Transcript of The Big Suey: David's Gift (feat. David Samson)

This episode of the Dan Lebitard Show is presented by Traft Kings. Traft Kings, the Crown is yours.

David Samson somehow, and I don't really understand how he's doing this, and I'm about to ask him why he's doing it, continues to trudge through and do nothing personal every day because he has a special relationship with his audience. He appreciates his audience. I assume that's a big part of the answer. But what he's going through at home is true horror, and I won't delve into too many of the details here. You can catch up on nothing personal if you want to know. But one of the details I did want to ask him about is someone who cares about him and knows about him because he's got a sick child, daughter in the hospital, is he seems particularly ill-equipped to be trapped in a hospital as someone who likes his control and he's a bit of a control freak, and he's in a situation that leaves him pretty powerless. So David, thank you for joining us. And before we get to the sports of the day, why are you still working at a time that it must be very, very hard to work?

Well, I'm only doing three shows this week, and I took two weeks after this happened, and I wanted to get back because I missed the audience. I missed the feeling of trying to be normal, of trying to control stuff. And the thing about having someone who's sick with my daughter is that I can't plan anything. So during today's This Morning show, two things have happened is that an appointment Appointment. Doctors don't care about my schedule. When an appointment changes, like in the middle of a live show, sometimes I just have to go because I don't get asked whether, are you free on this day at this time? It's not mutual at all. And then you wait 45 minutes. So what I'm trying to say is that we had a 9: 40 today It's not 9: 40 or whatever time you're listening to this. And I get a lovely text saying, Hey, sorry. Are you okay? 15 minutes late. Cody couldn't get himself together. I can't stay long today because I was supposed to be gone, but then it changed. That's Greg Cody's fault.

Anyway, Dan, I can't stand it. That's all Greg Cody's fault. It's very low on your list of problems and complaints at the moment, but blame Cody.

No, I just don't understand. If you told Cody, I didn't know. I spoke to Billy last night, if I could say that, Billy. You cannot. I was happy to talk to you and thankful. I don't know if I'm allowed to say that. I don't know what I'm allowed to say anymore.

Well, David doesn't know how to be a human being, and I'm going to betray him now by expressing one of the ways that he tries to be a human being but fails while- You cannot express that either. No, I'm going to. No rules for anyone. I have to now just- Where's this lying button? All of you all of you guys were deeply touched that David sent you a gift until you started talking and realized he had sent you all the same gift. Then Roy realized that he hadn't gotten the same gift that you guys got. So what was a very thoughtful gesture by David ends up in disaster.

It still actively is. I did not want to do this. We all said, Don't do it on air. There's a place on my wall waiting for that gift.

Yes. Let me tell you how offended I am. David Dan, now that's just wrong what you're doing. That's just wrong.

What was the gift?

One of the coolest things I've ever received. Absolutely. Genuinely.

If you can't figure out why certain people in the company got that specific gift. And, Roy, if you're listening, it wasn't a Panthers' gift. It was a Marlins-related gift.

He loves baseball. I know that about him.

He loves, we know that about him. He's the only one here who hit a home run at the old Marlins Park.

I saw it went right over my head. It was very impressive.

Dan, listen, if you guys are really pissed, then I have nothing to say to any of you. If that's really how you feel, then- I didn't say they were pissed.

No, I didn't say they were pissed. I said they were touched. They were all touched. Then they started talking and they realized they got in the same gift. Then Roy realized he hadn't gotten a because they all talked about how thoughtful your gift was. That's how it happened. I'm not saying that they were pissed. They were not pissed. They all thought it was thoughtful, so thoughtful that they mentioned what a great gift it was. That's how the cat left the previously before mentioned bag.

I didn't mention it at all.

Were all the notes the same?

Well, we didn't compare notes. We didn't compare notes. I kept it to myself because I assumed you sent me a nice personal gift. Then just a couple of minutes ago, when the three of them were talking about a gift they received, my heart sank.

