all back over again, to just be much more positive reinforcement over negative. Founders need someone who can check them. You need to have someone around you, a leadership team, someone that can check you. I didn't have that for a very long time, and that's my fault. Making sure you have good people on your team that can be honest with you, and you create an environment of inviting that feedback and not freaking out when they give it to you, is important. I know I would be a much different CEO today if I did it again. Stop BSing in the interview process. Too many people take jobs not knowing what is going on whatsoever at the company. Far too many senior executives walk into positions and they're like, oh wait a minute. I like to be brutally honest in the interview process. Truth-telling is the beginning of having a great relationship because I want you to understand exactly what's in front of you. If you don't want to take it, that's so much better than hiring a senior exec and six months later, you just lost a year. Stop telling me the wins. In the interview process, stop telling me the wins because anyone can make their job look successful. "Oh, 200% ROI, this, that the other." In an interview, you're not gonna be able to fact-check any of this. We all know people can cherry-pick the data. It's really just diving deep into vulnerable moments about their leadership, the challenges as leaders they had with their teams. I'll tell them my challenges when I was CEO. I want people to be real and allow me to understand how they think, the type of leader they are. Charismatic people can trick you. The problem is that very charismatic people can trick you easily. I've been blinded by a great interview, especially when you're exhausted as a CEO and then someone's bantering with you. You're like, oh, that was fun. But I've hired plenty of people who are all talk. I don't want personality hires. I'm the personality. My engineering team, I really need people to ship updates. I still wake up in the middle of the night asking if my bills are paid. I still have imposter syndrome about "is this crazy what I've built?" It's for sure not about the car, but I will say investing in a home that's beautiful and makes you feel really good is important. For a long time, I was traveling a lot. I never put roots down, and I always felt like I was in transit. Now I have this beautiful farm with animals and horses in New Hope, Pennsylvania. It takes my blood pressure down immediately. Angel investing has basically become an addiction. In 2020, I opened up a space where I decided I wanted to have kids even though I was single, and also started investing and advising in relevant companies. The first one was Encore Jane, who was building Built, a credit card loyalty platform for renters. I'd always thought, how cool would it be to earn points on rent? I said, You're crazy, but if it does work, it'll be massive. Built is now at $11 billion valuation. I'll make more money now, probably on Built than I will at The Points Guy, which is wild to me. I have probably about 15 other companies I put my personal money in. I love it because I can help advise founders on everything I've done, and help open doors. Using that to build wealth has become an addiction. Relentlessness is what I see in leaders who sustain excellence. I am amazed at Encore's ability to push. If he's got 10 major things impacting his business, most CEOs will start with one or two, put the others on the back burner. He will relentlessly push for excellence. I don't wanna work for Encore, but to be in the room and strategize, every time I leave a meeting with him it keeps me fresh and active. Find mentors, not just companies. For recent college grads, find people, even at a company where you might not see your future. Find someone at that company that you connect with. If you're looking for a job, interview until you find that hiring manager that you feel is on an upward rise and that you can learn from. We often focus too much on the line of work or the company. Stop focusing on that and look at that manager or the CMO whose organization you would join. If they've done amazing things, get in right away and start networking. Put time on the CMO or CEO's calendar. Be bold. Every senior executive loves to see people come in with eagerness to learn. Show up and do extracurriculars at work. Go to the lunch and learn with the senior executive and actually get face time with them. Make sure they know your name. Those are the things that matter because when it comes time for compensation and reviews, the senior person may not work with you day-to-day, but they're like, oh yeah, that's the person I really like. They are a future leader. That's how you get ahead. Even if that boss leaves to another company, they might take you. Reflection Questions Brian says manifesting alone won't make you wealthy, but visioning what it looks like helps you take the smaller steps to achieve it. What specific vision do you have for your future that you could make more tangible (like his Mercedes pictures on the bedroom wall)? How might making it more concrete change your daily actions? He emphasizes that in interviews, he wants people to stop telling him the wins and instead dive deep into vulnerable moments about their leadership and challenges with their teams. If you were in an interview tomorrow, what's one vulnerable leadership moment you could share that would demonstrate how you think rather than just what you've accomplished? Brian realized he needed to tell his parent company, "I just can't do it anymore" as CEO, and they responded with relief, offering him a better role. What conversation are you avoiding right now because you assume the answer will be no, when the other person might actually be waiting for you to speak up? More Learning #525 - Frank Slootman: Hypergrowth Leadership #540 - Alex Hormozi: Let Go of the Need of Approval #510 - Ramit Sethi: Live Your Rich Life
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- 31 views
- Published 13 days ago
Transcript of 667: Nick Gray - How to Host World-Class Events, Why Leaders Need a Personal Website, Writing Like You Talk, Mastering Introductions, the Viral Tokyo Trip, & Adding Value Before Taking It
Go to www.LearningLeader.com for full show notes This is brought to you by Insight Global. If you need to hire one person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world has the hustle and grit to deliver. My Guest: Nick Gray is the author of The Two-Hour Cocktail Party and founder of Museum Hack. He's mastered the art of hosting events that strengthen networks and build genuine connections. In this conversation, he shares practical systems for hosting gatherings, why every leader needs a personal website, and lessons learned from his viral blind date trip to Tokyo. The Learning Leader Show Key Learnings Two Great Ice Breaker Questions: What's a compliment that someone has given you that you've never forgotten about? If you could teach any class about a topic that you're an expert on, what would it be? The power of a network is real: As a leader, you're probably hiring people regularly or looking for investors. By hosting simple, lightweight meetups or dinner parties, or happy hours once a quarter, you can strengthen your network, build it, and keep those loose connections or weak ties warm. Mix professional and personal contacts: For me, a really boring event would be all work people. Look for occupational diversity. If you're hosting a work event, invite some other random folks who you know are gonna be good conversationalists and add to the energy. Don't reach for the top shelf first. Most important advice for leaders: do not invite your most impressive contact to your very first happy hour or meetup. Your first party should be for your neighbors, the parents of kids at your school, those LinkedIn connections, high school buddies you haven't seen in a while. Your first party should be a comfortable meetup for 15 to 22 people that you host at your home with just cocktails, not a dinner party. Then slowly, once a quarter, you'll be adding more people to it and filtering your list. Collect RSVPs to ensure attendance. New hosts are absolutely terrified that nobody will arrive. As long as you get a minimum of 15 people to show up, your party will generally be a success. Use platforms like Partiful or Mixily (not Paperless Post or Evite) to get people to RSVP, let them know what to expect, and send reminder messages. Ten days before, send a reminder message hyping up the party. About a week before, send another reminder message with a little dossier of who the attendees are. Write something little: "Ryan Hawk hosts a podcast. He wrote a book. He lives in Ohio. Ask him about the ski trip he went on with his family." This serves to make anxious people or socially awkward feel like they're welcome and they have a conversational access point. Practical hosting tips on event day: Label your trash cans and your bathrooms. As people arrive, greet and welcome every single person, and make them a name tag. Write it out right in front of them, first name only. Do not pre-write your name tags. Force collisions through structured activities. Your job as a leader is to go through life collecting the interesting people that you meet and helping them meet each other. Can you become a connector? One way to be a connector is to host these meetups and force the collisions. Lead two or three rounds of introductions at your meetup. Make a little announcement 30 minutes after it starts: "There are so many interesting people here. I want you all to meet each other. We're gonna split into small groups. It might seem silly, but I promise the purpose tonight is for you to talk to as many new people as possible. We're gonna split into small groups of three or four people, and you're gonna go around and tell your life story in two minutes." End on time, especially for weekday events: Host from 6:30 to 8:30 PM with a hard stop on Tuesday or Wednesday nights. People appreciate having an end time because they have responsibilities. Having that end time makes them more likely to RSVP yes and actually attend. "I get more compliments on my party ending on time, and they leave with a positive experience, so they want to return for another." Why every leader needs a personal website. If you have a blue check verified on Instagram, if you post at least once a month on LinkedIn, you probably need your own personal website. It's proactive reputation management. People are out there searching for you on Google and on ChatGPT. It may not happen every single day, but it probably happens every week. Whether it's parents of your kids at school, whether it's new employees, people are googling you. You want to have a personal website to put your best foot forward and make a good impression. Carrd.co to create a simple homepage or cloudflare to set up your domain name. Keep it simple: You don't need a Gary Vee type page. Your page can look like a Google Doc. Feed these large language models your story and bio. My website is plain text, simple homepage. I used to have a fancy design site. Now I'm like, dude, it doesn't matter. 80% of my visitors are on their cell phone and just want to read some text and have some links. The tweet from 2024 that changed everything. The viral Tokyo blind date trip taught me I was ready to share my life with someone. I ended up meeting my wife a couple of months after this experience because I realized I was ready. From a business perspective, one of the most interesting things while that was happening and for about a week afterwards: anyone would accept my phone call. My callbacks were instantaneous. My dial to answer fast. People were reaching out from everywhere. I was like, whoa, is this what it's like to be a celebrity? "I came back to Texas after the trip, ready to truly settle down and find a relationship and meet my now wife." Write like you talk: The best book about storytelling is Storyworthy by Matthew Dicks. Don't try to write a LinkedIn post that says "I'm happy to announce." Would you actually say that to someone? No, you wouldn't. Say it like you talk. Advice on Blind Introductions: Use a double opt-in intro. Reach out to one person first, "Hey, are you taking new clients before I connect you with a friend?" Get both parties' permission, separately - then send the email. Give yourself a Free Day: Dan Sullivan suggests one free day a quarter from work. Make it a weekday, and even get a burner phone so you can't check your work text/emails, so you're completely disconnected from work. The keys to being a great host/MC: Priya Parker does such a great job talking about the theory of being a good leader. The host that doesn't do a great job is the one who's too cool to care. Give explicit instructions to people. You are a ring leader for an event, and you're in charge of everyone's energy levels and keeping the show on the road. Add value before taking value. Never send someone a message, "I'd love to pick your brain," or "I'm looking for a mentor." That is take, take, take. Think about how you can add value first. When you add value first to people, it's some sort of law of reciprocity. They're much more likely to want to help you out or do something in return. Advice for new grads in the AI era: AI and new tools are eating into the ability for companies to hire low-level employees that do grunt work. Learn how to use the tools themselves. Work with small businesses and entrepreneurs where you can make a difference. Develop a writing practice: Matthew Dicks has this activity called Homework for Life where every night you write down some note, some anecdote, something that stuck out for you. It gives you ideas about things to write about. Use AI as an editor, not a writer: Don't outsource your thinking to AI. Use the tools, understand how to use them, but don't outsource your thinking. It'll spit back something decent, but you don't want to outsource your thinking, especially as a leader. Reflection Questions Nick says your first party should be for neighbors, school parents, and LinkedIn connections you haven't seen in a while (not your most impressive contacts). Who are 15-20 people in your life that fall into this "comfortable but haven't connected recently" category that you could invite to a simple cocktail party? He emphasizes "add value before you take value" and never says "I'd love to pick your brain." Think about someone you want to connect with. What's one specific way you could add value to them first before asking for anything in return? Nick hosts events once a quarter to keep weak ties warm instead of trying to have individual coffee meetings with everyone. What's one relationship-building activity you're currently doing inefficiently that could be replaced with a group gathering? Additional Learning #663 - Priya Parker: The Art of Gathering #545: Will Guidara: Unreasonable Hospitality #430 - Matthew Dicks: Change Your Life Through The Power Of Storytelling Audio Timestamps 02:06 Icebreakers and Personal Stories 02:55 The Art of Hosting Events 08:27 Practical Tips for Successful Gatherings 20:16 Mastermind Events and Personal Websites 25:36 The Importance of a Personal Website 26:47 Crafting an Engaging Bio 29:27 The Viral Tokyo Trip 37:04 Living an Interesting Life 41:57 The Art of Hosting and MC'ing 44:50 Advice for New Graduates 46:35 The Power of Writing and Storytelling 49:07 EOPC
- 51:22
- 37 views
- Published 20 days ago
Transcript of 666: Angie Hicks (Founder of Angie's List) - The Power of Selling Door-to-Door, Executive Presence, Being Told She Was 'Too Nice,' and Her 2-Question Career Filter That Kept Her at One Company for 30 Years
