Transcript of Local Hour: The Ship Be Sinkin'

Chris, there are too many people here today and too many ailments here today. We've got a limping Greg Cody, who's fiddling with the microphone already.

A limpe-ian.

A limping Greg Cody, who's... Billy, you can't applaud that.

It's a good joke. Thank you, Billy. Because he's limping a limpe-ian.

Thank you, Billy. That's my man right there.

You get it? Yeah. I don't think he got that.

You don't get it. He needs an explainer.

I I don't want to ask why you're limping, but I got Zaz has just bombed in from Europe because he hasn't talked sports in 10 days. He's dying to talk Panthers. He's dying to talk Dolphins. He fired Mike McDaniel three times from where? From Europe? From which part of Europe?

I'm walking the streets of Paris, and you know about that, Mike McDaniel? Like, Oh my God, got to fire him, right? Didn't get much response.

That's been your take for four days from across the sea. He's got to fire him. And look, even Tony's disgusted by how Tom and your take is.

They don't care over there.

You're wasting great takes on people that don't give a shit about you, Zaz.

I don't understand. They only do soccer there? Boring.

What do they do?

That's it? They just do soccer?

Nobody works there either.

Nobody works. They always walk around the streets.

Go work. Go do something. They do hoops.

What?

Yeah.

Not the NBA.

They have arguably the best player in the league.

Do you think they're staying up until 1: 00 AM to watch NBA games? It was very difficult for me adjusting to the time. You know a time zones, right, Dan? You know how that works? It was Really difficult adjusting. Every game I wanted to watch starts at 1: 00 AM. I'm tired by the end of the day, Dan. Lots of walking.

Why are we sending these football games over there if they don't care about them?

Great question, Billy. Why are we playing our football games over there? I'll never know.

He's an expert now in Europe because he's been there one time. We've got Chris Cody. I don't know. Are you a catty today? What are you?

What up, Lebbets? What up, Dope? What is that? I'm a frat guy. What? I'm giving everybody nicknames. What up, R-B?

Wait, is this a punishment?

Coates, Jay-Z over here. What's good, guys? What's going on?

Wait, are you dressed as a punishment? I know we're Shadow Show, so we're painting a picture here.

I'm a frat boy. Everyone thinks I'm going to play golf, but I'm a frat boy. That's a punishment.

Wait, this is a punishment?

The nicknames.

You look like you always dress. You look like you on the golf course. This is what I imagine you look like. This is you dressed up for Dral.

Classic Lebbets.

So your punishment is just to use frat boy lingo? Ruiz, ruizy. Okay.

It's not like there's punishments to bother people.

I'm curious what fraternity you're in. Gc.

I haven't decided yet. Still applying.

Roy has the worst punishment I've heard.

Yes, I am doing Greg watch. I'm supposed to make sure that he is working at an optimal level. As you just heard, he was coughing, so I would be getting up and getting him water in a second. If he's too far away from the mic, I would adjust it for him.

This is what UD is doing? What are these punishments? This is terrible. That's a terrible punishment.

That's not good punishment.

No, Roy chose this. He's got to dote on Greg Cody all show.

I don't like that.

It's almost like a personal assistant I've been dreaming about.

You said you wanted a staff. Now, Roy His punishment is he's agreed to be your staff.

I got a one-man staff.

He wanted a walking stick.

Hey, fellows. I got one of those. If we don't like the optics of this, me and Roy can switch.

What?

I mean, I could just tell by there's some optics. There is.

Yes, there is. It was brought up during the meeting. What's the problem?

This is the Dan Levatore Show with the Stugats podcast.

Billy, I hate to ask you this way in front of everybody, but I need your help today. There's too much going on, and I cannot also have it be Wild Billy Wednesday. I need your genuine help. I'm here, man. No, we've got Greg We've got- Olympian. We've got Roy signing up for a punishment he should not have signed up for that now has to dote on Greg Cody. We've got Chris Cody with the easiest punishment there's been yet.

Dlb.

Because he's a frack guy.

We've got Zaz in from Europe dying to talk about the Panthers. Hey, everyone. The Panthers got me watching shorthand goals in Philadelphia to see if they're going to go 82 or no with their two guys down because hockey is infected. This market, I don't like the way any of this looks. Yes. Yes, what?

Yes, Panthers Hockey is back. Tonight's the opener. I get to sit and watch the game tonight. I haven't seen a single game. This is the opening game of the season tonight for me.

You haven't watched in Europe? Why didn't you follow? Are you taking the regular season for granted?

