Transcript of #2572 - Colum Tyrrell New

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The Joe Rogan Experience.

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What's the story? Good to see you, brother. What's happening?

I'm great, man.

Thanks for doing this, man.

Thanks for having me.

My pleasure. I'm excited to talk to you.

Yeah, so I, I was so nervous about my special these last couple of weeks that I don't even think I was really even thinking about this at all. probably kind of worked as a nice distraction. If I didn't have anything else going on, this would have just been over my head all the time.

Oh yeah, I know, fucks people up the first time they do it. After you do it a couple times, you're like, ah, just, we're just hanging out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But in the beginning, this is— it's a mindfuck.

It's a global scale for me.

It's— this is— me too. I try not to think about it.

Yeah, 'cause all I'm thinking now is like, we'll say something about fucking Sydney Sweeney's tits, and then I gotta get a phone call off my mother.

Did you see how those women that They interviewed these women and they asked them what was a worse impact on women in society, whether it was Lindy Clancy or Sydney Sweeney, what was worse for women. And they almost like— I mean, I don't know where they went. Obviously it's a biased sampling group, but all these women were saying Sydney Sweeney.

Yeah, really?

Yeah.

Mm-hmm. They just want to cluck each other. They want to just peck each other to death.

Exactly. That's what it is.

Yeah, because she really made it out of the swamp. She made it out of the swamp.

Right.

She's like as famous as you could possibly be, just mostly because of her tits, really.

Yeah.

Actually, you know what, I always thought she was a good actor in, um, a couple of the things. Yeah, Euphoria and stuff.

Uh-huh. She's just too hot, they don't like it.

Yeah, but she's also kind of not like crazy strikingly beautiful, so there's something that makes her even more popular, you know? Really? I think— I don't think she's like a catwalk She's not like a Victoria's Secret model. She— her face is a little—

Let's take a look at her face.

Honestly, I know this is horrible, but I'm not even getting rude. I'm not getting rude.

I'm gonna defend her. I think she's hot as the sun.

So do I. I think she's— I think she's as attractive as the sun. She's attractive.

The short thing matters with men, but does it really matter with women? Like whether or not you think they're— oh, for models.

I was just saying for models.

Right, but as to whether or not she's attractive, she's fucking beautiful, man.

I would disagree with the previous statements.

Listen, I'm not saying—

I don't know what you're talking about, dog.

I'm not saying I'm a beautiful man by any means, so don't get this twisted.

Well, I'm definitely not either.

Yeah. So once we said that, now let's rip her to shreds. Let's go.

She's pretty fucking hot, dude.

She really is.

I mean, I don't know how you could say that's not a 10. That girl right there is hot as the fucking sun.

You are right.

She's hot.

Alright, I changed my mind.

It's— ladies don't like it. They just don't like when a woman has that kind of power. Because they know that too much of being a woman, at least in America, at least in 2026— I'm sorry, but too much of it resides on whether or not you are attractive to the opposite sex. Yeah. When women walk into a room, they like to be the most attractive person in the room. And you fucking know if you walk in a room and that bitch walks in, I know everyone's gonna look at her.

She's— yeah, she is the typical bombshell. Blonde, big tits. And all the guys see her, we all go, oh, look at them!

Big real ones. Yeah, that's the thing.

Also, it must be weird for her to be in a world where just people are, I guess, so obsessed with her looks, kinda, you know?

Well, I mean, she's putting it out there, right? She's doing that sports ad commercial with footballs over her tits.

She has her own, like, gambling app now and stuff like that.

Well, I think she's probably working with one. Boy, if there's anything that's like the most controversial thing in— one of the most controversial things today is gambling ads and whether or not gambling should be legal. People— some people are like fully against gambling being legal, and I'm like, boy, I don't understand that.

I grew up with gambling. Gambling's legal in Ireland. It always was. But then we had a, like, a bookies which was like attached to the pub nearly everywhere you go. So you'd have to physically go in there and write out a slip and you could bet on the horses and stuff like that. Yeah, and it seemed to be relatively managed well. But I think, first of all, the phones are a disaster. And then you add gambling to the phones. I've heard a lot of stories of people like throwing shit away just because the phones are addictive no matter what. And then they plug— you'd be putting a bet on basketball and it'll go bling, you just won a free blackjack. Why don't you play blackjack? And then you'll be there for an hour and you've lost $500.

Right. Or don't do that. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like, shouldn't you be able to have a balanced life and also bet $500 on a game that you care about?

Yes.

If you're a regular person with a regular job, you're not insane, and you go, oh shit, the Knicks are playing tonight. I think they're gonna fucking take it. Let's go. And you throw a $500 bet on it and it makes it exciting for you. Sure. You got something riding on it. Come on. Fuck yeah!

Yeah.

Woo! People like that. I don't know why we're supposed to take that away because some people can't control it. And you look— I've said this many times. I've talked about this a ton. I, from the time I was 23 till I was like 25, I lived in a pool hall. Yeah. Like, I lived playing pool and hanging out with gamblers. I know gambling addicts. Hustlers. Yeah. I know, like, legitimate gambling addicts. They gamble— they'll gamble on raindrops coming down a window.

Yeah, well, now you can. Polymarket. Pull it out.

And I understand why some people would have a problem with it, but don't do it if you have a problem with it. That's what I don't understand. Like, what— we're micromanaging every single aspect of society and turning it into a nanny state. I feel like you should be able to drink. I mean, look, I think you should be able to do drugs, and I think they should be legal, and I think we should be able to sell real drugs. So you shouldn't have to worry about getting fentanyl overdoses.

You think you could get coke at 7-Eleven?

Not at 7-Eleven, but maybe at the liquor store.

Yeah, but then that— but now that's the same argument when I go, well, why can't I? Because I can control my coke. I should be allowed to buy it at 7-Eleven.

Yeah, okay, well, you can get booze at 7-Eleven, so fair point. Yeah, you— I mean, what is the Can you get like hard liquor at 7-Eleven?

By the way, you can get coke outside of 7-Eleven. Every single 7-Eleven.

You could also die. You could take a fucking ecstasy pill.

Yeah, but that's kind of part of the fun of drugs is going—

Today, today it's the part of the gamble.

Where people go, is that safe? You go,

ah, probably.

Could be. You let me know.

She did it an hour ago and she's right there.

Yeah, that's the canary.

She's dancing like, seems okay. Yeah, it's, uh, it's fucking weird. What were you gonna say, Jim?

It depends on the state. State liquor laws are different everywhere. Like in California, I think you could buy them in the grocery store.

Oh, you buy like Jack Daniel's?

Yeah. Wow.

I get— yeah, but

Jack Daniel's in the grocery store makes sense, but does it make sense in 7-Eleven?

But then there's different, like, uh, gas— some gas stations would have like liquor stores attached to them and some wouldn't. And then it just depends.

Yeah, it's weird because like I live in New Jersey. So I— we can't buy certain booze at grocery stores. So you have to go, but like, it doesn't really make sense because you can buy some things here, some things there.

Well, I lived in Massachusetts when I was a kid, and we would have to go to New Hampshire for booze on Sunday. You

had to go.

Massachusetts had booze laws. Yeah, they had— what is it, blue laws? Is that what it's called? There's laws on Sunday where you weren't allowed to buy booze. That was the Lord's Day, you son of a bitch. Go to church, you piece of shit.

Bunch of boys in a car would drive up to New Hampshire and Crack them open on the way back.

They would call them package stores, so we would call it the packy. We're going to the packy, and guys would take us fucking— Very different meaning in Ireland. Hour and a half. What does it mean up there? Oh, Pakistani?

Yeah, it's a bit of a slur for browns.

No, for us it was package store. I don't know how it became package store, but you'd have to go to New Hampshire.

And you guys wouldn't just like buy a lot on Saturday? No,

we're retarded. You did, but you drank it all. We don't know what the fuck we're doing. For sure. Yeah, there was some guy who was 21, he was driving. But yeah, you'd have to go all the way.

Beer in between the legs.

And there was no gambling. You would have to go to— back then, you'd have to go to Vegas to gamble, or you'd have to find a bookie, an actual bookie. Yeah. An illegal bookie that was connected to the mob.

Yeah.

That was the only way. Because you—

but then you had to— you really had to work for your gambling. Right. That's what— you know, and then I think you would probably think about your bets a little better.

Would you?

I don't know.

I doubt it.

I've not— I've not met a mob boss and made a bet yet.

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And if you're thinking about starting a podcast, And when you are ready to launch, use the offer code ROGAN to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. I feel like people that are off the rails are just gonna be off the rails. Yeah, I feel like we— what we really need is to teach people when they're very young how to control impulses and the value of discipline, and that you can control your behavior and you can control your urges in terms of like gambling, alcohol, like There are people that are absolutely genetically addicted to alcohol and genetically addicted to other things. I'm not— but them aside, with a lot of people, it's a self-control issue. It's whether or not you choose to do a positive thing or choose to do a negative thing. And the thing is about gambling is I don't think it's always a negative thing. And I think for some people it's fun and they like it.

Yeah.

It makes it a little extra exciting and they're not ruining their life. So should they not be able to do it? For people who do ruin their life.

Yeah, I don't know. I always would place bets on like the Super Bowl, big games like that, add a little something. I do the boxes at the bars, you know.

Yeah, add a little something. I like it.

Yeah, but now it kind of seems like it's— a lot of just college kids are kind of just fucking— they're growing up where that's normalized to have like a certain amount of your money lost to gambling. And I guess we need to teach them not to be doing that.

Do we?

And

what remains today? The main surviving Texas blue law restrictions concern alcohol sales and motor vehicle sales. Liquor stores close on Sundays, and car dealers cannot sell vehicles on both Saturday and Sunday of the same weekend. What? Why? That's why I brought it up. Saturday and Sunday of the same weekend.

So those are the only ones that last. There was a— I just got into this because there's a long list of 42 very specific items that weren't allowed to be sold, and it was repealed in like the '60s or '80s or something.

This is for Texas?

This was for Texas. I don't know about for every other state. It's just— it's also a very strange list of stuff.

So what are the categories removed? These are things you couldn't sell?

Yeah.

You couldn't sell electronics on Sunday?

It was repealed in 1985.

How weird is that? Electronics. That's the devil's work.

Clothing, furniture. Kitchen utensils. Footwear.

Can't buy shoes on Sunday.

So you couldn't go shopping, basically. Oh. You couldn't buy— I mean, you could go shopping.

These are old— these are old Texas laws?

Jesus laws, son. Jesus wants you to not sell guitars on a Sunday.

There was medic— put that back up, that list. It's crazy. Musical instruments, recordings, and toys. If your kid wants a fucking toy, you can't make your kid happy on a Sunday?

They should be happy with Jesus.

I've never really heard any of this.

Certain tools and lawnmowers. Well, what if your fucking lawnmower breaks on Sunday and you got— that's your day to mow the lawn!

This says the same thing about they can't sell them on consecutive Saturdays and Sundays. You have to pick a day, which is fucking— that's so strange.

What does that mean?

How this got developed has got to be a weird story. I'm sure there has to be a reason, probably not a good one.

The weird thing is like if you couldn't buy liquor on Sunday, could you go to a restaurant? And order a drink?

Here you can order, I think, only beer and wine. You can't order liquor, or it's like after— before 10 or before 11 or something like that.

You mean right now? Today?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So if you go to a restaurant on a Sunday and you try to order an Old Fashioned, they won't let you? That seems wrong. That doesn't seem—

You cannot buy liquor from package stores on Sundays in Texas, but you can buy beer and wine at grocery and convenience stores starting at 10:00 a.m.

What about restaurants?

Restaurants can serve alcohol, however, just starting at 10:00 a.m. on Sunday if the alcohol is sold along with the service of food.

Oh,

you gotta buy food too. What? So you can't just be a bar selling liquor.

Interesting.

Which is also weird. I guess I've been to it. No, that's not right. I've been to a bar where they're playing football and they're selling.

Well, what about our bar?

They probably have like a one chicken wing minimum kind of just loophole.

They do have a food truck on premises.

What about our bar? What about Mitzi's?

We're not open that early.

Right.

Oh, it is Sunday, I guess.

But it's Sunday. We're open on Sunday. Are we breaking the law? Breaking the law. Are we breaking the law?

It's from 10 AM to noon.

Oh, just then. That's when you're supposed to be in church.

So if you have breakfast— oh, sorry. If you want some mimosas, you have to order—

Yeah, it's 10 AM to noon. No food required afternoon. Okay.

Oh, so afternoon—

A lot of people sitting around waiting.

Yeah. Staring at the clock. This fucking stupid law.

That's the dumbest fucking law ever.

When growing up in Ireland, I used to know lads like that would go down to the liquor store and they'd be waiting like it was— they're releasing fucking tickets to like a concert. There would be a line of people at like 9 AM on a Sunday just sitting around waiting for the liquor stores to—

Wow, they got up early.

Well, no, no, they did not get up. They stayed up all night. Yeah, they went to the gym first and then fucking went for a cup. Now they stay up all night and then they'd go straight to the liquor store waiting. Jesus Christ. Or you had the early houses. They have them in New York sometimes too, the early houses.

What's an early house? An early house has a special license

and open at like 6 o'clock, 7 o'clock in the morning because it's usually in a port. So the old fishermen apparently would get in off their shift. And so there used to be all these laws, you know, can't serve booze till 10. And they were like, well, we finish work at 6 AM, so why can't I drink? So they would let individual spots. Oh wow. And they have a few of them in New York still. So when we would bartend, we would drink in the bar till 6, 7, then we'd get a taxi over to the early house and there'd be guys getting off work and we're all fucking steaming from the night before. Wasted all night.

New York is fun.

So much fun.

There's so much stuff to do. There's always something happening somewhere.

It's the— yeah, that's, that's actually why I moved here, was because I visited New York when I was younger. I was like 19, and I just fell in love with the opportunity of how much stuff there was to do. I was like, no matter— I feel like no matter who you are, you can find your little tribe of people in New York.

Yeah, you can get a great meal at 4 in the morning.

Yeah,

you can go to a restaurant and get a meal at 4 in the morning.

A little bit of that's died down though, the restaurants. Really? COVID, you know, all the diners are 24 hours, and then COVID, they kind of stopped, and it kind of fucked up a lot of shit. COVID, it kind of fucked up. Can I take this?

Yeah, yeah. How long have you been over here for, America?

I've been here since 2014.

Did you start comedy in Ireland?

Yeah, I was doing comedy for like 2 years out there.

What's it like out there? What's the scene?

It's small, not many people out there. So it's like a small— it's like not that easy to make a living.

Is there clubs or is it open mics?

There is only really a couple of purposely built clubs. Most rooms are just like a room above a bar that's been converted and great. And the crowds are incredible in Ireland. They're small and they're almost like doing a black room because if you crush, you feel like a king. And if you bomb, you will regret everything that ever led to that. The Irish will— you will bomb at the Irish and then just quickly someone goes, not funny! And then you've got 15 more minutes going, fuck, and he gets a big laugh. Oh. What about this other thing I saw, you know? Yeah. But if you're going well, they love you. Yeah. Yeah.

And is there a lot of good comics over there?

There's some great comics. Yeah, a lot of them don't move out too much. They don't really get out of there. That's a problem. We got a couple of great guys. Well, there was— our biggest guy ever was probably Tommy Tiernan.

I've heard of him.

Tommy was massive, and he used to go all over. And then I think he got rocked for saying— he got like one of the first canceled guys back in 2006. He made a joke about, um, if Hitler didn't have enough ambition and that 6 million wasn't enough. And then he— but he said it like casually on stage as a joke, and then someone wrote a huge article about it, and then they kind of fucked his whole touring over here. His agents, managers, everyone dropped him. And then he just goes, fuck it, I'll stay in Dublin, I'll stay in Ireland because, uh, I got a fan base here, my family. So Tom's the best.

So does he still perform in Ireland?

Tom? Yeah, yeah. But I think he kind of only sticks to that, that region. But he's— yeah, but he's a weird dude. Like, he's like a— like an old witch type of a guy. Like, where you'll see— like, he'll have a stick, he'll walk around with a stick, and he'll hit you with a poem that doesn't make sense, and then he— then he jumps back into a hedge. Like, he is a very interesting— he has a huge talk show in Ireland right now. Really? Massive talk show. Yeah.

On television?

On television. They get a guest in that he doesn't know who the guest is. It's a surprise. So then he sits down and just like starts talking to them and tries to He either knows them or just tries to figure out what they're doing. Yeah.

Huh. What's it called?

Uh, The Tommy Tiernan Show.

Interesting. Yeah.

So book me, maybe.

Yeah, for sure.

I'd love to do that.

That sounds fun. This episode is brought to you by The Farmer's Dog. You know what's pretty cool? The Farmer's Dog is partnering with the United Service Organization to support military families and their dogs. The USO Canine Program connects service members and their families with volunteer therapy dogs that provide comfort, companionship, and emotional support. And in honor of America's 250th birthday, The Farmer's Dog is feeding 250 dogs belonging to military families, including some of these therapy dogs. They're also sponsoring 2 USO canine-focused events this year and providing pet care items for welcome home kits. That's a pretty awesome way to support the people who serve and the dogs that support them. Try The Farmer's Dog today and get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food, plus get free shipping. Just go to thefarmersdog.com/rogan. This offer is for new customers only. So it's interesting. So he just said, fuck it, I'm gonna stay in Ireland. I

think so, yeah.

And he was touring all over the world before that?

Yeah, he had like— he was huge, big, huge in Canada, big in Australia. He was doing the tours in America, had a Comedy Central hour at the time, and then I think it was like a post-show live interview type of thing where someone— One thing, someone actually asked the questions like, can you go too far as a joke? And he said no. And then I think he used that as an example, and some journalists just cherry-picked that and said anti-Semitic, whatever. Which is funny because if he did it today, he'd be a fucking king because the anti-Semitism has kind of been kind of cool. It's in vogue. It's kind of cool.

Yeah, it made a comeback.

It really did. Yeah,

as soon as Kanye started selling out stadiums again, everybody was like, wow. Yeah, that dude had a diamond-encrusted swastika made. By the way, where do you think he got the diamonds?

Money, money, Joe. Think he got them from the Albanians?

He got them from the Italians?

There's gonna be an upcharge on the swastika.

We can make a deal.

Yeah.

But we have to work something out. Gotta go in through the back door.

Yeah,

so yeah, diamond-encrusted swastika, and the next thing you know, the dude's selling out stadiums again. selling out enormous stadiums.

Well, the music slaps.

Slaps?

Slaps.

The dude's nothing but bangers.

Yeah.

For fucking decades, that guy's been making bangers.

Yeah, but he— it's funny, when I say antisemitism too, I'm like kind of tongue-in-cheek joking about the Israel stuff, but like he was actually doing some antisemitic stuff, right?

Oh yeah, like yeah.

He was actually— I don't know what he was doing, but he was— well, he had a song like We Are Hitler or something. What was the song?

Yeah, Heil— it was Heil Hitler. Yeah, that was the song, and he apologized for

that. Didn't he have a song about sucking off his cousin at one point too?

No, he posted about that on Instagram, that him and his cousin used to watch porn and he sucked his cousin's dick.

He had a song, he's like, I gave my cousin head, I gave my cousin head. Oh really? It was actually a banger, yeah. It was— again, you— it's like he goes, what am I I can— I'm so good, I'll make a song about sucking off my little cousin and it'll be great.

That they blew each other when they were like 14.

That kind of happens.

They would watch porn and suck each other's dicks.

That kind of happens, you know.

I guess it does if it happened to him. It clearly is a real thing. It's not like a, you know, UFO story where you're like, you got to leave it up to whether or not you believe something fantastical that you've never experienced before.

I don't have the confidence to ever admit that would happen, let alone write a great song about it and release it, you know.

It's not like anybody confronted him with that information and he had to own up to it. No, he just posted it one day on Twitter.

Awesome.

Yeah, I think he said he sucked his cousin's dick for years.

