Transcript of 660: James Clear (Live at Ohio University!) - The Four Laws of Behavior Change, Systems vs Goals, Building Better Habits, Mastering the Two-Minute Rule, Having a Great Marriage, & The Plateau of Latent Potential

Welcome to the Learning Leader Show. I am your host, Ryan Hawk. Thank you so much for being here. Go to learningleader. Com for show notes of this and all podcast episodes, go to learningleader. Com. Now on to the night's Featured Leader. The great James Clear is the author of one of the most influential books of our generation, Atomic Habits. He sold over 25 million copies worldwide and has helped millions of people transform their lives through the power of small changes. This one is really cool. We brought the podcast to my alma mater, Ohio University, where we recorded live in front of 250 of the most impressive college students I have ever met. It was so cool. The energy in the room was electric. During our conversation, we discuss how to How to Design your life so that exceeding your goals becomes inevitable. Then why your environment matters far more than your willpower. Then James talks about how every opportunity in life comes through Relationships. The cool part of this one is at the beginning, I surprised James to start the event with a video from Morgan Housel, which James later told me this was the coolest start to a podcast ever.

Ladies and gentlemen, please Enjoy my conversation with James Clear. This episode is brought to you by Insight Global. I love the leadership team and the people at Insight Global. Insight Global is a staffing and professional services company dedicated to being the light to the world around them. If you need to hire one person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through talent or technical services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world have the hustle and grit to deliver. Hiring can be tough, but hiring the right person can be magic. Visit insightglobal. Com/learningleader today to learn more. That's Insight global. Com/learningleader. To start, I had a conversation with a mutual friend of ours last week, and unprompted, out of nowhere, he started talking about you. And I I thought- Good or bad? You'll see. This is a guy named Morgan Housel, though. Morgan Housel is one of the few people that could maybe be deemed as a peer of James as a writer as far as both the excellence of the writing and book sales. Not 25, but Morgan's got a bunch. Guys, if you could, can you play the quick video so James can see what Morgan said about him?

One of the people who has been the biggest inspiration in my career as a writer is James Clear, who wrote the book Atomic Habits. Psychology and Money would not exist if it were not for Atomic Habits, full stop. And James has inspired me so much. And he is a dramatically more successful writer than I am, objectively. And I have absolutely not a single cell of envy for him because he is the nicest guy you will ever meet. You will not meet a nicer human than James Clear. You will not meet someone who is as successful as he is and more humble than he is. He is another saint in my life. And because of that, I look up to him and I'm like, I adore every bit of this guy, so I cannot envy him. And so I am just inspired by his success, full stop. It's pretty cool. That was very nice of Morgan to say.

How does that make you feel?

Great. Yeah, Morgan himself is an incredibly nice and generous person, and he was very generous to say that.

So thanks for sharing. Absolutely. So I want to talk about actually something we haven't talked about before when you were in college. You go to Denison, you're a captain of the baseball team, really good athlete. I read this new thing. You were a writer, not surprising, this Saint Gallon Symposium, which you won global essays. We have a lot of college students here. I'm curious, what you draw from your college experience, writing, playing sports that has helped you progress in your life and your career that could be potentially helpful for them?

Well, what you just mentioned, the St. Gallen Symposium is this essay competition in Switzerland each year. They still run it. I found out about it when I was in grad school. I think there are a couple of little lessons from it. The short version is that if you apply to this essay competition, they take essays from all over the world, and the top 100 submissions get selected to go to St. Gallen, to go to Switzerland for this conference. I had never been abroad before. I didn't have a passport. When I was growing up, we went to Kentucky State Parks for vacation, which is great, but I had not traveled widely. I wanted to. I wanted to get out. I had this urge. I applied. And the first year, I was I got to go. I was like, Wow, this is really cool. And second year, I was like, Let me apply again. And I ended up winning that year. The first place prize is $10,000. It actually was €10,000. I think the exchange rate was like $9,000 or something. And so when I got done with grad school, I had $9,000 in the bank account.

And so I went and moved home. I lived in my parents' basement for 11 months, and I lived off of that $9,000. So without the St. Gallen symposium, maybe I would have figured out another way to be an entrepreneur, but it would have taken me a I would have had to go get a regular job and wait 10 years and figure out some different path. That essay competition was what led to jamesclear. Com eventually. Wow. A little lesson from this. One of the first things I did when I applied for the essay competition was that They posted all of the previous year's winners on the website. I downloaded the previous seven years, and I looked at all of those essays, and I wrote down, how many pages are they? What's the word count? How many citations does each one have? Is there a particular format that they go through or whatever? Because you learn what the judge is like. And so I was like, well, I'm going to write an essay that hits that word count and has that number of citations and follows that format. And the prompt is different each year, but you can take lessons from the successful people that have come before you and try to figure out what do the patterns look like.

And I do a lot of that pattern matching now with the business that I run. It's like, what outcome do you want? Let's look at other people who have been successful. You can't just look at one, because if you look at one, there's not a whole lot that you can really infer from that experience. Maybe they got lucky or maybe it was a unique situation or something. But if you look at 100, now you can start to see patterns, and then you can start to pick up, okay, which of these patterns fit well for me, and how can I put all that together?

Wow. Okay. That leads me to another story. They told me this true. I heard this from Donald Miller. Okay, I did a live show with Don like this, actually. And he said that before Atomic Habits, you went on Amazon and you looked at every three-star reviewed book on productivity habits on Amazon because those are the that people liked them, but maybe something was missing, something was missing, and you wanted to learn what was missing and then capital. Is that right? Yeah.

I mean, almost all the three-star reviews, they'll say, Hey, this book is really well written, but I wish it was more practical, or, Oh, I really liked this story, but they were missing this. And so I found a lot of that. And with habit books, I am not the first person to write a book about habits, right? And I won't be the last one either. There will be many. So I'm just adding my little bit to the pile. And I was trying to figure out, how do I share something unique and interesting? How do I add something to what's already out there? I don't want to just repeat what's been done. And a lot of the popular habit books, the feedback was, this is really well written or this is really well-researched, but I'm left wondering, How do I apply this? How do I use it in the real And so I thought, All right, I can be the practical guy. That can be my thing, is I can figure out how to actually use this in daily life and work. And so my quest, partially with Atomic Habits, was to write the most practical habits book that's ever been written.

You I wanted it to be like, if you just read this one book, you don't need to read anything else. Now, I don't know if I hit that or not, but that was the objective going in. I actually did this exercise. When I was working on the book, I would lay out. At the time, I had 12 chapters. I ended up with 20, but I had 12 at this particular moment. I wrote each chapter on an index card, and I laid them all on the floor. And then I went to my bookshelf and I grabbed each book that I could find that was about that particular chapter. So one of them was about environment design, for example. So all the books that were about behavior and environment and whatever. I laid them out there. Most chapters had four to six books in front of them. And so once I had all of those laid out there, what is that? Fifty books or so, I looked at it and I said, All right, how can I write this chapter so that these four or six books are completely irrelevant. You don't need to read those books anymore.

When you read a book, you don't remember all 200 pages or 300 pages. You usually take five or 10 ideas with you, maybe. Usually, it's like two or three, a couple of pages. And so I said, what is the stuff that if you really dig into it, this is the stuff you're taking from this book. Can I compress all of that into this one chapter? I think that that is a good measure, at least for practical non-conviction. Fiction is a different story. But for a practical Real non-fiction book, I think that's a good measure. Is it a good book? How many other books can you make irrelevant? Now you read this one, and suddenly you don't need to read those other 50. And again, I don't know if I did that or not, but that was the objective going in.

We have a room. I mean, hopefully, there's lots of writers in here, but there's probably not a lot that will publish a book like you did. What could someone who is not going to publish books take from both of those stories and implement into their life that could say, Oh, this is useful. This is practical for me?

Well, most areas of life, good enough is good enough. It's fine. It's fine to do an okay job in most things. First of all, you don't have enough time, nobody does, to try to do everything at the 99th percentile. It's not possible. In fact, a good way to end up very average is try to divide your attention across doing seven different things, and then you don't have time to do any of them really well. But every now and then, and you'll have to decide what it is for your life, there's a thing that good enough is not good enough, and it is worth it to spend the time to do it at an excellent level. And I decided for me that Atomic Habits was going to be one of those things. And so depending on how you measure it, it took me three to five years to write the book. I just said, if I'm going to spend the next three years of my life working on this, I want it be the best book on habits that's ever been written. And again, I don't know if I actually did that or not, but you're never going to just stumble into that outcome.