I followed. Believe me, Dan, it was the first thing I did when I woke up every morning in that God forsaken country over there in Europe. Now you're talking. What can I see over there that I can't see in Cooper City? Now, I checked my phone immediately upon waking up, but I missed the Panthers. I'm very excited to be able to sit and watch them uninterrupted. You know what? We'll probably make the Zazla mansion family tonight, Dan, a serious room. You know how I do in the playoffs. Playoffs, a serious room. First game of the season, tonight, serious room.

I don't understand. The first game started at 5: 00. You could have watched that one.

Well, so it was 10: 00 PM for me.

Oh, I'm sorry. It was so late.

Well, yeah, I was really tired. Are you a baby? I was really tired.

Are you a Panthers fan or not a Panthers fan? Do you know flying works? Yeah.

Do you know Flying Works?

You were flying. You were in a plane. You were sitting. You didn't have to do anything.

Sometimes there's this thing called jet lag, where then I have to wait the entire day to go to sleep. I have to fight. I have to power through that. You wouldn't know, okay? Because First, you get the money, then you get the power. That's where I am right now. I got the money, now I'm getting the power. With the money, you travel. That's why I was in Europe. You'll learn one day, maybe. I don't know. I can't predict the future.

What do you do with the power?

You get the respect.

You buy it.

However you got to do it, Greg. That is the order that it happens.

However you got to do it.

That's brought to you by Scarface and Zaz, who's not even suffering a punishment. This is just his style now from You're wearing a beret?

Oh, yeah. I'm wearing a beret from Paris.

Yeah, I'm not going to do this.

You're wearing a beret?

A beret from Paris.

Billy, Chris has the stinky punishment. Roy has an offensive punishment. Tony's got a lot of opinions a lot of different things.

Which is our punishment.

And Jeremy badly wants to get on the show. He's not even working today, but baseball is crazy. He wants to talk baseball, and we secured, or everyone secured, some rights through John Tash yesterday to music we want to have. And now we can finally have music on the program that is good. Like, Jeremy wants to make music for our show inside of the show based on music that we have. Can you guys explain to me what he's trying to do from the other room in the bullpen? Because he's He's not even supposed to be working today.

I mean, he just showed up here to your point and said, Base, music and baseball. And I said, get out. And now he's in the other room, and I don't know what the hell he's going to do.

Mike is ready to talk that the Mariners, our America's team, Because the Dodgers, they've got the best players from Japan and the best payroll and all the best hitters and all the best pitchers. And surprise, they're built for the postseason and they're running everybody down. Mike's a Mariners fan today.

Yeah, I've been waiting for this moment all my life here to go up 3-0 in the ALCS. I mean, all the years of torment following this team. But Dan, you mentioned that the Mariner's are America's team. That's a given. Going into a World Series potentially against the Dodgers. America gravitates to the underdog in these situations. It's much bigger than that. Let's not be so myopic. They are Asia's team. Even though the biggest Japanese superstar in the history of the game, arguably, is playing for the Dodgers, this Mariner's franchise is Japan's team because of each hero. This is super close to Japan, geographically speaking. This is bigger than America. This is about Asia.

It's the real World Series now is what you're saying?

That's why they call it the World Series. Zigak. They're only up 2-0 at the moment, but the 3-0 is on the horizon.

I know. Potentially. Why is George Kirby's over and under on strikeouts just four and a half. It was seven and a half last time.

It's always tricky.

He got six strikeouts one time, only throwing 66 pitchers. Guys, I know an ace when I see one, Jack.

Well, when you say you know an ace when you see one, the part that the Dodgers have that's unfair is is that Glassnell goes for them tonight, and they've got another ace. They've got three aces. Nobody gets three number ones. They've got three number ones, maybe four. And maybe Ohtani doesn't need to pitch.

Ohtani is pitching game four.

I'm just saying that this team is the most overwhelming, expensive roster there's ever been. They've got all the star players and all the ways to beat you.

I heard something. Roy, can you help Greg? You're on Greg Watch, and his computer just made a noise. You're already failing.

Time out.

I don't think that was Greg.

No, because I'm looking my volume right now. It is zero.

Yeah, not Greg. I knew it.

This is on Bell's. What about the phone? I don't know, but you're on Greg Watch.

Hang on.

Gc, it was definitely your phone.

It was my phone.

Why does Greg have three cups of coffee around him? It seems like a lot.

I earned it, Billy.

All right. Got a lot to earn.

Exactly.

I was talking to Greg before the show, Dan, and he gave me a life hack that I feel like he should impart with everyone that was a great life hack.

I hate to give this away for free, but I'm going to. Okay.

Maybe save it for your You're not going to talk about your podcast, G-C?

You know what? I should.

No, no.

We're here already. I got a million life hacks. I'll give you one right now. Who uses a K-Cup here? Who makes coffee with a K-Cup? This guy. Okay, admit it.

