Transcript of Drake Mayday, a Raiders Revival, Bleakest 0-3 Teams, MLB Playoffs, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal

The Bill Simmons Podcast is presented by FanDuel. The NFL is here and it's the most rewarding season ever on FanDuel with the all-time FanDuel Rewards Club. Every eligible bet can earn you points. Win or lose, you still get points. The more points, the bigger the rewards you can unlock. Head to fanduel.com/BS To start earning with FanDuel Rewards Club. 21+ select states or 18+ DC or Wyoming. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER, call 888-789-7777, or visit ccpg.org/chat in Connecticut. This stream is brought to you by The Farmer's Dog, the official pet food of the NFL. The Bill Simmons Podcast live on Netflix. It is almost midnight here on the East Coast. Cousin Sal and I— he's in New York, I'm in Boston. The only thing we were hoping for was no overtime game or no long, um, Rams-Broncos game. And we got it. We got a nice long one. I'm groggy. Uh, both of our teams had horrible days. Should mention new rewatchables coming tomorrow, uh, 13 Going on 30, and you're gonna be on Ringer, uh, Ringer Wise Guys all week. So there you go. Um, all right, before we get to our pathetic teams and, um, a day of mostly a bloodbath from a gambling standpoint, Rams-Broncos, what a fun game.

That was good.

Good times. Broncos scored 30 points in the second half. We had a Hafanga pick 6, we had a Stafford TD bomb, and then we had the sketchiest call of the season, a Rams PI that, uh, that kept a Broncos drive alive that, uh, did not seem like a PI when it happened. And then on the replay, definitely wasn't a PI. It was such a bad call that Terry McCullough, they go to him in the, in the, in the booth, he's like, Yeah, I don't think that was PI, which never happens.

So he quit, he turned in his resignation. What is that? What's that word?

I can't even speak.

Resignation. Resignation. Yeah.

Yeah.

And it looked like it was, that call was like in the second row also. I'm like, he's not getting that, but what is that nonsense? But yeah, I mean, Bill, you're just, you're, you're not gonna see Matthew Stafford make too many mistakes. Thanks, Chris. I know he was MVP last year.

Yeah. And Collins were like, oh, Matthew Stafford throws a pick 6. And then Tariko gives us the— Matthew Stafford, our career leader in pick-sixes at 33.

Did they stop the game? They should have stopped the game anytime.

They stopped the game and then they gave the trophy to somebody else running the other way. How does Jameis Winston not own that? Maybe he can get it this year.

Yeah, right.

That should be one of his goals. So I look, the Rams are now 1-2. I'm not that worried about them. And we've seen that Denver playbook before where a team takes lead in the first half and then the altitude and Bo Nix does the Jekyll and Hyde thing. Like, we— I feel like I've watched that game 12 times in the last 2 years. He's got to lead the league in the last 2 years in almost picks that get dropped.

Yeah.

And Denver wins. Denver's 2-1. I'm not worried about the Rams yet. Are you?

No, not really. I thought they played well. I, I took them first half only because of the— really, I don't know. I don't think there's a script in the NFL, but I, I did feel like, well, this is a Bo Nix comeback. I don't know why it takes him to the 3rd quarter to wake up.

But why didn't you do the South special? Did you look at it?

Yeah, I should have. I should have.

I should have gone Rams first half. These like +850, right?

Yeah. Yeah. That wouldn't have been bad. But yeah, they, they both play well. Look, I'm rooting for teams that I like to see now because I think there's gonna be some lousy opportunities for, for lousy teams to sneak it. Like the Raiders and who else in the AFC that could be— Oh my God.

There's so much bad football today.

Yeah.

I mean that. That's the thing. The Rams, even though Nix was terrible in the first half, but it did feel like a football game, which did not have much in common with a lot of the stuff that we watched today. I mean, that, that probably Bucs-Vikings was the nadir where it just, it was just 3 plays, punt, 3 plays, punt, going back and forth. Nobody could do anything, but a lot to talk about.

Well, I was thinking, I was thinking this, this week especially, you usually get one of the top 5 guys make a move towards more towards the top of the MVP rankings today. Like Stafford was okay, you know, but, but also bad at times. Mahomes, right? Josh Allen probably had what, what would be like a bad Josh Allen game. Yeah. I don't know if I'm forgetting anybody, but it's like it was really a good day for Jahmyr Gibbs, I guess, climbing up the MVP ranks. Yeah.

Jahmyr Gibbs. There's some good historical stuff with him. Well, I think I think that would've been a worse loss for Denver than a worse loss for—

Yeah.

The Rams. 'Cause I don't know what's going on in the AFC, but there's, it feels like at least 6 teams that are gonna be in double figures for wins. And then we don't know what we're getting with the Patriots and a couple other, and the Texans are 0-3 now. But it feels like the NFC is a little more wide open. Here were our winning quarterbacks today included Jameis Winston, Marcus Mariota, Deshaun of the Dead, Deshaun Watson, Kirk Cousins, Kyler Murray, and washed Aaron Rodgers. All Ws today. That— so if, if you wondered if the general public won in gambling today, there's your answer. They didn't.

No. Yeah, it was, I think this was almost impossible data to win. But add to that just 2 heartbreaking, our team should be relegated from the NFL losses. And then it's like, yeah, from the NFL. But But, you know, get 6 hours later at midnight, I get to talk about it with my buddy. We could all relive it again.

You still seem shell-shocked. We have— so I mentioned the 6 QBs that won. We have Daniels, Caleb, and Dart are all hurt, and we have Herbert, Maye, Nix, and Mayfield. Although Nix rallied in the second half of this game, we're all definitely kind of struggling. But the 0-3 teams now, Dolphins and Titans, would've predicted that. Do you wanna cross off the Titans now? We crossed off the Dolphins last week.

Yeah.

Can we cross off the Titans?

I almost don't think it's fair to, to put the Dolphins in a class by themselves.

Yeah. Yeah.

Make, make room.

Yeah.

For sure.

So Titans are our second cross-off team. The Bucs are 0-3. Chargers are 0-3, which is certainly surprising. Not improbable, but surprising. Texans 0-3 is shocking. I don't really fully understand it. So we'll talk about that game in a second.

Then we have— Chargers-Texans were the team, like, expected to get it to double digits, right? And they're 0-3. Yeah.

3 sexy preseason picks. Mm-hmm. Then we have 2 teams that I think are officially reeling, the Patriots and the Green Bay Packers. Mm-hmm. If you look at the missed playoff stuff, the Patriots are even odds right now on FanDuel to miss the playoffs, +100.

Saw that.

I don't really understand that. I thought it was gonna be like plus or minus like 170, something like that. Jacksonville's +188 to miss the playoffs. Cincinnati's +260. And then in the NFC, Seattle's +190, Minnesota's +200, and Detroit's +205. So everybody's feeling out where we're going. You wanna start with your team or my team? Sure.

Let's get it outta the way. I mean, I, I don't know. Well, also, I don't know what to say.

I just don't know. All right, we'll do your team.

Yeah.

A clock management strategy fiasco so bad that Mike Tomlin said, fuck it. Yeah, I know, I know on TV there's like a rule in place that the coaches aren't supposed to skewer the other coaches, but at half— and he's been great— at halftime of the NBC game tonight, killed Dallas on punting it for a touchback, leaving the door open for the 27-yard, uh, pass to set up the field goal. Um, and didn't even mention all the other stuff that you had first and goal from the 1, you somehow went backwards, you somehow didn't burn enough clock that even set up the kickoff in the first place. Then he did the one thing he couldn't do was, was the touchback out of bounds. But this has been the Brian Schottenheimer. This is— I know he's rallied the team, everybody likes him, but the game management has been bad this entire time, right?

Yeah. I, I mean, I think you just covered it. We can— okay, let's do your team now.

And then, uh, I'd say you got nothing.

First off, Mike Tomlin is, is great. He's excellent so far. He's great.

Maybe he'll disappoint.

It almost makes me mad. I wanna shake him like, Damn it, you, you stuck in there for 9-8 for every year. Like, we could have had like 10 years of you, like, you know, this, this would've been fun.

That's a great point. Why didn't we get this in like 2018?

Yeah.

You're just coaching 9-8 teams and shit quarterbacks for almost a decade.

Roethlisberger throwing screen passes to the fullback for, for the last 4 years of his career. Right. But yeah, this is disgusting. And they lost to the Giants, so that was a different kind of loss 'cause you just don't like losing to the Giants. But I forgot what it was really like for a Cowboys loss. And I think part of the—

Because they sucked you in with the goal line stand.

Yeah.

That's where you were like, oh, this is a different Cowboys team. Here we go. Let's get— we're showing, growing some chest hair right now.

And then you blew it. They stopped Derrick Henry right in the second half. Like, oh, this is great.

This is it.

And this is how the Ravens are supposed to lose. This is how they did it with Harbaugh. This is how they're doing it with the new coach. Like they're up double digits. Like this is— and then I feel like, oh yeah, this is how the Cowboys lose games too.

Yeah.

I completely forgot. And you know, I, I was watching with about a bunch of rowdy Cowboys fans and the fans all over the place out here. But you know, I, I thought the clock management was okay until the last few seconds. Schottenheimer was bad with the kickoff and the timeout and everything else towards the end, but Dak screwed that up. Like, I, I haven't wanted to blame him for a loss in a while, but he's got Pickens wide open. Right at the pylon and he sails it into the 6th row like that.

Well, that was on 3rd down.

Yeah.

The 1st down play, if you're gonna attack it play by play.

Sure. Fine.

You have to run the ball on 1st down to at least get the clock moving.

Right.

Which they instead, they threw like that, you know, low percentage corner pass. They don't get it. Then he takes the delay of game or whatever the, whatever happened, false start where they had to move back 6 yards. Then he gets basically sacked. Then they have to do the, the Pickens play where he was just, I didn't even know what that play was 'cause he was open. It was the touchdown. Well, and then you get the field anyway.

He's taught to throw it away. He's taught to throw it away if he doesn't like what he sees. So you don't like a wide open receiver. Yeah.

You get rid of him. He didn't like, he didn't like wide open George Pickens ready to catch the touchdown. Yeah.

Knock over a concession guy. Yeah. That's what you have to do. But, and then on the kickoff, man, I know it was like Schottenheimer, like you could have gotten it down to like 5 seconds or, or, or less, you know? But I, I almost feel like Brandon Aubrey has to be the smartest guy on the team. So also kick that to the 2, you know, just—

Right. You have the best kickoff guy in the league, right?

Yeah. Best everything. As soon as his ball, his foot hits that ball. So I really didn't think, I, I was shocked that they ran a play there. It really looked like it at first, the Ravens were gonna bunch up and just take a knee or something and then like take their chances in overtime. And I wasn't even really doing the math on just like a long completion in bounds, but there's so much wrong with that. Like I know receivers can give themselves up and then the clock stops automatically, but why are you even touching him down with 7 seconds left in the middle of the field? You know?

Just Tom did a good job talking about the umbrella coverage versus what they did and how stupid it was, basically.

Yeah. I just, I, it did, did not occur to me that they would be able to kick a field goal there. There was, they, they, there was so little time and I've watched so many games and it was in fact like back-to-back field goals in 10 seconds had never, I don't think happened before. I think that's a stat for that. So So there you go.

It's not like their kicker— it's not like they have Justin Tucker in the late 2010s here. This kicker was pretty embattled in the preseason.

Yeah.

He's playing on a weird field in Brazil. I, I actually didn't think he was gonna make it. All of a sudden the game's over and he's running into the corner like he's a soccer player. And I— the good news for you, I think, from a Dallas standpoint, is I thought those teams were pretty interchangeable and pretty even. Yeah, sure. Like, you're not a top-level team, but you're definitely circling between 2nd and 3rd level. I think you can move the ball and you can get stops.