You're never going to be like, Oh, I just worked on it. It happened to be the best that anybody has ever done. It's not going to happen that way. You have to strive for that level to have any hope of coming close to it. And so I think that is a lesson for everybody. What are those one or two or three things in your life? I start to think about it as seasons in my life. You probably get, as an adult, most really big, really big, powerful, meaningful things in life. For me, writing this book or building a business you're proud of, getting in the best shape of your life, raising a family that you're proud of or having kids, creating a successful marriage, whatever it is. Most of those big, meaningful things, they are multi-year, sometimes multi-decade things. You can roughly block and put them in 10-year blocks. You get a 10-year season to try to work on this. I had about a 10-year season to start writing online. I started with this little blog and email list and grow that up and then get a book deal, work on Atomic Habits for five years, launch this book.

It was about a decade of my life that was given to that Habits chapter. So maybe you get five of those as an adult. And so what do you want this season to be about? What do you want this decade to be focused on? And what's that thing during this decade that we're good enough is not good enough? You're going to try to do it at a really high level.

So that may be a big goal, somebody said. Okay, I want to do this, I want to do that. And goals, usually there's something within our control, and there are sometimes things that are not within our control. And there may be better ways to achieve those goals. That's one of the things that I think you have really figured out, and that's systems to implement to help achieve giant goals. So can you walk me through the importance of developing and implementing systems in your life in addition to any big extravagant goal that you may set?

I I think this is one of the reasons this idea resonated so strongly from Atomic Habits, I think, is because as soon as it's stated, everybody's like, Yeah, that is the reality. That is the truth of how it works, which is that it's very easy to want the results. Everybody wants great results. Who doesn't want a better outcome. But what really matters is, do you want the lifestyle attached to those results? Do you want the daily process? What are your days going to look like? I think whenever I focus on a new business project or something that I want to do in my life, one of the first questions I ask is, how do I I want to spend my days? Because if you don't want to spend your days doing that thing, you're in a really bad position to get the outcome. The result might be very attractive and sexy, but it's not going to happen for you because you don't want to spend your time doing that. So I think start with drawing a box around how do I want to spend my days? And then inside of that box, how can I have the most success, reach the most people, make the biggest impact, make the most money, whatever it is you're optimizing for, but not outside of it.

And a lot of the time, people do that in the reverse. They start by saying, Well, what do I want to achieve? What's the really cool outcome? Well, making a lot of money sounds fun, or reaching a million people would be cool. Having a popular YouTube channel would be great. It's like, Yeah, but do you want to spend all day editing videos? That's what the lifestyle is. So I think start with the lifestyle and then go to the result from there. But once you know what you want, then there's a series of questions that you can ask and an approach that you can take for building a better system. So that's what a lot of atomic habits is about. How do I design an environment that is conducive to what I want to create? One of the questions I like is, how am I creating the conditions for success? I say that I want to do these things, but am I setting up the environment that I'm in each day to make it easy to do that? Really obvious examples, if you take fitness, a lot of people are like, Oh, I hope I feel motivated to work out today.

But that's the opposite of what I would recommend, which is, let's prime the environment for success. You want to go for a run? Set your running shoes out the night before. Fill your water bottle up the night before. Set your running clothes out. I have one guy who wears his running shorts to bed so that all he has to do is get up, put his shoes on, and then run out the door. But you're trying to make it as easy as possible to do the thing that you want to do. And it's not just about fitness, it's about anything. I think an interesting question is, walk into the spaces where you spend most of your time each day. Your living room, your kitchen, your bedroom, office? Where are you spending most of your time? And then look around and ask yourself, what is this space designed to encourage? What behaviors are easy here? What habits are easy here? What habits are obvious? And can you adjust the environment to make the good habit the path of least resistance, the thing that you want to do, the obvious choice? And the more that you do that, now the easier it is to fall through.

A lot of people feel like, Oh, I just wish I had more willpower. But some of the studies that show people who have this, they display high levels of willpower. The primary factor is that they are in an environment where they are not tempted. That's the number one thing that determines whether someone displays high willpower. Get the sugar out of your house. Yeah, it's just all that stuff applied to whatever you're working on. How can I adjust the environment to make the good habit obvious and easy?

I always wonder about this, and you and I have talked about it, but I'm curious, how do you set your house up? How do you design your house, you and Christie, now with three kids? We probably envision it. You're like, Dude, I'm just trying to survive the next day. But what's your house design like to make sure you don't have to depend on willpower, which that science is fascinating to do what you want to do?

Yeah, I just gave up. Look, I think there's a balance here. I think I'm not the only person in the house, right? So I shouldn't get to determine everything. So I focus on the areas that I have control over, like my office, for example. That's my space. I designed my office to make it the way that I want. One new thing that I'm thinking of, so this is a little bit tangential to what you asked, but the more kids you have, the tighter your time gets. And so my time has been getting very tight recently. And I have all these projects that I want to do. I have all these things that I wish I had time for. And so I got this little string and hang it I have a little picture of me sitting in the corner of the wall in my office. And I have these clothespins, little wooden clothespins. Take a Sharpie and write each project on a pin, and then write each kid's name on a pin, and then also other stuff that you want to fit in, like working out or something like that. And then I put a red line on the string.

And the question is, what makes its way above the line? Obviously, the kids are going to make it above. Working out is going to make it above. But all the other projects got to work really hard to earn their way above that line. Because the truth is, I don't have enough time to do them all. I need that visual reminder to force myself to say, I'm only going to do the things that really matter most. And the tricky thing about focus or prioritization or whatever we want to call this that we're talking about is that if you do it well for one day, that earns you no bonus points for tomorrow. You have to show up again tomorrow and make it... If you show up tomorrow and you get distracted, you're on YouTube for hours, it doesn't matter. That day is a wash. It's like many things in life, many of the most important things, which is it is an endless race, and you have to get comfortable with the endless nature of it. As soon as you accept that it's endless, then you stop worrying about hitting the finish line at some point. Then you can just get into the pattern of living that way.

I think that's another shift that I try to encourage people to have about habits. Very common question people ask, how long does it take to build a new habit? I get why people ask it, but I think the honest answer is forever, because if you stop doing it, it's no longer a habit. And so you For me, it's like, how long does it take to be a good spouse? Well, if you were a good one yesterday, that doesn't earn you any bonus points for today. You have to show up again today and do a good job. How long does it take to be in shape? Well, if you stop working out yesterday, it doesn't matter anymore. It's like the endless nature of these things needs to just be accepted. And then you start saying, all right, how can I design a daily life that feels good and aligns with that endless nature?

It reminds me of, I'm asked frequently, okay, 650 of these conversations, what do you see? And usually the words are not the sexy that you want. Usually, the words are consistency, right? Some discipline that goes along with that. I forget who told me this, but they said, I don't usually or ever win with brilliance. I win with endurance. You probably have both, Most people don't, but most people don't. But you can choose to endure. You can't always choose to be brilliant. I feel like that's really in line with the way that you teach and what you've written in Atomic Habits and what I've heard you talk about in the past is, Hey, how can I create an environment to endure over time to then give yourself a chance to get lucky or give yourself a chance to hit the goals you want in your career.

Yes, I want to take that and run with it, but then we're going to end up in a different place than where we just started. I think that's totally right. All of us have skills right now. You have some skills. You can chop a tomato in half. You can tie your shoes. You can do all kinds of stuff. You have tons of skills already. And every one of those skills you did not know when you were born. So all of us are learning machines. Humans are a learning machine. You are able to develop and build and learn new skills. And any skill that you have, you got better at it by practicing it. And that is true for anything in life. Whatever you practice, you will get better at. Now, I am not saying that if you just go practice basketball for the next six months, you'll end up playing for the Philadelphia 76ers, right? But you will be a better basketball player in six months than you are today. And so the first thing is to realize that that is true. That is, I think, partially the endurance or the consistency thing. Whatever you practice, you will get better at.

