This episode of The Daily Show: Ears Edition covers the final week of the midterm campaign, with Jon Stewart and Jordan Klepper dissecting Donald Trump's closing arguments. The hosts discuss his attacks on Abdul El-Sayed, his claims about oil company profits amid high gas prices, and his suggestion that veterans' claims could depend on Republican wins.
They also cover Barack Obama's Cheesecake Factory joke, a Tennessee scandal over unsolicited photos, a duplicate Dan Sullivan on Alaska's ballot, and Republican fearmongering ads. Listeners get the context behind each story and the reasoning the hosts use to challenge the claims.
In this episode Jon Stewart, Jordan Klepper
This Daily Show episode on Trump's midterm closing arguments and Republican attacks was made with the technology behind HappyScribe's AI note taker.
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The midterm elections that will determine if Americans care in any way about the reckless shitshow of an administration that we've all been subjected to, lo these past almost two years. Midterms will take place in eight days, and Fox News was on the campaign trail ready to hear from their base about those fiery culture war issues that are Trump and Fox's bread and butter.
What are you expecting the president to say, and what are some of the issues that you are looking to this election cycle?
Uh, I'm hoping to see some relief about the war, some inflation come down, interest rates come down, just some sustainability. When I'm, you know, shopping, getting gas for my truck, things like that, it's just absurd pricing right now. So I'm just hoping to see some relief in the economy.
Well, absolutely.
Hold on, I think I think in the script it said trans. I think it said trans. I don't know what that guy wants to cut away. We got ourselves a reader. All right, all right. Voters are, for some reason, fixated on the economy, cost of living, the war in Iran, and Donald Trump is actually back out there on the campaign trail to make his closing arguments. I imagine the president will be laser-focused on the issues that matter most.
I looked at his ass, and I've never done that with a man before. A man's ass, his ass, the ass. His ass was like a big piece of muscle.
His ass was like a big piece of muscle? Is that yeah. It's not like a big piece of muscle. It is literally a big piece of muscle. That is what an ass is. Gluteus maximus. You don't need to put a simile. Oh, it was like a big muscle. His dick was like a sexual organ that becomes tumescent upon excitation. No, it's that is exactly what it is. And by the way, by the way, don't feel left out, ladies.
Trump's got plenty of augle left for you.
By the way, I looked at one hell of a beautiful ass before, Nicki Minaj. That's hard to miss. That's stand-up. That's hard to miss.
How the is this real? Stand-up, Nikki, twirl around. Give us a look at that. Talk about inflation. My God. Boom. Hey. Oh. Get up here. Let me toss that salad. Come on. By the way, look at Trump's face when Minaj is talking.
Look at what he's doing. Look at him. He's transfixed. He's staring at a rest. He's like he's like Yogi Bear floating towards a pie on a windowsill.
Look at that ass, boo-boo. Oh, that is something.
But all right, I'm sorry. That was a distraction. Donald Trump, you're in Michigan. Are you there to offer a plan for some economic relief to the state that's been devastated by your tariffs?
I'm here to keep a jihadist Muslim Brotherhood member from becoming a United States senator.
Oh, shit. Oh, I can't he's playing scary Muslim from 2016. Oh, shit. Oh, scary Muslim. Yeah. Whoo. Whoo. I love the hits. Do Sharia law.
Abdul Mohammed Al-Sayed wants our country to go to Sharia law. He would be the only senator that will have to go through a metal detector before he's allowed to go into the Senate. I want him to have a metal detector.
He's such a good dude. By the way, it is actually true, for those who don't know. The Senate the House has metal detectors. The Senate does not have metal detectors. I guess because if they had a metal detector, every other hip would be setting it off. Nobody would get in the building. It would just be. So far, the Republican closing argument is nice asses and Islamophobia.
Are you guys in any way going to address Chad's gas prices for his truck?
The United States oil and gas business is making hundreds of billions of dollars.
OK. I bet they are. I thought that was the case when I recently went to Exxon. I was told by the writers that his fit is drippy. Why would you say that at a why the would your closing message for the midterms be?
I know you're hurting, but these guys are killing it.
We're making hundreds and hundreds of billions, trillions of dollars. But my people said, please don't mention that, sir, because people are paying a little higher. I could just see the fake headlines. President Trump is talking about all the money they're making while people are suffering at the pump. That'll be the headline.