We were talking before because I was using the Nespresso machine, putting in a pod, and Greg, I was telling him, You don't strike me as an Espresso guy. What's wrong with the K-Cup? Hold on a second. We're getting there. I was just saying it seems like Greg is a guy that's just the classic drip coffee, and then he imparted some wisdom on me. Right.

I'm a man's man. Men's men drink real coffee. So the life hack- I don't know what that means. You wouldn't. Nor you want to. No, you wouldn't.

That's right, really. You wouldn't know. Sissy.

The life hack is that you can use a cake cup more than once. You don't just fill up your cup and then throw away the cake cup.

I'm pretty sure they're one serving.

You definitely do that.

That is historically cheap. No. No. You guys don't get it.

That is new levels of cheapness.

That's a white tea move right there.

There's some barons in this room, it seems, that are wasteful with their coffee.

If you use the second. If you pour it in a glass cup, you see what I mean. Naturally, the first use of the cake cup is the stronger one. But if you don't mind a mild coffee, you get double the pleasure out of a cake cup. It's amazing.

I can't believe this. That's trash. That's trash dog.

That is bad, dude.

Everything okay at home, Greg? You need money here?

Right now, the cake of industry is a gas.

Recession indicator right here.

The Coties are trash. Come on. We are.

My dad saved soap scraps. Wild Bill? Yeah, he did.

Individually, or would he put it together and make a super soap?

You can melt it and shape it, but you go into my dad's bathroom growing up, and there would be 10 or 12 little scraps, little shards of soap that had been ground down into pumas. Lava. We were a big lava family.

Is that so? Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God. Your hands are dirty. They're in mud. They're dirty. And you use lava soap?

They always use a construction worker's hands.

Yes, as well they should.

I hate that part, Greg, of the hotel industry, where before you would go, you get the individual bars of soap, and you get the little shampoos and conditioners. And honestly, you were a fool. If you would leave those behind, those are just going to get discarded as it is. You take those home for a rainy day, and then you have the soaps. You can make the super soap out of them. Yes. No longer. Now, they have fixed the soaps and the conditioners. I don't like that. As though you're in prison. I don't like that. Me neither. I like that.

What? Yeah. I never lie. I can use as much as I want.

I can just bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

No, but it's hard because they put it where I dispense the soap in my hand. It's a maze where I got to then move my hands around where the water's coming out.

Plus, that first push down, it shoots out of there.

I'm not trying to do gymnastics in the shower.

What if the person that had the room before me washed their butt right before they washed their hair and they have butt hand on the shampoo? There it is. Thank you. You never think about that.

You know about that butt hand?

There it is. Never thought about butt hand, Gilly.

Okay, there it is.

Greg, I didn't want to ask a question. Lava, the soap, what did that mean?

Because lava in Spanish is clean.

Yeah, well, that makes sense then. Lava soap had grit in it.

No, but lava is like a command. Lava is like a command in Spanish. Like Lava. Limpiate. Wow.

Lava. I bet you they didn't even know that. Cuban guy did the soap or not?

Wait a minute. They were culturally appropriating the soap back in the '70s? Your dad's soap was lava, which is the Cuban expression for wash yourself. You're disgusting.

They had no idea. You can tell by the marketing because there's a volcano on it. But I mean, it's genius. It should be the official soap of cubanos everywhere. Thank you.

It's pumas. That's what gives it the grit. Pumas.

No, Cuban soap is better soap. We were telling America, Hey, clean yourselves.

How about they?

Lava,. According to Google AI, the most popular MLB team in Asia is likely the Los Angeles Dodgers.

You can't trust AI.

No, you really can't.

Although they are allowing porn soon. Sweet. Yeah, Sam Altman came out.

What are we doing with Jeremy, please, Mike? I need some help because the show-I can't answer that question. Jeremy He's in the bullpen, and I don't know the music bit he wants to do, but he wants to pollute the show with his music. Tony, can someone explain to me? He's not supposed to be working today.

We just had such a good night of hardball. Dan, Dodgers are on a roll right now. By the way, his ass is grass when my Dodgers meet the Mariners in the World Series. His ass is grass, buddy. But I think Jeremy wants to talk hardball, and I think we should because there's been great baseball on. I'm locked in, as you can tell. Yamamoto last night was unreal.

He doesn't want to do baseball, though. Yamamoto, he was. He's better than Snell. First complete game in eight years. But Billy, I don't know what to do with Jeremy's desire to play music, specifically the Monday night football music that Tesh gave us.