The second piece is that everybody has strengths. And so some people, if they do practice basketball, they will end up playing for the 76ers, but there's just very few of them. And your task is to figure out, what is that thing for me? What is my strength that when I practice it, it turns out I'm actually quite good at it? And there are a couple of questions that I think you can ask to help reveal what that is. So one question is, what do I do that I almost... People say I'm good at it, but I almost have trouble explaining why I'm good at it. For me, one of the things is people tell me that I'm good at writing in a compressed way, tweets or the pithy little sayings or a punchy sound bite or something. I can't really describe to you why I'm good at that. It's just something that I seem to like doing. My brain likes to take a paragraph and say, how can I compress that into a sentence that gives the same result? So you need to think a little bit to figure out what that is for you.

The second question is, when do most people dip out because it's painful, but you will keep going. Actually, the pain of it doesn't bother you as much as it bothers other people. You can sit with that a little bit. It seems difficult for most people, but you're like, No, it's okay. I'm fine with it. That's also another signal that maybe you're built for that. All right, so we put these two things together. You have some consistency, and then you're trying to identify your strengths. This is where we end up in a different place than I think the word endure. The word endure makes you think you're suffering through it. But in fact, I think the The key to endurance is to ask, what would this look like if it was fun? Because if it's fun, then you want to stick with it. Now, the truth is nothing is going to remain fun for the long run. You're always going to run into roadblocks and barriers. But the person who is having fun at the start, that is the person who's going to stick with it when it gets tough. The person who feels like it's a hassle or it's a chore, or it's a pain in the neck at the beginning, as soon as it gets hard, they're like, Well, I didn't really like this to begin with.

They're not going to keep going with And so I think part of the lesson, and this is what I hope for my kids, is that they can... I don't really care what they end up doing, but I hope they find something that lights them up, something that they're really interested and excited and engaged with. Because if you're excited and you're having fun, then you're dangerous. Nobody wants to compete against that person because once it gets tough, they're going to want to keep going. They're having a great time. Everybody else is suffering. One time, David Epstein, who wrote Sports Gene and Range and a number of other books, he told me, Grit is fit. And what he means is that when you have a good fit with something, when you are well suited to it, that's when you're gritty. That's when you show up and you continue to stick with it. So yes, endurance is the driver of results and skill development, whatever else we I'm going to call it, but the driver of endurance is a good fit, being well suited, having fun, finding something that you're curious and interested about. If you have that deep fun, excitement, and interest, then it's really easy to keep going.

I think it's helpful to to find a way for the work to be the win, the actual doing of the thing. I try to help people start podcasts from time to time, and my first question I always ask are, Why? Why are you doing this? Why do you want to do it? If they want some crazy result, like I want to get big, expensive speaking gigs or a book deal or whatever, that is a red flag because it means the work isn't the win. If it's like, I love having deep conversations with people like James Clear, and I want to record them, that's the work. That's the of preparing. That's the work of doing it. So it's like figuring out. But James, for people, I met with a number of the students.

That's a good distinction. That's like what I was saying earlier. Do you like the lifestyle? Yeah, right. Everybody wants the book deal. Do you like recording conversations 650 times? Because that's what the days look like. If you would do it, which I did for three and a half years, didn't make a lost money, right?

But I think that's because it's still the coolest thing in the world.

Sometimes I think that's the purest that it ever was, was the beginning. Because it couldn't have been about the money, because you weren't making any anyway. No, you're losing money. The first three years that I wrote, I didn't make a dime from it, but it was like I was doing it because that's what I wanted to do.

How has it changed now that 25 million copies later, you don't publish as much on jamesclear. Com. I read every article before. That's why we recorded before the book came out.

Yeah, some of that is just a consequence of time. It's like having three kids and dealing with everything that Atomic Habits has brought. I just don't have... Those articles used to take 20 hours, and I would write one every Monday and Thursday. So that's a 40-hour week just with those two. That's insane. But that's what it took for them to be good. And I'm not smart enough to do them in six hours. It took me 20. So that's fine. I feel fine about it. It's just the chapter that it was. It has not changed in the sense that what you need to do for the work to be good is the same still. There's that line of, Figure out the costs of success and then don't bargain over the price. Everybody finds out what it takes, and they're like, But could I shortcut it? And you're like, No, if you stop for shortcuts, the work would be halfway done by now. So it hasn't changed in that sense of what's still required. I think what has changed for me, specifically, is my profile is higher now, and so it's a little bit harder to experiment because as soon as you try something, a lot of people are watching, and it's just hard to try something and do it well the first time.

So you got to be okay with looking more like a fool when you try stuff or looking like a fool to more people. So that's an interesting muscle to have to develop.

Do you miss that? Being able to look like a fool?

Yeah, I do. I need that. I didn't appreciate it in the moment because in the beginning, when you don't have a big audience, what you're doing is you're trying to scrap and claw and do everything you can to build it up. And so you don't take time to pause and think, boy, it sure is nice that I have a chance to look foolish here. So you don't really see it that way in the moment.

We're talking about the work being the win. What are you optimizing for? So a number of these students have got these amazing internships at big companies, and they'll probably get multiple offers from big companies when they graduate from here. You and I run our own business. I've worked within a big company. I understand what it's like. There are good parts. There are, unfortunately, a lot of not-so-great parts. What about for somebody who's going to work within whatever, PNC or wherever, a big company? What advice do you give to them to find the joy of excellence, even though you're not running the show, you're working for a bunch of other people?

Yeah, man, I'm probably the worst person I've never had a real job. Okay, so I don't know that I have a lot to offer, but I will say this, which is every thought that you have is downstream from what you consume. So we don't usually put this amount of weight on it, but when you choose who to follow on Twitter or Instagram or TikTok, in a sense, you are choosing your future thoughts because that's what's coming into your feed next week or next month. Almost every thought you have, it's almost I know, of course, there's a debate between neuroscientists on whether this is true or not, but it's almost impossible to have a spontaneous thought. It's always Ryan says something and that makes me think of something or somebody cuts you off in traffic and that makes you feel a certain way or whatever. It comes as a result of this continuous chain of events that you're experiencing throughout your days. When you choose what to read, what podcast to listen to, what YouTube shows to watch, that is part of that chain of events, and it's sparking the thoughts that are coming to you.

Whether you're an entrepreneur or When you're working in a large company, if you want better, more productive, more creative thoughts, then you need better, more productive, more creative inputs. We don't think about it with this amount of weight, but you're building your own little city on TikTok or Twitter or wherever whenever you choose who to follow. Choose wisely. Think carefully about what podcast you listen to or where you're getting your information from, and that will help shape the things that you want. I feel like that matters no matter what you end up doing.

The same people. Like your boss may change who you go to work for. I've had that happen where I went for a specific person, he was the best, and he gets fired four months later. That's life. But I think you try to optimize for where's a place I could go and learn who are people that just seem like high character, high competence, live through their values. Now, again, things change when you work. That's the only constant is change. But I think those are other things to think about. I think atomic habits can help deal with change, which is one of the only... There's There's only a few certainties of life. Change is one of them. That's something you wanted to happen this way, and then adversity strikes, and you have to find a way to respond. What have you found to be some of the best tools, the best systems that you could put in place to manage any type of adversity or any type of unwanted change in your life?

Well, the typical version of mental toughness, perseverance, something like that, is I'm going to grit my teeth and make it happen no matter what, some that thinking. But I actually think there's a different type of mental toughness that is more useful and more widely applicable, which is essentially adaptability. It's when you are not dependent on your circumstances, that is when you are actually mentally tough. So it's thinking things like, I can work with this. I have what I need to figure this out. I can make this happen. Maybe I don't feel fine right now, but I know that I'll be fine eventually. Those feelings, that ability to manage uncertainty and adapt and flex with it, that is really critical. And this ties back into the consistency piece, the endurance piece you mentioned before. A lot of the time, adaptability is consistency. When you don't have enough time, do the short version. When you don't have enough energy, do the easy version. Find some way to show up, even not throw up a zero for that day. And so that's my favorite form of mental toughness is this adaptability and flexibility. In a way, the ultimate form of preparation is a mindset that can handle uncertainty.