3rd level of hell, maybe. Speaking of, the worst is I have to hear Jason Garrett's— he's the first voice I hear after the loss.

I know.

I'd much rather hear yours and Kyle's. Like, I don't know, anybody's. Just awful.

Well, so where did you watch the game? Can we get a little intel on you in New York City? Because you're in, you're in Brooklyn because Jimmy's got shows. In Brooklyn all week. So you're there.

Jimmy Kimmel Live all week. Yeah. Monday through Friday out here. We always go to a bar in Brooklyn and the bar to, I, I reserve for like a little room with like 4 tables and it's nice. They put the games on however I want. It was gonna be a little challenging today 'cause the Jets and Giants played at 1, which we hadn't dealt with before. But yeah, I was excited. And then the guy calls me at like 8:30, the, the bar owner is like, we're closed. Too much flooding. I'm like, oh shit, 8:30 is like 5:30 in the morning because I just got here yesterday. I'm like, oh my God. So now I'm scrambling. I'm like, do I find— is there a Dave Buster's? What do I do here? We're gonna— so my buddy, brother, brother Bri, you know brother Bri?

Yeah.

I got in an Uber, I went to Long Island, and I watched with the Parlay Kid, Mikey Meatballs, and all my, uh, friends back home. So that was it.

Oh, you did that?

That's—

yeah, that's, that's great.

It's good, it's good. We all got together.

I think that's a good win. I mean, if you'd been at the bar And, and the Cowboys had won, you could have done the De Niro drinks are on the house.

Yeah, that's right. No, that's all. Yeah, right. Yeah. Not even close. Too much fun.

So you got to experience, uh, actual, real, genuine sadness with some of your oldest friends.

Yeah, it's actually important, I think, every decade or so. Yeah. How about you? Where did you watch?

That's a great story. Uh, I was in Boston. I watched the game with my dad.

Mm-hmm.

And, uh, and I wrote down some of his quotes during the game.

I'm guessing your game, the Jacksonville—

Jags, Jacksonville. Uh, all right. He was very excited about the game. I did not think we were gonna win. I took the Jags at -107 and I thought something was seriously wrong with Drake Maye. Mm-hmm. Uh, his quotes in order. It's like I'm watching Mac Jones again. That was, that was an actual quote. I think Diana Rossini ruined our season. He said that. Should we try DeVito? Question mark. Dead serious. Um, and then sadly, near the end, he said— he looked at me and he goes, you know, it was so exciting to have a franchise quarterback, even if it was only for one year. Talked about past tense. It's completely out. Uh, we don't know what's going on with our quarterback. He has, I think— what's the number? 9 fumbles and 10 interceptions in his last 7 games dating back to the start of the postseason. And Drake Mayberry is now done. Like, people were sending me emails, Drake Mayberry not, Drake Mayberry Mac Jones, Drake Mayberry getting benched. There's been a bunch of these now, and, and this is your big victory today.

Well, yeah, I mean, if you're revving up for an apology, you don't have to. That's my birthday gift to you. Don't, don't even bother apologizing. I actually felt bad for him a little, like when a when a hostage taker all of a sudden has feelings for the hostage. So, oh, um, I think that's—

He wanted to sneak him a ham and cheese sandwich.

Yeah, like, I wanna, I wanna help you. I wanna help you out a little bit. Yeah.

Uh, this is tough, man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let me take that duct tape off for a second.

Just, just for a second. Don't tell anybody. So, I mean, I don't know what, you know, um, I guess you should have talked to your dad about Trinidad Chambliss, CJ Carr, uh, Arch Manning, or your Darian Mensah guy? Like, which way are you looking? I'm looking out for your team now. I want, I want to help.

Doug Clausen on Twitter said the Pats offense this year has 29 points on 30 drives, which is 0.97 per drive. Yeah. Fewest point total for any team through 3 games since the 2021 Jets in the first 3 starts of Zach Wilson's career. That's how bad this has been. And some of the worst decision interceptions It doesn't seem like he's practiced with any of the receivers. The plays and the play calling matched with the personnel we have doesn't seem to work. We were predicting our plays from the couch, which is always a bad sign.

Hmm.

It's like 2nd and 4, inside run. I don't know what, what they're doing with Trevion Henderson, who's the most exciting running out on the side, screen pass, swing pass, sweep. All we do is run him inside so he can get knocked down. you know, for 2 yards a carry. Romeo Doubs is on pace to become the most disliked Boston athlete in the last 5 years, including all the Red Sox, Celtics, Bruins guys. And Maye just has no confidence at all. And looking at his press conferences after makes it even worse. He's going out there, he's like, yeah, I'm a mess. He's basically saying like, I'm a mess. I don't know what's going on. I can't, I gotta fix this. I don't know.

I don't know what I'm doing.

He's missing throws that he made for 4 straight months last year and just doesn't look comfortable. Jacksonville's defense is terrible because it's just not a good defense. Like, people were lighting it up. I, I'm gonna say it's in the bottom 10 to 12 defenses in the league.

Really?

And he made them look awesome.

Yeah. It is tough when you can't explain what's going on with your team. Like, my team is like, well, this is our team. This is what we do all the time. Your team is like, I, I don't know. Oh, you really wanted to pick up where you left off from the regular season, right? And then just consider the 3, 4-week playoffs. Yeah.

And it's like he's healthy. Yeah. The offensive line's better now. He doesn't have AJ Brown, so he doesn't have—

right.

Last year he had Diggs.

Didn't have him last year.

Yeah. Right. Last year he had Diggs and Booty, and Booty was a good deep threat, and Diggs was like his over-the-middle, like 10 yards down guy. I don't know who he's throwing to now. But it's weird. It's almost like being a parent when you have kids and you think your kids have when they're younger and you think they're— your kids have figured it out, and then all of a sudden they start doing stupid shit again. I'm like, wait, I— why, why'd we go backwards? I thought we graduated to this level and now we're back here. What, what happened? What did I miss? He's back to where he was as a rookie and I don't understand it.

Really?

Like, really terrible. Like, really bad. Like, that last interception he threw in the end zone, first of all, he's throwing it to Chisholm, who's like our 6th receiver. And then he's not even open and he could have run it in. Like every single part of the decision was awful. And, and I just don't think Jacksonville's defense is good. Like he shouldn't look like that against them.

No, no doubt about it.

I don't know.

I don't even know what to say. I find myself feeling bad for him now. I'll, I'll say something snarky on Twitter once in a while, but also that weird old ghoul Skip Bayless is now claiming Drake Maybe. And so I might move on from that name. They made a commercial of it too.

So Skip Bayless is doing the Drake maybe now.

Yeah, he says Drake maybe. And then like in all the comments it's like, yeah, credit Cousin Sal, credit Cousin Sal. But whatever, I just, now it's, now it's like yucky.

Wow.

Yeah.

You could feel the shoe polish from his head just dripping off that theft.

There you go.

The, the Pats in this post-Mike Vrabel Sedona era. They look sloppy as hell. They look poorly coached, and it looks like he has no feel for the team. And I really do think it all starts with that. And the year from hell team, which I think we have a bunch of candidates this year, starts with the Vrabel-Russini stuff, goes all the way through, you know, even all the Ed Sheeran stuff with the owner. It's like, what, what good thing has happened with the Pats? AJ Brown gets hurt in an hour.

Yeah.

The only good thing is they didn't give up this year's first round pick for him.

That is good. That's a positive. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. I think you had somebody write in about the year from hell and what, how do you, how do you calculate it?

I had Brian in Bethesda. He said we have strong contenders, including the Pats, the Bucs, the Packers, and the Chargers for year from hell. And it can't just be performing poorly versus expectations, he wrote. What extent should we weigh factors like the team coach having an affair with a prominent reporter, a starting running back getting arrested for domestic violence, having a washed-up DJ for an offensive coordinator, or a quarterback who was great last year but now poops the bed every Sunday? How do you rank the year from hell? It is weird. We have 4 teams that have a case, and that— and you could say the Bucs probably, you know, they— you should be cruising to the NFC South. Baker got hurt at the end of the game. Maybe Bowles gets fired tomorrow. What happens with that?

I think they stay with him 'cause now they have this injury thing. I mean, to me they're like, they're gamblers, just an absolute nightmare. 12 in a row without covering. But I know, yeah, we gotta talk about that later. I mean, if you're gonna rank them, I think you kind of have to wait till the end of the year because here's how I would do it. I would say 4+ games under win expectation, right? That's one.

Yeah.

What you don't have is the, oh, you do have the major injury. You have AJ Brown. Major injury, I think, is, is a big thing. And all those teams you mentioned are on their way to having one, I think. 2 to 3 off-field incidents involving players of the domestic abuse, vehicular assault, walking through a glass door at a whiteout party, whatever. Yeah. So, and I think one off-field incident by the owner, GM, or president, maybe even in the preseason.

Hmm.

So I would say that, and you cost me $75,000 on parlays. I would put that in there too. Yeah.

And it, and multiple bad luck injuries, which the Patriots didn't have. It feels like the Chargers are headed that way.

And what do you mean you didn't have AJ Brown's bad luck?

That's, I mean, I know, but we haven't had like 5 of those.

Oh, all right. Well, now you jinxed it.

You know, I was watching the Raiders today and I, I don't know if the Raiders thing is sustainable, but they are 3-0. They did spend some money this, this offseason, right? They got, they got Quay Walker. They got Nakobe Lane, they got, they got, what was the other one they bought? Oh, Kirk Cousins. They went and did a small deal with, but they went out and got some veterans, brought them in. I don't know that, I don't feel like my team, you know, I don't know.

I don't know.

Like we have no edge rushers really at all. And the one we had got hurt.

So, well, maybe that's a karma thing.

I'm not expecting 10 wins.

With Crosby, maybe that's a karma thing that's gonna, That's gonna—

The Kobe Dean, not the Kobe Lane.

There's 2 Kobes in the world and you couldn't figure it out?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, right now it's 12:20, so odds are we were gonna probably mess a couple up. So yeah, the Pats are +100. But then you go on the, to the make the playoffs. The Chargers are now +460 to make the playoffs.

Hate that effing team.

Holy mackerel. Green Bay is +240 to make the playoffs. Your team is +128.

So my team and yours are almost on par with this? Yeah.

And that's fine. The Las Vegas Raiders are +166 to make the playoffs. That is lower than 2-to-1. What were the odds of that?

So what's, what's the Browns?

Browns are +610.

Oh, really? Okay. Yeah. So they're 2-1, but they, uh, not trusted at all. Yeah, I just, I just don't want the Raiders or Browns or anything stupid like that. I still have to root for the Patriots and Chargers as a result. But—

So if you say, if you had first coach fired, who would it be? Still Bowles? Um, yeah, but I gotta tell you, are you sure he's not getting fired tomorrow?

I, I don't, I don't think so. I don't, I don't know why I don't think so, but, uh, I think it's gonna be Saleh. I think it, I mean, I couldn't believe, I watched that game with a bunch of Giants fans and it reminded me why I moved 3,000 miles away. Because when the Giants win, it's, it's, it's not fun. But yeah, man, I never had, even though they were driving, I never thought they, they had a shot at winning that game.

I was not that focused on—

this is David's comeback.

I had the 4, I had the 4-top on the TV with my iPad, so I basically had 5 games going and then sometimes I was doing the boxes. I couldn't, I had a lot of trouble following everything.

Good one to skip. Yeah.

But the, the Cam Ward piece, the 2 things I wrote down was obviously our second cross-off, but Cam Ward, like, they, they were inside the 10-yard line and he just, he just gacked the game away. And, and Sal after did the whole, he's gotta make better decisions thing. But I think the problem with Cam Ward is I don't, I just haven't seen any evidence that he's gonna be a good quarterback yet. Have you?

No, no.

Where's the evidence at this point?

