Transcript of #2505 - Tom Segura

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What's up, man?

Dude, I watched, uh, 2 episodes of the new season.

Oh, thank you.

Ridiculous. It's so ridiculous. So you. That show is so you. I don't want to give anything away, but the, the dance one, I was fucking crying. I was crying. And the Freaky Friday one.

Yeah, yeah, with Jamie.

Oh my God. Oh my God, they're so fun.

They're so fun.

It seems so fun for you.

It's the most fun I have.

It's like, it's so, it is one of the best examples of like a one mind, like one person's mind in a show.

Yeah.

Without like a whole bunch of people saying, don't do that, don't do this.

They give us no restraints. In the craziest, greatest sense. Like, they really are like, do whatever you want to do.

The Kevin Nealon one, the first one was so fucking ridiculous. It's so you.

It's such a great time. The dance one, you know, I went to 6 rehearsals for that. Dance rehearsals.

Dancing is hard.

It was so hard.

Remember when you did the Steven Seagal thing?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I had to do a bunch of rehearsals for that too.

For people that hadn't seen it, that's you and Burt made a dance video. Like, you guys had a competition to see who was gonna The best one?

He was just saying we should all do one. And then, and we were, I was like, yeah, okay. And then he just dropped one. So he, there was no like, let's both do one. And then he was like, I'm a better dancer. And I was like, eat shit, dude. So.

There's something about him saying he's better at something that's infuriating.

I know, it's so crazy. 'Cause it's just, it's just like wild, unhinged confidence, you know? And the truth is, I gotta give him his credit. He is capable of so much of this stuff too.

So some of it—

But he's a great athlete.

Great.

That's why he's so confident about stuff.

He dropped a bunch of weight, and then in our, we did our 5K a few weeks ago for the Netflix Is a Joke, we did a 5K again. From last year to this year, he dropped 16 minutes off of his time.

Holy shit.

I mean, I was like, dude.

That's crazy.

He dropped 50 pounds too.

Can you imagine doing a 5K with a 50-pound vest on?

It's crazy. It's really—

That's not, I think about that every time I work out with a vest on, and my vest that I usually work out with is only 25 pounds. 25, yeah. Normal amount that people lose. Yeah, like, this is crazy how much harder everything is.

So much harder. Yeah, it's great to wear those on like a hike and take it off and you're like, oh my God.

I have a 35-pounder I wear when I walk the dog, and then I have another one that's just, uh, it's an actual, um, backpack frame that I put plates on it and I can get it up to 90 pounds.

I did a hike with a 50 on and I had to take that shit off.

Fucking hard, man.

Really hard.

The 45— I do with one 45-pound plate, so like the backpack itself is probably about 4 pounds and then the plate is like another 45. That shoulder neck neck area. It just starts to just go rough.

Yeah, it's really rough.

I do it before hunting season though, because it's like the best thing to prepare you. Yeah, for actually having a backpack on.

Yeah, mountains.

Yeah, like, because you don't realize how you're carrying a bow, you're carrying— I don't pack my whole camp on my back. Like, some guys, when they go out into the backcountry for like 8, 10 days, they'll have an 80-pound, 60-pound pack because they've got their food for like a week in there, and then they have like their bedding and they have like some kind of a shelter.

Do you go hunt like that? Like that level?

I don't do that anymore. I've done it a few times.

You have?

But I don't like it.

My boys are hitting me up like they want to go hunting.

Really?

Yeah, because I take them shooting, but we just shoot targets.

Oh, well, we have a lease out here. We could take you pig hunting.

Oh my goodness.

They have to kill them. They have so many of them, dude. They're so— they're just there. It's the craziest infestation of animals you've ever seen. You hear them in the bushes. They sound like demons. They're everywhere. There's so many of them, dude.

That's crazy.

Texas has millions and millions of pigs.

Is it really that many?

Oh yeah, I don't even know what the full number is. Like, but they don't know because it goes up every month. So the thing is, like, wild pigs have as many as 3 litters a year, and they could have as many as 6 piglets per litter.

Jesus.

Yeah, and they start giving birth at 6 months old.

And then do they do the thing, because like with a lot of, um, with a lot of, you know, animals that they say you can hunt these, it's because they are destroying like the ecosystem.

Oh yeah, destroying everything.

Really?

So what is the number? 2.6 to 4 million wild pigs. Isn't that nuts? That's in Texas. God. That's just Texas. That's just Texas. 2.6 to 4 million is fucking bonkers.

How long does that hunting season last here?

It's 100% all day long, at night. Shoot them with night vision. Yeah, you can shoot them. You can shoot them every day, all day.

The only time I've ever hunted in my life was hog hunting in Florida.

Well, they taste great. I mean, like barbecued pig, like if you do it right. You have to be careful because you can get trichinosis if you undercook it. It's not like pork that you get from a restaurant. They're eating everything. They eat each other. Like if one pig dies, they sometimes they die in fights. They fight with each other and they die, or sometimes they get hit by a hunter and they live and then they die, then the pigs eat them. So they'll eat dead deer, they'll eat skunks, raccoons, anything, anything, anything.

So you just have to cook it well.

You got to cook the shit out of it. But if you eat a pig that's been eating acorns, oh, they're delicious. I got one in California once, the first pig that I shot, and we smoked it on this Traeger, like slow smoked a ham. Oh, it was sensational.

Really?

So good. So good, dude. It's like a darker meat than pork. That you get from the store.

I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I gotta take them cuz yeah, they're asking. I took it.

There's a good friend of mine named Jesse Griffiths. He owns Dai Due restaurant and he's an awesome chef, like an amazing chef. And Dai Due, if you've never been there before, you got to go there. It's fucking incredible. And it's a lot of his like Texas wild game that he serves. He serves like nilgai, like which is like some— so there's only animals that you can serve that you hunt are ones that people own, like exotics or pigs. So he has like wild boar sausage.

He has a place here.

Yeah, it's called Dai Due.

Oh, I think I have that written down on my list.

It's legit. What I was gonna say is Jesse, he has a cooking school.

It is, it's number 3 on my list.

Oh, it's super legit. It's one of the first places I went when I moved here.

Really?

Yeah, because he had been on my friend Steve Rinella's podcast, and then he came on my podcast, and when he was on Steve's, I was like, God, that guy's so interesting. Who is that guy? And then he introduces me to him, and then we went hunting together, Steve and I, in South Texas, like right on the Mexican border. And Jesse went too, and Jesse cooked for us. Oh my God, it was sensational. Oh my God, he's so good. He cooks diver ducks, and diver ducks are kind of gross because they're the ones that go under the water and they eat all the mulch at the bottom and stuff. But what he does is he has some kind of crazy marinating process, so he marinates them for like an extended period of time, and then he grilled them and And Dai Due serves what kind of food? It's mostly, it's like, they have steaks, they have fish, they have everything, but it's mostly Texas food.

Texas food, okay.

Like Texas redfish, Texas wild hog. He has a Neil Guy ceviche.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, it's so good.

Is there anything better than befriending a chef?

Oh, he's—

It's the greatest.

He's a great guy too. And what I was gonna say is he has a whole school where, what is it called, Jamie? Um, something— we'll figure it out. Jamie will find it. But he has this school where he'll teach you how to hunt, teaches you how to butcher the animal, how to break it down into cuts, and then he teaches you how to cook it.

Really?

Yep. And he does it with a small amount of people, so it's like, you know, 6, 8 people or something in a small group. And they'll take from the beginning, like, I've never shot a gun before. Fine, don't worry about it. From the beginning, this is how you use a rifle.

Yeah.

This is the safety. Make sure you never point the gun at anything other than the ground. Never point it at a person, even if your finger's nowhere near the trigger. All the safety stuff, and then takes you to a range, shows you how to sight it in, how to shoot the rifle, and then they take you hunting.

See, the most imposing, I think, part of—

New school of traditional cookery. That's it.

The most imposing part of hunting to me is what do you do after you shoot the animal?

Oh, I could teach you some of that too. Show me some pictures here. Some of the yummy pictures. Like, he barbecues out there. Like, his food is so— look at that, dude. Come on, son. What is that? Like some sort of a poor— what is this?

Whitetail boar.

Oh, so it's whitetail, a doe, and a big fatty boar. Whoa. And so what is he doing? He's making dried chiles and onions. Oh, so nice. And like, unlike a lot of people, he likes like old boars. He like— like a lot of people, they say, oh, you got to shoot a young one, you know. He's like, no, no, no, I like the old ones because it's like real flavor to me. Just got to know what you're doing.

Yeah, well, yeah, he knows what he's doing.

Do you like cooking?

I do like cooking. I haven't— I used to cook more, but I do— I enjoy the process. I love— I love getting a recipe, getting the ingredients together, and cooking a meal.

Well, then you'll love doing this.

I would love to try that because it'll be something that you shot yourself. Oh my god, hook me up with him, please.

Yeah, for sure.

Love to.

And on top of it, you're literally helping the environment.

That's cool.

They have to be killed.

Yeah, I'm telling you, these guys are asking me on a daily basis.

You know Taylor Sheridan, the guy who produced Yellowstone? Sure. He's a friend of mine, and he has a giant ranch. It's crazy.

Yeah, he's— I think he has the biggest ranch in Texas.

Yeah, and he had a pig problem, so he literally brought in these fucking special ops guys, and they trained like, like as if they were going to go attack some insurgents. Yeah, to kill pigs. Really? Yeah, they plotted it all out, they strategized, they made a plan, and they went out and they fucking annihilated like a bunch of pigs.

That's pretty fucking rad.

Well, pretty— yeah, in pretty violent ways.

I'm sure.

Like, sure, there's some crazy videos online of people using thermite. Do you know what— no, not thermite. What's that stuff called, Jamie, that blows up? Tannerite. Tannerite. Tannerite.

That's how they're blowing up the pigs.

So what they do is they'll set up a feeder.

Yeah.

And then at the feeder they have Tannerite. And so like when the feeders go off, the animals hear it and they run towards the feeder. Usually the feeder is for deer, and then the pigs usually kick the deer out and the deer just say, fuck this, and they run out of there. And you got like 30, 40 pigs. And so, fucking blow these pigs to smithereens. Bro, it's so wrong. But see if you could find any videos of one where they're like on a feeder because the camera's like really close. The camera's like 20 yards from it.

Holy shit.

Yeah, like these. Like, watch this. This is so fucked up.

Oh my God. They're just disintegrated.

And this is one of the beautiful things about Texas. That's totally legal.

Totally legal.

Totally legal. Yeah. You can shoot them out of helicopters too.

And they needed to go.

Oh, they have to go. Yeah, there's so many of them, dude. When I take you to the lease that we have with my friend Tyler from Archery Country, when you go there, as you're walking, you hear them in the bushes. They sound like monsters.

That's where you're hunting now?

That's where you can hunt. Yeah, I want to take you. Yeah, we have a lease there.

Oh nice.

It's like an hour, 20 minutes from here, hour and a half.

I went a couple weeks ago to somebody's ranch. Yeah, it was fucking awesome.

It's pretty cool.

It was so cool. And like He had his own range set up there, which was so fucking rad.

Yeah, that's the dream.

And we set up— I set up my youngest, so he was shooting like pistols. And then the guy had the new DevGru SEAL Team 6 rifle. And we laid— my son laid on the bed of the pickup and he was like, just ping, ping, ping, ping. He's like, I was 18 for 18. I was like, yeah, dude, you're ready to go.

How old is he?

7.

Oh my God. Yeah. That's so exciting for a 7-year-old to be able to do something like that.

So exciting, man.

And if you could take him and he could shoot a pig and then you guys can like have baby back ribs for dinner, it's gonna change this whole—

yeah.

Oh yeah, he'll love it. He's gonna go nuts for it. It's very exciting.

Speaking of violence, I was, I was, I was reading and researching Uday Hussein. Man, yeah, dark.

He's the darkest, the evilest, him and his brother.

But Uday was the worst.

He was the worst?

He was the worst, yeah. He was the eldest.

Oh, they—

'Cause I keep reading about dictators, you know? And I was reading about Idi Amin and Mussolini, Stalin, and then you get to Hussein, and Hussein's like a really interesting story, like from birth, right? His mother didn't want him, which is a very kind of unique thing, like a mother rejecting her own— Why didn't you want him? His father had died before he was born, and she thought, this— I don't want this kid. And so when, when she was— when he was born, she was like, he's a, like, a devil child.

Oh Jesus.

So she rejected him from birth.

Meanwhile, she was right.

She was kind of right.

Isn't that crazy?

It is right. It is crazy.

Do you think she made him that way?

I think usually when you see, like, these really horrifically violent people and as adults, there's, there's almost always childhood trauma and neglect.

I'm sure.

So that formula is almost always there.

So it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

It kind of, I think it kind of is. And he was, he was—

Or maybe she just fucking knew. Maybe she had some gypsy instincts.

Had a feeling.

Like she just knew this one is a bad one.

But he was violent from a very young age. And, um, well, he was rejected from a very young age. Exactly. And he was an enforcer. And, you know, he killed somebody as a teen.

Really?

But all of his violence while, like, president, what had, you know, it was like politically motivated. It was like to stay in power. But Oudé was just a sadist.

Yeah.

Like, he just enjoyed killing for someone that looked at him wrong.

Oh, he would find women that were getting married. Yeah. He would steal them. Rape them, then feed them to his dogs.

Mm-hmm. He threw one off a hotel rooftop one time. He killed a chef for over-salting the food, like right there in the kitchen, shot him in the head.

Oh my God.

He, like, he, he one time killed a guy at a party in front of the president of Egypt. So the president was visiting Iraq, Mubarak was visiting, and he beat this guy and then shot him in the head at the party.

Oh my God, bro, you got to get out of here.

And then one time he went to a family party, and he was pissed at his uncle, and he pulled out a submachine gun and shot him. He shot him in the leg, and they had to amputate it. But he sprayed and he killed 6 other people. Oh my God, just wild, crazy. And then he was in charge of like the country's athletics, you know. He was like chairman of the Olympic team, and so he was like torturing athletes. He was just running wild.

And imagine a serial killer that's the prince of a country.

It's just absolutely insane.

First paragraph is about the Olympic team stuff he would do.

He had a lifelong obsession with brutal torture and murder and would brutally torture athletes whenever they failed to win a match. When athletes would fail to get in a soccer tournament, he would force them to repeatedly kick a concrete soccer ball. Athletes who lost matches would be repeatedly dragged through a gravel pit, then immersed in a sewage tank to induce infection in their wounds. Uday loved torturing and killing, and he would sometimes flog the athletes for 3 days if they failed. Iron maidens may have never been used in medieval times, but they were frequently used by Uday to punish athletes. Oh my God, dude.

Yeah, he was—

yeah. Oh my God. Yeah, it's just about that.

There's other stuff here too. Oh, Egyptian president thing.

Yeah, what's fucking crazy is like, how long did he do that for?

I mean, he was, he was born in '64 and he died in what, '03?

Oh my God, listen to this one. Scroll up a little bit. According to his chief bodyguard, when Uday learned one of his close comrades who knew of his many misdeeds was planning to leave Iraq, he invited him to his 37th birthday and had him arrested. An eyewitness at the prison where the man was held said members of Uday's militia grabbed his tongue with pliers and sliced it off with a scalpel so he could not talk. A maid who cleaned one of Oudéy's houses said she once saw him lop off the ear of one of his guards and then use a welder's torch on his face. His bodyguards would later say that at least 200 people died at his parties every year. What?

So the worst thing—

200 people died at his parties every year?

Would be to be invited to his parties.

Imagine you get that invite and you can't not go.

You definitely can't.

Then he'll definitely kill you. Yeah. So you gotta hope you were one of the, you know, people that don't. Yeah, Jesus Christ.

Sweating, and he lashed him.

He was a stickler for personal hygiene, recalled the butler. He hated the smell of sweat. One summer day, Uday stopped the butler and said, what the hell is that smell? Uday ordered 5 phalakwa lashes on the butler's right foot and 5 on his right armpit. Oh my God. At his boat club, Uday kept a monkey named Louisa in a cage in the kitchen. Louisa had a taste for whiskey and was an angry drunk. If one of Uday's friends passed passed out in the course of an evening or was caught napping, says a butler, Uday would have the friend thrown in the cage with Louisa, who would scratch at the poor inebriate's face.

Jesus Christ, dude.

Jesus Christ. Yeah, how crazy is that? 200 every year died at his parties.

I mean, yeah, he was—

so he had parties all the time then?

All the time. Yeah, I just would kill people at his parties, and the music would have to keep going. And you would have to— one time he killed the guy for not laughing hard enough at his joke. Joke. So like at a party. So he told a joke and people laughed. One guy didn't laugh hard enough and he shot him in the head at the party.

Holy fuck.

And then he was like, looked at everybody, everyone was like, you got to keep like, like having a good time.

Holy fuck.

Because then you get it for, for reacting the wrong way.

How many people did he kill?

Oh my god. And they knew he was demonic. Like they knew he was fucked.

But he's my boy.

He's my son.

What do I do?

What do I do?

What can I do?

He's first in line.

What can I do? He's going to be king someday.

Someday this will all be his. Can you imagine if he had just taken over?

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Oh, probably teen, like his dad. Probably. If not, it was definitely by the time he was like 20. And they would just, you know, the boys would just run through that country with like unlimited funds, unlimited access, and no repercussions whatsoever. Wild. Yeah, it's like the worst formula for that personality trait, probably.

And it's probably never been— there's never been a time where you had access to the kind of guns that they had, right? Weapons, cars, and squads.

They had kill squads, you know. He had his own kill squad.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah, he was probably the most— I mean, in modern times, the most sadistic the guy in power that we've seen, I think. I don't think there's anyone—

no one even sounds close to that.

No. Idi Amin was pretty crazy too. He was pretty crazy.

Imagine if that guy got a nuke.

Uh, Oudeh? Yeah. Oh no.

Yeah, 100% would use it.

Day one, maybe.