You look at a lot of people who are... I think this particular true. I say this because I was a student like this. High school, I got good grades as a student council president, did all that stuff. I was probably very up tight when I got to college. Getting good grades was a game that I wanted to win. It was important to get A's. That was the thing that mattered. Whether I learned or not was secondary. You look at some of those students early on and you say, Wow, look at these high achievers. They're getting good grades. They're doing so well. But the truth is that mindset where you try to control everything is actually quite briddle, because if things don't go exactly to plan, then you fall apart. When you need things to go perfectly, you are held hostage by the situation. You are a victim to the context. In fact, the most resilient person is the one who doesn't need the situation to be anything and knows that they will be able to adapt to that based on what they face. I think there's a key element flexibility and adaptability that needs to be part of any perseverance and mental toughness.

One of the things that I think has made for a great life and career that I didn't think about when I was in college playing football here, even though people tried to help me and I just didn't listen, was building genuine, mutually beneficial relationships. Relationships literally make the world go round. If you want to be happy, it's building relationships. If you want to get good jobs or work with good people, it's about relationships. I feel like this is something that you've written about the importance of them. What have you done specifically to build? I don't call this networking on purpose. I'm talking about building genuine relationships with people. What have you done to build such good relationships with people like Morgan Housel and others out there.

Yeah, I never think about networking. I never think of it that way or approach it that way. You're absolutely right. So first of all, a lot of the time people will say, Oh, I wish I had better opportunities, or I just need to get my lucky break, or something like that. But every The opportunity comes through a person. It is attached to a person. People are the opportunities. And so anything that you want to achieve, it's by getting to know the right person or developing relationships with them, providing value to them. I don't think about it as networking. I just do two things. So the first is you share what you are interested in publicly. That could be just telling somebody in conversation. You'd always be surprised what that bubbles up. But usually the people you think are going to be helpful or not, and then the people who you don't expect to be helpful are. But it's by sharing what you're interested in, say, Oh, actually, my neighbor is into that, or my uncle does this, or whatever. It comes up. There's a version of doing that at scale, which is what I've done with my career and you've done with your career, which is write a blog or start a podcast or create a YouTube channel.

But when you talk about your thing publicly, then all of a sudden people come out of the woodwork. It's not really about who you know, it's about who knows you. It's about who knows what you're interested in. And then the opportunities come to you. This opportunity today came to me. I didn't go out and try to find it. And it's because Ryan and Simran and some other people at OU knew about my work, and that led to this. So share your work publicly is the first thing. Sharing your work publicly is like a magnet for like-minded people. You can put up an article on the Internet, put up a blog post about... Pick any topic, I don't know, like how to grow heirloom tomatoes in your garden or whatever. People who are interested in that are going to find it, and then you're going to talk to more people who are into that. So it doesn't matter what it is, but it's going to be like a little magnet, a little honey pot I'm one of the people who are into that. Second thing is give value before you ask for value. I am always trying, not always succeeding, but always trying to give as much value as I can.

Morgan is a good example. When Morgan was writing, and he wasn't thinking about a book. I was DMing him on social media and talking to him and stuff and saying, I really love this article or this is really good. Have you thought about putting this into a book at some point? You should do that. And whatever, that's fine. I don't know. That's a ton of value. It's just telling somebody you like Then he signs a book deal, and we talk a little bit through that process. I give him a little some thoughts there. When it came time to come up with the title for psychology of money, he had four or five other things that he was going to title it, and he shared those with me. I have this whole conversation Where we basically figured out the title for psychology of money. And eventually we got there and then he had a subtitle that I thought was okay, and then we tweaked it a little bit, and then that ended up being the one that he went with. And I don't know if he even remembers that. But it's He was trying to be valuable.

He was trying to help somebody out. I didn't get paid for it. I just thought it was fun. It was just nice to help somebody when they're in the middle of that process. Then it came time to launch the book, and I'm like, Okay, what are you doing for a book launch? How can I map out what you should do and when those things should come, and so on. More recently, he launched a second book, and it didn't do quite as well as psychology of money. So he's got questions about that. How do I wrestle with all that? I don't know. My solution was, don't write a second book. Anyway, the point is not that I had any of these really compelling answers. The point is that you just try to show up for people. The more that you're there and try to provide value, the more that comes back to you in some way. You cannot predict how it comes back to you, but eventually it does.

You don't go into it with that intention. Your intention was to be useful, was to be helpful, was to be a friend. I like that idea. I'm sure you probably had these conversations with Cal Newport, another guy who wrote a book called Be So Good, They Can't Ignore You, which is off of a Steve Martin quote when people are coming to Steve Martin, Hey, how do I get famous? How do I become an actor or a comedian? How do I get the right agent? And he just like, Be so good, they can't ignore you. I mean, James is a prime example of being so good that he can't be ignored.

With Morgan, it's a direct relationship. It's like face to face. But my career in Atomic Habits is a good example of it where there's this faceless, the readers out there. It was the same objective, though. How do I be as useful as possible? I really like the word useful. For a long time, that was my guiding light as a writer is, can I write something that's incredibly useful? That means it has to be practical. It has to be simple enough that you can apply it. It has to be understandable. It's got to cross all these thresholds. It needs to be true. So there's just lots of things that being useful forces you to do that I really like. And eventually, after writing these articles for three years and getting the book deal and then working on the book for three years and the book coming out, Atomic Habit shows up and hits the best seller list and looks like it's this success. But really what you are seeing is the release of six years of potential energy that was built up from trying to be useful every week. And I think a lot of careers probably-I read every annual review.

You wrote them from 2013 to 2019. I think you told me privately, You got to stop when it gets wildly successful. So you stopped writing them. But 2013, you wrote, Next year, I'm going to publish a couple of books. A couple? Did I say a couple? You read 2013, a couple of books, and then The Thombic Habit is what? Five years later, whatever, finally comes out. But I think that leads me to this idea of-That's also part of my personality, which is overly optimistic. That's good. We want to be around optimists, right? That's a big part. Writing. Writing, to me, I push every single leader I work with to have some writing practice, whether it's publicly or not. If it's publicly, it gives a chance to create a magnetic effect that James is talking about. But I want you to talk about why every single person in this room should create some form of a, or maybe not force It's hard to force people to do it, but why, if they do, how it could be helpful.

Well, yeah, it's similar to how I feel about the gym. Not everybody wants to lift weights, and I'm not trying to force everybody to lift weights. But if you go into the gym and you lift weights, you get stronger. Sometimes people complain and say the weight is really heavy, and you're like, Well, that's the point. It's like, that's how you get stronger. And similarly with writing, people will complain and say, writing is hard. And you're like, yeah, that's the point. That's how you think better is by going through the difficulty. The fact that you do reps in the gym and it's heavy is how you get stronger. The fact that you work on writing and it's hard is how you think better or more-Think better, not just become a better writer, a better thinker, a wiser person. For sure. My responses to you right now in this hour seem way better. I look much... I don't even know if I look smart right now, but whatever level I do look is much higher than I actually am because I have written about all of these things. When you write about it, you see something on TV, news story or something, it makes you feel a certain way, happy, mad, whatever.

The emotion makes you think you know what you think because you feel a certain way, but you don't really know it unless you can write it down. And as soon as you start to write it down, you realize, I didn't know this as clearly as I thought I did because I can't even form a sentence about it. And so the act of writing about it forces you to clarify your thoughts or at least to express them in a way that can be translated to another person. So that practice, I think, is why anybody could or benefit from writing. I'm not going to say anybody should write. You do whatever you want, but you could benefit from writing because the act of it will force you to clarify your thinking. Exactly. Whether you share it publicly or not is totally up to you. That's a different scenario where do you want to attract like-minded people. But the act of doing it, even if it's just in a private journal, will force you to clarify your thinking. Writing is thinking, in a sense.

I think excellent leaders are usually really clear thinkers. This is a tool to become a much clearer thinker. You have these cloudy thoughts in your head and you're thinking about it like, Oh, yeah, I know what I think about that. Then you go and say, I'm going to write an essay about that thing, and you realize, Oh, I actually don't.