For years? No.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think he said it for years. Uh, Cousins, styled in all caps, is a song by American rapper Kanye West. It was released on April 21st, 2025, as intended second single from his unreleased studio album Cuck. What a name. It first released on West's Twitter account before being sent to streaming platforms in April 2023. Hip-hop songs it samples were the originals by Double Virgo and interpolates 10 Perks by David Blunt and such. Okay. He was originally reluctant to write it but has since reflected on how it positively impacted West.

Yeah.

It was removed from streaming platforms November of 2025.

But, but why? You can't sing about that?

His friend is, uh, his cousin is actually in jail, it seems like. Previously spoken of a cousin who is currently serving a life sentence in jail for a murder he committed at 17 years old. Uh, he mentioned him on Jimmy Kimmel Live in 2018 and the 2020 documentary Kim Kardashian West: The Justice Project. Hmm. He added that his cousin is now serving a sentence for killing a pregnant woman. Oof. A few years after West told him they wouldn't look at dirty magazines together anymore, West believed that he was self-centered for taking the blame for his cousin's murder charge and for showing him those dirty magazines when he was 6. What?

So then this guy actually wrote the song and Kanye performed the writing of it.

Oh wow.

Yeah. Same with the other song you guys are talking about.

American rapper David Bluntz, who served as the main songwriter for Cuck. Just like, just having that in your Wikipedia. What'd you do? Well, I was the main songwriter for Cuck. Oh, excellent. Amazing. How was that collaboration? While West was playing The Last of Us on his PlayStation 5, West originally declined Bluntz's offer to turn it into a song, but later changed his mind. Though Bluntz had become reluctant to write it, attempting to procrastinate by sending West different songs for the album, he eventually decided to record it as a demo in his living room due to West's persistence. He persisted. He's like, write it, write about me sucking my cousin's dick. Writing it over a beat he downloaded from YouTube due to his main producers being asleep. That's hilarious. He's the fucking guy's working like 24 hours a day. Bluntz took around 20 minutes to finish the song. He later reflected on Cousins as being very freeing for West when he made it, believing that West chose him to write it due to his blunt, in quotes, no pun intended, approach to songwriting that lacks double entendres. According to producer Chucky Beatz, he was unaware that West used Blunt's song 10 Perks, which he co-wrote and produced, until a YouTube commenter told him about the X post.

So what was the X post? What did he say? I don't know. So there was a, there was a post. Yeah, where he just came out and says—

It does make sense that he writing that song helps him deal with it. They say that with like any PTSD, where it's like if you can journal about the whatever the things are.

Oh, here it is. It says the song is called Cousins, about my cousin that's locked in jail for killing a pregnant lady a few years ago. I told him we— after I told him we wouldn't look at dirty magazines together anymore. Perhaps in my self-centered mess, I felt it was my fault that I showed him those dirty magazines when he was 6, and then we acted out what we saw. My dad had Playboy magazines, but the magazines I found on top of my mom's closet were different. My main name is Yee, and I sucked my cousin's dick until I was 14. It'd be Yay. Yay, sorry.

Tweet sent. Okay. Awesome. Good for him.

Jesus.

6 to 14. That's a long time. A lot of dick sucking. A long time to be sucking cock. Yeah.

And then one day he's like, enough. And then he blames that on his cousin shooting him.

His Buddha went down the—

Yeah, that's Dave Bluntz.

He's the guy who wrote it?

Yeah.

Wow. Okay.

Crazy, huh?

He's a big fella. I can see why he procrastinates.

Yeah,

hard to have energy when you're that big.

Yeah,

hard to be motivated to write a good song. Mm-hmm. That's a crazy story, man.

Yeah,

but I mean, all brilliant people like that, like, that are that good, are gonna be insane.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah.

Yeah, a bunch of different ways, but they're all insane in some way.

Didn't he say he can like see like colors with sound. He said that he has that thing that when he hears sound, he like visualizes it.

Did he say that? That makes sense.

Yeah.

I mean, clearly has a gift.

He's definitely one of the most talented.

Ever.

Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, and when you talk to him, it's like his words are like barely contained inside of his mouth. Synesthesia. He has a neurological condition where Auditory input such as music or sound triggers involuntary visual experiences like seeing colors, shapes, or patterns. Makes sense.

So when he hears songs, it's like doing mushrooms or something.

Like when you're talking to him, it's almost like these words are like pouring out of his mouth. Like it's like behind his brain, like, ah, like they're just coming out.

No filter.

I mean, I think that's how he writes too. I think it's just like there's a creative storm inside of his brain that's just flying out of him all the time.

Yeah. Well, it goes to show for what he did and now for like his— what he was saying and everything and how much people were like trying to cancel him, I guess. And now he's back to selling out huge fucking stadiums.

I know, it's nuts. I think— I mean, at some point in time they must have just given up on trying to cancel him. But the crazy thing is like Adidas backed away from their sponsorship and it cost them billions of dollars. Billions. Because he was basically saying the Jews control everything.

And they didn't like that, so they fired him.

So they killed his bank accounts. They basically controlled everything.

Way to prove them wrong, I guess.

I know, it's so funny that they did that. They didn't just ignore him. But it's a weird time for anti-Jewish thinking and rhetoric.

Yeah, well, it all just boils over from the Israel thing. And then while we're here, we're kind of like, by the way, you're a little annoying also, by the way, just so you know. Well, while we're talking, while I'm breaking it to you. Yeah, you guys are a little fucking irritating.

They're very into being Jewish, and if you're not Jewish—

They love it. Yeah.

Yeah.

They love being a Jew.

Must be fun.

They stop me a lot of time in New York. They'll ask me if I'm Jewish a lot because, you know, they're like— there's like a special week where they like hand out fucking Jew Bibles or whatever they have, you know. Jew Bibles? I don't know what— I honestly— Torah? Yeah, the Torah. And then they'll stop me, these guys with the curls and everything, they'll stop me and be like, are you Jewish? And I go, no. Okay, but they're upset at you? No, they're not upset. No, but they, they think I'm a Jew. I must have some sort of something going on.

Why do you think that is?

I don't know.

You could be. Well, that's the thing about being Jewish. It's not like being Somalian, you know, where you can go, that guy looks Somali.

Yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? Like, Jewish could be red hair.

Exactly. Yeah, I think that's where the sneaky, the sneaky Jew comes from. I do think that's where the theory of the sneaky Jew is because you can't spot Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you can spot some of them. Like Ari Shaffir, you fucking— yeah, you— everything about Ari is Jewish.

Yeah, you spot that shit a mile away with Ari.

Ari's like too Jewish where he needs to like dilute the blood a little.

Mmm, maybe get an operation. Where do you start? The nose, 100%. But then you're gonna have to widen the face.

Sure.

It's like, yeah, like the thing about faces, that's like one of those things you notice if you see someone, they got a nose job, like something looks wrong.

Yeah,

like, why is your nose normal size and the rest of your face is strange?

Sure.

You know, because that's the golden ratio. Like, there's like— yeah, symmetry to the way your face is structured that if you have the type of face that's supposed to have a big nose and all of a sudden you got this little Michael Jackson button nose,

it doesn't work.

Yeah, yeah, you look weird. Like, something about your mind is like the ratios are off and you're like, something's wrong here.

Mm-hmm. That would be my biggest fear, probably, to go under the knife trying to be more handsome, and then you come out with like a fucking— like a fucked-up lip or something, right?

You know, your face doesn't move. So every time you— you might look okay when you're staring at the mirror, but then as soon as you start talking, your face looks like it's made out of rubber.

What's gonna look— what are all these like young 20-year-olds who are getting Botox gonna look like when they're 40? Are they just gonna have a fucking mask on? Like, just—

Well, it's the fillers. The fillers are the real problem. Botox is not great. But it's— you're basically putting botulism in your skin, and it can also cause a bunch of other side effects. But I think the real problem is those fillers. Like, some people have to get their face removed and scrape the fillers out.

What?

Yeah, man.

What do you mean they get their face removed?

Yeah, they literally have to like fucking open your face up and remove the fillers. Like, some ladies went a little too far.

Like, peel it back like Terminator?

I don't know the procedure. But I know that they have to get something in your skin underneath there and suck it all out.

Yeah.

Depending on the fillers.

Some of them look good though.

With the fillers? Well, just with the work. Like that bee-stung look?

No, I'm talking like, what's, what's the oldest Kardashian? The queen? The queen of the Kardashians? Yeah. Not the kids, the older lady.

Yeah. Yeah. What is her name? Kris. Kris. Yeah.

I don't know who she's working with, but she must have some wizards. She must have wizards. She has a squad. Yeah, she has a squad. Tommy has a little prayer for them. Fair, fair.

Cast a spell. Yeah, he uses warlock magic. Well, she must—

that's like a big project for these guys. They probably have— that's not a simple fix. She's like 109 and she looks 18.

Those are artists. Look at that. That's a filter.

That's fine.

That's not what she really looks like. There's no way they did that to her neck. Like, when you see her in real life on her television show, she does look very good for her age.

Yeah,

but she doesn't look like that.

And then Caitlyn did the opposite. Caitlyn could not look worse.

Yeah,

Caitlyn's like giving up, like sad actually.

Yeah,

like, like she'll walk in with a big handbag, fucking, and the hair, the hair is all knotty and it's like spooky.

Yeah, it's weird.

It's spooky.

Well, I think once you've given up on sex and then you've kind of— it's also like, did Caitlyn Jenner have the, excuse me, bottom surgery? Has that been confirmed?

I don't think so.

I think she did.

She walks like she has a cock.

Well, she used to.

Yeah, yeah, I guess you don't adjust that.

Keep the same strut.

That must be hard to adjust to not having a cock.

Yeah, a long time ago.

Like, you ever get a tooth taken out?

Long time ago, had the surgery.

Yeah, according to her memoir.

But do you ever get like a tooth taken out or something and like, it's like weird to adjust to it for a while? Not having a penis must be fucking Might take a while.

But now you have a tube. You have a hole that you have to keep dilated with a rubber bit.

It comes with instructions on how to clean it properly and shit. Did you ever clean a pocket pussy? It's the most disgusting thing I've ever done in my life.

We used to have a sponsorship with the Fleshlight.

Yeah, and but that's the problem is it's all fun and games until you gotta wash it. And then you're just like this rubber sleeve under the sink and it's fucking dead squid. Yeah, I got one at home too. I got— it was a gift on a podcast. Some chick, some porn star was like, I guess she like—

Oh, had it molded from her own?

Dipped her pussy in clay or whatever the fuck. Nice. Yeah, and then she was handing out— yeah.

Nice.

Mine was scented.

Yeah, I watched an episode of the Kardashians where they were all sitting around the living room and Caitlyn came over and it was just like, what, what are we, you know? Yeah, it's one thing to be an old person.

I saw that same episode, I think.

Being an old person is okay. Like, you know, you get old. We're all gonna get old. We're all gonna look shit when we get old. But that's different.

Cailin's a real fucker.

You have like crazy long hair and fake boobs, and you look insane. You look like an old man with fake boobs.

Yeah, I just think if I was to become a lady, I think I'd be a real fucking femme bitch. You think so? I think I'd be a bad bitch. Or at least I'd be doing my best to be. I don't think I would—

What do you think you would do?

I think I would fucking go out with the girls shopping, right? Really get them to compliment me, make me feel good. Yeah. Yeah, I think I'd have a nice haircut. I would shave, probably. That could be a good start, right?

Right. Maybe just get laser shit all over your face.

I'd get laser shit everywhere.

Doesn't grow back.

Lasered.

Yeah, you don't want to worry about stubble. No.

You know?

Yeah. While you're eating pussy, pretending to be a lesbian. That's the thing about the weird ones, are the ones that They do it and then they're still straight.

Yeah.

That's called autogynephilia.

Autogynephilia.

Yeah, they get aroused by the idea of pretending to be a woman, and they get sexually aroused, and they're attracted to women.

Right, but do they only do that in the bedroom, or is it like they have to live it like that all the time?

Not anymore. Now that these—

because we— when I do—

openness of our society allows them to go out in public and get excited and go into the women's room. With a hard cock. Yeah.

Don't blame them.

This is the thing about like being open and progressive and just being like, you know, accepting of people. You're accepting also of sexual deviance. Like there are people that aren't just transgender. They're fucking perverts and sex offenders. The old-school ones. Like when I was a kid, there was old-school sex offenders. It was normal. And now they just identify as a woman and they get a Willy Wonka golden ticket. He could just—

What do you mean? They get, they get sent to like a female prison or whatever?

Well, they definitely can do that in some places. California, at last count when I looked, had 47 biological males that were housed in women's prisons.

Yeah.

Some of them have gotten women pregnant. They keep their dick. There's like, there's no requirement in terms of— as long as you identify. New Jersey is the same way. As long as you identify It's like there's a self-identification thing. You identify as a woman, you're allowed to go into a woman's prison.

Do they make you do something? Do they make you like put on like high heels or anything?

I don't think they get high heels.

There's got to be a test.

I don't think there is.

There's got to be some sort of a feminine test.

All you have to do is get offended if they suggest that you're not a woman.

Yeah, that's all you gotta do.

Yeah, they're like, I'm a fucking woman.

Okay, female tests where you go like, oh, it's You know, it's my dad's birthday. I'm not gonna buy him a card. And she's like, you have to buy him a card. You know, they can really test them. You know, should I call my father today? You know, and he's like, nah. You go, that's a very manly response right there. Very manly response.

Yeah, it's, uh, I mean, look, I wouldn't want to be the type of person who feels like you're trapped in the wrong body. It's got to be horrible. I'm sorry, I don't have sympathy for them. But my position has always been like, hey, but whatever happened to perverts? You know, you've just given perverts a license to be around women by just saying that they're a woman.

Sure.

You know, there's no way of this— there's no distinction. There's no way— there's no way to differentiate between someone who has gender dysphoria and someone who's just a pervert who's operating out of a loophole.

Yeah, but you could probably argue that's the same everywhere in life, right? In terms of like That's a big

one though.

Yeah,

that's a big one.

But people are scamming everywhere. There's con artists everywhere. Oh, you know, I could be from fucking— I could be from America and pretending to be Irish because I thought this would be like a way to fucking swindle people.

If you were, you would really be like wasting your talent at voices.

Well, my accent's barely Irish anymore. My accent— everyone I know for a fact, everyone in Ireland's gonna be watching this going, fucking stupid American accent, what's he doing?

That's crazy.

It's soft as shit. And it's real soft because all my friends are Irish, my wife's Irish— sorry, all my friends are American, my wife's American. I just sort of talk around them and I podcast so much that you hear the accent.

Yeah, but you've got the dirr. There's a dirr. Yeah, there's a stupid shit. There's a way that Irish people talk that differentiates them from other people.

Yeah, and then when I go home, I suck it in. Everyone I'm listening to, I get it back. It's thick as shit. And then I come back here, no one understands me for a week, and then it just sort of disappears. It floats away.

See, to me you sound very Irish.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But to them I sound like a prick. Really? Really, yeah.

Like you've softened up?

Softened up a lot. There's old clips of me on YouTube and stuff where my accent's thick as shit, Conor McGregor style. Fucking, what's the story? How's everybody doing?

Wow.

And now I'm like, going to put the trash, put the trash out, or whatever.

But even when you're saying put the trash.

Yeah, I guess there's little things in there.

Yeah, little, right there.

Yeah. Yeah, to them this is very— they'll notice this. They'll notice little things and they'll DM me and call me a fraud and a faggot. And I'll go, I'm sorry, I just— there's not enough Irish people in my life anymore.

How often do you go back?

I usually go back twice a year. This year I didn't go back, but next year I've got like 4 trips booked already. I got a bunch of shows. If anyone wants to come out and see me, please come see me. Yeah, I'm doing shows in Dublin and Limerick and That's fucking

cool.

Yeah, I'm excited to go back. Yeah, I've never been able to— like, I have a bigger audience here because like most of my career has been here, and everyone like has been through Legion of Skanks and Ari, and all these type of fans have come to me. So I don't really have the Irish accent, so— or sorry, I don't really have the Irish audience. So I go back.

That's ridiculous. Yeah, because they get online too. They must be seeing you.

I have a few, I have a few, but if I was in Ireland doing jokes about fucking Ireland that I would be— I think I'd be much bigger.

When you go back, do you have a bunch of Irish material about Ireland?

Not really, no.

No?

No. Well, it changes. The place changes so much. I don't know. I have stuff about my dad I talk about a lot. I'll talk about my dad a lot. Like, my dad, he's a very Irish dad, you know what I mean? And just like, he's just like an interesting guy. He used to be really angry my whole life, and then one day I think he stopped working and now he's the nicest guy, you know? I think there's something about your— someday you're— I think your dad is a mean prick until one day when you're like a grown-up, and then they just go, ah, you're alright then. Like, they ease off, you know?

Well, one thing that happens, you get out of their house so they don't have to take care of you anymore.

That changes a lot. Is that right? Is that right? And again, they get the fuck out of there.

Yeah, you get out of their house and you're not their responsibility anymore, and then they can relax when they're around you. Yeah. And then if you're doing alright with your life, you've developed a career or what have you, yeah, then they're alright when they're around you.

But my dad— my friends used to call my dad— my dad's name is Aiden. My friends used to have a nickname for him called Raging Aidan because he was such a notorious shithead. And one time we were, we were 18 or 17, we're going to a concert, and 2 of my friends were in the house. We're just drinking, pre-drinking, and he came home from work or whatever, and he's like, how's it going? And he's like raging, and he's like mad. And then he's just— at one point someone made a joke and he goes, get the fuck out of my house, Ollies! Get the fuck out of my house! And he grabbed the beers and threw them out on the street, goes, get the fuck out of here! And my friend Bill He walked off down the road, and then my dad comes out and goes, Bill, come here, get back here, get back here. He walks all the way up, he goes, get the fuck out of my face. He just saw red.

Did he just hate his job?

I don't know. Yeah, he used to work as a plumber, so I think he just hated his job. I think he's just stressed about financial shit and everything. And now he's like retired and he gardens and he's this sweet little old pathetic man. It's not— he's like a— he's like my nieces have the best version of him ever.

Wow.

He's just in the garden all day just planting, and he'll send me photos of flowers. That's like— I'm like, who is this guy? What happened? Yeah.

Well, how many people are ruined by a job they hate that they have to show up every day, just be living in shit and stress all day long, and then come home and realize that all that work that you did and you still can barely pay your bills?

Exactly. Yeah,

that's the problem.

Yeah,

yeah. I mean, what's that Thoreau quote? Most men live lives of quiet desperation.

Wow.

Yeah, that's heavy shit. It's true. Most men are out there working right now. Not that women aren't, but you know, that's the— it's the male quote because yeah, it's— there's something about working these brutal, horrible jobs where you're still barely making enough money for food. That's crazy. And you wasted your life, and then all of a sudden you're 60, you know, and then you're like, well, what am I doing?

Yeah, it's tough in America sometimes too. It's like you want to go to— you got the Waffle House. And it's nice because Waffle House is great, but the people working there are like the saddest humans alive. Like, it's like no one wants to be at Waffle House. They're like just all there.

Not only that, it's— you're gonna see fights 5 nights a week.

Yeah, yeah, they're exhausted.

The odds of going to a Waffle House and seeing a brawl are very high.

What is it about— it's like the fucking bat signal for fucking aggressive.

I know, it's more so than a diner. Like, it's very rare to see a brawl at a diner, like a 24-hour diner.

No, Denny's. No one's ever fought in Denny's in their life.

Most of the time—

Waffle House is fucking Royal Rumble. Waffle House is just viral video after viral video. Are they organizing it maybe? I

don't think so.

Like, is that like a good thing?

I think it's where Waffle Houses are. It's probably like they're in an area that's like more fucked up or something.

Yeah.

But I mean, when you're drunk and it's like 2 o'clock in the morning and you can get waffles, like, fuck yeah, with butter and syrup.

And you can get everything— eggs, bacon, chicken fried steak, anything you want.

Let's go.

And you can sit in a little booth with a couple of friends and have

some coffee, talk some

shit. And then next thing you know, some, some fat bitch skips you in the line or something, and then fucking Waffle House, bro. Mm-hmm. But you ever see that one with the— where the lady who worked there, skinny little white chick with tattoos, fucked them all up? She was this tiny skinny girl and all these big fucking fat ladies are screaming at her, I'm gonna fuck you up. But she came out, she goes, you wanna fucking go? Because the people that work there aren't like chumps either. No, they have to go through some sort of— probably

it's called jail.