I only didn't tell Billy just because I was like, Wow, Billy would love this more than anyone. Okay, so if you must know, and this is a bit of a spoiler alert for upcoming episode of mystery Crate. Yesterday, we were talking on mystery Crate, and I was saying how this happened in a timeline, whatever, and I was like, I had a conversation with Dan last Monday. It was a really emotional day, whatever. Then I get home and I see this giant box on my doorstep, and it's from David Samson, and how It was such an emotional day. Forever, I'll remember that the day that I came in, I had this conversation. I said, I'm going to be leaving, whatever. I opened this really thoughtful gift from David Samson with this nice note, whatever. Then Chris got the same gift, and I was like, Whoa, what happened here? I had this memory. I was like, What a sweet man. He sent me this thing. It's a difficult time, obviously, for him as well. I'm never going to forget that on this hard day for me, it ended with this very thoughtful gift. Then he's like, No, it's thoughtful.

I got one, too. It's super sweet. Then Jeremy's like, Me, too. It's not any less sweet to me. I'm sorry, the note made me cry. It did.

The wind makes you cry. Let me tell you, guys.

I also, David, was wondering. The wind makes you cry. We were talking and I was also wondering, David, I said, You know what? Is this David potentially showing in my face, you weren't at this game, and you will never have been at this game. I'm sending you this lineup card so you never forget what I did to you, you son of a.

I'll give you the background because now you've done it, Dan, and it's so It's wildly inappropriate of you, but that's your choice. It's your show. It's your name on the show. I'm happy for you. It's really nice. So the background is that I was lucky enough to be at each of Rose's in 2016 when he hit his 3,000 pit in Colorado. And I had the foresight at the time to get lineup cards from that game and have them done and authenticated as the lineup cards from the game. And I asked Don Mattingly, a manager, sign lineup cards. And I asked each row to sign the lineup card because he started that game. And it had been a big thing. Would he play that day and get his 3,000th head on the road or not? Then I got game tickets from that day, and I asked each row to sign those. And I had them for 10 years. This happened in '16, nine years. And I said, after my daughter got sick, I started trying to control those things I control. So I started doing things that I had not done, one of which was to get these framed.

And it was no small thing. I got them framed, and I had a certain number of them, and I had to make decisions on who would get them. And now, if you want to feel badly enough, I will tell you... Well, I'm not even.

Go on.

No. Okay, I will. When you go through and you make a list of who you think would enjoy it, who would be meaningful I had allocated in my head that it would be for... My three children would get one, and people I've worked with who have a relationship with baseball or with each row, including someone else in our company who got one, Dan. And I forgot about a name. And so I took one away from my sick daughter thinking, A, she doesn't like be spoiled? B, will she not even know if she doesn't have one?

That's a cheap trick he just played on us.

That's a cheap trick he just played on us. Because I didn't want one of the names to get one.

It's an elaborate dance. It's an elaborate dance he just did to show that- I hope you're happy, Dan.

You must feel like a real asshole, Dan.

This is what he just did. You did this, and you should. He just checkmated me because he made his list. He makes a lot of little lists. He made his list, and Roy wasn't on it. And look at how he just did it. This is why he's the grand negotiator that he is. That was sophisticated what he just did to me. It was very good. It was very well done. Fine. I put my sword down. That's the reason you didn't get Roy one.

So that's it. Thank you. I'm not giving him a mind. Anything else you want to talk about today?

Roy can have mine now that the emotional aspect of this has been so diluted.

I will say this. It was a replica, and at the time, I was like-It's not a replica. Okay. It's authentically signed. No, it is signed. I'm saying it wasn't the one that was in the dugout. It doesn't matter. None of that matters.

How do you know they weren't plastered all over the dugout? Maybe there were.

It would be funny if it was like, wall paper on the dugout that day.

Billy is right. It doesn't matter.