I do this. I mean, obviously, I do this for my job. I do this in personal relationships sometimes. If we have somebody in our family who's dealing with something, someone in our extended family is dealing with a really challenging situation right now, I'll just write about it. Just sit down and write a whole page about it. Don't stop yourself. Just write about it as much as you can and then compress it down. Once you get done, look at the page or two that you just wrote and just delete everything except the one or two sentences that summarizes the situation. Because best. It almost always leads to a much clearer vision of what's actually happening. You're like, Oh, this is the root cause. I couldn't figure it out before, but now that I just wrote about it for a page, I can see it clearly.

Let's apply some of the systems from Atomic Habits to leadership in general. There's a ton of future leaders here. I heard the process just to be a part of this room and the things these people have went through is insane. I would have never, never made it in college. You're like, You play football and nothing else? Not going to work. Super, super impressive people. Let's apply some of the things. So specifically-How disappointed are you guys right now?

Specifically when it comes to leadership and becoming really good at inspiring others, at building a business, at being a VP of whatever within a company someday, which people in this room will be, what are some things they could take from habits, systems, goal setting that you think would be helpful for them? Okay, I don't know if I'm going to follow exactly the systems layup that you just gave me, but I have a couple of things that come to mind. I recently was talking to this Navy SEAL who trained... He was a Navy SEAL who eventually became the trainer for the Navy SEAL sniper team. What he trained them on was mental performance techniques. There are two things that he mentioned that stuck with me, which are the techniques that he teaches them that now he is a father of three, and he teaches to his kids. So the first is positive outlook no matter the situation. So whatever situation you're faced with, you have some positive emphasis. What you do is you emphasize the ways that this could go well. And the second thing, which is tied to it, is a visualization practice. Whenever you go into something, you visualize what it would look like for it to go well.

So let me give you an example of how I use this recently. I have a little three-year-old son. He just went to preschool for the first time. We took him to preschool. He really had a bad drop off the first day or two. He's crying. He doesn't really like it. He doesn't want to be away from us. He just isn't really sure what's going on. The third day, we went down for breakfast. I take them down in the morning, get them breakfast. And he's looking at me. I said, All right, guys, today's a preschool day. And he was like, I don't want to go to preschool. I said, Okay, hold on. He was like, Actually, you really like preschool. Remember your teachers, Ms. Caitlin, Ms. Jaila? You like them, don't you? He said, Yes. And I said, Okay, and what about, did you like playing with glue and crowns yesterday? And he said, Yeah, I do. And then I said, All right, what about you get to have snack time and you have lunch? Do you like eating your snack? He said, Yeah. I said, What do you do after preschool gets done? He said, We go outside and we play on the playground.

So what I'm doing is I'm trying to do what this Navy SEAL did with the snipers, which is coach them through the process they're about to do in a way that is positive, has a positive outlook, and they're visualizing the good things that could happen from it. He's now visualized what his day is going to look like. That was it. I didn't mention anything else. I think if you go too far, even kids will see through that BS immediately. They'll be like, Don't you really love preschool? They'll be like, Come on. If you take it too far, it's over the top. But all you're trying to do is just emphasize the parts of this that could go well. And you can see how this practice can follow them all the way through their life. When they're in fourth grade and they got to give their first presentation in front of the class, let's visualize what this would look like for it to go well. When they're in eighth grade and they're going to go to their first dance, let's visualize what a fun night is going to look like. And you can just take it all the way through.

They're in high school and they're basketball games coming up. You can use it everywhere. And so techniques like that can be very powerful for priming you to have a good day and to set things up well. Anyway, that wasn't a direct answer to your question, but I like stuff like that.

Yeah, I'm going to ask you one specific question in a second. I'm going to just tee you up. We're going to open it up for everybody to ask questions. I'll give you a second to think. I'll ask James another question, and then we'll open up to you guys. We'll have some mic runners to go around. Is that cool? Okay, this is a completely sideways question, but I think it's important, especially given the age of the people we have here. Miranda and I have got a chance to go out to dinner with you and Christie, your wife. And it seems like not only are you this amazing writer and leader, but also have an incredible wife, family man, right? We We heard what Morgan said. So the combination of all the success, all the sales, plus humility, plus great marriage. I'm sure you have challenges like everybody else, but I think it's useful. I would love to hear what you think about marriage and picking a life partner and how you actively work at that, because I think this is a good time for people to think about that right before they might do it. At least I hope they choose to do that.

Yeah, no, it's a good point. A lot of you in the room are in a, let's call it 5-10-year window where that decision gets made. It's probably the most important decision that you make in life. It's probably the most important one. You're not going to interface with anybody more frequently. No one else is going to change the arc of your life more, or at least influence the constraints or the choices that are made more. So, yeah, it's probably the single most one that is important to get right. Having said that, I think that the decision starts not with them, but with you. And what I mean is that most of the people who now I'm getting old enough now in my late 30s. I'm getting old enough to see people who have started relationships, who have gotten divorced, or who are in tough response in their marriage or whatever. And a lot of the ones that don't work out, the person went into that relationship either in a time in their life when they weren't as confident or didn't feel as good about themselves, or they have something else that they haven't worked through. And so the more healthy your relationship is with yourself, the better positioned you are to have a good relationship with someone else.

It's just hard to have a good relationship if you're always feeling like, I wish I could get away from myself. One of my hopes for my kids is that if you told them when they're 14 or something or 20, Hey, you got to spend the day on your own, that they would think, Oh, this is going to be a good day. This is going to be a fun day. But some people are like, Oh, if I was going to be on my own, just me and my thoughts the whole time. It's like that sounds terrifying to them. And so my hope is that they can develop a good internal monolog, a healthy conversation with themselves so that whenever they have time with themselves, they're like, Yeah, it sounds great. Tim Urban told me one time that actually he thinks the rankings for it usually feels like people generally rank it as being in a relationship is better than being single. But the way that he feels like it should be ranked is being in a great relationship, being in a good relationship with yourself, being in a poor relationship or an average relationship with someone else, and then being in a bad relationship with yourself.

And I think that, yeah, if you see it that way, then you're like, oh, well, I would not accept a bad relationship because that'd be worse than just me being on my own. So I think that's just a for all of it, which is the better position you can be as an individual, the better position you are to find a great partner and be in a good position.

Very similar to leadership in general and the fact that you will never be good at leading anybody else if you're not good at leading yourself. The fun part is that that game never ends. That working on yourself never goes away. You never say, I made it. I'm good. You look at these guys, he's still working on himself. We're all still a work in progress. This never arrived, always becoming mindset is necessary, I think, if you want to keep having this type of trajectory.

So last thing I'll say on that, I don't want to not mention my wife because she really is great. It never felt like work does. I think that was one of the big things. She shared a meme with me the other day that was like, Oh, it's our anniversary. And I hate my husband, but love is the best. And it's all this stuff like that. And we were just talking about how silly it is. And it never felt like that for us. It was a relationship that we got into, and it always felt... It's not that every moment is easy, but it always felt natural. It always felt easy. It wasn't hard to love each other. I think that was... I don't know if that's helpful, but that's when I knew. It was when it felt like it was easy to love each other.

Love it. Let's open it up. We got mics in the crowd. Okay. Who wants to go? It's always the first one's always tough. First off, thank you so much for coming down to campus.

As a student leader, I see a lot of freshmen and sophomore who are trying to develop their values because I think you develop that a lot more in college or in this stage of life. What advice would you give to them for not only developing their values, but being able to apply their values when they're entering into their careers, their first internships, stuff like that? I mean, to a large degree, it's about having standards. You are not guaranteed to get what you strive for, but you are always guaranteed to get what you accept. And so if you If you just don't accept less than your values or less than your standards, you won't end up with that. Now, you may find yourself in tricky positions every now and then where you're in between and you're looking for something still. But a lot of it is about what you choose to accept. And similar to what I said earlier about how a lot of the time good enough is good enough, and every now and then you find a project where that's not the case and you need it to be better, it's not always worth it to die on every hill.