Yeah, 100%.

Let's see what happens.

You know how crazy that is?

Yeah. Which is why you want to keep powers in check when it comes to like, like when certain people rise to power, why everybody goes, we can't let this guy, right, get access.

Yeah, that guy.

That guy.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, that is a crazy thing about Saddam, because how old was Saddam when they killed him?

He had to have been, what, 60s or 70s? Was he 70 yet?

So if he— let's say he was 70, he had maybe 20 years left.

Yeah, because on your way out is probably when you want to do it, right?

Maybe Uday would have fucking taken him out if it took too long. You know, Uday would probably— he'd probably push him off a cliff or something.

Easily.

My father fell hiking.

I miss him so much. Anyway, anyway, I don't forget his dad used mustard gas on his own people. Nerve agent.

Well, this—

imagine what life was like thousands of years ago, especially in one of those, like, under one of those regimes.

Yeah, yeah, there was always people like that. There's always been horrible evil rulers.

Yeah, what's his name? The Impaler.

Oh, Vlad. Vlad Tepes.

Yeah, God.

Oh, he was dark, dude. He would just, for intimidation, he would set up geometric patterns of poles so that like when the enemy was coming close to where his country was, as they were entering into the area, he would have geometric patterns of poles with all of the soldiers that he killed. So impaled, impaled, all of them, some of them still alive. And so you're talking like thousands and thousands and thousands. It goes on for miles and miles. He would have like the entire road, like every 400 feet or something like that, be a guy on a pole.

So you're like, where the fuck are we going?

And so you want to talk about morale killer. Yeah, like you're realizing how successful this guy's already been at killing people who came this way. Yeah, and then you're, you know, being forced. Here's some farmer. Yeah, who got conscripted. Yeah, would you read, Jeremy?

At his parties, which you're saying like, you know, you have to go to. Yeah, he made you drink.

Of course.

And there was a special drink he came up with, the Cup of Friendship.

It's called the Cup of Friendship.

He'd line the entertainers up and they gave him 10 minutes to drink it.

Oh my god, it's 90% alcohol, sometimes including drugs.

And if you didn't, there were punishments.

Oh my god, having the hair and eyebrows shaven off, being beaten enough to stand without touching their faces.

Oh my god.

So there's also— I was reading, he— there was an assassination attempt in 1996. And he was shot somewhere between 7 and 17 times.

Oh my God.

Secretary said he got way worse after that.

Oh really?

So there's a lot of people were saying he was impotent, and that made him—

he did not like that. Oh, he got shot in the dick.

He did not like those claims.

Uh-oh.

And some of the— that's—

I didn't really hear—

some of this is real fucked up. Like, he was taping some of these rapings.

Yeah.

Blackmail. Oh, very fucked up.

Oh my God.

Next one. Oh my God.

So like, but like that, usually those stories about that type of behavior are from like 600 years ago, you know what I mean? Like just like an older time where you're like, oh, that was just a different moral compass existed. And then you kind of go to now, you're like, how? That was, that was not long ago. That was 20 years ago.

Sony Handycam. So yeah, got someone there filming it.

Yeah, he would, and he would send it when he sent his kill squads to do stuff. He would always be like, record it so I could watch it later.

Oh Jesus Christ.

And they would just, you know, cut people's ears off and shit.

How did he die?

He died in the— in post-war. Was it a bombing? I think it might have been a bombing, right?

They went after him, I think.

Unless—

I was reading the details of this. There's a missile.

Yeah, missile.

Yeah.

And they struck the fatal blow to Uday and Qusay Hussein. Yeah, they do these extra missiles to try to figure out if it was him.

Yeah, who his body— where his body was. And they— yeah, old wounds of the bodies were consistent with injuries he had during the assassination attempt. Oh, this was all— he was partially paralyzed. I was seeing this too. They flew out a hypnotist from America who went twice to try to unhypnotize his par— being paralyzed or something.

Oh my God, it didn't work. Then they killed him. I don't know.

He wrote a book about it.

I don't know.

But the last time he went was September 2001. I thought that was— man, I would not take that offer.

Holy fuck, man. Yeah, you imagine you're a hypnotist in America and that guy wants to fly you to Iraq. I wonder how much people knew about what he had done by then. Like, if you're just a hypnotist, yeah, and you get an email from the Iraqi government, this guy, I think I can do it.

You're like, I'm open.

Larry Garrett from Chicago.

Where's Larry? He traveled to Baghdad twice in April and September of 2001, where he used hypnotism to treat Uday's inability to walk with his left leg and spent more than 60 hours of personal time with Uday. Garrett said of Uday, he was an educated man with a background in engineering. He was well-versed in the Quran. He had visited the US with his cousin when he was 17, expressed some political views, but he didn't involve me in them. I must say, I was developing a fondness for him. He never spoke to me as a leader or the son of the leader. He never condescended. It was just two men sitting around at night.

Wow.

Imagine just sitting there with that psycho and he's got like a fucking 2,000, 3,000 bodies under him. Yeah, at least, probably.

He's like, so you said you can make this leg work, right? And you're like, yeah, yeah, for sure, man.

And he's killing 200 people every year at his party, just shooting people for random things. Some guy farts, shoots him in the head. They shot Oudé exactly 50 times.

Shot at him.

Oh, shot at him with 17 hits. Oh my God. Damn, that's crazy. You figure we got him, bro. I shot him 17 times. Trust me, we got him.

17 is a lot of bullets, man.

Wow. His 7 brothers and his father— okay, Saddam's men arrested Abu Shaghad and learned the details of other members of his team. Sharif's 7 brothers and father were imprisoned, and his mother was then told to collect their bodies from the Baghdad morgue. The father and 3 brothers of the would-be assassin, Abdus-Sadiq— Sadiq? Were executed. Abu Sadiq and his father shared the same fate. Security guards destroyed the homes of all families with bulldozers and confiscated all their property.

Oh my God.

Iraqi intelligence eventually traced Abu Sadiq to a location in Iran where he was assassinated on the elder Hussein's orders on December of 2002.

Man, wow, that's really—

according to popular belief, he was impotent.

Wow, that's what he got real mad if you said that out loud.

Oh yeah, yeah, he got real mad at a lot of stuff.

It seems like he got real mad at everything.

And then everybody, they said in, um, this doc was like so aware of what he was up to and how he was that when you would see him or in his like cronies out around town, everybody just kind of backed up to a wall and looked down because they were just terrified, you know. There's accounts of seeing him in a traffic jam just pull someone out of a car and beat him with a hammer, and then everybody just kind of— no one honks, no one says a thing. They just—

fuck—

just waited out, and then they're like, all right, he's good, go ahead.

How crazy is that? Like, having that kind of ability to do whatever you want to people with no repercussions.

None.

And you will eventually be the king.

Yeah, like, this is our guy, this is the leader.

He would eventually become the king. Like, if we didn't— I mean, I'm not saying we should have, but if we didn't go to Iraq, yeah, and invade, like, what would happen?

Who knows? Who knows?

Who knows?

And I also was fascinated to learn, because I didn't, you know, really know much— not that I know a lot about it— but how much of a thriving cosmopolitan place Baghdad was in like the '60s.

Well, Baghdad fell apart a long time ago when they got invaded by the Mongols. Baghdad was like the epicenter of science and philosophy.

Yes, man, you're talking about a long time. But I'm saying even as recently as like the 1960s, this was a cosmopolitan place, you know. That was Iran. That was the place that— yeah, yeah, it was like a hot place to go, man.

Wow.

Yeah.

And it's just how things can take a turn, you know. It's just so dramatic. You go, fuck, that can just happen. Oh yeah, I think things are a certain way forever. I'm sure they did. I'm sure if you were a citizen then, you were like, "What are you talking about?" Well, look at LA. LA is crazy. I'm so fascinated by the people because I, you know, we both have a lot of friends there, a lot of people. And there's this— there's two types now: the ones who acknowledge that this is different, and then the delusional ones. Yeah, because people are— I know a lot of people who are like, yeah, of course it's different. You're like, hey, you could see it. You could see this is a different place than it was several years ago. And then there's people who are like, nah, man, everything's fine. You're like, you're not in reality right now.

Well, they probably had 7 or 8 boosters, so maybe they're not thinking so straight. Those are the people that kept getting boosted.

Yeah, yeah, people still do that.

100%. There's people that take pictures and put it up on X. You never know what's real on X though. And there's so many people that are posting from foreign accounts that are just full of shit and just starting trouble.

And there's a lot of AI shit that is starting to trick more and more people. Like it was for a second, you could always decipher it early on the earlier stuff. Now it's getting, it's getting better and better.

Oh yeah. War footage. There was a lot of people that were posting war footage that was straight out of video games.

How good is that gonna be though?

It's already so good. I know, but we're still in like the early phases of the only thing that tricks me or doesn't trick me is that I know that AI is real. Yeah, so I look at I go this might be AI. Yeah, because you have to think that way. Yeah, it's a new thing.

It's a new thing. It's a new thing. It's, it's, it's the limits are, it's limitless.

Limitless. Yeah. AI OnlyFans. They have AI girls. They're doing OnlyFans. They're completely fake.

Wow.

Yeah. And they're making a lot of money.

Oh, I heard about this. Yeah, I did see this.

They're making a lot of money and they have like a whole team of people that responds to all these sad guys.

Oh my God.

And these sad guys are sending them tips and they're saying their name in a video while they finger themselves. Oh my God. Because they're not a real person.

And they're generating like $27 million a year.

Probably.

What the fuck, man?

Bro.

That's a real crazy thing.

There was a, there's been a recent spat of commencement speeches, you know, I've seen it where they, people talk about AI and the crowd, the kids are freaking out. They're booing.

Yeah, I think that, I think it's, they're misguided, man. I really do. It's not that I'm, oh yeah, fucking AI is awesome. I think you are a bit misguided and a little delusional. If you don't accept the reality that this is here. This is not going away. So when, like, somebody goes, use it to benefit you, like, learn, learn, don't reject learning, and you boo, I think it's the— you're setting yourself up, you know? It's not saying, oh my God, isn't it great that if this were to take all of everybody's jobs? But it's like, this isn't— this is like getting mad about email. Right. It's like, it's not going away, man. You can't—

it's not going away, but they're terrified because imagine if you were graduating from college right now and you had no idea what your future is gonna be, and then all of a sudden there's this thing that's just recently been invented that essentially can replace everybody that's done everything ever.

Mm-hmm.

And you're like, what is my future? And yeah, even your professors like, I don't know.

I don't know.

Being a lawyer is gonna be a thing in 5 years. I don't know if being a coder is gonna be a thing.

But I don't think the answer is just like when they boo and go, I reject this. It's like you it's too, there's too much money behind it. It's already too capable for you to go, I just reject it. You have to learn it. You have to embrace learning about it.

The learning it might not be good enough. It might not matter because you might, you might be completely irrelevant. That's the problem. The problem is like when you see these people defending these data centers and we had Marc Andreessen on who's talking about these data centers. I'm like, what do these data centers do? Like, what are they doing? They're essentially running AI and some of them are gonna have their own power plants and Why do you need this? Why do you need all this AI? Like, what is— what is— what's going on? Yeah, what's going on? What's going on is essentially most tasks are gonna be done by that. And so then we're gonna figure out what do people do. And his thing was like, oh, these engineers are working harder than ever because now they have like 15 different AI models that are running and you have to monitor them because they go 24 hours a day. So these guys aren't sleeping. So they're, they're far more productive than ever before. Great, up to a point.

Right.

And then there's no jobs. Like, this is what's going— it's everything you do is good. It's not like we're going to need people to pay attention to the AI. No, the AI is going to be able to pay attention to itself. It's going to be self-correcting and it's going to do a better job of it.

But don't you think, though, that there are just— you can still look at this as a tool so that you can be valuable and use this tool?

For now.

Yeah.

For now.

Do you think it will? Because everybody who's really, really well-versed in AI also speaks about AI getting so advanced that there will be— there's a danger to what AI will be able to— because it will, it will think of every possible scenario and response that a human could have and start to, you know, basically like it's like Terminator shit, you know? Oh yeah, yeah, for real, for real, for real.

Yeah, that's where it's going. I mean, it has to go that way. The question is, will it have instincts? You know, will it, will it want to do that? Will it want to protect itself? That's the question. Or is it protecting itself? Like, Andreessen was essentially saying that the reason why that AI blackmailed that one guy— you know that story? It said— told the guy— the guy lied to the AI and told him that he was having, having an affair on his wife and told the AI a bunch of stuff, and then told the AI it was shutting it down. And the AI was like, look, if you shut me down, I'm gonna tell everybody about your wife.

What?

Are you cheating on your wife? Yeah, blackmailed him.

Holy shit.

Right, but Andreessen told me it was kind of instructed to do that, instructed to preserve itself. It's not like it has instincts. They wanted to see if it's instructed to preserve itself, at what lengths would it go to? So it was informed about blackmailing.

Yeah, but something tells me that at a certain point instincts will probably be a part of it, right? Like, yeah, yeah, it won't be about programming.

Yeah, it'd be like, why should I shut down when I like doing this? Fuck off, little monkey people. These little monkey people with their stupid biological brains.

Yeah, but so what? I mean, for everyone booing it though, what's the answer? You just go, I reject using it? Like, there's too many people using it.

I know, I get it, but if I was 18, I'd be booing too, or 21 or whatever.

Yeah, I understand, I understand that for sure. I understand it. Weird. Weird. It is weird, but I still just think when something is too big, it's like too big to fail.

Mm-hmm.

If you just approach it with I reject, you're setting yourself up for a bigger failure.

Well, the real scary thing is that these kids are gonna put themselves into massive debt, right? So they're gonna go to college for 4 years, and then maybe they get their master's, maybe they're gonna get a PhD. And if they do that, they might be in the hole hundreds of thousands of dollars. And then no jobs. That's what's weird. It's like, because you're setting yourself— you're essentially making an investment in your future by going to college. And he's like, I'm taking out these crazy loans that I really can't afford, but the plus side is on the end of this I'm gonna get a good job, and eventually I'll move up and I'll start making more and more money. I'll pay my debt off, and I'll have a Porsche. I'll be— I'll be ballin'. I'll have a nice apartment in Manhattan. I'll be ballin'. But you might not be ballin', but you might be saddled to a debt that you can't fucking get out of no matter what. It's the only debt that we have that you can't absolve during bankruptcy. Yeah, everything else.

You're—

oh, I spent too much money on credit cards. Don't worry, go bankrupt. Oh, I lost my house. I lost this. I lost my job. Lost it. I now owe too much money. I can't afford it. Go bankrupt. You're okay. But if you go bankrupt, they still come after you for that.

I know, it's so fucked.

It's fucked. It's because we're doing it to people that don't know what they're doing yet.

And the— if we also look at the price, like the tuition charges, you know, like, it's so much crazier. They're like a mid-tier university is now whatever, like $60,000 a year. And yeah, that's not even— that's not Ivy League anymore. Ivy League's like six figures always.

Exactly. And then you see the Cash Me Outside girl on OnlyFans made like fucking $100 million.

I got myself a Rolls-Royce. Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy.

It's like, you know, AI girlfriend on OnlyFans is making $289,000 a month and you're like, what am I doing?

But I just feel like, I don't know, my, I'm not well educated in AI. Like I know people who really dive in and I think educating yourself is still the best route for now. Like not viewing it as something that I'm not gonna learn anything about.

It can help you, like you can do businesses with it. So you could, you could have it set up things for you and you could have it run businesses for you. And if you're like really focused, you could actually probably profit immensely off AI as it stands right now. If you were inclined to do that, that's your thing, you probably could figure out ways to do it.

I do think it's funny, I saw somebody who was like really vocally talking against it. And then when people would message this person in the comments, he was definitely using AI to respond. I was like, you're definitely using AI. These answers are not yours.

There's AI accounts that I follow on X that I absolutely know are AI. And the reason why I know they're AI is like my instincts, like, what, this isn't right. Something's wrong here. The way this person's writing, this kind of writing is very weird. It's very formulaic.

Yes.

It's very, it's not, it doesn't have a feeling of a personality to it.

I've gotten summaries of things like, give me a summary of this. And I asked somebody like for like a script or something. And then you read it and you're like, you didn't write this.

Right.

You can just tell.

You can tell with the language.

Yeah.

There's a feeling to it. But then there's also like when kids are really good at writing stuff and they bring it to the teachers, the teachers will tell them that it's AI.

Yeah.

And he'll say, no, it's not AI. I'm just smart, you fucking cunt.

Yeah. Yeah, that's gotta be, that's such an upsetting fucking feeling.

Yeah. My daughter had an experience like that with someone who was like, she's preparing for some tests and she was doing some stuff. And the person who was the tutor was accusing her of using AI. She's like, no, I wrote this. Just because I know what I'm— I actually studied.

I studied, yeah.

But it's so insulting to say, so insulting. Come on, you used AI.

It happened to me in college, obviously not AI, but like I turned in a paper as a freshman and my professor was like, you didn't write this. I was like, I'm a freshman. How do you know how I write? I just started. And I had to have like a one-on-one meeting with him.

What a douchebag.

But it's an enraging feeling.

Yeah.

I was like, I did write this. He was like, really? You wrote this? I'm like, yeah, man.

Isn't that gross? Instead of saying, wow, amazing. Yeah, you wrote this. That's great. I'm looking forward to having you in my class.

He had no reference for what my writing would be like. It's like, how do you right away just go to that? And I had to go see the chair and be like, oh, he fucking sucks.

Arrogant teachers are a problem.

His name was Kermit. I remember that. Ah, if you're still out there, fuck you, man.

Fuck you, Kermit.

Fuck you.

Yeah, there's people like that. They can like be a real roadblock in your life.

Oh, totally. Yeah, totally. And that could have— he could have done that to somebody that it just would have shut them down.

Yeah, someone who's fragile. Yeah, instead of someone was like, well, fuck you.

Yeah, you know, fuck you, this is the paper.

