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Transcript of The Big Suey: The Strangest Hour of "Dan's" Career

The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
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Transcription of The Big Suey: The Strangest Hour of "Dan's" Career from The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz Podcast
00:00:02

Welcome to the Big Suey, presented by DraftKings. Why are you listening to this show? The podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan Lebitard podcast. I'm sorry. I'm not going to apologize for that. In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging. I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's fries if they're just there. That hasn't happened to you guys? I've done it. And now, here's the marching band to Nowhere, Fatface, and the Pitchou a Liar.

00:00:31

This episode of the Dan Levitard Show is presented by DraftKings. Draftkings, the Crown is yours.

00:00:39

Today is here. Fire is clear. I don't think we're allowed to use that music. That's going to cost us money every time we do it. It's going to happen.

00:01:01

Tony said we're good.

00:01:02

No, this can't pay you how we do this. We're not allowed music rights. I miss our music. I want music.

00:01:07

That's royalty-free. You're good.

00:01:09

We found out accidentally from John Tess yesterday during the interview, he's like, You guys want to hear a funny story? And he's like, You know that Monday Night Football song? That was just a public domain song. We have access to certain public domain sites. We started looking up. It's like, Oh, we pay a subscription to the owner of that song. We can technically use use that song, even though it's a Monday Night Football song. We had a little talk, and now it's like, We're going to use that song until someone says we can't use that song anymore. Then Jeremy took that as an invitation to come in today and write a bunch of songs that we don't want to hear.

00:01:45

Well, we've reached the portion of the proceedings where Mike McDaniel has lost 17 of his last 26. When the flames climb on this, you get these guys, Des Bryant and LaShon McCoy. These are the voices that sometimes shout their opinions. These are two of the least informed you will find spouting public opinion. And they run over to where the fires are, and they just shout into the fire. Lashon McCoy, the quote is, They don't respect Tua. This is why the dolphins can't win the big games. This is why, because our leader can't be a leader. Our leader can't be real. The can't be real part is a note he's hitting there on purpose, that Tua is some management guy. The Tua is what here? That our leader can't be real is what?

00:02:33

So he's saying... Yeah, I guess he's saying that he's not part of the team, right? He's not one of the other players.

00:02:41

Well, he's management calling out. He's management snitching on the players for being late and not being professional, saying their fault. The leadership problem is everyone but me.

00:02:51

Well, based on what Tua said, I think he could sooner be accused of being too real for calling out his teammates. And in management, McDaniel, the next day, does not support what he said. So that's why I say McDaniel really threw his quarterback under the bus.

00:03:09

And now Dez Bryant says, I guarantee a lot of the players don't respect Tua. Tua points the finger, and here's where he's got him, and you can't dispute this. He points the finger, and literally, four are pointing back at him, and he got him there.

00:03:22

That's what they say.

00:03:23

That's not true. If you point the finger, it's three pointing back to you.

00:03:27

The thumb is pointing the way the finger is. Yeah.

00:03:30

You need that thumb to go in the other direction.

00:03:33

I'm doing it right now. That's three pointing back at me.

00:03:37

You're throwing up a gang sign there. What's Levy doing? Be careful with that.

00:03:40

Don't show that on it. The ship be sinking. Ship.

00:03:44

The ship be sinking.

00:03:45

Both, really.

00:03:46

Yeah, that's what I said.

00:03:48

You know Keurig is an American company? Thank God. I've been looking it up. I thought the way that they had it and they had the oomlott on the side, I thought it was Dutch or something. No.

00:03:58

German, maybe.

00:03:59

It's American. They're faking this. The inventor of the K-Cup, John Sylvan. I don't know that fool. Yeah, get ready to hear what he said. John Sylvan, a man who's amassed a fortune from K-Cups and all that jazz. What do you say? I regret inventing the K-Cup. Shut up, John Sylvan. What? That's something you say when you're rich.

00:04:18

Oh, I regret being rich. No, you don't. Shut up.

00:04:20

Exactly right. Please.

00:04:21

Cake Up, Cake Up.

00:04:24

That's not a respectful use of that music. I think it is. That's You say it's royalty-free music. I say that music is royalty. I think Tesh said that's the best sports song there's ever been.

00:04:36

In the history of this show, the one time that you're disciplined about royalties is when we're allowed to play it.

00:04:43

How does this guy come out with it? What face does he come out?. I regret inventing this thing that's made me billions of dollars because of recycling or something. Get out of here with that.

00:04:56

That's a great convenience.

00:04:56

It's nonsense. He doesn't regret anything.

00:04:59

It reminds me of when Popovich was like, You know what? I really wanted to be a D3 coach, and I didn't want to do all this MBA stuff. Go do it. After $100 million. Okay, yeah, you could say that. Go quick. How about the poor D3 guy who's trying to make a buck?

00:05:14

Greg Cody, just-Is he okay?

00:05:18

Come on, Bells?

00:05:20

Roy, he might need something.

00:05:21

No, I pressed the button.

00:05:22

He also grabbed the microphone, too. I think, Roy, you got to help him with the microphone as well.

00:05:27

I'm leaving back purposely for the sake of my knee. Jack. Luckily, the microphone reaches me, so we're all good.

