Transcript of MOST EMBARRASSING STORIES! | EP 439

He was like, Shush, you're so silly.

I just look at all the other videos.

Shush, are you freeing up business? How did you even learn massive? How do you know what massive? Spell massive then.

Spell massive. If you know how to use it. Can we do something brain activity-wise to wake me up?Brain activity.Yeah. Sure. I feel like I'm low in energy.

Do you want to go bar for bar? Cool.

Let's go.

What song? I wasn't even spending. I was just thinking about a song. She said she wants some while you are asleep. Damn.

She said she wants some.

She said she wants some.

Oh, Marvin Gay.

Sam.

Fuck.i don't know what the song is.Youther Vandras.

Yeah, of course. Why not? I'm awake now.

I'm awake now. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah.

All right, cool. Yeah.

I genuinely thought you meant bar for bar for bar.

We can go bar for bar for bar.

We can try.

What's the... You want to go like Zeeas and B-Lu?

Yeah, we can try.

I didn't even know how we would begin that.

We need a beat, but then we'd have to do Acapetta because it's YouTube.

Yeah, how would you even do that?

I don't know. Just pick a random word generated thing.

Yeah, pick a random... I'm going to drink my pre-work out. I'm so nervous. Ellis, you're getting involved? Yeah.

So what are we doing?

We're going to run It does on a random word thing.

Okay.

I guess what? Someone has to start with a word and we're just doing rimes?

So, rime time, basically. Timetable.

Don't belittle it to rime time, please.

I'm just clarifying in terms of rules.

Concentrate. Oh, my God. Okay, run it again because concentrate is hard.

It's a coincidental because I'm trying to concentrate. Argument. Argument. I don't even know how this game goes. Yeah, obviously. Okay. Just I'm going to have to restyl it. It's just free-styl. Oh, yeah, it's not a good game.

Do you want me to start? Go, go, go.

I'm watching.

Argument. I said argument sitting here trying to figure out what you meant.

I'm trying to be harder in a game just like cement.

Cement, hard as rock. I can't not think of Cork. I can't not think Cork.

And it still right. It's still We have to charge this game.

It was a terrible start.

It was not going to go anywhere. It has to have a beat.

It has to have a little beat. Argument, argument.

I hear what you meant.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, Yeah.

I can't not think of cock.

Can't not think of cock, bro. Sorry, it doesn't rock. Are you awake?

I'm awake.

I'm all awake now. I'm awake for embarrassment. My bodybusters shut down. I'm awake through embarrassment.Shame.That's hilarious.Right..

Guys, girls, welcome back to the best show on YouTube ever. Question of the Week this week is, what's the most embarrassing thing someone has done to you in front of somebody else. The responses were very palatable.

What do you got for me? Palatable? Mm-mm. All right. First of all, It's straight. So bare people that I saw was like, I got pants. I got pants. I got pants. Typical. This person said, Pull my trousers down and underwear and held them down with their foot. That's the most traumatic thing I can possibly imagine. Held it down with their foot. You get pants and someone holds it down with their foot. So you have to bend over and fight their foot.

Cheeks out.

Cheeks tanning. Arsehole spread, you, man.

That has to be a blood bath of a fire.

Yeah, because you can't even run away and then sweat stuff out. You're pinned. I'll be throwing elbows, bro.

Everything. Yeah. Everything. Dicks just sick. Yeah, everything. I've been throwing everything at that motherfucker. That's not okay.

No, you won't recover from that.

You can't recover from that. It's unfortunate. What's the most embarrassing thing someone has done to you in front of someone else? My dad talking about my mom's affair in front of my boss who was buying my car. Just airing up the family, family truth.

Digging up that family dirt, bro. Just shut up.

Why are we selling the car? Your mom used to do a ting in there with next man, so it has to go. It reminds me of him and her.

Yeah, she left. She took half to spend on him. That's why we're selling this car. If your wife ever cheated on you.

That's how they get that combo going.

So jarring, bro. Jesus Christ. Right. Most embarrassing The only thing someone has done to you in front of someone else. My mom backhanted me in front of my girlfriend at the time because my girlfriend didn't greet her when she came in the house.

That's so African. Yeah.

Swear.

She, the mom, backhanted the son because the girlfriend didn't greet the mom. The mom, yeah.

Backhanted?

Yeah.

Back. Your girlfriend's fucking rude. Yeah.

You should have...

No, no, no, no, no, I was in the beef back in the day, staying up for my parents and stuff, like little pounds here and there and everywhere for sweets and stuff.

And coincidentally, at that time, my auntie was staying in our yard. I went to school, bought some sweets, blah, blah, blah. But my mom was missing money, so my pops came to school. Mid-school, not post-night, mid-school. I was in year five, I think. Yeah, he came and he was like, Who had your dad's here? I was like, All right. Went to see him. He was like, Show me your bag. I was like, Okay. He ran through. He saw some sweets. He said, Cool. I'm going to pick you up after school. I said, Say less. So going to the car, and obviously, I already knew what I'd gone, went to the shop, asked the owner, Oh, did this boy come in here to buy some sweets? He said, Yes, he bought. Before he finished the sentence, down the aisle, up the aisle. Yeah. I was scattering sweet content. I was scattering everything. The guy didn't do nothing.

I'm surprised you had energy to be embarrassed.

