Transcript of Side Stories: Attack of the Drones

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There's no place to escape to. This is The Last Podcast. On the left. Side stories?

That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Oh, shit. First of all, what a lovely day to be in New York City. Our childhood homes, Comedy childhood.

Comedy childhood.

You're from here. I'm from here. I'm from here, not to brag, but I never get to do this. We never get to do this as a show.

What's that?

Bringing somebody new, a new permanent third co-host to Side Stories. Big news. Big news. I I can't believe it. Obviously, it took a lot to really work it out. But I'd like to introduce you, one of our favorite comedians who's going to be joining Side Stories permanently. Big news. Big news.

Rock 'n' roll.

Hunter, come in here. Yes.

Hunter Biden, everybody. Come on in, brother. Come on in.

Fouled you. Fouled you. You fucking idiots.

Free at last.

Free at last. I love you, Hunter.

He went to the mountaintop, folks.

Dude, I love a guy that got to smoke, crack, smile along the way, and make it out alive.

Who do you think has had more sex in the White House? Hunter Biden or JFK?

Oh, man. Bill Clinton. Come on. In terms of gay sex, it might be Abraham Lincoln.

Free Chelsea Clinton.

Where is she at? Yeah. Let's investigate Chelsea Clinton. Can we investigate Chelsea Clinton? Welcome to Side Stories. I'm Henry Sabrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. We are going to be actively investigating Chelsea Clinton and whether or not she has nipple rings.

That's right. I want to see him.

We were here in New York City.

We're seeing- Big show on Saturday with Last Podcast on the Left at King's Theater.

Come check us out. It's going to be fucking great. We're in Philly on Friday, but it won't even matter for you because those tickets are sold out.

Sold out, baby. That's right, man.

I will be He making an appearance as everybody's favorite not President.

Who's that going to be? I'm guessing Jeffrey Epstein.

My favorite guy. You guys, I love him. Your favorite politician. I love that guy. He was honestly one of the most powerful politicians of all time, if you can call him that.

Also, don't forget, we're going to be at the Masonic Lodge on December 21st with Classy Night Out. It's going to be a There's still a couple of tickets left for that. That's in Los Angeles at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. Please join us for that.

All right. Now, this is a lot of news is coming out. Obviously, we celebrated Hunter Biden's freedom. God damn. I just love it. I love a smile. I love that it's another person related to a president that I could draw his cock by memory. I really appreciate that about him. We love his energy here. That's right. We love what he brings to the table. We think he's a fun guy, and he's going to get out there. I'm hoping next, what's Hunter Biden's next steps, Eddie?

Hunter Biden, I'm thinking either WWE or U-porn.

Wow. Yeah, I could see him.

Imagine if Fucking Kim Kardashian.

Can we make this happen?

Can Hunter Biden start dating Kim Kardashian? New sex tape- See, I feel like even Kim Kardashian is old.

I think we need somebody new. I think that he needs to go steal Bianca Sansori. Who's that? From Yee.

From Kanye. Oh, my God.

New nipples out lady.

Dude, I mean, honestly.

I feel scared for her. She makes me feel uncomfortable.

Man, do you think Hunter Biden is trapped right now?

Like a gun?

A dildo.

He's a huge penis. He doesn't need one. He really doesn't need one.

Imagine if he had one on his back, though. He had a strap on on his back. Yeah, and he'd be like, Fuck two cheeks.

Come on, now.

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, hop on the small of my Hop on a small of my back.

Hop on the small of my damn back. I want you to come on a small on my damn back.

Yes. Free, free.

Hunter Biden. Yeah, I love that he's out there, and I love that. He's going to fuck your wife. He's going to fuck your wife. He's going to ruin a dinner reservation. I love that for him. He gets to be out there. You know what? Also, fight Mike Tyson. Oh, my God. I think Hunter Biden should fight Mike Tyson, and then the winner of that fights Donnie Trump Jr. Wow. Man, I think that's I think that's the way to do this. Come on, let's just turn it all into a big, giant, soul-sucking empty entertainment venture. Oh, my God.

He should know who he should fuck is Guilfoyle.

Oh, yeah.

That'd be a really great move for him.

She's very skinny.

Very skinny. Maybe too skinny for him.

She creeps me out.

Yeah, that's her whole thing.

She creeps me out. She's very frightening. Speaking of frightening, okay. Big news. So not just this is the second big news.

Are we going to skip updates?

Well, the I have. I mean, this is pretty important.

Orcas are wearing salmon hats again.

Well, the Orca, yes, that is true.

That's a huge update.

All right, well, dude, let's do.

I feel like we're the ones who... I feel like the Orcas have been listening to our show. They've only been going up in popularity since we've been talking about them. We brought up the salmon hats months ago. We did. And now, guess what?

Wearing them again. Wearing them again. Back in style, dude. I mean, it's like when you walk around New York City and everybody's dressed like it's Kramer versus Kramer. Everybody is dressed It's like an episode. They're all like, NPCs from the background of Seinfeld. But yes, it is true. Orcas are wearing salmon again on their heads after a 37-year gap. I found it interesting is that in 1987, I was reading a cool article about this, is that apparently, they don't really know the source of why. They know that they have communities- It's a fad.

It's a style.