Go to www.LearningLeader.com for full show notes This is brought to you by Insight Global. If you need to hire one person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world has the hustle and grit to deliver. My Guest: Angie Hicks, co-founder of Angie's List (now called Angi). She started the company at just 23, going door-to-door as a self-described introvert and non-salesperson, and turned it into a national platform trusted by millions. During our conversation, we discuss what it takes to lead with authenticity and build lasting impact. Key Learnings Lead by listening and showing up. Whether it's knocking on doors as a 23-year-old or meeting employees during office hours as CEO, Angie reminds us that being present, paying attention, and seeking feedback is the heart of leadership. Focus on people and learning. Angie's career filter is simple: Do I like the people I'm working with? Am I learning new things? If yes, keep going. If not, it's time to reconsider. Excellence isn't just about results. It's about the environment and growth around you. Take your work seriously, but not yourself. Confidence, humility, and authenticity go hand in hand. Angie shows us that you can be ambitious and driven without losing sight of the human side of leadership. From Angie... My co-founder, Bill Osterle, came to me when I was a senior in college and said, "Hey, I've got a crazy idea. Your parents are gonna hate it. But why don't we start a business?" I talked to my parents, talked to my friends, and then I ended up talking to my grandfather who was incredibly conservative. He grew up in the Depression, very fiscally responsible. "What do you have to lose? You're 22, your parents aren't going to let you starve, and you're not trying to support a family, so why don't you try it?" I was so taken aback by his response that that comment was probably what pushed me over the edge. I think young people can do this a lot, as we tend to overthink decisions. Sometimes people see things in you that you don't see in yourself, and you've gotta have a little faith. What better time to have a little faith than when you're young and carefree? Work hard, and things will come your way. We started in 1995. It was an offline world. We started as a call-in service and a monthly newsletter. The first name of the company was Columbus Neighbors. We left it like that for a year, and people just didn't get it. They thought the newsletter was the list. We decided to do a rebranding nine months in. We had two options: The List or Jackie's List (Jackie was the mother of one of our investors who knew everybody). At the last minute, Bill said maybe it should be Angie's List. "She does answer the phone." Going door to door was hard. There was a lot of crying, I will be honest. I was selling something that wasn't concrete. "Hey, so when you need a plumber, you're gonna call me and I'm gonna help you find a plumber. And then when you hire someone, you're gonna tell me about it." I viewed it as a numbers game. I need to knock on so many doors every day, and that's just what I'm going to do. Hopefully, if I stay on my pitch and I knock on enough doors, I will sell the right number of memberships. If I was selling one or two memberships a day, that's great. No business was gonna be built on me selling one or two memberships a day, but that's where we were. Sometimes you have to do the hard stuff. Sometimes you have to do the stuff you're not good at, and you have to figure out ways to work around it. Because no matter what you do in your career, there's gonna be stuff you don't love. I broke it down by like, I'm gonna do it for these two hours. I'm a believer in the you can do anything for a year philosophy. I could do anything for an hour a day. So you have to kind of disconnect and treat it that way, as this is like taking my medicine. But you do win every once in a while. And it is fun when you win. It is fun when you sell something. The day Patty gave me her church directory was the best day ever. You gotta celebrate the little wins as well in life. Starting a business is a long journey. It is more of a marathon than a sprint. There's usually not this burst of momentum where everything rolls your way. It's building blocks along the way. If you don't celebrate those little wins and you only focus on, oh, I'm not gonna be happy until we're at 10,000 members, that could be years. You need things to keep you going every day. Patty lived near Bill, so she kinda liked him too, but I think there was a little bit of entrepreneur in Patty. Patty needed nothing from us. She had lived in Columbus her entire life. She had renovated a 1920s house. All she was able to do was give. She knew everybody. But I think she just loved the spirit. You don't know whether that's door seven, door one, door 57, you don't know. But there is typically a breakthrough. Staying true and persistent, you know, there probably weren't a lot of women starting businesses going door to door in 1995, and Patty was like, look, she's got some gumption. She's tackling a business that in many ways is a man's world. Construction is a man's world. Whether that's starting a business or finding the right boss, or finding the right position, that same lesson is the same. I talk to young people, I say, Hey, you can do marketing anywhere. There's any company you can do marketing. When it comes to me... Go where you're gonna be with somebody who believes in you. That's gonna invest in you, because that's actually what's gonna change your trajectory. It's not the name on the company that's gonna change your trajectory. It's actually who's got your back, who's coaching you, that's going to make the biggest difference. The next inflection point for me was when we opened in Cleveland the year after that. It was the first market we had opened from scratch. I remember I went one morning and picked up the newspaper, picked up the Plain Dealer at the bagel shop across the street from my office. And there it was, our little two-by-three ad that said, "Tired of lousy service" with some clip art. I was so excited. I was like, This is amazing. We're in Cleveland. This is gonna be so great. And then I remember telling Bill, "We're gonna get so many calls." And he's like, "We're gonna get so many calls." And I don't think we got any calls that day. The transition from individual contributor to leading others was a horrible transition. It's actually really hard. I tell people that all the time because if you think about who do we promote in companies, we promote really strong individual performers. The skills that make us really good individual performers do not necessarily make us good leaders, managers, et cetera, because it's actually a whole different skillset. I was that overachiever kind of controller, let me just do it type person. You have to actually train yourself to not do those things because no one's ever going to be successful and learn if you're just over there stepping in. The early days when I was young and trying to manage people, not good. Not good at all. I ended up leaving for a year and a half to go to business school. I was pretty burnt out on the business, and I probably would've left the business had I not gone. It gave me a chance to reflect on where I've been and step back. Now I understand, I'm not in the pressure cooker. I can see where I've mistepped. I left when I was 25, three years in. The business had gotten big enoug,h and we decided to bring in a CEO because the 22- 23-year-old was kinda like, maybe we need some leadership here. My co-founder joined full-time at that point and came in as CEO. I joke around, I'm like, take a break. I was still keeping the books. The TV commercial was a hundred thousand dollars, which I had to convince our board on. I was like, look, either we try this or we just close Cleveland because there is no scenario here that we're gonna build a business with door-to-door sales at the rate we're moving. We basically took everything on Cleveland, which was $100,000. I would've been devastated had it failed. People started calling. I was so excited. Then all of a sudden it just kinda went bananas. You realize there's a lot of people with this problem. Doors slammed in my face at that point, not as much of an issue. And then we ended up being in Boston and Washington, and a bunch of other cities. Every time we'd go to a city, I'd fly in, and I would open the paper, and I would get all happy. The TV commercials themselves were funny because I can't do anything for fun anymore without seeing myself in the commercial. I did the first one, and they're like, listen, we're just gonna, we're not gonna tell anybody. It's just gonna go on, you know, we're just gonna do it really quietly. I was like, great. Okay, fine. And then it kind of took off. I had young kids at the time. I wouldn't let us advertise on kids' shows. There was never us on Disney Channel or Nickelodeon because I didn't want that. But the kids would see me on TV. You know, they would see me doing interviews. It happened for them at such a young age that they just kind of thought that's what parents did. I remember one of my kids coming home in middle school and being like, I can't believe you didn't tell me you were famous because it was finally, the friends had grown up enough that they were like, you know who her mom is, right? I became a little more closed off in my personal life as I became more public. Kids deserve to grow up in a world where they get to be kids and not have to deal with that stuff. In our little town, people were like, Oh yeah, she just lives here. And it became not a thing. It became more relevant to me when I was traveling. I started doing office hours. I did it on Fridays leading into the lunchtime, which, let's be honest, was probably one of the squishiest times of productive work. I was with a group of CEOs the other day, and I actually suggested, just try a little. It doesn't have to be a big thing. Just try a little and see where it takes you. The meetings were anything. It was career advice. What should I do? They might have ideas for the business. Hey, we should go into this line. I remember talking one day to our head of legal, and I was like, you know, I don't get open-door media requests anymore. And she kind of chuckled, and she said, That's because you have them all the time. You allow problems to come to you before they're big problems, so they become less of a thing. I'd rather people bring their concerns internally first and listen to 'em and address 'em when you can. They always come internally first, whether it's from an employee, whether it's from a customer. It's just how we handle those things as to whether they blow up into something bigger. I always tried to give them something in return. They come to talk to me and I'd introduce 'em to someone who would help. I'd open a door for them. To this day, I still love talking to customers. I think we live in a very digital age, and I feel like we don't talk to one another very much. People like people. They need to feel heard and have things resolved. I took that office hours idea, and now I do it with customers, so any pro can sign up and talk to me. Gives me a chance to understand, get a pulse on what's going on. The people on the front line are the ones who are making your brand. The marketing team might make some great social posts and some great TV ads. But many times, the people who are manning the phones or your chats are the ones that are leaving a more lasting impression on your brand than anything else. How do you bring the voice of the customer into the organization? Not everybody in our company is a homeowner. How do you make sure they can understand the customer? What's life like as a small business owner, as a pro? What's it like for a homeowner when something goes awry on their worst day? How do I bring those stories to life? I had to convince myself that it was a good use of time. Busy people who have lots of responsibility are active doers, overachievers, to sit back and talk and listen feels like, Okay, am I moving the needle? It feels a bit too squishy. That's why I would treat it just like some of the other things. I will give it an hour a week. Let's see what happens there. I could see the payoff. I can't go spend 30% of my time doing this, but there is a portion of time that I do dedicate. Feedback is a gift and something you should seek out. But yeah, it doesn't always feel great. One of the hardest pieces of advice I got came at a time when we were actually trying to do a transaction. They said, "You have an executive presence issue." And I was like, what? They said, "You're too nice to everybody. It doesn't help the company." I can't tell you how much that comment just killed me. But then I went out and got an executive coach, and I reflected on it. In many ways, it made me a better CEO. I learned that I could be me and I could still be nice and I could be kind, but there are moments I have to be clear. When I'm looking to promote someone or hire someone, knowing your stuff is super important. You don't want this person, who says, I'm the one who always knows the answer. You want someone who can learn from their team. I spent most of my career running marketing, and marketing moves fast. Some of the youngest members of the team are teaching me more things over the years than even some of the more seasoned marketing people. How are you constantly having a view about learning and staying smart in the trade? The ability to just be a good partner or work with people is important. Your job's not to come in and knock down walls. It's actually to build relationships because you can't do everything yourself. How are you at building cross-department relationships? My advice to recent grads: One of my favorites, take your work very seriously. Be good at what you do. Don't always be looking for that next thing that you gotta go tackle. Do what's in front of you first. Don't take yourself too seriously. You come out, you're like, Oh, I have all of these credentials. I should therefore be able to do these things. Sometimes the envelopes need stuffed and we might all do that together. So don't take yourself too seriously. We're gonna do this together. Be open to feedback and to helping others. Don't be afraid when people suggest things that seem totally counter. I think sometimes we get too rigid in our plans. I use Angie's List as an example. I was supposed to be a consultant. I was supposed to go be a business consultant, but then Bill comes in and says, hey, what about this? I could have easily been a business consultant and had a nice life. But I chose that door. A lot of times, people get a little too narrow in their focus and miss opportunities. So stay open to that. For me, it's all about the people you work with. Working with people that you're learning from, that believe in you, that's all that matters. I overindex there. People ask me, how are you still doing this after 30 years? I ask myself two questions, and if I can answer yes to those two questions, I'm in. If I answer no, I'm out. The two things are: Do I like the people I'm working with, and am I learning new things? When you're as long in your career as I am, you have to dedicate time and effort to learning new things so that you don't become that person that is like, we do this because we've always done it this way. Which I think is just like the worst line ever. Reflection Questions Angie's grandfather asked, "What do you have to lose?" when she was 22 and hesitating about starting a business. What decision are you currently overthinking that you might need to just take a leap on while you're young (or young enough) and the risk is manageable? S She says the skills that make us really good individual performers don't necessarily make us good leaders. If you've recently been promoted or are leading others, what specific "doer" habits do you need to let go of so your team can learn and succeed? Angie stayed at Angi for 30 years by asking herself two questions: "Do I like the people I'm working with?" and "Am I learning new things?" How would you honestly answer those two questions about your current role? If the answer to either is no, what does that tell you?
