Transcript of #2445 - Bert Kreischer

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All day. Hey, does the red light therapy really help your fucking eyes?

100%.

I'm doing it.

Are we rolling? Yeah.

My eyes are so fucked. Yeah, I can't see.

Joe, get one of them Gary Breca beds for your house. Well, there's a bunch of companies that sell them, but you want like a really powerful red light bed. I did it this morning, dude. It changed my vision.

I. I can't. When I'm in the shower, I can't read. Shampoo, bath, gel.

Whoa.

Like, I'm like, dude, why do they need to be small? Can't you just make it big as fuck so everyone can see it?

They're not that small.

I can't see them. And then I'm getting out naked, putting on readers to see what I'm fucking. I've washed my hair with conditioner so many times.

Yeah, mine was getting bad. Mine was getting where I needed these fucking things, which I haven't picked up in months.

I heard you say that. And I was like, I did. Went to Wastewell the other day and I did the red light bed every day. Every day until I googled how much it costs. That thing's expensive.

It's expensive. The real one. But Whitney got one that's not that expensive and it's fixed her eyes. She got one that she just sits in front of every day for like 20 minutes or something like that.

I love that.

Oh, dude, it's amazing. But the big ones, the beds, they help your whole body recover. They're like, we could look, let's. Let's put, put it. Put that into Perplexity and say, what is the benefits of powerful red light therapy? I. I use AI so much now. I was in the beginning, I was resisting it so much. Then Perplexity came on as a sponsor, and now instead of searching things online, I just ask the phone. I just pull up the app. The app and ask it a question. I don't have to type anything. And then it gives me an answer. And then I could say, well, what's the benefits of it? And then it'll get. List out the benef. I'll say, what are the cons? And I'll list out the cons. Like, is there, you know, there any people that disagree with complexity? Yeah.

So I got, I got one. My questions are always like, they're always more like about me. So I look.

How do you look yourself up?

No, no, not about mental Health? No, I don't look myself up. It's about, like, your health. No, my health or my experience in life. Okay. So, like, I was like. I was. The other day, I was in bed, I was like, all right. I think my generation had the greatest run. Like, out of all the generations around my generation, Gen X had the greatest run. We got great childhoods, right?

Right.

We got to experience cell phones. We got to be impressed by the cell phone.

Right.

We had nine, 11, which wasn't great, but was the time of the country healed. Right. Everyone wants a tragedy like the JFK shooting. You want that moment where you walk by a bar and they're like, what are you doing? Like, you haven't heard. We got one of those with the pandemic, which is insane.

Right?

We had our music play better. We had rock. We had. I mean, just the Internet took off, so we got to experience that. I think my generation, Gen X has yours too. Right?

Right.

Yeah.

I'm Chuck.

So I asked that to ChatGPT, and I was wrong.

What do you mean?

The greatest generation is actually labeled the greatest generation. It's my grandmother. Your grandmother. They experienced horse and buggy. They then went. They saw cars, they saw television, all within the time they had horse and buggy. They saw people land on the moon. I mean, all that shit.

Telephones.

Who got fucked with the baby boomers? They were just old enough to not understand cell phones. Like, they got fucked. Millennials got fucked. Millennials got real fucked up. Yeah.

I don't know about the greatest generation. I think. I think you're correct. I think the passage of the Internet, like, the Internet going through our lives and cell phones, like, I experienced VHS tapes first. Then I experienced answering machines. That was a big one. Caller id, you know who's calling you? You can just duck people. That was crazy.

I Remember when caller ID shut up. Then I remember when Star 69 showed up where you could block your caller ID.

Star 69 was good because you could call people back that were pranking you. Y like, hey, motherfucker. Like, what? What's going on?

Dude, we got prank calls. My Jen, my kids didn't ever got prank calls. Like, they never understood what a prank call was.

The Jerky Boys. Jerky Boys were fucking amazing, dude. Those guys were so funny. So those recordings were so funny. You know who did a great fucking prank call recording? Greg Fitzsimmons.

Really?

Oh, my God, it's hilarious. He did this one. We called a rental car place, and he said that it's. The car was on because they. They went to the gas station and they filled up pots and pans with gas, and they put it in the back seat and fucking Bobby smoking. And now the car's on fire. Like, you got to hear this guy freaking out. What do you mean the car's on fire? It's. You can't do that anymore, dude.

Greg, you know when people go, like, what kind of music you listen to when you talk to a real musician? Like, you talk to the Black Keys, right? And then you go, like, what are you guys listening to? They're like, have you heard of the Velvet Thud or something?

Right, right. They've got some obscure.

And they're like, that's what you need to listen to. When people say, I listen to Sunday papers, that's Fitzsimmons and Gibbon's podcast, I go, you're real comedy fans. Those are the two funniest human beings alive ever. Greg Fitzsimmons. When I got ready for Lucky, I brought him on the road with me. I was like, dude, I trust you. Just tell me where I'm sloppy. Tell me where I'm lazy. Tell me where I'm leaving jokes. And that first night, he was like, you got a minute? And he went through my whole hour. He's like, I think you're leaving this on the table, dude. Those motherfuckers are the funniest dudes alive.

Yeah, Greg's awesome. We started out together. We started, like, one week apart from each other.

For real?

Yeah, literally. We went on the road. God. In the early days, Greg and I traveled everywhere. We did open mic. We would drive to Rhode island, do open mics together.

He was a great example of the first dude I ever saw talking about his family on stage. And it wasn't nerdy.

Right, right, right.

Him and his son ran a train on his wife.

What?

It was a great joke. He was like, I had my first threesome. It was with my son. So it's a little awkward. I'm fucking Greg's joke. Up he goes, my son was breastfeeding. I was getting her from behind. We had the high five in the middle. But I remember hearing that as a. Remember being a dad, as a comic was like, off limits.

Right, right.

And I saw that, and I just had Georgia. The second person I saw. The first person's Greg. The second person I saw, and I mean, I'm talking just at Georgia, was Louis fucking ck. I went and worked the road with him, and he was doing all the material for that first special that popped for him, and he Was talking about his kids, and he was just like, my daughter's a cunt. And he goes, I know I'm not supposed to say that, but what else do you say to someone who won't put their shoes on? They're a cunt. We're trying to leave the house, and they won't put their shoes. Imagine if you wouldn't leave. And it was just like. And it was like I'm sitting there, you know, lost in, like, what I thought was stand up was like some imitation of Dane, you know? And I'm watching Louie going, like, this is something totally different. Yeah, those guys. Best prank call I've ever heard. Sidebar. Brendan Walsh.

Brendan Walsh is a funny motherfucker.

Brendan Walsh.

What's he up to?

I don't know. I think he does, like. He's always been like, more art comedy, you know, like, more like performance.

Well, he does these podcasts where he puts a neck brace on a wig and giant glasses and he plays a character. He's a funny dude, man.

Do you remember what.

He's an Austin guy.

He was an Austin guy. Yeah, he was. I remember he. Do you remember he was on your podcast? I remember him telling the story. And I think about this all the time. A Circuit City had closed by his house, and so. And he lives in Silver Lake. Do you remember this?

That's right. He made a prank. We told everybody he was turning to Whole Foods, and he got everybody so excited. Oh, Whole Foods is giving you Silver Lake.

He just did it for himself so that he could be at the coffee shop and hear people talking about Whole Foods.

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He did a prank call. I think Stanhope sent it to me. He was like, this is the best prank call ever. And it's Brendan calling a phone sex. And, you know, they always try to keep you on the line, right? So he's like, hey, what are you wearing? She's like, nothing. What are you wearing? He's like, nothing. And then you hear, like, a dog barking in the back. And she goes, is that your dog? He's like, yeah, yeah, ignore him, ignore him. And then the dog barks a little longer and he's like, tell me what are you touching yourself? And then you hear a baby crying in the back. And he's like, she's like, is that your baby? And he's like, no, it's fine, it's fine. It's a different room. I'm totally fine. And then you hear a woman come in and go, are you on the fucking phone sex again? And he's like, hey, leave me alone. And she's like, do you want to do this later? And he's like, don't worry about it. And then you hear a marching band come in playing and he's just trying to hold her on the line.

Dude, I, I was crying. That is like, like, you know, not to like get too meta about it, but comedy has become so. And I'm a part of this. I'm so self promotional and put it on. I gotta take it's new show. When you see someone like Brendan or like, or like Greg and Mike who just, just do it for the pure. Just to make themselves giggle. Yeah, it's so beautiful. Gillis is like that. Yeah, Gillis is Gillis. I always think he's just a, like, like a my. My favorite Shane Gilla story to that. I will for the until I die. We're doing, we're doing fully loaded the first year. And it's Shane's on everyone. Mark's on everyone. Nikki's on everyone. It's like, it's the best year. We probably did it. No offense. And Shane sees my daughter Georgia, who's being a PA with her friend Daisy, and he's the very last night. And Shane walks up and he's like, you guys sneaking beers? And they're like, no. He goes, oh, come on, I'm not gonna rat you out. I'm like, no, we're not. And he's like, come on, you're 18 years old. You're on tour.

It's our last night. You guys are sneaking beers. And they're like, we're not sneaking beers. He goes, I can smell the beer on you. And they're like, we've been sneaking beers. And he goes, okay. And he just sits down right next to me. He goes, georgia's sneaking beers?

Did you know she was sneaking beers?

No, I had no idea. Shane just fucking ratted her out.

She's your daughter.

Yeah.

You're getting hammered every night. You're not going to notice. Like, dad's drunk. He won't even know if we're drunk.

She would. Yeah, she. It's funny because I go to, like, her college and other dads, you know, party, and, like, she's like. She doesn't. She's always, like, kind of low key about it. Like, the dads will, like, bite beer cans and kill them and shotgun beers. I know. That's what dads do.

Really?

Yeah.

Which dads?

Well, you're in a different school zone. The. That's what dads do. And. And I'm always like, you know, this is what I do for a living. Like, I could murder these guys. She's like, dad. I'm like, oh, you like him crushing a beer and shotgunning it like a microdose. What are we talking about?

What are you talking about? Jamie? I'm sorry. Right before we get started, you were telling me about something.

The REM sleep or lucid dreaming Sleep. Communication. I got to figure out where I put it. I sent a DM to someone about that, I think.

So I got to tell you before we find that. So Eddie Bravo calls me the other day, and he goes, did Bert Kreischer lose everything and then get it back? I go, what? And he goes, yeah. It was so confusing. He was on Shannon Sharp show, and Shannon says to Burt, what was it like? You lost everything and then you had to build it back? And he goes, it seemed like it wasn't true. I go, it's not true. And I go, did Burt go along with it? He goes, yeah. I go, what? And I couldn't wait to talk to you about it, because I could totally picture someone saying to you some story that totally never happened and you not wanting to be confrontational, so you just go along with it. Is that what happened? 100%. 100%? The fucking whole show? How did you not say that never happened?

He just caught me off guard.

He caught you off guard?

I was like, did at any point.

In time you say, I should probably say this never happened? No, I was like.

He was like, you lost everything in my head. I was like, I did. He was like, but you made it all back. And I go, I did.

Where is this coming from?

I have no idea. He said it, and I just was like, huh?

Why did you say that? I don't know.

I didn't even know what I said after. He's like, how did you do it? And I just was like, I don't know, Shannon. I just focused and really started, like, I have no fucking clue. I should not be allowed to talk on microphones. I literally was like, I don't know what I said even after it, to be honest with you, but I was like, I guess he has it in his notes. So I was like, yeah, so someone.

Must have Googled the Bert Kreischer. Probably some Reddit thread. Bert Kreischer lost everything, I guess.

And like, you know, the stories about you online are more prevalent than the true ones. So you just go, I guess that's what he heard.

And you just went with it.

I don't know.

That's so weird to do.

I was. I had no. I was like. In my head, I was, like, trying to think maybe he was talking about, like, you know, I had development deals when I got into the business.

Yeah, but you didn't lose them. They gave you money.

No, no, no. But.

Just never became a show.

But then. No, but I'm saying, like, maybe I was. In my head, I was like, maybe he's thinking that, like, you know, I had a lot of development deals early, and then I didn't for a few years, and I worked the road, and maybe that's what he was saying. And then I made. I'm back. I don't know. I was like, but even when you.

Work the road, you work the road. Then you had the Travel Channel show. There was no period where it made sense.

By the way, that is the least of my fist or fry on that fucking show. I got in so much trouble. That show, Every clip you do goes viral. Every. I just am like, when I got done that, I haven't felt this in a long time. I was like. I was like, wow. I was like, I think I'm gonna get a lot of text when this airs.

Well, it seems like he wants that, right? He's got a lot of people on the show that talk a lot of shit. A lot of people. Like Cat Williams, famously, was that. That episode was fucking amazing.

We talked about that.

Went in on everybody, including me. That's why I got him on the podcast. He said, Joe Rogan might have me on.

Has the same funny thing. Motherfuckers.

Unfunny. The same seven unfunny motherfuckers. I was like, dude, I love Cat Williams. What are you talking about?

He's the best.

I'm like, I never met him. Yeah, I'd never met him before. It's like, it wasn't that I wouldn't have him on. It's like, I didn't even know he wanted to come on. I would have had him on.

That interview was with him was epic, amazing, and accurate.

The thing about his shit talking is it's not. He's not lying.

No, no, it's. It's. You know, it's. When I got out, I was like, it's. I don't mean this with disrespect, but it's Les Shannon, I think more as producers, because he's got cards. So I think the producers are like, what? What clip's gonna pop? I think they go online, right?

They try to find controversial subjects.

Like, he brought up. I told you he brought up one. He's like, bert, you think Kevin Hart's just lucky? I was like, oh. I was like. I said that fucking 12 years ago. And it was just. It was all it was. And I know I'm even. But this is what it was, Joe. It's like at a time when none of us were making money, not you, but, like, the younger companies were making money. And you're online, you watch Kevin and, you know, Kevin knows I love him, but Kevin's like, I'm the hardest working motherfucker. I'm the hardest working. And in my head, I was like, we're all working hard, like. But a lot of people, you know, were just, you know, waiting for a moment to get in front of people. And then I was like. And then I had an agent, very casually, like, not mine, but at a thing goes, you know, Kevin should mention how lucky he got. I said, what do you mean? He was like, you know about Fool's Gold, right? I was like, no. He's like, well, that's the beef between Kevin and Cat is Cat packed a gun in his luggage to go shoot Fool's Gold.

And he got detained, and they were in production, and they're like, we need. We need someone small and black to fit these clothes. We already got clothes for them. Yeah. And he's like, get Kevin Hart. And that was the story I wanted Kevin to tell because that as a comic, you can kind of put your head around that. And I've. And I. And by the way, I did not do a good job of explaining it on Shannon's show, because it's like, you know, I'm a fucking talk out of my ass. But, like, every comic has had these, like, moments that skyrocket them, right? These moments that Pop and I went through it. And I think you'll understand it now, but for me, it was the machine story going viral. For Bill Burr, it's the Philly rant. With Bill, that Philly rant just put him in the next level. Jim Jeffries, he gets Punched in the head at the Comedy Seller or Comedy Store in London. His manager happens to be a guy that knows the Internet. Brett Vincent posted on MySpace goes viral. Every comic that pops always has that Tom. As I was telling this to Tom, he goes, yeah, it was me.

Netflix. He was like, tom got on Netflix. I mean, I didn't even realize this. Tom said it to me. He got on Netflix. When there were two comics on Netflix, Bill Burr and Tom Segura. Bill puts his special out there. Like, did you like Bill Burr? You might like Tom Segura. And Tom's like, if Comedy Central had bought, I would have been fucked. But instead, I sold it to this small streamer, Netflix. And the only other one they had was Bill Burr. And so as comics, I think sometimes, and you know how much I believe in luck, it's so it's easier to hear about someone's luck, where you go, oh, that is crazy. That happenstance. I mean, we've said it about you, and I know you probably disagree maybe to a certain descent, but I thought. I think the greatest thing that ever happened to you was that getting kicked out of the Comedy Store, that period of time where you had to reevaluate yourself and you created this, what you have, and you re. I mean, you would speak to it better than I could. But I think as comics, we look at you reinventing yourself and reimagining yourself and making it your own fucking entity and creating this podcast which has changed all of our lives, that moment.

And it must have been tough to lose your agent, get kicked out of the Comedy Store, and have to figure things out that we all got behind. Everyone got behind you. Everyone was like, that's my guy. I mean, I'm curious what your feelings about that are.

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Just head to drink ag1.com Joe Rogan or visit the link in the description to get started. Certainly had an impact. You know, it was also the men video where people could clearly see that I was right.

Yes.

And then we were all a victim. Like we were all hiding at the store. Like when he would go on stage or he would be in the back of the room, if you were on stage, they would flash the light to let you know that he was in the room. You know, crazy that is that there's a guy around that steals so much that they have to flash a light whenever a comics on stage. And then comics would just start doing crowd work.

Yeah, that's insane.

It was crazy. So all the comics knew that what I was saying was the truth and it was proved by like the consequences of someone who was already successful. Right. So I was already on Fear Factor at the time. I was already a known person and I lost my agent and I got kicked out of the store.

That video, that video was akin to the Philly rant, Jim Jeffries getting pun, that viral moment for you, which it.

Was also how well Red Band put it together too. Such a good editor. He's so brilliant. It was music. He went back in time. He like, you know, like he spent a lot of time working on that. It was a work of art. But it was, you know, it was the first time that someone was held accountable because, you know, we don't have to name names, but we all know people who snuck through and still kind of have careers. Although greatly diminished impact because like when they go on stage now, people are excited to see them because they're famous. And then that immediately goes away when you realize there's nothing there. They have no material because they have to write for themselves now. Yeah, you see a giant drop off. You see the early specials with like great jokes and really funny. And then you see like what is this nonsense towards the end? It's just like weird like nonsensical rants on thing. It's bizarre to watch. But that's what happens when you get exposed and you have to do Your own. And there's a few of those guys floating around out there.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's crazy, because the one thing I can't smoke. Cigars. Blood clot.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah, the. I'm not supposed to smoke cigars. I mean, I could text my cardiologist and see what he says.

I heard cigars. Good for you.

They gave them to Teddy Roosevelt.

Yeah, look what happened to him.

You know, I could have one cigar if you're gonna smoke one in here.

Come on, son.