I was embarrassed in the moment. I was embarrassed after because I was trying to see straight. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, 100%. The peak thing is my aunt was begging my dad to stop the punishment. But ironically, I stole money from my aunt, not my mom. That weekend, I stole money from my aunt, not my mom.

Oh, bro.

Just for sweets. Yeah, it was long.

Tiefing for sweets was It was long. Yeah, I think I can't even think of the most embarrassing thing. Obviously, the NLE Chapa thing is one of the most... That's what top three most embarrassing thing has ever happened in my life. I'll never live it down. Central Cee? Central Cee didn't happen to anyone but me.

Okay. No one saw what was happening. Okay.

I was the only one who clocked it. Okay. Ennily was in public and his whole crew saw what happened. I think the only other thing I can think of is my My two things. One, my bike got stolen by year 11 when I was in year seven, and my mom drove me around. Drove me around the ends for time asking strangers where he lives. With me in the with me and the passenger. No. Yeah, I went even out his name. But yeah, she drove me around my area, stopping Someone that was our age or above or below and just said, Do you know where such and such lives? And they'll be like, No. And she'll be like, Cool. And then she'll be like, Because he stole my son's bike. And I was like, Mom, please don't. Charge the bike, mom. The bike's gone. We're over it. Person after person after person after person after person after person.

What would you do if you were in your mom's position, you were the dad? I would charge a bike, bro.

My son comes home and says, A big boy stopped my bike. I said, Do you know where he lives? No. Charging, isn't it? What am I supposed to do?

What if he knows where he lives? Will you actually go there? Yeah, facts.

A year 11. Fair play. When I'm what? 40.

Fair. Good on you. 100%. Fair.

I'll kick that door down. Are you I'm mad. So my son's bike, bro, you fucking mad? So much as I'm's Bible, are you fucking mental? Get your dad out of here. Get your fucking dad out of here. Yeah, I want to smack him up. But yeah, if we don't know where he lives-What can we do?

What can we do?

Serves you right. Yeah, but I remember my boys me, Don't give him the bike, because obviously, he came up and said, Let me borrow your bike. They were like, Don't let him borrow your bike. I was like, What am I supposed to say? He's in year 11.

Is it facts? He's in Year 11. He towers over me.

He's great. He's going to push me off it. I'd rather just give it to him. They were like, You ain't seeing that bike again. I thought they were joking. But luckily, well, not even luckily, GDPR needed to be a thing back then because my stepdad, I think I told you. I've told this story here before. I came home, the bike was there. My stepdad was I got your bike. I was like, How? He said he went to my school, asked the school receptionist for Donny's address because he stole my bike and then went to his address and got the bike. That's illegal. They just freed up a child's address to a random guy.

That's illegal.

Bro, illegal is the word.

It's insanity.

Wow. Yeah, mental.

Wow. Mental. Anyway, what's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to... What's the most embarrassing thing that someone has done to you that's happened in front of someone else? She said, You like my tongue all up on your ass, don't you? In front of the homies. And she never even ate my ass.

She never even ate my ass. She never even ate my ass.

She's just saying stuff. That's embarrassing, man.

Brother, it is embarrassing. What was that Kiven Heart skit? Not even skip, but bit. When you beefing with your girl and when you're on a double dating, you're beefing with your girl. And then she was like, oh. And she freed them up about, what did she say? I know.

It sounds like, well, you was eating my ass last night.

Yeah, you wasn't saying that when I was eating your ass or something. When you was eating my ass. Yeah, he wasn't saying that shit when you was eating my ass last night. I remember.

I'm not hearing that.

You're not? I'm not hearing that.

You weren't saying that when you were eating my ass last night.

That's nuts. She wants to get chosen public, yeah. What's wrong with us? We're too sympa. Yeah, what's wrong with us? That's not allowed to turn us on. It's not allowed. We're talking about an argument. We're talking about embarrassment and argument.

My dick's twitching. Why?

Better help, man. That's hilarious. For God's sake. She didn't even eat my heart. If you're going to say shit like that, you're better of eating it. At least I can come back and say you got the shit tongue. You got dodo tonsils, but you didn't even eat it. That's fucking jarring, bro. Oh my God. Right. Right. I got up to get off the bus and it jerkt as I was walking down the aisle. I went to grab the seat and ended up grabbing this woman's head.

That would impugn you violence because the The person doesn't know what you were on.

They're throwing hands. They're throwing hands. Get the fuck off my head. Head? And you'll grab it with... Because you don't want to fall. You're dreading it. It's dread that the human body doesn't allow you to just fall. You have to. You have to grab shit. And anyone's head can get it. Pause. Pause.

Yeah, it's mad. What's the most embarrassing thing someone has done to you in front of someone else? Was on a date at a park and my older brother ran past shouting, 'She googled how to kiss.

' No.

That's embarrassing. She googled how to kiss. That's embarrassing. Yeah, brother.

No.

You can't forgive your sibling for that. No, no, no. You can never forgive your sibling for that.

That's what's keeping Taekwondo lessons in business.Siblin was.Fant fact. He ran through saying she googled how to kiss and darted off. That's the most embarrassing thing I can possibly imagine.

I would die. Yeah, so would I. So would I.

I'm so glad me and my brother never had that rapport. This embarrassed for embarrassed.

Yeah, me and my sister never had that at all, to be honest.

I would never forget my brother, when he was a youth. Speaking of embarrassment, it wasn't for me. When my brother was a youth, he was a little chatterbox. Okay. I'm talking like five. Okay. Little chatterbox. We were with my mom and some of her friends one day, and we were chilling. Then my brother came downstairs and screamed at the top of his lungs, My dad's name is such and such. He's got a massive willie. I think you said this before. Yeah.