No, it doesn't matter. I will say this, though, because they do sell replicas of this thing. But these are not the replicas that they sell. These are like, hand-marked buy Don Mattingly with all of the changes in the game. So whether or not it's the one that was in the dugout in the day, it's not like one that you just buy. He went in there and it changed the lineup. Who came in to pitch hit? What the pitching changes? All of that is marked, which is not something that's available to the public.

Billy, the way we do that is when something special happens, we will ask, and you have to ask Major League Base and the umpires and the other team because there's one official lineup card. And everything's authenticated. There's a sticker on your lineup card, so it's actually authenticated. You can ask for permission to get more lineup cards, just like you can ask to change bases in a big game. You can ask to change bases more often, so you have more things to give or to sell or to give to charity or to just have in your collection. And so this was a game where we had a thought that he's going to get the four at bats. He's going to get the 3,000 hits. So we asked for more lineup cards, and I had a total of 18 of them made, and I've had them with me all this time, and I just now got them all framed and was able to FedEx them with notes to people. That is true of how that happened.

Genuinely, David, one of the coolest I ever got. Genuinly, thank you. Sincerely. Dan, apologize. You ruined this moment.

Well, I'm not going to apologize. Furthermore, he just claimed he sent me one, and his daughter can have the one that he sent me because I have not seen the one he claims to have sent me.

I didn't send you one. You were cut from the list. Okay, but it's-Because the last time I sent you something, your place is cluttered. You have no attachment to it. I thought there'd be no meaning for you to have it. I thought that Pablo would actually want one, and so Pablo got one, and you did not.

I knew that you thought that that was him saying he also sent one to you. He was scolding you by saying your name. He wasn't saying he also sent one to Dan. He was saying, I sent another one. Dan.

Don't take it personally, David. One year, I remember, it was one of my first years on the show. I got Dan a Christmas gift, and I wrote what I thought was a nice handwritten Christmas card. And then we came back from the break two weeks later, and so I was still on the desk, and I was like, All right, I'm throwing this in the trash. It's not just you.

I was repressed back then. I wasn't somebody- You've more than made up for it.

I miss that guy.

Louis always tells Dan when he leaves, I love you, and Louis just goes, Thank you, Louis.

Thank you.

I had the same relationship with my father. This is a true story. My brother and I would say, I'm saying this as more than 30 years, not joking, me and my brother, Dad, when we say I love you to you, you say I love you back. Yeah. Yeah. And so I just became my father. I was repressed, but not anymore. I love you, Billy. I love you, David. But not Louis. But not Louis.

Thank you.

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Don Levatard. You were that I'm sad this morning taking the barrage of anger from Stugatz because you hadn't booked him enough interviews. The only reason I keep bringing this up is because you are throwing a big party on Thursday. You're doing it, and I want people to support what you're doing because Stugatz has not made this easy. Stugats.

Well, you know. Well, yeah. This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugatz.

So the thing I wanted to talk about with David, because he's having some trouble finding the importance in things that used to be important. Base, you care about it deeply. These playoffs have been great. The level of play is absurd. It's a totally absurd level of play. You've gotten used to it because it's been like this for about six or seven years. Pitching overwhelming, what have been your big baseball takeaways? What have been the things that have reached you?

I just can't believe everyone throws 98. It just at any point in the bullpen, every starter. And it turns out, like last night's game with George Kirby, when the Mariners got off to the 2-0 lead and you're thinking, My God, are the Mariners going to go to their first World Series. This is Hollywood stuff. Mike Sure stuff, Itchero, goes into the Hall of Fame. His number is going to be is retired. There's going to be a statue, and they're going to get a World Series appearance, and then maybe even a World Series victory, if anyone can beat the Dodgers. And everything's going great. You got Kirby on the mound. And all of a sudden, Vladimir Guerrero says, okay, I think we're going to win this game. And the Blue Jays put a 13 spot, and Kirby had to wear seven or eight runs. And you realize that, A, the Blue Jays are just a way better team than the Yankees, which is something that we can talk about. But B, any time you think that you've got baseball figured out and that you're looking at a lineup or that a pitching staff that you think is the right one that will get you through October.