Well, okay. I think that this Well, that's what happened. I think what's going on here is Jeremy came in excited. He wasn't supposed to be here. And then the solution someone came up with was, Okay, go sit in the bullpen, and when we need you, we'll call you, while we are actually trying to figure out what are we supposed to do with this man today who just wants to come in and sing songs and talk about baseball. We're like, Music. Yeah, do that. None of us were planning for that. We're like, Yeah, just go to the bullpen, and when we need you, just be ready. We'll call you, you'll come in, and we'll get you. But I don't know that there is actually a plan. I don't think he can hear us, hopefully. I don't think there's actually a plan for him.

So he's just here to sing songs.

That's what he wants, and we're like, We don't know what to do with him, so just go sit in that room for a little bit, and we'll get you when you're a good boy.

I was like, JT, hit me with a seventh-inning stretch, remix. Wow.

I like that. It has to be on an organ, though.

We talked about that to Tess yesterday. I don't know if you heard that. I broke the news to him that organists were going away in baseball.

I don't know if that's true, though. I looked it up. The Yankees have two.

No, they have a weekend organist. And a weekday one. No, the weekday one, I'm telling you, is a recording. Marla's got rid of their organist years ago. Tabby B. She would come on Tabby B, and she would take me out to the ball game. If we're going to be honest, all respect to Tabby B and her service. I'm getting choked up here. The service that she performed for the Marlins over the years. But Tabby B, a little fast on the seventh-inning stretch, and then other times, a little slow. It was very hard to keep up with Tabby B's pace. It seemed almost like she was playing games with the audience there. Not good.

Yeah.

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Don Levatard. John, can you rate my Al Pacino from that billiard scene in Carlito's way, if I do it for you? I think it's pretty good. Yeah. Okay. Stugatz. You think you're big Tom?

Or you're going to die.

Big Tom.

That is on my infamous scale of 1 to 10.

That's a 7.

6.

Solid. Good job, Dan. Good job, Dan.

That's a Sui nominate right there. That's really good.

This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugats. The organists have been going away. They have to take their organs with them to the game every day, which is probably part of it. You know Wildfinger? No, that can't be. You know Dick Jans? Have you ever seen an organ before?

No, the organ needs to be.

There's no way. Guys know about Dick Jans? No. Dick Jans used to be the other Marlin organist before Tabby B took over. I don't know that fool. Yeah, Crazy Fingers or whatever his name was. Dick Jans, he retired. Uncle Dick Jans. Is that so?

Bg, on Tabby B's Twitter, she still has Marlin's Park Organist.

When's the last time she tweeted?

Yeah. You know what? We're going to...

Hopefully, she's still with us. It was a long time ago. Thoughts and prayers to the B family. Something happened tragically, aside from just no more organing. Is that how you do organ?

Such a shitty joke. Uncle Dick.

Uncle Dick Janz. I need an Ottoman. Really? Yeah. Arby?

Sounds like you're up, Roy.

To raise my-No, this can't be how we do this. No, I need an ottoman to raise my name.

This can't be Roy jumps-That's what he's here for.

No, it's a problem.

It can't be Roy jumps up every time. Wait a minute. The punishment is that Roy has to do whatever Greg says. I need an ottoman?

He just helps them. Classic Bells. We can switch if you'd like. He chose it. He did choose this. He had dozens to choose from.

But you get the frat boy and he gets this?

Chose it. We have a list of punishments.

But your frat boy stinks.

It's just- Relax, DLB.

The thing with Dick Jans, if I remember correctly, I think he retired because he lived in Orlando or something, would drive down for the game and drive back. I'm pretty sure he was not a local. He had a long commute.

Let's now talk about this so that we can Billy has secret insider information on the dying organist trade at Marlins Park. As baseball is celebrated throughout the globe, and the Marlins get left out because they've got... What's the history of their organists?

They had Dick Jans. I'm trying to find him. He had a good nickname, but I don't remember what it was. He had Dick Jans, and then Tabby B was there for a little bit. But then Tabby B was no longer there now and may or may not still be with us based on her Twitter use history. It's not that interesting. I'll admit that.

The Panthers have more tradition already than the local baseball team that has won two titles. Also two titles.

Dan, I'm so excited for tonight. I can't wait. I'm going to be on my couch at least a good 30 minutes prior to Puck Drop. Just getting the mind right.

You're not a fan. You haven't watched the game this season.

When the season opener is here, you got to make sure you have your mind right. And that's why I'm going to be in the proper seat on the couch. I'm going to declare the Zazlo Manchin family room a serious room. I'll probably have a beer in hand. I am so excited for this game tonight. Panthers Hockey is back, baby.

Jay-z, what's the difference between when it's a Serious Room and when it's a Normal Room?

The stakes. Obviously, when there's a playoff game, it's always a Serious Room. If we're playing those pieces of garbage called the Tampa Bay Lightning, that's a Serious Room. Don't even give me a starter on the Lightning. Oh, my God. That's a dirtbag franchise. Wait a minute.