Just. Just do, like, Old School Rogan, where I. Anytime I smoked weed, you had to pull the camera away from me because.

You'Re on a travel channel. Yeah. I mean, we all have a moment where things. But it's like an accumulation of those moments, right?

It's. It's. You know what it is? It's like you get that moment. Like, I'll use Burr as an example because, you know, only because I've talked to him about this specifically, but, like, he didn't love the Philly rant because right away, everyone thought, oh, that's his thing. We're gonna. We're gonna heckle him and he'll go lose his shit. So he didn't love it. But the thing is that. That goes viral, and then you Google that person, you're like, who is this? And then you see a body of work that's undeniable, and you're like, oh, Bill Burr's my guy. You know, for. For. For Shane. I mean, in my opinion, It's. It's that YouTube special he did. And then you see Gillian Keeves, you see all his sketches.

It was also him getting kicked off by snl.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Him getting kicked off SNL was huge.

Yeah.

It was the best thing that ever happened to him. If he was on snl, he got buried on that show like a lot of people. But instead, he gets kicked off. A bunch of people are mad at him, and then they're like, well, what did he actually say? And. And then people start looking into it, and they go, oh, he was just fucking around. He was pretending to be a racist guy in Chinatown. Yeah, that was the bit. Like, he was just. They were just talking shit on a podcast, and then he releases that special, and you go, oh, he's actually a great comic.

He's a dude. His Special Olympics joke.

He's got so many good jokes.

His Special Olympics jokes. We were in the bus one time, and my cousin Andrew goes, has anyone know Shane Gillis? And I've Known Shane for a while. I have hysterical emails that he sent me back when he was like, just like open mic or whatever, like going like, hey man, I feel like we connected. They're the greatest, Joe. If he knew that I was. He'd be. She'd FaceTime and go, hey, can I read your emails on Joe? He'd fucking lose his shit. They're so fucking hysterical. Joe, I'll send them to you. And so I go, yeah, I love Shane. I love Shane. The day I met him, he goes, he's like, yeah, I'm supposed to go out with my girlfriend tonight. And I was like, but it was like 10 in the morning. We were drinking Fireball and he was like 10 in the morning? Yeah, we were doing a I used to call and sick to work shows where we go to the club.

Did you get Fireball at 10am he's.

Like, that's what he said. He said I was supposed to go with my girlfriend. I said, what's your girlfriend's name? And he goes, big Tuna. And I went, big Tuna? He goes, she's a big girl. And I was like, yeah, I figured for the name Shane. And then I fucking. I've that from that day on. But that Special Olympic jokes when he. We listened to it in the bus, he's like, what do you think? Should we race them? I mean it. We were crying, fucking laughing. That's like one of my favorite jokes I've fucking ever.

He's got a lot of great bits, but that specially did at the creek in the cave. That was like, people got to see. They're like, oh, okay. Well this is what he does. He touches on that third wire.

Yeah.

You know, the third rail rather. And it's like, you know, it's funny. It's really funny. And they were trying to label him as this horrible racist that Saturday Night Live hired.

But you know, anything but from my opinion.

But that, but that happens, man. You're gonna, you know you're gonna get attacked. There's always something. There's always something that a comic says where someone's going to get mad. Especially in this day and age, people are just looking for things to get mad. But almost always it helps them if they're a good comic. Almost always, like Tony Hinchcliffe, it blew him up. Like almost always when something happens, you get attacked, people start looking at you go, actually this guy's really funny. And then they become a fan.

Yeah.

Because you're just getting so many more eyeballs. The people that are looking to hate you. They're going to hate you no matter what. But there's going to be a bunch of people that are all like, what's going on? And then they look into it. I mean, that happened to me during COVID I gained 2 million followers in, like a month. 2 million followers on. On Spotify in a month. When they were trying to pull me off of Spotify when all, like, all these music artists were calling me a vaccine denier and removing their podcast or removing their music. Like when Neil Young. And it was a Joni Mitchell. Yeah, Joni Mitchell. They were. They publicly removed their pot. Their. Their music from Spotify because of my podcast.

Are they back?

Yeah.

I don't know if Joni Mitchell is, but, yeah, Neil Young is. I don't even think Neil Young actually owned his music, which was funny. I think it was just like a ploy. I mean, it's like, I think he probably believed a lot of things he was saying. He was just misinformed. He just didn't understand that I was actually talking to people that were legitimate scientists. That turned out they were. Right now. Now we know.

Yeah.

But back then, it was like there was this hysteria about it, and a lot of people that were very skeptical started tuning in. And then the whole CNN thing, when they turned me green, like, all that shit, it just. That helped.

I don't know if I could have. Like, I'm not good. People always go, you know, if they're talking about you, it's good. All press is good press. But anytime anything negative comes out about me, it fucking devastates me. I don't. Like, I could not have gone through what you went through.

You just don't. I just don't read it if you don't read it. But you don't. Like, when you.

Like, how do you. Cause, like, you come up in my newsfeed all the time and, like. And I'm such a fucking idiot that if I'm scrolling through Google News and I see my name, I go, oh, what's that? And then I'm like, God damn it.

You can't do that.

Last time I did this show, Greatest Experience, Gray Hang Lucky, streaming number one on Netflix. I'm so happy. I'm in my bed going, things are going good for the big guy. Hit on Google News. And it's like, picture of me and you. I was like, bert Chrysler, Joe Rogan. And they're like, bert Chrysler ruins the Joe Rogan podcast. I'm like, motherfucker. And it was an MMA journalist, and I was like, Wait, why? God damn it. I was like, ugh. And then you see it and you're like, well, it can't be that bad. I'm read it. And they're like, oh, my God. But then my daughter Georgia said something very profound to me. She was like, why would you allow that? And I'm sure that guy will write that same article after this episode. She goes, I'm sure he will. I think the guy also has a fucking football feed. He said, I ruined the. Anytime I do something, there's someone that says, bertrache, you ruined it. And I'm the only one that reads it. And my daughter Georgia goes. Literally looked at me and goes, did you have fun with Joe? I went, yeah, I had a blast.

I love being around Joe. She was like, then fuck it. She goes, your experience is the one that matters the most. She goes, what? Why would you allow someone to dictate your memory of an event? And I was like, who the fuck raised you? I was like, I don't know.

Well, you were on the road. She probably raised herself. That's why she's so wise. She had to form her own opinions.

She had to read books.

Yeah. She had to actually form her own opinions and think about things rationally. Having a father like you. Yeah. You can't. You can't pay attention because the vast majority of people lived miserable lives. That's Thoreau's quote. Most men live lives of quiet desperation. There's a lot of people out there that are very, very sad, very unhappy, and looking to make something negative. They're always looking to be a critic, which is fine. You know, that's their prerogative. But it's not. You don't have to read it.

Well, it's. I. I'm at the place now. Like, I took Google News. I took all Google and everything off my phone because the series premiered, and I didn't want to get good or bad. I was like, good, because you can't. You can't quantify the good. Like. Like, if you're gonna. If you listen to the good, you gotta listen to the bad. And I was like, well, I don't want to hear the bad, so I just want to hear the good. And then. And then we were. Jamie and I were talking about this outside, but, like, you have a social media team who's posting like, like, like, like your.

Your.

Your claps. Like, they're posting, like, the nice articles. And I'm like, don't even post that. Because, like, I don't even, like, just stay out of it. Just let people like it. Let them like it.

And if they don't, people have their own opinions. That's the best move. I don't have anybody that does that. I don't have any.

You post all your own stuff on Instagram?

On Instagram. If I post it, it's from me.

Really?

Yeah, always. Yeah. And then there's the Joe Rogan Experience page that the staff does. But that is just a clip from the podcast. They take an interesting clip where someone says something, it's put up with no context. It just says, you know, episode, blah, blah, blah. That's it. I try to do it as, like, natural and neutral. You like it, you don't like it. If you don't like it, don't listen to the next one. It's okay.

So wait, what. What is your. What is the impetus for you to post something? Like. Like when. At what point do you decide to share your life?

Well, I just feel like if there's something I think someone will think is interesting or something that I would like to see, if someone puts it on their feed, I'll put it in there every now. But I don't post that much.

You don't?

Because I don't read that much. I stay off. I don't think it's good for you. I think it's. Not only do I not think it's good for you, I think it's genuinely bad for you. And it gets in the way of all the other stuff that I like to do, you know, I'm busy, man. I'm busy. There's a lot of interesting to pay attention to in the world. I'm not one of those things. I don't like paying attention to me, you know, and reading me or. And I don't want to, like, go online and see too many car crashes and people getting shot and animal attacks. I get Tommy and I have the worst text message chain he, him and I all day. Whenever he finds something, like, unbelievably horrific, some guy getting run over by a truck, he'll just send it to me, and then I'll send it to him. And we're always trying to one up each other. So when I find something absolutely horrible, someone says me something absolutely horrible, I sent them. And then we just. That's like. My main source of, like, trauma online is my Tom Segura text message chain.

But other than that, I pretty much stay off. I don't think it's good for you. And I feel way better. I started doing it A few months ago. It's like. Like a force of habit. Like, I'm looking at it all the time. Let me just not look at it today. And then I did it another day and another day. I'm like, God, I feel better. I feel better. Like, I genuinely feel better. It's like I'm getting over a cold or something like that. And so I said, all right, well, obviously, like, engage. Definitely don't read anything. Like, definitely don't, like, read when people say things about you. Definitely don't read when you. You post something. Read the comments. Don't do any of that. You know, people get wrapped up in it, and you realize, like, people are just trying to take you down. There's so. I mean, not all of them. A lot of people are supporting you, but it doesn't matter. If there's like, 10 people that love you and one person that hates you, you're going to think about that one person, you know, which is nuts, but it's just human nature.

It's crazy. How that algorithm works is that it's just like if there's someone in the front row that's not laughing. Like, last night, I had a. I don't know. It was at the bottom of the barrel, and I don't know how rape came up, but it always does. And I was like, well, there's no phones in here. Let's go. I said, if I'm gonna go for, it's in this room, right? And there was a woman that did not like it, and she was a little vocal in the crowd, you know, the bouncer, like, yo, you know, let him. You know, he's working this out or whatever. And she's like, I was told to shut up. And then in the rest of the night, I'm watching her out of the corner of my eye going, God damn it. And then I just dug holes and holes and holes. And. And then at one point, the whole audience is chanting rape. I'm like, oh, my. This is bad. But. But it's. But it's. It's funny. And then also it's like, listen. Say you're some fucking dude looking for a connection in life, and you go to my page and you leave 100 comments, and they're like, you're the best, Bird.

I love you. When you come to Cincinnati, I'm here. Tampa. I'll be there, man. I'm going to drive. And then the one time he's like, you're a fucking bitch. And then I reply, he's like, oh, I guess that's how I get the cat to come outside, you know? So that's why I don't read. I don't read any comments.

Whitney was going into. You know, the whitney thing about Ms. Rachel. I didn't know who Ms. Rachel is.

I found out who she is today. 1.8 billion views on how to say mom and dad. And I was like, it makes sense, man.

Well, she's. She's an educator for neurodivergent kids. Is that what it is?

Yeah. I watched a couple of videos.

Pull up some videos of Ms. Rachel, because after people were dragged, by the way, the worst fucking people were going after her. People that I know that are comedians, that are just unbelievably shitty and dishonest, disingenuous human beings. Bad faith communicators. People that just, like, completely distort anything about the person.

Yeah.

And it's just because she's successful. It's. It's a giant part of it. And so they see her making some crack about Ms. Rachel because she was watching it with her kid. She didn't know what the fuck it is. So here's Ms. Rachel. Let me. Let me hear what this sounds like.

Letters and.

I don't hear it, Jimmy.

Really?

Special guests. No, no, not at all. Dinosaurs. I don't hear anything in my own microphone.

Can you help me count that?

Do you hear it? I don't hear you, Bert. There we go.

There we go.

2, 3, 4. 4 must be the number of the day the dinosaur eggs are hatching. Wow.

How many dinosaurs do we have?

One, two, three, four. Okay, pause. Why would you go after this? Like, this is like a little kid show. Yeah, she must have been bored.

There's nothing different from this in Blue's Clues, in my opinion.

It's. It's a show for little kids.

Yeah.

Like, I don't get it.

I don't know. Maybe she was just trying. She was trying to write a joke and thought she'd get some traction. I guess.

Maybe she took two instead of one. And then she got a little extra energy. I don't know what she's doing. All of a sudden she's like, Fuck Ms. Rachel. But then she started responding to people because she didn't understand what it was she said. And then she took it down and apologized. But you can't apologize to the mob. They come for you. They come for you. And she learned. And I texted her, I said, listen, I love you to death. You got to stop going back and forth with these people. You can't do that. It's not. They don't. This is not a genuine conversation. They don't care if you're like, if you were a person and you were someone's friend and you start shitting on Ms. Rachel and someone said, actually, that's like, for kids with learning disorders. And you'd be like, oh, fuck, I didn't know that would be the end of it.

Yeah.

And then we'd laugh, you know, but these people are not looking for a real conversation. They're just looking to destroy your life. And then so many people like, she lost her career. Career's over. Like, what? You were going to see her anyway. You like, what are you talking about? You weren't. You weren't going to pay to see her anyway. Stop saying her career's over. It's not doing a damn thing to her career. You just want it to be over because you live a miserable life, which is why you're on threads 12 hours a day.

So funny you say that. I just read something negative about Whitney on Threads today. I was like, what does she do, bro?

Threads is the worst.

And then I saw the Ms. Rachel and I watched a video. I had two kids. I don't know. I look at that as I go. That's nice.

Threads is like, for people who already been, like, humiliated on Twitter and they're trying to find a new crowd. Yeah, it's very weird. Very, very, like, so much negativity. Not that Twitter isn't like, Twitter's super negative too.

I haven't been on X. I try.

To look at the news only. I try to look at news and things that people are exposing. That's in the news, which is very interesting. Speaking of which, what was that thing that you found? So this is very strange. This is about people being able to communicate in lucid dreaming.

I guess we'll find out later, but.

Scientists report first ever communication between two humans during sleep.

I'd love this.

Scientists say that science fiction may be coming closer to reality. According to reports, California startup claims it successfully enabled two way communication between people while they were lucid dreaming. Participants were asleep in separate locations while researchers monitored their sleep and transmitted a coded word designed to be perceived inside a dream without waking them. The system reportedly relied on sensors, wireless communication, and specialized software to detect dream states and relay the message. The company's founder says that what once sounded like science fiction could soon become a daily life. A part of daily life. No independent science. But they're not saying what happened. No independent scientific replication has confirmed the results yet still the experiment builds on real research showing that interaction between lucid dreams is possible. Yeah, but what is the interaction?

The coded word, I guess. Was it.

Did they relay the coded word to each other? They both got the coded word.

That's where I started getting into a weird space that I found out. This was posted on Instagram like yesterday or something.

I googled it.

Press Release was from 2024.

Breakthrough between. Breakthrough from REM space. First ever communication between people in dreams. So this is the article about it in Business Wire. Lucid dreams occur. Participants are sleeping in their homes. Brain waves and other polysome somnographic data were tracked remotely. Specially designed developed apparatus. When the server detected the first participant entered a lucid dream, it generated a. How do they detect that someone's in a lucid dream? Because a lucid dream is a dream where you're aware that you're dreaming.

Yes.

And it generated a random REMO word and sent it to him via airbuds. Earbuds. Participant repeated the word in his dream with his response captured and stored on the server. What? Eight minutes later the next participate participant entered a lucid dream. She received the stored message from the first participant and confirmed it upon awakening. Huh.

It sounds like they're saying it in the room and the person's grabbing it.

No, they're sending it through earbuds.

Yeah, they were both in their own houses, it said.

Yeah. So they receive it through earbuds. He says it in the dream and then she receives it. Huh, huh. Well, you gotta wonder what is happening in dreams. Dreams are very bizarre.

Have you ever lucid dreamed?

Yeah, yeah. Not. I mean I've done it a couple of times, but I haven't on purpose. And I've always wondered why not. Like why haven't I read books on lucid dreams? Why haven't I tried to do it?

I think it's something that just happens.

No, you could actually do it. You could. There's. There's guys that practice lucid dreaming.

I mean I lucid dream pretty extensively. Yeah, Like I. Ever since when. I remember when you came out with alpha brain, you're one of the first things you said it would help with lucid dreaming.

Oh, if you take it before bed, it definitely helps with lucid dreaming.

Yeah. And I remember saying I didn't know what lucid dreaming was at the time. And then I found out I was lucid dreaming and I've lucid dreamed my whole life. But now that once I knew what it was, I could stay in a dream and I could go back into dreams. I could restart a dream that I just had, go back to sleep and go, I'm going back to dreams.

Really?

Yeah. Yeah. It sounds crazy, and I know it sounds like horseshit, but I never knew what it was. I never knew what it was until Alpha Brain.

There's actual techniques that people practice, and apparently they give classes and courses on how to do loose. There's books written on it because there's. There's real techniques on how to lucid dream. I just never. I don't know why. Like, I. When I'm tired, I just want to go to sleep. I go hard all day.

Yeah.

And when I crash, I just crash. I don't want to be around experimenting while I'm sleeping. I just want to go sleep.

My lucid dreams primarily are either, like, I realize I'm dreaming. I go, I'm asleep. I'm dreaming. This isn't real. Oh, shit. I'm in control. And then a lot of times it has to do with fucking. Like, I'm like, oh, I don't have to put a condom on. This is great. This is fucking. I can't. I'm gonna bang all these fucking chicks in this room. And then one time I had a lucid dream where I was like, I could. I knew I was dreaming. I was outside. I had to go up these steps into, like, an old cottage, like one of those old Hollywood cottages. And I was like, I gotta fuck. I gotta have sex with anyone I want. And in my dream, I was like, oh, I'll pick your wife. How cool is that? And then I went into this cottage. I know I fucked my wife. I know I could have fucked her in real life. And then. But a lot of my dreams back in the day when we. When I first started lucid dreaming, I would always decide to fly. And I remember. I remember I had one right after we.

The first time I ever tried Alpha Brain, I had one, and it was. I was doing a photo shoot on Melrose, and I was like, I don't want to be here. And then I was like, wait, I'm dreaming. This isn't real. I was like, I'm gonna fly home. And so I just leapt up in the air, started flying over Hollywood and then over the hills. And then I was like, wait, I have no idea. I have no frame of reference for where I am. I was like, it's getting dark. And I was like, where's the 101? And then in the dream, I just started. Kept flying. And then I'll Wake up shortly thereafter. But it's a lot of, like, a lot of sex and a lot of flying.