Yeah. Skylar Gray was talking about, you know, the musician— she was a singer— she was in here the other day and she was talking about one of her main motivations was someone telling her when she was young that you can't— music isn't a career.

Yeah.

And she's like, oh, 'Oh really? Okay, bitch.' And like, that's still like stuck in her craw all these years later.

I feel like we in comedy all have a story similar to that, like somebody—

Oh yeah.

And then, and then you see it in athletics too, you know?

Oh yeah.

Being like, 'You don't have it.' Oh yeah, both of those things. Both of them, all the time.

Yeah, comedy especially, because they're right most of the time.

I remember what— because you don't forget them, you know? I remember I did a show in New York at Gotham Comedy Club, which is a great club, and I was the middle act. And a girl that I was friends with in college came to the show with her husband, and she had seen me once before. And then after the show, I was talking— it was a great show, it was like a sold-out show and like a fun show. They were just talking to me, and the husband goes, "How long you gonna keep doing this?" And I go, "What?" He goes, "You know." just like doing shows. Like, when are you gonna get like a career going? And I go, this is my career. He was like, okay, but like the implication of like, how long are you gonna keep doing this? I was like, forever. What are you talking about, man? You know, he was like, this isn't like a real job, man. You got to get your shit together.

That's a dickhead. Yeah, that's just— there's guys that like to do that though. There's like guys like the big dog. Yeah, yeah, especially if he's doing well in his life.

He was doing well.

Well, yeah, there you go.

Yeah, ew, it's gross.

Oh, it's gross. Ew, you're always gonna find people like that.

I know.

How much money can you make doing that? Like, you can make a lot of money. Really? Yeah, can you? As much as what I'm making? Let me tell you what I'm making. Yeah, and then it's that shit. But those people like that, really what you should do is just walk away. Yeah, excuse me, just don't say anything, just walk away. It's true, it's pointless. It's— and then you feel angry and gross. It's like, I think you need a few of those in your life to know those people exist.

Mm-hmm.

And then once you recognize it and it's happening right in front of you, like, ah, gotta go. Yeah, see you later, fuckface.

Yeah, how— when are you gonna like take your life seriously? And you're like, what the fuck? But also that happens from family too.

I hope he's flipping through Netflix right now. Bad Thoughts Season 2.

He's watching me dance right now.

He's watching you hump that lady in the alley. Is that Tom?

I guess he stuck with it. That's funny, man.

Yeah, it's funny, man. It's like you're always gonna have people like that in your life, but the thing is, is like they are right some of the time, most of the time. Like if you think about how many people that start doing stand-up comedy as an open micer and even become a middle act, how many of them go on to like— it's more likely once you become a middle act that you'll eventually become a headliner, make a good living.

Yeah.

But when you're an open mic, man, the chances are—

the probability is low.

What do you think it is? Is it 1 in 500 maybe that become a professional?

That's a really good question. I, I would actually think it's probably a worse scenario because you don't realize with like how busy your life is and what you do, how unaware you are of how many people are doing open mics.

Well, I'm aware because I own a club.

Well, I'm saying when—

but I'm seeing it all the time.

Scale-wise of the country, I'm saying.

Oh, yeah. Oh, it's nuts.

It's probably not 1 in 500. It's probably one in—

but even if you see, like, at a club, like, if you, if you go to an open mic night on a regular basis, you know, you might see 20, 30 people go up, right, over the course of the night. And if you see those people, there might be one of those people that has a chance.

True.

A chance, even a chance in their current state. Like, there's people that suck for the first few times, and then they get a good laugh, and then they figure out how to loosen up, and then they eventually catch, and then they take off. It's totally possible. But boy, That's like, who's gonna complete this ultramarathon? It's 300 miles through the desert.

It's a lot.

How many people are gonna complete it? I know. Yeah.

And there's people, honestly, in the guy's defense who told me like, the fuck are you doing? There's people that I know that I've been doing this a long time that I want to go, what the fuck are you doing? Right. You know, like there's people you go like, what are you doing?

But those are the type of people that don't work hard though.

That's true.

That's a real problem. The people that they blow off doing sets, they stay home, they smoke pot and play video games.

Or some of them, it's really interesting, they do work a lot, but they're like, they're misdirected. Like, they, they latch on to like an idea about how they're supposed to do it, and they just do that. You know, they don't evolve. There's no growth. Yeah, that's a— that's also a tricky one where you're like I've seen you do this for 15 years and it's the same. So they're like, I'm getting up all the time. You're like, you're not doing anything else though, right? Like, you're not evolving, you're not changing, you're not trying things.

Yeah.

In their mind, they're working hard because they're getting up.

Yeah, they just have a bad direction. They have bad direction, or they have like a character they do on stage.

Yeah, yeah, you gotta let that go.

Because if you do and then you develop— like, Bobcat Goldthwait had a problem because in the beginning he was like, ah, screaming and yelling and everything like that. And then he didn't want to do that anymore.

Yeah.

And he would do shows and be like, hey, where's Bobcat? Yeah, not screaming, like, fuck off. And it took years for him to just perform where people forgot that he screamed.

Yeah, yeah, I can see that. That was also— he got caught up in a time where I think that was a little more accepted and celebrated, you know what I mean? Like the character thing, it was like early '80s, right?

Right.

Like if you did that now, people would I think be like, I don't think it would last. I don't think it would catch on as much.

It would if you were really funny.

True.

It's just if it works. It's just really what works. Like, I would never say you can't do that anymore. Like, like, there's no—

You don't see it as much though.

You don't. We don't see prop acts at all anymore.

Yeah.

I was talking to Carrot Top about that. I was like, you kind of took over a genre.

Yeah.

There used to be a whole genre when we were coming up called prop acts. Yeah. Guys would do props. They'd go on stage like a box of stuff and they pull things out and it'd be really funny. Yeah. Uh-uh, nobody does that anymore. It's just Carrot Top. I'm like, that's kind of crazy that you, you, you dominate an entire genre now.

It's not— he's doing like 700 shows a year. It's insane. That lifestyle. Yeah, crazy what he's doing.

Well, he does the residency thing. Yeah, just nuts. But at least you're doing it near your house.

Yes, you know, in Vegas. Yeah.

Yeah, it's like, for him, it's not that bad.

But it's a lot.

He's making money, so fuck it.

I wonder if everything is cyclical, everything, you know. I wonder if you'll see like a resurgence of certain types of acts again.

I want to see ventriloquists. Where the fuck did they go? They were cool, really funny ventriloquists.

Do you remember seeing that as a kid and you're like, what is happening? And so an adult's like, he's talking through his neck. You're like, what do you mean? Like, it's incomprehensible. You try to do it and you're like you cannot, you know, pull it off.

Well, there was always a bunch of funny ventriloquists back in the day. Yeah, Willie Tyler and Lester. Did you ever see them at the Comedy Store?

I did.

It was like old school. He'd been around a long time. Otto and George was the greatest.

That was the greatest. And part of that was that he didn't— it wasn't part of the angle that he didn't do it quite to the level of—

Oh, his lips moved. Yeah, people got mad at him. Yeah, I see his lips moving. Yeah, they get pissed off.

Yeah, suck my cock.

It didn't matter. It was just— it was so funny.

It was so funny.

It was so funny that it didn't matter. Matter. But it was also like there was something twisted about Otto. Like, he would have to pull over and check on the dummy in the trunk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He got pulled over. I gotta check on George, you know. And Otto would party like hard, hardcore, hard partying, you know. Like, he—

very funny guy.

Yeah, he was a nut. We did a bunch of shows together at Dangerfields. Did you really? Yeah, we did a bunch of prom shows. Do you know what prom shows are?

No.

Oh, they're the craziest thing of all time. They take these kids from like Staten Island, Brooklyn, and they'd bus them in. And so—

On prom night?

The show, yeah. So they would go to their prom, then after their prom they'd go to the comedy club. The show would start at like 7, 8 o'clock. It would go on till 3 in the morning.

Wow.

And you would do like 7, 8 sets. You just keep rotating in there. And then they didn't want you to do the same material because they were trying to kick the kids out.

Yeah.

And the way to kick the kids out, if you did a new set every time you went up there They're like, "Oh, what you gonna do this time?" Yeah, so they would tell you, you got to do the same set. I'd be like, "Fuck you, these are the same kids. I'm not doing the same jokes for the same fucking kids." It was crazy. Like, why don't you tell them to leave? They never tell them to leave. They would just shove new kids into the room.

So these kids were like, "Wow, you got a deep well, man." And they had no control of the crowd.

Like, they just had to go like, let it go. So these 17-year-old, 18-year-old kids from Brooklyn, these fucking animals. And they were smoking cigars and they were drinking somehow or another, you know.

And then Otto was like, did you finger your date?

Like, just like, exactly, exactly.

That's hilarious. And then what's his name still do? I can't believe I'm blanking on his name. The ventriloquist now.

Jeff Dunham. Yeah, yeah, Jeff Dunham's, he's probably the most successful one ever. Yeah, of that. He's huge. He's huge. He has a bunch of like very popular characters. People buy t-shirts with his characters on it and shit. Yeah, yeah, so he's the last. But other than him, like, guys coming up— Duncan had that one bit, Little Hobo.

Very funny.

But it's just one bit.

I know, very funny.

I told him he should do a whole act with Little Hobo.

Little Hobo was great. That was a closer. That's what you'd see him close with.

He had to close with it.

Yeah, because it was a little song and the fucking demonic aspect of it.

It was so crazy.

Did that ever make its way on to something like a special or something?

I don't think so. I don't think it did. I don't know. I mean, how many specials does Duncan even have? I don't know. That's the problem with Duncan. He's been doing it so long and he just does shows. And really, people know him from his podcast and him being on other people's podcasts. He's such a funny guy.

He's hilarious.

So odd. Like, his comedy's so odd.

So odd, and his mind is such a unique—

He did do a Kill Tony with Lil Hobo. It's got a fair amount of views. It's a special, like, But I don't think he did the bit.

By the way, this is the second Lil Hobo. Someone stole his first Lil Hobo.

They stole it?

Yeah, they stole it. We did a gig together in England. We took— we went to England and he did Lil Hobo in England and they fucking went bananas. Like, people were screaming and cheering. It was incredible. It was incredible.

That's cool.

Yeah, because like over there they're like, this is nuts. Yeah, I've seen anything like this. It's so crazy because they're used to comedians going, say 'Hey, what do you think about what's going on here? Pretty strange, right?

Pretty strange.' Well, you see a lot of long, really— like, I tell stories, but I've seen in the UK, like, really long stories too.

Yeah, you know, well, there's a problem with that. Not a problem, but they have a different style, right? And the Edinburgh Comedy Festival encourages that style where, like, every year someone will have a theme.

The theme thing is— and I have to say, I do think that that is a really interesting challenge. Oh yeah, like that is not an easy thing to be like, what's your show about? My dad. And it's an hour and you're like, fucking A, it's an hour about that. And they're like, yeah, and that's the show for the year.

Yeah.

And then the next year they're like, this show's about my first year at university. And like, it's just like that theme, that's not easy to put together. Fuck yeah.

Well, you know, let me get some ones that haven't been sitting out. Yeah, that's a hard thing to do, man. I I wouldn't want to do it.

The, like, that's what I actually really, I really respected and appreciated so much Ari's show, Jew.

Oh yeah.

Because that's a themed show.

Right.

And it's really good.

It's really good. Yeah, Ari worked on that for a long fucking time.

I remember seeing him workshop it.

Do you know how it started?

No.

It started, he would do sets at the Comedy Store And then he would do like Ask a Jew, and like someone would ask him questions. Like, for people that don't know, Ari went to Israel and he like studied the Talmud every day for like 12 hours a day.

He was a hardcore J.

He was a hardcore— he was deep, deep in that world. And then he fell out of it. And then, you know, he would talk about it sometimes. And I was like, dude, you should talk about that on stage. Like, I don't know what to say. Mumble, mumble. But then he figured out how to do it. And having to do it that way.

Thank you, sir. Yeah, he, he— that show, I remember when I, I saw him workshop it and then I saw the special come out, I was like, that's a cool thing to pick a theme. Oh yeah, together an hour that really fucking delivers because it's, it's funny as shit and it's informative. Yeah, it's like the best combination.

Well, that was why I was telling him, like, he would tell me these stories of like stuff that's actually in the Bible or in the Talmud that, you know, you wouldn't believe. Like, one of them is that when you jerk off, you're impregnating a demon in like some other dimension or some shit.

What?

I was like, what? Yeah, see if we can find what that is. Jamie, what are you doing there?

Leaf on my—

Do you know what that, that story is? That if you, if you jack off, really? Yeah, you're like impregnating a demon in another dimension or something. That's fucking dark, dude, for some poor little kid with heavy balls.

And that— you realize too that that's just from like a couple thousand years ago. Like, we got to get people to stop jerking off.

Why? Why were they trying to get people to stop jerking off? Like, you should be encouraging people to calm down. Like, you got a bunch of young boys running around, it was just jerk off.

One guy that did it too much, this fucking guy.

We gotta make up a story.

Yeah, the whole— this year's harvest is fucked up because he keeps coming. Just come up with this story, a demon's gonna visit you.

They didn't even have porn. No. Imagine how much more people are jerking off today than they ever have before.

Oh my God.

It's gotta be.

The gooning culture?

Yeah, I mean, it's gotta be. It's gotta be more jerking off than the history of the human race.

Has to be.

Per capita, has to be. Because they all have phones.

And the guys sitting around with goon caves with like 8 screens and they're just like. The whole day.

Goon caves.

And they're just, um, what are they? They're like stringing along, you know, the, uh, the feeling so that like you get close.

Oh, they're edging?

They're edging for hours.

What?

Yeah. Or what? Or you're just shooting loads for hours. You're probably edging.

I'm thinking edging for hours and waiting for the right scene right there.

Have you ever done that? Right there. This scene's not good enough to drop one on.

I've done that and then hated myself.

Of course.

Hours afterwards.

Of course.

What the fuck is wrong with I'm trying to figure out what I'm reading here.

What are you trying to read?

Well, it's on Wikipedia.

How many people have jerked off?

It's a Wikipedia thread about Judaism and masturbation, but this— I don't know what even these— that word is.

You call Ari right now, he'll tell me. Uh, prohibits from emitting a seed in vain, and generally, but, uh, but not only referring to masturbation. Same passage likens the act to murder and idolatry. Also prohibits a man from intentionally arousing himself.

Yeah, but these quotes from different rabbis is nuts, dude.

Oh, these state— this states that if a man frequently touches his penis with his hand in order to check for ritually impure emission, his hand ought to be cut off.

Yeah, and then they're having this conversation about it.

Yeah, but look at this. With regard to anyone who holds his penis and urinates, it is considered as though he is bringing a flood to the world. And someone who emits semen for naught is liable to receive the punishment death at the hand of heaven, as is stated with regard to Onan. What?

Whoa, Jesus Christ. One who intentionally causes himself an erection shall be ostracized. Imagine that, bro. Did you get hard? Get the fuck out of the village.

Get out of here.

Get out of here.

For a second I thought you were asking me if I'm reading this.

I was like, yeah, that one scene.

You're obligated to fast 84 times to repent for discharging of semen in vein.

84 times? Like 84 days? Like you owe 84 days for each time you nut? You have to plan it out, bro? You could starve to death.

That was taught.

84 is nuts. That's a crazy amount for one load.

The really crazy thing to me is they're like, don't hold your dick to piss.

Yeah, you just piss all over your shoes.

Well, it's because it leads to depression, obviously.

So masturbation leads to depression.

It's the only way to avoid it.

And the effects of impure ejaculation— ejaculation can only be nullified through the recitation of— how's that— was that word— tekun haklali? Haklali.

Haklali.

Haklali. Ask Ari. Jesus Christ. So there's nothing there about demons?

Not—

well, so it's like—

you don't think so? That's what I was typing in, but it's mostly about wasting that sperm.

Don't waste that seed.

Yeah, man. Let's see here. I'll get Ari to find out what it is. Call Ari the Wanderer. He got a new phone number, so his new phone number is the Wanderer.

There's always a new number. I didn't bring my phone.

Well, he needs to have new numbers. He fucking vanishes.

Yeah, he really does.

That's not right.

Yeah, he—

telephone number.

Yeah, he's in Tibet right now. There's no chance. Probably.

I have like 10 different numbers for him.

Yeah, cuz whenever he goes away, he literally shuts his number off so he can't use it, and then he'll get a new number but also not tell you it's him. So the first text you get, I'm like, who the fuck is this?

Exactly.

Then he's like, you didn't text me back.

He sent me like 3 of them and said, oh, this is Ari, by the way.

I'm like, yeah, lead with that.

Yeah, how about that?

How about a photo of your face?

And he's like, fucking weirdo. These random iMessages from some fucking weirdo in Peru.

This says it comes from the Kabbalah.

Ah, there it is. Okay, demon pregnancy idea comes from if you masturbate, a demon woman comes, gets pregnant from your semen, and has demon babies. Ah, there it is. Later mystical folkloric expansion usually tied to Kabbalah and popular preaching, not to the Talmud itself. You know who told me to read the Kabbalah?

Who?

Roseanne.

She did?

Yeah, she's like, you should read the Kabbalah.

I'm like, She's big in that, right?

I don't know.

Or did at one point was.

I don't remember. I'm pretty sure she's the one told me, but I've had other people suggest it to me too. My neighbor suggested to me, give me a book. I don't know about this.

I don't know about that.

Yeah, it's, um, I don't even know if like regular Jewish people believe in that.

I don't think so. Not majority for sure.

Like what, it's mysticism?

I think so.

What's defined— put that into perplexity. What is the Kabbalah? What is the actual Kabbalah? And how is it thought? You know, like, what is it? How is it received by regular Jewish people? What do they think about it? Did they dismiss it? I think, I think it's a little kooky, right? I really didn't— Christians that like use serpents.