What the fuck? I think you said this before.Gob smacked.Yeah, I fucking imagine.My.

Mom was mortified. I bet.Yeah.I bet. Mortified and gumping. Yeah.

She's like, Come on, man. You know what I do?

Come on, man. Yeah. My dad could have never been there. He was like, Shush, you're so silly.

I just look at all the other words.

Shush, man. Why are you free in our business? How did you even learn massive? But you know what? Massive. Spell massive then.

It's so massive. If you know how to use it. You. That's hilarious. Right, go on.

Oh, yes, my one. A homeless boy spat on my face, unprovoked. I was just walking with my friend after school.

I would I don't know what to do. I honestly wouldn't know what to do.

I'm not taking anyone's spit, let alone homeless spit.

I wouldn't know what to do, James. I know you wouldn't.

I know he'll be stuck in your beard for time. That would break me down to my core. Of course it would. Spit.

He's got stuff in his mouth as well.

I know that spit stinks as well. Stinks.

Oh, man.

I know that spit stinks.

That would ruin my day.

Yeah, that would ruin my week. Fuck.

What's the most embarrassing thing someone has done to you in front of someone else? Someone introduced me to a group and completely forgot my name. I would want the world to swallow me whole. That is embarrassing. No. That's embarrassing. You just have to be like, oh, yeah, I feel had. This is Fuck.

Fuck. Yeah.

B5 for fun.

B5 for fun. B5 for fun. No. You're just like, It's for you. It's for you. It's for you.

Buhat, that's it. Buhat. I knew it was B5 for fun.

B5 for hard. Yeah, fee-five for hard. Yeah, that one. No, bro. Oh, for fuck's sake.

Fee-five for hard is crazy.

Bro, fee-five for fun. No, that's fucking embarrassing, man. That's a piss, dude. I remember when there was one time I went to my ex's, she was my girlfriend at the time's house when I was like 19, something like that. Her mom was there. I'd met her like 100 times. The Marjorie? I met them 100 times. But my girlfriend at the time had some friends over. So I came round. All of them were there. The mom was in the kitchen. All the girls were in the kitchen. I walked in and the mom said, You're right, Jason. We've been together a year. What did you say? You don't even apply. I was like, You're right. I said, You're right. I didn't want to cause a scene. The girls were sweeted. You're right, Jason.

What? There is a Jason. No, there was.

Because I asked, who the fuck is Jason? And then she was like... She was laughing, isn't it? And then she was like... Bear in mind, same ex gave me the ex's boxes, by the way. She was laughing. She was like, I have a friend called Jason. My mom's met him a hundred times. He's mixed race as well. You literally nothing alike, but she's older than that, isn't it? That was her bar. All the girls in there were laughing, bro.

Sorry, bro.

Do you know how little of a man you have to be and to feel that the Maje that you've met a hundred times is like, you're right, Jason. Sorry, bro. I'm supposed to do what?

You can't even give a fuss.

Yeah, I can't give a fuss. I can't say, who the fuck is Jason, you old bitch. Fax. I can't say nothing. Sorry, bro. Because also you're fighting such an uphill battle. You are. So even if I was to step up and go, who the fuck is Jason? She's like, I thought it was you. That's not even you. So who are you?

Why are you in my house?

Why are you in my house?

Then if you're not Jason.

Because I'm greeting Jason. Who the fuck are you?

So who the fuck are you?

Scream.

Who the fuck are you?

For fuck's sake, man.

That would... I'd have to laugh along because this all has to be a joke. This all has to be a joke. Oh my God. Oh God. I I wouldn't be able to wait to tell you, man. It'll be the funiest thing. I'm so angry inside. Who the fuck are you? For fuck's sake.

Too funny, man. For fuck's sake.

All right, you go.

Right. I took my brother's iPhone 12 back in 2022 to get a girl's number, and everything was going fine. She was typing in her number, and he shouted from across the street, 'Hurry up and bring me back my phone.

' Across the street is wild. That's intentional.

Yeah, facts. He's a hater, bro.

That's intentional hater, man.

'hurry up and bring me back my fucking phone.

Why do siblings find it funny to embarrass siblings in front of the opposite sex?

Because they're just assholes, bro. Why? They're just assholes, man.

Why, man? It's just... It is what it is, man. You didn't get a dub, man. You didn't get a dub. What's the most embarrassing thing someone What else has done to you in front of someone else? We were at dinner and I accidentally called my girl's mom, Babe.

Yeah, I would hate that. Babe, can you pass a broccoli? Babe? Who the fuck is Babe? Babe. And the girlfriend's like, Babe.

Mom would be like, Babe. But the girl was like, Babe.

Yeah, and you were fumbled. And you were like, No, no, no. But like, Babe. But like, obviously, Mrs. Babe. Mrs. Babe. No, no. Babe. Not Babe, babe.

You'll be talking yourself into trouble.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nah.

I'm going to be like, I fucked up. Yeah, charge. Charge, charge, charge. It was a mistake. Charge. Yeah. Typical vernacular. I'm sorry. It was a typical vernacular.

Oh, my God. Right. I was told to empty my bag in front of the whole class As the process was going on, a condom fell out. I wanted the ground to open that day.

Open that day? Yeah.

Depending on the year you're in. Yeah.