It is what you said. That would be accurately summarizing your quote. But the closing argument for the Republicans appears to be, I like big butts. And why can't you just be happy for big oil? So you clearly don't seem to be able to run on a positive record. What else you got?
If you elect a Republican House and a Republican Senate on November 3, you'll get $5,000. And if you lose, you get nothing. If the Republicans win, the Department of War will be investing $100 million. But you have to win India. Otherwise, forget it. We're also fighting for our great veterans and taking care of those veterans who brought claims related to water contamination at Camp Lejeune. If we win the House and the Senate, I am directing the Department of Justice to settle all remaining legitimate claims as soon as possible.
I couldn't help but notice the word "if." If Republicans win the House and Senate, you'll settle the claims. But look, even Donald Trump wouldn't have the balls to do a quid pro quo on sick veterans saying, if we don't win, there's no money. Right?
So if we don't win, there's no money.
Ladies and gentlemen, there is evil. And then there is evil that can only be described as cartoonish, a kind of Tye a Helpless Made Into a Railroad Track Looney Tunes villainy, like you're making policy using a cartoonishly evil random word generator and told it to find the most cartoonishly evil phrase the president could say. Right.
But you know what? I shouldn't be surprised at the depth that they are sinking to. Because we all remember last week, Vivek Ramaswamy released an ad in the Ohio governor's race where his opponent, Amy Acton's mother, came out vociferously against her own daughter.
She is a liar.
What? Well, that could be a compelling ad if it weren't for just a couple of mitigating factors. For instance, Acton's mother hasn't spoken to her daughter in 50 years. And the reason is, oh, cartoonishly evil word generator. She lost custody of her kids because her husband at the time was indicted for raping her daughter.
And her husband's name, by the way, was Cletus. She married a dude named Cletus and thought, hey, this'll work out. And while Cletus was indicted for the crime and could have faced and pled his innocence and let the justice system work its way, instead, mother and Cletus flee the state.
If you can believe it, it's hard to defend, but not impossible.
A mother is saying, don't put my daughter there because she's a terrible person and she's a liar. Why shouldn't somebody use that?
I think we explained pretty well why. You know what? Actually, I'm sure that Monica Alba of NBC News, who asked the question, would be happy to take on and explain to Donald Trump why.
Why shouldn't somebody use that?
But do the sexual abuse allegations seem nothing to you?
Let me ask you. If my mother said see?
Do the sexual abuse allegations seem no to you?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Slow down. Who are you with? Who are you with?
I'm with NBC, sir.
What are the worst networks you have?
But there are very many.
Listen, listen.
Sexual abuse allegations.
Quiet.
They make no difference to you.
See, they're not isn't she a fresh person? You're a horrible little reporter, aren't you?
Yeah. You're a fresh, horrible little reporter, aren't you?
You're fresh? You're a fresh, horrible little when did Donald Trump become Miss Hannigan? What are we doing?
You're a fresh, horrible little reporter. You'll never get adopted by a news agency.
If my mother said bad things about me, do you think the Democrats would put it up? I think so. But my mother thought I was wonderful. Thank you, mom. Thank you, mom. You too, Dad. You too. You too, Dad.
Is the housing down there all white like you like it or no? The point is, Trump, Ramaswamy, and JD Vance all doubled down and sided with a woman who had done one of the most awfully evil things anybody, let alone the parent of the child, could ever do. But hey, anything else that we need to know about Amy Acton's mother, cartoonishly evil random word generator?
You got anything for us? What? OK. I mean, if that were true, it would only make Trump, Ramaswamy, and Vance look even more ridiculous than they already look.
Acton's mother was also convicted of killing kittens, according to court records from 2021.
All right, I'm just going to let you guys in on something. We did have a little bit of a talk earlier in the production meeting about whether the comedy show we make should follow the sexual assault bit with the kitten killing bit. And we went with yes. Yeah, that's what we did.
But remember, remember, by the way, though, there are people running against the Republicans. And the Democrats brought out their closer, Barack Obama, to hit on Trump's misplaced priorities.
I don't know if you've noticed, but he seems very focused on home renovations. There's gold everywhere. What's up with the gold? Everything. More gold. He's got the white ass looking like Saddam Hussein opening a cheesecake factory. Oh. Barack Obama with an illegal joke strike on an American citizen from above.