00:05:33

How is your knee? What is the state? Have we gotten a report yet? Are you going to have surgery? Are you going to need surgery on your knee? You're limping, you're playing through pain.

00:05:41

You got that bad knee? Olympian.

00:05:43

You couldn't make it yesterday. You couldn't make it to the show yesterday.

00:05:47

Right. I was on Monday. I'm on twice a week, Dan.

00:05:52

That can't be good. We're just looking at it on the screen. Is that your actual MRI? There's no way, right?

00:05:57

It looks like a Picasso painting. What the hell is that?

00:06:00

I don't know what that is.

00:06:01

It looks like that knee is happy to see me. Yeah. I'll find out Friday morning whether I'm having surgery.

00:06:09

There's mold growing on the middle of your knee there.

00:06:11

What is that? I don't know if Tony TC can read an X-ray.

00:06:15

Buddy, I've had more X-rays and more MRIs than you can even imagine, pal.

00:06:18

What does that mean? The MRI is magic.

00:06:21

The one on the left looks like it's literally screaming in agony.

00:06:24

Yeah, it is. Who's T. C? Tony Kalati. Me, yeah.

00:06:30

I know what he's talking about, Dan. Don't worry about it. We're doing a different show here.

00:06:32

We have one theory because Greg doesn't know how this happened. He has no idea how he injured his knee to the point of potentially needing surgery.

00:06:42

I know how it happened. Old.

00:06:45

Bowling didn't help G-C.

00:06:47

Well, there's bowling. That's a theory. But this looks like potentially a wear and tear injury. We know that Greg Cody sleeps crisscross applesauce. What?

00:06:57

No, he does. You've never heard this? Wait a minute. You don't know this story? It's one of the all-time classics. I learned Greg Cody sleeps crisscross applesauce when I learned that he had mashed potatoes in his head in New Orleans because he drank too much. I thought it was weird then. I revealed it one day on the show. No one knew it. We told him he's strange, and no one in the audience sleeps that way either.

00:07:20

You sleep on your back criss-cross applesauce?

00:07:23

Yeah, and here's what's sad about it.

00:07:25

That can't be good for blood flow.

00:07:26

Like a frog. What's sad about it is that instinctively, I still begin to do that, only to be reminded that my right knee won't do that.

00:07:34

I'm just picturing GC at 11: 00 PM.

00:07:36

Just like, ouch. It's exactly right. That's exactly what happens.

00:07:41

If your one leg can't do, you sleep like a number four?

00:07:44

No, I resigned myself to having to sleep straight like it, which is awful.

00:07:49

Do you ever sleep on your stomach, crisscross applesauce?

00:07:52

No, don't be ridiculous.

00:07:54

That'd be crazy.

00:07:55

But the other one's also crazy, right? That's such a funny visual.

00:08:00

Others do it.

00:08:00

But so's the one we have, though. But that's funny, then. But the real one is also funny because a really dumb vampire would sleep like this, where the joints and the bones are so rickety that they would decide to form over 40 years. No one sleeps like this.

00:08:21

Danny, there's another layer to it. He folds his fingers on his belly. I do. I lace my fingers. So picture Chris Cross apples sauce. It's absolutely on my upper chest like this. He looks, I'll say it, he looks dead.

00:08:32

Can I try what face down Chris Cross apples sauce would look like? I would love to see that.

00:08:35

You have to have incredibly loose hip flexors, by the way.

00:08:38

Well, didn't somebody say that Roy had to bring him an Ottoman? Didn't someone request? No, he has it.

00:08:42

It's elevated.

00:08:43

Okay, but so-Zaz is going to do that. Can we get a shot of this?

00:08:47

All right, we do have a shot. Aren't there warriors in the 16th century called Ottomans?

00:08:51

Hold on.

00:08:52

You're not in the right place, Shaz. We don't need to see any of that. A whole empire, put your feet up. We don't need This is crazy. This is inappropriate. Jz with that dumb. This is inappropriate.

00:09:04

That is crazy. He felt on the top of a building and contorted himself. Listen, look.

00:09:09

The furniture store called the Ottoman Empire would sell, man.

00:09:11

Those are proper ankle socks.

00:09:16

Now do it normal. Do it on your back, Jack. Jack. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Let's see.

00:09:24

Closer to the LED, Zaz. We need to back you up a little bit. No, you're going the wrong way, Zadj. I'm on the wrong way. Up, up, up. Please, we don't need to see more of this, Zaz. We need to go more up.

00:09:35

That's the epitome of comfort right there.

00:09:37

Zaz, I need you to be careful here. Listen to me. Lock those fingers. Zaz, all right, this is what I need you to do, Zaz, and I'm in a panic situation, okay? We're a big, serious television show, we're on Peacock. You're dangerous right now to giving us peak October. I want to celebrate baseball and peak October, and you need to be careful with the way you flop around back there, but I want you to do it. You just need to get closer to the LED, and I need to see you sleeping like Greg Cody slept in New Orleans when he had mashed potatoes in his hair.

00:10:10

Lace your fingers.

00:10:11

Good hips on Zaz, by the way. Doing the crisscross apple sauce to the front is hard.