It's also crazy that it's embarrassing.

Sexual health is embarrassing.

Sexual health is embarrassing. Yeah, facts. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, facts. Like, Donny's actively banging.

Or is he? That's the peak thing. I'm bringing myself back to year 10, James. Okay, yeah. If I'm seeing a Johnny in someone's bag, I'm a hater because I'm a virgin, obviously. I'm a hater. I've seen a Johnny in there, and I'm the first one to be like, You don't even need that. Yeah, Why are you trying to flex carrying a condom everywhere? You don't need that shit. I'm a hater. I would be thinking, Donny's actively banging, and I'm upset. Fuck. That's jarring, man. Yeah, sexual health is embarrassing for no reason. It doesn't make sense.

For no reason.

Especially if the girl has a condom. Sexy? When you're in year 11.

Yeah, she's already strapped. It's a negative connotation as well.

Yeah.

Especially in them secondary school days.

Yeah, I remember. Oh, of course, bro. 100%, negative connotation. I remember there was a girl who got bullied one time because she slept around her boyfriend's house the day before. I remember I was in year 10, she was in year 11, and she had left her. This is horrible. She'd left her bag in the science class. I've told you before, isn't it? And the girls ran sac that bag. They were like, Whose bag is this? And they pulled one book out, saw whose it was, ran sac that bag. And she had her underwear from the day before because she slept at her man's house. You know when you watch Game of Thrones and they hang people's heads in front of the thing for everyone to see. That's how their man was treating it underway. Yeah, they pinned it on a notice board with her name on it. They said, I can't remember the guy's name. I wouldn't buy it anyway, but it said, such and such, Stinky Banty. In Patois.

I don't know why that makes us funny.

Such and such, stinky pante in Patois. It was dread, bro.

This is why...

She's just trying to change her underwear, bro. Yeah.

See her man. Yeah, this is why people lose their minds in school sometimes. She could have come back to school ready. Oh, bro.

Ready. Yeah, ready for anything. Anything. Yeah, shots of glass in the knuckles. Yeah, you want to embarrass me?

I'm going to take the whole school down.

You feel what I'm saying? No, it's bored. Stinky Panty. In Patois. In Patois. No, bro. It's arms. Fuck.

Take my name off the board now. If I take your life. Yeah, man, you can't play with people like that, man.

You can't, bro. It's not fair.

It's just not fair.

Fuck's sake. Oh, my God.

All right, my last one I'm going to do. What's the most embarrassing thing someone has done to you in front of someone else? I had a one-night stand, kiss at me in front of my new girlfriend.

What, you?

Hiss.

Oh, kiss at me.

Like you're a fucking snake type girl.

No, no, no. Shut up. Hiss at me?

Mm-mm. That's insane. That's insane.

Right, last one. Most embarrassing thing someone has done in front of someone else. My mother gave birth to me in a room full of men. What a tramp.

The bar tramp back in the day? It would take you so far. It's too funny, bro. You're a tramp. Yeah. Wow, that hit home.

What a tramp.

If you could call the tramp, that hit.

Yeah, bro, you're a Bro, trapped back in the day, it was the bar, bro. Look at you, you fucking trapped.

For fuck's sake.

Bro, it means bear things, bro.

It does.

It means you're a little tart, and it also means you stink.

Homeless motherfucker.

Bro, I remember after rugby one day, I wore my PE trainers home with my school uniform. No, it was the opposite way around. I had my PE gear, put my school shoes on. You're ready to do it? You're an idiot, man. Bro, I couldn't be bothered to get changed. Pe was the last subject. We played rugby, I was covered in mud, and I couldn't be bothered because I only had my rugby boots. That's why I didn't wear my trainers. I only had my rugby boots. So I put my Wallybees back on. I made it two steps outside. So I said, Look at you, fucking tramp. I'm being scotché.

I would have frozen.

I was like, I love it, man. With my high song, Look at him, fucking tramp. How do you get your shoes with P-kit? Anyone can get it. Facts, bro. Well, that's why I didn't make it two steps.

Fuck, man. I remember. So I don't know if you remember the Converses, them leather Converses that were like, ankle high.

I do remember.

Yeah, I do remember. I owned two pairs of those yours, the white ones and the black ones. This is like, post-uni. I remember I was leaving wireless. I think this maybe was in Hyde Park. We're probably talking about 2015, 2016 type. I remember leaving. Someone from across the road shouted at me. He said, Look at these fucking long shoes, the fucking clown.

I was mortified.

I never wore them again. Both of them got dashed.

The fucking clown.

Brother.

Are you joking me?

I didn't know what was so unprovoked.

Yeah, it was you. But I clearly provoked him because I wore the creps.

I provoked him because I wore the clown creps.

Look, his long shoes are fucking The Clown.

Across the road, brother. He was in a car as well. He said it, sped off.

No, of course he was in a car. You're getting confidence to say that on street like that. Fuck, man. I played Kirby with your head, bro. What do you mean? That's my way.

Fuck, bro.

The fucking clown. Yeah.

I just had to fur, man. I keep going. I looked down on my shoes and said, fair. I can't wear these again.