They have to do a minimum of jail. They have to have a jail experience to work at Waffle House.

Yeah. Yeah. How many salt and batteries you have? Okay, 3.

You could be a manager. You can go train all the other staff how to defend themselves at 2 o'clock in the morning from a fork to the neck.

Yeah. Yeah, and it doesn't close. That's the other thing. Like, if you're a person looking for something to eat or do And it's 4 o'clock in the morning. You don't have a lot of options. And those people, if you're up that late, most likely you've made some poor choices.

Yeah, maybe. Well, I don't know.

Or good ones.

Great ones. But you know, I grew up in Ireland, fistfights all the time. So when we— the nightclubs used to end at 4 o'clock in the morning in Dublin city center, and everyone stayed out till 4. It was like It wasn't even an option to go home before the bar closed, if that makes sense. I've never in my life heard of someone going, ah, it's 2 o'clock, I better go. And you go, no, just 2 more hours of drinking. We're here. That's just the way it worked. I don't know what— we just love it so much.

Why is that?

I think, well, apparently the Vikings used to have to drink a lot of alcohol because that would kill the bacteria in the water. So I think there's probably some sort of a thing that was just passed down through generations of I also think it's probably a whole lot of repressed fucking trauma over the years that we can only let out when we get blackout drunk and puke. That's our therapy, you know.

There are a lot of stories in ancient days of people who drank nothing but beer.

Yeah.

They just drank beer. That's what they're out— so everyone was drunk all the time.

Yeah.

Which is really crazy if you think about it.

But you get to a point where you're kind of— you're not drunk drunk, but you're kind of buzzed.

Right.

All day, every day, you're just a little bit horny. Just a little bit.

And also like that, just the liver poisoning, like—

Yeah, but you're probably dying in your 60s back then anyway.

Probably killed by a sword.

Fucking honorable way to go.

Yeah, before you're ever getting liver disease.

But they did that at the Guinness Brewery in Dublin too. All these guys would— the old coopers would make the barrels, and they'd make millions of these per year, and they had a free supply of Guinness to drink all day. So these guys would go to work and they would drink 12 pints of Guinness all day while they're fucking working. And then after work, they'd go down to the Guinness bar, the pub, and spend that— spend the money they just made. And keep rolling. And yeah, and then actually start drinking. The one during the day was, uh,

moderation.

Yeah, yeah. And you got a job there when you were 12, and you were drinking 6 pints a day from 12. Whoa. Everyone was drinking young. Everyone's drinking young. Wow. When my dad was growing up, he would go to pubs when he was 12. Like, so— holy

shit,

he's like 70 now, so that was back in the day.

Holy shit.

But like, it's just a drinking culture, and it's 18 now, which means the law is 18, but we let you at 15 if you're a chick, 16 if you're a fella. That's when

people start drinking.

Yeah, in pubs, in nightclubs for sure, because you could use your— I used my older brother's ID when I was— he was 4 years older than me, so he was 18, so he would have been 20 and I was 16 using his ID. But all the girls I grew up with would go in even younger because the bouncers, like, see a cute 15-year-old walk up, they kind of let them go in. Then I walk in like fucking covered in pimples like a fucking moron. They go, nah, you're not allowed in. I go, well, that was my girlfriend. They go, not tonight.

There's some sort of a series on— I think it's on Netflix about the Guinness family.

Have you seen it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's like a— I heard it's crazy. It's a drama.

It's like a Peaky Blinders type deal.

It's kind of weird. Yeah, it's weird. The accents are weird and everything. So it's like, it's totally to watch, and they sound like I'd fucking sound, but, uh, it

sounds shitty. Like, it doesn't sound like a good Irish accent.

And not, not all of them, but some of them are from Ireland. But

yeah, so is it, uh, American actors faking it?

It's a— it's, it's, by the way, it's loosely, loosely based on the— this certain generation of the Guinness family.

Can we listen to some of this?

Most of all, with Sir Benjamin Lee Guinness's 4 children. We expected something,

something better than before. From the creators of Peaky Blinders. A gift from Mr. Guinness. From a representative of the Dublin poor. Trouble is brewing.

The Irish are weak and divided. Now is the time to use that weakness! You think there'll be trouble today? The man's name is Guinness. Of course there'll be fucking trouble.

So that accent's—

Yeah, he's a bullshit. He's,

he's faking it.

Yeah, but, but that little guy they had as a leprechaun, for some reason they literally introduced him. He goes I fucking don't have— I'll sell your Guinness in New York, sure I will, you know. You know, so everyone in Ireland's going, this is fucking shite.

It's kind of amazing with people being that drunk all the time that anything ever got done.

Poetry. That's what, you know, the writing. We did all that. We never, we never did— we never figured out like, you know, uh, you know, finance or any of that important shit. But we, we had a good time. We have a good time.

Yeah, a lot of poetry, a lot of singing.

A lot of singing, dancing, plays, writing, talking. We talk nonstop about everything, everything. And a conversation in Ireland is one of the most fun things because you'll be laughing one second and then crying the next, and it's sort of just a roller coaster of— they love getting into the nitty-gritty of like horrible things for some reason. Irish people, we feed on misery, you know.

The booze thing, probably. It's a depressant.

I, yeah, I just, I don't know what it is. I think it's just we have to fill the dead air. So it's like anytime I talk to my mom, and I didn't really notice this until I started bringing my wife to Ireland, and she's like, very heavy subjects. And I was like, I never even noticed. But like, we'd be having dinner and then suddenly my mom would just go, oh, you know your cousin? She was dating a guy called Jerry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he died. He fucking got hit by a car last night, you know. And, or they'll bring up someone who lost a baby or whatever, just all the time. It's always like just misery. And you know, I don't even know this guy. What are you telling me? I don't know my cousin. What the fuck you talking about? And they love it though. They love a little bit of fucking misery.

What do you think that is?

I don't know. I think it comes— I don't know, probably just passed down from like the famine or something where we talked about it. You know, because the famine's a weird one that kind of still—

What was the cause of the famine?

The British.

The British did it. What did they do?

They took all our food. They left— they— so the— when Britain was in control of Ireland in the 1800s, that was the dates? Um, well, there was like 2, 2 major famines, right? I'm probably getting the dates wrong, but they gave the Catholics the shittier land. They took off— they pushed the Catholics off the good land that could grow carrots and cabbage and whatever. They pushed them to the shitty land, and the only thing that could grow on the shitty land was the potatoes. And then when the potato blight happened, it wiped out the potatoes. It was the entire food source. But we were still producing loads of food, but that was all getting shipped over to the crown. So the crown— so it was like a forced, forced famine or forced starvation even.

How many people died?

I don't know. I don't know the number, but it rocked the— and the amount of people that left too.

Holy shit. Between 1845 and 1852, about 1 million people died from starvation and disease, and roughly 2 million emigrated between 1845 and 1855. Potato blight triggered the crisis, but poverty, dependence on one crop, and the British government policies made its consequences far worse. A fucking million people. I think a lot of people in Ireland—

a lot of people in Ireland would think that's a little bit too favorable to how much the British government actually played a role in that shit. But I don't know where my family was back then, you know. I don't know. So I don't know how many ancestors I would have had back then. Must be like 100 or something, like people that I came from. I don't know who was affected by it, who was doing well, right? I don't know, like

probably no one was doing real well. It sounds like— I don't know, it sounds like if there's a starvation going on, it's probably rough times if

you're poor. If you're living in a nice house and you're fucking doing something, but—

One of the most painful facts is that the food continued to leave Ireland while people starved. The story is not simply that Ireland exported food and imported none. Grain imports also rose sharply. The crucial distinction between the food being available in the economy and starving people having the money or assistance needed to obtain it. Crop failure alone does not explain the scale of the deaths. So Perplexity is giving us the nuanced details.

Mm-hmm. It says this guy worsening, uh, the inactions of Lord John Russell's government, worsening the disaster.

But they say there's a gene, it affected the gene. There's a gene where certain Irish people can use less calories, that their body will store the calories because they survived through those times of no—

Right. Yeah, I've heard of that before. Like, if it's also— there's a longevity gene that's associated with it.

Really?

Yeah, like people that are the descendants of starving people apparently live longer and they're more robust.

Really? But what if you have an infant? It's like, you know, today's world, we're so focused on making sure all our infants and everyone has got the good shit. You know, there was entire generations of kids who were born not getting nutrients into their brain. So would that have like a long-term effect on— because eventually they grew up, would they be like, you know, stupid, for lack of a better word? Good question. And then they passed that on. Like, would that have affected the national average IQ of Ireland?

That's a good question.

Is that why we like to drink and dance so much? 'Cause we're all— we starved ourselves a little dumb?

Well, it sounds like it's embedded in the culture, and that could be because of that. I wonder what life was like before the famine. This episode is brought to you by Perplexity. You've heard me say it all the time, put it in Perplexity. It's what I use for research. You ask it a question, it gives you a straight answer, and it shows you where it got the information, so you can check the sources yourself. But sometimes you don't just need an answer, you need something done. So, Perplexity Perplexity built a new product called Perplexity Computer. You give it a real job and it researches, works across your files and apps, and comes back with a finished thing, a report, a spreadsheet. It'll even build you an app. So whatever you've been putting it off, hand Perplexity Computer the job. Try it at pplx.ai/computer. slash Joe Rogan.

I don't think it was great either.

It doesn't seem like it was.

It was great before the English showed up, and then they kind of pushed us off our land and everything. But that's why the Irish love Palestine so much, because it's just built in our system, built in our culture of supporting the underdog, I guess. Sure. You know, no matter what's going on, I think we just will naturally side towards the people who are getting genocided rather than the other people.

Well, I mean, That's kind of across the whole world now.

Now it is. Now, yeah.

That's the weird thing about Jewish people in America. That's their— there's a lot of people that I know, I love them to death, but they have a blind spot. And that blind spot is their Jewish identity in Israel. Yeah. And they refuse to say it's a genocide. They refuse to condemn it. And they come up with reasons why they had to bomb those buildings. Of course. Hamas did this and Hamas did that and October 7th this and—

Yeah, I'm kind of over it now, though. I kind of wish Israel would just kind of hurry up, them off so we can move on. But I don't think it's— I think it's just, it's going on a little long now, Joe, and I don't think they're gonna change anything. So wipe them out, wipe out West Bank, and then— like, why is Macklemore back in my timeline? Because of Israel.

Yeah, so, well, because he made that stance. Sure, free Palestine.

But there wouldn't have been a stance to make if Israel just hurry up and wipe them out, because they're not gonna stop. They're not gonna stop. It's gonna just keep going. Don't you think? It's got like— do you see it? Do you see a solution?

Calm down, lad. Are you trying to be the 2020 That wasn't

bad, actually. Oh, fuck, karma. Um, sure.

Yeah, uh, the weird thing is they just had an election, right? And so Netanyahu might be out, and apparently this new guy is more hardcore than Netanyahu.

Really? Oh, I thought it was gonna swing the other way.

Listen, I'm very peripherally paying attention to this. It's like, what's going on over there? Oh God. I read an article, like one paragraph in, I shut the laptop. I'm like, I can't do this.

There's only so much you can take in.

I don't want to take any more anymore. I feel completely overwhelmed, and the days that I feel great are the days that I don't absorb anything.

Yeah, 100%. I

stay offline. I stay out of the social media and whatever people are screaming about. Live updates: close race sets the stage for weeks of negotiations over the next government. Neither Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu nor his main challenger How do you say that name? Gadi Eisenkot. We're projected to gain a parliamentary majority. Okay, so they're gonna duke it out. Maybe someone dies in a bomb. Weeks of negotiation and maybe a drone attack. Fuck. I saw it. He's rough though, right? Isn't he like— he's pretty hardcore.

No idea. Find out. They said it was a 16% turnout and it was a record number of votes or something.

That's crazy.

That's because everyone lives in Brooklyn. Brooklyn. Most Israel people or something live in America. I think they can— is that— well, obviously they— I don't know, but I think a lot of them live in America, a lot of Israelis. Is that why it's only 16%? Because that's even— that's particularly low.

That seems crazy.

This is, by the way, just a tweet that I saw that I'm gonna take as fact.

But what's a good election in America? Let's— what's our turnout? I don't think— 50. 50 is good.

I think it— I believe 50% of people in America vote, and then it's half and half, pretty much neck and neck, even though, you know, this way. And then of that half, like—

So here it says, less hardcore in domestic politics and political style, but not clearly less hardline on military force or Palestinian statehood. Eisenkot is better understood as a security hawk offering an alternative to Netanyahu's leadership and far-right allies, not a dovish, dovish alternative to Israel's security policy. On military force, very hawkish. Former Israeli military chief Eisenkot broadly supported operations in Gaza, Lebanon, and Iran associated with— how do you say that word— the Dahia Doctrine, using overwhelming force including against civilian infrastructure to deter enemy attacks. His quieter manner should not be mistaken for reluctance to use devastating force. Oh, fun. What a fun place.

Nice.

Fun. I know people that go back over there to visit, like Jewish folks. I'm like, wow, this seems like a risky place to visit. Seems like anything could pop off over there.

Have you ever been to a war zone? No.

Have you?

No, but I feel like—

You want to?

No, I don't, but I feel like it could be fucking It could wake me up a little.

I had Rick Springfield on, you know, Jessie's Girl. You know that girl? I wish that I had Jessie's Girl. So when he was 18, he went to Vietnam to perform for the troops. He was in a band, and he was in a fucking war zone. Like, they got shot at. Like, he lobbed mortars and apparently killed one of the Viet Cong.

They had— they threw him a fucking grenade.

Yeah, yeah, they were lobbing mortars, and one of the guys told him, hey, you got one. And so it's just like, to this day it fucks with him because he's in his 70s now, and he's like, I didn't fucking kill a guy when I was 18.

I didn't sign up for that.

I was— well, he didn't sign up for anything. He was over there to perform music, and

they just got ambushed or

something like that.

Yeah, they said you got to fight your way out.

No, they just allowed him to do it. Hey, you want to, you want to drop a bomb?

Oh, it was like, this is, this is an easy kill, would you like to take the kill?

Something along those lines. Would you like to participate? You know, we have some bombs.

I'm about to kill this guy, but it's pretty easy. He's already wounded. You can have him.

Well, he's trying to kill you, so what are you gonna do?

Yeah, yeah,

yeah. You want to lob a bomb? And I guess he did.

I think Vietnam is at all times one of the scariest ideas to me ever, being in the jungle. Like, do you ever just walk through the woods of the forest anywhere and it's a little spooky?

Oh yeah.

But being in a jungle a lot without the Vietnamese trying to kill you, just walking through that jungle alone between the snakes and everything, the tigers. Oh yeah, you know, not only that,

you don't know that area and they've been living there their whole lives.

Exactly.

And they dig tunnels.

Yeah.

And some guys would have to climb into the tunnels to kill the Vietnamese.

Fuck that. Fuck that. I'm gonna overeat so I can't fit in the fucking things or something. I'm finding some reason,

right? Because some of those tunnels are pretty small,

tiny little things.

Yeah, yeah, because the Vietnam people were very small people.

But even if I— like when I go camping and stuff like that, I'd be in the middle of the night, you just hear like you'll hear a twig snap from something, and I'm scared it's a fucking whatever, mountain lion or something. Yeah, knowing it was a human with a fucking— carrying a knife in his mouth and fucking sneaking in to just like slit my throat, that can't— that's nothing scarier than that. And then these guys were just sent back, and we're supposed to just fucking listen to the mamas and the papas or whatever. Yeah, everyone else is dancing, smoking weed, going, hey, welcome back. And these guys are like, yeah, I'm fried, bro.

And they're doing heroin, and they're fucking hanging out, and everyone knows the war is bullshit.

Yeah,

and you're probably gonna die. There's no reason to be over there. No, none of it makes any sense. And now we know that the entire premise for entering into the war was fabricated.

Really?

The Gulf of Tonkin incident.

Yeah, I'm not familiar.

The Gulf of Tonkin incident is a false flag that occurred during the— before the war got popped off. There was already some operations over there, and they claimed that the the Viet Cong had attacked and blown up an American warship. Yeah, the Gulf of Tonkin. It never happened. It's all fake. And, and not only that, one of the guys that was involved in that, perpetrating that, was Jim Morrison from The Doors. It was his dad.

Really?

Yeah, his dad. There's a lot of like crazy shit involved in like the musical movement of the 1960s. There's a great book called— it's not— I wouldn't say a great book. It's a weird book. Was it Strange Times in the Canyon? Is that what it's called? Yeah. Something like that. But it's all about how many of these people from the counterculture movement in the '60s had connections to military intelligence.

Interesting.

Yeah, it's very weird.

Weird scenes.

Weird scenes.

Weird scenes inside the canyon.

Yeah. So like it was almost orchestrated for a particular reason.

That's the conspiracy theory angle, right? The conspiracy theory angle. is this is all orchestrated by the government and that the CIA was manipulating people's minds, trying to get society to unravel.

Yeah.

And that they— but I, I only buy so much of it because I'm like, how do you make a guy as talented as Jim Morrison? How do you make The Doors? If the CIA could make Jimi Hendrix, why don't they make more of them? Sure. Seems pretty awesome. Like, why, why wouldn't you?

Maybe they have. Maybe the modern day, they learned that like Lady Gaga will do or whatever. Maybe that's like the new thing.

Maybe. Lady Gaga's working for the CIA. There's probably somebody believes that.

Yeah,

there's probably some, some theory about Lady Gaga.

Everyone's a plant now. That's everything. Everyone's a plant. That's what they say. Anyone who's successful, they go plant.

Oh, I go in the comments sometimes and I see all the people that they think are plants.

You're a plant.

I'm— that's what they think. Yeah, it's kind of interesting. It's interesting to me that I'm not. Like, it's interesting to me that no one has— they haven't tried to recruit me or pay me or hire me or influence me to do things. They don't They definitely come on the show and say some things that aren't true, and I'm aware of that. And I feel like all I can do is like hear their perspective, let the world make their own distinction. And I think people are pretty good at it these days. Yeah. Like, fuck this guy, he's this, he's that, he's working for this guy and working for that guy. But if you talk to enough people, they'll assume that you've been recruited. But the really fascinating thing is I haven't. That's what's really fascinating. The really fascinating thing is that no one has any influence over what goes on the show other than me.

Maybe they have you and you don't even know it. Maybe you're under their spell, Joe.

Right, like a Manchurian Candidate.

They fucking— they hacked your Instagram account, like, so now you're getting particular things into the feed, right? Would that be on— would that be crazy?

Well, it wouldn't be crazy, but that's not gonna work because I barely go on Instagram. All right, that's not gonna work. And the Instagram stuff that I get to, it's almost like ancient history shit. And yeah. Yeah, you know, that's nice. Bar fights.

Sure, sure.

A lot of assassinations. Really? A lot of like South American assassinations.

Like the presidential stuff?

Well, no, people just getting whacked in a diner or a pool hall. Someone comes in and just fucking blows some guy's brains out in front of everybody.

And then how do you feel after you put your phone down?

Not great. Well, that's one of the reasons why I try to stay off of it.

You're ignoring your kids going, sorry, I gotta watch this. I gotta watch this guy getting shot in the fucking head.

No, I try not to do it at home. at home. You got it.

You get— the only solution is just to get it and throw it in a fucking river, and we all just go back to kind of—

well, I've been toying with the idea of moving away from a smartphone. Have

you seen this stuff about the TVs going? Yeah,

they call it a dumb phone, right?

Yeah, smart Samsung TVs might use the mics of connected devices to listen to you.

They, they, they're definitely listening.

So people always think it's the phone listening, but it's every other device around you listening, and than sending it to an ad company.

Yeah, that's the thing is like there's terms of services like that you sign up for when you click accept and you don't even read those fucking things. And some of them, like the TikTok one is insane. I don't know if it is insane now, but the old TikTok one was TikTok, if you had a phone and that phone had TikTok on it, TikTok was allowed to have access to the other computers that are on the network that don't have TikTok on them. So you're essentially allowing whatever that program is, whatever the software is, to access passwords, keystrokes, your microphone, all kinds of wild shit.