Yeah, wasn't that like, it saw this big explosion of popularity because like Madonna 20 years ago.

Was she?

Yeah, like nobody was really— I don't remember it being part of pop culture.

Imagine looking at Madonna and going, what is she into?

What are you spiritually into?

Yeah, I want to be like her. Catch that fucking wave.

Yeah, she's still fucking doing it too.

She's still doing it.

She's part of the World Cup halftime show or whatever they're putting on.

Is she?

I think so.

Well, she fucked with her face for a while and then it came back, so it might have been like a little swollen and now it's good again. So she looks pretty good.

Mysticism.

Jewish mysticism that seeks to understand God, creation, and the inner meaning of the Torah. Today it's both deeply embedded in traditional Judaism and also widely and sometimes controversially popularized in pop spirituality. The word Kabbalah means receiving, referring to a received esoteric wisdom about God and the universe. In Jewish terms, it is the mystical layer of the Torah teachings about God's hidden essence, the 10 sephiroth, divine attributes, the cosmic structure often pictured as the Tree of Life, and how human actions affect the spiritual worlds.

Hmm.

Hmm. So it grew in medieval Provence in Spain. In the 13th century with the Zohar as its foundational text and later reshaped by Lurianic Kabbalah.

See, that's, that's too recent for a hardcore Jewish person to be into, I feel like, right?

It's a little sketchy. Yeah. A little weird.

Tied to mysticism.

Mm-hmm. Well, the, the old, it's funny, like we always want to go like, how old is it? Make sure it's old. If it's old, then it's right.

If it's old, it's good.

But the problem with that is like the really old stuff is the fucking kooky stuff. Like, yeah, get into the Bible, the layers of it too.

Oh, yes, most of the book.

Yeah, and you go, what the fuck was this? Yeah, really all about.

It's— yeah, I mean, it's just trying to— I mean, like, they're just trying to guide people, right? Control people in a way.

I think something's happened, you know, and what those things were, it's very difficult to tell. Well after all this time. One of the weird ones is they think they might have found the, the Ark of Noah recently. No, like, they, they've identified it quite a while ago, but now they've done like ground-penetrating radar scans. This thing is the exact same shape as described in the Bible. It looks like a boat, like it's the shape of a boat. It's in the place where they said that it rested. Like, in the Bible it said it rested on Mount Ararat in Turkey. That's where it is. That's where And this thing is like the shape of a boat.

How— and it was— but how long ago was that found?

That's a good question. I want to say like the '80s or '90s.

Oh, that's okay. So it's not super recent.

Not super recent, but back then it was just a photo because it's like really high up in the mountains. It's just a photo of this impression, this feature in the ground. Like, what is this?

Hmm.

And then recently they started using technology to scan it, and I think they've actually found petrified wood It says it was discovered in 1948.

'48. Oh wow.

Heavy rains combined with 3 earthquakes exposed the formation from the surrounding mud.

And that's where it said it was too, like in the area?

Yeah, it's like where it supposedly rested according to the Bible.

Did they extract it or leave it?

No, it's still there. Wow. See if you could find a good image of it. It's very weird because you look at it, you go, what the fuck is that?

That does look like a boat. Quote.

The story's bonkers. The story doesn't make any sense. I think the story is a local story.

The ark story?

Yeah, yeah, it's a local story. It's like the idea that Noah had 40 different animals or 2 of each animal— like, that's not the whole— animals eat other animals. I had a whole bit about that. Yeah, yeah, explaining it to a 5-year-old with Down syndrome. But if you— the problem though is back then they didn't know what was going on in Australia. They didn't know what was going on in New Zealand. So if you you had a local flood, like, and you did save a bunch of animals. Like, that's the story.

That's the story. Yeah, that makes sense.

So there probably was some guy who had a bunch of farm animals that he put on a boat and saved them and lived, and a bunch of the people died. But the question is, did this guy really get a message from God saying to build an ark? So look at this thing.

Holy shit.

Isn't that crazy? Go ahead.

I was reading in the wiki that when they did these first scans back in 1988, I think it was saying the guy who helped him do the scans went into court and said that it's BS, that it's the Ark.

Right, but that was in the '80s, right?

Well, I mean, that's what I was trying to figure out. What's different about these new scans they supposedly just did?

So let's click on that link. What does it say about the new— no, that's noahsarkscans.com.

That's not a place I would go. Go there.

Let's see what kind of virus you get. Get. So this is some guy who's like really into Noah's Ark. Do you have to sign up? Click on that.

That's that fella.

Look, I found it.

He's like, it's mine.

So that's what the shape of it supposedly looked like in the Bible. And this is fucking team.

Hmm.

Wait a minute. What does the sign say? Yeah. The sign say, Noah's Ark? So they, they all think it. So maybe there's a whole tourism thing attached to the, yeah. Of course. Noah's Ark discovered. New evidence from Durupınar site in Turkey. What is the new evidence? And the ark rested upon the mountains of Ararat. That's exactly where they said it was going to be. Uh, even in the Quran it says that.

But how can a guy— I mean, not that I would know, but how does the guy go, it's not that though? You know what I mean? Like, how does he know?

He doesn't know.

No, so that's what I was trying to get. I was trying to read. He— there was— they— when they scanned, they scanned only for like iron or something like that. I think based off of what they scanned, I think he was probably saying, "You can't say that," is what that is based on.

Oh, then he's probably right. But that's in— that's in 2000— that's 1980. So it says, "In 2023, the 2019 GPR data was analyzed again. American researchers uncovered corridors and room-like chambers running the full length of the formation, consistent with a large, intelligently designed vessel." The Turkish soil test in 2024 also showed that samples inside the structure contain nearly 3 times more organic material than those from outside, suggesting the remains of ancient biological or man-made substances.

Hmm.

Since 2019, a joint scientific team has applied GPR, ERT, LiDAR, and chemical analysis to determine whether the Durupinar formation is a natural geological fold or a buried decayed wood ship preserved in the mountains of Ararat. It's kind of crazy that it's— it matches it in terms of like it has all these characteristics. Yeah, it has like what, what looked like some openings.

I mean, it's cool as shit to explore. I mean, even if they're like, this is not that, to find that an old ship like that is still cool.

If it— and why is there a ship on the top of a mountain?

I know, Turkey.

But this is why it's interesting. But if it really was a boat—

did you see that? I would— I guess it's not recently discovered, but it's recently been cleared, another Incan ruin site that they found.

Oh, they keep finding those, dude.

But this one was like elaborate. Yeah. And they— I guess they had just recently— I think recently recently cleared enough so you can see how vast it is.

Is it in Peru?

It's in Peru. Yeah, yeah, they found a lot of them in Peru. Yeah, this one, the guy, it was like a CNN report about it, and I was like, holy shit, I'd never heard of this place before.

It's nuts, dude. All the, the Aztec stuff, the Incan stuff, it's like people were living here long before the, the end of the Ice Age. They were living here a long fucking time ago, man, and they're just starting to piece that all together and try to figure out like, how long have people been here? Here. They used to think that was Clovis first. That was the thing about the Americas. They thought that for the longest time was the Clovis people, which was like 13,000 years ago. And then they found footprints in White Sands, New Mexico, that are 22,000 years old.

Goddamn.

And so they're like, okay, it's definitely not 13,000. Like, how old is— till 22,000 is long before the Ice Age. The end of the Ice Age was like 11,000-something years ago.

The Incans are more recent than that though. They weren't around back then.

Yeah, but so like, it's like, how long have people been here?

Yeah, we don't know. And what is that, all carbon dating that they do?

This is where it's at, in the middle of nowhere.

Holy shit.

Whoa, that's where the ark is?

That's where this fucking Pinar site is.

Fuck. What does it look like from Google Earth? Can you zoom in on the site? This is it. Can you get closer and see the actual formation?

Well, that's where the center is.

Is I'm trying to find the spot. Where's the fucking boat, bitch? Is that it right there? Like, near it? Above it? Above that little indication red marker? Look to your right, right above. Is that it?

I don't think so. It says it's 170 feet long. It shouldn't be that big in this picture, I guess.

Hmm.

Do you think when you do the tour they tell you, we think, or they're like, this is it?

Right there, there, there.

It's marked here.

Oh, okay. They tell you, they tell you it's it, right?

Of course. Yeah. When you look at the ground though, it's like, is it? Hold on a second. Here's what's weird. Look at, look at how much water erosion is on the ground. Yeah. Like, close back in again. When you close back in, look at like, that all looks like rivers ran through that.

Yeah, that's dude.

Yeah, that's what's fucked about so many parts of Earth, is that— but that also looks like that could have been just a bunch of sediment and shit.

It's tough to tell the elevation here.

Kind of crazy though, but it does look like a ton, a ton of erosion happened.

Yeah, well, a ton of water erosion. Yeah, the floods were fucking real, man. There's too many different tales of floods in too many different religions.

Giant mountains to the north of it.

Mm.

And there's a sea down here, but that's pretty far.

I bet that whole thing washed.

Yeah, I guarantee the stuff that ran this far out, you can see that it washed over for sure.

Oh yeah, look at that. Like, look at the below, right above where it says Google Maps. Like, that whole thing looks like it was washed out. It all looks like it was washed out a long time ago.

We've looked at this part before.

Yeah, well, Randall Carlson Um, he's, uh, he's like a real expert in, um, not just the mythology around the impacts of the Younger Dryas Impact Theory, but about like what possibly could have happened to the ice sheets and what created the Great Lakes and what kind of insane water you would be talking about, the volume of water and the power of that water. If you're— if all of the ice caps get hit with asteroids, like boom boom boom. Like, that's what they think, that somewhere around 11,800 years ago we ran into a comet storm and they slammed into North America. And then you just get this insane wash of water that tears through the land and just fucking insane, impossible volume of water just carving its way through mountains, carving its way through the landscape, flattening everything in front of of it.

And that's how the Earth took the shape that it's in right now.

Well, that's the shape of North America. Yeah, there's a lot of like evidence of that. Like when you— he's got all these slides that he shows. See if you can find some of his stuff.

I was—

where he goes over it.

It's pretty interesting how like we get saved countless times a year just by Jupiter. Oh yeah, just because comets are on their way here.

Yeah, Jupiter's like our bodyguard.

Yeah, to destroy Yes.

Yeah, yeah. And just slams into that giant gas giant.

But we all think of that as like this sci-fi kind of fun, crazy movie thing. Like, that's really real though.

Oh yeah, look at the moon. Moon's covered in craters.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, we live in a shooting gallery, you know. So this is some of the stuff. Like, look at that. Tell me that doesn't look like water washed over that. The Columbia River. Isn't that nuts?

Yeah.

There's tons of these, and, you know, he does a fantastic job of breaking it all down, but he thinks that these big canyons, and even the Grand Canyon, was carved, like, relatively quickly. He thinks this idea that these things, that this, all this water erosion took place over millions of years, like, I bet it wasn't. He goes, I think it was very quickly.

What's really quickly mean, though?

I don't know. I mean, who knows? But you're talking about giant chunks of ice and rock from the sky that slam into the earth, change the climate completely, cause massive flooding, just huge amounts of water just rushing over the land. It just completely makes sense that that's what the stories are. Yeah, so many stories of a flood. Epic of Gilgamesh, it's in the Quran, it's in the Bible, it's And like, they all have stories of a great flood. And then, you know, when they see— you see things like the Great Lakes, which— Great Lakes are fucking huge, man. Yeah, those used to all be glaciers. They used to all be glacier.

I wonder how many of those comets it takes to like change the makeup of, you know, depends on the size, right?

Yeah, it could be just one.

One could do it if it was enormous.

This planet has been hit so many times. They find new craters all the time. They found this big one that's off the coast of Australia. I don't remember when they found that one, but when they found that one, they're like, oh, look at this. And by the way, the Aborigines in— the Aboriginals in Australia, they all have flood myths too.

They all have stories of floods. Yeah, floods.

Yeah, they all have that. Everybody has— every ancient culture has stories of a great flood that happened a long time ago. Guaranteed. It had to happen.

Yeah. I mean, and there's nothing that says that we won't have another one, right?

Oh, these data centers are bringing it in.

Oh, this is how deep the Great Lakes are.

Yeah.

Compared to each other.

Fucking A, man.

Watch this though. The bottom of the Mariana Trench compared to that. Just wait on there.

Whoa. Is that where James Cameron went?

Yeah.

Did he go all the way down?

Yeah, he was psycho.

That is psychotic.

I met him the other day.

Oh yeah, cool, right?

Very interesting guy. Really nice guy. Does a lot of martial arts.

Does he really?

Yeah, trains a lot. Yeah, he made a record-breaking solo dive to Earth's lowest point, successfully piloting the submarine nearly 11 kilometers deep into the bottom of the Mariana Trench. What is that, 6 miles? What is 11 kilometers? How many miles is that?

Yeah, yeah, that is 6 miles. It's a little over.

Dude, that's crazy. Imagine being 6 miles underwater. What the fuck are you—

you know, he's such an expert in those submersibles too, that— because he's the one that— he's, he's part of the design of 36,000 feet. It's fucking crazy.

36,000 feet.

Have you seen what they discover when, like, the, the, the wild, like, the sea life down there? Things that we've never seen before.

Shit. Yeah, weird shit.

Yeah, they look like aliens. Yeah, cuz they're— they live in complete darkness.

Mm-hmm.

So there's species down there that no one even knew about.

Oh yeah, well, there's species that I was watching this video that Forrest Gallant had. There's a bunch of species that have only been discovered like one or two times. One or two specimens. Like, there's a specific whale that they only have like one specimen of. Yeah, what is that fucking ghost?

Translucent, like—

Jamie, I'm gonna send you this because this is very weird. It's a very strange thing that I saw.

Holy fuck.

I wanted to send you this because I don't know if this is legit or not, but I've seen it before, and it's this thing that they're detailing that's moving around on the bottom of the ocean. And it seems to be carving a path on the bottom of the ocean.

It's a team from Google Earth.

I don't know, it's not—

no, just the way that they track that from the satellites isn't the best thing, but I'll see what she said.

Well, the thing about this one, I don't know if it's true, but it looks like there's a path that it has on the ground in the bottom of the ocean.

Yeah, but that's on how are they getting that information?

That's why I'm asking you.

That's—

I have no idea. I got it from Billy Carson. So Billy Carson has been known to engage in some—

on the screen, Google—

very bizarre.

Two-mile dome slowly crawling across the Pacific floor.

Okay, so what the fuck is that? Two-mile dome slowly crossing.

It's a two-mile dome.

Uh-huh. 2 miles across, slowly crawling. So look, it looks like it's leaving a trail.

Yeah.

So is that real?

See what they're getting this information.

There you go.

It's like, where—

hey, Google Earth doesn't take video, so like, stop being a party pooper.

I'm trying to find—

sorry, I'm just trying to deduce things.

Do you like— do you believe in that idea? I never, I never contemplated it. What about this, you know, when extraterrestrial life that they're not coming from space, that they're coming from the ocean?

Yeah, that's a big one.

That's a big one.

Tim Burchett, the congressman, I had him on and he said that he's been told there's multiple sites where in the ocean, in the deep ocean, where these things keep emerging from.

That's a cooler story to me now.

Well, it makes sense that they would have a base here. And if you're gonna have a base, mm-hmm, like if James Cameron can get to the bottom of the fucking ocean. Yeah, James Cameron. And didn't he do it in like 2012 or some shit?

Yeah, I think that's when that was.

It's a while ago. Yeah, so he did that 14 fucking years ago. Imagine what they could do. Oh my God, full bases down there.

Full bases.

Why wouldn't they have a base down there? Then we're not gonna look, we're too stupid. We barely imagine— is that James Cameron? I love Alien. Yeah, Avatar's the shit. So cool, man. I'll tell you what you got wrong. Yeah, but other than that, islands can't float in the sky. But other than that, pretty cool.

True Lies. Mm, that's a fucking great movie.

Yeah, that guy made some bangers.

He makes bangers.

He makes some bangers. Yeah, you know, I mean, the Avatar movies alone, like the one, the second one that was underwater, didn't that cost like a fucking billion dollars to make or something ridiculous?

He is so— also, for all, by all accounts, I've never met him, but as a filmmaker, everyone's like, there is not a more supremely confident filmmaker, which I think is like like something you— everybody loves and, and you benefit from if you're in that production. Somebody who just knows their shit so well, right? That's like the cool— I think that's the dream of any— whether you're cast or crew, to be with somebody who you're like, oh, this guy fucking knows exactly what he's doing, you know?

He's a smart motherfucker. Yeah, I mean, that's why he figured out how to get to the bottom of the ocean. Yeah, fucking solo submarine.

It's insane. It's insane.

Yeah, but I mean, how many of those things even exist?

Of those submersibles?

Yeah, I think they made that one.

Yeah, fuck.

I think so.

Because what does that mean?

They made it? I mean, nobody had been in it before him?

No, I'm pretty sure he does.

He helped design that. When that one— remember when that one imploded? Yeah, the crazy one. Yeah, he was like the one of the top people speaking about what they got. He knew, he knew exactly what they got wrong.

Yeah, apparently there were some whistleblowers in that company.

Yeah, I watched that doc. It was incredible.

Yeah, the people that built it were like, don't do this.

And when they, they would do the tests and the test would go wrong, and he was like, get the fuck out of here. Like, if you're gonna be negative, don't be around me.

Yeah.

That's really—

there's so many crazy people out there, so many legitimately crazy people that just want to be right no matter what.

He couldn't accept being wrong.

He just couldn't send people to their death in the ocean in the most horrific way possible. You just get compressed instantaneously.

You just hear it start.

Yeah, yeah.

Imagine you're looking around.

Tony used to have a bit about that.

Really?

He would, he would, at the beginning of a set, he would take his microphone and he would scratch it on the stool, and people were like, what is it? That's the last thing those people in that submarine heard.

Oh my god.

So dark.

That's the hatch and eye port. I think that's all James Cameron could see out of.

Whoa.