But they said that there actually might be a real reason, too, is that they were at a time In the time period, 1987, when it happened was a time when this group, this pod, the K pod or whatever, was in this harbor, and there was an overabundance of salmon. So part of them thinks that maybe some of the behavior is literally salmon storage on the edge of their heads, and that they think- They'll get to it later type of deal. Yes. And then they also think now the reason why that's actually coming back is interesting, is that now it's the J pod, I I think this is what they're called that are now doing it. They're saying that they think that some of those guys used to be members of a K-pod. It's like they're bringing back. It's like they're doing their retcon. That's fucking cool. They're bringing it back.

They're nostalgic.

He's nostalgic again. The member berries.

That's amazing. That's all it is. I love my Orcas. Congrats on the salmon. Salmon, probably easy to catch.

It's also very expensive right now.

By the time they get to the ocean, they're slower because they've been working so hard. Their skin's off. I think that easy to catch, wear them as a hat.

He's just making judgment calls about salmon, and I'm not going to do that to you. I love that.

We both had salmon for lunch. We did.

He got a bigger piece.

That's right.

I watched him get a bigger piece.

I should have gotten the bigger piece. Why? Because I'm bigger than you and I need more food.

But I'm just as dense.

Yes, you're just as It makes sense, but I need more salmon than you do. I could have went for more, to be honest with you.

Yeah, of course. I eat a pound and a half at home in one plate. It's not good. But yes, this is one update. The other update, there is another update, which you're not going to happy with.

What's this one?

Our favorite lady, the sexiest person in the influencer world, Chris Chan. Might be a mommy. We are looking at it right now, Chris Chan has made a bit of what they're calling a coquettish statement about maybe being a mommy, saying that they've been seen regularly at the same con I I was with last time with a really good friend of mine, Ked Cadet, who runs these cons. This is the same time when Chris Chan just showed up at that place I was at in Raleigh last January. You remember that? No. Do you remember when I was saying that he met all of- I just learned about Chris Chan on the show a couple of months ago, that their existence. I think we talked a little bit about this, about how Chris Chan was at this comic-con, this animate-con, and Raleigh that I went to. Did you put a baby in them? She were there. No, they can't hold the baby yet. She's got a girlfriend that goes by the name of Flutter. At the time, remember I told... Oh, yeah, it's gross. It's not good. It's not good.

My favorite Robin Williams film.

Chris Chan, again, and I can't wait to tell Dave I list this because at the time, I was trying to explain to the crew from Aquatine, you might not want to be hanging with Christian, this person that's going to come. They were like, Who? Then I described Christian to them. They're like, Oh, we met them today. They are very strange. I was like, Big fans of Aqua team. Then they brought Christian, then brought her new girlfriend, Girlfriend Flutter, to the anime Raleigh Con. This today, literally, it was two days ago, I saw the same pictures. Guess who was in the background of all of them? You? Dave Willis. He was in the background of every one of those pictures of Chris Chan and Flutter, and he is going to love that. Another Flutter. That's That is actually I would call, she is definitely another flutter. Christine Chandler, also known as Chris Chan, was seen out and about with their new girlfriend. Now, we don't know whether or not flutter is a girlfriend. I thought they were in jail. No. The story was that Chris Chan was accused of doing full on, full core press incestuous upon their mother.

She apparently did a sexual assault to her mother. The charges were dropped by her dementia-ridden mother. Okay. Now, those charges were dropped. Now, that was put together. I forgot the name of the troll. It was Isabella Janke, who was this horrible person that, it seems, put Chris Chan up to either do it for real or just talk about it and put it in writing, which got them arrested. Then they were released because the charges were dropped. Now, they are out. They are strange, obviously, but they are, it looks to be happily in love. If you look at this, they are being, again, very, very coy about it. But you see a picture of it's Chris Chan with a young, very, very young lady by the name of Flutter. Tiny. According to internet rumors, comes from big money. Does it need Chris Chan's influence, which makes it pure?

Is Chris Chan a get? Are they a hot commodity? Or is this-Look at her. It's a fucking nightmare human.

No.

Annie. Oh, my God.

Absolutely not. But they were just talking about this a little bit. We're going to move on right now. I'm just saying that it turns out. But according to Christian, they made a statement about them possibly being pregnant, and that statement is rather vague, according to Christian. When the child is actually coming into play for summer, somewhere around that point, I just might keep you all in the dark and let you all know until and Wait till after the child is born. That's word for word, the statement. Christian, congratulations. I hope she is a feminine child.

I hope she's an abortion.

We'll see. I don't know if we're going to get there. I don't know if we're going to get all the way there. Christian first has to run for House of Representatives, which I will be proudly voting for the first trans member of the House of Representatives. Oh, yeah. By voting for Christian.

Is that true? Might as well at this point. No, there's someone in there now. Who's in there? I don't know their name, unfortunately.

You fucking piece of fucking shit. How fucking darey. Sarah McBride this year. Yes. It worked. Congrats, Sarah McBride. I won't take that I won't take that from you.

You can't take it from them.

I can do a lot of stuff.

Oh, yeah. They're telling them they can't use the bathroom already.

I just am so... We got to move past. Absolutely. This isn't that show. Talk about that it makes me... Everybody's really stupid, and it's a fucking massive waste of time. Just the idea of telling someone where they can go to the bathroom makes me want to fucking flip out.

It's weird to have a news show when I refuse to read the news these days.

Well, we read the real news, Eddie. That's right. Such as this extremely, extremely real shit that's going on. We just did a little bit of a breakdown of this on Dan Soter's podcast, but we got to save it for here. I am in New York City during what has been called, what they're trying to say, might be a predicted alien invasion. This came from a person by the name of Cliff High. Cliff Hi, predicted this. Now, they did a... It's a computer scientist known for his past predictions using a tool they called predictive linguistics. A high who previously predicted the 2004 Indonesian tsunami.