I wanted to give, I mean, maybe there's evidence in a, in a crime they're gonna plant on him or something. He should check his car, but I don't know. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Like most of his touchdowns came in the last 5 games, I think last year. And you know, Yeah. He had that couple things where he'd roll right and throw across his body. But that offense is just, just really rough. And they out, they actually had more yards than the Giants. It was like 262 to 238, but I don't know. How does Daboll not come away with that win?

Jameis gets the win. He's alive. The rumors of them trading for another quarterback, we'll see what happens with that. I had— there's a lot of games to cover here. We're gonna take a quick break. We're gonna come back and then we're gonna talk about the 3-0 Raiders, 'cause I can't believe the Raiders are 3-0. That's next. The Bill Simmons Podcast brought to you by FanDuel. Welcome to your most rewarding season ever, and it's only on FanDuel. How rewarding are we talking? More rewarding than an 18- point comeback, maybe even more rewarding than an O-lineman catching a touchdown. I used to love that. Linebackers— Belichick used to do all that stuff. In this NFL season, that feeling doesn't stop on the field. Look out for the all-new FanDuel Rewards Club, exclusive offers, surprises, and much more every week. Check the FanDuel app to see what's waiting for you. Make this your most rewarding season ever with FanDuel. Download the app to get started. FanDuel. Play your game. 21+ select states, 18+ DC or Wyoming. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Game problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER, call 888-789-7777, or visit ccpg.org/chat in Connecticut. This episode is brought to you by PayPal.

Every winning team has that one player who can do it all. The new PayPal app, it's kind of like that. You can shop, pay, earn rewards, manage your account all in one place. Plus, Find offers, deals, and stackable rewards. PayPal also offers purchase protection on eligible items, so you're covered if something doesn't go your way. Download the new PayPal app to get started and see paypal.com/protectionterms. All right, the Raiders, they're 3-0. Finally, some positive news for Tom Brady. I don't— do you think he's even watching the games? Like, he's working during these games.

Honestly, I didn't until you said that. I didn't think that.

the Raiders, helps run the team, but is doing another job as these games are happening. So New Orleans, 4 touch— Shuck has 4 touchdown passes.

Yeah.

27 first downs. They're 28 for 143 rushing and 29 completions for 255, and they lose by 8 for a variety of reasons. But Bowers was incredible, 10 for 116. Um, Cousins is now the 4th Raiders quarterback to have 3+ touchdown passes 3 games in a row. Wow. Can you name any of the others?

4th Raider?

All right.

I'll, I would think Carr did it once.

Yep. There's one. Uh, um, this is really tough.

Okay.

I don't think you'll get this.

Um, I'm gonna say Rich Gannon.

There's 2. I don't think you'll get the 3rd.

I mean, Stabler, they, they didn't put up big numbers, but I know he was a big game guy. No. Uh, Jeff George.

Jay Schroeder in 1990.

Oh, that's fun. Okay. Yeah. All right.

Cousins. Kirk Cousins. Wow.

What a group.

Cousins, who we were like, who's gonna catch the ball on this team? And they're actually, when you watch 'em, they got these 2 tight ends now that Bowers is back. Mm-hmm. I think Gente's really good, you know, and their line's better and they can move the ball, you know, and they could block a little bit. And the Saints are kind of the same way. I feel like the Saints can move the ball. They can play from behind. Both of those teams I feel like could sneak into the 7 seed and possibly the shakiest game. It's conceivable.

Oh, well, the Saints are gonna have a 4. Are you kidding me? You think they're gonna—

I guess the Saints will be the 4 seed, but they'll be in the shaky game as the 4 seed.

Yeah. I like this game. I like bad entertaining games. Like you and, you and Carolla love bad movies, like Point Break or something, but I can't sit through that. Like the Saints-Raiders, I can watch all week. And yeah, like you said, like the, the Raiders are just pretty good balanced offense and a defense that made plays when they needed to. I know they gave up a lot of yards to chuck around and find out, but I like watching them. Yeah. Bowers with 10, what do you have, 10 grabs for 116?

He was all over the, you always feel him when he's healthy and he's in the game. And the Crosby trade, you know, which that trade was done, they ended up keeping him and you can feel him in these games too. I thought their defensive line was good. The problem for them and why I would bet the no playoffs for them is their schedule is brutal. Yeah. They, these next 9 games, Chiefs at Patriots, Bills, Rams at Jets, at 49ers, Seahawks at Broncos, at Browns. So they'll be favored in maybe 2 of those.

Yeah. But you know, we haven't guessed the lines yet, but they, they have the Chiefs, they're home.

Yeah.

Right. Like that's the first time in a while I feel like Yeah, that's a frisky game. Decent chance to win that game. And you know, the, those teams you mentioned, maybe 2 of their quarterbacks could go down. Who knows? I hate to think like that, but this could be the deal.

Well, then, then you have the Saints. So basically the Ra— if you're looking at the AFC playoff picture, the Raiders and Chargers just switch bodies with those teams and, and you're fine. NFC South, I don't know what to make of it. We have New Orleans, Carolina, Atlanta, a team that was dead 4 days ago. Yeah. Atlanta's now tied for first place. They're all 1-2. Tampa's 0-3. Tampa's had every single possible thing go wrong. They're a game out of first place. Yeah. Their division is now 3-9. You predicted that they would go a 7-4, 7-10 teams and 7-10 with the division.

Yeah.

Do you wanna drop that to 6-11? Do you want, you wanna revise that at all or no?

Maybe soon. Yeah. Well, the AFC South is 3-9 also, so 6-18 between the 2 South divisions. But you've made me laugh. You sent the first through fourth. FanDuel has odds for who, who come in first.

Yeah.

It's like, that's like bingo.

You might as well play bingo at an old age home.

I'll give you 35 choices if you want. Yeah. I'll book it.

Yeah. Well, and then, you know, the Colts, Texans in the AFC South. Colts, the Texans are now 0-3. So in the history of football, nobody's gone 0-3 back-to-back years and made the playoffs both years.

Mm-hmm.

That's a tough one. They lose today when Daniel Jones has 2 picks and a fumble. They lose today when they get the go-ahead, they're up 1, right?

Yeah.

Their defense just needs to get a stop. They're kicking off, it's near the end of the game. Just stop the Colts, you win the game. Let's see your best defense in football. Colts go down the field, get the field goal and beat 'em. So no Nico Collins for this loss and last week. So it's not there, you know, that's, you know, is somebody that in the Ringer Wise Guys, we, some people picked to be potentially Offensive Player of the Year. So that's no small thing.

Right.

I still don't, I, as much as I like Ryans and, and him as a vibes guy and his defenses and stuff, I still, the game management with him, I, I almost don't feel like he gets enough credit for being kind of a bonehead in some of these situations. They, they were down 16-7. in the 4th quarter and kicked a field goal on 4th and 4. It was like on the 6-yard line. It was like a classic, like, we're not doing this anymore. Like, even if you don't get it, they're still trapped inside the 10. Like, you're near the end zone. You haven't scored a touchdown. You know, you've scored one, you've scored 7 points in this game. You gotta like actually try to score a touchdown here. You're not gonna win. They kicked the field goal. It somehow almost worked out for 'em, but I, I don't know. I, I never feel great watching Texans games from a strategy standpoint.

They really got their asses kicked. Like the Colts had time of possession 35-24. Texans ended up with like 220 total yards, 223 or something. The Colts turned it over a few times and if not for that, this, this might've been like a double-digit win.

Right.

But, but I think you're right. That's the reason you go for it by the 6. Like who knows how many more times you're gonna get it. And I don't know, I was wrong on Stroud. Like when they're also, when they're not running the ball, like Montgomery had 33 and Marks with 15, it's just, it's just too much for Stroud. It really is. And that's why—

Yeah, especially with those receivers. He's throwing at dudes, you can't even tell which one. They're all wearing like 19, 18, 17. You can't tell who's who. None of them are ever open. And they can't run the ball. I thought they'd be able to run the ball at least competently, but they just, they're just not able to run it. Woody Marks seems like he's been a little better than Montgomery. And then you have Bills-Chargers, 3-0 Bills, 3-0 Chargers, which was Another variation of that game where, that we just talked about where the Bulls, the Bills have 5 turnovers, they have 10 penalties, they drop 2 Herbert picks. He gives them one, but they drop 2 other ones and they still pull it out. And not only that, but they covered.

Yeah. Well, of course I have, we'll get to the, the Dolphins, no business not covering. And the Chargers had no business, just another disgusting outing. But yeah. And I think that's as bad as the Bills, we're gonna see them, honestly.

I agree. I thought the Chargers played really well other than Herbert kept trying to throw the ball to the Bills. Yeah.

Like Cook got a good game.

And Johnson dropped a couple passes.

Like they, you know, I mean, the Bills defense embarrassed. That should never be a sentence in the second half. I can't believe the Chargers were held to 1 touchdown, but Allen was 204, 2 interceptions, right? Cook had a good game. That was, that was about it. But yeah, I don't, I don't think we're gonna see, that's the kind of game you have to steal from the Bills. Otherwise they're just gonna run the table.

Chargers are up 10-nothing. They scored 6 points in the last 3 quarters. The worst one, Herbert had just an absolute abominable red zone pick. Yeah. Tough for me to pile on him too much after the game Drake May had. But let's just say with a lot of pressure on him this week, I don't think Justin Herbert threw the monkey off his back, but They're, they're— everybody is gonna have this stat in their podcast today, but the— since 2013, the teams with 5+ turnovers and a -4 turnover margin, the Chargers are the only team that's lost in that scenario. Basically, that's happened 3 times, including this one. So Chargers' next 3 at Seahawks, Broncos, at Chiefs really could be an 0-6.

They're gonna be—

my question is, when does Harbaugh start sniffing around? I talked about this with Pelissero. Mm-hmm. On Thursday's pod. But he is definitely a hit the trapdoor, I'm out if he doesn't like the setup. And we know how he goes. And I think he's gonna, we'll hear his name being thrown around, I think, for college pretty soon.

Oh, you, oh, you're saying moving on from this team? When does he hit the— I'm trying to think like who he would replace. Interesting. Yeah. 'Cause it can't be his fault. The, the DJ, he could say it was the DJ's thing and something happened with Herbert. He could blame Madison Beer.

I think he could blame the fact that they don't have a home field advantage and it's a really weird situation. Yeah. You know, there's a bunch of excuses you can make. Yeah, it wasn't the right fit. You know, I, I can't say it's live or die with that franchise. Like, he's got a million outs and he'll be coaching USC next year or something.

Yeah. I mean, it did. Well, you used the wrong example, but there was— if it goes to college where there's like 70,000 people, like, and every single one of them is rooting for him, it is just a whole different A whole different life.

Plus in the NFL you can't cheat.

Right, right, right.

Like at Michigan, they knew all the plays. That's probably one of the reasons they won the title. All the Michigan fans listening are like, fuck, I really wanna fire back, but I, I Spygate, Spygate. Yeah. They have to like turn it with the Pets.

You can cheat. Yeah. Right. You can cheat, but then you get relegated to coaching the Carolina UNC. So, but that's right. Yeah. That's what are you gonna do?

He's having a good time. Yeah. So there's a real 0-6 chance. I mean, the bad thing for the Chargers, 0-3, they're playing the Seahawks in Seattle next week. And normally you would think, oh, Seahawks got by Washington, maybe they're looking ahead. But the Seahawks just had a horrible loss in Washington.

Right.

And I don't think they're losing 2 games in a row. We should talk about that game.

What would— I'm sorry, what were the Chargers' odds to not make the playoffs?

Oh, +460 to make it.

So it's -7 or something. All right, I might do that.

Seahawks-Washington was our tease killer of the day. Yep, I think everybody had it. Um, it was the right pick. The Seahawks had 437 yards, Washington had 258. The Seahawks had 28 first downs, Washington had 17. Uh, but Washington, Steve, had 3 turnovers, including a really, really abominable Sam Darnold pick. that turned out to be a pick 6 by a white guy, which, which always hurts extra. You got to get it all. Twice a year I lose money on Mariota. I looked it up. Yeah, I looked up in my records.