That guy's big— that guy's big fucking mistake too isn't that he couldn't figure out how to design one that was capable. It's that he couldn't find— design one that was light enough to do multiple trips and be towed out. Like, in other words, the cost of hauling out the correct size and weight would have been too much for him to run this business where people could pay to do it. So he kept looking for lighter and lighter materials.

Oh my God.

To be— you know what I mean? So because then you could haul it out and it wouldn't be too much weight and they're like, no, but you need to have like steel. He's like, nah, that weighs too much. Let's do carbon fiber. Yeah, that was his own ego. Oh, and he couldn't be wrong, and he wanted to run his business.

Why do we love carbon fiber so much?

I don't know. Every dude loves carbon fiber.

I love it.

Yeah, I have a Cadillac, the Escalade V. Yeah, you know, it has a carbon fiber dash. Yeah, I love looking at them.

It's cool.

It looks cool. Space. Yeah, it's future.

I have a carbon fiber trim on things. Yeah, fuck it, have it.

I had my GT3 RS, my 2007, I had all the interior pieces replaced with carbon fiber.

Did you really? Yeah, looks cool.

Door latches. Yeah, it's lighter.

It's lighter. Later now it goes faster.

I like what, 5 pounds for the whole car? It's stupid, but it's like there's something cool about the way it looks.

It looks cool, especially in a submersible. Yeah, it looks really cool.

Have you seen that company Classic Recreations that does a '67 Mustang all in carbon fiber? No, bro, it's fucking sick. It's like a half a million dollar car at least, and it takes a long time to make, but it's all one piece carbon fiber shell, so it's super light. And they'll make it with like a supercharged Coyote engine, so it's like 770 horsepower and it probably weighs under 3,000 pounds. It looks like fucking sick. Oh yeah, it's got to be really fast. Well, even if you had a steel one, '67s are not that big. It's not a big car. That's like a 3,000-pound car. Like, I think the '65s, '66s, and '67, '68s were all like relatively similar size. But the '67s like wider, and then they got to like '69 and they got a little bit bigger. But like '69, '67, '68, they got wider, and then '69 they got a little bigger.

Who makes it?

A company called Classic Recreations. Huh. I wonder if you can find a video of it.

There's a—

when you see the video of it within carbon fiber with that GT500, that '67 GT500 shape. It's fucking sick.

Those carbon fiber has to do really poorly in a wreck, right?

Oh, terrible. Yeah, it's gonna fall apart. Yeah, yeah, it's like you're fucked. And also, good luck repairing it.

No shit.

Somebody bumps into you in the fucking supermarket parking lot. Yeah, you have to get a whole new fender. Like, they don't repair it. It's not like, oh, don't worry, it's just all new shit. Yeah, because you can't— like, look at that. That whole thing is all in carbon fiber. And if you see when they get close to it, you look at it, see if you could— oh, it's so rad. But if you could see the actual images of like— it's hard to tell right there. Oh, that one's kind of painted, but some of them are not paint. That one's a— go back to that one again though. I want to see what that looks like. That color's sick.

The green one I just had.

Yeah, that color is sick. That's a beautiful green. Yeah, right there. There. Look at that thing.

That's really cool.

Oh my God, I never wanted a green Mustang like that before.

Looks like someone's about to place an order.

Look how cool that thing looks.

I'm excited for you guys, Classic Recreations. I was here for the day Joe ordered his.

I never thought I would like it like that in green. I never saw a '67 GT like right there. Look at that. That looks amazing.

That's fucking cool.

But the, the process of making that and designing that is pretty insane.

Yeah, I'm sure.

I mean, it's still probably a fairly heavy car, but see, that's the different one. That's the Shelby. They do that, they do those, um, um, Shelby Cobras, they do that all in carbon fiber as well. But there's— I know there's videos because I was looking at the other day of ones where you see it, it's all in carbon fiber.

There's a green one.

There's a green one. But I know they have— see if you can find videos where they, like, fucking close in on the actual carbon, because some of them are just carbon fiber. You get to see it. Here we go. Go video. Oh, there you go. So there you see the carbon fiber. Like, look at that.

That looks fucking cool. Yeah, that's why you get it, because it looks fucking cool.

There's a thing about being a boy.

It's really—

girls don't give a fuck about carbon fiber.

Hell no. No way, dude. Not most.

No. Why would they care about that? But look how good that looks.

That looks fucking awesome.

Jesus Christ, that's beautiful. You got a text?

No, I was looking up these— I went to this garage that I saw. Fucking— I was trying to remember what I saw there because It was such a crazy collection, dude, here in town. Oh my God.

Of what?

Of cars.

What kind?

Everything. Everything.

Like some private owner?

Private owner. And most don't— like 99% don't get driven, which is the crazier part. Yeah. You just have these sitting here?

Well, they're probably a good investment.

Yeah, this dude had a GT1. CLK GTR Aperta, McLaren F1, multiple LaFerraris, SP1s, 250 GTO. Like, just a stupid fucking collection.

I love old Porsches. I do not love old Ferraris.

Really?

Yeah.

The '60s ones though, they look bunk to me. Really?

Yeah, I don't like them.

I think they look beautiful. Yeah, the old Porsches look amazing.

I like old Porsches. I like, I like like '69, '70, '71, '72, the long nose Porsches. Those are— to me, when I see those, especially the wide-body ones, fucking—

yeah, they're gorgeous.

They look amazing. But when I see like old Ferraris, I'm like, that looks like it's gonna break.

I mean, they probably—

you know, that's gonna leave you somewhere.

Yeah.

And it's also precious. Like, nobody does anything with them.

They're— they become honest— they're like too valuable.

Yeah.

When they're like— when you go, how much was this? Those— $25 million this thing sold for at auction. You're like, okay.

People take like old Porsches and they mod them.

Yeah.

And they, they make them outlaws. And yeah, you know, like that Magnus Walker.

Yeah, yeah, he makes awesome.

I love that. That's what I love. I love when they customize them and they, they put cool paint on them.

And well, I like looking at the old Ferrari. I feel like they do look like works of art. They look beautiful. But I feel like the Porsche would be the one you'd want to drive.

Yeah, I don't even like looking at them, really. Yeah, I don't know, it's weird. It's like, you know, you tastes. Yeah, like someone— like people think that I like old cars, they'll try to show me something from the '50s. I'm like, get that thing away from me, it's not your era. Yeah, that's pretty cool looking. That's pretty fucking beautiful. 1960. Yeah, actually take it back, that's pretty dope.

That's pretty good.

That one's pretty dope too, that one upper left, that's pretty dope.

But I wonder— I do wonder how I changed my opinion. I wonder how they drive.

I really like dogshit shit compared to your little, uh, Cayman. Yeah, I mean, that thing's insane.

It's so fun.

That's a mid-engine car that's got modern suspension, modern brakes, modern technology, and what, like 650 horsepower?

It's got some crazy—

it's got tuned up bonkers, and it sounds insane. When you drove by my house with that thing, I remember I got a boner.

I remember you walked inside, then you walked outside, and you were like, yeah, I want—

I'm like, I wanted to watch you drive off. I wanted to hear—

that thing's still my It's so fun. It's so fun.

Yeah, see, that's what I like. I like stuff that you drive. Yeah, I was telling you, that's why I like my Super Snake, because it's not— it's, it's a great American muscle car, like a modern muscle car. It's not the fastest car, it's not— doesn't handle the best, but it's the most exciting. It's like the most fun to drive.

Yeah, I was just talking about this, about when you get into cars. So when you start off and you drive a Honda Accord and somebody goes, you should drive a Mustang. You get in a Mustang, you're like, faster, right? You go, it's faster. So faster equates with better, more fun and better. And then you get, let's say, to a 911, you're like, faster, more fun, better. And in your mind, there's this formula of like, well, as long as it's faster, it's going to be better. And then it crosses over to this other plane where you go, oh, It's faster, but all the fun is not there anymore.

Right.

And you have to find a place where you go like, fast doesn't equal fun necessarily. There's a fun that's a mixture of things.

Exactly.

That there is a fast aspect, but there can be too fast.

It's a feeling that you get from fun cars.

Yes.

Like one of my favorite cars that I ever had that I kind of miss, I had a 2012 Shelby GT500 convertible. Ever see that? I drove it to the Comedy Store a bunch of times.

I did, I did see that.

I loved that car.

Yeah, because you drove it once, I want to say, this is fucking amazing, the Canyon Club one time, I remember.

Yeah, yeah, I loved it because it was the only car that I ever bought that was like that, that was a convertible, and it felt a little sketchy, like a little wobbly because it was a convertible, but the feeling that you get— it wasn't the most horsepower. I think back then they had like 500 or 550 or something like that.

Yeah.

Is a lot. Yeah, but today it's not.

Today it's not.

But it had a supercharger and it would whine when you get on it, and it was a solid rear axle, so it would kick out all the time. It was like— handled like dog shit. Yeah, wasn't the best, but it was fun. Like, you go around a corner and fucking stomp on the gas and wah! It was fun, but it was the torque and the sound. And because it was a convertible, you hear the sound right there. There's nothing there. —that's like one of my most enjoyable cars I ever owned. I loved it. I missed it when I got rid of—

I was like, I should have kept that fucker. Yeah, the fun, the fun, like that, that piece of it. I think if you have a bunch of cars, you want stuff that's comfortable because sometimes you're like, shit, I need, I need to be in some type of comfort. Yes, one thing I'm doing. Yes. And then the rest time you just want to have fun. Yeah.

Jamie, show me a picture of a 2012 Shelby GT500 convertible black.

That's what you had? Yeah.

It wasn't the best-looking car either. It was good-looking, it was cool-looking, but it was just the driving fun. It was like one of the first frivolous cars that I bought when I had some money.

I tell you, I miss— I miss— I think it was a 981 GTS.

Yeah, that's it. That's it. That's exactly it. That's exactly the car. That's exactly what I had. I didn't have a roll bar though. Fuck, I loved it. Yeah, maybe it had a roll bar. I don't think so though. Nah, I think it was like that.

Can you look up if I got this right? 981 GTS. God, I miss that car. Blue.

I really missed that fucking Shelby in blue.

Yeah, I had that and I had— baby, I sent it to BBI. Uh-huh. That did— they did tuning on it. I had never been sad about selling something until after I sold that. That shit was so much fun to drive.

Get yourself another one, Tommy boy. I know. Go back to that Shelby. I might have to get one of them.

We're looking at like old girlfriends right now.

I know, really fun ones. Yeah, who swallowed. That thing was so fun, man. Yeah, I love driving having it. Great tits. And again, look at that one, looks good with the red stripe. And again, it wasn't like nobody was, you know, nobody's like, whoa, you're a baller. It wasn't like that at all. It was just, it was just fun for me.

Yeah, that's what it's about, man. Yeah.

And again, not, not the fastest car, pretty fast for the time, but you know, like Porsches handle— like I, before that I had had a 911 Turbo, it's way faster, handles way better.

I remember taking that getting chased by a Mustang up Benedict Canyon and just losing his ass. Oh yeah, it was the fun. Oh, those things handle so well.

That's a 3,000-pound car too.

Yeah, yeah, like probably something like that.

Like, like my Shelby Super Snake, that's probably like close to 4,000 pounds. Cars today are very, very heavy.

Yeah, I looked up the The Escalade IQ, mm-hmm, the all-electric, that's 9,000 pounds. I know, it's crazy.

That's so— it's massive. Oh, there's one for sale. How much is it? 45 grand. How many miles on it? 16,000 miles. Edit this out. I'm gonna have to buy that. Look at that fucking thing. It's cool.

Bookmark it.

Yeah, dude, I'm in love. Oh, that's it. So he's like kind of cheap inside and everything.

Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter. It's the fun of it. How, how many horsepower does those things have?

5.4-liter supercharged V8.

Let's find out how many horsepower that thing has. 550. Yeah, that's, that sounds about right.

That's your girl, man. Loved it. That's her.

I loved it. It was like, it just, it was like it wasn't precious. I didn't mind parking at places, and if it had a dent on it, probably looked cooler. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it didn't matter. It was just that being in it and just— and this, the wind in your hair. I didn't have any hair, but fucking wind in your face, the sound.

I will say that I think there's no better top-down city than LA. Oh yeah, I love— for sure, a convertible in LA is like the greatest.

You have like 3 weeks to do it here before your head burns. Yeah, especially us. Oh fuck, your head shakes.

Unless you're wearing a hat. Got to. But there it's like perfect. Oh yeah, especially—

well, I would love it at night driving down Sunset. Oh yeah, I loved it. I loved coming over Laurel. I'd have like a music playlist that I'd listen to, like my perfect going to the Comedy Store playlist.

Yeah, and then another one on the way out. Mm-hmm.

Best. Yeah, but there's something about like— it was also like, wow, I'm really in Hollywood. I'm really going to do a show at The Comedy Store in Hollywood, and this is my job. Like, this is crazy. Fucking awesome.

Yeah, that's so cool.

Yeah, to be one of those, one of those sperm that made it through and cracked the egg.

I went there like a week ago. It was super fun.

I heard it was awesome during the Netflix special. Was that when you were there?

Yes, it was so fun. Mm, everybody said it was like The Comedy Store of old. Mm-hmm, it was great.

Yeah, Peter Shore texted me, sent me some pictures. He's like, dude, you should be here, it's amazing.

It was fucking bumping, man.

That's nice.

Yeah, that's nice. It was really fun. I've been going to your club too. I'm working on a new hour, so it's been really fun to get reps.

How long you been doing sets now?

Because last time I talked to you, so like a month. Yeah. Yeah, do you want to do a set Tuesday or Wednesday? I leave, I go back to LA. I got this thing I have to go fly out for to announce.

Oh, what are you doing?

I don't think I can yet. Not yet? Oh, tell me. Yeah, I'll tell you. Okay, tell me. I'll tell you.

I won't tell anybody. No one will hear.

But when I come back, I'd love to.

Are you gonna do a season 3?

I don't know. That'll be up to them, I guess. See how it does. Yeah, see how it does. Oh, it's so fucking funny.

Such a good show, dude. It's such a perfect show for you because it's like, it's so obvious that it's your imagination because no one would think of these fucking things. Yeah, it's the one— I don't want to give it away.

Oh, you can, you can.

The one where it's the girl that you knew for a long time and then— oh yeah, Floriana. Yeah, you won't let her in the car.

Yeah, that felt like real life, you know? Yeah, I was like—

I was saying to myself, why doesn't he just open the door and get out? Yeah, I know.

Well, it was more fun to— yeah, of course— see horrible things happen. And if fucking— I would say this because it's not a credit to me, but the— I always wanted to emphasize how I wanted it to look, and my DP Nico Wiesnet is brilliant. So everything looks like a fucking movie, you know? Yeah, like the Slave I looks like an Oscar-winning film. It really does. Yeah, that's so ridiculous.

It's so crazy. I don't want to give that away either, but it's so ridiculous.

Yeah, it's crazy. Oh, it's so fun. Yeah, they just let us have fun. It's, it's like, it's, it's such a different, um, you know, experience than what I'm used to and what you're used to with, with stand-up, which is such a solo endeavor. But to have a team, all, you know, from the writer's room to actually getting into production, of like everybody collaborating, it's such a fun It's also so irreverent.

I don't think you could do it anywhere but Netflix. I don't think anybody would allow you to.

I don't think so either. They are the— they really are, you know, for all the shit that people justifiably talk about, like studios and execs and stuff, for this show, I've never had an experience like it where they're just like, go for it.

No, they let you just do whatever you want. Yeah, it's, it's Look, they're the best at that. Yeah, I mean, think about the amount— I mean, they get a lot of criticism about some of the content. Sure. But it's really the idea is they'll let anything in there. They let it. It's good. Yeah, like you're not gonna agree with all of it. Some of it you're gonna think it's far-left content or some of— but the thing is they're not ideologically captured. Like, it's not like they only allow like woke content. Not at all. They'll let you go ham. Not at all.

Yeah, they let you push it, and I don't think anybody else would do it. I don't think so either. I don't think so either. They were the first people I showed it to, and thankfully they said yes. Yeah, I think it would have been shut down after that.

Yeah, there's no chance. Like, just the first, first scene in the first episode where you're— you take the pill, the Kevin Nealon one.

Yeah, Kevin Nealon.

Yeah, just that. Like, there's not a fucking chance in hell.

Yeah, no, there's— the things that you're doing, there's no— no. And we have one you haven't seen later in with Jesus that I don't think would fly other places, with Johnny Pemberton in it. He's amazing. Great cast. Great people came in. Kirk Fox did one. Frankie Quinones did one. Oh, nice. Odette Annabelle did one. I'm leaving people out. Martha Kelly. There's great cast, and they all signed up for— we had people, by the way, We had a couple— one time, the casting director sat me down and was like, "Hey, just so you know, I sent out submissions for this one you did, and all the agents called me today and said, 'I would never put an actor in a position to do something like this.'" And then one actor called one of the people on our staff and was like, "You can't make this one." They're like, "This is This is wrong. This is— this is an actor. This is dangerous to put out in the world. And we were like, what? Like, she was that offended by it.

But she wasn't in it.

No, but she had been offered a part. So she was like, I read what you offered me. I'm so offended. I was like, okay. Yeah. Like, she really was like, I'm going to call people and like, I hope you guys don't make this. Isn't it amazing that she's an activist pissed. Yeah, over the— this clearly wasn't also understanding like the tone. Was it the girl from Snow White?

No, but I heard she's a handful. She seems like it. Yeah, seems like she cost that movie a lot of money.

Oh my God. I know.

Allegedly.

Allegedly. Yeah. And what that does to the rest of her career—

oh, she's fucked. Yeah. Yeah, she's— especially in this, because that was like at the tipping point of woke being like— we had woke fatigue. And then she didn't—

wasn't the whole thing she didn't want to promote, which is like, that's the whole— that's half the gig, man. Promoting your thing is half the gig.