Okay.

But that was one. All right. To the day or that was just going to happen? To the day. They also said that they called 9/11.

But you can't say you called 9/11 after 9/11.

They said after that they had called it before. The plane hits the building, I called it.

I was like, I'm not going to tell anybody. If you didn't tell anyone, then you're a criminal. Then you're implicated.

You're correct. But have you seen any of the stuff with LeBron James pretending to have red or no things?

No.

Lebron James has- I mean, I do that all the time. He has an issue where he has caught red-handed not knowing what he's talking about. He always says, Oh, yeah, I read that. Oh, yeah, I'm working on that, right?

I'm always doing it. Of course, he doesn't know anything. He was a pro basketball player at 18. How would he know anything?

I like that he's into candles and he is trying to read more. I love LeBron James. I love him. I think in terms of a man to look up to as a business leader and a father and a competitor.

I'm wearing my LeBron James Miami's right now.

He's good to look up to.

Right from your grave.

Now, of According to this guy, Cliff High talks about, I guess, what they say is some form of predictive analyst. This high's predictive system works by analyzing internet data in identifying patterns and language that can indicate major upcoming events, including political changes and natural disasters. His latest claim about an alien invasion has captured significant attention because what he basically said is that when Trump floated, that he might be Rogan.

Of course, he was going to be on Rogan.

There was a couple of days where we didn't know whether or not because they were trying to get Kamala and him, and then Rogan came out and just became a trumper, and all that shit went down in four days, if you remember.

Of course, he became a trumper. He came to his studio and did an interview.

He always was. But now we know that Rogan is, but he always was. Then having Trump be there is how we then know for certain that he is, and then it's why he's complicit and why he's going to be, and eventually be to blame for everything to come. But this guy, Donald Trump, they said that, according to Cliff High, putting to the machines, that if Trump does agree to go on Rogan, and I don't know why, I think it's because this is considered to be a high benchmark for audience, like 20 million people about listening to Rogan, I would say. It's close to rivaling Howard Stern at his peak, which is probably one of the most listened to shows in modern history.

It's crazier with Rogan, though, because with Stern, he was the only thing people could listen to.

Well, also, he did it in the OG way where they had a spread from terrestrial radio station to terrestrial radio station. It's different, but it's just more just maybe that's why he said that when that was triggered, it would trigger a 39-day sequence that would end in an alien invasion. The way we'd see it is a fight between US military and these unknown Like crafts or whatever this shit is.

But that didn't happen.

Did it? In the UK for the last two weeks, outside of the Lake and Heath, this is an Air Force base, the Royal Air Force base. They have been getting these drones incursions that they have... They've been calling them drones. This is now all over the place. It happened all over this weekend in New Jersey, Arizona. You need to look at this shit.

Wasn't there a one over Brooklyn?

I did not see the one over Brooklyn, but I just was watching live footage of New Jersey drones. This literally happened. He said that the 39 day, that time meter ran out December third. On December third, mysterious drones. This comes from USA Today. Misterious drones have been reported flying over parts of New Jersey in recent weeks, leading to an investigation involving multiple police agencies, even the FBI. So this is... It's legit. How big are the drones? The They say that they're about the size of sedans.

Oh, that's huge.

They are weirdly shaped. They look like sting rays. They have an odd assortment of lights, different colored lights, and they keep showing up in front of the airport. Now, this is images and footage of the drones. They've been circulating online. We saw these. This was in Morris County. They've emerged from multiple counties, Morris County, Somerset, Warren, and Sussex counties. They have no idea what they are. They were first spotted in November 18th. This is just the New Jersey drones. The UK drones have also been seen for the last two weeks. Now, the UK stuff is getting so hot and bothered that they're starting to shut down civilians filming the drones. You have to look at the footage. The key is to really see what this shit looks like. The stuff over, not just the Arizona. The Arizona stuff is also wild. Look at this video. This happened three days ago. Okay. Look at this massive object object.

Yeah, that's clear.

There's three objects. Dude, it's not going to be one. Watch this. It looks like it's three separate objects. You see this big, massive, squiggly light by a little red light and this other light on top of it. What you're going to now see is these other lights. I'm going to skip ahead a little bit so you could see. You can see the guy now. See how this other light has popped up? Okay. This light?

Were any of those helicopters investigating?

No. And And then you're going to watch it slowly but surely. It's one object, buddy.

Oh, you think that's one object? Yeah. And it's in Arizona.

It is one. Where the Phoenix lights grow. You see how it forms a darkened triangle?

Cool.

It is one giant object. It is very similar to the Phoenix lights.

I have a theory whenever we see stuff like this. Like I said, I'm still dipping my toe into aliens and ufology and all that stuff. I feel like I almost have a clearer view of it because I don't know too much information.

Yeah, exactly. You're not as bogged down as I am.

I think that whenever you see stuff like this, it's actually a malfunction on their part.

You know They actually talk about this? They do talk about this within circles about the idea of, let's say, this is highly protracted. There's a completely… There's no reality to this, but it's a thought process. Let's say they are actually biological creatures.

Okay.