A lot of people breathe underwater in their dreams.

Never breathe underwater.

Yeah, they breathe underwater in their dreams. They fly. Flying is, like, really common.

I used to have, like, crazy fucking dreams. Like, wild. I sold a TV show to Comedy Central about my dreams. I've had dreams where I wake up laughing. I've had dreams where I wake up crying. Like, I have such insane fucking dreams. But. And I. No one ever wants to. No one ever wants to hear you. I would have dream joke dreams. Like, real joke dreams. Like, I had a dream. This is a real dream I had where I was on stage and I was in a dance position like this. And I know this sounds horseshit. It's a real dream, and the curtain's drawn, and I look around and I see I'm standing on stage with four or five dudes that are all in clan outfits. And I'm like, oh, fuck. And I look down and I realize I'm in a Klan outfit. And I'm like, motherfucker. And I'm like, I gotta get off stage. And the curtains draw back. And I hear. And it's an all black people. And I hear the voice of God. Go, ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for the Click Clack Clan. And we started tap dancing, and we were so good that the black people got to their feet and they started cheering.

And we're like, oh, my God. And so, yeah, and that was a real dream. I woke up and I wrote it down. I used to write down all my dreams, voice text them. I used to voice text them all. I'd have dreams about you and Stanhope and Joey Diaz. It was like my whole world. I used to think to myself, I'd dream about Shaq. The other day, I was like, I wonder if Shaq ever dreams about me.

I bet he doesn't.

I bet he doesn't. Who's someone you've had a dream about recently?

I don't really have dreams. Too many dreams about people. Not people that I know.

What are your dreams about?

My dreams are weird, man.

Like, let's dig into this.

I had a dream that I came on the podcast, I had to talk about because it was the absolute strangest, most realistic dream of my life. And it was a dream where I encountered these beings that were not human. And it was insanely realistic. They were very human. Like, I think there was four of them. They were tall and thin, and they look kind of. They didn't look human. Their heads were too big, their eyes are too big. And I can't remember. I think they had teeth, I don't remember. But I remember they were joking with me, like they scared me and they went, ah, just fucking around, like trying to get me comfortable with who they are. And they were communicating with me somehow or another through thoughts. And I was really freaked out because they seemed very, very real. It didn't seem like any other dream that I had. So much so that I woke up at like 3:30 in the morning and I just lay in bed for an hour trying to go back to sleep. And I couldn't go back to sleep. I was almost like, I'm not sleep, I'm wide awake.

Yeah.

And so I went to the gym and I just worked out at 4 in the morning. And I worked out for like two hours. And after it was over I got in the sauna, did the whole thing and then I came to work. I was like, I have to talk about this right away because it was so strange. It was one of the only dreams that I've ever had that did not feel at all like a dream. It felt like I was encountering someone or something that was trying to get me comfortable with the idea of encountering them. It wasn't, it wasn't like a dream. It was. I was in the corridor of something that seemed like it was. It was not like it was from here, it was like from somewhere else. But it was almost like it was very oddly lit. Like the walls were lit in a very strange way. But it was almost like it was, was this corridor. But it had a feeling almost like it was organic, like it was alive, like it was a living thing. It was very fucking strange.

What if, what if that was. But what if that is something that you did in fact experience that was taken out of your memory and then it's stuck in your memory and you're dreaming about it.

I don't know, I mean you could maybe all day long, right? And so my feeling was that I had. And this is again, it clearly could was I was dreaming, right? So it clearly could have been just a dream. But what it felt like was that it was an actual encounter with intelligence that wasn't human. That's what it felt like. And it felt like these things were not. They were not us. And maybe they were what a human will be someday because they were human like, but they were very slender, they're very thin and they were wearing these suits that were like almost like rash guards. Like what surfers wear. But. But a strange fabric. Like, it looked weird, and it was the color of their skin, but it was clear that they were wearing something. It didn't appear that they had any genitals. They had no muscle tone at all. They were just thin. And they were communicating with me and looking at me. And they were. They were close, like, where you are right now. And I think. Like I said, I think it was at least three of them. I think there was four of them, but I remember there was one that was going, like, like, joke.

And then, like, joking around with me, like, trying to scare me.

Yeah.

And then, like, like. And it felt to me after they did it, like, relax. Like, this is okay. Like, don't be freaked out. Whatever this is, don't be freaked out. And then I woke up. And when I woke, and then there was also this weird, reptilian element of it. There was, like, a barrier. They had a barrier. And they were feeding, like, with. They were, like, pouring food to these things that almost, like, was letting me know. The protection between you and. And this horrific danger that's out there in the world, in the universe, in life, is very. It's very thin. There's very thin protection. There's not much protection. It was just like a. Like a barrier. Like a simple barrier. Like a. You know, like a fucking. A blockade they put to keep a crowd from passing through an area to let you know you're not supposed to go here.

It's crazy. It's crazy how much you. How long ago did you have this dream?

A few months ago.

But isn't it so wild that something that didn't happen.

Yeah.

Can be locked in your memory? And then you just. You're like, God, it affects you. Almost like it did.

Well, now it's like a memory of my recollection of the memory, which is odd. Which is memories in general, which is why people distort memories and change them and make, you know, make the past something that's not really. You know, you've talked to people that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we all do it.

I do it on podcasts.

Yeah, everybody does it. But this was different. This. Whatever this dream was. I mean, look, there's a lot of confusion about what happens during sleep. You know, we don't exactly know why you have dreams and what. It's all. What. What's the function of it? What's the purpose of it? But this one was different. It was much more realistic than any dream I had ever experienced before. Like, the. The interaction between me and these. These Creatures, these beings was very different than anything I'd ever experienced in a dream. The point like, I. I felt it physically and I woke up. I can sleep on a bag of rocks. I can just go to sleep, dude. I might drives my wife crazy because she struggles to sleep. And if we got on a plane, I just, I just out because I'm always going. So, like, when it's time, when it's downtime, I don't have a problem sleeping, dog. I can go to sleep. I sleep on a roof. I could sleep. I couldn't go back to sleep, which is really weird for me. I mean, I was wide awake at 4 in the morning. You know, I'm like, okay, I'm.

I'm going to the gym. Because I laid in bed for a whole hour trying to go back to sleep, and it's just a dream. Just go to sleep. I'm like, dude, just get up. You're not going to sleep. And I'm like, all right, well, I'm up. I'll just go work out. Like, maybe that'll help me go to sleep. Nope. I was wide awake. Wide awake. I wasn't even. Most of the time when I'm working out, I'm either watching music or watching fights on tv. I didn't even do that. I was just by myself in silence, trying to make sense of it. Just doing chin ups and dips and trying to make sense of whatever the that was because it just didn't seem like a dream. It felt so real. It felt so real. And when I've talked to, like, my UFO friends, like, like Jesse Michaels is like, really into UFOs. He's like, I think you had a real encounter. I'm like, I don't know. You know, I don't know what it was, but it certainly felt like a real encounter. Whatever it was.

Do you listen to anything while you sleep or you sleep in the side? Oh, I listen to podcasts, so I'll.

Have drinks while you're sleeping.

Always so ridiculous. I listen to.

It's so unhealthy.

I listen to a podcast about Rasputin last night. I listen.

You ever see his dick? They have his dick pickled in a jar.

Are you serious, dude? He was the. Yeah. You know, he was just fingering chicks.

Are you sure?

I don't know.

I think he was fine.

It's not, it's not in the giant hog like that.

I think he's putting it to use. Find Rasputin's hog.

But he was. That's what he did. I would love to see his dick.

You'll see it.

Oh, my God.

The size of that hog, by the way, that's limp and dead. Imagine what that thing looked like when it was hard. Look at that. Look in that guy's face. Look at the size of this cook. Look at this big old fucking pickle.

That's a big dick.

I mean, like, again, this is like a dead man's dick. So there's no blood in it at all. Imagine what that thing was like. Hard, big old Russian dick. Big old ax handle.

Thank God that wasn't my dream.

So he was, you know, he was like, what does it say? Rasputin's alleged genitals sold in 2000 for $8,000. Still surrounded by mystery, with some experts believing it might actually belong to a bull. Shut up.

They had a hard time killing him.

Yeah. They tried to poison him, right.

And they'd shoot him at the end and then throw him in the fucking river.

Well, Russians are different white people.

Ah, that's the joke I missed last night. What there was in the bottom of the barrel. They were like, trump versus Putin. And I was like. And I was thinking about Rasputin, but I was thinking. But I was like, russians are hard to kill. And then I just went on to.

What was this thing? He was like a spiritual advisor.

Joe, that's a great topic. I'll tell you everything you know.

Yeah, it was a self described holy man. He was from 1869 to 1966.

He was from Siberia.

So he gained significant influence with Tsar Nicholas II after 1905, rapidly earning the trust of both Nicholas himself and his wife Alexandra. He became a healer, in quotes, for their hemophiliac son, Alexei.

What was happening was Alexei was getting given aspirin by the doctors. And Rasputin came in and was like, yo, get the doctors away from him. And he was a hemophiliac. He had internal bleeding. And when they removed the aspirin, which is a blood thinner, the kid started to heal. And so the Tsarina said, he's magic. Even, like, at one point, the kid was going to die, and he wrote a letter and he said, your kid's going to be fine. I had a dream about it, but get the doctors out of there. And the doctors were always giving him aspirin, and that was what was injuring the kid. All the royalty at that time were hemophiliacs.

What?

Yeah, because of the inbreeding. That's why they didn't have chins. They had long noses and they were all hemophiliacs oh, God. And so. But what's crazy is the Russian. So she loved Rasputin and would write letters to Rasputin. That kind of sound a little sketchy. But then all of Russia started thinking, this healer has an end to the Tsar and the Tsarina. So all of a sudden, this healer's running the country. What? They didn't know? They couldn't tell anyone. No, our kid's a fucking hemophiliac. They couldn't tell anyone that because then they looked weak and so. So in a weird way, Rasputin got kind of thrown to the wolves because they couldn't tell him why we. Why they needed him, that she wasn't fucking him, that their marriage was intact.

How do you know she wasn't fucking with that big old giant dick that probably was laying pipe?

He might have been.

He probably.

She wrote a letter that says, I kiss your. Like, she wrote a letter and translation was like, kiss your cheek gently.

Oh, yes.

Some shit. Yeah, he fucked her there. It was Catherine the Great that fucked a horse.

I heard about that. Yeah. Didn't she die fucking a horse?

I think so. I went to that barn in. When I was in Russia, we went to that barn.

If you. You inbreed, you know, multiple generations in a row and then give them ultimate power, they're going to start horses. I mean, what. What kind of life is that? What kind of weird world is that? You're born royal.

It's insane.

You know what I'm watching again?

What?

Game of Thrones started it all from the beginning.

Are you serious?

Amazing. We're on season two now.

You wait. Your family.

Yeah, okay. Me and my wife. It's so good.

Dude, we did it with the girls on vacation, bro.

Whoever that dude is that played Joffrey, that guy should get all the awards.

Yeah.

He's so good. His transition from being, like, a shitty kid to an evil king is fucking amazing. It's the way he plays Joffrey is fucking incredible.

Yeah.

I forgot how good that show is. It's one of the greatest shows of all time.

But you'll never.

So good.

You'll never see him as anything other than.

Than Joffrey problem. Yeah. That's a problem for a lot of people that have, like, significant. Like Kramer, like, you know, like, two things. A couple things. This is the other thing. Do you know he wrote a book and didn't mention that in the book?

Really?

Yeah.

That's interesting.

Yeah. Somebody read the book. One of the comics read the book. He's like, I'm waiting for that to come up because he never brings it up.

What's the. What's the title? A tell all book. Except for one thing.

Except for the fucking biggest thing.

That's the biggest thing that ever happened in my life.

That it was the first cancelation. The first public cancelation.

Was that really the first cancelation? Oh, yeah.

Through viral video. The first public cancelation through viral video. Because I remember that night because I think I was at the Improv and then I came over.

Oh, I do remember that night.

And Brett Ernst was at the store. He had just come over from the Laugh Factory. He goes, bro. He goes, I was just a laugh factor. He goes, kramer was off the rails. He goes. He went nuts. He got heckled. He started yelling the N word at these people in the audience. I go, no. He goes, dude, it crazy. He goes, he was bombing and they were heckling him. And then he starts dropping N bombs. I'm like, no way. He goes, yeah. I don't know what the fuck he was on, but he did a set at the store. He seemed a little. A little speedy, a little, you know, a little elevated. And then left the store, bombed the store and went over to the Laugh Factory. And that was that night he did.

He was at the Improv the weekend before, and I was there, and he was. He was doing stand up, but he was doing a version of Kramer, a version of, like, crazy. And he fell on a glass and broke the glass and cut himself. But everyone laughed. And I think everyone's like, I think he's bleeding. But it was, like, really off.

Well, he was doing really off stuff from the jump. Like, he came to the store. I think he just decided to start doing standup because Seinfeld had been canceled for a long time. Wanted to start doing something again. And he started doing stand up, but he didn't have any material. Yeah, he would just kind of fall down. It was weird. It would, like, pretend that something went wrong and, like, try to do the mic stand and slip and fall. It was very odd, which is also my theory that I've been telling everybody about Chevy Chase.

Oh, I'd love to hear this.

So everybody is talking about what a terrible person Chevy Chase is. And, you know, there's all these videos that come out of him screaming at people and being mean.

And, you know, I saw one with Bill Murray, Rodney Dangerfield and him where it's like, right when they're promoting Caddyshack.

Yells at some other guy, right? Some other guy that's on the set. And this is my take on it. I want you to pull up the. Like a compilation of Chevy Chase's Pratt Falls. Okay. Chevy Chase has to be in constant pain. Has to be. He has to be in constant pain. And almost 100% has CTE. Chevy Chase used to throw himself down flights of stairs. He used to throw himself off the stage into chairs and tables. He used to like slip, go flying through the air, land on his head. The most ridiculous pratfalls, the most aggressive, violent pratfalls you've ever seen. And he did this for years. For years. Like, he was in a car crash multiple times a week for years.

Wow.

Yeah.

I mean, maybe he had a shitty personality already.

Well, I think he was. He was also that first generation of what fame is like. He was the most famous person to ever come off SNL ever. Like, his walking off SNL was like, get ready for a movie star. And I don't think. I don't think we'll ever. I won't ever understand the level of fame he had at the time. Like. Like his fame was like. And this is also. I mean, like, look, I love Burt.

Reynolds, but Steve Martin was super famous too. And he's not a cunt.

No.

You know what I mean? It's like. I don't think that's it. I want to. I want you to see these videos.

I don't know why I can't find a compilation. I can find a bunch of videos of it.

Just.

I know there's a compilation because I've seen it.

I just typed it in. And the video that pops up only has. It's a four minute video of him on Johnny Carson.

No, I'm just. I know. I'm telling you, there's a bunch. There's a bunch.

Gerald Ford. That was. Gerald Ford fell. Right?

So he would. Yeah, because Gerald. Gerald Ford was kind of like Biden. He would fall the time. So here is. Dude, look at that. You know how hard he falls there? Look, go back and watch that again. Watch how hard he falls when he does this. This is him doing this. Christmas. What happened? The Christmas thing that you just showed.

I'm telling you, it just accidentally disappeared.

You could find it. Okay, watch this. Watch this. Watch him fall. Boom. Head first with the tree, falls down, barely stops his fall. Chevy Chase, worst wrestling moments from Saturday Night Live. Like, this is just. This is him just stumbling around. This is nothing. But there's videos of him. Okay, obviously that chair is going to break. No, this is not what I'm looking for. See if you can find it find it and get back to us. But there's, I know there's videos of him, like, literally like flying off stage, landing on his back, dude slipping legs up in the air, landing on his head.

Yeah, I had to fall off a ladder for a TV show one time. They're like, we need you to fall. And they had a crash pad. You get four steps up a ladder, you're high as fuck.

Well, even if you have a crash pad, your head is wobbling around, right? So your brain is sloshing around from the impact. This is one of the things that people don't realize. Like football players get brain damage from getting hit in the chest. So CTE you can get from riding a jet ski, from bouncing on the waves. It's your brain walking, fucking bouncing around off the walls of your skull.

From roller coasters.

You can get it from everything. You can get it from a lot of things. Repeated sub concussive trauma. But he fell and landed on his fucking head.

Yeah.

And if you find the video, that's a compilation. There's a compilation of people like the Worst Falls of Chevy Chase. And it's crazy. And he did this for years. That was his thing. Slip and fall, slip and fall, slip and fall.

And tons of coke.

All those things. So slip and fall. Allegedly. Tons of coke.

Allegedly.

Allegedly. I mean, I don't know.

I mean, I read some books.

Yeah, but the book on. Do you know what happened when Bill Murray was here when he was Wired?

Are you talking about Bill? I love that book.

So when he read Wired, he read. So the guy who wrote Wired was Bob Woodward. Bob Woodward was the guy that was involved in Watergate. He was the naval intelligence officer who became a journalist. And his first ever assignment was to take down the President, which is very suspicious. Like Tucker Carlson told me the whole story behind it. I was like, what? The people that were that broke in were all FBI. The whole thing was a setup. It was to set Nixon up. And they'd already gotten rid of Spiro Agnew, who was his vp. They got him on, I think, corruption charges. I forget what it was.

Didn't Kennedy put the, the bug system in there? Wasn't. It was the President before that put the, put the wired. The wiring in the, inside the room. Right. What room in Watergate? Didn't, was, didn't.

No, no, no, no, no, no, Listen, it was a setup. Nixon was not involved in the setup. But they told him about what happened and then he was involved in the COVID up. That's how they got.

Okay okay, that's how they got him.

And that's how he got removed from office.

And the recordings were from his office. Right?