00:10:16

Are you guys claiming that this is the reason that the knees are shot because he sleeps this way and finally his knees have given out?

00:10:26

No, Dan. I've actually read the MRI, and I'm looking at it right now. I can see the small There's a tear in the ACL right here, actually. Look. Right here, this is the ACL right here. There's actually a little tear right here.

00:10:36

You got to hold the mic near you so we can hear what's saying.

00:10:38

As you can see right here, it might go down a little bit. So right here, this is where the ACL is, right here. If you see that little shadow right there, that's actually the tear in the ACL. What really concerns me is what's going on here, right?

00:10:54

Screaming an agonist.

00:10:54

Is that the mold that you described it? What I described as mold, that's got to be really bad arthritis where your knee is. So, Greg, you got to be worried about that.

00:11:03

Why does it look like To be Maguire saving the Metro rail? And he ripped in half?

00:11:06

Yeah.

00:11:07

I do have arthritis as well, but most people my age do.

00:11:13

We're having trouble getting Zaz in exactly the right position that I need him in so that he is sleeping. I don't believe, Chris, if you had to guess, there aren't many things around here that shock everybody. Do you guys believe that if I throw it out to the audience, that You will find a great many people who sleep this way, a couple of people who sleep this way? He's the only person. Or nobody ever who has ever slept this way.

00:11:40

None of us have ever encountered this in our lives.

00:11:43

Danny, I think we're getting 97%. I think you'll get 3% of people. There are just some people out there that mess with polls.

00:11:49

I got my supporters. I got 3% supporters.

00:11:52

But if you ever met someone else, you've heard to sleep this way.

00:11:54

No, but when do you have that conversation?

00:11:56

Well, that's why we're having it.

00:11:57

Hey, Jack, nice to meet you, by the way. What's What's your sleeping pattern? You're straight like it, like most people. You cross them. What are you doing? No, I don't have that conversation.

00:12:06

Ai says that this is not typically used for sleeping. Sleeping this position can cause spinal misalignment and pressure on nerves, potentially leading to pain or numbness.

00:12:16

The nerve of that.

00:12:17

He's right. Don't look at an Olympian like that.

00:12:26

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00:15:22

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00:16:22

Ouncess.

00:16:23

Don Levatard.

00:16:25

He called me on my own podcast. He called me full of shit, claiming that I'm faking interest in the solar eclipse. You do this.

00:16:33

You love to just get excited about everything.

00:16:35

Okay, Junior. Stugatz. I had to school you and explain to you.

00:16:39

He was going to take you to Augusta.

00:16:41

When I was 17 years old, Alan Cherry and I used to haunt the Buhler Planetarium.

00:16:47

This is the Dan Levatard Show with the Stugatz.

00:16:57

It's nothing I could do for that damn, by the way. Okay, Roy, he's going to need your help because the frat boy is not helping us today. Mike's a Mariner's fan. Bro.

00:17:06

Bro.

00:17:06

Jeremy's in the other room making chaos and music, and Jeremy also wants to talk baseball. It is unfair what the Dolph, with the Dolph, Dodgers have. It's funny how unfair it is. They could beat you more ways than anyone. They're built specifically for October. I've never said that about a baseball team. Their roster is just perfectly built for October because they've got a bunch of aces who could pitch. The starting pitching they're getting is like no one in the sport. They got a complete game last night when there hasn't been one of those in the playoffs in eight years.

00:17:35

Mariners have a good staff, though. They can go pitcher for pitcher. You know about that B-Woo? I don't know about B-Woo. You know about B-Woo?

00:17:42

Pitcher for pitcher strong.

00:17:43

B-woo is very handsome. Have you seen B-Woo?

00:17:46

Let's go to Jeremy and talk baseball for a second. Talk Mariners, talk brewers, talk Dodgers. It is funny to think that the brewers hit a home run on the first pitch and then can't do anything the entire the rest of the game. Springer did this in the Toronto game the other day, hit a home run on the first pitch, and then they lose 10 to 3 because Seattle is America's team. Billy, is anyone here to declare that it's going to be anything other than Dodgers, Mariners, and everyone's rooting for the Mariners because it's global, because it's Japan against America? It's Etro, my picture, me, might not because Seattle's got to be the enormous undertog.

00:18:24

Who's America in Japan versus America? Because you said that Seattle was Japan's team.

00:18:28

It's Japan versus Japan. But also America is on Seattle's side.

00:18:33

Can I just tell you? That's for sure. Ridiculous way to sleep.

00:18:36

Ridiculous. No, it's so comfortable. Plus, if I'm ever in a hotel that's got extraordinarily short beds made for me. I can sleep in a child's bed without a problem. What bragg is that, G. C. That is wild that you said that. I'm made for a short bed. It's crazy, man. Okay? I'm not an NBA player. I don't need a seven and a half foot bed. Give me a five foot bed. I'll deal with it. Why? Because I sleep the way I sleep. It's perfect. If I want to sleep long-legged, I have that option.

00:19:14

Well, not without rotting your knees out. It sounds like they're creaking. You can't even sleep that way. Your body is retreating to a frog-like form at night, desiring something, and your knee pain is making it so that you cannot do it.