The truth is, as executives, we don't know that much more than you do. We just say that we do because it makes us feel better.

But Cody, we know he's a boob, but Cody, yesterday, as if he doesn't know what Monster Mashes Toronto is, even without Bichette. Cody is at risk of having to walk from here to Seattle on that knee because he thought at 2: 0, 2: 0 that it was guaranteed that it's going to be Mariner's Dodgers, and that's foolhardy in this sport.

Well, it's 11 %, Cody. There's 11 % chance when a home team loses the first two games of a seven-game series, that that team will go on and win the series. The Yankees did it in '96, the Mets did it in '86, and one other team did it, but that's it. But clearly, it's not over if you are Toronto. I think the Dodger Milwaukee series, and I hate to say this for my friends in Milwaukee, who I love, and the city I love, and for Yelich, who I want to get a ring, but it is... I think you're going to see the Dodgers from the National League But in the American League, the Blue Jays, think about the game tonight. I mean, Max Scherzer has no business pitching a postseason game. He's a number nine starter right now with the number one starter's mouth. That's what he is. And you're looking at Luis Castillo, not the Marlins' second baseman, but the Marlins' pitcher who we traded five times. He's going for the Mariner's, and they have the clear advantage. If they go up three, one, you got to believe. But even then, Toronto can do three in a row without a real big issue.

So this series is up in the air, Chris.

We know we have to get you out of here. It's not Chris Cody. It's Greg Cody that's got to walk to Seattle.

Oh, excuse me. How can Greg Cody walk?

I'll probably end up doing it for him. He said 58 days it'll take him, so it's going to do it.

You think it takes 58 days to walk from Florida to Seattle? It takes that long to fly to Seattle.

It takes 60 days, but Greg said he could do it in 58. Now, he also has an appointment tomorrow at the doctor because he has a trick knee right now that he has to have possibly surgery on. So it may be delayed this walk of his.

This is worse than the onion trick. It's worse than any pepper that could be eaten. You can't make Greg Cody. I've done some races like this. You'll kill him. You'll kill him, guys. He can't walk across country.

He made the bet. He's the one who said it. He shocked me when he volunteered it. He said, With the Mariner's up to 'O' and with the Dodgers up to 'O', if it's not Mariner's, Dodgers, he will walk to Seattle.

But he didn't mean that.

He didn't say what he means?

No, he He obviously didn't. The question is, what will you make him do? I would make him fly to Seattle. It's just as bad for Miami.

I want to get to your movie review for a second, but I also want to talk again about the Expo's documentary that you are in. When is that coming out? You're featured in the trailer. I assumed you'd be the star and a star villain of this film. You have now seen it, yes?

Yes. Netflix. It's amazing what happens when you have a sick daughter. All sorts of ills can be passed It's over. So Netflix contacted me. They wanted to be a part of the premiere in Montreal, which was my plan. I was going to do a live, nothing personal with old Expos players and all sorts of things. And of course, I didn't go to Montreal. But Netflix said, Well, we'd like you to watch the movie. And I said, Okay, do you need my address? And I'm such an idiot. I thought they'd send a screener so I could pretend I was Adnan Verk. Instead, they were just like, Hey, give your email. And I said, Fine. I don't like giving people an email, but you can have it. And all of a sudden, I turn on Netflix and the movie is there. I had to do a code and all sorts of weird stuff. So I watched the movie, and it comes out October 21st. And let's just say that the trailer that Netflix cut, the people who made the movie, I'd like to ask your Hollywood people this, the people who made the movie didn't cut the trailer.

Netflix cut the trailer, and it's not exactly how the movie goes, I'll say. But I am certainly in it as a featured interview, like the narrator that carries the story forward. I make it clear that it is all Derek Jeter's fault, obviously. Sorry, the local Canadian partner's fault that the expos left.