The recordings were from the Democratic party. So he was recording the Democratic Party. He was recording, he was secretly recording the opposition party. But he didn't do it. So the FBI did it. And then they brought it to him knowing that he would cover it up and that's where he committed the crime. Like instead of coming out and saying, hey, some people have recorded these people. Even if he did that, they would have said he was involved. But the whole thing was to get him out of office. The reason why they wanted to get him out of office is cuz he was publicly and privately stating, at least amongst other people that were in the White House and that he knew who killed jfk and he was going to get to the bottom of it because look, JFK had just been killed. He ran against JFK in six in 1960. 60 or 62. 62. What year was it? Either way, I think it was 60. He ran against JFK and then JFK gets assassinated and now he's the President. And when he's the President, he was publicly stating or privately saying to different people like he was going to get to the bottom of it.

And he knew who killed jfk. He was like investigating it. He was interested in it obviously because he was worried they were going to kill him. And so then they set him up and they removed him from office and they put Gerald Ford in as his vp. Gerald Ford was also on the Warren Commission. Like the whole thing was a giant setup to get rid of the most popular president in the history of the country. You know, and everybody's like, oh, Nixon's a crook, Nixon's a crook. I'm not a crook. That was all like his gigantic propaganda PR campaign to remove Nixon from office. It was all a deep state operation.

Wow.

Nixon won the presidency like the widest margin of anybody in history. He was the most popular president in history. And in today's days we think of Nixon as being a crook and a scumbag. But he didn't even do it. He was just involved in the COVID up. When they brought it to him was like, what is he gonna do? He's running for president again to reelection. And they're saying, you know, hey, these guys, they busted these guys recording things like cover it up, cover it up, cover it up. And so that's how they got him.

And what was his post presidency like?

So what do you mean? Let me finish.

Oh, sorry.

So Before I go any further, so Bill Murray is here, and he said he read the first couple pages of Wired, and he goes. He put it down. He goes, oh, my God, they framed Nixon. That was the first thing that he said. He said. Because the version that Bob Woodward told of John Belushi, his very good friend, was so wildly off. He goes, that time where John did that speedball and died was probably the only time where he ever did that. He goes, he was a total lightweight. He would have a couple of drinks and he'd be drunk. He wasn't a guy who did drugs all the time. He goes, it was all bullshit.

Are you serious?

Yes. Yes.

Do you realize, like, guys like Chris Farley literally idolized John Belushi because of books like Wired?

Exactly. Exactly. And, well, the difference is Chris Farley really was doing drugs.

Myself, I idolized John Belushi. I read Wired when I was in college and was like, dude, this is. I mean, there's so many aspects of my personality that I draw from a book like that of, like, the way he was comfortable in an agent's office and P12 shots I get because of John Belushi.

Well, I'm sure he did all those things, and I'm sure he partied. But, like, the version. This exaggerated version of just being completely out of control on drugs was fake. And this is according to Bill Murray, who's best friends with him. He's like, it's not true. It's like if somebody tried to write something about you. And I read it, and I was like, this is not Byrd at all. So his initial thought was, oh, my God, they framed Nixon.

Jesus Christ.

And they did. They did frame Nixon. See if you can find the video of Tucker Carlson explaining to me how they frame Nixon.

I have a copy of Wired in my tour bus.

Yeah, don't read it.

I'm gonna get rid of it.

Bob Woodward's intelligence agent 100. He was naval Intelligence. And then he left from that, which he never really leave. And then he became a reporter for.

The Washington Post, and his first job.

Was Watergate, which is nonsense.

It's a fucking.

There's no way you would. A senior reporter would be covering the most important story. You wouldn't give it to a rookie whose first assignment.

That's. And what about. What's. Bernstein? What about him? I don't know, because didn't they write it together?

Yeah, they did.

I mean, Deep Throat was there. Did we ever find out who Deep Throat was?

Yeah. Listen to this, though.

This is seven minutes long, and Watch the whole thing.

Let's listen to some of it. Because it's interesting.

That's what it is. It's their tool. And they're perfectly aware of that. I mean, I used to write for the New York Times as a freelancer. I mean, I've been around the New York Times a lot. And there are. Yeah, there are a lot of really smart people there, for sure. Even now I would less so now. But there's still, I think, smart people there. There are. I know some. And they know. But they think that, that, you know, it's worth it because they're bringing information or. I don't know what they think actually. But no, they're tools of power. And that's like the one thing that you're not allowed to be, even if you think the power is good. Like, maybe they all support the agenda of the US Government, destabilizing the world and impoverishing their own population. Maybe they're on board with that. Even if they are, they shouldn't do it because the job of the media, the press, is to keep power in check. You are kind of like the seat belt, right?

Right.

You make sure that things don't go too far. So. And they're not doing that. They're acting as a willing handmaiden.

When do you think that switched?

Well, I think it's been the case for a long time. I mean, if you look at what happened to Richard Nixon, which I of course did not understand at all. Richard Nixon was taken out by the FBI and CIA and with the help of Bob Woodward, who was a Washington Post reporter, who had been a Naval Intelligence officer working in the White House, working in the Nixon White House. And then he shows up like a year later and he's this brand new reporter. He'd never been a journalist at all. He's a naval intel officer, the famous Bob Woodward we all revere. And he's at the Washington Post and somehow he gets the biggest story in the history of the Washington Post. He's the lead guy in that story. Well, I worked at a newspaper. I've been in the news business my whole life. That is not how it works. You don't take a kid like his first day from a totally unrelated business and put him on the biggest story. But he was, he was that guy. And who is his main source for Watergate? Oh, the number two guy at the FBI. Oh, so you have the Naval intelligence officer working with the FBI official to destroy the President.

Okay, so that's a deep state couple. What else? How Would you describe that? If that happened in Guatemala, what would you say? And yet the way it was framed, in the way that I accepted for decades was, oh, this intrepid reporter fought power. No, no, no. This intrepid reporter, Bob Woodward, was a tool of power, secret power, which is the most threatening kind to bounce the single most popular president in American history, Richard Nixon, from office before the end of his term and replace him with who? Oh, Gerald Ford, who sat on the Warren Commission. Now how did Gerald Ford get to be Richard Nixon's vice president? Well, because Carl Albert, the Democrat speaker of the House, told him, you must choose him. We will only confirm him when they sent the actual elected vice president away for tax evasion. Spiro Agnew of Maryland. So you have a complete setup like an abs. Gerald Ford, the only unelected president in American history, actually sat on the Warren Commission. Something else that I accepted at face value until I looked at it. I was like, that's completely insane. You didn't want to interview Jack Ruby.

In your investigation the assassination.

Okay, you're fake. Yeah, he was on the Warren Commission. And so sorry for the long story, but the point is like that, that happened in front of all of us. But the way it was framed cloaked the obvious reality of it. The people who broke into the Watergate office building, from which the name is taken, Watergate. I think it was six of them or seven of them. All but one was a CIA employee. That's real. It's like look it up on Google. So the whole thing, Richard Nixon was elected by more votes than any president in American history. In the 1972 election, he was the most popular by votes, which is the only way we can really measure popularity. The most popular president in his reelection campaign and two years later he's gone. Undone by a naval intel officer, the number two guy at the FBI, and a bunch of CIA employees. You tell me what that is. Those are the facts. Those are not disputed facts. That's not crackpot shit. That's just look it up.

So why did they want to get rid of Nixon?

You know, there are a lot of theories on that. I mean we don't. First of all, we don't need to know motive to know what happened. They, meaning unelected federal employees, got rid of Richard Nixon, which is the most anti democratic way to make a leadership change that there is. Okay, I should just say at the. I said I actually kind of believe in democracy. Obviously it's not working well, obviously it's ending globally. There will never be Another liberal democracy, unfortunately. But I'm attached to it because I was born here. I really believe in it, and it's better than any other system. So that's why I'm pissed. What was their motive? There are a lot of theories on this. There's an amazing conversation, it's on tape, between Richard Nixon, when he was still president, I think was in 1973. And I think it was Richard Helms, the head of the CIA, though I may have fucked that up. But it was the head of the CIA, and I think it was Helms. And Nixon says, I know why they killed Jack Kennedy. So Nixon was a student of history, obviously a flawed and complicated person, but a very, very smart person.

And he was really interested in why this guy who'd been president, just one president before him, was murdered. And he didn't think it was a lone gunman who was mysteriously assassinated two days later by another lone gunman. Like, it's so obviously bullshit. And he knew that. And he said, the CIA director who. And you can listen to the tape. It's on the Internet, is totally silent on this question. So I think there was the impression. I don't think I know. That Nixon understood that the bureaucracy was really in control of the country. It wasn't elected officials. And that's a massive threat, because it's true.

That's good, dude.

Yeah.

That's all media. Yeah, all media takes their slant and their angle and decides they're gonna dictate it their way, as opposed to. I don't even know. I don't even know of a journalist that. I mean, no one. There's no one that sits objectively and watches anything anymore.

No, not in mainstream media.

No, absolutely.

You saw what they did with the photo of that kid who got shot, that pretty guy who got shot in Minneapolis. MSNBC doctored his photo and made him better looking. Fixed his teeth, squared his jaw, gave him a tan. You haven't seen it?

No. Please pull that up.

We showed it yesterday, but we'll show it again today, the before and after. It's in the text that I sent you. It's fucking crazy. Look at the difference. What? Yeah, it's him. On the left, he looks like Ari's brother. On the right, he looks like some fucking handsome crossfitter. Like, look at the difference. Look at the teeth. Look at the nose. They shrunk his nose. They widened his jaw. They shrunk his chin. That's crazy. They decided he was too ugly to be sympathetic towards.

So then, man, this kind of bums me out that you. I mean, I always kind of had hopes up that if I turned on. If I turned on the news, I'd hear some objective rant or some objectiveness of anything, but there's none.

Yeah, you gotta go independent. You gotta go to Glenn Greenwald and Michael Shellenberger and people like that. Matt Taibbi. You gotta go to independent journalists. They're the only ones that are gonna give you the real deal. People that are connected to giant corporations that their jobs distribute the news. They're not gon. They're going to give you a narrative that's approved. Who was Deep Throat? Because Deep Throat was exposed. They did eventually expose Deep Throat. And it's even more shocking when you find out who Deep Throat was.

I saw the movie.

That's a different movie. That's about sucking cock.

That's a good one.

Well, the name Throat was. Because in. Nod to the movie.

Oh, for real?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The. The movie came out first. Deep Throat was W. Mark Felt, the number two official at the FBI during Watergate who secretly provided key information to Washington Post reporter Bob Woodburn. So the FBI was involved in the break in. The number two official at the FBI was the guy who was providing information under the name Deep Throat. So the FBI did it. They did the whole thing. Is that your phone?

Yeah. I'm an old man, Joe. It's the FBI. He's that FBI.

Too many times. Who's calling you when it's on? Do not disturb the FBI.

Spam risk. Should I answer?

No. Why is it I don't understand you put it on?

I have no idea, Joe. I'm old.

They're hacking it.

I'm fucking. I gotta. I need. They probably do.

That's a weird ring, though.

That's an old man choice. Because my wife doesn't answer a fucking phone. So I turned her ring to that. So she changed my ring to that. We're two old fucking people. So then what's the fix? How do I trust anyone?

You have to trust independent news, independent media. That's not connected to any corporation. Because as soon as you're connected to a corporation, you're connected to advertisers. As soon as you're connected to advertisers. A giant percentage of advertisers on television is pharmaceutical drug companies, major corporations. So you have things that you're not allowed to touch. That's why you never hear anything in all the news about vaccine injuries. You never, never hear about all these people that are having strokes. All these people that the rise in heart attacks, the rise in myocarditis, particularly amongst young people. Blood clots.

That's what we were talking about. I got vaxxed, like, four times. Like boosters from W.W. johnson. Johnson. Johnson. And that's the first thing they say when they start looking at blood clots. They're like, do you get vaccinated? And I was like, yeah, four times. Even doctors, like, fight. You didn't need to do it four times.

Yeah, well, I don't know why you did that.

Because you had to get into a goddamn concert. You had to show.

You didn't have to have four of them to get in a concert.

I had a tv. First one was real early. Like, I got it. When. When you were gotten canceled for getting it. They're like, just. Just Mexican people. And I just went in with a mask on, like, hola. And got a shot in East LA because I had to go shoot a movie.

Oh, wow.

They're like, do not show your face. And I was like, I won't. I won't.

Why not show your face?

Because it was like. It was back when it was like. It was just need, not needy workers. What is it called? The. Remember. Remember the first round of workers? It was like. Like, people you need in the country, you know?

Right. And so, yeah.

And then I was shooting a movie, so they. They got me a pass to get it.

Oh, so you got it when you.

Weren'T supposed to get it When? Yeah, way early. Way early.

Interesting.

And then. And then I got it. I got it. I had to get it again in Serbia for a movie. And. Yeah.

And that's when they made you get it again.

Again?

Yeah.

And then I got it when I came home. And then I got it one more time.

Mo Aimer told me how to do it. You had to get boosted before they let him do his Netflix series?

Yeah.

It doesn't even make sense why he. Meanwhile, he'd had Covid. He'd recovered. He had Covid when we were all doing those concerts, when me and Chappelle and him and a bunch of other guys were. Were doing those pandemic concerts, he got Covid, so there was no reason for him to get boosted.

I got boosted four times. I got Covid 11 times. God. Like, what? I mean, it's, like, so crazy. It's crazy. When I had Covid, when I was shooting Free Bird. Jesus. I gave it to a bunch of people. They were like, you got a cough? And I was like, ah, it's fine. Do you want to get Tested. I was like, no, I'm not getting tested. It's like my wife has me wearing a condom. I was like, we're good, guys. And then I gave it to one of the dudes, I think, and the dude was wearing a mask. He was the only one that got it. Shout out to my buddy.

Well, he probably had gotten boosted a bunch of times.

I should tell everyone to watch Freebird on Netflix. I should say that, but keep going. Can I tell you something I'm obsessed with. I've been dying to talk to you about. So, like, I watched the. I've been watching. I've been watching a lot of UFC lately. And. And. And I want your perspective, because I'm thinking of this globally. Like Jordan. They Compare Jordan and LeBron James. Right, right. And they compare Tom Brady to. To Joe Montana. And the big argument they always say is, well, you know, Tom Brady couldn't play in the league Joe Montana played in because the rules were different. They got fucked up left and right. Right. And, like, they were concussions, and there was no roughing the passer. You could hit the quarterback late, all that shit. Right. Well, what about ufc? Because, like, how would say. And I don't mean slanderous, I just curious. Okay, someone like Tank Abbott or Dan Severnson or Hoist Gracie, how would they fare against, say, the fighters that are fighting today?

Well, it really all depends on whether or not I think Tank Abbott would do really well. I think Tank Abbott would do really well because the heavyweight division is the most shallow division. Like, would he do really well against the guys like Cyril Gone or Tom Aspinall? Probably not, but he didn't do really well against guys like Maury Smith, you know, the real elite strikers of the day. But Tank Abbott was a fucking huge man. I mean, he was an enormous, powerful guy who had ridiculous knockout. He would brawl, and anybody who brawl, like, look at Derek Lewis. Derek Lewis has the most knockouts in the history of the ufc. And he's not, like, the most highly skilled guy in the sport. He's just a really big, powerful guy who has unbelievable knockout power. And he's still relatively successful even today. I mean, he has the most knockouts in the history of the heavyweight division, but Tank Abbott would still fuck a lot of people up in the lower ranks of the heavyweight division. Dan Severin would still take a lot of people down and beat their asses because he was an elite wrestler. Like, those kind of skills.

Mark Coleman would take a lot of people down and beat their asses. Those skills that they have, like, the elite wrestlers and the really powerful punchers. They would always do well. Hoist Gracie. If, first of all, if he was fighting in the ufc, he would be fighting without a gi, so that would be different.

Right.

So he relied on the gi a lot because he would get a hold of guys and they would grab the gi, like, instinctively, and he was like, great. Like, that's part. That's what he wanted. And then. And then once it went to the ground, I mean, it was like a man and a child. Like, his jiu jitsu was so good, and for the time, no one even knew jiu jitsu, so he was a black belt against white belts, and he was just tapping out everybody. Nobody had a chance. In this day and age, that's just not the case anymore. Hoist Gracie. Still, if he was alive today or not, he was alive today. If he was. Of course he's alive today. If he was competing today, if he was a young man competing today, he would still give hell to a lot of people in an appropriate weight class if it went to the ground. Because his jiu jitsu is so good. His striking was always a means to an end. His striking, he would put. Go at a distance, he would kick at your legs. But he was. His whole thing was about closing distance, getting you to the ground, strangling you, getting on you, an arm bar, tapping you out, a triangle, jiu jitsu.

So he was a pure jiu jitsu fighter. And if it went to the ground today, he would still give real problems to a lot of fighters because he was that good. He was that good at the. On the ground. And today, with the difference in training partners, he'd be even better.

Yeah, I'm. I'm reading this book by Wright Thompson. You know that dude, He's. He wrote Pappyland. No, but he's. It's. He's talking about Jordan in this book and how at 50, Jordan had a hard time, like, going to the next phase of his life. He still was like, what if I put him on? What if I put. I want to go.

You know, he's a champion. And it happens with fighters, too.

Oh, yeah. I mean, you go back to Shannon Sharpen, he's doing better now financially than he ever did. But I bet he traded all.

Yeah. It's the glory of sport. It's like there's nothing else. Like, those highs.

Yeah.

Those high. Especially for a fighter when you're still like, Justin Gaethje this weekend, who beat Patty Pimblett.

Oh, my God.

Crazy fight. That guy, when it was over, the. The happiness that he had, the smile on his face, he was so. He was just in a high like nothing else in life. It's hard for those guys to put that away. It's hard for those guys to let that go.

Yeah.

And their identity is completely wrapped around the fact that they're an elite fighter.

How did you not. How did you not have your identity about your career? Because I know you pretty well, and you never really, like. It's tough to disconnect your identity to your career or your dreams or your hopes, which I think fighters, it's easy to understand. Athletes, it's easy to understand. But I think it happens with comedians and actors and even podcasters to say, how did you not do that?

Well, I don't know. I recognize the pitfalls in it, but I also recognize that at the end of the day, you're just a human being. And I think I've said this a million times, and I'm sorry I have to repeat it, but I think brutal workouts are what center me. It's the one thing that centers me more than anything in life, because I do to myself. I humble myself all the time. Like, I break myself. I break myself down all the time so that, like, when life comes or like, all that other stuff seems like something I do. It's fun. It's great. It's. But I'm just me. I'm just a human being. I'm me in the 10th round when I want to quit and the bell goes off and I know I have to hit the bag for three more minutes, you know, Like, I know who I am. Like, I don't need my career to tell me who I am. And I have enough you money that I could just sail off into the sunset. Bye. Bye.