Let's say one of the things… We talked about this today in Soda's episode, but I do get what I hold is that everything is real in terms of if one thing is real, everything is real. I think that not only do they live in the ocean, they also come from other planets. They're also interdimensional. They're also us from the future, and they're also like, they are- Yeah, there's multiple different races from different places. But let's say they're biological ones that's real. Let's say we think like people and they want... The goal is for it to be a recon mission. Maybe that's ostensibly why they're doing these things. They're looking out into the various folds of the universe to find resources There's always that story. They use it. Independence Day famously uses it with the... They run out of resources, so they run here to get ours. But who would you send across the universe to go look for shit?

A drone.

I think that's one, unmanned or an idiot.

You would send it. Well, the first thing we sent in the space was a dog. A dog, yeah.

You'd send somebody you could afford to lose out there. This isn't A team.

You think so?

I think that if you get here, you were sent here to get away from your family.

I mean, Columbus was B team. He was B team. He was B team. Italy He's like, go fuck. We're going with America, Vespucci.

He's B team.

He was B-Team.

He was B-Team. Yeah. So it's like, maybe these guys are B team. If that's one of the angles. But look at this. This was also seen two days over Jersey. Again, dude.

It looks like a Yeah, it looks like a big thing.

It's a big... It is one big object. Now, we talked a little bit last week about the UAP Congressional hearing. We're going to go in more detail over the next couple of weeks about what a Congressional hearing is, all that type of shit. But they talked about how some of this stuff is obviously retrofitted human technology. But this fucking ain't.

I mean, it's just lights, though.

I know, but it's what the lights are. They don't know what the living fuck they are. They are thick, dude.

So they were only up for one night and they were gone the next day?

No, they've been saying that they've been coming for repeat performances. People are going out. For the UK, they've put out a live stream. I found it on They keep shutting them down. There are live streams of Lake & Heath that you can go watch, and they've been calling them. They've been saying, Here they come. They're coming now. And then you watch these little points of light, and they're not... They keep saying that they're researching this stuff. The only answer that they can come back with is, they seem to not be dangerous. So they're up there. But the ones in Jersey, man, some of these ones in Jersey, they are physically... They are there. They look like actual I don't know how to describe it. They look like little planes. They look like... There's a reason why they're calling them drones.

Look at this. This is the Brooklyn, NYC, November 12th footage that I saw the other day. I don't know what's real and what's not real. It all looks like it's easily made. So obviously, I don't know for sure. But there was some weird object over Brooklyn.

I don't know where it is. There it is. Yeah, a metal sphere.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, man. I don't know what that is.

They're coming.

Who cares, though, right? I don't think that... How do you put it? It's not that I don't hear. There's one UAP flying over Mexico last night. Look at this fucking thing. What's that? That's creepy as fuck.

Yeah. But the thing is, it's like...

It's just ramping up like a mother fuck.

But do you think it's ramping up because we are getting better with drones and people just think that our personal drones are fucking UAPs? This is a question that we have to figure out.

This is a question we have to figure out.

I think there's just more and more drones everywhere, and all of a sudden, now there's more UAPs.

It's just that they look like they don't look like anything that anybody has. That's what's fucked up, is that they don't look like anything, Eddie. They don't look like other planes. We don't know where they're coming from. They're saying that we can't find their origin of flight. They don't know what direction they're coming from. They're just popping up in the sky. They're not... That's what's fucked. That's why there's also a part of me that wonders if it's a fully natural phenomena. If the stuff that comes out of the ocean is literally another type of animal or something that we just don't physically understand. We just don't understand.

Like the abyss?

Maybe. I have dreams about the abyss all the time. I love the abyss. I always have That is a common occurrence for me for dreams that I fall into a big ocean and I can breathe the water. That's fun. Maybe it's because I'm a fish.

You may be part fish. Who knows? Definitely a little bit of a walrus.

We ever do. Oh, God.

Man, I don't know. I mean, but they're doing nothing. What are they doing? Just observing? They don't know what to do. Hanging out?

Dude, they literally don't know what the fuck to do. Look at this. This is what they're talking This is over Jersey. See this weird ass configuration? It looks like a natural formation. It doesn't look-It is moving. It is moving and it's swirling and the fucking... You see, that's solid as fuck.

Yeah.

What is this shit? Legitimately, it's just I don't know, man, because it is ramped up noticeably in the last month.

Do you have any theories? You keep saying, I don't know, but Well, if it could possibly be...

I mean, all of our audience is going to be like, You know how much of our audience they all hate? Half them hate that shit. So it's so hard to talk to them.

I mean, I hate it, too, but I'm doing my best to learn and be a part of it.

Look at the news and tell me it's not going crazy. You know what I mean? That's the difference. When the legit news stands there, not even the funny, silly news. You have two anchors. You're watching in New Jersey. In that New Jersey, and that New Jersey. These two anchors are openly arguing about what it is. They're all like, they're talking to the police and they're talking to the FBI. The police are asking people in New Jersey to tell them what it is. They You know what the... So they're all like, that's what's hard is that you'd expect it because obviously a lot of it does end up getting debunked, which is good, but they try to do it quickly, and it seems to be coming faster than they can debunk it. It's What if we made a big mistake on November fifth?

Oh, it doesn't have anything to do with that shit.

I don't think so. It's a coincidence. Yeah, I honestly do think it's a… There's a lot of people that want to attach it to it, and I don't want to attach it to it because I don't think that anybody's any… I don't think in the end, if they didn't come for Hitler… If they didn't understand. If they didn't come for Hitler, You're not coming for a president.

They don't understand the news. They don't understand English.

Then why is it happening now? To you, why would it be happening now?

To me, why would it be happening now? I think that it's always happened. Do we have more cameras than ever? I think we have more drones than ever. I think there's more technology than ever. I think there's a lot more things being mistaken as UFOs.