Wow, that was something interesting that just happened with your short-circuiting of your brain chemistry. That wasn't on purpose? No, he just instantly He spontaneously blamed Jeter.

I blamed Jeter for it. I was going to call Jeter and blame him for my daughter's sickness, but I thought that I wouldn't do that.

That seems a bit much.

Did you send Jeter the ETRO card?

No, I definitely Jeter. He wasn't on any list. No. I'd like to know where the pictures are of us from the '03 World Championship that he had removed from Marlins Park. Now that he's been fired, I was going to speak to Bruce Sherman and see if we can get those somehow. Even if he doesn't want to put them up, maybe they could just send them so I could have them. But they're all gone from the ballpark. No, obviously, Derek had nothing to do, nor would he even wish this. I haven't heard from him. I've heard from a lot of people, but I've not heard from Derek Jeter, and I'm appreciative of everyone I've heard from, but I don't keep track except on a list. But it is amazing. But no, I didn't kill the Expos, Dan, at all. And you'll watch the movie and you'll discover That it was Canadian people who killed the Expos, not me.

Dan Levatard.

I agree this is a trap game. Stugatz.

I do, too, but I wanted to pick the dolphins.

Against the spread.

This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugats.

Nothing personal is the name of the podcast. I urge you to listen to it. He is doing an extraordinary thing because of his connection with his audience. He should not be doing that podcast right now, given all of the stuff going on with his life. But the audience is helping him, and it helps him in some way to have a couple of hours a day, I would assume, where he's thinking about something else. We're running out of time and he's got to go, so let's combine two things here. First, his movie review, but also let's have the bucket come in here, and let's have him also select from the Dentec bucket so that he can suffer the punishment if he loses. Give us your review while we're doing the bucket here, David, and we'll just say in the interim what it is that has been selected.

I've had enough punishments, but I'm happy to do it again. But I'm reviewing a movie that I thought would be the perfect movie for me to watch during this time, and it's called The Threesome. How do you watch a movie called The Threesome and not think of Lara Flynn, Boyle, Steven Baldwin, and Josh Scholl?

Great movie.

How do you not think that you about to watch something in the middle of the night that's going to actually give you a distraction. It turns out the Threesome is about a threesome that happens where they don't show anything. Zoe Deutz, nothing. And then all of a sudden, she's pregnant. That's what the movie's about. It's about in a threesome when both of the girls get pregnant. And what happens after that? It is the most mistitled, mislabeled, misstake movie, wasted time, time that I I don't have. I kept hoping, is there going to be a pregnancy threesome? Is there going to be something else that will draw my interest? It was about abortion. It was about all of these other political topics.

Were you hoping it was going to be porn?

Yes. Jeremy, what did you select?

It's called the Threesome.

I took the bangles, but I'm putting it back.

Okay. What are you getting now here? Let's see what we're doing here.

David, you could have just watched porn.

I got the Giants.

Hey, The Bucket is presented by Dentec's ultimate fantasy football punishment. Learn more and sign up your league at dentec. Com.

Bad pick, Jeremy. The Giants are at Denver. They're seven and a half point down. I don't know how I put back minus five or plus five and a half and got something worse. Mike Ryan is going now. Have you ever been to the bucket, David?

Yes, except you didn't make me serve the punishment, which I thought was weird because you make people serve punishments, but you didn't make me.

You have to serve the punishment. You owe one. It's just because Billy's been running the punishments, and now Udonis Haslem is running the punishment, so we're going to fix that.

I have a plus one credit I'll apply to David on that one.

Mike, what did you get there?

Got the Seattle Seahawks against the Texans. I will be keeping that.

All right, what are they favorite by?

I'd like to pick.

We're going to do that, and we're going to get your punishment. Thank you for volunteering that you had one. What is the point spread in that game?

The plan to touch and fell. I'm good.

All right. It's three and a half.

It's all right.

Be cocky about the results in that sport.