And so you need to figure out which of these values am I willing to really draw a line in the sand for and which things am I may be okay with flexing on. But I think that's a very personal conversation that you have to have. Ultimately, none of these things are one-time decisions. I think probably the most useful thing I can say is to have a practice of reflection and review. Every person in this room would say, Oh, I'm a person of integrity. So nobody goes out and starts down this path where they expect to make a decision that doesn't have integrity. But what happens is it's like death by a thousand cuts. You make a couple of choices that lead you in a certain direction, and then all of a All of a sudden, three years later, you find yourself in a position, you're like, How did I end up here? And so I think what you need is a continual process of reflection review. I do weekly and yearly. You choose whatever you want. I don't think there's anything magical to that cadence. But every Friday, I do a weekly review. That's mostly business-related.

It's looking at metrics for the business. It's looking at where we spend time, stuff like that. And then, as Ryan mentioned, each year, I do an annual review, and that's more values-driven. Where did I spend my time this year? I go back and look at my calendar How many places do I travel to? How many nights do I spend away from home? What does that look like? What projects did I work on? How many things did I write? How many articles did I publish and so on. How many workouts did I do? And then, after I have everything listed out there from the year, I say, What are my core values and where did I live by those this year? And where did I say that those are my values, but actually it didn't match up? And so if I didn't do that process, then I think I probably would end up four, five or six years down the line and be like, Oh, I'm surprised that I haven't I worked out in two years or I haven't done something. It's like time creeps up on you. But because I'm reflecting, it's like a way to pull yourself back to center.

It's similar to that line of pilots. When they fly a plane, they'll say 95% of the time the plane is actually off course from its destination. The job of the pilot is to continually move the nose of the plane back on course after the wind blows them or whatever. They drift a little bit. There's just that constant little course correction. Those weekly reviews or monthly reviews or whatever it is help you do that. You're values will also change over time. What is important to you today is going to be different than what it is in 10 years or 20 years. It's not a one and done thing. Hi, I hope you're doing well. This question is a little bit of a doosy, so feel free to stop me at any moment. Can't wait. Yeah, so feel free to share your thoughts. Just for some context, I do want to work in an international environment. So my question is, when you're in a foreign environment like another country, you may have to break make your habits to fit or adapt within the culture? Is that considered a fail in your eyes, a breaking of a habit?

Or does that go back to your point of finding a way to adapt to show up? Yeah, it's a great question. So for Think about the foreign environment for a second. I'll come back to that. In general, I think this is a conversation that we need to have about our habits no matter where we're building them. I have gradually learned that sometimes when you tell people, Okay, you're going to build this new habit, what they think in their mind, without saying it, they may not even say this explicitly, but their assumption is, If I was going to be successful with this habit, what it would mean is that I would just do it for the rest of my life. And in reality, basically no habit is ever going to work like that. It's the in your life for a season. And that's totally fine. That does not mean that it's a failure. So let's take my writing habit, for example. For the first three years, I wrote two articles a week, every Monday and Thursday. Like I said, it took about 20 hours each. And that was my writing. I had a really consistent writing habit of publishing 2,000-word articles twice a week for three years.

And then I signed the book deal for Atomic Habits, and I don't have the capacity to write a book on top of that, so I had to choose. So I changed the way my newsletter worked, and I wrote the book for the next three years. Does that mean that my A twice a week writing habit is a failure now? I don't think so at all. I think what happens is you go through different seasons of life and your habits need to change shape. And so I think a couple of good questions that anybody could ask are, what season am I in right now? When your seasons change, your habits often need to change. There can be any number of reasons for a change in seasons. It could be big stuff like we have a kid or we move to a new city or you start college or whatever. It could be small stuff like you're in a job and you take on a new project or you move in with a new roommate or whatever. But there's all these little and big shifts in seasons, these inflection points throughout life. And your habits need to change when those seasons change.

I find that I have a hard time, a slow learner, and so I have a hard time doing this. When we had our second child, I kept trying to force-fit my old habits into this new lifestyle. And I did that for 18 months before I finally realized, okay, you're being a dummy about this. Things need to change. And eventually, I shifted, and now things are running much more smoothly. So I think that's the first question is, what season am I in right now? The international piece, I think, is just a subset of this overall approach, which is, yeah, different country, different people, different business. Maybe things need to change shape, and that's totally fine. That doesn't make you a failure. This is what I mentioned earlier when I said, I really want my kids to have a good internal monolog, a good discussion with themselves, a healthy... I don't think anybody should be walking around when something doesn't work out and think, I'm a failure. You don't want to live in that space. Instead, you could live with something like, I'm learning, or like, I'm figuring out how to make this work. I'm on the path to figuring out how you know something that's going to work for me.

But we don't need to label it. Also, So whether you call something a failure or a success is highly dependent on that moment in time. So Atomic Habits, for example. If you were... I signed the book deal in November of 2015, and I was supposed to turn it in in November of 2016. I blew that deadline. And so if you had come to me in November of 2017 and said, Is this book a success? I would have said, No, it's a failure. It's not written yet. It hasn't been finished. And then if you come to me in March of 2018, still a failure. It hasn't come out yet. And then suddenly you come to me in March of 2021, you're like, Oh, it's this huge success. You're like, well, what was it? Was it a failure or was it a success? And the answer is it was both. You were just at different points along the line. I think so many things in life are like that. It's just where you happen to be in that moment. So don't feel things too strongly. Just keep moving forward. Hi. Hello. Thank you so much for sharing all these tips.

I want to go back to the concept of reflection and review, especially when it comes to, I guess, goal setting, short-term goals versus long term goals. I know you mentioned when it comes to building up that lifestyle, those habits, you want to ask yourself, Okay, how do I see myself spending the days? But I think sometimes, at least for me, it's easy for me to get lost in either or, either the long term goal, the vision, or the current day to day habits. So could you expand on going about building those stepping stones in our everyday but also being able to balance of like, But this is the long term goal. That's a great question. There's a lot going on there. It's a really good question. In a lot of ways, I think the two time frames that matter most in life are 10 years and one hour. Ten years is shorthand for any of the big, really important stuff that you care about. You have to have some long term vision for where you want to end up in life, whether that's the career that you want or the relationship you want or what you're hoping to do for your kids or whatever.

You need to have some vision of where you're trying to go. To Ryan's point earlier, that endurance is like an edge in life. It's a competitive advantage. A lot of the time, all that really means is thinking a little bit further out than most people think. So many people, their lives are, and I'm not really trying to blame them. A lot of this is just they feel like their hand is forced or they're so busy that they can't look out in the distance or whatever it is. But they're focused on one week to one month, maybe six months or a year out. But very few people are genuinely thinking carefully about what's happening more than a year from now. And if you can have a little bit of that longer term vision, you make different choices. If you start optimizing today for what you want in 10 years, you choose to do something different today. So 10 years is, let me have a clear vision of where I want to go. That's the long term. One hour is, how do I spend the next hour doing something that moves me toward that 10 year vision?

Sometimes I'll never let a day pass where you don't do something that's going to benefit you in a decade. So do something in a day that's going to pay off for you in 10 years. And the more that you practice that dual mindset, the more that you can live in both of those places at once, I think the better your outcomes get. The only tricky part of it, and I seem to be built for it, I seem to have an attitude or disposition that likes doing things like this, but I think anybody could do it. The only tricky part is you have to be okay with this middle which is like one to five years out where it hasn't happened yet. That's when you start to... I got done with grad school, and all of my peers, all the other students are going to get jobs at Deloitte and Accenture and anywhere else, and they're making 50,000 or 75,000 or $100,000 a year. I don't know what the starting salaries are now, but that seemed like an ungodly amount of money to me at the time. And that year, I'm like, whatever. This is what I want to do.

I want to start a business. But two years in, when I'm still in my parents' basement and they're making money and buying their first car and putting a down payment on a house, I start feeling like an idiot. And so the tricky part is having enough faith in that two to five year timeline where you keep making choices that get you where you want to go in 10 years. But You have to be willing to do something today that most people are not if you want to get to somewhere where they are not going to be in 10 years. I don't even like really framing it up that way because that makes it sound competitive, and it's not really about that. What it really is about is cultivating the life that you want. But my point is that you don't live in a vacuum, and you will need to have some confidence in your choices to trust that it will ultimately work out. Thank you both for being here. My name is Eric. I'm a senior in the Wendell Leadership Fellows program. I'm really sitting with what you said, James, about the adult life being a series of maybe 5, 10-year seasons.