00:19:26

Then why do I have a pristine left knee? Answer me that.

00:19:31

That is a good question. You'd think it would affect both knees. Yes.

00:19:34

Well, did you MRI the left knee?

00:19:36

No, because I have no pain. No pain. I have the left knee of an Olympian.

00:19:39

That's true. Tony, I need to call you out on something. Billy made a face. Neither of us understood it. You claimed yourself the king of the MRIs. Yeah, that's right. Tony rolled his eye. I'm sorry, Billy rolled his eyes. What do you mean you're the king of the MRIs?

00:19:53

I know what I'm looking at when I'm taking a look at an E MRI.

00:19:54

No, but you also said you know MRIs like nobody's business.

00:19:57

No, he said I've had more MRIs than anybody here.

00:20:00

That's what I said. Which is true.

00:20:02

As a flex.

00:20:02

No, not as a flex. It's a weird flex. Not as a flex, just as letting you guys know that I've been through the machine, baby. That's what I'm saying. I've had multiple knee surgeries, so I know what I'm looking at. There's been doctors that have put up knee things and been like, Yeah, look, this is what's wrong. That looks like that. It looks like this. Why did I tell you exactly where the ACL was, Dan? Because I know.

00:20:17

Yeah, Tony and I can relate. Thank you. But you know what? The MRI system needs a technological improvement. We do big time. Why is it so loud? The magnets. I had to wear earphones with bad music playing for 25 minutes because the technology, it's like you're next to a jet engine.

00:20:35

You didn't tell them what to play for you?

00:20:37

They should have had the Greg Cody show on.

00:20:38

No, you don't get it.

00:20:39

They didn't have the Greg Cody show as an option? I requested it, and they're like, What?

00:20:42

The way it works, from my understanding, is a bunch of magnets spinning around in a circle. That's the noise. But what else spins around in a circle? Vinyl, records. What happens when they're spinning in a circle? Music is playing. Why is it that MRI machines can't have the same technology as records where you're playing music with every spin, a note plays.

00:21:03

You know what I just discovered? I just discovered listening to my own podcast, I must have pressed a button or something that whether I wanted or not, it now gives me the words that are being said on my podcast. I love that. Except it misspels my own name.

00:21:20

Yeah, I hate that.

00:21:20

All right, we got to rewind.

00:21:21

It's C-O-D-Y.

00:21:23

You record your episode and then you listen to it.

00:21:27

Multiple times. Yes, twice. Okay, I I listened to it the first time as a listener might. I listen to it the second time- As a narcissist. With a critical ear. The second time, I'm listening for things that we could have done better, things that weren't done, that should have been done, that I asked Yetty to do, not that I'm throwing him under the bus. Oh, my God.

00:21:46

You best two-on impression.

00:21:47

I'm like, Play what I just said, because we're an edited podcast, so I can say this in the middle of a podcast. Yetty, play what I just said at 0. 5 speed. And then he doesn't do it. So it sounds extra slow, and he doesn't do it.

00:22:02

Wow. It's called quality control. You guys wouldn't know anything about that.

00:22:06

Thank you, Billy. Billy gets me.

00:22:09

I mean, Billy's a good producer.

00:22:11

He damn. I mean, crazy. Thank you. Mvp. Most valuable producer. No offense, Christopher.

00:22:20

The Greg Cody Show featuring Greg Cody. You said a couple of things. You're supposed to be doting today.

00:22:27

I just did. He is. He's correcting you. What a doeter. Good job, Roy.

00:22:32

Thank you. What's on this week's episode?

00:22:35

We have Dolphins legend Larry Little talks about growing up in segregated America and how that went for him in his life today. Talks about the current dolphins. Interesting. He's got a new book out that he's pimping, so that's why we had him on. When we did, I should say, I would have Larry on all the time. We've had him on the podcast once before. Because of his current appearance, he is moving up the chart on our top 100 guests of all time. But it's good. I talk a little bit about me knee. We do a dolphin's autopsy. It's a fun episode.

00:23:12

You should have him on again next week.

00:23:14

Why?

00:23:14

Because you said you would have him on all the time.

00:23:16

Well, a figure of speech.

00:23:20

I think you would crush it if you shared the stage with Hall of Fame or Larry Little and let him lend your credibility. What a lovely thing it would be if in retirement, you and Larry Little started a podcast, just you know. The two of us? Yeah, just the two of you, reminiscing Larry Little, blowharding as he does, blowviating about the Dolphins because he's an old Hall of Famer who played the game when he was 260 pounds, Hall of Fame offensive lineman. I saw somebody in Alabama catch a screen pass at 360 the other day and line up in the Wild Cat. He would have shit Larry Little. Proctor would have shit Hall of Fame or Larry Little.

00:23:55

I think Cam Skatebu is 260.

00:23:57

It's crazy, though.

00:23:58

What people are doing with their bodies is totally insane.

00:24:03

Greg, can I make a suggestion for the name of your podcast with Larry Little? Sure. It's The Little Things and That Kind of Thing.

00:24:11

I think George Kittle has The Little Things. The Kittle Things, right?