That's trend, bro. I can't wear these again. That's fucking trend. I remember one time, this is completely unrelated. I'm just thinking about embarrassing moments. There was one time I was in basketball practice. You know where you start basketball practice and then you get all the balls out the cage and everyone's shooting about. And then it's time to start. And coaches like, put the balls away. It was my year and the year above we were training together. One of the bullies in the year above. Everyone put their ball away. I was the last one to put the ball in the cage. One of them called me and dashed the ball and it smacked me clean on my nose. When I say everyone was howling, smacked me clean on my face. And because it hit my sinus just right, my eyes were streaming. And he goes, Look, he's fucking crying.

It hit my sinus, chocked right.

Bro, it lit my sinuses And the tears were streaming. And he's a fucking bully. And he was like, look, he's fucking crying. And everyone was like,.

And the teacher was there.

The teacher was there, bro. And they were like, come on, guys, stop. Stop messing around. He's not crying. And I'm like, no, not crying, bro.

Fuck. For the sake, man. I was embarrassed. Secondary school is a jungle. It's a jungle. No matter the decade, it's a jungle.

It's not nice in there. Bro, and I was top. I was calm, all things considered. I was fine in terms of my social standing, and I still got it. Guys. Girls. This is a paid advertisement from Betterhelp.

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For 20% off plus free shipping. Alice, what was your say to your score?In.

Terms of what?In.

The peccal order.Popularity..

I was in the nerdy group, right? But I was sound with the popular guys. Fair. People knew me and stuff, but it wasn't close, close. But it was like, yeah, sound. It was all right, man. Did you do anyone's homework? No, because I was gamer smart. I wasn't Because you said you were nerd. I didn't know what road you were going down. I was more like gamer, nerd. Everyone would come to me if they wanted to complete a campaign. Fair. They wanted a certain Black Ops One days and stuff. How do you beat this mission? Cool. We're jump on. Fair play. That's a good end.

It was all right, man. We weren't asking that question then.

We didn't have it then.

We didn't have it then, bro. We didn't have the consoles to be asking the nerds while going for this and that.

I had a nice middle ground. It was nice.

School was I found out one of my boys was secretly playing Yu-Gi-Oh with the nerds one time.

I bet that didn't go that well. It didn't.

It didn't. He tried to confide in, man, as well. That's how I found out. He tried to confide in, man. He was like, Oh, bro, you know you, bro? I was like, Yeah. Yeah. He's like, Yeah, I've been looking into it. And I was like, Okay, what does that mean? And he was like, Yeah, you know There was a group of... There was a guy called Sean, a guy called Chris, a guy called Aaron, and a guy called Lee. He was like, That man there. I was like, Yeah, they play it. I was like, Yeah, I know. I see them at lunchtime, casting all kinds of spells. He was like, Yeah, I went around Donny's house the other day and we ran it for a bit. I was like, What? Yeah, he was like, No, my deck's not where it needs to be, but it was all right, so you should pull out. I was like, Shut the fuck up, man. Shut the fuck up. They didn't invite me to such. They didn't invite me to play Yu-Gi with your little boyfriends. Bro, this time, me and my brother were locked in on Yu-Gi. I know.

We were locked in on Yu-Gi. You just can't let the streets know. I can't let the streets know that. You can't let the streets.

I thought it was a trap. Oh, fuck.

I was trying to trick me. Me and my brother were balls deep in Yu-Gi at home. Now stayed on the one roof.

Yeah. I'm saying, secondary school's a jungle, man. It is. It's a jungle.

Yeah.

Fuck's sake. I'm not going to lie, man. I went to his yard and ran a couple of games with them. Yeah.

He said, They were helping me out on my deck. I was like, Man, get your dick out of your fucking mouth, bro. Stand up. You and your little boyfriends.

Fuck. That's too funny. Guys. Factual girls, man.

Happy Monday, man. Happy Monday. Welcome back. Indeed. If you're here and you enjoy the good vibes, please, please, please head on over to patreon. Com/schitsandgeeks. We have amazing content over there. All the things that we'd like to talk about, that we like to do or that we would like to do or learn or get better at, we do it over there on our infamous one of a kind show called The Log Cabin. Phuid and I recently completed in our second part of a cooking challenge on there. We did. If you want to catch the first part, head on over there right now. It's Patreon. Com if you didn't hear me, forward slash ShitsnGigs. I recently nearly lost a finger on part two. It has recovered. Thanks for asking. You're welcome. Yeah, it's good vibes. On top of the Lockabrish show, we have extra content every Thursday where we are not obligated to stick to the rules of YouTube and Spotify, where you're not allowed to play music or listen to or watch other people's videos or do or whatever. You can do what you want on Patreon, and that's what we do. So head on over there.

One more time from the top, patron. Com/sthingsandgigs. Contribute a humble £3 a month. Rund the P to S and G. Run the P to S and G. And your daddies will take it from there. Factual. So without any further ado, Can I start the episode today by saying something semi-semi-erotica/fan fiction?

Okay. You might as well.

Yeah, me and Phil went to the the other day. Yesterday, actually.

Fan fiction is... Okay, I'm gone. Because you started this with reality and you said fan fiction arrived because I don't know where this is going.

We went to the gym yesterday. Basically, I'm sure that long story short, I haven't seen for you as DM's, but I'm sure sometimes they're flooded with girls just offering throat. Now and again, I'm sure that's what happens.

Where have you come to this conclusion? Well, let me add. All right, sorry.