I got to tell you, as soon as I heard him say, you can feel it already, what a shitstorm this is going to set off on the right. For Barack Obama to compare anything that Trump does to the brutal dictatorship of Saddam Hussein.
I think the most difficult part of what we just went over is the cheesecake factory.
Where did that come from? Why cheesecake factory?
He thinks that it's appropriate to condescend to a popular food chain restaurant. Looking down his nose at a cheesecake factory in front of a group of working-class people.
I think about all the birthday parties that people have at the cheesecake factory, my own family included. The part of the comparison that bothered you was the cheesecake factory part, not the Saddam Hussein part. You know, the cheesecake factory is not an actual factory, right? You know that.
We do not ship cheesecake jobs to China. What a slap in the face to hardworking Americans on the cheesecake assembly lines. My peepaw lost his hand making their skinny licious avocado tacos and sweet soy glazed ribs. I know those because I also eat them. Here's what makes this all so maddening. See, there's a reason why Donald Trump and anyone representing his Republican Congress are distracting you with asses and evil commercials and bullshit.
Because Republicans running for Congress can't defend Trump's reckless record or their refusal to do anything to check his worst impulses. Do you know when Trump ran in 2024? Do you remember what his message was?
Kamala's for they/them. President Trump is for you.
Oh, right. He was for you. But Trump never really told you who you was, did he? Because my guess is, given the state of our economy, you might have foolishly thought that you meant you, the people. But after two years in office, it's clear who you turned out to be. You was actually them. Yeah. Billionaires like Elon Musk, they've done great.
He was recently promoted to trillionaire. Jeff Bezos was recently promoted to sex cowboy. I don't know what that is. But it's good. And others have done well. I mean, are any of these people you? Because they're killing it. Oh, sorry, Kim. Not you anymore.
Meme coins, Pentagon contracts, documentaries, Middle East oil money. And by the way, Trump's family aren't the only yous. The Trump administration has treated inanimate objects more lavishly than the you he swore to represent. Turns out the you isn't it. I mean, obviously, there were plenty of yous that he was never going to be for. Like if you were a Muslim named Mohammed. Well, I'm sorry, unless this is you.
And he has lots of nuclear deals and weapons. By the way, your highness, thank you for your investment in Skydance. We'll make you proud. So this midterms, when you go to the polls, and I beg of you, go to the polls, remember all the yous Donald Trump turned out to be for.
And if it turns out that you are not one of them, well, he probably has a very different closing message for you.
Up to now, the midterms have been pretty sleepy. Just minor issues, like a forever war, the collapse of our democracy, boring shit. So I'm guessing this last week of the campaign will prove equally uneventful.
Former President Barack Obama making plenty of people angry with his comments at a campaign rally.
Blistering criticism for former President Obama. Sounds more bitter than ever. Taking cheap shots. Insulting. Meant to be derogatory.
He is such a jerk.
Damn you, Obama. Damn you. First you forced your basic bitch playlist on us. And now you're throwing a wrench into the midterms. I mean, what inexcusable thing have you said this time? This guy in the white ass right now, I don't know if you've noticed, but he seems very focused on home renovations. What's up with the gold? Everything. More gold. He's got the white ass looking like Saddam Hussein opening a cheesecake factory.
The White House looks like Saddam Hussein opened a cheesecake factory. How dare you make such an accurate joke? Don't worry. I'm still mad. I'm just not sure exactly why. Right-wing media, I know this is not just a cynical attempt to redirect attention from President Trump's disastrous policies, but maybe just give me the intel so I can be mad in the right direction.
The former president is suffering from elitist disconnect. Making fun of people who go to cheesecake factory.
Looking down his nose at a cheesecake factory in front of a group of working-class people.
You know Barack Obama's never been to cheesecake factory because the way he talked about it, the disrespect looking down his nose.
It goes exactly to why Democrats lost the middle class, why they lost blue-colored voters.
Right, right, yes. Thank you. Thank you. That's why we're mad. Obama insulted the sacred space for the American worker, the cheesecake factory, where coal miners gather after their shift to have a blue-collar meal of Chinese chicken salad and Oreo Dream Extreme Cheesecake. That's why that offhand joke is so insulting, because the cheesecake factory represents the average Joe. Nothing fancy.
I always thought a cheesecake factory was kind of fancy myself.
It's fancy.
I'm sorry, what?
Cheesecake factory, you get a chopped salad with salmon extra and avocado on it. It's $31 in my neck of the woods.