Yeah.

It's like some security expert looked at it and said it is one of the worst pieces of software I've ever read.

These are the new guys who bought it, and then they—

it's No, this is before.

This is the old guys. This is who was forced to sell it, and now it's the old Chinese guys or whatever.

Yeah, now it's owned by the same people that own CNN, CBS. They—

That's good. Let them own everything. Give them everything at this point. You'll change the narrative if you just own all forms of conversation.

Well, it's gonna be interesting to see what they do with CNN, right? So all of a sudden these Israel supporters own CNN.

Yeah,

so let's see what happens.

Well, that's probably just a nail in the coffin for all this mainstream shit, right? Probably. You know, yeah, it's tough. It's tough to kind of— people watch, people like love that. Like people sit down.

The olds.

Yeah, the boomers. Yeah, you know,

the olds

who are tired and their knees hurt and they're a little scared because they're old, and then this guy's telling them why they should be scared, whatever it is. Fox News, CNN, and it's the same talking points. It's the same bullshit.

Yep. Yep,

you know, and then they just— then they'll be like, breaking news coming up, and then they'll push some fucking pharmaceutical bullshit on you. Yeah,

yeah, it's not what types of olds— you got the old boomers that are liberals that are basically like they have dried-out brains and they just, they just support narratives no matter what.

I don't really know any old liberals, to be honest.

You don't? Oh, liberals are fascinating because they get violently angry when you confront them with facts. facts.

Sure.

They get very angry.

Yeah.

Whereas old conservatives are worried about like immigration. They're worried about—

They're in a state of fear though. Yeah,

yeah, they're both in a state of fear.

Yeah, yeah,

yeah. Well, olds, a lot of the olds, they get in a state of fear because they're dying and they know the end is near and they know their health is not well.

And they still think TV is truth. They were raised on news is truth. Oh yeah. And then they still have that. Yeah.

Yeah, and they take all their boosters. This is what they have now.

Skydance is the name of the company?

Yeah, so they have all the HBOs, MTV, Nickelodeon, Paramount Plus.

Nickelodeon?

Yeah, Nickelodeon.

What do you think about Palestine?

TBS, Smithsonian, TNT. TNT, wow.

Warner Brothers. What are the other ones? Adult Swim, wow.

Cartoon Network.

All these cartoons is crazy.

That's crazy. Country Music Channel. Wow, cooking, they own the golf and DC Comics.

There's also the Golf Channel.

Fuck, they own everything. That is great. Eurosport, that is Discovery. That's crazy.

I'd love, I'd love to own all that, to be honest.

What would you do? Animal Planet?

I would sort of just, I don't know, I'd probably just like fuck with people who bullied me when I was younger or something. Just like put out this, put out a random little news article every now and again about some guy having a little dick.

They own the Free Press. Yeah, they own everything. It's a strange time, but it's like all that mainstream stuff, other than things like Paramount Plus and streaming networks that show shows and, you know, things that people actually still watch— most people are fucking tuned out to that. Young people are just like, you're not gonna get them. No, they're done.

It's— it's— yeah, it'd be crazy to meet a 20-year-old who sits down and puts on a little bit of Fox CNN at night and really

is invested. Yeah. Wow. Wow. I didn't even know.

Yeah, it's like the most boring shit, and it's like embarrassing. It's like things whiz by the screen and shit like that. Coming up, breaking news coming up. It's like it's been coming up forever.

Jimmy Carr was on the podcast yesterday, and one of the things that he brought up was that— was it his father that he was talking about who recognized that when they started putting music on the news Yeah, so when they started putting music on the news, like, oh fuck, they're making it breaking news.

Yeah, they hired some movie director.

Yeah, and then it zooms in to fucking Anderson Cooper standing there with his glasses on looking very intelligent, very professional, standing in

front of a big, big-screen

TV.

Yeah,

breaking news today,

we've got some bar charts that mean nothing. Yes, and you can sit there and go, hmm, I'm learning. Yeah, but a lot of people watch that shit too, and then you go, what did you just watch? And they go, I don't really know.

They just got upset.

They kind of just— yeah, they kind of just phase out with the headlines.

Well, no, it's— the numbers are very low, which is really crazy that people are still willing to buy it. Like, I don't know why you wouldn't understand that that's a dying thing.

Yeah. Well, once you also know that they have an obligation to the advertisers to— oh yeah, kind of say certain things, then it's like the whole thing is a fraud.

Well, there's a lot of the old liberals do not want to believe that, and that's one of the things they're not doing it for, to go to their fucking

heads. They're doing— it's a business, and your attention is the fucking money.

Well, the best piece of evidence is that is they don't criticize pharmaceutical drug companies.

Yeah,

because they're a primary advertiser.

You think it's unethical to do that?

Yes.

But

there's only 2 countries that even allow it, United States and New Zealand.

What's going on over there?

Apparently they're much more restrictive though than us.

The Kiwis. Yeah,

but in the United States they allow people like— how many fucking ads ads, if you watch regular television, do you see that are pharmaceutical drugs that are naming off a bunch of very obscure conditions that you've never even heard of? So why is there enough of a desire for this that you're going to put an ad on television for a very obscure medication?

Yeah, if you're sick and you need it, you should be able to find it. Ask your doctor. It shouldn't be impulse, like, oh, that sounds like me, I should, I should try that.

Ask your doctor column. Yeah. About Fuck It All. I think what's really going on though, and you know, has been— this is not my take, this is Kali Means and a lot of these other people— their position is that why they do that is not to advertise their drugs so people buy the drugs. They do that so that the networks won't criticize the pharmaceutical drug companies. So they advertise all their various products, and it gets it out there, but more importantly, it protects them from the eye of Sauron.

Yeah.

It protects them from the news looking into it, because if the news really was the news, they would look into all the adverse drug deaths and all the different people that die because of these fucking drugs that wind up getting pulled from the market because the FDA didn't do their due diligence when they passed them. And

yeah. But I remember I was listening to some guy had a role in, you know, I guess Big Pharma regulations or whatever, and they were talking about Purdue Pharma. And one of the things that was crazy was they— the guy asked him a question, he goes Is Purdue Pharma, with all of their unethical techniques that they did to push that heroin, essentially, on innocent people, were they operating uniquely in the industry? And they're like, no, every single pharmaceutical company follows the exact same way. The problem was is that Purdue Pharma and the OxyContin fucked up communities to such a degree that they couldn't get away with it. Whereas Xanax, you could argue, there's a lot of people addicted to Xanax, and it's fucked up people, but it's not enough that people are tweaking and smashing fucking someone's head in at a liquor store. Right. for $20.

Exactly.

So they're getting away with it, you know? Yeah, but it's the same lying. Yeah, it's the same lying. It's the same bullshit. It's the same like fucking doctored results, things like that.

Have you ever seen someone trying to get off Xanax?

No, actually, I haven't lived through that.

It is one of the hardest ones apparently. I know a few people that have had it, but one of them real well, and Jordan Peterson. Jordan Peterson is a big one. Like Jordan, he got addicted to Xanax and it took him a full year.

Is that why he disappeared for a while? Yeah.

He had to go through some medical detox in Russia. Why Russia?

Did they put him into a coma or something?

I don't know, maybe. He doesn't really talk too much about it, but he seems different, you know, and I think there's a bunch of factors there why he seems different. He was very wise and interesting when I first— not that he's not still. He's very wise, very interesting, very well-read guy. but much more damaged now. And whether that is because of health, I think it's also the pressure that comes with fame. I mean, he was a 40-something-year-old professor in Toronto, you know, who's a psychologist. Yeah. He's not a guy who was seeking out this kind of attention and fame. And then also he's doing lectures in front of tens of thousands of people all over the world, like traveling everywhere, doing these sold-out lectures where he's talking about all kinds of different interesting things. And it showed that people have a hunger for fascinating topics and deep discussions and conversations because his lectures were very, very popular. But I think over time, like some of his outbursts and like he's like, you know, yelled at people online, all these different things, I think some of that is just the pressure Most people don't have any idea what that pressure is like.

And then you all of a sudden get in it when you're in your 40s. Yeah. And you were never seeking it. And then everywhere you go, you— people are misrepresenting who you are and trying to make it seem as if you're some evil right-wing racist, xenophobic, you know, transphobic, homophobic.

Yeah.

I deal a

It would be exhausting to have to live your life where every single thing is a take that is like a fucking controversial argument with people. Every— because everywhere he lives, you know, in conversation is a difficulty. It's not— it's not a very simple, you know, let's all have ice cream and watch fucking NBA. Right. It's something about surgeons should be fucking losing their license for, for Operating on trans people or whatever, you know, and that's like just a difficult— it's a real heavy life to be in that conversation, right? All the time.

All the time. Yeah, that's one of the benefits of doing a podcast, especially if you're a comic. Like, I could have a guy on one day that talks about that stuff, and then the next guy on, he, you know, met Bigfoot.

Yeah.

Is that a Bigfoot t-shirt?

Sasquatch. Okay, sure. I went to Mount Rushmore. I bet I'm the ultimate tourist. I'll do it all. Yeah, I love it. I love going to fucking bookies and then getting a photo with the mascot. I went to Mount Rushmore. I did one of the best trips of my life last summer. I, I heard about how beautiful Montana is and everything, so I fucking worked with my agent to get like— we went Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Idaho, which is probably the most beautiful place in fucking America.

Pretty gorgeous.

All up there. And now I've got the book, so we went everywhere but over there, which is like, I think Rapid City or The closest to Rapid City's nice, but then they've got like the Black Mountains out there, the Black Forest Mountains. It's beautiful out there, beautiful. So that's all I want to do now.

Is there supposedly Bigfoot sightings near Mount Rushmore?

I don't think there is. That's the funny thing about it. I think I just— it was the only thing that didn't say like, I heart fucking Mount Rushmore. So I wanted a shirt and I was like, this will kind of do, a Sasquatch type of Mount Rushmore shirt.

But that's a special kind of The person who really loves Bigfoot.

I'd love to go to these places and do a little hunting.

Duncan and I did it.

You went looking for it, guys?

Yeah, Duncan Trussell and I. I had a show back in 2011 or '12 called Joe Rogan Questions Everything. Yeah. And one of the things we like, let's do a deep dive on chemtrails, let's do a deep dive on UFOs, let's do a deep dive. And so we did a deep dive on Bigfoot hunters. So we went and met people that met Bigfoot. We took— a lot of it is in the Pacific Northwest.

Yeah, that's the hot— that's the hotbed.

Yeah, also a lot of meth. A lot of meth, a lot of Sasquatch. A lot of heroin, a lot of Sasquatch.

There is a card.

Are these the Bigfoot sightings?

Yeah, look where the big clump is here.

Oh, it's in Texas.

Yeah, it's in Texas. Close to the pod.

Is that where the moonshine's made?

I have no idea. I just popped it up because I was gonna—

Is there any near Austin? But there's like—

there's not— yeah.

There's Bigfoot sightings in Austin?

Yeah, there's at least 4. One down in Wimberley.

Whoa, are you sure those aren't Medsker with a wig on? Yeah,

let's

see what it says.

When is that?

Airman encounters nighttime encounter on Bergstrom Air Force Base.

In '81 on Air Force Base?

He might be—

yeah, it might be an alien.

September 2013, man has afternoon sighting of large bipedal creature.

Afternoon sighting. I'm not gonna do it.

1980, while 2 go shoot target practice, 2 men see upright hair-covered figure. Mm-hmm.

Homeless guy.

Yeah, it's a guy with a fur jacket on.

There was no homeless people in the '80s?

There's barely anybody here back then. This is a ghost town.

But is this— so is the Northwest up in Washington, is that much— is that more busy?

Well, there's a lot of bears up there. there, and bears walk upright. They do it all the time. And I think that's a lot of it. Also, the way it looked— one of the things that— one of the first things that Duncan and I noticed when we went up there is that when you're in the Pacific Northwest, the trees are so dense because it rains so much, it's like a box of Q-tips. Like, you can't see. You can't see through the trees. Like, there's so many trees. It's like—

And you just sort of see a shadow.

You see a shadow, you see a thing moving, and then in your head your head starts spinning. Like, I was in Alberta once, and for like a second I thought I saw a wolf, and it was a squirrel.

Oh,

it was a squirrel moving through the woods, and I saw the gray, and I think, well, it's a fucking squirrel. Like, what's wrong with me? But my mind had convinced me for a very short amount of time that it was a wolf.

Definitely.

And I was like, you silly bitch.

Where was this?

Alberta.

Alberta.

Yeah, very— again, again, very dense. Yeah, we did see a wolf up there, pretty sure. Sure, it was either a wolf or a big coyote, but it was at dusk and it was running across the road. But they have wolves up there. Yeah, my friends John and Jen, they run a bear hunting operation up there. Okay, they send me photos of wolves. They just sent me a photo of a wolf that were over a trail cam today.

Wow, that's all— that's like kind of all I want to do right now. I'm organizing like a hike in the thoroughfare. Do you know that? In South Yellowstone.

Oh, you want to go to the woods?

it's, it's not even the woods. It's just like open, uh, rolling hills in like South Yellowstone near the lake. It's called the Thoroughfare. And then you walk to the middle of it, it's 40 miles in any direction from a road. And, uh, it's grizzly country, wolf country, elk, some moose, I believe.

You want to go in there?

Yeah, that's all I want to do.

Why do you want to do that?

Just because I, I just started solo hiking and it's like my favorite thing in the world.

So do you get like a big backpack? I get a big food and a tent in it and the whole deal.

Exactly. And then it's the most— I don't— I've I can't even explain it, but it's like a therapeutically— you pack up all your shit, you have no distractions, you make your food, and then you just— all your goal is just march.

By yourself?

Yeah, and you'll meet people, you'll say hello. I've never done like the thoroughfare, like that's as wild, but I'm definitely gonna do it.

But you've done the solo camping?

I've done the solo stuff. Where you just put the backpack on? Yeah.

How far deep into the mountains did you go?

Oh, I've never gone too crazy. I've gone like along the Appalachian Trail and things like that, so you don't see people. people.

But the trail is at least— it's a documented trail.

It is a documented trail. You'll have designated campsites, and then there's all like bear safety stuff where you're not allowed to cook where you sleep, and you have the bear hangs and things like that. So yeah, I'm excited. You worried about me?

I'm a little worried about you. Yeah, like, do you bring an inReach or anything? Do you know what that is? Yeah, like a satellite.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I gotta buy a Garmin.

Yeah,

or is that how you say— I'm gonna buy one. Yeah, expensive one. I gotta get bear spray, things like like that.

Yeah.

And then it seems like people do it all the time. I've watched so many just vlogs of people walking around these areas, and as long as you're not stupid and safe, and, and they get cool videos— they're woken up by the elk fucking bugling in the morning, all this type of stuff. That's all I want to do is just— I don't have any kids yet, so I'm kind of hoping to get this out of the way before it seems a little too responsible— irresponsible.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're gonna do the solo hike and get eaten by a wolf, do it now.

But the thoroughfare is definitely my, my That's what I want to do. It's 8 days. You have to pack all your shit with you, and you just head out. You just head out. But something about that, when I'm marching on those, after about 20 minutes, I just, I don't know, I get into this weird fucking headspace where I'm just like, march, march, march, and that's all I'm thinking. I'm just empty, empty head.

Yeah, I

think I got too many fucking thoughts going on in there.

I think everybody does.

Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I also think that there's something about being in the woods that's very therapeutic. Therapeutic just naturally because that's our— that's our— that's the natural environment where human beings are supposed to be. We're supposed to be in nature. We are a part of nature, and we're disconnected by nature by being in cities. And I think there's a little bit of anxiety and weirdness that comes with that, and then it goes away when you're out in the woods.

It definitely goes away. And I think the simplicity of life is like your phone, you don't have signal, so it doesn't really matter. Yeah, you have your map out. I'd love to even go a step further and have like a fucking compass and a real map and try to do it like orienteering style. But I don't, I don't really have the—

I have a bunch of friends who do solo hunts where they go in and hunt.

Yeah.

Solo.

And where do they do this? All over? They do this everywhere?

Well, you know, you have to go to designated areas and you have to go to like places where you can get a tag, but there's a bunch of places where you can get what's called an over-the-counter tag, or, you know, you put in for a draw, you know. So what it means is like these biologists determine, like, say if you're deer hunting, the biologists determine there's X amount of deer in this area, and to keep the population healthy, you should remove X amount. And so they, they put out generally enough tags to be— it's— most people aren't successful, so it's like they put out more tags probably than they want animals killed.

So they'll give you like 5 tags?

No, no, most likely you get 1. Okay, you get 1 tag, but they'd put tags out for, you You know, let's say it's— so there's the way public land works in America. There's certain areas that are restricted units where it takes a long time to get a tag. Like if you wanna get like a Nevada elk tag, very hard to get. You might put in for 20 years and then you get one. So it's a tag of a lifetime. And if you get a— like a Nevada elk tag is a big one because they have giant elk in Nevada. That's a very famous place to elk hunt.

Wow.

And so people will wait forever. They finally get that tag and then they organize, they get some friends to help them. them, and then they'll go out and they'll, you know, pack

in. And these are probably in the kind of mountainous regions of Nevada where the grass is out.

Like, the Apache reservations in Nevada are famous for elk hunting because it's like some of the best elk hunting territory in the world. And the way it works is the nations control it. So reservations in our country, they essentially have their own laws, and they, they're not subject to the laws of the United States government. So they—

Even with animals? Even with—

yeah, with everything. Oh wow. Yeah, well, it's, it's crazy. Like, in Canada, they, alongside everyone else— so in Canada it's called Crown land. That's what public land is in Canada. And, uh, if you're on Crown land and you're a whitey like me or you, you, you know, you get a tag for a bear or a tag for an elk or a tag for a moose. They can do whatever they want. The indigenous people, they call them First Nation people. When we were up there, we were fishing, right? And when you're fishing, you're allowed to catch one walleye a day. So we're on this dock and we're catching, but we're next to these natives and they're pulling in walleyes left and right and putting them in buckets. They can catch as many as they want. They can use spotlights at night to shoot moose. So they blind this moose to the spotlight and boom, they're shooting them off the top of trucks.

And they eat moose?

Yep. Oh, moose are delicious.

Moose goods. I've never seen one. I want to, I want to see one so bad. I want to go up to the Adirondacks and do some canoeing.

If you see a moose— yeah, the thing about a moose as opposed to every other deer species, they will fucking kill you.

They're gonna go nuts.

They'll kill you. They will stomp you to death.

I want to see one from afar. I don't want to get stomped to death by a moose. That's a little too much.

The females with their calves are the most dangerous. They're fucking dangerous. They're huge. You don't realize how big they are until you're with them. Yeah, you're like, oh my god. I only went moose hunting once, and that was in BC, and it is wild when you see one in real life. You can't believe how big they are. They're so big. They're enormous. And they will fucking kill you. Like, they'll kill you because they have to defend themselves. They're around bears and wolves. They're used to stomping things, and they weigh £1,800.

And they're probably— they could kind of waddle in the water a little, right? So you're— they go in the water canoeing, they'll just fucking—

Well, they won't come after you if you're in a canoe. No? No, they'll come after you if on the— like if you're on the land and they feel like you're too close or you might be a problem.

They're kind of fast too, aren't they?

Oh, they're faster than life. They're faster than you and me, that's for fuck's sake. They have 4 legs and big muscles. Yeah, they'll fuck you up.

I kind of— that's the way I want to go.

Get stomped by a moose?

Something.

Yeah?

Getting stomped by a wild animal, standing on a snake while you're on a hike or something like that. That's how you want to go? Kind of tragically hilarious. Yeah. And everybody makes fun of me on a podcast going, look at that fucking idiot Colin, tried to get a fucking selfie with a moose and he fucking got that antler in the back of the head.

Have you ever seen that Instagram page, Tourons of Yellowstone?

No.

No. Oh.

Is this just fat idiots getting ran over by a bison?

Bison's— Love it. Sending people flying through the air.