Do you think you will?

No. No, no. Why? I like this. Yeah, it's fun. I thought about it. I've thought about a bunch of things, doing different things. If I had multiple lives, I would live a bunch of different lives.

Oh, tell me about one.

I'd be a professional pool player. That's what I would like to do. Yeah, I like to go on a tour, play professional pool. If I just had, like, a year to really practice, I think I could do it. It's just there's no way. There's no money, there's no time. There's no. So I just have to, like, keep that one in my head as a hobby and make sure I don't get too addicted to it, you know? My problem Is I get addicted to things, and then I just, like, obsess on them. And then the. The weird part of my brain that focuses obsessively on things, it would just overcome all the rest of my life, and it would just be this one thing that I think of. I allow that in bursts. Like, I allow that. Like when I was getting ready for my comedy special, my live special, that was my whole life. I didn't think about anything else other than doing that set. Like, when I go hunting, I don't think about anything else other than getting in shape, shooting perfect arrows, getting ready to hunt. I allow myself these brief moments of obsession.

But I have to be careful. I have to be careful with my brain.

Your brain's fascinating. I wish I listened to you more. Like, when we were younger, you said stuff that I just was like, that's not right.

Like, what? It might not be right for you.

No, no, no. I wish I had. I remember. I remember one time, you're like. You're like, you're working too hard. You should be. Your focus should be. Be less famous. And I was like, what are you talking about? And now I'm there. I'm like, oh, I know exactly what you're talking about.

That's why I took the Spotify deal. I was hoping I would be, like, 10% less famous. That was my idea. I was like, good. Less people watch Spotify, less people listen. How many people are gonna go over there? Like, Jamie kind of freaked out in the beginning because we lost half of our audience, like, right away. It's like, we lost half the crowd, like, so what? Who cares? Good. I'll be less famous.

I wanted to be famous so bad.

Well, it's because you weren't.

Yeah, right.

And so I already was. So I kind of had a perspective. Like, this isn't what everybody thinks it is. It's just weird, you know? Like, the glory of it. It's all fake. Like, the. The people that love you, they don't even know you. Like, it's kind of crazy. Like, the people that love you should be the people that know you. You know, that's a good thing. If the people that know you hate you, but the rest of the world loves you, then you're in an Ellen position. Right. You're in this weird position where you're a fake person.

Yeah.

Where everybody thinks you're one thing, but you're actually another thing. So the people around you don't like you. And then when the water breaks and everybody starts talking, all the staff start Talking shit about you, and you realize, like, oh, she was a monster. You know? So I think I had the benefit of having some fame to realize, like, oh, this is not. Also, I think about things a lot. I don't just accept things for what they are. Something's happening. I'm like, okay, but what is this really? What is this really? You did listen a little, because I remember the one time I called you when you were on a motorcycle in Vietnam, and I was like, bro, you got to quit that job. And you're like, what? And I was like, you got. You're a funny comic, man. You're a funny dude. You're great on podcast. You don't need to do this. Like, the world's changed. This is holding you back.

Thank God. Thank God. You know, it's like, I always say, like, thank God I had the right people in my life at the right times. Because there's so much about. Like. Like, I'll tell you, like, you know, with the blood clot thing, they said, you know, I never. Every time I got sober, it was always to, like, just prove I could get sober for a month, you know, Right. And just be like, I'll take a break, get healthy, get good blood work. I'm back at it. This is the first time I've ever looked at it. Like, I never looked at how often I was disrespectful to my health. Like, how often I was like, like, get in the airport and be, like, drinking at 6 in the morning. Like, it. You know, and then I go, and now that I'm flying, I'm forced to fly sober. I get in the airport and I go, I have egg whites, Egg whites.

You need the yolk.

No, you can't have too much iron when you're on blood thinners, this whole fucking thing. But they said sober for six months. And then I had a really interesting conversation with my trainer and with Leanne over this conversation. They were like, you know, what's so funny is they don't see my lifestyle is partying and everything is disrespectful to my health because I work out, because I get blood work, because I'm sober for every now. And they were saying it's disrespectful to people that don't. That just say online and scroll and don't live their life. That was disrespectful.

How so?

Like, if you were just, like, you come home and you lock into video games and you don't go out and you don't really Connect with people. And then you wake up and you scroll for three hours, and then you light a cigarette and you go to work and you come home and you play video games. You're not living your life. And they're like. Leanne was saying the other day, she was like, you know, don't look like. Get excited to start drinking again, but make sure that you can measure that.

You know, get excited, Just start drinking again is a wild thing to say.

Oh, I mean, I'm looking forward to.

It, but how is it disrespectful to people that are watching you?

No, no, no, no, no. I meant. I meant, you know, people that aren't living. Like, people that are leaving comments and, like, on girls skateboarding, going, you should wear a bra, whore. Like, guys that aren't living their life and not spending their time out with family and living their life.

So what's disrespectful to them?

I'm lost.

You said it's disrespectful to them.

No, no, they're just. They're disrespecting their own life by not living.

Okay.

By not getting in the gym, not going out, not going and having dinner with your wife.

How is your life of you disrespecting your health, doing anything to them?

No, no. I think I was just. Two parallels. Like, I was looking at health, thinking in hindsight, like, how many times I just, you know, burned the candle at both ends. Didn't think, like, how off. How fragile life actually is.

Oh, yeah. Well, you're very durable. Unfortunately, that's part of the problem is you were able to do that and show no bad health markers. Like, you were drinking all the time. You got your blood work done, your liver's fine. You're like, look at this. That's great. Like, you were. I remember you were super nervous, like, when you first started getting blood work, but then you're like, it turns out it's fine. Yeah, yeah.

You.

You have great genetics, you know?

But you think. I think now I go, man, I'm like, my grandfather died at 53, and I'm 53, and I go. And then you start seeing people die, and you're like, shit, man.

Yeah.

Like, this blood clot scared the fuck out of me because people die from this. They die from it. It's not. Yeah, it's no joke. And then you're like, well, that was just me flying.

Did they make you do a D dimer test?

No, I don't know what that is.

So D dimer test is when they test your body for clots, for micro clots. So apparently a lot of people that have got a ton of boosters. Yeah, got. They. They have micro clots. And this is one of the things. There was a Canadian doctor, that one is, was one of the first guys to get canceled for saying that the vaccine was causing clots, because he was one of the first guys that was doing a D dimer test on all of his patients, and he found out that this vaccinated patients, the vast majority of them, were having these micro clots all throughout their system, and it was being caused, in his opinion, by the vaccine. And, boy, eventually his business wound up getting burned to the ground. He got. He lost his medical license. He lost his practice. It was a crazy story. And he was right. He was right. And now it's pretty mainstream. Like that discussion of it. And, you know, even doctors who used to prescribe boosters don't prescribe them anymore, which is kind of crazy. At what point in time, like, the people that are that used to say, you need to get your booster.

Well, how come you're not getting boosters anymore? Covid's still around. Those people aren't getting boosters. No one's getting boosters anymore. None of those people are.

Are they saying that we have a higher antibody rate now? Like, why is Covid not as dangerous today as it was then?

Well, the thing that happens with viruses is they become less potent but more transmissible. And that becoming more transmissible allows the virus to spread. And being less potent means it doesn't kill the host. So it's actually better for the virus to be more transmissible but less potent. And that generally happens in time when people develop antibodies and people develop, you know, like, a resistance to it. So what happens is the virus just becomes easier to transmit but less potent.

Wow.

Yeah. That's why the variants over time got less and less. Like, the delta variant was actually pretty strong, but after that, they started dropping off, and then Omicron was pretty nothing. And then they stopped naming them because it really wasn't just a couple variants. There's hundreds of them. They don't even know how many. And a lot of it is because they vaccinated during a pandemic. And one of the things that virologists throughout history were always saying is you never vaccinate during a pandemic, because when you vaccinate during a pandemic, you actually encourage variants because the vaccine realizes, especially when you have a leaky vaccine like Covid. So what a leaky vaccine is a vaccine that doesn't stop transmission and doesn't stop infection. What it does is it gives you some protection through antibodies, but that allows you to get the cold. And then the cold realizes, oh, this guy's got these antibodies. We'll just work around that. And then people who had antibodies to the original wild virus, once they got vaccinated, this variant would see that they were or wouldn't see, but it would have a different pathway because their original immunity was to the wild virus.

The original antibodies were to the first virus that doesn't even exist anymore. So your body didn't recognize these new variants. So people get Covid even more easily. I know I butchered that if you're a virologist, but there's a guy named Geert van der Bosch, and he is a vaccine specialist. He's a virologist, and one of his. He specializes in vaccines, and he was one of the early people saying, this is madness. This goes against conventional thinking. You do not vaccinate during a pandemic.

Jesus. I'll tell you what. I've had Covid a bunch. Nothing was like the swine flu.

Yeah, you told me that, remember, in 2009. Right. Dude, you got it bad.

I had. I thought I was gonna die. I mean, I've never been that sick in my life. Shallow breathing. I mean, it was. I. And I was. I had to fly to Mexico because I was doing a gig, and I. And I was like. I got on the plane. I always drank on planes. Had two drinks, and I was like. I was like, I'm at death's door, and I fucking. To this day, I've never been that sick in my life. And I don't know how. It didn't kill me.

You never drink when you're sick.

Oh, no shit.

It is the worst. It's so bad, your immune system to drink when you're sick, because you just give your immune system this new thing to fight while it's already involved in a fight.

I got on the plane with Leanne. We were flying to Mexico, and I was like, I'm not that bad. I remember being cold. I remember it hit me like a ton of bricks that night. I was like, I'm getting fucking sick. Immediately. It was like, bam.

Back then, you weren't even taking vitamins.

No, I wasn't doing anything.

Yeah, that's the problem. And this is the other thing. The big problem that I had during the COVID thing is, like, I knew people were getting over Covid. It wasn't Killing everybody. And they were making out like everybody was gonna get. It was gonna die. Everybody unvaccinated was gonna die. But I knew people that got it and weren't the healthiest people, and they were fine. So I'm like, well, what the hell's going on? Like, what is it? And how come nobody's talking about vitamins? Nobody's talking about the impact that vitamins have on your immune system, which is well documented. And then if you brought it up, you're a conspiracy theorist. You're a crazy person.

But everyone listen, because you brought up. I'll never forget the day you brought up vitamin D. And I went to Rite Aid that day to get vitamin D, and it was gone. I mean, the fuck. It was like it had been looted. There was no vitamin D to be found. And it was like. I think it was like, D3 or something.

D3 and K2. Weren't the two of them together gone? And I was like, with magnesium is the move. D3, K2 and magnesium altogether.

Do you know what's so funny? I have rosacea on my cheeks. Besides, I guess. Got it. You get it when you're older sometimes. And the cure is Ivermectin.

That's hilarious.

They were like, you should get on Ivermectin. I was like. I said, you mean horse tranquilizer?

Horse paste?

Horse paste, yeah.

Horse dewormer. Like what CNN called it.

But it's so great. It was the first thing. They're like, have you ever heard of Ivermectin? And I was like, I'm friends with Joe Rogan. Are you kidding me? Don't put me on cnn. They'll make me purple.

Yeah, well, the crazy thing about that CNN thing is I mentioned a bunch of other things that I took. All of them were very effective. It wasn't one thing that I mentioned. I mentioned IV vitamins, and I took IV nad, IV vitamins. And then the big one was monoclonal antibodies and monoclonal antibodies. They made it really hard for people to get after that because people were just saying, oh, I just need to get monoclonal antibodies, and I'm better, bro. I shipped monoclonal. We were using a telemedicine nurse, and there was a part of a. Like, a nationwide service that you could send people a nurse, and they would go deliver monoclonal antibodies and IV vitamins. And the monoclonal. The IV vitamins thing had always existed, but the monoclonal antibodies, they added to it once Covid came. And I can't Tell you how many people that I sent nurses to, people that I didn't even know, people that were friends of friends, My mom's friend. And I'd say, give me the address. Tell me who they are, and I'll send it to them. And I paid for all of it. And I did it to, like, at least 100 people.

No bullshit. At least 100 people. Yeah. Actors who are, like. Like, super liberal. I didn't out any of them. They would send me a dm. Hey, man, I got Covid. What should I do? And I said, where are you? Tell me where you. Where you live. I'm gonna have someone sent to you. And I just send someone to them. And then they'd come back and thank me. Very few of them ever thanked me publicly, but a lot of them got the service. And a lot of people that weren't famous people just like my friend's mom or my mom or my uncle or my cousin. Someone got Covid. They're doing really bad. I'm like, tell me where they are. And. And I did it. I'm not lying. I did it to, like, a hundred people. I spent a lot of money doing.

How much does. How much would something like that cost?

Thousands of dollars.

For real?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I did it for people I didn't know. I did it for people I had never met. I did it for people that were famous that I never met. I just. I just said it was easier to me for just to send them to him.

Leanne was the first person to get Covid in our house. And I had a joke. I used to have a joke about it. She had Covid, and she gave me a hand job, and I didn't get it. I was like, that's how intimate our hand jobs are.

That's hilarious.

And she got it. And I remember doing. I remember I called you, and you're like, get her the nad that you gave me. The whole fucking list. And we got it. She got over it right away. We ended up right away, and we're like, cool. We can go skiing.

No, no, no, no.

And then we all got it.

You're not ready yet.

Georgia gave it to me. And she goes. I remember we were at the. Georgia gave it to me. And I remember we were sitting at the dinner table that night at our ski place, and she was like. Started crying. I go, baby, don't cry. It's fine. Listen, it's totally fine. She was like, you're high risk.

You gotta think of it as, like, it's over. The bad part's over, but now your body's in recovery, so you can't go skiing or do anything crazy.

I went skiing. I remember skiing that first day with COVID thinking, you know, it's just me. The mountain was empty. I was like, it's just me. I don't really have it. I'm fine. I tested negative. I remember I tested negative and I was like, I'm just hungover from last night. And when I got down, I tested again and I tested positive. And I'd already had my tour bus come and grab Georgia and Leanne and drive them back to la. So it's me and Isla.

And Isla was like, I only got it because I stayed up late one night drinking and playing pool till like 5 o' clock in the morning with my friend John Shoman.

I remember you telling. I remember you telling me that you're like, it's more. You said you were more run down. That's why you got it.

I was exhausted because my friend John, he. John Showman, shout to John. He's. He makes pool cues, like, awesome pool cues. And he lives in Florida. And I, you know, talked to them back and forth online, but I never hung out with him. And then I made an appointment to meet him at a pool hall, and we met at this pool hall and we played pool till like 5 o' clock in the morning, laughing, having a good time. And then I got back to hotel. I was, like, really tired. I was like, boy, I fucked up. I went so hard. Like, we were out and I had a bunch of margaritas and it was late, you know, it was late at night. And then in the morning, I just felt like shit. I took a hot bath. I felt like shit. I had a gig that night. I did a gig that night. I did an arena with Tony Henchliffe and Laura Bites. We did an arena in Florida. And then I flew back home. And on the way home, I was cold. I was like, God, why am I so cold? Is this airplane cold?

And then I. When I got home, I told my wife, I'm like, I'm not feeling good. I go, I might have Covid. Maybe you should sleep in another room. Because she had gotten coven and gotten over it. Which, by the way, when she had it, I fucked her. I didn't. I didn't even think about. I was like, I'm trying to get it. I never got it. My whole family got it. But like, I'm always been the one who's like, like, always. Always cold, plunging, always sauna. Always vitamins, always working out. She works out too, but it's like she got it, you know, and my kids got it. And I was home. I hugged them like, daddy, you're gonna get him. I'm not kidding. I never got it. Yeah, I had two days when I worked out where I didn't feel that good. So when I worked out, I just took it light. I just. Just went through the routine, like, nice and easy, not pushing myself. And then the next day, still don't feel that good. Nice and easy. Don't put. And then the third day, I'm like, I feel pretty fucking good. And I went pretty hard.

I'm like, feel great. And it was done. I never got Covid. And then that one time I got it, and then I didn't get it that bad. The one day I felt like shit. I got all the meds. And then, you know, a couple days later, I made that video and I put that video up. But that was honest. I was like, I got Covid. I got all this medicine. I feel better now. They didn't like the idea that this healthy person was saying, you know, you could get over this. And also a healthy person that's in their 50s was saying, you can get over this, and you don't need this radical experimental medicine that they're trying to push on people. And so that's just another example of the mainstream media that's not there for the news. Because if they really were there to inform people, they would say, well, what did he do? What's different about him? Because they're fucking compromised. They're all compromised by the people that pay their advertising budget. The amount of money that pharmaceutical drug companies spend on mainstream media is fucking preposterous. And they don't do it because they're trying to convince people to sell drugs.

They do it specifically because they don't want those media organizations to criticize any vaccines or any pharmaceutical drugs. You never hear them talking about there's no mainstream big media stories about side effects of some sort of new medication. And if there is, it's because that company's probably about to go under and a new company is asking them to talk about.

Makes me. I mean, I've always said people think I'm a fucking idiot, but I don't trust sleep apnea machines.

Well, sleep apnea machines work.

I know, but I think they over diagnose sleep apnea machines because there's a kickback. There's got to be a kickback.

Well, there probably is. There's a You know, look, sleep apnea is a real thing, and it's really fucking dangerous.

But is it. Is it as. I mean, people die. Everyone's got it.

Well, not everyone has it. A lot of people snore. But there's ways around. There's mouthpieces you can use to keep your tongue from closing your windpipe. You know what I do? I put a mouthpiece. I put a mouthpiece in and then I use mouth tape. I've been using mouth tape, you know, like, you know, hostage tape. Yeah, I use that stuff. I put it over my mouth and I sleep and I breathe through my nose. And I feel so much better when I wake up. I mean, significantly better with less sleep. Like, If I have 5 hours sleep with hostage shape, I feel better than if I have 8 hours sleep without it.

Really?

A hundred percent.

See, I.

You feel different. I don't know why. I'm sure. Okay, let's find out. What is the science behind breathing through your nose while you sleep? Why? Why is it better? Like, what is the science behind it? I don't know what the science is, but I know that a bunch of health experts, they. They recommended it to me. It's like, take my mouth shut. That sounds so stupid. Yeah, I did it. And then the first night I did it, I woke up and I'm like, whoa, I feel great. Like, I feel significantly better. And now I do it every night. So I put a mouthpiece in and then I put the hostage tape over my mouth.