I'm premising something here. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Now and again, I'm sure the DMs are like, Yeah, yeah, throat this. Like Tom Nat, cheeks this. Like, whatever that. Which I think is great. But I don't get invested in it. We went to the gym yesterday and I was really excited. Well, not excited, but basically, you know how funny I find who has reactions to things. We'd never been in a sauna together before and we were like, oh, we're going to go in the sauna. Sauna is obviously hot. I sat there giggling to myself thinking, We're going to get in there and he's going to last about 30 seconds before he kiss his teeth and storms out. I'm going to laugh and laugh and laugh. Then I'm going to follow him like a little pussy because I'm not sitting there by myself. I'm obviously not going to sit there by myself. When he did leave, I did follow him like a pussy. We got in there now and I'm waiting for this kiss of the teeth. It's been It's been about seven minutes. I was sitting there and I look over to gaze at Fouhad and he looked like a lion about to take down a gazelle.

He was sat like this with a towel on and the light just cut off. Just cut off where the goods would be. I gazed over and he wasn't looking at me. He was staring at something.

I was looking at the towels on the Yeah, but it looked like he was staring at prey.

And he was hundered forward and there was a luscious V of sweat that went from his collarbone straight down to his abdominals and pubic bone. I was like, That's a drink of chocolate. That just is. I'm objective enough to understand what I'm looking at from fresh eyes. That's a drink of chocolate if anyone's ever seen one. I'm not going to lie to you, bro. Jesus. It made me fix my posture. Because before I sat like this. I was sat like the Greek Donza in there, man. Just sat there. Just taking the heat, bro. Got doing whatever he wanted. As soon as I saw that, I said, I sat straight and I pinned my shoulders back. I pinned my shoulders back like that and let the breast do the talking. I was like, Wow, we're not the same today. We're not the same today. He's got blood loss in his eyes.

A drink of chocolate, James, man.

But yeah, anyway, that's all I wanted to say. That's hilarious. You look like after eight yesterday. Well played.

Thank you, G. It was a very, very, very, very good session. It was sick. Yeah, I haven't been to the store in a while. Yeah, I enjoyed it. Enjoyed it, man. Good time. Fair play. Gang.

Good time. Right, you've got a thread for us today, no?

I do. This thread is a... This is a tweet that says, What's the best way to calm down a woman? And Kev on stage Which is reacting to this tweet. God, I love Kev on Stage. But I didn't even list. So do why he's having these jokes. But I looked at the comments of this. So the thread is the comments. So what's the best way to calm down a woman? First comment. Retitled I call this as the quickest way to Meet Jesus.

Next comment.

Instructions unclear. I'm in the ICU.

Bro, that's fucking jokes. Next one.

Funeral homes rubbing their hands like Birdman.

Yeah. No, don't shoot me. The next one.

Kevin divorce. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck, that's funny. Oh, bro. I saw the video because his commentary was sweet to me. Okay. Have you seen the actual video? Bro, he's on about talking about, this is what you need to do. Saint 20th is like, calm down. Calm down, you're doing too much. Why are you so upset? Why are you so upset?

It's the fanniest, funniest, funniest thing. Another one said, This advice is population control.

Facts.

Bro, telling someone to relax or telling a girl you need to calm down is triggering.

It's triggering, but no one's willing to warn young men what they're getting into, into manhood. Because it's trial and error.

I found out this the hard way, like I'm sure everyone does.

I just found out, don't say Calm down to your girlfriend.

I don't think I ever found out through face-to-face experience. I think it was more the case of when you see a lot of socials or shows or whatever, and you say to a woman, Calm down, their reaction is like, oh, ra. So this is how they react to that word. So I don't think I've ever said it.

Oh, I said it, bro.

But I feel like it's one of them ones where I've said it in just, not in a serious thing. So I've never been any repercussion.

I've said it like the first When I said it was when one of my... This is her fault. I think I've told this before. This is again when I was younger, 18, 19. I was on a night out with my girlfriend at the time, with my friends, but she was out as well. She was dancing and I saw a bear. I saw a bear pull up on her. She had had a couple drinks. I'm pretty sure she span around and gave him one of them, two fingers in his head, and I was like, oh.

Too much.

Way too much.

Okay.

And then he was like, the fuck? So they're beefing, beefing, beefing. I'm thinking, I have a feeling she's done this intentionally because she knows I'm here and I'm just going to swoop in and do some shit. When I say I literally walked over there dragging my feet, let's go get punched in the face. So obviously pulled it up, pulled it up. She was going off. Then I remember he was like, Bro, tell your fucking girl to relax. I'm like, Brother, stop. Then she was going off, off, off. I remember saying, Fucking relax, Man, calm down. Why are you doing all this? And she was like, Calm down. As soon as I heard that was... Fucked up. Yeah, I fucked up. That's why I learned it, bro. Calm down. Calm down. Yeah, no, never. Damn. No, never. Damn, damn, damn. Yeah, it didn't work.

It never does. It literally never does.

No one's ever told their girl, Calm down, man, and then be like, okay.

It just doesn't work. It just doesn't work like that. Yeah, they double down.

Yeah, damn. And the more you bleed, the worse it gets.

The bleed is crazy.

Yeah, it's nuts. All right. You had something you wanted to talk about, right?

I do have something I want to talk about. Guys, girls, I have watched three and four.

Oh, of Star Wars? Yes. Put us on, bro.

I have watched three and four. I've watched The Return of the Jedi, and I have watched... What's the Anakein backstory one?

The episode one?

Episode one.

No, no, no. Episode one is called R Don't tell me. Don't tell me. Don't tell me. Star Wars episode one is called Fantomenus.

Fantomenus.