Toasted brioche roll, grilled onions, sriracha mayo, a jus for dipping. They got the fries in the cup kind of thing. That's only at fancy restaurants. Ooh. Ooh. Fries in a cup. You know a place is fancy when they put fries in a cup. Each of them standing up as if a pretty lady just entered into the room. Guys, look, I wanted to be mad with you, but I got to say, now I'm just confused.
The cheesecake factory can't be a humble yet high-class restaurant for working-class slash 1% billionaires to gather with paycheck-to-paycheck members of the Illuminati. It just doesn't make any sense. Look, I know you're trying to gin up a new culture war outrage cycle, but you guys are not on the same page here, if I may. No, the people saying it's blue-collar, you're over here on page three appetizers.
But the people saying it's actually very fancy, you're over here on page, ah, yes, yes, page 18 where it says, appetizers continued. And keep in mind that no one here, no one, no one is actually defending how the White House looks. Won't anyone defend Trump's interior decorating choices from Barack Obama?
The White House is now in the best shape it's been since 1792, when it was built. It's in beautiful shape. Guys like Obama, they would pass the front door. They'd see the broken masonry. They'd see the broken, the beautiful pilasters that were all broken. For years, they were broken. And he wouldn't notice because he doesn't notice that.
Yeah, yeah. That's right. President Trump noticed and cared that the masonry was broken, unlike Obama, who would just walk through the front door and get right to work, you know? Where were his priorities? You know what? Shameful. Shameful. It's a shame. Anyway, point taken, President Trump. But let's leave it there, because remember, Obama's original criticism was that you are obsessed with home renovations. And you don't want to fall into his trap.
You know, I've taken care of the White House. I fixed it with the finest artisans in the world. We've reached the ornaments of the things that were originally built on the White House were missing. The exterior plaster was broken and cracked. The painting was terrible. And I've reskined the building beautifully with the highest, most talented people. And the exterior plaster can't be falling off the wall. And the decorations and ornaments around the windows that are magnificent can't be on one side of the window and fall it off on the other.
We took the molds of the one side, and we put it in the other side. And we did a beautiful job.
I think you fell in the trap. I will say, it is refreshing to hear Donald Trump talk about something he actually has a working knowledge of. But now that you've got that out of your system, it's time to go to that rally in Mississippi and prove that Obama is wrong. And you don't spend all your time thinking about home renovations.
I always build beautiful and inexpensive, which is a good combination of the White House. I took over the White House, and it was in horrible condition. Plaster was falling off the exterior. The paint was no good. A lot of the beautiful ornamentation that they have around the windows. I mean, they had four or five windows where literally the ornamentation was up on one side, and it had fallen off or half fallen off. We made a mold of the good one, and we put it on the other one. And we got it all beautiful. And then we skim-coated with an exterior plaster that's phenomenal.
We took a pile that was broken. The white marble now going in. We have the most beautiful marble. Then I put in a really beautiful masterpiece. The heliport is a masterpiece.
What the are you talking about, huh? You look like you're casting a spell. Look, I don't expect you to come up with a solution on inflation or the war. But at the very least, for the good of your reputation, can you please go back to talking about asses again?
The midterms are not looking great right now for Republicans. The national mood is against them. Their races are tight in states that shouldn't be tight. And even their safe candidates keep exposing their weaknesses. And I do mean exposing.
Just under a week until the midterms, a new scandal is rocking the race for Tennessee's ninth congressional district.
Republican nominee Senator Brent Taylor says the accusations that he sent unsolicited nude photos are true. He denies a physical affair and calls it, quote, "youthful indiscretions." Taylor was 53 at the time.
A youthful indiscretion at 53? Sir, if you had to take a pill to make your youthful indiscretion possible, it's not a youthful indiscretion. By the way, this guy sent a dick pic. Are we sure it wasn't just a selfie with his hat off? I mean, does his penis also wear tiny spectacles, you know? Because that I also want to see. Now, you might think this could hurt his chances in a religious conservative area, but turns out the Lord works in mysterious ways.
This exemplifies what it is to be a Christian. And because being a Christian is all about redemption.
Mm. Amen. Preach. I'm always saying, if you haven't sent someone a photo of your penis, you cannot call yourself a Christian. As Jesus said in John 14:6, no one comes to the Father but through my Snapchat accounts. So let's see that hog, playboy. But this scandal could not come at a worse time for the Republican Party. I'm sure President Trump can't be happy with one of his guys flashing his meat all over the place.