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- 27 views
- Published 27 days ago
Transcript of 661: Suzy Welch - How to Identify Your Core Values, Close the Authenticity Gap, and Live with Purpose
Go to www.LearningLeader.com for full show notes This is brought to you by Insight Global. If you need to hire one person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world has the hustle and grit to deliver. My Guest: Suzy Welch is known for co-founding the Jack Welch Management Institute and writing bestsellers like 10-10-10: A Life Transforming Idea. Her career includes roles as an editor-in-chief for Harvard Business Review, a crime reporter, and a professor. She teaches at NYU and is the best-selling author of Becoming You. Key Learnings Purpose Requires Realism, Not Just Passion - Everyone wants to be the drummer in Disturbed, but that guy's good at drumming. My whole methodology is about realism. You have to know what your values are, what your interests are, but you better be good at it or forget it. Otherwise, it's a hobby. Values Are Choices, Not Virtues - Most people confuse values and virtues. Virtues are things like integrity, courage, and thankfulness... Behaviors we all should have more of. Values are choices about how you want to live, work, and relate. It's a value if it would drive who you married, what job you took, and where you went on vacation. There are 16 Measurable Values - Values exist on a continuum like a DNA profile. Scope reflects how exciting a life you want. Radius is how much you want to change the world systemically. Belovedness is how important an intimate relationship is to you. Work centrism is whether you love work for work's sake or if it's just a means to an end. Men Over 32 Value Romantic Relationships Most - We just got data showing that for men over the age of 32, belovedness is their number one value. It's much lower for women. Only 50% of people have family centrism in their top five values—we assume everyone shares our values, but they don't. Your Authenticity Gap Reveals Your Pain - You could hold the value of scope as number one, but not be able to live it right now because of your job or family situation. That gap between what you value and what you're living—we call that your authenticity gap. If you've got a big one, you know it because it hurts. Gen Z's Top Value Is Self-Care - 75% of Gen Z have self-care, wellbeing, pleasure, and leisure as their top value. Their top three are self-care, authentic self-expression, and helping others. Meanwhile, hiring managers want achievement, scope, and work centrism. The overlap is 2%. Aptitudes Are Your Brain's Dominant Hand - We have nine cognitive aptitudes preset by age 15. Are you a generalist or a specialist? A future focuser or a present focuser? A brainstormer or someone who comes up with one fully baked idea per year? It's painful to be a generalist in a specialist job. Your Personality Is How The World Experiences You - Your personality is not the list of adjectives you write about yourself. It's how the world experiences you. When I did my 360 feedback, people said I was the hurricane, not the calm at the center. I had to learn to communicate better the thoughts I had, and learn to be less chaotic. Everyone Writes Themselves As The Hero - A police lieutenant once told me: everyone writes the story of their life with themselves at the center as the hero. No matter what story we tell ourselves, we always cast ourselves as the hero. That's why self-awareness is so hard and why we need testing, not just self-reflection. The Aperture Problem: Kids Only Know Five Jobs - When kids come out of high school, they only know about five jobs, two of which are their parents. By college it goes up to seven. By grad school, MBAs are thinking about two or three options—banking, consulting, or tech. There are 135 industries and thousands of types of work nobody tells them about. Great Leaders Don't Do It For The Money - I've been blessed to know many of the greatest leaders. They're doing it for love of people, excitement, work, or impact. I've never met a great leader who was doing it for the money. Jensen Huang and Jeff Bezos are examples—clarity, vision, excellence in everything, no shortcuts. Better To Be The Author Than The Editor - When you're ambitious, you end up surrounded by voices and can become the editor of your life. You have to become the author. Paint a self-portrait of yourself standing still so that when you start running, you know where you're going and why. Reflection Questions What would the 5 people closest to you say about how you show up? Would their description match how you see yourself, or do you have a self-awareness gap you haven't addressed? If you mapped your actual daily behaviors against your stated top values, would they align? Or are you living someone else's version of success while calling it your own? Are you the author of your life or the editor? Whose voices are loudest in your head when making big decisions, and have you given yourself permission to write your own story? Former Episodes Referenced #127: Adam Grant - How Originals Impact the World #441: Liz Wiseman - How to Build Credibility, Solve Problems, & Multiply Your Impact #350 - Tom Rath - Answering Life's Great Question
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- Published 2 months ago
Transcript of 660: James Clear (Live at Ohio University!) - The Four Laws of Behavior Change, Systems vs Goals, Building Better Habits, Mastering the Two-Minute Rule, Having a Great Marriage, & The Plateau of Latent Potential
Go to www.LearningLeader.com for full show notes This is brought to you by Insight Global. If you need to hire one person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world has the hustle and grit to deliver. My guest: James Clear is the author of one of the most influential books of our generation, Atomic Habits. He's sold over 25 million copies worldwide and has helped millions of people transform their lives through the power of small changes. We brought the podcast to the campus of Ohio University, where we recorded live in front of 250 of the most impressive college students I've ever met. Notes: I loved the Morgan Housel moment - It was cool to see James' reaction to it (you can watch it on YouTube.com/RyanHawk). Morgan said, "I have absolutely not a single cell of envy for him. Because he is the nicest guy you will ever meet. You will not meet a nicer human than James Clear. You will not meet someone as successful as he is and as humble as he is. He is a saint in my life. And because of that, I adore every bit of this guy, so I cannot envy him. I am just inspired by his success, full stop." We should all strive to be that for the people in our lives. Your WHO - "Every opportunity in life comes through a person. Relationships are usually the most important thing. If you want to achieve more, there is a relationship that can unlock better results. If you want to make a meaningful contribution, helping others is a great way to do it. If you sim Willpower – 'People with tremendous self-control aren't that different from those who struggle. They're simply better at structuring their lives in a way that doesn't require heroic willpower.' It's not about determination, it's about design. That's liberating. Fall in Love with the Process - "When you fall in love with the process rather than the product, you don't have to wait to give yourself permission to be happy. You can be satisfied anytime your system is running. And a system can be successful in many different forms, not just the one you first envision." Make It Obvious, Easy, Attractive, Satisfying - The four laws of behavior change: make good habits obvious and bad habits invisible, make good habits easy and bad habits difficult, make good habits attractive and bad habits unattractive, make good habits satisfying and bad habits unsatisfying. Use the Two-Minute Rule - Scale any habit down to something that takes two minutes or less. Want to read more? Read one page. Want to run a marathon? Put on your running shoes. The goal is to master showing up and make the entry point as easy as possible. Standardize Before You Optimize - You can't improve a habit that doesn't exist. Master the art of showing up before worrying about optimization. Build consistency first, then work on increasing the dose or improving performance. Track Your Habits Visually - I use a paper clip strategy: start each day with 120 paper clips in one jar, move one to another jar each time I complete a writing session. Visual tracking provides clear evidence of progress and makes the habit satisfying. Habits Need to Match Your Personality - There's no one-size-fits-all approach. Morning people and night owls need different strategies. Work with your natural tendencies, not against them. Choose habits and contexts that align with who you already are. Create Commitment Devices - Make bad habits difficult through commitment devices. I had my assistant change my social media passwords every Monday and only give them back on Fridays. This eliminated mindless scrolling during my productive work hours. Focus on Systems, Not Goals - Winners and losers have the same goals. The difference is their systems. Goals are about the results you want to achieve; systems are about the processes that lead to those results. Fall in love with the process, not the outcome. Build Habits That Align With Your Desired Identity - I wanted to be a writer, so I wrote every Monday and Thursday for years. Eventually, I had proof. I couldn't deny I was a writer because of the body of work I'd created. Your habits are how you embody your identity. The Plateau of Latent Potential - We expect progress to be linear, but it's not. Habits often appear to make no difference until you cross a critical threshold. You need to persist long enough to get through the plateau and break through to the other side. Reduce Friction for Good Habits - I want to work out more, so I lay out my workout clothes the night before. When I wake up, they're the first thing I see. The easier you make the habit, the more likely you are to do it. Increase Friction for Bad Habits - Want to watch less TV? Unplug it after each use and put the remote in another room. The added friction makes the bad habit less appealing and gives you a moment to make a better choice. Automate Good Decisions - Technology can lock in good behavior. I set up automatic transfers to my investment account. Once the system is in place, the good behavior happens without requiring willpower or decision-making energy. Student Questions On Building Habits in College - The mess of college is actually useful because you're forced to figure out who you are. Use this time to experiment with different habits and see what sticks. You have more flexibility now than you will later in life. On Breaking Bad Habits - Trying to eliminate a bad habit without replacing it with something else is really hard. The more sustainable approach is habit substitution. If you want to stop scrolling social media, replace it with reading for five minutes instead. On Staying Consistent - Never miss twice. Missing once is an accident; missing twice is the start of a new habit. Elite performers aren't consistent because they're more disciplined—they have better strategies for getting back on track quickly when life happens. On Finding Your Purpose - I think the idea of finding your purpose is misleading. You don't find your purpose; you build it through the habits you practice daily. Your life is essentially a collection of your habits, so if you want a different life, build different habits. On Overcoming Setbacks - After my accident, I had to redefine what success looked like. Sometimes progress means recovering what you lost rather than reaching new heights. Focus on what you can control today rather than what you wish you could control. On Reading and Learning - I read across many disciplines because insights often come from connecting ideas from different fields. Read widely, take notes, and revisit those notes regularly. The goal isn't to finish books—it's to find ideas that change how you think. On Building a Writing Practice - I published twice per week for years before anything took off. Most people overestimate what they can accomplish in one year and underestimate what they can accomplish in ten years. Show up consistently and let time do the heavy lifting. Reflection Questions Are you focused on achieving goals or building systems? What's one process you could improve this week that would make your desired outcomes more likely? What's one habit you want to build? Can you make it so easy that you can't say no—something that takes two minutes or less? How can you design your environment to make this habit obvious and attractive? Which of your current habits align with the identity you want to build? What small votes can you cast today through your actions to prove to yourself who you want to become? Former Episodes Referenced #529 - James Clear - Becoming an Optimist, Creating Your System, & Setting Up Your Future Self #655 - Morgan Housel - The Simple Formula For Happiness, Betting on Others, & Gaining Independence & Purpose #594 - Charles Duhigg - Becoming a Super Communicator #470 - Daniel Coyle - Building Your Culture, Solving Hard Problems, & Winning The Learning Contest #428 - James Clear - Asking Better Questions, Taking Action, & Doing A+ Work Episode Timestamps: 02:20 High Praise from Morgan Housel 04:08 Winning the St. Gallen Symposium & James' College Experience 07:00 The Strategy Behind Writing Atomic Habits 13:58 Designing Your Environment for Success 31:05 The Art of Building Genuine Relationships 39:00 Clarifying Your Thoughts Through Writing 40:11 Applying Atomic Habits to Leadership 41:04 Mental Performance Techniques from a Navy SEAL 43:31 Balancing Success and Personal Life 47:56 The Importance of Reflection and Review 51:10 Adapting Habits in Different Environments 55:19 Habits for Short-Term Goals vs Long-Term Goals 01:04:27 Using Feedback for Habit Building 01:07:55 Internal Dialogue While Building Habits 01:13:28 The Influence of Others on Forming Your Habits 01:17:01 EOPC