Yeah, there was a video last year, this old guy, some old geezer, and the bison fucking hit him and he fucking— he did, he did a huge— and he got up, brushed himself off, and fucking he was good. Wow. But it was unlucky because they— I think the bison chased a car that drove by, and then when the car moved away, they were right there. So they were doing their distance right, and then they were running around a tree like fucking Three Stooges trying to get away, and then he just caught one and he went— Oh God. And it's like a viral photo of him just being thrown huge in the sky.

There's so many people that want selfies with those animals.

That was crazy.

And to this day, people— there's something about— I wonder how many people have died died from selfies.

Yeah, it's kind of fine though. It's kind of— it's kind of— it's kind of— there's a lot of traffic, and if you— if you're on a cliff getting a selfie and you tumble down,

right,

it's kind of okay to me. Or if you're— or if a fucking elephant fucking—

It's tragic, but it's—

It's tragic, sure.

It's understandable. And especially young people.

But not all deaths have to be tragic, do they, for fuck's sake?

Well, we're all gonna die, and some deaths are learning experiences for the people that Yeah, which has never happened to me.

Not yet. That's, that's the New York mentality. When someone gets pushed in front of a train, we all kind of go, it wasn't me.

Well, it happens infrequently enough that you're not nervous about it. Yeah, but you know it's a possibility. You don't stand right there and like peek out.

I just don't think— yeah, I just don't think that would happen to me. I don't know why. I just have this confident feeling that someone's not gonna shove me in front of a fucking train.

Really?

Something about it. I just think about They know better. They know better. Yeah.

Well, they probably try to do vulnerable people.

Little Asian ladies. Yeah, probably. That would be the easiest.

How many people every year get pushed in front of a train?

I think 1 or 2. It's like a big news story usually. Yeah. If even that much.

Yeah.

Yeah. But, you know, I've never gone hunting. I'm organizing a hunting trip. My cousin, he's a hunter in Ireland. He just started. He's a YouTuber now, actually. He makes these great videos. Of hunting? Yeah, he hunts in Ireland. There in the Slieve Bloom Mountains. Huge, beautiful— like, they're more like Irish mountains or hills, by the way, but like beautiful. So he's a YouTuber now. Cahill Rone, if anyone wants to go check out. This is a shout out to my little cousin.

20 to 25 people are pushed onto the tracks per year.

Okay, but they push onto the tracks.

Yeah,

it's just the New York subway.

Yeah, not necessarily people struck or killed by a train. Some victims escape before the train arrives. December 24th Brooklyn case, the victim climbed back onto the platform seconds before an incoming train. Fuck.

See, that's what I would do.

What if you're old and you can't pull yourself up and you realize like you're just gonna sit there until that train turns you into a jelly?

Also, there's a count on selfie deaths.

Let's guess, let's guess how many people per year die by selfie globally.

At least 400.

I say 2,000.

Yeah, I think you're right. I fucked up.

2,000.

Let me go again. 2010.

2010. Okay, you say 2010, I'll say 7

Okay,

I'll go low.

Way too high. Way too high?

Really? I mean, this is just reported, so it's 425 deaths linked over 49 countries. I would have to say since 2011 or so.

But how many of them get reported?

That's what it says.

Like, if this guy falls off a mountain, how do you know how he fell off?

Well, you ever see that? Do you ever see that? The fellow got caught killing his wife. I think it was India, maybe I'm wrong, but they were getting photos and he kept going a little further, but he didn't realize people were up on another cliff could see it. And then he ran over to her and just shoved her off. off the fucking thing.

And people were watching?

People were watching from afar. They saw him fucking shove her. He almost got away with it. But like, then he would have to come down and be like, oh, she wanted a photo.

Oscar— look at this— Oscar Otero Aguilar died accidentally shooting himself while posing for a selfie with a loaded handgun.

Oh yeah, a few times more recently.

That's in Mexico City. Taj Mahal in A disputed example. Japanese tourist Hideto Ueda was widely reported to have died falling on stairs while taking a selfie at the monument's Royal Gate. An eyewitness described a selfie-related fall, but a police official told AFP the postpartum found a heart attack. Okay.

Right, but if I fall off a cliff because I'm taking a selfie, it's the fucking head wound that kills me, but the selfie didn't kill me, so that's kind of This— it's the selfie led to the heart attack. No,

maybe—

maybe it's gonna evolve into being caught while livestreaming.

Maybe he had a heart attack when he realized he was falling down the stairs and he's 66 years old and he realized, oh my god, I'm gonna die. So he had a heart attack. That's possible too, because you do freak out when you realize like, oh my god, I might die. Yeah, and then your heart's like, check please, I'm about

to die right now.

Well, that means he's probably on the way to dying anyway. That's what killed him, just a little bit of a freakout from falling down a flight of stairs.

Yeah. You

know, work on your core strength, sir.

Have you ever thought you were gonna die? Have you ever like really were like, oh?

I was in an accident when I was 14. Not an accident with a car. We were hanging out in this— it was like this place that had these giant sewer pipes, like these huge cement sewer pipes. And there was this crane, this attachment that would lift up the pipes. Like, it would slide into the pipes, and they would put it on a crane to lift them up. And we were fucking around, and something happened, and we were climbing on this thing, and it fell. And it hit me on the head. It hit me on the back of the head. I still have a scar on the back of my head. And, um, it hit me so hard that my consciousness grayed out. Oh, shit. out, and I survived, but I thought I was dying. I was convinced I was dying, and I was 14. I had to go to the hospital, just blood everywhere. I still have this gash.

How did they deal with it back then? They just sort of say, hey, toughen up?

Yeah, well, they said, you're okay, you're not dead.

Yeah, that's how they just dealt with it in the '80s or whatever.

I don't even know if I got stitches because I have— it's a pretty significant scar. It's like right here, right in that. But if I was here instead of here, I'd be dead.

Yeah.

So it grazed my head. It— like, this thing dinged the back of my head and could have easily crushed my skull. I mean, it was this huge metal thing that they used to pick up these, these huge cement tubes.

Yeah.

And it banged my head, and I thought I was dead. I did. I thought, I thought I was going— like, it hit me so hard, and it was so big, and the pain was so extreme. And I didn't go unconscious, but I got real close, like, like this.

Like, you're rocked for sure.

Like, where consciousness, like, and everything went gray, and I was like, and I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. My friends had to take me to the hospital.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was very scary. I think my friends took me to my parents, my parents took me to the hospital. It's hard to remember it all because it was so traumatic, but I thought at that moment I was dead.

Wow, you're like saying goodbye to everybody.

No, I was just like, ah, I was just terrified. Like, I've never even done anything. Now I'm dead for being retarded. Yeah, being a dumb kid.

I'm— I went to Laos years ago. I traveled Southeast Asia when I was younger, then Thailand, Vietnam, Laos, as sometimes people call it. But it's— the whole place there is built on like a tubing economy where they just— you get in a tube and you float down the river from bar to bar. It's like this cool party thing. Everywhere you go, there's a DJ. And each place has like a slide, each bar has a slide. So you get in this tube at the start of the day, where they drive you up to the top of the mountain, you jump in the water, you flow, and then there's these little 7-year-old Thailand boys with a water bottle full of water on a fucking rope, and they're swinging it. And there's like 6 of them, and they're like swinging it, and then they'll— and it'll fly through the sky like fucking arrows from the fucking Indians flying, and they'll land, boom, right in your lap, and they'll fucking pull you in, and you flip them with like a fucking euro or whatever. What? was that these like kids, because that's their job, and I mean they had a fucking accuracy like insane.

You want to see talented people, like people in Thailand, Laos, Vietnam, because they learned just one thing since they fucking can stand, and it was incredible. But I was over it, I don't know, one of these places had this, uh, cliff you would jump off and then you'd land on this big inflatable like, um, cushion. I said massive, like 20 feet and I jumped on it, fell off it, and then whatever happened to something, which is natural in the water, and I went down. Someone else jumped on it, and the thing kind of rotated around. So then I came up, I'm just fucking trapped under this whole thing. And then I said, fuck, I swam, and I tried to swim somewhere else, but it followed me up, and then I fucking hit it again. So I'm just like— then I remember I started to panic. And then I do remember specifically going, relax, don't panic. And I swam down, and I just swam, and apparently I swam for like fucking so far. And then I came up like— And everyone was worried about me, everyone was fucking like, Holy

fuck.

Yeah, because people died down there. I think they kind of shut that down. That used to be like the coolest— that was like the last fun Southeast Asia thing where white people could die and it didn't matter. It just sort of didn't matter. It's like, yeah, welcome to fucking Vietnam, baby. You're gonna die here, but it's so much fun.

Well, before the internet, people would die and it would only be a local story.

Great. What a nice time. time to not have to hear about every fucking person that goes through trouble.

That's true. That's a big problem with society today, is that we are inundated by the bad news of the whole world. So 8 billion people worth of bad news.

And then the visual stuff of the amount of people I've seen die— Oh, is off the charts. Is crazy.

Yeah.

And the amount of things I've experienced through these fucking screens that should not, you know.

Right, versus what you've actually seen in real life.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's a big— it's a big problem, and it's a big problem desensitizing young people. Like, they used to think that, like, video games desensitized young people, and I'm sure they do. I'm sure, like, being able to shoot a bunch of people in Call of Duty definitely does some kind of thing to your brain. It's an unusual thing, and people are splatting, blood splattering all over the place, and you're like, fuck yeah, you're having fun. But then when you're seeing it live all the time, like, when I was a kid until Faces of Death came out. The VHS— do you know what that is? No. VHS tapes that came out in the 19— God, I gotta— I want to say it's the 1980s they came out. And it was a collection of videos of people dying. One of them was this guy, they attached him to— I think they attached him to cars, like they tied his arms and legs and then pulled him apart. And you see a bunch of things. One of them, the famous one, was Bud Dwyer.

Yeah,

you know, from that song, Hey Man, Nice Shot. Yeah, like that guy, he got caught in some corruption thing. I believe it was in Pennsylvania. I think it was. Anyway, puts a .44 Magnum in his mouth and just blows his brains out in front of everybody.

It's funny that whatever that scandal was back then, unpaid fucking parking tickets or some shit, that was going to rock his whole life and embarrass the family. It's like nowadays, it's like you got to be caught with a child on your fucking lap before you fucking admit it or retire or anything like There's a meme that I just found the other day.

Hold on a second.

But we had rotten.com. That was my generation's version. Oh yeah, rotten.com. I remember being like 8 years old and my cousins showing me a photo of a man with his hard dick in a fish's mouth. I remember being so young and it would load, so you would just— right, and you have to wait and it would load and you go, is that a fish? And is that— and And then it was just cock in his mouth, hard cock in this guy's mouth. And you were like, what? Yeah, and then they'd show you another suicide guy who would just everywhere.

Meanwhile, that's normal now.

It's so normal.

Yeah,

there's like, look, there's like, there's these like, I think society might be better with— I got— I know it's like freedom versus fucking, you know, the good, the good of society, but I think having a couple of walls in place for me to see a man with a cock and a fish would be good for people.

Yeah. Yeah.

I think it's just— it's a constant battle of like, do we have speeding limits? Do we not? You know?

Well, I think that's more extreme because it's shaping your mind. Like, you're, you're getting access to information that formulates your worldview, and that, that information is not necessary. Like, you maybe don't need to see a guy mouthfuck a fish. You know, mouthfucking a fish is so mild today.

I know.

That's what's nuts. Like, today, that's like— we've seen so many— it's desensitized people to an extreme level. Like, I don't know how much of an effect it's had on how people behave, but it has to have a giant— it definitely has had an effect on how people communicate online to each other. They're much shittier to each other than they were back

then. Yeah, I think they can't— maybe they realized that, you know, being online is kind of a— there's a distance, you know. Mm-hmm. So it doesn't feel like you're really being human to that extent. Did you

get that meme I sent you?

Oh no, sorry, I was reading about Bud Dwyer. I did stuff I'd never heard. This guy, he was facing 55 years.

For what?

A big scandal about some— he— I don't know.

I could, I could see the suicide rather than

55 hard years.

I mean, the part that's crazy is that he had the speech that no one knew he was gonna give, and it was like it'd gone on for 30 minutes, and halfway through it, the press was getting ready to leave, and he says, some of you putting cameras away, I think you ought to stay because we're not finished yet. Wow, that's great. And he pulled out his envelope.

30 minutes?

Yeah,

30-minute speech. And then, well, I would have been happy it was over.

Sure. I had to shoot myself.

What does it say? Just go down a little further. Down, down, down. Yeah, there we go. Dwyer alleged that his legal woes were political persecution due to his refusal to grant a travel voucher for Governor Dick Thornburgh's wife for a trip to Europe, alleging that Thornburgh said that he would get Dwyer and that Thornburgh referred to him as the fat fuck. Dwyer spoke out against the death penalty and expressed regret for voting in favor while he was in the Pennsylvania Assembly. Speech lasted for nearly 30 minutes, and then he blew his brains out. Whoa.

He faced 55 years and a big fine, and like his co-conspirator got 1 year.

Oh, someone threw him under the bus. Yeah,

I'm surprised there's not more suicides like that constantly. Yeah, like a big fucking show. I guess that's what it's like, a mass shooting suicide thing is. But I mean, just a suicide is like—

this is the meme. Politicians 1996: I smoked pot once, but I didn't inhale. Politicians 2026: I fucked a child, but I didn't eat it. That guy's fucking face. That guy's sweaty face.

That's so funny.

That's such a fucked up meme.

I had so much fun growing up when people said, I never— I didn't— I smoked, but I didn't inhale.

As if that

was like this weird

Right, and then Obama was like, I did coke. We're like, whoa,

did he say

that?

Yeah, awesome. Yeah, good for him.

He definitely said he smoked weed. I mean, there's pictures of him smoking weed.

Good.

What were we just talking about just before that?

I don't know. Oh no, was it the rotten.com stuff?

You guys were getting into the fish.

No, no, no, no, just much more recently.

Suicide. People doing a fun suicide for everyone to see.

Maybe that's it. I can't remember.

Big show, guys.

I lost my thought, but I had a thought.

Are these stars that you have— because they're shooting by.

Sometimes they shoot by, yeah.

Are they— is this like a replica of the actual night sky? Yeah, it's just random. You guys, me and a few comics last week went out to Big Bend. One of the most fun things we've ever done. In Oregon? No, no, sorry. No, Big Bend. Where is that? Here.

Oh, Big Bend?

Big Bend National Park. It's in South Texas. It's like the darkest region of—

Oh, that's the darkest region? One of them, yeah, down there.

It's a designated night place, so all the lights go off. But we went out there. Yeah, that's exactly where we stayed, at the Chisos Mountains. Fuck, look how beautiful that is. It's fucking insane how nice it is out there. And there was tarantulas walking around and shit because it's mating season. They came over, were climbing on our shit and stuff. Nah, so cool. It was fucking cool. But I look— so we sat out at night, the sunset would go down, and we would watch the, the, the stars come out, and we would sit there for 7 hours just staring at— leaning back in our Tommy Bahama chairs. Wow. We did a little LSD and then just looked at the stars all night. It was one of the most insane things I've ever done. But I've never— I— after that, I feel like I'd, I'd never seen the sky truly until I went out there, right? It was unrecognizable though. Yeah, you couldn't pick out the Big Dipper or anything like that because there were so many stars. It was a

massive Yeah, isn't that beautiful?

It was so cool. It was the— I, I would recommend everyone alive head out to Big Bend, look at the stars, do a little acid if you feel like it, really think about fucking how insignificant you are. And my buddy Tim Butterly, who's an amazing comedian, he's, he's in Austin from Philly, he's one of the Philly boys, he brought his telescope with him. He has this huge big telescope and we, we search— we able to see Saturn. I mean, you could see Saturn's rings like in detail through the telescope. And it's true, Truly was crazy. On acid. On acid, looking at Saturn, and you're just going, what the fuck? Yeah, and it's quiet. It's quiet out there because people are camping all around you, but it's quiet. So like, you'll hear someone from not far away just in this tent, you know, in the middle of the night. Some guy whacking off in the tent.

Whacking off in a tent is crazy. You could be out there staring at the stars on acid, but you're like,

no, one more nut.

I gotta get in there.

Thinking about a girl you dated in high school.

But we— yeah, but that was— that was— that's a cool place to go out there. It's not— it's like 8 hours from here.

We are denied that image. Cities, as great as they are, they've fucked us in that we have a disconnect with the universe now. Yeah, you used to be able to— every night you would see that in the sky.

That would be what I would do for entertainment if that was the sky in New Jersey. I would sit out my backyard, of course, and I would stare at that shit all night. night. Yeah. And you're— and at the beginning of the night, Saturn's there, and then you think, I'll watch for another hour, and 4, 5 hours later, you're just staring as this thing rotates. And you can see the Milky Way, which I'd never seen before. Yeah, there was like little clusters of shit that I'd never seen before. And you're just—

And the reason why you can't see it is all just light pollution.

Yeah.

There was a time when we went out to the Big Island to— with my family, to the Keck Observatory. And this is— I've been there 3 times. This is Hawaii? Yeah, but I've only seen it really once. And the Big Island, you drive, you actually drive through the clouds. Like, we, as we were driving up to the observatory, like, ah, fuck, it's cloudy out, we're not gonna see shit, this sucks, let's just keep going. Yeah, but then as you keep going up the mountain, you pop through the clouds.

Nice.

And then you get to this observatory and the sky is magnificent. I caught it one night night where there was no moon out, and that's what you want. Yeah, you want no moon, and the sky was just littered with stars.

Crazy.

It seemed like we were on an organic spaceship. That's what it seemed like. It did not seem like we were on Earth. It seemed like it was like a convertible spaceship and we're flying through the universe. It was incredible.

And then you don't realize— then you go back to your city stars and you're like, this is whack. Yeah, there's not enough. It's just not enough.

A couple little dots. It's not enough. It's weird, that weird trade-off, but it's like that weird trade-off has allowed us to do so much, but yet it has disconnected us from just our place in the universe. It's very humbling. I think that humbling thing is very important to people, just to put it all into perspective, to be able to see the stars and go, wow, wow, what the fuck, man? And that's just all you can see. Yeah. This is just one puny little galaxy.

Yeah.

That's hundreds of billions of galaxies in an infinite universe.

It can get a little— thinking about it can get a little heavy. Oh, because then you kind of start to go, why do we care about anything,

right?

You know? Well,

it's supposed to put it into perspective when you're looking at little tiny insignificant things that are freaking you out. Yeah, you know, little weird things like, oh, fucking the guy at work is gonna fuck me. I'm not gonna get that promotion. And then you're on the side like, okay, this is a bigger picture. There is a way bigger picture than Safeway where I work at or whatever.

Yeah, yeah, being upset that the next Netflix subscription's gone up or whatever, right?

You know, whatever it is that's bothering you. Yeah, these goddamn liberals ruining the country.

Sure, exactly. So we had a funny moment. We were all lying out at this, just decked out, looking at the stars, enjoying it. And we're quiet because it's late at night, it's 2 o'clock in the morning, and just tents everywhere, but it's quiet as shit. And Mike Rainey, who's a comedian, he does Dad Meat Podcast, he was like, I'm going to bed, guys, I'm off to bed. He gets into his tent and it's quiet, and I'm staring at it, and you're thinking about like all of the previous humans that have looked at the same stars and the same thing. And in the middle, just out of his tent, you just hear out of nowhere, just, wow, wow, wow, wow, it's fun to stay at the— what? And I mean, that echoed through this. Why? Yep. And it just echoed through the fucking mountains. He had gotten into bed in whatever way opened up his phone, but there was no signal. One of the last things on his timeline was the fucking YMCA song, which is when you excuse yourself from a bunch of boys, look at the stars, and get into a tent, and then the loudest, most embarrassing, gayest song of all time goes bellowing.

Like, there was people in other tents— we were crying laughing so hard because we were trying not to laugh, but there was other people— we could hear other people's tents start to laugh. That's hilarious. Because we We laughed for 25 minutes, crying. And we're like, what the fuck, Mike? And he just— he never said anything. He was too embarrassed. And I'll— yeah.

Ah, that's hilarious.

One of the most fun trips ever.

That song— isn't it weird that that song became a part of Trump's campaign?