Oh, really?

Twice a year, it just kills me.

So you got half, you got it out of there? I just gotta get it back. Yeah.

Look, stupid game, weird weather, et cetera, et cetera. For Seattle, the one thing I think is a concern is price. And the only reason I'm noticing it is 'cause in our fantasy league, he's one of my running backs.

Me too. Yeah.

I just haven't really seen it from him yet. Plus he had fumbles in back-to-back weeks, but doesn't really, when you watch him, do you feel like it's like, oh, this guy, does it, does it feel like he has it? I'm not, I'm just not sure yet. I thought I was further along mentally when I drafted him and spent $28 on him.

He doesn't feel special right now.

Doesn't feel special, right?

Right. But this is, you laid it out like this is a game Seattle, this again, like the Bills, this is the worst they're gonna play. And they also should have won anyway. 437, like you said, to 258. And you give any team 3 turnovers and that's, it was 2 from Donald, right? And then 1 fumble. So, and it, and it's pretty good field position.

The problem is in the last 3 minutes they had, they had 2 third and relatively longs just to shut down Washington. And each time Washington converted 'em. It did. Like, they had a 3rd— Merritt had a basically a designed QB draw to end the game, and it was 3rd and 8, and Seattle had a chance to get the ball back. They couldn't cover JSN the whole game, right? But, um, just a stupid one. But we were due, and I think everybody and their brother had Seattle on the tease.

Yeah, any— anyone who's miraculously left in an eliminator pool is probably out because of that. But yeah, we're also used to Mike McDonald winning every road game. And, uh, right, just defense didn't really just, I don't know, didn't show up honestly, like in the big moments at the end.

Weird one. Um, and then the other one, so I did it. I took Tampa and ringer 107 again because they're 0-11 in their last 11. I was like, I'm, I said the house on Thursday, I was like, how many times can they not cover? Like at some point, this is, this isn't like flipping a coin or I don't know, but like Playing any sort of card game or roulette or whatever. This is, you know, the lines are adjusting, they're moving, there's different incentives to, to go 0-12 against the spread is impossible.

It's pretty good.

They just did it.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like flipping a medical chart is what it's flipping. If they did it, it landed on thumb, dislocated thumb today for, for, for Baker. Yeah.

One of the worst games I've ever watched. It was just such an Such just a clusterfuck for 3 hours.

I think it was the 2 worst— I forget what metric it is, but the 2 worst offenses of all this year were the Vikings offense and Tampa Bay's offense, both in the same game. And I don't know, I, I guess I'll just be wrong about Minnesota. Like, they're, they're gonna be good. This is how they're gonna do it. And I just, you know, what, what did they have like yardage-wise? It was This guy, I wasn't even paying attention, but you know, they have one, they have one offensive touchdown in the last 2 weeks, right? And their total yard margin is, that's a tongue twister, is -244. So this is the team I'll be wrong about all year.

It's fine. All 3, they're 3-0, all 3 wins. They have not gotten to 250 total yards. Today's game had 20 first downs and 17 punts, and they were 4 and 32 on first, 4 for 32 on first down, the 2 teams combined. And you really felt it when you watched. Tampa had 9 first downs. Kyler stinks. I mean, he's just not a good quarterback. He's just not.

Mm-hmm.

And it doesn't really matter 'cause Minnesota defensively, they have this blitz thing figured out against— now I don't know if it's gonna hold up against the best teams in the league, but when they play everybody below that top tier, you just don't know where it's coming from. Baker over and over again, it was like 3rd and 15. 3rd and 23, 3rd and 30, 3rd and 12. You know, they just have a way of making you go backwards. Tampa needed the game. Baker was running for his life, then finally got hurt at the end. And I—

Baker's always running for his life and he's always— they always lose on the play. Like, I almost didn't pay much attention to this 'cause I knew it was gonna have a dumb ending like this. So I didn't think we were gonna see Jaylen Daniels. Kansas quarterback in there, but he could be their guy for a little bit.

Yeah, he came in, I had to Google him. Minnesota's defense definitely better than I thought considering I wasn't sure though, you know, it's all scheme. I didn't know if they had the talent and Tampa's offensive line worse than I thought. I thought that was gonna be like a top 5 or 6 O-line. I don't really know what happened to them.

Werfs is back. Werfs is back. It's gonna be fine.

And then Niners-Cards was the other one when you're talking about Just weirdness. The Cardinals kick for the COVID They're down 9.

So much fun.

I gotta say, I always, I always think teams should do this. We've talked about this over and over again over the years on the Sunday Night Pod. They kicked, they, it was a 45-yarder. You always see the teams try, they burn off 28 more seconds on the clock before they end up kicking the field goal. They were like, let's do it now.

Yep.

Let's go for it. We'll try to get the onside. They didn't get it, but they did get the COVID Bad game for the Niners 'cause Trent Williams, Mike Evans, and Drake Greenlaw all got hurt. So now they're missing, I think, 27 of their 22 starters. They said it's gonna matter.

3 bodies a game. It's crazy.

Doesn't matter. Arizona today, 38, 38:44 time of possession. Yeah, they almost had the ball for 39 minutes. They had 27 first downs. Didn't matter. They lost. Brock Purdy is our September MVP, which is usually a bad thing.

Mm-hmm.

There, this is whoever is our MVP favorite heading into October.

Oh, interesting.

Something bad usually happens. Like I remember Russell Hustle and Bustle was the most famous one for this a few years ago. But Baker last year, I always feel like it's, you never wanna peak in September, but Brock Purdy's been out of his mind. Hey, he's been, if you knew nothing, if you just were like in The Martian and you were away in outer space for 10 years and you came back and you're just watching football. You would think he's the best quarterback in the league. He had this throw, he rolled out to the right today and he did a jump up in the air.

Yeah.

You know, when most quarterbacks, they just roll, they just kind of run outta bounds and throw it. He did like a throw in the air precision and it was like, holy shit. Never seen anybody do that. Is that, he's been just awesome.

He, he's very cool. And I, I don't, I don't, I'm trying to think of who to compare him to 'cause he has Mahomes-like qualities, but he also has like Baker-like qualities with the good Baker, you know, when he is under siege and And he kind of like gets outta there. But yeah, that, that spinning, that play when he jumps in the air, he's, he's just, he's really fun to, and, and that offense is good. I mean, I, I don't know what to do about Shanahan. Just like, just like the game was kind of over even though it ended up being close on that lateral play. Yeah. It's like, no, they just, they're just better. He does all the little things, Shanahan. But I love this game because I had it on a teaser, -2.5, and that shithead Pinheiro misses 2 extra points. So they're up 2. And then San Francisco should be killing the clock and Purdy runs for a touchdown.

Yeah.

And I'm losing my mind. And then I find out like Kittle with a block in the back when Purdy's at the like 2-inch line. Yeah. So now they really could run it out, right? And maniac Shanahan draws up a play to throw it to Kittle who looks like he wants to go outta bounds but scores anyway. And then like you said, Arizona kicks a field goal to cut it to 6. That is the beauty of a 2-team teaser.

Yeah, that was, if that was the Chiefs, the game's over and you don't cover.

Right.

And that's that, right? I like that game for Arizona. I think there's something there with Arizona. I liked how they played in week 1. They got their ass kicked last week, but I thought they moved the ball. And, you know, Love, who we all stared at in our fantasy leagues and went either way later in a round-by-round or didn't go for nearly enough money in an auction draft. And guess what? The guy's really good and it's gonna be heard from all year. And they're, You know, if Marvin Harrison, if they had nailed that pick, which they didn't, but that offense would be, would be pretty dangerous. I like their— I think they're well coached. I think that's a frisky team. That's a team I would not put in a tease against them, basically. Yeah, I think that's a watch-out team.

I thought he was perfect for a backdoor cover, and that's kind of what happened with Brissett. I think he had like a game where he was 47 for 57 last year against them, so they ended up losing, but Yeah, they, this is, they kind of played a level of competition, it seems.

I went 2-3 in Ring Around the 7, but the 2 games I was agonizing over today to be my Sunday ad were Arizona +8.5, which would've been fun. And then the one I picked was, was the Chiefs, which dropped to -9.5. So I grabbed it and they're up. They're just so bored. They're, they just say, they're like, can this game just end without anybody getting hurt? Yeah, we're, we're watching. But my daughter's boyfriend was over and he's a Chiefs fan, so we had to have it on as one of the 4. But I had the action on it, so I'm invested in it. And Miami's just terrible. I mean, anytime they have to throw the ball, it's a disaster.

Right.

And the Chiefs are up 7 and it just feels like the classic, they're just gonna be bored and win by 7. But they go ahead and they get the— they, they finally did it. They go up to 14. And then you realize with the Dolphins, there's probably Malik, you know, in garbage time is not the answer. There's certain quarterbacks where you're like, this is, this is great. He's gonna move the ball down and score.

Yeah.

It's not gonna be Malik Willis. Yeah. So you're, you're, you're feeling pretty good when you're up double figures on Malik.

So bummed. And I thought they were smart to go for it on 4th down. Like it's like 4th and 6 around midfield, but they had plenty of time. They could have pumped it away. But yeah, they're, they're kind of listless. The only way I think it was really hot down there and yeah, it showed. And the Chiefs were just, Chiefs were dying to lose that game and end up covering.

Well, they, could we talk about the call? The other great call of the day, the roughing the passer of Mahomes in the end zone.

Yeah.

Right, right. Hilarious call. Hilarious. The Chiefs are the best. I love, I love it. And their fans know, like, all that was Chop Robinson just comes right down the middle. Mahomes releases the ball, tackles him as he's landing on him. He lifts his arms out, which is what you're supposed to do if you drive him down and you have your arms like this, they call it. He puts his arms out as he's landing on him, which means it's not a roughing the passer, but it's Mahomes and he's gonna get the call.

Talk about what the hell is the guy supposed to do? Like, yeah, that's, that's right at the top of the heap there. What the hell is that guy supposed to do? But the funny thing on that, you know, there was a defensive holding call on the same play. So it's almost like the referees were like, whoa, Eddie, I got this. What do you have to go make so obvious in the end zone? I got this.

Come on, dude.

The 20-yard line.

You were supposed to get the next play.

Dolphins.

I forgot to mention with Houston, 'cause I'm going through my notes and I went outta sequence.

You gotta talk about your crush on Carli Hersey-Gordon again.

Houston, their next 7: Cowboys, Titans, both at home, at Jaguars in London, home Giants Week 7, and then bye week, at Chargers, at Browns, at Colts. I feel like they're gonna be 5-5 by the time this is all said and done.

This is why we like them, right? Like, we like them for number one. They're probably not gonna get the 1 seed like we predicted in August. But yeah, and they're in a division that's 3-9 right now. And there's no way you could convince me any of these teams are much better than them.

The stupidest game of the day, and this is when I lost the under on Steelers-Bengals.

Oh yeah.

Steelers scored in the first 2 minutes. It's like, all right, kiss this under goodbye. I teased it up to 48.5. Pittsburgh ends up with 411 yards. They punt once.

Mm-hmm.

And Cincy's new and improved D, we can officially stop talking about that.

Yeah.

'Cause Rodgers was slicing and dicing 'em. They had real trouble covering the Pittsburgh tight ends, including that giant guy who just watched him. It just seems like he should be the best tight end in the league.

Mm-hmm.

Every time somebody throws to him, it's like watching a high school movie.

He's gotta be £340. I mean, I'm not saying that's his story. How do you even tackle that dude? Yeah.

Cincy has a roughing the punter penalty to keep one Pittsburgh drive alive.

Right.

And then their punt returner muffs a fumble that keeps another one. It was one of those games. It was one of those, I don't even understand how Cincinnati lost this game, but they did. Tell me what you think of this stat. Joe Burrow now 1-34 when trailing in the last 8 minutes of a football game.