I love the meat. Ah, I love it. Look.
What a closing argument. Promises made, promises. Surprisingly, that clip of Trump in Texas yesterday was not part of his analysis of Senator John Husted's ass that he's been doing on the stump all week. In fact, he tried to walk all that back.
I made the mistake of saying that I started off by studying his ass. The fake news didn't tell me. They only covered the ass part. They said, what the hell was Trump doing talking about a man's anatomy? What's his problem? Why is he doing this? Explain it. He was talking about his ass?
Yeah, because you wouldn't shut up about it. You've literally spent more time talking about ass than Juvenile does in the song "Back That Ass Up." Seriously, we clocked it. Sir, who is you playing with? Look, I want to be fair. Mr. President, if we are missing some context for why you're studying this senator's ass, please tell us.
I studied his ass to see where the power came from.
Yes. See, stop making it weird, media. He studied his ass to see where the power came from. It's not gay. He just wanted to see if he was a power bottom. Move on. Honestly, honestly, I've never seen Trump as horny as he's been these past few weeks. Is there anyone's ass he won't worship?
Maybe I should do that with Ken Paxton. But I'm not sure your body is going to qualify.
Yeah, take that, guy Trump is in Texas to support. Oh, look at that flat tire. It's like two uncooked English muffins, huh? It looks like two airbags popped in his dungarees. Is he an IHOP kids meal? Because I see two sad little pancakes and a small turkey sausage. Ooh. Ooh. You know what? Maybe Ken Paxton has drawn a line in the sand and doesn't want Trump to objectify him. Whenever Trump tries to look at his ass, he's like, hey, my eyes are sort of up here.
Let's move on from the close race in Texas to an equally close race in, of all places, Alaska, where Republican Dan Sullivan is barely trailing Democrat Mary Peltola. And apparently, President Trump doesn't want to wait to see how it turns out.
President Trump took credit today for an unusual move by the Department of Justice, which asked a federal judge to block certification of the Senate race in Alaska, but only if the Republican incumbent loses.
I mean, this is wild. You can't sue to block the Senate election before it happens. Are you pre-January 16 this race? And picking a senator isn't your job, President Trump. It belongs to the people of Alaska, by which I mean, yes. Yes. We all support you, people of Alaska, by which I mean lumberjacks on the run from the law and elderly passengers who missed their cruise ships.
People of Alaska. But fine, why are you hanging Mike Pence this time?
DOJ lawyers argued voters might get confused because the independent candidate there has the same first and last name as the Republican.
The Democrats have put another guy named Dan Sullivan on the ballot. And that's very unfair. That's just outright cheating.
That's it. There's two guys with the same name, so we have to shut the whole race down? People have the same name all the time. I mean, there's a dermatologist in New York named Dr. Jordan Klepper, and people are always asking me to look at their moles. And I have to tell them, that's a different guy. Or at least I should tell them that. Sometimes curiosity gets the best of me, you know? I'd say that they should both just use their middle name. But one's middle name is "I am the real Dan Sullivan," and the other's is "No, I am."
So, but of course, everything's a conspiracy with this president. Just because there's a guy running with the same name as a Republican senator doesn't mean the Democrats recruited him to confuse voters.
The New York Times is reporting that it was, in fact, Democrats who recruited the other Dan Sullivan into that Senate race.
Holy shit. It was the Democrats. That is dirty as. I mean, that's the kind of shit that Mitch McConnell would come up with back before he was 90% minivan. So tell me more. Tell me more about this devious scheme.
Peltola's staffer received unusual instructions from top campaign aides: "Find as many people named Dan Sullivan in Alaska as you can."
According to The Times, the campaign found their man in, quote, "a tiny fishing village along the Alaska panhandle, reachable only by air and sea."
Wow. Wow. I mean, wow. Democrats. Democrats. Instead of devoting their energy to coming up with an effective platform that attracts voters, they said, let's just scour the Arctic looking for Dan's. They're out there defrosting cavemen from glaciers like, is your name a Dan? Is your name a Dan? But even before they discovered Democrats were behind decoy Dan, the Alaska courts came up with a way to reduce the confusion, putting the OG Dan Sullivan on the ballot with "incumbent" next to his name.