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- 120 views
- Published 2 months ago
Transcript of 659: Derek Sivers - Not Waiting for Permission, Hell Yeah or No, Leadership Lessons From The Dancing Guy, & Why The Standard Pace is for Chumps
Go to www.LearningLeader.com for full show notes This is brought to you by Insight Global. If you need to hire one person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world has the hustle and grit to deliver. My Guest: Derek Sivers is the founder of CD Baby and author of "Hell Yeah or No" and "Useful Not True." He shared how he graduated from Cal Berkeley in two years instead of four because the "standard pace for chumps" - a lesson that shaped his entire career of institutional skepticism and unconventional thinking. From creating viral shipping emails to understanding why explorers make bad leaders, Derek shares why being busy means being out of control, how your first thought is an obstacle to your best work, and why you can't predict what the world will want from you until you try everything and listen closely to what it's telling you. Notes: No Speed Limit – Most things are paced so the slowest person can keep up. If you're driven and motivated, you can go so much faster than the standard pace. I graduated from Berkeley in two years by learning four semesters of harmony in one hour. "The standard pace is for chumps. You can do so much better than that." Question the Standard Process – When someone says you must go through usual channels or something will take a certain time, assume there's probably a hack. Develop institutional skepticism - there's usually a better way than how most people do it. Create Opportunities, Don't Wait for Them – You don't have to wait until a company is hiring. If you can see how to benefit them, walk in and show them what you can do for free first. Alan Tepper made Warner Brothers more money than anyone that year by just showing up with a plan. Make Everything Valuable to Others – The starving artist spends all their time on work valuable to them but not to others. Use money as a neutral measure - if you can make money with your art, it ensures what you're doing is valuable to other people. "It's almost impossible to predict what the world will want from you... Keep yourself out there and listen closely to what the world is telling you it wants from you." Stand Out by Being Different – Don't imitate what everyone else is doing. I wrote a silly shipping email in 10 minutes that became one of the most viral emails ever mentioned in business books. Ask yourself constantly: What has nobody done before? The First Follower Creates the Movement – We focus on the shirtless dancing guy, but the first follower is what made everything happen. Until then, people kept their distance from the freak. If you find someone doing something great, follow them and show others how to follow. Every Sentence Must Matter – My books are 90-100 pages, but start as 1,000-page rough drafts. I spend 1-2 years full-time chopping every sentence that doesn't absolutely need to be there. "I'm not gonna put a single sentence out into the world that doesn't need to be there." Make every word count - eliminate everything that doesn't add value. Hell Yeah or No is Context-Dependent – This tool is for when you're overwhelmed with options and need to raise the bar. Straight out of college, say yes to everything because opportunities are like lottery tickets. Once something rewards you, then say no to other things and double down. Busy Means Out of Control – "Busy to me implies out of control. You're busy if you've let other people shove shit into your schedule." Leave space instead of filling it - that time to think is what creates valuable insights others don't have time to develop. Your First Thought is an Obstacle – Don't honor the thought that came first. In brainstorming, acknowledge the first idea, then keep going - don't stop at two or three. Even silly ideas can seed great ones you'd never reach without that stepping stone. All Beliefs Are a Myth – People worshiped Zeus for centuries; now we call it mythology. But we say our own beliefs are true while others' are superstitions. I expected China to be awful from American news, but found it wonderful - question what you've been told. Use Prejudice as Your Compass – If you notice you're prejudiced against something, that's exactly what you should explore. Burning Man sounds awful to me; therefore, I should probably go. Steer into your biases to overcome them and gain new perspectives. Explorers Make Terrible Leaders – Explorers try everything and change direction constantly, which frustrates teams. Leaders go in a straight line to a clear destination, unwavering in mission even if the path changes. I loved changing my mind, which made me a bad leader until I learned the difference. Set projects with clear missions, even if you're personally exploring other things. Try Everything Until the World Says Yes – I had a booking agency, a record label, a recording studio, and my own music - all failures. Then, a side project to help friends (CD Baby) took off. You can't predict what the world wants from you, so try many things and listen closely to what it's telling you. Reflection What "standard pace" are you accepting in your business or career that you could actually accelerate if you questioned it? Where have you assumed something has to take a certain amount of time just because that's how it's always been done? Are you spending time on work that's valuable to you but not to others? How could you test whether what you're creating actually solves problems people are willing to pay for? Are you acting more like an explorer or a leader right now? If you're constantly changing direction, how could you set clearer missions for your projects while keeping your personal explorations separate? Resources & References Derek's Content: Derek's website and blog "Leadership Lessons from Dancing Guy" (First Follower) TED Talk - Derek Sivers "No Speed Limit" essay Former Episodes Referenced #647 - Tim Ferriss - Chasing Your Curiosity #562 - Nikki Glaser - The Creative Process of a Comedian #644 - Blaine Anderson - Confidence, Curiosity, Connection Episode Timestamps 02:20 Early Life Lessons from Kimo Williams 05:21 Corporate Lessons and Unconventional Paths 09:10 The Power of Adding Value 13:57 Viral TED Talk: Leadership Lessons from the Dancing Guy 22:03 The 'Hell Yeah or No' Philosophy 27:29 The CD Baby Experience 28:02 Starting an Online Record Store 29:10 Creating a Unique Shipping Notice 30:01 The Viral Impact of Creativity 32:53 The Importance of Regular Writing 35:17 Questioning Assumptions and Beliefs 36:23 Exploring New Perspectives 40:41 The Explorer vs. The Leader 48:21 Advice for Aspiring Leaders Resources: Read: The Score That Matters Read: The Pursuit of Excellence Read: Welcome to Management To Follow me on X: @RyanHawk12
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- Published 3 months ago
Transcript of 658: Dave Berke - From Top Gun to Extreme Ownership: Managing Ego, Building Humility, Emotional Detachment, Agile Planning, and Leading Teams Through Chaos
Go to www.LearningLeader.com for full show notes The Learning Leader Show with Ryan Hawk This is brought to you by Insight Global. If you need to hire one person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world has the hustle and grit to deliver. www.InsightGlobal.com/LearningLeader My guest: Dave Berke is a retired US Marine Corps Officer, TOPGUN Instructor, and now a leadership instructor and speaker with Echelon Front, where he serves as Chief Development Officer. As a F/A-18 pilot, he deployed twice from the USS John C Stennis in support of combat operations in Iraq and Afghanistan. He spent three years as an Instructor Pilot at TOPGUN where he served as the Training Officer, the senior staff pilot responsible for the conduct of the TOPGUN course. Notes: July 2001: Plans Don't Survive Contact - Dave's Top Gun graduation exercise as flight lead. Wingman yells, "Showtime one-one break right!" - an F-5 snuck into formation. Dave was staring at the radar instead of looking out, had to fall out of formation, and ended up at the back instead of leading from the front. Mission successful, but nothing like he planned. Dave: "The outcome was still really good... except it was nothing like I thought it was going to be." Lesson: You're planning for the success of the outcome, not how you're going to do it. The most important attribute in a leader is humility. To be effective, you must be able to listen, learn, be flexible, and admit you’re wrong sometimes. One of the biggest issues they deal with when working with leaders is ego and/or the inability to be humble. As leaders, we need to be self-aware enough to realize when our ego is getting the best of us. And surrounding ourselves with people who will help us know when that is happening as well. Be Fluid with Plans, Deliberate with Outcomes - Be really fluid and loose with plans, but deliberate about aligning the team on outcomes. Dave grew up as a control freak, OCD planner. Dave: "In life, it's just not how life works... If you can align on the mission and outcome, and you are very open-minded that there are a lot of different ways to get there, you're far more likely to be successful." The military saying, "The enemy gets a vote." Ryan's quarterback coach after an interception: "He's on scholarship too, you know?" Process: How You Create It Matters Most - Process is important, but how you create it matters most. If you agree on the outcome, the conversation should be less about agreement, more about "When you talk about step one, what are you thinking? How does this lead to step two?" The process has to be organic. When you create it, you're more likely to maneuver around challenges. Book Dedication: Chris and Kat - Book dedicated to Corporal Chris Leon and his mother, Kat. Chris was a radio operator on Dave's 13-man Anglo team. June 20, 2006, Chris was killed by an enemy sniper in Iraq - first Anglican Marine killed there. Dave's son is Matthew Leon Burke - took Chris's last name. Chris's mom Kat is Aunt Kat to Dave's family. Dave: "I always say I really deep down wish I didn't know Kat, because that would've meant Chris came home and life just went on. But that's not what happened." Chris taught bravery. Kat taught strength. Top Gun Reality: It's About the Team - 1986 Top Gun most impactful movie on Dave's life at 14. But the movie depicts a lone wolf. Marine Corps teaches: Your contribution to the team matters most. A really good pilot who's self-centered will do more damage than a slightly less capable pilot who's a real team player. Dave: "If there's ever a team sport, it's going into combat... It's not about you. It's about the team." Trust: Action, Not Description - Echelon codifies relationships: Trust, respect, listening, influence. Trust is the cornerstone. Dave: "If you don't trust me, I could be good at so many things. If there is a trust gap, there's going to be a problem in the relationship and team." Trust is action you take. Ego: The Universal Challenge - When Echelon works with companies, challenges are almost always connected to ego. Dave: "Our egos tend to wreak havoc at each level of organization." From birth, the ego drives us down the wrong path. When debating plans, ego says, "You're right, he's wrong." Building good leadership is managing egos. Dave: "Humility is the most important attribute in a leader. All the attributes, humility is number one, and we don't waffle on that." Humility Enables Everything