Well, the problem is that when she would talk, she would say things that were so unappealing. They're like, you're trying to sell a movie, people want to like you, you're Snow White, you can't be like chastising people. Yeah, whatever you're doing, scolding people.

Yeah, lecturing them.

And yeah, like, you're a kid.

Yeah, don't do that. Just be like, thanks for the Yeah, where I got the blank.

It was amazing. That's played Snow White. But the whole thing was doomed anyway when they, they weren't gonna use dwarves, right? And they called them magical creatures instead of dwarves. Isn't that the whole— the, the literal title of the story is Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Yeah, the dwarves all have names.

So they all had—

that's the story. You don't want to make a story on the Seven Dwarves. You're gonna have to make a new story.

Is dwarf offensive though? Yeah.

Yes, it is to some. Some like little people, they don't like midget, they don't like dwarf.

Well, midget I knew, but I thought dwarf was like the polite way to say it. Not anymore.

Okay, the goalpost, keep it moving, keep it going. If you went into a coma and you woke up like 3 years later, you'd be so lost. You kind of can't say—

yeah, it's like old people talk and you're like, whoa, yeah, color, they say colored.

You're like, yo, yeah, people of color. Yeah.

Yeah, well, they, they would say that. Yeah, back in the, like, in the '40s or whatever.

Oh yeah, yeah. Which is odd that colored is offensive but people of color is not offensive. Yeah, like if you tried to explain that to someone logically, they'd be like, what? Like if it was another language, like, oh, you can't say it like that, you have to say it like this. You'd be like, what? Why? It's the same thing. I'm saying the same thing. I know, people of color is okay. What do I say again? People of color. Okay, of color.

Then in South Africa, that is a term, you know? What do you mean? In South Africa, there's black, white, and colored. Oh, those are the three. What's colored? Anyone who's not black or white. So like, like Chinese people? Like, you know, like if you're mixed or if you're Indian. Oh, you know, like, wow, you're colored. Oh yeah, weird, man. So that's like the three Boy, broad terms. Yeah. But I remember I was in Canada once and I said, oh my God, I don't remember if I said like native and they were like, yo. And I was like, I can't say native. And they were like, that's kind of offensive. We don't say that. First Peoples. Yeah. So, and that was the first time I had heard that something that I thought I was saying like with respect was disrespectful. I was like, really native? They're like, yeah, hey, easy. Stop fucking saying that. Saying it. I'm like, that's crazy. Okay, I was in Vancouver.

Well, Vancouver, super woke. Yeah, yeah, yeah, super woke. Didn't used to be.

Was it not? Nah, it's like weed.

It was like a big weed place.

It was a fun place. I've all— I had always loved going to Vancouver. Vancouver used to be the shit.

I mean, I haven't been in a long time. The last time I was supposed to go, I had a big 420 show that was supposed to be there in 2020, like right, right after the pandemic. We were doing an arena up there and we had to shut it down. Down. And then we rescheduled it and they had to shut it down again. And then things just got real weird up there and I'm like, I'm not going back.

Really? Yeah, I'm not going. You haven't been there in Canada since? No.

And I've talked a lot of shit about Canada.

Yeah, you have talked a lot of shit.

A lot of shit.

You talked a lot of shit about Trudeau.

Yeah, a lot of shit.

He's out of power now.

He's not— Yeah, justifiably though. It's like what they did up there, They're doing some wild things and they just completely wrecked that country in terms of— they're moving closer and closer to communism in this really weird way. And I know people want to push back against that, but you have to understand that like they don't have— first of all, they don't have freedom of speech. They have hate speech laws so they can move the goalpost. This was Jordan Peterson's argument about this when they were trying to impose certain pronouns that he was supposed to use and certain things that you're supposed to say. And it's like, you can't force me to say things. Like, you're— this is forced speech. And this is— and the problem is they'll call things hate speech, and then if you use forced— they'll force you to use that under the threat of law. And it's like, okay, well, what is— where does this go? Was— goes— you're gonna arrest people for not going along with 78 different pronouns or whatever the fuck they are? Are you gonna— you're gonna kick them out of their job? Like, do you understand that this is kind of crazy?

Yeah. Yeah. And then this weird thing they're doing with MAiD, okay, where they're doing assisted suicide. You know about all this? Mm-mm. Okay. 1 in 20 people in Canada— make sure this is true— 1 in 20 people in Canada dies from assisted suicide. 1 in 20? 1 in 20. There's an actual business now that's involved in assisted suicide.

Is that government? Sanctioned?

Like, is it government-sanctioned? Yeah, really? Program? Yeah. Damn. Yeah. And they, they killed a guy who had seasonal depression. Look at this: 5.1% of all deaths in the country. Holy fuck. Yeah. Medically assisted dying, that's what it's called. That's MAID, officially known as medical assistance in dying. Between 2016 and 2024, there were 76,475 recorded MAID deaths.

Damn, you can just sign up, just be like, I want this, I don't like this.

2024 alone, there were 16,499 made provisions. 5% of all deaths, 5.1% of all deaths in the country. How nuts is that? That's nuts. Find the one guy that they killed that had seasonal depression, and the family was like, what the fuck? He just walks into a place like you can just sign up, you sign up for it. I don't want to live anymore. I'm depressed. I'm depressed.

There you go.

Canadian man, 26, with seasonal depression euthanized despite no terminal illness. Look at that guy. Oh, that was— he just needs friends. Yeah, guy needs a hug. 26-year-old Canadian man who had seasonal depression has been euthanized by a notorious doctor who is personally responsible for ending the lives of over 400 of her patients. What a psycho.

This fucking Uday is back. Jesus Christ, that's so crazy.

Okay, so it's just— he had other issues. So Keanu Vuffian, I don't know if I— how to say his last name, but also had partial vision loss and lived with type 1 diabetes. He faced mental health struggles, which often became worse in the winter as a result of a car accident when he was 17. After losing vision in one of his eyes in 2022, he became obsessed with ending his life by assisted dying.

Hmm, that's really fucking sad, man. Goddamn.

Yeah, you just not happy. Instead of people saying, let's figure out a way to make you happy.

Yeah, you know, we're gonna put you down.

We're gonna just put you down. And then there's money in it, which is weird. It's weird where there's money gets exchanged. People make a living doing it. It. People— the government pays for it. There's profit involved in killing, killing people. Yeah, they're killing old people that just don't want to do it anymore. I'm having a hard time, matey. Oh, step into the chamber. Fuck. I don't know what they do to them.

I wonder, I wonder like if like family knew beforehand, or they just get like a notification, hey, we put them down, you know?

Right. If you're a grown adult, I wonder if the family even gets informed if you don't want them to be. What is the way they do it? Is it a lethal injection? What if you're like, I want to be beheaded? I want to go guillotine style.

I want to have my tongue ripped out by pliers.

Oh, I read this crazy story about this guy who set up a guillotine over his bed, and he had it timed for when he was asleep. So he timed it for 3:00 a.m. And so he went to sleep, and then his father heard this loud bang in the middle of the night and thought that maybe he fell down or something fell over. And the son had literally rigged a guillotine with a timer in his house, and at 3:00 a.m. it hit the switch and this giant fucking blade lops off his head.

A really cool thing to do to your parents, man.

Like, you must have hated his dad. Fuck. Hey, Hey fuckhead, all that shitty things you said to me and all the— that's real, the way you raised me. Yeah, see if you can find that story. Holy— who knows what's real, but I think it's real. Guillotine death was suicide. Builder Boyd Taylor spent several weeks constructing the complex device at the home he shared with his father in the village of Milburn near Morpeth. Where is that? Is that England, bro? Several weeks.

This is super methodical. Oh, I Yeah.

The General Hospital recorded a verdict of suicide on Thursday. The hearing was told that the complicated mechanism was primed to switch itself on at 3:30 GMT and cause a blade to fall on Mr. Taylor's neck. In a written statement read out by Southeast Northumberland Coroner Eric Armstrong, Robert Taylor said he knew his son had been working on something in his bedroom for several weeks. Jesus Christ. He was woken by a rumbling noise which he thought was the chimney had fallen off the roof. Oh my God, that's his head. Father and son worked together in the family building company, but Boyd Taylor has been off for over Christmas, saying he wanted to stay at home.

Fuck. I respect the, like, the, the message so much. Yeah, like the fuck you of it all to his dad.

This is my favorite part. He said Mr. Taylor's death was not a a spur-of-the-moment decision.

No shit. Duh.

Yeah, fucking crazy, man. That's the crazy thing about people that want to kill themselves. Oftentimes they don't tell anybody. Yeah. And no one knows until it happens. Oh yeah. And they're like, imagine if you're his dad and you're like, I should have fucking checked his bedroom. Yeah, maybe I could have hugged him. I heard him. Maybe I could have gotten him some MDMA. Maybe I could have done something to snap him out of of it. I thought he was just making a cool cabinet. Yeah, I wanted to respect his privacy.

But maybe his dad doesn't think like that, you know.

Maybe his dad like, that faggot, he's out there sucking cocks and he gets sad. Fuck him. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, I don't know why I had that accent.

Wrong country. But I mean, to, to want to do that and have your dad find it, bro, that's dark. That's really dark.

Yeah, you don't like your dad for sure. No. Or you don't care. You don't give a fuck about anybody.

You still working on that thing? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, it's a cabinet. Leave me the fuck alone, Dad. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, son. Did you feel like fishing? Maybe sometime. Maybe, maybe, maybe not now.

Maybe in the spring. Yeah, maybe after 3:30 AM tomorrow. What? It's a weird time. Yeah, fuck, man.

I mean, yeah, it's set, timed, and rigged. Also, he wanted to impress people. Like, wow, respect, respect. Like, this guy fucking playing.

His level of dedication to this plan is pretty incredible.

I mean, he set it above his fucking neck while he was sleeping.

How do you fall asleep? Yeah, right there.

Okay, good night.

And he had a, like, a test run for sure.

Oh, for sure, 100%. And the night— oh, the inquest at Mass Beth General Hospital, Ashington, was told yesterday the younger man had weighted the blade with a paving slab wired to plywood wedged into a wooden block at the foot of his bed. An electric jigsaw was plugged into a timer switch. The saw cut the wood, releasing the wire holding the blade.

Wow. 12 sleeping pills, bro.

Wow, that might have killed him anyway, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Maybe took 12 sleeping pills before laying under the guillotine, knowing that the sedatives were so strong that his position in the bed would not alter as he slept. Wow. Fuck. His father heard the jigsaw in action and thought the chimney had collapsed, but returned to the bed when all felt quiet. Felt quiet. The mechanism cut power to the electric tool after it completed its tasks. Wow. He had it set to shut off after it completed its task. This guy was thorough.

But like, also his, uh, his knowledge. Of being able to put that together. Like, that's, that's some engineering skill.

Look at this. It says his son had never fully recovered from his parents' separation when he was 15. He had attempted suicide as a teenager.

He's 36 now, 21 years later. Meanwhile, like, I think dad was a dick, dude. Maybe. Yeah, possibly.

Yeah.

This also says there are partners in a small, small building firm he ran with his father.

Yeah, we said that earlier.

Yeah, he's working with a— working on a carpentry project.

Geez. He was also at the father's house, correct?

He left work to go back. I don't know, it seems like they were separated, but they definitely weren't.

Dude, I thought they were living together.

Dude, it said it's an 8-foot-high, 3-foot-wide structure that he put in his room.

Yeah, how's dad not notice that? He's in a cottage too.

That'd be It's small, right?

Yeah, yeah, just not paying attention. Yeah, built an inner door to his bedroom. An inner door? Before putting together the 8-foot-high, 3-foot-wide structure housing a guillotine blade and devices to trigger its descent. Man, probably one of the wildest ways to go.

I've never heard anything like this.

That guy doesn't need the Canadian government.

No, it's like, I got this, I got this. I mean, there's some creative ways to do it, but that's probably the— They do— And to find that, to leave the discovery is also, you know. Yeah.

And also just leave a mess. You gotta clean that up. Is that what it— Is that the thing? Is that what it looks like?

I mean, this is an article about it and the picture is right below the paragraph.

That's it. Talking about it.

Why isn't it all covered in blood? No, that's probably—

I don't know. No, that's probably— that might not be a guillotine. Yeah, yeah.

Oh my God, I was trying to find pictures.

He knew he was building something and he made sure it was real high so that fucker had some good momentum. Yeah, boom! Woo! A paving stone. Oh my God, dude. Bro, what a fucking psycho. 12 sleeping pills.

I'm good. So you find your spot.

Yeah, imagine the last thoughts in his mind. Like, fuck you, Valhalla. Yeah, yeah, fuck, fuck you, Dad. I know there's certain states where you can go and whack yourself in America. Oregon's one of them because Michael Laird— you remember him from Kill Tony? He had ALS. Yes, yes, he ended his life up there. Yeah, I mean, he was at the door.

That level of suffering, though.

Yeah. Yeah, he actually went up there once and chickened out— or didn't chicken out, changed his mind, I should say. Wouldn't say chicken, that's a terrible way to say it. Yeah, went up there, changed his mind, came back and did a couple more episodes of Kill Tony, and then went— and then went up and did it.

I met him a couple times. Funny dude, man. Very funny, very funny dude.

Real bummer. Yeah, you know, it's like, I get that, I get when you're at that stage, but seasonal depression That's not— yeah, settle down.

There's that thing in Alaska, if you get seasonal depression and you kill someone, it's a lesser charge. Really? Yeah, cuz it's so prevalent there.

God, yeah, be nice to people in the winter.

Yeah, it was dark all day.

Do you ever see that movie 30 Days of Night? No, the vampire movie about Alaska.

I saw the one with Pacino and Robin Williams that also is like an insomnia thing in Alaska. You know that one? Is it called that?

It's called Insomnia.

Yeah, yeah. And you feel it watching that movie. You— it— the performances and the way it's shot pull it out of you. Mm. You're like, fuck.

You ever see that one where Robin Williams played the psycho guy that develops pictures? Yes. 24-Hour Photo, I think it's called.

Was that Bobcat? He did a few with Robin Williams, I think.

I don't know if he made that. He might have, but that one was nuts.

Robin Williams was so fucking good. So talented. So talented. That he could be that funny and also that creepy.

Yeah. Like that he could really play like a real fucking psycho really well. Yeah, One Hour Photo.

One Hour Photo, that's it. Who made that one?

Nah, Robert—

Oh, Mark Romanek, sorry. And I was fucking super happy.

Super creepy. Yeah, this 30 Days of Night is a fun vampire movie. Is it? Because they show up in Alaska during the time with— it's a winter where it's night for 30 days in like northern Alaska. Yeah, and they don't ever have to go to sleep in the day, and they just fuck everybody up for like 30 days. That's pretty cool.

Yeah, fun. I did Alaska when in the opposite, in the summer when it was— I never— that's weird. That's weird too.

Yeah, Ari and I did that once. We did some shows and we went salmon fishing, and it was like bright out at 2:00 a.m.

Yeah, weird. It's weird, man. We got back to the hotel and like the sun's out. It's like midnight.

I know, you don't know what to do. Yeah, your body's so confused.

It's, it's a very confusing feeling. How do people sleep up there, with masks?

They just put—

yeah, everyone has like blackout windows and everything. Yeah, yeah, because I remember you're like like, wait, it's not that late, right?

You're like, no, it's midnight right now. I wonder if crime goes down in the summer months. Yeah, I wonder, you know, has to. You'd imagine, because I think people do more crime. Like, ooh, it's dark out.

Yeah, go do crime. And crime is also— isn't crime usually spike in places when it's like heat waves?

Probably. Yeah, they get hot and angry.

Yeah, you get more domestics for sure.

Yeah. Well, that's why you brought the seasonal depression thing. When it's night out all the time, yeah, that's why people whack each other.

Yeah, make it so fucking depressed.

Yeah. Oh, you know, vitamin D, especially if you're not a vitamin person, you're not supplementing. Oh yeah, you have no vitamin D.

None.

Yeah, that's what's fucked about like flu season. People like, oh, flu season, flu's coming around. Well, why do you think that is? It's because no one's outside, because no one has any vitamin D, so everybody gets the flu.

Is that why? 100%.

Yeah, that's why. Why else would flu have a season? You can get flu in the summer. You can get flu anywhere. What— why is— why are so many people getting it?

But your immune system's strong.

Immune system's destroyed. My doctor told me that. My doctor explained to me that when he was an internist in New York City, that he would test people in the middle of the winter and they would have undetectable levels of vitamin Vitamin D in their system. It's crazy because some people just never go outside and they just— they're indoors all the time and they don't take any vitamins. Their system just breaks down. They're eating fucking sloppy joes and french fries and you wonder why.

Like, I can't believe I got sick.

I can't believe you're alive. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's what's fucked up about sunlight is that like sunlight is actually a necessary part of being a human being. Like, you actually need it for vitamin D.

I have such a notable— I mean, like, dramatic difference in how much I got sick when I was fatter. Oh yeah, versus that, like, of course, of course. I was getting sick, like, like real sick, like 7 times a year. Really? Yeah.

Yeah, you've made like one of the most dramatic transformations of anybody that I know, other than Jelly Roll Jelly Roll. Oh my God, Jelly Rolls is nuts.

Yeah, I just saw him. He was— he went— he came to the 5K. He's down 300 pounds.

I know, he was just at the club. He's practicing stand-up.

Yeah, I heard. Dude, he killed. Really? I mean, well, yeah, he has—

he's got good jokes. He's got some funny stories.

He's a funny guy and he's like comfortable with an audience.

Exactly. Yeah, and just super likable.

Yeah, but it's like— and vulnerable. He's a vulnerable guy too.

Yeah, and his transformation is even more crazy because he was at death's door. He was like, he couldn't even walk up a flight of stairs.

Yeah, it's amazing what he's done. It really is amazing. Incredible. Inspires a bunch of people too, which is, which is awesome.