I had the cowboys last week. I was the only guy that lost. That'll serve you. Now I have to dress like a cowboy.

Go ahead, Billy.

Final rummage.

Give it a good rummage there.

Then Billy, could you pick for me in honor of your departure?

Is this for Is this for you?

No, this is for me. This is a Billy rummage. I got a rummage in here. I got a swath. Are you kidding?

Are you shitting me? He's going to be… Oh, brother. That's one of the best things in there. Take another helmet.

He got the old swapperoo there. You can put it back. All right, see here. Come on, get a good rumage. Get a good one. I got the Dentec golden helmet of Life.

Are you kidding me? He got both of the best things in there.

I do have that swap if I want to swap with someone. Can you give me with it? I got the Lion's.

Monday Night Football against the Bucks, the first end of that double header.

Five and a half point favorite. You want that. You got to keep that. All right.

For some enticing helmet. For someone who may have a swap.

I can't believe how well... That's the best... On your final trip to the Dentec bucket, you just did better than anyone's ever done at the bucket?

David wanted him to pick for him, but... Look at his back. There we go. He's back, Jack.

All right, pick for David here.

David, the good ones here that you might want are Buffalo or Baltimore. They're on a buy. You have one putback, David, so you get to decide here. We got the Patriots. Do you want the Patriots? They are a seven and a half point favorite at the Titans.

The Great Bulls return. You're going to want to keep that, pal.

I will keep the Patriots, please.

Okay, so you have to pay the other punishment, though, that that we forgot about. So we'll figure out how to do that. We'll stay on top of it.

That was two years ago, Dan. Well, no, it expired.

That's the Metalark way. No, Stugat still owes a freestyle from the Clevelander that he's got to do on the stage at the Clevelander from seven years ago.

Well, he's got to come in first.

Yeah, well, that, too.

I got the Browns.

I got the Dolphins. Yeah, Browns, two and a half point favorite at home against the Dolphins.

No, I can't root against the Dolphins.

What's the matter? It's an emotional hedge. You've been yelling and screaming that they got to fire everybody, and now you're afraid of them. I root for the Dolphins.

You're a coward. No, I want to root for them. It's not that I'm afraid.

You're a coward.

Stealers.

Third-an-a-half football against the bangles. Tonight. Tonight. Five and a half point for the Dolphins. I like it. Upgraded.

I got the Raiders. The Raiders are at the Chiefs.

Twelve and a half point underdog. Keep it. You're so anti-Chiefs. I might swap, yeah.

And you got the Brown.

All right. The Browns at home against the Dolphins.

You can swap, though.

Well, it's up to... I can't swap anything.

Where are the teams? Browns? What do you get? Steelers? Chris?

You want to do business with me? Lions.

Lions? What do you have?

I got the Seacx.

I got the Giants. The Giants. Jox and Dard.

I got the pats.

Pats are a good favorite. I'll switch it, David. I'll take the Patriots. Wow, David's a David now.

David gets the golden helmet of life. Congratulations, David. After what we discovered about that gift.

Yeah, that's stunning. David, congratulations. A little gift from Billy there because he hates the rest of us. Thank you, Billy, for just really making that worse than it needed to be, as always. Thank you, David. Thank you. Bye, David.

Love you, David.

No, you don't.

We do love you. We do love you. That's not true. We do love you.

The beard is a good look, by the way. Oh, my God.

My daughter loves it. That's why I have it.

It's great, dude.

I hope to grow it to be Letterman size.

Thank you, David. Big hug from over here. Zaz is going to be in South Bend this weekend. I want to get to some college football stuff, but first I want to go to the Vatican because I can say in the history of Catholicism, in the history of religion, in the It's a mystery of God, him or herself, that you have a situation with the Pope that has never before been possible, where the Pope is a Cubs fan. I have not seen this video, I've not heard this audio, and obviously, I can't translate Italian, so I hope that this all speaks for itself.. They lost. Go cubs. Go Cubs. They They lost, says the Pope.