I saw this. I'm shocked about it. And then it, I saw that 1 in 34. That's, that's insanity. Like, that's how do we put that guy shouldn't be in our, everybody's top 4 quarterbacks. And I, I know that he is, or right around there. But, and then you look at, we'll get back to it, but we, we look at Bryce Young has 12 game-winning drives. I'm like, when the hell did that happen? Is that in his life? So Joe Burrow might not have 12 game-winning drives if he's 1 in 34 when trailing in the last 8 minutes. in, in the NFL, right?

I need— I'm— I might have to do a rarity and assign this to maybe our guy Austin Gale can help out with this one. I really need to understand the stat. It feels too insane to be true. There has to be more context to it. Maybe like in 25 of those games they were down double figures with 8 minutes left. Like maybe he just hasn't been in enough close games. I don't— just dumbfounded by that. Steelers are now 2-1. Their next 5 are at Browns, Colts, at Buccaneers, at Saints in Paris, and Browns home on a Thursday night. They might be like 6-2 in a couple weeks with that schedule.

Is the outlier gonna— outlier game gonna be them getting killed by your Patriots or them being good?

What about the Browns beating them this week?

Hell, coming out.

That could be, I think whatever happens in that game becomes the outline.

That'll be fun when we're in there. Right. That's true.

Yeah.

And listen, let's give Rodgers credit. We could do it, right? It's fine.

Rodgers was good in that game. He really was. He was good. He was terrible last week. He was really good this week.

Even his interception wasn't his fault, right? I mean, yeah, he fired it in there, but it was again, almost 300 yards. That's what you have to do against that Bengals defense who, yes, you're right, is puzzling at this point.

Yeah, I didn't understand that. It doesn't seem like— and then Pittsburgh, no Porter. They were playing Samuel in the Porter spot. They benched him in like 3rd or 4th quarter, put a rookie in, and the, the Bengals receivers were just torching whoever and somehow didn't win the game. Browns-Panthers, mentioned the Browns. Cleveland is now 2-1. Deshaun of the Dead now has 2 straight game-winning drives. He had 2 touchdowns, no picks today. And I don't know, he's, he's been moving the ball. He's, they, they actually look pretty good. The crowd was great. They made a couple defensive stops. Carolina lost Coker during the game, and I do feel like he's like the security blanket for Bryce. But they came back. It seemed like a game Carolina was gonna take and, and just a classic Browns home game. The Browns have been reliable at home, it feels like.

I guess I, I'm, I'm trying to figure out—

Did you lose money in this game?

I mean, no, I'm, I'm not betting. I'm trying not to bet NFC South games anyway, but the Browns had less than 250 total yards. I'm glad the fans are rooting for them and everything, but, and this Watson experiment is getting funny. Like, what do you, what do you do now if you're a Browns fan? Like, talk about teams that are all over the map, but yeah, also what's waiting in the wings. Like he was 16 for 30 for 144.

I mean, if you're a Cleveland fan right now, you, you have, uh, you have probably more fun sports stuff happening at the same time than you've had in 10 years, right?

Oh, that's true. Right.

But the baseball, baseball was a fun season. Um, you had the 2-1 Browns. You have the Cavaliers who were able to somehow get Peyton Watson. Still trying to figure out how that happened, but they're one of the favorites in the East. You didn't have to go through the LeBron farewell tour, which I didn't think was gonna work out, but—

Right. No. Yeah. Enjoy it, Cleveland. It's good. And you're right, if they win Thursday, kicks the can down the road even more.

It's 12:52 AM Eastern time.

I don't wanna—

I might do a line of cocaine. I have some cocaine here, fortunately.

Who is watching this on the East Coast? What's wrong with you?

I didn't realize how late it was on the East Coast. We ever, our whole life is, I miss the West Coast. Guess what doesn't happen in West Coast? Like these terrible storms and being up at 1 in the morning.

I don't, I don't think this has ever happened before, like with us. Maybe when we used to call in, could, could we possibly have probably been on the East Coast? But like, I think that's possible 18 years ago. But you might see 2 old men fall asleep for 90 minutes on Netflix. It would be—

No, let's just go to guest lines Thursday night. Steelers at Cleveland.

Here we go.

One of these teams is gonna be 3-1. Steelers, Browns.

Is that true? Yeah.

I mean, I know it's true, but the only way it's not true is if it's a tie and then both of these teams will be 2-1-1.

That's true.

Which is probably on the table. I have the Steelers favored by 1.5.

We split this. I said 3.5. And it's 2.5.

Okay.

Right. We split it.

Browns home dogs 2 weeks in a row. There's no way I'm taking it.

You're teasing. You're teasing it. Yeah. Throw it, throw it on teaser.

I'm betting the Browns money line. Wow. I'm in. I, I kind of enjoy it.

Wow. Wow.

We have a London game.

Yeah.

6:30 PT.

You'll be up. This one's worth waking up for on the West Coast.

Colts-Washington. Daniel Jones against Marcus Mariota. Once again, we continue to thumb our nose at the, at the fans of New England. They shouldn't have fucked with us in the 1700s. Colts, I have as -3 favorites.

You're gonna get it. I thought it'd be a little less. I was impressed with the, with Washington. It's 3.5. I said 1.5.

One thing I'll say about Washington, and I don't know if this is sustainable, but it is, you know, I love when the, when the whole sideline is like fired up and jumping and like celebrating plays and all seems kind of locked in and locked in with the coach. They did, they did seem like they were pretty locked in in the game.

Yeah.

Then you think back to Philly in week 1 where they, they definitely could have won that game. Daniels gets hurt in Week 2, that screws up that game. But that game was— maybe Washington's a little better than we, uh, than we think.

Good for you, Joe House. Yeah, you have a watchable team.

They're watchable. Sunday marquee game. I put Bills-Patriots as the marquee game, not because I'm a Patriots fan, but I think it's the most fascinating of all these games. You could say Bengals-Jags, you could definitely say Rams-Eagles, you could say Texans-Cowboys, but Bills-Patriots in Buffalo, AFC East. Drake Maye, I think that we went there a year ago and he was awesome. And now it feels like he's gonna have the biggest, hottest microscope on him that he's ever had in his career over the next 7 days. And I don't, I don't, this is just a fascinating football game.

It's division clincher if the Bills can get it done.

Oh God.

Right.

It's close. I have the Bills favored by 6.5.

You got that exactly 'cause you cheated and it's late. I, I thought it would be 8. I think, I thought you have to make this 8.

The only reason I went, so I thought about the Chargers line, which ended up 7.5. Right. And I think the Pats are better than the Chargers.

Right.

And the Pats got a lot of respect with that Jaguars line today, which never moved from 2.5. Yeah, that's true. So I still feel like, 'cause their defense and the coaching, and now they really need this game. I think it, it probably ends at 7, right?

Well, this is how I felt about the Chargers this week. Like Chargers really need this game. Everyone wants to bury the Bills from week to week. Like, oh, they can't, Josh Allen can't do this. Like this is a perfect spot for them. And then the Bills like lackluster effort and they still win.

The Bills with the, not only if Josh has an off game, all of a sudden there's James Cook doing something spectacular.

Like they're pretty tough.

Yeah, 5 watchable games. I thought the slate was really good this week. Bengals-Jags is a good one. That's in Cincinnati. Um, I should mention, because when we talked about Jags-Pats, we only talked about the, uh, the Pats side of it. I thought the Jaguars were excellent today. I thought Lawrence was fantastic and made a couple really, really lights-out— I don't know how he got it in there— throws. And that was— my dad and I were talking about Drake Maye, like, whatever speed bump he's hit. And Lawrence had like 5 of these, right? He had, during his career, felt like every year we had a moment where we were questioning, is Trevor Lawrence any good? What's going on here?

And then he got paid.

Why did he do that? Right.

Everyone's like, what? Yeah.

Same kind of pedigree up and down. And now he's really, I think, settled into a nice spot. And that would be the hope for the guy who finished 2nd in the MVP voting last year, that maybe he can get his career back together. But I thought Lawrence was awesome.

One thing he shouldn't do, Drayk Maye, is I have to call Lawrence out, whatever. I like him as a player. He is fun to watch. But that, you know, the gambling industry has enough problems and then add to it like stuff that he did, like with 8 minutes left. You saw that, right? You were watching with your father, 8 minutes left.

Stopping at the 1-yard line. That was weird.

Why do you do that? You, you're asking for trouble. You're gonna give us trouble. Don't stop at the 1 fricking yard line with 8 minutes left, or don't be in the game.

Right, right.

Or take a knee from the 30 or something. Don't stop the clock.

It just felt like a brain fart.

It's a lot.

Bengals at home against the Jaguars. I have Bengals -2.5.

Yeah, we split that. I got it exactly. It's 2.5.

Hmm. I don't think that line moves, right?

No, I think that's fair.

Jacksonville, maybe on Sunday that moves to -1.5.

Yeah, I don't think it gets to 3. That's for sure.

That's a good game. I think the Jags are good. Even last week against Denver, they played a really good first half and died in the second half like the Rams did today. And there might be something with Denver in September with that altitude. But you know, Washington's there one, one play, then all of a sudden it's Myers. They still have Thomas roaming around. Lawrence can run the running game. I don't love their running backs, but they weren't bad today.

Have you heard Parker Washington speak?

Yeah, it's interesting. It's definitely a top 5. I didn't, I didn't have that voice going with your, with your body.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like when an actor's like Australian, like what? Yeah. You, you've been on The Walking Dead for a decade and I didn't know this.

Rams are at the Eagles coming off a loss, 1-2. We'll see with the Eagles tomorrow how they, how they look. I have the Rams favored in this game by 1.5.

All right, I got it exactly. It's 2.5.

Oof.

This is—

there's a lot of support with the Eagles, man. That, that, that's another way that Cowboys lost hurt today, 'cause it does feel like 10-7's gonna take the NFC East.

I know. Damn it. Stupid, stupid team. All right, this is the rematch of that worst bet— bad beat of, of the year last year, right? This was the blocked kick game.

Oh, you're right.

Yeah. Yeah.

Fun. I was thinking with the 2 Shauns tonight coaching, that was, I guess every time they play, it's the rematch of that, the, the worst playoff call of all time.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Oh yeah. Oh, I had, of course I had a lot of money on the Rams. I, that day.

Yeah.

Yeah. That would've been fun. Talk about Super Bowl.

We have the 2 Texas teams playing each other. It's in Houston. Houston 0-3, Dallas 1-2. I got, I gotta say, if you had told me after 3 weeks these teams would have a combined 1 win, I would've assumed Texas had the win, not your team.

Oh, interesting. Well, they will, they'll have a win. You just have to wait a few days.

I could not get this to 3 without knowing if Nico Collins was playing, so I have Texans -2.5.

You hit it exactly. I said 1.5. I don't know why I thought they'd give Dallas a little more credit, a little more firepower in that offense. But fine, 2.5.

I think if Nico plays, that goes to 3. Chiefs at the Raiders, man. Shit, this could have been the marquee game of the week. Yeah. Um, how many Chiefs fans at this game? There are a lot of Raider fans. Like, there definitely would be some Chiefs fans, but there would be a lot of Raider fans. And even better, There's gonna be a lot of social media videos of people fighting in the stands, in bathrooms, in concourses, even in the sections.

I went to this game, Chiefs at Raiders, 3 years ago. It was a Week 18. Didn't matter for the Chiefs. They still started Mahomes and, and there were a lot of Chiefs fans. A lot. Yeah.

Yeah. I put this right in the Vegas zone, ironically. Chiefs -4.5. All right.

This is just like I said 4 and it is 4.5, but this is like, Kyle, I'm falling asleep. Just get me the Lions and those will be my Lions. That's what's going on here, right?

I'm cheating now.

Yeah, I think so. 6-3.