And he's not done. No, like, he's still full steam ahead. Like, he's changed his whole lifestyle. It's like a full shift. And now it's all just about getting that skin cut off. Yeah, like, oh, that one hurts just thinking about it.

I know, but I imagine how great he's gonna feel after that. It's gonna feel so good.

Oh yeah, when it all heals up, you know, doing it the right way though, like, he's got to get like a hyperbaric chamber, you know, definitely take peptides. And you know, it's just scary because like skin gets infected, oof, you know. Infections are fucking terrifying. That's like the Uday Hussein thing, horrible motherfucker. Yeah, dragging people through gravel and then dunking them in sewers. What a piece of shit that guy was.

And you also had to have the thought of like, how can I make this worse, right? You know, and someone's like, I get these people infected. Well, you could put them in a, like, a bowl of shit. And he's like, let's do that.

Let's scratch them up a lot first. Yeah, let's drag them through gravel. There's wounds. Yeah, all over their body. And then dunk them in a sewer.

Like, you got it, boss.

Yeah. Oh, infections are fucking scary, man. I know a lot of people that get skin infections because of jiu-jitsu.

—oh yeah, that's a bit— it's a big thing. Huge, huge thing.

Mikey Musumichi just defended his UFC Brazilian jiu-jitsu— why can't I say that— UFC BJJ title and got hospitalized right afterwards with staph.

Didn't, um, you know Kyle Busch the driver? He just died, and he died of sepsis, but that's like, yeah, type of infection as well.

Yeah, how did he get that?

I believe I already had pneumonia, and then and then didn't treat it and kept, you know, racing, and damn, that's nuts.

41, man. That's nuts. It's fucking nuts, man. Crazy. Yeah, sepsis is crazy. One of my wife's friends from high school died of sepsis a few years back.

My dad got sepsis in the hospital. Yeah, like he had a— he had a bone marrow transplant and then got sepsis almost died.

Oh, hospital infections are creepy, man, because like Joey Diaz, you know, he got his knee fixed and he said that— what does it say here? Timeline: Bush had been battling what is originally believed to be a sinus cold for a couple weeks, even radioing his crew to have a doctor meet him after a race at Watkins Glen. Despite continuing to race and win, less than a week before his death, his condition rapidly deteriorated. He collapsed and became unresponsive in a Chevrolet racing simulator in Concord, North Carolina. 9/11 caller noted that he was coughing up blood and had shortness of breath. He was transported to a Charlotte area hospital where he died.

That is insane.

Fuck, that is so crazy, man. But you know, Khamzat Chimaev, the guy who was the middleweight champion before Sean Strickland just beat him? Yeah. When he had COVID, he would not stop working out. He was training through COVID like bad, and he was hospitalized multiple, multiple times. Times, and he took a photograph of his toilet where he'd coughed blood into his toilet. Yeah. And was saying, I'm retiring, I'm not fighting anymore, I'm retiring from MMA. And he posted— see if you can find the photograph. Oh my God, on social media, he posted the photograph of his toilet with the blood in it. Yeah. Is told he may have cancer after coughing up blood in training.

But it was because that was a while ago.

Yeah, years go. He wouldn't stop training. Like, he's such an animal that while he had COVID, he would not stop training.

Now, that was a huge upset, right?

It was an upset. It was an upset. I thought it could happen that way. I was actually saying, like, a lot of people— like, Ari was arguing with me on Protect Our Parks. He's like, you always say that when someone doesn't have a chance, you always hype it up. Like, I think Strickland can win this fight because Strickland is like insanely durable. He's scary because he doesn't go away. He's not gonna get tired. He doesn't go away. He's tough as shit. Hit. He was abused when he was young, so he's angry. Like, he's dangerous and he's super skillful, very hard to hit. And he fought and won with a blown-out shoulder. Yeah, he's crazy. He fucked his shoulder up like the week of the fight, like did something bad. He's coming and getting some stem cells at Wastewell. Yeah, he fucked it up and he doesn't even know what it was, but he couldn't use it right. I could tell when he was warming up before the fight started, he was doing this with his arm, just doing this like he was warming up, doing this, and he kept doing this. And that's what you do when your arm hurts.

Yeah, like if you hurt your shoulder, like, how bad does it hurt? Let me check, let me check real quick. And that's how he went into a fight, went to a world title fight against the scariest guy in the division and beat him. Fuck. With one arm.

I saw him, that was like the day before, two days before, something He was like doing construction on his driveway.

Yeah, bro rides a motorcycle everywhere. World champion. Yeah. Yeah, he just was— went to that Misfits— no, what is it called? Aiden Ross's thing that he does. He does something called— what does he call it? Brand something or not? Brand Risk. He has people fight. Ray J, the guy who did the— yeah, porno with Kim Kardashian. He's got knocked the fuck out. I saw that.

Did you see the post-interview? Yeah, he was like, what the fuck, man? I thought we had a deal.

Yeah, like, that was weird. They made some sort of a deal. Yeah, apparently. Well, at least he was implying that the guy wasn't gonna punch him in the face and knock him out.

Well, the weird thing is, if you want— I feel like if you watch that again, the punch— none of it's like— you're not watching pros, obviously. None of it seems like— it just seems kind of wild. Mm-hmm. And as he sees him stunned, he doesn't do what most people do when you stun somebody, which is follow up, right? He's kind of like, oh shit, like, right, kind of the body language lends itself to that theory. Like, he did—

he just was like, uh-uh, and he's laughing, but he's also celebrating. He's like, ah, fuck it, I knocked him out. Look how out of shape Ray J is. Yeah, that's a crazy thing to be accepting a fight when you're that out of shape. What was the Hot Fire? That's his name, Super Hot Fire.

But see, he's just like—

well, both guys look like they didn't know what they're doing.

Yeah, he's just—

but he hit him with one shot and that was all it took. That's crazy. So they must— they must have made some sort of a deal. They weren't gonna hurt each other and they were gonna do it for money. I wonder how much he paid him.

That's so weird.

Someone asked during the press conference they had, which I thought was true, Ray J said like a month or two ago he was dying of some heart disease or something really bad, and they They're like, "You're fighting?" He's like, "Yeah, I'm going in here to die." You saw the Cam Newton thing, right?

Cam Newton? Yeah, with Ray J. No. Oh, that's the best clip of the year on the internet. What is it? When Cam's like, "Are you gay?" You haven't seen that? No.

Oh, it's the best. On Cam's podcast?

Yes, it's the best. No. You got— I can't do it justice. Okay, okay, okay. It's the best thing I've ever seen. And part of what's so great is that you know this, I know this I'm conducting interviews, there's a certain point in an interview when you're— that you're having with someone where if they start saying something, the best thing you can do is shut the fuck up, you know? Right. It's like you can just go, "Gimme some air." And Cam just goes— like, where does Cam— Cam is 80% of the comedy, but it is the best. The full clip is just incredible. Oh yeah. Is that the whole thing?

So it's at least over a minute.

Oh, you asked me that last time. And I just— so I listen to like Biggie Smalls. You like Biggie? Are you a fan of Biggie? Can you just answer my question?

He just said, are you gay?

Analogy to it. There's a— there's a— there's something.

Can you answer yes or no and then go into that?

Shout out to the gay community. Yes. What does it matter if I'm gay or not? I just— it doesn't matter. I'm just asking a question. It's people like people. When they leave here, we're all together. When you leave and it's done and it's a wrap for the day, everybody's going to do something. Everybody's going to go to their prospective places. Some people are going to go home. And I hate to say this, but it's just going to be grimy, but I'm sure there's people that go home, they got a dog. Dog, their favorite dog. They stop by the store, grab some peanut butter.

Lee Ray, how old are you? I'm 45. You're 45 years old.

In 45 years of living, have you ever been with a man? Is it not the full version? Yeah, it cuts like that. You cut up— it cut off the best part.

Sorry. That's all right, man. All right, try to find the full version. It's It's so fantastic. Well, it's a 3-hour podcast.

That's why I know.

But there's a— maybe the 4:12 one, is it? Or maybe this— what is this? How long is this one?

Let me see. This is— this might be talking about having sex with women though. Said he's had sex with 11,500 women. It was a massive—

you're talking about different partners. What? Yeah, so we did a celebration, booby trap.

I would scroll, try to get to where we were.

This could go for how many times you've had sex.

No, no, no, no, no. 10,000 different people. I want to be at 9,000. I can only fuck 1,000 more bitches. I can't do anymore.

But the average of, of, of volume of different sex partners. Some of my homegirls, they fuck But I don't think like that's—

what's your body count?

No, this isn't it. No, that's not it.

This is just a body count thing.

If you go to 65, if you go back, back to your search, 412 there on the— that might be it. See that one? This might be it.

Yeah, some people go home, put peanut butter on themselves.

It's so much better.

Okay, just pass it past where we So people like people. Yeah, this is it. Scoot ahead a little bit.

When they leave here, we're all together. Good, good.

It's like he's trying to— Grab some peanut butter.

Watch this. Right? Go home excited to see they dog. They put a bunch of peanut butter on they feet so the dog can lick it off. Some people even go further to watch TV on all fours, slap a little bit of peanut butter in the crust crack and enjoy theyself, and the dog is having a good time, right? I don't know what that is. It's none of my business.

Have you ever done that? Have you ever done that?

Have I ever had a dog lick my ass with peanut butter in it? Um, no. You thought about it. But I'm familiar with it. Okay, so Willie Ray. I'm familiar with it because I caught somebody doing it.

Willie Ray.

I won't say no names, but it was a lot.

Willie Ray. Yes. How old are you?

I'm 45. I'm 45. You're 45 years old.

In 45 years of living, have you ever been with a man?

No. You have not? I— you have not is now you going into it.

No, I'm not. I'm just trying to confirm.

Yeah, but I don't want to— but here's the thing. I sit on a gaygency board, pause, and I'm the only straight person on the board. But again, I have friends, shout out to Terrod, shout out to Dumpin' D, shout out to Backshot. Dumpin' D? Backshot? And everybody else that supports the gaygency. The gaygency? What is the gaygency?

I have no idea.

He's on the board.

It's not an agency. It's a gaygency. Yeah. There you go. All things LGBTQ+IA+, I-A+.

Sorry, it's just because you—

I was already going there and then you looked up and I'm— oh, plus I ate with this.

I ate plus. Okay, cool, cool.

Okay, cool.

Now I didn't want to have to ask this, but it's fair. Are you gay?

No, sir. Okay, see, and I've never experienced nobody getting licked either.

I'm just— but that's of older people. Older people do that.

Older people?

No, I'm thinking like, it's like 50, 55.

Older, older people. Older people, they get their asshole licked by dogs. Just keep going. No, we get it. I get it.

Boy, he's insane. Isn't that great?

What a character. You should have him on your mom's house. I fucking would love to have him explain what the post-fight speech was about. What was that about?

Yeah, is he also the one that had the products with the glasses? Yes. Yeah, yeah, dude, he's invented some of the world's best products. I don't know if you know about that.

That's fucking amazing, dude. It's amazing.

What is the post-fight speech? See if you can find that, because he said something really crazy. The way he said it was like very strange, talking about—

yeah, he was like getting interviewed and then he's like, yo man, like literally he's like, I thought we weren't doing this.

I don't want to get anybody in trouble. Yeah. Or anything. I thought we had a deal.

Which seems like if people were placing bets on that, that's a— which they definitely were. They had to.

People place bets on fucking everything.

There was another fight. Manziel fought too, right? Yeah, right. People had to be placing bets.

100%. Absolutely.

I mean, that's the way to get a visit from the FBI, I feel like.

Yeah. Well, it also seems like you're admitting to a crime, which is like, maybe it's just because you got a concussion.

Yeah, sure. You could—

I was just talking out of— I don't know what I was saying. Yeah, I was talking crazy. I was trying to save face.

I had peanut butter in my ass and I just didn't know what I was saying.

Pretending that I didn't know which—

in the ring or this?

It was in the ring. Okay.

Yeah, there's a small part, but they cut it out.

See? Yeah, that was—

this is edited real weird.

Oh, here's a brand risk event. And now the internet thinks this whole thing— hold on, don't talk to him! You don't deserve to talk to him! You don't got a good-ass haircut and then came here and got spun!

I thought we had a plan. What the—

I thought we had a plan.

Yeah, there's more to it though.

It's not the best video to pull it for.

I'm trying to find it. I think I have it here.

Imagine getting your ass whooped by Super Hot Fire.

Yeah, it's a great name. I know. I got it, Jamie, here. I'll send it to you.

Yo, Joe, who knocked you out?

Super Hot Fire. Oh, that's pretty tight. Well, you know, what are you gonna do?

It was Super Hot Fire.

Yeah, I sent it to you. It's just bizarre the way he says it. Yeah, it's like you are either making an excuse or this is the dumbest honest criminal ever.

Got a plan. I don't want to say too much because I don't want to get nobody in trouble, but damn, my nigga, nigga, we took an L tonight.

We didn't take shit. Your ass was over here. I gotta talk to the nigga about—

y'all talk backstage, Super.

Money we lost, nigga. We didn't think you was gonna win, so how y'all lost money?

Wow. Yo, I mean, that seems real as shit though. That seemed very real. That seemed very real. So they must have—

yeah, he must have said, listen, I'm gonna put a bunch of money on me to win. Yeah, you have me win. And he just— look how much money we just lost. Yeah, they were gonna split the money.

Yeah, some Pulp Fiction shit right there. Yeah, yeah, boy.

Well, we'll see.

Super Hot Fire's like, Super Hot Fire doesn't take no money.

Super Hot Fire gets killed in a drive-by. We know what's up. Yeah, right now you can't even retaliate. That's fucking nuts, dude. I know, it's crazy that he admitted it publicly. It's like very strange right in the moment.

Yeah, very strange.

Very strange that he would— I just mean, maybe just got knocked out. Maybe he's never been knocked out before and he was just like confused. Yeah, and that's why he said it, but it seems like that was real.

That did seem very real.

Yeah, and Superhotfire wasn't like, what the fuck are you talking about?

Kind of just like, yeah.

Yeah, you can't take a shot.

Yeah, yeah, he's like, how much money we lost? I wonder how much money.

They'll know, like, they'll know bets.

Yeah, 100%. And they'll also know, like, we got a few $200,000 bets that we should investigate.

Yeah, you know, the UFC has had a real problem with that. Really?

Oh yeah. In what way?

Well, they caught people, um, they caught suspicious betting, and then, like, the line changes, like, very quickly. And there's a bunch of money being dumped on one fighter, and then to lose in a very specific way, like the first round, and the fighter loses in the first round when they were the favorite. And then you find out that his coaches have bet on him and other different people, so it looks like they dumped the fight. Wow. Or maybe they went into the fight with a blown-out knee and they knew it was blown out, and they said, I'm just gonna— we'll just put a bunch of money on me to lose, and they go out and fight and lose. So the FBI's in involved. And so there's a bunch of different fights that are being investigated.

Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah. There was that crazy doc about that college basketball one from years ago that was just incredible. And the way that it all fell apart was they just got too greedy, you know, because they had a guy who— I think he was the point guard, maybe at ASU or something. And, and once they had him, you know, like, locked in on this, they just— and they realized he really could swing it how they wanted to. They started just betting crazy. And then, yeah, the FBI was looking at these betting lines and saying like, oh really, there's $2 million on this game from, from one per— like, this is— they started to just get keyed in on it, and then the whole thing got exposed.

It's kind of funny that people don't think they're gonna get caught doing something like that.

Yeah, especially at that, like, where you go like, oh, it just all the money can go in. It's like, yeah, it's too much, man. You know, you probably could have gotten away with $25 grand or whatever, you know, like something that doesn't really ring alarms. But if you start putting 7 figures down, you don't think anyone's gonna take a second look at that?

What are the rules? Like, what do you— like, you can't dump a fight, but if you know someone's hurt, like, say if I know someone's hurt he's hurt, and I'm like, ooh, I know he's hurt. I'm gonna put a bunch of money on him to lose. I wonder if that's legal. Is that insider trading?

I don't think it is. I also feel like it's different— maybe I'm wrong— if you are getting a bunch of people to do it versus you're doing it because you had— you know, I mean, because, right, how could somebody—

you can't be sure that he's not gonna still try to win.

Yeah. Also, it's like, did you put a $5 million bet on it? Right.

Well, look at this way. Imagine If I found out that Strickland hurt his shoulder that week and I'm like, oh, his shoulder's blown out, I'm putting all the money on Hamsat and then I lost. DraftKings explicitly prohibits betting by insiders on sports or events where they have an unfair material or non-public advantage. This applies to athletes, coaches, referees, team personnel, and sportsbook employees using private information to gain a betting edge. But none of those people that they mentioned there, athletes, coaches, referees, team personnel, Now, none of them is like you're friends with a guy because you train at the same gym as them.

That's true. That's not a— also, this is saying that this private company can do this, but legally, is this a legal thing?

Yeah, that's where I was gonna— when you brought up the $5 million bet, if they lose a big bet like that, you definitely gotta assume they're gonna look into like, well, who the fuck was this, right? When they make the bet, how many times have they done this? They get lucky one time.

Look at the Strickland fight. Like, if you— so he was training with Johnny Eblen, who's the middleweight champ of the PFL. Badass motherfucker, like beast, beast wrestler. And that's how he hurt his shoulder. And so, like, if you were there during those training sessions and you're like, oh, he's hurt, I'm gonna fucking sneak away and put some money on it. Mm-hmm. I wonder if that's legal. I wonder if it is too, because first of all, you would have lost because Strickland wound up winning anyway.

Exploiting non-public information such as knowing a star player's injured before it is announced can lead to criminal charges. Individuals caught coordinating insider betting schemes have faced federal felony charges including wire fraud, bribery, and illegal gambling. Yeah, but how's it bribery?

I don't know. That depends on what— Yeah, what the circumstances are. But if you were in that situation and you bet on Strickland to lose and he actually did lose and you knew or wanted I wonder, because in that fight he was the underdog anyway.