Else - Dave worked with the biggest, toughest SEALs. Attribute most critical to success: humility. Ability to listen, learn, be flexible, change, admit you're wrong, and go with someone else's plan. It even affects fitness. Humility touches everything. Doesn't diminish other attributes, but allows you to strengthen them. Teaching Humility: Subordinate Your Ego - You can’t tell someone with a big ego to be humble. Dave: "The biggest challenge with someone else's ego is not their ego. It's your ego's response to it." Most counterintuitive thing: If you clash with Ryan, Dave has to subordinate his ego to Ryan's. Lower your ego: "Hey Ryan, I've been pushing back hard, I realize I'm not listening." Natural reaction: Ryan's ego starts to drop. Over time, collaborate more. You connect success to the ability to control the ego. Dave: "Humility is the measurement of how much control you have over your ego." What you give is usually what you get. It's reciprocal. Care About Team More Than Yourself - When your people see you working hard to clear paths or block an egomaniac boss, they'll run through walls for you. Outcome of a good relationship: You care about the team, the team cares about you. That selfless act shows you care about them more than yourself. Dave: "That's how you show that you care about them more than yourself, and that's what a leader's job is, to care about the team more than you care about yourself. That's parenting, that's marriage." Extreme Ownership - Book Extreme Ownership changed Dave's understanding. When you take ownership, take ownership of everything. Caveat: Not things you literally don't control. But you have ownership over everything, even just how you react. After Chris was killed, Dave said, "That's war, nothing we can do." Problem: When he embraced it wasn't his responsibility, it meant he didn't have as much to change. Should have asked: "What is everything we can do to make sure this doesn't happen again?" The tendency is to undershoot ownership. Try to take it to the extreme. If you can take ownership of everything you can control, you get more influence over the outcome. Detachment: A Superpower - Dave: "Detachment is a superpower" - (1) almost nobody can do it, and (2) if you can, it’s massively influential. Detachment is being in control of emotions. When overwhelmed with priorities and pressures, you tend to get emotional. When you react emotionally, you make bad decisions. Learn the skill of detaching - not to be devoid of emotion (we're human), but don't let emotions dictate. Get Away from Problems to See What's Causing It - When a problem occurs at work, you tend to focus on it, go into it. It seems good but is often wrong. You should get away from it, detach. Getting away lets you look around and see what's really causing it. Military example: The enemy is shooting at you; the tendency is to focus on that. Usually bad because they're hoping you do - then they send a flanking maneuver. If you detach, step back, you'll see the flanking maneuver coming. Be able to see the future - that's the superpower. Know Your Red Flags - Intervene Early - You have to understand where you are escalating your emotions. Know your personal red flags. Most people don't go zero to 100. Long day, flight delayed, bad meeting - little things tick up, so zero is actually 4 or 5, which means dirty dishes put you to 7. When Dave gets frustrated, traps tighten up. Some people's nose turns red. If you're at level 8 and someone says, "calm down," it makes it worse. But if at level 1 or 2 and you intervene, you're in control. What an adult does: "I'm an emotional guy, but I have awareness of where I am. If I'm a 4, I gotta intervene then." If at level 10, detaching is not gonna happen. That's the difference between kids and adults. Dave: "You are much more likely to have a hard time controlling your emotions, ironically, with people you care about the most." Quotes: "You're planning for the success of the outcome, not how you're going to go about doing that, because things get in the way." "Humility is the most important attribute in a leader. All the attributes. Humility is number one, and we don't waffle on that." "The biggest challenge with someone else's ego is not their ego. It's your ego's response to it." "Detachment is a superpower." "You are much more likely to have a hard time controlling your emotions, ironically, with people you care about the most." 01:16 Introducing Dave Burke 02:21 Dave Burke's Top Gun Experience 05:23 Lessons Learned from Military to Everyday Life 07:56 The Importance of Flexibility in Leadership 13:07 The Need to Lead: Dedication and Personal Stories 16:58 The Realities of Teamwork in Combat and Business 21:03 Building Trust and Relationships in Teams 26:04 The Role of Humility in Effective Leadership 31:03 Understanding Ego and Humility 31:50 Subordinating Your Ego 33:38 Challenges of Teaching Humility 34:07 Personal Experiences with Ego 39:20 The Power of Ownership 42:57 Detachment as a Superpower 52:58 Advice for Young Leaders 57:26 Conclusion and Key Takeaways
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- Published 3 months ago
Transcript of 657: Helen Lewis - Why Genius Is a Myth, Edison Needed Teams, Self-Promoters Are Overrated, Conspiracy Theories, Shakespeare Needed Luck, and How To Build an Excellent Career
Go to www.LearningLeader.com for full show notes This is brought to you by Insight Global. If you need to hire one person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world has the hustle and grit to deliver. My Guest: Helen Lewis is a staff writer at The Atlantic and author of The Genius Myth: Great Ideas Don't Come from Lone Geniuses. Notes: Shakespeare: Talent + Luck + Timing - William Shakespeare died in 1616 at age 52, celebrated but not yet immortal. His icon status required massive luck: friends published the First Folio (saving King Lear), then 50 years later, Charles II reopened England's theaters after Puritan closures and needed content. Companies turned to Shakespeare's IP, adapting his work (including changing tragedies to happy endings). Helen: "If anyone deserves to be called a genius, it's him. But he died as a successful man of his age. Scenius Over Genius - Brian Eno coined "scenius" - places that are unusually productive and creative. Shakespeare moved from Warwickshire to London for the theaters and playwrights. Helen: "You don't just have to be Leonardo, you also need Florence... Where do you find the coolest, most interesting bleeding edge of your field?" Modern example: Joe Rogan's Comedy Mothership in Austin created an alternative to LA/NYC for comedians like Shane Gillis and Tony Hinchcliffe. Ryan: "Put yourself in rooms where you feel like the dumbest person... force you to rise up, think differently, work harder." Tim Berners-Lee vs. Elon Musk - Tim Berners-Lee invented the World Wide Web. Has knighthood, lives an ordinary life, kids named Alice and Ben. Most people have never heard of him. Elon Musk has a lot of children, talks about his genes needing to live on, and lives a very public life. Helen: "We overrate the self-promoters, the narcissists. We demand oddness and specialness... We don't call modest people geniuses because they're too normal." Elizabeth Holmes (Theranos) and Sam Bankman-Fried (FTX) exploited this - looked like a genius (Steve Jobs cosplay, messy math prodigy) but stood on houses of cards. Trauma and the "I'll Show You" Engine - Matthew Parris wrote Fracture after noticing how many "great lives" had traumatic childhoods - loss of parents, being unloved, bullied. Helen: "I don't think that's necessarily genius in objective achievement. It's more like a hunger for recognition or fame... a kind of 'I'll show all of you' engine." Stephen Hawking on IQ - Stephen Hawking: "I have no idea. People who boast about their IQ are losers." The Flynn Effect shows average IQ rose over the 20th century through better nutrition, schooling, and living conditions. Higher IQ correlates with better outcomes. But at the top end, every IQ point ≠ is one success point. Christopher Langan (the highest IQ guy) thinks he has a theory to overturn Einstein, and that Bush did 9/11 to cover it up. No history of achievement. Helen: "Smart people don't always prosper. You need the gears that connect the engine to the wheels on the road." Conspiracy Theories: Narcissism as Driver - Narcissism is the most correlated personality trait with conspiracy thinking. Helen: "The sheeple, the NPCs think this, but I alone have seen the truth. It positions you as the protagonist of reality." The Internet is a "confirmation bias engine." But conspiracies are sometimes true (Epstein's corrupt plea deal), which is why conspiracy thinking persists. Researcher Karen Stenner's solution: Get back to depoliticized conspiracies like Bigfoot, crop circles, Area 51 - harmless things that got people outside instead of "shoot up a pizza restaurant." The Beatles: Finiteness Creates Legend - Psychologist Han Isaac said geniuses should either die before 30 or live past 80. Middle is "eh." The Beatles had both: a short career that ended definitively, then John Lennon was shot at 40, frozen in time. Paul McCartney lives on, performs at Glastonbury with John's vocals. Craig Brown: "The Rolling Stones just go on and on, but there's never as much of the Beatles as you want." Quality Over Quantity - Helen: "Incentive now is producing constantly for algorithms... That's neither fun nor produces the best work." Early career: say YES. Later career: "The most important thing you can say is no." Her metric: "Can I say honestly, that was the best I could do? I didn't cut corners. That's the metric." Podcast: advised to do 2-3 episodes weekly for rankings, has been doing weekly for 10.5 years. Shows that went daily? He stopped listening. "I'm gonna increase the quality bar, not the quantity." Robert Greene: "Do not speak unless you can improve upon the silence." Improving the Silence - "My dad's not the loudest at family gatherings, doesn't have the most words, but when he speaks, we all stop and listen. That's who you want to be." Applies to meetings: people vomit garbage to show how smart they are instead of waiting for something valuable. When you speak, people should want to listen. Thomas Edison: Execution Over Ideas - The Light bulb wasn't Edison's conceptual innovation - the idea dated to Humphrey Davy. What was incredible: Edison made it work (vacuum seal, filament) and created the New York power grid. Helen: "Lots of people can have the idea that a man should be an ant. Not everybody can write the Ant-Man screenplay and have it produced." His Menlo Park lab lasted because he worked with brilliant people on problems they cared about. Logbook shows assistants' names on breakthroughs - collaborative. We underrate logistics and execution. Most "light bulb moments" are actually slow, incremental, contested creations. Why Helen Chooses Teams Over Independence - Could go independent on Substack for more money. Works at The Atlantic for: resources, legal support, editorial integrity, and colleagues she doesn't want to let down. Helen: "You must have people in your life, you think, I wanna do work that they like. Finding those people who make you your best version of yourself." Ryan connects to athletics: "Being surrounded by people better than me forces me to raise my game. That's why we want to be part of a great team." Sample First, Specialize Later - High achievers have "hot streak" later, but sample early - trying different things, learning transferable skills. Helen: "Take the first job at a publication you could learn from. Even if not wildly interested, if it's good and they'll hold you to high standards, do it. Your second job is infinitely easier to get than your first." Work Around People Who Care - Helen: "If you work somewhere where no one cares, it's very hard. You can't care on your own. You'll become infected by the apathy around you." Nothing is more boring than a job you don't care about. Don't Wait to Live - Some devote long hours to something for money, promising they'll retire at 30 and then live. Helen: "What if you spent all that time chasing something and then you get hit by a truck? Don't wait for it. Just try and enjoy what you're doing right now." Quotes: "You don't just have to be Leonardo, you also need Florence." "We overrate the self-promoters and underrate the humble achievers." "Smart people don't always prosper. You need the gears that connect the engine to the wheels." "The most important thing you can say is no." "Do not speak unless you can improve upon the silence." - Robert Greene "You can't care on your own. You'll become infected by the apathy around you." It’s funny that we have come to use the phrase ‘lightbulb moment’ to describe a momentary flash of inspiration, because the birth of the lightbulb was slow, incremental, and highly contested.