And that should fix the problem, right?
At least let him use the name Senator Dan Sullivan as opposed to incumbent, because a lot of people don't know what incumbent means.
OK. OK, then I guess Democrats think Alaskan Republicans are stupid, and President Trump agrees. Look, I'm not saying everyone in America knows what incumbent means. But President Trump, you've had four months and $2 billion in Qatari money to teach them one SAT word. I think you can do it. But you know what? Well, for anyone, for anyone who still doesn't know the word, let me use it in a sentence for you. Incumbent.
If you don't know what incumbent means, don't vote. OK? Now look, I will say, if you ask me, this is bad news and not how our election should work. Democracy should be won on a battle of ideas, not on trying to trick voters. But you know what? Maybe we do have to cut Mary Peltola some slack. She's only 53 years old. Let's chalk this up to a youthful indiscretion.
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The GOP is still struggling to find a campaign message beyond "check out the dump truck on this guy." Because as compelling as this is.
His ass was like a big piece of muscle.
It somehow hasn't resonated with voters. Sorry, our nation's more of a boob guy. What can I say? But time is running out. And based on the barrage of recent campaign ads, Republicans have landed on their final message. Boom.
How far left are today's Democrats? They want to turn America into a socialist, crime-filled dystopia.
The enemy isn't just at the gate. They're in the house. And they're coming for you.
Higher taxes. More crime.
Putting parents in jail.
Evil totalitarian control.
Today's liberals are full of hate. I can't even show my face because my skin is white. And they'll speak hate at me.
I'm white. That video game character I haven't unlocked yet is right. It's a scary time for us. I mean, I can tell you personally, I can't go into a store without being followed around. They keep saying, sir, are you looking for cable knit sweaters? This way. This way. But I see what's going on here. In the absence of any compelling platform or record of success, Republicans are desperately trying to scare voters with fearmongering, boogeyman, and horror stories.
And you know what? I am here for it. Halloween is right around the corner, and I am in the mood for chills and thrills. I mean, you guys like scary stories, huh? Yeah. You know what? Let's hear some of these Republican spooky tales. Can we get a spooky mood in here? Can we do that? Ooh, ooh, I love it. Love it. And here we go. Here. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. All right. President Trump, you've got a pumpkin spice tint to you, all right?
Go ahead. Fearmonger me.
Transgender mutilation insanity. A child goes off to school as Tim and comes back as Tammy. Three or four days. That's true. Goodbye, Timmy. I love you so much. I'll see you later. And you say, where's my son? My son is in the hospital. Can you imagine? Can you imagine?
Ooh. Can you imagine? Can you imagine? Actually, no, I can't imagine that. Actually, can we get the lights back up? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Do you really think public schools have the budget for transgender surgeries? I have to send my son to school with his own pencils and paper towels, but somehow they have vagina money just lying around. OK, you know what? You know what? The scary stories need to be at least a little believable.
The schools are not going to transgender Timmy. At most, they'll put him in drama club and turn him gay. But that's it. Look, you know what? You know what? I didn't mean I don't mean to nitpick. This is your last-ditch effort fearmongering. How about we let's hear another one. OK? Let's you know what? Let's set the mood with I got some oh, here we go, some creepy taxidermy right here. I got a oh, a lovely jack-o'-lantern. Ooh, ooh. Pete Hegseth's haunted liver is right here.
Oh, my gosh, the smells on that thing. And what oh, and Kimberly Guilfoyle's cursed credit card statement. Oh, ooh. Ooh, spooky. OK. OK. All right. Give us another nightmare about what will happen if the Democrats win.
They will open the floodgates and invite hordes of jihadists to our shores, creating a nightmare of violence and terror until you cannot even have a Christmas.
Ooh. No Christmas? Is that supposed to be the worst part of the hordes of jihadists bringing violence and terror to our shores? I mean, I got to tell you, when I'm being beheaded by ISIS, am I supposed to be thinking, damn it, I had tickets for the rockets? You know what? Maybe a believable scary story isn't the GOP sweet spot. But you know what always gives me the creeps? A scary monster. What do you guys got?
Abdul Rahman Mohammed Al-Sayyed.
Abdul Rahman Mohammed Al-Sayyed?
Abdul Rahman Al-Sayyed.
Abdul, whatever his name is.
Abdul Rahman Mohammed Al-Sayyed.