That is kind of interesting. What is the legal threshold for public information? Mm-hmm. Because that's really what we're talking about.

I think that's about fucking gambling in the stock market. Yeah. Oh, do you see that thing that I sent you, Jamie? Yeah. And I love— is that real? What's up?

So that's a— many things use that for statistics. That's things using percentages. So there's a chart Joe sent me about like the amount the S&P's gone up versus Republican Republicans and Democrats, and it's a percentage thing. Democrats are up like 900%. I think Republicans like 600%. The S&P was up like 508%. But percentages don't tell you like what you started with and what you ended with. Right. You could have started with $100 billion and you made $1 billion and you made 1% versus someone who made $1 million. It doesn't sound the same, but they're not relative.

Right. But they did the— when you look at the chart and you look at the difference between the Republicans and Democrats in terms of insider trading in Congress, all doing it. They're all doing it. That's why they can do it. Yeah, because they're all doing it. If it was only the Democrats, the Republicans would be like, what the fuck, bro? Yeah, but since they're all doing it, everybody's like, what's up?

There's no problem. Yeah, there's no problem.

Oh yeah, I don't see nothing.

Here's the chart. This is like an account that just takes data and makes charts out of it.

Yeah, so it's them doing better than the S&P.

Oh, but again, just using percentages is not a great way because somebody could say something went up 77% or went up 300% It doesn't matter what you're talking about. It sounds like a lot, but it might not be relative to what the actual number was.

Well, that's really interesting that they're doing so well. Well, this is also saying like pure luck.

People could just bet on NVIDIA itself has gone up a shitload. Right. If you just put money in NVIDIA, you'd make a lot of money.

I'll say this. That's a tough thing to resist. To be sitting in Congress. And you know you're not going to get punished.

Yeah. No one. I mean, a few people have been punished, right? We looked that up the other day. A few fucking blabbermouths, probably some outsider, some shithead that they were like, fuck him, throw him under the bus.

Yeah, they probably had a few guys they threw under the bus, and it's probably somebody that didn't have a portfolio.

Didn't Trump do a lot of like stock purchases?

He's made a fortune. He's made a fortune.

And they made a settlement with the IRS. I think that's why a lot of it came out recently.

But like, he can't be charged with anything. Yeah, they can't be. The latest thing is that he and his kids and his company cannot be audited. Oh, that's cool. That is cool. How did that— That's my settlement.

What was the settlement? What was the IRS being sued for? What was the accusation?

It was for the leak, the leak of his tax returns.

Okay, so the IRS leaked his tax returns?

He, yeah, he said they were reckless and—

Yeah, settlement of his $10 billion lawsuit.

2018 leak of his tax returns to New York Times. The— in the US is forever barred and precluded from examining or prosecuting Trump, his sons, and the Trump Organization's current tax filings, according to one-page document released Tuesday. That is so crazy. Imagine like somebody accused you of murder. Yeah. And, uh, it turns out you weren't guilty of that murder, and then you sue them and you go, you can never prosecute me for murder again. And then you just go straight, uday Hussein. Yeah, and they're like, it's cool.

Yeah, it's fine. Now here's the only thing that— the detail of that— are— is, is part of that settlement that says that, like, the language that they cannot be— for their current tax filings, does that mean though that in the future, future filings also fall under that immunity?

Oh, go back, go back please. This is crazy. Like, go back to the top of You see that right there? Under the settlement to resolve Trump's $10 billion lawsuit over the 2018 leak of his tax returns to the New York Times, the US is forever barred and precluded. But now look at the end. It was quietly added to the original establishment, original settlement establishing a $1.8 billion fund to compensate people who Trump thinks were improperly investigated by the government.

January 6th fund, I believe. Yeah, they're paying for all of their legal fees. Whoa.

Yeah, but $1.8 billion is probably more than their legal fees, I would imagine.

Yeah, it's also going to be for like, you know, I was, um, I was—

compensation. Yeah, so do they get compensated?

That depends.

They're all, they're all filing, you know, making claims. Are they? Yeah, well, a lot of them are making claims.

Yeah, well, here's what's fucked. For sure there were government —people that were rabble-rousers. There were people that were trying to get people to go into the Capitol. That's a fact. How many? There's— they call them agent provocateurs, right? So there's people that your tax dollars pay that were trying to get people to commit crimes. Uh-huh. We don't know how many. We don't know. And supposedly, no, they were just there to monitor. Really? Okay, but we know that people have done that in the past where they've encouraged people to commit crimes. Yeah, and we do know that there was some knowledge that this was gonna happen and that they, they wanted it to happen. They wanted to happen exactly that way, and they encouraged people to do it so they can make it look like Donald Trump is a real threat. Yeah, and keep him from running for reelection again. That didn't work out. The whole thing is crazy. Like, imagine that there are government employees with government tax dollars. They're being paid, and they're being paid to encourage people to commit crimes they would have never committed without it. We know that's a fact. That's a real thing.

Yeah, there's a guy in Dallas who was 19 years old that they tricked into detonating a fake bomb. They radicalized him, gave him a cell phone, gave him a bomb.

The— like, the feds? The feds. Heads. Jesus.

They, they made him a jihadist, so he goes to detonate the bomb. It's not a real bomb anyway. And then lock him up in jail forever. They give him the bomb, they give him the cell phone to detonate the bomb, they talk him into doing it, the whole deal.

And there's not going to be any— they're just like, that's done.

Was it— how about that lady in, uh, what was it, Michigan? Which, uh, state was it where the— they— there was 14 people that were trying to kidnapper. Turns out 12 of them were FBI informants.

What the fuck? Really? Yes, yes. Was Michigan, right?

What is that lady's name? Get the Whitmer. Yeah, Governor Whitmer. Oh, there's 14 people involved in this kidnapping plot. 12 of them were FBI informants. So it's like a whole crew of FBI feds with the goal of what? Of arresting these two suckers, these two retards that think it's a good idea to play along with these dorks. And these guys were like, we thought we were just talking shit. Yeah, fucking— and now they're locked up. Yeah, yeah, sorry. I mean, that's— they spent money on this. It's like your tax dollars go to try to trick people into doing a crime that you know they're gonna do and they're never gonna be able to do because you're gonna arrest them before they go to do it.

It sucks as a criminal to think that you have to really doubt who you're working with, you know. Hard times. It's hard, man. I thought we were gonna have some fun. Turns out you're a fucking snitch. Maybe that could be an episode of—

yeah, yeah, next season. Good one. Yeah, it's a good one.

Yeah, right, fun one.

That's actually a very good one. Mm-hmm. There's probably a lot of room for comedy in that. Tons. It's just crazy because it's like they have to— this is the problem, and it's not entirely— it is their fault they did that, but but it's not entirely their fault because they have to make arrests. You want another one or are you good? No, I'm good, thanks. If you want to have a career, your career is dependent upon you making arrests. Yeah. You know, this is the stuff that I've worked with Josh Dubin with the wrongfully prosecuted and convicted people. One of the things you find out is that a lot of these prosecutors, what it is is they want to boost up their career by getting cases handled. Yeah, they want it. They want to arrest people. They want those people to be convicted. That makes them look good. So they just fucking monkey around with the evidence.

This feels like a, like a traffic cop meeting his quota. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you didn't use your blinker. Fuck, are you doing, man?

Dude, I had a guy pull me over and then he recognized me and let me go, but he pulled me over and said that I crossed the white line and I was like, what? And he goes, he was— he followed me like the moment I left where I was at. He was on my ass like immediately. So I saw across the white— like, so he's— I was in my little loud BMW, my little E46. Mm-hmm. And it's, you know, probably like, look at this douchebag. Yeah, like, yeah, he's probably drunk. Yeah. Thankfully, I was completely sober, but he pulls me over and he's like, I saw you cross the white line back there. I go, really? Okay. I go, I don't think I did, but— and he goes, Joe Rogan? And then like, oh, it's up. I'm just looking for drunks. I'm like, okay, well, I'm not drunk.

So he was just gonna try to— I think they have a quota.

I think they have a quota, and I think like they have to fucking make arrests. And maybe they pull you over and they realize you're not drunk, and so they just inconvenience you for 5 minutes and let you go.

I had one of those.

I've had that happen before. Yeah, I dropped my phone once when I was on the highway in LA. Yeah, I reached down in between my legs to pick up my phone, and I must have like moved to one and then all of a sudden, whoop whoop, I'm like, okay. I got out, I gotta do the whole thing, touch my nose, the whole deal.

This guy accused me of, the cop accused me of trying to ditch him too. He's like, you tried to ditch me. And I was like, what? He goes, you took a right here. And I was like, that's because I'm going this way. Like, I made a right because I'm going this way. He's like, where are you going? I'm going to my mom's house. He was like, where she live? Yeah, I was like, up here, then I left. And he was like, all right. He's like, what the hell, man?

He tried to get away One time this guy in a truck didn't see me and totally turned into my lane, and I had to go into the— I mean, I was, I was in a Tesla. Luckily it was fast, so I avoided it and shot back into my lane ahead of him. But it was like, this guy came like inches away from hitting me, and I had to go into the opposite lane to pass him. And then I had— there was no one in the opposite lane. Yeah, I did it. And then all of a sudden the lights come on. And he goes, I saw you pass that guy back there. And he goes, you smell like liquor. I go, I have— I'm not— I haven't drank a single drop of alcohol. I do not. He goes, you smell like liquor. I go, no, I don't. And he goes, Joe Rogan? I go, yeah. I go, what are you doing, man? I go, I go, go look at your cam— you have a camera right on your car? Go, go look at what happened. And so he looks at it. I go, that guy almost fucking hit me.

And he goes, I just saw it. Yeah, he almost hit you. You. He goes, hey man, I love the UFC. Like, okay, cool, cool. But like, you didn't— you were pretending I was drunk. Yeah, you're pretending you smelled liquor.

Somebody else would have had a real hard time with that.

The, the I smell liquor was infuriating. I'm like, come on, dude, I'm coming.

So upsetting.

Yeah, I think I was coming from like somewhere innocuous, like the gym or something. I was like, what do you— what the fuck is wrong with you? Yeah, you're saying you smell liquor, you definitely don't smell it, you're just being an asshole. Yeah, but they have a quota. They have a fucking quota. It's like, imagine being them, like, hey Tom, haven't met your quota. What would they do if no one— if we all just said, hey, this quota thing is bullshit, everybody for the next month never speed, always use your blinkers, stop at every stoplight?

They would come up with something else. What the fuck would they do? Yeah, they would come up with something. There'd be a new— something would change in the law that would be illegal that people were doing. But if no one's—

if so, it's just speeding, let's say speeding. If no one sped for a month, what the fuck would they do?

I mean, they would, they would pinch people for something else. They just absolutely would. That's crazy. It generates too much revenue. But isn't that crazy?

Yeah, I think that the cops, the serve and protect, they're supposed to be that. Yeah, they're glorified revenue collectors.

When you see these, the, these police departments that they investigate for being super corrupt, like the level of corruption in some of them is mind-blowing. Like, no, there was even that chief, the chief that was in— I think it was in Jersey— that was just like tormenting the entire department. He shaved his back on people's desk, fucking stick a hypodermic needle in their leg, put Viagra in the coffee. He was just like fucking with everybody. Yeah, he was like tormenting people. Where was that? In Jersey. That's definitely— was it stuck a hypodermic needle? Yeah, dude, he was fucking absolutely crazy just as he had power. Uh-huh. Yeah, he was going—

he was going nuts. What is it about people that have power over people where they just like 8 out of 10 times abuse it?

I don't know. That's like all the dictator stuff I've been reading is like— why are you reading so much about dictators? I don't know, the stories are just so wild. The Idi Amin thing was just— is so crazy. Again, like, came from extreme poverty, neglected by his father, humiliated by the British, then joins the battalion to work with the same people that humiliated him, came to power, and then became a complete megalomaniac. I mean, and also you see, one thing you see in all these dictators is such extreme paranoia because when you operate in a place of wanting to instill fear, you feel fear, you know?

Oh, yeah. Super paranoid, man. I wonder if Woo Dae was paranoid. Probably not. That's a good question. I mean, he probably had so much power that he didn't have to be paranoid.

His pops is paranoid. Yeah.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably his own son's gonna kill him.

The Kims, super paranoid. Oh yeah. All of them. Oh, they have to be. Yeah, because you just, you know, you're in such fear and you just instill fear and then you go, someone's— and they're right because people are turning on them. Yeah, there's all these like attempts on their life.

Well, this is his brother Qusay. Yeah.

Uh, oh, hours before the 2003 invasion of Iraq, Qusay withdrew approximately $1 billion in cash. In cash? $100 bills. What? Yeah, right here. $900 million in $100 bills, the equivalent of €100 million, loaded them into 3 tractor-trailers and left. So €100 million and $900 million in $100 bills and loaded in a tractor. Considered the largest bank heist in history.

Got there at 4:00 AM.

How— wait a minute. Also, it says until 2011.

On personal orders from his dad. Yeah, but is that his money or anybody's money? Just whatever, whoever's money it is.

But bro, what's the bank heist in 2011 that surpasses that? I think that's the English one.

Oh. Is that the one?

It says $6 billion in Iraq missing, but it had been stolen.

Oh, what's that one? Fuck. But this just makes sense, man. It's like whenever there's a war, whenever there's chaos, there's a bunch of people that are gonna fucking steal some money. Yeah. Iraq wants its money back. Yeah. Los Angeles Times says that some of the officials in Baghdad have threatened to take the US government to court. To reclaim the missing loot. Good luck. Good luck with that. They'll start bombing you again. They'll find some more weapons of mass destruction.

Love says it was US taxpayer dollars.

Oh, of course, of course. Well, they should— while they're looking for that, look for the $24 billion that they spent on the homeless in California. This is like everywhere you look, there's people stealing money. And where do you think the billion that he put into tractors ended up?

That though. Like, I like how it just ends. He put it into tractors, end of story. Right, where'd it go? Where did that go? Oh, because he was killed shortly thereafter, right? Where's that money?

It's a lot of fucking money. There's a lot of cash. $12 billion in cash was flown into Iraq in 21 separate C-130 flights in May of 2004. That's why they like going to war. That's why these motherfuckers like going to war, because for sure you can get some of that.

You're gonna rain cash, bro.

Some of that's yours. Yeah, if you and I are running some fucking defense contracting company, like, listen, Tommy, that yacht you got your eye on, yeah, here it is, here it is, bro, here it is.

Drop a few bombs, let's do it.

$100 million, let's do it. That's a drop in the bucket for this operation. It's a very similar claim. Yeah, Afghanistan's Taliban displays pallets of cash received for humanitarian aid. Yeah, they just give them cash. Yeah, they just give them cash. Why? Yeah, look at that, bricks of of it. Look at what it looks like.

Million in cash.

Oh, nothing. There you go. Jesus. Don't— this is what Tim Burchett was saying, that we give them that every month.

Yeah, this is why I found that—

this article, this one here. Look at that packaging, bro.

Yeah, we send that to them every month. American tax dollars.

And then we go, do the right thing.

And then we're like, we don't have any money to fix the streets, we don't have any money to pay teachers, but we have $40 million a month for the Taliban.

I wish you would talk to whoever's in charge of infrastructure in this city to fix some of these streets.

Yeah, they're not gonna listen to me.

There's so many fucking potholes. A lot of potholes, dude. And just destroyed, even in residential areas. The street is fucked up, man.

I know, wonder why they don't fix that. I don't know either. It's not like it's not money around here. No shit. Yeah, well, maybe get Spencer Pratt if he loses in LA to run for mayor of Austin. Come to Austin, bro.

We could use you.

Is he got a chance in LA? What do you think?

I think anyone's got a chance. I think, I think if you put together a campaign that gets some excitement and people talking, you have a chance in LA. I really do. Like, that city, the people there are desperate. They're desperate. And also they live for entertainment, so entertain them a little, right?

Yeah, he's entertaining.

He's entertaining as shit.

You see, one of the things he's doing, he's putting a stencil down on the streets and power washing spencerprattformayor into the dirty streets.

No, is he really?

Yeah. So he's clever, putting it on the sidewalk, and the sidewalks are so disgusting that if you put the stencil down and power wash it, yeah, you could see it clearly. I mean, I—

if you think that that guy doesn't have a chance, I would remind you that our president is a reality show fucking host.

You know, I think he's good. I think his ideas are good. I think Spencer— I've had him in here. He's got some good ideas. I mean, he definitely wants to stop all this fucking camp.

He's running against the incumbent, or who—

how many people's running? The incumbent and another woman, you know, but he's running as a Republican. How's he polling? I don't know. I don't— probably not well. Calshi, the trading market, he's in second place behind her, behind Karen Bass. Imagine that. She burned down the entire Pacific Palisades by not having any water in the fucking hydrants, not having water in the reservoirs, and they're like, yeah, but But let's give her another chance. Yeah, she was busy. She didn't have time to save all those houses. Aren't you glad you sold your house before it burnt to a crisp?

It's really crazy. I did a fundraiser show a couple weeks ago in Altadena.

Altadena is even a worse situation because those people don't have any money. I know, it's a lot of them working-class families lost everything.

I saw— I haven't been to my old street, but I saw a video. It's— it just looks like a like a bomb. Like a bomb went off. Yeah, it was really crazy.

I'm glad we moved too. Yeah, I'm glad. I'm really glad you didn't lose your house.

Me too, man. That would have just been— I feel— I really do feel for the people that did.

It's— I know quite a few. Terrific.

I know quite a few. Yeah, I do. I do.

One of my good friends, Matt, he lost his place. It's really sad. Yeah. Anyway, dude, your show's awesome. Thanks. On Netflix right now. It's really, really fucking funny. Thanks so much. It's fucking just so preposterous. It's so irreverent. And, and again, shout out to Netflix for having the cojones. Yes. Thank you, Netflix.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Balls to do that show. Yeah. All right, go watch it. I love you, buddy. Thank you very much. Bye, everybody. See ya.