So the mouthpiece just holds your tongue in place?

Exactly. Because I have a big tongue. I have a big tongue and I have a big neck. The problem is when you have big neck muscles, like football players, a lot of them, most of them have sleep apnea because all those muscles, they constrict the wall, the walls of your. Your throat. So, like, there's all this tissue. It didn't exist before. And then you have this fat tongue. So I can't sleep on my back. If I sleep on my back, it's like, that's me. Yeah. Okay. Breathing through the nose during sleep offers key health advantages over mouth breathing. It filters and conditions air for better lung efficiency and promotes deeper rest. Nasal passages filter dust, allergens and pollutants while warming and humidifying air, protecting the airwaves from irritation. This reduces dryness in the mouth and throat common with mouth breathing.

I got that. I wake up, my mouth so dry, my. My tongue's like a finger.

Reduce snoring and sleep apnea risk. Nose breathing keeps the tongue Positioned correctly against the palate and jaw forward, maintaining an open airway that minimize snoring and sleep apnea episodes. Mouth breathing allows the tongue to fall back, obstructing airflow, which definitely happens to me. Improved oxygen. Oxygen. Jesus. Ox. Oxygenation and relaxation. It boosts nitric oxide production for better oxygen uptake in blood flow, supporting deeper sleep cycles and parasympathetic nervous system activation for relaxation. This leads to fewer awakenings and higher sleep quality. Look, for me. I know for a fact. It. It helps. For a fact, for my. My personal feeling, when I wake up in the morning and I take my mouth shut, I feel way better.

Really?

Yeah, like, way better.

I snore like crazy, but I. I don't. I don't notice it.

The only problem is you have a beard, so the tape, like, will slip off with a beard, you know, maybe.

I'll just get denture cream and put it on my lips. You ever do that? We should do that. People, when they were sleeping, squeeze your lips together without.

How do you open them then?

Oh, you can't.

Oh, geez.

When people would pass out the house, we put denture cream on their lips.

Oh, boy.

And then they wake up, like, terrifying. Terrible. That's terrible. I'm still kind of stuck. I'm still stuck on this concept that. But with corporate money, we lose not as much freedom of speech or freedom of opinion.

Well, you lose objective reality from people that are supposed to be giving you information. Right? So they're not giving you reality. What they're giving you is a filtered narrative that has been promoted by major corporations that have a vested interest in profiting off of this narrative being pushed forward. Like, if you don't get the vaccine, you're gonna die. Right?

Yeah.

That was a big one. And that was why they attacked me. Why they attacked me was because, like, I showed that there's something different. Like, oh, look at this healthy guy who's in his 50s. It's really obsessed with health, works out every day. And look how quick he got over Covid. This isn't this thing that we're pretending it is. Pretending it's a plague. It's not. It's like a bad flu. And again, for me, it was like. And look, I've done this for. Like I said, I did it for a lot of people, but just IV vitamins. I've sent people to people. I did it for Bill Burr. Bill Burr was here, and he was sick, and he was coughing, and this is, like, long after the pandemic. It's like, 20, 24. And he was doing a show, and I came to visit him. He's like, I can't get over this cold. I go, listen to me. I go, I'm gonna give you this number. I'm gonna give these people, you're gonna get ahold of them and schedule an IV mega dose Vitamin trip. You want high doses of vitamin B, you want high doses of.

Of D, you want high doses of C and zinc. You want all those things together, and I guarantee you you're gonna be fine. So he was sick for weeks. He couldn't get over this fucking cough. He calls me, like, a day later. He goes, dude, I can't fucking believe how good I feel. He goes, Dr. Joe Rogan, I'm calling you every time I have a problem with this again. And look, I did the same thing for Dana White. When Dana White had Covid, he threw some eucalyptus on the rocks in his sauna, and he couldn't smell it. And he goes, oh, my God, I got Covid. He goes, the first thing I did is call Joe Rogan. He called me up, and I said, I'll set you up. We're gonna get you monoclonal antibodies. We're gonna get you this, we're gonna get you that. Boom. One day later, he's better. That's the reality. It's like your body needs tools to let your immune system function at its. At its optimum. And the. One of the best tools is nutrients. Vitamin D is amazing for your immune system. And it's not just a vitamin. It's a hormone.

And it's a hormone that we don't get because we're not in the sun enough. That's where the best way to get vitamin D is sunlight. The second best way is supplementation. And it's really easy. You just take vitamin D supplements. Take it with K2, which makes it absorb better. And I take it also, again with magnesium, and do that. And I also took zinc with. What is this stuff called? It's an ionophore quercetin. So I take zinc with quercetin. Quercetin aids in the zinc absorption in your body. I take all these different things, but also I'm like, I'm on the ball. I know what I'm doing. But they didn't say that. They said, he's taking horse dewormer because they were trying to shame me, and they were trying to make it look like I was a fool. And they were trying to turn all these people that were terrified about dying from this plague against Me.

Is that what's happening? I mean, I'm a little obsessed lately, you know, at, like, the. The money behind podcasting and podcasting kind of changing. You know, like, podcasting has gotten a little more corporate where the. Where I feel. I don't know if you see it.

In what way?

Well, it's like. I mean, I looked at the Golden Globes and who was nominated, and those were all. I mean, I think they're all, you know, corporate. Corporate podcasts.

Yeah. Let me. Let me help with that. So here's the thing. A lot of people say, why wasn't Joe Rogan nominated for the Golden Globes? And, like, why did you know Amy Poehler went, I didn't submit. So they asked me to submit to be nominated for the Golden Globes, and you had to pay $500, and the $500 is, like, for paperwork or whatever. I said, no, I don't care. I already won. Like, you can't tell me I didn't win. I've been number one for six years in a row. All of a sudden, you're gonna have a contest in front of all these people wearing tuxedos, and you're gonna say, now I'm not. Not number one. Like, off.

Yeah, you can't.

Like, I don't care that I'm number one, but I am, in fact, number one. So if all of a sudden you have a contest to decide who's really number one amongst us, like, that's amongst you. You're allowed to have your opinion. You like Amy Poehler better than me. That's great.

Oh, that's so fucking funny. Joe, do you know how many people have been, like, ride or die for you? Like, the fact that Joe Rogan didn't win. The fact that. And I've heard that so much that it's so funny. You just didn't submit.

Yeah, they asked me to. Yeah. I was, like, one of, like, six candidates. They took the top people. They basically just took the top people. The charts. But which, you know, it's fine.

First of all, Amy Poehler's podcast is pretty good.

I haven't seen it.

It's pretty good.

I'm sure it's good at one. I'm sure someone must love it.

It's really good.

They would give it to someone else. Right?

Dax is really good. Like, there's. There's some great podcasts out there.

Who was even nominated? I don't even know who was in. I just know that Amy was PO1, and a lot of people are upset she Said a podcast for six months and she won. Great. You gave it to a famous person, which you know, in that world, that's what they do. They give it to per a person that, like, is gonna look, you give it to Amy Poehler amongst their circles, it's not gonna have any criticism. Look, there's a lot of really good podcasts.

There's some great.

I don't know if amongst her group, if I listen to all of them, I would decide that hers is number one. But I just know that I didn't submit. I don't want to be a part of that. I don't care. You're just a group of people that just decide all of a sudden that you're going to give an award out. You got to get a trophy. Fuck off.

Dude. This. Okay, like, so when we did the show and everyone's like, are you looking for a season two? And I. Obviously, that'd be great. But you know what I said to Leanne the day after it came out? I said, I think I already won. I think I like, I got everything I wanted. I did something I'm proud of and people are responding to it. People like, the texts I get are people that will never promote it on their social media.

Ron White loves it. Ron loved it.

When Ron came in last night and the first thing he said to me was, I watched your show. I watched every fucking episode.

Yeah, he binged it. He binged it with his girlfriend.

I was like, joe, you know how I feel about Ron. I'll get emotional.

He's like, and Ron's not a bullshit artist.

He's not.

If Ron loved it, he loved it. And he came in and he was ranting and raving about it. That's all you need. Just do your best.

Yeah.

All these awards and all this. Awards for art are crazy.

It's insane because it's not. It shouldn't be a competition.

Well, it's also so subjective. There is music that, like, my daughter loves. It is her favorite music, but she's a 15 year old girl. I can't say it sucks because it doesn't suck. It's just not for me.

Yeah.

You know what I mean? It's like, that's why awards for art are crazy. Like, this is the best. Like, to who? To a group of fucking people that we deem the gatekeepers of all that's appropriate.

So when did you come? You know, I'm always fascinated by you. When did you care about ratings? When you were on Newsradio.

Oh, no. Well, news Radio thing was hilarious because.

That'S one that I can say for people that haven't watched it. I would say, binge that show. It was such an amazing piece of art. We would say. But always and respectfully, always in the losing category. Like, never always in the losing category.

My friend Lou, he was one of the writers on Newsradio, and he would show up for the table read with a T shirt that had the number of our rating on it. And one day he showed up and the number was 88. And I was like, 88? He's like, I'm like, fuck. I was like, God. Because we got moved nine times over the course of five years. Like, I remember, like, one of the things that just, like, social media poisons people. Back then it was Variety and the Hollywood Reporter. So all of the cast would be sitting around reading Variety about how good Sex and the City was doing and the single guy and, you know, because they would. They would sandwich them in between Friends and Seinfeld. And, you know, Paul Sims, the producer of Newsradio, would call it a shit sandwich. Because you would have these two really good shows in between these shows that were not that good. They would call it Caroline and the Shitty. And, like, everybody was upset. And so they would read these. These things in Variety. They'd look at the ratings and they'd get all upset and start getting pissed off.

And that show sucks. Why is that show doing so well? Why aren't we on Thursday night? And I remember saying, oh, last time I checked, I'm on tv. I go, do you know we're on a TV show? Do you know how few people get to be on a sitcom? I go, yeah, we're not number one. Well, good. Then no one knows who we are. And we get to be on tv and we get to have fun, and some people enjoy it. We're making so much money. Like, how can you be upset? We could not be on tv. Like, yeah, we're not number one. Yeah, we have a really good show that's not being recognized. Eventually was recognized when it went to syndication. So news radio really only got popular in syndication.

Oh, when it was on A. E. Buddy, I don't think I've ever enjoyed a TV show out of every TV show I've ever watched. And I was late to Friends. Look, it was. It was no Game of Thrones, but. Or even Queen of Dragons, whatever the fuck the other one. House of Dragons. Yeah, that's a pretty good show, too. But when I discovered news radio, I was like, you guys had Every character. Like, it was not just one character. It was five different.

Are we back? Yeah, we're back. Okay. We've been having this problem where we crash, like, a couple hours into a.

Podcast, but it was such a. It was five personalities, six personalities all working in union at different speeds. Everyone had such a fucking great show.

Paul Sims came from the Larry Sanders show, so he was really good, and it was just a brilliant guy. And the writers were amazing, and the cast was amazing, but it was the perfect scenario. So we went through it without everyone getting famous. We put together a great show, and then we fucking sailed off into the sunset. Was perfect for me because I never wanted to do it again once it was over. Yeah, I didn't. I mean, I took a few development deals afterwards just because I wanted the money, and I thought, maybe I'll make my own show and it'll be good. But, ugh, working with these writers and, like, some of these. Some of these writing teams was really interesting. Writing teams are generally one brilliant guy and then the other guy who writes things down, and then they both get deals, and then I would wind up with the guy who wrote things down. So I got one of these writers who was a writing team on Seinfeld, and the team broke up, and then I got this guy, and he wrote this fucking script. It was so bad. It was so bad.

I couldn't believe how bad it was. I was like. And then they were trying to pretend they're excited about. I go, did you read it? This is fucking terrible. Because the problem was, I had come from newsradio, which was a really good show, and most of these shows are terrible. And most of the guys that I knew that were doing terrible sitcoms were living in hell because they were doing these, like, corny ass. And all they wanted to do is, like, figure out a way to make themselves feel better. So they spend money or they party, and that's what they were doing. They were all just partying and spending money and not enjoying their work. Their work was terrible. It was hell. So I kind of realized early on that this trap of, like, chasing the number one ratings and all that shit, it was just stupid. It was just nonsense. And then, you know, Fear Factor was number one for a while, I think. I think it was. It was hugely popular, whatever it was. And that was weird, too. It's like, well, that's. That's also strange. Now people want to talk about it, and everybody.

It was just like this thing that was everywhere. It was very strange.

This is how you can Tell how big a show is. Tell me if I'm wrong. I can remember what night it aired on Monday nights.

Fear Factor.

Was it Monday nights?

I don't remember. I think it was Monday. I don't remember.

I remember the Fresh Prince of Bel Air was Monday nights. I remember Seinfeld was Thursdays. Right?

Yeah.

That's the thing about TV now, which is so bizarre, is like, when I pitch this show. Have you seen Slow Horses?

Yes. I love it.

So when I went to. When I went to Netflix, they were like, we want to do a show with you. I was like, great. And they're like, what's the show? I said, it's my family. It's. I'm Bert Kreischer. Georgia and Isla. Leanne. I'm a comedian. I'm me. I'm. Everything's the same. Nothing changes. I don't have a job. I'm this guy. And they're like, okay. I go, but it's meet Slow Horses. And they're like, what the fuck are you talking about? I said, all I can tell you is I don't want to do episodic. I want Slow horses. I said, when I watch Slow. And this is why Ron's compliment was so kind, because I created the show so that me, Jared and Andy.

I should explain Slow Horses.

Slow Horses is Gary Oldman. It is a spy thriller. They're a group of. Of, like, low grade spies that all kind of got put into an office off to the side and. But they don't realize how important their office still is. They're still very ingrained in all the shit that the big office is doing, but they're the B team. And so the big office is constantly fucking with the little office.

So how is your show like Slow Horses?

The day I watched Slow, I watched Slow Horses. The week before I went in for this meeting and I watched the. The first episode of Slow Horses. And at the very end of that first episode, I hit pause, I looked at Leanne, I said, we're watching every fucking episode until it's over. Right now we're not moving. We're going to watch all of them. And I did that with that and Black Doves. And I said to Netflix, I said, I want to make this where that first episode, it's not episodic. The Chryslers get a horse, the Chryslers get a dog.

It all goes together.

I go, the first episode, at that last line, I say the very last line of that first episode, I want you to look at the person you're with and go, I'm watching all fucking six. And so it's an arc. It's a six story arc. It's basically a two hour and 30 minute movie that you can stop at any point. And the compliment I've been getting is the one Ron gave me is like, I binged it. I watched all of it.

That's great. That's a smart move for a comedy to do it like that. Like, it's one big story.

That last Doves is great too. Black doves. Great, dude. Black doves. Black doves. When we. When we did the premiere in la, Netflix came up to me and shout out to Netflix, and they were like, you know, when you pitch this, we had no idea what you were fucking selling us. Like, when you said black doves and slow horses like that. Those were your comps. And then they were like, we watched that first episode and they're like, you fucking did it. Like, you made a show where at that very end of that first episode, at that moment and the very beginning of the second episode, I have a joke about you, but I thought I'd throw one in. You gave me a little love in your special. I'd give you a little love back. And so at the very end of that first episode, I wanted it so that you go, oh, this guy's fucked. I gotta see how he gets out of this. And that's the compliment I've been getting from people is that they watched all of them. They binged it. And that's like. Cause, you know, you try to do something a little different.

And that's why when you said that you didn't submit, I fucking connected so hard. So I was like, I don't need it to be. It's not gonna be the number one show on Netflix. It's never gonna be the greatest show they ever made. There's too many good shows. But the fact that people have liked it. I go, I think I won. I think I got the thing I wanted.

Yeah.

Was just like, I got a text. I got a text. I'm sure this. And I apologize, Luke, if this sounds weird. Luke Combs texted me last night. Now, he's not like a. He's, you know, he's not a social media guy. He just texted me. He's like, dude, I just watched your entire show, Luke Combs.

And I'm like, he's cool as fuck.

He's cool.

I've hung out with that dude a.

Few times as fuck. And he's understated. He's the guy he's fascinating to me because he's a guy. We just did a podcast. He's a guy that he goes into the room and he's not going to talk to anyone because he doesn't want to bother you. He's one of the biggest stars in country music. He's one of the most talented guys and he's very humble. And he's like, I did the CMAs and I saw him and he just, he stays to himself. He doesn't. And I was like, wow, what a slick dude. And he's like, no, I'm not trying to be slick. I just don't want to bother anybody.

Yeah.

And so when Luke Combs texted me last night, I fucking, I texted Leanne. I was like, can you believe? Like, that's not the guy you think?

Right. It's a real compliment. Not from like a cheesy ass kisser. It's real, dude.

He really, you know, he's not lying, right?

He really liked it.

The first person to text was Chris DiStefano. And that's a real one. He's like, dude, you're. You're a good actor. This is a great series. As the very first text I got, and I was like, comics don't have to text. They don't. We don't. Like, like, I texted Shane when I saw Tires. It's fucking. It was a game changer. I was like, this is incredible. Whatever. But when a comic text, you're like, that's okay. Like, I didn't, I didn't expect you to watch it, but Luke Combs fucking floored me. Luke Combs and Bradley Cooper was another one.

That's awesome. Just do something that you enjoy and do your best at it. This idea of awards. Yeah, like, off, off with your awards. Like that. It's like there's so many moments in. In history have been defined by these, like, goofy ass awards.

Yeah.

Like what, what is that? The only thing is good is it, like, if something wins an Academy Award for best movie, I go, oh, maybe I'll see it, like, occasionally. But you know what's better than that? One of my friends saying, it's great, dude, you know, and. Or someone posting on social media, like, oh, this Someone that I respect on social media, posting it and saying, hey, you need to watch this. This is amazing.

Do you ever see the movie American Movie?

What is that?

It's about the two guys in Wisconsin trying to make a horror film called Coven God.

I think I did. Is it a long time ago?

Long time ago. Documentary and Their one guy's done way too much acid. And it's just. It's like one of those movies where someone says to you, you have to see this. And it's never gonna win an award, probably made no money, but it is the most fascinating. Jamie, can you pull the trailer up for that? If you see this, you'll go, I saw it. Okay. It's the American movie, Mike. Oh, what was the other guy? Oh, this is so good. Joe.