And I'd be curious to hear what you've learned about transitioning out of one of those seasons. It sounds like you're transitioning out of the writing about habits season into something new. What have you learned from that? And what have you learned from achieving success after such a long time and then pursuing something new with the same level of excellence? Yeah, great question. I think about this more than I feel people probably would think. I guess we could call this life strategy. So if you have five or six, 10-year periods, it's a very limited number. You don't get many shots. Now, obviously, you're not locked into doing anything for 10 years. You can always change your mind if something doesn't go well after a year or two. I think that is a big part of it is having this philosophy of experimentation early on and figuring out, is this actually how I want to spend a good chunk of time? I don't think you even need to go into it thinking this is going to be exactly 10 years. It's not really about that. It's more just realizing that you only have a certain number of things that you can dedicate your life to.

I do think there is some strategy to it. There just are certain things that some decades are better suited for than others. You're probably not going to go party in Abiza when you're in your '70s. That decade is not well suited to that. If you want to do that, that's great. But your '20s or '30s is probably the time. I don't know that I have... I am sure of one thing, which is I have not gotten all this right, but I'll tell you about some of the moves that have worked out so far and how I'm thinking about it. I mentioned that I had never really traveled abroad during my childhood. I played baseball through college, whatever. I spent a lot of time playing baseball and going to school. That was great. I love that, but I had this itch to get out and see the world. And so my 20s was a decade where I did a lot of that. I tried to find any excuse I could to go abroad. So I mentioned applying to the essay competition for Switzerland. I did that twice. There was another young leaders thing that happened in Russia.

I got to go to Moscow and St. Petersburg. The punchline of all this was I did a bunch of things like that where I ended up going to, I think I've been to 42 countries in an eight-year span or something. And so that was a chance for me to get out and see the world and do a lot of that with that chapter. It was before I had kids and mostly before I was married. And so I was able to do that then. And then the next 10 years was this decade of build a business and write a book and try to be successful entrepreneurially. On the tail end of that, we've had kids the last couple of years and got married. So there's some family stuff that's happening there. Now, I feel like I'm entering this 10-year span where it's way less career-focused and way more family-focused. We have all these young kids that we're trying to raise. And then also, 30s and 40s is an interesting period because a lot of people's careers are really picking up steam. But also, you often have young children, and so you're raising them. And your parents, if they're still around, are starting to age.

And so I look at this like, We just last week, we just spent the last week in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, and we took my parents out because I'm like, I probably have three to five more years where if we... I'm not going to take my parents around Europe when they're 78. If we're going to do it, we probably need to do it now. You have this very limited window where both your kids are at home and young, and your parents are young enough that they can still do stuff. You're like, I want to take advantage of that now. You have this tension of my career is taking off, but I have all this family stuff I want to do. What I've decided is I'm just going to make family the priority, and the career stuff is going to have to wait. And that means I haven't written a second book, and it means I write a lot less, and it means I do fewer things than I would otherwise, but that's just the season that I'm in right now. And it's fine. The kids will I'll show up in 10 years and they probably won't be as interested in hanging out with me when they're in high school or college.

And I'll have plenty of time to write another book. So if that's what I want to do. And then I look at some stuff. This is further out, so I'm not as worried about it, but I'm still thinking about a little bit. What would it look like to live a really good decade in your '70s? What would it look like to have a really good decade in your '80s? And the subset of things that you can do is just more limited physically then. And so there's some stuff that maybe it's just better if I wait on that. It I bet if I'm lucky enough to live that long, maybe that's the right time for it. Mentoring, teaching. I always thought, Oh, it'd be cool to be a professor. Maybe that's something I'd do that. I don't know. I don't know if I want to do that or not. But the point is, you maybe get five, six, seven big movements throughout life, but you can't just interchange them perfectly. Some things are better when you're younger and some things are better when you're older. It's important to think about what that stuff looks like. I don't think that there's any right answer to it, But I do think that there are always trade offs.

And so what you need to be is comfortable with the trade offs that you're making. What's not good is to wish you were traveling when you're at home or to wish you were at home when you're traveling or to wish you had a family when you don't or to wish you were single when you're married. You want to make sure that you feel comfortable with the trade offs that you're making.

Hi. I wanted to echo the thanks given today for you guys' time and being down here. My name is Ben. I'm also a senior with the Wendell Fellows as well. And like probably many of people in this room, we're going through that job hunt. We're going through getting a lot of feedback back to us. So I was wondering, how do you apply feedback to habits and building those habits? And maybe you are stretched thin sometimes. How do you apply the feedback to maybe create a better habit or adjust a habit a little bit?

That's a great question. Feedback is the secret to building habits. So one of the secrets, at least. Your brain is building habits all the time, whether you think about them or not. And I feel like that's one of the important reasons to understand what a habit is and how it because you go through life and you experience different situations. And habits are the solutions to recurring problems that you face. So let's say, for example, that you have a long day at school and you get home and it's like five o'clock and you're stressed and tired. Well, that is a recurring problem that happens any time after you have a long day, and your brain starts looking for solutions. So one person's solution might be they play video games for two hours. Another person's A third-person solution might be they go outside and smoke a cigarette. A third person's solution might be that they go for a run. I'm not trying to make any value judgments, but you can see that there's a range of answers to the problem that keeps recurring. And one thing that you start to learn once you get to be about your guy's age is that a lot of the solutions that you have to those recurring problems are inherited or learned, basically, from your family and your friends and the environment that you grew up in.

And that's fine. There's no need to judge your sofa whether they're good or bad. But once you get into your 20s, it starts to become your responsibility to come up with better solutions to the recurring problems that you face. And if you just think about it mathematically, what are the odds that for the typical problems that come up again and again, what are the odds that your current solution is the best one? Out of all the things you could do, it's very unlikely that the way you're doing it right now is the best way to do it. This is a base position that I have or try to live with, which is assuming that I am wrong and trying to be less wrong. I'm not trying to be right, but I'm trying to be less wrong. And I think that puts you in a position where, one, you're a little bit more humble about it. You don't feel like you have all the answers yet. And two, you don't need to judge yourself or feel bad about not having it all figured out. That's fine. We're all wrong. We're just trying to get a little bit less wrong each day.

And the feedback is a way to do that. It's a way to learn about what you're doing and how you're moving forward. So you're going to have many, many habits. You're literally going to have thousands of habits, tying your shoes, brushing your teeth, whatever. You don't need to think about most of But the question is, what are those big habits that when I look at my days and I say, am I living a good day or a bad day? What are the things that tend to be part of a good day? For me, I can pin it down to two or three things. I know that if I get my workout in, I tend to have a good day. If I get enough sleep, I tend to have a good day. Usually, I really feel good about myself if I finish writing something and ship something. So that could be pressing send on an email or a newsletter. But if I complete a piece of writing, even if it's only a paragraph, I feel really good. And so If I can get those three big things in in a day, that's great. I'm living a good day.

And so the way that I would think about feedback or environment design or habits, systems, all the things we've talked about today is how can I organize things to help me hit those big markers? And those are really the ones that I want to have better solutions to. If I have problems that are preventing me from doing those big things, that's where I need to come up with better solutions. The other habits, I won't worry about as much. Hi, my name is on. I'm with Emerging Leaders here on campus. When you spoke about having that healthy internal monolog, I just wanted to ask what that looked like for you and where you draw the line between setting yourself up for success, but not beating yourself up too much. Yeah, I said earlier, what are some of the things that you have trouble describing, but that's a strength for you? You're good at it, but you don't even know how to really explain it. I have learned that this is one of those things for me. I don't know what else you would think, but I just always thought everybody thought this way. So sometimes when I hear people talking themselves out of stuff or beating themselves up, I'm like, what is going on?

Because I didn't realize that people are doing this to themselves inside. I try to never be my own bottleneck. One of my little phrases is, Work backwards from magic. Let me start with what the magical outcome would be. What's the thing I really want to happen? And then work backwards from to try to figure out different ways to make it happen. And the key is you can't have a single path to success. You need to have multiple paths because you never know which one is going to work out or which one is going to fall apart. But if you don't have a single path to success, then your path is not blocked. It's like there's not always a thousand ways to do everything in life, but there is almost always more than one way. And so you need to be okay with taking a different path. To give you an example from my life, I thought for a It was a long time that I was going to go to medical school. I was a science guy in undergrad. I studied biomechanics, mostly chemistry and physics classes, a little bit of anatomy stuff mixed in.