Yeah.

How odd. Like, I went to the inauguration, and one of the weird things about the inauguration was that the Village People were performing at one of the after-parties. What's left of the Village People. They were there?

Which one?

I don't know, whatever ones are left.

What was he wearing?

The thing is, like, you could have a new cop, you could have a new— nobody knows who anybody is.

There's some purists out there. There's a couple of— there's a couple of Village People

aficionados.

You guys, I saw what I— yeah, I saw the Village People, the real Village People. I saw them at their prime.

Yeah, back in the '70s when they were all alive.

That's some fucking gay orgy thing going on.

Yeah, yeah, it's fun to stay.

It became the anthem of— it's just the gay anthem, I guess.

But it also became the anthem of the Trump administration. Like, he would go out there and do a little dancing. Like, what?

Yeah, I don't

know. Junkman! It's very weird, right?

Yeah, but see, you see his, um, Nicki Minaj's ass thing going on now? No. So Nicki Minaj is like a big Trump girl.

Which is so odd.

Yeah.

What do you think that's all about?

Needs to sell CDs or something. I don't know. Like, I don't get it. Why, why the fuck would Nicki Minaj— also, I'd be embarrassed to bring her out and go, hey, look, this fucking— remember Nicki Minaj who used to rap about having a fat ass 10 years ago? She thinks I'm cool. That's like a bizarre fucking— it's like embarrassing.

If you're a fan of his, he'll take you in.

But he brought her out. He's like, Nicki Minaj is great. She goes— he goes, she got a great ass. Yeah, he goes, can't miss that ass. He goes, show them, show them, Nicki. And Nicki got up and did a little— Nicki did a little fucking spin for the crowd and all the motherfuckers— Oh my God. Trump, Trump, Trump!

Oh my God.

He might be going for a third term with Nicki's ass. Fucking vice president.

Well, there's people that think there's some sort of a loophole. Bro, I gotta piss. Let's, uh, let's come back. Come back, come back, we're back.

Nice.

And we're back. Where were we? YMCA,

wow,

wow, wow. Nicki Minaj's ass. Let me see that. Can we see the video?

Pull up Nicki's ass there.

Did you see the breakup letter he wrote to Bill

No. Trump did? Trump penned a letter?

It's a breakup letter. It's like a girl who got dumped, who's like, fuck him, and he's always a loser, and like that kind of thing. Really crazy.

But Bill Maher was like anti-Trump, and then he fucking had dinner with him, and then he's like, great guy.

A couple times, and had dinner with him recently, and then went on his show, and I guess he said some things about how Trump is losing support in the polls or whatever it was, and Trump wrote this long fucking screed, this scroll that he put on Truth Social about, uh, Bill Maher's a fucking loser. He was like he was drunk at the White House, he needed a drink.

Yeah, it's just— he, he is a gift that does not stop giving, even if you don't want the gift, you know.

Well, there seems to be 2 things. This doesn't have her in it, but this is definitely a quote he said.

Okay.

I'm studying him. And then I made the mistake. I told in fun, I said, I looked at his ass and I've never done that with a man before. It's true. Off the record, women, yes. Men, no. Okay. By the way, I looked at one hell of a beautiful ass before. Nicki Minaj.

That is so crazy.

That's hard to miss. That's stand-up. That's hard to miss.

It's hard to miss.

Is she showing her ass to everybody?

She must be.

She's twerking or something over there. That anaconda.

Okay, I'm gonna get back to my story. I hope Nikki wasn't Insulted, but we love Nikki.

Love Nikki's ass.

So crazy.

It's crazy that politicians used to be so straight-laced or like organized.

Oh yeah, she's up there talking in her

custom fucking Louis Vuitton.

The crazy thing is all politicians swear now.

Do they?

Yeah, yeah, they swear. That was unheard of. You never heard a president swear But now they all swear. It's super common.

I don't like it. I like the idea of having a politician who's fucking—

Full of shit.

Kind of straight.

Yeah, full of shit.

Full of shit. Doesn't talk like a real guy. Yeah, but you kind of like that, kind of. Yeah, I think the guy in charge should be a little bit fucking—

Reserved.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't want them fucking writing letters to Bill Maher.

See, pull up the letter to Bill Maher. It's crazy. Yeah, wait till you read it.

Fucking—

it's so long.

The only files released of the—

I don't even think what Bill Maher said was that bad. I think the thing that got him was saying that Trump lost all of his support with the Republican Party.

Yeah.

And then he pulls up—

He's lost a lot.

Not according to him. According to him, there's a CNN poll that says like 98% of Republicans—

That's part of his magic though.

Yeah, you can find a poll. Here it is.

The polls are fake news.

Let's talk about this complete and total loser. All caps. Bill Maher, let's talk about him. He got a low-rated show on equally low-rated HBO, which was once, long ago, a network of quality and excitement. But that's all gone. It's not HOT, all caps, anymore! Exclamation point. Maher's friend and business associate Chuck LaBella was also a friend of mine, worked on the top hit show The Apprentice as a gopher, and because of the success of that show number 1 and top-rated on many weeks, with the finale being among the top shows of the year. He was automatically and quickly brought up through the ranks of NBC, along with everyone else associated with the historic happening— in all caps— in, uh, quotes, rather. I don't know why happening is in quotes. The success of The Apprentice was so great that everyone partook. It built many careers, and that is a wonderful thing. thing. Some people— boy, this is wordy— some people say it even built my career because I became president. I would have won without it! In any event, over the last few years, LaBella would call me nonstop and say hello, be very nice, and tell me how much Bill Maher loves and respects me, and would constantly ask of me, even before I was president, for any form of meeting with Maher and would I do his show.

When I became president, I agreed to meet. After the first one and the last one, but never agreed to do his show, which he wants me to do desperately. All caps. It won't happen! Exclamation point. When I've watched the show, which isn't often, it always ends with dishonesty about me, at least, but who cares? He doesn't think it was a good thing to take the nuclear weapon away from Iran, which shows you he's not very smart. If I allowed them to obtain a nuclear weapon, the world would be a different place right now, exclamation point, using fake polls. I like how he like capitalizes fake and polls. Yeah. He also said I had my lowest rating so far. Even the Republican Party doesn't like him, in quotes, but that's not true. I have high ratings. And more importantly, he said that I'm losing the support and approval of the Republican Party when in fact CNN just came out with a poll showing them I'm at 98 and 99% support within the Republican Party, an all-time record high. All capitalizes— all capitalizes the T in time, the R in record, and the H in high, which I don't understand.

Ronald Reagan was at 86%. CNN's Harry Enten also said, I am the most influential president of the last century. Is this after the Ellisons bought CNN?

Okay, HBO, which is confusing why he's talking shit, but I mean,

right, he has a lot of time on his hands.

CNN did another poll, the most popular person in the history of the Republican Party, and I won that too, with me being at 53%, Ronald Reagan being at 18%, and Abraham Lincoln being at 8%. This is crazy. These CNN polls, people not exactly in love with me. So Bill Maher lied, but his lie— but he lies about everything. And I believe he lied to me when I asked him, with all the applause and laughter he gets after almost everything he says about things that aren't funny or even good, what laughter machine does he use? Laughter and machine have capital L and a capital M. People can't take—

You know what, he might be right about that though, because—

You think there's a laugh track?

It's not funny, I know that.

Yeah, but people like love it and they're there live and they get enthusiastic. If they're really into a live taping— Yeah, well, live taping the show, they have like a person that does this thing, it says applause, and they have like a producer with a headset on. It's like, applaud, applaud, applaud. Okay, laughter machine about things that aren't funny or even good. What laughter machine does he use? I don't know Bill. He didn't know me, and that was okay. I didn't know Bill. He didn't know me, and that was Okay. Then Chuck LaBella and my friend Kid Rock called me incessantly about meeting with Bill Maher. My first response was, fellas, this guy's a goofball. They said, he wants to go down to the White House, be with you, and talk. He said you're smart, but you're not into the liberal platform. Will you start thinking about it? He invited himself to the White House! Exclamation point. We had our first meeting. Bill was very nervous. He asked for a drink. He was very insecure. And he had a seriously bruised eye and nose area, as though somebody had just beaten him up. But it wasn't me.

What? No sooner had we had that first dinner at the White House, which is very— a very seductive and beautiful place, especially now that I've fully renovated and fixed it in the style which it deserves.

Thank God.

Bill wanted to come back. Uh, the gopher called me many times, multiple times, times saying how much he loves me and that he respects me more than anybody, and he wants to come back for a second meeting. After 10 calls from Chuck LaBella, it seemed that these guys were serious and wanted to learn more because their policies are so bad, it's ridiculous! Also, I wanted to tell Bill that he is— that he's a major pothead! All caps. He's gotta stop. It's very bad for his health. He's spiraling. This is the guy that's eating McDonald's all day.

He's walking around the room saying this to someone typing it out. Yes, 100%. And he's just looking around. And another thing,

he looked like hell this time. Bill was drunk and had alcohol in his hand as he walked through the White House. Stephen A. Smith and Kid Rock came along with him. Overall, I thought it was a good meeting. It didn't last 4 hours, it lasted 2 hours, maybe less, and everybody was happy. We have the timestamps. I learned nothing and felt it was a waste of time after the first day. Bill Maher was friendly. I guess everyone walked away pleased. He gave me a good first show with a lot of laughing machine laughter and laughing machine and laughing and machine. The L and M are capitalized, which is a real term, uh, but it is what it is. And then he reverted back to his former self and his old ways. I understand that he's doing his thing. I never took it personally. I'd always mock his low ratings whenever I heard, he's not a nice guy, and what he spouts isn't what he believes. He has to cater to his base, which is mostly composed of losers— there's a capital L in losers— and people who don't like working. It's why for so long I didn't get another call from Chuck LaBella, and I didn't miss him one bit.

After the second dinner, Bill's show, in quotes, was far worse than the first. He went crazy! Point. He's gutless because he enjoyed every minute. Also, I am not building a swimming pool in the White House briefing room and never had any intention of doing so. I am thinking about moving the press and putting them in a different location, but I will use that location for very badly needed space. Bill also attacked our great Republican candidates when he knows my endorsement record is 98% in the House and 100% in the Senate. So how can you make a false statement like like this. These statistics are FACTS, all caps, and he should speak about them, but he won't because he's very unfair, exclamation point. Caroline Levitt was great. This is so worthy on the show. This is— But he started a bi— but he, he started with a biased, dumb sleazebag, all caps, asking questions. She defended me and herself so well but couldn't be comfortable going against lie after lie, capital L in Lies. Importantly, Bill lied about all the illegal voters in the radical-controlled, decrepit, and devastated state of California. Just in the last few days alone, they found 20,000, and the number could easily go to over 1 million.

There were so many falsehoods Bill spewed, but I won't waste time in fact-checking, all caps, him. He isn't worth it. Bill, don't call me anymore. It's useless. And tell Chuck Bella not to call so much and say how much you love Trump, all caps, in quotes, and want to get together because you're a hopeless guy who is just trying to cater to your small group of fans, in quotes. You're also a coward who's afraid to tell the truth about how well our country is running because of your few fans, in quotes, and how badly the Dumbocrats have done, almost destroying the USA. If I hadn't won the election, it would be dead, all Also, turn your laughing machine off. Brings it back. It's a joke when they laugh uncontrollably, even when you said nothing funny, and I'm going to have to have the Republicans not cover you anymore because they try to talk about you as a guy who is transformative. You're not transformative. You're a loser. Capital L in loser. I never watched your show much, but I will never watch it again because it's nothing more than fake news, all caps, that America and the world is unfortunately subjected to.

Thank you for your attention to this matter, President Donald J. Trump. It has 4,640 re-truths.

Nice.

At the time. I'm sure more now.

Sure. Weird that they— like, there's got to be just questions about how much time he has to write that. To do that! Just such a minor thing, and everyone just goes— but I think the people around him probably just go, he'll be distracted for a couple of hours, let him Let him work on his little blog. Let him go work on his little blog and just— and we'll try correct the decisions he made earlier today.

I think he gets very upset when people talk about the polls.

Do you think the person writing it knows what to capitalize, or—

I think

he has to go back through and be like, capitalize that, capitalize that.

Capitalize the yelling lies.

Nope, you didn't get losers right.

Capitalize losers.

Guess at the end, did I mention the laughter track yet?

Put fans in quotes. Maybe they didn't get the laugh

Yeah,

I just don't know why. I mean, that's not something I would ever do. I don't understand.

He balances his time

oddly.

Yeah, well, how much— he must have a lot of time because it hasn't— his like net worth like quadrupled in the last 2 years.

Well, it's definitely gone up with the coin, right? The Trump coin. That was a big one.

But I think across the board his money's gone up, so he must have a lot of time to be president and also become a 5x is billions.

Well, I would imagine he has people doing that too, right?

Yeah.

And that's probably why some of it is—

That's, that's the best thing about America is that like a lot of countries would probably have it so that the most powerful man couldn't get— they couldn't grow that much in wealth.

Well, it should be the case with the entire government that they shouldn't be able to profit off of it. His net worth has increased an estimated $2.7 billion to $4.1 billion since winning the 2024 presidential election bring his total net worth to roughly $6.4 billion. That's a lie, it's more than that. See, um, see, I don't know what that is, um, how much of it is stuff that I would disagree with, right? So the, the, the meme coin's crazy. The meme coin, it

was like a pump and dump essentially, wasn't it? Yeah, well, they all are.

Well, Hunter Biden just did one of those.

Yeah,

they all do it. I mean, if you're gonna put out a fucking meme coin that— I mean, they're almost all pump-and-dumps. And even if they're not, like, whoever's putting money into it, they're pumping it up and with the idea that it's gonna hit a peak and they got to know when to bail. Yeah, it's like everyone's doing that. It's a Ponzi scheme.

Yeah. Yeah, and the president did it. And

it's also— I think it's a way to launder money. So like, is that better? Like, so this is one of the things that Hunter Biden was accused accused of with his artwork. And so he was selling his— and I use artwork in quotes like Trump would use it— his artwork was selling for like half a million dollars for a painting. And you look at the painting like, what the fuck is that? Yeah, this is— who the fuck is paying half a million dollars for this? If you wanted to give someone money but you couldn't just legally give them money, what you could do was say, why don't you draw a picture?

Draw me a piece of shit.

I'll buy that picture. And that's all you have to do.

Yeah.

And it's the same thing like with a meme coin. So let's, let's say we're gonna do a Collin coin. Let's do it.

Let's launch it. Let's do it.

We're gonna launch it.

That's unofficial, by the way.

Someone will probably do it. They'll probably do it.

I'm gonna go— there's millions of them. Well, you know, I have to go buy it now.

Yeah, there you go. Buy Collin coin. So if you wanted to do that, the way those coins work is there's an initial investment that goes in. So you get a bunch of people to invest actual real money in this coin, right? And then there's a bunch of people buy into the coin, so they buy the coin. Yeah. So if you're a person that, like, if I wanted to bribe you, right, and I said, listen, what we're gonna do is we're gonna start this meme coin, and my country is gonna put in $300 million into this meme coin, and this country is gonna put in X, that's kind of— and then, you know, once it gets to a certain level where we'll pull out, you'll get it, you're gonna be worth billions. And then you say yes to that, and whether you're Hunter Biden or whether you're Trump or a wide variety of people have done these things. This— the Hawk Tua lady did it. Yeah, right. She had one. I think she legitimately, I think, was unsophisticated and didn't really know what was going on. They rug-pulled her. Yeah, but I think— I don't know what— I'm just being nice.

You're

being nice by calling her a stupid idiot.

Well, a young kid. She's fucking 20 years old.

I also— I I think so.

I actually agree. I would have been completely retarded if—

She's not around anymore, so that's kind of— She is around. Is she? Yeah. I thought she— I thought she like went back to working in fucking Wendy's or whatever.

She's on Instagram. Is she? Yeah, she's still out there.

She's still hot? Is she still spitting on that thing?

I don't know.

She don't spit like she used to now that she's rich?

Silk sheets and the whole deal.

Yeah, these bitches get rich and they stop spitting.

They stop spitting. It's a great— More sophisticated now.

Big shit, you know.

Yeah, got caviar in your teeth. But the point is you could put a bunch of money into a meme coin, that person gets the meme coins and then pulls that money out, and then that's legal. You see what I'm saying?

Yeah.

And so that's a way to give someone money.

It's all legal and we all just kind of tolerate it, I guess.

Well, it's weird. The whole meme coin market is weird. Like, who's running out the door to put all their life savings into the Melania coin?

Yeah.

It's an odd thing.

The guys who know, that's sus.

Yeah, guys who know that like there's a way somebody made money. Some people made money, and clearly he made money. Like, what does it say Trump made his money from? Cryptocurrency.

Cryptocurrency. Yeah,

nice. Fake money.

Why can't you— why can't you be president and earn $2 billion on the side? A little, a little passive income.

Well, the weird thing is— Why can't you? It's legal. This is the thing. So he's done nothing wrong. wrong in terms of the eye of the law. This is a fact. But then the eye— he is a businessman.

In the eye of society, we kind of understand that this is a kind of a conflict of interests, right?

For sure. Not something that looks good to the average person, that this guy's making billions of dollars from being in— the idea, what we would hope, this is the thing, the goal that we would strive for, is to have someone who's a president and what they really want only is for the good of the American people.

That person would be shot early on. Sorry, that's not how— that's not what this is. Sorry.

They don't want that person to be making billions while they're in office.

But you know, also, that person will run on honesty, they'll lose an election, and then next election they'll, they'll lie through their fucking teeth because they go, I lost it on honesty before, now I'm corrupt. You'll get voted out. If you turn around and go, hey, everything sucks and it's gonna suck for a long time—

Interesting stuff that I've just found out here.

It says Trump making money from crypto is not automatically illegal, even while president. Yeah, but particular details could be unlawful if they involve bribery or prohibited benefits from foreign governments.

All right, so he kind of—

he lives in that space though, where is it illegal,

right? So it's now a concrete legal challenge. October 22nd, 2026. Federal civil lawsuit alleges that Trump unlawfully benefited from 2 UAE-linked World Liberty financial transactions: a $500 million purchase of 49% stake by an entity backed by UAE National Security Advisor Sheik Thaknoon bin Zayed Al Nahyan. How do you say that? Nahyan? I couldn't even guess. $2 billion purchase of World Liberty USD one stablecoin by an Abu Dhabi investment fund chaired by Taknoon. The transaction amount is not the same as Trump's personal profit. Lawsuit alleges unconstitutional foreign emoluments and seeks discourse— disclosure, rather, and return of allegedly unlawful profits. So what is— it's unlawful that the Abu Dhabi Sheik put— bought into it? Is that what's unlawful?

I believe so. Foreign entity.

You know, I'm just gonna stick to stand-up.

Including main financial conflict provision. That means a financial interest that will require an extraordinary executive branch official to step aside does not automatically create the same statutory violation for the president. That exemption is written into law. It isn't unique to Trump, but it's not a blanket exemption from anti-corruption law or the Constitution. Okay, look at the whole fucking crypto world is weird. They try to get us to do a crypto coin there. They contacted—

Joe Coin?

And what, they were a JRE Coin or something? Yeah, like, fuck off. What are you talking about? That's not real money. Like, what are we doing? doing here? But it's a loophole. It's a loophole. And this, this is, this is the thing, like, if it's legal, like, what would— if you can do it and you're a businessman, you're a guy who, like, that's your whole thing, make, make, make as much money as possible. Yeah, it's clearly a big part of his whole thing is to make a ton of money, and you can make the money, and he's like, I'm still doing great for the country. Yeah, get a little for myself on the side.

Yeah, I think we've had our fill of Trump though. Trump was a lot of fun, and now it's kind of just— my whole time living here has been pretty much just dominated by Trump, and I feel like it's like things need to—

well, I

think mix things up a little.

Things like that letter to Bill Maher are not the best. Like, that's— that's not a good look.

One of the worst things he's ever done. That's the worst thing I've seen. Yeah, I got out of it though. I got sucked in, remember, with the Iran fucking war and invasion or whatever way you want to call it. And I was like listening to fucking just too much like Fuentes and Dave Smith all day, and I just had to kind of just turn my phone off one day. Yeah, went fucking out into the woods and stuff.