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- Published 3 months ago
Transcript of 656: Dakota Meyer - Medal of Honor, The Battle of Ganjgal, Leadership Under Fire, The Loyalty Question, and What America Needs Right Now
Go to www.LearningLeader.com for full show notes The Learning Leader Show with Ryan Hawk This is brought to you by Insight Global. If you need to hire 1 person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world have the hustle and grit to deliver. www.InsightGlobal.com/LearningLeader Guest: Dakota Meyer, a United States Marine Corps veteran and Medal of Honor recipient. At just 21 years old, Dakota's actions during the Battle of Ganjgal in Afghanistan saved many lives when he repeatedly went against his orders and drove into a Taliban ambush zone to rescue trapped soldiers. He became the first living Marine in more than 40 years to receive the Medal of Honor. Today, he's a firefighter, entrepreneur, and New York Times bestselling author. Dakota is dedicated to developing leaders who can handle crisis and complexity. In our conversation, you'll hear why Dakota believes his most heroic day was actually his greatest failure, what he was feeling the day he received the Medal of Honor from President Obama, and his practical blueprint for bringing our divided country together. Notes: The Three-Phase Life Cycle - Dakota's framework for wisdom: "You have an obstacle you face. You have to get through that obstacle and become better from it. And then the third piece is you have to share how you got through that obstacle." Leadership vs. Responsibility - "Leaders are just people too. You can lead from anywhere in an organization... Leadership comes in many forms." True leadership means choosing where your loyalty lies - with the people you're responsible for or with protecting your own position. September 8th, 2009: Leadership Failure - Dakota frames his Medal of Honor actions as "an absolute story of leadership failure at its best" - multiple levels of leaders avoiding responsibility while he went against orders to save his teammates. The Loyalty Question - "Where does their loyalty lie? Is it in the people that trust them to lead them and to protect them? Or is it in the organization in order for themselves to keep getting promoted?" This fundamental choice defines every leader. Risk vs. Results - "Organizations and leaders today are so risk-averse that risk comes before results... You can't be successful, do hard things, and stay comfortable and be safe. In no world does that exist." Mental Health Reality Check - Dakota challenges current mental health approaches: "We're giving people no hope because we're trying to accommodate their emotions and not bring them back to reality and logic." He distinguishes between trauma that needs addressing and self-induced mental health issues through poor choices. Love as Choice, Not Emotion - "Love is not an emotion. Love is a choice... If you love me, you're going to always help me be the best version of me. That doesn't always feel good." Accountability and Fatherhood - As a father of two daughters: "I can't be anything that I wouldn't let anybody else be to them... You set the bar for what they're gonna accept and what they're not gonna accept." The Civil War Warning - "America doesn't need a Civil War. What we need is to vote, to lead, to speak up in schools, to teach our kids history, truth, kindness with strength, and how to disagree without violence." The Ambush - When his team walked into an ambush, promised support assets (air support, mortars, quick reaction force) weren't available due to rules of engagement restrictions. When Lieutenant Johnson called for artillery support, saying, "If you don't give me these rounds right now, we're going to die," the response was "Try your best." The Decision to Act - Dakota requested permission to help multiple times and was denied each time. He finally went against orders with his driver, Staff Sergeant Rodriguez Chavez, making four or five trips into the valley over six hours to evacuate wounded and recover bodies. The Human Cost - Dakota describes the helplessness of watching Afghan soldiers get "mowed down" while running toward his vehicle for rescue. He performed basic life-saving measures, loaded wounded in trucks with the dead on the bottom and living on top for triage priority, and ultimately recovered some of his fallen teammates. The Immediate Aftermath - Dakota put his teammates in body bags, flew them home, then immediately returned to cleaning his truck and helping Afghan soldiers with their dead. He went back to his base alone - the only survivor of his four-man team. Mental Health Crisis - Dakota developed a destructive cycle: daily drinking (depressant), massive caffeine intake to compensate, creating anxiety and amplifying trauma. He was surrounded by people who only wanted to discuss trauma and war stories, preventing healing. Suicide Attempt - Dakota reached a breaking point where he held a gun to his head, but it wasn't loaded. This became his turning point - he made a commitment to either "rack it back and go ahead and do it, or go out and find a way to get through this and start living a life worthy of their sacrifices." The Path Forward - Recovery came through accountability rather than accommodation. Dakota emphasizes that while trauma needed addressing, he was "amplifying and feeding the problem, not the solution" through his choices. Real vs. Perceived Heroism - Dakota challenges the hero narrative: "I am an example of the potential that's in every human being... If they believe in a cause that's bigger than themselves, and they love people so much that they're willing to do whatever it takes to stop the suffering." Daily Character Building - "You don't just wake up and do the hard thing. It starts every day. Do you get up when you say you're gonna get up? Do you do what you say?" The Medal of Honor action was simply "upholding my end of the deal to my teammates and to my country." Being a Great Dad - Dakota sets an extremely high bar as a dad: "I believe that if your daughters start dating shitty and weak men, it's because you are a shitty and weak man." He sees fatherhood as the ultimate accountability. Unity through Truth - His current focus: "I just want to bring people together... I wanna put hope back in the world through truth." He believes in finding common ground with anyone through genuine connection and curiosity. Education vs. Knowledge - Dakota distinguishes between theoretical education and practical knowledge: "There's a difference between education and knowledge... those who can't do, they teach. We need more that have done teaching." The Power of Love - His core philosophy centers on love as action, not emotion: "Love is limitless... there's no expiration date" compared to hate and negativity, which "there's an expiration date on." Practical Application Leadership Loyalty Test - Before making decisions, ask where your primary loyalty lies: with those you lead or with your own advancement Risk-Taking Framework - Understand that meaningful results require accepting risk and discomfort Mental Health Approach - Address trauma while taking responsibility for choices that amplify problems Daily Character Development - Build integrity through small daily commitments before facing major challenges Connection Over Division - Seek common ground through curiosity and questions rather than attacking opposing viewpoints
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- Published 3 months ago
Transcript of 655: Morgan Housel - The Simple Formula For Happiness, Betting on Others, Gaining Independence & Purpose, Family Vacation Secrets, The Art of Spending Money, & The Death Bed Lesson Every Leader Needs to Hear
Go to www.LearningLeader.com for full show notes The Learning Leader Show with Ryan Hawk Morgan Housel is the New York Times Bestselling author of The Psychology of Money, Same As Ever, and The Art of Spending Money. His books have sold over 10million copies and have been translated into more than 60 languages. This is brought to you by Insight Global. If you need to hire 1 person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world have the hustle and grit to deliver. Notes: Morgan dedicated The Art of Spending Money to "Kellie the Unicorn" (his sister Kellie) after she was diagnosed with colon cancer and asked him to fulfill her long-running joke request. Sometimes book dedications "mean nothing to the reader, but they can mean everything to the author." People Who Bet on You - Brian Richards (Motley Fool boss) bet on Morgan when he didn't have to, providing unconditional support for a mediocre college writer. Craig Shapiro (Collaborative Fund) pursued Morgan for months to join his tiny VC firm as a full-time blogger when it wasn't a business necessity. What money can’t buy - Morgan once heard a story from a priest that he'll never forget… It’s from a priest who delivers the last rites in hospitals. He described the difference between what kids say to their parents when they’re about to die. The priest tells them to tell their parents what they’re most grateful for… In families with lots of problems, the kids usually talk about something that costs money. In the best families, the ones with solid relationships, the kids say the same thing every time. “Thank you for believing in me.” Making vs. Spending Money - "There are literally tens of thousands of books written on how to make money... There are virtually no books written about how to spend money." Most people assume spending needs no guidance, but wealthy people often demonstrate this isn't true. The Internal vs. External Scoreboard - Donald Crowhurst (fake sailor who killed himself seeking external validation) vs. Bernard Moitessier (expert sailor who quit before winning to avoid attention and live authentically). Modern society pushes us toward Crowhurst's external validation while we actually want Moitessier's internal satisfaction. The simplest formula for a pretty nice life: independence plus purpose. The independence to do what you want, and the wisdom to want to do meaningful things. Chuck Feeney's Wealth Example - The duty-free store billionaire first lived the stereotypical rich lifestyle, realized he didn't like it, then chose to live modestly and give away $10 billion. "I was happy when I was giving money away, and I was not happy when I wasn't giving money away." Every Dollar of Debt - "Every dollar of debt that you have is a piece of your future that someone else owns." Debt narrows the range of outcomes you can endure in an unknowable future. Money and Happiness Research - Recent studies show that earning more money only helps if you're already happy, joyful, and content. For depressed, anxious people, more money doesn't improve well-being. "It leverages whoever you are in either direction." What Money Can't Buy - The book is "40% about how to spend money to make yourself happier and 60% about realizing what money cannot do for you." Relationships, health, and personal fulfillment must come first. “Comedians are the best thought leaders because they understand how the world works, but they want to make you laugh rather than making themselves feel smart.” "Nobody gives a shit about anything other than how you make them feel." Vacation - Morgan realized while building sandcastles with his kids on the beach in Maui (10/10 experience) that building Legos at home with them was almost as good (9/10). The real value was "uninterrupted time with my family," which required travel to avoid daily distractions but pointed to what actually mattered. Ambition - Morgan's career drive crystallized while kayaking past $25 million mansions on Lake Washington in 2010: "I need to work harder. I want one of those one day." This wasn't envy but ambition - though he notes the line between inspiration and envy is thin, especially once you know the person. A high savings rate is not "saving" but is "purchasing independence." Each saved dollar buys freedom to handle life's unknowable future without someone else's schedule dictating his choices. Why Spending Is Complicated People try to fill emotional holes with material purchases Society tells us what we should like, which may not align with our actual preferences We chase peer comparison rather than personal satisfaction We overestimate the social rewards of nice possessions The Independence Framework Save money not for retirement but for freedom to handle uncertainty Debt narrows your options when life throws curveballs Independence means being able to do what you want, with whom you want, for as long as you want The Internal Scorecard "No one's watching. No one's thinking about you." When people notice your possessions, they're either imagining themselves having them or envying you for them Neither response gives you the social validation you're seeking Use money to buy independence rather than others' admiration Relationship Investments Focus on what creates "uninterrupted time with people you love" Consider how purchases enable deeper connections (bigger kitchen for family dinners) vs. impressing others Remember that belief and support matter more than material provision Purpose Morgan's purpose became clear the moment he became a father: "There. That's it... I don't matter anymore. That's the only thing that matters right there." Purpose can be parenthood, work, religion, or community, but it needs to be bigger than yourself. "Comedians are the best thought leaders because they understand how the world works, but they want to make you laugh rather than making themselves feel smart." They deliver profound psychological and social insights while focusing on how they make you feel, not their own status. Regret -- Gerontologist Carl Pillemer interviewed 1,000 Americans aged 90-100. Not a single one said, "I wish I earned more money" or "I wish I worked harder." Nearly all said "I wish I spent more time with my kids" and "I wish I were nicer to my spouse." Inspiration vs. Envy -- Morgan credits James Clear as inspiration for "The Psychology of Money" and describes him as incredibly successful yet humble and kind. This creates pure inspiration without envy, unlike other successful writers whose personalities trigger competitive feelings.