But we had that five years ago. We had the same stuff five years ago, pretty much.

Don't you think it goes in fads?

It does. Famously, it goes in fads. They call them flaps. They co-win waves. It is all the time.

If there's three shark attacks next week, we're going to forget about this shit.

Dude, this These, again, these are these. This is why it's weird, man. It's because of the way they blink. Yeah.

They are in a situation like the Phoenix Lites.

They're in a line. It's really weird. That's why they keep… I guess my main issue truly is the fact that they're calling them drones. You know what I mean? Is that if they weren't calling them drones, look at this one. This is the one I saw. Look at this one. This one looks like a plane. This one literally looks like a plane, but it's not one.

Yeah, no, it's mimicking a plane.

That's fucking frightening. That is frightening. That's weird as fuck.

This is on the actual news.

This is on the news. This isn't one of my silly little websites. This is on the fucking news. So whatever it is, even though, let's just say, I'm not going to put them above. I'm not going to put the media above being full of absolute shit.

Yes.

But this is pretty interesting. I don't know. Everyone's going to be yelling. Everybody debunked. Everybody's so smart, Eddie. I know. The Reddit's so smart. All the people out there are so smart. They know so much better. I know you're all cursing at me and calling me an idiot, but I do think that maybe there might be something there, but go on, just live in your life. It does technically change nothing, so it doesn't really matter.

What would it take for people as a whole to believe? Other than Trump shaking hands with a fucking alien?

I I wouldn't believe. I believe it less if Trump did it. I think that we are past that point. I don't think that we'd ever believe it. I think that it would have to literally take a mass actual invasion for people to think it's actually real. I think that if it happens in in a subtle way, people will acclimate it to it so fast that it also won't matter.

Do you look in the sky all the time? All the time. Trying to find something?

When I'm in a plane, when I'm out anywhere in the country, when I'm- You found nothing. I've never seen anything.

You've never seen anything. No. I had a dream we saw something recently.

What did we see?

We saw a little light in the sky that zipped.

It could fucking happen this weekend. It's all over the place. But I don't know why. Side story is LPOTL gmail. Com. Why do you think if it's real, let's just cut all the people who don't think it's real. Just don't pay attention to that. For those of you that think it's real, why now? Why would there be an uptick? We'll find out. We will fucking find out. I put it to the audience. New DB Cooper alert. His guy's not anything. I barely want to cover this story. It's just in the news, so I just figured that we should just at least talk about how the family of a guy by the name of Richard McCoy was the... This family is fucking certain that this man was DB Cooper because he also got arrested for a skyjacking, I guess, just months after the DB Cooper thing, and they found a retrofitted- That would assume that D. B.

Cooper lived then?

Yes, and that they found his... They say that they have his parachute that was retrofitted specifically, and it could not be anybody else's parachute, according to this family. And they had to wait for their mom to die to talk about it because they're more than certain she's involved.

Oh, because she had the money. Yeah. But D. B. Cooper jumped out of 32,000 feet?

No, it was like, lower than that. I think that's the reason why it was so dangerous is because it was... I don't remember. I don't remember all of the details.

You wouldn't just freeze? It's cold.

I think that he died. Yes. I personally think that he died. But they never found anything.

They never found the Were they over the ocean?

No, they were in a mountain. If he splatted into a side of a mountain and a bunch of birds took that money and made fucking nests with it, as far as I'm concerned. But they keep pushing it because there was a book D. B. Cooper, the real McCoy that does talk about this being the actual D. B. Cooper, that McCoy was the real D. B. Cooper. But the family sued them.

This family did?

Sued the author of that book, and they got to shut down.

Okay.

So they even said themselves it's not true. They do. I think it's because the mother… That's the only thing that makes me interested. It because the mother has something to hide.

They should have to give the money back to the guy they sued. If they're going to come out and say that it is their father now, I'll tell you that much.

I think that's why they're trying to do this, is they're trying to get money because I think that money's gone. Yeah. I don't think they got any of that D. B. Cooper money because it was like 75 grand 100 years ago.

Yeah, that's not too much.

No, I don't know. I don't remember what it was. It is not enough. And also D. B. Cooper. I just... People love the story of D. B. Cooper. I think that people like it because he got away with free ass money. And people like when somebody gets away with free ass money.

Well, and also just jumping out of a commercial airline.

There's something that people love and are fascinated by D. B.

Cooper. Yeah. I mean, I like a good bank robbery. I wish that there was still a chance for criminals to commit crimes. There's too many cameras. The playing field isn't level anymore.

Because as far as I'm concerned, rob as many banks as you want. Oh, yeah. Robbed stores.

As long as you don't hurt nobody.

Yeah, of course. Just don't hurt people. Banks are insured.

Stores are insured. Major banks. No credit unions. Even them. No, I respect your credit union.

You respect your credit union? I don't. Oh, you want to get in the fucking bank business and you want to Are you innocent about it? That don't work, buddy. All right? Your fucking hands are covered in blood, too, credit unions. All right? You're just as uncomplicit. The only thing that's not complicit, pure raw uncut diamonds.

Td Banks fucked again. They got caught embezzling over a million dollars. They're motherfuckers.

Man, you remember when you go to TD Bank? That was my favorite because we used to go because you used to bring your change in. And then you used to go put your change in the change machine.

I like playing the change and you try to guess. And there was that little girl was like, No, you don't know what you got.

Is Is that real? Still? What? The change machine?