00:24:14

The Kittle Things is different. You just talk about the little things in life.

00:24:19

That thing. G. C, what about The Greg Cody Show with Larry Little?

00:24:23

He would never share the stage with anybody.

00:24:25

How about The Greg Cody Show with Greg Cody and Larry Little? You know what?

00:24:29

I like that. Yeah. Featuring. I like that a lot. Yeah, I like that a lot. I've offered to bring Christopher in on the name of the show, and he won't do it. Really? Yeah. Why? That's crazy. I want to be The Greg Cody Show with Chris Cody, and he's like, eh. Because it's funny the way it is now. Well, it is different.

00:24:45

What if you were to say The Greg Cody Show with Greg Cody and Yeti, and then your name is out, would then that bother you?

00:24:51

Also not a good name.

00:24:52

Or The Heehaw 3. It would have music if all of a sudden you tied all the things together instead of criticizing Yeti's producing.

00:24:58

Yeti knows. He's listening to this show right now. He knows I love him.

00:25:02

Well, Jeremy has been warming up in the bullpen for now two hours. We should go to him. He's also got some music. What is his music about? Because I need to tell the audience here, forgive me here for stopping the show in its tracks, just because Ron McGill is, I'm going to say, if not the biggest treasure this show has, certainly, there aren't very many that are as big a treasure as this guy, guest for 20 years, always working for free, and super grateful for our audience because we are Zoom Miami's biggest donor. This audience just really protects the animals in a beautiful way. He's having a giant party, but he hasn't been on the last couple of weeks because of crowded things here. I just want to make sure that the audience knows and that we are paying attention to. Ron has an event that you can support here, and it's an event that comes with a discount to our listeners, and it's a really fun party in Miami. We've got two of them this month. This is one of them. Ron McGill does a really fun party at the zoo. It's 20 restaurants.

00:26:03

Miami doesn't do great things like this, very many of them, and we should support Ron and the zoo. Obviously, I'm going to do that because I love that kink.

00:26:12

Ron McGillivand.

00:26:16

We'll all say we went.

00:26:21

Even when we don't.

00:26:26

He's really dense, friend.

00:26:29

I think Billy goes, I think Billy and Mike have both had zoo experiences that have grown their relationship with Ron McGill. Do I have this wrong?

00:26:38

We're way to phrase it. I've had a zoo experience here, too.

00:26:42

That have grown closer to Ron McGill.

00:26:43

Not entirely sure what that means.

00:26:45

Are you an alien? Are you not a human being anymore? They've had zoo experience. Is there a skin walker amongst us? Are you a lizard person, Dan? No one talks like this.

00:26:56

The ship is sinking.

00:27:00

He's got a point. Are any of you going because- That's how you say it.

00:27:05

There we go. Much better.

00:27:10

Because- It's a new experience.

00:27:13

Got you closer to Ron McGill.

00:27:15

Are any of you craving sustenance at all? Am I hungry? Am I hungry? Tea? Lunch?

00:27:24

Roy, give people the details so that they can support Ron McGill the way nobody in the world supports It's Ron McGill. Yeah, it's the Monster Masquerade at Zoom, Miami. It's this Saturday, October 18th. Start at seven o'clock. Folks, this is adults only. Don't bring your kids, all right?

00:27:39

Ron McGill event. He can even probably meet up with Ron McGill.

00:27:43

He's probably going to be dressed up as a vampire.

00:27:45

He's offering this code, RonMM25. That's R-O-N-M-M-M-2-5.

00:27:51

To get 15% off your tickets. You can find those tickets at zoomiami. Org/monster.

00:27:58

Ron McGill event.

00:28:00

Do you go in a costume to this, or there's just a costume concept? Is everyone expected to be dressed up, or just some people are dressed up?

00:28:08

A masquerade, so yes.

00:28:10

So you cover the eyes. Dress up. Wait, you cover the eyes?

00:28:13

Yeah, in a masquerade, you wear a masquerade mask. Is this those things? I don't know.

00:28:18

That's like a nice white shop party. I was going to say that.

00:28:20

That's my country.

00:28:21

I always wanted to go to Halloween edition.

00:28:23

Do you like those?

00:28:24

I like those. I don't like those. I want to be in the record. I don't like those.

00:28:26

I want to go to one. I'm with you, Jay-Z.

00:28:28

Hold on. You're with him at one?

00:28:32

I've seen that movie, BG, and I've always said to myself, I like to check one of those parties.

00:28:37

That party, just want to watch. You know what that creep around in my cape? Have a mask, no one knows who I am, and just head on out of there. I'm not watching.

00:28:44

I'm trying to participate.

00:28:45

I'm trying to participate?

00:28:47

Have you seen that movie? You know my style.

00:28:48

One of those big phallic noses.

00:28:51

Greg, are you watching? Are you participating?

00:28:53

In the Masquerade event? Yeah. I'm not attending. Really? No, I'm just kidding. I might be there.

00:28:59

What if it's-Oh, that's such... Wait a minute. That is not a man. I might be there.

00:29:02

Yo, chicken thon.