To make myself feel better cuz my quarterback's in a tailspin. Yeah.

To make myself feel better. Like I don't need to feel better. Yeah, you got it exactly.

I think it stays right around there. Raiders are a live dog in that game. I don't— I would— I can't say I was blown away by the Chiefs today. I don't— their defense, Miami was really running on them and they lost Achane and, you know, in the first quarter of that game. And then their backup running back Gordon, he left the game because he had cramps because it was, it was hot and the Chiefs were still running the ball. And it's like, I don't even know who's playing right now. How are you getting 5 yards a carry?

Yeah, yeah. I, um, Oh, you and I are gonna take the Raiders on a teaser. Just be cursing them this time next week.

I'm gonna just bet the money line.

Really? Look at you. Raiders and Browns, you're going already.

I was telling our friends at FanDuel, 'cause I've been in Boston, I've been using FanDuel, and they were asking like, what do you like? What do you don't like? And they have all these fun promo stuff. And I was like, the one thing you don't really have are like the boosts for underdog money lines, like a little 30% underdog money line. Yeah. You know, $50 max, whatever. 'Cause like, I would throw the Raiders in that one.

They also don't pay you out if you lose. I hate that. I know a lot of the other books do that too, but it's really hard to get ahead.

49ers home for the Broncos. I don't know who's playing for the 49ers 'cause every guy on their team is now hurt except Brock Purdy. I have 49ers by 3.

Let me check if this has moved. It is 2.5 and I had 3 also.

I'm winning.

Yeah, you're, you're a good number ahead. 7-4 including ties.

Fairly watchables. This is the definition of a fairly watchable. Bears-Jets. I guess we didn't talk about Jets-Lions. I, I accidentally skipped over that one.

Oh yeah. The, that was a fun one.

Yeah. Gibbs was great. But the Jets can move the ball a little bit. I— Geno, the question of whether Geno could be revived at all, I, I feel like— I don't know whether the Lions secondary was the biggest part of him being revived, but Geno had some good throws in that game.

He had good throws. Wilson was really his only big man, big name by the time kickoff, and then he had to go out. Yeah, Geno had good numbers throughout.

Um, Sadiq looks like he's the real thing, which all the people I know who follow college were convinced that he was gonna have an impact, and he looks like he's gonna have an impact.

And Aaron Glenn really wanted that game, like doing stuff like going for 2 down the— but the thing we hate that all the smart people explain to us that we don't understand, like, you know, trying to cut it to 6, right? And then getting stuck at 8. So, and then tying it anyway. And then, yeah, I don't know. I think he would've gone for it to win it too at the end.

Geno was 31 for 37 for 321, 3 touchdowns, 0 picks. Mostly because the Lions defense really blows. It's really bad. But the Jets, there's a scenario where they're 3-0. They blew the game last week. I still don't know how they lost the Packers game. And then in this game, they were right in it. We mentioned Gibbs before. Gibbs on pace now for over 2,600 scrimmage yards and 34 touchdowns, which would be the records. Yeah. Across the board.

Yeah. The Lions, you want to get right? your offense, play them on 3 days rest or 7 or 10 days. It doesn't matter. That's, that's the defense you wanna go against.

I have, 'cause this is in Chicago and it's Geno Smith, and this is what he does is makes you trust him and then he burns you. I have the Bears -2.5 for this, but I think that's too high.

No, you're gonna win. No, it's too low. I said 2 and it's 3. Oof.

That surprises me.

So it's getting a little crazy, but so it's not It's not Caleb Williams. So that injury was real and extensive after all.

It sounds like that was a 3 to 4 week injury. Right.

Okay. So that would be—

Although if you were Caleb Williams's PR team, you're like, look, dude, I know you might be able to come back next week, but just, right, you might have to sit out now for 3 weeks here.

Right.

I know you took a lot of shit this week on social media.

Too much of a show. Yeah.

Come back next year.

Yeah.

You're gonna, we're, we're gonna have to make this seem worse. Bears-Jets, something terrible will happen that game. There will be some sort of reprehensible touchdown or turnover, right? Punt return or something awful. Bucs home for the reeling Packers, who we did not talk about, who the most disgraceful performance of the year so far, that Thursday night Atlanta game, which was, you know, Atlanta was like a touchdown underdog. It's Thursday night. This is why you shouldn't bet on Thursday night games or pretend you're gonna know what's gonna happen. But Penix did kind of come alive in that game as the Packers defense was decomposing, and the Packers are just— look like they're just gonna be bad.

We were joking last week about, should we cross the Falcons off? Like, oh, all right, there's a game in 4 days, let's just wait and see it. Yeah, like, let's wait to see if we cross the team off.

Now they're in first place, like, can't cross them off.

We cross the Packers off. Maybe that's the team we should have waited for 4 days.

Oh man.

Yeah. And they're, oh man, I don't wanna overstate this, but they're a top 5 exciting offense in the NFC at this point. I hate that I'm saying that, but right. It's like Bijan and, and, and their tight end doesn't do anything. Kyle Pitts. But you know. Yeah.

Every single—

Jake London. Jake London like just gets free. If he was just a little faster, he'd probably have like 12 touchdowns a year.

So you don't have the Packers pick?

No, it's— I don't have it. You have it.

The Jets have it.

Oh, I thought you meant the actual line, 'cause there's no line. There's no line.

No, the, the Packers don't have their first round pick this year because they traded in the Micah Parsons trade. But then you rerouted it right toward the Jets. The Jets get to pick between your pick or the Packers pick at 27.

Well, they'll, they'll pick the, the whoever's bet, whatever's the better pick. Yes. Is, is the one they're going with. The Cowboys have both picks and the Jets get whichever is the better.

It's, it's like a basketball scenario.

Yeah. So only Jerry Jones could corner himself in a way, like he can't fully root against the Packers now, right? Because of this dumb thing. Like you could have been like, Micah Parsons is the enemy, root against the Packers. Fine.

Right.

Like, no, no, I'm gonna finagle a way that, you know, we trade this Quinn, Quinn and Williams, this big thing. And like, no, now, now it's, confusing as shit. I mean, the—

I don't know who the 8 worst teams, what the order is after Dolphins, Titans, but the Packers, I think, and the Chargers are another one. I don't see how they're not 2 of the 8 or 9 worst teams, right? From what I've— from watching all the teams and all the games. The Packers, I didn't think the Packers should have won last week.

I don't like anything about their— I don't like their offensive line.

And if Jacobs doesn't come back for 2 more months or whatever, they're not gonna be able to run the ball at all.

Right. It's weird. They showed the stat today during the Sunday night game. The 3 quarterbacks that take the fewest sacks are the 2 in the game tonight, Nick and Stafford and Jordan Love. I'm like, how is that possible? That offensive line is so miserable. The defense is bad. They just, there's nothing to like about this team, honestly.

More regrettable extension, Matt LaFleur?

Who?

Or Baker Mayfield?

Oh, I thought you were gonna say like Beyoncé. Extension. Extension. Oh, I see. And I think, I think it's Baker. Yeah.

I don't know.

I think he's—

Maybe would've waited a couple games to iron that one in.

Right.

Also, he's been so up and down.

Mm-hmm.

It's really tough with these quarterbacks where you just have to kind of blindly pay them $50 million a year and hope it works out, you know? I thought it's fine if it's Justin Herbert, like, right, whether or not it ultimately happens from the Chargers, he's still— other teams would pay that. Nobody else is paying Baker Mayfield $50 million a year.

Yeah, it's funny, no one is. But 3 years ago I would've said, and probably you probably would've agreed, that Tampa's the best fit for this guy. Just everything they do is the best fit. But that was the Mike Evans Tampa. And yeah, now I know, like, now, whoa, this isn't a good fit at all. I mean, if he's gonna get injured, it doesn't really matter, but where's— where he can go to different places where he would, he would, I, I don't know about thrive, but he would be improved.

Bucs-Packers in Tampa, and I have the Bucs favored by 3.

Oh, I said 5. I said 5. The Bucs by 3.

Bucs by 3 at home against Green Bay.

He's not playing. The guy you gotta look up is the quarterback, right? Jalen, Jalen Daniels. It doesn't matter. I don't, I don't have a, there's no line on this, so we could, okay, we could skip it.

I just assumed Baker was gonna play. Hmm. All right.

Maybe he is. What, what does a separated thumb do? I don't know. Is that just the trick?

He'll tape it to his other fingers. Right. Last one, Seahawks-Chargers in Seattle. I had it around 7, couldn't decide where to put it. Put it Seahawks -6.5 only because it's a must-win for the Chargers.

Only 'cause you're a jerk. It's, uh, I said 6. It is 6.5.

On fire this week. Could be, could be a good sign for my betting.

That's a teaser. Let's just, let's just—

Especially after Washington last week.

Yeah.

I do really worry about the Seahawks running game. I haven't talked to Danny and Mina about it yet, but yeah, I just haven't seen anything from their running backs. Like, dude, the Kenneth Walker thing, which I think he got like 14 a year from Kansas City. I never understand the finances with the salary cap and how teams can just push the money ahead and eventually they get killed for it.

Right.

And on paper, everything they did was smart and they spent the end of the first round pick on a new running back. But if they didn't hit with this guy, this is pretty bad. This has happened to the Patriots 20 years ago with Maroney, where post-Corey Dillon, it's like, oh, Maroney, he's our— he's gonna be our Corey Dillon. He sucked.

What round did you get? He was a first rounder?

First round pick. And then he was end of the first round.

I love that.

Yeah. And it was a really, really important pick for us and he, we just whiffed on it and didn't win a Super Bowl again for 8 more years.

Aw.

Yeah.

That's too bad.

Yeah. Sorry. Poopfecta. 3 games. Giants-Cardinals, first one. It's in New Jersey. I like the Cards. I pencil them in for me for Ringer 107. I have the Giants as -1.5-point favorites. All right.

Hey, I'm, I'm way off. You're cheating aside, I'm way off. I said 4.5 and it is exactly 1.5.

I think I've nailed like 6 of these.

Why did I have so big, so big? You want to, you have 1, 2, 3, 4, you have 6 more cheating that you knew that. Yeah, 6, 6, uh, 6 exactly right.

At least something good happened to me today. Uh, Ravens home for the Titans. I think I got this one wrong. I, I probably went too low. I have Ravens -8.

Oh, I had 10.5. It's 11.5, and this one's worth 4, 4 games.

I don't know why I went so low on that one.

11.5, huh?

11.5.

So the Ravens are gonna win, the Seahawks are gonna win.

So Ravens in a 3-team 10-pointer. Yeah.

You're thinking, and then maybe, and the, the one you're about to say could be the third.

Oh man. Vikings home for Malik Willis and the Miami Dolphins. My only thing with this is, as we discussed and decided a couple years ago, Kyler Murray is not allowed in teasers.

Hmm.

So if you bet this game, you just have to do it straight up. You can't put him in a tease, you can't put him in a parlay, you can't put him with other teams.

You just can't.

Not allowed. It's actually illegal.

I looked it up. Is it really illegal?

Yeah, it's illegal. Yeah, they ruled on this 2 years ago.

Okay.

If you bet Kyler Murray, it just has to be straight up.

But look up the manifesto and how many times, um, has a team played another team where the defensive coordinator is suing The other team. Oh, like this is the—

see, then they'll run it up.

Oh, Flores is gonna, he's gonna crush Malik.

Well, this feels like a Vikings -19.5 adjusted or something, right?

Yeah. Hmm.

I actually didn't think the Dolphins were that bad today. But I asked, I didn't, couldn't tell if the Chiefs were just in a coma.

Yeah. Well, if they have running backs out, what do, what do they even have anymore now? Against this excellent defense.

So the Sunday and Monday night games—

well, wait, you didn't pick, uh, you gotta say a number.

Oh, Vikings. I, I went Vikings -8.5. I think I'm too low.