But then there's 2 arguments, right? If you turn your phone off and don't pay attention, then all the craziness just keeps going on and your life eventually gets affected by it because they start bombing us.

Sure.

Like, you know, that maybe it's better to pay attention than to just keep your eye on whatever the the fuck is boiling.

When there's bombs dropping, I'll fucking put on a little Fuentes and find out what's going on.

Well, a lot of people are worried that after the midterms— so when the midterms are over— that that's when they're gonna start doing more shit in Iran.

Okay,

that this isn't done yet.

Have I drank all that on you? No, bro.

Um, but there's a lot of people that believe that. Yeah, it's all gonna start popping off again in Iran because it's like it's not No, I mean, they have to have people.

Yeah, real blunder, real disaster. It doesn't look good. It's actually kind of, kind of pathetic, actually, honestly, on a world scale. Doesn't look good for America to not be able to just wipe out fucking country.

Well, it's not just that. It just doesn't seem like it was something that was— it's— every other president was— they attempt to talk them into doing this.

Yeah,

they tried to talk Obama into doing it. They tried to talk Biden into doing it. Nobody

Who's they?

Whoever wants us to bomb Iran that might live in Israel.

Not saying anything. It could be, it could be them. It could have been the Swedes. It could be anyone.

Well, it could have been the Russians.

Yeah.

That's a fun one. They always like to blame everything on the Russians.

Yeah.

Yeah. So, you know, look, this— the thing that disappoints everybody who supported Trump before he got into office was one of his big things that everybody agreed with was no more war. Yeah, like, please, that sounds great. No more war. It'll be great. Because we keep thinking, like, why are we involved in these unnecessary wars? Because we always assume there's so much money involved in politics, because the military-industrial complex has a huge amount of cash. They influence politicians, they influence policy. They need more war so they could sell more weapons.

Yeah, yeah. So that's like— this is the feeling of exhaustion where it's like, I'm gonna turn this off, I'm gonna go to Alaska, I'm gonna see some fucking bears. I'm going— I'm doing the weekend of shows in Anchorage, and I'm hoping to go to Katmai National Park. You know it, where the bears like catch the salmon coming out of the fucking— Oh yeah. I'm going in September, so like it's a little different, but—

Is it past the salmon run by then?

It's over, so they go to a different section. They're not jumping out and they're catching them out, but they still catch the salmon at a different section. So I'm hoping to go out there and camp overnight, but you camp in like a fenced-off electric gate type of thing, but you camp out there. Have you ever been over there to do any of that?

I've been to Anchorage. Ari and I went over there and we went salmon fishing. Yeah, we went salmon fishing. We had a 2-day thing. Yeah, that's nice.

So I got it. I got a trip. I'm doing a bunch of shows. columnterrell.com for all my tickets. Oh, check out the special, by the way. Sorry, just to interrupt. Yeah, a new special right now on YouTube called Bells and Whistles. Please check it out. Leave a comment if you'd like. Anyway, back to the grizzly bears. Yeah, this is what I'm gonna go do and take photos of bears. But it's like, there's a limited amount of spaces, so they have like cabins, but the cabins are like $700 a night or something. Or you can sit in a tent with the bears for $12 a night, and I'll go, I'll do that.

Well, that's the more authentic experience. You don't want to be behind a door.

But these bears are so well-fed that they've no interest in you. Right.

Yeah.

I just watched a thing about the lions in fucking fucking— is it Botswana? Do you know the guy on Instagram, Grizzly Guy? Or Grizzly Guy? Mm-hmm. And he has this cool— he does these shows, I think they're called Endless Venture. Yeah, and he goes all over the world. He just, he just did a thing in, um, the, uh, the tundra up in fucking Alaska where it was like 24-hour sunlight, and they went looking for grizzly bears or polar bears. Real fascinating stuff. But they went on a trip to Botswana, and the lions there are so well fed that the lions won't attack you as a human. So they had this cool— yeah, this guy's fucking awesome. I love this fella. Um,

wow, he's just hanging out with lions.

And they'll— so they'll sit down and they get into a decent, like, non-threatening position, and they put out like a call, like an injured something. And then this pack of lions— and you see the lions just slowly spread out, and they all follow the main fucking leader. And then he gets right up to them, and then they see them and they stare at each other, and everyone's quiet, and they stare for like 5 minutes, and then the lion goes and just sort of plops down. And they're just sitting there surrounded by a pride of fucking lions in the middle of, uh, this delta, whatever it's called, the Oka something Delta, where like it's one of the wildest— that's the— and they sleep at night, they camp, and they have to keep the fire on all night so that elephants don't trample them in the thing. So like someone's job is to wake up every hour to keep the lion— the elephant away. That's what I want to do. You

just hear them in the middle of the night.

Yeah, and you could probably feel them walking around.

That's a mountain lion.

I just was showing you, I got one.

This is the guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, so he's done— does a bunch of stuff like this. Yeah, I think he was on my friend Cam Haynes' show.

He's cool. I want to— I'd love— I'd love to fucking do something with him someday. This is it. Like, they went out to—

Well, I'll bet he'll reach out. You can go do something.

Please reach out and bring me to somewhere really scary.

That's really what you like to do, huh?

That's, that's all I want to do. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know why, I'm just obsessed with it right now, getting out there and seeing animals.

It's very exciting.

Yeah, I think I got into it through birds. I got into— started getting into birds. Birding.

Birding.

Birding is the most fun thing.

So you're one of those guys that buys the binoculars and stares at the trees?

Yeah. I was really fond of those guys. Bad. I get it too. It's kind of a little gay.

Well, there's 2 groups of guys who buy high-end binoculars.

Yeah.

And the biggest market is actually birders. Yeah. Second biggest market is hunters.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think there's a lot of kind of similarities between, I guess, just tracking a bird to shoot it with a camera and tracking an animal to shoot it with a gun. There's a lot of knowledge you have to learn, the calls, the fucking and the wind directions and things like that. I don't think that's as true with birds, but certainly if you want to take a photo of like an animal, yeah, you got to do the same thing.

Well, just seeing them in their natural habitat is very exciting, but especially it's a rare bird.

The thing about the birds are everywhere. That's why I think most people would rather be into more, uh, mammals running around, but there's none around. So, but the birds are in your fucking garden, and it's cool to look out and go, I recognize that bird, or I recognize call.

My friend Tommy has this bird feeder and it's hooked up to a camera that has AI.

Yeah.

And so the AI camera takes a photo of the birds when they show up and then tells him, sends it to his phone, tells him what kind of bird it is.

I got them. You got them? Yeah, of course. You kidding me? Which ones you got? The problem is you get too many alerts though, because I get a bing bing bing bing bing.

And where do you have your camera set up? In New York City?

Yeah, in New Jersey. Oh, okay. At my in-laws' house because they live out closer to the woods. I set it up there and I'm I remember like, I remember seeing one day like accidentally a hummingbird landed on the water because a hummingbird shouldn't have been there, but I got it and I was able to write it on my list of all the birds that I've seen.

Oh, you make a list?

Yeah, I'm a little fucking retarded. Yeah, but from there that I just wanted to take an interest in what I'm hearing when I'm sitting around reading a book or whatever. Tweet tweet. What, what is that and why is that and what are they saying? And then once you start to do that, I started getting more into animals and now I'm just hiking and and fucking—

One of the things you'll see when you go to Alaska is eagles. Those are— they're like pigeons up there. It's crazy. They're everywhere.

Yeah. Yeah, the eagles are fucking cool. We saw some eagles in Montana when we were fishing, just big fucking guys. Wild. Yeah, and they could fly around. I got these amazing videos of fucking these huge birds flying around.

Just snatching fish right out of the water and flying off with them.

Yeah, it's like the most enjoyable thing you can ever do is witness that.

That's so interesting that you're so into nature.

That's all I want to do is just kind of go turn my phone off and go fucking hiking, and maybe if I'm lucky, ever see a mountain lion somehow. I reckon if you see a mountain lion, it might be too late, but you know. I've

seen a few.

You've seen them? Yeah. In California?

I saw one of them in California. It was in Santa Barbara, actually. We were in Montecito, and we were driving down the street, and I saw this thing running across the road. I said, oh, is that a coyote? And I saw the tail, see that wavy tail? Like, oh shit, that's a cat, and you realize, oh my god, it's a mountain lion. We just saw a mountain lion run across the street in a really nice residential community. Like, Montecito is gorgeous. Yeah, like beautiful old homes and mountain lions.

I wonder how close they get, because I was thinking about when we were camping, like, there's definitely mountain lions in that region of Big Bend, but they—

Generally they avoid people.

But I wonder how close, like at night when we're seeing, like, truly— I know they avoid them, but is it by miles? Is it, you know?

No, they don't need to be miles away from you. I mean, you can't— because we, we, they know where you are.

We heard some noises of something growling out there when we were watching the sunset. You could hear some animal. It could have been anything, but you just— it's late at night and then you just hear kind of a— and you're like, what was that? What could have that been?

Yeah, they have a crazy sound that they make, mountain lions. It's really weird. Yeah, see if you can find mountain lion cries. It's very strange. Very strange.

sound. Yeah, I saw— I don't even remember.

Foxes make a weird noise too.

There's an animal I just saw. I can't remember now, but I just saw a clip of an animal where when they let off a noise at night, it's like sounds like a man in pain screaming. There's like— I just saw this like 2 days ago, and it's literally like, and like, so it's like, it ex— Mountain lion.

That's a mountain Yeah, it's dark out, you hear that, you're like, oh my God, we're gonna die.

Yeah,

and you're lost because you're—

oh my God,

you can't figure out how to read the map.

Yeah, you're going in circles for days. Your phone died, you're almost out

of

water. You promised your wife, it's right up here, I swear.

Yeah, fuck.

Yeah, how would you— how could you sleep?

Have you ever been hunting?

No, I've not. Well, I was saying that I'm planning a hunting trip to Ireland. My cousin, uh, he's like a YouTuber now and he posts these videos. Cathal Rowan, if you can give him some support. Uh, but he hunts deer.

Say that in a way that people are going to be able to write it down.

Cathal, which is spelled C-A-T-H-A-L. Cathal. Cathal, but the T is silent.

Okay.

Cathal Rowan. W-O-R-O-W-A-N. Okay. So he's got a YouTube channel now and, uh, been watching it, but he goes out hunting. But he, he goes out in the morning and he'll have like a big tripod and he fucking sets it up and he fucking— and he's killing these deer. There he is. Yeah, you're welcome, you little prick.

He's only got 725 followers right now.

I just see how many he gets. He's doing his best. That'd be so funny now. He has a million by tomorrow and I have nothing. It'd be so funny. But we're gonna go hunting next year. Yeah, because— so he knows all this shit about the deer. And there he is with my uncle. out there.

I didn't know there was a lot of— There's a lot of deer hunting.

It's not elk, I know that.

No, I don't think they have elk.

But you know, Ireland had this thing called the Irish elk. Oh yeah.

It's the

biggest,

biggest deer species ever. They were huge. Do you know they found their antlers accidentally? Like, people pulled them up when they're fishing. No, I didn't know that. Like, like fossilized. They're like bigger than you could ever imagine. Bigger than any moose. Insane. Yeah, yeah, it was a huge, huge animal.

It's an interesting— it's a lot of Irish history We, I guess like everyone, we just don't really know what's going on. Like there's a certain timeline where everything is like—

That's what it looks like. That's an Irish elk skull.

The Irish elk.

That's crazy. That's found in a loch.

It's like the biggest kind of deer species animal ever, is it correct?

Yeah, it was enormous.

But we had bears too. That's crazy. We had bears that we killed out before they started documenting anything, because they find these bear bones that have been carved up and stuff. So whatever humans were living in Ireland killed these guys off. Maybe naturally from the climate changing too or whatever, but there was definitely—

Probably not, probably killing them.

It was, it was co— we were co-living together at the same time and now they're gone. We used to have wolves. I think they reintroduced wolves. We killed them off and then they brought them back.

What a good idea, bring them back.

I guess if there's regions where it's not gonna really be too much farmland, I guess a couple of wolves are kind of, kind of cool.

They're a problem.

Yeah.

They breed and then they're smart and they figure out what to do. Colorado's the— they had the most retarded decision. They brought wolves and they reintroduced them right outside of Aspen.

Okay.

So they dropped them off, some of them they dropped off on my friend's ranch. And so this ranch is— he doesn't run any livestock, but he's connected to other ranches that run livestock. And so these wolves are now killing all these cows and calves.

That's why we killed them off, I think, in the first place, wasn't it? 100%. It wasn't that they are necessarily killing us, it was that they were killing The wolves were taking us too.

Do you know the story from World War I? It's a great story.

Do not, please.

The Germans and the Russians had a ceasefire because so many of them were getting killed by wolves. They had a ceasefire where they decided, we're gonna kill the wolves, then we'll go back to killing each other.

Yeah, yeah, that's true. This is like when they played soccer at fucking New Year's on Christmas Eve.

That's a different one. I think that was— wasn't that the British and the Germans?

Yeah, the British did. They apparently on Christmas Day, they stopped and had a little kickabout, and then they went back to shooting each other. after that.

I don't know, I think that's a myth. No, it's not a myth, it's real.

No, the soccer one I'm saying.

I don't think it's a myth. Oh no? No, soccer one's real.

They stopped and had a little kick around? Yep, Christmas, why not?

And then apparently the generals and everyone got very angry at them, like, these are your enemy, go back to killing them. But I mean, like, you don't know these fucking people.

How could you go back to killing someone after they just fucking did it, scored a great goal or something, did something impressive on the—

Like, you just shook your hand and gave you a cigarette.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

They were hanging out together. They decided to have a ceasefire.

Shirts for skins. Yeah.

Fuck, man.

And there was a referee and stuff. And the people—

this is the New York Times Associated Press report of it. When I asked for like the AI stuff, it said it's a potential myth.

Yeah, it's not. It's real. The Meat Eater did a whole piece on it where I brought up the story because someone— I forget what historian told me about the story, and I was like, is that real? And then I brought it And then Meat Eater did a whole story on it. Story is widely syndicated in contemporary newspapers. Mainstream historians and archival checks note a lack of official military orders, command logs corroborating. Go to the Meat Eater story about it because the Meat Eater story was pretty well documented. You see it above there, it was— there's a link.

Those guys rule.

See where it says Meat Eater? Click on that. Okay, was there a ceasefire during World War I to hunt wolves? So here it goes in there. There, Joe. Rogan. Uh, multiple newspapers in 1917 reported the story, including the El Paso Herald, Oklahoma City Times, and New York Times. Since then, it's become a favorite bit of barroom banter among amateur historians like the powerful Joe Rogan. Uh, 1917, a dispatch from Berlin noted large packs of wolves moving into populated areas of the German Empire from the forests of Lithuania and, uh, Volhynia. Locals hypothesized the war effort displaced the wolves, so the canines started seeking out new hunting grounds. Hungry wolves infiltrated rural villages, attacking calves, sheep, goats, and in 2 cases, children. They also showed up at the front lines, feeding on the fallen and sometimes taking advantage of incapacitated fighters. So this is what happened.

So they would, they would have some sort of a way to send someone over with a white fucking

Yeah, so it says, as a last resort, the 2 adversaries, with the consent of their commanders, entered into negotiations for an armistice and joined forces to overcome the wolf plague. Wow.

Did it say how many?

And this is according to a 1917 New York Times article. But all to no avail. The wolves, nowhere to be found, quite so large and powerful as in Russia, were desperate in their hunger regardless of danger. So, point— apparently what one of the things that had happened was they'd sent guys on patrol and they wouldn't find them. They wouldn't come back. And then they would go look for them, they'd find like a foot in a boot where their leg had been severed off and eaten. And they realized like, oh my God, they're getting hunted by wolves. Because if you're a small group of people, like 2 guys, yeah, and you go out and there's 50 wolves, like a large pack, they will eat you.

Yeah.

I have a friend of mine who was elk hunting, and he shot an elk, and they didn't realize that they shot an elk essentially where the wolves had their their den, and the wolves surrounded them, and they started running in at them. And he killed—

Doing their thing where they kind of—

They killed 3 of them. He killed 2 of them with a bow, and the guy he was with killed one of them with a rifle. And then they backed off. The wolves took off. They realized that something was wrong.

Yeah, they realized. They didn't know. They say no bison.

Yeah, yeah. They also realized like something's happening where arrows are flying at them and killing them. And they watch these guys get killed, and they, they eventually took off.

They're super smart.

But he said we were around it. My friend John Dudley, he talked about it on the podcast. He's got the wolf skulls in his house.

Yeah. You ever see like a video of like a bison gets singled out, surrounded by the wolves, and they just— but they just— and he's just spinning and spinning for 5, 8 hours? And they've seen it with behind the scenes with the documentary, like the whole people recording it, they're like all crying because they're literally watching an animal fight for life for 8 hours while these packs just bite it and bite and then Well,

there's a reason why all those old nursery rhymes like the Big Bad Wolf— yeah, the kids worrying about the Big Bad Wolf dressed up like Grandma— that was real. You had to worry if you sent your children home through the woods, they could get eaten by wolves. That was real.

I thought it was like a metaphor for pedophiles or something.

No, well, that too, I'm sure.

Maybe I misinterpreted the art.

It's probably— that's probably part of it as well. But, but a real problem back then was wolves killing people.

Can I ask you a question about the bows? What's the furthest you've got an animal from when you're hunting?

With a bow and arrow? Yeah. 80 yards.

80 yards. So you'll go out, you'll have your— yeah, whatever, and this will tell you kind of a distance of something?

I have a rangefinder. I have a rangefinder and I lock in on the animal with the rangefinder. It gives me a yardage. yardage, and then my bow is specifically calibrated with a sight that moves up the— there's a reticle on the sight that moves up and down depending on where the distance is. So like, say if it's 60 yards, I dial to 60 yards and my sight moves to a very specific position where my pin— Right. That's where the arrow will drop if I shoot straight and I don't move during the shot. That's where the arrow will be roughly. flea at 60 yards.

Yeah, so, but it's always the same release, it's just the dial will tell you, okay, go a little higher.

It's very complicated. You want to go down a rabbit hole of like obsession? Bow hunting is the greatest rabbit hole of obsession. I could. I bet you would.

I could.

Yeah, you want to see one?

Yeah, absolutely.

When you do it, it is one of the most difficult things I've ever done in my life.

Do you remember the first kill You got—

it's right there.

That's you?

Yeah, that, that's a mule deer that I shot in Montana with Steve Rinella.

And how far— how far was that?

That was a rifle, so that was 250 yards, I think it was. But when you're doing it, you know, you're looking through a scope and you're shooting with a rifle, that's, that's hard to do. But a bow is exponentially harder. It's way harder. It's way harder. You gotta be close. Like the 80-yard shot that I had, the only reason why I would have ever taken that shot— that's, that's an elk that I shot.

Nice.

That was—

and you don't have any support on that thing? You're holding it?

I'm holding it.

Yeah, because my cousin, he brings out like a kind of a big tripod that gets the shot for the gun.

That's different.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you don't do that with the bow.

No, but I would do that with a rifle. It makes a rifle more accurate. It's smart, especially if you're shooting it at a distance.

He has a silencer on. You don't weighs a ton.

Yeah, well, the silencers aren't that— it's— they're not that—

maybe he's a little bit of a bitch about it, but it's not that

heavy. I mean, it's— and it's not really a silencer, it's a suppressor. So it really just takes some of the sound out. You could still hear it.

Is that so if you miss, you don't scare everything off? Or even if—

No, so it doesn't blow your eardrums out. Because if you have a— like, if you have a rifle— like, one of my rifles is— it's— it's— is a— it's got what's called a muzzle And a muzzle brake is at the front of the rifle. There's holes in the barrel that allow the gases to disperse. So what that does is it lessens the recoil, so there's less of a kick when the gun goes off. So a very powerful hunting rifle, like if you're shooting a moose or something like that. Yeah. You need a powerful rifle, like the kind you want to— if you want to kill Charlie Kirk, you got a powerful rifle. And on the impact, there's a lot of movement, right? And if you flinch, and if you worried about that recoil, call, you'll be less accurate. So there's a thing called a muzzle brake. And the problem with a muzzle brake is it makes the rifle shot way louder. And I have 2 friends that have lost hearing because they were close to a rifle when it went off with the muzzle brake on it, and they blew their eardrums out. A buddy of mine, he has fucking hearing aids.