00:29:04

What? Gc, you're not going to be there. Half-ass, you can't even walk. Come on, bro. Are you going to walk them all? You pretend to be Ron McGill's friend, and then you just grift off his stories for profit. It's a whack-line, GC. You write his books?

00:29:17

Go read his books and take all the money because he's a sucker? Ron McGill event.

00:29:21

That's a well-spoken chicken. Ron McGill event. You've written two books more than you've written back in my days around here, just grifting off of Ron McGill's A chicken using the word grifting. That's very impressive.

00:29:33

Ron McGill event. Ron, we got to respect that music more than that. This can't just be everything that Jeremy farts out. Ron McGill event. We have another event. We've all said we went. That you guys will enjoy and go to because we got a Miller Lite watch party, and it is a block party. We are going to the hood. Alex Rodriguez is hood.

00:29:59

Our hood, me and Mike. They're a home game for the boys.

00:30:01

Thursday night football is on, and it's only on Prime Video. This week, the AFC North takes center stage as the Pittsburgh Steelers battle the Cincinnati bangles. Rar. Coverage begins at 07: 00 PM Eastern with football's best party, TNF Tonight. Not a prime member? Not a problem. Simply sign up for a 30-day free trial. It's the Stealers and the Bengals, Thursday at 07: 00 PM Eastern, only on prime video. Restrictions apply. I see amazon. Com/amazonprime for details.

00:30:34

Don Lebatard. Surely every time you're watching this, you recognize that your wife is laughing that she married Larry David.

00:30:42

I do, yeah. He's one of the great characters in the history of television, in my humble opinion. To my credit, my personality- In my humble opinion, followed by to my credit.

00:30:55

To my credit.

00:30:55

It's amazing. My personality does predate Curve Your Enthusiasm. Stugatz. Oh, wow. I'm not going to say Larry David patterned himself after me.

00:31:04

All right, put it on the poll, please, Jude. You did Greg Cody, Copyright Being an Ashole long before Larry David. This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugats. I I think I can say, I don't have this wrong, is Doral as Cuban as where we're headed right now?

00:31:36

No. Doral is not nearly anywhere as Cuban as where we're going.

00:31:39

Doraluela.

00:31:40

Well, have we ever done what we're doing as our block party in the hood, A-Rod's hood. Have we done that in 20 years in Miami before?

00:31:51

Yeah, we did do a Miller's Ale house in a similar area.

00:31:55

That's a Kendall State.

00:31:56

That was a Breyland Edwards Jets game. Wow. Yeah.

00:32:00

What year would have that been?

00:32:02

Are you a human being?

00:32:05

What happened?

00:32:07

Where is Dan?

00:32:08

That's a sentence.

00:32:08

Where is Dan?

00:32:10

Zaz, take a look at this. What happened to Dan? Pull off his mask.

00:32:12

It might be like a- What year would have that been?

00:32:16

Breylan Edwards is just one hell of a callback to say that the last time we were in Cuba and Miami would have been 2009, the last time the Jets had a wide receiver that anybody cared about.

00:32:28

A wait, I think, is when that trade happened, '08, '09. Didn't Ted Ginn catch a deep pass in that game?

00:32:33

So forgive me. The place that we are, though, right now with the Jets and the Dolphins, is everyone in the sport laughs at the bottom of the AFC East, which is being fought for by, if you're looking at the history of this League is a historian, Greg Cody. The Patriots have dominated the sport for 20 years. While the Dolphins weren't making a playoff game, the Patriots were seven and three in Super Bowl. Just asenine when you think about it. Asinine. Whatever the Chiefs hoped to be, may it be as great as whatever that... It's not even half as great yet, even though it's done in a more condensed time. What that Patriots team did for 10 years is a total insanity. During that time, the Miami Dolphins, the Jets, and the Bills fought for the bottom of the division. The Bills went 17 years without winning a playoff game, and now the Dolphins are the laughing stock. Instead of laughing at the Jets today, the country is still laughing at the Dolphins and talking about the Apocalypse around them while Des Bryant and Le'Shon McCoy don't talk about the Jets.

00:33:31

And speaking of the Dolphins, they're going to be playing the Ravens October 30th, and you can watch that at Flanegan's in Kendall. That's where the watch part is.

00:33:38

Don't have a Flanegan's experience.

00:33:40

Yeah, October 30th.

00:33:42

You're going to call me a homer for this. I'm not being a homer to say that the only winless team in the league, the team that Miami beat, is the laughing stock more than the Dolphins.

00:33:53

The only reason I say it is because now you've added the gas of, Oh, we know the Jets don't have a quarterback. Oh, but do we also know that the Dolphins don't have one? Because the only reason the Dolphins would be the story today instead of the Jets is because, Oh, dear God, they can't even get that the quarterback and coach can't fight in public about anything? That that's incompetent. That the quarterback says the thing after the game while everything's going down that makes it look like he's pointing all the fingers that way, and then the coach has to do the next day. No, don't point him at me, man. Come on. He misrepresented because they've all lost everything because this is what the lack of leadership looks like when you when you fall to one and five. My guess is it's not what it would look like if Tomlin were one in five right now. Maybe I've got that wrong.