All right, no, you are a little bit. I said 8— I said 6.5. It is 9.5.

Oh, I hit it.

I don't know why I said 6.5. Dumb, dumb.

Sunday night games are weird ones. I can't wait to hear, uh, Chris Collinsworth talk himself into Lions-Panthers in Carolina, but that's what we're getting. Be a lot of Jahmyr Gibbs, right? Oh, Mike, there's nobody like this guy. There's just not one, one running back in the last 10 years like this guy, Mike.

Look at Coker on the sidelines. I gotta get him.

He wants to be out there.

Put some pads on.

He's, he's chomping at the bit, Mike. Lions, I have favorite in Carolina by 2.5.

2.5. It's 3. I said 3.5. We split it, right?

Yeah.

Boy, the Lions really did have it easy early on, right?

I mean, I know we went over it, but you know who got absolutely shithoused in the game, in the Browns game today was McMillan. Oh, he had like 2 catches. They, they, that Ward on the Browns who, when he's out there, he's one of the best cornerbacks in the league, but has always is injured or sure. has a concussion or whatever, but when he plays, he's awesome. He just took him out. Couldn't do anything.

Yeah. So weird. I mean, honestly, guess what?

The reason I mentioned that is 'cause he's gonna have a lot more fun this week against the Detroit Lions.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah.

Should be. I'm on Ryan. He's gonna have a big game.

Yeah. And then Monday night is actually a fun game. It's, it's not, won't be telling our grandkids about it, but Saints-Falcons in New Orleans. Mm-hmm. I think this is the, the Katrina anniversary game. I think they're doing—

Oh, right.

A bunch of stuff for it. So it should be emotional. I put it at Saints -2.

I said 1.5 and it is 2.5. So you get it and you sweep the week. It's not even close. But you know, and I know this game, whatever, it's got meaning now. Now this is gonna sound like I'm an asshole, but what, who Well, who schedules 3 NFC South teams in the 2 night games? Like, they can't— if it was gonna be the Katrina game, you can't have Carolina in the Sunday night. You can't do it. This is— I don't know if you blame AI. Maybe this is the beginning of the end where AI just kills us all.

And it does the schedule and first to kill us. And then right at the end, it's just killing us.

This is it. This is the beginning of the end.

It does feel like Goodell lost a bet with somebody and it's like, and if And if you win, I have to put 3 NFC South teams on Sunday and Monday night. Surprised he didn't do all 4. That could have been Bucs-Panthers. We just could have gotten the whole division out of there.

Should flex that now. 13-6, I think he won. Good Lord.

Listen, Shuck is just outright fun to watch. He's really fun to have on. I finally have him on one of my fantasy teams.

Oh, that's good.

Uh, the one with, uh, all my, all my high school college people. And just really fun. Slings the ball. The, the pick at the end that killed him was not his mistake. See, he got hit.

That was good.

All right. Baseball playoffs quick before we do Parent Corner.

Yeah.

Do you have a— I know you're gonna be doing this on Ringer Wise Guy all week.

It's funny, like I look at the 4 series and maybe it's because it's 2 outta 3. Yeah. And I just never, I don't like anything. The one I would take a shot at is your team and it's like, You were crying about 'em. You and Hancher crying about the Reds like, oh, they should be +260. Why are they only +145? Like, we don't have a chance. The Yankees won the season series 7-6. The AL stinks. You're playing the Yankees without their best player.

No judge. Yeah.

It's 2 outta 3. You have 87 wins in the garbage AL. You have a, of course you have a chance. This is dumb.

We've been terrible for over a month. I mean, for, we've just been like a .500 team or worse. And a lot of the guys that carried the team in this streak are either hurt or have died.

What?

And even, even this weekend they put Gasper, who single-handedly was keeping the offense kind of interesting for a couple weeks, and then Guerrero, who came out of nowhere, this 35-year-old flamethrower, to, um, who they were just using every other day, it felt like. He finally broke down. So those guys are on the IR, and it's— our season's gotten to the point where it's like, oh no, Gasper and Guerrero are on the IR. Like, that's That's how bad it's gotten. But the, the big thing for this—

Guerrero—

well, the big thing for the Sox is the bats are just ice cold. Like, the, the only way they're gonna beat the Yankees is like 2-1, 3-2, 1-nothing. It's gonna have to be lights out pitching in October, and that's it. Like, we— I went Friday night, um, I was gonna do this for my Parent Corner, but for my birthday I wanted to go to Red Sox-Cubs, and we're in Boston. So got tickets, and of course, like, this giant hurricane's coming. We were fucking going. They moved the game up to 5:30, second half of doubleheader, and we go and, you know, we have great seats and just drinking. Um, they actually had Michelob Ultra at Fenway.

I was excited because I do enjoy Michelob Ultra.

Wow. Um, but watching the Red Sox, these guys just come up, and my daughter's boyfriend Hank also is— but really likes the Red Sox. And these batters are coming up and we're just telling my wife who doesn't know anything like, ah, this is gonna be an out. Hopefully he just strikes out so he doesn't hit no double play. Like we, we had no hitters. We had basically Roman Anthony and Sogard.

Mm-hmm.

Is the only other guy you trust. They end up winning in the 8th 'cause Abreu finally hit. Finally, he was like 4 for 48, finally gets one. But it's one of those lineups in a playoff series. I don't see anybody doing anything. And Contreras got hurt. He got hit in the hand.

I think that hurts. That for sure hurt.

I mean, it, that's— Like, I trusted him the most in a playoff series. Like he was gonna have good at-bats.

I don't, well, I wouldn't go by, you know, you're gonna try a little harder in these games. I think Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.

They were trying. I didn't.

Why? 'Cause it's your birthday. You think they were trying? I don't give a shit.

No, they've been trying though. The, now they clinched a playoff spot, but yeah. I thought the line was like Yankees -170. I thought that was fair. But you know, it's in Yankee Stadium.

I'd be really surprised.

The one, the, the, the series that jumped out to me was Houston. Houston is like -140 against Chicago. And I just like, Chicago's just not a playoff team. I'd be really surprised if they just, you know, beat Houston.

They had a guy, what's his name? He broke the strikeout record. He's batting .199.

Colson Montgomery.

Yeah. Montgomery.

Yeah.

Batting .199 with—

He's like 230 strikeouts.

Yeah. 234 or something. Yeah. That's what it was.

But Yeah.

It's like I looked up like Dave Kingman 'cause that was the Mets version of that. Yeah. Right. But he, even he hit like .220, .228. But I think you're right. The Astros are my Mariners. Like I just can't, every time I bet 'em, right, it just goes down in flames. And what, they ended up 81 and 81. So I don't know. It's not, not a lot of good baseball this week.

So yeah, they like the White Sox when the Red Sox played them. They have some frisky young guys, but I can't see them winning a playoff series. But this is the dumb thing about these best 2 of 3. Like, you could just, right, a couple things could happen. So the AL Keeper League that Hench and I, we haven't won in like 20 years. And we're battling my friend Mike, who's, who's been winning forever. And this other team, the Rockers. It's the first 3-man race we've had where everybody's in first place at one point on Friday night. Like, it was a real race.

Nice.

Hench and I are texting about this. This is all to the point my wife's like, I'm gonna take your phone if you text Hench again. Like just every at-bat looking at it. So we need strikeouts and we need runs. Basically we need a big weekend of offense and, but we have Kate Anderson pitching last night and we need a big Kate Anderson game. This guy who's been our phenom, we wouldn't trade him. He was gonna carry us down the stretch. Mm-hmm. Seattle just absolutely fucks us. Doesn't bring him up until after the, well after the deadline. He's on like these 4 or 5 inning starts. We don't get what we think out, but now it's like this last, this will be his last start. It'll be great. We need a big start cruising along. I'm watching it on my iPad, gets hit by a line drive on his throwing arm.

Hmm.

Leaves the game, 10 outs, leaves the game, takes our season with him. And I'm texting with Hench and Mike, who's gonna win the league. And Hench isn't texting. And I like, I think Hench is actually dead. I think this killed Hench. And 10 minutes later, he just texts back, I'm dead. And then he used to say long rant, but it's just, why do we do fantasy? I, I was so bummed out, like ruined my whole weekend. I was like, really? Not only— I thought Kate Anderson like shattered his elbow. It's like, this Mariners team is the fucking curse of all time. So their season ends today. They fired the manager right after the game. It's like, yes, we've decided to separate with Dan Wilson. Oh really? The guy that is— you quit on 4 months ago? And then another guy we traded for, Vlad Guerrero, who's like $37. Yeah. Vlad gives this interview this week and he, and he's talking about this $500 million contract he got. And he's like, that money is for what I already did.

Right, right.

He said it's not about what's about to happen. It's about what I did. All the Blue Jays fans are like, what? Because this guy is like it completely mailed in the season. Yeah. So we, Hench and I, I don't know if you've ever been more angry texting ever. We finished second. We had the first pick in the minor league draft next year 'cause we finished second and we're just never gonna win this fucking league.

I like that it came down to the last day. You absolutely knew what was gonna happen 'cause you hate the Mariners and they had to screw you one more time.

Right. And it— oh, and then there was an extra one where, where Logan Gilbert, who was on the team that won. It's like, well, we kind of need him to get shelled. Of course, he pitches one of his best games. The Mariners just hated us. Munoz, you'll never be on my team again. Josh Naylor, uh, I have a strong dislike for you. George Kirby, um, I really hope you get traded to the National League. And then Cade, I hope you come back.

You should have a Mariners podcast. I don't know, you could do it like with Kenny Mayne or something. I don't know who you would, uh, just you, you just, you two, you and a Mariners fan.

I just did. I don't admit, can't imagine it would ever get worse than them. House started a new segment on the pod. Oh, you can go eat a big, you can go eat a fat dick. I'm gonna invite, obviously the Mariners, we're gonna send all the fat dicks to them.

He's inviting people to eat a fat dick.

Yeah. So we haven't won in 22 years. I haven't won our football league in over 20 years since '07.

Yeah.

Maybe I'm just suck at fantasy. I was really like, I was like, why do I do this? Maybe I'm just not good at it.

You're good at other things, right?

Yeah. I'm good at other things.

Maybe I'll just do other things. Yeah, there's something else. I do like Guerrero though. I'm, I'm thinking about it. It's like, that's something like maybe when he signed the contract, he's like, oh man, this is a lot of money. And his agent's like, hey kid, shut up, man. This isn't for what you're about to do. This is what you did in the past. He's like, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right.

Yeah. Just stop hitting home runs.

He forgot to tell him not to ever repeat that. That's just agent-client talk.

He was all proud of it. He gave this interview and he, he was the way he talked about it was nuts. That was one of the craziest interviews anybody's given. I was almost like, is this AI? Did he actually say this?

What happened? He had one home run at home this year, I think at the Rogers Center.

We traded for him because we needed home runs.

Mm-hmm.

Guess what? He doesn't need home runs. That was it. No home runs for him. Yeah. It, uh, it was really quite an experience. Um, what, what's, what's going on in New York this week other than the Jimmy Show?

We got the Kimmel Show. I don't know. Hopefully it stops raining at some point.

And that's it.

I don't know. There's a lot going on.

I have, I do have a quick—

All right, let's do parent corner then. Yeah. Yeah, let's do it.

Go.

All right. So a few weeks ago my kid went to Cooperstown, right? I had a whole story on that. Yeah. So they have a couple weeks off and then they play 13U Little League and it's, it's wildly different from what they did a few weeks ago. The mound goes from 50 to 54 feet. They're 80 feet, 80-foot base paths from 70. So it's like almost like you're watching a different game. Like ground ball to third, guy's got forever to throw. throw our kid out. So we had our first tournament for the fall, and the pitchers for both teams are having trouble adjusting to the longer distance, right? So the catcher's short hopping balls all night. Each team had like 9 walks, and my son was on his way to being the biggest culprit here. So he's, he's underthrowing, he's pitching, he's underthrowing, short hopping the catcher, and then he's overcompensating and sailing pitches high outta the strike zone. Like the Mariners almost signed him right away. But so then he like, he's looking at him, he gets, he is like, oh, this could be Munoz.