Abdul Al-Sayyed.
No, no, no, no. Stop. No, no. Stop it with the lightning. Look, I know their tone was scary, but that name wasn't scary at all. It was just Muslim. No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't do the lightning. Do not do a lightning crack for that. It's not scary just because he's Muslim. No. No, no werewolves either. Stop. I'm going to report these sound effects to HR. I am. Come on, Republicans. That name's not scary, no matter how you say it.
His name is actually Abdullah something or other. It's Abdullah Baba Papapa.
Abdullah Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada? He sounds like an Islamophobic minion. That's despicable you, sir. You. OK, so the Senate candidate from Michigan is their new boogeyman. But it can't just be that he's Muslim. There has to be something else, right?
This character Abdul Al-Sayyed can be nowhere near Washington, DC. Do you think he understands that concept that our rights come from God Almighty? That Jesus came here for our salvation?
Whoa. Yes. And there is no better place to declare that only Christians should hold government office than at a rally for Hindu candidate Vivek Ramaswamy. What is it about Abdul Al-Sayyed that I should be scared of? Maybe somebody needs to tell the story in a more gripping way. I mean, JD Vance took a swing at that, and people seem to be on board.
Although, see if you can spot the moment where he might have lost the crowd a bit.
He says that he wants to pass the green new scam and kill the auto industry of the state. Al-Sayyed says that he wants to defund the police and abandon Michigan to crime. All year, Abdul has campaigned with his best friend Hassan Piker, a man who said that we deserve 9/11, a man who says the United States is worse than Al-Qaeda, a man who says that we shouldn't care about Black Americans.
Well, they were very enthusiastic up until that last part. I'm not saying the crowd is racist, but I am saying that that guy in the middle there might want to slip out a bit early. But you know what? I still don't get it. What is it that you actually think will happen if Al-Sayyed gets elected?
And if I am correct that he is a passionate supporter of the Muslim Brotherhood, there is a very real risk that Americans will die as a result.
Yes. Yes, that is scary. That is scary. Yes, I knew this man stuck halfway into a werewolf transformation. He would know how to scare me. Come on. Come on. Land the plane, Ted. Give him a frightening title, like the Michigan Madman or the Detroit Demon.
My nickname for the guy is the jihadist leprechaun.
And you blew it, Ted. A jihadist leprechaun? Really? That's the mascot of my favorite serial, Death to Americus, you know? Jihadist leprechaun is not scary. Although, it would be a pretty fun Halloween costume. Any other tips on what people can dress up as?
Blue-haired transgender witches.
No, I was that last year. Sorry. Although, if anyone else is interested, blue-haired transgender witch is an easy costume to make. You just send Timmy to school as a blue-haired witch. They do the rest. Now, maybe it's simple. Very simple. Just look at this. Maybe someone else in the MAGA world has a favorite Halloween costume they can recommend.
So did you ever have a favorite Halloween costume?
Me.
Yeah?
Yes, I do.
What was it?
It's a pirate. I wear I use the same theme every year.
Wait a minute. RFK's go-to Halloween costume is a pirate? I mean, I would have guessed, like, jack-o'-lantern or baseball glove from Polio Times or guy in the zombie movie who gets bit but doesn't tell anybody. So yeah, the Republicans' efforts to terrify people aren't quite landing. But there may be one way they can still pull it off. You ever see a movie where someone gets possessed by a demon and they start speaking in some weird ancient tongue? Because that is scary.
Transgender giants.
And I took the governor.
Kimala kumala kamala kumala. Ah, I love it. Look. Ilhanur sayid elmi.
Candidate of tune.
Jay stick. Ah.
Look at that. Ah. Ah.
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Catch up on the latest headlines with The Daily Show News Team.
Jon Stewart dives into Trump’s midterm closing arguments, which featured an array of Islamophobic attacks against Abdul El-Sayed, bragging about oil companies' profits amid high gas prices, a quid pro quo for sick veterans, and a look into who the “you” is that Trump claims to represent. Jordan Klepper weighs in on Obama’s Cheesecake Factory diss that had MAGA obsessing over the restaurant chain, the d**k pics and ass talk eating the midterm elections alive, uproar over a second “Dan Sullivan” on Alaska's Senate ballot, and Republicans' last-ditch fearmongering campaign, including Ted Cruz calling El-Sayed a "jihadist leprechaun."
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