Imagine a world where passion and perseverance outweigh polish and dreams are both the driving force and the destination. What if I told you this world exists not in some far flung fantasy, but here in the heartland of America? This world is seen through the lens of an unsung documentary where we meet Mark Boshard. This is the trailer maker from Wisconsin.

This is. Okay, It's.

Have you seen it? No, I didn't see it, Joe.

This movie, maybe I did.

I don't know.

Is so good, but it's one of those things that. It's like when you find something that you just fall in love with, like. Yeah, like that you can't explain to someone like. Vernon, Florida. Have you ever seen Vernon, Florida?

No.

It's a documentary by Werner Herzog about. It was trying to. Him and another guy, another guy did it. He was trying to do a documentary called Nub City, right? It was about this place in Florida where a lot of people had lost limbs and were collecting insurance money. And he went in to do a documentary about that and he got his life threatened. But he had all this footage. So I think Werner Herzog came in and dumped a little money in it. And he just made the bizarrest documentary about a guy talking about turkey hunting and another guy talking about, like. It's like four different personalities. Joe. It's on YouTube. You can find it.

Werner Herzog does some amazing shit.

Amazing shit. This thing, Joe, is like something you start watching and you go like, I can't turn it off.

I mean, he did Grizzly Man. He did fucking. What is that other one? The one about the cave paintings in France he did.

This was made by Errol Morris.

Errol Morris?

Werner Herzog.

No, no, he.

Errol trying to highlight on there. It says it's an Errol Morris film.

Oh, so it's not Werner.

No, Werner Herzog backed it. He was one that paid for it.

I see, I see.

He produced it.

He was also. Werner Herzog was a part of that movie, Happy People. You ever see that?

No, it's not.

Oh, my God. It's about these people that live in Siberia. These, these guys that live in a small village in Siberia and they're just fishermen and trappers and hunters and they, they basically just live off the land and, and they're so happy. There's like no mental illness. Everybody works really hard. It's freezing cold at night, they're always drinking and everyone's happy, like, and it's called Happy People Life in the Taiga. It's a great documentary because it just shows you that like, without struggle, you will create struggle. And when you have struggle all the time, like physical struggle, people seem to be satisfied and happy. Especially when they're living off the land, living like a subsistence lifestyle. They're out in the forest, they're catching fish. And it's, it's a great documentary. It's really interesting.

Did you feel it? Because I remember we went to birthday party at your house and your wife introduced my girls and Leanne to chickens. And Leanne and the girls immediately got chickens.

Chickens are awesome.

The happiest my family was out of all the times we've been happy was when they were, they had a garden and they were raising chickens.

Yeah, it's good for you, man.

And then that, that like extra, like, did you guys clean out the chicken coop? You need to clean like that little.

Yeah, work.

Yeah, works good for you.

Yeah, especially work that pays off. Like, you actually get eggs and you get to eat those eggs.

Those eggs.

And that's like the most karma free food that you'll ever get. Because they're your pets. Like, you treat them well, you feed them. You're like, hey girls, I see them, I talk to them. They, I lift, lift rocks for them. So they go under the rocks and pick out bugs and worms and, and they, they come near you, they like waddle over to you when they, and you like get you ready, you ready and pick up the rock and immediately go in there and try to get the worms and bugs and, and then you get these delicious, healthy eggs.

Best eggs I've ever had in my entire life. Yellow, yellow, Double.

I remember getting orange.

Do you remember? Double yolks?

You get double yolks. Yeah. Off. But you're, you're, you know, it's exactly how they're raised. There's no cruelty involved. You know how they're fed. They lay an egg every day. That egg is never going to become a chicken. You never, like, that's what I tell to all my friends that are like vegetarians that are doing it for like, they're just Kind people, they don't want an animal to die. I'm like, you don't have to kill an animal, just eat eggs. Eggs have all the nutrients you need. Eat the yolk, eat the whole thing and you'll, you'll be super healthy. Like you can get all the animal protein that you need from eggs and you don't ever have to worry about an animal dying.

So wait, do you think then when you talk about what was that? Happy City? Is it called Happy People, Happy People. Do you think your connection then to crushing it in the gym and killing it in the gym is directly connected to that struggle? The happiest I ever am is the second my workout's done and I lay back and I just sweat.

You did it. Yeah, you did it. Your body needs, I think in order for your body to survive. Like when we were hunter gatherers, you had to do a bunch of work. So I think there's human reward systems that are built in us that if you don't meet those requirements, your body gets anxious. And the most anxiety ridden up, mentally ill people I know are these lazy slobs that are online all day complaining about people.

Yes.

Especially comics. I know so many comics that they spend a giant chunk of their day shitting on other comics and they're all fat and lazy. And what is that? Well, it's because they're not healthy, they're not mentally healthy, physically healthy. And so they're completely obsessed with other things, external things. You know, when we did that Sober October challenge, Tommy said it best because he was like, dude, when you work out, when we're all competing against each other to see who got the highest fitness scores, Tommy said it best. Like when you work out all day, it kills all that internal chatter. Like you don't worry about things anymore.

All that.

What about this? What about that? That, what about this? What about that shit? Is your mind thinking there's threats out there in the world? Because there used to be. Because you're programmed to think about like what's out there, what's coming for me? Where the. Is there a neighboring tribe that's coming over the top of the hill? Where am I going to get my food? There's all that stuff's built in as a human reward system. If you don't meet that human reward system, you just doom scrolling on TikTok and Twitter all day and shitting on people. Fuck. Whitney Cummings and Ms. Rachel there are just mentally ill slobs, all of them and their opinion should be dismissed. That's why the idea of awards is so ridiculous. Who are these people that are giving you awards? They're all unhealthy people for the most part. They're all weirdos that are caught up in this fucking bizarre, strange industry that rewards groupthink. Like, fuck off.

Yeah, that's probably the. Probably the happiest my mind was when we had the year we had the straps. Remember we had.

Oh, yeah, we remember that.

Kansas City workout Club or something.

Yeah, we had to be. Yeah, the. My Zone, the. My fitness straps. Yeah.

And I remember. I mean, I, you know, like you have memories in your head where you, like, you drive by a place and you go, I remember that. And it was one night I said I was. I was gonna run a marathon. And you're like, I'll match it. I remember we were all texting and I remember getting up at like, it was like, put the girls to bed, it's nine o' clock at night. And I go, I'm gonna run until midnight. And I had just this one fucking mile loop. And I ran eight miles that night and I just kept running. And I cannot run down Colfax. I can't drive down Colfax without thinking of me just going one more lap. Just one more lap.

Yeah, those. Those were wearing yourself out's good for your brain, man.

It really good.

I don't think we should do that again. Because the problem with that is that lit up that weird part of my brain, that obsessive part of my brain. And my wife asked me never to do that again. She's like. Because I was, like, super serious. I got, like, really into it and it just became an obsession. Yeah, it just. It's a. It's a dangerous part of my own brain that I can't entertain too much because I think that's the part of my brain that was formulated in my competition days where it was like. My thought was, you know, like, I would go to the. Because I had keys to the school. So I'd go and train at 2 o' clock in the morning because I knew nobody else was. I knew everybody else was asleep. So I'd go there. I drive there by myself and unlock the doors and start training at 2 o' clock in the morning because I knew everybody was asleep. Yeah, that. That made me feel better. Like, bitch, while you're sleeping, I'm in here. You know.

Where did you put that competitiveness? Because I. I shelved my competitiveness. I don't have it in comedy. I have a competitiveness with the industry that I Felt ignored me at times. Like, I have. I want to prove things. Like I did Fully loaded because I never got on oddball. And so I created that festival. I remember I was with. We were at the Forest Hills arena or whatever, the outdoor stadium. Someone's like, wow, this is crazy. Can you believe you did this? And I went, yeah. And they're like, what made you want to do this? I go, because no one would ever invite me. And then they were like, wow, that was more of an answer than we expected. But, like. And so there's a competitiveness with me internally, but I was very competitive as an athlete. Like, unhealthy. And it was gross.

How was it gross? Like, what sports?

Anything I did.

Well, I think that's Michael Jordan, right? When you're talking about Michael Jordan, he was the most healthy.

Michael Jordan and Kelly Slater, the two ones, Tiger woods, that I hear about. And I identify with the way their brain works, where I go, oh, I have that grossness where I create scenarios in my head to go, that's it. I'm gonna fucking. I'd build up a rivalry with. I have a guy that I think about to this day who played baseball at Tampa Catholic. His name was Israel. And I had a competitive. The guy doesn't even know who the fuck I am. He never knew me. He was a pitcher. And I fucking. And I. And I apologize, Israel, if you're hearing this right now. We were 16, and I had a competitiveness in my head, and my goal was to hit him, to hit a line drive right back in, and he was a pitcher, and he threw inside, and I crushed one off his kneecap. And they pulled him out of the game. And I stood on first base and I was like, that's how it goes. Israel's 53 years old.

Right now, you drop is to hit him with a line drive.

That's crazy competitive. And so I. And I. And when I got into stand up, I maybe. Because I just. I saw that so many people were so far beyond me that I was like, well, I'm not playing their game, I guess. So I'm not. I never had a competitiveness in stand up.

Well, you can't, but you can listen. You could. There's a good place for competitiveness. I mean, I am competitive, no doubt, but I don't think about it in terms of, like, art.

Yeah.

I think my competition with either standup or with podcasting is to be the best I can be, to do the best job I can. Like, if I have a guy on and he Wants to talk about some science stuff or, or something like esoteric or we. I have to read his book or listen to the audiobook. I have to read articles. I have to get in. I have to do my best. This guy's gonna fly in here from Europe or whatever it is. I have to be ready and I have to be intrigued. And the only reason why I have on the podcast in the first place is because I'm interested in it. So my thing is just do the best that I can. And the, the way that I could do it the best I can is only talk to people that I want to talk to, to only reach out to people that I'm actually interested in. Only accept invitations from someone that ignites my curiosity and just only do it that way. Never say, oh, this person will be great because they're famous like this. One of the things you see about some of these podcasts that are doing well, all of their guests are famous, right?

Which is like a built in cheat code. Like, let's see what this guy. And I have famous people on all the time if I think they're interesting, if I want to talk to them.

John.

But I, I pass on a lot of famous people because I'm not interested in them or because they were like really heavily pushing the vaccine during the pandemic. I'm like, fuck you forever. Fuck you. Yeah, there's a few people that have tried to get on. I'm like, no, I would have. Before the pandemic, I would have been happy to have you on. But now I'm like, fuck you forever. You. Who, who knows how many people you caused to have heart attacks? Who knows how many people you tricked into getting that and they had a stroke? Who knows? Who knows? And they didn't need it. Especially the people that already got Covid. You didn't know what you were talking about and you just bootlicked. You bootlick for the, for the man like you. That's it. But other than that, everybody else, it's like, who is it? What do they want to talk about? So I just do my best. You know, I'm competitive when it comes to playing pool, but really, the pool, you're playing against yourself. You're playing another person, and the other person is definitely. But when you're playing, nobody can block you. Nobody gets in front of you.

You're just trying to do your best. So it's all against you. All the competition is against you. Which is why I like to work out by myself. I'm. I'm Playing against me. You know, it's me. It's like, it's whatever my inside little inner is. I'm trying to squash that down, beat his ass again, and then he's back again tomorrow. Every time I lift the lid on that cold punch, my inner is like, don't do it. You don't have to do this. You could not do it, and we'll be fine. Like, the other day, it was 22 degrees outside, and I had to break the ice off of the top of the thing because it was, like, covered in ice. I break the ice off because I got. I could barely lift the lid off the thing, so I had to knock off all the ice and then pick it up and climb on in. I'm like, you. And this is like, it's you to the inner dude.

It's like when you said, like, I remember doing an interview with a guy when he was getting. I got a Netflix special coming out. I'm gonna go out on the road for the next couple weeks, and I was like, couple weeks, Couple weeks, Couple weeks. I'm gone. I don't. I'm not home for one month, one month out. I'm in my bus every night doing stand up. But 18 months out, I'm like, getting ready, Obsessive. Yeah. I've got. I'm not shooting my next one until 2027, and I'm obsessive today. Last night, I was like, I tried all my new shit. I was like, I gotta find out if real people laughed at this, you know, Like, I mean, my fans. My fans. I think my fans are willing to give me an inch, you know?

Well, they also know you. They know your story. They know all the references. Yeah.

But what's crazy to me is, like, we were, me and you. Not. I can't speak for the younger comics, but we were in a time at stand up when competitiveness was the norm.

It was because of tv, though, dude. That was what it was. It was like everybody thought they were competing for a very small amount of slots. And then what happened was the Internet came along and we realized that. No, in fact, we're actually an asset to each other because we do each other's podcasts, we hang out with each other, which makes each other better. When we're all on a show together and you're killing and Tom's killing and Ari's killing. The more people are killing, the more we're gonna do better, because we're gonna get excited about it.

Yeah.

And we'll be inspired. And so we became valuable to each other instead of competitive against each other. And if there was any competition that you were having with your friends, it was actually healthy competition because it just made you try harder. Like, if you saw. If Ari went up and did, like, when Ari did his Jew special, which was fucking incredible, that special was so good. It made so many people get inspired to work on a theme and write and, like, really try to develop something. Like, look at what he did. He just, like, put together this fucking incredible special. Like, it was really fucking good. And that kind of competition is healthy competition. It's inspirational. Instead of, like, saying, I hope that guy gets hit by a bus. Fuck him. All these slobs that are on Twitter and they're talking shit about comedians and are angry about comedians, they have one thing in common. They're almost all failures. They're either failures or they're extremely mediocre. Yeah, they're in the middle of, like, mediocrity that no one's. No one's got them as their favorite comedian. No one's got them as their favorite podcaster. No one's got them as anything.

They just don't do that well. So what do they do? They're attacking people. So their competitiveness is a very unhealthy competitiveness. If their competitiveness was healthy, they would say, well, what is it about this person where she's getting all these comedy specials and she's in front of all these roasts? Why is Nikki Glaser doing so well and I'm not? Instead of hating on Nikki Glazer, you know, but that's not what, like, a narcissist does. Would it? Not one. What about me? How come I'm not getting that? She does talk about sucking that, and then they get all angry and they start talking shit about her. Meanwhile, she still kills it. She's still on the road. She's still selling out. She's still getting out there. Everybody screams and cheers. Why? Because she put in the work. And if you put in the work and if you looked at yourself and you objectively analyze what you're doing and said, why is this going well? Why is this not going well? And worked harder, you would be where she is. But you're not. So what are you doing? You're on Twitter every day for 12 hours like a fucking mental patient, just shitting on people and getting in arguments and saying mean things like, you're gonna just.

It's crabs in a bucket. You're just trying to pull people down that are doing better than you. Where you going? Get back down here. That's all it is.

Yeah.

It's unhealthy. That's why you can't read that stuff. Because you're, You're. You absorb the atmosphere of the people that you surround yourself with. And like it or not, when you're interacting with people on social media, you are surrounding yourself with their thoughts.

Yeah.

You know, and they're unhealthy people that you would never hang out with in real life. And if you did, if you said, well, why do you think that way? And then they would say something like, that doesn't make any sense. This is why that doesn't make any sense. And then they would run away and go talk to shit about you on social media because they're cowards. So you can't live in a world of cowards and mental ill people. You can't. It's not good for you.

When I started hanging out with the group, I'm around now, right. I want to say it was you. You were saying, surround yourself with good people. And I remember reading a quote that week, and I've butchered it. But I said, if enough. You hang out with enough great white sharks, people think you're a great white shark. Like, I just. Like, all they see is the fin. And it's like, if I hang out with the best fucking comics in the world, if I surround myself with the best comics in the world, I'm gonna have to get better.

Yes.

Like, I'm gonna get better. And I remember, I can tell you, like, the first time I saw your Kim or your, your Caitlyn Jenner joke of the. Of the gargoyles.

The demon.

Yeah. And you're on the stool. And you got the stool and the gargoyle. I remember watching that crying, laughing, going, I'm not using the stage at all. Like, I'm not using the stage. Like, God damn it. Or I remember Burr doing an act out, and I never expected Burr to do an act out. He was talking to an immigrant kid he hired that lived in the bushes or that he adopted. He goes, so and so's not gonna live in the house. We're gonna keep in the bushes. He said, come on, man, there's a reason you're in the bushes. But he was doing an act out. And I remember going like, God damn it, man. I don't ever do act outs. Like, I think I always surrounded myself around better comics to, like, see what the meal was being made and go like, well, shit, I'm just making French fries. You can turn that into a baked potato.

Well, we don't exist in a vacuum. This is one of the things that I always say about comics. You never find the best comic in the country or one of the best comics in the country by themselves. In Birmingham, Alabama. No, it doesn't exist. They're always in either New York, L.A. austin. There's a few other places where you find out about someone really good, and they're always around other people that are really good. Because comedy is one of those things where you. You really only experience it live, like when you see someone and doing a special. Specials are great, but a special is like 60% of the real show. If you're there in the audience, you get 100% of the real show. You get hypnotized by the show. You get caught up in it. If the guys got it together, it's like, really well pieced and timed and edited. It's so much fun. But you. You gotta be there. And when you're at a club, like, and you see Gillis and Ron White and, like, we had the mothership, you have all these great comics. Like, man, the atmosphere is just uplifting. Everybody's inspired and exciting.

And for people that are listening, like, yeah, that's great for you guys. Be famous comedians. You could do this with your friends. Whatever you're doing, I don't care what you're doing. Whatever you're doing. If you guys are all pickleball players, just work hard to be the best pickleball player. Hang out with other pickleball players. Talk about pickleball. Get involved in it. Push each other. Tell each other what you're doing that's making you better. Tell each other what are the different things you're doing that's enhancing your recovery or whatever the fuck you're into. Find other people that are also into it. Surround yourself with people that have a similar thing. And you all lift each other up and it's.

You need the other voices. Because I think sometimes the best jokes you tell are like. Like, you don't realize you're telling a joke. You don't realize it's a bit. And then someone goes, yo, man. Like, I remember we were doing a new Material night one night, and I got off stage and you walked up to me and you go, did you really not know that Helen Kellen and Anne Frank weren't the same person? And I was like, yeah, I used to think they're the same person.