I don't know. I stopped going to TD Bank after they stole from my mother. Yeah. They're motherfuckers.

Do you remember they used to give us piggy banks, though?

Yeah, they did. But that was back when they were-New. There was a different one. There was a blue They were blue, and then they turned into TD Bank.

Yeah, what were they?

Who gives a shit? They're fucking assholes.

Hey, you're here to hear us struggle through trying to remember something. Fucking, how dare you? Criticize us.

Yeah. Well, as long as... Do you think that DB Cooper could have been scooped up by aliens?

No. You fucking piece of shit. No. Db Cooper is fucking... I think he's grease.

Yeah, he is grease.

I think he's a wet spot.

A shit spot in the mountain. Yeah.

Right from your grave. All right, let's see what else we got here.

What else we got here? Do we have any... We got some UFO mail.

I mean, We do have some euophones. I'm going to go into a little bit. I was just trying to think of there was the one story because this story is like a nothing burger with the Thanksgiving. He said that he couldn't... The guy killed his brother accidentally on Thanksgiving because he says he sneezzed too much. But then you looked at it. I thought it was a really good kill. I thought it was like a strangling or stabbing. But then he just accidentally knocked him over and he hit his head and then he had a call. So it really wasn't...

Yeah, that's an accident.

It's not exciting. Oh, you know what? Other people that missed 9/11. You remember we talked about on Side Stories a couple of weeks ago, we talked about people that missed 9/11 because you brought up the elevator attack that the guy got ate on 9/11 and how he got to live a blissful life. You know who else who didn't know? James Cameron. Okay. Because where was he at everybody else's favorite disaster? The Titanic. That's nice. He was under the water at the Titanic, missed 9/11, came back up being like, What I missed. They said a land-based Titanic. You know what actually made me upset? He didn't immediately go look at it. Because that's a land Titanic. You could get there by car. 9/11. Yeah. Like, 9/11. You can drive to 9/11.

Well, not when you're in the middle of the ocean.

Dude, get on a boat. You're already on one. Come back. Fucking go to New York. Take a picture of the new Titanic. That's a ground floor Titanic. You're getting in right now. You get to see it at the top. You get to tell everybody you were there. You get to take pictures dying off of that. Rudy Giuliani should have still been... He should still have goodwill to this day, but he ruined it.

God, both him and Chris Christie had goodwill because of the disasters and immediately destroyed it.

Yeah, because it turns out the disasters was them after all. Rudy Giuliani was his own 9/11.

Bill Paxton was the one that told James Cameron.

Yeah, and you imagine then when he came out of the water, Bill Paxton just said, Hey, James, guess what? It's game over, man. Game over, man. It's game over, man.

They fucking flew two planes into the towers.

They're coming for our buildings, man. We got to get out of our buildings, man. I got a little dick. Yeah, and then Bill. Yeah, I love the effect that it was Bill Paxton. Then someone else wrote an email. I forgot what he was saying about if you could just miss 9/11, how nice that was.

Oh, yeah. Although I feel like if you missed it for a couple of days and then you found out about it, it'd be even more depressing because then you just feel like a fucking idiot. I guess. What's going on in my life?

There's a part of me that would think like, Still got it. I could definitely not remember this. I could definitely, definitely not remember this.

Should we get to one of these UFO stories?

I got a couple of them. All right, let me listen to this. We got a couple of good ones here. We got some good longer form letters. All right. I wanted to read because I wanted to read this first one, not the other UFO, because I'm in a I have nofo mood. I haven't seen any yet. I've had people, but also people have just been texting me all day.

Yeah. Also, be on the lookout. If you see anything, please let us break it for you.

Take a picture. I actually got a lot of footage also recently. I've gotten a lot of footage, but I'm saving them for my mandate.

Personal footage from people? Yes. Also, if you know how to make some fake footage, send that, too.

Don't muddy the waters. That's CIA already has enough fun doing that. All right, let's get to some of these.

It would be good to see some fake footage, though, that people make in order to determine what's real and what is fake.

I will say I have seen a lot of fake footage.

Yeah, so have I through you.

Some of what I have shown you is just subtler than you want it to be, which I do understand. We all don't want it to be subtle. We want it to be forthright.

Yeah. Now, do you think they would walk around or is it just like, are they globs of jelly? Like, what the...

One of my feelings is that the ships themselves are the aliens. They're not piloted by things inside of it.

Okay. Like, Nope. Yes.

Okay. Yeah. I think that the things that we're looking at are literally the aliens.

All right. That's cool.

I think that they are trying to look like our stuff.

I mean, it makes sense. I mean, look at a stealth bomber. Yep.

Which is awesome.

Very similar. I know, man. I've seen a stealth bomber up close. That shit's fucking wild. Just cruising real slow, too. It looked like it was just floating. Yeah.

I want to scare somebody in a plane.

Do you think that's where we got the technology from for the stealth bomber? That's what they say.

Well, that's one of the things they say. It's silent. But it's the cloaking technology, and it's whatever these... The TR-38, I think, is another example that they said is going to be a triangle shaped UFO. Okay. That is a... What is it? The TR3 something. Yeah, the TR-3B. Does America have a reverse engineered UFO? This is what they say. They call this an anti-gravity spacecraft. Okay. But we don't know yet with quite what it is.

And what keeps them invisible, like giant gilly suits?

Yes. Yes. They know it's them fucking with lights. They're fucking with the imagery. All right, so let's get through some listening emails. Around a year ago, I was working as a freelance gaffer in Los Angeles when I was offered a job on a low budget indie documentary centered around psychics in Sedona, Arizona.