It is with Daft More.

Yes.movie.i have notes. You, man, I have notes.

Go on, go on, go on. Okay, cool. Yeah, I have notes.

I have notes.

Princess Leia, go on.

I retract my statement about calling Princess Leia a slang. I retract my statement. So Obviously, as I'm late to the party, we now all know that Leia and Luke are siblings. Twins. Twins? I didn't know that.

Oh, sorry.

Yeah, they're twins. Okay, I didn't know that. I can only imagine... When I saw that scene, even I was like, fucking hell, what a plot twist. But I can only imagine what it was like in 19 whatever when they made it. That's a plot twist.

Yeah, fam.

I can't imagine what the theater would have been like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what I would say, I'm in love with Darth Vader's character. I'm so invested in his story that he's just an on-job villain, and I love him. Obviously, yes, he dies in episode 3 or the third movie, episode 6, where it is, or seven. But I'm so, so, so invested in his ship, man. I remember there was a scene. This is one of the earliest scenes in the movie, the third movie. He's pulling up to one of the Dons in the ship, and he's like, you meant, obviously, I'm paraphrasing, you meant to be fucking up recently. So I'm going to get the Emperor to come through. So you, man, really know what it's on. And then the music just starts. And he's just walking off. I'm thinking, yeah. I sat up thinking, yeah, he's on smoke.Oh.

Yeah.darfader.

Isdarfader is on smoke. Classic villain, bro. And by what I don't like is the fact that they use James L Jones' voice, but it's not him playing Darfader. You see what I'm saying? But it obviously makes sense because Luke is white. He has to be white, whatever. But the voice is clean. The voice acting is fucking clean.

James L Jones is also overweight.

Well, then it was. But I don't know how... Was he overweight then? He's always been overweight. I think he's always been. Oh, fair I don't know. What I didn't like in Return of the Jedi, the regeneration of Han Solo, that special effects.

It was awful.

Just some beam of red light and it just fell down. Yeah, awful. Also, Remember when at the time when he got regenerated, he lost his vision for five minutes or whatever.I don't know if you remember.I don't remember. Yeah, so you couldn't see properly or whatever. They were trying to dash him somewhere. But two minutes before that, he clocked that it was Leia that was helping him out. He kissed Leia and said, Oh, my God, Leia, whatever. Then five minutes later, he was like, Oh. Someone was talking to him. He was like, I can't see. I can't see. He was like, Where's...It's not adding up.Yeah.It's not adding up.Cool.It's not adding up. It's not adding up. Cool. It's not adding up. Even though, even though, Dothvader had minimal, not minimal scenes, but his scenes were a lot shorter than the story and the journey of Luke, lay our hand on all of them. But I was so invested in Dothvader, He is such a good. You just listen when he's talking, and I rate it. I fucking rate it. Now, Fantomenus. In my opinion, okay, also in my opinion, Return of the Jedi is the best out of the first three, in my opinion.

I checked on IMDb, and I was disappointed at where it was at. It's the lowest out of the three. They think... I said they, the people that voted think the first one is the best one. Which is like, I think it's top 20.

I was like, not really for me.

That's just my opinion. Fantomenus, I think they owe... Because this one came out in, what, 1999? They overkilled it with the CGI. Obviously, it's different. It's a newer time. There's more money now, but it's so CGI-heavy. Because I'm watching it so quick, I can see how different it is. Even though it's obviously getting better, it's just like, fucking hell, this is a lot. This is a lot. But I also thought this movie was just okay, but I really, really, really enjoyed the fight between OB-1 and Darth Mor. That was a choreograph scene.

When the things between them. Yeah.

What's his name? Quo... Quo...

Quoagon Jinn. Quoagon Jinn.

He just waiting. He just sat there. They were...

Yeah. And then it comes in.

Yeah, that's choreography. Yeah, I was locked into that.

They took the choreography fucking seriously.

Did Darko talk in that movie at all or no?

No, bro. He didn't speak.

Intriguing. I also liked the birth of Anakein. Obviously, his backstory. You realized C3PO was built to help his mom, all these type of things. Yeah, man, I'm gaging and liking the story so far. In my opinion, I think I'm going to like the sixth one, Release Order, not Chronological Order. I don't know what it's called.

Revenge of the Sif. Maybe. The third of the new ones.

The third of the new ones because now I'm I'm on number four, but he's number one. Because obviously, Anakein is Darth, right? Yeah. So as he gets older, I want to see the transition from... I'm hoping they show the transition. Yes, they do. Okay, cool. Because I'm so invested in Darth Vader. It's unreal. Bro, he is a villain.

You'll love it in the third one then.

That's why I know it's going to be the best one. You'll love it. I know it's going to be the best one. You are the chosen one, bro. Yeah. So I'm locked in. I'm locked in. I'm locked in. Yeah, man, that's my synopsis of Star Wars so far. I've watched four movies. I still think number three is the best one so far, Return of the Jedi. But yeah, locked in still. Fair, bro. Locked in still, man.

I need to watch, what's it called? Fantomenus again, because I loved that movie when I was a kid.

It makes sense.

My dad took us to see it in the cinema. '99. Yeah, we went to watch it in cinema when me and my brother got good grades in our school report. It's the same day. I remember he asked us, If we get good reports, what do we want? I asked for a night ticket in my head, and the barber fucked it. Then he asked to go watch Fantomenus. I got my night ticket and went straight to watch Fantomenus. I was locked.