00:34:36

Sorry, Greg. I think part of it is, look, the Jets have a first-year head coach. So even though they're embarrassing, it's expected that they're going to be crappy. The Dolphins, it's the same coach they've had. It's the same quarterback they've had. For the most part, it's the same. Tyree kill, it's the same wide receiver they've had. And oh, my God, they have completely fallen on their face from what they were. So I guess it's more interesting Interesting, then.

00:35:00

I'm just saying that Tua this past Sunday had the game-winning drive with less than a minute left. He was eight for eight in that drive. And then the special teams and the defense sabotaged the whole thing.

00:35:15

Why don't they kick it out of the back of the end zone? Why don't they do that? They got the ball at the 41-yard line. Why aren't we kicking out of the back of the end zone there?

00:35:23

Special teams defense just completely-The Chargers did it after they scored.

00:35:29

Chargers did Guys, can I just take the larger... I know everyone's tired of the dolphins, but just the larger conversation on what Billy's saying, which is, if I have Vrabel, do all of a sudden the dolphins somehow have a 4-2 victory because at the end of the game, Vrabel knows how to clock manage Bill Belichick and then all the other disciplines that fall after that. If the difference between winning and losing is nothing, it's microscopic, it's air, even if you have a terrible defense, is one organization knows what it's doing and the other one does not know what it's doing. No matter who the players are, if I say to you, the Dolphins were well run enough to be by some miracle today, four and two because whatever, they won the game at Carolina that they were leading in double digits, and They won the Patriots game because somebody fumbled, and they win the chargers game. If the conversation were different around all of this with the winning, none of this feels like this. It's crazy to think about it from that perspective, that this team is epically and is going to prove it, and all of them are going to sink in the shit of it.

00:36:33

But it may not actually be quite that bad because they could be four and two if they were just run this much better that didn't lose all the games at the end, that makes it so they make the tackle on Herbert somehow, somebody. They know That lad, McConkey, in the open field is a nightmare. You can't let him go 40 yards with one guy on him unless you have no defense. It can never stop anyone because everyone's going to rush for 200 yards against you. The idea that with this much coaching, you guys are telling me they could be four and two.

00:36:57

That's that league, though, right? That's that It's not like when the good team plays a bad team in college and the good team wins by 28 points. The good team plays a bad team in the NFL, it's a one-score game a lot of times.

00:37:07

That's that league, right? Yeah. Well, no. I mean, the Bills game was also a one-score game until the end also. They played them close, and the Bills had been viewed as an elite They're a beat team, even though it's been pointed out by Juju, they haven't beat anybody. Even if they were four and two, they would be a bad four and two. We'd just be convincing ourselves that they were not that bad.

00:37:25

But they wouldn't be four and two. That's the whole point. They would never be four and two because they're a bad team. And you lose close games when you're a bad team.

00:37:33

The fact that the Buffalo Bills are still the betting favorite to win the Super Bowl tells you how even this is and how much there's a lack of a dominant team.

00:37:42

Who would you even put ahead of them?

00:37:43

I mean, That's just it. There's like Green Bayes up there, obviously, Philadelphia, probably still. But there's no great team. There's no dominant team this year. In the case of Miami, yeah, they could be four and two, at least three and three. And I don't think it's all coaching. I think it's bad players, particularly on defense. Chris Greer is the guy who let them start a season with the worst cornerback play in the entire NFL. That's not coaching.

00:38:14

If I may, because we haven't done much college football, Lucy Rodine will be around here in a little bit. I think Jessica will be as well. I did want to mention that the University of Miami, the last time they lost at home, was to Louisville, correct? That's at Louisville. Louisville is a 14th- Louisville.

00:38:36

Louisville. Louisville.

00:38:37

They're a two-touchdown underdog. I think, tell me if I have this wrong, even though Mario Cristobal's team will be doubted and we will see an ACC Championship when we see it. But to date, they look like the best team in the conference now that it's not FSU or Clemson conference anymore, now that the conference is wide open, but they've got a game against a team that probably represents the best chance to beat them, if it's not Georgia Tech, on the remainder of the schedule, because Louisville can go anywhere in any part of the country and beat anyone on the right day.

00:39:13

They're four and one. Jeff Braum, I really respect him as a coach in the matchups that he's had against Miami. He knows how to attack Miami.

00:39:23

At SMU, it won't be easy. At SMU, it won't be easy.

00:39:25

Traveling on the road, you don't think? We'll see. But I think that This line is a little inflated. You look across the nation as impressive as Miami has been. You ask yourself, is there a team in the nation right now that you foresee going undefeated the whole way through? I don't think we're at that point yet, although Miami is very balanced. I think, look, Friday nights inside the ACC have proven to be a bit spooky. I respect the coach. They have some talent. They have an NFL wide receiver. They have a great back in Brown that's from Homestead. I think they can hang around that number.

00:39:56

Dude, if the Canes lose to any of these teams, It's going to be a massive disappointment.

00:40:01

You're there. After seeing it, you're like, It's disappointing if they don't have a perfect regular season.

00:40:08

I'm there because of what we've seen from the Canes. Right on. And because of who these other teams are.

00:40:13

That's great. You're for Mario Cristobal. You are disappointed if they don't finish a regular season undefeated. That's great. He did his job.