Have you had these takes in Europe since that last fight of the season? Have you not I'm not a place to give your opinions on-No. Wait, you were in Europe when the Panthers started the season in the preseason by getting into a huge fight with the Lightning?

Yeah, that game was a Saturday night, and obviously, I left for Europe on the Monday, but I wasn't here. It was the weekend.

So the start of your two-time Defending Champions, defending their title with a fight against the Lightning, and then they went three straight at home, and now you come home to, I missed all this.

Yeah, missed it. I'm at, check my phone. The first thing the next morning, I was very excited. I would announce to my boys while they were still a bit, Panthers won last night, guys. That's I woke them. You wouldn't want to be woken up with your father telling you the Panthers won last night. What a gift I give them.

What time was it? What time? For me, locally? When you woke them up and gave them the gift.

8: 00 AM, maybe 7: 30.

That's early enough. Are you kids just waking up? How much time they wake up? Well, we're on vacation. Yeah, what are they doing? Drugs? They're not even going to sleep until past 8: 00? What's wrong with them?

We did a lot of walking. We did a lot of touring these days, all right?

Guys, this guy doesn't get it. He's never been to Europe. He doesn't understand.

He doesn't have the power.

I've been to Europe. He doesn't have the power. I've been to Valencia. Barely. Horring city, if we're going to be honest. You don't know about travel. Ten days in Valencia. Oh, my God.

Billy hates Europe.

That's a falsehood.

I'll be honest. I don't know what I saw there that I can't see in Cooper City.

He's not wrong about that.

It's a sweet award winner.

Old stuff here, old stuff there. No air conditioning. No one wears deodorant. Great. Wonderful.

Why don't you clean your stuff a little bit?

Zez, let me ask you this. Where in Cooper City is the Arc de Triomphe located?

Okay. You're saying words that I don't understand, so I'm trying not to take it as disrespect. Arc? Arc? Arc de what?

Arc de Triomphe.

You know what? I think you're making that up, if we're being honest.

It's an art. Our Boutique Hotel overlooked the Arc de Triomphe. We were walking distance for the Champs de Céle.

It's a beautiful- I don't think you're pronouncing that correctly.

Whatever it is. I'm not French, although my ancestors were.

Is that so?

Yeah, French-Canadian and French Isn't that where the Tour de France ends every year? The Arc de Triomphe? I believe it does. G. C.

Did your wife tell you how much that hotel costs? Because she famously tells you it costs a quarter of what it costs.

I assume that I always jack it up and the price, too. Oh, yeah. Based on what she- G. C. Based on what she tells me. She always low-balls it because she thinks I'm cheap. You know about those wives, man. If the hotel room is- She still talks to you in like '90s prices.

She I think you're cheap.

You use cake cups twice.

That's because that's a scam and everybody knows it.

Thank you, Greg.

I've been saying that Greg Cody is one of the cheapest people in the history of the world forever. Yes, his parents had no reason to save soap scraps.

Well, my dad grew up in the Depression.

That's true.

Which may or may not be true. I got to do the math on that.

I had to lie to my wife yesterday about the price of something when we were coming back from Europe. We were going to take the subway to the airport because it's really expensive to take the Uber. And I checked the price of the Uber, and it was like 40 bucks. Like, Oh, this is awesome. Forget about taking the Metro. We could take the Uber. It's totally fine. All right? And then when the Uber was coming, I saw that it was really $120. It was three times the price. And she was like, Hey, so we made a good deal, where I'm like, Yeah, we got a good deal. The problem was I put in the wrong airport the first time. And then when I put in the wrong... I was too embarrassed, Dan, to tell her that I made the mistake, which has now cost us triple the amount of money, and it was too late to change that up. Hey, we got the good price. Yeah, we got a good price. We got a good price.

What do you know about Charles de Gaulle, buddy?

I know the airport's named after him, but I don't know that fool.

He's a beloved figure in France.

I don't love him.

Former Prime Minister. Big ears. He had the Cody ears. He had the Cody ears, de Gaulle did. Big ears. That's the only thing I remember about him because he died when I was a kid.

I can't believe the K-Cup thing, man, honestly. That is wild.

You don't consider that PM. This is a famously cheap family. Greg, please tell us a story from another time about how the Cody's grew up being cheap.

Well, I don't consider myself cheap. But what Christopher said is true, that if my wife tells me the hotel room cost $400, I assume it costs $600, that thing. And my dad, when you say- Why can't she tell you the real price?

Are you going to get mad?

I would be like, What? Why are we spending that much on a hotel. We said it at the new Pier 66 the other week. It was more expensive than the thing right up the road, the Ritz Carlton. So it's you got to Be careful when you rent a room, I tell you.