I bet.

I was locked. What was I? Eight years old?

Yeah, you would have been 8.

Oh, my God. What a time. Yeah.

That fight could I believe it.

Amazing, bro. You're really going to like... The second one is actually really good as well. Okay. Is that the Clown Wars or Attack of the Clones? What's it called? Go back, bro. Fantomenesk. The first one. Yeah. Attack of the Clones. Attack of the Clones. It's good. Okay. Oh, that's where you see Yoda fight. Yoda's on fucking stuff, bro. Okay. Yeah, bro. Yeah, Attack of the Clones. Jones, bro. Okay, say it last.Movie. And then Revenger: The Sif? You're in for a time, bro. Emotional roller coaster.

I'm looking forward to episode three for sure because I just know Anakein/Darth are going to do stuff.

Yeah, the guy who plays Anakein/Darth Christensen in the last two. Can't remember the guy's name now. What's the name of the actor that plays Anakein Skywalker?

Hayden Christensen.

Hayden Christensen. Bro. Yeah. Bro, damn, he's aged.

I'm not surprised, bro.

Yeah, to be fair. 43. Yeah. He axes his tits off. In those last two, in the next two that you're going to watch, axed his tits off. When you see that turn, fuck, man. I'm enjoying your journey through this way more than you can possibly imagine. Because we're talking about my entire childhood, and you're actually living it for the first time. It's so exciting.

Because like I said, I've only ever seen the John Bayega one, and I've seen Hans Solo or Solo Story, rather, with Donald Glover, and I've seen maybe one more. Obviously, I would just watch them as movies. I was watching them contextually, so I had no idea.

Oh, my God. You're in for such a treat, bro. It's literally the same as someone coming in here and sitting with us and being like, Oh, yeah. I just got to the part where I think he's met this guy called Jiraya or something like that.

You're in for a treat, Yeah, yeah.

Say less, say less, say less. Yeah, bro. Say less. That's exactly how I feel right now. Every time you come in and give the updates, I'm like, Oh, my God. Say less. The next bit you're not ready for.

The Jiraya, you know. God.

Yeah, fucking hell. To finish off, I've got a dilemma. Okay, go. Jesus, I remember this now. I'd forgotten what it was, but I knew I'd added it to my notes for a reason. Listen to this. Starts off. This is like a three-part tweet. Starts off, Imagine this. Being eight months pregnant at the night before your doctor's appointment, your husband takes you out on a nice date. Real fancy restaurant, got your favorite flowers, a necklace, and a new charm bracelet. Comfy new slippers, perfume, etc. All to end up leaving you the very next morning, 30 minutes before your appointment time. Backstory. I met this man a few years ago, and off the jump, he treated me like a queen. Our very first date was a night out in front of the lake. He was everything I ever wanted my ex to be. I've always acknowledged, bro.

What a thing to say.

I've always acknowledged my appreciation for him and everything he's done. He's never cheated. He rubs my feet. He rubs my feet and belly faithfully.Legit, K is to me.That's a joke. My every want and need. Fast forward. Whilst we were on our date, I snapped pictures and videos of everything, and I sent them to my ex. I shared how I wished it was him who did these things for me, how it was him I should have been pregnant for, and how I wished he loved me, how I still love him. Still. Maybe one day we can come back from this. My husband saw these messages. Now, I know it was wrong, but I love my husband and don't want to lose him over stupid text and hormones. I didn't mean those things. I'm just pregnant and emotional. Shut the fuck up. How can I get my husband back? Shut the fuck up. He's packed all his things and some of mine, and he's gone. Facts. Facts.

Shut the fuck up.

Bro, how dare you?

You text your ex saying, This could have been us. Yeah, but you're playing. I wish you love me like I loved you.

This baby should be yours. That's Why can't you treat me like this?

Why is my husband leaving over emotional text?

I'm hormonal. I'm pregnant and I'm hormonal.

Shut the fuck up. I would lose my fucking mind, you, man.

Bro, Bro, bro.

That's not a dilemma.

Eight months pregnant. This is us. Wife, family, house. I love you. I dote on you. I give you everything. You're about to give me my first child. I can't wait. I'm seeing on your phone, you're sending your ex thing saying, This, you should be yours. You should be giving me all this shit. I love you and I hope we can come back from this.

What does she expect, bro? I really, really wish some people can look at their scenario from a third person's perspective and see why people act the way they do.Of.

Course, bro.Because.

What does she expect from her now ex-husband? What does she expect him to You have to leave.

Yeah, of course. You have to be gone. You have to leave because she's been thinking and wishing you're the ex. Your own sanity, you have to go.

For years and you never knew.

It's mad to me that you can actually also disassociate from that person in terms of like, you're getting everything you want. Instead of thinking, wow, this is the one, you're thinking, Fuck, if it was only him instead of him, but all this stuff is the same, my life will be perfect.

It's also quick how you can switch off as the husband or ex-husband. Now, you saw those messages.Incarged.Gone.Yeah.

Back to shit and left.

It's been two, three years. You got you and you're going to give birth next month.

Yeah, there's nothing to talk about. There is nothing to talk about.

Yeah. The human brain is crazy. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. Wow, that's not a dilemma. It's not a dilemma. Yeah, that's judgment day talk.

Right, guys, that's the episode for today. It is.Thank you so much.Facts.That was a lot of fun. We appreciate you. Always.we love you. Always.love of love.Go, go, go.