Just dismissively, just like, They lost.

In flawless English, I cannot explain to you how disorienting that is. I also can't explain to you how much closer to God it brings me.

Well, he also before either screamed, They lost in either Latin or Italian or something at them first, and then he said they lost in transit. I love a troll Pope. I got to be honest with you. A Pope that's out there giving sports hot takes. We thought we had the Pope and Francesa, but now we have a Pope Pope that's talking sports. This is great. Dan, I was thinking this. I don't know what you guys feel about this. You're going to South Bend this weekend, Zaz, right? Yeah. I don't know if you've heard this, but Notre Dame, very Catholic.

I know. I heard about that. You know about that? I touched on Jesus.

I've heard. Then there's also that statue that I think you put gum on or something that we found out, no, Jessica was confused. Just someone put gum on someone's finger that one time, and she's been telling people all these years that that's what they do, which is not what they do. So don't put gum on statues. Now, Dan, Notre Dame has played in Ireland a number of times because they're Irish. But again, they're also Catholic. So I'm proposing Notre Dame play a game at Vatican City. You have a Chicago Pope, you have a Catholic team. Could you imagine a game at the Vatican? We already saw a concert there two weeks ago.

We're about to see an MMA match on the White House lawn.

Yes.

Go ahead and play the Pope again talking about Cubs baseball..

Does he first say In Italian, they lost. That's awesome. Then he translates himself.

Do you think he's ever doing Pope duties and he's just in a bad mood because the Cubs lost?

What I think is there are a whole lot of people there next to the Cubs fan wanting to get closer to and have some acknowledgement and being like, Really? That's what happened? I want a blessing from the beyond, and the Pope sitting here doing a sports talk radio show while he's in the Pope Mobile?

Well, he's a White Sox fan, so I think part of it is like, Do your research.

I put I have a letter in a note in the Wailing Wall. You put notes in it. It's a very religious place in Jerusalem. I put a note in the Wailing Wall hoping that the dolphins would win the Super Bowl.

What a waste. That really does seem like a waste.

It hasn't happened yet.

Wasting Wall.

Dork.

Mike mentioned something. I meant to bring this up with-How old were you when you did that?

That wasn't like now, right?

I was 18.

Oh my God. 18.

And you're what? 58 now? 40 years ago, you did this. That's some bullshit.

Take that back.

You look good for 58.

He does. You, too. That's some bullshit. It's a couple of bullsets right there. How old are you?

Since you did that, the Dolphins haven't won a playoff game.

Yeah, I put it in Moreno's last year.

I genuinely don't know how old you are. It's because you wear this backwards hat that keeps you so young-looking. Thanks, man.

That I appreciate that. And I shave my beard, so I look like a kid again. I got a Benjamin Buttons thing going on here.

And he rides a skateboard to where- I think you put an S on button, and that's what old people do.

That's what I do. I put S's where they don't belong. That's Exactly how that happens. But Mike enjoys calling other people dorks. And one of the things that he did earlier this week is he said, No, I've never scored a baseball game because I'm an adult who has sex. But there are many parents who have sex who score baseball games, including Greg and Cody because they have children and they score a baseball game.

People that score, they do have sex.

Yeah, sex is cool. But have you ever written 6, 4, 3 on a scorecard?

Trust me, they have sex.

It's not 4 play, 6, 4, 3 Dorks. Put it on the poll at Lebitard Show.

It's a backwards K if it's looking.

Who's cooler, person who has sex or person who keeps score of a baseball game?

Can't wait to see the When they bat around the order and you have to figure out, What am I going to do next in the next hitting?

What are you looking forward to in South Bend? Because it does really appear, I do think if we're not doing any rankings, if we're not doing anything other than Just watching football. I think most of the people listening to this would say that to lost Notre Dame is one of the better teams in the country because they played with Miami and Texas A&M, even though they lost to Miami and Texas A&M. I said to you yesterday that there are not a lot of teams in the country that would be, like Miami is, a two-touchdown favorite against Louisville. I think Notre Dame might be one of them. I don't think I can name five teams in the country that the money would say, I've watched football this year, and I believe that team to be a two-touchdown favorite against Louisville. I think everybody would be scared of Louisville's... Louisville.