You got to remember, Wild Bill grew up in the Depression. He did. If Wild Bill heard these prides, that's a mortgage for a year.

Back then, you weren't cheap. If you saved soap scraps, that's what everyone did.

But the K-Cup thing.

The K-Cup thing is brilliant.

Yes. Also trashy.

Why?

K-cup, K-Cup.

K-cup, K-Cup. Drinking your So that's what Jeremy doing.

That's great. That's good use of his time.

Can I ask you something about the K-Cups? You use it for the first time. Where do you keep them until you then use it again?

I use it immediately. Exactly. Once the grounds inside have become cold, they are disqualified. Then you throw it out. But if you use it immediately, I would pour this cup with the first use of the K-Cup. And then I'd get another cup and I would lift the handle again, lower the handle in the same K-Cup. You get the light on again that ask you what button to press. You press the large button. And what happens is you get a free cup of coffee. Now, it's not It's not quite as strong as the original, but it's perfectly drinkable. So what do you do? Put in a little less sweetener, a little less cream. You get the hue correctly. You balance the hue, and you have screwed the coffee industry.

Can I be honest with you? I think I'm going to try this. Who wouldn't?

Why wouldn't you? I think I'm going to try it. You'd be afraid to not try it.

I think I'm going to try it.

You're going to try it. Is it cheap? Is it efficient? Is it something that he's just making two different kinds of coffee? He's getting a two for one. It's not being cheap, it's just being smart. I think I'm going to try it.

What is happening?

That's the life hack of the week.

I'm drinking your coffee.

Drink it with Cody.

That's a great jingle. I think, Roy, you should bring him some more cups of coffee. What? I'm just saying he's only got three of them there. Cody's doing such good work on behalf of coffee and how you should drink more of it, that we should get him some more coffee. Why do you have three cups of coffee already in front of you?

These are waters to soothe my throat.

And yet you still sound raspy.

Well, a lot of people think that's sexy.

What's happening with your knee? People worry about you. You're over 70. You missed talking dolphin football. I know Zaz wants to talk Dolphin football.

What a team.

Well, I was in here two days ago, so I talk dolphin football.

No, but the two-a-thing happened after that and engulfed the team in flames. The McDaniel reacting to two, and now it's that conversation. Now it's instead of talking about the Jets, the dolphins get an extra week of everyone's laughing at them because there's only one now that they fired Callahan where you're like, Oh, they don't know what they're doing at all. It's not even about losing. It's just like, Oh, the Saints will win a game here and there. But that team down there in Miami is about to implode. They're fast receivers out after two games, and then what are they going to do? Oh, they don't have enough of anything. The whole thing is going to collapse. Who's going to get fired? And quarterback saying, Not me.

Don Levatard.

We got to go back out there. That was big. Wake him up.

He doesn't want to be bothered anymore. Now it's getting tense because he didn't need that as a result. He needs something that happens. You can see him mother-effic.

Can we bother? Are we bothering you right now?

Turn on your microphone, Greg.

My microphone's on.

Stugatz.

Paint the scene.

The paint the scene is I got to go to work. Good This is the Dan Levatard Show with the Stugats.

Among the most embarrassing things going on with the Dolphins now. It's not just that Tom braided is out of the league and now the Dolphins missed that opportunity, and the Bills are doing what the Patriots did. But on top of that, the Patriots have now actually lapped the Dolphins where they were able to somehow rebuild and then be better than the dolphins again. That, to me, is maybe the most embarrassing part.

Drake May has been really good. But if I can say one thing about the two, a controversy, which to me should not be a controversy, I think I'm the only one in the media-I don't hear anyone doing this.

You are literally alone. Who else? Joe Rose isn't doing it. Everyone is bailed on this ship except for the homerific Cody who's saying that's Tua trying to exhibit leadership. I've heard No one else say that.

Okay. Tua's problem is not what he said. Tua's problem is the broad public perception that he hasn't earned the right to say it. If Dan Moreno says the exact same words, everybody's going, Wow, that took balls to say that. He's right. Danny's expressing leadership. He's stepping forward and saying, Hey, you guys, get your act together. This bullshit is where we shouldn't be playing this terribly.

But Moreno was amazing from the He earned it immediately.