We got, I don't know. I heard you have terrible control.

Exactly. So he walks 2 kids. Yeah. And then throws a ball and then points to his right elbow. And I guess like it didn't feel right. Yeah. And, and so the coach comes out and takes him out immediately.

The Mariners would've left him in.

Mariners would've left him in. 'Cause you need strikeouts, right? Yeah. Yeah. And he walks. And then it's like all the parents are saying to me, like, and then I go up to, I go up to him in the dugout. I'm like, What's going on? You're right. 'Cause I've seen this before. This could be, I've seen both sides. This could be, yeah, I'm actually hurt. Or this could be, uh, I know I'm gonna walk 4 more kids and I want to, I want to get out of here now. You know what I mean? So he just like stares. He just stares through me. And then the parents like, is Harrison okay? And I'm like, I don't know. I think so. Like, I don't want them to worry. Right. So I don't want to say no, he's hurt, but I don't want to be like, yeah, he just thinks he's going to walk everybody. So he's out. So, um, yeah. So the next day he's, he's still feeling it even though he is icing it and we're doing the heat. And Melissa's like, I'm gonna get this taken to get looked at. 'Cause this, this'll, this won't end with him.

So he gets it, he gets looked at and he has what's called Little Leaguer's elbow.

Yeah.

So it's inflammation. There's no tendons, but you need a break. You need like 2 to 3 weeks off. All right. So I'm like, all right, so he won't throw for 2 to 3 weeks. We let his know, let his coach know. His coach is fine. And the coach is like, hey, talk to Helen, Martha, and Shelley because their sons went through the same thing and they'll know what kind of physical therapy he needs. Like, oh, Jesus.

Physical therapy?

Physical therapy. He's 12. Like, he just needs off. He just needs to take 3 weeks off. So she's like, my wife's like, no, I'm taking him. He's got soreness and he's got inflammation. Like, okay, great. And then like, like, how did physical therapy go? And, and Melissa's like, oh, well, the girl's like really cute. The girl doesn't like to like, I don't know, like Harrison was like laughing when she's like tickling him. Tickling his elbow. I'm like, that's great. You know what's not funny? Like this bill I'm gonna get for physical therapy. And I'm thinking like, we were kids, like you and Gus probably played, you probably like threw a ball, like you'd play like tag up or something and you would throw it a million miles.

Or the pop-up game where you just throw like pop-ups as high as you possibly could.

Sure. For what? For like 2 hours? Yeah.

And then like, and then your arm would fall off.

Yeah. And what happened? Your dad took you to physical therapy? Your mom was— no, no, no, nothing like that. No, not that. I know I sound like an a-hole and a, an old jerk, but just take a few weeks off. Do we need physical therapy for a 12-year-old who's x-rayed fine? Anyway, that's where I am.

Yeah. How about a hiatus? Just take 3, 4 weeks off.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Play flag football, run routes. You'll be fine. You're good.

We should mention, are you, you're still battling the kidney stones?

Yes. I have not, uh, passed that yet. It's too big. I said 10 centimeters. Sorry, I don't have my metrics down. It was 10 millimeters, so it's big, too big to pass and in a weird place where they can't zap it right now. So I just have to tough this out and, uh, stay on top of the pain pills for the next couple weeks before this gets someplace.

This is gonna be Brett Favre 2.0. I don't know how this is gonna play out. I know, I know. So multiple people, including 2 different urologists, yeah, sent me listener emails. Oh, pointing out the irony of you getting a kidney stone. Because one of the best things to prevent kidney stones, hot water and lemon.

Oh, you were serious? I thought you were just being a jerk.

No, that's for real. Like something about lemon and it's like, and if people feel like they're coming on, you're supposed to have hot water and lemon as one of the remedies. So you mocked me last year.

You know what?

And maybe you should have just followed my lead and started doing the hot water and lemons.

I'm, uh, I'm happy to say that I'm not doing it. I'm not. I'd rather have passed stones every day of my life than be a sissy like that with hot water and lemon. Sorry.

I will never stop calling him Drake Baby. You know, I'll never have hot water and lemon.

The 2 hills I'm dying on.

Um, so my daughter last year in class, and she didn't show this to me, I found out from my wife, wrote this story about, um, about playing soccer her whole life and how what I was like on the sidelines, like encouraging her, but also if she got hurt, I would always be like, you're fine, you're fine. Because you kind of have to tell that, you know, because sometimes she would get a little dramatic. All kids do, but she's playing a physical position. And anytime she got hurt or she'd be like, ah, and I could always read if she was actually hurt. I'd be like, you're fine, you're fine. Um, which might make me like a little bit of a parent prick. I don't know. Um, but then there was one time when she really got decked and, um, and this was like when she was in 9th grade, like really bad. And it was like, oh, and it was like the one time I didn't tell her she was fine. And so she knew maybe she wasn't fine. So she wrote this whole piece about it. It was pretty good.

Mm-hmm.

So then I went to the game Wednesday and she got nailed. And she was kind of near me and I started to yell the, you're fine, 'cause she was, I could see her like, and then I stopped myself. So she got in my head, like whatever she did is she Jedi mind tricked me. Yeah. So now I'm, now I'm rethinking all the things I yelled during any game.

Oh man.

So now I basically just yell, go Z, come on Z and go Z. Those are my two, two things I bring to the table.

That's gonna be the name in the next paper. The go Z.

I didn't realize you're fine was, was this thing, this North Pole for her. When, when I didn't say it the one time, she knew maybe she wasn't fine.

You can't say it ironically now where she'll just like nod to you now? Like, could you?

Yeah, maybe that, maybe I'll flip it. I'll just start screaming.

She knows you read it. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're fine.

I like that.

Um, you're fine, kid. And then we've been in Boston for a few days and my son is home alone with somebody who's staying with him at the house. And I don't think he misses us at all.

Really? Yeah.

He's like, when are you guys coming back? Like, not like, are you guys coming back soon? It was, it was, I, And then I was thinking about when I was 18, and then every high school and teen movie I ever saw, they're all centered around the parents going away. And then somebody, you know, this is like the plot of Risky Business. So hopefully there's not a brothel being run in my house right now.

Oh, well, I mean, you loved it too, right? When your parents were away. Yeah.

That's what my wife was like. I don't feel like he misses us. And I was like, trust me, he doesn't. He's probably delighted that we're, that we're not there.

When I was young, when we were our age, I don't know, I was probably like 14 or so. Like, we, my parents went to Marriage Encounter and it's where you worked on your feelings and everything. And now it's just therapy, whatever. It's just therapy. But it was like 2 full days. They didn't stay overnight, but it was like 8 in the morning till like 1 in the morning. And then the next day, the same thing. It was a weekend. And then when they came back the second, the third day, I was like, oh man. I was like, you guys, you should do this every weekend. You got a lot of work.

It was so peaceful.

Yeah, it was peaceful. You got a lot of work to do on yourselves. Yeah. we took care of the house fine. But yeah, the kids love it when their parents are gone. Yeah.

Well, anyway, well, I'll be back in time for— I'll be back in time for Red Sox-Yankees, which hopefully we'll see what happens.

You're fine, Bill. You're fine.

I'm fine. I don't think I'm fine with the Red Sox. Um, we'll see what happens. I wish, man, I wish we had healthy Contreras, and I wish we had Gasper. Now Gasper, they have 2 lefty starters, so Gasper would only play against the one, but I just wish we had a full—

You didn't name a starting pitcher yet, did you, for tomorrow?

I don't know what they're gonna do. They've been kind of mysterious about it. We do have 3 good starting pitchers. That would be the case for— that's it, you know. And we have a closer, we have an 8th inning guy. I think Bayo could be a long relief guy, but I just, I don't know who the hits are gonna come from. Who do you think's winning the World Series? Did you make a pick?

Um, I haven't yet. I'm gonna, uh, let's wait this one week, which is gonna be meaningless. I, I don't— it's probably not gonna be a lot of any team playing this week.

And WNBA, which of course had to start their playoffs tonight.

Yeah.

Or today, even though, uh, they were going against 14 football games.

Perfect.

But they had this incredible Liberty-Lynx matchup. The Liberty is the 8 seed, but they've been hurt all year. And of course they beat the Lynx now, and now they can knock 'em out.

Oh, nice.

The Lynx were the 1 seed. They dominated the whole year. Miles is a little banged up. I didn't see the game. I was just getting updates on it, but the Liberty like dominated them apparently. And then the Aces killed the fever. So I don't, I don't know what's gonna happen to that either, but I wish it had been 3 weeks ago.

Money line parlay.

Could have focused somewhere.

Lynx, game 2, Vikings and Chiefs. I don't know. We'll figure it out.

Can we throw UCLA at Oregon in my God, week 6?

Oh, that's gonna be fun. That was fun. UCLA ranked, would you have like 2 pick 6s in there? 23rd. That's a game.

They won by 51 points in Maryland. They were 1.5-point favorites.

Just, uh, and I know you went on fan— you try to like make the most of it, but you didn't make exactly the most of it, right? You were gonna bet 50+ or something?

I had, uh, I had the— I did not do the 50+. Yeah, no, I had them for 7 wins and I have them to make the playoffs at 22-to-1, which now has to be probably like 5-to-1. But the bigger thing is USA, the Lincoln Riley thing's going sideways. Yeah, their, their player took out Dante Moore in the most reprehensible Sports Woman of the Year. Um, and it just feels like UCLA has grabbed the city. Yeah, from, from USC in a real way. We'll see if they can maintain it, but they got Oregon. They have a bye this week and then Oregon.

That's gonna be great. Um, this is exciting stuff. Backup was good. Oh, but yeah, yeah, I'm glad, I'm glad you're watching college.

I am. My wife was like—

I have to save you from basketball. You can't be 100% basketball. And the Patriots not playing well Is, is, uh, not good for me.

My wife's not happy about it. She's like, I don't— this college thing, I don't know if I like it because it's a whole other day, multiple games. I'm like, it's pouring rain out. What, what else are we gonna do?

Yeah, tell her October is gonna be rough. There's a lot.

Um, all right, Sal, keep us posted on the kidney stones.

All right, there you go.

What else do you have to plug?

Anything? Uh, Ringer Wise Guys, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday is the big preview show. That's gonna be fun.

Are we going 5 days a week during October? What's our plan? No.

Okay. 4's plenty. God.

Great.

No. Yeah. No, no. I think, uh, well, we could, we'll make, you know what? We'll make videos on Wednesday. That's fine.

But, uh, Shifty wants us to do something with, uh, October 26th, the equinox.

Oh, all right.

I don't, I feel like we never fully saw, 'cause there's one day where it's like everything at the same time.

All right.

What, what day is that? Is that— I think he said it's the 26th.

Yeah, I know. But is that, uh, all right. We'll do something nice on the 26th.

So, um, it's Thursday, 1st. It's like a Tuesday, maybe. No, a Monday.

Uh, there's no way people are still listening to this.

No, maybe it's just you and I now.

The 26th is a Monday.

Yeah. Yeah. Monday.

Equinox. It's a Monday. All right. Okay. FanDuel, go use their BetProtect, uh, if your player goes out early and go to betaches.com if you had a bad beat this week. Niners maybe laying the points.

All right, go make yourself some lemon and water. Nice hot water, throw a lemon in there, uh, make it work. Thanks to, uh, Gahal and Eduardo and Chris as well on the, uh, the ringer. Don't forget about, uh, 13 Going on 30 tomorrow. And then, uh, I'll be back on Tuesday with a whole bunch of stuff. Thanks for, thanks for watching late night. I'm gonna go pass out. Good to see you. Good job by you.

Good job by you, buddy.

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