Oh, did you? You know what? I've been reading that Helen Kellen was A fraud.

Yeah. Okay, hold on. Let's start here. Okay, so, okay, I heard Stevie Wonder, Cassie. Okay. And there's footage of him doing. Seeing guy.

Like, what?

Pull it up. There's, like, all sorts of stuff and.

Some very interesting stories people have told, too.

Shut the up.

Yeah.

Like, there's a great secret to keep that secret for so long while you're still alive. Helen Keller's dead, and it just leaked out in 2026, dude.

Helen Keller, her doctors were saying that.

She responded to stimuli, to sound, to visual, and then her writing was apparently all the same grammatical errors and spelling errors that her handler had.

This goes back to Cub.

Shay.

Shay Joe. It's just like he says to me, you lost it all and you built it back. And I just. I just. Stevie wondered him. I'm like, yeah, I can't see, man.

He and Eddie Bravo were crying, laughing, because I was on the toilet when he called me, and I'm taking a shit. And he's like, did Brooke Kreischer lose everything? I'm like, what?

What do you mean? You said to me?

He goes, he was on Shannon. I go, he didn't lose everything. And I go, I bet Shannon Sharp just said that. And I could see Bert totally just going with it. And we were crying, laughing. Eddie and I were crying, like, why would you go with that? Why wouldn't you just tell him? Tell you? Bert wouldn't. He wouldn't even. I don't know, Shannon. I just pull myself back up and I just. I hit rock bottom. You never hit rock bottom. He was never even in the middle. He was always doing great.

That's what happened to Stevie Wonder. I heard you're blind. He's like, what? And someone's like, just come on.

This can't be real.

I swear to God.

There's video of Ray Charles is blind. Don't kill my. All my dreams.

Ray Charles is really blind, but okay.

Stevie Wonders got a lot of pussy, too.

Stevie Wonder.

You know why?

Because he didn't care what it looked like.

He didn't give a fuck. He just cared what it felt like. Did you smell good? Do you smell good? Can we fuck?

I brought a blind guy on stage one time in Hartford, Connecticut. I was like, he was with a fucking smoking hot chick he probably didn't even know. And I know. I said. I go, dude, what a waste. And he was like, what? I go, you got a beautiful chick, but you could just. I mean, wouldn't a fat one feel better? Because you're all touch, right? And he Goes, no, man, I can feel her face. And I went, what? She's gorgeous. She was.

Oh, he could feel her face.

This is when I was young and there were no rules in comedy and no one had phones. So I said, hey, man, come up on stage. I want you to feel people in the audience and rate them on a scale of one to ten.

Oh, no.

Fucking. The confidence of these chicks. I'll do it. Gets up, feels her face. He's like, oh, four. And the crowd was like, this guy's good. He could have worked at a fair, Joe. I mean, he was so fucking good. He was so good. You have to have footage of Stevie Wonder shaking dude's hands.

Come on.

There's one where I saw where he comes up on stage, and Stevie's sticks his hand out to the side, and the guy's like, hey, what's up, Stevie? There's.

Yeah, but I mean, he would hear people and know that they were to the side of him.

I don't know. That's what I heard. But then I think that's what happened with Helen Keller is right. The story.

Well, Helen Keller seems like it was fraud. It seems like she probably was, like, visually impaired. Okay. When someone attempted to shake hands with Stevie Wonder. Pray this.

Oh, that's a joke. Making fun of it. Okay, so not that. Oh, but I did find. So there's a bunch of compilations of people. Like, this is from Drink Champs. These TV one Wonder stories keep getting wilder every time.

Shout out. You ever had Drink Champs on?

No. Let's. Let me. Let me hear some of this.

Not blind stories. Stevie want to be FaceTime on everything.

I love Stevie Wonder does FaceTime me.

Come on, man.

I can't make this up. Come on.

I was in there chilling with my. I was getting my hair done with my hairstyle, my phone, and my hairstylist.

Like, did I say Stevie Wonder? I said, yep.

I went, boop.

And he was like, I've been looking for you.

You know, Snoop Dogg said Stevie wonders. FaceTimes him. Yeah, we have all kinds. Stevie FaceTimes.

Me too. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Do it. Think Stevie to see sometimes. What? Sometimes Shaq said he rolled in the elevator with Stevie, and Stevie pressed the. The button. We lived in the same building, Wilshire. All right, I just need to describe this story. Park in front. You can park in front or you can park at the bottom. Uhhuh. I'm already into the elevator. So you say Stevie got out his car. Do. No, but he got on the elevator door. Okay. And I'M standing in the corner. I see him. I don't want to say nothing. He like, what up, Diesel? Button. And he got the floor. And I'm like, shaq said he rolled in the elevator with him. He didn't say that he was in there. He just seen Stevie. Like they lived in the same building. They. They both walked in and Shaq. Cuz he didn't want to say nothing. And Stevie said when Shaq walked out. All right, later, Diesel.

Crazy. Yeah, that's crazy. Well, what a. What a great move that would be if he really did it. I think he's blind.

No, here's.

It's the picture, but what up, Diesel? First of all, the sound that he would make when he walks, like the. Shaq is huge. He's an enormous person. So you'd probably realize there's an enormous man next to you.

You'd have to feel it, right?

He probably maybe wears the same deodorant or cologne because dudes who can't see have amazing sense of smell. Like they. People smell differently. Yeah, you know, like certain people smell different. I guess I don't notice it because I could see him, but I guarantee.

Have his own deodorant.

Yeah, there you go.

No, he has his own deodorant. Probably Shaq's head on it.

I think he probably smelled Shaq's deodorant. I don't know. I'm just trying to be charitable.

This is how I think it happened, right? Stevie Wonder goes on, what, the Ed Sullivan show of five. And he's probably hard. He probably can't see. He probably doesn't have 2020 vision. He's probably legally blind, right?

Legally blind.

Legally blind. Like he can see shit, but it's not great vision. And they're like, you know, this is Lil Stevie. And he's like, what's wrong with his eyes? We can't fucking put his eyes out like that. Give him sunglasses. And they just. And then the story got bigger than it was. I will say this. I will say this, okay? I got video of this. This just proves that he might be blind. Okay? Leanne was at a concert the other night. This guy, Corey Henry's Stevie's favorite pianist. Leanne loves Corey Henry. She goes to the concert. She's sitting next to Stevie Wonder. And Stevie Wonder didn't stand. The whole place was standing. And Leanne was like, why isn't he standing? I go, because you only stand to see if you're blind. You're gonna sit through the whole show. It's no different to you.

Right?

So I was like. And then I have video of Stevie Wonder sitting. But that's also convenience. Who the fuck wants to stand for a show? I don't. Helen Keller.

The Helen Keller one's different.

The Helen Keller ones, because there's doctors.

That have said, like, there's was medical records at the time where people said she was responding to light.

This is. That there's. That's not true.

The Helen Keller thing. Archives from 1902 to 1924 do not contain examination reports showing Helen Keller had functional vision and hearing throughout a disabled life. And the conspiracy that Keller was a cash cow for Sullivan is debunked by the fact that Keller's full life continued with another companion, Polly Thompson, who also interpreted for her. That doesn't mean anything. That means that other person could be in on it as well. Yeah, that doesn't mean anything. Also, this is a time in 1919. I mean, come on. How easy.

He was a lion.

1902 to 1924. I mean, you could get away with so much. So she supposedly flew a plane.

This says.

I told you. She.

Hold on.

Yeah, this says it was from, like, a movie, and there's no.

Oh, the movie. She flew a plane in a movie.

A silent film.

Okay. She played herself flying a plane. They just thought people retarded back then. They're like, show her flying a plane. She's the best.

She started the universe.

Nothing can hold her back. Why is it holding you back? She can't hear, she can't see, and she could talk and write books. Like, wait, what? But. Okay, that is this one article. But I've read things that said that. The people that were examining her said that she responded to sound and that she responded to light. Just because this one thing says it's not true doesn't mean that it's not true.

Well, then here's the question.

It's also. We don't know. This is 100 years ago. Yeah, we really don't know.

How blind and deaf do you need to be before you say you're not blind and deaf?

Right. Well, the thing is, like, can you not hear anything? Can you not see anything that's blind and that's deaf? Anything else is like, I have poor hearing and poor sight.

Yeah, but that doesn't sell a fucking book.

Right, but that's the problem. Like, maybe she could see a little. Maybe she just had bad vision and maybe she could talk a little. Because otherwise, how.

I mean, so less impressive.

Explain to me how you're gonna Write books. Explain to me how you're gonna grasp concepts and language and communication and interaction. Explain to me. I don't get it. I've never met anybody since then. That's been will do it. Can blind deaf people today write books and fly planes? I don't know if she flew a plane.

She's just in the plane. That's what it said.

Oh, yeah.

She's in the front of the plane. And they usually fly.

I saw a blind guy in a plane once. I didn't think anything of it. I didn't think he flew.

I almost got into a fight with a blind guy at the Austin airport.

For what?

Right after I did the show. Last time I was here, I was a little high. I went to the airport a little drunk. He was fighting with his wife, and he grabbed her by the back of the arm to leave. And I thought he was just grabbing by the back of the arm like a dick. And I was like, hey. And then he turned around, he had sunglasses on and a cane. And I realized that's the only way he could get to the gate.

Look at Burp being a fucking white knight.

I know.

Stepping in, fighting blind guys.

I fucked that guy up. He didn't. It was so. Easiest fight I've ever been in. The look on the black guy's face at TSA when I couldn't see that he was blind already. And he grabbed his wife's arm and I went, hey. And the black guy went, oh, shit. Like not knowing you're talking shit to a blind guy.

You were drunk.

I was. I was wasted.

So are there any people there, any good articles that say Helen Keller could see? No.

I asked Perplexity. It said she was blind and deaf caused by meningitis when she was 19 months old again.

I wonder. I wonder if she could see a little bit, See a little and hear a little. Makes a lot more sense that you could write books.

So I just stumbled across something that's. I don't know how true it is. It just says that somewhere in the along the way, Stevie Wonder got some sort of corrective something or other to help.

Oh, so you could see a little bit?

Perception issues or what?

That means you could see. Stop lying to me, damn it.

But he also. Another thing. Says he's got detached retinas.

Wait, did you ever see that?

Oh, interesting. So he has damaged vision, then. That sounds like damaged vision shortly after.

Birth due to retinopathy of prematurity from being born prematurely. He's addressed his rumors persistently about being able to see. Since the blessing allow him to see people's spirits, not their appearance.

So this is the Instagram thing that I saw initially on Helen Keller. I'll send this to you.

That's right.

That's. Yeah. You don't believe that, but you believe that article that you just pulled up.

No, I'm saying starting with social media isn't the best.

Listen, it's the best place for information.

That's where I get all my information.

Everything's accurate.

You could start there.

It's all real. It's all real.

Have you ever told someone? Yeah, I read a book about it. It was just an Instagram post. And they're like a book. I think I saw the same post.

Yeah. Helen Keller was a fraud. Doctors proved she could see in here. That's her. Her teacher made millions from the law, said Medical Board archive. Medical board archives from 1902 to 1924 allegedly contain examination reports suggesting Helen Keller retained partial vision and hearing throughout her life. According to those claims, multiple physicians noted she reacted to sounds when an Sullivan was not present, tracked movement with her eyes, and physically flinched at loud noises. One sealed report is said to conclude, I don't like that. Is said to conclude that her responses pointed to coordinated deception rather than true dis. Sullivan reportedly refused independent testing.

Aha.

The theory argues that the situation became highly profitable. Sullivan allegedly discovered keller at age 7, promoted a miraculous teaching breakthrough and toured the country, charging the modern equivalent of thousands per appearance. Supporters of the claim say Keller's autobiography noticeably changed tone when Sullivan became ill, suggesting Sullivan authored both voices. Financial records are said to show Sullivan controlled all income, keeping Keller financially dependent for life. Linguistic and analytics cited by conspiracy supporters claim Keller's writings mirrored Sullivan's private letters exactly, matching vocabulary, sentence structure, and even spelling mistakes. They argue that Keller wrote without Sullivan present, that when Keller wrote without Sullivan present, the work appeared elementary, concluding that her eloquent public words came from Sullivan, not Keller. According to the theory, disability organizations later built massive institutions around Keller's story when evidence questioning her condition surface. It was allegedly suppressed due to to rather protect a lucrative charity, an inspiration based industry that relied on a powerful.

Symbolic figure, Lance Armstrong.

What do you mean?

This is like. This is. This is the whole. Like you build the whole thing and people start coming at you, right? It's like, this is the time when the Elephant man was big, but Lance.

Armstrong won those races. And the thing about the Lance Armstrong thing is, you know, you could say Lance Armstrong cheated and he'll tell you he cheated, but the Reality is, everyone cheated. If you wanted to go back into the archives when he won Tour de France and figure out, like, who didn't test positive, you had to go to 18th place. Yeah. So they took away all his jerseys, by the way. Fuck you, he says, because he still has all those jerseys on the wall. Bitch, you can't take them from me. You could say I didn't win, but everybody knows I won. And everybody knows he won when all those other guys were doping, too.

But I was saying they were trying to protect. Of a lucrative, lucrative profit. And that's what didn't happen with Lance. Like, he. They. They just threw him under the bus.

Well, he was also suing people who were saying that he took stuff. Yeah, because they were whistleblowers. Because they went after them first and said, listen, if you. If you blow the whistle on Lance, we'll get you off the hook. And so then he would sue them.

Be a better story if Helen was more like Lance. And they're like, we got a tennis partner says, you play tennis with a felon. She's like, I'm gonna sue you. And they're like, you're talking pretty good. She gonna sue you. But this is around the time when the Elephant man was big. So you'd grab onto something, right? You'd grab onto something like a sideshow, right? And you'd parade it around the country.

That woman, who's her handler, if that lady was responsible for all of her finances and had access to all that money and Sullivan, that makes sense.

That's how I mixed up Anne Frank and Ann Sullivan. That's how it came about.

Nowhere to.

There's no link here.

Shut up, Jamie. I just want to say, stop ruining everything. You're right. There's no link there.

There's not a single link to say. And people even ask, like, where are the links? And when you go, some of this stuff.

I like that one, though. I knew it.

I knew it.

I'm with that guy.

Christian Harvey.

I'm with that guy. I'm with that guy.

I've been saying this for years.

It just doesn't make sense that she'd be able to write so eloquently.

Did you ever see Kevin Hart and Dr. Dre talking about Stevie Wonder?

No.

Pull this up. Kevin Hart, Dr. Dre. Because Dr. Dre is not. Meaning, like, he's not. He never tries to be funny, right? He is so fucking funny. On accident, on this clip, talking about Stevie Wonder. Just Stevie Wonder, Dr. Dre, Kevin Hart album with Marsha Ambrosia.

Right? And we did some music, a song.

Using Stevie Wonder's music. And he had to clear it.

And he called me up like, hey, okay.

For some reason, Stevie Wonder called you.

Like, super early in the morning. Like, six, seven in the morning or some. I'm like, just because you can't see the time, the. All right, so.

True story.

Look, I don't like the lyrics. I don't like the lyrics.

Right? Look at Kevin.

Okay?

We went in and changed the lyrics.

It's like, what if we. It's like, just. Stevie, it's 3am. What the Is the difference?

Like, 5:00am or 5:00pm Stevie. That's true. What's the difference?

That's true.

That's. Blind people have a really hard time.

Sleeping, I imagine, because it's dark all the time.

Yeah. Yeah.

Their circadian rhythm's all up, right?

Yeah.

They feel sunlight in their face, though, if they go outside.

They have to.

I do, yeah. It probably feels really good, get that sun on your face. You're blind. Like, oh, you just don't feel the light. Just feel the warmth.

I bet you see it when you open your eyes a little bit, but you see something.

Depends on your level of blindness, right? Some people could just see light. Like, a little bit of light.

I would love that. They made, like, blind glasses. Like, this is what. This is how blind you have to be to be considered blind. And you could just put them on and be like, okay, that's blind.

Oh, like legally blind.

Yeah, legally blind glasses that we could all put on. And then they're like, that'd be cool if they made, like, versions like, this is how blind Helen Keller was. And you put them on, you're like, oh, I can fucking see. Yeah.

We don't know.

I guess there's no way to find out.

I'd like to believe that it was a fraud. I think that's fun. I like to believe that people pull. Well, it's like Watergate. I. I like finding out.

I gotta get rid of that book now. Yeah, that bums me out.

Listen, will you watch the episode that I did with Bill Murray? He hated that book. He said after five pages, he was like, I knew it was bullshit. Yeah. Bert, I love you to death, Joe.

I love you.

Tell everybody about your show. It's on Netflix right now.

Freebird streaming on Netflix right now. Check it out if you like it. Just enjoy it. Tell a friend.

Boom, boom.

£275 in this.

Damn. You look like you lost a lot of weight.

How much you down to now, £40 or £35?

£45. And you haven't drank in how long?

Just 17 days.

That's good.

Yeah. I got another. I have a timer set. Five months and 18 days.

So at six months, you're gonna have a drink?

Yeah, well, I got a second opinion. You know that, Joe.

Okay, I'll see you in six months.

I'll see you in six. I'll see you.

I'll see you before. You coming tonight? You gonna be around tonight?

I'm trying to go spend time with Tom's kids. I'll. Beautiful dinner. Okay, Beautiful. Well, it's good. Good luck getting Tommy on the phone these days.

He's a busy boy. Yeah, busy boy.

Yeah, we're all busy, Tom.

That dude's busy, though. No, he's kind of crazy busy.

Yeah, I own a vodka company with him.

Yeah, he opened up a restaurant.

We have a 5K. You couldn't come run our 5K, Joe? No, LA. No. Come on.

I don't go to LA.

What was the last time you were there?

I guess it was like, I went there for the UFC seven months ago or something like that.

Okay.

Yeah, I don't go there anymore. I. La, to me, is like, just a bad relationship like that. You, like. You run into a girl that used to be cool and now she's just a mess and you're like, oh, you.

Don'T miss anything about it.

Nope. I'm good at moving on.

Thanks for having me on, Joe.

My pleasure, brother. I love you to death. All right, bye, everybody. Taubawot felust for truck. Martiganz einbarmit. Visostoya on Wendy.

Dan arbited.

Highsis kaching. Task safe. Visostoya, hold your dangites. Yetz cost nose ausphobian.