Oh, but this is such a good place that Cody is making this argument from. Everybody knows the ship be sinking. It's all done. Rarely do you get one of these sports calamities that everyone in the country is looking down there and saying, That might be worse than the Jets. And look, the Patriots are better and the Bills are better. We love this sport. Patriots ruled it. Are the Patriots going to rule it again? Look what's happening with the Jets and the Dolphins. They fought over Fitzpatrick. Bills tried him, too. This has been funny for 20 years. Now it collapses in Miami in a way that's louder than the Jets who don't know how to coach. The Jets don't know how to coach what's happening there. They are coaching calamities there. That's an amateur football team. It's not because the talent's amateur. It's like everything happening there is the most amateur thing in the league. Penalties, stupidities, and That's the worst team in the league by miles. We've seen no greater incompetence this season than the Jets' passing game in the last game. Took the stink to two countries. But laughing is in Miami. Jets are done, everyone's finished, but the laughing It's in Miami because the quarterback and the coach are fighting, and it's loud as hell.

There's only one columnist in America who's saying, I don't see it on national television either. No, two is trying to lead here, but the company, the region doesn't believe he's actually Moreno. It believes he's a failure, too, who's going to get swallowed by the mess. So he has no backing except Cody.

Okay, let's make this clear. He is speaking as a captain of the team and as the starting quarterback.

About player-only meetings. Yeah. That's like the leaders of the team lead those meetings.

Who's the leader of a player-only meeting, if not Tua?

He is.

But he's questioning the leadership.

He's like, We have people not showing up to these things? Whose responsibility is it to pressure people and make people feel like they need to show up to these things?

When you call a players-only meeting, you don't call people 20 minutes before the meeting and say, Hey, you're going to be there, right? You assume they're going to be there. When they don't show up, and then you blow the game in the manner that they blew it, you're frustrated enough and angry enough to say something. I don't blame the honesty in that.

I appreciate your perspective here, but what do you make of Mike McDaniel coming out and saying, Tua shouldn't have done it that way?

I think he didn't support as a quarterback. I think what he said about Tua was worse than what Tua said about his unnamed teammate.

The ship be sinking, guys. Like, this is how it... Man, they don't want to be laughed at by everybody.

Isn't Chris supposed to be the frat guy? Why are you doing that?

Twice he did that, DLB. Be sinking? Is that an apostrophe after sinking?

No, it's just what it's famous for. I'm sorry. Wasn't that in the Toronto Blue Jays Clubhouse one time?

No, this is- Don't get me wrong, you sounded super duper cool when you said it.

Pop your collar next time.

I deserve that. But the story I'm remembering, and it's an ancient one, that the tabloids, when they were feeding in New York, back when the tabloids in sports meant something, and basketball meant something that it doesn't even mean today, I wouldn't say, with today's Knicks. Everybody was laughing in New York at the basketball team, and I'm forgetting the name of the player. It's a famous quote, The Ship Be Sinking comes from a famous New York player.

Michael Ray Richison.

So forgive me for forgetting the name. But the moment that he said that, he gave fodder to the media to make the city explode. And now everyone laughs at this team because in his own voice, that guy I just said, We all know that it's all going down. Everyone's going to get fired. We're all going to lose our jobs. I've never seen it happen like this in Miami. Tell me when. Tell me when you've seen that it's coming out to clean a house. Just sweep everyone out of here. The owner's old. He's a billionaire. He's a very successful man in every other way. This team continues to embarrass him because it's an international failure, and now everyone wants everyone out of town. It's never happened in this market I feel like it's happened to the dolphins four times this century.

With floras.

I'm pretty sure without any hyperbole, I say this, we are witnessing an all-time worst Miami Dolphins season. Not the worst, but one of the all-time worst Miami Dolphins seasons.

This one sticks out because this pain is so drawn out.

We went into the season feeling like this.

You were at a tipping already, where all the other ones, the season fell apart later in the year, and then it was understood that guys would go, and sometimes you had interim head coaches. Mike McDaniel is there just twisting in the wind. There doesn't appear to be a path.

Everybody knows what the end of the rainbow looks like, or I shouldn't say rainbow.

There doesn't appear to be a path for anybody. Mike McDaniel, Greer, Tua. What are we doing here? Just kill it. Get a better draft pick.

I think the funny thing about this team is that it could be vastly different had just one or two plays gone different ways in different games while also not being different at all. Had HN not stepped out of bounds in the Patriots game, they would have won the Patriots game. This is the stuff that happens That's a bad team, you're saying. No, but what I'm saying is, had they won that Patriots game, that's another win instead of a loss. Had they held on and won that Panthers game and not given up a second game-winning drive to Bryce Young, they would have won and not lost.

But continually doing stupid things is what bad teams No, but what I'm telling you is, the same thing could have happened with the Chargers, where they make a tackle, they win that game.

You could be looking at a team that has a winning record that is not good. Then you don't make the changes that are necessary. While the team is what the team is, These bad mistakes could end up helping them long term because it can give them such a bad record that they ultimately do what they've needed to do, which is completely clean house. They need to get rid of Greer. They need to get rid of McDaniel. They need to likely figure out a way to move on from Tua. But if they have a winning record, they're not going to do that, and they're going to be stuck in the same position. It's just dumb plays and mistakes that have put them in the position to finally make the decisions that they've needed to make.