I liked the sciences. And if you were to come up to me when I was 19 or 21 or even 23 when I was in grad school. What I said was I was getting ready to go to medical school. It actually wasn't that good of a fit. There are some things about being a doctor that I would have really liked and I think would have been good for me, but there were a lot of things that just weren't a good fit for me. The reason I was giving that answer is because you'll never criticized for saying that you're going to go to med school. You go home for Thanksgiving and everybody's like, Wow, that sounds awesome. It just was an easy... I wouldn't have said this at the time, but looking back, it was just an easy answer to give that you feel like you would be rewarded for. When you're a student, especially if you're focused on getting good grades and playing that game, it's very easy to keep going down that path. The guardrails are set there for you. It's like, okay, you're going to go from 10th grade to 11th grade, 11th to 12th, and freshman year, sophomore It's going to keep...

You're going to just keep going that way. And so you're like, well, I already know this game, and I'm good at this game, so let me just keep going. I'll go to medical school, and then I'll graduate, and it's all built there for you. And some of you will probably be doctors, which is great. I'm not trying to talk you out of it. But it ended up much better for me once I stopped trying to play this status game in my head and instead just did what was best for me and best suited for me. And so the internal monolog was a big part of that. It was trusting myself. I think I could go back, I'd probably tell myself a few things. One is your parents want you to be safe, but you want to grow. And those things are sometimes aligned, but sometimes they're not. I have incredibly supportive parents. They've been really amazing for me. But They want you to be safe. And so when I said I was going to start my own business, they were like, Are you still thinking about med school? And even a year in, they were like, Do you think maybe you'd want to intern in a medical practice or start something or whatever?

And then Atomic Habit just came out and they were You're not still thinking about med school, are you? But what they want is the safe thing. And what I wanted was to grow and evolve. Anyway, I don't know that that's a perfect answer for you, but that is how I think about it. It's like, how can I not be my own bottleneck? How can I work backwards for magic? How can I practice some of those things I mentioned earlier, like I did with my son? Visualize the positive outcome. Try to think about in any scenario, emphasize how this could be good for me. I'll give you one more little exercise. You can take a piece of paper or whatever, word doc, whatever you want. You got two pages. On the one page, you're going to write down the story of your last year. The rule for this game is that nothing that you write can be false. It has to be true. Each sentence has to be true. But the first version, you're going to write down the most positive version of your last year. You're going to focus on all your wins, all the things that have gone well, all the things you're excited about.

The second page, you're going to write down the worst version of your last year. All the things that didn't go well, the bad moments, whatever. And you get done and you look at these two pages, and what you realize is that there are no lies. Both of these stories are true. And you tell that story to yourself each day. So I think the question is, what page are you emphasizing? There's no reason to ignore the reality of life. I'm not trying to get you to hide from the facts, but you choose which facts you emphasize each day. And you might as well tell yourself the version of your life that is the most empowering, that is the most useful, that helps you move forward and make better choices. But a lot A lot of people spend a lot of time on that second page. They live there day in and day out. I said earlier in this talk, you will get better at whatever you practice. Look at what a lot of people are practicing each day. They're practicing the art of getting mad on social media. They're practicing the art of terrifying themselves with what they read about or what they focus on or what they emphasize.

They're practicing the craft of berating themselves. So what are you getting better at each day? What are you emphasizing? Try to spend more time on that first page. Hi, my name is Chloe Limegroover, and I'm a sophomore with the WNDY Leadership Fellows. And when creating our own habits and making decisions in our lives, a lot of that is driven by our own wants and needs. I feel like a lot of it is also influenced by the people we surround ourselves with and the influence of others. So my question to you is, to what extent do you think we should allow others to influence our own habit making and decisions? Well, I don't know that you're going to need to choose to allow it. It's just going to happen naturally. You are going soak up some of the people that you're around. I think that's the first thing is realizing that life is a two-way street, and you're going to be getting some of that influence. I think the better question, or maybe the next question, is how do I shape the people that I'm around? How do I choose what groups and pockets I'm getting into?

I always tell this story. I played baseball for a long time, but I also swam when I grew up. The swimmers, you go to college, and the top GPAs for all the sports teams, it's always like the and the cross country runners. And the baseball players are always down at the bottom. And I'm not saying that if you want your kids to be smart, you should put them in swimming. But what you see is that when you're surrounded by that, when you grew up with that, so I grew up with that, and it's like, well, what are my friends doing? They're going to go study for the test. Well, I want to hang out with my friends. It's like, I'm going to go over there, too. And there starts to be this subtle competition of what grade did you get or whatever. But it's just all as part of what's happening in that group and other groups doing different things. And so I think the question is, what do you want your groups to be doing? Where are the people that are already doing what you want to do? And how can you hang out with them?

Sometimes, those groups are ready-made. If you want to get into yoga, great. There are yoga studios. You can go there for an hour and be around people who are your habit is the normal behavior, and you can learn there. But other times, those groups are not pre-built, and you have to be the one to help facilitate them. And that takes a little bit of courage. So good example for me, when I started my career, I started hosting these retreats where I would get six or eight authors together. Morgan actually has been the one. And I would just say, Hey, we're just going to rent out an Airbnb for two days. Everybody split the costs. Let's all come together, talk about how to write books, launch books, build an audience, do all that stuff, write some stuff like this before, too. And I didn't have any entrepreneurs in my family or any authors in my family. And so I would do this twice a year. And those two weekends were the best weekends of my year because I would have six months worth of stuff to go execute on. And it was a time, and I think this is the punchline, where my desired behavior was the normal behavior.

You get out of that group and you're like, not a lot of books sell 100,000 copies, but now I know six people who have just done it, so it doesn't seem that crazy. Why don't I just do what they did? And so every time I would send out the invites to that weekend, I was terrified because you don't want to look like an idiot and send out these and everybody says, no, thanks. But everybody always said yes. And it's because everybody wants the same thing, which is for somebody to create the space for like-minded people to get together. And so if you have something that you're excited about, maybe you can find a place where you can go get that. But if you can't, maybe you need to be the one to bring people together for a day or an evening. It could even just be a dinner. But the more that you can surround yourself with people where your desired behavior is your normal behavior, the more that you can rise together and soak up some of that stuff. So great question.

All right. This is awesome, man. Thanks again. And thanks again for having us. This is so much fun. Everybody give it up for James Clear. It is the end of the podcast club. Thank you for being a member of the end of the podcast club. If you are, send me a note, rian@learningleader. Com. Let me know what you learned from this great conversation with James Clear. A few takeaways from my notes. I just loved the Morgan Housel moment at the beginning. It was so cool to see James' reaction to it. You can actually watch it on youtube. Com/riandhawk if you want. Morgan said, I have absolutely not a single cell of envy for James because he is the nicest guy you will ever meet. You will not meet a nicer human than James Clear. You will not meet someone as successful as he is and as humble as he is. He is a saint in my life. And because of that, I adore every bit of this guy, so I cannot envy him. I am just inspired by his success. Full stop. That is so cool. We should all strive to be that for the people in our lives.

Then, which it leads to my Next point. Every opportunity in life comes through a person. Relationships are usually the most important thing. If you want to achieve more, there is a relationship that can unlock better results. If you want to make a meaningful contribution, helping others is a great way to do it. Then willpower. People with tremendous self-control aren't that different from those who struggle. They are simply better at structuring their lives in a way that doesn't require heroic willpower. Power. It's not about determination, it's about environmental design. I think that's pretty liberating. Once again, I would say thank you so much for continuing to spread the message and telling a friend or two, Hey, you should listen to this episode of The Learning Leader Show with James Clear. I think he'll help you become a more effective leader because you continue to do that. You also go to Spotify and Apple podcast, and you subscribe to the show, and you rate it, hopefully five stars, and you write a thoughtful review. By doing all of that, you are continually giving me the opportunity to do what I love on a daily basis. For that, I will forever be grateful.

Thank you so much. Talk to you soon. Can't wait.