Really?

Yeah. But the point is that, like, a tripod or a shooting sticks, they sit down, allows you to have a much better— like most guys when they're shooting at real distance, so there's things, so there's like say like 50 yards to 100 yards, a lot of guys are comfortable shooting offhand. That means just holding the rifle, wrapping the rifle sling around your arm so you're, you know, tight, pushing it to your chest, and then making sure you're not moving and boom. And you could— up to like 100 yards, you could probably get away with that. But if it's anything more than that, you really want to be stabilized. So you want to be on a tripod or shooting sticks. When it's further than like 300 yards, most guys want to be prone. So they want to be laying down. So what they'll do is they'll lay their pack down and they rest the rifle on their pack, and they want their whole body to be rested on the ground. Nice. So there's no movement. And so they're looking through that and all they're moving is their finger. So everything is stable and all they're doing is slowly squeezing.

So their rifle's resting on that pack, so there's no— nothing that could possibly move it.

Yeah, it seems—

So with a bow, you don't have—

Seems like a lot of like fun, or at least a very exciting— It's very exciting. Especially if you can— I don't know if you're— especially if it's like a thing that's needed for the ecosystem to continue. continue the ecology of a thing.

It certainly is kind of—

Well, that's the excuse we're gonna use so I can kill an animal. I'm gonna pretend I'm helping.

Well, the thing is, if you don't kill them, they're gonna get killed. They're— no animals live forever and become angels. What happens is they get killed by wolves, and usually they get killed in a horrible way.

But in Ireland, we don't have the fucking wolves.

Or they freeze to death, or they starve to death. They run their teeth down and they can't process food anymore. Yeah, and you see them and they're scrawny and all fucked up. fucked up.

Yeah.

And then, um, something gets them, you know. It's usually winter. More, more animals die from winter than anything, especially in like the mountains. Yeah, they'll have strong winter die-offs where, like in Utah where I was at 2 years ago, they lost something like 70% of their population of mule deer from the winter. Winter die-off. 70% of them froze to death.

So then the following year they've got less tags to give out.

Yes, exactly, exactly. And So in those kinds of situations, you know, you don't really need humans to take care of the population. The idea is that humans manage the population in a couple of ways. One, you do keep the population in check if it's an area where there's not a lot of predators, then it's kind of important that humans do it because otherwise they can get disease and there's too many of them, starvation, overpopulation. But the other thing is that the money that goes into tags and also sporting goods equipment. So when you're buying a tent, if you're buying a rifle, if you're buying a bow, a certain percentage of that money goes into wildlife conservation. So that—

REI or one of these kind of places, they have to kind of— Yeah,

it's part of the law. I think it's called something Pittman— Pittman-Roberts Act. And look that up. So what that is, I think think it's— I forget what the percentage is, but that percentage here, Pittman-Robertson Wildlife Restoration Act, that was in 1937. US federal law places an excise tax on the sale of firearms, ammunition, and archery equipment to fund state-level wildlife conservation, habitat restoration, and hunter safety programs. So it's 11% federal excise tax on sporting firearms, ammunition, and archery equipment and a 10% tax on handguns. And all that goes to conservation. So that pays for game wardens, it pays for wildlife biologists, it pays to make sure that the populations are healthy. They do studies on them. Yeah. Things like collaring wolves and, you know, finding out what their migration patterns are, following deer migration patterns. It's also that we keep the populations healthy. It's like the number one contributor in this country to wildlife conservation is hunters.

Yeah, so there you go. Yeah,

yeah, because they— if you— the people that don't hunt and don't eat meat or think it's cruel, they would think that there's no way someone who hunts loves animals. There's no way you could.

Yeah, exactly. Once you understand the role of it all, yeah, I think it makes it— and also I think a lot of hunters who are outside, they're more in tune. I think they're more environmentalists probably than most people who never leave because they have an understanding of leaving no trace, things like that. The importance of it, keeping these hunting places that they hunt, keeping them wild, keeping them like that,

keeping them pure. And it's like one of the most disappointing things when you go hunting and you find like a water bottle or a beer can. Yeah, you find like a bunch of beer cans, condoms. At least they're being responsible. But you find like—

I guess not many people are wrapping up in the middle of the woods today.

When you would go out to these places, you know, you, you want them to be— look, footprints are one thing, that should be it. Footprints, maybe like a fire pit that you put out, but that should be it. You shouldn't be leaving your shit behind.

Yeah,

it makes a lot of money every year, but I just noticed this at the end.

Okay, so it says, uh, regularly generates between $800 million and $1.2 billion annually. Non-hunter contribution, even though it was originally pushed by sportsmen, data now shows that roughly 73 to 74% of the revenue actually generated by non- hunters purchasing firearms and ammunition for recreational shooting, home defense, or collecting. That's just 'cause, because it's 10% goes to handguns and 11% with rifles. It's just 'cause more people have those than go hunting. But that's also, no one's like fighting against that. It's a good use of tax money. Mm-hmm. It's very important because if you don't have that, then you just have these wild open lands and you don't have people patrolling them to make sure people aren't poaching. Yeah, because that's a real problem. Poaching is a giant problem. It's a giant problem in this country where people go into land that's not theirs. They go onto private land or public land where they don't have a tag and they hunt. And, you know,

America's so big, it's fucking impossible. But you're— the lands that you have here are probably the best thing about this country. The national parks, it's pretty sick systems that you have. I got I, I, I never learned about it until I moved here. Yeah, that wasn't something you, you thought about. And you just think of America like it's all kind of just fast food and fatties in their car. That's kind of it, just some fat dipshit from fucking Tennessee eating Wendy's. And then you get here and then you hear about these national parks, you're like, what? And then you go to them and you're like, what the fuck? I know, it's nuts. I remember first time going to Zion was just fucking crazy. Zion is crazy. Crazy. All of Utah is nuts. Utah's gorgeous. I could move there pretty soon. Become a Mormon, have 16 wives. Let's go. Yeah, why not? That's the American dream I want.

Yeah, Utah's fucking beautiful. Yeah, the mountains of Utah is one of my favorite places to go. That's the one place I saw a real mountain lion. I was with my friend Colton a few years back and we were driving. He's a hunting guide that I go with every year, and we were driving back. So what we do is you drive into the mountains, you park, and then you walking 8, 10 miles a day. You're going through the mountain. You have to be in serious shape. Like, I get in shape, like I work out specifically for these trips.

Because how much— what's the weight on the back?

It's not the back, it's just the real— carrying them out is a motherfucker. Yeah, because then you're— you got like— we carried that elk out and I got a bunch of guys to help me. We didn't even have to go very far, we only went a few hundred yards, but it was like this, like, like an insane angle with loose dirt, and I had a quarter on my back, a rear hindquarter, which is like £100. Wow. And you're going straight uphill. Are

you like tying that onto a thing?

Yeah, I have a pack. Yeah, and my pack is specifically got— it's called XO Mountain Gear.

You must, when that's all done, because it's the same feeling as when you go to the gym and you're finished and you feel fucking great or whatever. When you've done hunting, got the deer back, you must feel like, that's good.

It's amazing.

And then your phone goes, bleep bleep, did you hear about this? And you go, no, I don't want to know about it. I'm killing fucking deer.

But when you're, when you're doing that and you eat it, your connection to that food is so different. Like, I made an elk steak, or an elk roast rather, yesterday, and I was eating it, and, and I was eating, I was like, I was there. You got— I remember when this happened. I remember The arrow flying. I remember the sound when it hit the rib cage. I remember quartering it up and carrying it out. I remember, I remember all the work. I remember all the hours I practiced shooting my bow.

Wow. Well, you have to practice. Most people get that kind of feel, like a little bit of that feeling from fucking growing like herbs in their yard, in their yard. And then you feel great when you put a little parsley on something. So if you were to really learn how to bow and track it and learn to fucking and how to follow them, where they find them. I think it's probably rewarding, more rewarding than going to fucking Burger King. This is the problem, is people think— and I love animals, and I think I'm an environmentalist, and I just— but like, I think people associate hunting with this kind of an anti-environment thing, whereas the guy eating at Burger King is probably just as like— that's maybe arguably you could say that's like less ethical, the way we like farm cows versus actually catching a fucking—

Well, especially in industrial agriculture. When they do industrial farming of animals is wild. That should be illegal. They should have never allowed that to happen in the first place when they have these giant warehouses stuffed with pigs.

And now we're reliant on it, so you can't get rid of it.

Right. Now cities need it.

I could be probably persuaded. I could have somewhere in there with the right argument, I could probably be persuaded to kind of like get away from like unethically sourced food. Yeah, I could be convinced to go like vegan I guess, but probably not. But

it's not that good for you. It's very difficult to do it right, to be vegan and to get all the essential amino acids and B12, and you have to supplement with a lot of things.

Yeah.

It's very difficult. But it's great to tell—

you get to tell everyone. Yes, you do get to tell everyone and go, sorry. Make— you get to make Christmas difficult for your fucking—

A lot of animals die in making food, especially monocrop agriculture. You have to kill millions and millions of birds and

Yeah.

Rodents and rabbits and groundhogs, they all have to die. They all have to die. And if you have a large monocrop farm, you're killing a fuckload of animals every year.

Yeah.

And forget about the bugs, the amount of bugs you murder. You have to murder so many bugs in order to have a farm.

What, you're spraying shit? Spraying. I thought you meant like driving.

Pesticides. They get run over by stuff. Combines chew up animals that are there. It's a— there's a lot of death involved in acquiring food. It's just the difference between the death involved in acquiring food, the feeling that you get from just going to a grocery store and picking up some vegetables. You don't think about it. You think, oh, vegetables, no big deal, get some vegetables. A lot of death involved in growing those vegetables, no fucking question about it, unless you're going to a regenerative organic farm and buying all your vegetables from there. But I think the best way is to grow your own in a garden. The feeling that you get, like we're talking about like parsley and herbs and stuff like that, the feeling that you get when you make a salad from your own garden is fucking amazing. Amazing. It's amazing. You're slicing up your own peppers, tomatoes. Yeah, all that stuff, putting it in a salad, putting the olive oil and vinegar on, and you're eating like, I fucking grew this.

And then you make it and you also, you share that with your family, which is probably the purest thing alive, is to eat with with your family. Yeah, might be nothing better than that. Killing on stage and then feeding your family tomatoes that you grew in your yard are the 2 great goals in life.

We get to experience a thing that most people will never experience, and that is the feeling that you get from a crowd of people having a great time laughing.

Yeah,

that is— I can't imagine a life without that.

Yeah,

because it's such a high. It's such— I've had so many conversations with my friends like, going through life and never killing? Not once. Yeah, never once. Never once where you get a standing ovation, everybody's laughing. Thank you very much. That feeling is— we're so lucky. We're so fucking lucky to have that feeling. Yeah, and the fact to have it all the time. I mean, have it tonight.

Yeah, hopefully. Yeah, well, even, even, even great comics can bomb, right? And then even bad comics can kill. It's sort of just the the— I—

yeah,

I— yeah, less likely than a great comic.

Oh yeah, but especially when you release a special, then you're unarmed, and then you have to go on stage with new material. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. You're just trying. And the beginning few sets, they're painful.

I'm going through some growing pains. I got this like new bit without giving away, but it's like about a caveman and his wife having a fight, and it crushes so hard for the first little bit, and then I kind of get into some deep waters where I don't know where the fight's going. And sometimes it works out where they, you know, make sense, and then sometimes it just—

But one day it'll work.

Hopefully.

It'll take forever. Yeah. I mean, that's what it is, man. It's like this, this long journey of trying to figure out what a bit really is. And then there's a real problem with getting trapped in the original structure of it. Like, sometimes I get accustomed to saying something in a certain way, and then I'm like, boy, this is dull. There's something about this I don't like. Yeah, I need to abandon it and redo it from the beginning. I know there's something in the premise.

Yeah, but it's not— you get repetitive. And like, I start off— that's my biggest problem is I start off loose, and then you say it so many times, so many nights, that suddenly you start to go, now I'm reciting a script and I'm not talking to these people at all. Exactly. So sometimes I'll intentionally say something different, even if it makes the joke a little worse. Yeah, it elevates the experience because they know I'm fucking in the room. But that's how I tried. All my favorite people, Patrice and Burr and all these guys, they are like that, where not every set is the same.

Yes, you're fucking around with it. Yeah. Yeah, and it keeps it fresh in your mind.

We're blessed with some of the Patrice O'Neal stuff because he has the same jokes in multiple different places, but there— it's a different kind of thing each time. It's a different vibe. It's a different way of speaking.

Yeah, well, he was very improvisational, very loose, and also wise, like He would do these points. He would make these points. You'd be like, oh, yeah! Yeah. Always. There was so much of his material.

And he could sell it to you in a dumb way. It might be real stupid. Like that bit about him enjoying watching baseball, and then his wife comes over, his girlfriend comes over and sits beside him going, what you doing? He goes, we watching baseball. Put the— why are the blinds shut? Like, let me open the blinds. Get the light in here. She's like, what are you eating? You eating a burger? You don't want a burger. It's 11:00 AM. I'm gonna make you a sandwich. It's a dry turkey sandwich. She's like, hug me, kiss me, kiss me, mean it, mean the kiss. Yeah, you've got the best bit. He

was awesome. Yeah, yeah,

I wish, I wish, I wish he was around when I— for just this, to have seen him once, you know, before he was dead. He was dead by the time I got here.

Well, he would be the biggest podcaster on earth. You

think so?

Yeah, he'd be right up there. He'd be like me and him would be right there together. He might be number one, I might be number two. That would be good for me.

Yeah, your rivalry.

No, just take a little weight off me.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you don't know, maybe he's a fucking wacky old fucking retard too, because a lot of people— that happens. You don't know.

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. He was too smart. He wouldn't have been wacky. He would have had great takes on things. He was just always— he was fantastic on Opie and Anthony. Like, that's where I hung out with him the most. Yeah, doing Opie and Anthony with him.

Yeah, he was the best.

Crusher. Yeah, he's just— it was so funny, like finding things that you do that are stupid and like rubbing them in your face and you have to laugh. Like, no, no, that's so true. Yeah, he would have been awesome on podcast because he was like designed for that. That's where— because Opie and Anthony was really the first podcast. It was really— it was a radio show for sure, but credit to them, the way they ran it, they let the comedians run it. It was, you know, Voss and Jimmy Norton and Burr and Ari and all of us, we'd be in there and it would just be like a wild podcast. Mm-hmm. They let everybody just go nuts. They didn't have a structure. Like, if you do Howard Stern, you have a structure. Howard Stern's not gonna let me come on with 3 of my friends and just talk shit and smoke weed and get crazy. With Howard Stern, you'd go on, so let me tell you, let me ask you about Fear Factor. Did you Did you do that? Did you like that show? Did you just do it for money? He would ask— it was an interview.

And that was emailed to you beforehand? These are the questions we're gonna ask?

No, no, no, no. Howard didn't do it that way. But when you would do Opie and Anthony, you would do it— it was a hang. You would just go in and everybody would hang out. And there was always content. And it made me realize, like, oh, you don't have to have a structure. Like this conversation. You and I met last night for the first time. We hung out in the green room, had a grand old time, and then we came here today. We didn't talk about what we were gonna talk about.

We actually didn't talk about a single thing we talked about last night. I was coming in here today going, I think I'm gonna talk about Arc of the Triumph or whatever, not the, uh, the Ark of the Covenant being guarded by some fucking Ethiopians. I was like, we're definitely talking about that. Didn't even come close to it.

Yeah, that's the thing about a podcast, and that was the thing about Opie and Anthony. It was wide open, and I think that was the birth of podcasts. I think that show in particular, because of the way they ran it, particularly because of Anthony. Like, Anthony Cumia is a very— he's got a lot of interesting information and knowledge in his head. Yeah. And he always will pull these things out, like historical references to things like that. So the way this started, and he would explain something, you're like, whoa, that's crazy. Like, yeah, he knows a lot of things, and it like contributed to the depth of the conversation. And then everybody'd be talking shit about each other, but they just let it play out.

Yeah, if you listen to on Spotify, it's somewhere, someone's put all of the Patrice O'Neal— it's like a whole like album of just Patrice O'Neal on ONA. And like sometimes I'd put that on, you know, when I used to drive trucks, I'd put that on. And it was just— there was something about it because it was so— it was very slow, almost like as in no one was in any hurry. Sometimes with podcasts now, we're all like trying to zing, zing, whatever. They had this kind of a calm thing where you're going, we're here for 4 fucking hours, so let's take our time, let's relax.

And they're doing it every day.

And they were talking about one subject for a long time. They would stick on it for an hour and a half. It was a great show.

Yeah, I remember before I did it, I would listen to it all the time. Like, these guys are having fun.

Kumia's doing something with Jim now. Yeah, they have a podcast.

Fantastic. They were just guests on Kill Tony. Nice. So the episode's out this week.

Killed— I didn't— I saw— I did Kill Tony a couple of weeks ago. I was in town and they just let me go up and do a spot, you know. I didn't have to do a bucket or anything like that, but I got more feedback on that show than like pretty much anything I've ever done. It's huge. Yeah, I had like cousins I haven't talked to in years reach out to me and things like that going, hey, I saw you on fucking Giltonian. I was like, yeah, well, I'm doing stuff all the time actually, but yeah, thanks. Yeah, it's massive.

Yeah, I went to the Monday night— well, I went to meet Jeremy Clarkson because he came to watch the Monday night. He was just hanging out? Just hanging out, hanging out in the green room. He's the best. He's so fun. But Jimmy introduced me to him, Jimmy Carr. So he was a guest on the panel.

You know, I heckled Jimmy Carr in a theater before I ever did stand-up years ago, fucking years ago. I, I don't know what got into— you know, he insulted— no, he was doing a Q&A at the end of it, and this is a big theater in Ireland, and he was like, anyone have any questions? And I said, can I get a photo with you after the show? And then he started making fun of my accent going, I get a photo with you. He goes, oh, me stolen camera, or whatever. And then I said, uh, your fat head might not fit in the photo. And then the whole crowd goes, whoa! And then he, he did a little, let me just open this can of whoop-ass. And I don't even, I don't even remember what he said to me, but he just unleashed all of the— and people are grabbing me going, ah, you fucking stranger! You fucking idiot! You dipshit!

Were you thinking about doing comedy before that?

I think I might have been, yeah. I definitely started at one point. I met him again years later at another show and I told him the story, but I definitely— I wanted, you know, I wanted to do comedy when I was like 16 because I saw it on TV. I go, this is the coolest thing But I'd only ever seen like specials. That's all I knew was specials. So I was like, I gotta write an hour and then I'll go do a special. That's what I— I was 16, I didn't have any idea. So I remember sitting down going, all right, I'll write it, I'll write a little every night, and then after a couple of weeks I'll have an hour and then I'll just go be on TV like these guys. Like, that's genuinely— I had no understanding of what was the in-between there.

That's hilarious.

And yeah, so I remember writing a story one night, and then the next night I sat down to write again, I reread the previous night, I was like, that's not funny at all. And I just said, all right, cancel it. do that. And then it wasn't until like fucking, yeah, you know, 6 years later I saw a thing on TV about open mics. I was like, oh, I didn't even realize there's like a whole thing in between. Yeah, process. Yeah. And then that was like years ago.

Well, listen, brother, you're very funny. Thank you. Really funny. I've enjoyed watching your shit. I'm looking forward to watching you tonight live. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Caveman. We'll see if it goes or not. Let's go.

This is the new special?

The special Bells and Whistles, available right now on YouTube. Where you film it?

New York Comedy Club.

Nice.

Yeah.

Beautiful. So yeah, there we go. Beautiful. All right.

Yeah, thank you so much, Joe.

Appreciate it, brother. Thank you. Let's do this again sometime. I'd love to. All right. Bye, everybody.