You brought up interesting points, but does this team feel close to you?

You can talk You can talk yourself into it if the team's four and two.

But I think that's exactly what you're doing, talking yourself into it, because they don't appear that close.

They have six one possession games.

Billy's right. I mean, come on. The whole league is upside down.

This team looks like trash. This is From a neutral observer, that's a garbage team. It always has been this season. And you guys got blinded by some weird shit. I'm not exactly sure. This has always been a bad team. Greg never made sense with his projections. It was a bad team. It was one of the jokes in the league.

But Steven Ross has never made the decision, has never going to make the decision with this group of people if they continue having a winning record or being a game away from the playoff. They're like, We'll add here, we'll add there. They didn't add anything last. They added Waller, which Dan ended up being right about Waller, which is crazy. But they I wouldn't have made large scale changes if they had a seven and whatever, 10 record.

This is what we needed.

You either want to be really good or really bad.

They're having that conversation in Cleveland, and do you think Cleveland is close to being a good team? I don't.

Which one of you was saying that Cleveland is a must-win game for the Dolphins? It is.

Yeah, they got to win that one.

I think that if they lose at Cleveland, I think McDaniel might be fired after that game.

Why wouldn't, to Billy's point, why don't you just lean in at this point to McDaniel, make this a bad season?

Well, no, it's not like it gets better when there's an interim coach.

Sometimes you bring in an interim coach, all of a sudden they like...

Sometimes you get a brief bounce.

He's Dan Campbell. Sometimes it's Dan Campbell.

If I'm Ross, I leave it. I'm like, You know what? I'm out on these guys, but I let it. I let it stay.

The reason you got to make the change of your Ross, you have to show the fan base, I'm angry also. I'm willing to make big changes.

Well, he did that look behind you on the sidelines. He put his hands on his head, and that was like, whoa, that was a statement by Steven Ross. That's as mad as we've seen him. Who's the Dolphins Jeff Saturday? That they could be like, Hey, you want to come in and just stand on the sideline for half a season? Moreno's never going to do that. We know Moreno is not going to do that. Jason Taylor is at the University of Miami. He's tied up at the moment. What's Zack Thomas doing? That's a good question. Zt.

Sam Madison did some coaching.

Sam Madison?

Zt, that's your trick, Chris.

I just said Marine.

That's a bad one. On Moreno, you made him Marine, and that was you and your character.

Which is just as long as Moreno. We just changed in the last letter. Dan, the man. That's a good one, Roy.

It's a cursed franchise. Here's an example. When they went one in 15, that was not a panacea. They drafted Jake Long, I believe it was, instead of Matt Ryan. They had a good year the next year in Sperano's first year, and then they went seven years in a row without a winning record. So even if you go one in 16 now, it would be, and get that top draft pick, It's no guarantee if you don't have good people making the picks. Look, everybody's going to be fired here. Okay, McDaniel is going to be fired. Chris Greer is going to be fired. The only thing we're arguing about is when. Should it be right now? Should it be at the end of the season? That's the only debate here. We all agree this has been a nightmare season, and the current regime won't survive it.

Greg, would you agree that McDaniel has had the blueprint in place to show that this offense can score 70 points, can be really good? If they went out and fired Chris Greer instead of McDaniel, how would that make you feel?

Well, right now, the problem is defense, even though everybody thinks Anthony Weaver is one of the best defensive coordinators in the league. Why does anyone think that? I don't get it. Because he's pedigreed from the Baltimore Ravens when the Ravens were really good. So you assume he knows what he's doing. G.

C, I think you're making a leap from a respected defensive coordinator to one of the best in the league. I agree with you. I don't think anyone looks at him as the problem, but you just made a leap to one of the best in the league.

No. In fact, one of the things in play here is that everybody would say, Okay, if they fire McDaniel next week or the week after, the assistant coach who's fit to take over is probably Anthony Weaver, who happens to be the leader of one of the worst defenses in the league. So how would that look? What an optic is that if you're Steven Ross?

You also can't keep Mike McDaniel. It can't be just get rid of Greer. No, you can't. Mcdaniel has lost this team. He does not have the guys believing in him whatsoever. It's obvious, and just changing Greer is not going to fix that.

Well, I know general manager is going to come in and say, Yeah, Mike McDaniel, that's my top choice to be the coach. No one's going to do that.

No, the GM will want his own head coach. Now, he may be forced to live with Tua for the next couple of seasons, but he absolutely would be able to bring in his own head coach.

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