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- 290 views
- Published 3 months ago
Transcript of 654: Jake Tapper - The Most Important Leadership Skill, Handling Criticism, Chasing Your Curiosity, Understanding Tradeoffs, Responding to Rejection, and Being So Good They Can't Ignore You
Go to www.LearningLeader.com for full show notes This is brought to you by Insight Global. If you need to hire 1 person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world have the hustle and grit to deliver. www.InsightGlobal.com/LearningLeader The Learning Leader Show with Ryan Hawk Guest: Jake Tapper is an award-winning broadcaster and chief Washington correspondent, currently anchoring The Lead with Jake Tapper every day on CNN. He’s also the #1 New York Times best-selling author of 7 books, including The Outpost (which was later made into a movie), Original Sin, and most recently Race Against Terror. Notes: Be So Good They Can’t Ignore You. Jake: I’m in control of how hard I work. It is our responsibility to work so hard that we become the obvious choice for the job or the promotion. Be So Good They Can’t Ignore You. "I had to be so good that even though maybe on a broadcasting level I wouldn't be the number one pick... they had to give it to me." The one leadership skill that is massively important to develop… Don’t insulate yourself with “yes” people. You have to have truth tellers in your life. Who are your foxhole friends? Who are the people who are willing and able to tell you the truth? Who are the ones who love you and care about you enough to let you know when you’ve messed up? Those people are gold. We all need them. Rejection: Dr. Seuss was rejected by 47 publishers. Rejection is part of life. You have to stay in the game for a chance to win it. Keep going. And nobody will give you a job to be nice. What value do you bring to a company? How will you make your boss's life better? You get hired to solve a problem, not because someone wants to be nice. Pinned tweet since 2017 – "To see what is in front of one’s nose needs a constant struggle." -- George Orwell. A reminder to see obvious truths being obscured by spin or wishful thinking. "You Can Always Tell Them No" - Ted Koppel's crucial advice to young Jake about maintaining journalistic integrity and not compromising values for opportunities. This became a career-defining principle that Jake still follows 20 years later. The Jar Jar Binks Theory of Leadership - Successful leaders often remove critics from their inner circle, creating dangerous echo chambers. "Great people often achieve as much as they can to the point that they are able to remove from their inner circle anyone who tells them they're being an asshole or making a wrong decision." Constructive vs. Destructive Criticism - Jake learned to distinguish between useful feedback and personal attacks: "Very few of my critics are people that I actually care what they think... folks who understand I'm just trying to be a good faith operative here." Curiosity as Career Driver - Deep curiosity drove Jake from reading microfiche about MASH as a kid to investigating complex stories as an adult: "I find something interesting and I wanna find out everything I can about it." Rejection as Constant Reality - Even at his career peak, Jake faces daily rejection: "I get rejected every day... it doesn't matter that I've had New York Times bestsellers before... it's part of life." Humility Enables Learning - Accepting expertise gaps allows growth: "Having the humility to accept that I am not an expert on any particular thing... I'm a journalist, which means I try to be an expert on whatever I'm covering at that moment." Leadership Lessons From Powerful People The Inner Circle Problem: Leaders systematically remove critics until surrounded only by yes-people, creating dangerous blind spots. Jake witnessed this pattern with Joe Biden (surrounded by aides and family who weren't honest about his declining acuity) and across industries. The Solution: Intentionally maintain truth-tellers in your inner circle who care about you personally but will challenge you professionally. Creating Truth-Telling Environments: Jake encourages healthy disagreement with executive producers, acknowledges power imbalances that make criticism harder for junior staff, and creates indirect channels for feedback ("some people on the staff think..."). The Criticism Paradox: Public leaders face constant harsh criticism, making them naturally defensive. Understanding this context helps leaders distinguish between constructive feedback that improves performance versus personal attacks that serve no purpose. Following Curiosity Despite Opposition Jake's major works were all advised against by professionals: The Outpost (no military expertise) The Atlantic story of freeing a wrongly imprisoned man Biden book (started the day after the election, despite uncertainty) Key Insight: "Every single one of them, people were telling me not to do it... It's been following my curiosities even when people told me I'm not interested in that." The Hard Work Advantage: Jake couldn't compete on appearance or natural broadcasting ability, so he outworked everyone: broke stories constantly, used blogs when he couldn't get on air, and made himself impossible to ignore through sheer output. Dealing with Rejection Expect constant rejection even at a career peak Don't take rejection personally unless there's constructive feedback Use rejection as data, not judgment of worth Keep creating regardless of immediate acceptance The Wave Metaphor: Like Tom Hanks in Cast Away, timing the waves - "every code can be cracked" if you persist and find the right timing. Key Elements for Writers: Strong structure: "Act one, chase your hero up a tree. Act two: throw rocks at your hero. Act three, get your hero out of the tree." Good editor who pushes back - be willing to "kill your darlings" Life Philosophy The Acceleration Mindset: At 56, Jake is speeding up output: "I don't know how much longer I have this window where people are paying attention... relevance is ephemeral... when it leaves, it looks fucking brutal." For Young People: "So much of life is rejection... You cannot stop it... don't take it personally." Focus on developing skills and delivering value: "Nobody will give you a job to be nice... They'll do it because you have something they want." Time Sacrifice Awareness: Success requires acknowledging costs: "What I cried about is the stuff I missed that I wasn't there for because I was chasing a story or on assignment." Time Stamps: 02:46 Jake’s Dedication to Influential Figures 05:05 Hot Mic Moment in Alaska 06:59 Preparing for Big Interviews & When to Follow Up 09:01 Dealing with Criticism 12:07 The Story Behind Jake’s Pinned Tweet 13:48 Race Against Terror: The New Book 18:29 Balancing Multiple Roles 20:47 Chasing Your Own Curiosity 23:58 Sacrifices for Career Success 29:00 The Importance of Humility in Leadership 31:08 Surrounding Yourself with Truth Tellers 34:18 Healthy Tension in Team Dynamics 37:15 Understanding the Pressure on Public Figures 40:09 Empathy in Leadership 45:17 Balancing Career and Family 49:00 Advice for Aspiring Journalists and Writers 52:01 The Reality of Rejection and Hard Work 57:26 The Importance of Structure and Editing in Writing 01:01:16 End of the Podcast Club
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- 190 views
- Published 4 months ago
Transcript of 652: Arthur Brooks - The Power of Teaching, The Arrival Fallacy, The Mad Scientist Profile, Lifting Heavy Weights, & The Two Best Practices To Be Happy
Apply to be in my next Learning Leader Circle - https://learningleader.com/leadership-circles/ This is brought to you by Insight Global. If you need to hire 1 person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world have the hustle and grit to deliver. www.InsightGlobal.com/LearningLeader Notes: Key Learnings The Mad Scientist Emotional Profile – High achievers typically have both high positive and high negative affect. "Hustlers, hard workers, strivers, entrepreneurs, ambitious people, they're in that quadrant of high positive, high negative affect." This creates intensity but requires management of negative emotions. Dangerous Negative Affect Management – People try to manage high negative affect through alcohol, excessive internet use/pornography, and workaholism. "The isms, the addictions, they're almost all negative affect management techniques." Two Best Ways to Manage Negative Affect: Faith, Spirituality, Philosophy - "Every day, go deep" into transcendent practices Physical Exercise - "Go pick up heavy things" - resistance training moderates negative emotions Arthur's 4:30 AM Protocol – Wakes at 4:30, works out 4:45-5:45, attends mass 6:30-7:00, then has high-protein breakfast with dark coffee at 7:45 for 4 hours of peak creative focus. "I get four hours of creative concentration with maximum dopamine." Exercise Reduces Unhappiness, Doesn't Create Happiness – "Working out hard... moderates negative affect. It makes you less unhappy" rather than directly increasing positive emotions. The Failure Journal Method – Write down failures/disappointments, return after 3 weeks to note learnings, return after 2 more months to identify good things that resulted. This installs learning in the prefrontal cortex rather than letting it "float around limbically." Early Success Can Be Dangerous – Scholars rejected for early research grants outperformed those with early success. "Much better is when you do the work and build yourself up... be a wholesaler before you become a retailer." Management Doesn't Provide Flow – "There's one kind of job where you don't get flow, and that's management... you're getting jerked from thing to thing to thing." Being CEO was "satisfying, but not enjoyable." Intelligence Must Serve Others – "Intelligence is just another gift... whether or not it makes you happier depends on whether or not you're using it to make other people happier." Denigrating others for lower intelligence indicates misusing your gift. The Arrival Fallacy – Olympic gold medalists often experience depression after winning because positive emotion comes from progress toward goals, not achieving them. "Your positive emotion doesn't exist to give you a permanent good day." Two Midlife Crisis Solutions: Focus on what age gives you rather than takes away Choose subtraction over addition - appreciate what you no longer have to do Making Changes Stick Requires Three Elements: Understand the science - Know why something works Change your habits - Actually implement different behaviors Teach it - Explain it to others to cement learning in the prefrontal cortex The Happiness Formula – "Use things, love people, worship the divine" instead of the natural impulses to "love things, use people, and worship yourself." Multi-generational Living Benefits – Arthur lives with adult children and grandchildren: "The research is clear that the closer you are to your grandchildren... the better it is for everybody." Quotes: "I get four hours of creative concentration with maximum dopamine in my prefrontal cortex... ordinarily I would get an hour and a half, two hours of real clarity." "The isms, the addictions, they're almost all negative affect management techniques." "Working out hard... makes you less unhappy. The research is very clear." "Being the boss isn't that fun. It just isn't." "I have carefully accounted for all of my days of happiness. They add up to 14." (Emir of Cordoba) "What's first prize in a pie eating contest? The answer is pie. So I hope you like pie." "Beware the corner office boys. Beware the corner office." "Use things, love people, worship the divine." "Watch one, do one, teach one." (Harvard Medical School) "Don't trust your impulses. Your impulses are to love things, use people, and worship yourself." Life Lessons Develop Daily Discipline Early - A Consistent morning routine with exercise and spiritual practice creates optimal brain chemistry for peak performance throughout the day. Manage High Achievement Personality - If you're a driven person, recognize you likely have high negative affect that needs healthy management through exercise and transcendent practices. Reframe Career Setbacks - Early failures often build stronger foundations than early successes. Use disappointments as learning opportunities through systematic reflection. Question Management Ambitions - Consider whether you enjoy management or just want the status/money. Management roles inherently provide less flow and enjoyment. Use Intelligence to Serve Others - Your cognitive gifts should lift others up, not put them down. Intelligence without service leads to unhappiness. Focus on Progress, Not Arrival - Derive satisfaction from forward momentum in meaningful work rather than achieving specific goals that won't provide lasting happiness. Embrace What Age Gives - In life transitions, focus on new capabilities and freedoms rather than what you're losing or leaving behind. Teach What You Learn - The most effective way to cement new habits and insights is to explain them to others. Teaching accelerates your own learning. Choose Subtraction - Happiness often comes from eliminating negative elements (bad meetings, toxic relationships) rather than adding more positive ones. Build Multi-Generational Relationships - Prioritize time with family across generations. The research strongly supports benefits for all parties. Exercise for Mental Health - View physical training as medication for negative emotions rather than just physical fitness. Cultivate Transcendent Practices - Whether religious, philosophical, or spiritual, daily engagement with something larger than yourself moderates negative emotions and provides meaning. Time Stamps: 00:10 Arthur's Fitness and Health Routine 02:01 Link Between Fitness and Happiness 04:03 Managing Negative Emotions 06:23 Morning Routines 13:24 The Importance of Failure 22:26 The Reality of Promotions and Leadership 27:56 The Power of Intelligence: A Double-Edged Sword 28:28 Using Gifts to Spread Happiness 29:20 The Impact of Helping Others 33:28 Avoiding the Arrival Fallacy 36:36 Redefining Retirement and Midlife 47:39 The Importance of Teaching and Learning 51:28 Life Advice 53:01 EOPC (End of the Podcast Club)
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- 400 views
- Published 4 months ago