Congrats.

Hey, this is where we all make our money. I took the job thinking it would be a fun excuse to get a paycheck, see Arizona, and entertain myself at the expense of a couple of phony psychics. Though there was a fair amount of bullshit in Charlotte among the psychics we interviewed, I am writing about an indisputable experience I had while interviewing one specific psychic that fundamentally shifted my worldview. During this part of the documentary, we were to accompany one of the psychics on something called a Vortex tour. One of the big spiritual tourism draws to Sedona are these spiritual vortexes that are supposed to enhance your spiritual energy. Our guide was a guy who went by the Hindu named Bonna, despite being a tall white dude from Portland with a youth pastor vibe. Bona is also the American Bano.

Oh, okay.

He carried a guitar just like Bano and kept saying, Send it. If there was anyone I expected to guide me to a life-changing spiritual experience, it was not him.

It was like our guide in Hawaii, Taj. Yeah, Taj. Yeah, it's like, Come on, you're from North Carolina.

Your name's Ryan. Yeah, Todd. Yeah. He took us on a short hike up a small hill called Baby Bell, slightly off the main trail. During the hike, we were interviewing him, shooting B-roll, et cetera. It was the lighting guy. I was very much in work mode, our entire ascent. When we reached the top of the hill, Bonna had the entire crew stop working for his demonstration. He had a stand in a circle, rimming the top of the hill, facing away from each other and toward the Sedona landscape.

God, I love rimming a hill.

Nothing, especially in a group. And then I'll meet Hill's father. There was nothing that seemed to set the top of this hill apart from any of the other. No crystals, altars, carvings, anything else. Just dirt, plants, and sky. He instructed us all to breathe and exhale, then proceeded to strum his guitar twice. I focus on a far away mountain range, fully expecting to have a nice little break before getting back to work. That is not what happened. Almost instantly, My vision changed to what I can only describe as a high definition filter, similar to the crystal clear effect people get when consuming marijuana, paired with a blurry Vignening effect. Before I could even process what was happening, I started to see every possible iteration of a mountain forest mother earth spirit flashing frame by frame as visualizations until they became one. It wasn't quite a hallucination. If you can imagine in your head a cube floating in front of you, it was very similar to that. The difference was I was not in control of the visualization. These visualizations were paired with an innate understanding that whatever this entity was, was introducing itself to me.

I would describe it as a loving mother's energy. It began to communicate with me without the use of words. It was as though thoughts, ideas, and intent were transferred to me with little to no room for misinterpretation. Most notably, it seemed to lack any emotion, not in a heartless way, but in a precise yet loving way. It began with the classic, Don't be afraid. I am not here to hurt you, followed by, Everything as is as it should be. Nothing is good nor evil. It just exists. An instant understanding of the of everything. Before I knew what was happening, I felt my head turn from the mountain range as I was looking at and focus on a particular rock spire to my right. When I say focused, it was if I mentally zoomed into the spire dozens of miles away. This entity began comparing me to the spire, how it was shaped by the wind and the rain, but still stood strong against the elements, similar to how I've endured the hardships in my own life. Because the entity could see and communicate their understanding of specific back to me, I began to get emotional.

I am not a very emotional person, so I instinctively repressed them, prompting the entity to tell me that it was okay to cry. I began to feel the sensation of tears on my face when I reached up to wipe them away, I realized they weren't tears at all. My face was dry, and it seemed as though the sensation of tears was being simulated by the wind. Almost as if small bursts of compressed air were being shot on my face. After this incredibly personal emotional message the entity asks if I would like to ask it anything. I would like to keep my request private since they are deeply personal to me. What I will say is that the answers to my questions were given to me in a cryptic visualization of little beings made of blue made a blue light with veins of white light pulsing through them. I have yet to figure out what those mean. And just like that, it was over. The experience could not have lasted more than 10 minutes, though my perception of time was very warped, so I'm not sure. Before we descend in the mountain, I had the biggest, almost an involuntary, shit-eating grin on my face, to the point that other members of the crew were commenting on it.

I found it difficult to speak for almost our entire descent.

Sounds like you sat on a peyotica It does sound like...

I mean, when I had my full, truly last full ego-destroying trip, it is like that. I think you can trip naturally.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm still waiting for my flashback, man. I ate so much acid when I was a kid. It's like, Where is this? I thought I used it as an investment. When I'm really- I go to concerts, I don't eat acid. I want my flashback. I have found- I saw David Gilmore a couple of weeks ago, nothing.

Yeah, you don't remember any of that shit. I would say, get to meditating. Meditating is what allows me to feel a natural buzz. Then you know what also really helps with it? A couple of bud lights. Yeah. Now, Really gets you in a meditative mood. All right, let's do one more of these UFO encounters. All right. I was out in my backyard smoking a cigarette. Fuck yes, dude. Good for you. Fuck yes. Miss it. Waiting for the dog to do his business my whole life. When I noticed the constellation Orion in the sky, maybe a bit brighter than normal. It caught my eye, and I stood watching for a few minutes.

Orion was out hard when we were in Humble. It was. I don't know if you noticed. Oh, yeah. It was there.

I saw his dick. Dick.

Yeah, no, it was pretty cool. But he was like, Look at this. Look at this.

He check it out. That may be weird. I didn't realize he'd be moving around. That's what we saw. Yeah.

I heard they're actually going to change the name of Orion, the Hunter Biden.