I think Mike is saying it properly. That's right.

Okay. Name the teams that you guys believe would be two shutdown favorites against Louisville.

Ohio State.

Yeah, I think that's it.

Miami is 13 and a half now.

I think Notre Dame might also be a favorite like that. I think Texas A&M might also be favored like that. It depends on where.

Oregon at home? Maybe USF if you put them in Alabama uniforms.

I don't think that Oregon at home would be that favorite after what happened with Indiana. They might be bad. Well, I'm here to tell you, yes, Oregon might be bad, given what happened against Penn State and given everything we've seen that's happened around Penn State. But I remind you- On Jack King's sportsbook, you can get Oregon to miss the playoffs north of plus 200. I remind you, though, as we do transitive property of trying to figure out, not just in college football, pro football. I think a lot of people, it's a crazy thing to say after this many games, but it happens with the randomness of injuries and kids. Who's good? You're watching an awful lot of football, and if I ask who's good, college and pro, you're going to have a hard time giving me 10 teams, total. Ten teams that you know to be good.

That's an issue with us, too, because good football teams are nine-win teams. Ten-win teams are a real good football team, but we've made good, like Championship good or bust.

And what happens with Louisville and Miami, I think the money is doing this for this reason when I say again and again, and it's not something I've done before. It isn't. Over the last 20 years, You will not find me saying that Randy Shannon beating Oklahoma at home makes Miami good. You will not find me saying that after two wins against Notre Dame, the only top 10 wins that Miami has since 2017, that Miami is back in good. But this is why I'm willing to say it. It's not even the victories against Notre Dame, Florida, or Florida State. It's not any of those victories that make me say it. Although in the cumulative, I do think they can beat you a ton of ways. Sixteen play drive at the start of the third quarter against Notre Dame, just hold the football game. The way they've won Florida State, Florida, and Notre Dame games are one impressive, but those games look close on the scoreboard, even though they weren't that close. The one that makes me know that Miami is good is the win over South Florida because I know South Florida is good. I know no one else in the country thinks this.

I'm telling you, South Florida is good. They dragged them the whole game the way they could have to Florida, Florida State or Notre Dame, but they let their foot off the gas. Against South Florida, what they did is they dragged a team that I believe could be in the playoffs good. I'm not even kidding when I tell you that the South Florida team, if I put it in an Auburn uniform, you guys would be saying, if I put it in an Alabama uniform, you guys would be saying that's a top 10 team because the athletes on that team are really good athletes.

I've been saying all season on ESPN radio, I think USF is a playoff team.

This is the team, by the way, that's given up an average 31 points the last two weeks to Charlotte and North Texas?

They are not good at defense. They are good at offense. Just confirming. And those athletes are really good.

I think they're going to be the fifth conference champion. They're going to win the American, and They're going to make the play-offs.

It can be a flawed team, Jeremy, or even half a team and make the play-offs. There are so many half a teams out there where they've got one good unit, and those are going to be in the play-off.

I mean, the fifth conference champion is going to be a flawed team.

There's always a group of five team that will make it now with the new-They're going to be that team.

Of course. South Florida was slowed by Florida and Miami because Florida and Miami have play-off good defenses. South Florida is not going to get slowed by many people. South Florida should be respected the same way we're respecting Lourdes because Lourdes has done it longer and is going to get respect for offense and big game surprises. But that South Florida team, I'm absolutely telling you. Jeremy, if you watched, I did watch that Charlotte game. They were up 23-nothing in the first quarter, and they dropped six passes right in their chest against Charlotte. That game was not in any way close, but yes, their defense is flawed, absolutely flawed. But their offense is not. It only got slowed by playoff-worthy defenses.

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