00:40:21

I think the betting odds would be that they finish 11 and 1. You can't expect a perfect season. But I'm sold on UM, and I'm I'm not going to doubt you, Em, until they give me reasons.

00:40:31

But hold on. I don't want to just skip past what just happened there, though. Hold on a second. When we talk about James Franklin gets fired at 34 and 8, and we saw Mike McDaniel go from 9 and 2, I'm a genius, to now, you'll go up in flames in two years around. On here. Mike Ryan is looking at sports radio legend Zazlo and saying, Really? Oh, really? That's the standard again here. So you're telling me right now, a month into the college football season, not merely that the U is back, that guy who will fire coach every 10 minutes says, No, Mario Cristobal has the expectation that if they don't go undefeated, he has not done his job correctly.

00:41:10

It's not the standard to go undefeated, but we're in the midway point of the season. I know what I'm watching, all right?

00:41:18

Tougher part of the schedule is seemingly behind you.

00:41:20

And at this point, I think it's okay to set the expectation that if they lose to any of these teams on the remainder of their schedule, that would be a massive disappointment. And if I say that, then I'm also, of course, saying that they should finish the regular season undefeated when Mike Ryan believes, and you could be right, that Louisville is... Lo, Dan. That Louisville is the toughest team remaining on the schedule, and the Canes are a two-touchdown favorite, then I'm okay with saying the Canes should finish this regular season undefeated.

00:41:50

No, the Canes should win a game in which are two-touchdown favorite. We agree there.

00:41:54

I would say, though, just having seen what you're saying about the really fun half, first half of the season, where there are plenty of teams that look good to me, but not as many that look as good as Miami. I don't think there are a lot of teams in America that are going to be a 14-point favorite on Louisville. If I take any team in America, Ohio State, maybe, but I don't think anyone else is going to get two touch downs. So the money is telling, they're two touch downs better. They're two touch downs better than Louisville.

00:42:26

They take exception to this. Louisville. Louisville.

00:42:31

One célibole. Louisville. Maybe two. Louisville.

00:42:34

Is that how Schnellenberger said it? Yeah, Louisville.

00:42:36

That's right. It's a battle for the boots, Dan. Did you know that? We battle for boots. We won the boots the last time. They play for a trophy, these two schools. It should be a pipe. Come on. Societal shit, folks.

00:42:47

Billy, I'm sorry that we didn't do any FIU. The FIU winning at Western Kentucky.

00:42:52

Last night, we were all Panthers. I'll tell you what, I have more people reach out to me and say, Pause up than ever before. What a game. I love Tuesday night football. I'm going to say that right now. If you think people are watching the World Series now-FIU breaks a 10- They're not watching the World Series.

00:43:05

Ten-game road losing streak FIU breaks.

00:43:08

I love your head coach. That is a great high.

00:43:10

Willy Simmons? Shotgun. What's his nickname? Some more water. Good point, Gilly.

00:43:17

Hey, audience, I got a special treat for you because I want to talk to you about Miller Light, but I want to talk to you about Miller Light with my good friend Rose. Hey, Rose. Hi, everybody. When we hang out, and we hang out often, we're friends. I consider us friends. Yeah, me too. We're often toasting tocing the good times. And what am I toasting with? With Miller Light. That's right, Miller Light. Whether you're hanging out with your dear friend Rose or at game day, it just hits different when you got a Miller Light in your hand. From jaw-dropping touch downs to fantasy heartbreak, it's a beer that has been there for every moment. Fifty years of great taste, simple ingredients, and that iconic golden color that you can spot across the room. And it's just not the color of the beer, which is brilliant. That beautiful white can. How beautiful is that? Is that you doing the sound of a can opening? Is that your favorite sound? Oh, no. It is a horsey. A The Horsy? All right, we'll stop doing that. And here's a kicker. Miller Light is just 96 calories, 3. 2 carbs per 12 ounces.

00:44:07

The original light beer since 1975. Five. That's right. And still hitting different five decades later. You're so good at this, Rose. I know. So whatever your game day looks like, remember, Miller Time is always a good time. Look at us. We're a great tag team. High five again. Can you do that beer sound one more time? And the horse sound one more time? I regret asking you about that one, but the Miller Light sound is good. Miller Light. Great taste. 96 calories. Go to millerlight. Com/janna. Find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Light pretty much anywhere they sell beer. It's Miller. Time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Sean. 96 calories and 3. 2 carbs per 12 ounce. O'ses. No, it ses. O'ses.

AI Transcription provided by HappyScribe
Episode description

"You've had a zoo experience..."

As the show continues to use Monday Night Football's free use music until someone tells them not to, Zaslow is shocked to learn Greg sleeps criss-cross apple sauce, Tony insists he's had more MRIs than anyone, and Billy is ready to launch a new podcast: The Little Things And That Kinda Thing with Larry Little and Greg Cote. Also, is Dan okay? No, seriously. What's going on? Like, is this a body double? Dan? DAN?

If you want to attend The Monster Masquerade at Zoo Miami Saturday 10/18, log onto http://zoomiami.org/monster and use code RONMM25.
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