Oh, my God. Congratulations. It's going to be great. Big, huge dick. Dick, and then you got that little sline of stars that look like the crack pipe.

You know what? Hunter Biden's dick can actually do cocaine. Wow.

Yeah, it's pretty great. Pardon him again. Pardon me. I'd like to meet Hunter Biden.

All right. Imagine that, though, if you're doing blow with someone and they put it out and they're fucking snoring it up with their dick. You're just like, God damn. Wow. America.

Can I vote for you for anything? All right. So up in the sky. So My eye was a bit brighter. It caught my eye and I stood watching for a few minutes. I began to notice a movement in the stars. It seemed like the figure itself was waving or wiggling a little bit, like it was twerking. Like a person holding an uncomfortable pose for too My mind went to a UFO. But if so, this was like a projected illusion to distract or enchant me. I felt like this was something beyond that, more than a visitor, something very old, here long before and long after us. Suddenly, the stars representing his hands dropped to the belt level. The head star shifted a bit, and I could tell this was a humanoid figure standing at rest. Finally, I also knew somehow the head star was a face looking directly at Earth, looking directly at me, and it knew I was looking right back at it. Orion's left hand began to shift up and slightly to the west. It quickly returned to its original position near the base of the belt. It then again, and it returned again.

The star hands seemed to wave in and out of the belt area repeatedly for around two minutes. The head start began to shatter, and from Orion's belt erupted an aurora borealis-like plume of prismatic blob, which flowed outward and coalesced until twisted ropes that grew larger in my vision until I felt my balance failing, and I was suddenly laying in the wet grass, kicking my legs up to protect my face from the stellar rainbow jizz. I ride in the ground, wailing Orion as it washed over me, warm at first, but becoming cold surprisingly fast. I laid there afraid to move and afraid to open my eyes until I started getting chilly, and I stole a peak. This guy looked normal. I wasn't covered in space goo, and I had lost my cigarette and put my elbow and dog shit from riding around. I am still unsure if this was a nuts and bolts UFO trying to psychically invade me or an interdimensional trickster figure taking the form of Orion. Please share this story and help me unlock the meaning of this experience.

Sounds like he had a stroke or a UTI. It was just hallucinating. Who knows?

But then is this hallucination not real if you're seeing it?

It's not.

It's a hallucination. You're right. That, you're correct. But if it's stuck in your dick, as real as it gets, buddy, and you just got Biden. All Because that's right, man. You never know. I got to go down there. I love every day knowing that I get my crack rock from my local crack guy. He gets it from these farms upstate. Then I love the guy. Then I laugh, taking my freshly made. I got my little picnic basket with my rocks in it, my freshly made glass. I go down and I visit the sex workers. They love me. We laugh. Then I live a fun life knowing that I could fucking get off. Scot free. That's right. Because I'm having too much fun for this to be illegal. Love you, Hunter Biden. Miss you, buddy.

You know what, though?

Seriously, though. Never text me anymore.

Yeah. Well, Joe Biden, the President, go ahead and pardon all those people with marijuana charges, too, while you're at it, fucker.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

I'm sorry. I just wanted to say something.

No, let's not ever let... If you're going to do this. Let's not him do something well. Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, Joe Biden, we're going to miss you. Yeah, that's right. I hope that when you go to heaven, Jimmy Carter's there waiting for you.

Man, you know Jimmy Carter is going to outlive Biden.

It's very possible.

It's definitely... Jimmy Carter is like the king of hospice. They put a little crown on him and they run.

He won't quit. He's the Keenan Thompson of hospice. He will not leave. Anything else, Teddy, before we get out of here.

No, nothing. We did our plugs up top. We did our plugs up top.

Go to petrean. Com/lastpodgast, and you'll have to watch this horribly filmed version of Side Stories. We're in a hotel room. Yes, that's right. It looks like this. Also, go to lastpodgast. Com at gustlots. Com. Buy those tickets. We gave you all the live shows. We show you when we're doing it. Just fucking show up.

Atlanta in January. I can't wait. January 11th at the Coca-Cola Roxy. That's the next one after this.

I'm super-pumped. Still, I don't know if I'm allowed to say this yet.

But there might be another thing in Atlanta. The day after. Yeah, keep your ears paled.

Yes. Because Eddie and I might do a full on improv show. Yeah. And not that we've ever done that before.

I know. Keep your ear to the ground. We might do it, we might not, but we're looking to maybe hopefully jump in there.

For you idiots, putting your ear to the ground, check your laptop.

Yeah, for sure.

That's not where you're going to get your information from the ground, right? You're not Pocahontas.

And clear Clean your ears because they're covered in dirt.

Safely outside. No Q-chips, apparently, even though I do it because I'm a rule breaker.

I can't stop. I'm not stopping my Q-chips.

I put it right in my ear post. See, I don't care that I'm wrong.

Yeah, I'm getting caught. I know it's wrong. Yeah, it's like, yeah, you're fucking without a condom. It's my ear. Yeah, it's my ear. What do you want for me? Yeah. One day I'll go get it dripped out, but for now, I'm stabbing.

If you have so much wax that you have to go to the hospital?

Yeah.

That's bad.

Yeah. Also, there's a drum in there. Beat it. The fuck?

Neil Peared it. Heil, Satan.

Heil, Gilbert Godfrey, baby. I found this T-shirt.

Oh, wow. Yeah, I just saw that. Great shirt.

Yeah, fuck out. Rock and roll. See you guys next week. Bye..