Transcript of 651: Shaka Senghor - From Prison to Purpose: Breaking Mental Barriers, Working with Mentors, and Leading Through Vulnerability (How To Be Free)
Go to www.LearningLeader.com for full show notes This is brought to you by Insight Global. If you need to hire 1 person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world have the hustle and grit to deliver. www.InsightGlobal.com/LearningLeader Shaka Sengor spent 19 years in prison for killing a man. He’s transformed his life through not making excuses and taking full ownership of his decisions. Now, he’s a New York Times best-selling author who has been called a “soul igniter” by Oprah. His latest book is called How to Be Free. Notes: The Permanence of Split-Second Decisions – At 17, shot three times on a Detroit corner. At 19, he killed a man in a conflict after creating a narrative that he would "shoot first." Sentenced to 17-40 years for second-degree murder. "I try to teach young people about understanding the permanence of a 30-second decision." Books as Portals to Freedom – Read over 1,500 books during 19-year incarceration, starting with street literature (Pimp, Black Gangster) as a gateway to philosophy (Plato, Marcus Aurelius). "Books allowed me to escape in the most literal sense... a portal into other worlds." Prison Mentors Changed Everything – Lifers became his guides: "These are men serving life sentences who came equipped with wisdom about what's on the other side... they guided me to books that shattered old narratives and opened possibilities." Reading Creates Writing Excellence – Speed-reading skill from age 8 (learned during punishments with encyclopedias) combined with voracious prison reading, led to becoming a NY Times bestselling author. "You have to be a practitioner of the craft every day." Journaling as Transformation Tool – "It was the most healing experience I've ever had to speak to my truth, speak to the pain points." Uses 20 different journals, writes everywhere - planes, shower thoughts on phone, margins of books. Hidden Prisons We All Carry – "The most powerful prisons aren't the ones made of concrete and steel. They're the ones we carry with us, built from grief, anger, shame, trauma." Everyone has internal prisons that can be opened. Vulnerability as Strength, Not Manipulation – Authentic vulnerability vs. weaponized oversharing. "Human beings have this innate ability to suss out the truth. Authenticity and vulnerability is the super unlock... being true to your center." Community Through Shared Truth – Prison taught extreme friendship criteria: "Are they willing to serve a life sentence for you or die for you?" Now applies accountability standards: showing up consistently, being loyal to family first. Violence Born from Fear – "Reactionary violence is typically born out of fear, being afraid." Prison taught him to see "the child in people" who are acting out, leading to empathy instead of escalation. Voluntary Hardship Builds Resilience – Monthly 3-day fasts in solitary confinement prepared him for food deprivation punishment. "None of us get through life without suffering... that extra hour a week can change your life's outcomes." Composure Through Self-Awareness – Developed through journaling about times he wasn't composed. "Once you've written it down, you own it. When you own it, you can control it. When you can control it, it's easy to become composed." Remove All Excuses – Florence Nightingale quote: "I never gave or took any excuse." Despite a felony record, a violent crime conviction, and 20 years in prison, he chose to "lead a great life" by removing every excuse. The Ben Horowitz Friendship – Unlikely brotherhood with VC billionaire, starting from Oprah's introduction, bonding over music and culture until 3 AM conversations. Shows authentic relationships transcend backgrounds. Quotes: "I try to teach young people about understanding the permanence of a 30-second decision." "I was in prison before I stepped foot in a cell, and I was free before they ever let me out." "The most powerful prisons aren't the ones made of concrete and steel. They're the ones we carry with us." "Books allowed me to escape... a portal into other worlds." "Once you've written it down, you own it. When you own it, you can control it." "I never gave or took any excuse." (Florence Nightingale) "Master your thinking, master your destiny." "Violence is typically born out of fear, being afraid." "If you can see the child in the person that's acting out... it equips you to have more empathy." "None of us gets through life without suffering. At some point, we're all gonna go through adversity." "I chose to lead a great life... I removed every excuse." Life Lessons: Face Your Internal Prisons – Identify the shame, anger, grief, and trauma that create mental prisons. Recognize that these have doors that can be opened through conscious work Use Reading as Escape and Growth – Books provide mental freedom regardless of physical circumstances. Start with what interests you, then expand to broader learning. Practice Voluntary Hardship – Choose difficult challenges (fasting, extra work, taking stairs) to build resilience for inevitable adversity you don't choose. Journal for Self-Awareness – Write down thoughts, patterns, and reactions to own and control them. Use various methods - handwritten, voice memos, and margins of books. Build Authentic Community – Surround yourself with people who will hold you accountable and tell you the truth. Apply the highest standards to friendship selection. Transform Fear into Empathy – When facing conflict, look for the "child" in the other person. Understanding their fear reduces your reactionary responses. Develop Composure Through Practice – Review past moments of losing control to build awareness. Use this knowledge to respond rather than react in future situations. Remove All Excuses – Whatever your circumstances, choose to pursue greatness rather than accepting limitations. The past doesn't define the future unless you let it. Share Your Truth Vulnerably – Authentic storytelling about pain and growth helps others escape their own prisons. Vulnerability is strength when used to serve others. Create Evidence of Resilience – Completing self-imposed challenges builds confidence for handling external adversities. Each victory creates proof you can handle hard things. Choose Your Narrative – You can change the story handed down to you. Reject limiting beliefs about what's possible based on background or circumstances. Apply to be part of my Learning Leader Circle
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- 310 views
- Published 4 months ago
Transcript of 569: Rob Henderson - Luxury Beliefs, Foster Care, Social Class, Self-Discipline, Ivy League Universities, External vs. Internal Achievement, & Lessons Learned The Hard Way
Order our new book, The Score That Matters https://amzn.to/3HSQzhf Rob Henderson has a Ph.D. in psychology from the University of Cambridge, where he studied as a Gates Cambridge Scholar. He obtained a B.S. in psychology from Yale University and is a veteran of the U.S. Air Force. He's the author of Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class Self-discipline beats motivation. Often, people say they need to feel “motivated” to perform a task. Motivation, though, is just a feeling. Self-discipline is “I’m going to do this, regardless of how I feel.” Air Force Training – "My favorite part of training was the camaraderie. I especially enjoyed drill and marching. The synchronized movement with others, moving as a single element, instilled a feeling of belonging." – The military provided a structured environment. Rob said that whenever he felt like an outsider, he sought refuge in helping others. Because of that, he volunteered at New Haven Reads near Yale. While there, he met a kid named Guillermo. There, he learned how to relate with others by sharing his story. Writing: Rob was accepted into the War Horse Writing Seminar at Columbia University. The program was designed to help veterans write about their experiences. External Achievement: "Upon obtaining a few totems of achievement, I came to realize that they are flawed measures of success. External accomplishments are trivial compared with a warm and loving family. Going to school is far less important than having a parent who cares enough to make sure you get to class every day." Two of Rob's mom’s friends came to him for advice. They were talking about their 6-year-old son and they were concerned with how “smart” he was. They asked, “Should we be reading to him more?” And Rob responded, “Yeah, but not because it will expand his vocabulary. Read to him because it will remind him that you love him.” The best and worst things about Yale: Best Students work ethic Focused Unique pursuits Worst Self-censorship One of his instructors at Sheppard Air Force Base in Texas asked the class one Friday afternoon if they had any questions. Rob asked, “If you could do it all over again, would you still have enlisted?” – “Understand that the Air Force is going to ask a lot from you. Just remember that you can get a lot in return from it, as well.” Luxury beliefs - Rob coined the term to describe beliefs that mark the believer as holding the approved opinion while harming those less privileged. Lessons Learned The Hard Way: You are what you do. Not what you say or what you believe. People use words to strategically justify their actions and blind you to who they really are. Don't be fooled by cheap talk. Pay close attention to how people actually spend their time and effort. Good conversations are made up of questions. Avoid speaking for longer than three minutes without asking one. When seeking advice, ask people in a different life station than you—ahead or behind, older or younger. People in the same position are often biased by envy, and this can color the advice they give. One of the most common life regrets people report is “I wish I had let myself be happier.” You'll never be happy if you continue thinking that you’ll be happy one day. “The study of happiness often sounds like a sermon for traditional values. The numbers show it is not the rich, privileged, robust, or good-looking who are happy; it is those who have spouses, friends, religion, and challenging, meaningful work” - Steven Pinker (How The Mind Works) 35% of people in America graduate with a bachelor's degree, 11% of people from poor families graduate from college. And just 3% of foster kids graduate from college. When you think about Rob’s story, it’s hard not to be inspired. He’s beaten almost impossible odds to not only graduate from college, but he served our country, then went to Yale, graduated, and got his PhD from Cambridge. It’s awesome to see what he’s done and he’s still so young and at the beginning of his career. I love it when good things happen to good people. Life/career advice - “Be a fish out of water. Do something hard. Be uncomfortable.” That was advice for a recent grad, but I think it’s useful for all of us.
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- 1K views
- Published almost 2 years ago
Transcript of 568: Tony Robbins - Learning From Mentors, Building Confidence, Becoming More Valuable, and Coaching The World's Most Impactful Leaders
Order our new book, The Score That Matters https://amzn.to/48jAoUM Full show notes at www.LearningLeader.com For the past 40+ years, Tony Robbins has been known worldwide as one of the most impactful business and life coaches in the world. He’s hosted millions of people at his events, written 6 international best-selling books, he’s involved in more than 100 businesses that have done more than 7 billion dollars in revenue, and as part of his work with Feeding America, Tony has provided more than 850 million meals to those in need. He’s personally coached President Bill Clinton, Serena Williams, Connor McGregor, Marc Benioff, Usher, the Golden State Warriors, and many others. Notes: The advice Tony received from Jim Rohn. "Your job is to become more valuable. We are all equal as souls, but not equal in the marketplace." “If you want things to get better, you’ve got to get better.” Commonalities among leaders who sustain excellence: They find something they care about more than themselves, they have a hunger for it, and they work amazingly hard at it. “You’re rewarded in public for what you practice in private.” Steph Curry has taken far more practice shots than game ones. He’s rewarded in public for what he does in private. How to build confidence: Preparation creates certainty. “Whatever you hold in your mind on a consistent basis is exactly what you will experience in your life.” The essence of building confidence is this: If you go into a situation knowing that you can handle it – whatever it is – then that's exactly what you'll do. “A belief is a poor substitute for an experience.” You might believe it’s something you’re going to love, but you don’t fully know until you do it. Get in the arena and do it. See what it’s like. That’s when you’ll learn. Tony learned NLP from John Grinder (founder of NLP). Neuro-Linguistic Programming. is an approach to communication, personal development, and psychotherapy, that first appeared in Richard Bandler and John Grinder's 1975 book The Structure of Magic I. NLP asserts that there is a connection between neurological processes, language, and acquired behavioral patterns, and that these can be changed to achieve specific goals in life. “The path to success is to take massive, determined action.” “Any time you sincerely want to make a change, the first thing you must do is to raise your standards.” “The power of positive thinking is the ability to generate a feeling of certainty in yourself when nothing in the environment supports you.” "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man."― George Bernard Shaw Tony interviewed a dozen of the world’s most successful investors in private equity, private credit, private real estate, and venture capital. He wanted to learn everything he could about the private markets and investing. Ray Dalio - Apply diversification across 8-12 uncorrelated investments.
- 55:15
- 2.3K views
- Published almost 2 years ago
Leaders are learners. The best leaders never stop working to make themselves better. The Learning Leader Show Is series of conversations with the world's most thoughtful leaders. Entrepreneurs, CEO's, World-Class Athletes, Coaches, Best-Selling Authors, and much more.